I think I just died. I have tears in my eyes. Surely this is the most poetic thing that hath ever been written.
WIZARD FEUD. Merlin's "for the love of me" and "my beard", "my toenails". The orbs, the switching partners, the confusion of exactly what year this was; Helga changing her name to Tiffany for absolutely no reason. I CAN'T. I'M SO CAN'T THAT I'M IN PAST TENSE NOW. I COULDN'T.
"No ding-ding vithout the vedding ring!" shrieked Broomhilde, who was very Catholic and did not believe in premarital snogging.
This whole chapter was brilliant. It's so hard pulling out quotes without wanting to quote everything - Salazar throwing up gang signs, Godric giving a rude hand gesture (A/N: these cropping up in the middle of nowhere) that's offensive in seventeen countries, the aitch in urbs, Merlin's teeny robes, and the thing that made me completely lose it - THE ASTERISK OF DOOM. I'm imagining this enormous symbol crashing down upon them all. You've just murdered an entire fictional universe with one press of your key.
♥ So much win.Author's Response: Author notes in the middle of chapters, or worse in the middle of sentences, is a huge pet peeve of mine ;) I have to admit, my favorite part of this is the breaking the fourth wall scene. lol Too much fun on this one. I'm so glad you liked it, thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Heeey! It's Whiskey from the Holiday Review Swap!
I couldn't not click on the link and read this, there is no way I can pass by a gushing, over-the-top satire, especially one that reads like the screenplay to 'Top Secret!' if it had been written by Terry Pratchett! :D
So much here was absolute win!
Let's begin: First, I loved how the chapter started off with meta-commentary about the text itself. And I was thrilled to find that you came back to that style several times later in the text.
Next, your exaggeration of romance-novel ingredients (everybody with everybody drama, the Superfluous Mask Ball) were spot on and made for an actually coherent spoof of a genre instead of a random collection of random randomnesses that seem so popular (for the life of me I can't say why this is so...).
And, three's the charm, the way you tried to bring in actual Harry Potter moments was hillarious. I loved the spats between Godrick and Salazar and also: Merlin's beard! Thank you for the explanation, I had always wondered about why we grant such significance to his facial hair ;)
Bringing in the competition between Morgana Lefay and Merlin was also a nice pop-culture reference. It's not in the books, but many retellings of the King Arthur legends like to portray Morgana as an ambitious witch that wishes to outdo Merlin.
So much goodness in this story!
But, if you don't mind, I would like to offer my own two cents on possible improvement...
I mentioned above how I liked the coherency of themes and how this created for a satiric feel instead of inconsequential randomness. For me, that is a sign of quality and depth. Which is why I thought I would point out that, at times, you seemed to insert details just for the sake of them seeming unlikely without any other point. Examples would be the Whitness Protection, gangster Salazar (!!!), the, uh, Wizard Feud thing...these things seemed to come out of nowhere and remained thematically and visually unfitting and awkward,not contributing to poking fun at anything in a constructive way (excpet something one-dimentional like the thing they were referencing).Some character inconsistencies in Helga and Rowena were also irritating and faced the same problem. Basically, piling on references can get tedious if they don't follow some sort of pattern.
I realize that this fic is supposed to be just absurd, for the fun of it and nothing more, but even the most absurd works try to point out something. The idea is to take what we know and put it out of context. A story can break all the rules, but it must still be done consistently in order to be a story and not just a body of text. Almost all of the moments where you tried to bring in modern elements (except the Remus/Sirius fangirl,that was a complete win!) fell into the trap of being inconsequential randomness, which can be irritating instead of funny, because these things are never random and, ironically, serve to make the story more transparent and predictable...
I hope I could make myself clear and did not come off as critical! I enjoyed reading this very much and, as far as humour goes, it's one of the best things i've come accross on hpff for some time ;) I actually bothered to point out such subtle thing in the first place only becasue your story is basically killing it already and needs only a few tweaks to be amazing!
I hope you will look into my advice and find something helpful there!
