Please hurry up! Feeling so sorry for Crane! Oh and its good by the way - in case that wasn't obvious ;) Report Review
Brilliant chapter but I feel so sorry for Crane. Please write the next chapter soon! Report Review
Will you please write more? I love the romance between Freddy and Dr. Crane! Report Review
Hi! I came across your previous story, Consumed, while searching for Remus fics and after reading that one decided to check out the sequel.
I like Freddy as a character because of her flaws. I find it hard to write flaws into my protagonists, so it's really refreshing to see a character that is far from perfect but still a good person with admirable qualities.
Okay, here's the really strange thing: part of what got me hooked on your stories was her illness. I haven't had TB, but I've actually undergone two pleurodesis procedures (one on each lung) and let's just say that I never expected to ever see this procedure mentioned in a story, ever (I never even heard it mentioned on House, which I watched religiously). So, props to you!
If I have one nitpicky issue, it's that if she has only one lung (I've still got both of mine, but one was completely collapsed for a while, effectively leaving me with one) she's not going to be able to walk up stairs unaided unless she'd been given some sort of lung-strengthening potion or an oxygen charm or something. Even walking across a room is going to be very taxing for her without some sort of magical intervention. When I was in the hospital recovering from my procedures, I was given various breathing toys to help improve my lung capacity, perhaps the healers could give her a magical version to work with?
Crane really gives me the creeps ... partially because he looks like Carlisle Cullen, but mainly because of his possessiveness.
I like your portrayal of Remus here, he's less flaky in your story then people typically make him out to be. I hope she ends up taking him to Greece. :) Report Review
Well, didn't see that one coming... damn that grandfather clock! lol can't wait to see where this goes =) Report Review
This is fantastic, Lee Anne! I'm so sorry that I didn't read it earlier because although it was worth waiting for, it deserves a lot more love from readers. The emotions in this are really well-written, and it was necessary to explore them both in Freddy and Crane after the previous chapter. I think it's more necessary for Freddy, actually, as she starts in denial, then with the slowly growing understanding of what her own feelings add up to. I loved the build-up in this chapter with that final, crashing realization that neither she nor Crane believed her lie. Well, she may a little bit, or may go about making herself believe it, but she's Freddy; she does all sorts of silly things. It's what makes her lovable. ;)
Another great thing about this chapter were all the double entendres and misunderstandings. It was like watching two people speaking entirely different languages, misusing their phrase dictionaries as they went. They're wonderful characters to watch together because of this, and you capture their awkwardness really well - it adds both drama and amusement to the story.
I kept thinking "Oh Freddy!" to myself every time she did something stupid, like going upstairs in Crane's house. *sighs and shakes head* Very Bluebeard's wife of her, though unlike that story, she discovered the human side of Crane. You created a fantastic atmosphere in that scene as Freddy creeps up the stairs and into this "secret room", which was like the heart of Crane with its photographs and the ticking of the grandfather clock (sorry, can't help but analyse a little :P).
Thanks for another great chapter of this story! I have no idea where you're going to take it next - it's so unique that I can't anticipate what direct you'll take the plot, which is, of course, what in part makes it such a great read. ^_^ Report Review
Really odd chap.I supose is consequence of the previews one, she regecting crane and all,but you wrote her emotions very well.I really hope remus shows up again and freddy gets better.I want to see a bit of romance between those twoAuthor's Response: Thank you so very much for the kind review, Juliette. It was just wonderful hearing from you. And yes, I do promise that Remus will be back for the next chapter. ;)
Again, thanks for the lovely feedback! Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
Lavinia Wainwrightóadd a period to this little phrase.
That was the only issue I saw!! Hooray and it was a really lovely chapter to read. I have much to comment on because you offered a whole buffet of lovely details and important happenings in your story for this chapter!
The first thing I loved with Finn; how could such a sweet creature live in such an empty and draining place? I really liked the entire exchange between Crane and Freddy; you make Crane so humane and so empathic. His compassion and passion are really lovely to read about even though he still makes me uneasy.
The first scene where the nurse interrupted Freddy and Crane was my favorite bit of the chapter; it was so intense and trancelike. It seemed more like a trance on Freddyís part then her little trip to the cemetery. Your description of her feeling drunk after the night was an apt description to me!
Lavinia was the one that I thought was going to die; her purpose didnít seem to be more than be an annoyance and be a painful reminder of mortality. She just seemed too obnoxious and shallow for you to be a character to keep around; you seem to be the type that keeps the deep characters, Lee Anne.
Now to the Lady Shallott reference; I was SO excited when I saw the chapter title because I just knew you were going to include. Itís a long one but in the right mood, it can be a lovely piece of work especially coming from Tennyson. I thought that it fit in well with the chapter and the work in general.
Great job overall, Lee Anne and I love reading your work. Feel free to pop over to my review thread more often because Iím always up for a piece of yours. I always love to see what other historical references or literary references you can throw into your original FF works.
Have a marvelous week!
LindseyAuthor's Response: Hi Lindsey,
Gah! Your reviews are so wonderful. I cannot thank you enough. Your feedback makes me think and I always feel inspired after reading your comments. So again, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!! You are an awesome/terrific/fantastic/marvelous reader and I truly appreciate each and every one of your reviews.
Ahem. Now that my gushing is out of the way, let's move on to more...gushing. Hehe. You know how my review replies are by now. ;) I know I tend to ramble.
First off, I'm so glad that you found Crane to be more empathetic in this chapter. I've been trying to make him a bit more human as the story progresses, although to be honest, I think he'll always be a bit creepy.
And yes, Freddy was definitely entranced, though not by any supernatural means. Even though she consistently denies her attraction to Crane, it's certainly there, bubbling just below the surface.
