Reading Reviews From Member: Lululuna
  
739 Reviews Found

Review #1, by LululunaViolet Hill: an iridescent colour.

19th December 2014:
Hey hey!! :)

Ooh, I really liked how while the first two chapters were about Astoria's death and this one about Lily, there were still links between the two of them. Like how Lily was the one who helped him come to terms with Astoria dying. I particularly liked this line:

she was the one who allowed the light to seep in. Beam by beam, she wiped away your melancholic edges. It was just such a neat image and I could really picture Scorpius' emotions here.

I like how much Lily's character was flushed out, with her interest in history and how she seems very clever and logical. I liked how they were just good friends, not necessarily in a relationship. I suppose thinking back that fits with the HC prompt and it felt really unique as usually I might expect a story like this to be about a spouse, but it was all the more meaningful that they were friends in a way. It's lovely to see how Scorpius sees Death as not limiting, but that Lily will live on forever. It was a really nice ending to the story and tied it all together so well.

Great job with these, Kiana, I really loved reading them!! :) Sorry again for taking forever! ♥

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Review #2, by LululunaViolet Hill: the land of delusions.

19th December 2014:
Hello again, my dear! ♥

Ooh, this chapter was so creepy. Even more so than the last one, I'd thought that Scorpius had accepted his mother's death but this shows that the grieving stages are a process, and perhaps something that he will never quite come to terms with.

The wind’s soft tongue wraps itself around you, drawing you into its hushed words, making you think its blurred syllables, obscured vowels, are the truth, that it doesn’t possess an ounce of lies. I really loved this line, it was such a cool personification of the wind and really effective. Scorpius' idea of Death as an essence or presence also really felt powerful and reminded me of Death in the Tale of the Three Brothers.

I like Draco's idea of Death and how he sort of brings Scorpius out of this eerie world and back into reality. It felt like Scorpius' grief had sort of gone beyond his simply missing his mother and become a more psychological fear that affected his own idea of his own identity, and that he needs Draco's words to bring him back to reality.

Another great story! :) I liked how it expanded on the first story but also brought something new and a different angle in understanding his mother's death. Well done! :)

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Review #3, by LululunaViolet Hill: a glimpse of infinity.

19th December 2014:
Hi Kiana! I'm FINALLY here for the TGS review exchange from forever ago, and I'm so sorry for taking this long! :( My only (not very good) explanation is that RL has really taken over me and kept me away from HPFF, but should be a bit better now. :)

I love the idea of this short story collection and how each chapter centers around the same theme. Also what a great song to frame the stories around, it's a weirdly inspirational song haha and so chilling.

Great job with the second person POV, as always! :) I think it helped bring that eerie quality to the story, but at the same time made me feel sort of detached from Scorpius, as if he has secrets that he's not yet sharing with us and that slowly are hinted at throughout the story. I felt like even though the story was short, we got a strong understanding of his character - how he runs away, how he is quite introspective, but looks to external objects for understanding and signifiance. I really liked the imagery as well, between the white of the snow and his mother's skin, and the image of the dark, fragmented Thestral in contrast.

It's a really interesting use of the HC prompt to have Scorpius kind of bonding with the Thestral and it actually helping him accept his mother's death. It was a really unique use of the relationship between bereaved and Thestral and I liked the idea of Scorpius finding peace and acceptance through the understanding of death.

Great job with this, Kiana! :) Onwards I go to the next chapter!

(PS. Sorry about the weird / marks, they've been appearing in my reviews today for some reason).

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Review #4, by LululunaThe Red Haired Witch: Chapter One

19th December 2014:
Hi Hori! :) I'm so, so sorry for taking so long with your review for the review swap. It really took far too long and my only explanation is that RL completely conquered me! :( I really loved this story and thought it was perfectly written, so expect a review full of compliments coming up, hehe.

I love how the plot of the story was completely realized. Though the last section jumps quite significantly in time, we already know everything about Ganymede's transformation to fill in the blanks of the missing years and how much the glove means to her. You did a really great job of showing time's progression and telling a complex, complete story in a single one-shot.

And Ganymede, wow! What a character. Even though she turns to the dark side, I found myself really rooting for her and wanting her to triumph over Callista. You just wrote her so perfectly and she was incredibly complex: between her apprehension and jealousy, her bitterness and glee, I felt like she could be a real person who just was pushed too far and became corrupted.

I loved Ganymede's transformation into the Red Widow, this supernatural human who had just been poisoned beyond having any humanity left. The transformation from her at the beginning to the ending of the story was fascinating to read about and felt like something out of a dark fairytale.

I also thought you did a really good job incorporating the story with the wizarding world. Tying in Tom was a great addition and I liked the companionship between them in how they were kindred spirits and how he helped her to realize her full potential in a way. When she got in the carriage I knew already that it was him, in a really delicious way: it's neat when you feel so invested in a story that you can feel the presence of a character even before his identity is revealed. :)

I absolutely loved the descriptions of Borgin & Burke's and how vivid the scene was. It was extremely gothic but the beautiful writing made the scene feel real and tangible. There were so many beautiful lines and moments in the story and the whole thing was flawless.

I feel like this is the sort of story that you could consider turning into an OF short story, maybe for a Halloween contest or something. You could make Tom a more mysterious figure who helps Ganymede in her supernatural vengeance and maybe twist it so the magical world setting wasn't necessary. Maybe something to think about, the quality is definitely extremely impressive! :)

I really loved this story and thought it was perfectly written and very chilling. You did an amazing job with it! I'm sorry for rambling so much in this review haha but I just really liked reading it. Sorry again for taking so long to review! :(

(Also I have no clue why but there are a bunch of random / marks that I can't get rid of haha. Spooky.)

Happy holidays! ♥

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for the review!

Firstly, don't worry about the time it took. Real life gets the best of all us mortals at some point or another. I'm just happy you took the time and enjoyed the story. :)

I'm glad that the feedback I've gotten on this story (including yours obviously) has more or less confirmed that I was mostly successful in creating a dark atmosphere and creepy tone. I don't write short stories very much (or at all, really), so it wasn't exactly comfortable for me to condense into a few thousand words what I normally would have taken many chapters to realize. It was hard to tell if I was being too heavy handed or, conversely, glossing over too much.

I really enjoyed the process of coming up with Ganymede, so I'm happy you had a good time with her. She actually went through several very different versions before I settled on this one. Originally she was actually meant to start off fully corrupted from the beginning of the story, but that didn't lend to a very compelling tale.

