Reading Reviews From Member: PaulaTheProkaryote
290 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PaulaTheProkaryoteIn This Darkness: Chapter Two

6th March 2017:
Hello lovely,

I've told some people but I can't remember if I told you so I'm apologizing that I'm so late! I had a family emergency that took up quite a bit of my reviewing time (and will continue to do so for a bit).

"The Wizarding Register for Historic Places placed it as number sixty five of the most interesting historical sites in the country. It was a place where battles had been fought, families had lived, and history had been made." I really like this introduction to the Potter Manor. It's glamorous in a somewhat reverent way instead of like dazzlingly expensive style. I also like that Harry thought it was too much and it was Ginny that encouraged him (and for a very nice reason).

So I can already say for certain I like the Xander/Lily thing. Are we pairing them? I ship them. I love the push-pull style relationship. Honestly it's probably what I read the most.


"would have largely ignored her but a few dramatic tears from Lily would have been sufficient enough to see him scampering around, trying to find a way to make his sisterís tears stop." You described my brother to a t. holy guac.

I love their banter. I love him riling her up. He's quite skilled at it too. The magic without a brain line had me dying.

Lily is very emotion driven and hotheaded and she reminds me of someone but I can't quite put my finger on it. I really like her characterization though.

"had gigantic pine trees that had been magically enchanted to steer off unwanted reporters trying to get a picture of Harry or his children." I love this idea. I have no idea why I've never put wards up in any of my stories but Harry would totally do that.

Minor CC: Auto correct got you with 'doted' in this line: "Her brothers always dotted on her"

Overall, I think this was a really good chapter and I really enjoyed both the characterization of Xander and Lily and the interaction. I think the entire family dynamic is really, really intriguing and I can't wait to see where it goes!

Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review!

Hehe I think that's my brother too. I'm glad it came out as relatable.
I'm glad you thought it was something that Harry would do. I feel like the media attention is something he would want to protect them from (having experienced it as a teenager himself).
I've gone ahead and made the CC correction :)

Thank you once again for the review!

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Review #2, by PaulaTheProkaryoteHappy With Me: Happy With Me

26th February 2017:

TBH I think I love everything you write. Especially Lyra-verse. Especially my favorite boys.

Ugh they are so, so, so sweet. I love the meet the parents terror. It's so perfect and precious and sweet. This was a magnificent way to go about this challenge.

They will laugh. They will love him. lol at the Kphone. Close enough.

ďOn a train. You have no idea where this train will take you. But you donít care. Youíre just enjoying the scenery. The light of the evening sun floods into your eyes. You sigh, relaxed.Ē I'm sighing and relaxed too. This is working.

The eyes paragraph. OMG. so sweet. This has so much fluffy goodness here for me. You know how much I love fluffy goodness.

I'm happy about the personal growth there with the sister situation. I mean not that he's doing it to be more manly, but rather it's a good way to face the truth and start to properly cope. We've barely seen anything with the Olivia pain, but I'm glad he's getting through it.

The fight felt very, very organic.

ďWe just had a huge fight, and your asking me to marry you?" LOL.. Like honestly I think that's hands down the best proposal I've ever read. Hell, I've witnessed two and I think it beat theirs too.

I'd like a follow up of like "Hey mom and dad. I know you just met him and we literally just left and argued and now we're back, but uh, we're getting married."

As always, this was a fabulous little snapshot into the lives of my precious loves!

Author's Response: HEY PAULA! I'm a month late in responding as now usual, but hi, so glad to have you here. Seeing that I got first place in the challenge was a pleasant surprise, so thank you!

Oh thank you, and I promise to spoil you with lots more TJ and Ben, if you promise to stay amazing.

I definitely love when boyfriends/girlfriends are scared of the big "meet the parents". It's so cute!

Of course they'll laugh, he's fabulous. He's a charmer and a heart thief.

I love fluffy goodness too ;) I've always been so fascinated with eyes too, they're so pretty. I thought I'd seem fitting for Ben to be fixated on such an un-material part of TJ.

Let's face it, TJ's had a lot of pain. TJ never wants to talk about his sister. TJ misses her a lot. He's gotta move on at some point but Ben's totally not expecting it to start with meeting his parents, and of course TJ doesn't want Ben to think that he has to protect him all the time = instant argument potential. I had to put that in.

I'm glad it did, I was scared that'd it would be too dramatic, since I'm painfully single and the only fights I have are with my parents (the joys of being a teenager. I'm ready to move out. Maybe I'll get emancipated. Just kidding).

