Reading Reviews From Member: randomwriter
  
241 Reviews Found

Review #1, by randomwriterOutside: Prison

27th September 2014:
Hi hi hi Kevin! Happy (belated) birthday :D Here's a small gift because I'm a generous soul (or so I'll say, for today) :p Doing a quick one because it's quite late and I have tons of work to do.

I know how much you hate the first person POV, and you might know how much I love it. I hope you've converted by now. It's so effective, and it's also a great way to establish your main character. Once again, you've done a great job of wielding this POV, and I hope you write more stories from the first person point of view.

Anyway, moving onto this. I think it's a great missing moment from the series. Obviously taking over the ministry is a huge deal, and you've handled it quite well. Your writing is, as usual, very clear and crisp and I love how well it flows. It's very easy to read and it goes smoothly. At no point did I feel like it was heavy or choppy. It reads well.

Your choice of Lucius Malfoy for the narrator was interesting. I've never actually come across one written from his POV before, so I applaud you for being bold enough to pick him. As for writing him, you've done a great job! The speech patters and the thoughts were so in character and even his emotions, really. Lucius had lost so much after falling from grace, Voldemort's eyes, and his reaction to that has been captured particularly well. The resentment in his tone, and the last couple of paragraphs, where he realises that in the grand scheme of things, they are all mere pawns, doing Voldemort's bidding, were written very well. I think they helped establish his character further. To add to this, the contempt he harboured for the other death eaters was a nice touch. It made his character more believable. Great job! You asked about Voldemort? I think his speech is perfect and there's this cold and arrogant feel around him that you've captured well. For me, Draco could have been slightly better established. For most part, you did well. I just thought that some subtle tweaks here and there could certainly add to what you've created. For example, I like that you've written about his reactions in a childlike fashion, that is appropriate for his age. How about adding to that? Like when he asks his father about Voldemort's return, initially I was wondering why he was so excited. Then when you added in that line about things being better like before it made sense. That's what matters to him. Maybe you could also add in a line about how Harry was going to go down or something there? I'm sure those thoughts were in Draco's mind. Or some detail about him smirking in the photo alongside the minister. Anyway, these are small touches. For most part, characterisation of all the characters was pretty well handled.

I did spot some typos:
There had been a time when the fear my word struck into their heartís was second only to that caused by the Dark Lord himself. It should read 'hearts', not 'heart's'.

Surrounded by bloodthirsty fools who had served the Dark Lord for far less time and far less effectively but now stood above him, the photographs mocked me. Above him? Shouldn't it say above me? This confused me slightly.

Nodding curtly, she sat primly in the chair next to mine, once again keeping Draco at a distance. I think you meant to say that she was keeping him close? This sentence reads as if she left a considerable distance between them.

These are only minor errors, of course. They detract nothing from how well-crafted this story is. Good job, Kevin. And seriously, do write in the first person POV some more! :)

Author's Response: Howdy Adi! Thank you so much! And even more so for taking time out of what sounds like some real craziness to do it.

First, I must put this myth to bed once and for all! I do NOT hate first-person! Just before HPFF I basically never wrote in first-person (though I've since remembered that Apogee was actually NOT the first time - I wrote an OF short story in college that was first-person). Anyway, all this rambling is to say that I actually do write in it quite a bit now! Just not for my longer stuff.

On to your splendid review! Thank you very much for leaving a review on this lonely story. I cranked it out under immense time pressure for a challenge that never ended up getting results because I think there were only two entries :p Thus the typos. It's a poor excuse, but thank you for pointing them out. The last one actually...UGH...just bad writing. The thought I meant to express was that Narcissa was keeping Draco constantly close to her but once again at a distance from Lucius...but I can see that as written it is wrong.

I'm really glad you thought Lucius and Voldemort were characterized well though. As for Draco...those are really good tips. I tend to have blinders about Draco (trying to ignore all things him for the most part) because I actually DO hate him.

What all this secondary set of rambling is meant to say is thank you for taking the time to leave such a thoughtful, detailed review on this lonely, rogue little story buried on my AP. I really appreciate the feedback and the gifting spirit behind it! You are awesome!


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Review #2, by randomwriterAvalanche: 1

26th September 2014:
Hello! I am FINALLY here for our swap, and I cannot tell you how sorry I am that it took me this long to get here. I knew that I needed to give this story, and this review some time, and I have just been ridiculously busy. I am so, so sorry.

Now onto your story. Woah. I am in a daze. The quality of the writing, combined with the complexity of the plot has left me speechless, and trust me, I almost always have something to say. I don't even know where to start, really.

I guess I'll go with what struck me hardest. For me, even when you step away from from the plot and the characters for a second and just look at this whole piece and what it conveys, it says a lot about war and morality. I'm not a complete stranger to Sun Tzu's The Art of War, and your mention has made me re-evaluate the wizarding war using his philosophy. Of course, it isn't as easy as that, but don't be surprised if I write my own war time story inspired by this! (No promises though!) Anyway, I've strayed. What I originally meant to say was that I love your take on war, and I'm really impressed by the way you've manage to show the reader how it affects different people. Being able to see both the 'good' side and the 'bad' side from the POV of the same character makes it even more interesting and gives us a deeper insight into it. I also enjoyed how you've shown us that it's not all black and white.

Next, I want to take my metaphorical hat off to you for writing the opening part so well. Action sequences are so difficult to write, because there's always far too much going on and it can get a bit confusing at times. I thought you handled it extremely well. Your lines are so striking that they just drew me in and got me into the mood of this fic.

I want to go through this review without discussing characterisation at all, but I simply can't and I am afraid that I have far too much to say on the matter and will end up rambling. Sorry about that! James and Sirius ♥ were absolutely spot on. Brilliant characterisation there. I want to give you a huge hug for how well you've written them. They're my absolute favourites, and I love it when they've been characterised well. Yaxley was interesting. I've never read stories focusing on him and I thought you did a pretty good job there. As for Peter, boy. Where do I start? Okay, so Peter is one of those characters I will always blame, always hate and never forgive. Your interpretation of him may not be something I agree with, but I will say this with absolutely honesty, that it was the best chracterisation of him I've read yet. The best. I love his internal monologue, and the conflict that arises from his own thoughts. I found him a tad too noble and righteous for canon, but bah. This was too good. He was also a lot more forward than I would expect, some of these things would require a great deal of courage, but I won't complain. As I said, I don't agree with how you've written him at all levels, and I have some questions as to why he came back as one of Voldemort's most loyal followers after this if his intentions were so noble, and if indeed he felt guilt, but all this aside, I truly, truly enjoyed reading about him. His thoughts on war and the way he breaks down everything was so interesting and it made me almost consider that some aspects of this may certainly have been how it went down really. I felt a horde of emotions for him through the course of this, but in the end, when he realises what he has caused, it just broke me a little. Reading though this was difficult in terms of emotions, because you took me on such a ride (and I was acutely aware of how James and Lily might die at the end of it). I think ti takes great skill to write emotional transitions so well. You are very talented!

So, stellar characterisation, stand-out plot, what about the writing? I cannot fault you one bit. It was superb. Your word choices were so apt, the way you set the mood was perfect and the whole thing flowed so smoothly. Such things have a tendency to get heavy for the reader, but this piece didn't. Your writing complemented the story very well.

As for the dialogue, there are so many memorable quotes from this. If I were to quote things back, I would certainly run out of space here. However, the part where you called this a civil war, that one, it stood out for me. I thought that was very interesting.

Overall, great job! I'd certainly recommend this to anyone looking for a fic about Peter or the war. I really enjoyed the whole story, and I think it would be impossible to fault you. The only thing, as I mentioned is a conflict of opinions, and I can't say you're wrong or anything. Still, Peter's characterisation was amazing and fresh, and this whole story was incredibly unique. Keep up the good work. I should read more of your work sometime, because you're an excellent writer :) ♥

Adi

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Review #3, by randomwriterJigsaw: Piece #3

25th September 2014:
Back! AND I HOPE I'M FIRST. THAT WOULD BE SO COOL!! Anyway, just trying to sneak in a quick one.

Aha! The plot thickens, and I can see more subplots forming at the same time. This is quite mysterious, and my mind is not working on overdrive with all these crazy theories!

I love the opening segment of this chapter. The newspaper report bit reads like... well, an authentic newspaper report. (I wonder if this is going to be a regular feature?) And it's a nice summary of the whole shindig. Here, we see that he's probably quite well off, and that there is nothing suspicious about him. Atleast not yet.

Another thing that struck me while reading the last chapter is that the kidnapper or whoever was at the door knew that he was going to be home alone. So either they had been in direct contact with him or they had been observing his family and knew of their plans. Given how he was expecting someone, maybe he knew this was coming and had cleared out his wife and kids?

Anyway, I've also come to enjoy reading about these work place scenes, because it shows us how her dynamic is with different co-workers. I also really like how passionate she is about her work, and her determination is quite admirable.

I like Andy. He's friendly and he means well. He's clearly looking out for her and dislikes Miranda, so what's not to like? I think it's great that he's close to Higgins as well. This can only bode well for Roxanne if she handles this assignment with maturity, which I see her doing. My dislike for Miranda, however, grew tenfold. I'm worried that she might try and sabotage Roxanne's work somehow in the future, and because of her seniority and closeness to the boss, things might get very difficult for Roxanne, if that happens. Also, I couldn't believe that she;s just three years older... it somehow made me hate her more. I love how Andy keeps putting her in her place :p

The press conference was handled well, once again. I wish I knew what was in that statement, but I suppose I'll have to wait till you being us the next tidbit of a report? I like how she's using the story to get over Daniel, in a way. It's a productive distraction, and she's enjoying it too! I can't believe it's the biggest story in Britain and she's reporting it. That must feel great, like all her donkey's work finally paid off. Also, I like that she seems to have been inducted into the circle of reporters. Feeling welcome is always great! :) And they all seem quite nice. I am, curious, to know the relationship between Amanda and Obahdia (which is an excellent name for someone from the wizarding community, by the way). Again, a host of possibilities have swarmed into my mind, but I'll wait on this one.

The revelation that they have suspects was quite a turn. I expected her to deny it again, but I suppose that would seem like they weren't trying too hard or something. I really want to know who these people are and how they are connected to this case. Lets see if I can solve this as I read (which means, I fully intent to keep up with your updates, which are only going to get speedier because of yesterday's good news ;) )

Coming back to the journalistic community, I like most of them. The newsroom animosity doesn't seem to be carried forward anywhere, and as I mentioned earlier, they really seem to have put in some efforts to make Roxanne feel like she's part of the group. I don't like Jensen, no. He seems like a sneak, as she suspected. WHAT IF HE TEAMS UP WITH MIRANDA? :O

As for the relationship between Lily and Roxanne, I am curious, to say the least. This whole business with Fred is confusing and I want to know if it is connected to the Daniel thing.

You've certainly taken mystery too seriously. I mean, it's everywhere! :p And I don't think I know any of it for sure. So many loose ends, and that only means that you're doing your job really well :)

The last bit was a shocker. Fred in Knockturn Alley? Why? I can't wait for the fourth chapter. I love how you're pacing this. You aren't giving away too much, but you're adding so much more to the mystery element with each new chapter.

Great work, Sian! Needless to say, I'll be back soon for sure ♥

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Review #4, by randomwriterJigsaw: Piece #2

25th September 2014:
Hello Sian! :) Here I am, with a very, very late review. I'm so sorry for how long this has taken me.

Before I forget to mention it, I love how you're naming your chapters. It goes very well with the title of this story, as well as the genre of mystery. Also, it gives the feeling of solving the puzzle, which I like.

Okay, onto this chapter now. I love the descriptions. You paint the image so well, that I could literally picture it when I closed my eyes. It's also a very beautiful scene for a grave crime. Almost hauntingly beautiful, given the isolation of the house and the crumbling lighthouse in the vicinity.

It also throws some light on Armstrong, here. Might he be wealthy? Such a location is unlikely to come cheap. Or was he in hiding? Running away, perhaps? Or maybe this was a secret location? But he was expecting his kidnapper AND he was scared, so I am pretty intrigued. I'll keep my guesses for now.

I love that this is written from the first person POV. It gives us an insight into how she is as a person, how she functions and thinks and establishes a strong connection between the reader and her as a protagonist.

