Reading Reviews From Member: Lululuna
  
632 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LululunaMottled Blue: One murderer.

10th April 2014:
Hello! :)

Oh yay, I was right! :D In a way the murderer made perfect sense and I can definitely see all the logic behind it. It was very clever of you to choose a canon character who already has a history of being a little dramatic and then the horrible ordeal she had to go through in order to show her need for revenge. I especially liked her story and the descriptions of her face - those were really powerful, and the extremity of her injuries showed why she considered herself a monster and how she was able to hide from people who might have recognized her. I also giggled at the little mention of "the uncle" haha. :P

Poor Victoire! That was quite sad, but what I liked even more was the explanation of why the murderer targeted her. How she wanted her to go from being beautiful to scarred, and to join her in her isolation and loneliness. And the descriptions of Victoire being like a phoenix rising from the ashes were really cool as well.

I liked the journey Lily went through here, and how she went from being terrified at the beginning of the chapter and then how she sympathized with the murderer (I'm trying not to name her in case of spoilers haha). Even the use of the "stab, stab, stab" at the beginning and then "pound, pound, pound" from the murderer's point of view was a cool way in linking them, and I liked how while Lily can't empathize with most people, she's able to see into the murderer's pain.

Another line I really liked was where Lily wanted to go check out the almost-dead body, even in the height of things and her cousin being dead. :P That seemed so typical of her, and I liked the ending as well, since her sense of humour, if it exists at all, is very dry. :P Also, nice tie-in to the title at the beginning when Lily wondered if she would be the next one to be mottled blue.

Congratulations on completing! This was such a great story, I really loved following it! :D ♥

Author's Response: Hi Jenna! Sorry for taking a while to get to this, I was away for the weekend!

Yes, you were and it was so hard not to give it away when you mentioned it earlier :P I think that's what drew me into writing about her, as we don't often find out about what happened to her after as she could be dead or alive, so I guess the whole idea of her floating beside death in this story was a miy of the two :P I know, I couldn't resist including that even though it was meant to be serious, I was just like oh well, it can be included!

I know! I didn't actually intend to kill her, it just sort of happened with her so I do feel a little bad about doing it to her. But then it sort of showed how the murderer couldn't control everything, that she wasn't this puppet master as Victoire died.

Yes, Lily intrigued me here too, because I think with her it's not about what they did and who they killed so much but why they did it and what caused them to lead to it, which is why she can empathize unlike others who would just be horrified by it all. She really is a very odd character :P

Haha, I couldn't resist tying in all the little things in this chapter as it was the last one I just thought why not as it won't do any harm at all. Again, all I can say is that Lily's a strange person and I'm still not entirely sure if I want to be friends with her or not!

Thank you so much, and for following this story it meant so much to me to read your views on each chapter!

-Kiana


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Review #2, by LululunaEverto Trucido: Superhero

8th April 2014:
Hello! :) I was so excited to see a new chapter, and mad at myself that it took so long to get here!

Before the fun praise and squee I just have a comment about the use of ... hmm, not sure what it is in English, but let's call it the "past-past" and the dialogue in italics. I don't think you need to use the "past-past" (i.e. she had done vs. she did) just because it takes up so much of the chapter and was a little distracting - I've done that before too and I tend to get carried away with the past-past so I'm extra sensitive to it. :P So that's something to think about, but feel free to ignore me.

I am so nervous about this vampire! Eep, I have a suspicion that was what attacked Grace in the forest, because it's quite mysterious how it just disappeared. And of course the Cruors were just useless about the whole thing. *sigh." I renounce my vote for Severus to die (and it seems like I'm not the only one!) and think the Cruors should die instead because they do nothing but make life difficult for Grace and they are very unreasonable.

I like how Moony and Remus are two separate yet linked entities for Grace, and how she feels she can bond with Moony without hurting her already broken friendship with Remus. I also got really excited at the mention of letters from her parents!! I can't wait for that to happen and possibly for Grace to get some explanations out of them about how they felt about sending their little daughter off as they did.

The scene in the bathroom was quite funny as well - poor Grace, baths really are going to be spoiled for her. I really enjoy these girls and how they just barrel in and do as they like. However, it was also interesting when Lily told Grace off for involving herself in the Snape drama - as she should, Grace was acting a little selfishly. That's what I like about your characters though, how they feel so realistic and flawed and normal that I just really relate to them despite how exciting and awesome their lives are. :P

Hmm, so it seems like this might actually be the beginning of something for Snape and Grace, like they are actually going to sort of get along. Possibly. I'm glad that Grace confided in him, although it's probably a good thing she didn't freak the poor kid out by explaining the soulmate stuff. :P I can't decide whether he'd be flattered or run away screaming in the opposite direction... okay, probably the latter.

The development of the Remus situation is quite interesting as well. I like how Grace got a little jealous about Mary, although Mary is, like, a preteen. :P And how Alice asked why she broke up with him - that moment jut felt really normal and natural, and it was small but I really enjoyed it. It shows too how Grace really isn't close to the girls to talk about these things, even if they are trying.

Great chapter, I can't wait for the next one and to find out what happens in the forest! :D

Author's Response: Hey there!

Oh, that's okay. It took me forever to actually finish the chapter :).

Thank goodness! I believe it's the non-continuous past perfect tense, and it drives me crazy. Since I put the "present" parts of the story in 3rd-person past, I thought I would have to use the past perfect to differentiate between the two (as if the italics didn't give it away). If I don't have to use it, I won't -- it's super annoying :D.

Bum, bum, bum! The mystery of the vampire continues! ^.^ I was going to solve it in this chapter, but I thought that I'd let it run for a little bit. The Crurors are mostly useless for everything... and they expect a lot out of Grace, who is helping them for free. Haha, there were a few people who placed their vote for Severus to die. -_- I see how it is. I think it has something to do with sympathizing with the more likeable character (Remus), and knowing that killing Snape off would be a possible solution.

I'm very excited to write about their week off for the Holidays; I've got so much planned :D. There's also a rough path in fixing Remus and Grace's relationship, so she'll just have to spend time with Moony until then.

Somebody suggested -- marauderfan, I believe -- that I change the story summary to "The story in which Grace's baths are constantly interrupted". That's just a fun little constant that I've been running with, a symbolic place in which Grace is trapped and forced to converse with the girls. Grace isn't looking at this from Lily's perspective, and obviously doing this for her own gain. Yay for flawed characters! :D

Well, they may be able to be in the same room as one another for more than five minutes without one of them saying something odd (Grace) or saying or doing something mean (Snape)... just maybe ;). I'm sure he may run away if Grace told him that he was her soul mate *cough*. That may be coming on a little strong. LOVE ME! strong.

Naturally Remus wouldn't be interested in Mary, she's a little too young for him at this point (though, it's funny that three years doesn't seem like such a large gap as people age). Grace can't see that at the moment though, nor can she justify her jealousy. I'm still working the drama angle for a little bit, I thought it would add a little something to the Hogwarts years (I can't wait until it's over)! Grace really hasn't attempted to open up to the girls at this point...she's been preoccupied.

Thanks!! I'm working on it ;)!

-Rumpel


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Review #3, by LululunaThe Beast, the Chest, and the Storm: The Beast

8th April 2014:
Hello! :)

Wow, this is such a cool story! I love how you've taken a rarely explored aspect of the HP world and turned it into this whole other realm with the selkies. The beginning was really effective in how it set the tone, and I felt like I could hear that voice in my head approaching and telling me to think more closely about the Black Lake.

The selkies remind me a little of Roman legions, somehow. I think it's the emphasis on war and defending the kingdom, although there were some hints of going on the conquering offensive as well. When they mentioned traveling the globe, does that mean they venture beyond the Black Lake or just within the Lake? I can almost imagine them charging through the other scottish lochs, maybe going to fight with Nessie. :P I loved the way that warlike tendency is such a strong part of their nature, and how each of them is eager for battle - though perhaps Meino and Irene are able to see a positive side to being peaceful as well.

By the way, I like the term "terman" a lot! It's enough to make them sound similar, like creatures who are related, yet sort of adds that level of distance which allows the mermen to be disgusted and threatened by the termen. It was also fascinating how the world of the Lake mirrors the complexities of the world of the humans, and I liked how the mermen are sort of bitter about it.

Akakios is a great character, and I'm really intrigued to learn more about him. The way you wrote the chest was really fascinating and built up so much suspense, and I wonder if it has real importance or is more of a symbolic thing. It's quite interesting how he thinks his job of guarding the chest is mundane, to the extent of only staying there for Irene, and that passage was one of my favourites in the chapter. I'm looking forward to finding out more about it.

Ahah, I knew it was the giant squid! Wow, that thing has a very long lifespan. Framing the story around that conflict and how the Founders were possibly the ones who put it in is really exciting. This whole story is just so creative, and I love the world you've created. I'll definitely be keeping an eye out for an update - great job with this! :D

Author's Response: Wow, this was such a fantastic review!

I can totally see how it would seem like Romans. I study Latin in school, and with that there's a lot of Roman History, so that's probably what I was basing it off of, a little (although the names are more Greek than Roman...).

I do imagine that they travel outside of the Lake. Perhaps not really the entiiire globe, but certainly around the British Isles.

The terman are actually the humans! Mer=sea, Ter=land.

Since I failed the challenge (didn't get it all in by the deadline), it'll probably be a while before the next update... I'm keeping it tucked away until I get a bad case of writer's block on another story.

Thanks so much for such a nice review!


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Review #4, by LululunaLove and Be Loved: Hope Is Real

7th April 2014:
Hello! :)

Wow, so this was very powerful. I'm really enjoying reading the stories for these challenges and the sensitive but beautiful approaches everybody has to the organizations they're representing. I didn't double-check which organization you were writing about until the end and I think that made this story more poignant in a way and had this sense of disbelief and fear throughout it.

The choice to write from Fleur talking to Rose was so interesting. I loved how is showed the unity of the Weasleys and how Fleur feels she can be a positive figure who loves Rose and be supportive for her. And I loved all the descriptions of the family and how connected they are to each other, especially this line: This family is empty without you, youíre a puzzle piece that completes us. It was just really strong in showing how even though Rose might feel alone, she never will be because her family needs her.

I liked how Fleur and Rose were both presented as these characters who are beautiful and strong on the outside yet have inner insecurities and weaknesses. I think so often it's the people who appear the most okay who suffer the most, and I never would have guessed that Fleur would be the one to empathize with Rose due to her own experience. But it was really lovely how she saw through Rose and saw the little things which weren't okay with her, and then showed her all the positive things which Rose herself couldn't see.

I really liked the contrasts of detail and vague assumptions as well. It was stronger that way than to have a really tragic and graphic story, and the hints of Rose's self-harm and her suicidal thoughts were more powerful in how delicately they were handled. I especially liked the image of her tugging down her skirt, it was just so visual but also showed her lack of self-confidence at the same time.

The way the lines from the website were integrated into the text felt almost like a song, and gave the whole story this warm, lovely and very soft voice. It was a pleasant surprise to learn they came from the organization - I really love that, how you took those messages and turned them into this beautifully written, melodious story.

I really loved this - this review is pretty incoherent, but I think you did a beautiful job with a sensitive issue and created a strong, yet understanding message. Well done! ♥

Author's Response: Hi!

Wow, okay, so I feel bad for not leaving a longer review on your story. This is just so wonderful I don't know where to start. How do you even respond to a review as lovely as this one? Alright. I can do this. I'll just start from the top.

I'm so flattered that you found it powerful. I really wanted the story to be taken that way. It's such a serious and sombre topic, and I feel like sometimes it doesn't get the attention it deserves. So thank you for seeing the value in my story and saying it's powerful. ♥

I'm glad you liked the familial connection I put in there. I almost had Hermione or Ron be speaking to Rose, but when I was thinking about it, I couldn't believe it. I couldn't buy that they would notice it, and see it. Because parents almost never do. Soemtimes I feel like aunts and uncles are more clued into our emotions than our parents. I also wanted to show that the Weasley's are tight-nit, even the married-in ones!

I almost didn't write it from Fleur's POV, or use Rose, but when I was trying to think of WHO to use, it just seemed to click. I feel like choosing a lesser known character who everyone could say "Oh yeah, they were definitely self conscious" was too obvious to me. I also wanted to show that even the perfect have flaws. I'm so glad you loved that line. I think it was one of the ones that really got to me when I was writing the story.

I'm glad you liked the way I did that, as well. I'm flattered, you liked this story so much, actually. Gosh I'm just gushing with thanks and flattery that I can't express. I felt that this topic wouldn't lend itself to gorey details. I felt like something more vague, more subtle would do just as profound a job. For you to say it did even more justice is so sweet.

Thank you for saying that. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I kind of was listening to it like a song in my head. I was trying to make them stitch together, while making the quotes very prominent. I wanted the story to compliment the excerpts from the story, and vice versa. Oh wow. Beautifully written, melodious story. I really am blushing now. You're SO sweet!

That review was super coherent, and super sweet, and just wow. You're so sweet. Thank you hon! ♥

xoxo Sarah ♥


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Review #5, by LululunaTusk, Tusk: Molly - 1

6th April 2014:
Hello! :) I don't know if you've seen my post on your status on the forums yet, but I figured you wouldn't mind a review swap on this chapter as it seems quite recent. And I'm also so glad I read this as this story seems like so much fun already! :)

A quick note before the good stuff: your italics have the brackets around them still instead of being in italics - there's a different coding for the Simple Editor if that's what you're using.

I really like the style of the narration here - how Molly uses quite long, complicated sentences and the brackets to show her secondary thoughts. It's quite unique and effective and really does a good job of showing her voice as a character, and since this is a collection with different points of view I'm curious to see how you will continue to make each character's voice seem distinctive.

Molly also had a certain snarkiness to her tone which I just loved - how she's a little mean and quite sassy about her friends and her relatives really made me laugh. I liked all the little comments and details on the family, like how disdainful Molly is about spending time with them and how she's scornful about Dominique sneaking around with Teddy - hmm, interesting development there. I also liked her comments about Rose, and how she was pleased Rose was the pompous one and not her - Molly has a point, usually she's the one portrayed to be a mini-Percy so it was nice to see how she really does not want to be like that.

I loved the relationship between Scorpius and Molly - how comfortable they are being best friends, how they're a little sassy to each other even to the point of Molly being rather mean. The comments about him being so pretty and looking like a girl especially made me laugh, as did his musings over Rose. :P Poor guy. Their drunken banter was so funny as well and I loved how it got progressively worse.

I'm so curious to find out if this was just a casual drunken snog between friends or if it's going to amount to something more, which might cause a problem with the family judging by the summary. Their interactions seemed really silly and natural - I especially loved the last line - and very realistic in a way.

I really enjoyed this first chapter, and will be looking forward to the next one! :) Great job!

Author's Response: hey! And I just realised, and already edited it - since it was nano, and I'm so used to writing for PW - well, the habit has quite stuck ^_^ thank you for letting me know, though!

This has really given me something to think about, about how to make each voice different, and am definitely taking it into considering for the following chapters. Don't really want them all to sound by the same voice, do I?

I have little to reply to but just say thank you, because it was indeed a very lovely review swap - and it has made me think more about the story and the general thought put into it, rather than just letting it flow freely. Scorpius/Molly was something I've wanted to write for a while, not in terms of ship but in friendship. Now is there left to see what comes off from this, if anything does at all - ;D

thank you so much!


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Review #6, by LululunaNo Room at the Inn.: No Room at the Inn.

6th April 2014:
Hello! :)

Wow, I think this is the best werewolf story I've read so far! I really like how you focused on the painful, negative impacts that such a change would have on a family, and how lasting and personal those consequences would be. It really left me feeling indignant, and protective over Lydia, and with a sort of lump in my throat, which is very hard to do in a story, but you wrote it beautifully. Some stories seem to really glamourize being a werewolf, but right from the beginning this shows how her disease has changed Lydia and wrought immense pain upon both her body and her personality. I really like how you didn't shy away from how sick she felt and how lonely it was for her as those things were really emphasized with Lupin in HP and are important parts of JKR's werewolves.