Interesting idea about trying to convert it into an original piece. I'll think about that...

Thanks again for your lovely review and for taking the time to read! :)

-Hori


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Review #5, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : 2nd September 1976 - Part 1

16th December 2014:
Hi again! :) Here for your fourth prize review. Also, I completely failed to deliver on your prize for a chapter to be beta-read, so I'll contact you soon on the forums to find out if you'd like the same chapter beta'd or a different one. :)

Now, onto the chapter! As before, I really like how seriously Hermione takes her role here in the past and how strict she is in trying to follow the rules. It makes her the perfect person for this job because I feel like Harry or Ron would get carried away and break the rules and make all sorts of dangerous mistakes, whereas Hermione is more controlled and cautious, and that really shows well here through the situations she's been put in.

I'm a bit worried now that Snape will never warm up to her! :P He's pretty nasty, but who knows, maybe they'll be able to find some common ground through Potions.

Lily seems very sweet and very much in character with her portrayal in canon. I really liked their interaction and thought it really showed Lily as a character and what role she might play for Hermione. James on the other hand is quite annoying. :P I don't really like how he used the word "bird" to describe Hermione but it fit his sort of arrogant and careless attitude. Hopefully he smartens up a bit. I liked how although he reminds Hermione of Harry, the father and son are very different and that shows in the way James treats people in contrast to Harry.

Flitwick was so sweet here! What a nice man. I really like the care he shows for her in trying to make her feel at home.

Another great chapter! I really enjoyed reading the first few chapters of this story and will be keeping an eye out for updates! :)

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Review #6, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : 1st September 1976 - Evening

16th December 2014:
Hi again!! :) Here for your third prize review.

I really love Amelia already. She's so accomplished and amazing in the future and it's great to see how that began with her being a not only kind but perceptive girl at Hogwarts. Her and Hermione seem to have a lot in common so it seems right that they would instantly be friends. I feel like they both like having "quality over quantity" when it comes to their friends and are sensitive to the needs and fears of others.

I'm actually really glad that Hermione isn't attracted to Sirius. His behaviour is pretty obnoxious and I agree that Hermione can see through his good looks and cares more about the personality inside. :P Plus he is her best friend's godfather so it's probably uncomfortable enough for her that he's hitting on her. :P

Rita and Gilderoy will definitely add some excitement to the mix. It's great that they're paired together and I loved the characterization of Rita as being nosy and a gossip, and how Amelia warned Hermione about her. I hope that Hermione can keep off Rita's radar since having her secrets spread around the school would be not only embarrassing, but potentially dangerous if it affects the future.

It's really interesting seeing the Marauders world through an outsider's eyes and I think this chapter did a great job of world building without being too overwhelming or confusing. As usual, the quality of the writing was amazing and clear, and I really enjoyed reading it! :)

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Review #7, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : 1st September 1976

16th December 2014:
Hi there! :) Back for your second prize review.

I like the pacing of this chapter and how quite a bit happens to develop Hermione's character and the situation she's in. It's really exciting and suspenseful seeing her noticing all the familiar faces and the shadow of foreboding that hangs over them because she knows what will happen to them. There's some really great details here - I especially liked the description of Lockhart and how Hermione knows how he will end up.

Madam Rosmerta was a pleasant surprise too! I like the idea of them becoming friends and Rosmerta seems like a really nice character. It was really interesting to see all of the Marauders as well and they definitely made an entrance. I really have no idea how Hermione is going to win Snape over and make friends with him but I'm very curious to see how she will try and bond with him. Something tells me that maybe bonding around a common enemy (like the Marauders?) might be a good way to do that, but I have no idea what Hermione's plan is at this point. :P

One comment:
saw a very young and - as much as she hated to admit it - extremely beautiful, young The adjective "young" is used twice.

One other little detail I noticed is that Hermione sees James' eyes and notices that they're a different colour from Harry's. I guess it depends how close he was standing to her at the time but that's a pretty specific detail to notice from a distance, unless she has superhuman eyesight. :P A way to fix that detail might be to clarify how close he was standing to Hermione, or not to mention minute details like his eye colour until they meet and are face to face. Just a suggestion there! :)

I liked the interaction between James and Lily and how Lily stands up for people James bullies. It felt very true to their canon characters.

This was another really interesting and well-written chapter, I really enjoyed it! :)

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Review #8, by LululunaSaving Severus Snape : 31st August 1976

16th December 2014:
Hello!! :) I'm finally here with your first of four prize reviews for placing in the Beatles Challenge. Sorry for taking so long!! :P

I thought I'd review the four later chapters of this story because the first one already has a fair bit of reviews. I love the idea of the story, being a huge fan of time travel in fic. It's so interesting to see how the characters adjust and how all the mechanics of time travel itself work as well, so I'm excited to see where this story goes. :) I'll admit, I'm not the biggest Snape fan but that's mostly because of his actions as an adult, so I'm excited to see if the portrayal of him as a teenager will redeem him and how it might change the HP story and relationships.

With regards to the first chapter, I thought it was really well paced and realistic with Hermione's reactions. She was portrayed as being really empathetic and caring by JKR and I think you captured that really well. The one thing that I found a little odd was that the first thought she had when going back in time that she'd be in the same time period as Harry's parents and their friends - I wonder if she wouldn't acknowledge that her own parents would be teenagers somewhere out there as well? I don't think Hermione would be as conscious and intrigued by the Marauders as Harry was in the books so it did feel a bit fast that they were the first ones she thought of. Maybe she could try and think of who was at Hogwarts in that year, and then figure out that Harry's parents and co. would be around? :) So just a thought there.

I really like how Hermione is still thinking about the Battle and is clearly quite upset from what she has lived through. It feels like a really reasonable reaction and I especially liked when she was walking through the corridors and thinking of what they would look like after the battle.

I thought Hermione's decision of which House to go into made a lot of sense and fit really well with her character. I like how she's embraced the fact that she should keep her distance from the Marauders to keep from getting too involved and being tempted to help them. I was curious about why she didn't consider Slytherin, since it would get her closer to Snape - maybe because she's Muggleborn and just didn't feel comfortable?