Her excitement in the beginning is palpable. After waiting forever, she now has her first story, and it's a good one too!

I like how you described her thoughts and feelings when she got to the crime scene. She feels a little out of place, as it isn't usually her scene, but at the same time, she's strong and determined not to let any of it affect her. She wants to excel at her job, and at the same time, she's trying not to get fazed, which seemed like a realistic emotion to go through at that stage of her career, and in that situation.

As all of your characters, Richard Parkinson is interesting and well crafted. I'd love to see more of him as the story progresses and I can see his friendship with Roxanne growing stronger, if they keep up this reporter-photographer duo. He's pretty laid back and chilled out, but he isn't a door mate. He's also working to maintain his life, and not feeding off his mother's wealth, which I liked.

As for the actual mystery, you've given off just the right amount of detail to keep us going, but haven't given out enough for things to shape up. As we're still in the initial stages, I'm doing a LOT of guesswork, and nothing is concrete for now :p

I liked the press conference. It reminded me a lot about how the media works in the real world as well, and you've drawn from that quite well to set up a realistic scenario here. Martha is cold and probably a little twisted. I can tell that she's keeping a lot information from the reporters. I liked how you wrote that scene in particular, where they all asked her questions and she replied. The brief introduction of other news agencies and reporters was a nice addition. It's quite funny to see how The Quibbler seems to be integrated into mainstream media, but there's still a whimsical element to it, if you look at the kind of information they were after.

The scene also throws more light on how serious Roxanne is about her job. It's clear that she's keeping an eye out for anything that could make a difference to this investigation. The part where she asks a question has definitely piqued my interest and roused some suspicion. Lets see how this one plays out. They clearly have some information and ideas that they aren't letting out, probably to keep it out of the public circle.

The last part, with Daniel, seemed like another mystery altogether. I am extremely curious to know what happened there. Hit wizards, by profession are extremely cool. in my opinion. And they way you've described him makes him very attractive. Whatever it was ended very badly for Roxanne (broken engagement?), but his dialogue here serves as a warning, which makes me think that he's still pretty protective of her. He still cares, perhaps. I can't wait to find out more.

All in all, this is a great addition to your novel. I'm excited to see what happens next. I love the tone of this chapter, there's a sense of urgency to it, which has made me slightly edgy, and that is effective writing. Well don, Sian ♥ Great job, once again!

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Review #5, by randomwriterStarfall: Seal Our Fate

16th August 2014:
Hello again, Isobel ♥ I decided to continue reading and reviewing because the prologue completely drew me in. Forget the assignments :p Anyway, this may be on the shorter side, sorry- It's almost 3:00 A.M here.

I know I mentioned a few times that this is kind of long, but while I was reading the story itself, the length never bothered me. It wasn't dragged out or difficult to read and follow, though I did feel like a LOT happened in one shot. It isn't bad though, because it feels like this whole thing was one episode, one chapter in the war. Everything was connected and it can't be done in parts. I love how there was this sense of things coming to a full circle. It starts with Dorcas infiltrating the meeting and ends with her death, which adds to the feeling of this being one entire episode.

Gah, Dorcas! I love how you wrote her. The opening section was quite racy. It must be frightening and thrilling to have impersonated someone so close to Voldemort's operations, and the part where she almost got caught was nearly exhilarating. On a side note, I suppose this is why I'm a Gryffindor :p While her job is vastly risky, I was thinking of the adrenaline rush while reading that part. Anyway, as I was saying, that part was really well written. I love the small hints and ideas that you dropped. Oh, and this made me hate Peter all over again.

I liked the bit with Lily and James as well. I appreciate how you tried to incorporate the domestic set up into their lives, despite the danger. It makes it more believable and helps us understand Lily better. I adore James! The level of loyalty and trust that he has in his friends in unbelievable, as we know, and you portrayed that very well. I think, characterisation wise, you nailed it once again. Once again, the image of Voldemort coming up the path gave me the chills. Maybe you could have elaborated(yes, make it longer :p) on that a bit. Added to how tense it all was. The part about Lily's memories and photographs and all made me teary. I'm a very nostalgic person, so I could relate to that part very well. While I was processing all this, my mind was wildly screaming, "WHERE THE HELL IS JAMES?! IS HE ALRIGHT?" I'd hate for something to happen to him now. I'm looking forward to reading about him.

The next section about Narcissa was particularly insightful. It was over here that your characterisation absolutely blew me away. Why? Because I perceive her as a character who's made of layers and you captured that so well. There were other things as well that caught my attention. I love how she enters, expecting a storm in her wake because she has returned and she believes that she deserves a greeting worthy of royalty. Also, the part about Dobby not being allowed to touch Draco was justified in the most amazing way. Her thought process and the what ifs that she raised were so symbolic of her upbringing and reflected her background so well. I LOVE how you wrote her and there are so many more things I want to add here, but I'm afraid I won't have space.

The next part about Marlene was amazing. I loved your take on her. It's unique and I've honestly never seen this version of her where she's reckless, in a sense, and very destructive. She's almost psychotic- a little like Bellatrix, but I like how she's absolutely mad and fighting for the good side. You painted a very nice picture of her family and I found myself actually feeling upset about their death. It's nice to see how you've given us her backstory. It lets us appreciate her more. As for how she just threw Milly under the bus to save Emmaline, I don't really know what to say. Obviously we see her big flaw, but it's a realistic one. These lines were some of my favourites:
"No-one's innocent. We're all guilty of something, just to various degrees."
It's reflective of humanity as a whole, and I thought it was rather profound.

Barty was also an interesting character to read about. I'm curious to know why he helped out the Order, because in the fourth book, he's so loyal to Voldemort, it's difficult to imagine a time when he might have betrayed him. Could it be that he holds a torch for her? I don't know, but this chapter is raising a whole lot of questions and adding to the pile that were raised in the previous one.

The final segment which focused on Voldemort and Snape and Dorcas once again set quite an ominous tone to the whole thing. There's something increasingly sinister about the way you're setting this up. It's perfect. Anyway, the last part tied this chapter together. I was sad to see Dorcas go because I really liked her and how you've written her. I wonder how she got captured though? I thought she'd be under heavy protection, given the happenings of the previous night. Also, I'm guessing this is set after the Potter's fled and there's still no mention of what happened to them (especially James) and that is worrying.

