The monotony was a little yawning in this chapter with the dull tours, etc, but Good job in pulling in things from the books, i.e. the entire Slytherin team getting new brooms:) thanks again!Author's Response: Yeah, I know :) I wrote some parts of this story bordering on ten years ago now (yikes!), so given the chance to do some parts over, I might have changed things with regards to pacing or whatever. Basically I felt this chapter was important because I wanted to really explain what Avrille's duties would be. I didn't know this at the time, having not read any fan fiction before publishing this completed story online, but I guess some "apprentice" stories sort of plop the person in there without really explaining WHY they're there. At least, that's what I was told. So I'd rather err slightly on the side of boring and be more accurate than leave a reader going, "Um, ok. She's an apprentice, but does she actually do any WORK?" Hopefully you'll find the next couple chapters return to the sort of thing you were enjoying reading. I'll admit there's a couple parts here or there in the first ten or so chapters I might have done differently now, but I've sworn to move ON from that story and focus my attention on new writing. Thank you so much for the review! ~Renny Report Review
Once again, another splendid read. You are such a talented writer, providing such fanciful illustrations that one cannot but help be sucked in to this creative world. The vocabulary and flow is nothing short of an accomplished, published author, and you capture Hogwarts, and each and all of the characters' personalities to the perfect T. I was expecting the famous Professor Trelawney, but I will await her arrival nevertheless! On a side note, why did you delete Yule Ball in substitute for Solstice Ball?Author's Response: Aw, thanks a bunch! Of course I wrote all of this years ago now, but I had a lot of fun doing it and especially from an outsider's point of view. I didn't include Professor Trelawney since the books seemed to imply it was incredibly rare for her to join any of the staff for meals. She doesn't actually make a personal appearance in this story, now that I think about it, but she pops up in the next one.
That's an interesting question :) I did actually have it as the Yule Ball originally, but a few readers pointed out that the Yule Ball was only held during the Tri-wizard Tournament. Since this takes place in book two, that wouldn't have happened. I had known that, but didn't think it was a huge deal. Since other people seemed to be even more canon-conscious than me, I decided to change it to a "solstice ball." Basically I just needed some sort of formal event around that time of year to suit my purposes. So there you are!
Thanks for the review! I really appreciate it! ~Renny Report Review
Curiosity indeed! Thank you for another wonderful installment!Author's Response: Thanks! Glad I piqued your interest. Thank you for the review and sorry again for the late-ish reply :) ~Renny Report Review
Absolutely splendid. Saw the sequel recently updated, was intrigued, so I jumped back to start here. I do not typically, in fact I have never read a Harry Potter fanfiction not centered on the Boy-Who-Lived himself, but I can say that I am most delighted that I gave this a shot. I can see already that this is going to be an amazing story. Thank you!Author's Response: Thank you so much! Sorry I'm a few days late in replying. I usually only check the reviews for the sequel since this one's been up for so long. Oops! I'm glad you like it so far. I'm a very funny fan in that I never actually liked Harry very much. I respected all his sacrifices, but getting into the series as a grown-up, I liked the professors more :) I'll get back here to reply to your other reviews as soon as I can (thank you thank you for them!) It's dinner time for me now, but just wanted to let you know I saw them! ~Renny Report Review
A wonderful story to read, I really enjoyed it :) can't wait to read more about Avrille and Severus :)Author's Response: Aw, thank you so much! I'm really happy you enjoyed it. I hope you liked it enough to continue on with the sequel I'm currently (slowly) writing and posting. Thank you for taking the time to review! It means a ton to me. ~Renny Report Review
Awww! I read the whole story and it was brilliant! I loved the canon (mainly) and that Severus is finally happy :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! Yes, I was really annoyed when HBP came out and thought, "Well, there goes my 100% canon story..." but oh well. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. I thought Severus deserved to be happy as well. Thank you for leaving a review and letting me know you liked it! ~Renny Report Review
no way how could he do that urgh n i'm a fan of Lucius now i. Report Review
What I wouldn't I have given to dance with him for just one more slow song. I had felt so safe and content as he held me. I felt like crying knowing that there would be no other excuse for contact like that again.
^ And then the overthinking begins. Just how plenty girls used to spend the night and morning after from a dance, contemplating conversations with boys and trying to figure them out.
Well, stumbled up would be more accurate for he had to grip the table and almost fell back into his seat, making me realize that he was, in fact, very drunk.
Severus drunk. Interesting. Very interesting. There were so many parts I enjoyed about this chapter that I kind of got lost as I was reading and forgot to copy and paste the parts. All well! I liked that she was the one to ask him to meet her. She made the initial move and he made the next move by grabbing her hand and then nearly kissing her. It would have been fantastic to see that happen but the suspense you're building is wonderful. It isn't time for them just yet.
The Christmas Holiday is when I think it will happen. I can see the two of them just getting lost with eachother for just one night and letting their inhibitions free. I can also see Severus apologizing for some reason for it.
I ran toward him, but he held up a hand in a motion for me to stay away.
^ I read the dream part twice and I'm wondering if this has a connection to anything. I know because of the duel that it would have to be the snake or the basilisk but I think that's a stretch. I just wonder if she's a seer or something remotely close to that? Like her nightmares are trying to tell her something. I don't know. I'm probably wrong and reading too much into it.Author's Response: I'm glad you got to this chapter because it was one of my favorites to write. I did originally have him kiss her here, but then decided to change it. I didn't want their first kiss to be because he was under the influence of something. It seemed wrong somehow, plus it's fun to drag these things out and torture readers. Mwa ha ha.
"Just how plenty girls used to spend the night and morning after from a dance, contemplating conversations with boys and trying to figure them out." --Yes! And the boys just roll over and go to sleep instantly, not realizing what the girls said might actually mean something different!
I was always interested in the idea of Severus being drunk. It seems like something he would NEVER do because he would consider letting a substance influence your mind and body to be a huge weakness. But in this situation he probably thought, "I'll just have one to take the edge off," then, "It's not working. One more won't hurt," followed by "Madam Rosmerta just happens to be here. If two didn't bother me, three can't be bad, right? I have time to kill," then it all hits his system at once and he's ready to hit the floor.
Not going to comment on your last few thoughts there. That probably says enough in itself. I'm sure you must be crazy busy, probably doing NaNo again because you're super-lady and reading tons of stories (jealous! Wish I had the uninterrupted time!) so I really appreciate you taking the time to read some more and let me know your thoughts :) From what you've said in previous reviews, I really think you're going to like the next few chapters a lot. Lots of questions of yours will be answered, as well as probably raising a few new ones. It's also the turning point in the story where more stuff starts actually happening, and not just this start and stop "Does he like me, or doesn't he?" type thing. All of that is important to lay the groundwork for the rest of the plot, but this upcoming material is what I'm really proud of. Thanks again! Take care!
~Renny Report Review
Penelope Clearwater, a Ravenclaw prefect, was chasing Weasley back and forth with a glass of water, trying to make him drink something.
Hello! I'm back. I needed something to cheer me up and have spent the last twenty minutes opening and closing various stories until finally stumbling on yours and sticking with it. I really like the above part because you mention the other main characters, Harry, Ron, Hermione. Even though the story is Severus/Avrille, Harry still makes a big impact on the storyline because of Voldemort and the Death Eater's and Lily (even though Severus wasn't in love with her). I love minor characters. Percy and Penelope are two of my favorites and it made me chuckle to see her running after him.
Her exquisiteness making a mute of me, we sat silently together for the next few minutes.
I have to hand it to Severus. He's almost poetic with his thoughts about her. It could be considered a little excessive but I feel like that's who his character is. He never goes into anything if heís not going to commit to it all the way. I mean, he was a Death Eater and people could say that he 'quit' being a Death Eater the moment Lily and James were killed but I feel like even when he became a spy for Dumbledore he was still a Death Eater. He tried to live up to their persona and he did really still believe in some of the aspects. In reality he probably would have still been on Voldemort's side if Lily hadn't died. It could have been Neville's parents and he wouldnít have even blinked in my opinion.
Just like they all expected, I would spend the entire evening sitting here in the corner, much like what probably would have happened if I had ever bothered to attend one of these as a student myself.
^ Aw. Severus. He's like a man-child at times. Always clinging to past memories making the present just as bleak because he can't let it go.
If I could only gather the courage to ask; there was even a decent chance she would say yes.
"Well, we don't meet much outside of school," I commented.
^ Haha! They act like teenagers. Oh, they amuse me so. This was just how it was when I was in high school. I remember it well. Sitting there, waiting for someone to ask me to dance and then dancing with them, not wanting to look into their eyes and then smiling like a fool. The line "Well, we don't meet much outside of school," oh I've heard that one numerous times! I suppose because they're nervous and haven't really 'been' with a slew of other people they donít how to flirt age appropriately with each other. I also think it's fitting because it's a school dance that they're in and they're surrounded with teenagers who are acting the same way. They're going to 'learn' a few things from them or at least mirror their actions. It's not like he could really sweep her off of her feet right there anyway.Author's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you're back! You definitely have a knack for coming back to review when I really, really need it. My kid's pretty sick right now and I'm super stressed out, so I did a quick review check on the slight off-chance someone had read lately and it turns out you did today! So thanks a bunch for the instant cheer up, and hopefully my story helped cheer you up on your end :) I always found this chapter pretty funny with the teenage awkwardness abound, like you pointed out.
I like throwing references to random canon characters in there every once in a while. Obviously the story is about the professors and not the students, but I still think it's important to be reminded, "Oh yeah! This is the year with Penelope and Percy!" and things like that. I've always had a lot of fun fleshing out characters like Prof. Sinistra who are technically canon, but we don't know anything about them. Being that this is Harry Potter fan fiction, I tried to create as few OCs as possible.
You really seem to know exactly how I view Severus myself. Even before we knew about his true canon motivations for protecting Harry, I always felt he was a very deep person with very little of his true feelings visible on the outside. So yes, for most other characters his obsession with Avrille could seem over the top, but like you said he commits all the way when he decides to do or feel something. I think you're definitely right about him remaining a Death Eater if Lily hadn't been killed, especially since I have his mother dying a few months before he finds out Lily is being hunted. With her death went the only positive influence in his life besides the teachers at Hogwarts (but of course he hadn't been hired there yet so they weren't part of his life right then any more). I think deep down he would have felt what he was doing was wrong, but wouldn't have cared enough about himself or other people to change until there was no going back.
Yes, my poor teenager-adults, acting just like the silly kids around them. Avrille wanted a relationship before now but was never given the chance with her girl-schools and magic problems. Severus was too interested in school work until it was too late and the option was removed for him (but more on that in a couple chapters :D) I'm sure they'd both love to just go at it right there in the middle of the Great Hall, but you brought up an excellent point that it's kind of hard to date someone you're not supposed to when surrounded by something like 250 students.
Thanks again for the reviews. They really helped me calm down and focus on something else besides being worried about my son. Hopefully he'll be better soon. It seems like something is always happening to get in the way of writing :(
~Renny Report Review
Honestly, he never smiled at anyone except me; I must have been his prime source for daily entertainment.
From the moment I read Christmas in this chapter I knew that this was going to be something light and airy. I just finished the entire chapter instead of reviewing as I read along so I have to say I love all the interactions you put in here. It really felt like they had some of the Christmas spirit inside of them, especially Severus.
There was something so kind and loose about him in this chapter that I just adored.
Just as our gazes met, the bell sounded to signal the end of the period. Severus quickly dropped his hands from me, and I reluctantly did the same.
Darn you, bell!
At that moment we both reached for the same fang, and our hands touched. I pulled mine away quickly with a nervous laugh
"So... will you come?" he asked tentatively.
"Are you asking me?" I replied teasingly.
They're like teenagers! Every time something almost happened between them, a look shared, a smile, hands touching my heart started to race in my chest. I knew nothing was going to happen because itís too early but honestly, they're acting like a couple of teenagers!
I like how you had him mention the ball. It was very nonchalant on his part even though we know he has ulterior motives. He just wants to stare at her all night. He's like a hormonal teenage boy in a grown man's body.
I ate a delicious ham sandwich, while Hagrid ate a whole ham.
^ That line made me giggle.
This entire chapter made a huge smile appear on my face. Their relationship does that to me though. Little by little Severus lets his guard down around her and I'm just thrilled by that because he has so many layers and you peel/examine them very nicely.
I was surprised that Avrille didn't go to Severus and tell him about Hermione. I know she wouldn't want to hurt her schooling career and she sees the way Severus treats Hermione/Ron/Harry/Neville so it makes sense why she didn't say anything. I think it really speaks a lot about her character. She's kind but she still has that 'hand' of a teacher. She would go to him if she does it again, no matter the consequences. I felt like she's very intuitive. It didn't take her long to figure out why Hermione had taken something. I think if she would have pushed the subject a little bit more she could have found out exactly what Hermione was up to.
I don't know if that would have been a good outcome though because then she really would have had to tell Severus about it because by making the polyjuice potion she's breaking many rules.
I kind of wish she'd say something to him though. Stick up for some of the students when he 'picks' on them. She sees how he treats them and yet just whispers quick instructions in Neville's ear to help him out. I suppose she knows it would anger and embarass Severus because no one speaks up to him. Of course they aren't really her students either so getting involved and critiquing his teaching methods (which she previously said she liked) would not be the best idea.
Are we ever going to meet her mother? You mention her from time to time and I just wonder what she's like. I wonder if she would like Severus.Author's Response: Yay! I'm glad you liked this one! :) This was actually one of the earliest chapters I wrote since I had a huge hole between the welcoming feast and here that didn't get filled in until nearly the very end. So when I see this chapter, it's kind of like where it all began in a weird way. I knew Severus and Avrille would be getting much more friendly and starting all the fun sexual tension, I just didn't know how they'd end up there ;)
I do think this is the turning point where Severus starts to loosen up a bit. Or lose control. Maybe both? Well, you'll see. It must have been exhausting for him to have kept so much bottled up inside for months with Avrille being flaunted in his face every single day. I was kind of bummed when I found out later having a ball is a bit of a cliche (since I didn't know these things when I was writing it) but there's no denying it's a good plot device to get things moving. Especially when you think of how McGonagall said they're a time to "let our hair down" (heheehehe!)
I especially love your reviews because you often make me go, "Oh WOW!" about my own characters, which is very silly (on my part). I guess I kind of just knew them well and knew what they would do without always analyzing it. For instance, how you said they were both acting like total teenagers here, which I agree with. It's probably because neither one of them has had a serious relationship, mostly because neither one was allowed to have a true childhood or carefree adolescence. I also came to the realization when reading your musings on the part with Hermione that it's likely Avrille didn't report her because she probably saw a lot of Hermione in herself. Avrille was also incredibly smart but sort of an outcast with very few friends in school, so I can definitely see her identifying with Hermione. That's also something I never really thought about consciously. So amazing job reading so closely and making me aware of these things!
But like you said, it was also a big part that Avrille knew she wasn't a licensed teacher yet, so she didn't want to step on Severus's toes in the classroom (with the added awkwardness of being totally taken with him personally). That's also why she probably wouldn't say anything about his borderline abusive treatment of some of his students. But you can bet she had something to say about it later on when she felt she had more of a right to ;) (whether or not Severus actually listened to her is a matter of debate since he's obviously still horrible to Harry and Neville later in the books, and I try to stick as close to canon as humanly possible. I like to think that he tried his best, but certain students were too infuriating for him to keep his word to Avrille.)
Avrille's mom makes some indirect appearances in later chapters (I can't really explain how because I'd have to give too much away) but she'll definitely be making a "real" appearance in the sequel. She has some very vital information to give Avrille as to why her magical powers are so crazy powerful that will need to be explained in person. I haven't written that part yet, but I'm looking forward to it because I think Avrille's mom is pretty strong and awesome for raising a strong daughter as a single parent.
Thank you so much for the review! It always really brightens up my day to get a new one from you because it seems like you're really enjoying the story. Hope July NaNo hasn't been grinding your brain into a pulp. I haven't been on the forums much lately to read people's status updates to see how everyone's surviving this insane summer of writing :) Thanks again! ~Renny Report Review
it took every ounce of long-practised self-restraint not to go back down to the Hog's Head and force poison down Lucius' throat.
^ Oh Severus. His actions are exactly what I had expected before the last chapter. I knew he was going to do something and I don't know why I'm so surprised he had followed her so quickly.
I couldn't resist the temptation of being able to look at her whenever I wanted. Fortunately Lockhart had been photographed separately, so I had been able to take the gruesome pleasure of slicing free his picture and burning it slowly.
^ Severus knows just how to amuse me. Poor Lockhart. I wonder if he has any friends. Anyway, this softer side of Severus is nice to read. I wonder how he gets work done when he's always thinking about her, staring at her or dreaming about her.
I don't know what to say... I'm quite embarrassed, actually. I panicked. I've made this potion so many times, and I've never made that mistake before.
