Reading Reviews From Member: MadiMalfoy
  
486 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MadiMalfoyThe Gifts: Harry: The Gifts: Harry

17th January 2016:
Hi Magenta! Super big apologies for getting around to this months after you requested it--school was keeping me really busy right after my thread filled up so HPFF took a backseat to all of that! But I'm back now for a bit so I finally got around to my review thread!

Your areas of concern were about the flow and any other things I wanted to mention. Congrats on completing the Every Word Counts challenge, though! That's something I still have yet to try because I tend to get long winded. So even though you only wrote 500 words, the smoothness is still there and the scenes don't feel choppy or abrupt at all.

This was such a nice, heartwarming story, too! Gifting Harry a snowy owl in honor of Hedwig is such a sweet idea and I'm quite glad you thought of it and decided to write about it! I'm very curious to see what Ron and Hermione get as well! Great job with this, I think you did splendidly with it. Feel free to request for anything else on your AP :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #2, by MadiMalfoyOld Habits Die Hard: Old Habits Die Hard

17th January 2016:
Hello, I'm here months and months late from my review thread! I got super caught up with school and RL and this and other HPFF things took a backseat but I'm trying my best to be more active this spring semester!

But anyway, to the review! You wanted a general and if I found any errors! I'll do the errors first since I saw a couple spelling ones: "diplorable" is actually spelled with an e instead of an i; "up most" is meant to be "utmost". Other than those two spelling things, I didn't catch any spelling or grammar mistakes, so good job with that!

As far as general impression goes, this is new for me as I've never read a Regulus Black-centered story before, so it was a fresh character for me. You've taken a character that we get just a little bit about in Deathly Hallows and develop a really nice explanation of his change of heart about being a Death Eater and it's really fascinating! The plot isn't too heavy either--it's a nice balance of flashbacks with present and doesn't feel choppy at all either. Overall, I think this is a great one-shot and I hope you placed well in your challenge! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #3, by MadiMalfoyTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Fathers Old Textbook (Prologue)

17th January 2016:
Hello! So this is something I've had in my review thread for months, and I am TERRIBLY sorry about not getting to it until now! I got super caught up with school and work so all things HPFF kind of took a backseat to RL for a while.

But anyway, enough of my rambling, onto the review!

You were concerned about whether or not it was interesting enough and if the genre is appropriate for children/young adult, and any other comments I can think of. Firstly, I do think you've introduced us to what is going to be rather interesting of a story, especially by leaving us with a cliffhanger about a story Hagrid's going to tell. The focus on kappa and tengu in the Potions classroom when it's a magical creature is definitely something that piques readers because Potions class typically doesn't deal with the whole animal, just the parts that can be used in potion brewing.

I'm also curious to see how you use the dynamic of Draco being a professor (as he should be addressed whenever he speaks or is spoken of because students don't typically refer to their professors by their first names at all) and having his son in class.

As far as interest level/appropriateness for children/young adults I think you've got a great writing style for that type of audience so far. Obviously since this is just the prologue, I can't be sure if you keep the same style throughout, but this is definitely a good starting point. It's a different kind of next gen story than typically seen on the site, so I think you can get quite the wide-ranging audience because of that.

Overall, great job on this opening chapter! Feel free to re-request whenever, and I promise to get to it sooner! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thank you, Madi for stopping by here.

Yes, I agree with the idea of the characteristics of Potions. The idea just hit on me remembering Snape told the students about a werewolf, yes, I remembered, it was DADA class when Lupin couldn't teach. Mine is different from the situation, you'll find Malfoy's plan later. But I have to add more Potions class description definitely.

I think I could keep the style in the rest of the chapters but I need your help more. I'll be happy if you keep following this story. I'll request again. Thank you again, Madi! Good Luck your school work!

Kenny


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Review #4, by MadiMalfoyDeceptive Hearts: Killing Me Softly

30th December 2015:
Ellie, as the title of this chapter so easily states, you are KILLING ME SOFTLY with this!!!

This was a fantastic chapter, and Draco's constant toeing the line to mess with Hermione is spot-on! I loved it all! I hope you update this again soon! :D
~Madi x

Author's Response: Hey Madi!

