Reading Reviews From Member: randomwriter
  
293 Reviews Found

Review #1, by randomwriterThe New Creative Arts Department: that time when rose weasley smiled at me

27th June 2015:
House Cup 2015
Gryffindor!

Lisa! As I mentioned in the chapter written by Joey, I've had my eye on this for a good while, and I'm really glad I got to read this (thank you, House Cup!). As I mentioned in my first chapter, I'm already in love with it, and I'm going to favourite it after this review, so please update it soon? :p

I really, really like reading this from Scorpius' point of view. I have a soft spot for Scorpius Malfoy as a character in any role in any story, so I was beyond excited when I saw that this was his chance at a narrative. I also really like this style that you've adopted where you're switching POVs between Rose and Scorpius. I think their inner voices compliment each other well, if that makes sense. If it doesn't, note that it is 5 AM here :p And I'll use that as my excuse.

Speaking of complimentary things, your writing styles (yours and Joey's) match really well too. You've both got this hilarious dialogue thing down, so I love that you're working together on this.

On the dialogue front, you did not disappoint. I think I tell you this every time I leave you a review, but I just love your dialogue writing skills. I wish I could write speech like you do. My favourite bit was that exchange in the beginning (dictator/monarchy whaat). HAHAHA. I totally cracked up at that.

I love how Rose is running her brainchild. She seems efficient. In fact, the whole team had a lot of clarity from the word go considering it didn't take them too much time to decide and assign. I can't wait for more on this front.

Also, Scorpius' little crush on Rose is so incredibly sweet ♥ I love Scorpius/Rose, and I can't wait for developments! Also, I'm really appreciative of how well you've written trans Scorpius. It's very subtle, but it's there. I like that you didn't make it overly obnoxious, because though he is trans, that doesn't have to define him. There's so much more to him, and you showed that clearly.

Your writing is perfect for this sort of stuff really, so there's no point in me elaborating. It's too good.

I can't wait for this to be updated. Please get on it? :p

♥ Thoroughly enjoying it!

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Review #2, by randomwriterThe New Creative Arts Department: that time when i started a newspaper

27th June 2015:
House Cup 2015!
Gryffindor

Hello Joey! Another chapter of yours to review :) I've had my eye on this for a while now, and House Cup is a great time to make progress on your R&R goals, so well, here I am!

Oh wow. This is the BEST! I love next gen, and Rose and Scorpius are my favourites, so I was in from the moment she introduced herself. It only got better and better after that.

I loved your characterisation. Rose seems so dry, and that really works with my headcanon. Also, it seems like she has a good sense of humour. I know we haven't seen much of Scorpius yet, but I'm loving the details you've included about him here. Teddy, as the clueless and scatterbrained teacher is rather endearing. I'm sure Rose will continue to take advantage of his lack of a plan :p But I can't be too annoyed about it. I love her idea of the school paper as much as I love her brash, self-assured attitude.

My most favourite thing about this is the dialogue. It's incredibly well written and smooth. And I love how you've included snippets of everyone's conversations. They were all just so funny, but I swear, I just about lost it at that aasthma line! HAHAHA :D So well, 10/10 for dialogue. Plus, I want lessons on how to dialogue. You're hilarious!

I love that this is so well written overall. It reads well, really easy. And I love how you manage to shift scenes (well, not the literal scene here) so easily.

I also completely adore the idea of a creative arts department, as well things like theatre and painting. It looks like Hogwarts is evolving to become more liberal (or to include liberal arts), which I think is great! These things make for great next gen stories, and I can't wait to read more of yours. Great job! Looking forward to this :D

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Review #3, by randomwriterYou: give life to those scathing words and confrontations--the world could use a few more complications

27th June 2015:
House Cup 2015! Gryffindor!

Hello Joey! I've been meaning to read your stories for quite some time now, but I've never actually made it here, so this was the perfect opportunity to chip away at my reading list.

When I began reading this, I was quite surprised. Lysander/Louis isn't something I've seen before, and yet, it made sense on some level, especially with the way you've characterised the two of them. I love how events in their lives, independent of their relationship, actually affects their relationship in the end. It's how real life often plays out.

This was also very relatable. As someone who has been in an on-and-off relationship before, I completely understood where these two were coming from. It's really easy to fall back into old patterns or seek the other person because you're comfortable relying on them. I think you've captured that aspect really well.


I also like how your inclusion of diversity was quite subtle. Sometimes, I find that authors tend to pack a lot of diversity in their stories without giving much thought to how to effectively weave it into the story so that it doesn't stand out in an obvious manner. I didn't see that here. It was well written and was seamlessly connected to the plot and narrative.

I enjoyed how you managed to capture a vast timeline in so few words. It gave us a more complete understanding of their relationship without coming off as too expository.

Your writing is gorgeous. The descriptions are so vivid and I loved how you included mentions of seasons. I love it when writers do that. I think it's a beautiful tool, and works really well as a metaphor. I also liked how you interspersed your narrative with those italicised lines. They were really meaningful too! :)

Rolf's selective mutism was a nice inclusion. It was really heartwarming to see how you included more diversity. While some may say that Lysander was harsh in his dealing with it, I think it's quite natural for him to not fully understand/or to have lived with it so long that he's gotten used to it.

Overall, this was a lovely one-shot. I'm afraid I can't hang around and say more like I'd have liked to. You know, stories to review! But great job :) Especially on the ending. Put a smile on my face!

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Review #4, by randomwriterWorship You: Storm

20th June 2015:
House Cup 2015
Gryffindor

Hello there, Sian! :) I've had my eye on this for a while, and I decided that this is the perfect opportunity to read and review it.

I think I'm being a massive parrot, but I'm going to say it again anyway. Your writing is the best thing ever. It's so beautiful, and your descriptions... argh! How can anything be this perfect?!

This piece is so original. I've never read this pairing before, and the idea intrigues me. I love Bellatrix as a villain. She's so dark, strong and powerful, and it's interesting how you conveyed that through your description of her. Also, I love how you just gave us hints, and not actual names. Sinistra and Bellatrix, how interesting!

