Oh. My. God. Seriously, you should have put a warning somewhere. This is one of very few stories that has actually made my eyes tear up. It is so sad. I read it so fast, I wasn’t even aware it was just a story, but not real! The words – so beautiful, powerful, floating, killing. Bah, it woke up the poet in me. Haha.
Now, I can’t find many words for it, but you have written something that is closer to perfection than many stories put on paper. I think I said that ‘Astute Observations’ was your best, but I have to say that this one surpasses them all! I haven’t been much in the Sirius/Lily mood for a long time, and so I thought I’d leave this for later, but now I see that the ship doesn’t even matter. The way it’s written … the emotion and sadness and guilt … it should win ‘Best One-Shot’ award, like EVER! That’s it!
Oh, and I really appreciated this sentence: “It would be far easier to be a writer, to write out all the anger and hate and make it all go away with a crumpling of paper and a mind at rest.” Bagged best line ever, too. :P
I think I will have to read it again, and … frame it or something. That’s it, I am reading everything you ever wrote! *excited and still tearful*Author's Response: *Warning: dangerously depressing story ahead* Would that work, you think? :P A lot of emotion when into writing this story, though it didn't take long to write, nor was it very painful. It just all came out in one sitting, I think, with a very surprising result (I've been told that it's a very realistic story, which is what always surprised me). Also surprising is that I don't actually ship this ship, which perhaps made it easier to write about how it fell apart. Or, as you said, the characters don't matter as much as the emotions.
It's absolutely wonderful to hear that you enjoyed reading this so much and that the story was so moving for you. While it's sad that the story made you cry, I'm always pleased when reviewers say that it did, as it means I did something right. ^_^ Thank you, Lyn! Report Review
great job, very eloquent and sad.Author's Response: Thank you very much! :) Report Review
Good lord. I'm certainly crying. :( Is that a good thing...? Hmm... Great story here, I absolutely loved it. :) You've made me like Sirily stories. Well, well written ones anyway. Good job here Susan. It's heartbreaking.Author's Response: Crying? o_O It is a sad story, but I'm always surprised when people cry. I guess it means that I put too much emotion into writing it. :P A good sign, then, that it affected you so much. Also a good sign that it's made you like the ship a bit more; it's a ship that can be fun to write/read, no matter how horribly uncanon it is. ;)
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review, I really appreciate it. ^_^ Report Review
you have become my hero for sirius/lily pairings.
AHH. i'm in tears now. =(
the flashback was really effective and you really capture their characters well. they're both so believable and lily phoning sirius at the end was such a nice touch. (well more sad really but you know what i mean.)Author's Response: *hides* Thank you very much. It's not my ship, but interesting to write. I'm really glad that you liked how this story turned out. ^_^ Report Review
This story certainly is a nightmare to me. Of course, not from a literal point of view! No, it's brilliantly written. It's just that if I should name a situation in which I wouldn't want to find myself, this would be a top one, maybe with the exception of some particular deaths. I can so understand the madness this is about, but still, I've been in Sirius' position, not Lily's, and I do believe - as she do - that that one is better. But back to the point, I wanted to say that it was brilliantly written and the psychology is just exact. Maybe too exact, when it comes down to it, as I was close to rliving certain events of my life while reading this, and I did not enjoy that. But of course, that's hardly your fault.
And yes, Sirius' perception of what love is at the begining of this story is very exact, too...I mean, many people tend to see it like this. I could go on naming all the things that we so exact and realistic in this story, but it would be unnecessary, as I can say it all much more shortly: it was all very real, the entire story.Author's Response: Oh dear. :S I can't believe that my made-up story could sound so real, eclipsing those emotions felt in a real-life situation. It still astounds me that it came out of my head (warped, nerdy head, but all the same). That must be what too much TV, books, and movies do to a person.
It's strange when I write one-shots - they are written quickly, usually in one night, and need a lot of emotion behind them. It doesn't matter what kind of emotion, but they need a strong feeling. Then with characters and setting, it all spills out. With this one, I actually had the real desire to apologize to someone, but just couldn't - based on that, out came this story. What bothers me most is that I got the situation right without even meaning to.