^ My favorite part of the chapter. Not only did they work together and complete the potion but Severus actually didn't know how to do something and didn't know what she was using to save his potion. Sometimes I forget that Severus really doesn't know all, even though he acts like he does. The fact that he admitted he was embarrassed was a nice touch. I feel like at that moment he finally let himself show, someone no one else sees because if it was anyone else I don't think he would have said it. Of course if it was anyone else he probably would not have let them help him.Author's Response: Hi Deeds! Thanks for stopping back in. I'm guessing you're totally swamped with July NaNo right now. Didn't you just finish the June one? Are you a total writing masochist?! Haha, I'm actually in awe. I'd love to finish one of those some day, but I don't think it would be the best thing for my sanity right now. Getting out a new chapter every 2 weeks is a good enough goal for me at the moment.
Well of course he followed her right away! What exactly he was planning on doing... that's another matter entirely. Probably climb a drain pipe and peek in the window or something. Severus doesn't trust Lucius more than he can throw him (and we all know Severus is much too busy being hot and brainy to work out).
I'm sure Lockhart had some friends. Probably the sort of "I'm rich and famous and so are you, so we can associate with each other while still gossiping behind the other's back" type of friends. I originally had Severus burn out Lockhart's eyes in the picture, but decided that was a bit too creepy, however much Lockhart might deserve it.
I'm glad you liked that part at the end. It was very important to me for Severus to have someone to compliment him. He definitely doesn't know everything, and sometimes he really does do very hurtful and callous things, especially to Harry and Neville. I like to think that Avrille at least made him aware of where he needs improvement, even if maybe he doesn't actually do the right thing all the time still (there's only so much he can take of Neville melting every single cauldron he touches, for example. Poor Neville.)
Thanks so much for the review! Good luck with your writing this month! ~Renny Report Review
Up the stairs. First door on your right
^ I have a bad feeling about this. Run Avrille. Run.
I hated myself for thinking it of a married man, but it was impossible not to notice how handsome Lucius was with his sleek blonde hair brushed back and shining against his black wool business robes.
^ No! Stop it! Not handsome. Anything but handsome. He is a toad. I feel sick reading this.
The other governors bade me offer their sincerest apologies to you and their wish to meet you some other time
^ What a dirty liar. If she seriously believes him, I swear. I'm about to skip this chapter if things keep going down like they are right now. I'm a bit repulsed and surprised she hasn't gotten up and left yet. Come on Avrille!
All of a sudden my mind went blank, then a feeling of combined euphoria and calmness stole my senses.
No! Are you serious? I can't believe this is happening to her. How dare he! He repulses me. Horrified. Words cannot describe my disgust right now. Who does he think he is?! I was certain there was something in her drink but no, I forgot all about magic and the dark arts.
Oh Avrille...be strong.
Lucius, sending him flying across the room to crash, I hoped extremely painfully, into the wall opposite. I jumped out of my chair, raised it in my hands, and threw it after him, missing his head by about two inches as it broke into pieces. Lucius stared up at me in disbelief as I advanced upon him, his arms held up protectively. He no longer looked the least bit handsome to me, his normally sleek blonde hair now a tangled mess covering his red face. I picked up a broken chair leg and jammed it into the floor dangerously close between his drawn up knees.
I'm not ashamed to say that I jumped in my seat and did a fist pump in the air because of this. Thank goodness. I mean, I know this is going to lead to terrible consequences because heís going to realize how strong she is and then because she bruised his large ego, he's going to probably dig up some dirt about her. Realize whom her father was and then because of her magic and her strength she's going to be a threat maybe or he's going to try and recruit her for the Dark Lord. Seems like something Lucius would do.
I yelled, not quite sure if I being sarcastic or not, and flung
You're missing a word here I think...'was.'
I thought I would eventually leave Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry without ever hearing Severus call me by my first name.
^ I was just on an emotional rollercoaster. Wow. What an ending. He finally said her name and is allowing Avrille to call him Severus. It's so sweet and all the anger and disgust I was feeling through the chapter was just washed away. I think I might be in love with Severus too.
I wonder if he'll find out about what happened. I think he might. He should. He was there obviously only to see if Avrille was alright. He didn't have any other business, which was what I expected, and I'm glad he met my expectations. Severus has never been one to sit idly by. I was glad that Avrille reprimanded herself and realized how naive she was being. Sometimes I forget that she's younger than Severus. That she has lived a sheltered life and is a very proper woman. Of course she wouldn't follow her gut to leave the situation because she didnít want to be rude. I think that's a big weakness with her. Of course we all have our weaknesses but I think she needs to realize that you can't and shouldn't have to please everyone.Author's Response: Well, only having like a couple one-minute conversations with the guy, you can't blame Avrille for still thinking he's kind of hot. Hey, I'M constantly drooling over Jason Isaacs in the movies, before remembering myself and yelling at the screen like a lunatic, "NO! ALAN RICKMAN, I LOVE YOU!" (though, of course, he's not "my" Severus...)
I know I wrote the whole thing, but I wanted to smack Avrille myself for not leaving right away. But I have to remember that even when I was younger than her, I had a much better understanding of how dangerous the world is. She spent half of her life shut away at home being taught by her mom, then the rest of the time completely surrounded by women at school. Yeah, she's not a total idiot and knew not to drink something a virtual stranger gave her, but the thought just never crossed her mind that, "Hey, I can become a victim in this situation." She just assumed being so close to Hogwarts, one of the safest places in the world, nothing like that could happen.
Oh man, I loved writing that scene where she kicks the bejeezus out of him. I guess I wanted to show that even strong women become victims sometimes, but it's up to them whether or not they stay that way. I also wanted to make sort of a contrast between her weakness here at the beginning of the story and her role as a hero (you'll see!) at the end.
Don't worry too much about Lucius. Remember first and foremost, he's a coward. He lied and bribed his way out of Azkaban instead of being the dutiful Death Eater like Bellatrix and company. That's not to say that something like that won't happen in the future to Avrille, but it will be coming from another direction (and I haven't actually written it yet. Sequel fodder!)
It's funny how when I first started writing this story, I was actually younger than Avrille, so she seemed kind of grown-up to me. Now I'm several years older than her, so looking back I see more of her immaturity than I did at the time. It's weird how your perceptions of your own characters change. She definitely has a double weakness in this situation because she's always been desperate to please to distract people from her magical difficulties, and she also honestly believed Lucius was a friend of Severus's, so she didn't want to offend Severus unintentionally by blowing off his "mate." Well, now she knows better, right? Oh, and thanks so much for catching that missing word! Yeah, it was just "was." I think I *might* have noticed that in my original document, but maybe not. I'll definitely go check.
Hmm, I don't know I have any time to get any writing done now, but it was definitely fun to sit here and "chat" with you :) You're starting to get into some of my absolute favorite chapters, so I'm dying to hear your thoughts on them. I'm hoping in the end you like the story enough to try out the sequel, but certainly not expecting it because both stories as very long and a huge time commitment. But since I'm obviously working on the sequel now (um, in theory) having the insights of insanely perceptive, amazing readers like you is truly invaluable. I really can't thank you enough for your reviews. They totally lift my spirits up to the sky! If bedtime for the munchkin goes alright tonight, I am absolutely heading over to your page to read that Dudley story finally! ~Renny Report Review
Dumbledore and I had had to act very quickly with the Aguamenti Charm to douse the pumpkins' candles before Hagrid's beard caught fire.
^ I could see that happening! Oh Hagrid.
The fact that Dumbledore had not been able to reanimate Filch's cat had unnerved all of us staff members, though very few of us would have admitted it out loud.
^ I'm so invested in the relationship of Severus and Avrille that sometimes I forget that you're following canon and that things are happening around them. For a second I did a double take and had to ask myself, what happened to Filch's cat?
I collapsed back at my desk, exhausted from the sheer effort it had taken to remain cool and composed in her close company.
He can brew complicated potions. He can join the Dark Lord. He can teach mediocre students and deal with Lockhart but when it comes to women, Severus Snape turns into a teenager. It's amazing the effect Avrille has on him! It's still lust at this point. I think a big part of his feelings, of his nervousness is the fact that Severus thinks he cannot have her. It's thrilling and exciting to so much as graze her skin or sit closer to her than he normally would because he knows nothing more will happen. For that, he reminds me of a hormonal teenage boy.
Lucius did not speak to me and did not acknowledge anyone who called to him.
^ What a child. Honestly. It's times like these that I feel bad for Draco.
Until tonight then, Avrille
^ Ugh. What a slime ball. You're making me despise Lucius and I actually like his character most of the time.
The anger and jealousy rolling off of Severus is fantastic. I like seeing him on edge. I can imagine him pacing his room back and forth wondering if he should go down to Hogsmeade and make sure nothing happens or just driving himself mad wondering what's going on but not going down because Avrille isn't anything more than a woman he has a thing for and his apprentice. Either way he's bound to do something given his reaction.