I'm so impressed with how you managed this. I've never even been able to manage the Every Word Counts challenge, but you did that, and you wrote this without using the letter 'e'. I can't imagine doing that. I mean, you can't even use the simplest of words like 'the'! This must have taken you quite some time, but then again, with talent like yours, I wouldn't be surprised if it didn't.

Sian, I loved this. The last line was an amazing way to end this piece. It is burned into my mind now. Great job, as always. You're the best at this. ♥

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Review #5, by randomwriterFeel Again: Feel Again

20th June 2015:
House Cup 2015
Gryffindor

Hello Tanya! I was going to find my way here eventually :p I'm glad I chose this though. I don't really know what to say. It was really, really angsty, and I felt so bad for James. I also felt scared and vulnerable because I didn't know what happened to him, but I knew it must be serious if they had to shift him to Mungo's right away. In all that chaos and fear, I was ready to scream in frustration when the Slytherins started clapping. I thought that was horrible... until the yells of 'Get Well Soon' started. That was such a wonderful moment. It really broke a smile out on my face. I think that you handled it was extremely clever. You didn't diminish how powerful the moment was. And the last part? Where the Weasleys and Potters came into the frame was also a great idea. It actually unified everyone, including the people close to him, even though they had reason to be mad against the Slytherins.

All in all, this was well written. Powerful. Touching. I love how you handled such a complex mix of emotions in so few words. And
your writing was wonderful. Great work, Original Tanya ♥

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Review #6, by randomwriterMy Little Girl: My Little Girl

20th June 2015:
Hello Duckie/Sarah :) I'm here to review for Gryffindor for the House Cup 2015! (I feel like that was worded weirdly :S)

Anyway, I've never heard this song, but when I saw that it was a song fic, I played it as a I read it, and it really worked get me into the mood.

This was really sweet. I'm a huge fan of Teddy/Victoire, but I think what I loved the most was how you kept them in focus without it being about them at all. It was a moment for Bill to share with his daughter. All the emotions and thoughts that were flowing into his head were so touching. It's clear that he cares about her beyond anything else, and would do anything for her happiness.

I love how you showed us pictures and snapshots from her 21 years of life before this day. There weren't too many details, but it was easy to get a sense of how she was raised and how she became who she is.

There were also some funny/cute moments in this. Like, Teddy's hair being the 'something blue' and Bil being certain about going after Teddy with a beaters bat if he hurt his precious little Victoire.

I think these are moments that every father goes through at some time (though I wouldn't know personally how it feels to go through them :p), and it was sweet to read through this. My smile never left my face.

Oh, and it fits the song so perfectly. Great job :)

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Review #7, by randomwriterkisses-blood-valentine: Ballad of Evvie and Bernie

20th June 2015:
House Cup 2015
Gryffindor

Hey Rose! I've heard so much about this story over the last few months, and I'm glad that I finally got a chance to check it out. You're right. It's a bit weird, but weird is so rarely a bad thing, and yours certainly is nowhere close to bad.

I think there's this thing that happens when you read a story like this. At first, you're a bit jumbled and confused and you don't know what exactly just happened. But then, when you think about it, something suddenly clicks, and you sit back and marvel at how beautifully it all fits.

I love how you've used non-linear narration. It just adds to the effect when you finally get it, and I'm honestly so in love with that style right now. It's gorgeous.

This is what I think happened: Benjy was involved with the Order, fighting Dark wizards. Bernie and Evvie were involved and were so in love. The Death Eaters targeted Bernie to get to Benjy and/or because of her involvement with a muggle. They imperiused her into killing Evvie. That would explain all the blood on her hands (see what I did there?). It would also explain why she's in Azkaban, and why they call her 'innocent' in the end.

It took me a while to get all that, but I think I'm decently right?

The love that Bernie and Evvie share is so natural and it's lovely to read about. I'm sure Evvie would have accepted the magic. She seems open minded. I was also surprised to see how she doesn't get along with her twin. We rarely see that. But at the same time, it's evident that he cares for her and is concerned about her safety.

Your writing is so wonderful. I love the imagery and the colours and everything. Gah, you make me jealous with your clever plotlining and gorgeous writing! Great job, Rose ♥

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Review #8, by randomwriterclipped wings: the quickening.

20th June 2015:
House cup 2015
Gryffindor

Hello Sian! I'm so glad you updated this in the few hours that have passed. I'm sort of addicted, and I got here as soon as I possible!

This was almost painful to read. Since we see this story through Hepzibah's thoughts and actions, I think, as readers, we can't fail to sympathise with her and feel for her. It's so hard to see someone fall like that. I don't know what exactly she did, but was it just the news that she slept with him? Because she doesn't seem to have done anything else. Maybe rumours spread?

I can't believe Edmund turned out to be such a horrible man. His love for her seemed so genuine. Was it all a trap? Or did he actually believe the rumours? Whatever it is, the whole situation is so unfair to Hepzibah. And her family turning their backs on her was a hard hit too. She had nobody left by the end of it.

I can imagine why she wants cut herself off from the circle. It would probably be embarrassing to attend it if all she's going to hear are remarks about herself.

I need to know what happens next. Poor Hepzibah! And it can't be easy in an overly involved society, especially when the people who ruined your life run in the same circles. I wonder what made Edmund go to Honoria so easily. But maybe because in my mind, Hornoria is a right pig.

I don't think Hepzibah will bring herself to attend the wedding. But I feel like she should. It'd make for a very strong statement.

Once again, your writing is fantastic. It's so smooth flowing, and words are just perfect. I love how each chapter is a short burst of emotion and each is so much more vivid than the last.

Your writing is so, so lovely. Please update soon? ♥

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Review #9, by randomwriterTabula Rasa: One

20th June 2015:
House Cup 2015
Gryffindor

Hi Sam! I was going through your page looking for something to read when I saw this. The summary caught my eye. I was curious, and at the same time, I wanted to see how you managed a Colin+Albus sort of thing. Plus, I saw the words tabula rasa and there was no way I was going to ignore this.

