This story grabbed me right from the start. Personally, I will never understand the massive amounts of hatred that Cho Chang receives - she was a young girl whose boyfriend died, and was obviously grieving terribly. I think that people are often far too harsh on her character, stereotyping her as some pathetic whiny girl who only thought of herself, or as an idiot and a shallow popular brat. It's very rarely that you see a story cast her in a positive light, and the minute that I saw that this was Cho/Cedric I had to read it.
And I'm so glad that I did. The amount of detail that you included in those first few paragraphs was equal parts lovely and chilling, and it's all very subtle. The way that Cedric forgets his friend's first name, the sound of the nurse fixing the sheets, the feeling of the light touching his head, his thought that he's still in the guard barracks - it's all very disquieting, and gives the reader a sense of wrongness that is very hard to ignore. And it's incredible, the way that it is all written and described before his eyes have even opened. Sight is usually the sense that writers depend on the most, and the fact that you integrated all of the others without even bringing that into the picture made the opening paragraphs of your story very, very interesting to read.
Your characterization of Cedric was brilliant as well - again, he's a character that so often falls into stereotype and cliche that your spin on him was incredibly refreshing. He didn't fall into the overly-macho category that people seem inclined to cast him in, and I really appreciate that; there's nothing that bugs me more in a story than a character falling into a cliche, and you did a wonderful job of not only avoiding that, but making him an entirely unique character all together.
The plot of this story is fascinating as well - I live for AU fanfiction. It's why I'm so awful at writing Hogwarts era, because I never really know what to write, but you've done a much better job of that than I ever could ;) I've never seen a story like this on HPFF before, which makes me incredibly excited to keep reading and see how it is going to turn out. Because at this moment I have so many questions - what happened to Cedric? what is wrong with him? were exactly is he? who are all these people in his memories? - that I'm far too excited to continue reading, and I can't help but wish that there was more than one chapter XD But I suppose that will just make the next chapters that much more exciting to read, so I'm looking terribly forward to them!
Wonderful job! I can't wait to read more :)
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Hey Molly! Thanks again for the swap :)
You know, Cho does get a lot of hate. I wasn't a huge fan of her pairing with Harry in the book once they actually became a couple, but I don't know that I ever grew to hate her quite as much as some people in the fandom. What she went through was really traumatic. Part of my aim with this story was to recast Cho in a more positive and stronger light.
I'm glad that the imagery here worked for you, and that you picked up on the subtle sense of foreboding I tried to build into the first part of the chapter, before Cedric takes that breath. Something isn't quite right, but he can't figure out what it is, and I wanted to use his senses to lead the reader along on that journey with him.
Cedric really needed to seem normal, for me. Like any young man during this time, he's being thrown into a conflict that's much bigger than him and of which he really has little understanding--though who really had much? Still, I hope parts of canon Cedric will come through, because I do still love canon Cedric.
No worries, the second chapter will be up shortly! And I hope to see you return then :)
Thanks again for this fantastic review!
-Amanda Report Review
Hey there! Here to review swap :)
I loved this to bits. Your writing style is absolutely brilliant, and it suited the mood of this one-shot perfectly. It's very hard to write a story without dialogue - I know, I've tried - and it's even harder to write said story with faceless characters (faceless? does that make sense? oh well, nameless I guess XD) but you did a wonderful job with it. I didn't feel like I needed to know who this story was about; in fact, I didn't actually want to know. I feel as if revealing their identities would have taken away from the impact of the story. One of the most wonderful and memorable things about it was that it makes the reader think after they're done, and that's something that an author should always strive to do, so kudos!
My first suspicion was that the couple was James and Lily, but then Snape and Lily became my best guess. But really I feel like it doesn't matter who they are; the meaning and the impact that the story leaves still come across clear as day, which, again, was one of the many things that made this story such a delight to read.
And the woman in this story (who I can't help but think of as Lily, but I'm just going to stay general for now) was characterized so wonderfully. She was almost like a phantom to me, like she was almost real, but never really was. I don't know if that makes any sense or not, but what I'm trying to say was that how you described her made her almost tangible, like she existed in my real life. When you described her lying on the bed, reading The Adventures of Merlin I almost felt like I could walk up to my own bedroom and see her there, real as day. Does that make sense? I hope so XD basically what I'm trying to say is that you described her in such a way that you brought her to life, and I applaud you for that.
Two kids who just fell in a simple attraction of wants and needs called love.
I adore that line. Such a powerful statement in such few words. It's really quite poetic, and gave me chills when I read it. Many other lines in your story did the same - you have a lovely way with words that makes it very easy to read your writing. I don't have any CC for you, and I'd apologize for that but I really don't want to because I loved this that much. Such wonderful work, and I'm definitely going to be reading some of your other pieces - I'd love to see what else you can come up with.
Again, really well done. So glad I got the opportunity to read this!
xx Molly Report Review
This was a really interesting start to a story. Usually in James II/OFC fics, they tend to border on the line of cliche. And that's usually my number one thing that I say when I review one of them - don't allow it to become cheesy. But I think you've done a really wonderful job of staying away from all that and making this story your own. Every element was unique, and it's very rare that you read about James and the OFC not being at Hogwarts together.
James in this story was also a very different James from the one I'm used to seeing. He wasn't the silly, goofy boy with a penchant for trouble (at least not yet) and it was really quite refreshing to read about. Again with the cliches, I know, but often the next-generation boys, the Potter boys especially, become characters written almost like the first James Potter, or the classic Marauders-era Sirius, and it was interesting to read about him as someone separate from that. Now, we don't know much about him, but that just makes me want to know more, so wonderful job there.
Some of the dialogue scenes seemed a touch choppy to me, so I would watch out with that. It's not that they were bad or anything, but just that they're words and interactions didn't seem to flow together all that much. It's mostly just in the middle-ish area, where her father first begins talking to James, that they grew a little disconnected for me. Nothing major, as you have a lovely writing style and her thoughts in the background countered well against that, but just something that I would take a look at if I were you - it sort of distracts from the cohesiveness of the rest of the story.
Other than that, I thought this was a really unique fic that I can't wait to read more of. You did a lovely job with characterization, especially in the little snippets we saw of James, and it made me intrigued to learn more about them. The character I'm most interested in is Richard, so I hope you'll be doing some flashback scenes or including him somewhere in this story, because the mentions of him really caught my eye. I'm also very intrigued by Emylina - her thoughts were written very well, and she stood out to me as a strong character, but also someone who has had a streak of very bad luck and is getting dangerously close to that breaking point.
Keep up the wonderful work with this story! And keep it as wonderful and unique as it has been this far, because I would hate to see something so intriguing and interesting fall into the dangerous James II/OFC category that seems to all just mash together into one giant cliche. But just based on this first chapter I really can't see that happening any time soon, so I'm very excited to read on.
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Hey Molly!
I am so glad you liked this! I know there are many James II/OC fics out there so I tired to make my James a lot different than the others mostly since I dont really like reading about him being completely carefree.
There was another side to James I Potter, the side who faced the war and all of the other bad stuff. I just want to show James II in a different POV but still not losing his POtterness :P
I'll try my best to keep from falling into the cliche! Hopefullly I can manage it haha.
Yay you liked Emylina! She is quite impassive really. She cares she really does but she has kinda learned tht showing emotions doesnt really get you anywhere :P
I can't wait to write more about her :D she is a really fun character to write for and im glad you thought I did her justice =)
Thanks for the review! It really helped me alot Report Review
Hello there! My name's Molly, and guess I'll just start off by saying that I love next-gen fics. But every time I read a next gen fic my review starts with the same warning - don't allow it to get cliche. Not saying that you've done so, because this was really quite cute, but with Scorose especially, next-gen fanfiction can tend to fall into a very limited amount of categories, and sometimes they all begin to seem like the same fic, which makes them a bit less interesting to read.
Again, I'm not saying that you've done this. Your characterization of Rose was quite nice, and Albus was funny, but when writing a fic like this it tends to be almost a guarantee that it could become overdone, so just always remember to stay unique ;)
Now to your story in particular - I'll say it once more, Rose was really very cute. I like seeing spunky, sassy Rose that gets written often, the fiery redhead who is so often reminiscent of her aunt, but sometimes I think that that can be, again, overdone. So I love the Rose that you've written, still with that bit of Weasley attitude, but very much like her mother and a little more toned down. It's a refreshing change, and something that, to me, makes the Scorose pairing more believable. Another reason why I could never believe Draco and Ginny as a ship - they were too volatile and simply didn't make sense. And that can happen with Scorose when Rose is that touch too angry/snarky/whatever, so I quite liked this version of her.