Cheers!Author's Response: Ah well, this isn't the usual satire. This is sort of one big in-joke for the validator squad. Everything in here, no matter how random and pointless it may seem, is mocking things we see in the queue. Inconsequential randomness is sort of the point. This chapter and the next got into a bit more of what I thought was getting mean-spirited rather than affectionate ribbing, so that's why I left it as is. I don't want to be mean-spirited in my mockery, kwim? Once it started going that way, it was time to stop.
Character inconsistencies are actually one of the things I'm mocking by having it with the Founders. Characters love to switch personalities in the queue, for some reason.
Well, I'm very glad you enjoyed it, even if you felt it lacked quality and depth. I think it's pointless silliness and wasn't actually aiming at depth, so I suppose that's all right. The purpose here was mostly to make the other staffers laugh, and hopefully others as well. :) Thank you for reviewing, and merry Christmas!
"My middle name is Moonstone-Starbright-Broomhilde-Angela-Darling."
^ Of course it would be.
What I adore with this fic is the fact that you've injected so many cliches into it, when it takes place during the Founder's era.
Salazar, Rowena, Helga and Godric sound like a bunch of hormone-controlled teenagers, and its just hilarious. Having read The Unsinkable Molly Prewett, I've also got to comment at your variety of writing skills - both styles are perfectly mastered, and I have nothng to say.
Except that I'm very glad there's another chapter of this afterwards :)
(Also, Merlin made me crack up. "My beard!" "My toenails!" "for the love of me", hahaha. I'm guilty of this.)
(And the character-reality interaction was funny too - site rules and ToS!)Author's Response: Well naturally that's her middle name! It probably could've been longer, but that's a decent length Archive Full Name ;)
They are all silly teenagers, doing everything that mildly irritates me in the queue. lol. I had way too much fun writing this story. The bit about the characters questioning the site rules is probably my favorite part. And Salazar throwing up gang signs. The Merlin thing, ah that's a huge pet peeve of mine, I had to write something silly to illustrate it. His mini-dress makes it even better.
Thank you for the lovely review and compliments on my writing, I really appreciate it! Report Review
I LOVE THIS. WHERE HAS IT BEEN ALL OF MY LIFE.
Crack and parodies are two of my very favorite things, which were both expertly combined into a story in which the stately ladies run to MAC counters for their make-up before a ball and gentlemen are compared to men from future eras just for the sake of painting a picture for the audience, even though it makes no sense to the characters whatsoever.
I snorted when Hermione burst onto the scene looking for a Sirius or Remus to fall in love with. Wouldn't it be something if she fell in love with Peter instead, thereby preventing Peter's deflection to the dark side? It makes perfect sense that Hermione, the brilliant young girl that she is, would find it absolutely necessary to stop everything, go back in time, and frolic in the Room of Requirement with Sirius while he resolves to ~change his ways~ because of his ~deep and abiding love for her~ (or, in a twist of events, seduce Remus for a while before he declares that he loves his books and chocolate much more and gives her permission to go back to Sirius and have lots of teenage pregnancies with him). Never mind that she could use the timeturner for saving lives and killing Voldemort, etc. Those are small potatoes in light of Sirius's eyes (which are the color of fog rising off the ocean in waves of steam and smoke and the sparkly residue of old Christmas tree ornaments).
Salazar-Jonas's proportionately evil eyebrows were a marvelous detail. One cannot be truly evil without the perfectly plucked eyebrows that signal to the world that he is indeed a villain. A villain who pouts that he must have his "monster room".
ULTIMATE DEATH ARENA. OMG I CAN'T. Their arguing. I love their arguing because in context it is so childish but they speak so formally and it's delightful. Of course Rowena only turns down the monster room because basilisks don't teach people anything. And Helga, well. Helga exists to have blonde ringlets and sing back-up. She can't have a bigger role than that because her name sounds like she should be wearing a Viking helmet.
But I do believe I have found a massive plot hole in your story. I regret to say it. But I'm boggled about how Helga recognized her at the very end after Rowena slipped a mask out of her bodice and put it on. Everyone knows that a mask (even if it's so small that it literally only covers the pupils of your eyes and nothing else) renders the wearer totally unrecognizable. One cannot possibly tell who you are based on the rest of your face.