I'm glad you wrote this in present tense. It suits the story and helps set the tone. Your writing is fabulously descriptive and beautiful and it makes this a very enjoyable read. I love the flow, the characterisation and the plot, if you can't tell and I hope you update soon (30th?). I'll be checking, and once again, thanks for swapping. I've had an absolute blast reading these two chapters. Not a fan of Snape/Lily and usually stay away from them, but I'm giving it a shot in this case (it doesn't seem to be a main pairing. Just mentions. Phew :p)

With very few characters to go, I'll wind up by saying that you've exceeded my expectations with this one and I eagerly await your update. Good job, Isobel :)

P.S- I'm sure I've forgotten something. I will PM you if I remember what I want to add.

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Review #6, by randomwriterStarfall: Prologue

16th August 2014:
Isobel ♥ I'm sorry for taking so long to get here, after you left me those wonderful reviews. As your next chapter is a bit long, forgive me if I can't get to it immediately. I'm kind of swamped with work.

Anyway, onto your story. It has been a long, long while since anything sent chills up my spine like this one. It certainly put me on an edge. You haven't even been particularly ...uhh, pacey, and you still managed to put me in a tense frame of mind. Anyway, this was intense and so well written. I loved it.

It served the function of prologue pretty well. It has me hooked now and the questions are forming in my mind at an alarming rate. I'm quite glad that you have plans to update this regularly and I will be poking you constantly because NEED.

You've written Voldemort and his thoughts really well. The detachment, the ready willingness to dispose off his own, the elitist mentality... you've got it all down perfectly. I love how you've managed to truly being out how much he loves control and fear, and how disposable everything is to him, with regards to his ultimate mission. Even the words you've chosen are perfect to describe him. For example, when you talk about how Lily came in, looking defeated. The word 'defeated' is so powerful here because he says it with relish. He enjoys the hold he has over her, and the kind of power he wields is his greatest pride. His cold and cruel demeanor has been written well. I think that the way you've written him, combined with where this plot is headed, is what gave me the chills. Basically, perfect characterisation. One of the best written Voldemorts I've come across.

I love the style of writing you've employed. It fits the piece really well and lends to the emotion of it. It also flows well. This was an easy read, but by no means was it light.

As for where this is going, I'm both curious and fearful. I love the darkness of this, and I love how you're hinting towards chaos, because I really like reading dark and unique stories. But at the same time, I'm having trouble processing that Lily... I mean, Lily Potter would actually give Harry up, even if she does feel defeated. This isn't due to your characterisation or writing. It's just because we've had it drilled into our heads that Lily's motherly love saved Harry, and coming from there, this twist is more than a little hard to digest. I hope she has a good reason to do this. I get that she wants to stop the war, if that's how it came to this, but giving Harry over is practically like handing over the reigns to Voldemort and admitting defeat, isn't it? In any case, I'm excited to see where you're going to take this from here. I'd love to see some canon events tied in. I'm also wondering if the prophecy is going to play a heavy part in this. It's all very interesting.

As you can probably tell, I have tons of questions swimming about in my mind. And I know I will have to wait for answers, and I will, but I am pretty excited about this, to be honest and I'm probably going to be pretty rambly and incoherent in my reviews because... QUESTIONS. DOUBTS. SO MANY THINGS ARE IN MY HEAD AND I'M SORRY I MUST SCREAM SO CAPS.

Okay, that was (un)warranted. :p

Also, I'll be honest and tell you that I never touch AUs, but I saw your summary and I just had to read this. I admire you for writing something based on pretty well established characters. As you told me in your review earlier today, I'm also pretty nervous about writing main characters, so I'm glad you took this up and decided to give it a go. So far so good :) I don't believe I will feel bad about picking this up, even though it's not something I'd usually read.

Great job with this. I can't wait to read further. I'm definitely following this story! You're really talented, Isobel and I'm glad we did this swap ♥ (There's so much I wanted to say, but can't remember. I'll PM you if I do!)

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Review #7, by randomwriterJigsaw: Piece #1

16th August 2014:
Sharn ♥ I'm finally here, and I am so very sorry for taking this long. I've been far too busy, you know, and even this comes in between assignments. Anyway, I'm not going to moan here.

First of all, I WILL CRY if this review disappears. Literally cry.

I should probably squee about your story now, but I don't even know where to start. I shall tell you that I am glad that this is a novel. Because it means that I'll have loads to read. This was of substantial length, but I was so upset when it ended because I loved every word of it so far!

I really like how you started this off. That introductory section was mysterious and intriguing. It drew me in and definitely popped a lot of questions in my mind. I hate that I will have to wait, because my mind has started formulating vague and stupid theories already :p I know I will have to read on for more information (and any chance of making a guess), but I really like how you've got me thinking. The detail was amazing. The quivering hands, his thoughts, the fear-- the emotion leapt off the screen and set the mood, which was quite tense and uhh, mysterious (yeah, I'm going to use that word a lot, I think). Anyway, it was the perfect introduction because it gave us an insight, however brief, into the basis of this story and the disappearance itself is very interesting and raises a lot of questions.

The sections after that were a really nice contrast. While the first part was centred on a rather curious and edgy affair, the next parts revolved around mundane occurrences. It was nice to see how well you transitioned between the two.

I really like Roxanne here. It's nice to read the story from her point of view and I think you've crafted her quite well. As this was the first chapter, you've introduced her and given us details about her life, and rightly so. However, as expository as it was, I admire you for not letting it read like a bio-data. I like how you incorporated the details of her life into conversations, reactions and thoughts as it makes it more appealing to the reader.

Her work had me laughing though :p Lawn gnomes? Exploding teapots? Ah, how sad it is that the only purpose of her work is to fill up space in the paper. Still, I had a good chuckle when I read it because the incidents themselves are quite funny. And this teapot lady, who has sworn off tea for life... HAHAHAHA :P Blasphemy! I couldn't keep a straight face when you wrote about hoe concerned she was. Could it be that she had bought this off Mundungus? :D

As for Violet, I don't know how I feel about her yet. She sure seems tons nicer than this Miranda woman, but at the same time she seems like she's on the prowl to find some dirt on people, not necessarily to hard them-- but you know the kinds. In any case, she doesn't seem particularly harmful at this stage at it was interesting to read about her :)

I like how you've described her job and the office. You've written it so well that I had no trouble picturing the set up and the workings of the prophet office. It was very realistic and actually did remind me of a newspaper office, so great job with that! The hustle and bustle of office, lined with rows of desks and people slogging away on their work came alive. As for the typewriters and crisp sheets of paper and the likes- Ah, it made me smile so much. I have a huge thing for typewriters and I would LOVE to own one. A vintage one, especially!

