this was a great story and I'm looking forward to the sequel. very well done, even if I do hate chapters that leave you hanging. Report Review
great story, looking forward to the rest. Report Review
Totally forgot that Dumbledore wasn't dead! And will Snape appear at all? That would be interesting...
Also, when you say football, do you mean American football or soccer? Report Review
Sirius is my favorite. Unless Lily grows closer to him, it seems like she would pick James, though.
This is still really great! And I LOVE that you have decent sized chapters. I hate it when people have super short chapters. Report Review
This is so good! I really like it! The plot line is original and it is really well-written. I love it! I must read on. :) Report Review
nice story , it suckt me in from the start
let met think of the lightning thief
the award u got for it is 300 % deserved
keep up the good work Report Review
I guess this is a dramatic place to end it, seeing as how you have a sequel. I'm not sure I liked the dark turn this story took but it's more than understandable.
I really enjoyed your writing and I'll definitely check out your sequel in the near future.
Thanks so much for sharing, I can't wait to watch the relationships progress or die. I'm really bummed Carter had to die!
9/10 Report Review
So is James finally growing up? Methinks it's a possibility!
Dumbledore really was a beez this chapter. But I guess they're can't always be progress in every direction.
I'm unsure as to whether or not the fact that the soul wrapped around Ginny's fingers will make a difference/matter later on. I suppose I'll find out soon though:) Report Review
Solid question at the end. I mean I definitely understood that Harry couldn't bring himself to do it...but at the same time how's he ever going to decide?
You've had a couple of spelling errors, the one I found this chapter was (K)nocturn Alley. But it really hasn't been a big deal.
I think it's definitely an interesting twist that Harry's decided to make a Horcrux for himself. I think it shows a lot about the differences between his canon upbringing and the upbringing you've chosen to establish in your universe.
It will be interesting to see what he chooses as the vessel... Report Review
Yay! Happy Chapter!!
Glad the drama worked out; I'm stoked that James and Sirius are still friends and that Carter and Claire are included in events.
Well, Harry and Ginny definitely got it on.kind of surprising seeing as how they hadn't kissed. But to each his own.
Dumbledore is not a favorite of mine and his little conversation about Horcruxes has done nothing to change my opinion. But oh well. Luckily he doesn't seem to be a main player in your story.
I'm glad Harry got this break; I feel like he really needed it. Report Review
Awww! They got a new house!!! I think that's a wonderful touch.
I'm not sure how I liked James making a move on Lily. I thought him offering to pay was nice and so was his self-reflection. But him kissing her and having her choose again...it seemed rather selfish. But we'll see.
Harry's clothing choices were sweet. And being with his mum and Carter seemed peaceful; I can only hope nothing happens to them! Report Review
Gosh darn it. Well, I really liked the part with Harry and his mum. That was really sweet, the return to a sense of normalcy, not matter how temporary.
Lily has a heart-attack. Well I guess I kind of saw it coming because she'd been under such stress lately. But I can't help but feel that a lot of it is relatively self-imposed. Of course, I still want her to survive.
Honestly? I'm not sure who I like better. They both have their issues and neither of them is blameless in the deterioration of their relationships. Report Review
That was intense. So many different emotions in this chapter and yet I felt like you captured all of them really well.
I'm glad to have a break from the relationship drama, now that Lily and James have sorted it out. I felt that at the end of the day, James's parting words were mature and classy, even if his previous behavior wasn't.
I wonder how Ginny is going to handle running off, especially since she's still relatively unsecure about her relationship with Harry (at least that's the feeling I'm picking up on). Report Review
Oh man. So awkward. Yeah...wow.
Now I'm really undecided about their relationship. I kind of wish it would just end and they could continue with their lives...but there's no drama in that, so what's the fun?
Loved the scene with Harry and Ginny. Super sweet! Glad his moment with Mary has made him more cautious although I'd really like to know more about her...I vaguely remember something about her being glad he hadn't noticed what she'd been doing with J(eb?). That makes me wonder what she's really like...
Glad to see Dudley is polite even if he's still pretty large. The dynamic between Vernon and Petunia seems a bit off if only because Dudley is seen as a set of contradictions, at least in Lily's eyes. I like the way you have Petunia portrayed, it's a nice blend of canon and yet 'real'. Report Review
Cute, "I kinda like you." Felt super bad for Sirius. Poor guy...seems like there's a lot of unrequited love going on around here.
I'm not even sure how I feel about James and Lily. I guess at this point I hope it works out for them now because otherwise it's a lot of wasted effort. CHF is serious.yikes! I kind of have to wonder if there's a magical cure or something; yknow, with St. Mungos and all that...it'd be an interesting avenue to pursue.
I feel like Hermione/Ron/Ginny are socially awkward. Or maybe its just their interactions with Harry. Something about their dynamic just feels off. But maybe it's just me. Report Review
Fail. I mean I feel bad for James, don't get me wrong. But...shouldn't he have seen this coming a long ways out?
Mary is definitely a slut. That was really awkward and I didn't quite see it coming. But eh.
Interesting potential with Ginny!
I wonder if Lily will have James now.? Report Review
Yikes! That was a really sketch chapter.
First Moody and his training, then Harry gets drunk, Mary hooks up with Jed, and then again with Harry!
I'm really not a fan of hers right now...she's drunk and she clearly knows she's taking advantage of Harry.
At the same time, the juxtaposition between Harry under the Imperious and Harry unable to resist Mary is such that I really can't feel bad for Harry. I mean I think he's going to regret it in the morning,
This is definitely going to complicate things, probably not for the better. I can't help but wish this little last scene had never happened! Report Review
Rather depressing end to a chapter. But I think I understand what they're saying. I like the twist that has James training his son. I think that says a lot about him righting his mistakes.
In terms of the James-Lily-Claire-Carter situation, I really am not sure I like the idea of James-Claire, but I suppose it works as long as Claire really wants it to. But I'll feel bad for Carter. And for Lily as well. But I guess happy endings really aren't for everyone.
The allusions in the wand scene were very well done. I liked that Ollivander showed his knowledge even if Sirius didn't understand it. The part about him not showing up to the meeting was rather sketchy. And 47 gallons felt like a lot of money to be. But not a big deal. Report Review
Wow. Epic words to end on!
I really loved the Quidditch scene, I could just feel Harry's happiness!
It makes sense that Harry would adjust faster than Mary; it's definitely a part of him. I hope he doesn't drift away from her by getting caught up in all the new things there are. I really like them as best friends. Whether or not they become something else is really not a big deal to me...as long as they stay close, regardless.
The older Weasleys are my favorites, so it was a treat to have interactions with them without Ron and Ginny. Report Review
Love the Harry-Mary dynamic. The part with him drawing circles on her back the way he had seen Ethan do it was heart-wrenching/really touching.
I'm rather surprised at James's decision, but to each his own...
Now I feel more sympathy for Lily, but I'm still not sure about how much I like her.
The background on the Guardians was interesting; I can only hope to learn more about them!
The way Sirius, Lily and Remus handled Harry was pretty well done although there's definitely a lack of actual sympathy between them. I wonder if Harry will finally lose control or will he find an outlet?
I'm curious as to how James controlled any accidental magic young Harry expressed...unless he just didn't have any? Report Review
Poor Harry! I'm not too sure if he handled it the right way, but we'll see. I was rather surprised at the ease with which he found Remus's house, even in the midst of all the wizarding folk (I assume that's who the hat tipping people were...).
I feel bad for Claire and James; it's ironic that they're both upset about each other's affairs. I feel like James/Lily, Claire/Carter have the higher chance of success than James/Claire. But maybe that's just because too many secrets mean it's time to part.
Lily so far seems kind of like a crazy b*. But hopefully that's just one side of her.
Thanks for writing!Author's Response: Wow! Thanks for the awesome review! I appreciate it so much! :) I hope you enjoy it!
-Drue Report Review
I have such a thing for openings, and this one, you've nailed. I really like it. I'm not sure why, but it struck me as being really well done – I love the air of repetition that you've had us see with the 'Just like it did every morning.'
I like that we don't know what's going on. It makes it more interesting. (:
Er, these are all comments that I wrote down while reading, so I'm sorry if they don't seem like they flow in any coherent pattern.
In the sentence that reads "Oh, sweetheart, don't please.", there should be a comma after don't as well. (Nitpicky, sorry, just something I noticed.)
The descriptions are odd, but I like them. Of the people, I mean. I wouldn't think to use them that way, but it works really well.
This whole thing reads a bit formally. I'm not sure if that was intended or not, but I like it. It gives me the impression that all isn't quite right – not with your writing, I mean, but with the story. Something's off, a bit, and the writing reflects that in a neat way.
However, the dialog is a bit stilted. I'd recommend reading through it a few times, just to see if you can hear people saying it; it just seems like it could be tightened a bit.
Aw, I love that Harry plays sports. For some reason, that made me smile. (:
And I really want to know what's going on, ha. (: I'm incredibly intrigued. Great, great opening, other than the few things up there, and those are easily fixable.
Feel free to request for chapter two, if you like. (:
-JasmineAuthor's Response: Ah, thanks so much, Jasmine!
All of that helps so much. Geez, you're right about the sentence with the comma. That would be a comma after every word. It's at times like that when I really hate grammar because that just looks terrible.
Thank you so much for your input, and I'm really glad you enjoyed it!
There is something odd going on that you or characters like Harry don't quite know or understand yet, and I wanted that to be slightly evident, so I'm glad you picked up on that, and your feelings on that are where I want most readers to be with that I think. So, yay!
Thanks so much for the review! I will request the next chapter sometime soon. :)
-Drue Report Review
wow.. i didn't expect it to go like that.
Good chapter :) Report Review
this story is absolutely spectactular. you've done a brilliant job with it and i can't wait to start the sequel ! this story has a brilliant plot line and great characterization. although i wish lily would stop going back and forth between sirius and james and stay fully loyal to james. Report Review
HOLY CRAP!!! -jaw hits the floor- Now that was not an ending that I expected! That was just...GAH!! Good lord woman! What a ending! But dang was it good! This entire story was fantastic! Once again, you proved your brilliance Drue and I look forwrad to the sequel! Report Review
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