Based on what you requested, I was expecting a very different story. This is passion and emotion, not a sappy love story.
I noticed little things. An "it" missing here or there. But for the most part, your spelling and grammar is flawless.
I'm curious if you've done a backstory for this piece. It would be interesting to see what Harry died from.
You probably were expecting a longer review than this, but in my case, the longer the review, the more things I have noticed that need to be fixed/taken into account.
HSBDAuthor's Response: Oh, thanks so much. That was quick!
I'll re-read it again and see if I can spot the missing "it"s.
I don't normally write romance on its own so to speak so I was a bit worried at the beginning. Yes, I do have a back story. Mainly it's a very AU version of the final battle. I always suspected that Harry was a Horcrux (since HBP), I was convinced in fact. I will write this back story at some stage. The general idea is that Ginny is in the secret and she know he is going to die, so she decides to have his child, although it's a bit more complicated than that, but it's basically something she just has to do.
It's not too short, honestly. Thanks so, so much. Very encouraging. Report Review
Hmmm. For some reason it didn't like the review I copied and pasted. I left you a review on Gluttony also which includes some spelling corrections etc. I won't retype those here. I will just re-write the other stuff I wrote...
This is such a sad, bitter-sweet tale of Ginny losing her spouse. I dreaded getting to the end of DH and finding that JK killed my beloved, I mean, Ginny's beloved Harry. I'm so glad she didn't. Your story delves into the feelings Ginny would have had, had that unfortunate event occurred. How does one move on after the death or loss of someone who consumes your heart as I'm sure Harry consumed Ginny's. As we all know, Harry would never have wanted Ginny to wallow in sadness. He would have wanted her to move and and eventually find love and happiness again.
I have a feeling you have been to this beach and walked it's shores, visiting cafes and pondering your life and the unexpected turns it may have taken. I love walking on the beach at the Jersey shore and hearing the waves pound the sand. It can be quite therapeudic and I was glad to see Ginny healing with the help of the waves and sounds of the shore.
I was shocked to read that you gave Harry's son red hair instead of black. Still characteristically unruley though.
This story gave me a sense of peace while reading it knowing that time really does move on. Maybe not quite as you originally pictured it but it marches on just the same buffering the sorrow and the pain as it passes.
Thanks for sharing this lovely story. I enjoyed reading and reviewing it for you. Look on Gluttony for some spelling correction/suggestions.Author's Response: Oh, babe!
Thanks ever so much. Wonderfully detailed review. I have now fixed the error minus "realise" which is the British spelling and "got" instead of "gotten" for the same reason. I liked all your suggestions by the way.
I'm really glad you enjoyed the story and the emotions etc. I have left you a more detailed reply in Gluttony. x Report Review
Loved.Every.Word. Full stop.
Very literate, not too sappy, for a romantic just like I am highly recommendable. You made my day.
One thing. You use the word "she" to my liking too often. I understand it's not easy to find a synonym for it, but with some careful rearrangement you could get away with less repetitions.
Once again, highly lovable fic!
Two hands + two feet = four thumbs!
ZoltanAuthor's Response: Oh, you have certainly made my day here!
I was worried when I wrote it that it might be a little melodramatic, especially because he is dead but I just couldn't get myself, at the time, to write something 100% happy since I wasn't feeling that way myself at the time.
I'd really try to see what I can do about too many "shes", very well spotted. I suppose I can always use Ginny from time to time instead.
I'm sooo glad you liked it. x Report Review
Very good capture of the sense of loss.
Well done.Author's Response: Thanks so much! I wrote this for Jessi's Valentine's challenge and I wasn't feeling very happy so I killed him! I'm so glad you thought it was well portrayed. Report Review
I do notice a typo in your summary-it should be "Normandy".
I actually read this story a long time ago. I can't believe that I didn't leave a review then.
Your take on Ginny's pain is heart-wrenching and your descriptions of the town and its surroundings add to the loneliness that Ginny's feeling.
So many American authors just don't understand how European architecture can convey feeling in a way that modern architecture can't. Your description of the church and Ginny lighting a candle for Harry gives a feeling of a higher power helping to ease her suffering.
Molly's attempt to help is very Molly-as is Ginny's ability to see through it.
Beautiful and sad. Wonderful and tear-jerking. One of the best atmospheric stories I've read on the site.Author's Response: Oh, wow, what a compliment! Thanks so much Carl.
I was always a bit worried that this story was a little sappy but the reviews have been, in the main, very encouraging.
Thanks for pointing out the typo, by the way. I'll go and fix it straight away. I just don't seem to have an eye for picking these in my own stories, maybe because we all become so familiar with them that we overlook things.
I'm glad that Ginny and Molly were in your opinion in character. I have a massive crush on Harry and I was feeling down at the time, so I guess I proyected a lot of feeling into her.
I love your commnent about European architecture. I just love architecture, especially Gothic, so I thought this church would fit in well. Yes, there are some forces at play here and I always thought that Harry would want her to move on and be as happy as possible. After all, he never wanted people to be troubled because of him (like when Dolores is torturing him but he won't go to Dumbledore).
I'm just so chaffed with this review! x Report Review
So I have to ask, how did Harry die? I mean if hey were able to get married and have a son then I'm assuming you didn't have him die in the final battle. So I'm just curious as to how he died. But it was a well written story of coping and understanding the loss of a loved one and how to move on.
=^_^=Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing this one-shot too. Harry, well, my stories tend to be fairly AU at times. I conceived some of this idea before DH and the final battle in the main story does happen later chronologically than in DH. What I had in mind is that they could have both being very young. Okay, probably a bad example, but the circumstances surrounding all this are pretty extreme. Now, if you really want to know the ins and outs, I'll pm you.
I'm so pleased you enjoyed it and thanks so much for your lovely review. x Report Review
Ah! that's odd, even though I'm logged in it makes me put my name in! Oh well, just know that this is norapotter, whom you asked for a review a few...er...oops weeks ago. Sorry about that.
Anyways first thing I'd like to do is commend you on your fantastic intro! It really brings the reader in and is a great opening paragraph. It gives the idea of what may happen but leaves enough question that the reader HAS to read on! Good Work!
"Concerns: is it too sappy? I guess it is a bit but just a general opinion. I would be grateful for whatever type or review you wish to go for."
Well I'm not quit sure what sappy means, if you still want to find you PM me with the meaning (god that's embarrassing...but i really don't know the meaning) and I will PM you back and tell you what I think.
You write with a very...what's the word...professional feeling. Your voice is so strong and your sentences have such fantastic words in them. A lot of people don't use such words, they use words such as good, nice, bad ect. But these words arn't very specific, or descriptive. But you, you use words that REALLy do mean what you are trying to say. Excellent job!
There was a section in this that i began to get the feeling of a bed-to-bed narrative. You described alot, and that's good. But two paragraphs in a row begin with "after". Even if you began the paragraph's (at least one) in a different way, such as "Ginny finished her hot chocalate..." but of course using your brilliant style and descriptions.
I love how you have such a strong point of this writing. I really felt that you had a reason to write this and you were trying to say something, you weren't just writing it becuase you wanted more stories on the site. Well done!
Overall I think this is a really great writing. As i said before, your writing voice is beautiful. Keep up the great work! Report Review
Wow. Just wow. This is amazing. Beautifully written, really.
Wonderful job on this one-shot. I love your writing style. You've done a great job writing Ginny as a Harry's widow. The emotion you elicit from your writing is realistic and believable. I like that you made Ginny the main character of your one-shot. I didn't mind it sappy, I actually found it a pleasure to read.
Absolutely great one shot!Author's Response: Thanks so much. This review is so encouraging! I wrote this for a Valentine's challenge and I didn't want to make it completely happy, so evil me, I killed Harry off! which was hard because I love him as a character. I guess that's why I could manage to put myself in Ginny's shoes.
I'm so glad that you thought it worked.
You've really made my day! Report Review
Aww, that was very sad! Sad and beautiful. I really like your description in this story, and I thought you had the emotions down quite well. Ginny’s line was a bit sappy, but only because I can’t picture Ginny saying it aloud. But that could be just me. ^_^ I was a bit confused about the timeline, like how long were they married and such, but it didn’t really matter. All in all, you did a good job on this. Keep it up!Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. I'm so glad that you like the descriptions and the emotions that I tried to convey.
Of course this is very much AU. I decided to leave the background story a little open. What I actually had in mind is pretty AU but there it goes: I thought, since HBP that Harry was a Horcrux, which ok turned out to be canon but he managed to survive this. In what I imagined he cannot find a way without basically sacrificising himself. Ginny knows that and well, they become lovers and well, he just have to do the decent thing and they get married when they are very young. In terms of timeline this is the first Valentine's Day since the final battle (which in my main story will be Halloween 1998) and that's also when the baby is born. However, it doesn't necessary mean that Harry will die in my novel-length (he may or may not - hence disclaimer). I thought it would be interesting to kill him off for the purpose of this story but I really love Harry and I couldn't let him go without part of him living on somehow and I thought that the child would be a source of comfort to Ginny.
Yes, I thought that line was a bit sappy myself, although she's just kind of talking to herself there. I don't see Ginny as a sappy person at all but I think she would be quite devastated and I didn't really know what else she could really see but I may give this a thought and see if I can convey the same feeling with a more Ginny-like line.
Thanks so much! Report Review
Amazing. I mean, it was shortish but it still got the message out. Depressing really. Great, it really had good wording and descripting, and depressingness.
It was a good, I miss you I love you I want you I will survive though' kind of one-shot. Which I enjoyed.
I don't really like Ginny and Harry in fanfiction, it's just how it is. But I didn't mind this... It was different the most...
I enjoyed it, I would have enjoyed it better if I wasn't so tired... But oh well I still enjoyed it!
9.4/10Author's Response: Thanks so much for this.
I means a lot that you really like it even if you don't like this pairing in fanfic.
As promised, my 12+ one-shots are not totally what people expect from a 12+ fic. Now, I'm sorry that you happen to have read my two most depressing pieces. I'm not always a miserable writer lol My novel-length is quite general with adventure, tragedy, romance, humour etc but I thought it was too long a piece for what you said you could read.
I'm really flattered that you liked how the surroundings were described and Ginny's feelings.
Thanks very much. I feel really flattered too! Report Review
Wow, I think your description is amazing! *drool* I love good descriptive stories, this one was perfectly written. You captured Ginny's emotion and grief so well. Sad is that she lost Harry, but Harry is watching over her and their child, and she knows she doesn't have to miss him too much or else she'll go insane. Good job! ^_^Author's Response: Thanks so... so much! I wrote this for a Valentine's challenge and I wasn't in the mood for a happy ever after story but I didn't want it to be void of all hope either.
It was very hard for me to kill Harry off, since I adore him, but for this story to work, it had to be done! I identify with Ginny quite a bit I guess I just put myself in her circumstances. I'm pleased that you enjoy the descriptions. I normally use (and abuse!) dialogue a lot more and this is my first one-shot in fanfic so I was a bit out of my familiar territory but I'm very happy with the reviews so far. Yours is just so encouraging! Thanks so much, babe! x Report Review
I wouldn't say sappy... Maybe just a little, but that sappiness has to be there, or else the story would be gone. It is perfectly romantic, which helps the reader feel soft and fuzzy instead of sad. Wonderful story!Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. It's much appreciated. I see what you mean but some sappiness being needed for the story to work. Yes, I was hoping that the story wouldn't come across as 100%sad.
Thanks! Report Review
what a great story! (: i loved it. the description was perfect and the plot was good. it wasn't too sappy at all ;) keep on being an awesome writer ^__^
-ShannonAuthor's Response: I'm so flattered!! I just love that little French town! I'm so glad you liked it and that it wasn't too sappy for your taste! Report Review
What a beautiful one-shot, nearly had me crying. You are a very talented writer, it isn't easy to write something with that much description and emotion. Well done!Author's Response: What a wonderful compliment! I love Harrywith an insane passion, so killing him off was hard!
I'm very pleased that you like the description too! Report Review
Hello, this is lucretia neva/uptowngirlinlove from the review section.
1. Plot: I haven't read the Mysteries Unveiled because the lack of time for myself just takes its toll on me so I didn't exactly understand how Harry died, not that it makes any difference. The plot is good, a nice fresh breath of air from the fics that mainly center on Hermione losing someone(be that Draco or Ron). It was interesting to see Ginny in that position, as she always seem to be the strong one...
2. Characters: I liked Ginny in here, you definitely managed to convey the sensitivity in her. In most of the fics that I've read she's this fiery red-head with a temper, which is quite alright, but as I said before a change of perspectives is always welcomed. I also enjoyed the bit at the end, with Ginny making amends with his death, admitting that it would be hard but that she'll try hard until finally making it through. That would be something that Ginny would think.
Overall: It's a good one shot, albeit being short. but you've managed to compact the information and rend a plausible side of Ginny's story. Overall, it was an enjoyable one-shot.Author's Response: Thanks so much for your wonderfully encouraging and detailed review.
How Harry dies, well, I haven't posted the end of Mysteries Unveiled yet so you wouldn't have found out anyway. I also said that this story may well not be connected to the other one. Now, what I had in my mind was that Harry was a Horcrux (I was convinced of this since HBP) but that both Voldy and himself had to die for Voldy not to be able to return, so yes, he would have died in the final battle, which in my mind happens a bit later than in canon and Ginny would had just had the child, so this is the first Valentine's Day after the event.
I normally write Ginny as you said, fiery and with a temper but I think it's safe to asume that she's not like that all the time. I see her also as someone very loving and sensitive. The baby is a bit of a consolation for her, of course, even if she is very young still but I imagine her missing Harry so much! even if she presents a brave face to the world.
I'm so pleased that you found her characterisation plausible.
Thanks so much! Report Review
I decided to go with the one-shot first but i'll get to your other story soon. Now this story (masterpiece I should say) was phenomenal. You have a way with words my dear. Description, flawless. Characterization, on point. And it takes place in France *swoon*. I commend you. Is it too sappy you asked, no, definitely not. It was beautiful and touching. 100 :)Author's Response: Wow, this is certainly an encouraging review! It has cheered me up no end, honestly! I thought this little French town would make a good setting for this scene. I'm really thrilled! Report Review
This was a very sad and touching story. I was sorry it ended when it did. I had a very vivid picture of the young grieving woman. The baby made it both more bearable and more poignant.
Sorry this isn't longer. I think you did a fine job with this story. For a Valentine's Day story, it hits the emotion precisely.Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing this story.
I wasn't in the mood to write a happy fiction at the time and I decided that the main male character had to be dead (evil me!). I was very insecure about this at first, thinking it was awfully melodramatic and I was very pleasantly surprised with the reviews.
Thanks so much! Report Review
It's Meera from the forum, here to review your story!
Wowie. One thing you're very good at, my dear, is description. I think you set the scene very nicely from the beginning, and that definitely makes a story very easy to read.
Is it too sappy, you asked. No, I don't think so. She's grieving for Harry (on that note, I can't believe Harry's dead!), and thus has the right to come up with the sappiest memories, and think about how happy they were together. It's good that she realised that she has to move on from Harry.
Love story aside, your spelling was groovy, and I've only spotted one grammatical error (lack of quotation marks, in one sentence).
I think this is a really good story. Hopefully I answered your query!
- Meera :)Author's Response: You know, I normally write novel-length wiith lots of dialogue, so I was insecure about this little shot. Reviews have been encouraging, so I'm glad I posted this litle story.
Killing Harry off was hard even to me! I just love the guy! but this was a Valentine's challenge and I was going through a break down in a relationship, so I killed him! but that would have happened in the final battle and because he chose that himself, i.e. like his mother to protect his wife, child and friends... Harry was always pretty altruistic, so he would do that and that's even harder on Ginny.
Utterly encouraging! If you want to know the whole background as to Harry's death, just owl me anytime.
Thanks so much! Report Review
Hello! Mystery Marauder here, sorry for not reviewing sooner. Well, you want my opinion so here it is.
It's a nice piece of writing, and has a consistent style/mood, something I am horrible at, so to me it's like a huge deal. The feelings and process Ginny is going through seems right too, but I feel uncomfortable in some places in other parts. It's obviously not strictly canon, but I still felt like something is a little off with the characters.
“Ginny, goodness, at last you got back!” exclaimed her mother rising to embrace her.
I really cannot imagine Molly speaking like that. She sounds like a snobby high-class socialite for god's sake, not the warm-hearted little old woman we know and love.
Maybe something more along the lines of 'Goodness Ginny, you're finally back!'
Same thing, just different voice.
In addition, I also don't think you should end with an exclamation at the end. If you end with a regular period it ends on a note of contentedness.
I could be wrong though-- maybe you have some background story you're building off of where you're characters are a certain way, who am I to tell you.
On a whole, not bad.Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review and for giving me a very honest opinion. I agree that the exclamation mark is unnecessary. I'll probably change that, now what Molly says, I don't know, I never thought it sounded that posh and I live in England, but maybe it does. I'll definitely will bear this in mind.
Thanks so much for this! Report Review
Oh my goodness... this is the third time I've read it and I love it more each time. I couldn't leave a review before (as I was supposed to be working... shhh).
This was so tastefully and sweetly done. It's the perfect blend of sadness and heartache, but with that tiny bit of fluff to round it out and leave you walking away with a sad smile of what was and what could have been...
There's only one little thing I found and perhaps I'm reading it wrong: "...like if fuelled by a magical force". Should that be "...as if fuelled..." or "...like it was fuelled..." That's it - the rest was perfect.
I can't wait to dive into your novel! That will come soon... :D
Excellent! Marking this (and you) as a favorite!!! :)
10/10Author's Response: Wow, you have now made my day! I totally understand about being at work... well my laptop has died and I'm having problems accessing the internet. If people at my work found out they would send me to the loony-bin!
I'm so glad I posted this because I wrote it quickly for a challenge and I was worried that it was ever so melodramatic and yet, it has had such positive reviews! Yes I think "as it fuelled..." sounds better actually.
Thanks so much for that! x
Now, the novel is a long thing and still very much in progress. Also, it's a year 7 thing but from an odd perspective, I guess. I include elements that JKR could not really dabble with such as religion etc but I look forward to your comments when you get to it.
I'm so behind with everything. I'm still to finish reading Girldectective's wonderful story which is now in the book club! This lack of internet is doing my head in!
Hugs x Report Review
cute, short, sweet, and sad. That about sums it up! 10/10Author's Response: Thanks so much! I'm really, really glad that you enjoyed it! Report Review
Hiya. Your going to hate me know.
I loved it! There was all the description I was looking for! it was gorgeous. Just two things:
Is this AU? So they got married, she got pregnant and then Harry died.
Lastly, when did the Weasley/s have a property in France??
Nice. See! I knew you could do it! All that description it was lovely.
Why did Ginny leave her child with Molly to go walking on the beach? But otherwise. Good job.Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review. I'm reallly pleased that you liked it.
Of course, this is completely AU. Ok, before DH I had serious fears for Harry as I was convinced that he was a Horcrux. I was in two minds as to what to do with him in my 7 year fic. OK, I cannot disclose here and, as I said this is disconnected, so it's not meant to be spoiler. Now, what in my mind happened is that Harry discovered that he was a Horcrux much before he did in DH, when he was still very much hunting the other Horcruxes. Ron, Hermione and Ginny were with him when he found out and Ginny knows he is going to have to die but tries to make him as happy as she can, so she goes into this with her eyes opened. I couldn't kill him off without some part of him living on (hence the baby) I just couldn't get myself to do it because I'm one of the ones who loves Harry. The marriage and pregnancy, ok, she is very young but she knows what she is doing, she does really want to have his child. If you look at the dates, the story is set on Valentine's Day, the baby is 3 + 1/2 months, so he was born around Halloween and they married on Beltane (1st May), so ok...
No, the property belongs to Hermione's family. I have gone back to re-read this to see if it was unclear, but not it says that it had been Hermione who had offered this. I got this idea because it is mentioned in canon that they used to spend summers in France and it's not uncommon for British people who are sort of middle class to have a second home in France.
Ah, Ginny leaving the child. She only did this for, say half an hour. Poor girl, she needs to be alone sometimes and Molly would certainly look after him well.
Of course, the thing with AU is that some people hate it, some people love it. I'm funny because I only starting writing fanfic after HBP, so I'm 100% canon regarding anything that happened up to the end of book 6 and from then on I have gone pretty much completely AU.
I guess it is a matter of preference but I'm really pleased that you really enjoyed it. Of course I don't hate you! lol Report Review
Sappy? Not at all, my dear ;)
What I immediately noticed about this chapter, and why I've developed a little soft side for you as a writer--is that we share the same lengthy, descriptive, Romantic style that tends to be illustrious in the depth of a character. The mood of this entire piece was quite, quite beautiful. From the moment I started reading, --I didn't feel rushed or bothered by poor sentence structure; rather instead I felt warm and comforted by Ginny's fleeting and mourning emotions over Harry.
Not only was the structure fit for this chapter, but so was the setting. The setting on a beach side with the waves gently stroking her feet in memory of her long , lost love was inspirational. Most fiction that I read only have a portrayal of Ginny reminiscing over Harry's dead corpse at Hogwarts. But no, you've taken the extra set of steps to have her remind herself of the pain Harry's death has etched within her heart--
Absolutely miraculous in style Author's Response: This is just so encouraging. I'm going to end up developing a very big head if I'm not careful lol. I'm so pleased that you enjoyed the way I described things. I wrote this for a Valentine's Day challenge and I knew that I didn't feel like writing a happy ever after story. I haven't actually read many stories in which Harry dies so I can't really tell what has been overdone but I feel generally that immediate reactions to people's deaths can be a bit strange (especially in real life) from denial, to dispear to even hysterical nervous laughter so I guess the real long-lasting feelings can be seen better when a little time has passed. I'm glad her emotions come across realistically.
Thank you so much! Report Review
I very much enjoyed reading this one.
I think it's very realistic and normal for Ginny to react and think the way she is, after her husband died not too long ago. Wanting some time to herself where she thinks about things and misses him. She's still happy for Ron and Hermione, but wishes she still had it herself. Everyone around her knows her very well and tries to not hurt her in any way by mentioning Harry's death, which, I think, is pictured very well.
For me, it's possible for her to feel Harry still and have him communicate with her, through the bracelet and the candle. I think at one point everyone that loses a husband will have a moment that they have this feeling that their husband is telling them to move on and be happy, find new love and care for their children and that they're proud.
Very realistic and beautifully pictured. Doesn't seem to sappy at all, to be honest. =)Author's Response: Thanks so much Shellee for your review. I'm so pleased you liked it! I was obviousy feeling a bit anti-romantic just before Valentine's Day and I ended up killing off Harry! I wrote this fairly quickly and was completely paranoid at first, yet people seem to enjoy it, which of course pleases me no end!
I look forward to reading your stuff too.
Hugs x Report Review
Well, I must say, I was a bit skeptical about reading this. I despise Ginny with a burning, fiery passion, and to read a story with her in it, it gives me the shivers. Despite the fact that I wish Ginny a thousand deaths by sporks, I actually enjoyed this story. It was quite deep; you delved far into Ginny's mind, portraying her feelings about Harry's death quite marvelously. The part where Ginny seems to accept Harry's death was bloody brilliant- I felt that if I was in her place, I'd react in the same way. Your emotions came across very well, you could definitely imagine her sorrow in her head. It was touching- lovely, the way she reflected. And her mum, and Hermione helping her along- it was quite realistic.
Just to point out a few grammatical errors, you wrote "But time goes on, she casually said, what the town has lost in commerce, has gained in tranquillity." Tranquility was spelled incorrectly, and you forgot to end your quotation marks before and after 'she casually said.'
Also, 'It was as if Harry was reaching out to her, telling her not to feel sad for him, that he was in peace, that she must try to be happy and, evenutally, find love again.' Eventually is spelled wrong, as well. Those are the only two mistakes I found, though, so that's pretty brilliant.
It was quite amazing, actually. Incredibly sad as well. You expressed concern about it being to mushy, in reply, NO, I think it was the perfect amount of mushyness. Just enough to show that Ginny really did love him.
Chaotic.Author's Response: Wow, thanks so much, especially since you really don't like Ginny. I wouldn't have requested a review if I had realised that you do despise her (maybe I didn't read your rules properly).
Anyway, thanks so much! I feel extremely encouraged by your review. I'm glad that you thought her emotions come across well and realistically.
I will go and correct the typos, thanks so much for pointing them out.
Wonderful and in-depth review. It has made me very happy! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection