Reading Reviews From Member: HeyMrsPotter
  
377 Reviews Found

Review #1, by HeyMrsPotterSweet Talk: Welcome to Honeydukes

13th December 2014:
Hi, Leigh! Happy review hot seat day! This is the first time I've visited your author page but I remember seeing this story when I was doing the new stories updates for the newsletter and thinking it sounded great!

I really like your opening chapter! I think you've got an interesting premise to your story from your summary. I like that you haven't thrown us straight into the plot in this chapter, there's no mention of Fred II or the deal made (though I'm thinking Sweets mum's behaviour has something to do with it). I also really like the characters we've been introduced to so far, the 3 girls definitely seem to balance each other out and I like that Sweets has a friend in Kane outside of that group. There's some really great description in here too, particularly of the shop, which I find can sometimes be forgotten about in an opening chapter so kudos for that!

The only thing that stood out as not quite right was the use of the apostrophe that shouldn't be there in Honeydukes but I know you said in your Author Note that you were yet to edit it :) It's a really minor thing though and doesn't affect how lovely this first chapter was!

Dee :)

Author's Response: Hi Dee!

Thanks! I don't really like being thrown straight in--I feel like background on a character and a feel for the atmosphere before the change is necessary to fully enjoy the plot. I've been told I describe too much ;) Happy to see I did that alright here!

Oops. I haven't gotten round to editing yet, but I'll keep an eye out for those.

Thanks so so much!

-Leigh


 Report Review

Review #2, by HeyMrsPotterChicks Before Broomsticks: Bad Press

13th December 2014:
Hello again :D

I've just realised in my last review I've written Roxanne, not Hollie! Goodness, I'm rubbish at this review business aren't I?!

This was another really great chapter, I'm really enjoying the friendship between Alec and Hollie, I think he brings out a fun side to her. It's nice that she has someone she can talk to about Roxanne, and who is in a similar situation in the team too.

I definitely don't trust Logan now, he sounds awful! I hope Roxanne realises soon, and I'm so curious to find out if what he said about her was true. I felt sorry for Hollie when she had all those mixed feelings about the article, it really shows the strength of her feelings for Roxanne that the tiny glimmer of hope about her sexuality came last after anger with the press.

I can't wait to find out what will happen with the match, I suspect someone will turn up with alcohol in their system and Hollie will get to play.

Another great chapter, Julie!

Author's Response: Hi again!

hehe, I got you, no worries!

Alec and Hollie's friendship has been one of my favorite things about writing this story. They tease each other a lot, but they are there for each other through everything.

He kind of is! You do eventually find out! (hehe, see what I did there..) It was definitely a human nature moment for Hollie. She's angry at The Daily Prophet, but the back of her mind almost comes forward and points out that chance that she /could/ have.

I can't wait for you to be able to read it! Hehe, interesting guess!

Thanks so much, Dee!

Julie



 Report Review

Review #3, by HeyMrsPotterChicks Before Broomsticks: Fast Life

13th December 2014:
Hi, Julie! I'm a little behind the review hot seat because of work but didn't want to miss anyone out, so here I am! Sorry it's late :p And being completely useless, I've just remembered I owe you a review from ages ago when you won the newsletter challenge, SORRY!! I'll leave 2 now :D

Anyway, on to this chapter! I really really LOVED it! I think as far as opening chapters go, you've got absolutely everything. Even though you've introduced readers to so many new characters, it didn't feel like a total overload of information, and you had enough in there about the main characters that I feel like I know them well enough already.

I think Roxanne's character seeems really interesting, she's so different to any other portrayals I've read of her in next-gen stories. I like that she's not the star of the team, so often the Potter/Weasley kids are given everything on a plate because of their parents so I love that you've gone the other way. I also really like that she is very obviously bitter about the fact that she's been a reserve for so long, particularly in the dialogue with Alec. It's great that she doesn't let that affect her professionalism or how hard she works though. And I absolutely adored her interaction with the drunk muggle :D

The other thing that I was super impressed by was the detail you included in the Quidditch practice. It wasn't just skimmed over, you actually wrote about the role of each person on the team and their tasks in practice. Your committment to keeping up the Quidditch aspect of your story is brilliant.

