Hmm. I'm a believer in second chances, so when Rose says it's bull and he'll never change, I don't really like that. I can see where she's coming from and especially if this is personal to you, then I understand why she wouldn't listen to him.
But I'd like it better if there was a reason given for why Scorp cheated. It was wrong of him and maybe Rose can't see why he did it, but could you think of exploring a reason why he might have cheated? Could there have been a reason? Maybe Rose was being distant with him because their families don't get along or maybe they had an arguement beforehand? I don't mean to say there has to be an excuse for Scorp. It could be a bad reason, like Rose wanted to wait till marriage and he didn't, but I'd like some more background. More background would have helped to set a stage for the story and helped me to relate to Rose's stubbornness more.
Sorry for the critisism, I don't mean to be offensive in any way, I just have really strong feelings about giving second chances and hearing both sides of a story. Report Review
*screams* I'm not normally one to rant at an author for an ending I don't like, 'cause it's your choice, but why why why? It's not fair, I say!
On a more rational note, I love how Rose got her hopes up for a moment and then Scorp had to roughly push her off. It was completely heartbreaking. And then, in the end, Rose never sees the letter and she goes back to her father for comfort. It's awful for her, considering that her father was the one who started her 'hurting' in the first place.
I would love another story that maybe showed Rose with her family right after that. I really wish I could see how her father would react to seeing her like that. Would he feel guilty for sending the letter or would he hate Scorp all the more? Another little one shot to break my heart all over again, maybe?
Amazing, fantastic, unbelievable job.Author's Response: hmmm a sequel im not sure... i like how people have to think what would happen after she goes back home. but you never know one day i could get bored or inspired... lol
but i agree oyu should scream. im completely unfair in my fanfiction. i always break everyone's heart lol.
oh and thankyou so much for the compliments, thats absolutely lovely of you! =]
xx Report Review
I thought it was Rose for the whole story!!! You completely shocked me. I think of Rose as having red hair, not brown, so it never would have even occurred to me that it was Lily. I love the fact that it did surprise me, thought. I was like, "Wow!" at the end.
I think you could have phrased the bit where Scorpius came in a bit differently. It would have made more of an impact on me if he he had shown more emotion that just gasping. I would love to see if he was broken by it, or if he regretted it. Even better if he was indifferent and cold-hearted towards her death. I'm a sucker for endings like that, where you know the character should feel guilty, but they don't. It would make Lily's death so pointless, 'cause she wouldn't have taught Scorp anything, and she may as well have never existed.
There were a few sentences that sounded awkwardly phrased to me. "She then got a sliver safety pin from her jeans" sounds strange to me. I'm not a grammar expert, so maybe I'm wrong, but I think it would make more sense to say: Then she got a silver safety pin out of her pocket. Or something like that maybe? And I think you meant "silver", not "sliver". Typo?
I love your song to bits. It's slightly more direct than the story, and the message is very clear in the song, so that enhances the impact of the story.
Sorry for the overly long review. I didn't expect it to get this long.Author's Response: Wow a long review. I tried to make it shock people at the end. I'll go and fix up the mistakes soon. i might even change Scorps reaction a bit. i'm really happy you like the song. I always try to write songs others will enjoy.
lollie :D Report Review
Sorry to start this review off on a negative note, but I'm not sure it's possible to "want more reading" as Rose says to Scorp at the end. You can want more reading time or you can want to read more, though.
Also, I'm not sure I agree that Rose would call her own eyes "chocolate brown". When your thinking to yourself to you refer to your eyes as lighting blue or your hair as shimmering chestnut brown? It's really a preference thing, so take my advice with a grain of salt, but I wouldn't get that detailed about myself.
When Rose is thinking about other people, like how she calls Scorp's eyes "sea blue", it makes more sense that she would have noticed those details. About herself, I'd keep it simple.
I'm done with the negative stuff now. :) What I loved was Scorp's first line, "Wasn't that the most graceful thing you've ever seen?" In my head, I picture both Scorp and Rose with a light sarcastic touch, so it fit him perfectly.
I recognized the Doctor Seuss quote immediately, which says so much about my life (i.e. I don't have one). Anyway, the quote was an original idea and it fit the scene perfectly. I was expecting Rose to get all mushy in her reply, but when she laughed it made me laugh too 'cause Scorp was trying to be serious.
My fav line is "When trying to be romantic, quote Doctor Seuss". I'm gonna say that to my bf the next time he says something mushy.Author's Response: Thank you for your imput. You make a lot of sense, and you actually made me think. :) Report Review
Fantastic. I really wasn't expecting that ending and I love it when an author can surprise me! The only teeny tiny problem was that it droned on in a few places. Some of the paragraphs were a bit too long and talked about something too much. The writing was really good though, so it's a small complaint.Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed it, and I'm thrilled you were surprised! I definitely agree with your comment, I'm sure I could edit this a bit better and tighten it up in a few places, I just have to actually go and do it ;). Thanks again! Report Review
*opens can of tomatoes* lol. No, really, it was a good cliffie. Even though I have to pelt you with gooey red tomatoes now. :)
Just one itty bitty pointer... Fleur has been speaking English for a while now and her accent should actually be getting better not worse. I don't mind when an author uses dialect if it is necessary but if it isn't - with Fleur - then it gets a bit annoying to read. It's also more work for you so you might want to tone that down a bit.
Lovely work all the same. 9/10 only because no one is perfect.
I eagerly await your next chap. Report Review
Yay! You updated. :) I actually feel kinda sorry for James, even though he was being really mean to Bliss. And I hope she feels better. Can't wait to find out what exactly is up w/ her past. Maybe something w/ her mother, since she reacted so strongly when James insulted her?
The ending was nicely put here. I assume he was writing to Teddy Lupin? Hmm, nice almost-twist; I guess it isn't really a plot twist but I don't know what else you'd call it. Just a cliffie I guess.
Amazing chap as always, keep it up.Author's Response: Lol I know! Finally, right? Ugh, my updating skills SUCK! I'm sorry : (
Yeah, its very odd to feel sorry for the bully, right? You're the first person that's actually felt that about James. And I guess I was a little too cryptic to really get anyone else to understand that. Not only should you feel sorry for the victim. You need to feel sorry for the bully, because obviously there is some kind of pain that he holds within himself that he takes out on Bliss. But aha, you shall see this unfold.
Tehe yupp! The one and only Teddy Lupin! I love him. Couldn't keep away from him ; ) Report Review
Nice ending. I don't think it was too short. If it had been longer then that would have just dragged something that should be short and sweet on forever. Fantastic job altogether.
Glad your computer is back to normal, hope you get time to update other stuff soon! :)Author's Response: thank you! Report Review
So you finally made it, only one more chapter to go. :) I'm so in love with all your characters now, it's hard to say goodbye. Fantastic story though, I can't wait to read the epilogue!Author's Response: thanks! I know I dont want to say goodbye =( Report Review
Yay. She went to graduation. And Sirius finally saw Rhory! Amazing chapter, can't wait for the next one. Author's Response: thanks so much! Report Review
Five months? Damn. That's one helluva nap. Amazing chap, keep it up.Author's Response: Yeah, no kidding. I'd kill for that kind of sleep lol.
I'm glad you liked the chapter! Report Review
Ok, so now that I think about it, I kind of agree about the sequel thing. The way the story is headed, it seems like a whole other story would take something away from this one. A few small one-shots would be nice though...
Three more chapters! The suspense is killing me. Hope you can update soon.Author's Response: thanks! You supporting me means the world! updates will be soon, I promise! thanks! Report Review
*sigh* I thought Sirius and Jamie were going to see each other in this chapter! And four chapters left already? It seems so soon. :)
Fantastic job, as always. I'm all for a sequel, too!Author's Response: haha soon, I promise. thanks so much! Report Review
I like how you write Tonks, she seems so sweet. A little out of character from how she acts in the books, but she is a lot younger so. . . yeah.
Hope Sirius is back soon! Great job.Author's Response: Lol. Thanks! Tonks was a little difficult to write about, surprisingly. I guess its because its the ten-year-old Tonks and not the twenty-some one we're used to. I'm glad you liked how I wrote her though!
Tehe. You'll just have to wait and see about Sirius!!! Report Review
OMG. Your preview is killing me! I have to stare at THAT for two weeks! Why, God, why?!?!
How can I hate you after that preview? Amazing chapter, have fun where ever your going for those two weeks.Author's Response: i sorry! thanks! Report Review
I think you should do the Fred/George/OC short story or novella. It's not an incredibly common pairing and if you were writing it, then I'd know it was bound to be good!
About the chapter, even your fillers are amazing! Though not a lot happened, it was a nice little chapter to read. A good break from all the drama that's been going on. Again, amazing job, keep on writing.Author's Response: Yeah, the people that have let me know what they think about a new series have generally gone for the F/G/OC fic too. It would be a challenge, I’ll have to admit. The twins have more humor in their fingernails than I have in my entire existence! Lol. But, it would be fun. I’d really have to think about that...
Lol. Really? I hate my fillers. Well, I hate my action chapters too...but I don’t normally like what I write. I think my favorite chapter so far was chapter 9 or something...lol. But, I’m glad you even like my fillers! Lol. Most of this series are fillers aren’t they? God, I suck sometimes...
Well, I can’t wait to hear what you think about the next chapter!
Thanks for R & R!!!!! Report Review
Love that last line. Sirius, a spy? Somehow I think Emilia wouldn't fall for that, but I wish him good luck all the same.
Also, maybe I missed something, but I was wondering what the green and red disks stood for on that map and I don't think you mentioned it. It doesn't really have anything to do with the story, but I was just curious...
*sigh* It always makes me sad when I see the Marauders starting to break up. I got so sad when Remus mentioned that he didn't think they trusted each other anymore. Of course, it sort of fits since in the end Peter does betray them, and they fall apart after that.
Severus' and Emilia's conversation also seemed a little too much to me. They already made those choices, and they've had arguments to similar to that one before. Since it happened so long ago, I thought their conversation should have been less dramatic then it was.
On the topic of the choices Emilia made, I also wondered, are we going to find out what else she saw in the past/future? I remember that somewhere it said she'd tested the potion more then once...? Did she see something else other then Nero killing her mother? Is anything else she saw important to the story?
Amazing chapter as always, keep on writing.Author's Response: The green and red disks were meant to symbolise the positions of the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix across England. I thought that I'd mentioned that, but it must have only been in my mind, and never made it to paper. =P Since there's only a year left before the Potters' deaths, I'm trying to show how the Marauders slowly broke apart, and of course Remus of all of them would recognise it sooner than the others. It's ironic that he ends up being the last of them to survive. I read over the Severus/Emilia conversation and it was too much. Too dramatic and overdone. Ew, I don't know what I was thinking when I wrote that, but I'm working it into the coming chapters to show something about Emilia, though I won't tell what. ;-) And yes, you will see more of what Emilia has experienced in her time travels. =D Thanks very much for reviewing, and for writing such a thoughtful and helpful (to me) review. I really appreciate it. ^_^ Report Review
I sort of knew that Regulus was gonna get killed for trying to save Lovette at one point or another, but it's still sad. Not as sad as Brenna, but still.
Another amazing chapter, keep it up.Author's Response: Yeah...it had to happen, right? But whoever specifically said that Regulus was killed because of saving Lovette? I know my clues don’t exactly follow the actual plot, but whoever said that Regulus being killed by the Death Eaters was really true? Hmm? Lol. Idk...maybe I’m just screwed up in the head!
But it still rests, Regulus is dead. And so is Brenna ::cries::. Lol.
I’m glad you still liked the chapter! Report Review
Gasp! I love that ending! I mean, I hate it 'cause it's a cliffhanger, sort of, but it's still a really good ending. Poor Regulus, I know I'm not really supposed to feel sorry for him but I do.
Amazing job, keep on writing!!!Author's Response: thanks! haha I know I feel for Regulus too. Report Review
. . . Gosh. I knew all along that something would have to happen to Brenna, 'cause of Tonks, but I wasn't expecting. . .
I really wish I wasn't saying this, but amazing job writing the . . . funeral. Love how throughout the chapter you added in little quotes and excerpts from Brenna's life. *sobs* Gods, I'm gonna miss her.
Hope you had a lovely vacation. 10/10.Author's Response: Yeah...I know. That funeral was so much harder to write than I originally thought. Geez, it almost killed me to do it. I was crying throughout the whole thing!
But, yes, it had to be done...Tonks of course. I hope you read Deathly Hallows! I cried all through that too. Lol. I like to cry alot...
I know, I know. I'm really gonna miss Brenna. I went back after writing her funeral and read TDOLL again to see just how much Brenna had grown throughout the series. All I can say is that I cried even MORE after reading the parts with Brenna in them. It was really like a little part of me died too. ::cries again::
Anyway, I'm back from vacation! So, I'll be able to update again! In fact, chapter 14 is up now! Hope you like it!
Thanks for reading and reviewing! Report Review
Sorry about the bad reviews, just ignore them. In my book your amazing, and they don't know what they're talking about. Just read the good reviews and the helpful ones, anything else isn't worth your time.
Poor Melody. I can't believe her father said that to her, and how could he just leave her crying there?! I am happy Sirius showed up at the wedding though. Mel's so lucky to have him.
Fantastic job, and I hope you get zillions more non-flamey reviews. :)Author's Response: thanks! Report Review
Yay, they made up. I feel so happy for Lily 'n' James. Stellar chapter! lol.
Your teaser's got me hoping that house has a bedroom for Rhory too! I hope this means Sirius finds out about Rhory sometime soon. Hope you can get another chapter out soon, and maybe one of your new stories soon as well?Author's Response: thank you!!! hmmm msybe =) yes soon. my new stories are a bit all over the place now, but I promise that new chapters will be out soon. Report Review
Poor Lily! I'm glad she decided to wait in the end though. :) Amazing chapter keep it up.Author's Response: tanks! Report Review
lol. I love that last line! Since, you know, it rhymes. :) Does it mean Oliver's gonna find out next chapter?Author's Response: Thanks, no, Oliver's not going to find out. You'll have to wait to see what it means.
Cayla~Fire Report Review
Gasp! Back together at last. Your preview has got me begging for more! Congrats on becoming a trusted author, too!Author's Response: thanks! Report Review
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