I'm so curious about the book! This is definitely looking like it will be a great story and I'm excited to see how you continue it. :) Your writing is very clear and a pleasure to read. Well done! :)

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Review #9, by LululunaThe Brothers Three: The Pale Steed

16th December 2014:
Hi again!! :) Back for your fifth and final prize review (though I'll definitely be back soon when you update this and Stand Tall). Also, I totally failed miserably on beta-ing one of your chapters, so I'll be messaging you soon on the forums to discuss what you'd like me to read. :)

This was another really fascinating chapter and good continuation of the plot. I like how although the outline of the Peverell story already exists, you've really added a lot of depth to the characters between the sins and little details like Cadmus' family and the wand-making business. I thought it was a bit ironic that his daughters were called Patience and Temperance, haha, since their father is anything but those qualities. Hehe. :P

I feel like at this point, Cadmus is the most developed of the three brothers. He's almost the most interesting one of the three in a way, at least for me, since he's got this emotional instability and wild, irrational grief to balance. I liked the detail about how he feels guilty about Nora as well, it feels like he almost revels in his pain and grief and likes feeling like a bit of a martyr, to be honest. It definitely makes him a very fascinating character.

And Death! It was so interesting how she wanted to comfort him and it just failed completely. I loved the descriptions of her ghostly horse and how chilling and gothic the whole scene was, it was so well written and eerily real for me to read. Great job with the descriptions. I also like how the story was changed up a bit in that Cadmus actually encountered Death first and is even going looking for Death.

This was another great chapter! :) I'll be keeping an eye out for the next one! ♥

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Review #10, by LululunaThe Brothers Three: Introduction

16th December 2014:
Hello! :) Here for your fourth prize review. Also I'm a huge fan of Peverell brother stories and have wanted to read this for a while!

Ooh, great first sentence. It's so ominous and drew me in right away. Death here is such a fascinating character, and I love how you took the significance of JKR's Death and really made her your own. The way she moves among people and the embodiment of the sins was really neat, and I especially liked the line about Greed smelling like sewage. So cool.

Death's neutral opinions and almost boredom with human sin was really interesting as well. I like the idea of Death as an almost-neutral force, but who finds pleasure in the deaths of those who have the sin of Pride. I also like the last line, and how Death is silently watching. It was the perfect line to end the chapter on and hint at what Death might be planning. I'm thinking that perhaps from the summary and Death's hatred of Pride that Ignotus himself might be her main target. I feel like the older two brothers' sins are almost more pitiable in a way, while I can imagine Death wanting to knock clever Ignotus off his moral high ground.

I liked the backstory of the brothers set up here, with their dead mother and the resentment between the brothers. Poor Cadmus - I think he's a little foolish in the original story, but I do feel bad for him. Although his Envy of Antioch and wishing that Renee had died instead definitely shows how his grief has something wrongful and dangerous in it as well.

Couple small things:

would inevitable - inevitably?
but gravedigger didn’t stop I think it should be "But the gravedigger didn't stop"
At the end of the first paragraph about the brothers, it says both "father" and then "mother." Are they both supposed to say "mother"? I wasn't quite sure but thought I'd point it out.

Really great start to this story! :) I'm excited to keep reading!!

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Review #11, by LululunaStand Tall: Don't Wish, Don't Start

15th December 2014:
Back again!! :) Here for your third prize review.

Ahh, the Ben moment at the beginning was so cute! I loved how Alba is realizing that she might have a crush on both him and James, and how well they get along and are comfortable around one another. I especially liked her comment that Ben would probably carry her up the stairs even if she didn't have CP because it definitely seems like something he would do. Also, the way Alba rationalizes something like romance is so funny and typical of her character. :P It's like it can't be real until she's used logic to work through it.

Speaking of though, how the heck has Hogwarts made it this long without having some sort of accessibility services??! What if a student was in a wheelchair and couldn't physically climb all those stairs? I know that Alba is very determined and might not even accept help if the castle itself offered some sort of special stone escalator or what not, but I wonder if the school could help her out with getting around if she would let it.

Okay, jumping back a bit here... I thought the explanations of how the Tournament has evolved with the Guide and the Companion makes a lot of sense. It fits that they would want to not only make it less dangerous, but keep people from cheating as the Tournament Harry was in was pretty corrupt.

AHH I KNEW JAMES WAS GOING TO PUT HER IN!!! I totally suspected that when he was so insistent about dragging her into the circle and holding her hand. Or maybe it was someone else (Ben?) who put her in and James' weird behaviour was a red herring? Hmm, well James seems more likely to me at the moment. I'm not sure how I feel about his intentions, maybe he wanted to put her in so she can prove to the school that she can do anything, but it feels like forcing somebody to do something that scares them without their permission is going too far. I'm so curious to find out who put her in now!! Ahh!!!

Really great chapter!!! :D

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Review #12, by LululunaStand Tall: Sudden Heat

15th December 2014:
Hello!! :) Here (finally!) for your second of five prize reviews for the Beatles challenge. Real life really took advantage of me these past few months but I'm on break now so should hopefully be able to give you your prizes. Not to mention that I love this story so always excited to return to it.

One little comment: I found it a bit jarring that Alba's name wasn't mentioned in the first paragraph and it just said "she." I feel like that's the kind of thing that's easier for readers to notice than for writers so might be something to add in if you come back for an edit. :)

I liked how we got to see more of Chandra in this chapter and how it made her more likable. I liked how she was bonding a bit with Alba at the dinner table, and her having OCD is really interesting. I think it's great that you're showing diversity and representation not only through Alba, but her schoolmates as well, and it feels very authentic. As usual, you do a really good job showing how Alba has to make sacrifices and be mindful of her body's specific needs, but not making her whole identity and life revolve around it.

Alba's such a well-rounded character too. I think the way she reacted to Chandra's panic attack showed how she can be a little judgemental too, but how she still tries to see the most in people and be empathetic. That's very relatable.

Is it weird that I'm potentially shipping Alba and Albus?? He just seems sweet, if a little overshadowed by James. But I love the way the brothers work together and are such good friends, that's definitely fitting with my head canon especially if they're a year apart. And the names "Alba" and "Albus" are just too perfect to ignore. Hehe.

Hahaha, Krum!! I'm so excited that he's here - such a charmer, too. I like how he has such fond memories of Hogwarts, his feelings towards it reminded me of Harry a bit actually and how iconic Hogwarts is as both a symbol and a place in their minds. I'm so excited for the Tournament too, and what mischief the other schools might stir up.

Also, so funny to see Krum is still popular with the fangirls! Haha.



