I really liked this one-shot! It's a very interesting perspective on Sirius' character. I liked how you had Sirius defend her from bullies and be naturally polite - things that fit with his character due to his personality and his upbringing, while also being things that would inspire a crush, no matter how indifferent to her he was while he was performing them.
I really liked how you began this story. It was an amusing beginning and the repetition of the word "considering" gave the story a smooth flow while also giving the reader some information on the character.
As well, the way in which you included little hints of what we know about that scene was very nicely done - for the question that made him chuckle, I'm assuming that it was the werewolf question. I liked the way you had her describe it because it made it easy to guess what the cause of his laughter was without making it seem as though she was in on the joke.
As well, I liked how you made Sirius less of a womanizer here, as some people are apt to characterize him, and instead had him focus on his friends. The way he refused her definitely showed me that he was unused to girls asking him out.
Finally, I think that you did a good job with your portrayal of her emotions- she likes him but she realizes that he doesn't even know who she is. She's accepted it, however sad it's made her, and only admires him from afar. The last sentence made his indifference to her - and her awareness of this fact- brutally clear.
All in all I think that you did a fantastic job with this one-shot. It was very enjoyable to read! Report Review
I love how you portray Sirius in this as someone who doesn't care much for anyones attention but his friends. And after reading so many stories where Sirius is a 'ladies man' it's refreshing to see him turning girls down and going back to seeing his friends.
I feel really sorry for the girl, I hope she gets over Sirius soon :-(
I really enjoyed this one shot
alicia and anne
SlytherinAuthor's Response: I agree, I was really over all the playboy Sirius cliches floating around. He never struck me that way in the books. Sure he was a normal teenage boy and had posters of girls all over his room, but for the most part he just wanted to hang out with his friends. And I don't think many fanfics really capture the aloof quality he seemed to have in canon.
Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
ugh, aren't boys just so frustrating. They do something that makes you think that they're intrested and you obsess over it. Then they completly ignore you! Then just when you're about to get over it, they'll do something else to compltely confuse you and throw you off blance. Ugh, i don't even know why we bother.
anyway... i love the story, you captured the unrequited love thing perfectly. Its sad and funny and heartbreaking. beautifulAuthor's Response: Thanks for the lovely review! (And I don't know why we bother, either.) :-P Report Review
You really have a very lovely banner. It was a great read because most stories make Sirius like the most populair guy ever. The fact he’s a standoffish type and the fact most people wanted nothing to do with him, and he wanted nothing to do with them is great. I love the fact he’s gentlemanly. He’s still a black and the Blacks and all other pureblood famillies always seemed to me like a proper bunch. Soemthing had to rub of on him of gis family. I also love the fact that in the end she didn’t get him because life as you probably know can suck sometimes. Report Review
excellent. oh i'm so glad i'm no longer a teenager.Author's Response: LOL, me too. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
That was really excellent, not at all what I excpected. You captured Sirius' personality very well. Well done!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
First, I was attracted by the beautious banner. Then, I realized that I knew the pen name. After that, I fell in love with the premise of the 'Girl Behind Sirius.' Thanks for brightening my day. :]Author's Response: Thank you so much for such a great review! The banner really is lovely - the moment I saw it, I thought, "That's definitely the girl!" Glad you liked this one-shot. :-) Report Review
I really liked that. The character development was great without force. It was simple and very nice to read, 10/10Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
this is wonderfully well written; and you were were able to provide both a great insight and a backstory with a very tight word limit!
I always wondered who that girl gazing longingly at Sirius during the exam was, and you just gave me a perfect answer :)Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! It was definitely ultra-challenging, combining these two challenges, since we don't know anything about the girl and I had to tell her whole story in 500 words. ^_^ Report Review
That was incredibly depressing, really well written, but depressing.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. ^_^ Report Review
How sad! :( Gorgeous banner though!!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Lovely. There are so many Sirius/OC romances, implausible things. But this piece was so relatable, not glorified at all. It was just honest. That was a great read!Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I'm glad you found it relatable -- I figured a lot of people would be able to identify with this girl's story.
Cheers! Report Review
This was really good. :) I liked it!
I was wondering who the girl on the banner was..?Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I actually don't know who the girl is, though...I got the banner in the Up For Grabs section at TDA. ^_^ Report Review
Oh Melanie, this is just unbelievable. I'm on a bit of a bittersweet jag at the moment, so to find this was just glorious.
That last line in particular, I can has it please? It's just so elegantly simple, it's 500 words in 10.
What was so special about it was just how complete the characters were. In 500 words you've delivered Sirius completely. One of the most complex characters in the entire series and you've got him completely figured out, and more importantly, down on paper.
The girl as well, there's something very... pure about her characterisation. I don't know how you've done in, but I've got this picture of her in my head and I want to read more about her! Pretty, naive, pining - that's just how I imagine her anyway. Probably a lot of friends, quite a bright and sparky girl.
Anyway, I could keep going and going, but I won't. In short, I loved it.Author's Response: Thanks for the amazing review, Jack!
I think I'm in a bittersweet phase, too. Been writing a lot of it lately.
I'm really glad you liked the last line. I hate writing final lines -- so much pressure and expectation to end with something string and memorable, and I fail at it so much -- but it makes me happy to know I accomplished it here.
Thanks for the comments about characterization, too! I think it was ambitious of me to write about these 2 characters in 500 words, because firstly we know nothing about the sitting girl, and secondly I wanted to write Sirius as he's not often written -- you know, I wanted to stay away from playboy Sirius, because I don't see him like that, and anyway I find aloof Sirius so much more alluring. (I have self-sabotaging taste in men, can you tell? It's so sad.)
I'm really glad you liked the girl, though -- I didn't want to reveal a ton about her, because I wanted readers to have some liberty to imagine her as they please, like she's sort of an Everyman (Everywoman?) She's every girl who's ever had her heart broken over a ridiculous crush. But to hear that you think her characterization is pure, is great to hear, because I like to think of her that way. Just naive, but very nice and well-meaning. No agenda or anything.
Thanks again for the fantastic review! I'm really glad you liked it.
Melanie Report Review
This was a wonderful story!! I hope you won the challenges!! I read another story for Ilia's Every Word Counts Challenge and it wasn't half as good as this one! I really like how you characterized Sirius, being very polite yet uninterested. It's nice seeing a not-playboy Sirius. :) Great job!Author's Response: Thanks for the great review! I'm so glad you liked this fic, and I'm glad you enjoyed Sirius' characterization. This is definitely the way I see him.
Cheers! Report Review
This was a lovely one-shot. You described the feelings perfectly in a very short space of time, and the characterisation was spot-on. They seemed completely real, normal teenagers. I also liked that the character didn't get the guy. This is so unusual in stories, but so true in life ;). The little touches were also beautiful, such as knowing what Sirius was laughing about in the exam. I was reading the other reviews, and I think you're right. This definitely works best as a one-shot. 10/10.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! This was a fun piece to write, combining the two challenges, and I'm pretty happy with how it turned out. Normally, I'm a fan of happy endings, but somehow I didn't feel this girl's story was a happy one -- and you're right, it doesn't always turn out that way in real life. It was a fun little jaunt into young love and heartbreak. XD
Thanks again! Report Review
aw, so bittersweet. sigh. i kind of want a sequel for this. it just seems liek a really good prologue, and i was about to click "next chapter" and there was no button!!
but that line is very true - “Some boys would rather just be boys than spend time with girls.”
and it works the other way around too.
this was really well written. you managed to capture her hopeless longing. 10/10. even though i felt like sticking a pin through a sirius voodoo doll. but hes too pretty for that anyways.Author's Response: Thanks for the review!
I sort of like it as a one-shot, because I don't know if I trust myself enough to write a believable, non-cliche Sirius/OC, haha! I just enjoyed exploring this one little moment in time, thinking about what this girl was like, since we don't know anything about her from canon, other than she was staring at Sirius.
Hopeless longing is a good way to describe it, and exactly what I was going for! I'm glad you liked it -- thanks again! ^_^ Report Review
This was a really sweet little one shot! I like the idea of it, and you wrote Sirius really well. You perfectly told of his popularity and his politeness and balanced the fact that he was the height of cool and yet obviously not a bad person. This is the Sirius I've been picturing all these years. I also really liked the line about foolishness of asking him to Hogsmeade; it made both of them look even more human. And the ending was really touching, when he's laughing with his friends and she's all alone. Really nice work. A good length, a good one shot.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm so glad you liked it. I was trying to characterize Sirius differently than he's normal written, but also keep a lot of his appeal -- and to be honest, I find this mysterious, aloof, boyish Sirius even more appealing than ladies' man Sirius!
Anyway, I'm glad you enjoyed this! It was a fun writing experiment. :-) Thanks again!! Report Review
This is an amazing Sirius. I think I can go as far as to say that he's the epitome of how I see Sirius or how I think he should be. Standoffish is a perfect way to describe him. I see him finding it quite hard to trust people, which leads to him being rather aloof.
And the girl! I love missing moment type pieces and this one in particular is exemplary. You manage to get her emotions across very well and my heart was breaking for her. This is a brilliantly sad story.
Another, slightly random, point I would like to make is that I love the details you have included. Little things such as talking about the chimaeras and manticores really added a sense of authenticity to the piece and I really enjoyed it.
Fabulous work!Author's Response: Thank you, Jane! This is definitely how I see Sirius -- maybe extroverted around his friends, but overall a very private person, almost like a loner if if weren't for the fact that his best friend is the coolest guy in school. ^_^ I actually find this Sirius a lot more alluring than the ladies' man Sirius, as well.
I'm glad the emotions came through for you in this piece -- it was definitely a challenge, doing it in 500 words when we don't know anything about her to start with!
And I appreciate your comment on the details. I always try to be conscious of adding in things that will really set the story in the magical world, so thank you for noticing!
I appreciate the review!
Melanie Report Review
Very well done. Sad, but well written and I absolutely LOVE the last line.
Thanks for sharing this with your readers.Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Glad you enjoyed it. :-) Report Review
Oh, I loved this. It's so sweet, and so realistic. I tihnk it was a really creative idea too. 10/10Author's Response: Thank you very much! I appreciate the review. :-) Report Review
Ooh, Melanie, this was great! I never gave much thought to the girl sitting behind Sirius in that memory - leave it up to Kalina to make a challenge about such a minute detail =P But really, it's a great idea and I love the way you wrote it. I find pining for someone is one of the most pure forms of love, in that little time frame right before it turns to stalker. I love it.
I really like the repetition in the end! It was a brilliant effect. Also, the last line is my favorite. It's so heartbreaking =(
Great job! Thanks for taking my challenge! I hope you enjoyed yourself. ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Thanks, Ilia! I really liked your challenge because it teaches you not to get bogged down in stuff that doesn't matter, and I had fun combining it with Kalina's challenge because it was extra challenging to create an entire story and identity for this random girl in 500 words.
Haha, your comment about the time frame before pining turns to stalker made me laugh...it's so true. It was important to me that this girl not be obsessive...just very broken-hearted, poor thing.
Thank again for the review, and the challenge! Report Review
Oh, you can't help but feel so horrible for this poor girl!
I adored this, Melanie, really! I have really enjoyed reading all the entries for the 500 words challenge, it has been so neat to see what people can do with such a limitation. I never thought I'd be able to just write 500 words for it!
I think this was perfect to the word limitation. You were still able to convey such a strong mention of the girl sitting behind Sirius. It seemed so familiar, like she would have been a character from the books talked more about. You really brought someone that I had completely forgotten about, to life! It really does make me wonder more about her after reading this, she is quite a mystery!
I loved this line: Most people want nothing to do with him, and he wants nothing to do with most people. I think in a sense I have always thought of Sirius that way. In the sense that he doesn't so much as want anything to do with more people. I've always thought of him as content with his friends.
Well, after typing a lot, I just wanted to say how much I truly enjoyed reading this. It was lovely in so many ways. Excellent job, love!
ColletteAuthor's Response: Thanks, Collette!
The 500 word limitation really is a huge challenge -- it really forces you to think about exactly what you want to say. It was an extra challenge to write about this girl because we have absolutely no information about her, and I had to give her a story and an identity in 500 words. I'm really glad I was able to accomplish it and make you feel for her! ^_^
I see Sirius like that, too -- just a boy who wants to hang out with his friends and not be bothered with much else, sort of a loner even though he's considered cool.
This review made me really happy! Thank you so much!
Melanie Report Review
love it! please continue this! i'd like to see where it goes! :DDAuthor's Response: I hadn't thought of continuing it...I think it would be a rather sad ending for the poor sitting girl. ^_^
Thank you for reviewing! Glad you liked it! Report Review
Aw, Melanie! *sniffles* I feel awful for the sitting girl. Poor kid has no idea. You've captured the innocence and the fantasies of young love perfectly well, and it's not an obsession. It's just a crush.
Masterful, as with all of your writing, and that last line is perfect. I love it. :)
XOXO, KalinaAuthor's Response: Thanks, Kalina! I had a lot of fun with this challenge, especially since I imagine Sirius as a boy who's fairly oblivious to girls, so I figured the sitting girl's story would be a sad one. Angsty, but like you said, not in an obsessive way.
Thanks so much for the review!! ^_^ Report Review
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