I try to make all of my proposals different, but I always struggle, so I'm glad it was funny.

Haha, I thought that where I left it off was more romantic.

Thanks for the review, hope to see you back on my ap soon.


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Review #3, by PaulaTheProkaryoteIn This Darkness: Chapter One

18th February 2017:
Hi there!

Sorry it took me so long to get here! I had to write and post 17 award reviews so that kind of sucked away my drive for a few days.

Already I'm excited about the pairing. Lily is one of my favorite next-geners (that's a terrible phrase, why am I using it?). She can be characterized a million different ways.

I think your writing is very charming. The very first line was so wonderfully Lemony Snicket feeling. "Chapmanís Clean & Bright Laundromat was neither clean nor bright." THAT SOUNDS LIKE IT COULD BE LEMONY!

Minor CC: I think autocorrect hit you in that first paragraph with "chasier" which I think is cashier.

"His half open mouth revealed a black hole of decaying teeth that produced a terrible odor." OH DEAR. That imagery. I might be sick! I see that throughout your chapter you've placed this kind of imagery everywhere and I'm so glad. I notice a lot of people slam us with a bunch of imagery in the beginning and then we get nothing but dialogue for the rest of the chapter (myself included). Love it!

Harry James Potter. IN DETROIT! Ooh, I love it! It would make sense for those shady deatheaters to flee to places like the US. We got plenty of elitism right here on the daily! I'll buy the premise! I also really like the name you've given them. Clarifiers. It makes sense, it's catchy, and it sounds like it would be real.

I feel like there's a lot of mystery around Roussell's death that might be significant. Perhaps Anna herself finished him off? Perhaps she witnessed it? Or even more likely, we learned that the boy has this murdering ability so perhaps he was the one who killed him off. It would be very reminiscent of Tom and his family's unfortunate end. If that was the case then I doubt Harry would Dumbledore-It-Up this time. I think he'd step in, so that's why we have him here now. Sorry for my long-winded conspiracy about your plot.

And there's the reoccuring theme of a mother's love. AH! You're good.

I don't think that our sweet little Xander is truly bad. Also I have a close friend that's a Vandenberg so obviously he's going to be a sweet little precious thing.

I love your Ginny/Harry dynamics too, btw. They're a good couple. Especially the Ginny half of it. She's one of my favorite characters so to see her done well always warms my heart.

I'm worried that the memory charm will bring Xander to resent them when the truth comes out. I hope they're ready for that.

I think this was a really, really, really good start to what's bound to be a really, really, really good story! I can't wait to read the next chapter!

Author's Response: Seventeen reviews would have sucked away my drive for a lot longer than a few days so I definitely appreciate you stopping by!

Awe it's such an honor to be compared to the great Lemony! The tone of the story changes as the story progresses, but you continue to find it charming none-the-less.

I think balancing dialogue and imagery is probably one of the hardest things to do. It's something I struggled with in this chapter - and that I'm still struggling with as I write the later chapters. But I'm glad, that at least for now, you found the amount adequate :)

Elitism is everywhere. With Clarifiers, I wanted to explore the idea of people worshiping the notion more so than a specific Dark Lord. Sometimes, in real life, it sort of feels like elitism *is* our Dark Lord.

I loved your conspiracy plots! You're right -- there is more to it, and you got very close on some points!

I've gone ahead and corrected "cashier." Thank you for pointing it out!

Again, thank you so much for the review! Your insight meant a lot!

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Review #4, by PaulaTheProkaryoteThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 7: A Lonely Home

14th February 2017:
HI Kaitlin!

Iím sad this is the last available chapter, but I did notice a one shot companion piece Iíll have to check out!

Iím surprised that heís with Snape. I didnít think Snape would be unfinished business considering the middle name of his youngest son, but here we are. I hate how tormented Snape seems because I think after the life he had he deserves some kind of happiness. He deserves it.

ďDobby is thinking Professor Snape is needing a house elf,Ē LOL, I love Dobby.

Is Snape still battling his own tests? He'd have to forgive James to move on? Maybe he needed Harry to help guide him. Does that mean no one came to guide him? Oh, my poor heart.


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Review #5, by PaulaTheProkaryoteThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 6: A Pitch Black Dungeon

14th February 2017:
Hi Kaitlin! :)

Wow, this got dark fast! But in a good way. I mean anything Bellatrix got in the afterlife probably still isn't as much as she deserves, but still. She thought Azkaban was bad? Yikes!

I think Dobby is truly the only one for this task. This is such a good mirror of what it was like OOTP when no one could communicate with Sirius to be certain he was safe.

I think the underlying message about forgiving someone for yourself, for your ability to move on with your own life is a good one to write.

I also like how Dobby has to overcome his urge to hurt himself in response to lying to Harry because itís still so in character that it really just makes him infinitely more realistic.

He shouldnít have too many more tasks, right?

I canít wait for him to see his mom!

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Review #6, by PaulaTheProkaryoteThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 5: Worry

14th February 2017:
Hi Kaitlin!

I think Lily would be crazy nervous if anyone other than herself had been sent. I donít think it would be Dobby specific as much as control-freak-thatís-her-baby-boy-ness.

ďThe concept that Dumbledore would tell anyone anything of concrete value. That man thrives on secrets and half truths.Ē Lol, Sirius throwing shade. I mean, itís completely true though.

Iím really intrigued by Dumbledoreís role in the afterlife. Itís also interesting how much they all revere him to the point of being infallible.

Sirius feels very Sirius-esque here which is definitely a good thing. Brooding, sulky, impulsive. I love it.

I feel like when harry decided in OOTP that he pitied Voldemort it'd make it that much easier for him to face him and forgive him. If anyone can sympathize with Voldemort itís harry.

I love the little warrior Dobby sneaking students away from the Carrows. Thatís my official headcanon now.

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Review #7, by PaulaTheProkaryoteThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 4: The Weighing Of The Wand

14th February 2017:
Hi Kaitlin!

I like that this part of the afterlife is different for everyone because even though this is big and scary harry is returning to his first real home and that must impart some kind of comfort to him.
The weighing was very interesting. I thought it would be like Priori Incantatum like Harry initially thought, but I think the memories make sense. I like it because you can tell a lot more about intentions and why harry did what he did by his memories rather than just glancing through a list of spells he used.

Iím glad it didnít hurt like Dobbyís did and tbh I want to have a talk with whoever runs the afterlife for letting it hurt dobby. Iíll fight them.

I love Harry being so considerate here and pausing to help Dobby up. Adorable.

What laugh could that be? Voldemort? Peeves?

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Review #8, by PaulaTheProkaryoteThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 3: The Beginning

14th February 2017:
Hi Kaitlin!

I like the life flashing before his eyes being in a dream state. I like Dobby waking him up too. It's all very in line with Dobby's character and Harry's annoyance with him. I mean he obviously loves him but sometimes Harry seems to treat him like a pest of a little brother.

Oh! You answered my last question.

ďMister Dobby.Ē Youíve got me again there.

I bet Dobby's heart was a definite in to the afterlife. He's such a sweet, caring elf. That does sound crazy painful though.

I wish Harry was just a tidbit more tactful because questioning why it was Dobby would obviously hurt his feelings. I like that you added his drooping ears because that's exactly what I imagined when I read Harry's dialogue the line above.

The trolley witch from cursed child has scarred me for life because I immediately grimaced when she showed up. Even though she's really a sweet person. I love Hugo and Scorpius. That's adorable.

The beans were very, very sweet. Dobby is the sweetest most perfect angel baby I've ever read. I love your characterization of him.

I have to be honest Iím nervous about the wand weighing. Iím sure it will be fine though.

This story has brought up so many questions for me. Obviously Voldemort probably isnít making it into the afterlife, especially with the horcrux stuff. So im curious if anyone ever came to guide him. His mother? Would anyone bother to? Even if he had someone on the other side, surely theyíd know he probably wouldnít make it and wouldnít risk their own soul.

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Review #9, by PaulaTheProkaryoteThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 2: The Transportation Office

14th February 2017:
Hi Kaitlin!

Ignore the fact that it took me half of forever to actually post these reviews! Iím here now and thatís what counts! ;) Iíve been meaning to come back to this story because itís so, so good and Iíve never read anything like it!

The entire creation of this afterlife is so amazing. I'm trying to imagine what in the world the streets of the afterlife might even look like and the closest I'm imagining is from my last trip to DC. Close enough.

Dobby has always been a bit of a wild elf when it came to skirting the rules and him smashing through the glass was amazing. I love it.

