Great, but i think you can do better.

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ugh. I hate your grammar the story is not bad, but Ican hardly read anything, the pov is not right ,you explain the story instead of letting itself,develop

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I lov eKyle and Marissa's reactions to Sirius asking out Melody.
I wonder if Marissa will spill all of Melody's secrets?
The dates in Hogsmeade were so cute and the pretend snogging :D

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I like seeing them all talking together and the marauders beginning to accept them.
Marissas jealousy is so funny!
I'm glad that Lily is beginning to talk to Melody.
Awww I love James's note and Marissa's jealousy.
That letter was so romantic, I loved it! I love the corny ending hehe.

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I think I hate Marissa more and more each chapter she's so mean!
Sirius would never date Marissa, it'll be fun watching her try to get him to though :D
They had the same idea! I can't wait to see Kyle and Marissa's faces when they see Sirius and Melody :D

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I love that Lily assumed it was James under the cloak, I bet Lily was just being mean because she thought that Melody and James were being an item.
Marissa is so mean, she's the worst friend in the world. Poor Melody I feel so sorry for her.
I wonder what Sirius is planning?

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Oh Melody leaving her wand behind, it's good that it's still there and noone took it.
Poo rMelody catching Kyle and Mariss, I hope she's not too mad at Sirius, he's only trying to help.
Sirius is so sweet!

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Great first chapter, great descriptions and the characters already seem very well thought out.
I feel sorry for Sirius getting dumped all of the time in front of everyone.
Can't wait to read more.

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Melody was a downright cold hearted bitch so you did a great job.

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:)

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you succeeded in making me hate the main character, now when does she get killed? Can you just let me know which chapter to skip to to see her get the cruciatus curse?

Author's Response: I'll write a short story specifying the details of her death just for you ;)

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so... is there going to be any magic in this story? After the first 'chapter' (more like a page btw) I just see a girl talking about being pretty, rich and popular... I am not interested enough in this character to delve deeper. Readers need something to connect with, someone with many flaws who will use magic to somehow overcome them. The girl who is already perfectly beautiful, and rich really doesn't need magic for anything. That being said, where is the magic in this story? So far I have seen one mention of the Ministry of Magic, Hogwarts and Quidich... It may as well be a story of an ordinary girl at an ordinary school, why am I on this website? It is not to read stories of ordinary girls who have everything they want. I want to see the journey of a young wizard or witch through great difficulties across an epic journey. Not why some rich and beautiful girl thinks she has it bad.

Author's Response: I used HPFF to help me deveolp my writing and understand the human psych in order to grow stronger in my own private writing. I also used it to recieve feedback from my novels, such as what you just provided. Now, Melody is a very shallow character. This story (not nearly developed or deep enough to call a novel) is strictly about a shallow girl in a magical school. She's supposed to be obnoxious and boring because she's "perfect." What I was doing here was experimenting with stereotypes. This story is very ordinary and real-life based. It just provided me with a different, creative outlet where people can help me determine if this was something I wanted to always write about. Long story short, I prefer characters with serious baggage and an interesting back story. I also hate stereotypes. :)

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God! That made me mad! Melody, don't be so daft! Love Sirius!

Thanks a ton though, for the story.

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bootyful!
i love Mrs.Potter
Just thought you ought to know. *faints*

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Oh my god, I am crying. Thanks a lot.
This was amazing!!

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LOVEITLOVEITLOVEITLOVEIT!

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awesome times a million bajillion
that's all

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yayayayayayayayayayayayayayay!

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pretty amazing!
I love it.

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I am ready for this. This is going to be epic.

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Lovely! One of my favorites!

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Good chapter! Don't be so hard on yourself!

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This is great! I really love your story. Very original character. I usually go with darker stories, but it's nice to have a break every now and then. :)

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Awesome story :) I enjoy reading marauader fan fics... Especially romance ones with Sirius :)

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i dont like any of your chapter pics sorry
but good story!

Author's Response: early photoshop experiment. that's all i can say to excuse myself :P

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