I will admit that I was slightly confused when I first , but then when I went over it again, things became clearer. Also, I didn't see that it was a WIP, and I was wondering what to make of it, and then I went back to the story shell and felt like an A grade idiot. :p So, there's more to come, which is good.

Your first chapter was very intriguing. Yes, we already know he dies in the war. But you gave us so much about that. The details made it seemed more real. Plus, this actually goes into his emotions as well, and that was an excellent touch. The descriptions of fear and anger were spot on. And when he mentioned Dennis, I just felt so bad for him! You also managed to capture the chaos and activity of the war by just your writing.

This piece was slightly confusing, but it flowed well at the same time. I think it was mainly confusing because I thought it ended there and was feeling unclear. But on my second read, after knowing that it was a WIP, it was much better for me. Also, there were a couple of tiny grammatical errors. I've forgotten them by now :p They didn't obstruct the flow or anything, but a quick read through can help you fix that.

I hope you update soon. This is bound to be interesting :)

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Review #10, by randomwriterDarkness: Darkness

20th June 2015:
Hey there, Gina! I'm here for the 2015 HOUSE CUP for Gryffindor.

I think this is the first time I'm actually reading your writing, and I can't imagine why I haven't before because this piece was absolutely stunning.

I think it's interesting that you chose minor characters who were connected to the war in some way and told their story against the backdrop of the war. I also loved how the story was so rich in emotion. We started off feeling elated and that slowly translated into helplessnesss and despair. Finally, by the end of the whole thing, there's a feeling of renewed hope. The last section where you mention the philosophy behind naming her so, it adds to the feeling to change.

I'm glad she got a second chance at life. It's difficult when someone is not supportive. To top that off, he's rough, rude and really doesn't seem to care about her at all. Plus he's barely there, and yet, she needs to listen to him and keep him in the loop. In the end, I felt like justice was served to her as well when he was killed. She was far too meek and gentle to change her position, but at least, the war did.

I think you handled her progression of emotions in a very clever way. You show exactly how she is at what stage and what's playing an impact on her. I thought it was really well done.

Your writing is impeccable here. I can't find a single word or phrase out of place. You've done extremely well :)

Great job, Gina. It's safe to say that I'll be visiting your page more often. Great work! ♥

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Review #11, by randomwriterStrangers in the End: Where is Home

20th June 2015:
Hey Alishya! I'm here for the House Cup (2015) to represent Gryffindor!

I'm absolutely heartbroken. What an incredibly clever, well-thought out story. It was so touching as well. I don't think ti hit me as hard until I got to the end. Then I had to re-read it once, and I sort of got it. And your Author's Note made it crystal clear.

I really, really felt for all the characters in your story. Hermione, because she can never openly be a part of their lives like she should be. And because she lost her father without him getting a chance to know her again. Her mum, because of Alzheimers and because of the pain of losing her husband.

It's heartbreaking to know that the reverse spell didn't work. Hermione is such a talented witch. If she couldn't achieve it, it truly must be near impossible. But masquerading as their caretaker just to be a part of their lives is sad in a whole different way. But it also shows how much she loves them, and how much she yearns to be around them. I get were she's coming from.

I love that you chose to write about this moment. It was powerful and life-changing, and I think that it's every bit likely that Hermione would have gone back for them and that this could have happened. Doesn't make it any less sad though.

Your descriptions are so good. I love the first para, where you've written about the palpitations and nerves so perfectly. I'm sure everyone could relate to how spot-on that was.

If I had one suggestion, I'd say that this needs to be read through once. Maybe by a beta. It's got quite a few grammatical errors, and that makes it difficult to understand in certain parts. That's why I had to reread it to get it completely.

That apart, your story has touched me deeply. It's extremely unique because I haven't come across so many elements of this. I'm impressed beyond words. Great job ♥

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Review #12, by randomwriterclipped wings: the rejection.

20th June 2015:
Hello again, Sian!
(review for House Cup 2015- Gryffindor)

A!! Didn't I tell you that I knew something like this wold happen? Doesn't mean that it didn't hit as hard though. I was quite shocked to see how Edmund treated her. I can't believe he disappeared without as much a warning. He could have just asked her, spoken to her. But but but... sigh.

Horatia is such an evil manipulator. I'm fairly certain that she was behind some vile rumour that tore Edmund and Hepzibah apart. It' so unfair. Horatia strikes me as a sour, dull lady, who will do whatever she can to get what she wants.

Poor Hepzibah though. I'm really curious to know how she reacts and takes it from there. I hope she can fix this. She really does love him beyond words.

Speaking of words, yours are the best. I'm really loving this story, and I'm upset that there isn't more to read because it's so lovely. Plus, this is a bit of cliffhanger you've left us on. We're left wondering what the rumour was, what Horatio's involvement was, how will Hepzibah try to fix this, what will society think of her, and so much more.

Your writing is just as beautiful. But there's something a bit haunting about this because of all the pain and heartache. Once again, you managed to capture the love, longing and heartache so the perfectly. The sentiment behind your words sprang off the page.

Your descriptions make me want to cry.
Nothing else to be said.
Once again, amazing work &hearts: Update soon.

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Review #13, by randomwriterclipped wings: the fall.

20th June 2015:
Back so soon? Yes! Hi Sian :) This is for the 2015 House Cup, and I'm here for Gryffindor!

Remember how I mentioned earlier that your story reminds me of richness and opulence? Well, this is everything I sense when I read these chapters. This one captured the feeling completely. It's clear that they're both from high society, but for Edmund to be in a level that's far beyond what even Hepzibah has imagined is something else altogether. I wonder if this may cause a rift between them. It has happened in the past. I hope not though. They seem so happy and far too in love to care about anything external.

I'm pretty sure you're going to get sick of me saying this, but your descriptions are out of this world ♥ I could picture myself being there. So vivid, the emotion behind your words is almost tangible. It's so strong. I can feel their love.