Couple typos I noticed (I know I like it when people review my stories and point these out so it might be helpful :P):

smart and cool." James answered - Should be a comma in the dialogue tag.
"Oh yeah!" Jam exclaimed Missing the last part of his name. Though Jam is kind of a cool nickname. :P
a better vantage point. He pointed to tops of Missing a quotation mark when his dialogue ends. Also I think it's supposed to be "the" tops.

Awesome chapter! I'm so excited to see what happens next. ♥

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Review #13, by LululunaChai, Samosas, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning: Chai, Samosas, and a Surprise

1st December 2014:
Hello! :) Sorry I took so long getting here - I read the story last night and loved it but got distracted by the massive evil essay that is my life, haha. But all done now so I can properly review! :D

I love this story, really. It was just amazing and made me incredibly hungry so you should be proud of the descriptions and how perfectly everything was described. I love stories like this which focus so much on the little details and it really shows how Hannah truly delights in the small things about cooking. Samosas yummm!

This was just such a cute little story and made me so happy to read. When they compared the lengths of their hands - aww! But so realistic for how people flirt when they're just getting to know one another. I liked all the explanations for why Hannah chose to work at the bar - she had other options, but it's what felt right to her. That's very inspiring, in a way. Neville was great too. I'm glad he's gained confidence since leaving school, he certainly deserves to. :)

I also love how you wrote Hannah as biracial. Her Indian heritage was clearly very important to her and I loved how she explored that heritage through her cooking and relationships with her parents and grandmother. She was so much fun to read about. Thanks for writing this awesome story! :)

Author's Response: Evil essays will be the death of us all. I completely understand. I still have to leave my review on your story but real life is always like NOPE. YOU CAN'T REVIEW TODAY.

I wrote this story in the middle of the night, and it is the absolute worst to start craving samosas in the middle of the night. I'm so pleased with the way the descriptions came out here - I think they're my favourite descriptions I've written so far. And Hannah was such a delight to write.

I was like "how do you make two people flirt with each other completely by mistake, but also make it really obvious that they're flirting?" I'm so lucky that Neville just turned out to be that way. And Hannah's motivations are something to which I aspire. To be mature enough to make the right decision for yourself is difficult.

Hannah's heritage is a part of her but I didn't want to make the story all about that. I just wanted it to be like the way it is in real life - it's always there and colours the way you do things and think things without it being in your face about it. Thanks for the lovely review :)


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Review #14, by LululunaBurned by Ice: Frostbite

1st December 2014:
YOU WROTE A STORY FOR ME?? HOW DID I NOT KNOW THIS?? ♥ Isn't that just the sweetest thing!

(Btw I'm not counting this review as part of our swap so I'll review another story after :P)

I really love Helena and Founders and Frost's poem, so this was just such a lovely read. And perfectly creepy as well! Especially the comments about the Baron being reserved yet violent in the throes of passion - eep.

I absolutely loved this line: Her heat seeped into the decay on which she lay. Her mind frosted; her thoughts crystallised; her heart pattered its last. It was just beautifully written and really resounded with me. Also the last line was perfect.

I like how despite being creepy and ominous, this story has your familiar humour and voice particularly when she's addressing the knocker and how it represents so much that she hates. The characterization here is so strong and really reminiscient of the Helena we met in the book. I felt that her resentment against her mother was great too, really showing how bitter she was that she felt she had to compete with her. She's right: that really isn't fair.

Great job with this, dear! And THANK YOU!! ♥

Author's Response: *blushes* *dies* *blushes more*

Ahh! I'm so incredibly happy that you liked it! Creepy is not my forte AT ALL, but I tried. I'm glad that I did - Helena was surprisingly fun to write.

Your stories always have the most beautiful descriptions, and I suck at descriptions, so I really tried with this one. I think that's my favourite line in the entire story. I'm pleased you liked it.

Haha. I couldn't help the way the humour creeped in. I just couldn't imagine Helena being all dramatic and angsty as she died. She'd definitely be one of those people who'd be like "well, great. Now I'm dying. That totally sucks." Her relationship with her mother is complicated, and was probably the hardest part to articulate. I'm glad that it all came across!

Thank you for the lovely review! And also thank you for being a very wonderful person in general :)


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Review #15, by LululunaActions Speak Louder than Words: Blown Away: Scorpius POV

30th November 2014:
Hello! :) Here for our swap! I really liked the story and wanted to keep reading and try and review a chapter that had (slightly) less feedback so here we go. I'm making myself stop now though because I have an essay to finish, eep. :P

I have been numb for two years. I loved this line. It really stood out to me, and I loved how direct it is and how it tells so much yet leaves so much unanswered. Brilliant. The way it stands alone in a paragraph made it so crucial.

I'm so curious and sad for Rose and why she has these panic attacks. I know now that she was kidnapped, and that's so horrible and I'm so torn for her and I've just met her! You really built up suspense in the first chapter and I loved all the little details that brought her to life, like her routine for throwing up. Of course it was awful but such a strong way to introduce her and give us an idea of her physically.

And the idea that the hat was drunk when sorting them - too funny. :P How would the hat drink, anyway? I would love to actually see that happen...ahem, off topic. Anyway, it's great that although Rose clearly has inner demons she is fighting there's also a good combination of romance and humour and fun in the story. I feel like that's realistic: through humour and her relationships with other people, she feels a little less alone, leaving the fear and hate to come in waves.

The party scene was fun. Wolfie! I love him already. He seems so adorable. I'm excited to see him at work with Rose because they just seem like they would be hilarious with him talking about vomit and everything.

I’m so glad that Rose calls the creep an "aggressor." For many people, it would be difficult to even acknowledge that. Unwanted advances and the treatment women go through by people who either don’t know better or pretend they don’t know better are really close to my heart – well, critiquing them and being a feminist is really close to my heart at least. In Canada we’ve got a lot of talk going lately about harassment (ranging from CBC to Parliament Hill, yay...) and it’s great that you’re addressing it here. It makes me sad how Rose thinks it’s her fault for not protecting herself immediately, when really it’s HIS fault for being rude and aggressive. Not being able to keep from blaming herself seems very realistic of victims.

I love how you did such a good job of showing how close Rose and Scorpius are as friends, and how supportive he is in understanding why she’s upset and knowing how to try and comfort her. He’s protective, but not in a weird, overbearing way: in a really comforting and kind way that makes me feel like she would do the same for him. It’s so refreshing.