You're right about Lavinia being a rather shallow character. As you said, she served one purpose only, to remind Freddy that the sanatorium is a place of death despite its sometimes benign appearance. I think up until this point, Freddy was able to forget the threat of death in favor of overwhelming boredom and frustration, although Lavinia's passing certainly provided the catalyst to turn her thoughts morbid.
And I'm so pleased you liked the inclusion of "The Lady of Shallott". Have you ever heard Loreena McKennitt's musical version of it? If you're a fan of the poem, you should definitely give it a listen. Loreena is a master when it comes to putting Tennyson's words to music.
All right, I'm going to be extremely repetitive here and say thank you one more time. You really are a brilliant reviewer and I just adore your feedback. ^_^ I hope you have a great week! Take care and be well!
Lee Anne Report Review
Hi Lee Anne,
Should you capitalise Professor when you have Nurse Jenkins talking to her? And my other question would be adding a period after Mrs. when you refer to Mrs. Hudson. It seems that you would captalise professor simply because you are referring specifically to Freddy.
I wouldnít want to be in the same boat with them, even I was drowning.óeven if I was drowning ;)
I didnít really see any other typos or have any other suggestions. There was one bit where two sections I think were meant to have a space between them but didnít. It was right before the voice interrupted Freddy and Quirrell talking. It starts with Quirrell seemed to
say something . . .
All right, on to the real part of the review! First off, I must say that I really did enjoy the song; Iíve heard it before briefly and always had a penchant for the haunting sort of quality it had to it. You continue to surprise with references to things I have really enjoyed. First Lives and now this.
So, I read some of your reviews and saw a reference to earlier Consumed. I havenít had the pleasure of reading it yet (itís on my list; I promise!!) but I sneaked back and looked at chapter 17! Crane and what I think it means? Oh dear, itíll be something to see how that develops and how the sanatorium fits into the entire picture.
So, I really like Quirrell since I have had no introduction to him really in the past. I think that he is a lovely man and had some really excellent interaction with Freddy. I think youíve done a fabulous job weaving him into the story, into Freddyís sadness. I also liked the little bit with Crane and Remus; I think that your characters are really easily realistic and believable.
You asked for plot and characters; I see no improvement in your characters. Freddy is believably bored and restless in the sanatorium. Remusí letter just speaks of a canon Lupin. Crane is creepy and somehow oblivious to that creepiness in the sanatorium. Quirrell is the echoes of what I assume was once a good man and a man with a bright future before it was tainted by darkness and seductive power.
Your plot is developing nicely; I think you do some really great scenes especially the graveyard scene and Freddy waking up. Freddy also creeping around the sanatorium was probably favorite part though. You did a very good job communicating a suspenseful scene with we waited for someone to show up.
Great job overall honey! I didnít want this chapter to end either :]
Have a fantastic weekend!
LindseyAuthor's Response: Hello again, Lindsey,
Ah, thanks so much for pointing out those typos. They can be quite annoying little things. And I have to admit, I'm an obsessive proofreader...though obviously not a very good one. There's always at least one mistake that slips past my notice, haha.
As always, I really, really, really appreciate your in-depth, thoughtful feedback. You're such an amazing reviewer. I honestly can't thank you enough. I'm so glad you enjoyed the reference to the song from "The Innocents". I'm a huge horror movie fan and when I heard the song, I thought the eerie quality would fit this chapter. However, despite it's creepiness, I do think it is a rather beautiful song.
As for chapter 17 of "Consumed", I'm afraid my lips of sealed. I wouldn't want to spoil the ending for you, but since you already picked up on the clue, I'm pretty sure you have a good idea of just where this story is headed. ;)
I'm also very pleased that you liked my take on both Quirrell and Lupin. I always get a teeny bit nervous when writing canon characters, because they can so easily become OOC. And as for Quirrell, JKR didn't really give us a lot to go on. I thought he had such potential as a tragic villain, but she obviously wasn't keen on developing him any further.
And yay! I'm glad you think the plot is advancing nicely. I have to admit, my greatest challenge with this story has been injecting some action into what is a rather boring situation. After all, hospital stays are not the most exciting things in the world to read about.
Again, thank you for yet another lovely review! Your comments never fail to put a smile on my face. I hope you have a great week. ^_^ Take care and be well!
Lee Anne Report Review
may pole dancingóMay pole dancing?
Hey there Lee Anne,
I hope this review finds you happy, healthy, and good. Unlike our poor Freddy here. I did particularly enjoy this chapter though!! I hope you gave us some very interesting revelations.
Trelawney is always an interesting character to throw into the mix and I was not disappointed with how you added her to your story. Her dynamic made it very interesting and helped us learn an important detail about Freddy. Her Sight! I was being thrown by that; hadnít seen that twist coming and all the same, I donít find it to be a clichť to give an OC such an interesting twist. Sometimes it can come off that way.
I liked how Trelawney tortured her with just enough information to hook her in but to not divulge all of it. I think it goes to show that she isnít as batty as we all take her for. I applaud you for being so sneaky as to pull that off.
McGonagall is one my favorite characters; her history is one I always enjoy reading about. You didnít disappoint in this aspect either; Iím so curious to read Remusí note as well. I think that the best part of it all was your subtle nods toward McGonagall perks to clue in us in that she is annoyed. It was all well done.
I actually liked that you didnít give us a peek into
Freddy waiting for McGonagall to show; I think it would have messed up your pacing and thrown off the entire flow you had going well for this chapter.
My complaint as always is the length; I wish you would just write an entire novel and I could just read it all in one sitting. I was slammed with the review box before
I was ready for your chapter to be over!! You are so talented in making the reader want to know more and really getting into your story.
My other disappointment was the lack of awkward and slightly creepy Crane. His presence always sets me on end but is tons of fun for me to read. Itís not something you need to add to the chapter; simply a personal preference in creepy characters.