On to minor details. This was, for the most part, mistake free, so I commend you on that! I'm terrible at proofreading my fics for grammar and things like that, so I always commend an author who is able to make everything so much neater and easier to read XD Now, this might be me just being super picky, but I'd go back and fix the spacing of your paragraphs. Double spacing is always good, but the extra amounts of distance between each line of dialogue made it sort of difficult to follow, and at parts felt a touch disjointed. Just a suggestion, of course ;)
So, in summary; just watch for cliches, because they can sneak up on you, and I hate to see a great and unique next-gen fic being convoluted by overdone plot lines, cheesiness, etc. Keep up the good work with Rose's characterization, and (I don't think I mentioned this) Al and Scor as well. Al was super cute, and even though Scor only had one line it made me laugh XD Just like his father, the poor thing. Finally, maybe just touch up the spacing if you want, but feel free to ignore me otherwise - again, just a suggestion, and a personal preference, nothing more.
xx Molly Report Review
Oh, wow! This is really, really intriguing. I love reading fanfictions from ships that can usually grow cliche, Albus/OC being one of them, and I'm always very pleasantly surprised when one is as unique as yours is. As an avid Jily shipper I face the same problems writing fanfics that involve them - with so many stories written, it's hard to find a plot that's really unique, and that can bring people in from the start. But I personally feel that you've done a great job with that. Personally I've never read a story like this one before, so you've at least got me there!
Ellie is adorable! Every time she speaks, or even most of the time when she thinks, I can't help but giggle. She's very much a character with a lot of independence, and someone who can hold their own, so I really hope you continue with that when the fic progresses. I can't stand when authors take a strong OFC and make her character all gushy as soon as whatever canon male comes along and sweeps them off their feet, so I guess this is a little bit me begging you not to do that with her XD I can't imagine you doing so, though, because she seems to be someone who would rather die than be caught getting all mushy over any boy - Albus Potter especially.
Which brings me to my next point; I adore the dynamics of their relationship. Albus was characterized exactly how I imagine him being - a little snarky, quite a bit full of himself, but still having that sweet side that just makes you incapable to do anything but love hin. And I was just swooning over the subtle little implication that he doesn't hate Ellie at all (such a cute name, btw) but actually kinda likes her. It's like they've fallen into this flirty play-fighting, but he's the only one who's noticed that it's a little flirty, while she's still under the impression that they can't stand each other. It's really sweet, and I can't wait to see how it plays out later on in the fic.
I'm rambling, and I apologize, but I just have one last thing to say that I touched on briefly earlier - please, I beg you, keep this story as awesome and unique as it is now. I've been noticing a terrible trend of stories becoming cheesy and the romance rushing in all-too-soon just for the sake of romance, something which really tends to bug me. When you've got a story as awesome as yours, with characters who are as brilliant independent as they are in a relationship, it can really bring down the quality of a story for me when an author just dives into stuff hoping for more reviews or whatever. And I can't see you do that - I've read your other stuff and it's brilliant, so I'm not too worried. I just really love this fanfiction, and I really want it to continue as wonderfully as this first chapter was. As far as first impressions go, you make a pretty good one on me! ;)
Can't wait to read more. Such an awesome start!
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Have I ever mentioned how much I enjoy rambling reviews? Probably not, but I really, really do! Also, may I just say, that I am totally flattered that you've read my other stuff (and you like it)? Because I totally am!
I, for some reason, really adore stereotypes and cliches - sometimes far too much, but I do. So I couldn't resist including a cliche relationship! It's actually terrible of me, not thinking up a more unique relationship dynamic, but there you have it! Also, the way I wrote Ellie - she'd have a love/hate dynamic with anyone I paired her with. It's part of who she is.
I love writing Ellie! She is just so much fun! She's pretty heavy on the sarcasm, and I absolutely love it! Also, I can throw in as many pop culture references as I like with her! There's nothing like bringing all the fandoms together! And I'm gonna try really hard to stay true to her character. Of all the characters I've written, she's the one that I get the most, so I hope there's little danger of me losing her.
I think you're the first person to notice that about Al and Ellie! I'm really glad that you did! Because it's pretty important. Because that is pretty much what their relationship is, right now. Also, because Al is so swoon-worthy, like all the time, I had to give him a certain snarkiness, just to balance things out a little!