The bit about George got me. It was so sad. I love that you included him in such an apt way. I definitely wouldn't put it past him to sell such things, but the fact that celebrating his birthday is near impossible because of the memories- GARGH, so sad ;'(

Finally, your last section was really well written as well. I like how realistic it was. It reminded me of people in their early twenties, restless and frustrated because life isn't everything they dreamed it would be when they got out of college. The cheap drinks, the moaning, catching up was all so well written. I love how you set the scene here as well. The detail about the bar, its location, the crowd, the owner and everything just added to your piece and got me into this even more.

Their conversation was quite interesting, as it gave us more information about Roxy and her relationships. It also made me more curious. I really want to know what happened with her and Fred and also about what happened between her and Daniel, who I assume must have been her fiance. The 'bare finger' is what gave me that idea.

The ending was lovely! It really breathed excitement into me as well. It brought me back to the emotion of the first sequence, making me tense and edgy all over again. Now I'm back in that frame of mind where I need answers. I want to solve this mystery with Roxanne! I love this genre! :D

I also loved the flow of this piece. It reads well and is easy to follow. At the same time, there's never a point where it gets a little too much nor does it get boring. The balance between description and dialogue is lovely and it makes this more amazing than it already is!

I also love, love, love how realistic this whole piece is! The people, the job and the situations they are... everything is incredibly realistic and easy, on some level, to relate to. I like how Roxanne isn't getting her way just because of her last name. It's sad, but it makes this more believable.

I think I spotted one typo, but I can't seem to find it now. Doesn't matter- it detracts nothing.

Now that the technicalities are out of the way, I am so so so glad you got this up :D I LOVE it and it has been worth every second of the wait, though I'm not patient and I would love quick updates now that this is out there :p This is going to be very, very enjoyable, I can tell. Great job, Sian! I'm so excited to have read this. FINALLY. And I promise I will swing by earlier in future. I won;t be able to stop myself :p GREAT work ♥ I love this story, and you!

Author's Response: Oh my goodness, Adi! This review is absolutely incredible and I can't even begin to try and respond coherently, it's kind of intimidating to come up with something to say but I'll try my best :P

I'm really happy that you liked the opening section of the chapter! I wanted to begin with something intriguing and try and grab the reader's attention a bit so it's amazing that it seems to have worked. You've definitely had a glimpse of the basis for the mystery and I'm glad that you're already asking questions and trying to come up with theories! :D

The transitions between the sections were something I worried about so I'm pleased that you think they worked, even though they're more mundane and everyday.

I'm so pleased that you like Roxy! I've spent a lot of time working on this story so I've become quite attached to her now; I'm happy that it didn't read like I was just overloading you with information! She does love her job and work at the Prophet, but the stories that she's writing are so boring and then her colleagues are... interesting. Violet's definitely nicer than Miranda, but does like to gossip!

Ah, I love the idea of them using typewriters, because I'd love one too! And I'm sorry that I had to make you sad about George, though! ♥

I'm really happy that you liked the final section with Jane as well. I wanted it to seem realistic and believable, so it's great that you thought it was. And yes, there are certain hints there but I'm not going to give away too much about what's happened - you'll find out in a few chapters!

Yay, I'm glad you're excited to solve the mystery with Roxy and that you thought it was realistic, because that was my main aim with this chapter. I want these characters to seem believable and easy to relate to, and I can't tell you how happy I am you think they are!

Thank you SO much for this incredible review, Adi - it means so much to me! ♥


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Review #8, by randomwriterIn Such Simplicity: a place where butterflies hide

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I'm just going to do the quickest review and go to bed because it's really late here and I'm so sleep deprived.

I loved this one-shot. It was so different from all the Cedric/Cho stories that I've read. And it was a very refreshing change. Most of those stories show her as a depressing girl who never stops crying. I like how this is different. I like how you actually build a relationship between them and show their moments together. I love the dialogue. It's so playful and you show the reader why they work well together, something that fanfiction writers usually just neglect altogther. I also like how she learnt from the loss, and it how it meant something of value to her. Thats precisely what you did- added value to their characters and their relationship. I love how you've written them. The last half of this was absolutely heartbreaking and i felt really sad for Cho, but despite that, you didn't make her annoying an moaney and really enjoyed that.

Apart from that, this was a really beautiful read. It was vivid and descriptive and I fell in love with it the second I started reading it. It's one of the very few Cho/Cedric fics I've actually enjoyed this much and loved.

Sorry about this review. Sleep beckons! Thanks for a great read :)

Author's Response: Wow, you went on quite the reviewing spree there! Thanks so much for all the lovely reviews!

I hate those characterizations of Cho that show her as a weepy fool. I definitely imagine Cho and Cedric as having been a really cute and friendly couple; kind of like the Hogwarts 'it-couple' and each others' first loves, but not each others' soulmates.

I definitely don't see her as moaney (especially not when she's alone either). Thank you so much and I hope you find many other good Cho/Cedric fics to read because I love the ship. Thanks for the lovely review :)


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Review #9, by randomwriterHush Now: Don't Worry, Be Happy

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello hello! Back to step out of my comfort zone and read a story that goes again what I usually go for :p

I had to read through it another time because it's far too late and I'm sleep deprived and now I understand that this is a post ScoROse Rose/Teddy fic. I think that even thought it goes against my pairing, it is quite interesting and unique. I'm glad I gave it a shot.

The last line was such a genius way to allude to ScoRose without actually talking about it explicitly. As I've said before, you're so talented that you manage to convey the message of a thousand words in just a hundred. You say so much without really saying anything at all.

I really like the conversation that she has with Teddy. It gives me the sense of comfort and ease and great chemistry. So probably got a much better relationship with him than the one she left behind with Scorpius.

