That story was breathtaking beautiful! It made my eyes sting from the sadness of Neville's mourning, and also from his happiness. Well done.
Diamond 8/10Author's Response: Baww. Thank you so much! I really appreciate you kind words and the time you took to leave them. Report Review
Hello Melissa! I am finally here to give you your second prize review, lol!! AWW, poor Neville! Once I realized that it was his mum he was grieving over in the beginning, I almost cried! The way you were describing his emotions was very good, and I just felt so bad for him, the poor guy. Neville really has been through a lot of crap and his story is just so tragic. :'(
And you're absolutely right, there really are far too few Neville/Hannah stories out there. Come to think of it, I think this might be the very first one that I have ever actually read myself, lol! It was very touching and very, very sweet. I loved the connection the two of them seemed to share here. I also thought that the ending here was simply perfect! The dialogue between the two of them, and then surprise pregnancy part, it really made everything come together full circle in my opinion... One life ends, another life begins.
Overall, this was a very nice one-shot dear. I am so happy you requested this one because I just loved it SO much, lol!! :)
10/10Author's Response: Helo Lovely!!! I've been reading all of your reviews but haven't had the time to properly respond to any of them. :( They are wonderful reviews and I appreciate every one of them. :) I will get around to responding asap.
I'm sooo happy that you enjoyed this little one-shot. Neville has always held a soft spot in my heart. He is an amazing character. I hadn't intended this to be a Neville/Hannah fic at the start, but it sorta just worked out that way. :) I'm glad it worked out. Hannah's pregnancy surprised me too. lol.
Thanks for the review! I promise that I'll get to the others soon.
-Melissa Report Review
aww this fic was very sweet. i'm enjoying this pairing so much. please, u need to write more fics about them! maybe one after the Final Battle, what do u think?^_^
Harry and GinnyAuthor's Response: I'm very glad that you enjoyed this story. Neville and Hannah hold a special soft place within my heart. :) Unfortunately, I do not forsee me writing anything more about them in the near future. However, their son may be making an appearance in a future chapter of Snips 'n Snails.
Thanks for the review!!
Melissa Report Review
Here as requested! ^_^ Sorry I'm a bit late...
Well, this was just... lovely. There are very few Hannah/Neville one-shots out there, so I was very excited when you posted with this! Hannah and Neville just have this natural connection, I think, and in this one-shot, you pulled that connection off wonderfully.
I really loved all of your descriptions! The light on the water, the tears running down Neville's cheeks, even Hannah's hand on her husband's back were little tid-bits that made the story seem more real and allowed the reader to be more immersed in the story. Great job.
And the plot! I've never really thought about Neville's parents dying. I mean, it doesn't come up very often at all in fanfiction. You've brought it to light here, and I loved the way you captured the moment. Getting into Neville's head after his parents' death (because of their complex situation) must have been a tad tricky, but I think you did a lovely job.
All in all, I have nothing to complain about. I really enjoyed the read. Thanks for requesting!
- RinAuthor's Response: Awww. Why thank you for this lovely review! I love Neville and Hannah. They are so unexplored and open to possibilities. :)
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Aww...this was sweet. Especially the ending with Hannah being pregnant and all... I love Neville, he's such a fun character with a sad history and I've always had a soft spot for him.
Your descriptions are amazing, too ;D .
~ DeaVanityAuthor's Response: Aww thanks hon! I love Neville too! He's often overlooked, but his story is so rich and provides so much to work with. :) the ending wasn't planned, but I fell in love with the idea of Neville having a little one to run around the Leaky cauldron.
I'm so happy you enjoyed this! Thank you for your review!
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This is a really cute one-shot. The bits about his Mum are sweet and tender, and Hannah's really quite nice. Ahha, yes, I sound like a little kid, but oh, well.
This is the first Neville/Hannah that I've read, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. I loved the end, though at first I was confused and thought it had something to do with his Mum. XD
All in all, a very sweet, well-written one-shot. I enjoyed it highly.
-JasmineAuthor's Response: I had noticed that there weren't very many Neville/Hannah one-shots on this site. I enjoyed writing them immensely and am very glad you enjoyed reading them.
In my opinion, Hannah would have to be a wonderfully nice woman to be good enough for Neville ;) (I love Neville...confession) The end wasn't planned for, but I fell in love with the idea of Neville having a little one. :)
This was a really great one shot! I agree with you- there are far too many stories about Neville and Hannah! I think that you captured Neville's personality perfectly, and the situation that you placed him in was very creative. I enjoyed this so much! Well done!