And I'm gonna try really, really hard to keep to the main aim of this story. So for the first time, ever, I'm gonna sit down and plan things. Properly. And it's going to be totally awesome! The planning, I mean. The story can be whatever it wants to be. Report Review
Wow. What a wonderful, touching story.
Vernon Dursley was one of the characters on my list who I thought would be the hardest to humanize. Because characters like minor Death Eaters, or like Crabbe and Goyle, we know so little about. They're hardly there, background characters who really make little to no impact on the overall story line. But Vernon is a character, not quite major enough that we know loads about him but not minor enough that we can simply skim over him, who often becomes trapped in this stigma that he is, quite simply, a crabby fat man who spoils his son and thinks his nephew is a freak.
I quite liked what you did with him in this story, especially how you made him idolize his father. It only makes sense with the way he treats Dudley; he wants his son to feel about him the way he felt about his father, as most fathers (hopefully) would. His father was his hero, and so he wants his son to feel the same way. It's a subtle nuance, but one that works very well and makes a very large statement about Vernon's character.
As well, the connection between the war and magic was striking. He's an adult who should be able to distinguish the difference between fake-fantasy and reality-fantasy, but he can't, and he becomes trapped in this convoluted hate.
All in all, a really amazing job. You did exactly as the challenged asked - you took a character, one who has been secluded to the role of antagonist, and made him not into someone who we love, because we never will, but someone we can pity. Someone we can relate to, and someone we can, in a sense, forgive. So I applaud you for that, and I would like to thank you for entering this fic into my challenge.
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Thank you for leaving such a wonderful review! I'm so glad that you liked it!
The idea behind this story is one of those ones that just happened to catch my interest enough for me to elaborate on it. It was certainly an interesting story to create because, although we know next to nothing about his life before the Philosopher's Stone, we have a very concrete idea of his personality later in life. It was fascinating for me as an author to attempt to guess what had made him such an angry man, particularly against Harry and magic, which he had no reason to dislike other than the fact that his wife hates it. This whole story is my guess. :)
Vernon is one of those sad people who latched onto something to hate because he wanted/needed to hate something, especially since "magic" was the cause of his father's problems.
I don't think that anyone could ever love Vernon... But I'm really pleased that you think I did a good job of humanizing him. Thank you! Report Review
Molly here from team bronze!
First of all, loved this. Rose's doubt was portrayed very realistically and not over-the-top, which is something I really enjoy. I'm never one for an over-emphasis on things; I think that portraying things more subtly instead of all in-your-face is a lot more impactful when it comes to writing, and you did a good job of that, so kudos.
I'm not such a Scorose shipper, but I did find their relationship believable how you portrayed it. My only warning would be to make sure it doesn't become too cheesy or overdone - Scorose is one of those ships, like Jily or Dramione, that has a tendency to become cliche rather quickly, so that's just something I can keep an eye out for ;) remember, out-of-the-box thinking is ALWAYS your friend, especially when it's for a ship like this one.
Really well done, all in all. I'm excited to read more :)
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Hey! I'm glad that you liked Rose's portrayal as I enjoyed writing her! Yeah I know what you mean about not making Scorose cheesy or overdone, as that's annoying to read, I think that my story isn't go to end up like that, as I think the ending will be quite different to most Scorose stories ;D
Thanks for the lovely review, Kiana x Report Review
Oh my god, I love this already XD it's unlike anything I've ever read on HPFF before, unique and interesting and a story entirely in it's own category. I loved it! Characterization for Hermione was especially perfect, and everyone else was spot on as well.
The ghoul was awesome too. I can't wait to read more of this, and I really don't know what else to say, other than that it was awesome and I really wish you were continuing on with this XD wonderful job, really creative and different, and I think he'll DEFINITELY get his Oscar ;)
Keep up the awesome work,
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Hey thanks for leaving such a lovely review! I'm so glad that you loved it, as I loved writing it, as it was so much fun to do! And yes I've never come across a story like this before either, so I thought it would be fun to tell it from a ghoul's perspective! As for Hermione, it was nice to be able to make her as canon as possible, as she does seem to change a considerable amount to as she was in the books! Haha I am considering writing some follow ups to this, as some other people have suggested that as well, so I will bear that in mind, as it was so much fun to do! Thanks again, Kiana! Report Review
Hey there! Here from tag on the forums!
