Reading Reviews From Member: Lululuna
728 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LululunaWitch: Witch

14th October 2014:
Hey Sian!! :D Finally here to review this AMAZING story that you were so lovely in gifting me with. First of all, I know you know me well enough to know that this story is just right up my alley and I loved it so much, between the thoughtful portrayal of historical events and adapting them to the HP world, and the extreme pathos and slightly creepy element to the story and Jennet's experience.

One thing that stood out for me was how sorry I felt for Jennet and how she just had a terrible fate. How she was manipulated as a child and completely misguided, and how that led to a lifetime of guilt and hurt. It's truly heartbreaking, and inspires this real sense of sadness for me that there was nobody to look out for her and to protect or guide her. It's good that Lizzy has the guidance and education that Jennet didn't, but it made me feel really heartbroken for Jennet herself all the same.

The image of the bodies lined up when she was a girl was truly chilling. This line; Ten is the biggest number she can count up to. And there are ten of them, the bodies. Wow, that is just beautifully heartbreaking while also gruesome and terrifying. It shows both how ignorant Jennet is but also how this is the moment that completely changes her understanding of society and her place amongst humanity. :( I wonder if this is the sort of connection, between numbers and bodies, that makes her continue to fear education and the dangers it brings. She almost seems to prefer to live uneducated, because knowledge and speaking brings danger. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but it was really neat.

I really liked the historical details you incorporated, like the characters speech. I'm a big fan of dialect in dialogue to show how those characters differ from the norm and you did a great job with Jennet's language especially here. And then the little details, like the "gaol" and how she sells eggs and they go begging, really made the period believable.

I felt both sad and happy when Lizzy went away to Hogwarts. Happy, because she'll get a better life, and not have to suffer like Jennet or see how her mother suffered. But also sad, because Jennet lost the only thing that gave her love and even has to cope with the idea that Lizzy might be embarrassed or ashamed of her. It was really moving how much she clung to the idea of Lizzy as embodied through the letter, and she was quite selfless in that way. The way she focused her dreams and love on the letter was really beautifully written. In some ways I was longing to know just what the letter said but in other ways it was more powerful that Jennet never really found out, only imagined: it made it more of a dream and that way she could never be disappointed.

Jennet Device is a black stain on the green hills of her home. She knows that her name will be forgotten. The blot on the pages of history will be erased from time. I thought these lines were amazing. The narration takes on an almost accusatory tone, and I felt like the narrator could be read as holding the people responsible for not taking care of Jennet, for not being able to help her. It's an almost Charles Dickens-style message of trying to inspire pathos and societal change which I really loved.

The cyclical nature of the story and the sadness of Jennet's life was really brought to life with your beautiful writing. Thank you so much for this story, Sian - it truly means the world to me, and I know I'll be back to read it again and again and discover something new next time. You are amazing!! ♥ ♥

Author's Response: Jenna! ♥ I genuinely can't tell you how happy this review made me, because I really hoped that you'd like this story even though it's a bit random at first, and I know how busy you are, so the fact that you took the time to review means a lot! And thank YOU for everything too, plus I loved writing this story so it was definitely worth it!

Jennet Device as an historical figure is so ambiguous and so interesting, and I've always found myself really intrigued about her and what her motives were behind betraying her family, which essentially condemned them to death. It's so, so sad that there was nobody there to guide her properly and she made one mistake that had massive repercussions and affected her for the rest of her life.

In Jennet's mind, I think there's definitely a link between education and danger, because the people who are educated that she's encountered have always posed a threat to her, and at the same time there's that connection in her mind like you commented on, the fact that when she can count and if she could read, she'd maybe realise the magnitude of what she'd done even more. Perhaps she prefers to be this way as it means she can't understand to the same extent? I don't know where I'm going with this either, but it's really interesting to think about!

The dialect was so fun to write, as I love using it, although I had to tone a lot of it down as I was sure so many people wouldn't understand it :P I'm really glad you liked all those little historical details!

Lizzy definitely got the chance of a better life when she went to Hogwarts, but for Jennet, who's left behind, it's really sad. She has to be selfless here, because she knows that this honestly is the right thing to do, and that sacrifice kind of shows how much she's grown and changed since she was a scared little girl. I'm glad you liked the letter and the dreams that it evoked for Jennet - I was always sure I wouldn't include the letter, as I think it works better that we, along with Jennet, never know what it says.

I'm so pleased that you liked those lines! Jennet's life is one of those that gets forgotten so easily, or she gets cast as this demon child, so I really wanted to explore that and maybe try and make sure she'd be remembered for something other than what she did as a nine year old girl.

I'm so, so happy that you liked this story, Jenna - it's honestly all I was hoping for, and then this amazing review has just blown me away! ♥

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Review #2, by LululunaL'optimisme: Silence

3rd October 2014:
Hey Aph!! :) Sorry for taking so long to get here, these past two weeks have been complete madness. I know I reviewed this chapter back before you posted a new version (I think?) but it might be helpful to have a longer review and I'll hopefully be able to come back and review the other chapters sometime soon!! :)

As usual, your power with words is at full expression here.

The section on words was really interesting and felt like something Dumbledore would say in a letter or message to Gellert. Their connection was both physical and emotional but also intellectual, and I think that's more of an important quality than it would be in some relationships. I also loved how after the section about words and silences, the first line of the next section mentions how Albus never "told" Gellert something. It was a neat transition from the first section.

I love the comfortable, relatable, almost domestic description of their waking up together. It really humanized Gellert, who is so often seen as being otherworldly and beyond reach. I love how the description brought a real physicality to their relationship, right from the beginning, and of course the logistics of their sneaking about and being together. I especially loved the image of Albus jumping the fence. :P

your breath ghosting over my collarbone, a soft harmony to the birdsong. I love this line. It's just so beautiful and vivid, especially the image of breath "ghosting."

The emphasis on the day when Ariana was killed was really vivid and effective, especially since Dumbledore says he watched it over and over again in his Pensieve. I can imagine him doing that, a ghostly figure standing in his own memory and trying to make sense of what happened. It's almost like he's looking for penitence for his actions that day and punishes himself by reliving them. I've been reading a lot of nineteenth century literature lately but a big theme is Catholicism and the practices of confession and punishment and self-loathing and this reminded me a little of that, almost as if this story is Albus' confession to Gellert or to a higher power, like how he mentions God in the last line.

One little thing I noticed (though feel free to ignore, I'm just being picky):

wary of their power since young The use of the word "young" brought me out of the story a little as it didn't quite flow with the rest of the sentence, would "youth" or "being young" or "childhood" maybe fit better?

Lovely job, love! :) I can't wait to keep reading!

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Review #3, by LululunaDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Mind Field

1st October 2014:
Hey hey!! Wow, it has seriously been way too long since I have reviewed - I've been awful with HPFF participation lately. :( So glad to be back!

The way Legilimency was described here was really cool and vivid. I loved the use of mist and armies and parchment - it as all just so brilliant and fit well with how I would imagine the inside of Devlin's mind. Clearly he has met his match in Snape, and the conversation they had inside his head was really intriguing.

I liked how Devlin analyzed Snape and his former Death Eater position as well - how he was acutely aware of his dark magic and how it was sort of hibernating, and how Death Eaters are good at pulling out their wands quickly, and how Snape still mirrors these practices even if he is currently separate. As usual your analysis of the familiar canon characters really goes deep and rings true.

Clearly in this chapter at least Devlin is realizing the wrongs that Voldy committed against him and coming out of his blinded love for his grandfather. But then there are the contrasting images like Voldy smiling because of him and how special and important that thought is to Devlin, to the extent that he identifies that quality as part of his own identity. The moral confusion is quite effective in showing how nobody is all bad, even Voldemort, and how Devlin could still be loyal to him in parts of his mind even if he knows it is dangerous. He's such a complex, wonderful character, and I do love it.

Great job, I hope I'll be back soon!! :D

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Review #4, by LululunaHow Long Will I Love You?: As Long As The Stars Are Above You

30th September 2014:
Hello!! :D Here for my part of the Slytherin review exchange. I'm a big Ron/Hermione shipper and thought you did a wonderful job with their relationship, both with the canon aspects and expanding it to tell a full story.

I'm not sure why but the fact that Slughorn died in this version of the battle made me really sad. I'm not sure why but I think because I have a prof who is a little like him but very likeable it just made me sad. :P Also that was an amazing paragraph: it could be just a list, but shows so much delicacy and depth in how many lives were touched and ended by the battle. I loved how even though they didn't know all of the names of the dead, they spent a little bit of love mourning and honouring their sacrifice. It was a really lovely, bittersweet moment.

Ron's interest in the stars and poetic analysis of them was interesting. It's definitely a development from his callous canon character, but that's what fanfiction is for - expanding on those characters who feel so familiar. I also thought the descriptions and reliance on the stars as symbolic and physical was really beautifully written throughout the story.

Aw, it's too cute how Ron matched his outfit to Hermione's dress. :P So thoughtful and subtle of him.

honey coloured orbs This is just a word choice preference, and feel free to ignore me but I've been doing close reading of literature all day which always gets me in a picky mood. :P I'm not a huge fan of the term "orbs" for eyes, it conjures up a bit of a weird image and I feel like another word might flow better with the poetic tone of your beautiful story. Maybe "honey coloured gaze" or even just "eyes"? Just a thought! :)

Bringing up Ron's love for chess and how he analyzes his proposal in terms of chess was just genius. I love how he was the knight and she was the queen - it was too cute.

I especially loved the scenes with Rose and Hugo - it's amazing seeing them as parents. Hermione is just how I imagined, very attached to her children and I can imagine her feeling a little lost with them both away at school. I love how Hermione defended Rose's right to date a Malfoy as well, it was perfectly in character for both of them.

Aww, the final scene was so bittersweet! :( I'm sad Hermione had to die when she was still young and before she could meet her grandkids but it sent a lovely sense of grief and love and pathos through the whole story. Ron was so adorable with his granddaughter, the scene just felt quite real.

Great job with this, it was a wonderful read! :)

Author's Response: Hi!
Well thank you for that amazing review! I have such a big grin on my face, you are so brilliant. I warn you that I am rather tired and hence my reply may be slightly ramble-y, so sorry for that :) I feel bad for replying so late and I don't want to put it off any longer.
I'm sorry for Slughorn's death. I wanted to show that it wasn't just the other houses that fought, and I chose Slughorn because he finally decided that he was going to be brave for this one time, to protect Hogwarts and the students. He was a hero.
I'm really glad you liked my take on Ron, I was worried he might be a little OoC for some people.
I'll go and change the orbs part as soon as I'm finished here!
Haha, the chess part was slightly sur-of-the-moment. I was reading the first book again and remembered how he had played a knight and Hermione the queen :')
I think they would be really good parents, although perhaps slightly overprotective. They have good reason though. I'm glad you like those scenes!
Eek, thank you so much for all of that review.

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Review #5, by LululunaStand Tall: Sudden Silence

29th September 2014:
Hello! :D I'm here for your first prize review for the Beatles challenge.

It's nice to see Alba's circle of friends expanded a bit and I liked her interaction with Maude and the latter's concern for Alba. The bandaid explanation was great as well in explaining not only to Maude, but to me about Alba's potions. It's really great how you weave in her everyday interactions with how she's always conscious of having Cerebral Palsy and its impact on even the smallest things. I thought the mention of her fear of falling and breaking her wand was especially poignant since it would be so disappointing and inconvenient for a witch to break her wand yet could happen so simply.

Unlike most of the girls in her year, Alba actually liked Maude, though their interactions were generally strictly academic. This sentence confused me a little as I wasn't sure if it meant that Alba disliked most of the girls in their year, or that most of the girls in their year disliked Maude. Maybe both? :)

tapestry cannot know it's worth I think this should be "its"? Also this was a great line and kind of reminded me of something Dumbledore would say. And the goblet of fire coming into Alba's life is so exciting and adds such a suspenseful future for the story. I like how James is quite down to earth about entering the tournament, though his yielding to Chandra is intriguing as well. Somehow I got the suspicion from his wink to Alba that maybe he was going to enter Alba's name - hmm. I don't think he would be that sneaky and he's pretty protective of her safety so maybe not, but it did seem like he was up to something.

I actually love how Alba wants to be a Healer. She would be a good one too, since she already knows so much about her own medical treatment and has a passion for communicating to people about medicine like we saw with Maude. But that being said I liked how you focused on the difficult aspects as well with Potions and Herbology. I wouldn't have thought of that but it fit well with how people accommodate disabilities in the Muggle (our) world.

Great chapter, I'll be back soon!! :D

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Review #6, by LululunaOhana: Scum

8th September 2014:
Well hello!! I am so excited to read this, the whole story is so amazing and dedicated to me??! Ahh, I just want to hug you right now!! ♥ :D

First of all can I say I'm so honoured to have such a lovely story dedicated to me. You're an amazing writer and I love your interpretation of Kreacher: it's funny, because he's one of those minor characters I've always wanted to read about and so this is simply perfect. :)

I really liked the unique interpretation of Walburga and her portrait. The paragraph about how her portrait produced scum and the repulsion Kreacher felt towards her was so inspiring and original, I loved it. It's also such a unique portrayal in how it seems like he clung to that portrait only because it was all he had left, not because he really worshipped her. The dedication Kreacher had towards Regulus and the empty feeling he had when he died, however, was really heartbreaking. I especially liked how Regulus made it seem like he and Kreacher were equals: that was a really neat parallel and made me think of their relationship in a new way. Not only from a characterization point of view, but from a literary one: both Regulus and Kreacher had literary links in the story.

Another original thing I noticed was how you showed Kreacher still caring about Bellatrix and Narcissa even when they were grown up and technically on the other side of the war. It's like he sees Voldemort as being the ultimate nemesis, who took his family away from him, instead of all of the others who supported the Dark Lord. I loved how he evolved towards wanting to protect scum and those considered lowly, it was a really neat theme.

I thought the use of second person was perfect and flowed really naturally. The whole story was beautifully written. :)

Thank you so much for dedicating this to me, I'm so excited and honoured and excited that my beta-reading helped you gain confidence in your wonderful writing. It really means a lot! ♥ :)

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Review #7, by LululunaYou Are Part of Everything : Dear Prudence

4th September 2014:
Hello! :) I'm here to review your story for the Beatles challenge - thanks for the wonderful entry! :D

Firstly, I really liked how you kept Sirius' identity secret until the end, and in doing so showed a completely different take on his womanizing ways. It took his handsome charm and the attractions girls felt for him to a darker, less innocent place while still fitting in with his character. He comes across as so selfish and manipulating instead of romantic, and I felt so sad for Prudence and seeing the effect that Sirius' betrayal had on her.

I like how although the beginning feels like a nice, sweet love story with the popular crush noticing the quiet girl, there were still hints that all was not as good as it seems. I was pretty suspicious that Sirius might hurt Prudence and that just became stronger and more foreboding, building throughout the story. One way this was done was how Prudence's feelings of attraction and excited nervousness around Sirius were also symptoms of fear, like her heart beating fast and her stomach being in knots. It parallels the attraction with fear.

Something interesting about the story which I liked was how it was told in the form of Prudence directly addressing Sirius, almost in an accusatory way by the end of the story. It was a cool parallel to the Beatles song where the singer is directly addressing Prudence, so I liked how you kind of told the other side of the story with an interpretation of the song. I'm so glad you picked this song as it fit so nicely with the story, both in terms of plot and language.

I liked the use of the word "play": instead of it being a word indicating Prudence's freedom from her stifled, indoor life, it was a word used for Sirius playing with and discarding Prudence's heart. Sadly, I'm sure there are many girls who have been similarly treated by boys, and I really like how you tied that into the story here to show both a tragic but realistic interpretation of teen romance.

Great job, thanks so much for the lovely entry! :D

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you for making this awesome challenge! :)

I really wanted to make this story more about Prudence, and not just another Sirius story, although, ultimately it *is* another Sirius story. That was why I kind of kept him hinted at, but not flat out acknowledged until the very end. Yeah, we always hear about what a "playboy" Sirius was - at least in our collective head-cannon haha - so I thought it would be, not fun, but interesting to focus on the aftermath of his carelessness with women.

It's definitely your typical toxic, for lack of a better word, relationship. It starts out all sweet and roses and then slowly disintegrates into something awful. But when you look back, you see that the slight awfulness was always there in a way. Prudence was scared because, she knew what he was like with other girls. She may have hoped it would be different with her, but I think deep down she would have known it would not have been. But at the same time, she was a teenage girl, who was just ecstatic that her long time crush had finally noticed her. Ugh... boys.

The way Prudence told the story was not planned out. It just kind of happened. It felt right to tell it this way, you know? I'm really happy you liked how it all came together and how it did end up paralleling the song. XD

This story was a little personal to me. I've had a similar experience when I was younger. Not *quite* as bad, I definitely embellished a little. I put a lot of myself into Prudence, so posting this has left me feeling quite vulnerable. I was actually terrified to post it, at first. So I'm glad that this did end up feeling authentic.

Again, thank you for the challenge! I really enjoyed doing it. And thank you so, so much for such a lovely review!! I'm thrilled you enjoyed this!

xoxo Meg

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Review #8, by LululunaEverto Trucido: Halloween 1976 -- Part Two

2nd September 2014:
Hi again!!

Ahh, so the vampire was unexpected! Well, sort of, but I had kind of forgotten about it, so it was quite scary. You write the battle scenes really well: they're suspenseful without being too gory which I really like.

The idea that Sirius thinks Regulus is her soulmate made me laugh. If only he knew... well, he did suspect, and I feel like Snape being her soulmate is probably even worse for the Marauders.

I thought Sirius was sweet here, even though he was extremely drunk. It's nice to see him opening up to Grace and showing the pain he has experienced regardless of the circumstances.

it was interesting how you addressed Grace's addiction to cigarettes and how she recognizes that she has a dependent personality. It fits with her character, not only that she would be dependent but also that she notices that and tries to prevent a new addiction from forming. It was a little detail but something that really was powerful to me.

Another great chapter, I'm already excited for the next one!! :D

Author's Response: Hello round two!

Bahah, so I may have let the vampire thing go on for a bit too long...but I wanted to save it for the Halloween chapters!

I think that, despite everything, that discovering that Snape is her soulmate would be worse for the Marauders than if Regulus was... they just don't like Snape...

Oh the budding friendships ^.^. Drunk Sirius is a little more open than sober Sirius.

Thanks for the lovely reviews!! :D


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Review #9, by LululunaPlaying for Keeps: Mint Chocolate Chip Memories

2nd September 2014:
Yay, she has a name!! Well, she's gone by a few different names, by the sounds of things. It makes me so sad that she was bullied to the extent that she hates and is ashamed of something as genuine as her name - it's just awful. Right now I'm hoping that she never forgives James and just gets some solid revenge on him, frankly. He seems horrible, though I suppose that people do grow up and change.

I liked all the backstory with Hattie and the roots of their friendship, though one detail I thought was great was how Hattie did have other friends and how Annie felt neglected and jealous when she did. It fits well with Hattie's personality that she could have multiple friends at once, and I thought Annie's feelings of jealousy made her more relatable. As confident as she is when playing pool, she clearly has a lot of faults, like not being good at magic and being so shy and closed off from others.

I love mint chocolate chip ice cream as well! It's the best flavour other than MAYBE blueberry.

I'm still loving this, and even though you've answered some questions I'm still longing for answers. What happened with her sister? What exactly did James do and why doesn't he recognize her? What's the wager with Freddy? Guess I'll have to just keep reading!! :D

Author's Response: Yep, a name at last! Her first name (in my opinion) is a bit stuffy and old-fashioned, so Annie is definitely the preferred name. But the bullying didn't help--I mean, Portia is a perfectly good name, but if people are going to turn it into a joke, it isn't so good anymore. She may or may not forgive James in the future, but right now she still hates him. (Although he HAS changed... But she doesn't know that yet.)

Thank you! Hattie is definitely a social butterfly, unlike Annie, and that can lead to some jealousy. But at the end of the day, they're still best friends. I'm so glad that Annie's characteristics and actions make her seem relatable--I really didn't want to create an OC that was too "perfect." Flawed characters are the best characters!

Mint chocolate chip is my second favorite kind of ice cream. My first favorite is Blueberry Pomegranate Dark Chocolate Chunk. (Yes, that is a thing, and it is beautiful!)

Thanks for loving it, and for giving me some stellar reviews! There are many questions that still must be answered, but it may take the whole novel to answer them. Don't worry, you'll find out the wager soon, and all the reasons why James is an idiot, and et cetera.


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Review #10, by LululunaPlaying for Keeps: A Face From the Past

2nd September 2014:
Back again! :D

Ahh, I knew it was James since you mentioned his hazel eyes. :P Hehe. Gah, he seems like such a fascinating character but I dislike him because the main character (what's HER name?!!) hates him and has clearly held a grudge which I don't blame her for. At first I thought that he maybe physically abused her while at Hogwarts and felt really sad, but emotional bullying is still quite awful as well.

I liked how much emphasis was put on the power of names in this chapter. The impact of James' name and how much it defines him, to the extent that he'll do anything to protect it. The narrator's name and how it could be turned against her and how if he knew it, it would turn the power back to him: it's fascinating, and reminds me a bit of fairy tales where knowing somebody's name gives power.

I love, once again, how there's a contrast between her body and her spirit. I loved the line about her spirit not being able to break like glass in contrast to her body being only the surface: it seems like her body protects her spirit, guarding her false exterior from her true interior. She's so interesting, and I love all the literary contrasts of her character.

So it sounds like James and Freddy made some sort of wager? Sneaky underworld casino Freddy is really exciting to me as well, I hope we get to meet him at some point. :P

Another great chapter, Mallory!! :D I'll for sure be back sooner rather than later.

Author's Response: Woo! Hi again!

Yep, I tried to put in some clues about his identity, since the MC still remains shrouded in mystery. :) But you'd be surprised at what people guessed after his appearance in chapter one! He is completely and utterly reprehensible in this chapter, and I hate him too. But character development will happen, and things might change. Nope, I still didn't reveal her name in this chapter, haha, but at least I revealed (sort of) what the relationship between James and the MC is.

Names are so powerful! I drew that theme from magic and how the slightest mispronunciation of a spell can lead to disastrous results. And I'm sure that there's some lore about how revealing your true name can give someone else the power to destroy you. (Rumpelstiltskin, for instance.) Fairy tales were DEFINITELY an inspiration. :D

She's a walking contradiction, almost to the point of annoyance sometimes! It's difficult to balance out what I mean with what I write, and sometimes her spirit is more vulnerable than she would like it to be. I'm glad that you think she's interesting! :D

Yes, a wager! Freddy will certainly show up in future chapters, but he and James are not on good terms at all. Interesting cousin relationships are fun to write!

Thanks once again!


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Review #11, by LululunaPlaying for Keeps: Shooting Star, After Midnight

2nd September 2014:
Hi Mallory!!! :)

Wow, this story is so unique and cool! First of all, I completely fell in love with the first paragraph. The writing and the descriptions of the casino are both beautiful and poetic but also have this... almost tough, gritty quality to it, as if there's darkness and decay lurking underneath all the glitz and glamour.

At first I wasn't sure how I felt about the main character not being named, but I think it worked in building up the mystery and really making me want to read the next chapter. Although I have no clue who she is and what her story is I love what we've got of her so far: how clever and sly she is, how she manipulates men while being disgusted by their need to subordinate her even though this allows her to dupe them. She seems to both lean on and resent her sensuality and sexual power over him, which carries some really interesting messages about gender roles in society and how women function and confront these gender roles. I'm excited to read more about this and how the character both uses and abuses her gendered sexuality.

This positioning of the next gen characters like Freddy gives a new maturity and dark side to the wizarding world and their regular portrayals in fanfiction. Coupled with your beautiful writing, I'm looking forward to reading more of this story and learning more about the casino and the mysterious characters! :) Great job, lovely!! :)

Author's Response: Hi Jenna! Thank you so much for doing a review swap with me! :D

Thank you! The first paragraph is actually one of my favorite paragraphs that I've ever written, haha. I really like the contrast between glitzy things and the dark underbelly that lurks underneath, so it was fun to write that paragraph with so many gritty contrasts. :D

I have this habit of not reveal my main character's name until a little farther into the story (which can get old, I understand). But my character's name holds a lot of significance for this story, so I thought that it would work to leave readers in the dark about her name, at least for a little while. Don't worry, her story will unfold as things progress! I've been thinking/reading/learning a lot about gender roles and women's sexuality lately, so this chapter is sort of a reflection of that--ish. It was a bit difficult to balance her femininity with her own personal strengths, but it is definitely becoming a curious experiment for me!

Freddy... heeheehee. He definitely plays a substantial role in my MC's life, and he's definitely got a dark side. I haven't written much of him yet, but I'm super excited for all the ideas I have in my head. :)

Thank you so much for this review, and all the ones after it!


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Review #12, by LululunaEverto Trucido: Halloween, 1976 -- Part One

2nd September 2014:
Hey hey!!

Ooh, great chapter! I've really missed this story and Grace's insane life. I thought the beginning section was really haunting and beautifully written what with the oddness of Grace wandering through the future and the horror of seeing James' body. It's a good reminder of how awful her gift of knowing the future is, and I wish there was something she could do to help. After all, this is an AU... right?! I thought her throwing up after seeing it was Halloween was effective as well.

One thing I noticed that you could think about was this description: with its white siding and picket fence, which I just thought sounded quite American. A British cottage, especially in historic Godric's Hollow, might have a stone wall in front of it instead of a picket fence - they're pretty big on those over there. :P And maybe stone walls covered in vines or something instead of siding, but again I'm not sure how exactly the Potter cottage was described in the books.

I hope Grace does go to the party! Lily was so funny with how nerdy she was. She's a lot like Hermione and I'm glad you've emphasized the goody-two-shoes part of her character.

Hmm, I wonder if perhaps Grace didn't mind looking her best in front of Severus, even though she denied it? :P Regulus was really rude and I wanted to smack him, and I like how you've made him a truly nasty character. He just feels like a little spoiled brat. I was on the edge of my seat throughout the potion exploding, ahh I can't believe that happened!! Grace and Sev's little tumble on the floor was sweet, though. :P It's fun to see her getting a break from all her crazy responsibilities.

I think business is going to go down at this party, and I'm guessing Grace might find her way there!! Awesome chapter, Rumpel! :D

Author's Response: TWO reviews? How did I get so lucky?

I'm SO not telling what's going to happen *evil grin*.

Oh yes, that's probably a very good idea. I didn't even think about the difference between what a typical American household would look like versus a typical British household. Duh, Rumpel...

She is a bit like Hermione in this, isn't she? ;)

I'm sure there was something brewing along those lines in the back of her teenage mind :p. Regulus, Regulus, Regulus... well, he'll be more important later. Yay, I'm glad that you like the potion-explosion, as that was particularly fun to write.

Business is going down, but not so much at the party ;).

Thanks for the wonderful review!


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Review #13, by LululunaBeat It: The morning after

31st August 2014:
Hi Tammi!! :) I'm here for the TGS review exchange, and decided to leave a review on the second chapter since the first one was shorter.

I really like Roxy so far! She seems very down to earth and I like how she is so relatable, between being silly with her friends and coping with a hangover by going back to her parents and hoping for mac and cheese. The dynamics in the Qudditch teams seem fun as well and I'm curious to know more about the rivalry between the two teams and how it plays out. The dynamics between all the different Quidditch teams and how they are a little community was really well described as well.

Personally I actually found Jason Turner pretty creepy! It seems like Roxy is sort of interested or at least attracted to him though, so I'll give him a second chance. :P His comments about getting married were a bit of a red flag, though, haha. It would be interesting to see her team's reaction if she actually started something up with him and if that would actually affect her place on the team as well.

It's really interesting how Roxy is a Beater and I'm curious to learn more about why she chose Beating. She must have to be pretty strong to carry around the bats, but even though Beaters tended to be guys in the books I like how she's breaking the mould a little bit while still following in her father's footsteps.

Violet is a great character, I liked her and Roxy's interactions and also her comment about not even being able to see the snitch made me laugh. I also thought George and Angelina seemed very in character and the dynamic between the two of them made me smile. George's hat was just classic, and I like how you mentioned his ear as well, it was a great detail.

A great start, Tammi! :) I really enjoyed the first two chapters!

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Review #14, by LululunaHermione Granger and the Dead Man's Mark: Chapter One

31st August 2014:
Hi Hori! :) I'm finally here for your review from the Slytherin review exchange!

Wow, so this story is really intriguing and I'm excited that I got to discover it. It's quite different, both in content and in the mature, elaborate quality of the writing style from a lot of novels I've read on here. It's funny how you mentioned that our stories started off similarly with the descriptions of post-war Azkaban, and I love how you focused on the politics surrounding the changes at the prison as well.

One detail I really liked was how Azkaban was filled with talking and chatter. It's the sort of characterization which really brings the setting to life and helped me to really picture what it might be like there through sensory detail.

I also enjoyed how Weston was characterized: I'm not sure if he's going to be a continuing character in the story or was just a pair of eyes through which to describe Skerbetz's death, but I liked how you showed the motivations behind wizards who become guards there and how they're not necessarily driven by the most noble intentions. It's a funny balance, because while the prisoners are dangerous criminals, the conditions they are kept under are pretty inhumane and I could see the hints that the guards have let the power go to their heads and enjoy having that power over the inmates.

One thing I did find a little odd was how Weston was so shocked that the prisoner could be dead. I think it fit well with how he was afraid of the prisoners and of his own safety being threatened, but wouldn't they have people dying quite often, from the squalid conditions or even from taking their own lives? Just a thought there, though you did a good job of showing how Weston might not be completely rational when faced with fear.

I liked the vagueness of the discovery of Skerbetz's body, and how there wasn't a lot of detail in that section compared to the rest of the story. It did a good job of raising the mystery and intrigue surrounding him and made me want to know if there was something wrong with his body. I also love the background surrounding him: how you've taken the Dark Mark's powers as a tattoo and turned it into this whole culture of magical tattoos. It's such an original, amazing idea, and I really want to keep reading and learn more about it.

It's interesting how Imogen has the same skill and passion for tattoos as her father, but resents and fears him to the point of being glad he's dead. I like her as a character so far and really loved the scene with the cat tattoo and how it went to hide. That tattoo seemed pretty sweet and harmless but you've hinted at the more dark uses for these tattoos as well. I'm curious too about Imogen's tattoos and the unique powers they have. I can tell you've put a lot of creativity and effort into creating this sect of the wizarding world.

I really liked this, and will definitely be back to read and review the rest of the chapters when I have a chance! :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for your review! I'm very happy you enjoyed it so far, and I do hope you make it back to read on further.
The questions you have about Weston's surprise and Imogen's complex relationship to her father's vocation are precisely what I wanted readers to be curious about, so I thank you for confirming that I'm doing that at least passably. ;)
Thank you again for your thoughts and compliments!

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Review #15, by LululunaAlright, Alright: Alright, Alright

27th August 2014:
Hi there! :) I'm (finally) here to review your entry for the Beatles challenge - thanks so much for giving me this awesome story to read!

One thing that stood out to me was how you managed to tell a really complete story without too many words or dwelling on every detail. There were many clues and details which were very subtle but said so much about the characters' situation while still letting the reader imagine it for themselves, such as not explaining who exactly Emmeline is or how she and Rabastan became close, or not going into full detail about the end and how he hurt her. I like how instead of describing that scene where he assaulted her in detail, you explained it with a simple sentence which showed the horror of the moment in a subtle way.

I thought it was quite believable how Emmeline could be influenced by Rabastan into believing that he was trying to make a better world, even if their visions of that world were actually so different. It wasn't only that she was in love with him, but also that he portrayed the revolution in such a way to appeal to her values and beliefs. I imagine a lot of people would have initially been won over to the Death Eaters by this sort of manipulation into thinking the revolution was a good thing, and you did a good job of showing Emmeline's journey and awakening from being brainwashed by him.

I really liked the style of the story, including the addressing the reader through lines like "you see" in the first line. It gave the whole story a lyrical quality and echoed the original Beatles song in a really lovely and unique way. I liked the echoing of "Alright, alright" as well, it fit so well with the tone of the story and the song.

The listing of thoughts and ideas in sentences was stylistically unusual and fit so nicely with the whole story. I felt like I knew Emmeline and she was speaking to me directly, trying to both defend herself and to atone for the fact that she used to believe in the dream.

I really loved this section especially, when Emmeline confronts Rabastan:

I told him not to worry, about the world, about himself, about me. Because now, I could see. I could see how he wanted the world to be, and I could see how I wanted something so much more different. And, that it was going to be alright.

It was really beautiful to read: the language is simple, but the rhyming sentences with "see," "me" and "be" fit really nicely.

I really loved this story, thanks so much for writing and giving me such a wonderful entry! :)

Author's Response: Hi!

I'm so so so grateful that you loved this story! I loved writing it, and was so nervous posting it that no one else would share my love of it. And to hear that you enjoyed it? I'm so grateful. I'm also relieved that you found Emmeline's brainwashing believable. I was scared that it was a little too much. But knowing that you believe it, relieves me.

Thanks for the wonderful compliments on the plot, the language, and the style. It was a new tone for me, and knowing that I did well puts a smile on my face. Thanks so so much, for all the kind words!


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Review #16, by LululunaTrue Romance: The Long Day of Vengeance

19th August 2014:
Hi Rose!!

Oh no, Scorpius!! :( It makes me so sad to see him leaning back into that cycle of abuse and violence, but it's a common narrative for people to accept abuse and forgive it until it happens again and again. I hope he can understand that his relationship with Corbin clearly isn't healthy, but considering how Scorpius was sort of emotionally stunted for his whole life and didn't really believe in himself or think himself worthy of love it fits with his insecurities that he would want to take Corbin back and forgive the abuse.

While I was sort of cheering for Lily to let out her feelings with Archie as well as the boys, I do feel a bit uneasy about the whole thing especially in the wake of Scorpius being hit by Corbin. Violence is never the answer really and Lily hitting Archie when he can't even run away, no matter how he hurt her, is a bit inappropriate as well. I wonder if the boys are going to face any trouble for abducting Archie? No matter what the guy did that would be pretty terrifying (I'm sorry for empathizing with the bad guy here :P).

Oh no, poor Brandon! From the way she treated him I suspected that she might be homophobic or at least convinced that heterosexual norms are the only way to properly raise a baby, nevermind, oh, love and care and support and all that. It reminds me of a fight I had with a friend a few months ago where he was saying that he doesn't think that gay couples should be allowed to adopt because "if you were a boy, Jenna, you would understand how much a son needs a father figure" or something ridiculous along those lines. And of course I put him in his place through obvious arguments like "in that vein, single mothers shouldn't be allowed to raise children" and such but he's not even a bad or homophobic guy in the slightest, so it goes to show how even educated people are still prejudiced against things which contradict gender norms. So that reminded me a lot of what Brandon is facing, even from his mother if I recall correctly.

Ahem. Tangent (what else is new?). Anyway this was an excellent chapter and I'm looking forward to seeing what happens next!! :D Also, love the last line. Hehe. Harry is pretty humble but he does deserve his mighty moments sometimes.

Oh and before I forget, I loved the Ginny line about "that lecherous little toad's timing." It was such a Ginny thing to say and made me smirk, hehe.

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Review #17, by LululunaI'll Never Let You Have Her: She Returns

10th August 2014:
Hi Tammi!!

Wow, I think Louis' panicked thoughts in reaction to Freya's return really showed how hard she hurt him and made it sink in. Although I'm curious to hear what Freya has to say to explain herself and why she's been gone for so long I also am glad that Louis has the support system he needs in order to protect himself from being hurt again and to get him through whatever Freya might attempt to do.

Sam and Rachel were so cute here and I loved their little domestic breakfast date. Rachel's point of view at the beginning was nice to and made me like her more. She comes across as very down to earth and easy going, and I liked all the scenes with the dragons and how central they were to Sam's day. You do a really good job of writing Sam and her actions!!

Great chapter, Tammi!! :D I'm so excited for the next one already!! ♥

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Review #18, by LululunaTrue Romance: I don't Think I'll Ever Get Over You

9th August 2014:
All caught up!!! :D

Woah, so much happened in this chapter!! I thought you wrote the funeral scene really well and the grief came through: though it's awful, I'm glad there were so many people who loved Arthur and were there to honour him, and that all the Weasleys have each other for support. It was nice to see Charlie as well even if he was being a bit bitter about his lack of a love life, I think that sort of attitude might encourage Rose to stop being depressed about her non-relationships.

Hmm, well looks like Corbin's possessiveness has come to a breaking point. This definitely made me not like him and I hope Scorpius leaves him as domestic violence is not okay, whether it's between a heterosexual or homosexual couple, or happens once or everyday. It's not alright, and I hope Scorpius can see through that and not forgive Corbin. I was proud of him when he told him to leave as it shows how he's grown up and doesn't let people walk all over him anymore.

Aw, poor Lily! Can't say I didn't see it coming but it's sad that she didn't. Rose was right about the silver lining but of course that's not going to make Lily feel any better for the time being. :(

A great chapter, and yay I'm all caught up. Now I can firmly say that I'm excited for the next udpate! :)

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Review #19, by LululunaTrue Romance: A Satisfied Mind

9th August 2014:
Woohoo I'm almost caught up!

Aw, poor Rose. It does make sense that she would lose confidence and be more self-consious after her post-relationship rejection from Scorpius, I can completely see where she's coming from.

Gah, I do think that Lily is rushing things with Archie. Not only that she's young - though that is a big part of it - but I don't really see what the rush is especially since they haven't known one another that long. I thought the family's reaction was very realistic though I have my doubts about whether this engagement will actually make it to marriage.

It's so sweet how much Arthur and Molly still cared about one another and how well they get along, I just loved them together. ♥ Especially just in front of what was about to happen next. It is a natural part of life and Arthur had a wonderful one, but his death is of course so sad to read about. At least he died at home after just having a lovely moment with his wife and grandson, and he didn't suffer.

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Review #20, by LululunaTrue Romance: There Goes the Fear

9th August 2014:
Aw, poor James!! I hope he's okay!!

I liked seeing the Scamanders and Lysander's crush on Lily was cute, especially with how he would not only look at the paper to just see her name, but also admit to doing so. You did a good job of writing their family dynamics and it was fun to see them appear in this story!

I think it might be good for Rose to move abroad semi-permanently and sort of start over there. It would be good for her business as well as get her out of the same old routines. It was fun reading the banter with her and her friends however, especially when she wanted to use magic on Eliza.