My heart canít even at ďMaster DobbyĒ

So would the first death of Harry Potter in DH be Harry at a transition point? With Dumbledore there? If so, what would happen to Dumbledoreís soul since they didnít succeed? Or would the answer be nothing since they didnít leave the transition point?

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Review #10, by PaulaTheProkaryoteThe Final Goodbye: The Final Goodbye

14th February 2017:
Hi Kaitlin!

Since you didnít update TNGA since I last read it (15 seconds ago), I'll have to settle for this piece thatís sure to make me cry.

I can't imagine how terrible it would be to know that someone you love is about to die. I mean, yeah, you get the opportunity to say goodbye and all that, but that impending doom is still horrendous.

The relationship between Ginny and Harry is so, so beautiful. I know there's a lot of Ginny hate in general, but you've written her to be just like I always pictured her as. An infinite source of strength for those around her, but also an amazingly compassionate woman. I love her.

Even in death our sweet baby Harry is worrying about others. Heís always been this way.

Would Harry guide Ginny in the afterlife? I NEED TO KNOW.

I loved it and this was a great companion piece and please ignore the lump in my throat.

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Review #11, by PaulaTheProkaryoteIn Fields of Poppies: Hold it High

14th February 2017:
Hi katie!

Iím throwing a minor temper tantrum because this is the last available chapter. I know youíre all ~happy~ and ~having a life~ and all of that but WHAT ABOUT ME. and you havenít published in two years? (yes I went back to check). Youíre a cruel, mean person.

Iíve got to be honest I never even considered which family Alice might have been, but I love the idea of Fawley. Especially because the family is so heavily associated with Hufflepuff and both Alice and Neville put off Hufflepuff vibes. Iím down with it.

I love this meeting. I love Marlene recruiting Lily and I love Dorcas setting it all up and there's just so much opportunity here. It's a good scene.

I love mae. Is mae going to end up with Jack? I didn't pay close enough attention to names.
I love the cafe and James and Marlene and I keep saying I love stuff, but I love it. I love Lily's sheer enthusiasm. James is woke with the muggle news bit. Heíll definitely be someone she nerds out with.

ďThey canít fight a war on two fronts.Ē There you go again with your transitions.

That Phil and Jack scene was everything.

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Review #12, by PaulaTheProkaryoteIn Fields of Poppies: Still Bravely Singing

14th February 2017:
Hi Katie!

Phil and Fiona might be the best part of this story. I'm falling in love with both of them. Phil's mother is such a perfect depiction of a mother. And then you'll still be my first priority line was hilarious.

Have I mentioned I love Lily and James dialogue? Is that what 90% of my reviews consist of? I do.

Philís letter broke my heart quite a bit. The fact that being shot for deserting might be preferable and then the entire thing about being so pressured to serve and who actually finds glory in battle? Then knowing all of this and realizing that Jack and Lily will be going to fight wars of their own. I mean he probably doesnít know much about Lilyís, but if he did I imagine heíd be faced with his own gut wrenching fear for her.

Marlene! I love how all the girls arenít in the same year as lily and we have all of this separation of age and skill set and all that. It just adds more interest and depth and dynamic and honestly I never considered they might not be the same year.

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Review #13, by PaulaTheProkaryoteIn Fields of Poppies: Mark Our Place

14th February 2017:
Hi katie!

I love Phil's mother. She reminds me a bit of molly. Very precious.

I love your transitions from scene to scene. They are seriously so seamless. Like the transition from him posting the letter to Lily and her mail. I swear I love it.

Oooh Who will Dorcas be introducing? I love the suspense.

"You mean you don't know?" There seems to be a common theme here. Everyone else seems to know except Lily!

Iím in love with the James and Lily small talk. Heís so adorable. Sheís so adorable. They are precious babies.

I wonder if maybe the other person who changed their opinion because of Dorcas is James. I don't have any concrete proof, but it would make sense. James knows that Lily likes Dorcas and her writing so if he truly is interested in her he'd probably check it out. He's the kind of fellow that would send in feedback so it's on my list of possibilities. Plus it would definitely send Lily into a tizzy.

Oh man. Is this going to be the famous mudblood scene? I bet it is. I canít wait to see how you characterize it. I know Iíll love it already.

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Review #14, by PaulaTheProkaryoteIn Fields of Poppies: If Ye Break Faith

14th February 2017:
HI Katie!

Happy birthday Lily! It feels like Lilyís birthday right after the last chapter with her grandadís birthday was a nice touch. I feel like I connect her most to her grandad so I like when their lives parallel the most. Also her grandad making the dress was so, so sweet. My heart.

I like this James better too. Don't get me wrong I love obsessed weird awkward James as much as the next jilyer, but this just seems so much more authentic. If I had to pick one word to describe your writing, it'd be authentic.

"A misunderstanding." Oh my god, I love your dialogue.

I like the Fiona and Phil dialogue about how he wonít want to relive it and how rude it was and the whole everyone else will ask the same thing bits. When my best friend came back he said it was relive it nonstop and how people kept asking him how many people he killed like it was something to brag about. Blegh. But they are such a sweet love story. Perfect for Valentineís day.

Also I loved the James at the end of the chapter. He was very tolerable.

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Review #15, by PaulaTheProkaryoteIn Fields of Poppies: From Failing Hands We Throw

14th February 2017:
Hi Katie!

All of them together for her granddad's birthday. Oh, I love the way this story is written. You're a brilliant person.

I love the domesticness of it. The way that life carries on post-war. The way that Lily is just peeling potatoes with her mom and grandma and the boys are off drinking. The scene with nan and her obvious memory issues was of course very sad, but I think thatís bringing your knowledge into your craft. You just paint people so well.

I love that you brought in those bits of Petunia's jealousy and the general tension there. It came really organically and didn't feel forced in the slightest.

This scene with Phil and everyone arguing about sending nan away is so, so, so important. I think it's every family's worst nightmare, but it's also something that happens to everyone. We all have loved ones that we have to make these decisions for and that's so scary. Also I love that Petunia not only stepped up to the plate, but that we get a glimpse of Petunia being caring and kind and all around sweet.

And Dorcas is strong as heck and I love her too. I love the way Lily kind of seems to idolize her too. Sheís going to be a role model.

I wonder how Lily will handle war when the glamor of it fades. I bet sheíll soldier on like the Evanses before her.

All of this makes me angry. Why didn't Dumbledore do more to protect the students? Just casual duels and attacks and gruesome threats in the hallways? These kids donít deserve that and now Iím grumpy for my sweet babies.

I think this was my favorite chapter so far too!

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Review #16, by PaulaTheProkaryoteIn Fields of Poppies: Amid the Guns Below

14th February 2017:
Hi Katie!

Holy Helga Hufflepuff! Your descriptive writing is everything Iíve ever wanted out of life. When I grow up I want to be you. This line: ďThe sun was still beating violently against his face; every so often a drop of sweat would tickle him as it ran down his neck.Ē Just so beautifully written and well done. All of it. Thatís actually probably going to be all of my reviews.

Jack is very Lily in my mind. I love this whole drive to help and do something and actually be useful.

"He don't even shave yet, of course he wants a bit of excitement." My brother-in-law is a new army baby and this is literally him. Canít even grow facial hair but dying to see the action. Thankfully heís just a weekend warrior.

It probably wouldnít be most prudent considering they are in actual war, but Iím surprised they made it through that entire walk without any jodies.

I liked the conversation between Lily and Sev a lot. It shows the budding division already. I also like that she doesn't just write him off as the victim in everything. And she hemmed him up about the Dark Magic use.

Just the word morphine makes me queasy. I have the worst reaction to it. Somehow all of that gore in that paragraph didnít phase me at all though.

Hot dog, Iím just so in love with Lily. Sheís a boss witch.

The thing I love most about this story is the structure of it. Like the way we alternate between all three perspectives and they are all in war and THEY ARE ALL SO DANG ALIKE. Itís so well crafted.

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Review #17, by PaulaTheProkaryoteIn Fields of Poppies: Short Days Ago

14th February 2017:
Hi Katie!

ďHe told her the stories of his battles, so different from those of his son. Like her fatherís, they started funny at first, and as she aged, and he aged, they got darker and darker.Ē My dad lived through WWII and served in Korea and this is exactly how the stories started for me. He was 15 when he joined because his dad forged some papers and that makes me laugh because thereís Jack doing the same thing. They were light and silly stories and about the boys he bunked with at first. Then as I got older I started hearing the ones where dad almost didnít make it. There was one in korea where he nearly froze to death on a mountain after a car accident and no one was looking for them because communication was nonexistent and some korean family dragged him miles down the mountain with a broken leg and ribs and kept him safe until the snow melted and they could take him to the hospital. But he had a lot of darker ones too. Itís just how funny that I relate to this so much.