Hepzibah has made her choice. I'm curious to see what Edmund wants. Will marriage come soon? It seems to be the next natural step given the circumstances and how they are. But I'm still on edge. I'm expecting something bad to happen, thank you :|

I like how this whole story seems to be like a scene, in a way. We barely see any dialogues or details, and yet we know everything with great clarity. I don't know if this makes sense, but it's almost as if it's an incredibly painting or mural, detailed and colourful and I'm walking past it from the beginning, till the end.

I'm sorry. I don't know if that made any sense to you at all. It's beautiful though, and you should be proud for being able to write something so incredible ♥ Great job!

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Review #14, by randomwriterclipped wings: the passion.

20th June 2015:
Hello again, Sian! House Cup 2015, go go Gryffindor! ♥

I love, love, love this! There are no words for how beautiful this, and your writing are. And I'm so jealous that I've never managed something like this. It's so smooth, but I feel like I'm drowning in something rich and opulent while reading this.

I really like your continuation from the last chapter. You haven't bogged us down with any details, and yet, you've managed to tell us a lot about them and how they are together. Hepzibah is too far gone, and I don't blame her. The way you've written Edmund, even I've fallen for him. He sounds so dreamy and wonderful. Ad their love seems so warm and wonderful, I'd hate the thought of it ending.

But I know you and I know that this is for the Angst Challenge, and honestly. That scares me. Will you ruin Edmind for me? :(

You've done a great job of capturing the essence of societal life of that period. I feel like I've been transported back in time. You also do a great job with descriptions, as usual. Over here, you've described her feelings for him so well. You didn't just say she was in love. You showed it in such a lovely way. That takes a lot of skill.

Also, the flow is perfect. I know it can be a bit sketchy in second person. But that doesn't happen here at all. In fact, now that I've read this., I can't imagine it in any other voice at all.

You are a writing goddess, Shaarn. I'm far too jealous. I want to quote my favourite lines, but I'm afraid I'll just end up quoting the whole thing back to you! So ♥ I'll see you soon on Chapter 3.

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Review #15, by randomwriterclipped wings: the meeting.

20th June 2015:
Hello Sian! I'm here for the HOUSE CUP 2015! For Gryffindor, obviously :p

How sneaky of you to put something up so quietly. But I'm glad for it has given me the opportunity to review it now. I've missed your writing far too much. It has been ages, unfortunately.

One thing that struck me from start to finish (though your chapter isn't very long) are your descriptions of Hepzibah. And when I say that, I don't mean just her appearance. Even her thoughts, actions, everything. I think it speaks volumes about her social standing and the kind of society she lives in. That aside, those descriptions were absolutely gorgeous. You make her sound beautiful and elegant.

I'm curious to know what this ball is about, and whether Edmund Prince plays a greater role in this story, what happens of her cousin, and everything. I think you do a great job of bringing in that element of suspense by not giving us a clue about any of those things.

Your writing flows so incredibly well. I was mesmerised. This could have been 10,000 words long, and it would still have had the same effect on me. I couldn't have torn my eyes away if I tried.

I think the flow is aided by your spot-on word choices. You've picked carefully, and not a single word is out of place.

Lastly, I'm excited to see a story about Hepzibah. It's the first one I've read, and you always do such a fabulous job with minor characters.

Amazing job, Sian ♥ And away to the next chapter I go!

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Review #16, by randomwriterEternity: Eternity

12th June 2015:
Hello Ribbons! I've had my eye on this story for a while now. I saw that it had placed first in Roisin's challenge, and I'd been meaning to drop by.

Speaking of dropping by, this is for the House Cup 2015. I'm a Gryffindor!

This story was so different from anything I've ever read before. The formatting was quite unique. It had a very poem-y flow to in, on the whole. It seemed to speak directly to the reader. As an advantage of this style of writing, I felt everything you seemed to want us to feel. Overall, I was a bit edgy.

I love your choice of words. You've used the same words over and over again in different ways in a very clever manner. I love the repetition.

The subject of this story was rather intriguing. I can't say for certain that I know who you were talking about, and a lot of possibilities entered my mind at different points. I did think that it was Flamel for the longest time, but then you brought in the mention of the portrait and I was confused again :p

One of my favourite things is how this story/poem thing doubles up as food for thought. It really pushed me to think and question concepts like time, and how fluid it is, in a sense.

I like how you have single words and then short sentences. The short burst of impact really makes a difference every now and then.

All in all, this is all sorts of wonderful, and I understand why it won. Great story. Keep up the amazing work ♥

Author's Response: I know I'm responding to this a little late, but I just realized that you left me a review on my birthday, so thank you so much!
I haven't been on HPFF for a while so it's actually news to me that this won anything, which is bizarre (I guess I'm gonna have to go check it out???). So thanks for alerting me to that :)
I am so glad that you felt the feelings I was trying to portray in the story and that you liked the rhythm and style. It was all new to me as well so I'm glad it turned out!
Have a wonderful day
Much, much, MUCH love,
Alena


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Review #17, by randomwriterle ciel saigne pour nous. : la lune et l’étoile.

12th June 2015:
Kiana ♥ This is from Gryffindor for the House Cup 2015! Oh how I've missed your writing!

This is so utterly gorgeous. I love your vivid imagery, and your descriptions make me so unbelievably jealous. HOW can anyone be this good at it? It's completely unfair! I want to cry.

I love your usage of French phrases. While I don't speak it, I've always felt that it is a beautiful language. Here, even though I only understood snatches of it, I still felt this sort of elegance and beauty pervade through this piece simply because of your choice to use French, if that makes sense. (sorry if it doesn't though. I've barely got any sleep).

The way your writing flows is so seamless. It aids the stunning imagery and the beautiful language. Your choice is words is flawless. I can't pick anything here that was even slightly out of place, and I'm a very nitpicky person. So great job on that!

Honestly? I've never read a Vic/Scorpius. I'm a massive ScoRose fan, as you probably know, and I ship Teddy with Vic. But somehow, I couldn't bring myself to resent this pairing. I love how everything is dreamy and floaty between them, and the role reversal where Scorpius longs for her in the beginning, and leaves her by the end is so clever.