First of all, I really liked how you built up suspense in the story and filled in the blanks very slowly. For example, the beginning set up the uncomfortable, uneasy situation without explaining exactly what had happened to Lydia, and the sort of tip-toeing around the issue was a good way of showing how the words were taboo in the family and for Lydia. Another thing was how the exact way she got bitten by a werewolf wasn't explained until the end, and even so the story let the reader fill in the blanks. The scattering of hints - how Lydia's friends felt guilty, how her parents paid for the trip - was so effective.

The behaviour of Lydia's parents was just despicable. In a way, I can see how they would have trouble adjusting, but Alexandrina did a good job in showing how a good parent loves their child no matter what. When they announced they were having another baby I was just cringing because it was such a slap in the face for Lydia and made me so angry how they couldn't see her perspective. And how they didn't want her around the baby, even though she's fine 29 days out of the month... it was so predictable, in a way, but no less horrible. I hated too how they were trying to skirt around the blame for their behaviour and not appear guilty - it was very selfish, and even though Alexandrina is heartbroken and worried for her grand-daughter, she is still able to step up. The moments between grandmother and granddaughter were even more lovely because of that - like when they kept telling each other they loved one another. I feel like those little moments, where Alexandrina is trying so hard and Lydia knows that, were so powerful.

The treatment Lydia receives reminds me of the treatment of people who have a Muggle disease or even rape victims. I know JKR used Lupin's lycanthropy as a metaphor for AIDS and you really brought that stigmatization to life here, and I could really see how this sort of treatment is similar to what patients of AIDS or other similar conditions might receive. The mix of fear and blame, the ostracizing and lack of acceptance from their peers and from their families.. it feels all too real. I also thought the victim-blaming was very interesting, in how Lydia's parents said that because she was drinking and being irresponsible it was her fault somehow. That part especially reminded me of victim-blaming in rape cases, and how they were focused on the crime, the condition, and how the long-term affects of the victim. It's so sad, but I think stories like this, which show these victims in a different light, are important to read to help people in general be more understanding.

I was so glad when Alexandrina gave the parents the lecture they deserved - I'm really happy that happened because I was about to start shaking my fist at the screen with how stubborn and self-righteous they were being.

Another thing I appreciated was the description of social acceptance of werewolves and legislation which existed in different countries. The explanation of how werewolves in England are given access to healthcare and Wolfsbane was very interesting, as well as the warning that in other countries people didn't have those options. It's a great look into British wizarding culture and even international affairs.

This was a really great story, I'm so pleased I read it! You did an amazing job highlighting an important issue and created some wonderful, painfully real characters in a short chapter. I loved it! :)

Author's Response: Yikes, thank you so, so much for the wonderful, detailed review. I definitely didn't expect anything like this, so thank you so much.

Lydia is actually an OC from one of my longer stories that I wanted to fill in some background for, so some of what happens is necessary in order to explain who she is a few years down the line.

Her parents' reactions is one of those things. It's obviously going to deeply affect her attitude towards being a werewolf if she knows even her parents can't fully accept it.

I also wanted to make it understandable to people who haven't read the later story, while at the same time not boring those who have. Plus Lydia and Alexandrina both KNOW a lot of what has happened, so they are not going to be explaining it in detail, you know.

Glad you liked the part about how she can't even hear the words without getting upset. I'm not sure exactly why I came up with that; probably to show the sense of shame she feels over being a "dark creature".

I hadn't really thought of that particular comparison. I was thinking mental health problems and gay people, to be honest. You hear about people who might not even seem particularly homophobic or particularly unenlightened when it comes to mental health until it's their child and then they're like "no, don't say that. My child couldn't possibly be gay/have a mental health problem. It's just a phase/you're only imagining it." But yeah, the whole thing when Fabian essentially implies she put herself in that situation by drinking does have real world resonances all right; I just hadn't thought of then until you brought them up.

The part about various countries came from two things. The first was that in our world, the UK is a comparatively liberal society, so despite the problems in the wizarding world, I sort of doubted it would be among the least progressive. The other is the war and the implication that changes will be made to society afterwards. Other countries, where things didn't go as far as they did in Britain with Voldemort, probably wouldn't have the same incentives to change at that time. Harry Potter is, in many ways, so clearly BRITISH, that other wizarding societies are bound to have differences. I'm actually planning a scene in my next gen series when the Irish Ministry is mentioned and Hermione is ranting about them refusing to believe things like pureblood prejudice exist over here, because as a country, we have an awful tendency to just pretend things like that don't exist and I've also mentioned the fact witch trials wasn't really a "thing" over here like in Britain or on the continent (there were like 9-15 "witches" killed, mostly in Kilkenny, for some reason, but compared with many European countries, that's a pretty small number) and how that has effected magical-Muggle relations in Ireland. Yeah, culture is sort of an interest of mine.

And yeah, they did deserve that lecture, didn't they?


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Review #7, by LululunaThe Chaser: Thank you.

6th April 2014:
Hello! :) When I saw this was for the Awareness Challenge I just couldn't resist it, and I really loved this. It was such a lovely approach to the issue and a strong message, and I really commend your choice to tell the story through the innocent eyes of a child.

I really like how you built up this suspense and fear of where Angelina was through the first half of the piece. It was very powerful and had me quite concerned, with this feeling of dread spreading over me - a feeling of not quite guessing, and almost not wanting to know, which I think is the sort of feeling the friends and loved ones of somebody who is hurting themselves or has an ED might feel.

The perspective you chose for this was very interesting as well, and it shows what a lovely and innocent child Harry was. I love stories which have an almost unreliable narrator and how we got to see the situation through Harry's eyes and his childlike responses to Angelina. The fact that he was the one to tell Oliver and which led to Angelina getting professional help was very telling as it showed how because he is younger and inexperienced with the situation, it is obvious to him that some figure of authority should be told in order to help her. That was a very interesting contrast with the other members of the team and how they thought the best way to protect her was to keep it a secret and force-feed her an apple, when that's a temporary solution.

This sends a really good message about what to do in these situations, and I wish more people who are facing similar issues could be faced with problems like this and see it in this logical fashion. It's obvious to Harry and the reader that she needs help, but a story which just talked about how much she hated her body wouldn't have the same effect of taking a step back from the situation.

The choice of Angelina as the character with an ED was great as she's a strong, positive character in the books and it shows how this can happen to anybody, no matter how confident and happy they seem. I also liked how Fred and George were so devoted to her and how she had an older sister called Roxanne, which is just perfect. :)

The scene at the end, where Angelina thanks Harry, was a really great place to end it. I can imagine readers being unsure of whether Harry did the right thing by telling, but the last scene affirms that in the long run, he really saved her despite her anger at the time, and I'm so glad you included that lovely ending.

This was a wonderful read, and I really enjoyed seeing HP fanfiction used for a strong and important message such as this! :) Great job!

Author's Response: This was another really lovely review! Thank you so much!!

Wasn't the Awareness Challenge such a great idea?!?

I'm glad you were concerned! Well, I'm not glad... but you know what I mean. Yes, that was the goal and I'm pleased with your reaction.

Ooo! I haven't thought of this as an unreliable narrator, but I suppose you're right! Oooo! I feel fancy now. That's one of my favorite writing techniques to read.

This was really interesting for me to write, because I've been on most sides of this situation... most recently in Oliver's position (at marching band a couple of years ago I actually had to make it a policy that "if you don't eat, you don't march").

I'm glad that you appreciated the message... I think it's so common for people to be aware that there's something going on with someone and not speak up. Especially in highschool and college... there are so many people that can help! In highschool, literally every person on the faculty would probably listen if you went up to them and said "I'm really worried about my friend, I think they're in trouble".

Whew. Rant over. Sorry about that.

