Reading Reviews for Rule Breaker
  
557 Reviews Found

Review #1, by teh tarik The Sorting Hat's Warning

29th August 2014:
Hello again, Emily!

I'm here with the second of your two prize reviews. :)

Wow, what a chapter! It was very evenly paced; there were moments with tension (e.g. the opening scene with Harry and Ron and Malfoy), and calmer moments (e.g. Hermione bringing in the first years to Hagrid), and I think you maintained a great balance between these.

I think your characterisations are very believable, and true to canon. The animosity displayed between Harry and Ron and Draco all ring true. And my, my, Draco is unpleasant, isn't he? In the carriage with Hermione, especially. I think you're writing their relationship very realistically, and without rushing things. The encounter between both of them in the carriage is certainly prickly and rather hostile, and I'm gald Hermione used her Head Girl powers to defend herself. Draco drawing his wand at her seemed rather extreme, but it's great to see that Hermione can deal with this without losing her cool or retaliating in an equally hostile manner. I guess that's why she's been picked as Head Girl!

I love the Sorting Hat song that you wrote! Wow, your rhymes are wonderful, and there's a lovely rhythm to it! And the verses do have the right amount of tension and ominousness in them; after all, there is a full-blown war going on beyond the walls of Hogwarts. You're such a talented poet, by the way! I must say, the fifth stanza (the one about SLytherin house) is my favourite part of the poem!

I also love reading Sorting Ceremonies in fanfic! I think you wrote the entire Sorting scene wonderfully!

This was an absolutely fantastic chapter, Emily! I really enjoyed reading this. When I find myself with a bit more free time in the future, I'll definitely swing by again and read the rest of your fic. It'll take me some time, but I'll be back here soon enough!

Great work! And congrats (for winning the challenge, as well as completing this novel!!)!

-teh

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Review #2, by teh tarik A Predictable Appointment

29th August 2014:
Hello Emily!

I'm here with the first of your two prize reviews! :D Uh, in case you don't remember, or are not sure what I'm on about, aaages ago you participated in the Crack!Ship & Rarepair Challenge and won third place, with a prize of two reviews. I am so sorry how long it has taken me to get round to reviewing! Congratulations again for winning! :)

So I've seen you promote this fic of yours very often on the forums, and I'm glad I finally got the chance to read this! I enjoy AU, and other alternative interpretations to canon events, so I think I'm going to enjoy reading about Hermione's final year at school very much. I love how you've started off the story with so much detail from Hermione's POV.

The flashback was really well-written, and I think you did a great job capturing Hermione's elation and excitement at being appointed Head Girl. And I like the idea of McGonagall creating the shared dorm for the Head Boy and Head Girl, for the sake of promoting house unity. I heard that shared dorms are a bit of a cliche in HP fic, so I think you've done great work developing this idea and making it more believable, and less of a cliche.

Haha, I guess this means Hermione will be sharing a dorm with Theodore Nott? Nott sounds like he's full of apathy. It doesn't sound like he even cares that he's Head Boy of the school. He's an interesting choice, and I can't wait to see how you'll develop things between Head Boy and Head Girl, and how they'll work together.

I love that you haven't forgotten Harry and Ron here, despite this being a Dramione. Harry and Ron telling Hermione she was becoming pompous like Percy must have been deflated her a little. Aww, poor Hermione! :P They should let her enjoy her time as Head Girl before term begins officially; pretty soon she'll be swamped with work, I think.

Oh, and Malfoy is back, I see. I love his entrance, and that snarky comment about Nott not having his charisma and whatnot. Snarky!Malfoy is always so fun to read. I can't wait to see how your Dramione ship will develop!

This was a lovely chapter, Emily! Great work. :D I'll be back for the next one!