Ooh, raunchy times with Corbin and Scorpius. :P That was a cute moment, and I love all the sneaky innuendos, hehe.

Poor Lily - I'm glad she stood up for herself and her family, and hopefully she'll be able to find a way to fight back against the way the Prophet was handling cases and show how corrupt they are and have always been. I have noticed a theme of independent businesses and entrepreneurs in this story so it would be interesting to see if Lily goes in that direction too.

Another great chapter - I really hope James is okay!!

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Review #21, by LululunaTrue Romance: Hold Tight

9th August 2014:

I need to find more creative ways to begin and end reviews, haha.

Yay, James is still seeing Cindy!! I quite like what I've seen of both of them, especially James since he's so different from his regular portrayals in fanfiction with how he's more shy and insecure. Actually all of your Potter/Weasley characters are quite distinct and original.

I loved the line about needing the high chair in the first paragraph!

Hahaha, I can't believe Lily made the comment about having babies in front of her whole family! So funny. I liked seeing all the family dynamics and how Cindy was getting such positive attention even if Archie didn't quite fit in the same way. Also, Albus was really sweet in his cluelessness with Cora and I like how he's learning.

Corbin's a sneaky one, isn't he? With how he figured out the dinner with the Malfoys, and how Draco agreed with him about the planning for the books to have aphrodisiacs in them. I loved how Draco thought he was intelligent because of his sneakiness, hehe. it's nice to see the Malfoys sort of getting along, however.

I'm glad things get better for Rose soon!! *cough Pedro cough*

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Review #22, by LululunaTrue Romance: Don't You Want Me

9th August 2014:
Hi Rose!!

Ahahaha, I knew it would only be a matter of time before a lustful insinuation popped up in this story!! :P (referring to Al's inappropriate thoughts in front of Brandon's mum).

Backtracking a bit, aw I'm glad Al and Scorpius can be so mature with one another even though I do want them to be together in a way like I said in the last review.

It was sweet how Albus freaked out over Cora possibly being injured - maybe a bit like a new parent himself? It was nice seeing that real moment between Al and Brandon and how their everyday life might be together with Cora. I liked the interactions with Beatrice as well. I'm still more of a Scorbus shipper if I had to choose but Brandon is great as well and I do want him to be happy.

Poor Rose, well she really should be celebrating her single life while she still can since she has gotten to kiss a few pretty boys lately! Hopefully she crosses paths with Pedro again soon or some other awesome boy who hasn't already snogged Albus. :P

Another great chapter, Rose!! :)

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Review #23, by LululunaTrue Romance: Ice Cream

9th August 2014:
Aw, Remus was so cute. You do a really good job of writing kids, both he and Cora always seem so realistic. I thought it was a great moment of irony when Teddy said that Al had a lot to learn about kids without realizing how much that would sting due to what's going on in Al's personal life: it was a really good example of how it's easy to say the wrong thing and also how much this issue is affecting Albus.

Hmm poor Rose. She was pretty inappropriate going behind Al's back that way even though he doesn't quite deserve Brandon either in my opinion. I almost find myself shipping more Rose/Brandon and Albus/Scorpius in some ways though because I do think that Al and Scorpius have a lot in common and are both a bit sneaky in similar ways, but if Brandon doesn't feel that way about Rose then I'm sure it can't be helped.

I think it would be so cool for Scorpius to move to Paris, though I think he'd have to do it also for the sake of his own career and happiness, not just to keep Corbin happy and secure. I really liked hearing about his family history and I'd be even more curious about what the months hiding out in Paris were like for him as a child and whether it maybe explains why Corbin is a bit insecure and protective. It definitely adds an interesting side to his character.


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Review #24, by LululunaTrue Romance: Only Myself to Blame

9th August 2014:

I think Brandon and Al's conversation was pretty realistic. I know Brandon was disappointed but if he wants Albus to commit to both him and Cora then that's a decision that shouldn't be rushed into, and of course Al is still keeping secrets from Brandon like what he was really doing the weekend they were supposed to go on that date. I almost feel like Albus just isn't mature enough to be with Brandon right now.

I loved Rose's scene! Well, felt uncomfortable because of Henrik being creepy and rude to her but the part with Pedro was cute. I think that clients making advances like that on her would be the sort of thing Rose will unfortunately have to deal with since she's young and attractive: it's not fair, but not unexpected that Henrik would find her helpfulness as a sign that she was interested. Though it was a bit crude Pedro had wise words about being careful about what she's "selling."

Yay for Lily! I know she didn't fully appreciate it but I liked how Archie took her there to tell her that he loved her. Cheesy, but kind of cool. I'm looking forward to seeing how meeting the family will go!! :)

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Review #25, by LululunaTrue Romance: The Wolves and The Ravens

9th August 2014:
Hi again Rose!!

Uh oh, sounds like Rose might have a bit of a thing for Brandon - clearly her and Albus have similar taste in guys which could be problematic. The moment where Albus showed up and Rose was there felt quite awkward and I was cringing a bit for her, and I don't blame her for feeling a bit embarrassed and not really knowing why she went there. I'm excited to read more about Rose's trip to Spain and how everything goes as it sounds so fun and fascinating.

The party was quite eventful, I love James and Cindy having a moment! Derrick was amusing as well though I'm glad Albus didn't go for him as well.

Haha, somehow I suspected that Corbin and Astoria would get along well! I'm glad Scorpius was standing up for himself and his business principles and it shows how important his job is in helping people with the potions they most likely need. I'm still not sure if I see a real future with Scorpius and Corbin as the latter is a bit controlling and condescending at times. But it would be so cool if they went to Paris!!

Another great chapter!! :D

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