This. :( THIS: "Heading towards the door, he raised his eyes to meet those of his reflection in the mirror.
"You're really pathetic," he said quietly.
His reflection said the same thing."
The last two chapters were seriously so heartbreaking. The fact that he's becoming more irritable, more angry and more miserable is more than I can bear! Yet, you have still crafted this so wonderfully and really poetically. I don't think he's wallowing at all (well, maybe a little) and I think you've written this really cleverly for me to see that its something more than him being stubborn and childish, because, well, of course it is.
Again, the starry imagery is wonderful. It always makes me think of how a stars light has gone out trillions of miles away before we see it. James has reached his peak and didn't realise it was all about to be extinguished. The tone is as ever so heartbreaking and beautiful, but its really nice to see some interaction with others. I pity James for the fact that he blames himself when he shouldn't. I wish his manager was more sympathetic though, but in a way, maybe he is doing all he can do.
This really is a real gem of a story, and it would be amazing to see where you go with this. :) I see you were on a bit of hiatus, but hopefully this acts as a spurt of inspiration for you!
Laura xxx Report Review
Oh, James :(
This chapter really does show how much he is disintegrating, and how hard he took the emotional blow. The tone of this chapter is entirely somber and really dark, and although it is sad I think you've done a fantastic job at showing how James is feeling. Such personal and deep emotions are often really difficult to portray because you don't want to underplay them or overplay them so they aren't convincing, but I feel like you've got a perfect balance here. I can really feel how obsessive and fixated James is, which is really heartwrentching.
I thought your inclusion of the newspaper clippings was a really good way to further tell the story. It kinda spiced it up a little bit, but the way you've interlaced it with the narrative too, so they speak for you in some places, proves that James is basing his life and his direction on what they say. And he shouldn't :( I think the fact that so much time has passed too is really quite shocking, but effective as well. Just as we haven't seen the time pass, I bet James hasn't either, being so fixed on his injury and how to act about it.
I'm going to say it again, but, I love the way you write. There's a kind of lightless, surreal atmosphere about this. The subtle reference to stars is really beautiful, such as when you talk about him wanting to 'fade out', and how he was 'golden'. It's really lovely, but then at the same time really striking that he is no longer a part of this celestial image, and he's disappearing fast from it.
This is really great so far, and I can't wait to read more. I just hope things look up for him.
Laura xxx Report Review
This first chapter was so emotional and uppy-downy! :( I really feel for James, because it is so much more than just an injury. Whenever I hear on the sports news something about a player hurting themselves in r/l my heart always goes out to them because it really must be such a bummer and just so not their fault :( In contrast to the really carefree and excitable, adrenaline-fueled beginning, it made the realisation of James injury all the more hard-hitting and sad. He's such a nice guy, too...I mean, if he was a real jerk, I don't think it'd be as bad.
I really loved your characterisation of Harry and Ginny here. I love that Harry got the date wrong - I guess he's got his flaws too, ha ha! They have a really strong connection though, and paternally Harry is awesome. He's kind of just how I imagine him to be, and I think what makes this all the more lovely is that he knows how impacting an injury can be, because he has been where James is.
I love the way you write, the way you don't give us too much information but you really allow us to picture the scenes and whats going on. We can feel the atmosphere just from the bare minimum of the words that you give us, because your choice of them is just super. I can't wait to read more - and see how James is :(
Laura xxx Report Review
Been threatening to get my lazy posterior over here and read and review this tale for ages. Don't die of shock, now that I finally did it.
Glad I did make it over, too. Stellar story. You've caught the angsty brood of James here quite well. But let me back up, Harry's reaction at St. Mungo's, focusing on what's important I thought was well done (as were Ginny and Lily's reactions, very in character).
Loved the way you described James lying around deciding which feature of his apartment he would fixate on for any given day - that was truly a brilliant piece of writing.
But I must say the most powerful and painful part had to be his talk with the Manager before that. That just hurt - more so because it just made infinite sense that it would play out that way.
Liked the exchanges with Hoskins, especially via the kids request for an autograph, and the "You're really pathetic," response in the end was awesome. Still, it was good to see James out fly and out-snark the git.
Fred to the rescue is a great set up for Morning Waffle. Well done indeed.
Curious as to how many chapters are left?
I'll be waiting impatiently.
Till then, Cheers!