This is a really neat idea from the story. I usually hate reading AU's, mostly just because they confuse me, but I actually found this first chapter quite interesting and unique. It wasn't cheesy - sometimes your descriptions verge on being a little over-the-top, but that's rarely - it was written in a very unique style and it's an interesting plot line, so I'm quite excited to see where it leads!
There were a few grammar errors that I'm not going to bother pointing out to you - I'm sure other reviewers have ;)
Same with the Devlin seeming a bit old thing, as a mother myself I get really picky about that sort of stuff. It's the main reason I can't watch full house - children just aren't that articulate at that age. But I can understand it if he's got that whole special thing going on, so I'm interested to see where that goes.
To summarize, a nice job! I'm intrigued, and that's always a good thing.
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for the review! I'm glad you weren't confused despite it being an AU and hope you go on to read some more! :D Report Review
I'm back! And this story is just so cute, as it was in the first chapter that I read.
James and Sirius. Really, I adore those boys. So over-enthusiastic, so childish, and so perfectly portrayed in your story. I seriously just wanted to reach through my computer screen and squeeze both of them, and I can honestly say that I felt more than a little depressed when I realized that I couldn't. Your characterization of them was brilliant, and I think you give their friendship the silly, light-hearted life that it deserves. So bravo on that!
I also love how wonderfully and in-canon you've presented the other characters - namely Remus and Lily. I find that these two are the easiest to get mucked up, often becoming too chiche and not at all how I imagined them, so I was thrilled to see that my boy Remus (little known fact, he's my favourite Harry Potter character of all time) was shown in the light that I imagined him. Even though he wasn't really in the chapter, it was how you described him and how the girls talked about him that just made me so happy. Maybe I'm reading way too much into things, but I just love him XD
And your OCs are all wonderful. No complaints there.
Loving this story! I can't wait to continue on with it :)
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Hey Molly, I'm glad that you find the story cute! I'm glad that you found James and Sirius were well portrayed, yeah I think everyone secretly wants to meet them both as well. If only we could...
Wah, Remus is awesome as well! he's my fourth favourite after Sirius, Snape and Luna! I'm glad that you liked Lily, Remus and the other OC's!
Thank you for the lovely review, and I'm so glad you're liking the story! Kiana :)x Report Review
Can I first say that Teddy/Victorie is one of my favourite OTP's in the history of OTP's? Yes? Good? Okay, good.
Now I can continue XD
Because I loved this. I really, really loved this. Even though I'm a sucker for angst and it's essentially the only thing I write (which I really do need to remedy) fluff is my guilty pleasure, because it's just so...fluffy. It makes you feel so wonderful inside to read, you know? And yes, I'm sure that sounds cheesy, but I just had to say it. It makes you feel just good.
And I was literally grinning like a chimpanzee (or like Teddy Lupin) every time I read a word of this fic.
Ugh. Words cannot describe. Teddy was so cute and I just wanted to cuddle him, and Victoire was so sweet and innocent and wow, just wow. So much love for this. Really.
I'm making literally no sense but you've given me so many Teddy/Vic plunnies and now I'm just going to run off into the sunset with my OTP k thx
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Teddy and Victoire are one of my favourite OTPs of all time, as well! I think they just look really cute together!
And thank you so much for loving it as much as you did! So much love right now aimed right at you for loving my story (in a completely non-creepy, non-stalkerish kind of way, of course)! And let's be honest here, who's guilty pleasure isn't fluff? Because you're right, it makes you feel good, and we need more of that kind of stuff in the universe!
And thank you for grinning like a chimpanzee! I'm not actually sure if that's a completely true fact, because I remember it from an episode of The Wild Thornberrys, which I used to watch ages ago!
And good luck with your plunnies! May they hop from your head onto the computer screen! Also, make sure you don't look directly into the sun whilst running off into the sunset - it damages your eyes. Much better to gaze lovingly into the eyes of your OTP instead! Report Review
Hiya! Here from the review battle :)
So I know this is just a prologue, but I'm already really intrigued, so clearly it's a good one! A sure sign of a good prologue is one that hooks the reader from the start, and yours did just that - it made me want to read on. I love how you described both Thalia and Sirius in such vivid detail, yet it was precise enough to not be over-the-top.
I also love how you connected their relationships with Lily and James to their appearances. It makes complete sense to me - as two eleven-year-olds going into a school where they are, essentially, alone, it only seems logical that they would choose to befriend someone who feels familiar to them. So I loved how they connected them to their own selves; it really made sense to me, and was very clever.
This really was quite lovely! I can't wait to read on, seeing as how Lily/James and Sirius/the world are my OTP's XD and I quite enjoy your OC already (especially her name) which I think will make this fanfiction a really fun one for me to read :)
I'll definitely continue on! Wonderful job, especially considering this is your first fanfiction.
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Aw, thanks so much for the lovely review! Quite a few people love Thalia's name as well, well I love it to, so I guess that's why I chose it! I'm glad you liked how I connected James and Lily by their looks as I wasn't too sure if that was too cheesy or not! Thanks again for the review! Kiana x Report Review
ugh, your writing is absolutely phenomenal. I'm going to try and limit how much I write here, because I don't want to go on and on in an endless review of squees (because you're so amazing that squees are really all I have for you, seriously) so I'm going to try and keep myself limited and try not to bore you with my endless amounts of love.
Severus is so well characterized in this one-shot (characterized, is that a word?) and I just died. He's one of my favourite characters of all time to read about, just because he's so complicated, and easily one of the most well-developed and rounded characters in the series, and it's so wonderful to see him done differently, as you've presented him here.
This was just beautiful. Words can't even describe how much I loved this. Ugh. Done. Feels.
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Okay so this response is two weeks (at least) late, so I'm really sorry about that.
So, erm, I'm not really used to characters like teenage!Snape - especially not leatherjacket!teenage!Snape - so I'm really, really glad mine worked for you, especially since you're a Snape fan!
Thanks so much for your lovely review. :D Report Review
Hiya! Here from the review battle :)
I really enjoyed this first chapter! I was quite shocked when you said that it was your first time writing from Draco's POV - he seemed just like I imagined he would post-war. Remorseful and changed, certainly, but still very much like Draco should be, and it was really wonderful to read about!
I really enjoyed the background you've given on the lives of the trio as well. It always made sense to me that Harry would try to avoid the fame since he had been trapped by in his whole life, while Ron, someone who's always been overshadowed by Harry, would embrace it wholeheartedly. And I love the fact that he was intrigued by Hermione, it's a good lead-in to their relationship!
Can't wait to read more :)
Xx MollyAuthor's Response: Ha, thanks so much for the review I'm glad you thought I caught he's post-war thoughts as he is an unpredictable character so I'm glad it worked out:D Hm, yes, I needed to lead Hermione in somehow so I thought if I talked about the trio as whole it would be less obvious!
Kiana :D x Report Review
I reviewed chapter two earlier, but I never actually reviewed chapter one, so I figured I should do that for you as well XD as I mentioned in my previous review, I do really enjoy this story - again, I'm going to compare it to Gossip Girl for Slytherins, which is never a bad thing! Drama always makes for good reading.
What I really enjoy about this, though, is that it's not all drama - you give your characters life and personality, like Tracy, without just diving straight into the dramatics, which is something that's definitely important. No one wants to read a story where the only element is the drama that's going on; I'm a stickler for characterization, and I think you nailed it really well.
Another chapter that I really enjoyed, and I can't wait to read more!
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Gah your reviews have really made my day! Its so amazing for you to say that you love my characterizations and feel that I'm taking this story in the right direction! I'm hoping that the drama doesn't get to be too much as the story continues on as there is lots of drama in store for our eight characters! Thank you so much for coming by and leaving reviews for both chapters of this story, they both meant a lot to me. Gah I'm just in awe of your reviews! Thanks again for reading and reviewing!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
Review battle yay!
This is so interesting! I'm already hooked, and it's only one chapter in XD I love spy/action-y type things, especially when they're ones that make me laugh, and this one was no exception to the rule. I LOVED the British/American banter (I'm English/Canadian myself, so I can relate on both sides as well :P )
Your story grabbed me right from the beginning - characterization is incredibly important for me, and right away I realized who the OC's were, what they were about, things like that. I'm really liking Dalton, she actually reminds me quite a bit of myself, which just makes it all that much more enjoyable for me to read. Of course, I'm sure you didn't write her with me in mind, but that's neither here nor there XD
There were a few minor, MINOR spelling/grammar errors, but I'm not even going to bother pointing them out because they were simple typos, and really didn't distract from the writing at all. It's nothing a little proofreading wouldn't fix - I'm notoriously bad for it, so I suppose I shouldn't even be talking, but oh well :P
Anyways, LOVED this! (and yes, I thought of Fudge as soon as I read it)
Can't wait to read more! You better be updating this soon ;)
xx Molly Report Review
Oh wow! I really, really enjoyed this :)
Lily is one of my favourite next-gen characters to read about, because I always feel as if she's the most neglected. Everything is always about Rose, Scor, Albus, James, Victorie and Teddy, but she's always been one of those characters who I felt never got the credit she deserved, and I love seeing her as a principle character in fanfiction. Even though we don't seem much of her here, I love how she's portrayed, and I can't wait to read more about her.
This story grabbed me right from the start - again, muggle main OC's aren't common either, so right away it was a wonderful thing to see. Your writing is brilliant, funny but not trying too hard to be, and incredibly clever. The whole concept of Muggle's Books made me laugh out loud, and the way you described it made me terribly intrigued, and want to pay a visit there XD
I quite like your OC, too. His name wasn't mentioned, was it? Unless I'm totally blind I don't think it was XD But I like the fact that it isn't - it just makes me want to read more, to learn more about this sister of his and his life, and who it is who attacked them in the store.
All in all it was an awesome first chapter, one that really grabbed my attention and made me desperate to read more, and I can't wait to continue on to the next one! Really well done, definitely favouriting :)
xx Molly Report Review
Ooer, loads of drama in this! It's very fun to read, something that's so purely dramatic - reminds me quite a bit of Gossip Girl, which is never a bad thing. I quite enjoy your characterizations of both Pansy and Blaise in this chapter - it's rare that Pansy is ever portrayed as sweet, and almost a victim, so I really enjoyed seeing her this way.
I do hope you continue - even though drama isn't the lightest of things, I think it's a nice break from all the super over-the-top angsty fics out there, and I would love to read more :) xx
MollyAuthor's Response: YAY this reminds you of Gossip Girl! That makes me so happy as thats where this story idea came from! Yes I do have plans to continue this story. I have chapter three and four finished and I've started chapter five. I do hope to start updating this story again soon but I want to make sure that i have time to work on the chapters as well! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
Ugh, the feels.
I loved this. Not just because it's Fred (well, maybe a lot because it's Fred XD) but because of the way you wrote it. So heartbreaking, so painfully real. It's not often we write from the perspective of the already-dead, and you did a brilliant job of it - mingling his own pain with Fred's constant sense of humor and giving it a dry, bitter edge that both made me laugh and saddened me at the same time.
The final couple of lines of your story are brilliant. Really strong and powerful - the end and the beginning are the two parts that really make a story, in my opinion, and those two were the most touching parts of this chapter for me, so really well done there.
Loved it. I do hope you continue.
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Hello again Molly :D
Thank you so so much for your lovely review! And for reading TWO chapters as well! Writing a dead person's voice has always fascinated me somewhat and I just had to give it a shot; I'm so so glad that you thought it was good. This hasn't been the easiest of stories to write for me (bahaha if you know me...I keep whinging about how difficult writing is!).
I definitely will continue this story! I have a few more chapters roughly sketched out. I need to get down to writing soon :) And I do hope you'll come back to read more, too!
-teh Report Review
Ugh, this is just...love. I'm a hardcore Jily shipper, but Sev/Lily is something that I've always loved just because it is so pure, and so beautifully tragic that it constantly tugs at my heartstrings. And this story really wasn't any different.
I love the take you took on Severus. It's not often we read of stories of him as a young child, before Hogwarts even, and to get a peek into his unexplored childhood and home life is something that fascinates me. I love how you compared Lily helping him as opposed to his mother's promises that she never followed through on - it gives us a good background on why Sev would have even begun to open himself up to her in the first place.
Your writing style is lovely, as well. I really enjoyed reading this and it kept my attention the entire time, which is brilliant because my mind tends to wander often XD
Really well done, I'll definitely be reading more of your work :)
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Hi darling! I'm with you on the hardcore James and Lily shipping. I don't think I could ever actually write Snape and Lily in anything more than a friendship. But right now, they're both so young and, like you said, have just a very pure friendship that I did actually enjoy exploring. To my own surprise :P.