-teh

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Review #3, by AriesGirl40 The End

5th August 2014:
Wow, an action packed ending! I loved it! You worked a long time for this. well done :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you liked it, and I really hope you like the epilogue when it's posted. This has been such a journey for me, and I'm so happy you enjoyed the story! Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #4, by HollyHogwarts The End

4th August 2014:
Oh My God!!!
That was absolutely absolutely brilliant. It was sad that Theo and Mrs Weasley died, but we all knew that one of our favourite characters was going to die.
I am still rather curious to know as to where Draco ended up in the story, so i am hoping that it will be revealed in the epilogue.
I adore your writing skills and commend you on writing such a fantastic story. I have enjoyed it so so much.
I hope that you continue writing in the future xx

Author's Response: Hi Holly!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy that you liked the chapter! The epilogue (coming soon!) will explain what's happened to all of the characters: who lived, who died, who sustained grievous injuries, etc. I really appreciate all of your compliments, and I'm really glad you liked the story. Keep an eye out for the epilogue, and I hope you'll tell me what you think of it. Thanks again! :)

--Emily


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Review #5, by HollyHogwarts The Battle

22nd July 2014:
Oh My Goodness!!
Hell what a chapter... i cant believe that you left me hanging like that though.
Please update soon, this is by far one of my favourite stories on this sight!!
You have done a brilliant job!

Author's Response: Hello Holly!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy that you like the story, and I'm so glad you've read this far. I'm going to be posting the final chapter and the epilogue soon. I can't believe it's almost over. Thank you so much for your compliments! :)

--Emily


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Review #6, by Carissa The Battle

18th July 2014:
OH MY GOD! I just started reading this fanfic last nigh, OOMGGAH!!

Author's Response: HI AGAIN! :)

I can't believe you went through that entire story that quickly! You'll have to check back to see chapter 49 and the epilogue when I post them! I really hope you like them and let me know what you think! Thanks again for reading and reviewing!

--Emily


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Review #7, by Carissa From the Ashes

18th July 2014:
Poor Nott! :( I feel so bad for him! Though at first, I thought he was one of the DE trying to kill Draco.

Author's Response: Hi again, Carissa!

Thank you for reading and reviewing more of this story! I feel bad for Theo sometimes too. He's not the easiest to be around, though, so I definitely understand Hermione's choice. I'm glad you've been speculating on the story! I hope you continue to like it! Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #8, by Beeezie The Battle

18th July 2014:
Aww, thank you so much for the dedication! ♥ I'm sad that both the story and the CIs are coming to an end. :( You don't happen to have another novel in the planning stages that will need graphics, do you? :P

I really enjoyed this chapter. Looking back on all of them, I can definitely see how your writing has evolved and improved over time, which is great. The adjective/adverb overuse I'd been noting in early chapters has basically vanished at this point, and the prose as a whole just has a smoother flow to it. (That's not to say your writing was bad at the start, of course! It wasn't! But it has gotten better.)

A couple little pieces of crit:

I would have liked to see a little more about Draco's relationship (or lack thereof) with Wormtail. It's not even so much that I wanted you to spend more time on it, because I agree that Hermione would not have wanted to dwell on it, but I did wish I'd gotten some indication from Draco about how Wormtail affected him, even if it was just a sneer or a kick.

I also was a little confused by Lucius and Narcissa showing up and calling Draco, 'Malfoy.' That seemed very out of character for them. I also felt like Hermione was a bit too nonchalant about their presence - after all, the mending that's happened between her and Draco certainly doesn't extend to them, and I'm not even sure that 'changed sides' is accurate as much as 'defected' is. It's not like they joined the Order, after all.

Overall, though, this was an excellent chapter. I thought that you captured the affection and love that the Malfoys clearly shared for each other perfectly, and I also loved that you didn't ignore their prejudices. Even though there wasn't time to properly address it in the moment, it's clear that they weren't pleased, and it wouldn't shock me if they did take Draco out of the fight by whatever means they had to... because that's something they would do, too.

I also thought that you captured the action elements of the chapter really well. There was a lot going on in it, but throughout the chapter, I felt like I had a very good picture in my head of what was going on, which is a pretty impressive feat given how chaotic the scenes you were describing were. It never got repetitive, either, which was excellent.

Great job, and this was a crazy cliffhanger! I hope you get the next chapter up soon!

Author's Response: Branwen! :D

You completely deserved the dedication! Your CIs give such a beautiful face to these chapters, and your fantastic reviews are really going to help me improve this! (That improvement is going to start happening like...tonight! WHOA.) As for other projects planned...I'm considering a sequel to this, actually! I don't know yet, but I feel like I could continue from where this ends. We'll see, I suppose! I'll be writing a huge, in-depth, overly-emotional blog post on HPFF after I post the epilogue to this story, so maybe I'll decide by then. :)

I'm so happy that you see how my writing has changed! I completely agree that it's gotten better! It's been five years since I started this, after all, and a lot has changed in my style, etc. I'm glad you think it's better now. When I edit the other chapters (starting like...tonight! ;) ), I hope to improve them also. Thanks!

