It's very lovely in my opinion :)
Great story :)Author's Response: Thanks for this review!! Report Review
this is really well written and i love the whole flash back to the hogshead..its an amazing story(:Author's Response: Aw. Why thank you for this lovely review. I'm glad that the flashback worked well. You are too kind. :) Report Review
Ok, so I know this has been up for a while now, but I wanted to wait until the end to read & review it, this way I can review all the entries altogether now. Aw man, this is going to be a VERY tough contest to judge because all of the entries have been SO good!! And yours my dear is certainly no exception that cuz, as always, you have delivered a magnificent one-shot!!! I mean my gosh girl, this was REALLY good!! I thought it was a very nice one-shot, and I adored it from beginning to end!!
It was so interesting to read something from Dean's POV for a change. He isn't one that there are too many stories out there about, so I am glad you took that angle with this! And your use of description for Dean's perception of the battle was incredible! I actually had tears forming in my eyes as I was reading this through because of the way in which you have captured the emotion here Witness... It was awesome, simply breathtaking! And that ending was so incredibly sweet!! :)
I think my favorite part tho, was when she first called out his name and he saw here standing there with the flower in her hair. That whole paragraph was stunning and I loved it SO freaking much! Your writing captivates me every time... Oh geeze, I do realize that I sound like such a fan girl right now, lol! But that's because I really do love ALL of you works Witness!! Thank you so much for entering my challenge hun. Your entry was absolutely amazing, to say the least!! And like I said, this is gonna be a difficult one to judge!
Oh, and I STILL cannot believe that you just randomly picked Luna & Dean after talking about wanting to write about the two of them, lol! Was that not fate or what? And I also think this has an awesome story summary, and title as well by the way! You truly are amazing my dear, haha!! =)
This deserves a complete 10/10 for sure!!! Good luck hun!!Author's Response: Hey Deana!!
This was such a fabulous review!! :) It was very ironic that I chose this pairing after talking with you about wanting to write them. Fate was looking out for me. lol.
I enjoyed writing from Dean's POV and am glad that you enjoyed his discription of the battle. I don't write dark stuff too often (as you well know *cough* fluffy Teddy *cough*) so I am thrilled that the emotion came through in this peice.
Luna is such a unique and wonderful character. I tried very hard to do her justice here. :) She's a tough cookie to portray well. It's reassuring to know that my description of her was satisfactory.
This was a fantastic challenge!! It was a fun one shot to write. :) Thanks so much for this review.
-Melissa Report Review
that was lovely.
you just made my day
thank youAuthor's Response: Aw. Thank you... it's wonderful to know that someone thinks so. I'm very happy that my writing at least attributed to your day being a bit better. :)
-Melissa Report Review
Wow, this was such an amazing story! At first, I wasn't so sure about it (I'm not a huge fan of first person), but you sucked me in almost immediately, and I even got chills in several places!
Very well written, a great idea, and great characterization. Honestly, there's nothing I dislike or I'd change about this story. Perfect!Author's Response: Aww. Why thank you. :) I feel like the beginning is a little rocky anyways. It took me a bit to become comfortable with Dean's mind. I'm glad that it sucked you in...
I'm so happy that you noticed my characterizations. I put a lot of effort into them and love when its noticed. :)
Thanks for the review!
Melissa Report Review
Hey! It's Jasmine here, with your review. (:
Firstly, let me say that I really enjoyed this. You managed to capture Luna's oddness, Dean's prejudgement, and his love for her all really well, while in the midst of battle. Good job. (:
You asked about characterization, and I think you got it spot-on. They both seemed totally how they were in the books, and I liked the little artist you put in Dean, it made it so much more interesting.
You write present tense really well. I didn't notice it; it seemed natural, and that's a good thing. Right? (; Also, I liked the way you wrote as 'Dean'. It was, again, interesting, even though I keep using that word. xP
I found a few spelling things, but nothing really major: deatheaters' should be Death Eaters', and Hogshead is two words. But other then that, it was really good. (:
I think your writing style is beautiful. You convey emotion really well, and your description was amazing. I like the idea of Dean being an artist, as I mentioned, because it made for beautiful prose. (:
The Shell Cottage scene was really sweet. I got a tear in my eye at the thought of Luna being sad, you know? But it was realistic, and awesome. (:
I really enjoyed this one-shot. You got Luna pretty much spot-on, which I haven't seen much of. Good job! And feel free to re-request for another story, if you wish. (:
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Sorry that it took me so long to respond. Life's been crazy hectic.
I'm so glad that both dean and Luna's characters seemed realistica and captivating. Luna is such a unique and wonderful canon gem that even attempting to recreate her is a daunting task. lol. There isn't really a whole lot known about Dean, so I made his inner monologue be a bit artistic. :) I'm so glad it worked out well.
Present tense happy dance!!! I was incredibly nervous about this. I was sure that it would come off sounding funny and awkward. I'm glad that you found that it worked for you.
I'll be sure to hunt down those mistakes. :) I didn't have a beta proof-read this one. lol. Your compliments are too sweet! I'm so glad that you enjoy my writing style. I'm not always convinced that I have one. haha. This was an emotional peice and so I'm so happy that it came through my writing.
Luna spot on! That's my favourite compliment I've ever recieved. :) Yay! Thanks so much for this review. It really made my evening better.
-Melissa Report Review
Hello there! Michelle here with your review!
Well, first of all, I think this experiment had fantastic results; raw intensity of battle, and the confusion accompanying love made this story frighteningly realistic and enjoyable.
Characterization was awesome! I really mean it; I felt like Luna was written just as she was in HP (and possibly better) and Dean's thoughts and reflections were very insightful.
The story flow and transitions were subtle and added to the story in a positive way; I thought it was great!
The present tense and First Person POV was excellent, because I feel that First Person is very difficult when you have to capture the exact emotions and thoughts of a character, and you pulled it off brilliantly!
The unique pairing of Luna/Dean appealed to me, and I'm glad you requested it, because now I'm going to put it in my favorites :)
Peace, love, and chocolates,
MichelleAuthor's Response: Michelle, Thank you!
It's wonderful to know that you found this to be a successful experiment. The juxtaposition between the romance and the action was jarring and so made me slightly nervous to put out there.
*Doing a little happy dance* Characterization is one of the most important things to me, and to I am always exstatic when readers appreciate it as well. :)
I'm glad you didn't have trouble with the first person pov. For some reason, it never seems to read as smoothly as the past tense.
I'm a self-proffessed canon-freak. That being said, Luna/Dean is the only non canon pairing that I can really enjoy. I'm glad that they appeal to others too.
Peace love and Chocolates?!?! What could be better. This was a wonderful review. Thank you.
-Melissa Report Review
I think this is wonderful.Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
interesting story u have here and it was interesting to see it from Dean's perspective. by the way, i found some mistakes.
1. Hannah Abbot - Hannah Abbott
2. Looney Lovegood - Loony Lovegood
i hope i could help u.^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: mistakes are corrected!! Thank you for taking the time to review. Feedback always means a lot to me. :) Report Review
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