I do hope that nothing happens between Avrille and Lucius. He'll probably make a move. She'll excuse herself or make an excuse about being ill or something. I don't know. Another part of me feels like she might fall under his 'spell' if you know what I mean and then something could happen between them. I don't think she's convinced by Lucius though. I think he repulses her but I feel like she tries too hard to please people that she might accept his advances, only to a certain point of course.Author's Response: It's hard for me to remember, having written this such a while back, but I probably had times where I forgot about canon as well. Probably going, "Oh right, I can't do that cause this, and this, and this is going to happen in the book." Forcing myself to stay within the frame work of the original book was both really helpful and also restricting sometimes. I was so mad when I read HBP and saw that my whole "Severus is a pure-blood" thing go out the window because I wanted the story to be completely seemless with canon. Oh well! I like to shoot for a good 90% at least. I've had to let a few canon things go as well in the new story since canon gets even more complicated as you go further into the series, and also introducing an OC main character is bound to change things.
You're so great at pin-pointing aspects of Severus's character. He's definitely still very much in that "crush" stage (though I feel weird using that word for a man) where you know nothing's going to happen...except that 1% of you that hopes a miracle will happen and the feelings will be reciprocated.
I really did slime up Lucius, didn't I? But honestly, next time you re-read the series, tell me if there's ANYTHING before Deathly Hallows that hints that he isn't. That's the only book where we really see him acting as a father and not a rich jerk or an evil Death Eater. Unfortunately I think a lot of times with money and power comes this sense of moral ambiguity with men. Lucius has always been giving or got for himself whatever he wanted. He's also just not a nice guy. In my mind, half of the reason he goes after Avrille is simply because he has a faint suspicion Severus might care about her and does it just cause he can.
Well, I know you already read past this chapter, so you know what happened, so I guess I'll move on as well to get these replies in before my kiddo wakes up. ~Renny Report Review
I was mesmerized by the way the torchlight made his hair shine like black fire.
The entire chapter mesmerized me. The way you explain the making of the potion was brilliant. How do you come up with these things? I honestly can't remember in any of side books the Rowling wrote, if she discusses Wolfsbane in greater detail than that it's what Severus gives Remus to drink and they think he's trying to poison him.
I honestly always thought Potions was a bit boring. It was more Snape and Slughorn that I found to be interesting and not the actual lessons but you really managed to keep my attention! I like the small things you add in, they're what makes it really good in my opinion. I donít care about the overall end product but I like to know that they need three different types of water. That if they inhale the potion or it gets in their eyes they could go blind. It makes what they're doing dangerous and I know that it's going to come out fine in the end but there's that nervous tinkling inside of me. That feeling of, 'What if something goes wrong?' That makes me sit at the edge of my seat, biting my nails because I worry that you're going to throw a curveball at me.
You always manage to keep me guessing.Author's Response: Yes, black fire because MY SEVERUS SHOWERS, THANK YOU VERY MUCH. Ahem. Sorry. Needed to make that clear ;) I have no problem with canon Severus letting himself go since his life pretty much ended when he was 22 or so with Lily's murder, but you can be darn skippy straight my Severus started spiffing up a bit, maybe unintentionally, once Avrille appeared on the scene.
I had a kind of love/hate relationship with Potions reading the books. I mean, a lot of them just seem stupid. Like a Hair-Raising Potion? What the heck is that supposed to be used for? And I half liked the random weird ingredients like newt eyes because it reminds me of Macbeth, but then a lot of it seems to just be gross for no real purpose than to be gross. So for mine, I wanted to find a way that would make the Wolfsbane Potion seem very complicated, since Lupin himself said not many people could make it, but also have it make sense. Most of the herbs I used are actually just the folk names of common things like St. John's Wort to make them more "magical" sounding. I fortunately happened to have a Wiccan book of magical herbs that I referenced and picked out ones that supposed to have effects like clearing the mind or protection from wild animals. Random interesting fact you probably don't know: asphodel is just the folk name for daffodil. Avrille's birthday is April 4th (because of the obvious French connection, Avril, and it's the fourth month of the year) and that's when daffodils start popping up. I picked out her last name before I knew any of that (actually before I even named her Avrille...now I think about it), so it was one of those weird instances where the fan fiction gods steered me in a very weird, coincidental direction.
Oh don't worry, there's a curve-ball on your way. You really think Severus could do something like brew a potion correctly with Avrille staring at him the whole time? ;) Thanks for your wonderful, amazing, detailed, thought-provoking reviews! Sounds like my toddler settled himself back to sleep, so I'm going to keep reading them! ~Renny Report Review
I let my eyes follow the runaway strands as they slowly slid down her back and knew that the sudden rush of heat I felt had nothing to do with the climate of the hothouse.
Severus Snape, you sly dog. I have to honestly say I enjoy reading from Severus's point of view more than Avrille's. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy the Avrille chapters but Severus is so calculating. He notices everything, he's very hypersensitive so when I read paragraphs of him noticing the way her dress clings to her body and a strand of hair that is falling from her bun and so on he manages to keep the beauty there while breaking her down as if she was a potion or a list of instructions that said, "Step one, notice how are arms and shoulders are bare..."
His internal struggle was really interesting to read in this chapter. You manage to give Severus so many different levels, dimensions. Every time I think I have figured him out there's a new though or a new revealation that astounds me. It's interesting to me that he realizes he would need Avrille to trust him in order to figure out why she canít do basic magic like everyone else can but then the thought of trying to get Avrille to trust him creates a block for him because of what he used to be.
I never realized how much Severus and Remus have in common. I think that's what hit me in this chapter even though Remus isn't even part of the story. They're both so self-deprecating and try to push women away because they consider themselves 'monsters.'
Severus has always been that character that takes everything to heart. He punishes himself for things he had done wrong years ago when he didn't know better, when he was a child and thought he was doing the right thing. Now he punishes himself when the right 'thing' or person comes along. Someone he could sincerely care for and he's trying to cast her aside because he doesn't think he's good enough or handsome enough or just enough because of who he was even though what really matters is who he is now.
I don't know how you write him! He has so many layers, trying to discuss them and comprehend them is draining!Author's Response: It's so funny that you said you enjoy reading Severus's chapters more, because I've always found that I also prefer writing his. They just seem to come out more easily, which makes NO sense since Avrille was about my age when I started writing this, spent a lot of time in New England (I'm from there, so it should be easier to do her vocabulary and stuff, right?), plus she's a GIRL! I guess I just enjoy writing all the layers to him that you mentioned. That's not to say that Avrille is one-dimensional, but she's just much more open and honest about everything since she has almost nothing in her past that she's ashamed about.
I've never thought about the parallels between Remus and Severus, but you're so spot on with that observation. I think that part of Remus is what makes me like him while I hate the other Marauders. It's interesting that the parody story I'm working on right now has him as a main character since I was assigned him, and I'm also going to be playing on that sort of self-deprecation there. I'm sure writing Severus I was unconsciously influenced by my favorite book of all time, "The Phantom of the Opera." The main character, Erik, is obviously monstrous, yes because of his physical deformities but even more so from his sociopathy. He feels that he isn't worthy of the woman he loves, even though he gives her so much through his musical genius and has so many other good traits buried within him. Obviously Severus isn't that bad, but in his mind he is. He really doesn't think there is a greater crime than voluntarily following Voldemort, even if it was only for a few months, not to mention the crushing guilt he still feels for his unintentional role in Lily's death. Though in this story he wasn't in love with her, he still feels like he's a danger to any woman he cares about. It's really very sad :(
I guess I'm just so lucky that JKR is a literal genius and created such an amazing character for me to tweak a bit. He's still Severus, but a "what if this happened instead?" Severus. I'm so glad you're liking this story so much...and I THINK this was my 1,000th review!! THANK YOU A THOUSAND TIMES! Granted I think I lost a bunch years back in a server crash, but who cares! You made those four digits! Woo hoo! ~Renny Report Review
Finally! To be back with Severus and Avrille. I have been trying to read this chapter for the past two weeks but people keep interrupting me and I want to read a few chapters, not one, since I have so many left!
I skipped lunch before my first observation with him and instead spent over an hour filling and arranging the student store cupboard so that it was perfect.
^ I feel like Severus will find something to say about this. Something negative of course. I don't think he would appreciate her trying to go out of his way to impress him because it comes off more that she's trying to show him that she's...better than him? She can do his job. He's replaceable. I got all of that out of one sentence. That has never happened to me before with fan fiction. Nice job!
Of course I could be wrong, but still, I enjoy analyzing things.
She also asked me about my former schools, with certainly more professional interest than the students, though she too was dying to know how I had survived with no boys around. She made quite the comical face when I remarked that I had always been too busy with work to really notice it.
^ This made me laugh because at any age, many woman still go on and on about 'boys' or men rather. I know, since I was thirteen maybe, my Aunts, ranging from their forties to their sixties would ask, "Any boys? Any guys? Any men?" ('Men' would be used once I got a little older) And whenever I would say no they would give me this face like 'what's the point of going to school then'? What a world.
I wasn't sure if I was simply being paranoid, but it felt like Lockhart had been everywhere I was the past few days.
You know I love Lockhart so I can't complain but he really has been in the story quite a lot. I wonder. Is he trying to make a move on dear Avrille? That would be funny for me but not for her. I suppose 'pretty' people need to be with 'pretty' people and Lockhart is so pretty.
I had only completed the first two weeks of my ten-month apprenticeship, and I had the most embarrassingly huge crush on Professor Snape.
^ Loved that entire part. I couldn't copy and paste my favorite lines because there were so many and I didn't want to stop because I wanted to know what was going to happen next.
I'm glad that she realizes it now because it is very obvious she has a crush on him but then again I know her thoughts. I feel like she might dial it down though, try to not impress him as much as she has been trying to and therefore she will end up impressing him without actually trying.
I liked the fact that his smile went away quickly and he left soon after because you could have gone the more cliche way where they then continue to discuss the book into the night, skipping lunch and dinner or whatever meal and then having to rush off together for food making them spend a large portion of the day together. I'm kind of amazed because I know you didn't read any fan fiction when you wrote the entire story. I guess this is what happens when you donít know what else is out there. You have managed to steer clear of these cliches I see over and over again.
I was so glad to see some Hagrid! You kept him in character and I liked how you made him someone that she would want to talk to and confide in. Hagrid has always had that warm nature about him that I love. Oh and him not wanting to gossip! Psh! Hagrid always had loose lips.Author's Response: HI hi hi!! Oh, I'm so excited you're back! I know you were really busy with Camp NaNo, however. How's that going?! No way I could even attempt it this month, but maybe August. When I have a minute from crazy toddler-land, I'm dying to check out your Dudley story because it looks so original. It's been taunting me through the interwebs to come and read for weeks now, but I was really pushing to get my next chapter written in the bits of free time I had when the bug bit me.
Aanyway... I totally should have thought of what you did with Severus being annoyed with the store cupboard thing. I guess maybe I figured he wouldn't have even noticed? I guess he assumed she was so competent, that it would be fine. He'd probably just want to get the whole thing over with as soon as possible with as little interaction with her or checking up on her as possible. But wow, you really do have some interesting analyses there. I'm constantly always doing the same thing.
Ba ha ha...your aunts sound awesome. I guess I didn't get too much of that since my husband and I have been together since we were 17. I mostly got the very annoying, "Are you still with the same boyfriend?" question which always made me mad because we knew we were going to get married. Ugh, some people!
Your Lockhart question is a good one, and I won't answer it right now ;) You'll find out for yourself pretty soon! Lockhart really is just so pretty. He really probably assumes Avrille would want to hook up with him since, like you said, pretty people just go together. But in my mind, Severus is pretty too. At least he would be if he put on some eyeliner and really rocked the goth vibe he's got going on (though he'd probably curse me for suggesting something so inane).
I'm so glad you liked that part at the end!! I really think that's one of my top 5 favorite scenes I wrote in this story. Severus's smile was inspired by a Japanese rock singer I love who always has this really serious, glaring expression in photos. I saw a behind the scenes thing once where he smiled and it was like: O_O. It totally transformed him into just this nice guy. I also loved writing Hagrid. He's one of my favorite characters in the books. He isn't in this story too much anymore, so I think I need to make a better effort to bring him into the sequel. He's like everyone's best BIG brother. It just might be a little tough with him being so busy with Grawp. We'll see.
Thanks so much for your compliments. I really do think it helped not reading any fan fiction before writing this. Yes, it helped me avoid cliches for the most part, but I think I also would have been very intimidated by the level of talent out there. It's always better to write for yourself and not because you're competing with someone, you know? Thanks again! Ugh, SO many more reviews of yours to read! I was supposed to be working on my new chapter but. TOO TEMPTING TO READ THEM! ~Renny Report Review
I thoroughly enjoyed this story, I'm going back to leave reviews after having plowed through it unable to put it down ;). I had read it before I had my username and it has been fun to renew my acquaintance with Avrille.
Avrille is such a likable character already; she is able to make a complete fool of herself while still being sympathetic.
I enjoyed your description of a Canadian witch doing the touristy sites in London but forgetting to find the magical ones -- hehe.†
†The initials "R.A.T." for graduate work are so fitting for the Potterverse, I can hear wizarding advanced students moaning about "RATs" in my head. (makes me wish the graduate schools were canon, but what else is fanfiction for?)
"...†but only succeeded in nauseating myself after breathing in the smell of body odour and jacket potatoes that seemed to be as much a part of the train as the seats or handrails."†
"I spotted The Leaky Cauldron a bit down the street. I ran the last few hundred feet to its peeling green door, desperate for a cold, hard Banshee Buster on the rocks."
These two passages of scene setting details are so wonderful, I feel like I'm there. †I may have to swipe your drink name next time any of my characters are in The Leaky Cauldron!
I will try to keep the reviews coming semi regularly till I'm caught up!Author's Response: OH HI! *glomps* I'm so happy you're reviewing! (though it makes me aware of the shamefully long amount of time it's been since I started "Rowan and Phoenix." DOH, Real Life!)
I thought it was really weird how there's no continuing ed whatsoever in the wizarding world. I mean, seven years of learning how to turn random animals into furniture or whatever? Is that really a skill that's in high demand in the magical job market? I know it's a story and all, but everything else about JKR's world is so intricate and detailed that I had kind of a hard time how their basic economy would work, unless most of the positions are inherited like a shop or you're apprenticed into it. So yes, I thought up wizard college (also cause, honestly, I needed a reason for Avrille to be older than 18 when she starts her apprenticeship cause that's just icky.)
The first description of the tube I have to admit came from my best friend, who spent some time in London and clued me into those details, which I never would have known about on my own. The alcohol part was all mine, though. Haha! Feel free to swipe! I'm constantly wanting to borrow ideas from awesome writers like you as a tribute (I'll let you know if there's anything specific I want to "borrow" so I can get permission and credit you :D)
I'll definitely try to keep up with your reviews as well. I've just been trying really hard to use toddler nap time to finish the next chapters of my two WIP since they haven't been updated i a while. And what do I do? Go and sign up for the review exchange again at TGS ;) Thanks so much for your lovely review, Siri! Report Review
First I have to say that I love reading your review responses. The little comments you make about your husband and then jabs at Severus/Avrille make me laugh. Ramble on! And don't worry about responding right away. I know my reviews tend to be extremely long sometimes.
However, that annoyance was truly rooted in sheer panic; her perfection was causing my regard for her to grow exponentially each day, leaving me, frankly, terrified.
^ Severus! He never ceases to amaze me. He can compliment her in his head and then he can just as easily try to tear her down. I'll never get over how terrified he is of feelings and I suppose women. I wonder if he has been with other women in the past? I'm sure he 'flung' a few because of 'human nature,' as he had called in a previous chapter.
If there was something about her that I hated, I could wrap myself around it and perhaps bring her down from the pillar in my mind she was occupying to her lowly place as an apprentice whose presence was severely interfering with my quest for the illusive invisibility potion.
^ See. This is what I mean. He compliments her and then tries to reject her or tear her down so she's less than what she is. A very man thing to do. I honestly don't know how he comes up with these theories though. I suppose 'love is blind' or however the saying goes. I feel like if Severus just calmed down momentarily and just accepted his feelings for Avrille he could just get on with his day without worry but he has to be dramatic about it. And they say women are worse then men!
His actions of avoiding her remind me of something teenagers would do in high school or middle school. It really does make me question again if he has had any prior relationships and I don't mean relationships that lasted a month or two. I mean a relationship that lasted at least a year and he was invested in. It seems he has this routine and he's convinced that he doesn't need anyone else. I'm wondering if this goes past his feelings for his parents and past being a Death Eater to someone else that was important in his life 'hurting' him.
the entire female student body of Hogwarts was in the grip of Avrille-fever.