Ahh, so she was kidnapped? :( This makes me wonder if creepy bearded guy might have had some inside knowledge and was purposefully trying to make her feel powerless…

It’s so cute that Scorpius calls Arthur “Grandad Weasley”! His descriptions of the Potter house were awesome as well.

Wow, the scene where Scorpius discovers his parents are dead was just…horrible. Beautifully, powerfully written: I felt like I was there and my heart thudded into my throat when I first realized that they were dead. What happened to them? Who did this? I have to know!!

I feel so sorry for Scorpius too. Inevitably I feel like he will feel guilty for not having a proper goodbye and for behaving that way, even though it’s not his fault. Kind of like with Rose and how she blames herself with the creeper and has self-hate.

I'm really loving this!! Hopefully I'll be back for more reviews soon!! ♥

Author's Response: Hey!

This review completely blew me away and it's taken me a few days to be able to wrap my head around it enough to respond to it :)

I'm so excited that you kept reading - eep! You are the first person to comment on that line. It was totally meant to make the reader pause and also to make Rose pause for a moment and realize that we are starting off at a turning point. I wanted to start off at a low point - there is only one way for her to go from here.

Haha - I'm not sure The Hat was really drunk - I think that was just James's excuse for why all the gang was sorted into Ravenclaw. Although the image of a drunk sorting hat is pretty funny!

I like Wolfie too! Unfortunately, he is only a minor character - but he does show up from time to time!

Gah! I'm so excited you noticed my careful treatment of Rose's attack and her reaction. I'm really trying to be cognizant of the message that I send regarding how she feels and how it is dealt with. I think many victims blame themselves first and try to act like there isn't an issue. But hopefully, I've done an alright job showing Rose go through the emotions of healing and growing from this.

Yeah, I wanted to show that Rose and Scorpius connect on a much deeper level. He is head over heels for her, but won't act on that until she is ready. She's always been there for him - and they did have a (small) history - you'll see that it gets mentioned in the next chapter (I think).

Great job connecting he creep at the party with her kidnapping - all I'm gonna say right now :)

The next chapter discusses Scorpius's parents death a bit. But I'm so relieved that the scene came off well. I re-wrote it so many times, wanting to get it just right!

Scorpius does carry a bit of guilt from the way that they died. He left angry and spiteful.

I would love it if you came back and let me know what you think! Thanks so much for doing a review swap!

♥ Beth



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Review #16, by LululunaWitch: Witch

14th October 2014:
Hey Sian!! :D Finally here to review this AMAZING story that you were so lovely in gifting me with. First of all, I know you know me well enough to know that this story is just right up my alley and I loved it so much, between the thoughtful portrayal of historical events and adapting them to the HP world, and the extreme pathos and slightly creepy element to the story and Jennet's experience.

One thing that stood out for me was how sorry I felt for Jennet and how she just had a terrible fate. How she was manipulated as a child and completely misguided, and how that led to a lifetime of guilt and hurt. It's truly heartbreaking, and inspires this real sense of sadness for me that there was nobody to look out for her and to protect or guide her. It's good that Lizzy has the guidance and education that Jennet didn't, but it made me feel really heartbroken for Jennet herself all the same.

The image of the bodies lined up when she was a girl was truly chilling. This line; Ten is the biggest number she can count up to. And there are ten of them, the bodies. Wow, that is just beautifully heartbreaking while also gruesome and terrifying. It shows both how ignorant Jennet is but also how this is the moment that completely changes her understanding of society and her place amongst humanity. :( I wonder if this is the sort of connection, between numbers and bodies, that makes her continue to fear education and the dangers it brings. She almost seems to prefer to live uneducated, because knowledge and speaking brings danger. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but it was really neat.

I really liked the historical details you incorporated, like the characters speech. I'm a big fan of dialect in dialogue to show how those characters differ from the norm and you did a great job with Jennet's language especially here. And then the little details, like the "gaol" and how she sells eggs and they go begging, really made the period believable.

I felt both sad and happy when Lizzy went away to Hogwarts. Happy, because she'll get a better life, and not have to suffer like Jennet or see how her mother suffered. But also sad, because Jennet lost the only thing that gave her love and even has to cope with the idea that Lizzy might be embarrassed or ashamed of her. It was really moving how much she clung to the idea of Lizzy as embodied through the letter, and she was quite selfless in that way. The way she focused her dreams and love on the letter was really beautifully written. In some ways I was longing to know just what the letter said but in other ways it was more powerful that Jennet never really found out, only imagined: it made it more of a dream and that way she could never be disappointed.

Jennet Device is a black stain on the green hills of her home. She knows that her name will be forgotten. The blot on the pages of history will be erased from time. I thought these lines were amazing. The narration takes on an almost accusatory tone, and I felt like the narrator could be read as holding the people responsible for not taking care of Jennet, for not being able to help her. It's an almost Charles Dickens-style message of trying to inspire pathos and societal change which I really loved.

The cyclical nature of the story and the sadness of Jennet's life was really brought to life with your beautiful writing. Thank you so much for this story, Sian - it truly means the world to me, and I know I'll be back to read it again and again and discover something new next time. You are amazing!! ♥ ♥

Author's Response: Jenna! ♥ I genuinely can't tell you how happy this review made me, because I really hoped that you'd like this story even though it's a bit random at first, and I know how busy you are, so the fact that you took the time to review means a lot! And thank YOU for everything too, plus I loved writing this story so it was definitely worth it!

Jennet Device as an historical figure is so ambiguous and so interesting, and I've always found myself really intrigued about her and what her motives were behind betraying her family, which essentially condemned them to death. It's so, so sad that there was nobody there to guide her properly and she made one mistake that had massive repercussions and affected her for the rest of her life.

In Jennet's mind, I think there's definitely a link between education and danger, because the people who are educated that she's encountered have always posed a threat to her, and at the same time there's that connection in her mind like you commented on, the fact that when she can count and if she could read, she'd maybe realise the magnitude of what she'd done even more. Perhaps she prefers to be this way as it means she can't understand to the same extent? I don't know where I'm going with this either, but it's really interesting to think about!

The dialect was so fun to write, as I love using it, although I had to tone a lot of it down as I was sure so many people wouldn't understand it :P I'm really glad you liked all those little historical details!

Lizzy definitely got the chance of a better life when she went to Hogwarts, but for Jennet, who's left behind, it's really sad. She has to be selfless here, because she knows that this honestly is the right thing to do, and that sacrifice kind of shows how much she's grown and changed since she was a scared little girl. I'm glad you liked the letter and the dreams that it evoked for Jennet - I was always sure I wouldn't include the letter, as I think it works better that we, along with Jennet, never know what it says.

I'm so pleased that you liked those lines! Jennet's life is one of those that gets forgotten so easily, or she gets cast as this demon child, so I really wanted to explore that and maybe try and make sure she'd be remembered for something other than what she did as a nine year old girl.

I'm so, so happy that you liked this story, Jenna - it's honestly all I was hoping for, and then this amazing review has just blown me away! ♥


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Review #17, by LululunaL'optimisme: Silence

3rd October 2014:
Hey Aph!! :) Sorry for taking so long to get here, these past two weeks have been complete madness. I know I reviewed this chapter back before you posted a new version (I think?) but it might be helpful to have a longer review and I'll hopefully be able to come back and review the other chapters sometime soon!! :)

As usual, your power with words is at full expression here.

The section on words was really interesting and felt like something Dumbledore would say in a letter or message to Gellert. Their connection was both physical and emotional but also intellectual, and I think that's more of an important quality than it would be in some relationships. I also loved how after the section about words and silences, the first line of the next section mentions how Albus never "told" Gellert something. It was a neat transition from the first section.

I love the comfortable, relatable, almost domestic description of their waking up together. It really humanized Gellert, who is so often seen as being otherworldly and beyond reach. I love how the description brought a real physicality to their relationship, right from the beginning, and of course the logistics of their sneaking about and being together. I especially loved the image of Albus jumping the fence. :P

your breath ghosting over my collarbone, a soft harmony to the birdsong. I love this line. It's just so beautiful and vivid, especially the image of breath "ghosting."

The emphasis on the day when Ariana was killed was really vivid and effective, especially since Dumbledore says he watched it over and over again in his Pensieve. I can imagine him doing that, a ghostly figure standing in his own memory and trying to make sense of what happened. It's almost like he's looking for penitence for his actions that day and punishes himself by reliving them. I've been reading a lot of nineteenth century literature lately but a big theme is Catholicism and the practices of confession and punishment and self-loathing and this reminded me a little of that, almost as if this story is Albus' confession to Gellert or to a higher power, like how he mentions God in the last line.

One little thing I noticed (though feel free to ignore, I'm just being picky):

wary of their power since young The use of the word "young" brought me out of the story a little as it didn't quite flow with the rest of the sentence, would "youth" or "being young" or "childhood" maybe fit better?

Lovely job, love! :) I can't wait to keep reading!

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Review #18, by LululunaDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: Mind Field

1st October 2014:
Hey hey!! Wow, it has seriously been way too long since I have reviewed - I've been awful with HPFF participation lately. :( So glad to be back!

The way Legilimency was described here was really cool and vivid. I loved the use of mist and armies and parchment - it as all just so brilliant and fit well with how I would imagine the inside of Devlin's mind. Clearly he has met his match in Snape, and the conversation they had inside his head was really intriguing.

I liked how Devlin analyzed Snape and his former Death Eater position as well - how he was acutely aware of his dark magic and how it was sort of hibernating, and how Death Eaters are good at pulling out their wands quickly, and how Snape still mirrors these practices even if he is currently separate. As usual your analysis of the familiar canon characters really goes deep and rings true.

Clearly in this chapter at least Devlin is realizing the wrongs that Voldy committed against him and coming out of his blinded love for his grandfather. But then there are the contrasting images like Voldy smiling because of him and how special and important that thought is to Devlin, to the extent that he identifies that quality as part of his own identity. The moral confusion is quite effective in showing how nobody is all bad, even Voldemort, and how Devlin could still be loyal to him in parts of his mind even if he knows it is dangerous. He's such a complex, wonderful character, and I do love it.

Great job, I hope I'll be back soon!! :D

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Review #19, by LululunaHow Long Will I Love You?: As Long As The Stars Are Above You

30th September 2014:
Hello!! :D Here for my part of the Slytherin review exchange. I'm a big Ron/Hermione shipper and thought you did a wonderful job with their relationship, both with the canon aspects and expanding it to tell a full story.

I'm not sure why but the fact that Slughorn died in this version of the battle made me really sad. I'm not sure why but I think because I have a prof who is a little like him but very likeable it just made me sad. :P Also that was an amazing paragraph: it could be just a list, but shows so much delicacy and depth in how many lives were touched and ended by the battle. I loved how even though they didn't know all of the names of the dead, they spent a little bit of love mourning and honouring their sacrifice. It was a really lovely, bittersweet moment.

Ron's interest in the stars and poetic analysis of them was interesting. It's definitely a development from his callous canon character, but that's what fanfiction is for - expanding on those characters who feel so familiar. I also thought the descriptions and reliance on the stars as symbolic and physical was really beautifully written throughout the story.

Aw, it's too cute how Ron matched his outfit to Hermione's dress. :P So thoughtful and subtle of him.

honey coloured orbs This is just a word choice preference, and feel free to ignore me but I've been doing close reading of literature all day which always gets me in a picky mood. :P I'm not a huge fan of the term "orbs" for eyes, it conjures up a bit of a weird image and I feel like another word might flow better with the poetic tone of your beautiful story. Maybe "honey coloured gaze" or even just "eyes"? Just a thought! :)

Bringing up Ron's love for chess and how he analyzes his proposal in terms of chess was just genius. I love how he was the knight and she was the queen - it was too cute.

I especially loved the scenes with Rose and Hugo - it's amazing seeing them as parents. Hermione is just how I imagined, very attached to her children and I can imagine her feeling a little lost with them both away at school. I love how Hermione defended Rose's right to date a Malfoy as well, it was perfectly in character for both of them.

Aww, the final scene was so bittersweet! :( I'm sad Hermione had to die when she was still young and before she could meet her grandkids but it sent a lovely sense of grief and love and pathos through the whole story. Ron was so adorable with his granddaughter, the scene just felt quite real.