P.S. Forgive me for doing that thing I hate as an author - reading all the chapters and only leaving one review! But I just couldn't stop reading... Report Review
I think going from showing a boy asking for James autograph to asking him to get someone else's on the team really showed just how much things have changed in the past year. James kinda seems like a different person. I thought it was crazy how depressed James was though, spending days starting at walls and cracks in the ceiling really can't be good for anybody. But I'm hoping that he can do something to pick himself up sooner or later. Report Review
The fact that James had a pink throw pillow made me really happy, even if his sister gave it to him the fact that he kept it made me really happy. Skipping practice didn't seem to have gone too well, at first I thought his teammates were going to kill him with his glares. The conversation between James and Slattery was really intense though, although I can see why James would want to quit after everything that happened. I think that my favorite part would have to be when he kicked the locker though, something about how it didn't make him feel any better really stuck with me. Report Review
I thought that the news clippings were a really good way to wrap up the year that James had been through, and it explained how the general public felt as well. It has to be crushing for him to lose his career, even though there is more to life than work, leaving a professional sport doesn't seem to be like an easy thing at all. I thought it was great that James had managed to get most of the use of his arm back though, even if he still can't fly like he used to at least he's got normal function. Report Review
I think that you set up this chapter really well, going from showing how happy the sport makes James to taking it away all in one go. I think you managed to keep it really realistic though, and I really like James personality so far. It's all got to be really frustrating for him though, going from being a Quidditch player to being unable to play the sport all in a single day. It did a great job of drawing the reader in though, which is obviously what you want to do with a first chapter! Report Review
Yeah, I'm the same person who wrote a review in Irrational. I didn't want to read this story, but James Potter I is my favourite character, so I like James Potter II too, though not as much.
I give you a 9 out of 10. It's impressive how you deal with the feelings, the desesperation, the loneliness of James. I hope this isn't the last chapter because I want you to go on and on AND ON about James and quidditch and black holes and Fred II being his best friend and Harry being such a good dad and James being so so cute. Because I want to hug him all the time, and that isn't normal.
I simply love it.Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reviewing this story as well! I really need to get back to writing this story, but I haven't been able to decide whether I'm going to go back and make some revisions before updating, or whether I'm just going to update first and worry about the rewrite later. But I have abandoned this fic for far too long. There are probably one or two more chapters to go - I haven't decided yet - and they are currently about halfway finished. Anyway, I am really glad you're enjoying it. It is quite a bit more angsty than I normally like to write, but apparently it has been well received, and now James just has a lot of readers who want to give him hugs (which is never a bad thing). :-)
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
What happened to Albus? Report Review
Poor James. This is an amazing start to a fantastic story, well done :) Report Review
excellent story, although it is a bit sad... I hope you put another chapter out soon! I feel very bad for James, loosing his career when he was at the top.
James2009 Report Review
Awesome! I absolutely love it!! I am glald someone gave you the challenge because this story is AWESOME!!
keycampwizardAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
You just have to update soon becuase i lived this story !! PLEASE! xD
i think its really realistic and i hope james cheers up a bit :P
10/10Author's Response: Thank you for the review! I will try to update soon, but the ending of this story has me a bit stumped. :-P Report Review
Please continue! I really like this story, as well as the Morning Waffle one!!!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
Argh, you just about broke my heart.
James is so completely depressing - you've really grasped the depth of his disappointment. Quidditch was his entire life - there are no ifs or buts, that is how it is. Unfortunately, I'm going to have to demand some happiness in his life. He's going to make me cry soon - and that twit Hoskins can shove it. If he was real, I would totally send him hate mail.
And Fred...hmm, it's weird not to be inside his head while reading about him! But he is much more sombre in this, which was expected. Seeing him through James' completely forlorn head was interesting.
Amazing writing, Mel. I am so impressed by this story - it's not over the top in anyway, it's not overly descriptive; it's completely relatable, completely realistic. I love it.Author's Response: Thank you, Georgia! This review really made me happy, because I'm so uncertain of myself when it comes to angst like this, and I'm constantly trying to figure out whether I've gone overboard yet. :-P
Everyone should send Hoskins hate mail. I wish I had an address for him.
I really liked showing a different side of Fred here - I mean, it's still Fred as we know him from TMW, but in a different situation that brings out more of his character.
Thanks again, Georgia! I really love hearing from you! Report Review
i just couoldnt help but read on!Author's Response: Thank you! Report Review
OMG! poor james... i need to read on.Author's Response: Thanks for the review! Report Review
i have no comment... that was brilliantly written. i'm sorry, its so good. im tearing up:) haha. but seriously it was brilliantly written no joke.Author's Response: Thank you very much! Report Review
A new chapter!
You really nailed James' despair in this, especially the bit at the end when he was doing the drills and tried to make himself feel good again, but came off looking worse.
"“You’re really pathetic,” he said quietly.
His reflection said the same thing."
I thought this last bit was really striking, because it shows that James knows what's happening to him, and maybe that will help him to recover again?? Yes?! Sorry I hate seeing him like this, and I hope things work out for him!! I still love this story though, because I really enjoy the character you've created out of James.
Another thing I like is the way that The Morning Waffle occassionally features in the story. It makes your stories link together and that seems to the increase the size of your section of the magical world! Just seeing all the characters living alongside each other and living different lives with different troubles makes it all very real, which I love :) I hope that made sense.
Is the next chapter coming up soon?! :D
10/10Author's Response: Yes, yes, yes! I think you hit the nail on the head - James knows exactly what's going on, and he doesn't like it very much. He has a good head on his shoulders; it's just been temporarily knocked askew.
I really liked tying these two stories together, and it's given me the idea to eventually write a background story for each of the major characters in TMW - I like the idea of creating a whole Waffle universe. ^_^
Thank you so much for the review! I am terribly sorry it's taken me so long to respond!