Thanks so much for reading and reviewing. I'm pleased you liked the fic!

xx-Ellie


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Review #5, by MadiMalfoyMarry Me: I Knew I Loved you Before I Met you

28th September 2015:
Hello, here for our quick little swap! :)

First of all, Jily is one of those ships I have always shipped, yet have failed to read a lot of fics about, so thank you for supplying me with one! I'd always wondered just how their first interactions went and so this was a nice glimpse into that! We get introduced to the main cast of characters (minus Peter) and it's fairly simple descriptions too, which gives us an easier time of juggling everyone. Giving those little bits of background in the opening chapter help a lot for later on so we can remember the character's defining features/attributes, and you do a good job of acknowledging some of those already, so great work there! The subplots here are well done too, although some refinement could assist in making them more clear (a beta can help with this, as you've mentioned). It's really quite interesting so far thanks to some intense dialogue and interaction, though, for sure!

One thing that caught my attention was that you described Lily as being "terrified" at being surrounded by all this magic--I think it would be more canonical for her to be absolutely full of wonder instead because this is a world she didn't even know of before and yet she feels like she belongs here because she has magic too. Having some cleaner transitions between scenes would help the flow a bit too-it's a bit abrupt between the different scenes on the train as the dialogue just kind of goes and goes without pause for description of where people are and the emotions being expressed, even though it is in third person. Adding descriptions will really help to slow things down a bit and make it easier for the reader to sink into the story and really visualize everything that's going on.

I'm very curious to see where this will go though as I can tell you've got James's heart set on marrying Lily and all. Such a cute thing for eleven year-olds to do! Great start to this story :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #6, by MadiMalfoyThe Biggest Lie: The Biggest Lie

22nd September 2015:
Hello! I'm here with the review you asked for a few weeks ago on the forums! :)

Firstly, welcome back to HPFF! ♥ It's always exciting to have members return after multiple-year hiatuses!

*gasp* A Dramione? Well OF COURSE I'm going to read it! And it's for ad astra's Sink Your Ship challenge too, which makes it even better! I was actually considering an entry for it but couldn't find the time (although I think my most recent story definitely would qualify).

But anyway, back to the actual review! Since you were wanting my opinion on everything, I'll do my best to give you a detailed review without repeating myself too much!

As far as the plot goes, I think it's a cool idea! However, it could use a bit of spicing up--what's the project for Potions, and how/why would Snape ever pair his favorite student with one of his least favorite? What year are they in for this? The setting, when clearly defined, really gives the story more plausibility and allows the reader to become more involved with what is happening. With that being said, you write that Draco and Hermione meet regularly in the library once the project is done; with that it seems natural to show a scene of one of those meetings so we really get a feel for how these two interact with each other and possible feelings they might hold toward each other. Also, it's very important to be consistent with your tenses--when you flip between a thought in Hermione's head to the present, the verb tense sometimes doesn't match the setting correctly, but that can be fixed easily with a once-over. Typically, I write in one tense the whole time and only switch it if it's dialogue being spoken.

With characterization, this is almost too short to really get a feel for what Draco and Hermione are like. By showing, not telling, the readers little details about the characters while they interact, you give them an attribute that makes them less one-dimensional and more like a real person. So, by saying that Draco always flicks his left earlobe when he gets nervous, or Hermione tucks a curl behind her ear when talking about something she's passionate about, you not only give them more depth but also expand on the tone of the scene. Draco's coldness should be much more apparent at the end as well--after he tells her he doesn't see her like that, the next times they interact he would characteristically be rude and cold towards her. You've got Hermione's thought process down pretty well though--she goes through everything logically as best she can before giving up on that part of her brain and turning to her emotional side instead--very good job with that!

Your premise works, but if you expand the details you simply provide offhandedly, I think you could have a phenomenal one-shot here about love and heartbreak. :) Please feel free to come back and request for other stories you may write! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thank you for your review and for you taking your time to write it :)
You had some very good points about the setting and I must confess that when I wrote the story I was in doubt about where and when I wanted to place the story, so I took the easy way out and left it open, without saying too much. However, now that I have read your review I can see that I did the story more harm than good by doing this. So I'll work more on this for the my next pieces of works.
Your comments about the characterization are really spot on and I completely agree with you. This inspired me to start on working on a bigger story where I can really work with the characters and show their different sides and characteristic.

Again thank you, for the review! :D


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Review #7, by MadiMalfoyGrey Fire: An Unwelcome Invitation

22nd September 2015:
Hello Kapa! Apologies for my extreme lateness with the review you requested for this!

Now, as a forewarning, I absolutely love Ginny/Harry, so that might influence some things I say here, but all in good faith. :) As far as your areas of concern go (characterization, plot, language) I think I'll hit them in reverse order of how I just listed them.