Oh well, even if it happens accidentally, that's wonderful. Thank you for reading this and reviewing it, Barbara. I'm sorry that it brought back painful memories, though. :*( Report Review
You are PURE EVIL. And I love it. This... oh, god, I'm crying. Susan, you are evil. Evil, evil, evil. Wonderful, but holy cow! Are you trying to get me to produce mass floods here or what? Haha, I seriously... I love Sirius/Lily so much and to see it put like this was so heartbreakingly perfect and sad and wonderful. I love the part with Remus at the end - I really think that topped of the story nicely. And your flow throughout - the flashback and everything. It's just... perfect. Ah, you evil perfect... genius!! =PAuthor's Response: I made you cry! o_O That was not my intention, but wow, nor was it expected at all. It was one of those stories that come out of nowhere, get written, then they're gone. But wow, it's fantastic that you liked it so much and that it brought on such an emotional response. Sirily is a nice ship, but not my favourite, yet it's one of those that are really easy to write, haha. The part with Remus wasn't planned, but it's good to hear that you thought it fit into the rest - it didn't seem right to just leave Sirius to his solitary thoughts, having someone else come in and connect the story to the canon was needed to strengthen the ending. And I'm glad it worked! =D Thank you so much for reviewing this, Jessi. It means a lot to me that you enjoyed this story. Report Review
I have yet to read a better handled Sirius/Lily.
I don't want to say that I enjoyed it because it made me really quite sad, but saying anything else wouldn't be the truth. IFinding out about James and Lily like that, and from Remus, it was so ... sad. I hardly know how else to say it... really like it.
And Gee... How long was he in bed?
Cheers.Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you! That means very much, since I have read some fantastic Sirilys on this site. Haha, he was in bed for a few days, I guess. The ending here was not in my original idea, but it seemed the best, and perhaps only, way of successfully ending their relationship. :) Report Review
I'm quite divided on this. Though I'm very much in love with the story, and am not totally opposed to Sirius/Lily, I still think that Sirius would never betray James. But regardless I'm not going to complain about the way that you've interpreted the marauder story, because what you've got down here is a truly remarkable piece of writing. Though, of course, it's you, and I've never really expected to read anything remotely rubbish when you're the author. Speaking of, I really need to get round to reading more of your fics. It's been a long time in coming.Author's Response: Not my ship either, admittedly, for the same reasons. :P Sirius being a dog Animagus emphasizes his loyalty as a person, since dogs are known to being loyal to their masters. But anyways, haha, I'm glad that you were still able to enjoy this story. Thanks for the very kind compliment about my writing, it's very much appreciated. *blushes* Thanks so much for taking the time to review! ^_^ Report Review
I cannot believe I have not reviewed this yet. I've read it like at least ten times and I'm sorry I haven't reviewed earlier. I love the way you describe the feelings and emotions. It's great! I was wondering if you could read a story of mine that I have written in dedication to you. It's called Confessions over Coffee. Thanks. SeraAuthor's Response: Aww, don't worry about not having reviewed before, it means more that you've read it so often (wow, that many?). ^_^ That's amazing that you loved it that much! A story pour moi? I shall have to read it. ;-) Report Review
WOW, that was amazing! I love one-word stories. ^_^ this was beautiful Susan. :)Author's Response: Thanks very much, Grace! It's fantastic that you enjoyed it. ^_^ Report Review
whos the actor or singer or whatever that plays lily on the banner? she's a really good lily!Author's Response: It's Bryce Dallas Howard. :) Report Review
Wow. Just wow. This was so emotionally powerful I think I might go and cry myself xD And also, this gives us another reason why Peter was their Secret Keeper. One that really makes sense too!
Lily and Sirius were just perfect, as was your language, and yer...I loved this!Author's Response: Thank you! It's awesome that you enjoyed the story, and yes, you're right about the Peter thing. There had to be reason why Sirius changed his mind, and though this isn't a definite one, it's an option. ;-) Report Review
Good story, the hardest word kept changing for me, i thought it was love then I thought it was sorry a nd then i thought it was hate and then bac to sorry but still Great!Author's Response: That's part of the trick, haha. There are a lot of hardest words in this - more than the "sorry" part - and it's great that you noticed them all. Thank you! ^_^ Report Review
This was so well done! I really, really enjoyed reading this. I love how you didn't cast aside the guilt that both of them must have felt because of what they were doing. Too many authors do that. Instead, you utilized it and made it a major player in the story. I applaud you. :)
10/10 hands down. Author's Response: Gosh, thank you! The guilt is very important - to cast it aside wouldn't have fit either character's personality, not when they're both known as loyal characters. It means a lot that you think that, and I really appreciate that you took the time to read and review this story. ^_^ Report Review
I dont know if i ever reviewed this story.
but i LOVE it more than any other story ive ever read on these boards.
its so tragic. and so very well written.