Melanie Report Review
Awesome chapter, Melanie! The story is getting better and better the further in it gets... and so is the way you continue to write James in his downward, angsty funk. And I love the way you write James and Fred together. They truly are best mates. Keep up the great writing! 10/10Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I think there are only one or two chapters remaining, because I can only handle so much angst before I implode. XD
Glad you're enjoying it! Report Review
james is such a twit! but i like it this way, it makes him more alive and real. i feel so sorry for him at times, and at other times i feel like slapping him.
i only just realsied this is a bit of a companion to TMW. it's really cool how you've given james a whole backstory, and i really enjoy redaing this story, no matter how angsty it can get at times. 10/10Author's Response: I'm really glad to hear you have such contrasting reactions to James - that makes me feel good about how I'm writing his character, because I don't want him to be one-dimensional.
It is terribly angsty, isn't it? It gets uncomfortable for me at times, because I like for things to be happy. But it's fun to write, especially since I'm tying it in to TMW. ^_^
Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Darn you, Melanie.
Darn you and your impressive skill..
You have no idea how excited I was to see that this was updated. I literally jumped up and down in my room and proceeded to knock over my can of Pepsi. Thankfully, nothing spilled on my computer otherwise I would have been very very upset.
Anyway, moving on.
I loved the introduction, with its undertone of sardonic humor. His observations seemed to - to me, anyway - parallel how he was feeling about his life. If he looked hard enough, the minor cracks that everyone else saw became huge, gaping holes to him. I loved it. Really, I did. But not nearly as much as I loved the paragraph describing Fred and James' relationship. It was just...well, to put it simply, it was perfect. Even though we've seen them interact in the Morning Waffle, that one paragraph had a more in-depth feel of their actual friendship than anything I've read in TMW. I don't mean that negatively because you know how much I love TMW, but I just thought I would put it out there.
Personally, I think that James has every right not to get the autograph signed for the kid. Not that it's the kid's fault, but maybe if Hoskins wasn't such a jerk, he wouldn't have ruined it for the little boy. Also, I loved the snide comment that James made to Hoskins. I wanted to give him a massive high five, lol.
Last but certainly not least, I LOVED FRED. And I demand more of him from here on out. Their interaction at the pub was simply marvellous. The stuff of legend! I especially liked the end where they were insulting one another and whopping/punching each other like manly men, lol.
All in all, it was a great chapter! I'm so glad you updated and I can't wait to see more!
Molly Author's Response: Haha...omg, I can't believe I almost killed your computer with this chapter! :-P
Oh, I love your reading of the introduction, about the parallels to his life and everything! I don't think I wrote it that way consciously, but I definitely see it that way, too.
And I totally know what you mean about getting a better feel for Fred and James' friendship - I didn't take it negatively at all, because that's exactly what I meant to do. I figured you already got a feel for their relationship in TMW, but I wanted to put it in a different context here, so you could see them in the bad times as well as good. As I thought about this story over the past couple of months, I figured it would be a good way to set up some TMW character stuff, and so this chapter was very important to me.
Even I am not sure how James is going to decide ultimately...hmm...that probably says something about my poor story-planning. :-P
I realized there is definitely a lot of punching and throwing things in my writing. Hmm. Violent much? But they are guys, and...well, you know how guys are. Need I really explain?
Thanks for the review, Molly! I'm really sorry it took me so long to respond!
Melanie Report Review
James absolutely has to get that autograph for Calvin! I'll be so upset if he doesn't, even if it's from someone like Hoskins, who is just DREADFUL. I actually hate him. Calvin, on the other hand, was actually really sweet, even though I practically wanted to cry on James's behalf all throughout their conversation. Poor guy :(
As always, completely amazing chapter! I LOVE James, and Fred was brilliant as well. I love the way you had them interacting with each other.
I'm pretty sure I haven't mentioned this before now, but I adore your chapter titles xD I only just spotted the connection between them because I'm kind of slow that way, but yeah, great idea! :D
78695736/10.Author's Response: Hmm...will he or won't he? :D
Thanks for the review! Glad you liked the interaction between James and Fred -- I wanted to provide some background into their friendship, especially since it's so important in The Morning Waffle.
Glad you noticed the chapter titles! I had fun coming up with them. ^_^
Melanie Report Review
Aw, I really feel for James. They should just let him quit already. I understand they won't have a reserve Seeker, but really he's just reserve. Just wondering, is this a spin-off of The Morning Waffle or vice versa?
Anyway, this is great as usual, keep it up wootwoot! :)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing this! You didn't think I'd let poor James off easily, did you? :-P
As far as TMW goes, I actually started writing this story first, but I don't consider TMW a spin-off of this. What happened was, I started writing TMW and I realized that I would really like this James (from this story) to be a character in TMW, so I just made sure to create continuity in his character, and carry this whole thing over to TMW -- if that makes any sense. So in terms of spin-offs, I would consider this more of a spin-off of TMW.
It's interesting you ask, because I'm thinking about doing other TMW spin-offs, too. Hopefully I can create a universe where TMW is the main story, with a spin-off about each minor character (Tibbs, Raj, Dex, etc.)
Thanks so much for the review! Report Review
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