I have no recommendations for this chapter; it serves its purpose greatly by propelling the story forward and letting us back into Potter Universe where Sirius and Remus lie. I think you are an excellent writer and I was thrilled to see your request on my forum.
All the best to you and have a great weekend!
LindseyAuthor's Response: Hello Lindsey,
May Pole dancing? Haha, I have to admit you threw me with that one, if only because one of my other fics, "Willoway" contains numerous references to May Pole dancing. When I saw your mention of it, I wondered just which story you were referring to. However, now I do remember mentioning May Poles in "Breathless". Duh! Hehe.
Wow! I don't even know how to reply to this review. Seriously, I could just gush and gush and gush over your awesome feedback. I just adore your comments and questions and criticisms. After reading through one of your reviews, I always find myself thinking over certain plot points and scenes. Your feedback has really been instrumental in both revising posted chapters and plotting future ones. Needless to say, I feel as though I cannot thank you enough. You've been an unbelievably awesome reader and I truly do appreciate each and every one of your reviews.
Gah! Was that enough gushing? I'm sorry, I can't help myself. Now, onto the rest of my rambling reply.
I'm glad you enjoyed Trelawney's appearance. Often, I think she comes across as an underrated character just because she seems to be a stereotype of herself. But as far as Freddy is concerned, she really does try to mentor the younger woman and give her the necessary push to acknowledge the supposed abilities of her "inner eye". And as far as Freddy's Sight goes, that was established in the prequel to this fic, although Freddy herself still doesn't seem convinced of or even interested in her gift. Not that I can say I blame her, though. After all, things didn't turn out too well for Cassandra. ;)
And I'm really pleased to hear that you enjoyed my take on McGonagall. She happens to be one of my favorite characters as well. Her determination, strength and intellect are truly admirable, which, I suppose, is why Freddy looks up to her as a mentor/mother figure.
And don't worry, Healer Crane will be back in all his creepiness in the next chapter. As it is, he doesn't seem to be able to leave poor Freddy alone for long, haha.
Again, thank you so much for the brilliant review, Lindsey. I cannot possibly express how grateful I am for your feedback and encouragement. Thank you! ^_^ I hope you have a great week. Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
The best way to describe my face right now is: O_O
Wide-eyed isn't even quite capturing my expression, so this review will contain many words in all-caps because I'm just SO SHOCKED at how the plot is developing and SO SHOCKED that what just happened did actually happen. I think the only thing that's not shocking me is how Freddy is handling it. :P She's so going to make things worse for herself with this, I know it. She's very much the Austen heroine here, desperately trying to avoid the wrong man's proposal, though in Freddy's case, I don't see a right man hanging about either.
What happened between her and Remus seemed so natural, so inevitable, but it's so not romance. Even Freddy sees him as a close friend, a companion with whom she can start enjoying the world again. I don't know what to make of that "almost" moment between them, when she recognizes his physicality - and it's perfect how you keep it an "almost", even if that's definitely not what Crane sees. Maybe it's just my canon-oriented mind that refuses to see Remus as being in love with Freddy. ;)
And Crane, OH MY GOSH, that was an awkward moment, but doesn't Freddy realize just how dangerous this could get for her? She's so impulsive, and forcing the erratic Crane into emotional turmoil could lead to something very unpleasant, if his past behaviour has been foreshadowing it in the way that I think it has been.
AHH! Very emotional chapter. Having it take place at the party was brilliant because it added to the atmosphere of fervour and excitement, giving the characters an excuse for joining in a carnival-like loosening of emotions and "masks".
I hope that this review has made sense, but if it does not, know that I enjoyed this chapter. It has left my heart pounding and my thoughts racing to what you could make happen next to these brilliantly-formed characters. ^_^Author's Response: Hello Susan!
All right, first off, I have to apologize for taking so long to reply. I had one too many projects due this week and my free time just up and disappeared for a while. I always feel so bad, though, for taking forever to get back to your reviews. I know I've said it a million times before, but your feedback really means the world to me. I have an immense amount of respect for you as a fellow fic author and I value your comments so very highly. So I do sincerely apologize for the delay. Please forgive me!
Now, maybe I can finally get on to the reply. I'm so glad this chapter shocked you, although, like you said, Freddy's behavior was, well, Freddy-ish. Hehe. You know, I honestly think it has something to do with her being an academic. Judging from my personal experience, professors, or like-minded scholars, tend to be brilliant...but not exactly treasure troves of common sense. And Freddy has very little common sense. Zero, in fact. ;)
I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to compare her to an Austen heroine, because I've only read P and P myself and, to be honest, I have this unfortunate habit of just not liking Austen's writing. (Shh, it's my dirty little secret!) But yeah, I guess Freddy could be a little bit like Elizabeth Bennett in the way she deals with men, although in my opinion, she has the down-to-earth attitude of Charlotte. Whew, did I make it through that Austen comparison all right? Lol.
And you're completely right about Freddy not being in love with Remus. They really don't love each other and I think the Freddy/Remus pairing is rather vague in and of itself. When I first started writing Consumed and then Breathless, I knew I would never fully commit to Freddy/Remus. Even if they did attempt to have a relationship, I don't think it would go very far. They are, however, friends, or something like it, and I think it's important for Freddy to have a successful friendship, because she is rather stunted when it comes to her social skills.
Needless to say, I'm so thrilled to hear that you liked this chapter, Susan. And I do apologize for the rather rambling review reply. I've been rambling a lot these days, bleh. ;) Again, thanks for being such a wonderful reader. I truly appreciate all of your support. I do hope you're well. Take care!
Lee Anne Report Review
*facepalm* Oh Freddy...why? Whyy? Honestly, my jaw dropped, and I sat here for a while sputtering. How on earth is she going to get herself out of this one? The more she pushes him away now, the more agonising it will feel. And what about Remus? Is she somehow caught in between? And poor Healer Crane :( oh dear.