Hilarious chapter! I am definitely going to read the other two.Author's Response: DUDE THIS STORY IS EPIC. I'm glad you liked it ;)
Parody HP is just so much fun. This is a crack-fic, isn't it? Never really thought of it that way. But it pretty much is. As much random stuff as I could pack in here. I wedged queue cliches in with a crowbar!
You need to check out the next chapter, when the characters ask about the site rules and TOS. That's my favorite bit haha. I was writing with no idea of where to go and suddenly it just happened. They really did write themselves.
Hermione should totally fall in love with Peter! But of course Sirius is more interesting ;) Teenage Hermione/Sirius pregnancies are totally NECESSARY TO OUR WELL-BEING. Saving lifes? Defeating dark lords? Piffle. TEENAGE HORMONES. NAUGHTY TIMES IN THE ROR.
I can't believe you called Sirius's eyes "eyes". They are orbs. Silvery orbs, the color of fog rising off the oceans if fog were sparkly and sexy. Orbs.
Thin eyebrows are the hallmark of every true villain. I bet Darth Vader gets his waxed twice a month, so even under his helmet he'll still look appropriately villainous.
OH MY GOD THE MASK. I can't believe I missed that. Of course no one would know her any more! No one can recognize someone they've known for years if they cover up the two square inches around their eyes! *shakes fist at past self*
Thank you for reviewing ;) Report Review
"singing florid organum music and a goliard sneaking through the crowd singing slightly less elevated and therefore slightly more interesting poems set to lute."
Best line ever! Hilarious story of course : )Author's Response: lol! I do love my obscure medieval references. ;) Thank you so much for the review! Report Review
You are awesome.
That is all.Author's Response: *teehee* I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
Ha ha! Hilarious story. I love Terry Pratchett, too!!! Bloody brilliant job!
~bertie~Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D Report Review
I think I need a qualified Healer after that. Or an unqualified healer. Or a medic.
Not that I actually have any suspicions as to what the following question will accuse you of, but I believe there is some sort of legal obligation that requires me to ask it anyways: what the heck were you on when you wrote this?
Also, are there any more chapters forthcoming? (Please say yes, there simply isn't enough inanity and insanity in my life as is.)Author's Response: Heh. I think I was punch-drunk from being in the queue too long. This chapter is a sort of amalgamation of most of what annoys me in fan fiction. I stopped writing after this because I feared the annoyance was overriding the good-natured poking fun of, and I didn't want this to turn cruel. I may be ready to attempt some new chapters. I'll put it in my personal to-do queue in my head :D Thank you for reviewing! I hope it made you smile. Report Review
If the mark of good comedy is that your readers are completely shell-shocked after, this is excellent comedy. This, like the chapter before, is so silly I'm finding it hard to believe it actually exists. More so in the second half than the first. I'm still highly amused.
As for the business with the H, I actually hear Eddie Izzard's voice in my head as I read it.
Now on to the third chapter, which I fear greatly. If I am turned into a gibbering wreck by the end, I want to take this moment to say that this story is freaking hilarious.Author's Response: I do love that part of "Dress to Kill". Because there's an H in it. Ahem. Anyway, Eddie's brilliance aside, the management is not responsible for any psychological damage you may incur in the course of reading this parody. We disavow all knowledge of liability.
I'm glad to have amused you! This was a lot of fun to write, in all seriousness. I especially loved the Wizard Feud scene. Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
This sketch was far too silly indeed. It was rather amusing, though. I could definitely feel the Terry Pratchett influence (especially in the self-referential humor), and I caught the Mel Brooks and Monty Python, but I think I missed most of the rest.
Speaking of the Mel Brooks reference: "She is in fact your grandfather's uncle's brother's grandson's niece"
I had to pull out a piece of paper and work this one out.
