Congratulations. You made me cry.Author's Response: Oops, sorry! Thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Wow, this was awesome. The main awesome-ness of this was definitely the way you wrote Dominique. We almost never see her as the shy, introverted type, so it's really refreshing to see a change in character. Well done on that front!
It's actually really nice to see some sort of sisterly rivalry between the two; again, they're always portrayed as somewhat 'perfect' but being that beautiful and that close etc must lead to some sort of rivalry. I think you captured this excellently, with Victoire's interior monologue and the proposal at the end.
The love triangle itself was done very well also, and choosing first person was a good choice as it allowed us to really see, feel and experience Dominique's feelings. I really felt for her at the end when Teddy smiled at her. Sigh!
Lovely work :) Report Review
I must admit, I adore this story. While Dominique has such a...negative view on life, she's sarcastic and exactly as I would imagine her. She feels forgotten and overshadowed by her sister and she keeps her feelings to herself. It is the exact picture in my head when I think of her. And her longing for Teddy only clears that picture of her in my head. It seems obvious that she would be jealous about not being able to have Teddy for herself. So I compliment you, again, on perfect characterization and description. It's all beautiful! Report Review
I feel Dominique really gets the short end of the love stick a lot, haha. I've written her with unrequited love for Scorpius before. Seems she is just the perfect character to put in such an awful position. It works so well, though, haha.
I thought this was really beautiful. The way you wrote and described her emotions was very well done. I could really feel how heartbroken it was for her to see all of this happening before her eyes. And then the kind of resignation at the end where she sort of accepted that he was lost to her and that she would never be able to have him. Heartbreaking, but beautifully written.
Great story! :)Author's Response: thanks so much erica :) your reviews really brighten up my day :D Report Review
So bittersweet! I am a huge fan of Teddy and Victoire being together, but seeing it from her sister's point of view- definitely an eye-opener. I mean, who's to say she wasn't jealous? Teddy's quite the looker and it's probably not uncommon for the cute, younger sister to admire from afar... Your writing definitely made me sympathize with Dominique, but I'm just too much of a Teddy/Victoire fan to not rejoice at their happiness... Heh.
Great job! Loved it.
-TheophaneiaAuthor's Response: thank you so much! Report Review
wow that was written really well. I loved the fact that you didn't use dialouge and it was just about her feelings. great job!Author's Response: thank you so much, yeah I'm not a fan of dialogue. Report Review
That was positively beautiful. It just captured the feeling of unrequited love perfectly. Victoire was not portrayed as evil, like she usually is in Teddy/Dominique fics. Instead, the whole relationship is portrayed realistically. I felt so bad for Dominique I kind of wanted to wrap my arms around the computer screen and give her a big hug. xD
*10/10Author's Response: aww thank you! I'm sure she would have appreciated it :)
thanks so much for reviewing :D Report Review
Beautiful. I simply love it. I loved the characterisation of Dominique - she's accepted that they'll never be and she's working through it slowly, giving her an inner strength. I have a question though - in the final lines you wrote 'I smile ruefully to myself, promising not to pretend anymore.' I'm curious (or slow, depending on your perspective :P), does that mean she's not going to pretend she isn't in love with him because her love is 'insignificant'? Anyway, fantastic one shot! Well done :)Author's Response: I'm sorry I didnt see this - I have not been keeping on top of things lately. Thanks for letting me know though :)
As for the pretending, i think it's a mixture of her not pretending to herself that she can be with him and pretending to be happy for him. Maybe a sequel is in order, and we shall find out ;)
thanks so much for the review, sorry for the late reply :) Report Review
Beautiful and heartbreaking! And extremely well-written! 10/10Author's Response: thank you so much :D Report Review
Aw what a bittersweet fan fic.
That was very well written.Author's Response: thank you so much :) Report Review
Lovely. You don't need many words to convey the sadness and longing that authors take pages and pages to describe.Author's Response: oh thank you so much! that's completely unexpected *blushes* thank you for reviewing! Report Review
Gah, Marina, why do you have to write so brilliantly? I'm so jealous. :P
This was... well, beautiful, to put it simply. I mean, everything was just so... flawless! And... I can't even think of anything else to say. It's all your fault, you know. You're one of the only writers who leave me speechless at the end. ^__^
- RinAuthor's Response: awww Rin :) this has cheered up a truly awful day! I'm just ever so flattered and humbled that anyone could say such nice things about me, let alone an author who i admire *loffs*
thanks so much :) this has made my week.