That's exactly what I wanted to do - give a reason that Severus would actually open up. I just mentioned this in another review response, but I always wondered how Severus came to sort of latch onto Lily. She's socially accepted, from a muggle born family, and just really the things he seems to dislike. So I wanted to find some reason that his trust and loyalty to her, at least for a time, would be there.
I'm so happy you enjoyed the writing style! My mind can wander fairly easy too, so it's definitely a huge compliment that this kept your attention!
Thanks again for the awesome review :)!
Jami Report Review
Wow. This is very, very lovely, and I am really in awe of how you took a character that most people see as having been created for the specific purpose of being hated, and turned her human. I don't believe that there isn't a single person in the world who doesn't have some sort of redeeming qualities, and with Lavender you showcased them quite wonderfully.
Normally I don't read slash, not because I dislike it, but because I just never think to actually read it. But this story has encouraged me to read more, because it was so, so lovely. Their relationship felt so real, so pure, and it was a wonderful thing to read.
Really well done, I must say. You took a character that was despised and made her someone who could easily be loved, and I applaud you for that.
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Hello there Molly!
Thank you so much for your wonderful comments :D This story is actually an entry for your Villain Redemption Challenge (I got assigned Lavender Brown...and I happened to be writing this so yay). The edited version is now in the queue and when things have been tidied up a little bit and validated, I'll post the link in your challenge thread as my submission :D
So I'm so very glad you find Lavender human and that you are able to empathise with her! This wasn't the easiest story to write given its insane length and I did lose focus along the way. It means heaps to me that you found this enjoyable! Also, I'm thrilled you think the Lavender/Padma pairing is "so real, so pure". Bahaha I have never ever ever written any sort of romance in my life and this was a first and I'm so glad to hear that you like it!
Thanks once again :D
-teh Report Review
Wow, this is really interesting! I love Inception and the idea of manipulating dreams and all that, so the idea behind this really intrigues me. Also, Draco and Astoria = love. For being so short, this first chapter was really powerful, and you made an incredibly large impact with so few words, so well done there.
Really intriguing story, and I'll definitely be coming back for more! :D
10/10 ;)Author's Response: Thank you very much! Yep, not going to lie - I love Inception too :3
thank you! I'm partway through writing chapter three, so hopefully I should be able to update soon ♥ Report Review
This is really cute! Your characterization of Isabella is awesome, and you have a writing style that works really well with humour, which I'm super jealous of because I can't write a funny story to save my life XD
Anyways, I really enjoyed this story, and I definitely plan on continuing. Great job!
10/10 ;)Author's Response: Aw, thanks so much for the sweet review! I'm glad you like Izzy and my writing style! It means a lot.
Yes! Continue! Haha xx
Courtney:) Report Review
This...this is just brilliant XD
Peony is literally the epitome of Mary Sue, and I simultaneously want to punch her and be her best friend. The fact that you can write a character like this in a story and still make it enjoyable to read is proof of what a wonderful author you are - with characters who are Mary Sue's you usually don't want to continue the story at all, but with this I actually really want to keep reading!
So yeah, it's hilarious and adorable and I'm definitely going to continue on! Wonderful work, I love it :DAuthor's Response:
I tried to pick the Sueish qualities that are inherent in all of us... you know, the parts of us that think, "Oh, how wonderful my life would be if everyone around me did this or that but if I said that out loud it would sound stupid so I'm just going to keep my happy thoughts to myself"... except Peony doesn't because she's awesome like that.
Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. As much as I loathe Mary Sue stories, I actually had a lot of fun putting this thing together. I'm so happy you're enjoying it! Report Review
Hey! Here from review tag :D
I really enjoyed this first chapter! It's a super interesting concept that you've got going here, and I can't wait to see where you're going to go with this. I really like the mystery that surrounds Victoria and her perfect life -- no one could be that perfect, and I'm intrigued to learn more about her.
Your characterization of Charlie is wonderful as well. Loved this chapter! I'll definitely read more :)
xx MollyAuthor's Response: Thanks for the review!
I'm glad you liked the first chapter, and the concept-Victoria is a very mytserious character, and I'm glad you find her so.
Courtney:) Report Review
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