-JulietAuthor's Response: Hi! Thank you for leaving this wonderful review! I don't think there can ever be enough stories about Neville and Hannah... I love them.
I'm glad that you enjoyed my characterization of Neville and the story in general. Thank you for these kind words.
-witness Report Review
Sweet, lovely story. Your characterizations are strong (particularly Neville) and you have a good grasp of descriptive writing. I know you are bit worried about the depiction of his grief in the story and, while I didn't think it was contrived, I do think you could make it much stronger with very few changes.
If you take a look at the story as a whole, you open with some wonderfully evocative descriptions- both in the physical sense and in Neville's internal thoughts. In the middle of the story, however, you dispense with these and move into almost solid dialogue. For a reader, this makes things a little difficult in that (1) it takes awhile for you to learn exactly who the character is; and (2) the dialogue pushes the story so fast that the reader can become disjointed from the experience of the story. The second, of course, being where you are getting concerned about the depiction of the grief.
A super easy solution to this, without any additional writing, is to take some of the description you have at the beginning and move it to later in the story. For example, the line where Neville is confused over his emotions ("Hannah, Iím not sure if Iím alright") has no lead up to explain his emotional upheaval. However, by moving some of his earlier thoughts and placing them in between Hannah's comment about dinner and this statement by Neville, the reader will be brought back into Neville's thoughts and emotions rather than trying to understand the quick change in dialogue.
Wow. I went off on a super ramble didn't I? Sorry about that. :P You'll probably never want a review from me again! Please, take my suggestions for what they are - merely suggestions. The story is perfectly wonderful as is...a touching, heart warming moment between two people unsure of how exactly their grief should be dealt with. Very good work :)Author's Response: oh my goodness, what a lovely review this is. :) It is truly wonderful to recieve a review with well thought out criticism in it.
I am very glad that my characterization of Neville was viewable through my oodles of description and such. I think that conveying the character is one of the most important elements of a story. :) I'm also glad that you think that I have a good handle on description.
Your suggestions are not a ramble at all... at least not a useless one. This advice is wonderfull. I have this same problem with mostly everything I write. I almost always set the scene with my description before hitting stride and getting on with the action of the chapter/story. Not only does this advice apply to this story, but my writing style in general. I'll truly take this to heart.
It's wonderful to hear that as a reader, you found this little one-shot to be what I intended it to be: a touching moment between two relatively un-explored characters.
Thank you again for this lovely review! (I will most certainly request again)
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Aw, that was so sad, I've never really thought much about Neville's parents ever dying- let alone his response to it, it was a very good idea to write. Its true, there arent enough Neville/Hannah stories which is a shame, but they seem to lead a pretty tame life, so you can see why people dont write them. i'd love to read an interesting and original N/H novel, but i dont think there are any out there.
xxAuthor's Response: Hello Dearie!!! Thanks again. your review always make my day. :)
I am a huge Neville/Hannah fan. They both are alone in the world without proper parents, and both have always seemed a bit of an underdog. They make my heart happy. Sadly enough, I have to agree with you. I really don't think that there are any N/H novels that actually are updated. I've checked.
Thanks for the review! :)
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Not sure why it won't let me post this signed in, but such is life...
I wouldn't worry about grammar at all! I didn't notice any errors. And you needn't be concerned about the dialogue/description balance. I think you managed it well. The description at the beginning sets up the scene, leaving the focus in the second half to be placed on the action. It works! Don't stress!
I didn't find Neville's grief to be contrived in the least. Perhaps you feel that way because that's his reaction to his mother's death, contrived. He's in such a difficult position - it would be very hard to grieve someone you really didn't know.
One minor, teency weency comment though: mom is American. I'm just fussy!
Great story! Hannah/Neville are SO under-appreciated! I think their relationship is really interesting, how it came to be, sharing the whole dead/incapacitated parents thing...
Loved it xAuthor's Response: Aw. You're such a dear. :)
I'm very glad that you weren't able to find any glaring grammar concerns in this story. I absolutely love writing description and sometimes worry that I tend to drag on with it.
I'm glad that his grief didn't come off as contrived. That is an interesting way to think about things. His reaction would be contrived -- he never really got a chance to be a proper family.
I know, I know. My life would be much easier if I were English. hmmm. I'll be sure to check out and change the mom to mum. :)
I agree. Neville and Hannah have the potential to be a beautiful story that no one seems to want to tell. :)
I'm glad you loved this story. Thank you for your review.
-Witness Report Review
There are a few typos, just extra small words slotted into some sentences. If you read over it, you will catch them.
