This was so different from anything I have read before, and I really liked it. It didn't all make sense, but in a good way. Like we are meant to be almost as confused as Sirius.
I'm usually a James/Lily person, but I think you did a really good job representing Sirius/Lily. I can only imagine how awful it would be for the person you love to love your best friend. It's heartbreaking :/
Favorite line: "While death may have been a certainty of life, there was nothing at all certain about death itself." -that line made me stop and think. The truth of it is overwhelming.
Amazing, amazing, amazing.
-Ronsgirl29Author's Response: You're right - it is supposed to be confusing to a degree because of the situation that Sirius is in. Even at the end, I wonder if any of it is actually real, or is it something that Sirius has imagined in order to finally become happy. It would have been very hard to watch Lily fall in love with and marry James, and now maybe he can change that and reveal that he loved her all along.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this! I'm really glad to hear that you liked the story so much, as well as its message. :) Report Review
love it.i hope u add another chapter.if u have a writing contest at your school u should definitely enter.you would definitely win if u entered the writing contest.love this story so much.keep writin.youll make a great author if you do.and if u bcome an arthur ill definitely read your books if u bcome an authur.love it.love it love it love it.Author's Response: Haha, this one is just a one-shot, and I don't know how I would add more, unless to show what happened during the afterlife, and that'd be too... out there for me? I can't imagine what lies beyond the initial place each person seems to land after death.
Thank you very much for the lovely compliments! It's really fantastic that you like my writing. ^_^ Report Review
Hi! Georgia from TGS here with your review! I'm so sorry for the delay, I've just been super super busy with exams that just don't seem to be ending :(
Okay, so this was amazing. I have to be honest here and say I'm in no way a Sirius/Lily fan, so I was strangely hurt, lol, when I learned of their affair. However, it was truely beautiful and I really enjoyed reading it, despite the ship. I really have to give you points for your narrative, it was amazing! Though Sirius was confused, I actually felt his words were mesmerizing and almost convincing in a strange sort of way. It was weird and it's hard to explain, but it was so effective, it was just wonderful. I thoroughly enjoyed this! If not for your request, I would have skipped over it because of the ship - so thank you :)
The messy style is just brilliant. It really gives his thoughts that extra punch, highlighting his confusion and agitation. The imagery, coupled with that style, that this creates is just superb :) The way he "floats" to the bench and the scenery you described were really quite poetic and just created a some wonderful imagery.
The bench was hard, but that was typical of their kind.
I loved this line. It broke up the melancholy of the story just slightly, adding a great touch of humor. Brilliant.
Overall, this was amazing. The dialogue was fantastic, the story just flowed so well and the issues discussed - death, the afterlife, etc. - were just amazing. The way you presented the afterlife, actually, was amazing. Really, I have no critique. The way you described Sirius, wow, you had such a grasp on his character. It was a flawless presentation. And Lily, too, was amazing. Very mysterious...I felt she was kind of distant, too, for most of the fic, which was a great touch. Sirius wasn't truly connecting with her, so you didn't let the reader connect with her either. Great work.
However, the story still leaves us with questions, which is good too. It sort of alludes to the fact that this is Sirius' new beginning, not an end. I do have one question though, which is bugging me; did Lily ever love James? I would like your opinion...I'm not 100% sure she did, though I like to think so...
Anyway. Brilliant story, I'm sorry I couldn't give you any critique (haha, Susan, critique? Laughable! XD). I thoroughly enjoyed it, please feel free to drop by my thread with another request! Again, I'm really sorry for the delay with this review!
10/10Author's Response: Thank you very much for coming to review this, Georgia! I'm sorry for the confusion about which story to review - I appreciate that you were able to review this one instead. :D
Making their relationship into an affair is probably me rebelling against the confines of this ship. :P It's a ship I'm not entirely convinced could or did happen, but at the same time, there's something alluring about reading and writing it. Now that I've thought about it, I'm not sure why I included an affair - probably to heighten Sirius's pain and indecision. He questions her loyalty to him because she was disloyal to James - is she trustworthy at all?
I'm relieved and glad that the style worked out. It was very strange to write - very fragmented and contradictory, with nothing entirely clear. It could have gone very wrong, making the story unreadable, so it's wonderful to hear that it puts the reader in Sirius's shoes (mesmerized is a bonus :P I'm having a mental image of hypnotized readers now). The story has a ghostly feel to it, which suits the title and the situation Sirius is in. :D
No critique? Wow, that's just awesome, thank you! About Lily, I have the hugest issues writing her, which is why she seems to so distant. In the books she feels very distant too, talked about often, but we rarely ever see who she really is. The letter Snape stole in DH is the only time she really has a voice - so I always end up writing her from afar, never getting close enough to understand her properly. At least that suits the story well - Sirius feels the same way about her. XD
Thank you again for the review! I'd be happy to request from you again - this was incredibly thorough, and you've made me think about the story again (which I love doing, strangely enough). This story is an experiment that I might end up trying again. ;) Report Review
This is going to be a long one so bear with me. Firstly, have you finally been converted? Seen the light? I'm so happy to see you with more Sirius/Lily on your page. Good ones are so rare to find and I'm glad you've taken up the torch to write them. Okay, onto the review.
Desriptions as usual are great. I could not say it but that wouldn't be fair to you :P The opening scene is fabulous. You've woven together his confused emotions wonderfully...the things he knows (and doesn't) the things he remembers (and doesn't).
This is a little thing, I know, but if you are like me you've been reading your reviews waiting on someone to mention it so I guess I'll give it a go. There are a hundred things you could have had Sirius focus on when he "awoke" but the ones you've chosen are very specific to his character. That he would initially hide from the morning light, preferring instead darkness; that he looks for other things (insects, animals, people) to subtantiate the world around him because Sirius is never enough...he's a passive inhabitant to the world rather than in it and it was interesting to see that portrayed with the simple comment "he didn't think that counted for much."
I had a little confusion with his internal monologue but that was fine because it meant I was just as confused as he was. When his thoughts bounced around, I bounced around with him which, of course, is a great thing for a writer to accomplish.
I didn't like that he didn't know her right away. It was well-wrriten there, don't get me wrong, I'm just a sappy romantic and want their love to span through death and all that nonsense. It was heartbreaking to me (perhaps not to a non Sirius/Lily shipper) that he didn't which, I suppose, could have been your intention. If you meant to make me sad, well, then I'm mad at you :P
And then...THEN...you went where I've never gone. Kudos to you, girlfriend! I don't want to give it away in case some reads the reviews before reading the story but GAH! She was pregnant with Harry???
Okay, I'm going to disagree with the characterization here just because I don't want to believe that about Sirius. I just can't bring myself to believe that about him but you do pull it off in a believable way and I'm sure many, many readers will be happy about that turn of events.
I know the site is going to cut me off (if it hasn't already) so I should close this up. It was wonderful as I expected with enough twists to add your own unique mysterious style to it. Fabulous story!Author's Response: Thank you for doing this, timeturner! It was a great surprise to see you offering reviews, so I couldn't resist, not when there was a Sirius/Lily story involved. :P But no, I haven't been entirely converted yet. I'm just addicted to writing this ship for some unknown reason (perhaps an unconscious conversion, then?). Sirius is an amazing character, while Lily is very elusive, which makes them intriguing to write together. :D
Anyway, the internal monologue was supposed to be a bit confusing, like you said, though it might also be because of the fragmented style - all the choppy sentences, etc. It seemed to work with a post-death Sirius, and I'm glad that it didn't alienate you from the story at all. That was a big worry.
You know, I actually didn't think much about what Sirius noticed when he first "awoke" from death. It's fascinating that it turned out to suit him, and it makes perfect sense that he needs something else there with him. Even at Hogwarts, it was always James and Sirius as a team, never each alone. Perhaps it's something to do with being a Black, needing a "family" around him, even once his own family has disowned him. Wow, this goes to show how well you know Sirius. :P
It makes sense that, if she was so important to him, that he would remember her. Perhaps he didn't want to remember James because of his guilt, but it was really Lily he was living for (which makes him sound like canon Snape, arg). So he should have known her. Yet it's part of the mystery for him, trying to figure out who she is - he already knows that she means something, everything to him, but it takes him a while to consciously remember her name. It is supposed to be a sad story (even with the almost-happy ending), so you can be mad. ;)
You haven't written about them cheating, that's true. I had to think about that a bit, but yes, what I did here takes the ship a step toward doom. It definitely is a dangerous place to go, as neither of them are the cheating sort, both loyal to James in their own way. I did it with another Sirily too, so I don't know. Perhaps it's just my rebellion against the ship. :P
Thank you again for doing this review, timeturner. It means so much to hear your thoughts on this story, the characters, and ship. It's fantastic that you enjoyed the story, too! ^_^ Report Review
This was beautiful. A beautiful idea and beautifully written.
“Will you take me away, Sirius? From here, from him, from everything.”