I found that Freddy had much more edge in this chapter compared to all the others, especially when she's with Oliver. It's like she's getting back her spunk now...she's much more alive and her relationship with Remus brings this out even more. I really like that.
Her awkwardness with the personal displays of affection kind of reminds me of myself and I laughed a bit when I read that. Cecilia is a great character too, she's the perfect match for Lias. Ellen Page was a good choice.
I really can't wait to read chapter 12 now...things have definitely gotten interesting!
LiaAuthor's Response: Hello Lia,
Thank you so much for the wonderful review! As always, it was just great hearing from you. I truly appreciate all of your comments and kind, thoughtful feedback. You're such a supportive reader. Again, thank you!
Haha, yeah, Freddy is definitely not the smartest witch out there. Well, I suppose she is rather intellectual, being a Hogwarts professor and all, but she really doesn't have much common sense. I do think she has this tendency to just dig herself deeper and deeper and then only realizes that she's made a mistake at the very last minute, hehe.
And I'm so glad you thought she had more spunk in this chapter. She's certainly not as sick as she was before and while her renewed zest for life is definitely a good thing, it will also bring some problems with it later on down the road.
Once more, thank you for the awesome review! The next chapter is in the works and should be posted soon. ^_^ I hope you have a great week! Take care!
Lee Anne Report Review
Hey! It's Liberty from my review thread on the forums!
Sorry it's taken me a bit to get around to reviewing this story...
I forgot to use a rating on the previous chapter's review, so just so you know, I meant to give it a 10/10.
Anyways, I like this chapter. It's not as eloquent as the previous, but much more eventful. That makes me feel like I can expect your story to be balanced between your plot and actual writing skills.
I love the introduction of Remus, I wasn't sure which time period you were working with and I just absolutely adore Remus.
I was a bit shell-shocked to see Hermione's name among those up there, it doesn't seem Canon, but the whole point of fanfiction is to not be Canon.
You can sort of see a little love triangle here, between Freddy, Remus, and Dr. Crane, but it's very subtle and well done, just showing some of Dr. Crane's protectiveness over Freddy.
Remus and Freddy's relationship is also very interesting. I don't think you mention why Freddy is reluctant to consider him a friend in this chapter, and if you don't, you certainly created some anticipation in the reader.
Freddy's character has definitely been developed with our glimpse of how she interacts and reacts to Remus. We definitely can see her wild child with how trapped she constantly sounds.
I'm sorry I don't have any criticism for you! This story is just splendid really...
p.s. If you liked my reviews, though they didn't have as much meat as I usually pack into them, feel free to re-request me on my review thread on the forums. My moral obligation prevents me from reviewing further...
p.p.s. favouritedAuthor's Response: Hiya Liberty!
Thank you so very much for another lovely review! I really do appreciate your feedback. It means the world to me.
I'm so glad you enjoyed Remus's appearance in this chapter. I have to admit, Lupin is probably my favorite HP character. He just seems like a such a sweet guy. As to why Freddy is reluctant to be friends with him, they do have a rather strained history, which was established and more fully explored in my previous novel "Consumed". In short, Freddy and Remus didn't get off to a very good start when they first met. ;)
And yes, there are some slightly non-canon elements in both this story and its prequel. However, I have tried to keep all the AU aspects somewhat related to canon or at least in keeping with JKR√Ę¬Ä¬ôs major story arc. But as you mentioned, Hermione certainly wasn't infected with TB. I did take a little dramatic license there, hehe.
Again, thank you so much for the great review, Liberty! I will definitely drop by your thread in the near future and re-request for the next chapter. ^_^ I hope you have a pleasant weekend. Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Hey there! It's Liberty from my review thread on the forums!
Sorry it took me a bit to get to reviewing your piece.
First off, I'd just like to compliment your plot. It's definitely enthralling...I've gobbled it all up and read all 10 available chapters already...
Anyways, let's just talk about this specific chapter.
The intro to this chapter is wonderful, I love how simple it is while bringing the reader in.
I know nothing about TB, so I was afraid that this story wouldn't be my cup of tea. However, I'm finding this story's raw plot enhanced by the TB and Freddy's character is greatly enhanced as well.
I really like Freddy's character, she's hasn't really shown much of it in this chapter, but we learn a lot about how trapped she feels in this chapter and how much of a world traveler she is.
Dr. Crane's character isn't really developed at all here, besides the fact that he's a very successful, handsome bachelor of a doctor. I love how there's that little hint that he has a little something going on for Freddy, it makes the outright realization in later chapters feel like an epiphany. The fact that he comes off as a normal doctor with normal small talk in this chapter makes it even more stupendous.
I really don't have any criticism here. This chapter's plot isn't nearly as wonderful as later ones, I will admit, but before I read the whole thing, I thought it completely amazing.
Liberty (Libby103)Author's Response: Hello Liberty,
Thank you so much for the lovely review! I'm so thrilled to hear that you enjoyed this story and were intrigued enough by the plot to continue reading it all the way through. I know the pacing of this fic is very slow, and because most of the conflict is internal as opposed to external, I really wasn't sure if readers would find it interesting. Needless to say, I'm so happy that you liked this first chapter. ^_^
And I was truly pleased to hear that you liked my OCs. Although canon characters do have significant roles in this fic, I think this story is mostly OC-driven. And yes, Crane isn't a very obvious character. He certainly doesn't wear his emotions on his sleeve. ;)
Again, thanks so much for the wonderful comments! It was great hearing from you. I hope you have a pleasant week. ^_^ Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
Sorry to hear about your whopping caugh! But I couldn't help but laugh because the same kind of irony occurs in my life every day so I completely understand ^_^
Healer Crane is just getting . . . annoying for me right about now. Hahaha. He is so good. You have done such an excellent job with him; I love the moment where he realized he got cuaght by Freddy. A well devloped moment and a funny moment all in the same. Well done.