This was really funny. I think I'm going to enjoy the next couple of chapters, once my brain stops hurting from the inanity.Author's Response: Consanguinity ftw! ;) Mel Brooks is brilliant, as is Sir Terry Pratchett. The rest were mostly brief references thrown in to make things even sillier than they already were.
I aim to please, straight for the inanity lobe of your brain. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Before you do it, you must go through it! Or else I blew it...
I love that movie...Author's Response: I do too! Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
I wasn't expecting this to be set in the Founders era so that made it all the more hilarious. You've got cliches, anachronisms, pop culture (Salazar alias Jonas totally cracked me up!), the works! I love parodies and like I mentioned in Twitter, anyone who can pull it off is a winner in my books.
In the planning, I loved how you made Godric into this jock-type person and Salazar into a whiny kid. Win!
He raised an eyebrow that had been expertly plucked to appropriately sinister dimensions.
^ This line killed me! Genius!
This was highly entertaining, and even though I wasn't able to pick up on all the references, this was very funny all the same. Fantastic job. Thanks for sharing this! I'm off to the next chapter now.Author's Response: I never write Founders, so I thought it would be fun to slap ridiculousness into them XD I really loved writing Salazar and Godric, and everyone's changing personalities. My favorite part is Salazar throwing up gang signs in chapter 2 haha. It was really fun to write this whole thing. I'm glad you liked it! Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Hello! I'm here to review for TGS's Frantic Frenzy!
Buhaha, this was just hilarious! I'm home from college for the weekend, so I had to stifle insanely obnoxious snorting. I can just see my parents waking up to hear me laughing over such a delightful parody! You've done an excellent job crafting this parody into something worth reading. Were it not filled with obvious cliches that surely travel through the queue at the speed of a turtle, it would be worth a grander title than parody. I love the ridiculous run-on sentence, also known as the first paragraph.
Overall, you've just made my day, well, morning. A great read and even greater at 3 in morning. Too rich.
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Heh. This chapter is just a few of the cliches that make me roll my eyes when I see them! There were just too many to cover in one chapter. I'm really glad you liked it and thought it was funny. It makes me happy when I can make someone laugh with this story :) Thanks for the review! Report Review
Very enjoyable - I loved the "Voledermorte"/Taming of the Shrew gimmick. The reason this chapter got a 9/10 was because I found the 'baby mama' sequence to be a bit weak in comparison to the rest. Otherwise bravo! This story is a welcome breath of fresh air.Author's Response: Bet you never thought you'd have to say "baby mama sequence" in a serious review, eh? ;) This is by far the weakest chapter, I think. Oh well. Thank you very much for reviewing! Report Review
I was certainly not disappointed! An excellently written farce.Author's Response: Thank you so much! Report Review
I have never left a review before but enjoyed this excellently written yet ludicrous chapter so much that I simply must say thank you :) I'm moving on to the next chapter with great expectations...Author's Response: Well thank you very much! I feel very flattered when someone who doesn't review leaves me one :) I'm very glad you like it. Report Review
Gosh that was funny especially the first section. And Helgazar and Godwena in your summery lol.Author's Response: lol. Yay! I'm glad you liked it. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
i cant stop giggling like a crazt drunk while i read this! i love ridiculous satire and parody on fanfic, its the very best kind.
hope you write more and more of this, its freakin hilarious! 100/10 for making me laugh so muchAuthor's Response: lol. Glad it made you laugh! I think my inspiration for this has sort of petered out, at least for now, but I may write more down the line. Thanks for the review! Report Review
Hah, hah! That was hilarious. I love parodies... :) I'm in comedy heaven right now. Thanks for the great read! 10/10!Author's Response: lol. Thanks so much, I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
That was an awesome chapter... I loved Hermione's line about the Marauders, Salazar's monster room, Godric's sports in general, and Helga's descrtion. :DAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
I think your flashback gave me whiplash!
My favorite part:
Voledermorte --> female small rodent of death --> She-Who-Must-Not-Be-Tamed
LOL! I love Taming of the Shrew! AND Kiss Me Kate! (And voles also make me think of "Twentieth Century Vole" in Monty Python's Flying Circus.)