Gahh, I love this! I'm sorry I have to go, but there is a task to be finished. So :p

Well, amazing job. I need to read more of your stunning work! Kudos :)

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Review #18, by randomwriterAnd Now A Word From Our Sponsors: Five

12th June 2015:
House Cup 2015- Gryffindor!

Hey there :) I'm here to restart you story as a part of this edition of the House Cup. I'm picking up from where I left off last time. That being said, I have read this story many times in the year that has passed. I don't know why I've never reviewed it.

Moving on to the story, I love Rose and her nonsense. She's just so funny. I love that you've written it from her point of view because her thoughts are every brand of crazy and that takes this to a new level of ridiculous hilarity.

Pippa's gum chewing is quite a unique characteristic, and I love how she's always by Rose's side, feeling generally amused in life. Hugo's little part was pretty funny too. Oh, Hugo! When will be ever learn?

My two favourite parts were Rose's interaction with McGonagall and the part where her list flew to exactly where Julian was sitting. At both points, I was literally laughing out loud, much to my mum's puzzlement.

While Rose's thoughts and actions never fail to have me chuckling, I think your writing and how well it reads has a lot to do with how this story is delivered as well. I think that the flow is very smooth, and I love how you just induct common phrases into the 'wizarding vocabulary', if I may call it so. For example, I love how 'bigger fish to fry' became 'bigger cauldrons to charm'.

Anyway, this was fantastic, as usual. I know why it has become my go-to happy story. Great work ♥

Oh, and one last thing. I want a Scorpius. Can I have this one? ♥

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Review #19, by randomwriterA Disaster In The Making: Mr. Evans

26th May 2015:
Hello! I've been sent by Castiel to review your lovely story. Isn't he the best? :)

I was so excited when I saw this because it's a James/Lily, and even after so long, I love them. It's so hard to find unique, original stories about them now though, unfortunately. Which is why I enjoyed this chapter even more.

One thing that stands out in these one, as compared to other James/Lily stories I've read, is where you start off. It may seem like a small detail, but trust me, it makes a huge difference. I don't think I've ever read a story which takes off here, where she has fallen for him and is introducing her to her father. It's usually her hating him or her falling for him or him changing, it never starts off a few months down the line, so I thought that this was interesting. Another thing is that as of now, we know very little about your James and Lily. The only details we know are through her father's eyes. Also, generally whenever authors introduce their parents, their parents, there's always more focus on James' parents than Lily's. For all these reasons, your story stood out to me.

Now, about the characterisation, I found it interesting that Lily's father is that worried to hear that James will be coming. It makes me wonder how much Lily has told him and what exactly she has said to him to evoke such a strong reaction. Petunia too, seems more involved in Lily's life than I've seen, which is really great! However, I like that she's trying to pass it off and act as if she couldn't care less about her sister. You're written her well by giving her some dimension, and by also not writing her like the forgotten, neglected or un-favourite (yes, I know it isn't a word) child. I like that her father actually reveals his worry to her. It shows that he holds her opinion in importance, which is natural considering that it's just the two of them for most part of the year.

I am curious to know more about Lily's mother and her illness. I feel sorry for her. I couldn't help but think about the details, the elation she shared with each of her family members, how she dealt with the magic and everything. was Lily close to her? How old was Lily? Did she come back from Hogwarts to be with her towards the end? I know that these questions are beyond the scope of your story, (or at least, it seems that way at this point), but I still can't help but question some things.

It's amusing that Lily is bringing James home the same day that Petunia is bringing Vernon home. That ought to be interesting. I always enjoy scenes where the four of them are together. It's hilarious because I picture Vernon as someone who'd easily be able to beat up James, but is actually scared of him because he's a wizard. I'd love to read that scene. I doubt they'd reveal it to Vernon in the first meeting, but I still feel the their interaction can only bring laughter.

I love how you've written this. It's short, simple and doesn't feel like you're loading us with information. Your writing flows smoothly too :)

My one suggestion would be to include some more descriptions to connect the readers with the characters more. Maybe some more insight into their emotions? Or maybe some details about the scene? Something visual? I don't know. But just a little extra detail.

All in all, this was a lovely first chapter, and I'm glad Castiel lead me here. :) Good work, Lotte ♥

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Review #20, by randomwriterHarry Potter and the First Mission: Life Still Goes On

18th May 2015:
Kenny! Hi :) I'm here for the Red vs Gold review battle. I should have been here a while ago, but it slipped my mind. I'm so sorry!

I was excited to start reading this because you love Auror centric fics so much that I was certain that your passion for this... genre (shall we call it?) would come through clearly. I was not mistaken. You jumped right in there.

One thing I really enjoyed was that you picked this right up from where Deathly Hallows ended. I think you're very brave to choose to do this because it's difficult. You need to have the same characterisation, the same emotional understanding as JK Rowling did when she wrote them because there's absolutely no change who they are or what they're feeling from her ending of the battle to the beginning of your story.

About the Harry/Ginny pairing, I've said this before, and I'll say it again. You're very good with writing them together. Their gentle love and passion comes through very clearly without you having to drill it in. when you're writing them, your characterisation is quite excellent as it truly represents who they are, really.

I liked that you included Kreacher in the beginning because it shows that he still remembers him even immediately after the war ends. I think Hermione'd be proud ;) It also ties up with canon nicely since he does wonder if Kreacher can bring him a sandwich in the books too. What I would add here, is a line where Harry asks Kreacher how he's doing. He did lead the house-elves against the Death Eaters in the battle, and you can show Harry's concern by asking that question.

I love that you got stuck right into the part where they become Aurors, however, I do feel it was a bit rush. I'd give it at least three weeks to a month before Harry takes such a big decision. I think the primary thought on every body's mind immediately after the battle would be rounding up the Death Eaters, rebuilding the school and stabilising the psychological health of the people who were affected, if possible. I do get the urgency of rounding up the Death Eaters though. So maybe you could have written Kingsley asking the trip if they'd be willing to help with that. After that's done, maybe Kingsley could ask him to join them full time?