I love your criticism, as always! I'll think how to clarify with Wormtail. As for the word "Malfoy" being shouted...I actually imagined that as one of the fighters in the hall seeing Lucius and shouting that. Huh. I'll have to clarify that as well, oops! But I will fix Hermione's reaction...and pretty much that whole scene for that matter. XD

But I am glad you liked their characterization for the most part, as well as the action-elements here. Thanks again for this fantastic review! I can't believe the end is so close...I barely even want to write it. Edits first, though, and then the end...wow.

Thank you so much for everything.
--Emily


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Review #9, by Carissa Christmas

17th July 2014:
*sputters* WHAT??? He can't just do that and LEAVE!!!

Author's Response: Hi Carissa!

Your review made me laugh so much! :D I'm sorry for the cliffhanger! You'll learn more about their situation in the following chapters, and I hope you like how the story progresses! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

--Emily


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Review #10, by kathleen The Battle

16th July 2014:
You better not kill Draco or Hermione or I'll cry and go into a depression. Fantastic story

Author's Response: Hi again!

Thank you for reading and reviewing! You'll have to check out chapter 49 and the epilogue (chapter 50) when they're posted to figure out how this ends! ;) I hope you like it!

Thanks again!
--Emily


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Review #11, by kathleen The Battle

14th July 2014:
This is in my top 3 fanfictions of all time! I'm glad I found this while it was near the end so I could read the whole thing at once. I'm terrible at waiting. Anyway you are very talented and I'm in love with this great(and very long) story

Author's Response: Hi Kathleen!

Thank you so much for all your compliments. I'm so happy that you like the story, and I hope you'll come back and read chapter 49 and the epilogue once they're posted. I would love to know what you think of them! Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #12, by Dragon Dancer The Battle

13th July 2014:
Nice chapter! I got my wish, she found Draco, with a twist... she lost him. lolz. I hope he isn't one of the ones you plan on killing. I think I'd cry. And adding his parents in the mix was a nice touch, I almost forgot about them. I can't wait to see what Bellatrix does to Hermione, knowing her something evil. I'm gunna predict that maybe/hopefully Draco comes to her rescue? Just a prediction, but like Hermione I'm not very good at dividation (or is it divination, I always forget) so I can't wait for the next chapter.

Author's Response: Hello there!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you're enjoying the story! The next chapter is the last "real" chapter, and then there's the epilogue, and it's over! So you'll have to come back and see everyone's fate. ;) We'll see if your divination (there you go!) skills are accurate! Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #13, by Kat Hogsmeade Again

12th July 2014:
What a good ending! at first I thought there was a
writing mistake because the death eater had helped
her

Author's Response: Hello there!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you liked the chapter and the plot twist!

--Emily


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Review #14, by Dragon Dancer The Siege

12th July 2014:
I have finally finished the last updated chapter. Lolz three days my life has been centered around your story, and I feel no regrets. Lolz. You are a very detailed writer and I admire that. Please let Hermione find Draco (this is me begging cause I know you know exactly how your gunna finish the book anyway.) ^_^ and most importantly please keep writing. I can't wait to see how you make Harry and Voldamort battle. And weather or not you stick to Fred dying. Even though I know it's a symbol of how war really does affect the people in it, I kind of hope you don't.

Author's Response: Hello there!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm really glad that you like the story! Your compliments made me really happy. There are only three chapters left including the epilogue, and I just recently came up with the final death list. I'm actually still quite sad about it and I haven't even written it! I hope you agree with the choices and like the new chapters when they're posted. Thanks again!

--Emily


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Review #15, by Beeezie The Siege

11th July 2014:
Well, that was complete and utter pandemonium.

I'm not very good at writing complete and utter pandemonium, but you do not suffer from the same difficulty. This chapter was fast-paced, frantic, and riveting, but I never felt confused about what was going on. You managed to fit so many interactions into a relatively small amount of words, and I can't believe I have stop here!

I loved the little interactions with this - between Hermione and Fred and George, between Hermione and Mrs. Weasley and Ginny, between Hermione and Mad-Eye, between Hermione and Snape... I really thought that you captured those relationships - and the relationships as they might be in a super stressful situation like this - well.

One minor piece of CC, though - you talk about people escaping the castle, but I don't think you explicitly say how they're getting out. I would have liked to get a bit of a clearer picture of that, as well as a better picture of how many people were left afterward to defend the castle.

Overall, though, excellent job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello once again (fourth to last time, oh my gosh!)!

I'm so happy that you thought I wrote pandemonium well! I never know if I'm pulling off that fast-paced writing well. I'm really happy it worked here. I worried in this chapter about doing too much. I didn't want it to get ridiculously long, but I also didn't want to leave anything out, and there were a lot of people I kept thinking: "Oh! You should show up!" It was stressful, to be honest. XD I'm glad you liked it, though! And I'll edit to add in a better explanation of how people are fleeing! Thanks for pointing it out! :)

--Emily


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Review #16, by Beeezie End of the Term

11th July 2014:
It's always sad to say goodbye, but this situation gives it a bit more gravity than most goodbyes, and I thought that you covered that perfectly toward the beginning of the chapter. You didn't dwell on it, but you acknowledged it, which was perfect.

It was actually really sad to hear Harry acknowledging that he and Ron might not survive the war. I do think he's wrong about how much being good at magic really helps you when it comes down to it, but at the same time, I think everyone can think of at least three or four times over the course of the series that Hermione's magical knowledge and skill kept them alive.

I was happy to see her insisting that she would join him and Ron on the quest to find the last horcrux and kill Voldemort, but I do think that it would have felt more genuine if there hadn't been a lot of instances over the course of the year where Hermione sat out of their mission in favor of Theo or Draco. I don't think you really needed to write a lot of scenes about it, but I would have liked to see more mentions of her going off with them or quick summaries about what they'd done or even just thoughts from her about balancing this with the rest of her life. As it is, there just isn't enough, so here, when she says she'll go, it doesn't have the same force that it could have.

Otherwise, though, this was a great chapter. :) I loved Professor McGonagall's brief show of affection toward Hermione - I thought that it was very much in character. Ican't wait to see what happens next.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again!

Ahh...goodbyes. I'm feeling so nostalgic about this story right now. I'm so sad that it's coming to a close. I feel like I'm living these final chapters alongside Hermione, and it totally sucks. It hurts! I don't want to write what I know I have to write. I've come up with my death-list (how morbid!), and I can't even bring myself to start chapter 49 because of some of the choices I've made (I'll leave it at that.). Point is, yes, goodbyes, they're a thing. ;) I'm glad you liked how Harry and Hermione discussed his possible death. I wasn't so sure about that conversation, but I wanted someone to really verbally acknowledge his/her mortality, and Harry has always seemed morbid enough to be the one to do that. As for Hermione's insistence to accompany them on the Horcrux-hunt...I completely agree with you. I'm so bummed about agreeing with you, but I totally do. The previous chapters haven't done Hermione's dedication to their search any justice, and I can't even begin to think how to remedy that. I'll have to come up with something, though...We'll see. And finally, I'm fantastically happy that you liked McGonagall's brief moment with Hermione. She's usually so stoic, but I wanted that second of softness to show through. That was important to me. Thank you again for everything. This is so amazingly helpful.

--Emily


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Review #17, by Beeezie Aftermath

11th July 2014:
Wow - I'd forgotten that Hermione hadn't even been able to check in and see if her parents were still alive. I actually kind of wish that had entered the storyline a bit more before now - maybe either in a conversation with Theo or Ron, or maybe even one of her Slytherin friends. While everyone else is stressing about their life circumstances, I think Hermione should have pointed out at some point that she's facing a pretty terrible and stressful situation, too.

I did love that she talked about it a little with Draco, though, and I was equally gratified to see that he responded in kind. I'm glad that breaking with Voldemort and the Dark Arts didn't also involve breaking with his family, because while I do understand that the two are closely connected, I also feel like one of Draco's major avenues toward redemption is the love he's always felt from his parents.

At first, I wasn't sure how I felt about McGonagall's party idea, but on reflection, I've decided that I really like it. Hogwarts became a battle zone in DH, but that was because of the Carrows - in HBP, which I think Rulebreaker aligns with more closely overall in terms of tone, there was certainly some of that 'school-is-not-the-real-world' sentiment.