All of your little author's notes were funny, especially the chatspeak, and the summary was, too. I had so much fun reading this fic! I'm still laughing!Author's Response: Hey, I have a warning posted, you can't sue over the flashback haha. The Voledermorte came from seeing a bunch of fics that kept misspelling Voldemort in various ways, so I threw in all the extra letters and out came the female small rodent of death. Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it :) Report Review
I loved the game show references and the American English/ English English contrast.
"They all looked at his beard."
--This made me laugh so hard, I have no idea why.
"My middle name is Moonstone-Starbright-Broomhilde-Angela-Darling."
--O lord. I feel bad laughing, because that actually happens. :-)
My hands-down favorite moment in this chapter:
"Where's the author, anyway?"
"She's down there on the ground, curled in a foetal position"
That, all the way through to the asterisk at the end of the scene. It was brilliant and hilarious. OMG.Author's Response: hehehe. Yay! I really had fun writing this chapter. Heck all the chapters in this. Maybe too much fun. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Just the title cracked me up. "Gratuitous Masked Yule Ball." LOL
I started to make a list of my favorite quotes, then realized that this review would be 10 pages long if I included all of them. So here is a small sampling...
"Why should I thank Merlin? The bugger owes me ten Galleons."
--This reminds me an awful lot of Rufus in the movie Dogma. Hahaha.
"Apparate to a MAC counter to have my makeup done"
--You are too funny! Studio Fix, anyone? I'm NW20. :-D
"being an evil genius and therefore well schooled in systems of kinship"
--Oh, you mean he's a lawyer who handles estates and wills? Heehee.
"If we're adding a multipurpose room, then I'm building my monster room"
"It's just as well, anyway, this sketch is getting far too silly"
"Well then, I think now might be time for something completely different?"
--Ahhh! Squee! Monty Python! *falls off chair in excitement*
Zangelbert Bingledack... giant squibs... Ultimate Fight Club death arena... I was cracking up through this entire thing! This is amazing.
A million/ 10Author's Response: Monty Python ftw! And Studio Fix too, I'm NC15 during winter and NC25 in summer lol.
He could be an Evil Anthropologist. An Evil Lawyer would be redundant, especially an Evil Probate Lawyer ;) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
LMAO! Ok, well, actually, I thought the previous two chapters were a little funnier. *pinches thumb and forefinger together to indicate a miniscule amount* There were some great parts in here, though. I especially thought the "Whatever, I suck at summaries" was really good. I actually thought it was real for a split second, then I was like, wait a moment, momotwins always has a nice summary! Must be part of the story!
The author's note at the front was nice touch too. Yeah, I've seen some like that. However, I usually don't read on from that point! The part with the flashback was interesting. I've never seen one set off as enormously as yours was, of course, but do I ever find it irritating when a writer takes up half the chapter with a flashback and feels the need to announce the fact. Anyway, I was really snorting over the bit about heart arrythmias.
All the slang, electronic devices, vampire exhange students, utter ridiculousness of the characters, the questionable spelling in places . . . well, it was all quite funny. Of course, this story doesn't have a cohesive plot or characterization and is chock full of non sequiturs, but that's the whole point! So, yeah, fantastic job on the parody here! All you need to do now is include an author's note that says "no updates til i get 10 reviews" or "where do you think the story should go? should helga and lazar break up? or do you think i should introduce another oc? give me your ideas in a review!!!"Author's Response: This story has absolutely no plot :D I couldn't bring myself to do that kind of an author's note haha. The validator in me would faint. The flashback is my favorite part of this chapter (I wrote the stage directions first then just put *topically irrelevant flashback* in between until I thought something up, since that's normally what goes in a flashback), though the sudden telepathy is probably my biggest pet peeve included in here. Yep, "I suck at summaries" is part of the parody. I can't stand seeing that, especially when I see it just after a perfectly respectable summary. Sigh. Kids these days. Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad it made you laugh :D Report Review
Woo, this is brilliant. I was laughing so hard.
I love how you write.
Great work!Author's Response: Thank you so much! :) Report Review
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