Freddy's fleeting thoughts toward Remus and the general company of loneliness were probably some of my favorite thoughts and sentences thus far of your story. My favorite line was the one below:
"She had never been one for company, although now loneliness had become an entirely different entity, something that was dark and hungry and relentless."
Oh the group of women . . . here in the South, the equivalent is a "bless their hearts." Really, the proper treatment would be a resounding head smack and a proper telling of them to "get on with their lives." Well done though and Naomi Watts is a perfect visual aide to play and act as Lavinia in my mind. I highly approve. Most of all, I enjoyed the walk between Crane, Freddy, and Lavinia-- an excellent usage of character building.
The pacing is picking up which can only mean that the story shall be picking up as well. I approve of all of the above and please give some extra cookies to your betas because they are doing an excellent job. You have a wonderful story and please come back and request some more reviews because I'd love to read more if you would like.
LindseyAuthor's Response: Hi Lindsey!
Gah! I feel so speechless after reading all your lovely reviews. Really, I can't thank you enough. You've been such a fantastic, supportive reviewer. ^_^ I will definitely re-request from you in the future, if that's all right.
Yeah, talk about irony! The whooping cough spell was a year ago, but I remember it like it was yesterday. I will say one thing, though. While I was coughing my head off, I more or less realized why poor Freddy is so grouchy all the time. Respiratory illnesses are no fun.
I'm so glad you're still enjoying my characterization of Crane. And yes, he is extremely annoying, especially considering he has a habit of showing up exactly when and where he is not wanted.
I'm also happy to hear that you enjoyed the solarium women. You're right, they definitely do need to be smacked upside the head.
I hope you forgive me for gushing, but your reviews were just wonderful. I loved each and every one of them. Thank you SO much, Lindsey!
celticbard Report Review
A shorter chapter but definitely still as interesting. I enjoyed Remus' visit. Remus has alwyas struck me as a lovely character and I'll admit I've always had a small crush on him. I think its due to the intellectual and the almost helpless nature he is sometimes left in-- the whole werewolf situation. It just screams helpless, homeless puppy.
^_^ All that rambling is not to say that Remus came across as helpless or puppylike. In fact, he came across as Jo's Remus; quiet but attentive and polite with a dash of nervous Remus. Remus' nervousness came across excellently. I give you major props for that; I mean, I realize the readers know of Remus' condition but his fidgety nature came across well as one that is uneasy in a hospital setting. I know because I'm the same way.
Freddy was qiute childlike at some points and the melancholy does really seem to be getting to her at certain points in the narrative. Freddy, however, is growing into a three dimensional character which is so relieving. I am learning to really like Freddy but she annoys me at times too. Which is a fantastic reaction because if I simpley liked her, then you would combating a flat Original Character.
I stick to my comparison of Shutter Island doctor to Healer Crane. He is not a comfortable character on my list; he makes my stomach churn like when I meet someone highly unsettled and has questionable sanity.
Excellent job; the pacing is going slow but its very similiar to a hospital victim and the montony of their own life. I think its perfect for the story you have going. I am really enjoying this. And I have found virtually no grammar or syntax mistakes.
LindseyAuthor's Response: Hello again Lindsey!
Thank you so much for another lovely review! I really am enjoying your feedback. You obviously put a lot of effort and care into your reviews and I do truly appreciate your thoughtfulness.
I'm so glad you enjoyed Remus's appearance in this chapter. And yes, I have to admit, I've always had a slight crush on him myself. When I first started reading the HP books he was my favorite character. Needless to say, I'm really thrilled to hear that you liked my interpretation of him.
Haha, yeah, Freddy can be a bit annoying, especially now, when she's cranky. Though I have to say, I can't really blame her. When I was in the hospital a couple of months ago, I was in a very, very nasty mood, hehe. ;) And yes, I do think Freddy has some childlike qualities, all of which are heightened now that she is a patient at the sanatorium. I think there is something about being in a hospital that makes a person extremely dependent and vulnerable. And feeling powerless certainly tends to bring out the worst in people. However, I must say I was quite happy to hear that you found Freddy flawed. I'm somewhat neurotic when it comes to writing OCs and I really try to make them as well-rounded as possible, although sometimes I think I go overboard with certain negative traits. ;)
Ah, Shutter Island! I feel like such a fangirl whenever you mention it. Seriously, I squee every time. And you're quite right to find Crane unsettling. He is a weird guy.
Again, thanks so much for the awesome feedback, Lindsey! Your reviews have been just great. I do hope you have a good week. ^_^ Take care!
Celticbard Report Review
Hullo love- Lindsey here from the forums to provide you with a review.
I admire first off your glossary and citations; for one to acknowledge another's work or other sources provides a reader with a certain comfort to know that you are well read and well versed in more sources than just this.
I also realize that this story has to be quite an undertaking- for one, if you are going to venture out of the Potter realm, you have to have original characters, a well developed plot, and a realistic setting. You have to have a certain chemistry of all of these things and good luck to attract the attention deserved to a good story.
Bravo for writing and researching such a topic; TB isn't romantic but this chapter had a certain sense of romantic reality to it; I don't know how to describe it but there is something in the words that has a little bit of...magic albeit the cliche. That being said, the sanatorium is lovely and creepy and perfect.
I really like Nurse Jenekis/Jensis and her general character. She is believable and symapthetic while still being sour and hard to love. A feat to accompliash and balance; I hope her character continues to develop so well.
I think I have a good sense of Freddy but right now, I am so distracted by her struggle with TB and healing that I can't really find normal Freddy beneath sick character Freddy. Her joking with Healer Crane was clever and almost sad since she is trying so hard while still being sick. Her character is beginning to shine through but for a first chapter, Freddy may be a little lacking. To really hook a reader, you need to give them enough of a character while still leaving mystery. I think there is still a bit too much mystery for this chapter.
