Gubby I think you may be turning me into a dark story fan O: This was possibly the most intriguing and original Dom/Teddy/Victoire fic I’ve ever read on this site. From what I can gather from the story, Victoire poisoned Dominique? WHOA. So intense!
I think you’ve taken the perspective of Victoire as cold blooded to a whole new level. It was really stunning and I felt so tense the entire time I read this piece, you’ve maintained the mood so well! Excellent job, Gubby! :D
your adoring fan,
Winky the House Elf
(she’s Santa’s secret agent ;) ) Report Review
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
So Victoire killed her sister? O.O There's something I never saw coming...
I liked this. I wanted to know how Dom died, but I'm pretty sure it was poison, and anyway it doesn't really matter. That's not the important part; the important part in this fic is the emotion, and you've captured that really well. I loved reading this. I loved the way Victoire was the drinker, and Louis was silent, and Teddy was just kind of lost, and I really liked how he said he wouldn't sleep until Dom woke up.
Shocking ending, but fantastic story. (: I loved reading it.
-Jasmine Report Review
i thought this was a very powerful piece of work here! nice work! Report Review
Gubby my lovely, I am speechless. I popped over to review Ambrosia but got distracted (this happens often) and ended up here: I've heard so much about it that I was worried it wouldn't live up to my own high expectations of you.
It exceeded them.
I have about two seconds before I must dash off elsewhere, but just quickly: it was BEAUTIFUL, I adored the openess of the ending and most of all second person. I love writing second person personally, but for some reason people have this aversion to it: was a pleasure to find any 2nd person, but an absolute delight to read it: it was effortless rather than contrived. Well done! Report Review
WOW. Can I just say that again? WOW.
Anyway, it's Sean from TGS and we met briefly and everyone told me that I should read something of yours and recommended this one and King Me, so I chose this one because of the title. :P
First off, there are no words to describe your writing, it is DIVINE. I loved how you used that throughout the story, as well as the phrase, 'Dominique is dead.'
Also, when it comes to second person, not many authors have the guts to try, but you did and you completely owned it and came out on top. It was beautiful and well-thought out. I never knew second person could be written so well.
All in all, amazing story which deserves nothing less than a 10/10. Report Review
wow, this story was like tre powerful. i'm kinda like gasping here. Report Review
Beautiful. This is perfect.
10/10Author's Response: Aww! Thank you so much! I can't believe it! ^_^ Report Review
:'( so good
:'( :'( :'(Author's Response: Thank you! Glad you liked it ^_^ Report Review
o_O VERY intreguing. very loose end-ish and loopy..makes you want to find out more! it draws you in.. nice job ^_^Author's Response: Don't you just love open-ended endings? I do, which made this particularly fun to write. Thanks for the review! Report Review
That was exquisite. The language was beautiful, the description was stunning, the plot was amazing. I've never actually read second person before, though I've written it, and this was a perfect introduction to the style. 10/10Author's Response: Second person is perhaps my favorite POV, so I'm so relieved that you liked it here. I really can't thank you enough, Mac! This is such a wonderful review. Thank you so much! ^_^ Report Review
Wow. That was amazing. Your language was brilliant; your imagery was very evocative without being too poetic, and the repetition of "Dominique is dead" was very powerful. Combined it makes for a very forceful, raw effect. I love it.Author's Response: Oh, my. This review is absolutely lovely. I'm shocked that this little piece could garner this sort of praise. Thank you ever so much, I'm truly humbled! Report Review
Wow, I usually really dislike stories written in this POV, but I could actually follow yours quite easily. I love the repeted line 'Dominique is dead', it's a really interesting effect :) Good story! - Ava.Author's Response: Second person is difficult to pull off at times, and harder to make accessible, so I'm glad you liked this! "Dominique is dead" seems to be a favorite of everyone's, and I liked the effect, so yay. Thank you for the review! Report Review
This is interesting. I never read stories written in this style, so I'm glad to give it a chance. Is it hard to find people to read your story?
Your opening sentence was brilliant. It made such an impact. Well done.
You have a fantastic way of writing in this style. All of the others that I've attempted have thrown me off - I've found it impossible to be drawn into the story. With you, however, I find that I'm drawn into the story more so than some other stories in first or third person.
This is really fantastic. I really really like it. I have no idea how to describe how much I like this. The twist at the end was unexpected, too. This whole story was unexpected - a pleasant one!
I like how subtle you were with everything. You didn't overdo anything, but nor did you underdo anything. Everything was just right. Your decriptions enhanced the story, and didn't take away from it at all, and I really felt conencted to the characters. This was brilliant!Author's Response: I don't think it's been exactly hard to "find" people who will read this story, because many have; I've found that a lot of people have an aversion to second person and Next Generation, so I suppose that's it. But you're right that this is different, and I strongly recommend that you take a look at these sorts of stories! :)
I have ridiculous problems with starting anything, so I end up having to write something very abrupt and direct in order to build up a story, so that's why "Dominique is dead" became the first sentence - I needed a reason.
I understand that these stories are hard to get into, not just because of POV but just the general vagueness, and I agree that it's difficult to invest oneself into something like this. That's why I'm so happy that you connected to this and that you liked it. The twist at the end just HAD to come; I couldn't leave the question of her death up for debate, without at least any hints. The way this story was written, subtlety is necessary, but a story can't be Spartan either, so I'm relieved that it was enough but not too much. Thank you so much! Report Review
This was just so much more than brilliant. I'm in the process of a Dominique/Teddy/Victoire and I've been looking at a few others, but this is the best that I've come across. I loved your use of second person, it was perfect for the story and it really added to the mystery of the piece. Teddy's repetition of 'Dominique is dead' throughout the fic was very powerful, and to me at least it seemed as though he was trying to convince himself that it was true by saying it so often. I loved the power this fic gave me to interpret things any way I liked, the ambiguity of it all was to die for.
Victoire definitely seemed to be regretting what she did or at least wishing that she hadn't 'had' to. At first, as I'm sure it was intended, I thought that she was drinking because she missed her sister but it soon became clear that it was out because of the fear or guilt that she feels herself. The divine paragraph is amazing. I can just imagine her becoming slowly more unhinged as she speaks, It's wonderful. There really isn't much more I can say about this one-shot, apart from that it has me completely in awe and it's going straight to my favourites.Author's Response: First, I have to high five you for writing your own Dom/Ted/Vic story - there seriously aren't enough of them, and I wish you the best of luck. Obviously, of course, I'm very, very flattered and humbled by this review. I'm relieved and ecstatic that you thought the second person fit, since it's not exactly a conventional choice (but then again, who cares about convention?). You're very, very close with that idea: Teddy knows that Dominique is dead; he didn't question it, but he suspected that something like this would happen. But of course, your interpretation is your own and I love seeing what everyone thinks about this piece.
Victoire didn't HAVE to do anything: she did it. She did not regret doing it - remember, she said that she's not sorry - but she is terrified of what she's done. In my view of things, Victoire was drinking not just to drown her own fear but also because that was the last thing Dominique had done - drink. This if where the divine speech came in, and I'm so happy you liked it; it's one of my favorites, too.
Honestly, this review is ridiculously humbling, and I can't thank you enough. But thank you so, so much. Report Review
Sorry, the login doesn't like me right now.
I forgot to mention it in my thread, but I HATE second person. It's nothing personal, I promise. It's just that in general, when I'm reading, I don't like to be ordered around. When writers say stuff like, "You thought..." I feel like I should be responding, "No I didn't! Get out of my brain!" Perhaps it's just a personal paranoia. But anyway, if you're asking whether or not the second person worked, I am no the right person to ask =P
This piece of writing is immaculate. I really loved every bit of it, except the second person =P If people are complaining that the plot is too vague, that's because they're too lazy to think about what you have given them to work with. As a writer, it's important for you to develop a trusting relationship with your readers. Even though I'd only read one of your other stories, I know that you are a good writer. And when I clicked on this story and saw that you were afraid the plot was too vague, I knew it was going to be awesome. It's often the great ideas that get lost on this site, and that's really a shame. You don't have to spoon feed me every little detail. Don't be afraid to confuse readers for the sake of your own idea. As long as it makes sense to you, nothing else really matters. Yes, there will be people that will complain that it's confusing, but that's their problem. Don't compromise your good idea for someone else.
Overall, this is great. Don't change anything. Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: That's perfectly understandable; a lot of people don't like second-person, so thank you firstly for sitting through the story :) I personally think the potential in second person is huge, considering how it tells you exactly what's happening without necessarily being intrusive, you know? But again, I respect your opinion and understand entirely.
And oh, my. Thank you so much for this encouragement, it's incredibly fulfilling. I wasn't exactly worried so much about the plot being too vague - indeed, no one has complained, per se, but they wonder - but rather, my concern was whether it was TOO too vague, you know? You are absolutely right in that an author needs to trust the audience, and I'm lucky that so far the reception has been great. Also, I've done this sort of thing many times before, where the details of the plot were never explained, and no one understood what was going on, so you can imagine my paranoia with this fic.
Again, thank you ever so much, Ilia. ^_^ Report Review
I really enjoyed this. I read through it twice before picking up on all the little details at the end. I thought it was clever that you had it a mystery that Victoire poisoned Dominique (This is what I picked it up as. If that is not the case I will feel like a fool.) It took a bit of careful reading to completely comprehend that.
And I loved the repetition of the word 'divine'. It's a nice literacy tool, I think the term is. And the last line, sans An eye for an eye, was the perfect ending line.
Bravo, nice job! Especially in the POV it was done, second person is hardly ever written and you did it beautifully.Author's Response: Oh, thank you so much! The story is purposefully vague, but I expect you realized that anyway ;) You're right, Victoire poisoned Dominique for stealing Teddy from her: the idea of "an eye for an eye" comes from the fact that Dominique steals Teddy from Victoire, so Victoire steals Dominique from Teddy. The repetition of divine shows how terrified Victoire is about what she has done, and the second-to-last line came because I had already put in the sub-title "or how they got away" and I needed a reason for that to be there :) Again, thank you so much for this review, I'm relieved that you enjoyed it! :)
Wow. This was amazing. I'm not used to reading second-person neither have I ever really enjoyed with but you did very, very well with it. It caught my attention from the first sentence and held it to the last one and much longer too. It was a bit confusing, but I guess that's somewhat of the point? I loved the little descirptions you had of how she would just throw away the flowers anyway, but keep one.
I didn't exactly get what had happened, did Victoire and Teddy do something? Honestly, not knowing what was going on made it even better. It was really amazing.Author's Response: Second person doesn't get nearly enough love in fanfic, which makes it all the better that you enjoyed it here. You are right in that this is meant to be confusing - well, okay, not confusing, but very vague. The clues as to what happened are scattered throughout, mostly in the second half, so it was up to the reader to decide what happened. Victoire poisoned Dominique. That's all that I can say that is concrete; the rest is up to you! But thank you so, so much for this review! :) Report Review
Oh my gosh. This was amazing. It actually took my breath away. Second person just is not used enough - it has such an impact on the reader. It's a shame it's a pain to write.
I loved the repetition of 'Dominique is dead' throughout the story, and 'divine' too. The alliteration really makes it hit home, like someone drilling it into you.
It took me a while to get what was going on at the end, but once I got it (at least, I think I have), it was just...wow.
I love Dominique/Teddy as a pairing and it's really unusual, so to see it in a love triangle situation is even better.
Amazing!Author's Response: Oh, gosh. *blush* This is an amazing review. I'm so, so happy you appreciate second person, but it really isn't a pain to write. It just takes some getting used to, but I really, really love it. :) The repetition of "Dominique is dead" is obviously a sign of how shaken Teddy is that she's dead, whereas the "divine" is proof of how terrified Victoire is now that the deed is done. I do understand that this is hard to understand, but the important thing is that this is for the reader to decide what happened.
I agree, there isn't enough Dominique/Teddy in the world, but the few I know I absolutely love. (The two one-shots that inspired this, and Romina Stephanie's How a Heart Behaves are all superb). Thank you again for this amazing review! Report Review
So, had the split the review into two as it exceeded the word count. This was the only the postscript to the review, but I'm posting it anyway.
PS:- I do have a few observations though (I didn't want to tack this on to the main review, because these are minor points):
1)Not his wife, her mother, who has been babbling to her parents ever since they arrived last night.
The subject here is Fleur, so the "her" in this sentence would refer to Fleur. So "her mother" would refer to Fleur's mother, not Dominique's mother (as you've intended it to imply). I think the sentence reads fine without the "her mother" bit.
2) The use of the word "gotten". I know you're American, and in AmE (that'd be American English), inasmuch as gotten is the past participle of get, it is perfectly permissible to use it. But in BrE (that'd be British English), we rarely ever use gotten. The past participle of get is got. Pick up any book by a British author and you'd never find the word gotten used. For me, it even sounds strange when someone uses the word gotten. Just be careful not to use gotten in dialogue, seeing as esentially, all HP characters are British. I have no issues when gotten is used in narration, seeing as non-British writers would probably narrate in their own way. But then, in my own fic, the main female character is American, so I'm going to have a tough time wrapping my head round the various Americanisms. Report Review
Thank you so much for taking up my challenge! This was stunning, and you used the title perfectly!
What I loved was how different it was to anything I've read before. You wrote in second person brilliantly, it's the best one I've read from that POV. Your imagery, descriptions and the way your worded your sentences really hit me hard, and deep. every word was meant and it i am really stunned at how well this is written.
Actually, I love that you made me work to figure out the ending! He poisened them both, right? I think that's what happened, but I just love how I'm kept guessing. there arent many authors who are brave enough to do that, so well done you :)
anyway, thank you once again for taking up my challenge, it was a pleasure reading your work :)
- MarinaAuthor's Response: Marina, thank YOU for giving this challenge, and this title. Really, a stroke of genius.
I do strive, more than anything else, to be unique, to be different and original. So this review seriously makes it all worth it. Second person doesn't get as much love as it deserves, so I'm relieved that you liked it (and strongly suggest that you read Kay's work, which beats mine anyday). I paid a lot of attention to diction and structure in this, because of Teddy's melancholy nature and the somber, bittersweet-ish subject matter. And thank you so much for that praise - gosh, I feel so humbled right now. XD.
The ending was indeed ambiguous, and it was up to the reader to figure out what happened, but clues were scattered throughout. Your conclusion isn't what I personally had in mind, but I see how it worked for you. That's what I love about these sorts of stories, because there are so many great ideas out there. The way I meant it to be was that Victoire poisoned Dominique, and Teddy suspected her because of their previous history; that's where "oeil pour oeil" came into play: if Dominique steals Teddy from Victoire, than Victoire steals Dominique from Teddy.
Thank you, thank you, thank you - I can't say it enough, but thank you. I like this one-shot more than a lot I've written lately, so thank you again for the challenge and the review. ^_^ Report Review
Wow, that was stunning. I got a little confused at the end, but I think I have it all figured out, and it was GREAT! It was extremely well written, and the plot was amazing. All in all, a fantastic story. One of the coolest plots I've ever seen, certainly. I liked the 'you' instead of 'I' work; usually I don't, but it worked extremely well here. Great job!!!
~lllbAuthor's Response: It was meant to be confusing by the end, but I hope that you got the vague idea of what happened? I did leave it ambiguous for a reason, after all. But ohmigosh, thank you so much! And I know, second person is a strange tense, so I'm doubly glad that it worked here! Thank you so much for reviewing! :D Report Review
... wow... that was COOL! i feel outdone XD amazingly written, as usual, and i clicked onto what had happened with the sentence 'she said it tasted... divine'. then i was like 'OMG OMG I KNOW WHAT HAPPENED!'
so cool. 10/10Author's Response: I totally did NOT want to outdo you, because that's impossible, but Spectrum did inspire this hugely, so thank you for writing that amazing one-shot. And thank you just as much for this review! You are too cool, really. Thank you so much. *hugs* Report Review
Gubby! This is fantastic!
Because I am astonishingly obtuse, I'm unsure of whether or not Teddy and Victoire poisoned Dominique - you said you were inspired by Jenny's Spectrum Sings, and Dom & Ted poisoned Victoire in that one.
But yeah. This was just amazing. I can't write second person for beans, so seeing it so well-done here was fully gratifying to know that there is still hope for the second person fics, with you and Kay. :) Poor Teddy. He seems so totally empty after Dominique's death - that Victoire does not regret it but he does, quite obviously.
The chrysanthemums were a lovely imagery. I love how much character you've lent to a dead character - her carelessness and freedom. Wow. I'm truly touched by this amazing one-shot.
Okay, I'm rambling, so I'll stop. I think you get the gist. :P 10/10 as always, Gub, and favorited.
KalinaAuthor's Response: Oh, Kali! *blush profusely* I've explained to you about the whole situation about the murder, so I hope that's clear now. But yes, Spectrum is love, but Jenny's brilliance inspired me to do that love triangle for real. I think it was the juxtaposition of horror and beauty that inspired me to do this one-shot after all. :)
I am no Kay, but I do love second person. It's the tense I turn to when I have no idea what I'm doing, like here; it's really personal, I think, and yet not very intrusive, which is great for introspection like this.
I don't think you should pity Teddy, because honestly, he is quite pathetic. His entire history with Victoire and his blossoming relationship with Dominique takes a lot out of him, leaving him empty. But I was hoping that you'd see that Victoire is very, VERY shaken by what she's done, with the divine rant. Does she regret it? I don't know. But she's terrified of what she's done, and yet feels a scary calm... you know? :P And I'm especially relieved that you liked Dominique, even as she is dead - that's the part that Honeybees inspired, giving Dominique such a character. But obviously Rita does it much better than I do. ^_^
Oh, gosh. Kali, you are simply amazing. Thank you so, so much for everything. *squishes to near death* Report Review
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