Lily and her father and her grandfather all have that lively, spitfire personality in the bits we see of them and Iím in love with that characterization.

I love Lily and the way she fights back. I love her besting Avery like itís nothing and I love, love, love how fiery she is. I donít even have the right words to tell you how much I love her and because Lily is probably my favorite character in the entire series as a whole (and definitely my favorite to read) it means that much more to me that I think your Lily might be the best Lily Iíve ever read. Ignore that Iíve only just started the story. Itís irrelevant.

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Review #18, by PaulaTheProkaryoteIn Fields of Poppies: The Poppies Blow

14th February 2017:
Hi Katie! I'm here a *ahem* tad late with your winning reviews.

I saw Jily and I just couldnít help myself!

Holy guacamole I find it amazing the way you've written about her grandfather's war. It's completely horrible and violent and icky, don't get me wrong, but you've painted this horrible icky violence in such a poetic way that I almost feel like I'm there when I read it. Like the rats and bugs and blown up body parts are falling around me in slow motion. This is some brilliant imagery.

Youíve won a dobby so I couldnít say you were an underrated author, but I could truthfully sit in your AP all day.

Her war remind me a lot of the cold war despite the fact that there is obviously some very real battles in the form of dueling. Just the sheer contrast to her grandfather's war and the way that she was in a constant state of fear and ready to fight at any given time. Also she's a bit of a bamf. Like the motivation line at the end about how she's fighting this war for herself, for her integrity. That's amazing. So many people focus on the boys and their fight but this is so much better. So much. Sheís so much better and the perspective and the passion that you write this is just everything.

God you have such a good writing voice. Iím honestly just so captivated by all of it.

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Review #19, by PaulaTheProkaryoteYet: Yet

14th February 2017:
Hi Katie!

Iíve officially read a lot of your AP so I had to pick one shots. Obviously if I see a jily i have to read it.

I always like second person pov because itís something I seriously struggle with writing.

ďYouíve never been so comfortable.Ē Is it weird that this line is the epitome of love to me? Like yeah heart racing flutters and nausea is nice, but this is what love is.

This is like the date I've always dreamed of. I mean I had a similar one once in freshman year but it was on a haybale (I'm allergic btw) and it was in the deep south so mosquitoes were everywhere.

ďthe stars are nothing compared to him.Ē aw this is the sweetest.

The hair messing up was so sweet and innocent and real and lovely. Her teasing him is even better. Iím in love with their in loveness.

This was so cute!

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Review #20, by PaulaTheProkaryoteRemnant of a Muggle Life: Dancing

14th February 2017:
Hi Katie!

My sweet, sweet James.

At first I found him a bit annoying with his dislike of muggle music. Lily is right, it's infinitely better. But maybe that's because we have the childhood nostalgia connected to it?

I like the realness of this piece though about the healing power of music. Whether it's some fast paced awful pop song or cathartic screech about a bad breakup, there's just something so rejuvenating about music. It heals the soul!

I liked that flying was his stress relief because I think itís a good one, but Iím just imagining him like sneaking away with his broom muttering about dang muggle music and it has me giggling on a day that I need to be.

The dancing was especially sweet and I love him giving in and finally getting into it. That was precious.

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Review #21, by PaulaTheProkaryoteUncharted: one.

25th January 2017:
WOOHOO! A friendly face! :D

I'm actually 90% sure that I've read this chapter before (but I'm really bad about typing out reviews and then leaving them in my google doc and never posting them). Potter boys/OC is my obsession so. Also I just realized that you've been at HPFT for THREE months and I'm just now seeing you around so hello, hello, hello! I hope to see you a lot more!


Immediately I'm drawn in by your descriptive writing. I have this awful habit of letting it get away from me and then next thing I know I've got six paragraphs describing a chair that has no relevence at all to the plot. You're concise and to the point, but you really paint the scene beautifully. The introductory paragraph and every line describing the rain after that really exemplifies what I'm talking about.

You've already brought in a lot of intrigue with the rocking chair. The man, I'm assuming her father, is clearly painted in a bad light by both the wizengamot and her mother and their reactions toward him (no magic punishment and throwing out his stuff), but then we've got this otherside from Cassie who doesn't believe it. Who clearly loved him. I'm excited for more development there.

I like the relationship between Cassie and Addie. I also really like the clear contrast between the two sisters, both physically and by personality. I'm very interested in their interactions and I definitely want more of them. (good thing they're sisters, right?)