Now, Healer Crane, Healer Crane, he is nice and concerned about his patients. He gives them what seems to be proper attention and has devoted his entire life to being a Healer in charge as such an institute. That all being said makes shaky grounds for some questionable sanity and happiness. He reminded me of the doctors straight out of Shutter Island by Dennis Lehane. A well developed novel-- far better than the movie adaptation with Leornado DiCaprio which wasn't a bad movie in and of itself.
3000+ words is good to establish a good foundation for a plot and you have enough elements to keep things interesting; Freddy is a Hogwarts professor-how does that work in, Healer Crane is creepy but intriguing, how did Freddy develop TB, and finally, who is this mysterious visitor you end with? Overall, I see a very well written first chapter and major kudos for you in general for taking on such a feat of research and intricate detailing and relating to other works you've read [i.e. your Citations section].
I give it a 9/10 and I look forward to the next chapter.
LindseyAuthor's Response: Hiya Lindsey!
Oh my goodness! This review is so detailed and in-depth. I feel very spoiled. Thank you so much for taking the time to not only read my story, but also share your thoughts with me. I really, really appreciate your insightful comments, all of which were truly helpful. ^_^
I'm glad you found the glossary and citations helpful. I have to admit, I've always had a very strong interest in the history of tuberculosis, so the research for this story was really a labor of love. And you're absolutely right, TB is not a romantic disease at all. To be frank, it's horrific. However, there is that extremely strange aura surrounding tuberculosis. The Romantics and Victorians glamorized it and even today, in our modern world, most people think of "consumption" as dramatic wasting disease. In the end, I knew I wanted to portray tuberculosis accurately, but at the same time, it is hard to ignore the particular reputation the disease has.
I was also so happy to hear that you liked my OCs. Although canon characters do have rather significant roles in this fic, I would say that this story is mostly OC-focused, which I know can be a turn off to some readers. You're right about Healer Crane, though. He is definitely not a well-rounded person and I do think he lies to himself about his happiness. And I must say, I squeed when I saw your reference to Shutter Island. I am a HUGE fan of both the novel and the movie. Eve though I plotted this fic before I actually read Shutter Island, but I do think some of the later chapters were slightly influenced by Lehane's work. In fact, one of the secondary healers at the sanatorium was somewhat modeled after Chuck Aule's character. ;)
As far as Freddy goes, I suppose I should have mentioned that this story is a sequel. Much of who she is, her career as a Hogwarts professor, her history, etc. was the subject of my fic 'Consumed'. However, having said that, I can certainly see how she might appear lacking in this chapter. Although I tried to mention some of her back-story for the benefit of new readers, I really didn't do a thorough job if it, because I thought it might seem a bit repetitive in the overall arch of her story.
Again, thank you so much for the brilliant review, Lindsey! I absolutely loved it. ^_^ I hope you have a great week. Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
Hello again, gingersnape with your requested review here!
Plot: Ooh, it is thickening and I really like how Healer Crane keeps showing a little more emotion towards Freddy and every time it's a little stranger and we get more information on him! I don't have any CC on that (or characterizations for that matter) but I will say that you've really sparked my interest in it.
I love how you described the solarium, as well as the rest of the building, It had that perfect mix of old fashioned and slightly strange that fit Freddy's emotions very well.
As for characterizations, I'll just have a few paragraphs on the solarium women rather than structure it since they are all a group right now.
The solarium women are so cute, with their gossiping and curiosity, It really adds a bit of humor to such a dreadful situation for Freddy, and I loved hearing about how Freddy's a favorite. Her emotions were spot on and Lavinia offering to walk back with them was the cherry on top!
Again, no need for spelling/grammar and pacing/flow because it's amazing. I could put them in, but it might be a bit repetitive for every chapter to have that.
I really enjoyed this, and would be happy to continue if you're interested!
-gingerAuthor's Response: Hi gingersnape!
Thank you so much for the kind and thoughtful review! You have no idea how happy I am to hear that you are still enjoying this fic. And, as always, I am truly grateful for all your comments. They have all been so helpful.
Yes, Crane is definitely starting to show some more interest in Freddy. He's sort of an awkward guy, not very good with women despite being rather popular with them. ;)
I'm so glad you enjoyed the description of the solarium. I based most of it on images of actual solariums in TB sanatoriums in the 30s and 40s. They were rather odd looking places. In most cases, patients were lined up on lounge chairs facing great big windows. Back then, before antibiotics were used to cure TB, the doctors believed that sunlight and fresh air were the best treatments for the disease. Therefore, I thought Freddy's sanatorium should be appropriately outfitted with a solarium of its own. ^_^
Haha, yes, I guess the women were cute in their own way, although I'm sure Freddy found them annoying. She's not the most social person and being around gossips does make her uncomfortable.
Again, I am so thrilled that this story interested you and that you liked what you read. I will definitely drop by your queue soon and re-request for the next chapters. Until then, take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
Hello again, gingersnape from the forums here as requested!
Once again, this left me breathless (though thankfully not as breathless as Freddy... poor dear!) because the writing is just so good, not to mention the story itself is really something else.
Plot: So far, so good. It's still a bit early for me to say much about it, with the exception of saying that I'm fascinated by it and also in awe for how well pulled together this is.
Characters: Same thing as in the previous review, excerpt his time I will sadly have smaller comments than last time. :(
Freddy: I still like her as much as I did last time, and I can feel that element of being able to relate to her growing, but also the sympathy and awe growing as well.
Remus: I really liked him, and I want to go read Consumed even more now, as I really want to know more of the back story. Anyway, I really liked how he's shown so far and am interested to see more of him.
Healer Crane: Again, creepy. I'm not sure whether he's got an ulterior motive or just likes Freddy a little to much, but I do like how he's slowly showing more of how nice he is and it's getting even more strange.