I was really hesitant to write such a serious Fred and George... but it was really fun.

I added the ending right before I submitted it, so I'm glad you liked it! I wasn't sure if it worked or not.

Thanks again for such a wonderful review.


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Review #8, by LululunaHouse of Cards: Jack of Clubs

3rd April 2014:
Hello! :) Ahh, sorry for taking so long to get here - groceries took longer than anticipated. :P

Hmm, the mysterious vial... poison does seem quite likely, and I'm sure it wouldn't be too hard to seal a bottle by magic. And interesting, well I'm not really surprised that Alphard and Orion don't like each other, but it does make them seem perhaps a little suspicious. Walburga's comment about them not killing each other in front of Sirius seemed quite cryptic, as did the mention of the house elf (well, you know my theory about the elves :P). It's so sad how Walburga calls Mipsy an "it" as well, goes to show how cruel they were to their servants.

Haha, I love the comment about Lucius looking like a cat in a bath, it's just hilarious. :P

I really liked the fact that "Alphard wasn't as nice as he pretended to be." It takes him from being this possible saviour figure who will be there for Sirius, and shows how all of them are just so corrupt even if they are a little better. His comment to Sirius really made me sad, and it's quite depressing how even though Sirius' situation is so helpless and he hates being with his family, the idea of not being a part of it anymore still manages to upset him.

Aand another one bites the dust! Hmm, very suspicious about this poisoned alcohol, and how Sirius almost took a sip! I thought Alphard was acting quite suspiciously, assuming he might have a reason to kill his father. And oh no, the poor house elf! Well that diminishes my theory from above a little bit, though it could still have helped out with all the other murders. It was great to see Lucius acting a bit like a scared little boy, and I loved the way you described him - I think of him and Draco as being quite weak-willed and falsely polished for the most part, so it was nice to see him crumble a little bit.

Great chapter, I'm looking forward to the next one and finding more about what is going on! :D

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Review #9, by LululunaInitiate: Sorting Things Out

30th March 2014:
Hello! :D

Ah, somehow I didn't really think too much about the fact that perhaps the man who tried to curse Remus did it for another reason than spite about him being a werewolf. That's very interesting, and while it's a little unfair to judge, I wonder if his son being in Slytherin means the father is connected to the other parents of the Slytherin children - the Malfoys' circle. It hasn't really been clear to me who is going after Remus and who tried to kill him in the earlier chapters, so I'm going to keep an eye out for any indications.

The way the justice system works here is quite fascinating. I like all the details about what they're allowed to use in court as evidence, and how Sirius has to let Morton go due to all the rules and having no concrete proof. The use of the Dark Detector and how it can be faulty is quite unique as well, and an excellent use of magical technology for the Aurors. As always, I'm impressed by how much detail you use in creating a plausible world.

Sirius and Marlene are so adorable! I like how they're slowly building up a friendship and working towards a potential relationship - after all that has happened, they're certainly not going to jump into anything. I also liked how Harry is Sirius' number one priority, and how dedicated he is to keeping his promises rigidly to Harry. He could have made plans with Marlene and spoken with Harry later, but he wanted to dedicate the whole night to being accessible for Harry, and I love that. It shows what a wonderful parent he is.

Skipping ahead a little bit, the conversation where Sirius tells Harry only to get in trouble if it's worth it seems like quite good advice, especially considering what Harry has to deal with at school with people like Hydrus and Morton. Sirius' advice did well at showing his personality as a Marauder and a hot-tempered mischief-maker in his own day mixing with his responsibilities as a parent. I'm excited to see how Harry might think about Sirius' advice in the long run as well. And the suggestion that Moony was upset about having to reprimand Harry was so cute, I love how well Sirius knows him. :P

Yay for Draco being in Gryffindor! I'm so excited about this, and how Hydrus is sort of the Draco replacement. You've been planning this moment since the beginning, haven't you? :P I thought Draco's sulking and feelings of rejection were great, and I can't wait to see how this grows. Also, Ron giving Draco Scabbers to hold was a lovely moment as it shows how compassionate Ron is when the situation calls for it. I noticed that in the books especially when he is younger with the way he treats Harry: like the rest of the Weasleys, Ron is a very welcoming person who likes people to feel included and at home, even if he doesn't exactly like them.

I really got a bit teary when Harry realized he was in James' old bed: the minute Sirius mentioned that I really wanted Harry to be in his father's bed, and my hopes came true. ♥ That's just such a wonderful connection and fits perfectly. Hmm, I wonder who is in Peter's bed? The moment with Neville was quite interesting as well, and I like how while in the books it wasn't until about Book 5 for Neville and Harry to have this sort of connection, it happens earlier here and sets Neville up as this more vulnerable character.

I can't wait for the next chapter and what this perfect story has in store for us: you've done a flawless job, as per usual! :)

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Review #10, by LululunaA Lightness: not quite her name

29th March 2014:
Hi teh! :)

Ah, I'm sorry it took so long to get to this! :) I've been meaning to r&r this story for a while, and I love it. It's just beautiful, and I love how you've brought Lavender to life here. You've done a really good job of maintaining her character from canon - the story feels extremely canon, in fact - while adding so much to her. She still comes across as a little silly and flighty sometimes, and she really wouldn't be Lavender without that, but at the same time she's so much more loveable.

I found the family dynamics at the beginning so interesting, with the strange trio of Lavender, her mother and Viola. I've seen this in your stories before, but I love how you slip into the character's immediate voice, like here: My mother is lovely, lovely! which shows how her immediate reactions and childlike thoughts differ from her future self.

Viola is such a nasty character, but a wonderful addition. I found her strange competition with Lavender for her mother really interesting, but she's one of those horribly secretive malicious people that are just so dislikable. I did wonder a bit at how she seemed to completely disappear from Lavender's radar at Hogwarts, but it worked to bring her back during the war and show how their relationship was progressing. :) I also liked how Lavender started by thinking her mother was beautiful and perfect, and then realized how she had her own shallowness and corruptions - when she saw something in her mother's eyes that she didn't like. I was also cringing the whole time her mother asked Lavender whether the bookshelf falling was a mistake before getting the heavy thing off her daughter - gah.

I thought the incorporations of Lavender and Parvati's obsession with Divination were really powerful and so effective here as it gave them a rationale for that interest. In the books the trio just sort of mock them for it, but for Lavender it is a form of escape, and Trelawney gives her a new female figure to idolize. Another thing I really loved was the inclusion of Binky's death.

The friendship between Lavender and Parvati was so lovely, and especially that girlish excitement in having a best friend and how they truly are so close. I also liked the growing hints of Parvati's crush on Seamus, and of course the Padma dynamic. It's never a ship that I would have thought of, but it fits that after Lavender's obsessive and false "relationship" with Ron she would turn to Padma. The way Padma evolved through the story was wonderful as well, like how Parvati sort of resented her and wanted to avoid her, how Lavender didn't really understand Padma, but how natural it felt for them to eventually get together.

I love how you wrote Ron to be so clunky and awkward, like a real person. Instead of having him be physically perfect, he smells and sounds and acts like he has a human body, and I really appreciate that in comparison to typical descriptions of lovers. I thought the moment where Padma asked to keep Lavender's drawings for Ron was an especially subtle, but really lovely moment.

Aw, the ending was so sad. :( The description of Greyback attacking her, and the clarity of that moment, was just perfect. I think if you'd added any more description to it, the moment wouldn't have had the same effect, but it was just subtle enough to have a painful impact for the reader. I also like how you left the ending open - does she die? Does she go to heaven? Does she survive? I love it when stories let the reader decide, and the story ended beautifully either way.

This was such a lovely story, teh! ♥ I loved every image, every word, and I wish I had the time to comment on more of them. It's the kind of story I'll want to come back to and soak up again and again. :)

Author's Response: Ah, hello Jenna!

Thank you for yet again another amazing review!! And thank you for choosing to read this fic of mine, sitting at the bottom of my page. It's the first one-shot I put up on HPFF, and I'm glad you liked it! I kind of miss writing stories like this.