^ That was just too funny. It made me laugh because it was too true. This tends to happen in real life when we see celebrities on magazines. They could be wearing...well...a meat dress and people will rush off to copy their style. I thought it was clever how Severus would be the one to notice the changes in the students. It read like it was suffocating him but then again he has 'Avrille-fever' too so for all we know he could be exaggerating since we only get his point of view on the matter.Author's Response: Oh good! I'm glad you saw the responses. Sometimes when I respond, I wonder if anyone ever checks back to read them. I always check for responses to my reviews, but some people don't. I'm very lucky in that my husband is incredibly understanding of my Snape-obsession and writing in general. He'd never read this story in a million years, but he's still always rooting for me to work on it, along with original stuff. It's very hard to not make jabs at Severus and Avrille because they've been a part of my life for almost ten years now, so they've become pretty real in my head. I'm always thinking things like, "I wish Severus would make a potion for me!" when I had unbearable "morning" sickness, and there are times I'm dying for Avrille to baby-sit my son and rope him off of the furniture with a magic lasso or something. *sigh*
I find it really interesting that you're the first reviewer EVER to ask me if this version of Severus ever had a relationship before. Answer is yes, because canon-Severus saving himself for Lily is honorable and noble, but my Severus still being a virgin at 33 is just sad. So yes, in my head he had a fling or two in the past. I always imagined he had a brief, non-serious relationship with a hot Italian girl when he was in graduate school, maybe the daughter of the people who own the Roman equivalent of the Three Broomsticks or something where he and his school mates would go and hang out after classes. But as far as actual love, no, I don't think he would have ever felt that way before. Maybe he might have been infatuated with a woman and thought he was in love, but he wasn't really, not like how he falls in love with Avrille. I wanted his relationship with her to be very special. Blame it on my own uber romantic life where I was my husband's first girlfriend ever (we've been together since high school), and he knew he wanted to marry me before we even started dating :)
Severus is ridiculously melodramatic about these things, isn't he? But he has a good reason. You'll see in chapter 20. I really feel bad to this day about what I thought up for his past, but it was the best reason I could think of as to why such a totally awesome guy would still be single at his age (cause Snape is hot and cool and all that. In my mind.)
I'm glad you liked all the silly Avrille-fever stuff. In all honesty, it's one of my least favorite parts of the story. It seemed a bit like filler to me, but that's not to say that I don't think it's realistic as well. I figured these kids are cooped up in school for 5/6ths of the year without access to TV, movies, internet, etc, so they probably would latch on to anything that was slightly different than their boring, British school routine. I think young people especially are always interested in things different from their own culture. I've been obsessed with Japanese culture since high school, and most Japanese kids are obsessed with American culture. Go figure.
I really like the next chapter, so I hope you do as well. It's my first "swoon" moment. :) Thank you for the review! In case you're wondering why I reply so fast, I'm a closet review-stalker. I can't help it. When I'm frustrated with all the day-to-day stay at home mom stuff, taking five seconds to check on my stories is something to look forward to, at least until I'm able to start writing again, next week or so. Yup. That's my life. :D ~Renny
Gilderoy Lockhart had appeared seemingly out of nowhere and now stood between us and the door outside.
^ Oh goodness. I'm not sure if I want to read on. I literally shook my head and said out loud, 'Oh no, not Lockhart,' because he always causes trouble. It astounds me that no one would have caught on that he was a fraud all those years. I mean, how did he act when he was in school? I'm sure if he wasn't capable of doing proper magic after school then he wasn't capable during school.
"Didn't even manage to scrape a Herbology O.W.L. expertise indeed..."
^ Well that answers my question!
I started slightly at his question since I had been strangely mesmerized by the way his thumb had been caressing the twig's smooth bark.
^ There was just something about this line that stood out to me. I really can't say what but hands have never sounded so alluring to me.
Lockhart continues to be one of my favorite aspects about this story. He seems to pop up just about everywhere and is insanely hilarious. I'm surprised anyone actually took him seriously. Actually, I'm surprised that none of the other Professors killed him in his sleep. Imagine him as a ghost? Oh lord.
Severus, Severus, Severus. He treats Avrille like a child with his responses and even though I know the struggle and the way he is feeling I still want to reprimand him. He really needs to learn to mind his manners.Author's Response: Oh Lockhart, Lockhart, Lockhart. I was the exact same as you, wondering how NO ONE stopped to think, "Um, I went to school with this guy and he was a total moron. HOW did he do all of these things?" Maybe he just Obliviated anyone who commented on it. I imagine Severus probably went to school with Lockhart, though he was most likely several years ahead of the moron, so I'm sure he would have questioned Lockhart's suitability for the post before he even showed up with Avrille. It's just one more nice little nugget of conflict in the background between Severus and Dumbledore that I'm going to take wonderful advantage of later on in the sequel to this story. I think Severus puts up with a lot of Dumbledore's manipulating and errors in judgement since he trusts him so much and considers him almost like a father as well as a mentor, but even he can get pushed too far. Oooh, I'm just so excited to finally be back home so I can write all of this soon! Sorry for the tangent :)
Avrille's probably wishing he was stroking something else...mwa ha ha. Though of course she doesn't actually KNOW that she wants that yet. Severus is still way too scary in her mind. I've always loved men's hands. On the first date I had with my now-husband, I noticed what beautiful hands he had. In the magical world I think hands would have even more of an allure since they are what the magic passes through to exit through a wand. I also think (and am pretty sure there was basis in canon for this) that the most powerful wizards like Dumbledore could probably do some amazing magic with just their hands.
Ack! A ghost Lockhart! That would be even worse than Moaning Myrtle. Lockhart does eventually fade out of the spotlight later on when the focus shifts more to Severus and Avrille actually together, but he does pop up once or twice for some token annoyances. I think later on in the year, Avrille would be much better about knowing how to avoid him.
Severus can just be incredibly rude. I want to smack him as well. He probably wouldn't have been so curt had he known how much Avrille already admired him, but right now all he can think about is keeping her far far away. *sigh* Poor guy.
Thanks for the FOUR new reviews! They were such a joy to read. Hoping with your help I can get this story to over 1,000 which would just be so incredibly COOL. I appreciate so much all the time you're taking to leave me such long ones. I write reviews almost the exact same way you do, looking for little quotes I like and talking about them, so I completely understand how much time you're putting into this. That's why I don't have nearly as high a review post count as I would like. It just takes me so much longer to get through stories since I like to give lots of feedback. So BIG GOLD STAR on your review chart from a very appreciative writer! Take care! ~Renny Report Review
Since I was in the cellar of the castle and therefore submerged, each window was a portal to the great lake.
You made me fall in love with your descriptions all over again. That's a lovely image right there and 'portal' just takes it over the edge. I imagine something more than a window, a journey that is ready to unfold outside his bedchamber.
What did it really matter that Potter had an unfortunate childhood? So did countless others who did not receive special attention from the headmaster. A troubled past was even more of a reason to impart stern guidelines now while the child was in school rather than have him learn later that being weak will not garner sympathy and special treatment from others in the real world.
^ When I read things like this I realize just how much Harry and Severus had in common and then I also realize just how much Severus didn't want Harry to have things in common with him. He pushes him harder than the others because of his hatred towards James but also because Harry could have ended up just like him, I think. If you analyze the situation and really think about it, it could have happened.
I could reason with the idea of being attracted to a woman. After all, attraction to the opposite sex was something ingrained in our very genetic code to guarantee the continuation of the species. But to fall in love? Love was a different matter entirely. Love could be as corrosive as acid, as volatile as nitro-glycerine, more intoxicating as opium and more deadly than the venom of the Inland Taipan. Only fools allowed themselves to become swept up in something so obviously dangerous.
^ There goes his insane logic again. He really seems to become unraveled by the faint thought, and this is only pure thought right now and not action, of actually falling for someone and being open to love. He just doesn't like his life out of order. Severus is very particular about everything. Avrille pretty much equals 'chaos' to him because he doesn't understand love.
I think that's what it boils down too. Sure falling in love with her within a week is ridiculous because he doesn't even know her, it's lust, but I think even that concept worries him. He has to break it down to a scientific aspect to understand it to him because it's such a foreign concept. He uses his work as an escape mechanism from digging into his feelings and accepting them for what they are.Author's Response: I'm going to skip the polite modesty for a moment and say, yeah. I made Severus have a freaking AWESOME set of rooms. I seriously want to live there myself. It's funny how I'm pretty sure on Pottermore it says that the Slytherin Common Room has windows into the lake as well, but I thought this all up years ago now, so it's cool when my ideas end up matching up with canon.
I think your insights into Severus/Harry/James are spot on and really interesting. Canon Severus had such a complex relationship with Harry because I do believe, like you said, that he half hated the kid because of how he perceived him to be like James but also half wanted to change him since deep down he knows there's some Lily in there as well. My Severus doesn't have quite the emotional baggage with regards to Harry since he wasn't in love with Lily, but I do think that he would have had a struggle wanting to sort of help shape Harry to be a worthy opponent of Voldemort but also have as little to do with the boy as possible.
