This whole story was amazing! I loved how it jumped ages, from when she was 9, to now when she’s 21. It’s a good way of sequencing, of showing Molly growing up and still being unable to give up loving Teddy. It was well written and plotted.
In this chapter specifically, I must wonder what happened with Teddy and Victorie. Though, as Molly says, it really doesn’t matter. As he’s single and ends up kissing Molly. Which really seems as though it was meant to be. It also seems as if Molly wasn’t the only one waiting for the opportunity for them to get together: it really seemed as if Teddy was too. Maybe it was just because I was expecting though…but even so, excellent chapter and story!
~Santa the Secret Report Review
Her heartbreak and longing come across so clearly; not only in this chapter, but in all of them. But this chapter has brought me close to tears. This chapter, her longing seems so much more defined, so much stronger. Specifically when she talks about having to say goodbye to him for however long it’ll be until he returns. It just…it hurt me as much as it seemed to hurt her. And it was these couple lines:
“She will count the days they spend apart until the tears refuse to fall, until they refuse to submit to her heartbreak. They refuse to fall as she murmurs goodbye, as he holds her close and she kisses his cheek.”
It was really beautiful. And fantastic.
~Secret Santa Report Review
I really can feel for Molly. Though not exactly the same situation, I know what it’s like to stand by and not get the guy; to have the guy not notice that you’re standing just feet away while he is with some other girl. And you get that feeling from Molly across so easily. It’s really good to have it seem so realistic. I did find two small thing:
“She wants to say farewell to man who haunts her dreams, her waking thoughts and who ghosts in and out of her future.” Add in the after to and before man.
“Her head tells her to turn around and stop following a dream that cannot come true, her heart will follow him until the end.” I think you want the word ‘but’ before her heart.
That second quote is ALSO my favorite line of this chapter. I can relate to it simply, as it’s pretty much exactly what runs through my mind…and yeah. It’s great!
~Santa the Secret Report Review
I really love the simplicity of this chapter. They’re at the beach and Molly just takes that moment to stand on her own. No planning of Teddy coming to stand beside her, yet he does. It’s just really sweet. And the imagery! It’s so beautifully written! This line in particular:
“Her love was only a child’s love, only shallow like the water she stands in. But this water she is willing to go deeper in, if only he will let her.”
It’s just so fitting. And I love her counting! I’m not quite sure what it is about the part with her counting that I like, but it’s just sweet [if not mildly creepy ;) ]. I like how she knows how old he is, down to the months. And how old she is. It’s cute. And it seems, with Teddy asking how old she is at the end, as if Teddy is waiting for her to finally be old enough. As if he wants to go out with her, even though he’s dating her cousin.
~Secret Santa Report Review
I love the admiration Molly has for Teddy. It’s not necessarily a crush, more of just…wanting more time with him, wanting to know him. I may be totally crazy, but I’m pretty sure there is a difference there, although it’s a fine line separating them. But it’s really cute. And the jealousy that Molly has for her cousin…it’s so innocent. And well written. It very easily advances the characterization of Molly and I love it! Great job!
~Santa the Secret Man Report Review
This was really good! I have not read an over amount of stories pairing Teddy with anyone but Victorie, but I would have honestly never thought of Molly/Teddy. But the fact that you did it is awesome because this first chapter is amazing! It’s easy to feel what emotion Molly is feeling, and how much she has been waiting for this opportunity for years. It also fascinates me the way she has all this negative emotion, these hurtful situations that she thinks about from the past as she’s with Teddy now. I can understand, to a degree, why it would make the experience more exhilarating!
Great Job! Looking forward to moving onto the next chapter! :D
~Secret Santa Report Review
Wow, this was stunning. There is something about having short chapters that makes me read every single word and the full effect is just amazing. I usually kind of skip around and don't read description or boring dialogue because there is so much in any one chapter, but with this I really do take the time to just let it all soak in, and it's definitely worth it.
The blackberries just gave me such a vivid picture of Molly and I loved how it wasn't really about blackberries, but rather about this, "do you think of me? will this make you notice me?" mentality Molly had that everyone can relate to because it really is a universal yearning to know that you won't be lonely someday even though you're all alone at one point.
I also really liked the bit about jealousy and how she doesn't want that, but yet she feels it and she really has this mix of emotions that are conflicted, but that's how it is and you captured it beautifully.
I shall be off to the next chapter now, and this really is an amazing story!
gingersnape, GryffindorAuthor's Response: Thank you so much, Annie :) Report Review
Oh Marinaaa... I am back with more reviews! :D
Anyways, a Molly/Teddy, you say? Awesome ship + awesome writer = lots of awesome! (And people question my math skills!?) but anyways, I love your description, and i think that is my favorite part of your writing! It just paints such an amazing picture in my head, yet it still leaves little pieces missing so I some things are up to my imagination to fill in, even though everything I need is there. And I'm also really curious now as to what will/has happened, since this is the Epilogue, because she has this happy ending, but you can tell there is hidden conflict kind of hiding under her happiness and, you know, if it were a happy ending there wouldn't be five other chapters awaiting reviews!
gingersnape, GryffindorAuthor's Response: thanks so much, Annie! Report Review
I love this story so much. It's like you told a lifetime of emotions in just a few thousand words. Even while you skipped a few years with every chapter, it was all so seamless.
a million/ 10
MelanieAuthor's Response: Melanie you are an absolute star and I adore you! that is all ♥ Report Review
Hello Marina! I'm here with your review that you requested about a million years ago. XD You had only requested the first chapter at that point, but now that the fic is completed, I may as well read the whole thing - shouldn't be hard to do, since you've kept all the chapters nice and short!
And anyway, how can I NOT read on after this beginning? - Or, I should say, this ending! I love that you've started with an epilogue. It's an interesting decision, because now we already know how it ends, and now all that remains to be told is what led up to this conclusion - unless you've got some story twist down the road...but I'll just have to read on to find out!
I'm always entranced by your writing style. It's really lovely and genuine and pure - and in this case, with this story, it tells me so much about Molly right from the very beginning. I feel like I know her deeply already.
I also like that you seem to know how to use just the right amount of emotion and romance - it doesn't seem over the top or uber-sappy. Sometimes I find it hard to stomach really heavy romance and unrealistic outpourings of emotion. I think it shoes how talented you are, that you convey just enough emotion without crossing the line and becoming implausible.
Oh, yeah - and you also asked about tenses getting mixed up. As far as I could tell, your tenses are totally fine. I only found one line I think I would change:
For although she has pretended she has moved on, no man was ever good enough to match up to Teddy.
I think I would change the last bit to "no man has ever been good enough..." But that's a very minor detail. Other than that, I thought it was perfect.
Off to read the rest of the story!
MelanieAuthor's Response: Melanie, this takes my breath away. You're so embarrassing me right now, because of the blushing and the smiling, but this makes my life! Thank you! Report Review
I have thoroughly enjoyed this story, feeling the pain for Molly and feeling the happiness for her, too. A character of not many words, I noticed, pretty much embodying the whole thing about actions speaking louder than words. The language you use also helps as you do not stick to the overused words like touched, look, etc but kissed, roaming, etc.
There are a couple grammar mistakes in the chapter, but nothing overly major. The flow is wonderful, and there are no mistakes what so ever in that part of the story. The way that you have written this story intrigues me as it is not something that you normally see a writer do. You are incredibly good at it too.
The plot was wonderful. Each situation, though short, played a prominent role in the story as a whole. There is nothing missing but there is nothing extra than what is needed, either. There are a few things that weave in and out of the story, playing a minor role to the main plot but resulting to be quite effective like the counting thing. It is really good!
Please feel free to re-request a review for any of your other stories. Your writing intrigues me, and I thank you for requesting a review for such a good story! It was really easy to review something so different, so good.Author's Response: thank you so much for the feedback, I REALLY REALLY appreciate it! *hugs* Report Review
This story is wonderful, I have to say. The details, the insight in to the love that Molly has for Teddy despite no actual dialogue happening. Some people say that no dialogue can get boring but seeing as the snippets in to Mollys life are so short, yet so full of thought and descript, it does not bore me in the slightest. The details, as with the last couple chapters, are perfect. It is not too much and is not too little.
I love Molly as a character. Unlike the cliche of her being a prude, rule abiding girl like her father is far too overused. It is like a breath of fresh air in a character. The writing itself is also a breath of fresh air. The tense in which you write in is rare, and it is also even a rarer find for it to actually work. I feel horrible for Molly, not getting what she wants, but the language used to end the chapter is too wonderful to pass up. I would rather that than a happy ending, sadly.
There are very few grammatical and punctual mistakes in this chapter, and the flow is smoother. It is a wonderful read.Author's Response: thank you ever so much, it really means a lot to me that you enjoyed it! Report Review
The detail of this story is amazing. Not too much, just enough. It adds to the plot, wonderfully. Putting the epilogue first is a strange move, but it works well in this. It tells you what to expect, but it also leaves you with the question of how did they get there? which pushes you forward to read the next chapters. Molly II/Teddy is not something that you see very often, yet the idea of them and the way that you have portrayed them both through this chapter is good.
