Really good, you should write more storys like thisAuthor's Response: Thank you! Now, what about this story should I try again? The style or the length? :P I'd actually be curious to know because I'm always anxious to know what I'm doing right. :) Report Review
This was great. I think you captured Severus' feelings for Lily really well. Watching from afar, never getting up the confidence to talk to her and tell her how he feels. The description was lovely, in particular, this line: "She is flushed, freckles blending into skin, skin clashing with hair." And I liked how it was concise, not too long and gushy. It was a nice snapshot into Snape's point of view, even if Snape is not the character I most identify with, I enjoyed reading about his feelings in this story.
-MaybeAuthor's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! It's great that you enjoyed the story, and that it managed to convey so much feeling in so short a space. Writing short things is really difficult- I'm a wordy sort of writer - so it means a lot to hear that the brevity of this story didn't take away from its impact.
Snape/Lily stories seem to easily erode into melodrama and extreme angst, which is partially why I chose it for a 500 word story - it heightened the challenge, forcing me to take extra care for each word. Thank you again for the review! :D Report Review
This was very well written. I really liked how you used the concept of blindness to define their relationship, especially since Lily's green green eyes are one of her trademark characteristics.
As well, I found it very interesting how, even through the concept that he is in love with her, that he desires more than friendship, you can sense that he's slightly bitter. The way he refers to her as the "potions prodigy" and then says that he already knows both the problem and its solution makes me almost think that he resents her having the title but I don't think he'd want the reputation, the expectations that comes with it. As well, his line about how she is always the favourite is also very interesting because it could be taken two ways: one, that he's bitter about this being the truth or two, that he's proud of this fact and is giving her a compliment.
I think that you did a fantastic job of exploring the hopelessness he feels about his situation in the 500 word limit that you had. It is easy to sense the confusing mass of emotions he feels and the scene you picked fit his problem wonderfully because it's a situation that probably occurs often and thus shows that he is constantly surrounded by his problem.
Furthermore, I think that the concluding sentences you gave this story truly did a brilliant job of summing up all that you said (and didn't say) in the story in very few words. It really made me feel for him, to know that he essentially worships Lily whereas she feels nothing but friendship to him. She is blind to his feelings now and nothing will change in the future. Poor Severus.
All in all, I think that you did a fantastic job with this story. The way you captured this pairing and all the problems that went along with it was very well done and I definitely enjoyed reading it!Author's Response: Wow, this is quite a review for a little story! Thank you for being so detailed, particularly for the reviewing race - I really appreciate it. :D
Yes, that was exactly what I wanted to emphasize, how everyone talks about her eyes, yet she somehow (as canon would have it) did not "see" Snape's love for her. Her eyes are what others see of her, but they're only a surface feature.
Haha, I couldn't resist making Snape a little jealous of her popularity with Slughorn while he, who regards himself as a genius at potions, never receives recognition for it. If he wasn't somehow resentful, even of Lily, I would be surprised. He also wanted to be special, to be admired by others, and that always seemed to pass him by (it must have been one of the reasons he joined the Death Eaters - like Peter, he wanted to be "noticed"). The irony is that, while he recognizes that she is everyone's favourite, she is also his favourite too. ;)
It's wonderful to hear that you enjoyed this story and found that it effectively explored Snape's emotions (yes, very confused and conflicting). He is a difficult character to write in a long story because there's just so much to him, many facets (and layers... like an onion), and trying to squeeze all of that into 500 words was a challenge. It took a while to pare down the words to reach that 500. I'm really glad to hear that this story turned out so well and that you enjoyed it. ^_^ Report Review
Hey there Violet :D
This story captivated me from the first sentence. I just enjoy how you write. You make me see the story in my head, make me feel what the main character- here Snape- feels, and I just can't help but like your story. Like - forget that- LOVE is more like it!
Okay, so I usually don't read any stories that have Lily and Snape and their relationship in focus, but I enjoyed reading this one. Snape is- to me- a character I either hate or love, no in-between. Normally I hate him, but in this story I loved him. I love how he struggles with his love for the beautiful Lily Evans, and how you describe these emotions he feels- especially the feeling of not being worthy her. I love all of the description, and I like that you have so much of it.
My favorite line is the last one; She is blind to him. I just found that line extremely good. I imagine that is how he feels, like she is blind to him, like she cannot see him the way she wants him to see her. And this story made me feel so sorry for him. Just... Thank you! It was great, and I loved it. I really don't know what else to say.