I cry everytime i read it. its so good.
the symbolism is amazing. and i read it every time i need an inspiration.
:]Author's Response: Oh wow, thank you so much! It means a lot that you love this story like that. ^_^ Report Review
This is beautiful...I wish I could write stories like this.10/10Author's Response: Aww, that's very sweet of you. I'm sure your writing is quite good. ^_^ Thanks! Report Review
wow that was really good and sad and wow you're a great writerAuthor's Response: Thanks so much! ^_^ Report Review
that story is sad it makes me want to cry :(Author's Response: I'm sorry about that. :( Report Review
As a personal preference, I don't particularly care for stories that start out with general pronouns and then the character is revealed later in the chapter. I understand it's a technique used to amp up mystery and keep the reader interested, but I've seen it so much it's beginning to bore me.
I really like the fact that the main plot was a flashback. It's a move I haven't seen much of, but I really liked it. You portrayed it nicely. There were only a few instances where I wasn't one hundred percent sure on who was speaking; I had to reread a few things. But you clarified it nearly always with the next line. I like that you didn't attach a 'said' at the end of every piece of dialogue. It really makes the story more conversational and it flows a lot better. Easter egg.
This was beautifully crafted. You are a very gifted writer. I have one thing to say, though. The s in 'sorry' of the last line should not be capitalized. When I write sometimes I capitalize things that needn't be, so I can understand if you were, may I say, in the moment. While it was a perfect ending to the piece, the beta side of me got angry.
Overall, this was beauteous. Keep up the good work and have fun ^_^
Author's Response: The pronoun thing is something I've been harped on in the past, so I will remember not to use it so much. It is over used, you're right. Drat, it was fun when it wasn't being used by everyone else. :(Anyhow, thank you very much for the CC on the dialogue. It's nice to not have the "said" on each line, but it can get confusing sometimes - usually I fix that with different ways of speaking, but it didn't turn out so well in this one since the characters spoke more similarly than I'm used to. I'm glad that you liked that aspect - the lack of "saids" - because they take up so much space and mess too much with the narrative flow, in my opinion. Wow, that last part makes me blush (poor ears going red!), so thank you, thank you, for saying that. It means a lot that you've enjoyed the story that much. ^_^ Report Review
Interesting. I'm rather ambivalent about this just because of the fact that I don't really like Sirius/Lily (especially now that unrequited Snape/Lily is such a tastier option :P). However, I do like the plot and the situation that you've put them in. Personally, I find it rather contradictory to Lily's character that she would do something like this (which is part of the reason I can't understand Sirius/Lily), but I love how you twist Sirius's situation so that he starts the story feeling sorry for himself because he can never have Lily and ends the story sorry to others because he wallowed in self-pity while James and Lily died. I truly didn't see that coming and I think it's a very fitting ending to this story.
So, all in all, despite my lack of enthusiasm for the ship, you probably came as close as it's going to get to get me to love reading a Sirius/Lily. This truly was a beautiful work and I'm glad I read it. :)Author's Response: Haha! I agree with you about the ship, delta. It's so .... sunk, it's not funny, but it's still interesting to write. The undertones of betrayal, especially with Sirius involved, is an intriguing facet of the ship to explore. It's great that the story sort of "convinced" you, at least in the frame of the story itself. It's sort of funny though, since with this story, I am sinking the ship - literally killing it just as Lily got killed at the end. So it is a fitting ending, like you said. :PThanks so much for taking the time to read and review this. It's always a pleasure to read your reviews, delta. ^_^ Report Review
Oh!! This was beautiful! Sad, but beautiful. Author's Response: Aww, thanks very much! Report Review
Like promised, school is over and I'm here to review and let me tell you it was an amazing Sirius/Lily piece. I've read very few of these, so very very few - and I have to say Violet, that this was absolutely amazing. I love the fact that he was reminiscing about the last conversation they had had together, touching, very touching. There's not much really I can say. You have a magnificent style and flow going on. I love it. It's one of those few 'depressed non-happy Sirius-fics' that I've read and liked.