There are a few grammatical errors in this chapter like starting a sentence with And, and things like that but they do not really matter. A beta can help things like that, if you want. There are a few parts of this chapter that can be a little iffy with the flow. It is a little choppy in places, which forces you to go over and read them again.
I like how you have stayed canon even with this non-canon couple. Mentioning Teddys past love life which could have contained Victoire as the cousin adds a little ooh, what happened to that? kind of air to it. Overall, this is a good start to what looks to be a good story!Author's Response: thanks so much, staying canon is something I try and do as far as possible. Much more fun when you've got rules to follow. thanks so much for reviewing! Report Review
I really liked the way you ended this with how they finally end up together. The romantic in me was smiling big, nevermind the cynic in me =P I think I have a new favorite pairing now ;) Excellent job, Marina! 10/10Author's Response: thanks Leslie :D Report Review
I really liked the description in which you wrote how Molly's heart was breaking in this chapter. It was written well and you've really grasped Molly's character by this point to let it pour out into each word. Great job xDAuthor's Response: leslie! you're such a sweetie, thanks so much for all these reviews *dances around throwing reviews in the air* ily! Report Review
Another excellent chapter with magnificent descriptions; I can feel how Molly feels as I read through while she watches Teddy kissing Victoire and wishing he was really kissing her instead. xD Great job, Marina!Author's Response: thanks so much Leslie :D Report Review
I liked the interaction that passed between the both of them, even if it was silent instead of talkative. It showed the intensity of her feelings for him. Great job.Author's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
I thought you did a great job with describing Molly's emotions as she stood on the sidelines, watching Teddy and Victoire laughing together. The way you handled her feelings and thoughts were nicely written and described. Great job.Author's Response: thanks so much Lesie *hugs* Report Review
I really like this so far, excellent description and you did a great job with the pacing by showing how a 500+ chapter can be written just as beautifully and graceful as a 2000+ chapter. It takes more talent to write a shorter talent because you have to know how to pace it and choose your words well. Great job so far.Author's Response: ily Leslie :D Report Review
That was beautiful!! -happy smile-Author's Response: thank you ever so much :D Report Review
Can you say, PERFECT ENDING?
Jesus, Marina, I feel like I've been through the emotional wringer in the past 15 minutes, reading this. From childhood crush to infatuation to a minor obsession (BUT A GOOD ONE!), I feel like I'm the one who has been in love with Teddy for all these years - and not only because I share the same name with the heroine of this piece!
I love your writing style. Truly, I do. As I said earlier, there's a magical element to it. You can tell that each word is special and carefully selected so that it fits the all-around wonderful puzzle that is the chapter/story. I enjoyed this so much! My only regret is that I didn't read it sooner when the chapters were just coming out; the anticipation would have been torturous, but marvellous!
Fantastic job, dearie!
MollyAuthor's Response: OMG THANK YOU! Your reviews made my life, thank you so much for taking the time to review! *blushes* Report Review
HE SPEAKS AND IT IS A GLORIOUS SOUND!
I am, however, very disappointed that he is still with that Victoire. I don't know why, but, for the most part, I'm extremely opposed to her, particularly in this as she is OBSTRUCTING THE BEAUTY OF THEIR LOVE. Gah, I can't wait to see the end of that relationship and the start of the new, improved Molly/Teddy.
This was, as always, phenomenal.
MollyAuthor's Response: I AM LOVING THE CAPITALS. thank you x Report Review
Dear Lord, I feel sorry for Molly. I really do, and not because she walked/witnessed the love of her life snogging her all-too-perfect cousin. This girl is putting herself through the emotional wringer, chasing after him. Though I wouldn't call it chasing since she is quite patient and assured that, eventually, he will be hers, which in itself is quite adorable.
I think my favourite line from this chapter was:
Instead she cries on the inside, a small tear falling from the hole in her heart as she tries to look away. She does not cry because she knows there is no hope to destroy, no dreams to shatter.
There's something so...well, disarming, almost in that line. For a brief moment, you think that Molly is going to keep on keeping on, but alas, she resigns to the fact that they won't be together. However, I AM glad that in the last few lines, she regains that confidence that makes her oh-so-Molly and endearing. I'm rooting for her!
MollyAuthor's Response: I ADORE YOU *hugs* Report Review
Have I told you that I adore the lack of dialogue in this? Because I do. It makes everything much more powerful. In a way, it lets the readers decide how the characters phrase certain things, whether there's a note of hesitancy in a response and the like. It's truly wonderful what you've done, and I love the imagery in this. I could practically feel the cold water lapping at my feet and freezing my toes.
Great job, Marina! Sorry my reviews aren't exactly long - I'm just so anxious to get to the end! :)
MollyAuthor's Response: i love lack of dialogue too Report Review
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