Still loving this!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I'm definitely going to work Hermione's parents into this storyline more. As I've mentioned before, I've tended to forget certain things throughout the story (since it is SO FREAKING LONG), and when I edit (soon soon soon!), I want to fix that. Thanks for pointing it out! I had a big choice to make about whether or not to make the Malfoys stay "evil," but I wanted to do something a bit different, and didn't really want Draco to have to lose them. I think Narcissa at least proved her love for her son very early in the canon series, and Lucius's "affection" came through towards the end, and I wanted to showcase that. How they'll react to how much Draco has changed...that's to be determined. But I didn't want to get rid of them completely. I felt that was a bit of a cop-out. I'm glad you like the party idea! I needed it to set up the rest of the story (WHICH IS COMING TO A CLOSE SO SOON), so I felt it was necessary. I'm glad you don't hate it! ;)

Thanks again for a fantastic review!
--Emily


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Review #18, by Beeezie NEWTs and News

11th July 2014:
Hmm. I'm not sure about your having Hermione decide not to go to the Chamber with them. I get that Draco and NEWTs are important to her, but it seems like a huge departure from her personality to let that overwhelm the real mission. She's always been capable of making sacrifices where necessary, and especially since nothing plot-important happens as a result of her not going, I feel like you could have just as easily faded out with her going down to the Chamber with Harry and Ron as with her going to bed with Draco.

Otherwise, though, this was a solid chapter. I liked the way you depicted the NEWTs, and I also appreciated the throwback to HBP where Tonks's patronus changed because of her feelings about Remus. However, I also really liked that Hermione seemed pretty unwilling to talk to Draco about it - that felt very genuine to me.

And then, of course, EVERYTHING HAPPENED. Onto the next chapter, because WOW what a cliffhanger!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello (again)!

I'll think about what you mentioned with Hermione going to the Chamber. I guess I'd never really considered it, but it's something I should really decide on since the implications are quite large. But I'm glad you liked the rest of the chapter, especially the ending! :D I was happy about that, even though it was honestly a pretty last-minute choice.

Thanks again!
--Emily


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Review #19, by kathleen December and Death Eaters

10th July 2014:
God this got REALLY good! I'm literally in love with Draco

Author's Response: Hi again!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy that you like the story and Draco! :) I hope you continue to enjoy it.

--Emily


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Review #20, by kathleen Slytherins

10th July 2014:
Yes I love when Hermione becomes friemds with the sytherins. Great story

Author's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! I'm glad you like the story!

--Emily


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Review #21, by Beeezie Looming

10th July 2014:
Huh. I actually really liked the way you approached this - I feel like with this sort of fic, there's always a danger of making Hermione too much of a resource for McGonagall. Instead, though, you've put Hermione (and Draco, sometimes) and McGonagall in a position where there are things that Hermione wants to know that McGonagall can't tell her. I can't really express how important I think that is - we saw it happen over and over throughout the books, even as the trio got older, that there are some things that they're just not privy to, because they're not Dumbledore. I also liked that while the theory Hermione and Draco came up with did turn out to be right, it wasn't something that McGonagall needed explained to her - she is a very bright witch, after all!

I also really liked the way you developed Harry and Ron's reactions to Draco in this chapter. Harry had already started to thaw, but now Ron has, too. As I said before, I think that it's totally plausible that it would take Ron longer to do so than Harry, but I'm glad it's started to happen at last.

Great job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Education Decree #7

Author's Response: Hello there!

I'm so happy you understand Hermione's relationship to McGonagall and the people "in power." Hermione's brilliant, yes, but the adults DO still have sway over what they will and won't tell the "students." For me, that separation was really important. I don't do it enough, but I want to emphasize that Hermione and her friends, as mature and intelligent as they may be, are still only 16/17/18-years-old. They're practically children, and I think that sometimes people (myself included) can forget that. And I'm glad you liked Harry and Ron, since, as you know, they're tough for me to write. Thanks for another great review!

--Emily


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Review #22, by Beeezie The Quidditch Cup

10th July 2014:
Yeah, Quidditch can definitely be tough to write. I think you did a great job, though!