Also, I think that the teachers and Dumbledore would have a better idea of what to do with the wand than Harry. I like the idea of him returning it to the tomb, but I don't think he'd tell them what exactly to do.

There's this nitpicky thing too. I felt that Harry and Ginny would have conversed and kissed somewhere more private than the Great Hall. That's entirely you call though.

Finally, I'd love a little more description. How did the sandwiches taste? How did Harry feel at every stage of this? How were the surrounding? How bad was the damage? How are others dealing with the aftermath of the war? Just somethings to enhance the picture you're giving me.

All that being said, I do love that you started off so soon after the war, and I love that the action is taking off. It draws me to your story and makes me want to read more of it. There were also a few (very few) grammatical errors. Maybe getting a beta would help? But I definitely see an improvement in your writing :)

An intriguing start for sure, Kenny, I'm sorry I can't really say more because I've been insanely busy, and even though I've been meaning to add to this review (I've had it saved for a few days), I just haven't found the time, and I don't think I should make you wait any longer. I hope that's okay! All in all, this chapter serves well as an introduction. It makes me want to read more. Great job ♥

Author's Response: Hi, Adi.
Thank you for leaving reivew on this. I understand you're extremely busy. But your review is always awesome. I wish I could write the lovely long review like you did.

This story is very old, and I need to rewrite with help from my beta. They did good for me. It'll take much more time to fix them all but I'd like to carry on.

Talking of psychological health and Harry's decision you're pointing out, I was too eager to jump into the Auror things. But I don't forget how strong Harry suffered the sorrow for the dearest people who died. I tried writing about the feeling later on the other chapters, so if you have time to spare, please stop by again.

Hmm, the sandwiches taste, I should've written about it.


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Review #21, by randomwriterLove is for Fools: Not a Fool

6th May 2015:
Hey Dee! Here I am, a little (ha!) too late for our exchange :p Sorry about that! In short, it was a combination of not having internet for a while, and completely forgetting the existence of this review exchange on the forums.

Anyway, onto the meat of the review, so to speak. Before I forget, I want to tell you how much I loved the title. It drew me in, and it made me want to know what about love makes it so, from the wolfstar point of view. Now I'm not a massive wolfstar shipper, but I've really gotten into the pairing recently, and I'm enjoying your take on them. I liked how it was unrequited because I kind of picture Sirius as someone who can't be tied down. Also, I get the whole 'not wanting to affect their friendship' thing. They're like brothers, and there's so much to take into consideration. Plus, given that they went to school in the seventies, when LGBTQA rights were still not widely accepted, probably much less in the pureblood communities, it probably made sense to them to lay low. Anyway, I'm rambling and going off on a tangent. Sorry! Basically, I like how you've written them, and it makes sense to me :)

I love that you've written this in second person. I find that it is a voice that requires great skill and constraint. If not done well, it comes of as awkward and clumsy. But you wrote it very well. I never felt as if it was strained or repetitive. Also, after reading this, I find it difficult to imagine it written in any other point of view. Like, second person just fits now.

I'm always impressed by stories that are written for the classic Every Word Counts challenge. Try as hard as I might, I've never managed it. I always struggle with editing beyond a point. I must applaud you on your mad editing skills though. Now a word seemed out of place, and the fact that you managed to fit their entire story, from beginning to end, in five hundred short words, is extremely impressive.

It hurt me so much when you got to the part where James and Lily death was mentioned. I just wanted to reach out across the screen and give Remus' shoulders a good shake and scream out the truth. Of course, it's not really his fault, but still. I also felt sad for him because it became clear how much he loved Sirius and how little he could do about it. Then, you got to Sirius' death and very nearly killed me again. I think that's one death I'll never make peace with in my life. This was no different.

I mentioned that I loved your characterisation of them together. But I also loved them individually in their own right. I smiled so much at that bit about Zonko's being Sirius' heaven. And then I felt sad about how he never got see Fred and George's shop. See what you did? You took me on an emotional rollercoater in just five hundred words!!

Your writing is stunning! It drew me in completely and I totally forgot about everything else. I was just so involved in the story. The flow is perfect. You write their whole story, and yet, it doesn't seemed rushed or unnecessarily fast paced. It reads smoothly, and your word choices are so great, and in such a short piece, your word selection makes such a huge impact on the reader. Also, I love the tone. It's very melancholic from the start, and it played to my emotions so well.

Finally, you did this for the Alphabetised Challenge? WHAAAT. I didn't even realise till I got to your note at the end. I was so mega-impressed, and I re-read it like thrice to just marvel at it. Now, I must bow down to your greatness at managing something like this. I like that you ended with a sentence starting with A. Apart from that sentence itself being rather powerful, I think that it kind of came a full circle there, with it starting with A. Wow. I still can't believe you managed that so well!

Overall, a lovely story. I'm so, so happy I got to swap with you and read this. I'm sorry I'm so late though :( I hope it's alright!

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Review #22, by randomwriterBlackwater Side: Blackwater Side

2nd May 2015:
Hey Kenny! Here for the battle. I was on Team Red last time, so I thought I'd try Gold this time! :)

I've been meaning to come and check some of your work out for a while now. I know I've read Hogmanay, but you have over 60 chapters up, so it doesn't feel like I've much of your work at all.

I think the first thing I should comment on is your characterisation of Harry and Ginny together as this story is focused on them. I felt like you managed to capture their love and passion very well. This moment did mean a lot to Harry, after all, and it's nice to see that you built the story around that. Even though this was quite short, I think it worked well in this case because it threw all the spotlight on this shared memory, rather than on other events of inconsequence to this one-shot. All the importance was on that moment alone. That bit where you described the kiss was quite steamy and it shows us how passionate it was. It resonated with the thoughts Harry was having at that moment. Thoughts like how he can only ever love her, and how he might not see her again if the hunt for horcruxes did not go well fueled his interaction with Ginny at that moment, and it came through very well in your story.

Another thing I really liked was how the song properly took him back to the moment. I think things like music and art hold so much power to actually transport us back through time to relive memories and emotions. In a way, they serve as markers. Sometimes, when you think back to important events in your life, you remember the smaller details that make the moment like the song that was playing, or the dish that you were eating. This was like that for me. I think that it was clever of you to actually use the song in your narrative like that because it was so much stronger than just having the words included in the piece. The fact that it played a role was excellent.

I love how you've written Harry and Ron together. Their friendship is such an important part of stories that have them both, and it's something I'm a bit terrified of writing because I'm unsure of whether or not I can pull it off. You managed it very well here. I like how Ron is easily distracted by things like how neat Zabini's desk is and stuff, and at the same time, bring up a sort of serious topic. I laughed a bit at that comment actually, and I'd really like to know how Zabini, of all people, ended up becoming an auror!

One thing I was curious to know though was what exactly reminded Ron of that moment then, and what made him apologise for it at that particular point of time. Was there something that triggered it off? Also, harry and Ginny are together at this point, yes?

Before I forget, I also want to compliment you on the world you've built here. The Auror department seems to have grown, and the idea of them having their own Quidditch team is brilliant! How is Harry not Seeker though?! And the idea that a team of trainees can beat Puddlemere is quite amusing. I can't imagine what a big fit Wood would throw! Haha! I'd love to know more about this Quidditch team and the meeting that follows this one-shot and everything else :)

As I mentioned, I really liked your use of the song. It didn't feel out of place or anything. I also liked the image of the girl playing this in a busy subway. It certainly seemed plausible and could picture the whole scene so clearly. Plus, this song (even though I haven't heard it), seemed like something musicians of that sort would pick up to perform.

I think this was very well written. It was clear, and the flow was perfect. It wasn't too choppy and the pacing was done well. I liked your word choices as well. Little details like the 'holly wand' and descriptions of Ginny's hair add to the overall effect and tie it back to canon. I also liked the squeaky chair and the plane memo. It made the whole so much more visual and easier to picture.

I did spot an error or two, nothing a quick read through won't fix. For example, in the last part, it should be lay her down, not lie her down.

I also like how you ended the one-shot. It somehow felt like there was a sense of closure, maybe? I don't know what it was, but I enjoyed it.

Overall, great work Kenny! Keep it up :)

Author's Response: Hi, Adi. I feel struck with awe for your long and lovely review. You showed for me how to write(type) desirable review.

You're right, music and art comprehend power to be markers for special memories. In my country, many couples take much time to choose their music for their wedding party.

This song, I think it's an old traditional song about a girl who spent time with an Irish lad over the border river, Blackwater in Britain.

As you found out, I like to put the two Gryffindors together. Their frienship plus Hermione is forever in my mind, too.

Talking of romance part, I had no confident. Thanks to Kayla I could edit right.

I always try writing in picturesque way, so I'm happy to know you understand my intention.

Thank you for your kind advice and encouragement!


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Review #23, by randomwriterSweet Sorrow: Only A Memory

28th April 2015:
Alishya ♥ Every time I come around, I tell myself that I should read more of your work. It's unfortunate that I haven't gotten to it, even though we're such good friends!

As you may know, I adore James and Lily together. They're as good as my OTP, really. Well, they're one of them. Anyway, I love how you've written them here. You've managed to show their relationship grow through Lily's eyes, and it's nice to see it unfurl slowly. I like how you stuck to canon, where she hated his guts till much later in their school life. I don't think she'd have fallen for James had he not changed a bit either.

However, because of the slow unfurling of them I felt quite sad. We all know how their story ends, and even though yours is so short, it doesn't make it any less harder to let them go in the end. I was wishing that you'd gone AU, and that's huge, coming from me because I hardly go for AU. Anyway, I really wished for a better ending for both of them. They had so little time together :(

I loved your chracterisation of their relationship. You showed it so well, and I actually could feel Lily's (as good as from canon) emotions as she thought about James over the years. I also like the voice you've employed here. It's very reflective; like she's fondly reminiscing the years that they've known each other. I like the little facts and details you add, like the stuff about James' detentions and Lily being a prefect. It only makes the whole thing more real. I especially love how you make your Lily speak about James. She doesn't hold back, but when she speaks abut his bravery and passion, the world resonate, stronger than anything else, and as a reader, you know that he is everything Lily says he is.

I'm always in awe of fics that manage to say a lot in so few words. What you've managed is certainly a great achievement and you should feel proud of yourself. I don't think 26 words is a big deal. That's much closer to the goal than I've ever managed, if I'm being honest. And you got such a lovely story out of it. I'm impressed with how you managed to cover the entire span of their relationship from beginning to end in just over five hundred words, really. And you've done it so well, too! It's never felt as if it was rushed, or that certain chunks were missing. It was consistent and steady.

That ending, oh wow. So I read it a couple of times and I was wondering if she died in front of a mirror or something, and then I realised what you'd done. It's because Harry has her eyes, isn't it? Wow. That is so clever and poignant. I felt a bit sad though. To die looking into your only child's (a one year old too!) eyes must be so painful, even if that pain was short lived. But still, I marvelled at how wonderfully you put that. Brilliant!

This is a tiny, tiny pet peeve of mine, and believe me when I say that you haven't done anything wrong to warrant this, but I have a small issue with double spaced paragraphs in short stories. I prefer single spaced paragraphs, but that might just be me, honestly. :p

As for CC, I did spot some grammatical errors that can be easily fixed after a quick read through. A couple of quick examples would be:

Your eyes bright of curiosity, wonder, and love--You repeat this phrase over the course of your story. I think 'bright with curiosity, wonder...' would be better than 'bright of'.

mines should be mine. Mine indicates possession. I know it's confusing, but mines doesn't refer to possession. It refers to well... mines. Those things you blast with ores and stuff inside. (forgive me for such a crude explanation. It's a bit late :p)

That being said, there were lines I absolutely loved! Especially those describing James and his bravery and Gryffindor traits. Your writing is lovely and your descriptions are absolutely beautiful. It's been a pleasure, reading this, and I hope I get the chance to read more of your work soon ♥

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Review #24, by randomwriterObsession: Obsession

10th April 2015:
*jailbreak post* Capture the flag- round five.

Lauren, this one shot cannot possibly be real. It's too good. I don't have the words to tell you how amazed I am. As you know, I've been reading Rules of the Game until now, so it's massive shift in genres for me, coming to this, from that story. But you've written this so masterfully that I have no doubt in mind that you can tackle any of these genres or story types with equal ease, and that is a marker of a great writer.

It's incredibly how deeply you managed to go into Pansy's character. I'll be the first person to admit that I don't like her. She's cowardly, dependent, and immoral. But you actually made me sympathise with her over here. The motions you dealt with were so human, and so relatable, that I couldn't help but feel terrible for her.

Love is beautiful, but it can be just as devastating, and you showed that alternate side to love so well over here. I am so impressed because this one-shot is nothing short of incredible. I want to say that it's hard to believe that someone can long and pine so much, but I know that it isn't. But I still wish I could say it because Pansy's pain is beyond fathomable in this one-shot. And the way you've described it is so heart wrenching. If you can get me to feel sorry for Pansy, then you've certainly done something.

The writing is the most gorgeous thing ever. Your story just glides and waltzes through, if that makes sense. It's so poetic and reading it makes me feel so disconnected from everything. Almost like I'm somewhere floating.

The descriptions were so amazing. As I kept reading this, I kept thinking to myself that I need to quote 'this line' and 'this line', and as I read on, I realised that I was having these thoughts for nearly every single line, so I thought it would be prudent for me to not quote your entire story back to you :p But be assured that every line was quote worthy and so beautiful that I want to cry my eyes out for never being able to do this! I'm so jealous. And I think your story flows and reads so well because of how intricate your descriptions are. It's just too ♥

As for the plot, WOW. When I started reading it, I definitely did not expect that to happen. I just thought she's be pining over Draco and that's that. But when we got to that bit, I just stopped, and went 'wow'. I appreciated how you used the remembrall prompt to tie it up with that. I was mindblown, because that was honestly genius.

Also, this can't possibly be your first attempt at first person? Because it was done so well.I find that a lot of people struggle with the flow and the structure of this point of view, but clearly, you're not one of those people.

Your understanding of love, pain, grief, helplessness, and human emotion in general astounds me. You've dealt with it is such a realistic and relatable manner, but at the same time, it's incredibly delicate.

Lauren, if I keep going on, I'm just never going to stop gushing. This is one of my favourites on your page (and I've been on your page a lot, especially off late!). This is one of those stories that is going to stick in my memory for a long, long time. Just splendid!

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Review #25, by randomwriterRules of the Game: Things Could Be Worse

10th April 2015:
Hey Lauren! CTF-Round Five. On lookout for a flag, reg and gold with a picture of the giant squid on it. Seen it anywhere? :p

Anyway, onto the review.

I'm really enjoying this POV shift. I love that we're learning so much about each character from their angles. It's an excellent way to wield this style, and it is quickly becoming one of my favourite nextgen stories, mainly (but not just) because of this.

It was really nice to get into Hugo's head :) I suspected that him and Alice would have something going on there, but I didn't quite have any hard evidence of it up until now. I feel a little more sorry for Ivy though. Because I can see Lily/Jimmy happening, and I can see Alice/Hugo happening, but she likes Al, and he isn't even in Hogwarts :(

That task that Hugo got assigned does sound incredibly dull. I mean, who wants to hang back and check the train when they can be riding to the castle in carriages with their friends, right? And it was so awkward with Kate there :p That being said, I felt something happen there. I could be gravely wrong though, but I feel like they'll become friends over the course of the year. Maybe Kate will even develop feelings for him. Or maybe I'm just seeing things ahead of time :p

I love how each character has a distinct voice. One risk that you can run with so many POV shifts is making every character sound the same, or similar. But over here, you've managed to give each of them their own individual voice. Like, in this chapter, it became clear how Hugo is more of a thinker and observer. He's very reflective. Also, not only did you manage to give him his own voice, you also managed to show us that you write male POVs just as well as female POVs, and that's a great skill to have! You truly understand your characters so well.

I love how you've described his feelings for Alice. Clearly things have changed over the summer, and he isn't sure what to make of it, or how to react to it. It's very sweet to see how deeply he cares for her. So many guys are too oblivious, but as I noted, Hugo is an observer, and it's nice to see how he catches every subtle hint in her behaviour. He just understands her so well, and gahhh &heart; it's already so sweet!

I'd guessed about the threstals by the time the chapter reached that point given how you'd built up to it. It was really well written and realisitc. Though they are lovely creatures, they're symbolic of something so negative, that it's only natural that there are people who fear them. I wonder whose death poor Alice had to witness though :( I feel quite sorry for her. I just hope that it isn't Augusta Longbottom. I love Augusta Longbottom . She seems so unbeatable. She came closer to immortality than Voldemort ever did :p Though, she wouldn't be my first guess. I'd think it was either Frank or Alice or both, and that's just as bad. I can't handle that, sorry. Or maybe it was someone on Hannah's side. I know it's just as bad for her, but atleast then it won't be a character I'm already attached to :p

Jimmy lightening the mood was great :) I also wasn't surprised when he didn't realise that all that Quidditch talk was boring Alice. It seems so in character, and I can imagine Oliver Wood being that way too. You know what though? Jiimmy may be my favourite so far, and we haven't even had a chapter from his point of view yet!

I don't think I'll ever stop gushing about how perfect your dialogue was ♥ You must teach me, Lauren. It's the best! And you always have a little bit of humour tucked away. I know that this was comparatively serious, but it still wasn't too overwhelming, you know?

All in all, you've done an amazing job, and I can't wait to read more. I can't get enough of this story!

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