Lavender, I thought, deserved a bit of a fuller story; in the books, she's been portrayed as someone who's rather inane, dramatic and ridiculous. I had a grand time writing her - though I didn't seem to know when to stop. :P

I wanted to write Lavender's experiences with a number of relationships in her life, - relationships with her mother, sister, best friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, teacher and so on. Hence, this entire story is about relationships of all sorts, relationships central to Lavender's life. Viola was meant to be the 'sister', except I decided not to have them actually be siblings. :P She is quite a bully, and I think Lavender wouldn't have wanted to be too close to her, especially not once she got to school and met Parvati and the other Gryffindor girls. But I didn't think that Viola and Lavender should have a completely hostile relationship to one another, hence the scene in the final section where they bid each other goodbye in tears. They both did spend lots of their childhood together, after all.

And I'm really glad you noticed Lavender's feelings about her mother! She does initially adore her beautiful mother, and feels small and unattractive in comparison, but as she grows older, and grows into herself, she also grows out of this adoring state.

Parvati and Padma were fun to write! At first, I was a bit afraid of writing twins; I had no idea if I could differentiate them enough, so it means great deal to me to hear your comments about their characters.

And I do indeed love slipping into my character's immediate voice in my prose! Especially when I think the narrative starts to get a bit monotonous. :P I also love internalising my character's voice into the narrative. :)

The ending is indeed meant to be open. When I was writing this, my headcanon was that she'd died, but I left the ending open for readers to interpret otherwise. I'm not so sure now, however; she could have survived, and if she did, I'm sure she would have recovered quickly, despite the scars and the attack - she's pretty resilient.

Thank you for this absolutely wonderful review again! I'm really happy that you enjoyed this story!! ♥ ♥

teh


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Review #11, by LululunaJames Potter and the Dark Lord's Trail: Chapter 4

29th March 2014:
Hi again! :)

I really liked the beginning of the chapter with Ginny's hopelessness, and how lonely she is. Thinking about her without her big family and her loving husband is so sad, and I wonder whether they're thinking about her and perhaps wondering if Voldy has some control over her mind.

I liked seeing her decide to keep going, even if she doesn't have a specific goal or purpose at the moment. She was always such a strong and determined character, and even in her darkest moments I like how that's been brought to life.

Wally seems like a fun time! And I wonder what will happen now that Ginny has told him her secret, hmm. I liked the descriptions of him emerging from the forest, I could really picture it.

Another interesting chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thank you very much. I am glad you enjoyed it.
HEG


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Review #12, by LululunaJames Potter and the Dark Lord's Trail: Chapter 3

29th March 2014:
Hello! :)

Uh oh, Ginny really made things worse for herself, didn't she? I'm not sure why she felt compelled to confess to Hermione... though it does seem like Hermione is keeping her own secrets. If she's with Draco, does that mean she's supporting Voldy's cause as well, but playing dumb so that she can keep her cover and stay with Ron?

Poor Ginny, though - I found it quite interesting when she got upset about why exactly she was helping Voldemort. I wonder what's going to happen next, and if she'll continue to stick by Voldy. I'm also looking forward to finding out what role her children might have in all of this, especially since the title has James' name in it.

The part at the beginning, with Albus getting angry about being called a baby, was very cute. :) Though I do feel like Harry could be a little more polite to his wife, but I guess she has been slipping away for a while and he's getting frustrated.

I really like the description in this, and something to maybe think about is maybe adding even more to balance out the dialogue. I think a few more descriptions of the characters' appearances, movements and the setting would help bring the story to life even more!

An interesting chapter - I'll R&R the next one as well. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you enjoyed it :D. Everyone seems to be keeping secrets in tis don't they? There is a secret revealed in chapter seven and I can't wait to hear what you think of it. I agree with you. Harry was a little impolite but I wanted to show how annoying Ginny has been. Thanks for reviewing,
HEG


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Review #13, by LululunaHouse of Cards: Ten of Spades

29th March 2014:
Hello! :)

This was such an amazing chapter, and I loved each scene and how vivid and descriptive they are. Your writing here is honestly beautiful. The first scene especially, with the boys walking outside, had this feeling of forlorn loneliness, and it was just so incredibly written, I felt like I was there. The mist, the wind... something I like is how you play with the words to make an ordinary action seem interesting and even haunting.

As the wisps of mist fly past his wand, they wind and merge to form a ghostly ship which sails off away from them. This was a gorgeous image and a really interesting use of magic. It felt very typical of Barty - everything he does seems so haunting yet deliberate, but I just thought this particular moment was so lovely.

The whole scene, with their flirtatiousness but Barty's fear of going too far, pushing Regulus too far, was really interesting. As you know I love this pairing, but the distance between them and how Regulus holds himself back while Barty is generally without inhibitions does a good job of how difficult it would have been for a boy to love another boy in this kind of family. It's bittersweet, in a way, and though I don't think either of them are necessarily redeemable characters all the time, your characterization is amazing.

and allows a sly smile to flicker over his mouth. Little lines like this show how instead of acting naturally, Barty really controls his actions and the way he is presented to other people. It's interesting, because I feel like his natural character is quite wild and very odd and quirky, but he holds that back and turns it into this charismatic yet manipulative person who is in control of something as minor as his facial expressions and very aware of how each word or movement makes him appear to others.

Barty's chin smacks into Regulus' shoulder, beginning to throb immediately. Okay, I just wanted to point this line out because it felt so realistic, how when things like this happen they're not just cute and adorable, but sometimes a little awkward. :P And hitting one's chin on something is really the worst, and this made me think of that feeling and how painful it is!

Hmm, I really have no clue what is going on with the mystery and the will. I'm not sure if I suspect Bellatrix or Barty, to be honest: they both just seem like too obvious murderers because of the Death Eater connection. Alphard seems a little questionable as well. For now I'm sticking with my house elf theory, especially with the house elf at the beginning who seemed to be up to something suspicious.

let alone his family's library where there are books which bite and scream and make you go blind... The descriptions of the library were really amazing - I liked how the Black library almost feels like the Restricted Section. And the creepy, hand-written children's books... and then the idea of there being secret passages behind the walls - those were some really incredible images and ideas and I felt like I could entirely picture it.

I have no idea what is going on with the vial - maybe it's some sort of poison which was used to kill Cygnus, or truth serum... I really have no idea, but I do think it must have some significance. The fact that it was in a crystal glass makes it all the more ominous.

Another wonderful chapter, I'm nearly caught up now! :D

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Review #14, by LululunaPandemonium: Lucky Dip

29th March 2014:
Hellooo!! :) Yay for updating, I was so excited to see this! :D

"And Ron," he added as an afterthought... Hahaha, my favourite thing about this chapter was, I think, how goofy Ron is. And it seems so typically in character that even when they're grown up, George wouldn't waste a change to tease Ron. The poor guy!

puffing his chest out in his best imitation of Percy. Well I basically love any mention of Percy, and as with Ron it's so funny when George is a little rude about his brothers. And how Percy is an inspiration for George to act "serious."

I love how George invited Umbridge and Filch to the opening, hahaha. That totally is something he would do. :P

although she couldn't hide the smile that crept onto her face at the sight of him defending her honour. Honestly this made me smile as well, it was so adorable! I love seeing Ron defend Hermione - not that she needs it, of course, but it's still cute. Rowena Ravenclaw being there gave me a bit of a shock as well. And oh, the irony of her saying that logic can't solve everything! :P She's so sassy - oh, because she's Aunt Muriel, that's why. I should have known!

It was really fun seeing how the curse intermingled with the objects at WWW - the perfect place for this to happen, really. I especially enjoyed McGonagall's daydream.

I have no clue what is causing the curse - I'm trying to think of common elements in each chapter but can't think of anything which might explain it. Perhaps there's some sort of Poltergeist, or something? Hmm. But I loved how the characters who survived the curse in the past were excited for it to happen again, while poor Percy high-tailed it out of there, haha.