I loved the writing style. It's so lyrical an sounds pretty, if that makes sense. Honestly, I really enjoyed this and it taught me that I should experiment more with my choices. I'd have hated to miss out.

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Review #10, by randomwriterUnstoppable: unstoppable.

12th July 2014:
House Cup Review 2014
Okay. I live here now. On your page :p

As I mentioned in my last review, I'm a major Rose/Scorpius Shipper, so I wouldn't usually go for this either. But I love your writing and I was very curious.

I found that it was very different from the kind of stories you usually write. Still, it was very sweet and it put a smile on my face. You captured their emotions really well, especially through their kisses. The way you described everything was really beautiful. You managed to say a lot without saying much at all. I like that you wrote teenage love just as it would be, no matter what the sexuality. The only difference here is that there was a forbidden element, not only in terms of sexuality but also, familial tensions I suppose. You caught all these emotions well. The passsion, the urgency, the love and the anxiety.

As usual, you've written this well :) Great job!

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Review #11, by randomwriterForever, The Twinkling Dust: Tick tock. Tick tock.

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

So in all these angsty, sad stories of yours that I've just read, I haven't shed a tear, until I got to this one. Rose/Scoprius is one out of my two favourite pairings, and I just so overwhelmed. I won't lie. I didn't sob or anything. Just a couple of tears, but you made me cry. This story was so sad!

The repetition of the ticking clock provided a really nice rhythm to this story. It gave it a poetic edge, but at the same time, it also brought about this sense of rushing urgency. I kept thinking, 'Time is running out.' It also helped set the creepy/dark tone for this story.

I like the style of this piece, The sentences are short and unconnected, but somehow they make sense vaguely, on the whole. Rose seems to be slightly disillusioned, but the whole thing was so sad and chilling at the same time. The interaction with Zabini was both confusing and clarifying. It answered one questions, but gave way to a whole lot of others.

The last part with Scorpius killed me. I can't say anything of that because it was sad and beautiful and I hope he finds her. That is all.

I'm falling in love with your writing over and over again!

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Review #12, by randomwriterDance With Me: Dance With Me

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) So I;m back once more and I was pleasantly surprised to find that you can write happy stories just as well! In fact, it was a shock to find something entirely happy on your author's page at all, but it was nice that I did. To be completely honest, I don't read non-canon stories. I always stick to canon pairings, but I decided to give this one a go and I don't regret it.

I loved the idea. It was so cute and sweet, and I laughed along in a few places because it was also quite funny. I really love your characterisation of both Ron and Luna here. I love that you got all of Luna's quirks, without making it seem too much. She's one of the harder ones to write, in my opinion. Ron too was adorable. Goofy and clueless, you wrote him well too. So, you've definitely got bonus points for spot on characterisation.

I also love your writing style. It's less descriptive than usual, but it fits the plot and style of this story.

Having lost the ability of speech he simply stands and takes her hand. She beams at him. They sway rather ungracefully and not in time to the music but she loves it nonetheless. These lines were my favourite because they are the perfect representation of Ron and Luna.

Good work, once again :)

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Review #13, by randomwriterThe Clouds and Twinkling Stars: Chapter: The One and Only

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello again. I suppose this qualifies as a sort of review bomb? :p I love you writing. I can;t seem to stop myself. But that's not a bad thing at all.

I loved this one shot. It was both happier and sadder than the other stories of yours that I've read. Happier, because you actually gave us some happy romance, and non-fluffy fluff. Sadder because you took it away just as easily.

One of my favourite things about this one shot was how you tracked their entire story in a matter of so few words. You did them justice as well! I loved how well defined each stage of their relationship was. I was fairly impressed by how well these different stages seamlessly transitioned into each other. My favourite transition was the one between the wedding and death (it was also the saddest). I love how you've taken the wedding dress and extended the same thing to the pallid hospital gown.

Your writing style is, as usual, so beautiful and descriptive. This was so well written that it seemed to sing. I loved the flow as well. As I mentioned, the transitions were so smooth and it was just lovely to read this story! I also really, really enjoyed how sweet this was. The ending especially. It was a really, really nice oneshot and it kind of portrayed eternal, undying love very well! Good job :)

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Review #14, by randomwriterBlackbird: A Tale of Misery

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hi again :)

Okay, so honestly speaking, if it were to be viewed in entirety, it seemed slightly incomplete, but at the same time, it seems to stand alone well.

I've written a fic on Myrtle myself, but it focuses on her post-death attitude. Most of the stories I see of her focus on her story as a ghost, or as a student of Hogwarts, facing her death, so this was certainly unique. I don't think I've ever read anything like it. It took a bit for my mind to adjust to this and kind of absorb everything that was happening, but after I got past the initial difficult, this just blew my mind.

It was really sad to see that Myrtle was always picked on and bullied, but at the same time it is very believable and makes her story more realistic. Even though it was ad, the last part was probably my most favourite. There was such a powerful messages, and I think that's because you target relevant social situations. I'm really impressed because all of your stories seem to come with some sort of message or the other, and that's just great!

Your descriptions were lovely, as always. It's what draws me into your stories and keeps me hooked. It was no different this time! Great writing, once again :)

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Review #15, by randomwriterAll Black and Full of Bones: All Black and Full of Bones

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello again :) I loved your other story, so I decided to set up temporary camp at your page :p

This was a great way to show that not creatures are dark and dreary for the sole reason that thestrals are supposed to be the embodiment of everything that is associated with darkness and decay, simply because they are so closely linked to death. I love how you took these creatures and showed how they are as far as possible from that. I like how Luna's uniqueness is established from the start till the end in various ways -- her emotions, the things she does, the way she acts, the way she perceives things, etc. I also like how Luna didn't fear death, or automatically link it to negativity. Death reminded her of her mother, which was a very interesting idea. I loved the line where you stated that fearing something will not ensure that it won't happen! How true. It only makes dealing with loss worse.

I love how you showed all of this in the thestrals. I like how you connected the uniqueness that you'd established in her character with the uniqueness of thestrals. I particularly love how they bond over this very aspect and find acceptance in each other!

Lovely idea. I loved every word of it :) Great writing!