Great job with this, it was a wonderful read! :)

Author's Response: Hi!
Well thank you for that amazing review! I have such a big grin on my face, you are so brilliant. I warn you that I am rather tired and hence my reply may be slightly ramble-y, so sorry for that :) I feel bad for replying so late and I don't want to put it off any longer.
I'm sorry for Slughorn's death. I wanted to show that it wasn't just the other houses that fought, and I chose Slughorn because he finally decided that he was going to be brave for this one time, to protect Hogwarts and the students. He was a hero.
I'm really glad you liked my take on Ron, I was worried he might be a little OoC for some people.
I'll go and change the orbs part as soon as I'm finished here!
Haha, the chess part was slightly sur-of-the-moment. I was reading the first book again and remembered how he had played a knight and Hermione the queen :')
I think they would be really good parents, although perhaps slightly overprotective. They have good reason though. I'm glad you like those scenes!
Eek, thank you so much for all of that review.
Lottie


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Review #20, by LululunaStand Tall: Sudden Silence

29th September 2014:
Hello! :D I'm here for your first prize review for the Beatles challenge.

It's nice to see Alba's circle of friends expanded a bit and I liked her interaction with Maude and the latter's concern for Alba. The bandaid explanation was great as well in explaining not only to Maude, but to me about Alba's potions. It's really great how you weave in her everyday interactions with how she's always conscious of having Cerebral Palsy and its impact on even the smallest things. I thought the mention of her fear of falling and breaking her wand was especially poignant since it would be so disappointing and inconvenient for a witch to break her wand yet could happen so simply.

Unlike most of the girls in her year, Alba actually liked Maude, though their interactions were generally strictly academic. This sentence confused me a little as I wasn't sure if it meant that Alba disliked most of the girls in their year, or that most of the girls in their year disliked Maude. Maybe both? :)

tapestry cannot know it's worth I think this should be "its"? Also this was a great line and kind of reminded me of something Dumbledore would say. And the goblet of fire coming into Alba's life is so exciting and adds such a suspenseful future for the story. I like how James is quite down to earth about entering the tournament, though his yielding to Chandra is intriguing as well. Somehow I got the suspicion from his wink to Alba that maybe he was going to enter Alba's name - hmm. I don't think he would be that sneaky and he's pretty protective of her safety so maybe not, but it did seem like he was up to something.

I actually love how Alba wants to be a Healer. She would be a good one too, since she already knows so much about her own medical treatment and has a passion for communicating to people about medicine like we saw with Maude. But that being said I liked how you focused on the difficult aspects as well with Potions and Herbology. I wouldn't have thought of that but it fit well with how people accommodate disabilities in the Muggle (our) world.

Great chapter, I'll be back soon!! :D

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Review #21, by LululunaOhana: Scum

8th September 2014:
Well hello!! I am so excited to read this, the whole story is so amazing and dedicated to me??! Ahh, I just want to hug you right now!! ♥ :D

First of all can I say I'm so honoured to have such a lovely story dedicated to me. You're an amazing writer and I love your interpretation of Kreacher: it's funny, because he's one of those minor characters I've always wanted to read about and so this is simply perfect. :)

I really liked the unique interpretation of Walburga and her portrait. The paragraph about how her portrait produced scum and the repulsion Kreacher felt towards her was so inspiring and original, I loved it. It's also such a unique portrayal in how it seems like he clung to that portrait only because it was all he had left, not because he really worshipped her. The dedication Kreacher had towards Regulus and the empty feeling he had when he died, however, was really heartbreaking. I especially liked how Regulus made it seem like he and Kreacher were equals: that was a really neat parallel and made me think of their relationship in a new way. Not only from a characterization point of view, but from a literary one: both Regulus and Kreacher had literary links in the story.

Another original thing I noticed was how you showed Kreacher still caring about Bellatrix and Narcissa even when they were grown up and technically on the other side of the war. It's like he sees Voldemort as being the ultimate nemesis, who took his family away from him, instead of all of the others who supported the Dark Lord. I loved how he evolved towards wanting to protect scum and those considered lowly, it was a really neat theme.

I thought the use of second person was perfect and flowed really naturally. The whole story was beautifully written. :)

Thank you so much for dedicating this to me, I'm so excited and honoured and excited that my beta-reading helped you gain confidence in your wonderful writing. It really means a lot! ♥ :)

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Review #22, by LululunaYou Are Part of Everything : Dear Prudence

4th September 2014:
Hello! :) I'm here to review your story for the Beatles challenge - thanks for the wonderful entry! :D

Firstly, I really liked how you kept Sirius' identity secret until the end, and in doing so showed a completely different take on his womanizing ways. It took his handsome charm and the attractions girls felt for him to a darker, less innocent place while still fitting in with his character. He comes across as so selfish and manipulating instead of romantic, and I felt so sad for Prudence and seeing the effect that Sirius' betrayal had on her.

I like how although the beginning feels like a nice, sweet love story with the popular crush noticing the quiet girl, there were still hints that all was not as good as it seems. I was pretty suspicious that Sirius might hurt Prudence and that just became stronger and more foreboding, building throughout the story. One way this was done was how Prudence's feelings of attraction and excited nervousness around Sirius were also symptoms of fear, like her heart beating fast and her stomach being in knots. It parallels the attraction with fear.

Something interesting about the story which I liked was how it was told in the form of Prudence directly addressing Sirius, almost in an accusatory way by the end of the story. It was a cool parallel to the Beatles song where the singer is directly addressing Prudence, so I liked how you kind of told the other side of the story with an interpretation of the song. I'm so glad you picked this song as it fit so nicely with the story, both in terms of plot and language.

I liked the use of the word "play": instead of it being a word indicating Prudence's freedom from her stifled, indoor life, it was a word used for Sirius playing with and discarding Prudence's heart. Sadly, I'm sure there are many girls who have been similarly treated by boys, and I really like how you tied that into the story here to show both a tragic but realistic interpretation of teen romance.

Great job, thanks so much for the lovely entry! :D

Author's Response: Hi there! Thank you for making this awesome challenge! :)

I really wanted to make this story more about Prudence, and not just another Sirius story, although, ultimately it *is* another Sirius story. That was why I kind of kept him hinted at, but not flat out acknowledged until the very end. Yeah, we always hear about what a "playboy" Sirius was - at least in our collective head-cannon haha - so I thought it would be, not fun, but interesting to focus on the aftermath of his carelessness with women.

It's definitely your typical toxic, for lack of a better word, relationship. It starts out all sweet and roses and then slowly disintegrates into something awful. But when you look back, you see that the slight awfulness was always there in a way. Prudence was scared because, she knew what he was like with other girls. She may have hoped it would be different with her, but I think deep down she would have known it would not have been. But at the same time, she was a teenage girl, who was just ecstatic that her long time crush had finally noticed her. Ugh... boys.