This was such a fun read, I'm really glad you updated! :) Looking forward to the next chapter! :D

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Review #15, by LululunaThe Deathly Children: At The Churchyard Again

29th March 2014:
Hello, teh! :) I think this is the 4th of your 5 prize reviews? Something like that, anyway, I was so excited to see you updated this! :D

Can I just say that Theophilius Thimble is just an adorable name for a little old wizard? It sounds like something JKR would think up. I'm very intrigued by Bathilda's letters and the effect they might have on the story, and I like how well you've captured the formal yet friendly tone of the letters and the time period. The language the characters use is very believable.

I like how this chapter seemed to have three main sections to it - each of the Dumbledore siblings, and how that fits with the theme of the number three through the Hallows.

Kendra was standing at the kitchen table crushing Sopophorous Beans, a pile of thick, earth-clotted Gurdyroots at her side, her face half-curtained by shadow. I loved the little details like this, the descriptions of the almost mundane actions of the characters' lives. They really bring the story to life in a powerful, visual way, and for some reason this scene in particular stood out to me.

Kendra's character is fascinating here, how she seems trapped inside herself in the same way that Ariana is, how worn down and fatigued her spirit has become. I like how observant Ariana was about her mother, how observant and sensitive a girl she is. The moment where Kendra curses Bathilda to forget was so dynamic in showing how her sense of right and wrong when it comes to her daughter are warped and how she'll intrude upon Bathilda in order to protect Ariana - that moment showed how she's almost mad with her desperation to keep going. Changing somebody's memory seems like such a pervasive thing. That section also had me wondering how Ariana's life might have been if she had been sent into the hospital - considering the Muggle treatment of the time for the mentally impaired, it probably would have been a harsh experience, but I wonder if there is some rationale to Bathilda's claim that Ariana should not be posing a danger to the Muggles of the village.

My poor Bathilda, the Dumbledores are so mean to her! :( From calling her old and foolish, to wiping her memory. She's brilliant and beautiful, guys, stop treating her so harshly! :P

...the Crone interjected, her face protruding from the wall like an unsightly growth. I loved the mention of the women in the walls - that was one of my favourite parts of the last chapter, and it's so interesting to see how they're a regular part of Ariana's daily life, always there and pestering her and making little comments which both reflect and oppose the way she seems to see herself.

Gellert is written perfectly here, and it's fascinating to see how he treats both Dumbledore boys so differently. The explanation that he read about Albus' work at Bathilda's and how he heard about Albus makes me think that Gellert planned to befriend Albus, or at least to use him.

His treatment of Aberforth was just despicable, but suited how underhanded and greedy he is. I was quite surprised to see him return the wand to Albus, but that does make sense - after all, Albus might hesitate to befriend him if he knew that Gellert had stolen Aberforth's wand, no matter their strained relationship. I found that whole encounter really interesting, and like how you used the HP-lore of "winning" a wand in the story. :) It shows how poor Aberforth is really no match for Gellert.

It also made me sad how Albus didn't defend his brother, but admitted that he has a quick temper instead of giving him the benefit of the doubt. And how Ariana knows that he blames her for their mother's death - you do a really good job of showing how Albus is quite self-involved and unable to love his siblings purely unconditionally. Another detail I found interesting, though, was how Albus is trying to sell his writing to make money, presumably to support his family. I felt that Aberforth blamed Albus for paying more attention to his work than to his siblings, but he is doing it for them as well. So that showed yet another misunderstanding between the brothers, and how they are just unable to empathize with one another.

Then the contrast with Gellert's greedy underhandedness and then his charm with Albus is also wonderful. It shows what a slippery person he is, how he manipulates people and can change his face like a second skin.

They pass stone angels with outstretched wings and hands clasped in prayer, square crosses with jagged stumps of arms, weathered arches, wrecked slabs of granite and marble veined with dirt, and crumbling mausoleums with missing doors and unimaginable darknesses within. I absolutely loved this section and the descriptions of the village and the churchyard. Just the word "churchyard" feels so delightfully old-fashioned, and I like how there's that forlorn, silent kind of feeling to it brought to life by your beautiful writing. The mentions of the ghosts in the church were wonderful as well, and such a great detail.

Well, I'm going to run out of room, and I blame you for writing such a lovely story that I just want to ramble about! :P This was a flawless chapter which I really enjoyed, and I'm looking forward to the next one already. Amazing job, as usual, my dear! ♥

Author's Response: Gah, thank you for this absolutely amazing monster review, Jenna! ♥ Your comments were absolutely wonderful to read.

Ah, I'm so glad you thought the tone and language of the letters were believable, and this really means a lot coming from you (you write historical fic so well!).

I loved your comments on Kendra as well. I've written quite a lot about Kendra actually, so I know her character fairly well, though she won't feature so heavily in this story, given that she's already deceased and all. I feel that for Kendra, keeping the family intact is of the utmost importance to her, to not let that incident in the past along with Percival's imprisonment and early death tear her family apart. I think it was mentioned in DH that she wanted to keep Ariana home because if the Ministry knew of her dangerous and uncontrollable condition, they would lock her up in St. Mungo's for good. I think it was also mentioned that Ariana's powers were a threat to the Statute. So I think I drew quite a lot from canon there, with regards to why Ariana remains at home instead of treatment being sought for her. And I think you're definitely right about how hospitals during this time period would have been a lot harsher to people with conditions like Ariana's, compared to present day hospitals.

Poor Bathilda! :( The Dumbledores do seem rather impatient around her!

And I'm glad you like Gellert; he's hard to figure out, and sometimes when I'm writing him, I have to stop and think, what exactly is he up to now?

There are plenty of misunderstandings between the siblings; I'm glad you noticed! I feel that sometimes they're a bit self-absorbed, or they're resentful toward each other, and they're all struggling to cope with this new living situation in the wake of their mother's death. I think Albus is only about seventeen or eighteen, and already he has to make such sacrifices.

I love that word as well! Churchyard. I had so much fun depicting that scene, and describing the setting of the cemetery. I had to look through quite a number of Google pictures to see how cemeteries looked like across the centuries.

Ah, thank you so, so much for this fantastic review! This has just made my day, and I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter! I'm planning out the fourth one now, and hopefully will start writing soon! Thank you, lovely! ♥

teh


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Review #16, by LululunaThe Penelope Papers: T is for Treachery

27th March 2014:
Hello! :)

Ooh, I love this! It's so tense and exciting, and I love all these plotlines coming together - the war and the registration of Muggleborns, the old gang from school, and the murders copycatting Agatha Christie. I really love how you've woven all these ideas together into such a complex story but also created a really amazing and exciting character.

I love all the little details which go into really bringing this story to life - like what Bex was buying from the store, and how she couldn't afford a TV license. It really made the story come to life in a really visual way, but also gave the impression that this is just a snapshot of a whole world that the reader is allowed a glimpse of. Your world-building is really impressive. :)

Aw, poor Penelope. :( You did really well at hinting at Bex's grief intermingled with her sense of duty. She just seems like such a compassionate yet devious character, but I loved the descriptions of her friendship with Penny, like how she was her next-of-kin. (Though perhaps not, judging by the last line :P).

The scene with the guy who came up and starting hitting on her was quite funny, I could definitely relate to her irritation. You wrote it really well, and afterwards I'm kind of wondering whether that guy was as innocent as he seemed, or if he might have something to do with the mystery.

Hmm, I think that as this is a prequel to your other story, Lee and Bex just might end up together, which makes him a less likely suspect. :P But then again it was mentioned that he was in love with Oliver, so perhaps not. But he could be bisexual too, I suppose - good for you if that's the case, fanfiction needs more bi characters in my opinion. :)

The use of the ABC story is just genius, and I really enjoyed hearing their speculations on it. Also the word Penzance just makes me smile everytime because it reminds me of the musical with pirates. :P

This is an amazing start, I love it and can't wait for the next chapter! :) And I have no idea how you're going to keep this story at just five chapters, because there are so many details and it is just pure gold. :)

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Review #17, by LululunaJames Potter and the Dark Lord's Trail: Chapter 2

27th March 2014:
Hi again! :)

Hmm, so Ginny is definitely helping Voldy now? Uh oh. It's quite interesting how she's voluntarily helping him by the looks of it, but has some regret about it. I wonder why she's helping him while wondering if he's to be trusted - of course the reader gets to see inside his head a little bit and see that he wants his power back, but Ginny seems to still be conflicted about whether he can be trusted. This leads me to think that she might be helping him because she thinks he's reformed, or perhaps he has some sort of mind control over her.

Hmm, Hermione is sneaking around with Draco?! I'm glad Ginny is worried about her brother, even if she is helping Hermione by the looks of it despite not liking her very much. I wonder if Ginny is in some sort of out-of-her-mind state right now where she doesn't have control of her actions of even her true feelings.

A couple minor typos: to rein once more... rein should be spelt "reign". I noticed in a later paragraph it was spelt in the same way as well.

He glowing red should be "her".

Another very interesting chapter! :)

Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing. I am pleased you liked the bit where Ginny is in doubt - I tried hard on that :). Also, I wanted to add in a bit of Hermione :)
HEG


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Review #18, by LululunaJames Potter and the Dark Lord's Trail: Chapter 1

27th March 2014:
Hello! :)

This seems like a really intriguing start! I love how you've concentrated on Ginny's connection with Voldemort and how she must have suffered after being possessed by him in CoS: that aspect of her character often feels forgotten in fanfiction. The rapport she seemed to have with Voldy was so interesting as well - how he told her to run and let her go, and how she identified with his shame and agony from the battle. That was such a sympathetic portrayal and makes me wonder what hold he might have on her mind.

One minor thing: I noticed in the first section that there was both an "I" and a "her" mentioned, I'm not sure if they were meant to both refer to Ginny but if so you might want to change the "her" into first person to ward off confusion. :)

It also feels like Ginny's dream and real selves are mixing a little bit, which doesn't bode very well. But her and Harry seem really sweet together! I like how he tried to comfort her but how although he wants her to feel safe, he also doesn't dismiss her dream as completely ridiculous.

This was a very interesting first chapter - I'll read on and review the next one as well as this was quite short. :)

Author's Response: HI!
I am glad you liked the connection between her and Voldemort, I really wanted it to seem realistic. I didn't want it to be just a simple dream so I am very pleased on the effect it had on you. Also, the 'I' and the 'her' was just sort of showing that the bit in italics was a dream from Ginnys point of view and then she wakes up and there is a line and it switches to third person. I am glad you like the connection between her and Harry. Thank you for reviewing :)
HEG


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Review #19, by LululunaA Picnic to Remember : The Surprise

26th March 2014:
Hello! :) Reviving Slytherin review tag here... :P

Aw, this was just so adorable! I like how it seems compliant with the Dominique and Teddy from 'The Worst' and shed some light on what they might have been like during happier times. 'The Worst' shows Teddy helping Dom through, well, the worst time in her life, but this sheds a happier, more liberated light on their relationship.

I really like how you explained what had happened with Victoire and how that led to Dom and Teddy getting together. The explanation made a lot of sense here, and I really liked how the fact that he had dated Victoire remained firmly in the past, yet certainly wasn't forgotten. Also, I love how they were friends for several years, and really got along so well as friends. It's clear in the story how well they know one another, down to Teddy knowing Dom's favourite book. Also, what was the book out of curiosity? :) (if you have one picked out, that is).

I wish I could be a wizard and travel to Malaysia every month! :P The beach sounded really amazing and I loved the way you described it. The scene was a wonderful escape from reality and for them to be isolated, and I really liked how playful the two of them were together as well.

This was such a cute story, and a joy to read! :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you liked this. This story is part of my head canon for Teddy/Dom and so it is kind of compliant to The Worst yeah. I am glad you liked how the couple was shown during such happy times =)

It's nice to know that you liked my explanation of Victoire and the past =) I love friends-turned-lovers kind of stuff so this was nice for me to write xD The book was definitely something related to the Wizarding War II (Harry's fight with Voldemort) as my Dom loves reading stuff related to that xD

Haha I am currently in Malaysia right now but I have only gotten the chance to visit that island just once. But thank you for your lovely words, I'm glad the place descriptions sounded good =)


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Review #20, by LululunaWhere The Dust Blows: Crossing Lines

26th March 2014:
Hi again! :)

Ahh, I'm so intruiged! But I wasn't completely crazy about the Neville killing Harry thing, though he interestingly does seem to regret it and be very sensitive about the topic. Hmm. At first I thought Edward might be some sort of illegitimate child of Neville's (because why not? He does seem very familiar with him :P) but now I'm not so sure.

It's so interesting how Neville keeps getting described as an old man despite being 39 years old. Perhaps the weight of his sins and his history is burning him and making him feel older than he is. I like the idea of the very basic, non-modern community he lives in, and how he gardens to trade for food and lives such a simple life away from magic or technology. It's quite interesting, and I liked seeing the characters in the village as well. Match-making Flick made me laugh. :P

Edward is very intriguing. At first I found him quite dislikable in how forceful and threatening he was with Neville, but now I'm not sure as he seems more curious than anything. He also comes across as very forced, in a way, like he has to build up his persona but is secretly very uncertain. Neville thwarting him by just ignoring him until he caved made me laugh as well - he is one cool cucumber. :P

I can't believe you ended it here, ahh, I'm so curious about what the story is that Neville is about to tell! What you've done here with his character is really exciting - I'm excited to read on when you get the chance to update.

Great chapter! :)

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Review #21, by LululunaGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 8

26th March 2014:
Hello! :)

I really love how you write the Weasley family at the Burrow, personally, I'm in favour for the summer lasting as long as possible just so I can see more of how flawlessly you write the canon characters. :P The focus on food and all the little sibling relationships and deviousness are great, and I love how Ginny has to hold her own against her brothers. That feels so realistic and really fits with her character.

Hmm, so there might be something between Fred and Angelina? That makes sense, considering the Yule Ball is happening soon (sort of). I'm curious about what might happen in terms of Sadie and Fred, though I think they have a long way to go in building a friendship and comfort before anything romantic can happen.

I love the bonding time between Sadie and Arthur, and how he spares the time in his day to go around and do things for each of his children and his adopted "children." It reminds me of how he takes Harry to the Ministry for his hearing and spends that individual time. It's really love that Arthur and Sadie's father had that love of Muggle things to share, and how that also gives Sadie something to relate to with Arthur. Seeing the flashback, when Sadie was unharmed and loved and innocent, was so poignant, and showed the girl she could have grown up to be had tragedy not struck. :(

You always amaze me with how well you write the canon characters, like Arthur recommending a puddle to Sadie. :P It shows what a playful, gentle man he is and how he really connects with his children and engages with the physical features of their home. You ground the story really well both in terms of characters and the setting - this story could really blend so seamlessly into canon.

The ending, with Sadie's fear of magic translating to herself, was really heartbreaking. :( This poor girl, but at least she's getting happier and has somebody to look after her again. ♥

Can't wait for the next chapter! :D

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Review #22, by LululunaWhere The Dust Blows: The Knock On The Door

26th March 2014:
Hi Nadia! :) I LOVED the story you recommended for me and R&R-ed it but thought this was a perfect opportunity to read some of your lovely writing as well! :D (too bad about all your responding, hehe).

I'm so curious about how Neville is going to go bad! Right now, he doesn't seem all that awful... lonely, perhaps, and disappointed. It's interesting, because he seems quite guilty and regretful here - perhaps he failed in killing the snake? Or accidentally killed Harry with magic, leading to the war being lost and Voldy reigning for a while longer? The focus on his name here was intriguing as well - the contrast between people not saying his name anymore, and then, at the end, somebody speaking it aloud, seemed to come full circle.

The descriptions were great here, I loved the contrasts between the filth of his home and his sudden desire to clean it. I wonder if the dirt is more symbolic than literal, or if it truly is there and leads to him suddenly rising and wanting to compulsively clean his home as he might want to clean his conscience. I especially liked him drinking from the chipped mug - it was such a small, vivid moment of description which really stood out to me.