Your language isn't really that bad at all--if a bit awkward in places, but you mentioned you were reworking the story anyway so I won't really comment on that too much. One thing that I think would work better is for Draco to address Ginny as "Ms. Weasley" instead of "Ginevra"--it's much more formal and better suited to the type of social situation they are in. What I would really like to see you expand on is your description. Adding details about the scene, clothing, body language will really enhance the reader's experience and also up your writing skills too. It lets us slow down a bit and get involved in the scene and shows it happening, rather than just telling us what's going on.

With plot, I want to reiterate what I said above: expand! You mention offhandedly that Ginny and Harry were fiances but then broke up--why? Give us one or two sentences explaining why that happened to change Ginny's behavior now. Also, determine an exact year for this to be taking place--it's a bit ambiguous right now so I'm not entirely sure how old Ginny & Draco are--are they only 20? Mid-20s? Find a way to incorporate that seamlessly somewhere and that will also give your plot some more stability. The premise of this story is interesting, for sure! Again, setting a time for this would help too so we know how many years after the War it's been. This is a great start, but I think if you took some time and "unpacked" some of the things you just mention in passing that will really create an opening chapter that makes the reader really want to continue.

Your characterization of Ginny so far is a bit confusing, but not horribly so. You maintained her stubbornness and quick temper, which I always love to see expressed in fanfic. She's also quick to hold judgment and be wary of anyone she deems not fully trustworthy, most likely a trait acquired during/immediately after the War, which you can really play around with in the following chapters. I think if you explain how and why she and Harry broke up, that would assist in making your characterization of her feel less random and more plausible and realistic. Backstory is key to good character development, and if you add some of those details that aren't covered in canon (e.g. directly after the War, her split with Harry) she'll seem less random and her actions/feelings will make more sense to readers. With Draco, I have a feeling you will eventually explain why he acts like he does towards Ginny, so I won't say too much about him here yet. I do like how you've portrayed him as the boy-with-no-good-choices-turned-man-turning-his-life-around. It's a characteristic I absolutely love applying to him in my own writing as well, and I'm very curious to see where you go with it. I would look into his money situation though--I feel like the Malfoy wealth would have dropped semi-considerably due to the War and everything, but that's your decision to make.

On the whole, I think you've got a great idea here and this is a good start of an opening chapter! I would be happy to read more (and feel free to request a couple chapters at a time so I can have a better feel for the plot as it moves, etc.) :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Madi! Thanks so much for taking the time to review this (and going so in depth)!

Also... you thought you were late giving me my requested review, but just look how unbelievably late I am responding to it! Embarrassing. But such is life. Moving along!

Ah, I definitely get loving Ginny/Harry - I do too! I actually started writing this as an experiment, as I had never written Draco before, and I chose to pair him with Ginny because she's one of my absolute favourite characters and because she's the only main character I ship him with – even though I ship her /more/ with Harry (and Luna!).

As for the first of the concerns you raise... I really, really want to have Draco call Ginny 'Ginevra' instead of 'Ms. Weasley', because it's sort of the first step of his plan of getting under her skin. But as this is something people react to a lot in a 'this doesn't work'-way rather than an 'I wonder what this is about'-way I guess I'll have to make it more clear that Draco is choosing this address /because/ it's informal and incongruous in that social situation, and that Ginny picks up on that and speculates on why he'd do that. (Maybe he could call her Ms. Weasley when he calls after her at first, and then change to Ginevra when they shake hands.) You have given me a lot to think about here!

When it comes to adding more description, that's definitely on my to do-list! It's not my strongest suit, but I like to think that I usually do better at it than I've done here, so I have a lot of hope of improvement! Thanks for the pointers on specific things to add! (I'm not great at body language IRL, so it tends to be missing from my stories as well, ooops...)

As for the plot... well, I don't want to give away all my secrets in the first chapter. For example, the reason why Ginny and Harry broke up is an intrinsic part of the narrative web of this story, and I want the reader to wonder and speculate a little before I tell them. Still, I hear you! I'll try to add some intriguing hints about why things ended between Ginny and Harry. As for the year... this story takes place in 2005, which is also and important plot point, and I'm debating with myself whether I should include it explicitly or whether that makes some plot twists too obvious (oops, spoilers!). I might change a little thing in the next chapter to make the year clear, and definitely mention something about Ginny's approximate age in this chapter - perhaps when she muses about Angelica's youth...

(Also, another reviewer actually gave me props for not trying to squeeze too much information into the first chapter, so partly I think it's down to personal taste how long and information dense a first chapter should be to capture a reader's interest.)

I'll also make sure that I show why Ginny has become the way she has - I actually think it has more to do with some isolationist impulses after her break-up from Harry than with trauma from the war, but everything plays a role, of course. After her horrible first year at Hogwarts she's not about to trust anyone or anything too quickly, that's for sure!

There are currently no slots open in your review thread, but if I remember I'll be sure to request a read over for at least some of the later chapters too when there are spots to snag. It really helps to get a grasp of what works and what doesn't when I do my rewriting. Thanks again! : )

/Kapa


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Review #8, by MadiMalfoyTraitorous Hearts: In Dark Spaces

22nd September 2015:
PENNY I DO NOT HAVE WORDS FOR THIS. ALSO SORRY ABOUT THE HUGE DELAY IN GETTING THIS REVIEW TO YOU, I GOT SUPER BUSY WITH SCHOOL AND WANTED TO MAKE SURE I REALLY TOOK TIME WITH THIS.

Anyway, can I just say how absolutely stunning and breath-taking your writing was in these last two chapters?? Your descriptions of scenes and emotions were so unbelievable that I legitimately visualized everything in my head as I read on. I don't usually do that when I read fan fiction. But this, this has got me HOOKED and really into it! I actually like that you didn't split the chapter--I think it would have been far too short in relation to all of your other chapters, and there's beautiful character development in the latter half of this chapter that really fits here to juxtapose the opening scene in the broom cupboard.

In chapter nine I quite enjoyed the scene with Draco in the Forbidden Forest--it was just enough of a glimpse to see how things are going for him/what he's doing and also how he feels about the situation (read: LIE) he created with the Greengrasses and Astoria specifically and how he has to determine the best way to handle it once the real battle comes to Hogwarts. You've got his character down pat, and last chapter really exemplifies that. Loving it!! Astoria's characterization is just so complex yet simple at the same time, I can't get enough of it! She's like an mystery that looks solvable and easily manipulated when in reality she's this entirely unknown enigma that Draco wouldn't even begin to know how to piece together. You've done a seriously great job with your characterizations in general too--Amycus Carrow instills fear like no other in me, and I feel Neville's hopelessness like a dagger in my heart, and Astoria's confusion and frustration so much.

As far as the flow goes, like I said above I think you should keep the chapter length as is. Your transition from the end of chapter nine to the beginning of this chapter is smooth and is very logical. The different snapshots of Hogwarts life from Astoria's POV was done fantastically because the situations are all so different yet similar at the same time because of her conflicting feelings. They really paint a picture of how life is at Hogwarts now and the internal battle being waged within the castle by the DA and the Carrows, mirroring Astoria's internal battle as well.

The balance between Draco/Astoria's POV seems pretty good to me--as Astoria is your main character, she should have more anyway, but you strike a good balance to give insight to things happening she isn't around to see/be apart of. Draco is definitely intrigued by her and how she managed to make him lie to the Dark Lord for her and her family, and I think that will play a major role in how things play out once everything comes to a head. Astoria definitely has mixed feelings about him because she doesn't truly know what made him lie to keep her and her family safe, but she also knows she's now indebted to him, which she hates. So she has to devise a way to pay back her debt and also figure out his reasons for lying for her family. It's all very complex and nothing is clear cut for these two, which not only makes things fun and interesting, but also showcases your talented writing skills!

Seriously Penny, such good chapters!!! I can't wait to read the next couple!! ♥
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello there! Finally--FINALLY--I am answering this review. I'M sorry for the delay in that, so think nothing of it. I understand. We all just get crazy busy. Me included :D

AW! Madi, thank you SO MUCH! That really means a lot to me. I put so much effort into the descriptions, especially in those chapters, that it makes me so excited to hear that it's paying off and that you could see it all. I'm a super visual person. I was in theatre for a long time, so everything in my head has to play out like a staged show or a movie--I have to be able to see it all when I write, and I want people to be able to picture it when they read my writing. I'm so incredibly happy that you did! :D

And thanks for affirming the decision to not split the chapter. That's what I thought, too, that the character development just flowed better with both scenes in the same chapter. But getting that feedback helps.