Oh Severus and his insane logic. But here his logic and analysis is purely a defense mechanism. Like I said in an earlier reply, it's not quite so much that he doesn't understand love but more that he knows, because of something that happened to him when he was younger, he CAN'T fall in love because for him it would be incredibly dangerous. But I love Avrille = Chaos :)
Again, you hit the nail right on its head with the observation that at the moment it's lust and a physical/intellectual attraction of his to Avrille, but deep down he knows that he's on the brink of a very slippery slope downwards where if he doesn't stop imagining "what if's," it's going to be too late and there's no going back. Poor guy. I was really incredibly horrible to him in this story, but I only did it because he's such a strong character, and I knew he could take it and come out even stronger in the end. Thanks as always! ~Renny Report Review
Three ginger Gryffindor boys, two of them identical twins, waved vigorously at her while she placed the Sorting Hat over her flyaway hair.
You know. I don't think I've ever read about Ginny or Luna's sorting before. I rather enjoyed it. It was a nice change from focusing on Harry and Ron.
This story is such a relaxing read. I can just lay back and read Avrille's thoughts and your descriptions for hours.
I never did give it much thought how Lockhart and his lying ways could have affected Harry or anyone else for that matter. Avrille is quick to judge Harry without ever meeting him because of what Severus says and then what Lockhart says. I suppose she can't read between the lines because she's new and Severus is pretty much her 'idol.' I wonder if she'll change her thoughts on Harry once she meets him and sees that he's really not all that bad.
The best thing about this chapter though was the light you gave the professors. You could have easily focused on Harry or the other students or even just on Severus but you still pay attention to the minor characters that are around Avrille and give them all equal moments to shine. Sure Lockhart likes to outshine everyone else but I thought it was really lovely how you put Sinistra out there and you still managed to squeeze Hagrid into the story again.Author's Response: In case you can't tell by their complete lack of appearance, I kind of can't stand Harry or Ron. It's probably because I got into the books when I was already an adult myself, so I didn't care as much for the kids as I did the professors and other adults. Now that I'm a mom, I'm also much more interested in the mothers in the series and how they dealt with all of the dangers having kids while Voldemort was in power.
I love it when you pick up on things I did intentionally, like how Avrille's view of Harry is tainted due to her idolization of Severus and prejudice against Lockhart. I really don't think Harry is that bad considering the incredibly hard life he had, and Avrille definitely would come to realize that once she's been around him more. She just has the disadvantage of not being British, so not really even hearing about Harry all that much since his "defeat" of Voldemort wasn't part of her culture growing up, except for the horrible instance of her father's murder in relation to it.
Yup, you noticed like I said how I like to give the adults more "screen time" over the kids. I figure the kids have 7 books about them, let's see what kind of drama the professors have going on behind the scenes ;) Thank you for the review! It's been so fun reading them and is such a nice break from the stress of moving. I'm totally dying to read your reaction to things in upcoming chapters. ~Renny Report Review
I had begun to form a mental picture of the author as a sort of young Minerva McGonagall-type, complete with square spectacles. Never had I imagined that Mistress Asphodel would turn out to be so... well...
Leave it to Severus to compare Avrille in his mind to McGonagall. This just further proves that McGonagall is a fox and now I want to ship Severus/McGonagall.
So self-absorbed that it took an actual collision for me to even notice a beautiful woman, and then not even have the common sense or courtesy to ask her name or introduce myself.
That's actually really interesting because when I think of Severus I think of him being so in love with Lily that he was really more absorbed about her. I know that they were just friends in this story but it makes me question what type of person was Severus then when he was a death eater? What motivated him to join the Order and trust Dumbledore if he wouldn't have been as effected by the death of Lily like he was when he was in love with her. I suppose friendship is a strong bond as well and he could have been torn by her death and made him realize what he was doing was wrong because she was a good person and someone he cared for which would have shook his senses.
Oh wow. I was trying to do a well thought out review but I got lost in the conversations between Severus/Avirlle and then Severus/Lucius. The way you wrote Lucius! He seems like such a slimeball. I always thought he would have been a bit more caring towards his family in private but he just disgusted me in this chapter. I felt a little creeped out by his behavior and to think Avrille blushed by his antics!
Besides the conversations and how you weaved the one with Lucius into canon I thoroughly enjoyed Severus's thoughts. I liked the way he thought about 'love' but gave it a fleeting thought and just pushed it right aside and then the way you connected the concept towards the end with his father since we know how awful he treated him but I can't wait to see more of Severusís internal struggle. I don't think he realizes his feelings have more to do with lust and the fact that he's attracted to her intelligence too. Then again I donít think he wants to feel any of those things, even if it could be fleeting.Author's Response: McGonagall is a total fox. Severus with a Time Turner shipping a younger McGonagall would be pretty sweet (because otherwise we'd have a weird "Harold and Maude" situation going on, and that's not my cup of tea.) Not that Severus is sexist at all, but I think it would be hard for him to imagine many women could have both beauty and brains, assuming by the time they could get that smart they'd be 70 or whatever Minerva is. That was the only part about Avrille's character I ever worried about, thinking some might consider her a Mary Sue. I personally don't think she is at all, and I based her off of people I know who are actually super gorgeous and brainy (like my best friend). They do exist!
You'll definitely see later more about Severus's motivations for joining the Order back then. In my mind, I made him and Lily have almost a brother/sister relationship, so when he found out Voldemort was trying to find her baby and kill him, it not only made him want to protect Lily, who I imagine was the only actual friend he ever had and someone he would be fiercely protective of, even if they weren't speaking to each other because of the James thing, but it also showed him just how effed up Voldemort was if he was going to kill a new born just because of a stupid prophecy. So that's just a brief summary of his motivations there. But obviously I get more into that later.
Lucius is definitely a complete slimeball in my story, though a gorgeous one. I wrote this chapter before DH came out, so we didn't really have any inkling until that book that Lucius cared about his family at all. So even though we ended up seeing that he did love his wife and son very much, I decided to stick with utter-creep-Lucius because it's much more fun, and he makes a more believable "rival" than Lockhart for Severus over Avrille. And don't worry, Avrille wasn't blushing because she was flattered. She was just more embarrassed and feeling very awkward that this really hot, married guy, who she assumes is a friend of Severus's, was hitting on her right in front of her supervisor.
I had to give Severus different parents in this story since, as you'll see in a later chapter what Severus is referencing here, it was essential to my plot that his father was a wizard. I also assumed when thinking is up before HBP came out that Severus was bound to be a pure-blood, being the head of Slytherin and all. But this father was definitely still very horrible to Severus and his mother growing up. This thing that happened between them is also the direct reason why Severus can't allow himself even the slightest chance of developing serious feelings for Avrille. But since this is a super great romance story, I think you can safely assume he won't do so well with that :) Thanks for the review, and I am really SO HAPPY you like this story so much so far! I always get nervous when new people are reading "my baby" for the first time. ~Renny Report Review
"Jack-the-Ripper" had actually been Nigra Bodewell, a serial-murdering Dark witch with a serious Muggle-hating problem. After the fifth murder of the Muggle prostitute Mary Kelly, Nigra was finally caught and sentenced to life in Azkaban.
Should I just bow down to you now? Where do you come up with these things?! So clever. So interesting. So original. Can we switch brains?
The sign read, "New Release: Magical Me!"
I really enjoy your subltely here. I was wondering what year this was supposed to be in because the way they speak and the way they think sounds so much 'older' to me. But then I realized that for one they're adults so why shouldn't they speak properly? And for another, the magical community was more reserved and kind of stuck in a different era but by the addition of Lockhart I now know what year this is supposed to be in the world of Harry Potter.
So, would you like the one of me on my broomstick?
^ LOVED that entire part with Lockhart. I couldn't stop giggling and out of context that is quite the dirty question to ask a woman. I think my favorite part is when Avrille mentions his pastel clothing. I don't think I would take a man seriously either if he was dressed head to toe in pastel colors and holding a matching satin bag.
Oh lord. That image is going to give me nightmares.
The air in Hogsmeade was fragrant and sweet like it was wafting toward us from the window of a sweets store.
Well, it's that time again in my review where I mention your lovely descriptions. My mouth watered a little and my stomach rumbled just a bit thanks to that sentence. What are you doing to me?!
I love Avrille. While it's nice to get a glimpse into Severus's thoughts, Avrille's eyes are a breath of fresh air. Severus knows the castle, you know? So when he notices something it's not with an air of fascination. Avrille notices things and is being introduced to them for the first time so it makes Hogwarts sound even more magical than it is.