- Marina Report Review
This is brilliant. You set this up at the very first sentence, and the reader instantly knows that this is going to be great.
You capture each emotion and feeling perfectly- a mark of a great writer. This is an interesting take on an unheard of ship and I think you make it your own. Well done- this is great.
If you need any more reviews, don't hesitate to ask!Author's Response: oh thank you so much! really, I'm blushing ^_^ I read this ship once before and I fell in love with it, and then I just sat and wrote it all in one go! thank you so much, I'll be sure to request again soon
- Marina :D Report Review
Hello my dear. I'm here to review. I would like to apologize for the delay :]
From what I've read of your works, I love each and everything you that you write. I only have one qualm. I really wished you would have done this in third person limited. I guess I've always had something against first person. I feel that it would have made the story more intense. I do hate to give you a criticism, since you're such an amazing writer, but I actually felt bereft. Not that this wasn't good, it was amazing. Personally, third person limited would have allowed me to get more out of this.
Okay, I really do like this, no matter what I said above. You've got the emotions spot-on. It's nice to see that even though Dominique is 18 and growing older, she still feels the pangs of heartache. I really enjoyed that she wasn't a teenager, but an adult. The flow was excellent. I enjoyed that there wasn't any dialogue. Dialogue would have, more than likely, dragged the piece down. The description was beautiful.
I do so hope that you are not offended by what I said. I really did enjoy this, even if I didn't agree with your narration.
Still got to give you a 10/10
ShelbyAuthor's Response: Hi Shelby :) Thank you so much for reviewing.
I'm honestly not offended, don't worry. I think there is some merit in what you have to say - I've been stuch in a first person narrative for a while now, so going back to third person doesnt come so naturally to me before. I also tend to write one-shots in first person, I don't know why. I didnt even think of doing it differently before you pointed that out, so i'll be sure to think about it when I next write a new story. thank you ;)
I'm really glad that you felt it didnt need dialogue - I didnt realise until after I'd written the whole thing that there wasnt any! I suppose it's what was natural at the time.
thanks again for reviewing ^.^
- Marina Report Review
What emotions you put into this. You are great at emotions though, it seems to flow and sound great. Good job. I can feel her pain, almost coming off of the screen. You do such a good job at getting the characters right. Great job!Author's Response: thank you so much *blushes* I really wanted to get into Dominique's mind, so I'm glad you felt it was emotional. thanks for the review :) Report Review
Wow...that was...totally relateable!! I really liked it.
Since there were no spoken words, I can't really say anything on dialouge, right? But there were some things there inbetween the lines, and I liked that you could tweak those in without anyone really noticing that there was dialouge.
But I really do like the situation and Domonique's point of view. I mean, I can totally relate myself. But anyways, I really liked the situation you put in front of her, which was basically jealousy. You described her feelings for Teddy and her sister perfectly.
Also, with the Victorie descriptions, I thought she was a bit coy, don't you? "Her confidence and charm can lure any man into her bed, no problem." That seemed pretty (insert unnessecary word here) lol. But I liked it! It totally matched the feelings she had towards her sister. I really enjoyed this story, I've never read anything about Domonique, and this was a good start.
thanks for posting!!
--ron.weasleyxo from the forums :D
10/10Author's Response: thank you so much :D I couldnt believe when i finished it that there was no dialogue :P I think it worked, though. It makes a complete change from anything else I've written. But I never shy away from trying something new.
thank you so much for this review :D Report Review
Awesome! For a one-shot I actually really like this... I find most of them over too quickly, but this one is really fitting. It does flow well as the way she thinks sets it up. Her thought process progresses into different things at a good speed that clearly represents how many people think, therefore making it relate-able and interesting.
And the grammar didn't drive me crazy if there are any mistakes! Which is a miracle... hahaha I'm the grammar police!
But I definitely love the plot and it works wonderfully! Any questions, just PM me!
-alanaAuthor's Response: no mistakes? that is indeed a miracle. Then again, I do love grammar and spelling and all that, so I'm probably about as meticulous as you are ;)
thank you so much for the review :D Report Review
This is one of the most pure love stories I have ever read. The idea that she is pining for someone she loves but cannot have is a simple idea, but because he is her sister's lover, it adds a unique twist to it. Because of this, you made it your own, and it adds a special element to this little one-shot. I can just feel her emotion, you know? It's so raw. When you love someone you can't have, there is nothing you can do about it, and that's what makes this special.