Overall, it was pretty amazing. Again. I'm stumped on CC, and spelling/grammar and pacing/flow are superb, so I don't even know if I should make a section for them.
I can't wait for more of this story,
-gingerAuthor's Response: Hello again gingersnape!
Thank you so much for another wonderful review! I'm so glad to hear that you are still enjoying this fic. Your feedback really means the world to me. I really appreciate all your in-depth comments, especially on my areas of concern. ^_^
I'm really happy that you still find Freddy relatable. My greatest challenge with this fic so far has been keeping readers interested in her story. Because she is so sick, it's rather hard for me to move her around or have her physically engaged in typical, everyday activities. As I mentioned before, this fic is all about internal conflict as opposed to external action and drama, which I know some readers can find trifling.
Ah, Remus! I'm so pleased to hear that you liked his appearance. He has to be my favorite HP character. I've always loved him. He and Freddy do have quite a back-story in Consumed, as you might have picked up on, and to be honest, it's not an entirely pleasant one.
Yes, Crane is a weird guy and he definitely does have an ulterior motive. However, I'm afraid I can't say anymore, I wouldn't want to spoil the plot for you. ;)
Once more, thanks a million for the great reviews! I really, really love them. Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
Hello again, gingersnape from the forums here with a review for you!
Wow, just wow. I was absolutely amazed by this story. Actually, I'm pretty amazed by all of your writing but this blew me away. See, usually I like it when first chapters mention a canon character so I have something to anchor the story to. I'm also a bit squeamish, so I was a little skeptical of this, but after reading through this, I was absolutely astonished by how much I had come to like the story over the course of 3000 words.
†Plot: As far as I know (I don't usually stray into the realms of fics centered around an illness, so I may be wrong.) this feels like a very original story and it also feels like a very strong story. From defining the characters and a main problem right from the start to making it all mysteriously interesting, this chapter has it all. I can't really say much on it now, but I feel like this is going to turn out very well.
Characterization: Because you have a few characters who deserve some attention, I'll just go down the list of characters who play a fairly large role in the story for you.
Freddy: I love her already. She's so funny and I can really relate to her, in that there are times when what is best for me is certainly not what makes me happy, but I also have a mixture of feeling really bad for poor poor Freddy as well as admiring her strength. Overall, I really like how she's developing so far and can't wait to get to see more of her. I haven't read Consumed, but now I really want to read it so I'm not behind on her characterization.
Nurse Jensis/Jenkins: Poor dear, always having her name mispronounces! (My mother had an often misspelled maiden name that kept getting mistaken for another similar name, so I can relate. She still jokes she married my dad so she would have a better surname. :D) I loved how her personality keeps getting added to with the simple things like her neatly written name tag or how well she had her hair ticked into her cap. I'm really getting a sense of who she is without realizing it, which is one of my favorite things to see in a character.
Healer Crane: I'm not exactly sure what I think of him at the moment, though right now I am going to say that his niceness is a little strange, but not something too weird... Just interesting. Overall, I like how you've shown him in all of the scenes that I have seen him in so far. He seems a little mysterious but mostly someone who draws my interest in because I'm really just curious to see how he will react to Freddy later in the story.
The glossary and notes on the bottom were quite helpful, and I really admire you for putting so much time and effort into researching this. It really shows in the story, and I am amazed by how thoroughly researched this was.
Spelling and Grammar: Erm. I can't exactly find anything. Maybe a comma, but this was spotless as far as I can tell.
Flow and Pacing: 'twas superb. It all had a wonderful rhythm that flowed in my head in a rather enchanting way. The writing Aline was enough to suck me into the story, and I felt like this was a very good first chapter.
Overall, I can't find anything to say for CC, so I suppose this was a very good fic. I really enjoyed reading this and can't wait to read the next chapter.
Have a great day,
-gingerAuthor's Response: Hiya gingersnape!
Oh wow. What a fantastic review! Thank you so very much! I cannot possibly express how grateful I am for your feedback. I truly appreciate all the time and effort you put into each of your reviews. Your comments were so wonderfully helpful. Again, thank you!
I'm so thrilled to hear that you enjoyed this first chapter, even though it only featured OCs. Although the canon characters in this story have significant roles, I do think the plot is mostly focused on OCs, which I suppose can be a turn off for some readers. ;) As for the descriptions of illness, etc. I tried my best not to be too icky, while at the same time, I wanted to give people a good idea of what having TB might be like. Unfortunately, although the Romantics and Victorians portrayed it as a glamorous illness, it really is awful.
And I'm glad you found the plot interesting. I have to admit, this story is a bit slow and most of the conflict is internal as opposed to external, which I think can certainly make things drag at times. ;)
I'm so pleased you were able to relate to Freddy right off the bat. Since she is the main character, I tried my best to make her likable, if not a bit prickly and stubborn. And she certainly doesn't like to do what's best for her, not that I can blame her. Being stuck in a hospital would probably make me cranky too, haha.
It's funny you should mention Nurse Jenkins' mispronounced surname and your mom's maiden name. I actually based Jenkins' predicament on a similar situation. My parents gave me a hyphenated last name when I was born, incorporating both of their surnames. Up until high school, I always went by my dad's surname, but as soon as I changed schools, my new teachers began to use my first surname and, of course they couldn't pronounce it. It was very annoying and confusing. Poor Jenkins indeed!
And you're spot-on when it comes to Crane. He's a bit of a mysterious guy and he certainly doesn't wear his motives on his sleeve. I will say that he definitely does have a hidden agenda, but it's not really sinister. Just strange, hehe. ;)
Yay, no typos! I really have to thank my betas for that. They always pick out my pesky mistakes.
