Wow.. That is amazing.. I really really love it... You are a fantastic writer! Keep up the good work! :) 10/10Author's Response: Thank you so much!!! Report Review
Hey darker side of happy!
Firstly, thanks so much for entering my challenge and writing such a wonderful story. :)
Your beginning was interesting to read. Rabastan's feelings on being more of a follower seemed like something he'd regret.
Since he dreamed of the woman he loved, he should have an image of her in his mind. Describing her in exaggerated terms would be nice as it would show that he loved her. You could have elaborated on his anger at the Aurors for killing his "love" though.
Why would a man come to take Rabastan from his cell? Shouldnt it be a dementor?
I liked that Rabastan didnt even try to escape. It showed the fact that he had totally given up on life and the dementors had done their job.
My favorite part, obviously, was the last, where Rabastan smiles back at the dementor. However, the dementor was about to suck his soul out, not kill him, so the quote is rather irrelevant. Although, having your soul sucked out is much worse than death so it can be overlooked.
I feel you could have made it longer by adding more detail. I understand the fact that he's forgotten a lot but since this is supposed to be a biography, I'd expect it to be a bit longer.
But on the whole, I liked the story and it was a good read. Once again, thanks for taking part in my challenge, and please check the challenge thread to see the results. :)
-limelight1816Author's Response: Thank you for the review, when I have time I'll go back and edit this story, I had planned to anyways. Report Review
Hiya! So I took on this challenge as well, and I thought I would go see what everyone else had posted now that my own submission was up. Anyway, I really liked this.
My favorite part:
"I sat down in that wooden chair, like a king to his throne."
This is exactly how I would picture a Death Eater walking into something like that. They're proud of what they are and even in death they are going to show their pride.
I would have liked to see this a little bit longer though. I didn't feel like I really knew Rabastan by the end of it. Maybe you could have talked about his life a little bit before Voldemort.
Overall it was very good and I really enjoyed reading it! 9/10Author's Response: Thank you for the review
I admit that I took advantage of the short queue time and I uploaded it.
Once I have the time I plan on revising it quite abit.
Once more thanks for th review. Report Review
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