ok its good... but you might want (so its easyer to read) to make the paragraphs a little shorter and you should make a new paragraph anytime anyone talks.. you should also try to make a few charicters more distinked before you add in all these other charictars.. i mean after reading the whole first chapter we dont know ANYTHING about ANY of the charicters!! you might want to add more detale to ... Report Review
navigation
home
search HPFF read stories write stories login/register get help site links forums podcasts Terms of Service Site Rules contact us
categories & genres
Genre: - crossover - drama - fluff - general - horror/dark - humor - mystery - romance - action/adventure - angst - au - young adult
Popular Pairings: - harry/ginny - ron/hermione - james/lily - draco/hermione - more...
Format: - one-shot - short story - novella - novel - short story collection - songfic
quick links
my account ToS random story site rules help merchandise
fanfictionworld.net