That line broke my heart a little bit. I've recently started to get a little more into Sirius/Lily, and I thought that this just perfectly summed up why Sirius and Lily would ever get together.
Your take on what awaited Sirius beyond the Veil was brilliantly imaginative and original. I adored the way you wrote this, too. This style of writing suited this piece perfectly.
“If you look close enough into her eyes, they have a bit of hazel in them,” the be-spectacled boy was saying. “That’s a sign, Sirius! No Divination professor could see any clearer than that!”
I loved that, too. I can't quite put my finger on why, but I did.
Excellent. I do hope that you're proud of this piece, because you should be. :)
Jessica.Author's Response: Wow, thank you very much! :D I'm really happy that you liked this story and how it was written. I was trying out some new things with the style, and it's great to hear that they worked.
After reading the King's Cross chapter, I had to write a story like this, not only because it's Sirius (and he deserves a post-death scene), but also because it's a fascinating way of portraying an afterlife. I can't take full credit for the idea because a friend of mine, forsakenphoenix, used a similar idea (in a different way) for one of her stories. ;)
Yes, I can say that I'm proud of this story. Writing it almost convinced me that the Sirius/Lily ship can work without resorting to painful adultery or heartbreak for those involved. I also like how Lily turned out here as she's a difficult character to write for me. Thank you again for reading and reviewing! Report Review
To my chagrin, I don't remember much about this piece. I was astounded, I knew, but I didn't remember the nuances of this fic. The one thing I remembered clearly was remarking about the stunning, simple imagery, specifically that of lilies and death. That's it.
So I'm really quite glad that you requested that I re-review this. I don't know if you've ever done this, but when I'm bored, I go through old favorites to see if I can still stomach them. Most of the time, I can't, and I wonder, what was I thinking? Why the hell would I have ever liked this? Not so here. I don't know why I didn't favorite this before, but I will. Having read your most recent fics in comparison with this, which is nearly a year old, I can definitely say that you have improved, but that difference is nearly imperceptible.
There were a few typos scattered throughout - "he" instead of "the" for example, so nothing awfully blatant - but I didn't really care. When I was reading, I remembered that I was blown away by the originality of your depiction of Sirius's death as composed to Harry's "death" in DH. Choosing Lily, of course, makes the ship "work," but I think she's there because she always had the answers, just as Dumbledore did for Harry. Looking beyond the fact that this is a Sirius/Lily story (although it really does seem more like a story that happens to have Sirius/Lily undertones in it), it really does speak wonders about Sirius, just having Lily explained the technicalities of death to him.
My favorite part was definitely the ending. I don't remember it being so abrupt, but it works marvelously. Really, it does. I can't complain about it coming so soon, because it sums up the whole story in one word. Death is just as perilous as Life, and just as in Life, in Death, people change. Sirius's fate is still a question in the air, and he has a choice between one unknown and another type of unknown.
I've always been fascinated with death (unhealthy obsession XD) but this didn't freak me out... at least, not with the heavy breathing and that general feeling of fear. No, this death and this choice is the type of thing that subtly unnerves the reader. There's no certainty, in life or death, and forgive me for my repetitive ramblings but it's true, and I have been subtly unnerved.
... so I'll just shut up, and we'll pretend that the pointing out of a typo is sufficient criticism, okay?Author's Response: Hey Gubby! Thank you so much for reviewing this a second time, I really appreciate it. :D This version is a little different from the one you read - not in plot so much as edits and reshaping the language a bit.
Yes, sometimes I do go back, but usually the stories aren\\\'t that bad. Maybe you\\\'re more discerning than me, haha. It means a lot that you favourited this story, though, and also that I seem to have improved, even in just the last year. That\\\'s wonderful news! ^_^ I\\\'ll look out for those typos, ugh. No matter how hard I try, they always appear. The gremlins must do it. >.<
The scene in DH helped inspire this one-shot - I wanted to see how it would have happened for Sirius when he died. JKR\\\'s idea of the wizarding afterlife is fascinating and I couldn\\\'t think of who would meet Sirius at first. Then I went with Lily - it could have easily been James or Regulus, but Sirily is too much fun to write. :P It\\\'s good to hear that it wasn\\\'t a \\\"Sirily\\\" story so much as a story that happened to include that ship. I worry that I write too many romance/shippy stories, and am trying to get away from that.
The ending was a bit longer before, but I deemed it too mushy and sentimental, so I thought that a more abrupt ending might suit better. I liked the idea of leaving Sirius with that choice, though he has already made his decision, even if he hasn\\\'t said it yet. ;)
Thank you very much, Gubby! I\\\'d say more about the death and the unnerving part, but then I\\\'d start rambling and then where would we be? :P Report Review
beautifully written- well done :)Author's Response: Wow, thank you very much! =D Report Review
You've done it again! Absolutely brilliant. I like your take on death here, especially Sirius', with its odd circumstances. His confusion and fragmented memories were very well done. I love it!Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you very much! It's an odd story, so I'm glad you still liked it. The fragmentation was interesting to write - I really like experimenting with that style, playing with grammar and syntax. :) Report Review
this was quite good. i'm not a sirius/lily shipper in the least, but you got me to read this without letting on it was one, even if only slightly, before I was more than half way through it! Sneaky, sneaky you! Nevertheless it made me feel quite an arrange of emotions which, to me at least, shows you're quite a wonderful writer and I do hope to see more of such a degree from you in the future.Author's Response: Thank you very much, Alex! =D It's a sneaky Sirily story, and it wasn't even supposed to be one at first, but I needed a girl to meet him, and Lily came to mind. It didn't help that some people had been asking for another Sirily story, so this turned into one. :/
I'm really glad that you liked it, still. ^_^ Thank you for the wonderful compliments! I do hope that I can write more like this in the future. Report Review
hoooly. this fic is amazing, i love the idea behind it too.
sirius' emotions were well portrayed, when he was trying hard to figure out Lily's name i was on the edge of my seat ready to shout at him.
and the ending line is incredibly pro. :)
selandoraAuthor's Response: Thank you very much! It's wonderful that you enjoyed this story and how the characters were portrayed. I used to have a lot of trouble with Sirius, and still do with Lily, so your review is great to hear. ^_^ Report Review
Hey there, it's Rose here with your review ^^
Well, you were concerned about understandability, and I must confess, I found myself a little confused, but that's only because you described Sirius's confusion so well! Ha ha, sorry I just had to say that.
Really though, your descriptions were all so wonderful. I was so drawn into them, they were almost smothering, but in a good way (I even manged to block out the sound of 'The Sims' being played in the background.)
Everything was just so well thought out, but never ordered, if you know what I mean. It all made sense in the end. I really loved it.
Sirius and Lily are so sweet together, even though it can never amount to anything. You certainly did them justice in this piece and the fact that they might 'hook up' in the afterlife makes perfect sense. Honestly, it's such a wonderful idea.
Everything flowed really well too. At the start, a couple of your sentences seemed a little wordy, but that's usually the way. In my experience at least flow problems occur at the beginning, before you're really into it. But really, it was such a minor issue I can't even remember what it was anymore.
This piece was so well done and I really enjoyed reading it! :) Wow, fantastic job. You certainly have a talent for writing (and graphics) He he. Couldn't resist.
- RoseAuthor's Response: Oh yay! Thank you very much for coming in to review this one for me. ^_^
Sirius's confusion was in itself confusing. :P Good, it should have been - I was trying to really get into his head, placing the reader in his position of being entirely lost in this new place. I'm glad that worked out without becoming too confusing so that it made it hard to read. :)
Perfect, with Sirius's confusion, I was worried that the flow of the narrative would go down the tube. Wordy? Not surprised there - I'll take a look through for them. Those are things I do a lot. *hides*
Thank you so very much for this review. It's extremely helpful. =D Report Review
Aww...I've read this before already and even left a review. I can't believe you lost it (and all your other reviews) after the server crash. :'(
Anyway, I'm back again.
I've actually never read a Sirius/Lily before that I've enjoyed so much like this. Or even a story in the viewpoint of a ghost that was perfectly written. It seemed realistic, with Sirius' sudden death when hit by the Killing Curse and then him falling through the veil... And when he couldn't remember who he was and what had happened. But somehow he was able to keep the memories that were most important to him, for example, he remembered Lily. By trying to make connections of what he could remember from his life, for example, 'pain' and 'joy' and 'laughter', he tried to remember her and why she was so familiar.
It must be like dying twice when he finally remembered why he had lost Lily: She was pregnant with James' child. :( *loves such stories*
But at least they reunited after death, right? She chose him then...Author's Response: It was very sad to lose the reviews, but it did give me the chance to do a few edits to the story. Thank you for coming back to review it again, Mitch. ^_^
lol! Sirius/Lilys are one of those iffy ships, which perhaps makes it more interesting to write, seeing if I can persuade myself to enjoy the pairing. :P I'm really glad that you liked how it turned out - it is a very weird story, with all the fragments of Sirius's memory floating about.
This is probably the only happy ending I've written. :S They had to get together by the end of this story, otherwise it would have been a horrible way to punish Sirius. I wanted him to be happier in death than he was in life, and with Lily choosing him now, he has that opportunity. ^_^
Thank you very much for this review, Mitch. It means a lot that you enjoyed this story, and your comments are always so interesting to read. ^_^ Report Review
I must say that a though of Lily having a thing going with Sirius crossed my mind once and I almost wrote it, but then I couldn't do it to her. But it returned to me now...
I think it's because we hear about two best friends who did everything together...but we hear only about one girl. So it kind of naturally follows...
I also like very much the actual topic of this fic, the deciding moment Sirius had to go through. Lily seem to be very popular as a death-guide, I've seen it several times already, although of course, normally it's Severus who dies.
I usually have issues with the death fics, because I think death to be way above things like this - the crushes we had in life - but somehow, I didn't mind with this one. Maybe because it was so masterfully written and psychologically well done...I could almost see that relationship (that might also be thanks to my many mistress experiences, but I'd rather not go there :D), you pictured it very realistically.
And, eh, what else can I say...it was just a brilliant story.Author's Response: It's one of those ships that makes sense, but is quite iffy, not only because of canon, but because of the loyalties at stake in writing it. Maybe it's because James is left out of the books, while Sirius gets to tell his side of things. And, like you state, two extremely close friends, yet Sirius never mentions having a relationship.
Yes, the good old death fic. :P Can be a nightmare, but also might work out. I can't take too much credit for how this one worked - some of the idea came from "King's Cross" in DH, while another part of it came from a story by forsakenphoenix, which also looked at the afterlife for the Marauders. My story here is very strange, and I don't think I could write another like it again for that reason. It's a great compliment that you liked it and saw through the death part into the relationship. When writing this, I was so into Sirius trying to get back his memory, that I didn't look into the relationship part as much as I should have. Yet I'm really glad that it sounded right. :)
Thanks so much for this review, Barbara. It means a lot. ^_^ Report Review
I loved this, surprisingly. I think I've just been converted to Sirius/Lily :) Beautiful, beautiful writing. There was quite a lot of description, but I was drawn in rather than turned off by it - I think because it was all used for atmosphere, not just for the sake of describing something. The tone of the conversation between Sirius and Lily was just perfect, and I loved how you led into his remembering her name with the "french flowers". This somehow managed to be angsty but not depressing, and very enjoyable :D
10/10Author's Response: o_O Converted? By this story? Wow! It wasn't supposed to be a Sirily story when I first started writing, but it randomly became one - bad influences from those friends of mine who love the ship. :P But it's really amazing that this story made you like the ship - being an un-canon ship, it's very easy to become turned off it, especially since it involves Lily and Sirius betraying James by being together.
Thank you very much for this review! It's wonderful that you enjoyed the story! ^_^ Report Review
My old review wasn't upto standard for this wonderful fic - so I is glad for another chance. :P Also, where's your Dramione? *cries*
Anywho, beautifully written, Susan! I love the hesitancy between Lily and Sirius, and the fact that Sirius just isn't able to remember aswell as Lily saying she has changed which I think shows that a Sirily relationship just would never have worked.
Peraps a smidge too long (but I'm one too talk, to be honest.) But the way Sirius was portrayed as confused and couldn't remember, was cleverly reflected in your writing, broken some how but still making sense to me as a reader. :)
The memory flashbacks to the sirily relationship was a nice touch. It was a nice way to know that the relationship was different to how Lily would of been with James.
It was wonderfully written, Susan. ^___^Author's Response: It's so funny because I actually shortened this story after your previous review of it, though I do agree that it is a bit dragged out. The problem is that I don't know what else to cut. There are details that are important to the story that I don't want to leave out. maybe I should go back to the style I did for "ad memoriam" with the bleak, anti-descriptive narration. :/
Anyways! Thank you so very much for reviewing this again, Em. It means a lot to me. ^_^ It's great that the flashbacks and the characterizations worked out for you - they seemed iffy when I was writing them. Report Review
I really like this interpretation of Sirius's death. The ending really made it for me. It's an interesting perspective of Lily I haven't considered before.Author's Response: Thank you very much! :)
I'm very interested in Lily's character, and it's become a habit to write her in many different ways, depending on the main character. While it's un-canon to have this relationship, it is an intriguing one in how it changes how Lily is viewed. Report Review
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