"the smell of tea and honey, the feel of her hair in his finger"- there should be an 'and' in the middle where the comma is.
"Night had now completely fallen over the water."- the sentence before you're talking about her kissing him and then you change back to the time of day it is. Might want to make a smoother transaction between the two, something like 'She moved away from him and Neville could see the tears on her cheeks which twinkle in the moon which was now fully risen," do you understand what I'm trying to say? Sorry, if it's confusing.
In some parts you repeat their names a bit too often, once we know who they are, you can say 'he' or 'she', like when your saying that she crawls into bed smelling of tea and honey, you can she 'she' instead of 'Hannah' because you already told us it's Hannah in that paragraph.
BUT WOW!!! I was totally not expecting that ending, what a shocker!! Awe, Neville as a dad, that is soo cute!
8/10Author's Response: Aw. Thank you very much for your review. It really is helpful to read some constructive criticism in a review. Proof-reading is probably my weakest point in my writing. :( but I'll surely look over it. I always doubt whether I can switch names out with pronouns, but your explanation actually really makes sense.
I know I know... I always wanted Neville to have a little tyke. :) So I figured why not.
Thank you for your review.
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I love Neville/Hannah stories, but there is precious little of them out there (especially in comparison to Neville/Luna...which I did think would make a nice couple, however in retrospect I realise how wrong that would have been!). Lovely story, I read somewhere that J.K. Rowling said that although Alice didn't recognise Neville, she knew he was someone she cared about.
Just watch the Mum/Mom thing though...a lot of people prefer to read 'Mum' because they are British.
9/10Author's Response: Awww. Thank you for your kind review. I too love Neville and Luna. :) I\\\'d like to think that Alice would care for Neville despite not knowing who he is. I did try to always type mum, but obvoiusly missed a few wayward mom\\\'s. ooops. I\\\'ll try to remedy that.
thank you for the review.
Aww, What a really cute oneshot bout them. I agree with you, not many people have ventured out to write Hannah/Neville stories so you writing one makes people very drawn to yours seeing how unique it is.
I loved the softness of your opening, how you took a couple paragraphs to just slow done and describe the scene. It was perfect the way your described it. Your descriptions were very soft, light, and soothing there. They described the surroundings to me very well.
I think it's really sad for Neville to be loosing his mum. I love how you put it into perspective.
Hannah's characterization is really well written. In Rowling's work, honestly we don't see much with her so the author of a story about her is able to bend, change, and write the character however they please.
There was one mistake I caught. You used the word "Waste." as in, I think it was: "Hannah wrapped her arms around Neville's waste."
You used the wrong spelling of waste. There are two different types of waste or waist. There is the type of waste, as in trash, as you used. Or the Waist as in the body part. You need to change yours to the WAIST. Not the waste. And other than that it was golden. The grammar was good, the writing was clear, and you really forced the reader to think.
:)Author's Response: Aww. Thank you for your kind words. :)
I love writing description, so writing about the setting and Neville\\\'s body language was the best and easiet part for me. I could write on about that sort of thing forever.
I am glad you found it sad. I usually end up writing extreme-angst or extreme-fluff. I wanted to capture Neville\\\'s feelings at losing a mother he really never knew. I\\\'m very glad that you feel I succeeded.
As far as Hannah goes, I cannot picture her anyother way besides a sweet, loyal, and dutifully caring woman. As far as I am concerned, that is the perfect woman for Neville.
Thank you for pointing that mistake out! Although I\\\'d just like you to know that it is quite possible that Hannah wrapped her arms around Neville\\\'s rubbish. I\\\'m glad you caught onto this. I definately didnot want the reader to picture Hannah with her arms around a waste can. ;)
All in all, thank you for your kind and honest review.
-witness Report Review
Hey, it's subroa from the forums! So sorry it took so long to review this story. Here it is:
I really loved this cute, little one-shot. Honestly, I've never read a Hannah/Neville story and that was partially the reason I wanted to incorporate it into my challenge. I'm so glad that you picked this detail. I think you captured all the right emotions and beautifully blended romance into such a mournful event in Neville's life. I can't even imagine what it must feel like to lose a loved one who you barely remembered outside of a hospital. You, in my opinion, flawlessly wrote this tale. Awesome job!
:D Be sure to check the forums for the winners.
~SubroaAuthor's Response: Aw. Thank you so much! I had never written them before. It turned out that I really loved this story, so I\\\'m very grateful for this challenge motivating me to write it. :) I\\\'m waiting for a banner for it.
I\\\'m very glad you liked this. Thank you for the review.
-witness Report Review
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