Again, I'm so happy to hear that you enjoyed this first chapter, gingersnape. Your review was amazing. I absolutely loved it. I hope you have a great weekend! Take care!
celticbard Report Review
Now I feel even worse for Freddy. No matter that she's getting better and starting research again, she's going to miss the Tri-Wizard Tournament. I'd forgotten for a bit that this was taking place between PoA and GoF, having gotten lost in the characters and the atmosphere, but it'll be interesting to see how you integrate GoF with this story, and also how Remus will come into things. I can't remember what he did between PoA and OotP.
I really like Oliver, more than I did in Consumed. He's just so nice, and he's also very realistic in his speech and behaviour. His presence poses a great contrast between himself and Crane, who is so intense and almost unreal in his aura - superhuman is the word I'm looking for.
It was a very good chapter, and you know what? There weren't any typos or anything to that matter in this chapter - I didn't notice any at least (which could mean that I was too consumed in the story to actually see them :P). It was fantastic to see that you'd updated - I'd been waiting since the review fest for more - because it's just a wonderful story to read. ^_^Author's Response: Hiya Susan!
First off, I'm so sorry it took me forever to respond to this review. October was just crazy for me and I'm still recovering from the icky appendix surgery. And I really didn't want to leave you a lame "thank you" for this review, because you know I just adore your feedback and I have to squee endlessly over your comments. ;)
I'm actually kind of glad you forgot that this story takes place between POA and GOF, which sounds strange, I know. I think, however, being in a sanatorium or a place of convalescence somewhat removes the patient from the world at large. And even though she desperately wants to go back to teaching, Freddy has definitely fallen out of the loop quite a bit and I think it would take some time for her to get used to the real world again, as it were.
And I'm so glad that you like Oliver. I think his more congenial appearance in this story has to do with Freddy's own opinion of him. She's somewhat less defensive towards him than she was in 'Consumed' and now that he's engaged to be married, I think she feels less threatened by him...as opposed to Crane.
Wow, no typos? Yay!!! *does a happy dance* I must have lucked out somehow. ^_^
Thanks so much for the unbelievably amazing review! As always, it was wonderful hearing from you. I hope you're well! Take care!
Lee Anne Report Review
Oh goodness, this chapter ended on quite the cliffhanger. That's actually the only thing I disliked about it, but it wouldn't be a cliffhanger if people actually liked being left hanging, now would it? :P
Anyway, I really enjoyed the more in-depth characterisation that you provided on Crane as I can see now how he really feels about Freddy and what his intentions are more clearly than before. I actually feel bad for him because Freddy doesn't feel the same way about him that he does her... or does she? I guess that's your own little secret to surprise us readers with. Over all, I really enjoyed this chapter and feel free to come back and request the next 3 chapters when you have them posted. :) 10/10Author's Response: Hello Leslie!
Ah, sorry for the cliffie! I know, I know, I'm quite guilty of leaving most of my chapters unresolved. It's a bad habit, I guess. One time, a reviewer even called me the queen of cliffhangers, haha.
Thank you so much for the kind feedback! You know I really do love your reviews. ^_^ I'm so happy that you liked this chapter. Usually, I'm very lukewarm about my writing, but I have to be honest and admit that this chapter is probably my favorite. Also, I'm thrilled to hear that you were able to get a better idea of Crane's motives and personality. So far, I know he has been very furtive.
Again, thanks for everything! I will definitely re-request when I have new chapters posted. Until then, take care and be well!
Lee Anne Report Review
Back to review ch. 7 like I promised I would soon. I thought this chapter was both intriguing and insightful as to how Freddy interacts with her mother, and how her relationship with Remus is progressing more each time he visits her. I like how Freddy's mother left to give the pair some time alone, it showed just how much she cares for Freddy's happiness and how she wishes for Freddy to move on from Quirrell. I also found it odd at the beginning with the entry of Healer Elliot and what Freddy overhead him whispering to Nurse Jenkens just before she completely fell into a deep sleep. Over all, great chapter. 10/10Author's Response: Hello Leslie!
Thank you so very much for the kind review! It was really great hearing from you. I always find your feedback so helpful.
Haha, yes, Freddy's mother does have her daughter's best interest in heart. They do fight a lot, although I suppose that's typical of most mothers and daughters. ;)
As to what Healer Elliot said about Crane, well, there will be much more on that in the next chapter. ^_^
Again, thanks for everything! I hope you have a great weekend!
celticbard Report Review
Hi Lee Anne, I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to review but I made it eventually. Now, to get to the review. I really liked this chapter, mainly for the intensity of the descriptive tones you used to describe death and how the orderlies and Dr. Crane hid it from the patients. I also found the interaction in the first section between Dr. Crane and Freddy to be intriguing to say the very least. It seems like there's something there, but I'm not sure if it's romance or something else that will come out in the open later on in the story. Over all, great chapter and keep up the excellent writing with keeping readers guessing and looking for more answers in the context of the passages. :D 10/10 I'll be back later this evening after I get off from work to review ch. 7 & 8.Author's Response: Hello Leslie!
Thank you so much for the thoughtful review! It was wonderful hearing from you. And please do not apologize for the delay. I completely understand. RL is much more important than any silly old fanfic anyway. ;)
I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter. Yes, I always thought that the culture of death and dying in TB sanatoriums was odd. Today, hospitals and medical professionals are all about full disclosure and such. I suppose, back then when TB was rampant, they wanted to avoid panic.
And yes, there is definitely something going on between Crane and Freddy, though I dare not tell you now for fear of ruining the rest of the fic. ;)
Again, thanks so much for the lovely feedback! I hope you have a great weekend. Take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
I'm happy to see Freddy chatting with an old friend ^_^ and I'm extra that she was feeling a bit healthy in this chapter.Author's Response: Thanks so much for the lovely reviews! The next chapter is in the works and should be posted soon. Until then, take care and be well!
celticbard Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection