This is a really great story, very dramatic! Report Review
Aww that was so sad! I kinda felt bad for Ginny even though she kept asking Harry why...I think he explained that.but still poor Ginny. Report Review
The idea for the story isn't bad, but it isn't written well. Your breakup scene is terrible, and no groom will abandon his bride during the wedding. Try updating it again, because I really do like where you're going with this. I'll have to read the sequel!Author's Response: Break-up scene was written when I was in 6th or 7th grade...I never really got around to updating it...and I've never been to a wedding. I've already started working on a new break-up scene. Keep an eye out for it. Thanks for reading! Report Review
That is th stupidest break up scene I have ever read..."Can I talk to you real quick?" who talks like that when deciding to break up?? Really, like how old are you? If you are 13-14 I'll take my words back and advice you to write something simpler. Any older than that, then dude you really need to brush up your writing skills!
I think your story is a classic case of poor plot, bad characterization and stitlted dialogue.Author's Response: I wrote that when I was actually around 12 or 13, I'm pretty sure...jeez, that may have been 6th grade :) Lemme change it up as a freshy in high school, and we'll see what happens. Do check the updated version when it comes, k? Report Review
I don't mean to flame you, but this story did nothing for me. The characters are completely OOC, I think it would have worked better had you written it with original characters. I mean what's the point of writing fanfic when you don't even keep a chracter's background and canon personality traits in mind. This was the Harry who spent months watching Ginny's dot, who saw her face as the last thing before he died. This is the Harry who values his relationship with Weasleys more than anything else. I find it hard to belv that he would break up with Ginny the way he did. The break up scene especially was badly written. Even for a moment I do believe that Harry would suddenly decide that he isn't in love with Ginny, the guy is not heartless enough to break up the way your Harry did. Ginny's reaction is even funnier, honestly I actually laughed out loud and I am sure that wasn't the affect you were going for.
Obviously your story is AU like so many other here, but I don't think that's an excuse for butchering characters. I've come across Draco/Hermione pairings which to me is the height of AU, that are more believeable than this one.Author's Response: Yeah, I guess I should go over a few things in that one...but I'm gonna keep the concept. I will change the break-up scene a bit, so if you see this fic again as a recently updated one, just read that over and give me your opinion if you can! Report Review
i loved the ending. i have to say i started out as a fan of harry/ginny, but I'm kind of over that now.Author's Response: Thanks. Be sure to read the sequel to it...I better post that on the fic, u know, so people know that there is one that exists. Report Review
Oh, god. That's !@($ing depressing. I can't believe harry just doesn't care about Ginny anymore! And how could he marry Liza after eight months and leave Ginny behind when he was with her for two years? Good one-shot, and I'm glad there's a sequel! ~writergirl8Author's Response: Yeah, review the sequel if u can! U don't know how many people have reviewed saying that it was heartless what Harry did. Report Review
I'm gald the book had a better ending than this, but this is your story. I didn't like it, sorry. I'm very H/G fanatic. I'm hoping your next fic with solve this problem.Author's Response: I'm not sure what I'll do. I might have Harry and Ginny come back together, but I might have Harry go off. I'm just not sure. Sorry you didn't like it, but still, read my next story if you can! Report Review
oh no!i feel like crying myself.i would be pissed off myself if any guy that i loved would do that to me.that's heartless.but anyway,it's a good story which provoke my anger towards harry...Author's Response: Yeah, well, just read the other story...Living Without him. Report Review
I really liked it. The ending was unexpected and the story was different from anything I've read. You did a good job describing feelings and the locations that took place in the story. Other than a few spelling errors I don't really see anything wrong with it. Great story! :)Author's Response: I'm really glad you liked it. Please read the sequel if you can! I'll be sure to try and get to those spelling if i can get to it. Thanks again for reviewing! Report Review
This was a great story idea!
Here's some thoughts I had when reading it:
You have a great premise, but I think you could've done it better justice by making it into a 2-3 chapter short story, as opposed to a one-shot. It seemed a little rushed.
I wouldn't use parentheses in your writing. Parentheses works ok for e-mails and stuff, but in stories it is too informal. Similarly, if your flashbacks are in italics putting "*Flashback*/*End of Flashback*" isn't really necessary.
The breakup scene seemed to be a little over the top. I understand that this was a spectacularly emotion charged scene, but the dialogue was almost to the point of cliche. Especially Ginny, sadly.
One litte typo. "She was beautiful, he while dress, " It took me a bit to figure this one out.
I loved the plot twist at the end. That was lovely. I loved Ginny objecting at the wedding: priceless.