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Review #16, by randomwriterI am, I am, I am: I am, I am, I am

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello Sian! :) Sian (nott theodore) recommended you work, and so I'm here! :)

I loved this one-shot. I was pleasantly surprised by how much of a story you managed to tell in just a few words. That too, without dialogue. I also love that you only had one character throughout the story, and you only relied on her to carry forward your story. Rose is one of my favourite characters. It's unfortunate that we don't always get to see her in stories with a lot of depth like this one.

I love your idea and interpretation for the prompt. And the way you've executed your idea is also quite remarkable. I love the description. Sometimes, I find that there's a tendency to over-describe in heavily emotional stories like this one, but you've found a balance in such a way that it really isn't too much. I loved it. I also thought that your metaphors were excellent. They were well chosen to really represent the topic well.

I'd love to know more about this dark phase of hers. Depression is so consuming, so some more insight would have been nice, but I don't blame you, This is, after all, only 500 words, right?

Fear and darkness are not always short lived. But one can do an awful lot of living in the moments in between.

For life is not measured in seconds, and minutes, and hours. Where would be the fun in that?


These two lines were so beautiful. I loved them. I think they carried forth a vary powerful message and I love how you've worded it.

Anyway, this was a great read and I'm glad it was recommended to me :) One last thing, Sylvia Plath is lovely! Gooj job, Sian. Keep it up :)

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Review #17, by randomwriterFor the Living: Stages

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 review

Hello! I'm back because I loved your other story and I simply needed to read more of your writing! This was so much heavier than the other story that I'd read, but it was just as full of beauty and finesse. Your writing seems very seasoned and well-rounded which makes me admire it more.

I'd told you that I admire people who are able to write for this challenge. You've done it again! It's amazing. Given the word limit, I found this more impressive because it does loosely follow, as you pointed out, the five stages of grief. To be able to covey so much in just 500 words is real talent.

I love how you've written her emotions. She feels anger, resentment, loss, helplessness, hopelessness and finally ends up feelings lost and absent minded. The last part is hopeful. It shows acceptance and I love how you brought all of this out through subtleties. It's one of your stronger points.

As for the flow, you need not worry at all. Your writing is graceful and it just sings, as I said before, so I didn't have any trouble with the flow at all. In fact, the style that you've employed really suits the plot and tone of the story.

Her grief drips and trickles out of her, and she cannot begin to patch the leaks. There were several impact filled, heavy sentences, but this one really stuck out. It was so heartbreaking because it shows that her sorrow is so full and that it is pouring out of her, so as to speak, but she can;t bring herself to stop it somehow. She's hurting and she's letting it be.

On the overall, I really enjoyed this story, and I'm glad I read it. Great writing! :)

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Review #18, by randomwriterFred and George and the Birthday Surprise: Stuffed frogs and fuzzy bunnies

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I'm back for the third and final installment of your lovely story!

This was certainly the cutest of the three, although I was hoping that'd get to see them turn six and 'become wise' :p Oh well, you could always write a sequel! *hint*

It was really nice, seeing the twins take care of Ginny and play with her. Though giving her the whipped topping was a little daft, they can be excused. After all how is one supposed to know any of those things before turning six?! That's when you become smart!

I loved the ending, with Percy skidding in and toppling over. He's so annoying and it's always funny when Fred and George prank him. He's always practically asking for it! I also love seeing Arthur in this light. He's takes on his role as a father really well. The ending was an eye opener of sorts. It's interesting to see that this is what set them off, and gave them the inspiration to start pranking people :p I think it's really cute that Charlie gave them his Chudley Cannons toys.

I loved so many parts of this chapter, and I will definitely revisit it when I need some good ol' cheerin' up! I loved the baby-exploding part. And how they were worried that if that happened, they wouldn't get a dragon!

Anyway, another great chapter, and I'm a little sad to see this end. Good job anyway :)

Author's Response: Can you imagine letting five year olds babysit their younger sibling? That's a disaster waiting to happen, indeed!

I was tempted to write the actual birthday, but the story called for something different. I also loved portraying Aurthur like this. He doesn't get enough credit in fanfic, and I thought I'd show him in this light, as a patient and loving father who enjoys his kids.

I bet they don't get that dragon. What do you think??

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing my story during the House Cup!!

Pix


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Review #19, by randomwriterFred and George and the Birthday Surprise: What's in the box?

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hi again! I couldn't stay away after that lovely first chapter now, could I? As these are for the house cup, I apologise in advance. They may not be as long or as detailed as usual.

Your story is progressively getting cuter and cuter :p This was even better than the first chapter. I love how they're still counting down to their sixth birthday, and how they still feel like turning six will automatically mean that they become all knowing. The idea is just so childlike and hilarious, it only makes them cuter!

I love how they reacted when they saw the box, especially when they asked if it was blue and if they could eat it. I laughed out loud, and it's pretty late here. Not my best move :p I also love how horrified they were at the thought of them having to play with Percy. It's perfectly in line with how they grow up to be. Also, it was really apt that Percy was carrying the parchments. He's so annoying, even as a kid :p The ending, when they were judging Ron based on his tower building skills, was so funny! The dialogue there was hilarious.

The only thing that bothered me a little was that Ronnie doesn't seem to suit Ron so well. Apart from that, I loved everything, especially the part where Arthur talks about each of his kids' first encounter with magic. Ah! So nice :) I shall see you in the next chapter.

Author's Response: Ahh, I needed a stupid nickname for Ron, and that was all I could think of. I know, it sounds horrid, but I can imagine Ron being the type of person who had to grow out of one of those cutesy nicknames that he hated. Builds character. :P

Well, of course you know everything when you turn six. Or is it thirteen? Or nineteen? I get it all mixed up. I thought it was absolutely adorable that they were so hyper-focused on their age.

Poor Percy! He doesn't get a break, even as a kid. One of the challenges was making the characters recognizable at this age. What traits were they born with, and what traits did they develop over time? It was so much fun to play with.

Thanks for another lovely review!


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Review #20, by randomwriterFred and George and the Birthday Surprise: We only borrowed it and then we put it back.

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hi Pix :) I loved Game Over so much, I thought I'd drop by and review something else of yours! It's funny because for Prompt #1 for the House Cup, I wrote about Fred and George getting a pet. So I was definitely interested to see how you'd written this.