The way Prudence told the story was not planned out. It just kind of happened. It felt right to tell it this way, you know? I'm really happy you liked how it all came together and how it did end up paralleling the song. XD

This story was a little personal to me. I've had a similar experience when I was younger. Not *quite* as bad, I definitely embellished a little. I put a lot of myself into Prudence, so posting this has left me feeling quite vulnerable. I was actually terrified to post it, at first. So I'm glad that this did end up feeling authentic.

Again, thank you for the challenge! I really enjoyed doing it. And thank you so, so much for such a lovely review!! I'm thrilled you enjoyed this!

xoxo Meg


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Review #23, by LululunaEverto Trucido: Halloween 1976 -- Part Two

2nd September 2014:
Hi again!!

Ahh, so the vampire was unexpected! Well, sort of, but I had kind of forgotten about it, so it was quite scary. You write the battle scenes really well: they're suspenseful without being too gory which I really like.

The idea that Sirius thinks Regulus is her soulmate made me laugh. If only he knew... well, he did suspect, and I feel like Snape being her soulmate is probably even worse for the Marauders.

I thought Sirius was sweet here, even though he was extremely drunk. It's nice to see him opening up to Grace and showing the pain he has experienced regardless of the circumstances.

it was interesting how you addressed Grace's addiction to cigarettes and how she recognizes that she has a dependent personality. It fits with her character, not only that she would be dependent but also that she notices that and tries to prevent a new addiction from forming. It was a little detail but something that really was powerful to me.

Another great chapter, I'm already excited for the next one!! :D

Author's Response: Hello round two!

Bahah, so I may have let the vampire thing go on for a bit too long...but I wanted to save it for the Halloween chapters!

I think that, despite everything, that discovering that Snape is her soulmate would be worse for the Marauders than if Regulus was... they just don't like Snape...

Oh the budding friendships ^.^. Drunk Sirius is a little more open than sober Sirius.

Thanks for the lovely reviews!! :D

-Rumpel


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Review #24, by LululunaPlaying for Keeps: Mint Chocolate Chip Memories

2nd September 2014:
Yay, she has a name!! Well, she's gone by a few different names, by the sounds of things. It makes me so sad that she was bullied to the extent that she hates and is ashamed of something as genuine as her name - it's just awful. Right now I'm hoping that she never forgives James and just gets some solid revenge on him, frankly. He seems horrible, though I suppose that people do grow up and change.

I liked all the backstory with Hattie and the roots of their friendship, though one detail I thought was great was how Hattie did have other friends and how Annie felt neglected and jealous when she did. It fits well with Hattie's personality that she could have multiple friends at once, and I thought Annie's feelings of jealousy made her more relatable. As confident as she is when playing pool, she clearly has a lot of faults, like not being good at magic and being so shy and closed off from others.

I love mint chocolate chip ice cream as well! It's the best flavour other than MAYBE blueberry.

I'm still loving this, and even though you've answered some questions I'm still longing for answers. What happened with her sister? What exactly did James do and why doesn't he recognize her? What's the wager with Freddy? Guess I'll have to just keep reading!! :D

Author's Response: Yep, a name at last! Her first name (in my opinion) is a bit stuffy and old-fashioned, so Annie is definitely the preferred name. But the bullying didn't help--I mean, Portia is a perfectly good name, but if people are going to turn it into a joke, it isn't so good anymore. She may or may not forgive James in the future, but right now she still hates him. (Although he HAS changed... But she doesn't know that yet.)

Thank you! Hattie is definitely a social butterfly, unlike Annie, and that can lead to some jealousy. But at the end of the day, they're still best friends. I'm so glad that Annie's characteristics and actions make her seem relatable--I really didn't want to create an OC that was too "perfect." Flawed characters are the best characters!

Mint chocolate chip is my second favorite kind of ice cream. My first favorite is Blueberry Pomegranate Dark Chocolate Chunk. (Yes, that is a thing, and it is beautiful!)

Thanks for loving it, and for giving me some stellar reviews! There are many questions that still must be answered, but it may take the whole novel to answer them. Don't worry, you'll find out the wager soon, and all the reasons why James is an idiot, and et cetera.

~Mallory


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Review #25, by LululunaPlaying for Keeps: A Face From the Past

2nd September 2014:
Back again! :D

Ahh, I knew it was James since you mentioned his hazel eyes. :P Hehe. Gah, he seems like such a fascinating character but I dislike him because the main character (what's HER name?!!) hates him and has clearly held a grudge which I don't blame her for. At first I thought that he maybe physically abused her while at Hogwarts and felt really sad, but emotional bullying is still quite awful as well.

I liked how much emphasis was put on the power of names in this chapter. The impact of James' name and how much it defines him, to the extent that he'll do anything to protect it. The narrator's name and how it could be turned against her and how if he knew it, it would turn the power back to him: it's fascinating, and reminds me a bit of fairy tales where knowing somebody's name gives power.

I love, once again, how there's a contrast between her body and her spirit. I loved the line about her spirit not being able to break like glass in contrast to her body being only the surface: it seems like her body protects her spirit, guarding her false exterior from her true interior. She's so interesting, and I love all the literary contrasts of her character.

So it sounds like James and Freddy made some sort of wager? Sneaky underworld casino Freddy is really exciting to me as well, I hope we get to meet him at some point. :P

Another great chapter, Mallory!! :D I'll for sure be back sooner rather than later.

Author's Response: Woo! Hi again!

Yep, I tried to put in some clues about his identity, since the MC still remains shrouded in mystery. :) But you'd be surprised at what people guessed after his appearance in chapter one! He is completely and utterly reprehensible in this chapter, and I hate him too. But character development will happen, and things might change. Nope, I still didn't reveal her name in this chapter, haha, but at least I revealed (sort of) what the relationship between James and the MC is.

Names are so powerful! I drew that theme from magic and how the slightest mispronunciation of a spell can lead to disastrous results. And I'm sure that there's some lore about how revealing your true name can give someone else the power to destroy you. (Rumpelstiltskin, for instance.) Fairy tales were DEFINITELY an inspiration. :D

She's a walking contradiction, almost to the point of annoyance sometimes! It's difficult to balance out what I mean with what I write, and sometimes her spirit is more vulnerable than she would like it to be. I'm glad that you think she's interesting! :D

Yes, a wager! Freddy will certainly show up in future chapters, but he and James are not on good terms at all. Interesting cousin relationships are fun to write!

Thanks once again!

~Mallory


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