LadyL8Author's Response: Thank you very much! It's just a little story, every word literally needing to count, so it's wonderful to hear that it was captivating and brought you into Snape's head (or more importantly, his heart). It's even better to hear that he's a love-hate character for you because the fact that you like... wait, love! this story means all the more. :D
That little line says many different things at once - she is blind to his love, blind to who he actually is (because, in canon, she seemed to see more of his Slytherin side, the mask he wore for protection, rather than the "true" self who loved her). It's painful to look at their relationship in this way, but I am glad to hear that this story made you feel sorry for Snape. That was just what I wanted to get from readers. ^_^
Thank you again for the lovely review! I really appreciate it! Report Review
Susan, I absolutely loved this one-shot. You really delved into Snape's emotions and how he's feeling for Lily. Also, how he feels about Lily being completely "blind" to the fact that he really likes her. It was so bittersweet and made me actually feel remorse for Snape. Great writing! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you very much, Leslie! ^_^ I'm so glad to hear that, even with the brevity of the story, I was still able to successfully explore Snape. There's so much to him that it's a challenge to write him into a novel much less a minimum-length one-shot! Report Review
Poor Severus, having to always be the friend and nothing more.
You've really conveyed how she'll only see him as just a friends and nothing more, and how she's just so oblivious to his feelings for her.
And I really liked this, especially how Severus watches her because she is his sheild and protects him from the likes of James and Sirius.
alicia and anne
slytherinAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! It was difficult to make Snape entirely on the margins of Lily's life like this, even before their alienation from one another - I always thought that there might have been more between them, even if canon never said either way whether it was or wasn't. I'm glad that you liked that one bit about Lily acting as Snape's shield - I thought it tied in well with how she tries to protect him in the OotP flashback. ;) Report Review
Oh honestly, this made me tear up! I can't help it. It's so doleful I can't help it. Your words seem magic, and this magic transported me to the moment I read Snape's story in DH. And again my heart tightened as it did then. You choose your words wisely, not giving too much away but at the same time expressing your very thoughts.
This is going straight to my favourites!
Do you like Snape? :DAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! I'm really glad that it brought you back to Snape's story, as I was trying to capture its flavour and tone, bringing that youthful Snape back to life. And yes, he's one of my favourite characters of the series. ^_^
A favourite! Thank you! It really means a lot that you liked this little one-shot so much. Report Review
This is so poignant. I felt my heart breaking for Severus, something I didn't expect because this is so short. It's amazing so few words can have such an effect.
This line:| He keeps his gaze upon Lily, and feels safe.| is brilliant. It makes perfect sense for the way he feels about Lily.
It was beautiful.
-LilyAuthor's Response: Wow, it's great to hear that, even with the shortness of the story, it was still able to move you and make you feel sympathy for Severus. I've never written anything so brief before, so I'm glad that it worked. :D
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! It means a lot to hear how the story affected you. :) Report Review
Your banner is just wow! But what really made me read this story is your summary. Itís one of the greatest I have ever read: Lily Evans has always been known for her eyes, but to Severus Snape, those eyes are blind. How can you come up with that?!? Not only was your summary great but also your story. This was beautifully written. The work of a true genius writer. The only thing I actually didnít like was the title . You have such a great banner, summary and story but that title of yours doesnít match with the greatness of the things I just said. The title is quite blunt. I donít know the say this but the title didnít feel that well. Besides that you did a fabolous job! Also for I forget the thing that really blowed my mind away was this : She completes him, like two sides of the same coin. Her side glitters in the sunlight. His is dull with darkness. I only have to say OMGAuthor's Response: Thanks so much for reading and reviewing this! :D It's great to find new reviews for it.
The summary just seemed to encapsulate the story in the right way - I always thought that it was too simple, but that you like it is excellent, and I'm glad to hear it. As for the title, I can't think of anything that would work better - the story is too short for a long, poetic title, and blindness is what the story is about. You're not the first person who's mentioned it as an issue, and I've racked my mind for any alternative, and I can't at all think of one. :(
It's great that you liked that line! It was one of my favourites from the story, and something that I edited in just before posting when it came to mind. :D
Again, many thanks for the review! Report Review
Short but wonderfully written I loved every word of it.Author's Response: Thank you very much! :) Report Review
I was looking around for good Snape stories and came across this one...and it didn't feel right to not leave a review (same for the other Snape/Lily story on your page). This was beautifully written, and I loved the intensity of Snape's feelings. It was so consuming, not just for him, but for the person reading as well. I think it was the combination of perfectly-phrased, nicely-flowing sentences, along with the fixation on Lily. It was a great insight into Snape's character, and a pleasure to read! :)Author's Response: Thank you very much for this! It's fantastic to hear that you enjoyed this story and liked the style and characterizations. It was a different style for me, with so little description and such a small word count, but I'm glad that Snape's feelings were still successfully conveyed. ^_^ Report Review
I love this. It's oddly beautiful. 10/10 xAuthor's Response: Thank you! That's actually a good way of describing it - most of my one-shots from this last year are very odd in style, and this one is so parred down that it's not a normal sort of story at all. ;) Report Review
very good. i like it.Author's Response: Thank you! :) Report Review
It may only be 518 words, but you've managed to capture their relationship so well. And you didn't even say directly, "He loves her, but she's blind", you only hinted. And when people can still get the message, it just makes it even better.