I thought this was a great story. I wouldn't make a part two, necessarily, though. I liked that it ended on a somber final note. It would almost seem to cheapen Ginny's pain if we magically gave Harry back to her. But, that's just my opinion. I hope that some of the things I pointed out might be helpful to you in whatever your next project might be! Thanks for a great read. :)Author's Response: Thanks for the wonderful review! I've always used parentheses in my writing, just to keep the reader a bit more interested. When I get the chance, I will try and fix the mistakes in the story. I chose to make it a one shot because it was only a little taste of my next story. I thought some readers liked the way i did this in the way, but then again, maybe not. I hope you read the sequel. Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Well, I'm not a fan of Harry/Ginny but I figured that I would give this a shot, just to see. Surprisingly, I liked it. Usually the only unrequitted love I see is Snape/Lily, so this was quite a pleasant surprise.
However, some things did seem a bit rushed. For instance, it typically takes months to plan a wedding. Other than that, I think that it was pretty good.
Good job for your first fic. =)Author's Response: Yeah, it does take months, but Mrs. Weasley is good at working real fast at stuff like that. I'm glad u liked it, though! Report Review
aww!! That ending is so sad! I'm made up for harry and at the same time I'm really gutted for Ginny. Those two are made for each no matter what anyone says. No! i'm glad Harry found happiness, but it wasn't with Ginny. Great story and a nice twist at the end.
xxxAuthor's Response: Yeah, I'm pretty good a twists. Please read the sequel if you can! Report Review
Sad ending, but I like it! (well not the sad ending bit LOL) This is a great first fan fic little_angel :)Author's Response: It's not the first one i've done, but it's m first one-shot. I'm really glad you liked it, and keep on the lookout for the sequel! Report Review
Please do a part 2!!!
Harry can't love someone else!!!
I love H/G please... please...
xAuthor's Response: Don't worry, I've just written my first chapter for part two of this story. It'll be out some time next month or somethin. Report Review
Oh no! How could you! :'( I thought it was going to end happily, lol. Well written though, but still, :'(Author's Response: Yeah, i know, it was kind of sad, but thanks for reviewing. Please watch out for the sequel! Report Review
>sniff< I really wanted Ginny and Harry to end up together, but you did an exellent job with the ending! It left me in tears when they fought like that... >sniffAuthor's Response: Aww, u wanna tissue? I know it was a bit sad, but so far lots of people said i did a good job. Look out for the sequel! Report Review
oh please do a part 2 i love this story to much it is so goodAuthor's Response: Wow, you're like, the 4th or 5th to ask for me to do a part two. Yes, I am writing one (already finished the first chapter) and it should be validated sometime next week. Please check daily to see if it's in! Report Review
That was great!:)It was definately different but also great...hope you do chapter 2 and more...pls ;)Author's Response: Dobito,
Thanks for the review...they've been coming at me like rain today. I've decided to do a sequel...except in novella or novel form. Please check every now and then to see if the sequel haas arrived yet. It probably will in a few weeks, but maybe in a month, since I've been doing other stories. Thanks, and I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
I really liked the story. I think that you should do a part two and make it so that a few months have passed by and that Eliza turns out to be cheating on Harry and then Harry divorces her and then Harry sees Ginny in London again she helps him through hard times and Harry realizes what a big mistake he's made and gets together w/ Ginny.
I'm a huge H/G shipper so I sorta wanted them to end up together in the story but the ending was amazing none the less.Author's Response: Thanks for the review...I don't think I'll have Eliza cheating on Harry...that just won't fit. I did start a part two, and it will be out in a few weeks, or maybe a month. Please check every now and then to see if i have it out. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I think you should make a part two, so we know what happens with Eliza and Harry. You know, children, jobs, and such. You did a wonderful job on this story! I would most definitely read part two if you did decide to write it! The only thing I didn't really like about the story was Ginny. Did you purposely make her that annoying? Just kidding. Great story! 10/10Author's Response: Lol, she wasn't that annoying, but after reading your review, I decided i should do a part 2...it won't be my next one-shot, though, because I just wrote a Harry/Ginny fic, and I'm planning on entering it very very soon. I'm glad u liked this one, though. Report Review
Aw, so sad. But perfectly written. I liked reading stories that dont turn out how everyone seems it will. I think it was a wodnerful one shot. But poor ginny, i think you captured her feelings perfectly. Great Job! 10/10 =)
P.S I would love to get your feedback on my story, By The Way, I love you... please check it out and review! :)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing, and yes, when I get the chance, I will read your fic...probably sometime tonight! Thanks! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection