Oh my goodness. I had been dying to read another Founders fic, and I had been searching and searching. It's just so hard these days to find a well written and original Founders fic. And then...I stumbled across this!! And I couldn't resist, and oh my goodness, hon, did I fall in love!!
This was such a great chapter! Such a great way to kick off the story, and it was so well written. I feel like the dialogue went along perfectly well with the time. I know I struggle a lot with that in one of my Peverell brothers stories. It's so hard to do, but you did it really well.
This was just a marvelous start to what I'm sure is going to be a brilliant story!
Favoriting! Please update soon! :)Author's Response: Hey Phoenix! I'm sorry it's taken me an age to respond to this lovely review. I'm really happy to hear that you enjoyed this chapter so much! I'm going to update very soon, and then updating will be much faster after that.
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing :)
Athene xo Report Review
WOW! I feel like that's all I've got to say right now. Just WOW.
I've never read a story where James and Albus seem to have such hatred, or even a negative relationship at that! I've written them with their differences, but wow! It is definitely a nice twist to the stories here on the archives. And poor Lily! I just feel awful for this terrible but brilliant situation you have put the Potter boys in. I'm dying to know what has made Albus be so bad. And for him to kill Lily!
I really will have to read on when I get the chance! You've absolutely drawn me in. And really well written.
Great job! Hope to stop by again soon!
- Drue Report Review
Oh. My. Gosh. Oh my gosh!! I am SO glad I saw your status. This was an AMAZING piece of work! Absolutely beautiful.
I don't think I've ever read anything so bittersweet. This really was dark, so dark but I felt so moved by it. I love darker things. And it was such a unique take to see in the magical world! Wow, wow, wow. I loved seeing the more human side of Draco. We know he has a good sense of morals and humanity, but I never felt as if JKR really elaborated on it, so I thought it was so nice to see the emotional and devoted side of him in this.
Really. This was a great, great, GREAT piece of work. I have no CC to give whatsoever.
Favoriting this piece right now!! I'm so glad I read this! It's not very often that you come across a beautiful and eloquent piece, emotionally, plot-wise, and also in words. This was flawless!Author's Response: Ahhh I'm so happy you liked this piece so much!! I really loved diving into the darkness of Astoria's life, but at the same time I couldn't help but hate what I was doing to her. Draco's part was one I was unsure how readers would take, because he is a good person in this, so I'm very happy you liked it.
Thank you so much for an awesome swap and an absolutely perfect review ♥ Report Review
So I was scrolling through the forums, looking for something to do, and I came across the review tag thread and I decided to give it a go! I found this story and started to read, and I absolutely fell IN LOVE with this piece!
I thought it was great. It was so moving, and it was such a different piece from any other dramas/romances, etc! I loved the complexity of Scorpius' relationship with Draco. I like how different it is from what is normally portrayed. And I love that he understands because he's in love with Rose. I loved that.
This is beautiful. So beautiful and captivating. You really captured Scorpius' emotions perfectly.
I think this story has so much potential, and I really would like to see where it goes! You'll probably see me back for more in the future! So glad I found this! :D
DrueAuthor's Response: Hi, thanks for tagging me! :) I'm excited about the new thread, think I'll get involved there a bit more than I used to.
You fell IN LOVE?! That's great! I'm glad you liked it so much. You're the first reviewer to comment on the fact that although he hates it, Scorpius understands because he loves Rose. It's a complex thing going on here.
Thank you for all of your lovely, kind words. I'm very glad that you like my story so much, and I'm looking forward to continuing it! It was originally going to be a one-shot, but it seems there is much more to say. I think a Scorose has snuck up on me.
Athene xo Report Review
Hey there, hun! I'm so sorry about the delayed review! You know I'm pretty busy, but I'm sorry about how long I'm taking! With your review and with your chapter. I'll get that back to you ASAP! I'm sorry.
But anyways! I'm here now, and I'm so glad I was able to get around to this!
This was a great chapter! I liked how you moved forward through everything in the beginning of the chapter. There were some pretty heavy descriptions, but it didn't slow the plot down at all or make things seem too slow at all. It was nicely paced and spread out, and it was all necessary. Not only that, but you have such a talent for descriptions. You really, really do. They're unique and paint a perfect picture in my mind. Really excellent job.
Great job with the characters as well! I can tell they're starting to develop their personalities. Lucius is actually seeming like a human being to me, and Sage is so unique! I love it! This is great!
Anyways! I could go on and on about all the things I loved and turn into a fan girl, but I'll just end it here. This was a great chapter. Thanks so much for requesting. I'd love to hit the next chapter, but I've got to empty out the rest of my queue and then I'll be working on your chapter. ;) So feel free to come request again!
Thanks, hun! Report Review
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested! I'm really sorry about the delay, but I finally got around to it!
And I think you're off to a great start. You have some great potential for an interesting, great story. Sometimes Marauder era stories can get a little cliche, but I think you're off to a great take on this.
I feel like Lily has established a good characterization. She isn't cliched or Mary-Sue. I think her personality really shines with her narration. You're doing great!
You're plot is having an awesome flow. I think it's important that the first chapter of a multi-chaptered story captures the reader and really pulls them in, and I feel like you have done just that here. You have really pulled me in, and I'm eager to learn more.
I think that's all I have to say! Not really much stood out to me that I could offer CC on, and I tried to hit characterization and plot, so all in all, I think you're doing pretty well!
Great job! I'll try and get around to the next chapter sometime soon, but I've got to empty out the rest of my queue first. But if I'm not back, then feel free to come request again anytime!
Keep up the great writing! :)Author's Response: Thanks so much! I wanted to be sure to make people want to read my story, so I'm glad it captured attention and was a good exposition.
I don't want Lily to be a Mary-Sue because it just doesn't seem right. She's young and a teenager, and she makes mistakes just like everyone.
I'll definitely re-request if you're not back.
Thanks for the review!
~Caitlin Report Review
And back for the next chapter. I'm sorry about the wait.
This one was fantastic! I don't really know what help your looking for, so I'm just going to tell you the things I liked. :)
This was a super gripping chapter. I was ready for something exciting, and you really brought it home hard! Great job!
The ending there with Douglas. Wow. That was an exciting twist, and now you have me really wanting to get around to the next chapters!
Again, you're still doing a great job with maintaining Brienne's character. That's fantastic!
Great job! I could go on and on, but I'll just leave it at that. Next time you rerequest, let me know what you would like to have me focus on so I can actually try to give some CC. But CC has become doubtful from me now with this story. I feel more fan-girlish. :P That's great though.
Again, awesome chapter as always! Well done, hun! Thanks for the request!Author's Response: :D Hi! Thank you sooo much for your review, it always makes me giddily happy when someone says they can't think of any CC xD It probably shouldn't, but anyway! Report Review
Oh. My. Goodness. Another one of your spectacular pieces that focus on minor characters with such a unique take.
I absolutely loved this. And Peter. What a unique character to do this with. I usually don't like Peter. He's just so.icky, I guess. :P But here you actually made me like him. I could sympathize with him, and I think that's one of your strong points. You can easily make the reader relate to the character, no matter who they're reading. And that's brilliant. That takes so much talent.
This was beautiful. So excellently. And especially the story summary. Way to draw me in! He enjoyed playing God. So perfect.
As always, I think I'm just ranting. But I have no idea what to say other than I LOVED it. But I've learned to never expect anything less from you. :)
Great job! Thanks so much for requesting!Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! I've always felt bad for Peter, at least in the beginning he was a good person, unlike the Malfoy's who were bad to bone from the beginning, you know? And I figured, if I couldn't make him good, I could at least make him genius.
Thank you so much for your wonderful review, I was scared that when I requested this one you'd be disappointed. :) Report Review
Oh my goodnes, Amanda. This is one of the most BEAUTIFUL pieces I have read in a while!
Oh wow. I love how you went about this one. I really love second person pieces. I feel like they put me into the middle of the story more, and I feel like I really do feel more. And that was no different here. I could feel the emotion.
This was such a different take on any Lily/Severus that I've ever seen! But I loved it. Wow, coming from Lily's narration and that part with Harry in the office! That really pulled at me and moved me.
Then the wedding! I love how you said 'it sealed his fate' along that lines. Which in truth he did. He loved Lily so much. I can only imagine how he felt at that time, and actually I never thought about it if he was there or not. Intersting though, but now that I think about it, I bet he did go.
Just in general this was a flawless piece. I didn't see any grammar mistakes, and I thought it flowed brilliantly. Again, sometimes second person is hard to conquer but you did an awesome job with it and definitely conquered this piece! Great job, hun!Author's Response: Hey Drue! Thanks for coming by, and I'm planning to come return the favor very soon :)
I definitely felt like I was taking a risk by trying both second person and non-chronological style for the first time in the same piece, but they both seem to have gone over well, so that makes me really happy. I had fun using both techniques and will definitely keep trying them out as I go on!
Different is often what I go for, but I'm always a little afraid that it will divert too far from canon, so it's great that you enjoyed the differences here. I tried to play up Severus's calculating intellect, which is one of my favorite qualities for him, and Lily's 'darker' side, as I imagined it. I'm happy that you felt like the emotions came through well here.
The wedding was really sad to write - it was weird juxtaposing what should be a happy occasion (because I'm not heartless enough to despite James/Lily wholly, not quite) with something so sad, the feeling of utter loss. Defeat, really, which is where 'sealed his fate' came from. When I consider his natural tendency to observe and propensity for being in several places at once, it seemed only right that he would also watch Lily in this moment, even as painful as her beauty must have been.
You're very kind. Thank you so much! :)
-Amanda Report Review
Aww. I don't think I've ever read a piece where Ron is mostly the main focus. I like this change, and you've written him so brilliantly. We know sometimes he's pretty reserved, but when he does speak, he's passionate, and I could feel that. Oh my goodness I felt it there at Shell Cottage with him.
And now they have Charlie to worry about to?! I can't believe this! But they're right. Poor Ron. He doesn't get enough credit. He's been fighting by Harry's side for so long, and he knows exactly what they're going through. He does understand.
Ah! I can't wait to see where this goes. Jane, you're amazing! Great chapter.Author's Response: I love writing Ron! I wrote a Ron/Luna short story a while back, and I've done a few things from his perspective, and I just love getting into his head. I'm glad you think I write him well! ♥ Ron's emotions are both fragile and strong, at the same time, and he really /feels/ things, I think. Gahh. I adore him.
Charlie indeed! I don't remember why I picked him, of all the Weasleys. I do have a soft spot for him, though, and it does seem fitting in some way. And he's got a bit of a role to play in later parts of the story, too -- at least one chapter from mostly his POV. ;)
I'm so happy you're enjoying the story so far! :3 And I really can't wait for you to read chapter 4, either -- somehow, I'm ridiculously excited to post it. But anyway. Your reviews are lovely!! Thank you so much! Report Review
Oh. My. Goodness. Jane!
Such a great chapter! I still feel like this entire story could go anywhere due to its AU, and that puts me on the edge of my seat! I can't wait to see where you will take this! And you've already changed so much! Oh my goodness, poor Neville! I can't believe it!
For a moment I thought he would be the savior. I thought he would do it or become the new Harry. But now. :( At least he killed Nagini, and I hope Hermione is okay!
Geez. This was such an intense chapter. I could feel all of it as I read, and I was seriously so worried for what would happen.
Hermione better be okay! The way you wrote that ending scene was so moving. I feel so bad for Ron. It took so long for them to kiss, and now for them to be separated like that! I have a feeling Hermione is going to be captured by the Death Eaters, and hence 'break out' will take place. Or I could be completely wrong. You've always managed to fascinate me beyond belief.
Great job, Jane!Author's Response: Drue! ♥ I sort of love that aspect of this story, that I can really do pretty much anything with it. I kind of know where it's going, but it's a freeing sort of feeling knowing that I could totally veer off in a different direction... and people can't do anything about it. :P Neville killing Nagini is quite important, though! (He was another one I thought would die in canon, especially after the Sorting Hat incident.)
I'm actually really, really pleased to hear that you thought it was intense. :) I struggle with writing action scenes, and this was a sort of way to challenge that, so your positive feedback is so appreciated! I shall reveal nothing about Hermione's fate... or anyone's. Although your assumptions about the title are not off base. ;)
Thank you so much for dropping back by here and leaving me such lovely reviews! ♥ You're fab, and I really just appreciate it so, so much. Love you! Report Review
Ahh! What a cliffy! Such a good chapter! Everything was so happy and going so well, and then Dominic has to come in and mess everything up. Ah. This isn't going to go over well.
Such a good chapter, Len! I'm finally caught up! Wooh!! Update soon, hun! Report Review
AH! YES! The chapter I've been waiting for.
Oh my goodness. What a sweet chapter. This was brilliant. Poor Elsa. To think that much just while he went to go use the bathroom. But it was a necessary epiphany for her to realize, and so much came from it.
Ah. What a great chapter. This was absolutely great! YAY! Report Review
Len! I'm back for more! I can't believe how behind I am on this. I'm gonna catch up over the next few days!
And what a great chapter again! As always. You never fail to disappoint.
Ah, I had really missed reading your Sirius. I forgot how much I love him when you write him. Love him, love him, love him.
And this chapter did have me question some things. Like what Evander, Elsa, and even James said sometimes. That if Sirius had the scroll, could he have changed it? It's kinda sad to think about. If he had done something different, then Damon could be alive, but I'm not gonna think about that! I think Sirius was right in keeping it. The Egyptian could have killed them all. And Sirius is so in love with Elsa!
Haha I love that thought from James there at the end. Sirius definitely does have it bad for Elsa. ;)
Great chapter, Len! I'll get at least one more done tonight. :) Report Review
Ah! Reunited! The Davis' and the Winchesters and Bobby! And Cas is in there now. Ah so good.
As always I love how you write them. They all seem perfectly in character. Normally when I read something with a canon character I can't hear the actor's voice all too well. Like when I read Hermione, I don't always hear Emma Watson or something because it isn't conveyed all too well. But Bobby in particular here I can hear perfectly. The Bobby impression is flawless. And Castiel also.
Gah! Great chapter, Lee! I'm so glad I'm finally caught up! I will NOT get this behind again. :PAuthor's Response: Yups, back together again.
Aww, thanks Drue! Yeah, I have that happen sometimes to. But I'm glad my characterization did that for you! That makes me happy. :D
Thanks Drue! And if you do, I shall poke you! :P Report Review
WOW! What a way to kick off the sequel, Lee! Ah, and Sentinel Prime. Again a perfect choice.
And then this chapter! Wow! I loved seeing Dean and Caitlyn together. So good. And I loved how Caitlyn made that comment about him being dead inside. I think it makes sense that Dean feels that way, and it's good for him to get that reassurance.
Ah. And then Cas there at the end. And then that huge surprise, wow! So Dean talked to God?! Holy cow! What an exciting twist!
I must move to the next chapter! :DAuthor's Response: Hehe, thanks. :D
Yeah, 'Caitlyn' talking to him had been the plan since I had first watched that episode. And yup, it was God the entire time.
Yay! Report Review
WOOH! I told you I would get around to it! :D
Ahh! Lee! How have I not read this all the way through? I can't believe it! And what a great way to end this brilliant story.
Aww and I'm so proud of you and your accomplishments in this story! It means a lot to me that you think I helped! This is really a work of art to be proud of. Harry Potter and Supernatural? All in one? And so awesome executed? You've nailed it. This is brilliant. I'm honored to be in your little A/N. :P
Ah! Such a great chapter. And I Rise, You Fall. What a great choice. ;)
What a good way to wrap up this story! And that last sentence - I feel - is a perfect way to allude to the sequel. Which I must move to now!
Ah! Such a good closing chapter, Lee! Love you!Author's Response: Yay! and you did!
Hehe, thanks Drue. :)
Of course I had to mention you! All those word sprints really helped this story. And that song was going to be put with the ending since I first thought up the ending.
Hehe, thanks Drue! -huggles- Report Review
Oh, Kay Kay! It's been too long! I keep missing you on skype! We have to catch up soon! But I'll get right into your review as requested! I am so dreadfully sorry it took me ages to get around to this. With work and the House Cup going on, my review thread sort of got overlooked the past few weeks! So I'm really sorry about that, but I'm here now! :D
Ah! And what a unique story!! You were always great with writing these fabulous, unique pieces that no one would ever think of! And you've amazed me yet again! This was absolutely brilliant.
I love how it's from Stan's point of view, and the insight into Azkaban is just fabulous. You pulled me in with these awesome descriptions. I also think you kept him very in character, even with the Azkaban crazyness getting under his skin. His comment about being a drunk duck and all that. I thought it was very good, and it made it very personal. I could picture that Stanley Shunpike from the Knight's Bus again.
Ah and then his name with the counts. That was eerie and sad, and it really got to me. This was such an emotional piece, and I felt terrible for him!
Wow, just in general, this was amazing! Absolutely amazing, and I don't know what else to say other than that. :P Good job, hun! I'm so glad you requested and we better catch up soon! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! I've missed you tons and we totally need to catch up! I'm glad that you liked it. I was worried about that specific part of the story where he said 'drunk duck' because of how it flowed. I'm so glad that you could stop by! We'll talk soon! Promise!
-KayKay Report Review
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested! I am so dreadfully sorry it took me ages to get around to this. With work and the House Cup going on, my review thread sort of got overlooked the past few weeks! So I'm really sorry about that, but I'm here now!
I think you're off to an awesome start! There's a great connection between all the cousins here in this chapter. I love it when you can feel that family bond just in the dialogue, and that definitely shines through here.
I've also read lots of next gen teen pregnancy stories, but never one that focuses on Roxanne! I love this change, and I can't wait to see how you do it!
I didn't pass too many mistakes. So that's awesome! Nothing that really stuck out to me.
I love how you didn't take forever to introduce characters. I hate that, and in a story that is going to have multiple chapters, I believe that you have to enthrall the reader right from the very beginning. There's no time for boring introductions, that came come later, and you did exactly that here in this! You captured me, pulled me in, and I would definitely be back for the next chapter.
And I love how you put in bits and pieces of Roxanne's personality as the chapter went. Like her smart comments in her head and everything. It really gives me an insight of her character without taking the time to explain it. Awesome!
I think you're off to a great start! Thanks for requesting! Feel free to come by again when the next chapter is up! Thanks again, and I hope I was somewhat helpful! :)Author's Response: Thank you for this lovely review :)
I wanted to create a strong connection between all the cousin as I wanted a strong bond within the story as it'll be a taught time for them, especially with all lying to their parents and family so Roxanne would feel safe.
I don't tend to write pregnancy story but I came across this challenge and I just couldn't pass up this opportunity plus I wanted to write about a minor next generation character. That has always fascinate me.
I'm glad you liked that little bits and pieces of Roxanne's personality. I want to do it subtly and not too overwhelming.
Thank you for reviewing and I shall be sure to re-request when the next chapter is up. Report Review
Hello there! I'm here with your review as requested! I am so dreadfully sorry it took me ages to get around to this. With work and the House Cup going on, my review thread sort of got overlooked the past few weeks! So I'm really sorry about that, but I'm here now!
And what a great chapter this was! I think you're off to an awesome start! I definitely have a week spot for Marauder era stories, and you've pulled me in to this one and captured me. I love it.
The characterizations are pretty good so far. I like James and Lily's interactions. It's not your typical cliched interactions, but it's different and intriguing, so keep that up!
I loved the ending of this chapter. It was chilling, and in my opinion, so perfectly true. In retrospect, I think Lily and Snape would have always been friends if it weren't for James. It's sad how true it is, but I've never read that on a story here. So that was a different touch. Really great job.
You're off to a great start here. You don't take too long with introducing characters but rather jump right into the plot. I love that.
There was some funky spacing going on at times, especially those last few paragraphs at the end. There are three or four lines bunched together and then a break with the same thing, and a few missing commas here and there but nothing major! That was really the only thing I noticed.
I don't think I can help much with the Brit picking. That's definitely my weak spot. I quite often get called out for it in my own things, but anyways. I didn't see anything that stood out to me so I think you're doing fine with that!
Anyways! I think that's all I have to say! You're off to an awesome start! And it's very original, and the plot is coming along nicely!
Great job. I would love to get around to the next chapter, but I've got to empty out the rest of my queue. If I'm not back in a few days for the next, feel free to come rerequest! Thanks for introducing me to this story! :)Author's Response: Hey! No worries at all, I've been busy with House Cup stuff and RL stuff and thuse the late response :/ sorry about that.
Ahh! Great! I'm so happy to hear that the first chapter pulled you in! I always wonder if the first chapter is strong enough and will get the readers to keep reading.
I agree with you (as you read) that Lily and Snape might have remained friends if it werent for James but I think there were also many other factors (other than James) that led to their fallout.
Yes I realised the spacing was a little off, I'm trying to fix it but it's not working out like I hoped. Anyway thank you for pointing it out I'll see what I can do.
Thank you so so much for the lovely compliments and helpful thoughts. I highly appreciate it :)
I will definitely be back to re-request!
~Cali. Report Review
And I'm back, trying to catch up on this!! :D
Another great chapter, Leslie! AND I LOVE HOW THIS CHAPTER ENDED! With their conversation all throughout the chapter, I knew they couldn't just leave it like that. There was too much history between them. I could feel all of it and their old feelings for each other. I just KNEW it was there, and I think I could feel that both Molly and Finn didn't just want to leave things as 'we ran into each other on the street.' Things had to go on further from there.
And then there at the end! I got so excited! And Molly better not break things off again. Scaredy-cat.
I can't wait to see where things go. Great chapter, Leslie!Author's Response: Yes, this argument had to happen between them or things wouldn't progress. Both of them, especially Finn, had things to say that had gone unsaid before Molly had left for Australia when they had finished at Hogwarts. I'm glad you're still enjoying the story, Drue, thanks for reviewing! Report Review
Awww, oh my goodness. I'm so glad I saw your status and responded, because I found this painfully beautiful piece.
This was so sad, but so moving and I loved it. I love how you threw the flashbacks in there and we went through the relationship with Hugo and Acacia together. And then there at the end. I saw that you posted this was your first sad one-shot, so I just kept waiting for that moment when the sadness would hit me. I was prepared for it, but still the way you wrote it was just beautiful and so moving.
You did so such a great job. This was beautifully written, and I can understand there at the ending why Acacia acts the way she does. I couldn't even imagine a mother's loss like that.
Really, such a beautiful piece. I loved it! You did a fantastic job. :)Author's Response: Thank you so much this means a lot :)
I know I couldn't imagine losing something so precious like a child or someone you truly care for (Hugo losing Acacia). I'm so happy that you found this one-shot moving as I was worried I wouldn't do this any justice so you cannot imagine how happy I am to hear this :D
Ha! I have an obsession with incorporating flashbacks into my stories as I think it gives the story itself more of a backbone as sort to speak.
Thanks once again for doing the review swapped :D Report Review
Okay. How had I not read this piece until now?!
This was SO good! Marina, what a beautiful one-shot. It was so painfully moving, but I loved it. And I love how you wove it together with the larger parts of the story going along with Teddy, and then it all comes together with the italicized story that progresses through and through. You are able to begin piecing things together as you get closer to the end there, and I started to panic. And then the truth came and I was just left in shock.
Ah, Marina. What a good and moving piece. And so sad. And beautifully written.
So good, hun! I'm so glad that I read this. FAVORITED!! :)Author's Response: You're so lovely, Drue! I absolutely loved writing this. I literally didn't move from start to finish, and it took me a long time :P Hunger and sleep can wait, right?
Love ♥ Report Review
Oh my goodness. Another piece of yours that just melts my heart. This was wonderful. I'm so glad you requested!
You write such original pieces! They are absolutely fantastic! And moving, and so emotional!
Gah. Okay. I need to stop ranting and tell you something that you can actually benefit from. :P
But what? I don't have much criticism at all! Geez, I'm just in love with this piece right now!
What a unique pairing, and as much as I love Remus with Tonks, you were able to absolutely melt my heart with Remus and Dorcas. Such an interesting story. And I know this isn't much of a romance for them, but there at the end I can just feel it brewing.
You wrote Dorcas' dilemma so brilliantly. It was moving, and I was constantly wondering 'is she going to do it?! Is she going to do it?!'
You had some awesome descriptions, and I love how you compared everything to flying and falling, and then there at the end with the anchor comment was just the perfect way to end it. Absolutely perfect.
Great job! It all went so smoothly together, from thought to thought as she was standing on the railing. I don't know what else to say. Once again, I could rant on and on about what I loved in your piece just like Her Wonderland. :P
So, anyways! I'll just say that I loved it and you nailed it! I'm so glad you requested, dear! :)Author's Response: Oh, I'm so glad you liked it! I really get nervous about this piece because I'm sure someday someone will tell me it's completely fake sounding and I should quit writing entirely.
The good thing about Remus/Dorcas is that it could be canon because Dorcas dies! Wow, I've never been that excited over a death of my own character.
Anyway, thank you again for the amazing review and I really am glad you liked it. :) Report Review
Hello there, hun! I'm here with your review as you requested! I'm sorry I took so long. Time really got the better of me, but I finally got around to it!
Ah! I really love stories about Narcissa and Lucius. I don't know what it is, but I find Narcissa's character so interesting. And I think you're off to a great start here! I think you've written both great characters with Lucius and Narcissa, and I can't wait to see Narcissa more. They aren't the exact same characters we see in the books or movies, but inside they have this deeper side to them that I can't wait to know more about!
In the first section I loved the introduction of Lucius. I could clearly tell that he's still that guy who thinks himself above others, but he does have more personality. Really, I could feel that the other he considered as his equal. Which I think is a nice thing for Lucius every now and then. He's human, and he's got to be portrayed as such. :P So I loved that!
I also loved there at the end how he wanted some peace and quiet. Really, I'm seeing more humanity from him in this chapter than I ever have, and I love that. Again, I think they are such interesting characters that can be written so many ways.
This was great! You had some great descriptions, and I think the flashback was a nice insight of Lucius' past and also of what kind of person that makes him.
This is fantastic! It was written awesomely, and it was a great way to start off the story! I wish I could read more, but I've got to empty out the rest of my queue and then I need to finish beta'ing your chapter. ;) Hopefully I can get it to you tonight! But anyways! If I'm not back for the next chapter in a few days, PLEASE come request again!
Thanks again, dear! :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for getting back to me on this. I appreciate your feedback and I feel like it'll help me continue to do better on my future chapters!
I love and you loved how the characters had started out, but you're definitely right, Lucius Malfoy does have more personality to him than I had written him out to be. I shall add more personality to him in the future chapters.
Thanks again for taking the time to review my work! Report Review
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