The interaction with Avrille and Severus was perfect. I like how you used Lockhart as the back drop to what was going on around her and he kept annoyingly popping up. Oh and the way you introduced everyone, from Hagrid to Sprout. I think this is the first story I have ever read where a proper introduction was given for all the Professor's. What a nice change!Author's Response: Ok! Finally here to respond! I read these reviews last night on my phone, but wasn't able to reply yet since the internet on my apartment wasn't turned back on until today. So sorry for the brief delay.
No need to bow down, though I'll always gladly accept sacrifices of Godiva Chocolates. I just sort of like to add random details in reference to things I'm interested in at the time. For instance, around when I was writing this chapter years and years ago, I was really into the movie "From Hell" with Johnny Depp. I can usually tell approximately when I wrote a chapter through details like that, since I wrote this story completely out of order.
I'm pretty sure that I set this story in the Chamber of Secrets year *specifically* so I could have Lockhart in it. He's just such a ridiculous character and very fun to write. He a complete narcissistic buffoon, but I also gave him a bit of a more adult, seedier edge to him that I personally think is kind of realistic considering how full of himself he is and how quickly he rose to fame. But you'll see what I mean in later chapters :)
Hope you were able to get a tasty treat after I went and made you hungry. Ironically enough, years after I wrote this, my husband is now studying to be a pastry chef. Go figure, huh? You should see the gluttonous amounts of desserts he subjects me to.
I'm really glad you're liking Avrille's POV. I was very careful in this story to never really simply re-tell a canon event (like some people were disappointed I didn't have Severus describe the Dueling Club later, but I figured we already read about it in canon, so it would be superfluous to go into it again, no matter how awesome Severus is making Lockhart crash into the wall...) Having an OC is definitely a great way to add a new dimension to one of the shorter, less complex books. I think that was the other reason I did CoS. It was a lot easier to insert someone into this plot as opposed to OotP (which I'm now doing in the sequel, but it's easier since I already have a good base of my own to work with.)
So thanks for the review! Hope you don't mind reading my very long replies. I tend to ramble anyway, and when super nice readers like you give long reviews, I feel they deserve equally long replies. Thanks so much and I'm going to try to get one or two more replies in before I REALLY need to start unpacking :) ~Renny Report Review
The afternoon sunlight shone through the western windows brilliantly, bringing my thoughts back to the situation at hand as it reflected sparkling rays off of the numerous Dark detectors and other instruments the headmaster had on display around the room.
^ I swoon at your description. Your writing just doesn't disappoint. When I read 'shone through the western windows brilliantly' I had to squint my eyes because I was sure sun was going to start shining through my windows.
Of course it's almost nine at night where I am but your writing seems to jump to life in my bedroom.
"--Turn her house inside out?!" I exclaimed. "What exactly does that mean?"
Loved this reaction. Severus's thoughts are so interesting. They're very collected. He tends to analyze everything, the room, the people, the files that he's given and this moment seemed to me that he lost 'himself' for a second because he was genuinely shocked, shows that he does have some weaknesses.
Oh! And I love your Dumbledore. You write his playfulness in so well and this was also a time where the danger wasnít at an extreme high so he has a little extra spark inside of him that I love.
Uncontrollably an image of Neville Longbottom with pigtails popped into my mind.
^ Oh Severus, you silly man!
Avrille sounds like quite the witch. I wonder if it was just her father's death that affected her because it sounds like Dumbledore was alluding to something else, maybe something that isn't known by any of them or Avrille herself because she doesn't think about that 'time.' It'll be interesting to see if Severus could uncover it or help her restore the power that she had. Is it possible she suppresses some of her magic, for the sole reason that she wouldn't want anyone to come after her again? I donít know...hm...I have a few theories but nothing concrete yet.Author's Response: Thank you, thank you! I get so happy when I read reviews like yours because you hit so many nails on the head with what I was trying to portray that it really lets me know that I accomplished what I was going for. Severus is definitely incredibly analytical and very reserved. Maybe more reserved with his speech than his thoughts, since I think he's so focused on always portraying the correct image to whoever he's talking to with his history of being a spy. Sometimes he has little things like that slip out when he is truly taken by surprise (or taken with a lady, but you'll see of course :D)
"maybe something that isn't known by any of them or Avrille herself because she doesn't think about that 'time.'" You're VERY close with those thoughts! Of course it will take a long time for any of them to figure out what's going on, but rest assured they do in the end. I never thought about your theory of suppressing her powers to protect herself from another attack. That's incredibly interesting... but not the reason ;) I think that probably wouldn't have worked because at the time her father died, she didn't know it was because those men were trying to get at her. She probably found that out when she was older. But it's still a great thought you had! The only thing I didn't address in this story is why she had such strong powers to begin with (because I was incredibly lame at the time and couldn't think of a good reason...) but that's something I'll be answering in the sequel.
Thank you again a bajillion times over for your reviews, D.D.D.D.C. :) I'm all nervous now hoping you'll like the rest of it. Take care! ~Renny Report Review
I'm so excited to start reading this story! Granted, it might take me awhile to read all thirty-nine chapters but I have been on such a Severus kick lately I can't wait to see what you have in store with him.
Remedial Arts Thesis (R.A.T.)
^ This is really clever. I used to read a lot of Snape stories and they would sometimes bring in an apprentice of some sort into the story but the thing about those stories was the author never gave any detail about why the woman was being Severus's apprentice or what she really even did beforehand. So I really like the originality there.
Once or twice his eyes darted to my Muggle jeans and pink hooded sweatshirt, quite different from his elegant robes of deep charcoal with black top-stitching.
^ The way you describe things astounds me. From the moment they collide it's like this overload of information but it's not an overload in a sense that's it's too much, it's more than enough where I'm actually seeing everything being played out on my computer screen, instead of just reading about it (if that makes sense).
Oh God, let me die now.
^ I can't stop giggling. I knew from the descriptions that it was Severus but because she didn't know it was him...well...that's really embarrassing actually. I know how red I would be if I was going to a lecture in school and bumped into one of my Professor's like that I would be embarrassed.
Your OC is wonderful. I don't even know her name yet, I don't think you mentioned it and I'm at the part where she's debating the pros and cons of asking a question inside her head. Her thoughts her highly hilarious and yet normal at the same time. She seems like a regular person which is a great sigh of relief.
Oh no! I'm at the end already. I really enjoyed this first chapter. Your writing is just so easy to read because it's incredibly clear but at the same time it's imaginative. I already find myself attached to Avrille. I love how 'high class' she seems but everyone else too, well, Snape really since we weren't introduced to too many people. I like the way you have him carry himself. He sounds like a strong and intelligent man (I was about to say durable but that just sounds like he's Bounty) and important. A lot of stories like to paint him as cruel and weak even though that's just not his character.Author's Response: Oh, hi!! You have no idea how much I needed these reviews. Been spending all day packing for a move back home, so this was an incredibly nice surprise. Thanks so much!
Your compliments are all so nice. I guess some of it might seem original since I didn't read ANY HPFF before my story was 100% done. So everything I really did have to think up on my own. But now it's cool to read what other people have done and get help with my own writing. The sense of community on this site and TGS is just so wonderful. Avrille definitely has some backstory as to why she's apprenticing. She actually seems to have spent a crazy amount of time in graduate school, but I needed to think up something to take up those years since I didn't want her to be really young since Severus is already I think 33 in this story.
I'm so glad nothing that embarrassing has ever happened to me. It would be like knocking over my favorite author who I was about to be mentored by for a year or something. Utter mortification.
Yay, I'm so happy you like Avrille so far! I attempted to write her as sounding intelligent, but not stuffy like Severus is. I figured she had to be smart or else he wouldn't be interested in her, but I still wanted her to be a bit fun and irreverent to shake him up a bit. And I know you said Bounty, but for some reason it made me think of Brawny, and now I have thoughts of Severus as the Brawny man in my head. I don't know if that's hot or disturbing. I hope you like how I did his characterization since it differs slightly from canon (but hopefully is still believable. Think of it as how canon Snape would be with a slightly different set of circumstances growing up since I didn't know about his whole loving Lily thing and having a Muggle dad when I wrote this.) Thanks again so so so much for the review. I won't be so horribly selfish and spoiled to expect such long, detailed, amazing reviews on every chapter, but if you insist on leaving me a few here or there, I certainly won't object :) I always try to repay the favor as well! Give me a couple weeks, and I'll be settled back at home with much more time for writing and reviewing. Thanks again so much. Have an awesome night! Report Review
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