I don't have any CC to offer you at all, this was just so enjoyable!

Dee

Author's Response: Hey Dee! argh, I'm two days behind on the hot seat as of now, I feel your pain! (today was /supposed/ to be my day off too, so boo to that) And that's okay! I definitely understand that people get busy.

Anyway! I'm so glad you liked it! I was afraid at first that I was introducing a few /too/ many, but I'm glad to hear that it worked for you.

Heh, I read your above review, so I will pretend it says Hollie! And she's definitely bitter about it, considering she basically had the spot for the season until the transfer. I think she'd still work just as hard though, if not 'just in case', just because she loves the sport. And, the drunk muggle was definitely my feminist side poking through. haha.

Ah, I'm glad you liked the quidditch! I love writing Quidditch, and I definitely wanted it to be a large part of the story.

Yay for no CC! Thank you so much, Dee!

Julie


 Report Review

Review #4, by HeyMrsPotterchristmas eve.: spending time with family.

13th December 2014:
Hi, Aimee! I'm a couple of days behind the review hot seat because of work but didn't want to miss anyone out, so here I am! Sorry it's late :p

I think you've got a really interesting first chapter here, which is great considering all of the characters you've introduced are OCs. I've taken an instant liking to Brooklyn. She's obviously done something pretty bad at least in her parents' eyes for them to have kicked her out, so already we know she's not going to be a one-dimensional character. I really like that she's got a bit of a sassy edge to her thoughts but is completely different where her grandfather is concerned. Their relationship seems really lovely too.

If I could offer some advice, the punctuation is a little off-mostly around the dialogue. For example:
"Now, just watch me and I'll show you how to do it slowly." She explained, handing me a spare pair of knitting needles from her big bag The end of the speech should have a comma and then 'she' should start with a lowercase s - 'how to do it slowly," she explained' The she explained part is describing how the dialogue has been said, so is part of the speech, so we use a comma and a lowercase letter with a full stop at the end of 'yarn of wool'.

If the part after the speech doesn't describe the speech then you use a full stop and a capital, e.g:
"Oh, Granddad!" the tears welled up in my eyes as I leapt on him becomes "Oh, Granddad!" The tears welled up in my eyes as I leapt on him

It's a pretty minor thing but can sometimes put off pickier readers. Otherwise, as I said, this is a really interesting chapter. You've given just enough information away for me to like Brooklyn, and for me to be interested in what has happened to her in the past with her parents.Good job!

Dee

 Report Review

Review #5, by HeyMrsPotterLife As We Know It: chapter thirteen

10th December 2014:
Hello again! What better time to catch up LAWKI than your review hot seat day :D

It really shows in this chapter how far you've come with your writing from the early version of chapter 1. You've got some really amazing language and imagery throughout this chapter. This line in particular:
'Each step I took seemed to accentuate the pale pallor of Draco's face as he lay there on the infirmary bed' is just beautiful.

As always, your characterisation is perfect. I'm so used to how well you write Hermione and Draco but it was Harry's part in the beginning of the chapter that really impressed me. The simple things like him sliding down the wall and the small smile with Ginny were very typical of him. Ron was brilliant too, I loved how he was distracted by the chess game.

The interaction at the end was so sad, I can really feel Draco's pain at the situation he's got himself into and how desperately he doensn't want to do it but feels he has to. And of course Hermione was perfectly stubborn with him! I'm glad she's not giving up on helping him :)

Dee

 Report Review

Review #6, by HeyMrsPotterA Time of Heartache and Healing: Failure

10th December 2014:
Erica! Happy review hot seat day :D

Or at least, it was happy until you broke my heart with this story!

Fred's death affected me the most of all the many, many deaths in the series and most of the time I am in complete denial about it. Then I go and read things like this and it just brings it all back!

My heartbreak aside, this was really beautifully written. I think you've got Molly's grief spot on. Of course it would never get easier for her, and of course she would think herself a failure for not preventing Fred's death. The way you write her thoughts is just so perfectly Molly. Her children at the front of her mind all the way through, but still very rational. Particularly the part about George, I always imagined it would be hard for the family to face him, and Molly in your story obviously feels that way, but knows that it's ridiculous to think it.