She went from forlorn daughter to regularly teen pretty quickly, but I don't think I would change it. I think it's pretty realistic of what teenagers are like. I hate when characters are meant to be 15-16-17, but they are written like adults.

Minor CC, I think autocorrect nabbed you here: "Of course they are close, did notít they grow up together?"

Over all, I really like your OC. A lot of OCs end up too one dimensional (*cough* mine *cough*) or a bit too flawless, but you've really given Cassie some depth and I think the idea of trying out for quidditch will be an excellent plot device. I'm excited to see what kind of captain James will be (assuming she makes it).

This was good and I'm excited for the next chapter!

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the thoughtful review! I have to admit that I'm a bit of a ghost on HPFT, feeling slightly intimidated by all the forums and the number of users that already know each other. But, I saw that you were offering reviews and decided to sign up!

Thanks so much regarding your note on my descriptions. It's something I'm really trying to work on. In later chapters, I don't think I do a great job setting the scene so I'm trying to force myself to be better about that.

These sisters are a pleasure to write/think about because in some ways it reminds me of the relationship I have with my sister but at the same time is completely different from the relationship I have with my sister (in good ways and bad).

Thanks for noticing that! I can't tell you how many times I read this for mistakes but I always miss something haha.

Ha, from what I read your OCs definitely are not one dimensional. Thanks for sharing your thoughts!! It really means a lot that you took the time to write a long, thoughtful review.

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Review #22, by PaulaTheProkaryoteSeamus Finnigan & The Duke of Hogs: Of Acromantula and Angst

25th January 2017:
Hi lovely!

OoOh! I saw this on the feed the other day and thought it would look good so I'm even more excited to be here!

I like the introductory paragraphs a lot because we get a lot of explanations about where we are in this story that isn't too much "pretty writing" (I'm pretty sure there's an actual word for it, but idk what it is). You know the one though. Like when people spend three paragraphs describing a clock tower that has absolutely no relevance to the plot or general story. I'm a big fan of straight to the point writing.

You've got a lot of good details tucked in here like newt scores, order of merlin, how Jamie is surviving post-war, and a certain love interest. It's really well set up.

I like that there was this great war proposal like that because it seems to directly contrast the entire Ron/Hermione Chamber of Secrets romance gesture. I love contrasts. Not every war fueled grand gesture will have a happily ever after.

I think when you're upset you should always go back to wherever you call home because it brings an innate comfort. For him, it's his parents' house in the middle of nowhere. That entire paragraph I'm picture a montage of skipping stones in the lake and sighing. (and not giggling at Jamie's misfortune).

My favorite line: "The stars were dancing in the cold air outside my bubble and there was no noise apart from the occasional, complaining cow in the distance."

Oh my god, I love it. Yes, take classic legends and turn them into beautiful works for me to read! Such a clever idea!

Oh, no! That's got to be the worst job in the history of bad jobs! Are you going to kill Jamie in chapter two? Is that what this is!?

YOU KILLED FANG! :( How am I supposed to continue living knowing that sweet, slobbering Fang is gone!? Although to be fair he was getting old. Poor Hagrid.

I like Jamie being a hard negotiator. It definitely adds a lot of interest to the character!

I can't wait to see what actually dealing with the spiders will be like! I'm a biologist (of the molecular variety though) so if you find yourself in need of any particular details on spiders or biological control, I'm only a pm away!

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Review #23, by PaulaTheProkaryoteThe Harder They Fall: A Snake in the Den

25th January 2017:


Is this the blanket fort chapter? It's gotta be!

Look at baby Finn Finn being all encouraging right off the bat! Oh my god, he's the cutest. And he's growing ~aware~ of her.

I feel 99% sure that she's the one he's looking for so what will happen if that's true and he figures it out? Like is he going to have to pick between her or his values? I don't know how else to describe his awful Tom-Riddle-filled life with the parents and Gellert. Yuck.

Did I mention I like that Madam Flint is Madam Flint? Like Marcus got a lot of heat even though he wasn't really much worse than Wood, so to have her be a relative is a nice little bit.

G is totally Gellert Grindelwald. The jerk. It would explain why he's still prodding around at the poor family.

"Brindley was Henry Potterís illegitimate child." OH GOd, He figured it out! Oh no.

"He couldnít protect Hero from the spider, or his father from the Elder Wand, but he could protect Brindley from Grindelwald." MY BOY. I knew he'd do right! (ignore my doubts of him just a paragraph above)

Poor porlock. Just minding its own business.