The point of view, like you asked me to touch on was great. While first person is great to get deeper into a character's head, you managed to do it excellently through third person. I loved it from Sirius' POV in third person. It was fantastic. The flashback had to be my favourite park ever. Typical Lily and Sirius brawl! ;D
â€śYouâ€™re soiled goods. Another manâ€™s tart.â€ť This line had to be one of my favourites within the flashback, and the entire one shot all together. It's so in character for Sirius. To try and apologize, then biting the word back, and getting angry and blaming someone else instead. I loved it. Your portrayal of him was brilliant.
I did catch, I believe, one typo.
after things had once again too far
I think here you're missing the word ''gone'' between again and too. Just a little slip up. Everyone makes them. ♥
Other than that, I absolutely loved it Violet. To the favourites it goes!
GinniAuthor's Response: Thanks for reviewing this, Ginni. :) It's great that there was only that tiny little typo in there - everyone makes mistakes, and I make a lot more. :P I've been trying out the third person extremely limited narrative style because it's nice not to write a million "I's" in a story yet it's also good to get an inside vision of the character. Sirius is a hard one to do with that since he's so multifaceted and complex, but I'm glad it pulled off well enough. :) It's great that his whole portrayal turned out - I really appreciate knowing that. Thanks so much for taking the time to give such a great review. ^_^ Report Review
This is one of the best one shots I've read. The way you wrote Sirius' thoughts and feelings in this fic was just brilliant. It felt like you revealed his soul for everyone to see. He's a traitor - he's having an affair with his best friend's wife - and love and guilt are eating him alive and driving him crazy. You portrayed him as a tormented soul again - but an adult version of Sirius-the-Tormented-Soul. He's a beautiful character, and you made him even more so. You made it so easy to feel for him. I had the feeling I was in the same room and witnessing his slow 'agony'.
This flows so well, and it's full of emotions. Love, hate, love, anger, love, guilt, love... and so many more. It's very easy to understand how you can say the wrong words and be unable to say the one word that you should say. It's so sad, but so realistic. People do that all the time, because they hurt, like Sirius, or because they just think they will have another chance... But sometimes there is no second chance. Not for Sirius. It's just so sad, his grief is so poignant.
I'm not a Sirius/Lily shipper, but I can read any ship (well, not the absurd ones, like Grayback/Hermione or Ginny, of course... lol), especially when it's nicely written. And here it is, and more. It's a very good Sirius/Lily, all the more so that they are in characters. Good job!
-AnneAuthor's Response: Really?! 8-| Wow! Thanks, Anne! Now that I'm struck speechless, I'll try to put together some sort of meaningful reply. It's amazing that you liked the story that much - perhaps it's a deeper story than I imagined it, with it revealing the beauty and tormented nature of his soul (he's a wonderful sort of tormented character to write about - so enigmatic and moody!). I'm also glad that the closeness to the story was there for you. Even though it's in third person, there's still that deep connection with the character, which is good to hear that it worked. The realism was less intended, seeing that I've never been in that situation, but I guess there's enough movies and books out there that have showed it in one way or another. :P It's great that his grief came out realistically - that's a very (obviously) significant factor in this story, that Sirius feels the self-loathing for what he did and that he really regrets everything, both having loved Lily and having lost her. Truth to tell, Lily/Sirius isn't my thing either, but it is nice to write about - a good change from James/Lily or other ships I usually stick to. :) Thank you very very much for reviewing this and enjoying it. It means a huge amount to me. ^_^ Report Review
DONT MAKE ME CRY! i didn't cry, quit looking at me like that. oh, okay maybe i did. this is a really good story but it's so sad!Author's Response: Of course you didn't cry.... *hands over box of tissues* Sorry for doing that to you. But I'm glad you still liked the story. =D Report Review
*Sniffle* Poor Sirius!
Okay, I'll keep this short, sweet and to the point. The emotions are excellent. The pairing is wonderful. Your writing is beautiful, and your ability to nearly bring me to tears proves what a fantastic writer you really are. Keep up the terrific work! Author's Response: Thank you very very much. ^_^ I'm glad that this story turned out so well - I remember once saying that I'd never write another Sirily again, and out one came. *rolls eyes* Report Review
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