Fantastic job. I love it (:Author's Response: Thank you very much! The simplicity of the language helps get the idea across - there's nothing for the message to hide behind, yet at the same time, there's no need to state it explicitly either.
It's wonderful that you enjoyed reading this. Thank you! ^_^ Report Review
Aww poor Severus :( It was really well written especially with the 500 word requirement!
:DaniAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! :D Report Review
short but really heart wrenching. I loved it Susan. It was beautiful. I think you made me see Snape in a whole new light. You captured his emotions so wonderfully. I like how you took part of the first line and brought it back at the end. Great job. :)
Random thought but I was surprised to see a new skin/look for Hpff as I haven't been online here in days but I love it! It looks really cool, what do you think?
SarahAuthor's Response: Thank you very much, Sarah! :D It's great that you were able to see Snape in a new (and hopefully kinder) light. It took me a while to get used to Snape/Lily as JKR portrayed it, but I'm glad I was able to convey the sweetness and depth of Snape's adoration for Lily.
The new skin is fantastic! I love the neutral tones and, even more, the rotating header. :D Report Review
A work of pure and unimaginable genius.
That's really all I have to say about this story. Perhaps that seems like a little bit of an over-exaggeration, but from where I'm sitting, it really is not.
In the mere 518 words you've used, you've captured the very essence of Snape/Lily, and that takes true talent, which we all know you have anyway, but that isn't the point.
Very interesting that this should be set in a potions class, aswell. Perhaps I'm just seeing some irony that isn't actually there, but seeing Snape's longing for Lily in the classroom he would come to spend many years teaching in himself is very interesting.
Your descriptions were to die for, absolutely perfect, and the way you ended it was so ... crushing. I really did feel sorry for Snape, which, by the way, is something that never ever happens as a rule for me.
Brilliant, Susan. I really did love it ^_^Author's Response: Oh wow, Liam! I've tried to respond to this review a few times now, and it's very hard to figure out what to say in response to all these compliments. ^_^ It was such a one-off story, something that just came out without a lot of thought or planning - maybe it's because of that that this story worked out, haha.
It's wonderful that, in so few words, this story was able to capture the essence of their relationship. It's such a classic unrequited love tale, which makes it easier to write in a way, following along the same pattern that JKR did in "The Prince's Tale." I liked the idea of having them together in Potions class, though I didn't think of it in the way you did, with Snape in the place he'd spend a large amount of his adult life. That is indeed a cruel fate, and one has to wonder how much Snape thought of Lily while in that classroom.
Yay! You felt sorry for Snape! That's more than I could have asked for in response to this story. :D Thank you for that! And for this review as a whole - it was wonderful to receive and I'm very thankful that you took the time to read and review this story. ^_^ Report Review
Hello Susan! I'm here to review for TGS's Frantic Frenzy!
I have to say, I'm not one for Lily/Severus, it's just not my cup of tea. But that only pertains to Lily/Severus stories where Lily is secretly in love with Severus. And I must say, I was absolutely delighted at each sentence of this piece. It was just perfect. Lily's blind eye to Severus's love and his longing. One-sided, the way it was always meant to be.
To do this in only 518 words, to show us show much emotion and depth...it takes a true writer and that you are. Susan, this is pure brilliance and is going on my favorites list.
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Hey Shelby, thank you for taking the time to read and review this! ^_^
I agree about it not working when Lily is the one secretly in love with him - if she was, then she wouldn't have thrown him off so easily, nor would she had married James. She may have liked Snape as a friend, maybe even as a brother, but never beyond that. Perhaps if he hadn't called her a mudblood, she'd have grown to love him, but that's a huge "what if."