I have a bit of hope that maybe his mom wanting him to stay away is because she knows it's all bad news and wants him to be safe. They're just in too deep.

Lol at Brindley comparing him to a moth. I feel certain that chapter one Finn would have had a fit.

I'm just going to live in the blanket fort scene. When all the other bad stuff happens, I'll just be in the blanket fort.

Low-key annoyed at him for grabbing Lucretia right after his perf kiss with Brindley, but I think it solidified that she was so important to him and it's really in his character.

THIS CHAPTER WAS AMAZING. Like 15/10 did not disappoint. Now I'm dying for the next one!

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Review #24, by PaulaTheProkaryoteThe Great Tale of Me, Lyra Malfoy: IX.

23rd January 2017:
Hello lovely!

Lol. I'm dying at the start of this chapter. I mean I should be laughing, but TJ and Audrey under the Hufflepuff table is everything.

I 100% could totally see all heck breaking loose if Albus and Scorpius broke up. Especially given the circumstances. The duel was perf. Poor Longbottom.


Expulsion would be perfectly reasonable.

Lily really needs to work on her relationship with Albus because obviously this is going to cause a rift in their relationship!

Poor Lyra! Okay, TJ and Ben. I'd be laughing too.

SoOo...obviously this chapter was too short to satisfy me WHERE IS THE NEXT CHAPTER WHY ARE YOU TORMENTING ME SO?

Loved it and can't wait for the next one!

Author's Response: Oh hello!

Yes, I know right? When I wrote it I could literally just picture them quivering, on their hands and knees under the table and Lyra being like "what is that smell?"

And Audrey being like: "It's the smell of fear."

But that's only because I really love the movie Get Smart with Steve Carrell.

Poor Neville, and yes of course there would be a million plants in his office.

Yes, yes it would. But that wouldn't help the story, now would it?

They definitely do, especially since they didn't have the best relationship in the world to start with.

Yes, we just need to have Ben and TJ making out whenever Lyra's trying to tell them something.

Your torment will soon be over! Chapter Ten is in the queue!

Thank you so much for loving it!

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Review #25, by PaulaTheProkaryoteThe Great Tale of Me, Lyra Malfoy: VIII.

22nd January 2017:
Hello lovely!

Why do I love your chapter summaries so much?

I agree with the entire first paragraph. Except I'll argue that my ed was way worse because it was taught by a local pastor who was a virgin. Yes, a thirty something year old virgin. He taught exclusively abstinence and I had to sign an oath saying I'd never do the frickity frack until marriage to pass the course. (I lied). Odd and completely off topic, but he now runs a booming coffee shop in town that's amazing. Good lunch options too.

Back on track.

Dang Chiyo, did you get lost on your way to the sorting hat? Total claw material.

Okay off track again, but I took a sip of my drink at the invitation to come sit with her friends and looked back up and read "Theyíre a nice dark wood, alohomora resistant, and have undetectable extension charms on them" and for a half a moment I thought she was describing her friends. I mean it's partially true. Lockers are nice too though and tbh students would totally need them at a place like Hogwarts.

I love the idea of Lyra running an apothecary and hello, yes, I'm ready for a spin off sequel. Let's get this thing happening!

I can't wait to read the next chapter! I swear Lyra is my spirit animal and moreover, I'm 90% sure we have the same attention span.

Author's Response: Hello to you too, lovely!

I don't know, why do you?

Oh wow that really blows. I can't imagine what that must have been like. I can't believe they ACTUALLY MADE YOU sign a thing. I mean obviously you didn't listen to that, I'm sure a lot of people didn't. I would've lied too, but the courses I had were never abstinence based. I very much appreciated you going off topic, that's so funny. Would would've thought? So you still live in your hometown?

I think quite a few people got lost on their way to the sorting hat. Though he makes an excellent Hufflepuff because of his dedication and loyalty, Cedric Diggory would've made a damn fine Claw. Oh us claws, we're greedy, we always want more people in our house. Ha ha.

Oh my God, that's so funny! You have no idea how hard I'm laughing right now. I don't think I'd ever describe TJ, Ben, and Audrey like that though.

Same. And yes, I can now say that there will be a sequel! It's already all planned out. I just have to finish writing numero uno. Maybe there will even be a third novel where they're adults (because II is set in their 7th year).

Haha, bye now. Thanks for popping by to review (and sorry that I took a while to respond!)

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