It was extremely cute. I was chuckling throughout the chapter, more or less. I liked your introduction as well. I'm about 99% sure too ;) As for Fred and George, this seemed very much like they'd be during their younger years. Already mischievous. I found it funny that they were actually even trying to be responsible though! Ha! Like they'll ever manage :p

The part about knowing everything when you turn six cracked me up! Little Charlie is cute too... and little Percy is, well, Percy! I can't wait to find out if Fred and George get a pet or their coveted whipped topping! Great start. Can't wait for more!

Author's Response: Aww, thanks!

I love Fred and George, and somewhere along the way, I realized that I had never written about them. I thought I'd try it out.

It felt right to give Fred and George a challenge that they would struggle with. I can imagine them trying to be responsible, but not having much success at it. LOL!



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Review #21, by randomwriterComing Back: Coming Back

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I'm here to review your story for the House Cup.

This is only the second Nearly Headless Nick story that I;m reading, so I do believe you've written about something that is rarely written about. So first of all, congrats on trying something new and unique. Secondly, I always admire authors who write for The Every Word Counts Challenge. It's incredibly hard to tell a tale in 500 words, and you did it successfully!

I usually find that shorter stories are heavy on description. Yours was the exception to the rule. It had a lot of dialogue and actually old a story with a plot and everything. I've always been interested in his death. This was an excellent way of telling it. You managed to do it justice in 500 words.

You've written this really realistically.I felt so sorry for both him and Latona. How sad it is to not get to say goodbye to your love. The ending made me smile though. It's really sweet that inspite of his form, she's so happy to see him and he's so happy to see her.

The pain of the first stroke was unbearable, but I kept repeating her name. Then came the second, the third... at forty I stopped counting. At forty-five it was over. These lines sent a chill through my spine. Really well written!

Great story :)

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Review #22, by randomwriterAmong the Flowers: She Didn't Notice

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I'm reviewing entries for the House Cup and I happened to come across yours. How absolutely beautiful! Your story was lovely and I have no words to tell you how much I loved it because it has rendered me speechless. I love how you contrast the story of the flowers with that of hers, how she doesn't notice what she's doing when it starts off, but then realises and sinks to the ground in defeat. It's so sad, but beautiful. You write so well. I love the flow of this piece more than anything else! It somehow sings, you know. I didn't feel the need to pause even once, anywhere because it's so well written. The sentences just run into each other, forming one beautiful piece. I'm always impressed by how people even write for this challenge. I've tried and failed, yet you've made it seem so effortless. I'm inspired to go and try it again! I also love your choice of words, if that isn't an odd thing to say. Not a word was wasted, and somehow each words adds quality to this.

I felt sorry for Victoire, whose heart is so full of hope and weary with experience at the same time. Poor, poor Victoire. I also think that your last para was very powerful. This entire story was, but that stuck out because it seemed like you were giving out a message in the end about not letting ourselves get so caught up that we forget to stop and appreciate the smaller beauties and joys of life.

I apologise for the quality of this review. It's house cup, and I'm attempting to be short and speedy! Great story. I adored it far too much :)

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Review #23, by randomwriterEscapee: The Wind Changed

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) This is the second successive Filch story that I'm reviewing, and the previous one was a parody :p This is odd because I thought he'd be a rare character (I suppose he is. It's just that I've found two stories in one night :p). I always admire people who write stories for The Every word Counts Challenge. I have tried and failed, but the success stories never fail to impress me. Not only did you manage to keep it within the word limit, you also wrote a very high quality story! I love the descriptions and the flow. It makes this story really something else. I can't say that I've even thought about this pairing before. I like how you kept the reader guessing as to who the narrator might be. When the clues started dropping and it started pointing at Madame Rosmerta, I was honestly really surprised. It's also refreshing to see from the point of view of someone who actually likes Filch. Isn't that rare? I personally can't say I'm his biggest fan, but I'm always up for reading a unique story! I like how you described Filch. He's always been around for comic relief. I've never seen him in this light. Great story :) Glad I got to read this. It's going to make me think for a while! :)

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Review #24, by randomwriterDreaming up Denial: Dream the Day Away

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I came across this story a couple of days ago, and I decided to leave you a review for the house cup! Scorpius/Rose is a favourite of mine, afterall ;)

This was fluff overload! It was really, really sweet and cute and it put a giant smile on my face because of that! I did think that her descriptions and thoughts were a little over the top, but it made more sense after you finally cleared it up in the end. I went, 'OHH!' when you did because it explained quite a bit :p Romance is not an easy genre. Everyone writes it, so a lot of people tend to stick to stereotypes or go a little weird with their writing, focusing on only one aspect of the romance. You manged it really well. You wrote a lovestruck Rose, but she wasn't blind to his flaws :p (or maybe she sort of was :p).

Rose's progression of thoughts and feelings were really fun to read. It's nice to see her go from denial to complete acceptance. It seemed weird at first, but that plot twist in the end cleared it up for me :p LOL, The only suggestion I will make is for you to do a quick proof read. I spotted a couple of typos. Nothing a quick edit cam't fix.

On the overall, this was a really cute story and I really enjoyed it :) great job!

Author's Response: Hi randomwriter!
Thank you so much for reading my story! I just wanted to write a fun fic that would explain the phases one goes through when they find someone they hate to love and love to hate :) I will definitely fix those typo's, thank you for pointing them out, I thought i got them all in my last edit (slippery little buggers!)
Thank you so much for reviewing
Veela_is_me


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Review #25, by randomwriterA Kwikspell Moment: A Kwikspell Moment

12th July 2014:
House Cup 2014 Review

Hello :) I'm reviewing entries for the House Cup and I happened to come across this one. It looked quite interesting :)

I laughed so much throughout this story! Especially in the end, when it is revealed that Peeves was the one causing all the mayhem! How did I not see that one coming?! I love reading about Filch in fanfiction, mainly because stories centered around him are so funny and this one didn't disappoint, clearly. Poor Filch! Just when he thought he'd finally gotten the hang of magic! The way you wrote both Filch and Peeves was spot on. I especially loved the dialogues. They sound just like Filch! I also feel like you wrote Mrs Norris really well, isn't though there isn't much to her, if you know what I mean! The stuff Peeves did sounded completely believable. It was cruel and funny at the same time.

All in all, this was a rather enjoyable read. Quick, and funny! :)

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