Wow, your favourites list? You liked it that much! *squees* That's brilliant, and it's a fantastic compliment! Thank you very much! ^_^ Report Review
When I opened my thread again, I was 98% sure that this would be among the requests. As always, I'm glad to do it (and you know by now that I need prodding to review), and as usual, I've read it before.
I really, really like this challenge. I don't know why: maybe it's because I've written something similar without meaning to, or maybe it's because, as a verbose person under normal circumstances, it's hard to have something in so few words. In any case, I must applaud you for managing it. Five hundred words isn't a lot, but it's definitely possible to fit in a lot. And - this shouldn't surprise you - I think you did it. And, even better, you didn't compromise your style or depth to fit it into those five hundred words.
Your characterizations, unsurprisingly, are spot-on. I haven't read a serious Marauder-era fic in awhile, particularly a Lily/Severus one. Their relationship, while at times kind of saccharine and/or clichť, is difficult to pull off without it sounding like either of those things. So I really, really liked that you stayed away from that and went for a simple observation. Your portrayal of Lily and Severus together is, like I said, simple, but there's so much untapped depth between them that it feels like there's a lot more that isn't being said, and that is something I truly love. There's such longing that Severus feels, but it's just on the tip of his tongue, he doesn't say it outright. In that respect, your language is, as usual, fantastic. It's simple (that word again!) without going too far, and it touches on the tip of the iceberg, which I think this challenge is all about.
If I may be completely blunt, though, the one thing I was not a huge fan of was the title. I know, that's completely irrelevant, but it took the style, which is already sort of minimalist, into something more... I don't know how to explain it, but it felt blunt, much more than the one-shot itself is. Again, quite irrelevant, and I can't think of any better title, but I wasn't crazy about it. Which is just me being neurotic, but still.
I don't really have much else to say, because this is just impeccably written, regardless of the length constrictions. Wonderful, as usual.Author's Response: Haha, so I'm that predictable with my requests? XD Though it's always a pleasure to hear from you, and since I just happened to have a new one-shot... *innocent expression*
The challenge is an inspiring one, for certain. It's challenging, as a challenge should be - length is a problem for me, as I tend to make things very long, so it's helpful to force myself into shortness and simplicity. To make every word extremely significant and meaningful. It's almost easier to be more poetic in these short pieces - the words work in a different way from a "normal" story.
Saccharine is the right word for Snape/Lily. It's the ultimate unrequited love story, and one knows how mushy and sentimental those can get to be. *shudders* Even JKR made it too sentimental in DH, which meant I stopped liking Snape for a while after that book came out. XD
Anyway, I'm glad that the characterization turned out right. Lily is distant, yet an unmovable presence - the story revolves around her, yet from Snape's perspective. I wanted Lily to be more real, just a girl who Snape happens to like - Snape loves her for that reality, for being his centre. I can't see Snape ever explicitly saying that he loved her - he always hints at it in his memories and it's obvious, but never named. That's what I was trying to capture here, and from what you've said, it did come through. :D
Yes, the title is a "need title, yes this! it will do, yes" sort of choice. I'm not good at coming up with them except by mistake or random inspiration. I see how this one is too explicit - it bluntly names the problem. But even now, I can't think up another one. It's something I'm going to think about for new stories, and maybe a new one will come to me for this as well. Thanks for that, Gubby. :)
And thank you for the review! I really appreciate hearing from you. ^_^ Report Review
I always pictured Snape realizing he was in love with Lily after fifth year. But looking at the situation like you did is even better. I like the way you wrote Snape's POV, so sharp and yet so full of emotion. I think you captured the very essence of his personality. :]Author's Response: Falling in love with her after she has rejected him, now that's cruel, but it would make a very good story too. ;) I assumed after reading "The Prince's Tale" that it had been a long-time thing. Perhaps he didn't know it was "love" right away - that realization might have come afterwards - but there was something like love there. Now you're giving me more Snape/Lily plot-bunnies - there's so much one can do with this ship! :D
Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this! It's fantastic that you liked how it turned out. ^_^ Report Review
very touching, and very well written :)Author's Response: Thank you very much! :) Report Review
Okay, so I go to get a dose of This Longing and see this on your page and couldn't resist.
This is beautiful. You wrote a wonderful fic in five hundred words, and I can think of those three to describe it perfectly. You described Snape's emotions and thoughts so perfectly, so strongly, so painfully.
She is to go to another. Without him. I'm so glad you didn't add 'class' or 'one' to the end of the first sentence here. It made me think of her going to James instead of returning Snape's feelings, and that added depth to me.
This adds to my recent feeling that I wish Snape/Lily had been canon instead of Lily/James (except then we would a VERY different story). The part about Snape seeing them as two parts of the same whole, her as light and him as dark, really represents how I see the ship, if it were to work. But things ended up the way they should have. Lily, to our knowledge, was blind to Snape's feelings, and/or didn't return them. So sad, but expressed well here. I think it would be interesting to see a fic portraying Lily's side of things where Snape was concerned.
Great job, as always!Author's Response: Another dose? Haha, it's great you find that story addictive and equally so that this one caught your eye. :D Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review this story, Aisu! I always appreciate and enjoy your reviews.
The lack of words really make Snape's pain more obvious; there aren't enough words for him to hide behind, to mask his extraordinary love for Lily. The last two lines emphasize his pain - not explicitly, but it's there. Those lines remind me of a song or poem, for some reason - when I first thought them up, I wanted to change the wording of the first one to make it more grammatically correct, but the repetition really hammers things home.
I did not see that about "she is to go to another" - I'd only used it in regard to another class, but wow, it also refers to James. "One" was there at the end of the sentence originally, but I removed it to get down to the right word count. That's just creepy. It was entirely unintentional!
I've been tempted to write an AU where Lily goes back to Snape, or forgives him. It bothers me that she, who is idealized by so many, is unable to forgive Snape for that slip of the tongue. Or perhaps she did, but was never able to tell him? It would make a very interesting story, seeing the "what if" side of things with this ship.
It's strange because I've only once been able to write from Lily's perspective, and it didn't work out that well. She's a very slippery character in the books for me, so writing her is uncomfortable, awkward. It would be great, though, if someone was able to show her side of the Snape/Lily relationship (there has to be at least one out there already). Whether or not she knew of his love - I don't know what would be more sad: her knowing, or that she never noticed it. Report Review
Wow, this was really awesome! I love a Snape/Lily =P
You have a unique way of portraying clear images in the readers' minds. Little lines like this: She completes him, like two sides of the same coin. Her side glitters in the sunlight. His is dull with darkness. That's just brilliant. I don't know how you think of lines like these, but I love reading them.
It's an interesting take on their relationship - to say that Lily is blind to him. That's certainly how it feels, but I've never seen it portrayed so simply before.
This story was wonderful. Thank you for taking my challenge! I hope you enjoyed yourself ^_^
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: You do?! Oooh, so it was a good choice of a ship, then. :D I can't even remember why I chose it, except that I have been wanting to write another Snape/Lily for months.
The line about "two sides of the same coin" was inspired by Merlin, where that line keeps coming in up relation to Merlin and Arthur. I took the metaphor a step further, making the sides unequal, just like Snape and Lily are an unequal pair. Like the penny you find on the ground. It's great that you liked that image and the wording of it. :)
I definitely enjoyed writing this story - I'm tempted to do another one of this length because it's such a challenge to go through and get the exact number of words. It's like the story becomes more solid, parred down to its bare bones. :D
Thanks very much for reading and reviewing, Ilia! It means a lot to hear from you. And also thank you for the challenge! ^_^ Report Review
I think this is cute, and perfect. For the fact that it's so true. He's so utterly in love with her, and she is completely blind to that fact. It's sort of the opposite of Ron and Hermione, where Ron is the oblivious one. I like that it's the opposite way around. Normally it is the boy who is blind to silly things like a crush. I really enjoyed this, even if it was meant to be so short.Author's Response: Thank you very much! It is strangely like Ron/Hermione - I'd never seen that connection before. There's something incredibly sad about seeing a character in love, but not noticed by that person - both Snape and Hermione (esp. in HBP) feel such agony over that love. Now I'm going to be lost thinking about that comparison, haha.
Anyway, it's fantastic that you enjoyed this! Thank you for taking the time to read and review! ^_^ Report Review
Wow. Honestly. Just... Wow.
That was... powerful. For so few words, it really delivered a lot of power and impact, you know? I could really feel Snape's longing and pain, and I usually don't like teenage him. d:
I love the description you have in this. It's really lovely, and I love how the main focus was her eyes, but not in the usual way. A different spin, and it definitely worked. (:
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Thank you! Wow, you're review has left me kind of speechless, so hopefully I can come up with a worthy response. ^_^ It's fantastic that you enjoyed it and found it powerful. That must be the length because there's no frill, only the most important words - that, I guess, increases the impact of the whole thing. :D
Thanks for reading and reviewing this! I really appreciate it. :) Report Review
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