I really really love this story. You wrote it beautifully and you did a good job of getting into Dominique's mind. Her emotions were clear and I honestly could feel her pain. It's something everyone goes through at one point or another, and I really like that you wrote about it.
I don't know what else to say. This piece is near immaculate. The only criticism I have (it's more of a preference, really) is that I didn't care for the way you opened it. It sounded really cliche, and I know that was your point, but it just kinda turned me off a little bit. It's no big deal. I just thought I'd share that with you.
Other than that, I love this piece. It's beautiful and you executed it wonderfully.
Ganbare! Tanoshinde ^_^
.:.Ilia.:.Author's Response: Ahh! Ilia! thank you so so much! *kicks self for not checking reviews before today*
I'm sure you know how much your opinion means to me. This is an awesome review by any standard, but because it comes from you it's just super amazingly wonderful. :D thank you so much, this has completely made my day!
The opening - i don't really have an opinion on it, other than I didnt think about it too much. I see what you mean about being cliche, but it's nice to follow the crowd once in a while, even if it was subconscious!
thanks for the review :) it's an honour to receive a review from you!
- Marina Report Review
Wow, I'm like sitting here in disbelief at my computer. This was beautiful. Like honestly, everything was written marvelously. I want to cry. This was so touching, so wonderful. Your descriptions and your characterizations of Dominique were beautiful. Every sentence felt real. I felt like i could releate to her unbelievably well. All i have is praise for you mi friend.
but you know if i could i'd give you a one billionmillion cazillion/10 hehe
great jobAuthor's Response: *blushes* thank you rach :) It really means so much to me, especially coming from you! You read so much fanfic, it's extraordinary that you like my stuff. well, I think so anyway. and please don't cry! I hate making people cry!
thank you so much!! Report Review
This is one piece of miraculous writing.
Your sentences are beautifully interwoven, just like a spider creates his masterpiece: his web.
Every word, every phrase IS Dominique, not only a mere description of her or her emotions. An astonishingly visual storytelling. First person POV and Present Tense: two more means to enhance the dramatic effect. Yes, it's dramatic. This is Dominique's personal drama, her unanswered love, her constantly being a shadow of her elder sister.
This is the standard of writing I wish I could ever equal. I know I won't. The only thing what remains is to take off my hat and take a deep bow.
Perfect 10. I'm speechless.Author's Response: oh thank you so much *blush* There really aren't any words to say how grateful I am. Writing is something I love, but I get so terribly insecure when I post. I was sure this was a pile of rambling rubbish! but thank you, I'm sure I don't deserve it.
And don't be so negative. Keep practicing, you'll get better. it's never out of reach. If i can do it, so can you. I haven't been writing long :)
- Marina x Report Review
I'm so sad right now. You wrote this perfectly. Flawlessly. Wow. It's so beautiful. I'm so glad you came back and requested another review.
I feel like I'm going to cry right now. It was SO great. Emotions like this are rare for me, while reading a fic.
I can't say enough, so I'll say one final thing: This was amazing. I loved it. You have an absolute gift for writing angst this well. (Okay, fine, that was three final things. :P)
10/10, but I'd give you A LOT more!
-Mrs Roonil WaslibAuthor's Response: thank you so much ^.^ I'm really touched that you felt the emotions so strongly, I felt similar when I wrote it.
I do love writing angst :) I should try to break the mold! thanks for reviewing! Report Review
that was so sad! I love how you made Dom not be mean, but at the same time resigning herself to her fate...Author's Response: she's not a mean person, I don't think. Just hard done by!
thanks for the review! Report Review
Oh wow! That is amazing. I almost cried at the end there! Again beautifully written and heartfelt. I really feel for Dominique. So sad!Author's Response: thank you so much :) you know how much this means to me! Report Review
It's really very heart touching.I m in love wid ur story.even though it's one shot...it went straight to my heart.I cud actually feel what dominique was feeling...AWESOME WORK!Author's Response: thank you so much! I'm thrilled to know it touched you, it's a very real emotion! thanks for the review :) Report Review
Wow, that was totally and utterly amazing! It was astonishingly written. I felt every ounce of Dominique's pain. You wrote that so beautifully, and I adore the title. It was very unique, I loved it. It was a great idea! 10/10!!!Author's Response: aw thank you so so much! I suddenly had a stroke of inspiration last night, and wrote it in one go :D You've made my day :D
- Marina Report Review
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