I have to commend you for how well you've portrayed Molly's maternal side and her grief throughout this. Basically, this was a beautiful one-shot!

Dee

 Report Review

Review #7, by HeyMrsPotterMean: The First One

10th December 2014:
Gift tag! (sorry I'm late!)

I think you've got a really good opening chapter to your story! I always find opening chapters difficult because you've got to set the scene for the rest of the story, introduce the necessary chapters and give readers a clue of where we are on the Potter timeline but without it just being a big information overload. You've managed to balance it brilliantly :)

I like the characters that you've created for Lucy and James so far, and they seem to have a really close relationship which is nice. It's not one we come across often in fanfiction, I think Percy's kids are always a bit neglected so I'm glad you chose Lucy as your main character. Cara and Elenor seem fun too, I'm interested in getting to know them more.

I think my favourite thing about this chapter is the older characters though. You've got them really in character but more mature too, another difficult thing to get right! Percy is my favourite, even though he says very little, his manerisms are perfect. Like him not liking PDA's and telling Lucy that Ron and Harry couldn't be bothered to go back to school after the war. So Percy!

Really good opening chapter, I'll be back for more very soon :D

Dee

 Report Review

Review #8, by HeyMrsPotterLying Josephine: Eye of the Storm

13th October 2014:
TANYA!!

I'm sorry...I didn't like it...


I JOKE OBVIOUSLY! (You actually believed me though, didn't you? Will you ever believe people when they tell you that you are amazing?)

For every painful day you made me wait for this (and let's face it, there was about a million of them) my expectations for this chapter got higher and higher. You didn't disappoint. At all.

I'm not even sure where to start with all of the amazing things in this chapter. I love that you always have a lovely (albeit heartbreaking) balance between Jo's developing friendship with Fred before the war and her ever-growing love for George after the war. I'm not sure which one makes me more sad; the fact that she and Fred are so well-suited in friendship and that one day that will be taken away from her, or that Jo and George's loss of Fred is so evident and painful for both of them in the second part of this chapter. My poor heart.

Your attention to detail is, as always, absolutely on point. You never forget the magic. From the enchanted receipt paper, to the Quick Quotes Quill's scathing comments, and the poo related products (which just reminds me how hilarious you are and how immature I am that it made me laugh so much).

I have so many mixed emotions about Jo's inner monologue. Everything she thinks when she's with George makes me want to burst with love for how she feels about him, but I find myself shouting at the screen because she won't say them out loud! Though, that may be a good thing because if she suddenly started telling George that she loves him after months of barely saying a word to him he'd probably find her really intense and scary-which definitely isn't the ending I want for this story. (Side note, I don't want any end to this story.) When she does finally speak to him in the "You miss him" moment, I knew exactly what she really meant by that before you went on to explain it. The wonderful thing about Jo for me is how well I feel like I know her, I know what she really means when she does speak and I understand how torn and tormented she feels even before Fred's death. It's incredible that this is a character you've created, not one that I've gotten to know throughout seven books. In just five chapters, Josephine has become as familiar to me as any one of JKR's characters.

I really need to learn to prepare myself for heartbreak before reading the updates for this story. I forgot how much your writing kills me in my excitement at reading the update and was totally not ready for the end of this chapter. Can we not just have it where Fred didn't die and no-one died in his place and George and Josephine fall in love and they all live happily ever after? No? Okay. Even though I understood George's anger at Josephine following Fred's orders, part of me was so mad at him for being mean to her. DOES HE NOT REALISE SHE LOVES HIM?! And the fact that she saved his life in the battle and he only just found out...seriously, woman. It's just so fitting with Josephine's character that she didn't use that as a way to get close to him, or get him to talk to her. The most amazing thing she could ever do for him and she's kept that to herself. Crazy, wonderful girl.

There were times in my constant pestering for this update that I felt guilty and that maybe I should stop but I am so glad I didn't because this chapter was just beyond perfect. You're in for a tough month during NaNo!

Wonderful, amazing, brilliant chapter. Love love love!

Author's Response: DEE!!! :-D

...OMG SO MEAN!!!

Oh... I see what you did there... :-p (Also... maybe... but only for a second! hehehe Also, gah! Stahp it. *hugs*)

MANY PAINFUL DAYS OF WRITING AND WAITING, I KNOW, BUT THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU FOR SAYING THAT! *breathes epically huge sigh of relief*

Ugh, you are too much. Thank you. And I am right there with you. Even in the humorous moments, there's a bittersweet edge to it all because we know it's the past, and that the future is so not the same anymore. :( FRED. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO DIE? Of course... if he'd lived, I'd probably never have come up with this story idea, so... you win some, you lose some?

HAHAHA The poo jokes. I couldn't not. If you think you're immature for laughing, you should have seen the process of putting all of that together! LOL I enjoyed it way too much. Anyway, THANK YOU! I'm actually insanely relieved that you enjoyed the enchanted receipt paper and the Quick Quotes Quill details, cause I struggled for a long time with how to get those things to make sense without spending too long trying to explain what they actually do! Phew! :-D

ISN'T SHE SO FRUSTRATING!? I am right there with you. It's difficult because she's not just hurting herself by holding it all in, but George! If she said those things, she could help him! But she's in a place right now where she's honestly more self-preserving than selfless. Hopefully she works through that eventually. ;) Eep! I'll be sad to see this story end one day, too (thank you! *hugs*), but I'm so excited for the finale I have planned, that I'll get over it, and I hope it'll be worth it for you too! And ugh! How do I even respond to that? I'm just so blown away by how much you get Jo and how attached you've become to her. Like... I can't even. There are no words. *hugshugshugs*

GAH! Again, how do I respond to your ridiculously kind words?! I'm so grateful you feel that way about my writing and that it moves you and breaks your heart a bit, cause... yeah, that's what I'm going for at the moment! Muahaha! Also... no. If I were nicer, I definitely would have let Fred live and made Jo less skittish and made George love Jo back, BUT... clearly I'm evil. :-p "DOES HE NOT REALISE SHE LOVES HIM?!" hahaha There are so many things I want to say in response to this, BUT I CAN'T! YOU'LL JUST HAVE TO READ ON!!! hehehe But yeah, George's anger I felt was at least somewhat justified, it's just upsetting that Jo is taking the brunt of it. And as far as her having saved George... it's kind of a double-edged sword, isn't it? I think Jo must see it the same way as George - that if she'd been with Fred instead, he might still be alive. Anyway, war flashback scenes are coming, so we'll get a closer look at that! :-D

And don't feel guilty. Not even for a second. This chapter happened only because of you, and I could not be more grateful for that. *hugs* Is it wrong that I'm actually excited for NaNo pestering because I'm so stoked to get this story continually updating? Eep! We're gonna have fun, methinks. ;)

Gah, you're so beyond wonderful. 'Thank you' doesn't even begin to express my gratitude towards you. And this review is to die for. You're just the greatest. Thank you, Dee! I LOVE YOU! MWAH!

Tanya ^.^


 Report Review

Review #9, by HeyMrsPotterRiddikulus: Riddikulus

8th July 2014:
Hello!

This story managed to make me feel so much!

I was absolutely terrified of the Boggart, the descriptions you used to describe each of the dead characters were so vivid I could actually picture them so clearly in my head. Colin's was petrifying!
I was sad for McGonagall, I wanted to scream at her that she DID do everything that she could and that boggart Albus was wrong!
And in the end, I was beyond relieved, and so happy that little Winky was the hero in the story. She's such a loyal elf, and it was nice to see her finally accepting that she had a new master and one that she can look after so well.

The plot for this story was so clever, I could really imagine this being canon. The little details really made it for me, with the need to interview a new DADA Professor, and the castle being repaired and my absolute favourite-Winky having her own name for the Boggart :D

Love, love, LOVED this!

Dee -House Cup 2014 review Educational Decree #4

Author's Response: I actually gave myself goosebumps writing Lavender! I'm glad I wasn't the only one creeped out! Haha.

I'm so happy you thought the characterization was on point. It's always something I worry about.

The Changer!!! Yes! Haha. Aaahhh. I love Winky. Thank you so much for a wonderful review!


 Report Review

Review #10, by HeyMrsPotterEvent Three - Ginny's Story: Ginny and Arnold

8th July 2014:
Hello!

After the House Cup story event, I now have such a huge fondness for Pygymy Puffs since reading lovely stories like this one!

What I love about yours is that Arnold is the catalyst for an event that we know happens in the books, the DA reuiniting. I think you've got a really accurate portrayal of the castle whilst it was in the hands of the Death Eaters. There's an underlying threat that you subtly hint to, and I really liked how you spoke about the mood of the staff as well as those of the children. Poor Ginny having to deal with all of that on top her her firends and the boy she loves and her brother being absent! I'm so glad that Arnold made her not only feel better but also inspired her to use the Room of Requirement and get the DA back together.

I absolutely thoroughly enjoyed this :D

Dee -House Cup 2014 review Educational Decree #4

Author's Response: Hi Dee - another lovely review from you! This story was my least favorite of the three that I wrote for the house cup, as it did not come out as finished as I would have liked. I'm glad you enjoyed it. My goal was to portray Ginny's side of things. She was very passionate but always told that she was too young to fight alongside the others. That must've caused great frustration, compounded by the fact that she was separated from her family for the first time in her life.

Thanks again - I really appreciated your kind words!


 Report Review

Review #11, by HeyMrsPotterHC Event 3 - Dancing with Pixies: Not So Bad

8th July 2014:
Hello!

First off, this is absolutely definitely NOT complete and utter garbage! You shouldn't out your writing down :0

I really like that you chose to write about one of the less obvious creatures in the Wizarding World. The Cornish Pixies always seemed like such fun to me, though definitely michevious!

The main character in your story is really interesting, obviously very clever and not so concerned with the rules. I like the almost cocky over-confident attitude he/she (?) has when thinking of the others in the class.

Their idea to enlarge the cage and get in it with the pixies was great, I can't decide if I thought that was a brilliant or terrible idea when I first read it but I'm glad they didn't wreak too much havoc!

This was a great story, lovely plot idea and excellent descriptions throughout :D

Dee- House Cup 2014 review Educational Decree #4

 Report Review

Review #12, by HeyMrsPotterEvent Three: Hope : Hope

8th July 2014:
Hello!

This was a really great entry for the house cup! I always loved the idea of Pygmy Puffs, even if they do seem like a bit of a naff gift :p

I really like the relationships that you've got in here between the girls, it shows such an accurate portrayal of every day life in Hogwarts- talking about Quidditch, lounging around in the dorms, laughing and taking the mick out of each other.
There's a great balance of the serious and the fluff in here and I loved both sides equally. It was really nice that the girl named the Pygmy Puff hope in the end, and that she saw her dad was really trying just to get her though the days, and probably get through them himself.

A Perfect little one-shot :D

Dee -House Cup 2014 revie Educational Decree #4

 Report Review

Review #13, by HeyMrsPotterEvent Three - Lament: A Giant and a Phoenix

8th July 2014:
Hi Emily!

This was such a BEAUTIFUL story! I absolutely LOVE the idea that you've written about a giant AND a phoenix, and what a wonderful job you did of writing from Grawp's perspective. I love the line
"Helluh," you attempt as Hagger has taught you painstakingly You make Grawp so cute for a giant :p

The way you've described Fawkes really does the beautiful bird justice. Every word of his appearence and his flight is graceful and magical, just like him. I just adore how gentle Grawp was with him too, and I can picture that mement where Fawkes puts his head in Grawps hand.

Lovely, lovely, lovely story, Emily!

Dee -House Cup 2014 revie Educational Decree #4

 Report Review

Review #14, by HeyMrsPotterMay Seventeenth: May Seventeenth

8th July 2014:
Hello!

This is the first time I've read a Dean/Ginny story before. I really like missing moments stories from the book so this one looked interesting!

I love that ultimately Harry is the reason Dean and Ginny break up, it's so obvious throughout the books that he was always the one she loved the most, the one she loved truly. I think you've got that across well here. It did make me really want to kick Dean when he was being so awful to her about it though, she's always been the one girl who wasn't after Harry for his fame or money and for him to say that was so harsh.

I think the final sentence was a really effective way to end the story, it had a good tone of finality to it!

All in all, I enjoyed this. Though I would have liked a tad more description.

Dee -House Cup 2014 review Educational Decree #3

 Report Review

Review #15, by HeyMrsPotterMistletoe: Mistletoe

8th July 2014:
Hello!

Dramione is definitely my favourite pairing and I think you did it justice here. I love missing moments stories so this was right up my stret!

I think you got both Hermione and Draco's characters really well here. Hermione running away from Cormac is hilarious and I like the way that she thinks about the other boys, particularly Ron who was pretty stupid throughout Half Blood Prince.

Her moment with Draco was really heated and you built up the tension so well. I think him swearing at her was so in character for him but I wish they would have kissed :p

This was a really enjoyable story :)

Dee -Hose Cup 2014 review Educational Decree #3

 Report Review

Review #16, by HeyMrsPotterSleepwalker: Sleepwalker

8th July 2014:
Hello! So, admittedly this is the first time I've ever read a Harry/Draco fic and it's not my favourite pairing at all.

That being said, I can fully appreciate how well this is written. I think you've done a really good job of portraying Harry's heartbreak here, especially in this line:
He was all I thought about, all day and all night. He haunted me.

I also liked the little details that you put in about day to day life in and around Hogwarts, the detail about breakfast and the Care of Magical Creatures class.

Their dialogue really help to emphasise the anger Harry is feeling toward Draco and how heartbroken he's reallt feeling.

Not my favourite pairing, but an intersting one-shot nonetheless.

Dee -Hose Cup 2014 review Educational Decree #3

 Report Review

Review #17, by HeyMrsPotterViolet Hill: the land of delusions.

8th July 2014:
Hello again :)

I like the continuity that you've got between this story and the last (and presumably the next one too :P)

I think the thing I love most about this story is the interaction between Draco and Scorpius in the ending. Draco is obviously hurting from the loss of the woman he loved, but his son's pain takes priority over that. He says exactly the right thing to Scorpius, not sugar coating anything but still managing to make him feel better. I love the picture you've painted of him as a father :)

Again, you've got that gorgeous description and I like the way you've capitalised Death giving the impression that it's a real being that is causing Scorpius to feel so low.

Another great entry!

Dee -House Cup 2014 review.

Author's Response: Hi Dee!

Thanks! Yes, all of the stories follow the dark and death theme in case you were wondering.

I'm really glad that you liked their interaction because the thing I love most after Scorpius is when Draco and Scorpius are together so this was so much fun to write. Yes, I think after the war he would be more reflective but more truthful too given how he saw all the lies and manipulation then, so it's great that you liked this version of it.

Haha, that was inspired by The Book Thief, so I would really recommend you check it out if you liked it here as you will never see death in the same way after that book!

Thanks for another great review :D

-Kiana


 Report Review

Review #18, by HeyMrsPotterViolet Hill: a glimpse of infinity.

8th July 2014:
Hi, Kiana!

It always amazes me that people can write such brilliant stories in 500 words, so the fact that you've written 3 (yes, I'm assuming the other two are also brilliant because it's you!) is just wow.

I am so incredibly envious right now of the description you've used in this. It is seriously jaw-dropping. Like this right here:
Its outline is jagged, angular, from the protruding bones which have been weathered away to an argent hue. The translucent film covering the skeleton conceals nothing at all. The thestral seems incomplete, as if something has been lost and can never be retrieved.
How on earth do you do this?! My description of a thestral wouldn't go far beyond black and skeletal :p

I feel so sad for Scorpius seeing the thestral. He's obviously ran away to try and get away from the thoughts of his mother dying and then runs straight into a reminder. I love that he has every right to hate the thing for that but he see's the strange beauty in it and a meaning beyond death.

Brilliant interpretation of the first propmpt, Kiana. I loved this.

Dee -House Cup 2014 review.

Author's Response: Hi Dee!

Wahahaha *blushes so red cheeks may explode* thank you so much, that means so much to me to hear you say that!

Aw, thank you :P I'm not sure really, I just sort of envisaged it in my head and then that burst out from my fingers, I wish I could offer a better explanation but I can't sadly.

Yay for Scorpius! I'm glad that you liked him here as he's always got a soft spot in my heart and I love angsty Scorpius too, so this was just the best thing ever really :P

Thanks so much for the great review, Dee! :D

-Kiana


 Report Review

Review #19, by HeyMrsPotterThestrals: Hugo

7th July 2014:
Emily! I'm sad that I've reached the final chapter of this collection of amazing stories. Admittedly, this one had me on a bit of an emotional rollercoaster. At first I was all NO MOLLY WEASLY CANNOT BE DEAD BECAUSE JUST NO. I felt so awful for poor Hugo that every time he saw the thestrals he was reminded of having witnessed his grandmother dying. Then he went to the forest and saw the thestral and I could have just cried for him when he thought of Molly. And then the baby took the apple from him and made him realise they weren't so bad and he cried because he was happy and not scared of them anymore! My poor emotions!!

This, and the other two chapters, were so beautifully written. I especially liked the description in the forest part of this one, and of the thestrals too. Perfect!

Dee -House Cup 2014 review

Author's Response: This story was my favourite to write. It was also the hardest to cut back to 500 words for some reason. I wrote this with Molly in mind, but I purposefully did not write her name because I wanted to leave it a little open-ended and let the reader make up their mind. And baby thestrals are the cure for all ills. If you're feeling sad, go feed a baby thestral an apple and that'll make you feel less sad.

Thanks so much for the lovely review and your lovely words :)


 Report Review

Review #20, by HeyMrsPotterThestrals: Neville

7th July 2014:
Hello again!

I truly love Neville Longbottom, and this story just reinforced that completely. I'm completely amazed at how well you understand his character, it's like you were in his head. The whole idea of him constantly berating himself and putting himself down just completely breaks my heart, throughout this whole thing I just wanted to tell him 'but you are brave Neville, all of that shows you that you really are!'

The use of the 'be brave, be strong' mantra throughout was so effective, and I love how you linked it to all of his significant moments in the books. I'm really glad that he finally realised in the end that he is so brave and strong (cutting off a snakes head will do that to a person, I imagine)

Another really brilliant story, Emily.

Dee -House Cup 2014 review

Author's Response: I've wanted to write a story about Neville for so long, but I've never really had a good idea for one. Then this challenge came along, and I was like YES. PERFECT. LET'S DO THIS.

*blushes* Aww, thank you so much for your lovely words. I find Neville so relateable and his struggle with himself is such a universal one. He was a treat to write.

I was scared of being too repetitive by using it so much. I'm happy that it did work. And if Neville hadn't realised he was brave by the end of 500 words...

Thanks for reviewing! :)


 Report Review

Review #21, by HeyMrsPotterThestrals: Sirius

7th July 2014:
Hi Emily :D

I just love the idea that you've combined the House Cup event with the every word counts challenge three times. The idea of Thestrals linking them all is really clever too.

I really feel for Sirius in this, it's so awful that he would have to see something that awful at such a young age. That being said, I think you wrote the scene beautifully. The way that both Bellatrix and Lucius react, or more don't react, to the fact that they've just taken a life away is very in character for both of them.

I like that Sirius had a happy ending (at least in this little snapshot of his life) when he went to the Potter's. Him realising he hadn;t even asked if he could stay was just adorable.

The way you started and ended the story in a similar way made it flow really well and was a really effectivce way to finish the story (I'm rubbish at ending chapters/stories/sentences so this makes me positively green with envy :P)

Dee -House Cup 2014 review

Author's Response: Hey, hey, hey!

I am a little obsessed with the Every Word Counts challenge, I think - this'll be my third entry! And thestrals are too amazing to contain in just one story.

Sirius just needs a hug in this story, I think. You're right in saying that he sees a lot of awful things. And I loved writing Lucius and Bellatrix! I'm glad you liked reading them :)

Sirius deserves a happy ending. Also I hate writing sad ones :(

Ah, thank you! Flow is surprisingly hard to figure out in 500 words. There's just such a temptation to abruptly end it.

Thanks for the lovely review :)


 Report Review

Review #22, by HeyMrsPotterThe Missing One: The Missing One

7th July 2014:
Hi Jayde! Long time no review, let's fix that, eh?

I think this is a really great snapshot of the Weasley's life after the war.

You've captured Molly perfectly in so few words, I love the idea of her washing the dishes by hand to calm her nerves, it's something I can really imagine her doing. Her referring to Charlie and Fred as 'The Missing One' and 'The Dead One' made me so sad, I can really feel her pain here. And then this line:
Looking at him was like having Fred and not having him at the same time.
Fits with exactly how I'd imagine Molly would feel about George after Fred's death, it's probably how George feels about himself!

This was such an enjoyable read, my dear. I'm so intrigued as to where Charlie is and why he is behaving the way he is, I think I'll add Keeping Secrets to my reading list for after the House Cup is over and I can read without thinking about points the whole time!

Dee -House Cup 2014 review

Author's Response: Dee! Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review this! (And for earning Hufflepuff some points in the process!!)

I was a little worried that washing the dishes might be a little TOO monotonous, so thank you so much for your compliments!

And *Squees*! Thank you, thank you so much! *hugs*


 Report Review

Review #23, by HeyMrsPotterEvent Three: Can't Keep A Good 'Puff Down: And Lasts Forever

7th July 2014:
Hi again!

Can I just say, I love love LOVED the opening sentence to this :D Every single word after this just broke my heart into a million pieces. I think it's because their frienship reminded me of mine with my best friend and the idea of ever losing her is just heart wrenching.

It's very rare that I actually cry at fanfiction, and I mean full on running nose and sobbing, but you definitely got me with this one. I was teary at first and then this line just pushed me over the edge:
The kind of silence of a friendship that would last for eternity, and when it was eventually time for Hannah to leave, to give Susan's family more time with her, the hug that they shared was one of finality, as if they both knew that this was it, the last station on on a lifelong journey. It was just a beautiful and fitting end to their friendship and Susan's life.

You really did their friendship justice throughout the three stories, even in this really sad ending. Great job!

Dee -House Cup 2014 review

 Report Review

Review #24, by HeyMrsPotterEvent Three: Can't Keep A Good 'Puff Down: It Comes From Within

7th July 2014:
Hi again!

This was such a good read! I really loved reading about the war from a perspective other than Harry's, and I loved that Hannah and Susan stuck together throughout it all, and it was a true testament to their friendship that Hannah told Susan she would understand if she chose to bow down.

The ending was one of my favourite parts of this, with Susan encouraging Hannah to go and talk to Neville. It was a nice hint of the future relationship between them, so often in fanfiction people put Neville with Luna because of the film and it was never a ship I could get on board with- I like that you stuck with canon.

This was another really great story. I love the continuity that you have with Hannah and Susan's friendship, and I look forward to reading the next installment of their adventures!

Dee -House Cup 2014 review

 Report Review

Review #25, by HeyMrsPotterEvent Three: Can't Keep A Good 'Puff Down: Adolescent Escapades

7th July 2014:
Hi, Meg :)

This is the first time I've read anything of yours and I was immediately in love just from the title alone :D The super writing and brilliant first part of your entries were just a bonus ;)

I really love that you chose to write about characters from Hufflepuff, and I adore the friendship that you've given Hannah and Susan. They're very typical teenage girls just giggling and having fun and it was so refreshing to read. Choosing the niffler as your magical creature was a brilliant idea, it's one of my favourite magical creature of the series and makes for such a fun story!


There was one thing I picked up on with your punctuation in the speech:
"Well come on then. It's heavy." Hannah muttered The speech should end in a comma, rather than a full stop so that both the speech and the text describing the speech are part of the same sentence. Like this: "Well come on then. It's heavy," Hannah muttered
And if the text ends in a question mark, like this: "You're sure the last time you saw the necklace was in here?" She questioned quietly then the first word after the speech mark should be lowercase (unless it's a name or I etc)
It's a minor thing but it will make your writing look a little more polished :)

I'm really looking forward to reading the other two parts of your entry, Meg!

Dee -House Cup 2014 review

 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>