It's interesting, because in a weird way I can totally see Neville going bad. I imagine him not feeling satisfied with himself, not feeling valued by himself and others, and this leading to him showing his bravery by standing up to his friends for what he might believe, in that moment, to be right. I guess I always saw some parallels between him and Peter, and I'm really curious to see how you build on the foundations of his character to make him evil.

This was a really interesting start to the story and I'll definitely be back for the next chapter soon! :D

Author's Response: No seriously, this is NOT cool. I have 25 unanswered reviews (or will, once this is over) and it is not cool at all. I have a page TWO. I NEVER HAVE TWO PAGES. :(

lol yeah maybe he failed in killing bloody nagini, who knows? :P

Aw, I'm so flattered that you liked the descriptions. It means a lot to me, because when I wrote it, I was all descriptionless and a blegh writer :P

YES YES YES TO ALL THE NEVILLE THINGS. I honestly thought Neville and Draco were the same person when I was younger, and thought Neville was all bitter with Harry, except that was Draco but then I do see how Neville could be bitter with Harry, him getting the spotlight and all.

Thanks for reviewing! I'm glad you liked it. I'll come around to updating this soon, thanks for the review dude!


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Review #23, by LululunaThe Lost Wolf: A Wolf at the Door

26th March 2014:
Hello! :)

This is such an intriguing beginning! You've done a really good job with making me both interested and confused and wondering about what on earth is going on, which is a very good thing in a first chapter.

The first scene was so sad. I'm guessing that this has something to do with Cassandra's past and her real father, and that the dream is actually a memory. It's really tragic how the little girl there blames herself for the death of all those people, and how she thinks that her aunt was staring at her with blame in her eyes. The attack sounded a little bit like a werewolf attack - I wonder if perhaps she's Remus' sister, and the werewolf who attacked everybody was Remus, or someone more sinister? It looks like this might be a Sirius/OC story as well so I'm really looking forward to her meeting the Marauders. :)

I wonder if Cassandra's special skills have something to do with her being a witch? That might explain her prodigal talents and why she doesn't quite fit in with the Muggles around her. The little hints in the dreams, like the mention of the "professors" and looking up at the Great Hall, indicate that her father was in some way connected to Hogwarts.

The Colonel is just awful! I liked how he was sort of a superficial character and was more concerned with the advancement of his career and family connections than anything else. His vanity made me laugh too, and I liked how Cassandra wasn't afraid to stand up to him and his rottenness. :P

Hmm, and it appears that she has been wounded by a werewolf? I liked how you didn't talk about her appearance, and instead let the Colonel do the talking about it - this showed the differences in their characters, how he objectified her and her beauty, and how her appearance didn't matter to Cassandra herself.

This was a really interesting beginning to your story, and I'll try and be back soon to review the next chapter. :)

Author's Response: Hi!
Thank you so much for the great review!

I thougt and thougt about Cassandra's character for a while before making up my mind and beginning the story... I'm glad I was able to create a bit of suspance about her past and personality, and I'm happy you appreciated the sense of mistery I tried to convey:)

Your questions will all have an answer so... stay tuned!



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Review #24, by LululunaBlue Ribbon Operator: Blue Ribbon Operator

26th March 2014:
Hello! :)

Ah, I really loved this! So many things about it. First of all, this is a really original take on a friendship and on HP characters in general, really. I loved the realist, gritty elements to it - the messy apartment, the attention to small sums like Rose spends at the gas station, how each tiny moment is difficult for Scorpius. It was really fascinating and I thought you portrayed it so well.

The little details here were honestly amazing. The fact that the ribbon came from the section of the store where the children who couldn't afford expensive things would buy hair ornaments was just such a tangible, powerful image. I liked how Rose's interest in the ribbon, how it became a thing of beauty for her, wasn't explained clearly, but how the ribbon carried through the story as a little thing she used as an ornament or gift for herself. The moment with Scorpius tying it in her hair and trying so hard to get it right, even though she was about to take it off again anyway, was really powerful and a lovely moment.

Rose's patience and devotion to her friend was so fascinating here. At first I thought they were a couple, until I noticed how they had separate bedrooms and the term "friend" was used. She was so patient and gentle with him, though I was impressed at how she didn't feel frustrated or trapped, or at least didn't show it. I found their interactions to be very realistic and believable - especially when she told him that if he changed his mind in the morning, that he should tell her. I can tell how you really put a lot of heart into making realistic characters.

Rose's feelings towards Hermione interested me as well. It makes sense that Hermione would be nit-picky and ambitious for her children, but that she would also care about seeing them and missing them. Scorpius' comment about him understanding Hermione being "Rose-sick" was so lovely as it showed what a wonderful, warm person Rose is, and how much Scorpius cares about her. The last line was lovely testament to that as well.

One thing which I absolutely loved about this story was how you brought London to life here. London is my absolute favourite city and I felt like I was there while reading this - the throngs of tourists flooding around the attractions, the streets, the view... gah, it was gorgeous. ♥

I wonder if perhaps part of Scorpius' anxiety comes from feeling guilty about his family's history? (I just wrote a story about this so I might just be projecting the idea onto here, but I found it quite interesting! :P). I thought this because of his reaction to having the runner hit him - his worry for the man and his anxiety about hurting somebody else, even unintentionally, seemed to have some history or reasoning to it. Perhaps he feels responsible for all the people his father and grandfather hurt when they were Death Eaters, and that is translating through to his anxiety.

This was a really well-written and wonderful story, I loved every word! :) I'm so glad I read this! :D

Author's Response: Oh wow! Such a sweet review. Thank you for responding and enjoying the story! :)

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Review #25, by LululunaThe Flesh of the Servant: Coward

26th March 2014:
Hello! :)

This is so cool! I really love how in just a small amount of words you've shown how one little decision, one little moment, can so thoroughly change people's lives. And the result just made me so thrilled and full of feels for Harry and Sirius! ♥

You did a really good job of paraphrasing the events of Peter's life without the need to repeat the events of the books. Peter's character and his special kind of cowardice is very interesting - how he gets by on being petty and sneaky. I loved those lines as well and the implications between them - how something happened to his cousin, how the cat never came back.

(minor thing, I noticed the first sentence was missing a period).

The sun had felt like warm bathwater on his skin when he had stepped out onto the street the other day. I loved this passage and the description of Sirius' freedom - it was truly lovely. Feeling the sun as a free man read almost like a second Baptism in a way (I read a lot of Renaissance lit okay? :P). And how the three of them formed a little family and got to spend the summers together, and tease each other, and how Harry looked forward to the summers for the first time in his life... so lovely! :D

Haha, one of my favourite things about AU is seeing how seemingly unrelated events turned out, like Cedric winning the Triwizard cup after all. It's so interesting how a tiny event like Peter escaping triggered so many deaths and so much horror, and how now Voldy will never return. I wonder if he would have eventually found a way and another servant, or if he would just wander the earth forever and ever?

The last line was great, and I liked how creepy it was in bringing the story full circle and back to canon. But... Peter may have lost his soul, but at least he got to keep his hand! :P

This was a great read, I really enjoyed it! :D

Author's Response: Hello! It's taking me forever to catch up with all of my responses -- sorry!

The original version of this was multi-chaptered, but it wasn't working out. So, when I decided to redo it, it was only a few days left until the deadline. I would have liked to expand on this, because there are so many avenues that I can explore (and expand on) -- and I hope to eventually.

I'm glad that you liked Peter's background; I've been having fun playing around with Peter since I started using him in Everto. Oops, sneaking periods.

The scene with Sirius in the sunlight was one of my favorite parts to write. Sirius, Remus, and Harry are areas that I've especially wanted to expand on! Maybe I'll do some more once Everto is completed.

There were many avenues to explore concerning Voldemort and his possible return. I left it as he would wander the earth as a shadow of himself, for happy ending purposes.

Thanks so much!

-Rumpel




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