So much of this chapter was Quidditch, and I don't have much to say one way or the other about it (other than what I've already said), so this probably will be a bit of a shorter review. (Which, as a Ravenclaw, I hope you will forgive me for. :P)

I really liked the way Hermione reacted to Theo's revelation. The cold shoulder is completely, 100% appropriate. I also generally liked the way her friends reacted to it. I can, unfortunately, see Ron advocating forgiveness, because Ron has made some pretty poor choices over the course of the books. I would have liked to see a little more outrage from Harry, though - he's always tended to take that sort of thing really seriously, and it seemed a bit out of character for him to be so mellow and stoic about it.

Oh - this is related to the last chapter, but since I forgot to mention it then, I thought I'd mention it now. I was interested that Garrett was probably the least hostile of all of her Slytherin friends thus far, especially since, IIRC, Theo mentioned that Garrett was his best friends in one of the first chapters. I'd actually pegged Garrett to be the one to talk to her civilly if anyone would, though I have no idea why.

Good chapter! I'm sad I'm nearing the end. :(

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello once again!

I'm glad you think I wrote the Quidditch scene well! I pretty much hate writing Quidditch. I feel repetitive and boring and awful. :P I'm glad you liked Ron's reaction, and I'll tweak the other ones to make more sense. ;) I really need to balance my explanations of the Slytherins and Gryffindors thoughts/personalities/etc. I keep falling too far to one side and not giving the other enough attention. Dang!

Thanks again!
--Emily


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Review #23, by Beeezie The Grounds for Mistrust

10th July 2014:
Hmm. I can see where Draco is coming from with that theory, and I'm sure that it will prove right, but I still think that you're skating over it a bit too much. There are plenty of other reasons for them to want to attack Hogsmeade - to hurt students, to get back at them for the McDougal and Boot arrests, or even just because. I mean, the Death Eaters do a lot of terrible things just because they think it's fun. Maybe you could add in something about not many people being hurt/killed, or something else that makes her feel like there was another motive?

More importantly, though:

Ooof. Poor Hermione. That is not a fun thing to discover about someone you care about. Unlike his other theory, though, the minute Draco suggested that Theo had ratted him out, it felt true to me. And as he expanded on his theory, that certainty only grew. We'd seen shades of that possessiveness from Theo in the past, and I can absolutely see him ratting out Draco. He'd always disliked him, and he definitely came from a family and a culture where life was not viewed as particularly sacred.

(Sidenote, though - wasn't Boot part of the DA in OotP? If so, wouldn't he at least know where the Room of Requirement was?)

It also really illustrated one of the most important differences between Theo and Draco: where Theo was willing to go behind Hermione's back and try to warn her best friend away from her, Draco was willing to step back when she told him that she needed to talk to Theo alone. He wasn't happy about it, and he cautioned her to be ready to defend herself, but ultimately? He stepped back.

I love that. You've done that a few times now in really noticeable ways, and I especially value it because I think that the cultural narrative in this day and age is often to idealize behavior like Theo's, as though it's only proof that the person cares. It's not okay, and having Draco as a counterpoint really makes that clear. As, of course, does Hermione herself: You don't get to make that choice, indeed.

Great chapter!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm definitely going to flesh out Draco's Hogsmeade-attack theory so that it doesn't seem so "of COURSE that's why!" As for his Theo-theory (which sounds awesome), that sucked for me to write. I didn't want Theo to turn out that way, but he wrote himself, and by the time that this chapter happened, his path was set, if that makes sense. :/

(Great point about Boot! I always forget he was ever mentioned in canon...)

I absolutely love that you pointed out the difference between Theo's and Draco's treatment of Hermione. I really wanted Hermione to come across as strong and independent. That's why you don't see many displays of affection between her and Draco. They're more reserved, quieter about their love. Ultimately, Hermione WANTS to be with Draco, but she can definitely still take care of herself, and I wanted him to be okay with that. I'm glad that came across!

Thanks again for all the advice!

--Emily


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Review #24, by Beeezie Tales of Trials

10th July 2014:
Oh, dear. I just realized how close to the end I'm getting. :(

Anyway.

I liked this chapter, too. I think the more recent ones have probably been the most fraught with difficulties, because they necessarily align so closely with events from DH. However, as I said before, I think that you've done an excellent job with adapting them appropriately. I think that this chapter is particularly interesting because you had the chance to do here what we didn't get to see in the books: Harry (and Hermione) interacting with Snape.

I think that you actually captured Snape quite well. He's not easy to write, so huge congrats on that. He didn't have the same condescending air that he usually does in the books, but we did see that spark of anger and resentment at Dumbledore, and I think that the rest of his personality change is fairly understandable considering the circumstances. This wasn't a normal day, and Snape, as an adult, was, I think, able to put his personal feelings aside when it was really important.

I did wonder at Ron's not being there, but hopefully that will be explained in one of the next chapters. I also wish that you'd included a little more internal monologue about Draco being there for the conversation with Snape - it strained my credulity to think that Harry, at least, wouldn't have objected to Draco's presence quite quickly if he thought that the Horcruxes would come up. I don't have an issue with Draco being there for part of it, but I would have liked to see a little more of an acknowledgment that it was a big deal.

Overall, though? Amazing job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again!

I'm absolutely ecstatic to hear that you think I wrote Snape well. He was practically impossible for me to feel comfortable writing, and I'm so happy he came across well. I didn't want him to be too slimy and horrible because I DID want him to have a certain degree of maturity about everything he and the other characters had gone through. Consequently, I wrote him somewhat mellower than he would usually come off.

I'm definitely taking your CC into account when I edit this, so I'm really glad that you've pointed things out for me to improve. Thank you so much, as always.

--Emily


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Review #25, by Beeezie The Prince's Return

10th July 2014:
I was a little worried going into this, because there's just so much potential to write at least one of the characters massively OOC, even in the context of Rule Breaker, which obviously doesn't live by the same rules as DH because the last 10 months have been radically different.

But overall? I think you managed to pull it off.

I'm not 100% sure about Harry's word choice when he first sees Hermione and Draco, but the sentiment behind it is spot on. Harry does have those moments throughout the books with both Ron and Hermione where he really, really regrets fighting with them and just wants to make it better. I think he angers more quickly than they do, but he also gets over it more quickly, too. I can definitely see this knocking some sense into him by helping to clarify what's important, and unfortunately, I can absolutely see Ron taking longer to do so, especially since he's dating Mandy.

I also liked Harry and Draco's interaction regarding Snape. They had different experiences with him, absolutely, but they definitely both have reason to have super complicated feelings about him. For Draco, Snape was sort of a savior... but he also symbolized a lot of what Draco's pulled away from and, at this point, legitimately hates. And, for Harry, Snape obviously tormented him for years and then killed Dumbledore. I almost felt like Harry's anger was overdone at first, but then I stopped to think about it and realized that no - it was actually pretty true to his reactions in the books.

I did wonder at all the Ministry officials being there for Snape's interrogation, though - obviously the Order didn't sever all ties to the Ministry until DH, but the events of OotP and HBP definitely left them fairly mistrusting of the Ministry in general. They certainly weren't including the Minister in any of their plans. Consequently, I was a bit confused about how Scrimgeour and the Aurors (and the Order members who weren't teachers, for that matter) managed to be there so quickly and why McGonagall invited the Ministry at all. In a lot of ways, I'd probably want as few people as possible near Snape, if I were her - all it takes is one double agent who casts a spell quickly to take away any chance they had of questioning him.

I also had a bit of a hard time with the students just going back to school on their own. Given what had just happened, it seems likely that at least a few would be too injured to make it, or perhaps even dead, and many of the others would have been panicked. I'd think that the teachers would want to make sure everyone was accounted for, and I'd also think that some of the responsibility for that would have fallen on Hermione. It's fine if you want to make it not fall on her - but if so, I think you need some kind of justification for that.

Oooh, I hope that wasn't too much CC. I really did enjoy the chapter, and I thought that the way you depicted the characters themselves was generally excellent! I cannot wait to read on!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again!

I've caught up to adding your CC to my word document (there are five full pages of it so far!), so here I am to respond to these reviews and put THEIR CC with the rest of it. ;) If that even makes any sense to you.

ANYHOW. Thank you, as always, for a fantastic review. I'm really glad that this chapter had you thinking about everyone's reactions. It was complicated for me to write because Snape hasn't been around for so long, and his influence on these characters has been minimal at best for almost a year. Figuring out how they would respond to his presence was difficult.

I loved all of your CC, and it's definitely going to make its way into the final draft (which I'll be working on as soon as I finish responding to the rest of your reviews). After that, I'll post chapter 49, and then the epilogue...and then it's over! Wow.

Thank you for the advice on how to improve this. I'm definitely taking it to heart.

--Emily


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