Ok, as you know you have a lot of mistakes, as some people have pointed out you need a beta which can be found on the hpff forums.

Now I liked this story, it was fun, but quite hard to follow. You change from one person to the other without giving a warning. What people normally do is write James POV or Lily Pov (point of view).

Don't be worrying about bad spelling, you'll get better at it, I myself can be bad at spelling and grammer.

I hope this review helps you and isn't to critical.

Author's Response: thanks so much...ill work more at my writing skills...im glad u liked it!(:

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This story is pretty good and it works as a one-shot. However you might benefit if you had a beta to sort out the spelling mistakes and use of tenses etc. For example you have made the mistake of writing 'there' instead of 'their' several times in the story. It is still good though, it just could do with a bit of proof-reading.

Author's Response: Thanks for the review and sorry about the spelling! I am the worst speller in the world and rely on spellcheck! Whats a bata?

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Not to rag on your story but three things were misspelled in the first three paragraphs alone. You've got to pay attention to homophones because spellcheck will not notice that you used "there" when you should have used "their". "Hay" is a grass product while "Hey" is a greeting.

Since you're writing Harry Potter fan fiction, it might be a good idea to use hplexicon if you have questions as to the spelling of characters' names. Harry's daughter is named "Lily" and not "Lilly". It never looks professional to start a story and notice that the writer doesn't even spell the characters' names correctly.

Author's Response: sorry about that I didnt mean to offend or irritete you. I am the worst speller in the world and fully depend on spellcheck! I hope you continued to read the story anyway. Why punish my imagination for my terrible spelling. I hope you enjoyed the story anyway and thanks so much for taking time to read my story and thanks so much for the review! Any advise is appreatiated! Thanks a million!

Love,
readerwriter4ever

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