Plus, I just love when elegant, put-together Astoria, who has managed to keep her cool through so much, is stabbing her mashed potatoes like an angry child. It's one of the reasons I love this chapter.

Thank you! I'm so excited that you think I got Draco's characterization right. He's a tricky one, because I wanted to make him more sympathetic without pretending that he's been some great person. He's such a prat much of the time, but I wanted to lend him some of the complexity that I knew had to be there, and I'm really just so glad that you think it's working!

"She's like an mystery that looks solvable and easily manipulated when in reality she's this entirely unknown enigma that Draco wouldn't even begin to know how to piece together."
--I LOVE this description of Astoria! This is so great!

Ick. Amycus. He grossed me out almost as much as Fenrir Greyback. When I've freaked myself out, that's when I guess I know I've gotten it where it needs to be. *shivers*

Okay, I'm relieved to know that you felt that Astoria and Draco's POV's are balanced enough at this point. I agree with you that Astoria is the protagonist, which *is* why she has more face time, but I don't want readers to feel like Draco is getting left in the dust. Problem is, he's kind of sulky and miserable right now, and less is happening on his end, so I only want to subject them to so much of that. But I don't want him to get totally outweighed. It's a problem for the next set of chapters. Until Something Happens on Draco's end to change his trajectory, there's only so much of him that I can show, but I do want to strike some sort of balance. I'm glad to know that, for now, it's working :)

You really just summarize all this so well. You totally get how complex Astoria's feelings about Draco are, which makes me happy. The poor girl. No one ever just does nice things for her, do they? Although, as a rule, not trusting Death Eaters is probably a good way to go. [I can see Ginny here, like, GINNY: "Hey! I invited her along on an exciting mission! That was nice!" ASTORIA: "Yes. Dangerous, death defying stunts are my favourite. So nice."]

Thank you so, so much for your fantastic review! I really appreciate it! ♥

--Penny


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Review #9, by MadiMalfoyTransparent: Playmate

25th August 2015:
Hello! I'm back for the review you requested in my thread a little over a month ago! :)

Alright, since you just wanted a general, I'll touch on things I think you did well first and then give you some CCs on others later.

Firstly, I had actually forgotten how dastardly and insidious you made Teddy Lupin in this, so his characterization caught me off guard a bit until I remembered. His ruthlessness in threatening Dominique is stellar and his ability to immediately transition into smooth talker is just perfect! Although it does make me hate him a bit :P My only question about his characterization is who raised him? How did he get to be so mean and the like? I think that would better help justify his behavior since the majority of headcanons have Teddy being raised jointly by Harry/Ginny and Andromeda, all of whom are sincerely nice and caring people, so it wouldn't make sense to have such a mean-spirited teenager come out of that loving family. Since you gave the waiter guy a name and relationship to other characters in the story, I do hope he shows up again later on! Especially since he gave Dom that little confidence booster. I can tell already I like him. :P As far as the scene in its entirety goes, I think it flows at a decent pace, although the back and forth between Teddy and Dominique does feel a bit long to me, even with the relevant dialogue in there.

Speaking of Dom, YOU GO GIRL AND STAND UP TO TEDDY! It's very realistic that she lost her stutter when she gets angry at him and spits venom. Love it! However, in the first chapter especially, I feel like you've almost overdone her stutter a bit? Unless she has a very severe stutter I don't think she would be stuttering over every/every other word, but it's a lot less noticeable in this chapter. Obviously her stutter will fluctuate depending on how comfortable she is with the person she's talking to, but I would love to see her have some stutter-free moments of dialogue out of happiness instead of anger, just as a bit of contrast later on. I would also like to know just how Victoire and Dominique and Louis were raised by Bill and Fleur--considering Bill comes from the Weasleys, I feel there should be some sense of love and kindness somwhere, but I also understand Fleur's veela side may be more prevalent in Victoire and such as they all get older, so that could also play a role. Basically I just want more backstory!! :P

Overall, I think this is a great second chapter and I would be happy to read several more of these for you! Re-request anytime. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for stopping by with this great review!

A lot of people don't understand how Teddy turned out to be such a jerk. Hahah. I honestly don't write him as being very nice because I didn't find it compelling enough. There are a lot of reasons why he is this way though and I can't give them away just yet. Harry and Ginny may be his godparents but you don't really get that feeling from this story. I haven't introduced either of them quite yet and don't even get me started on Andromeda.

*Shudder*

If you read on, especially if you get to chapter six, you'll know why he is this way and might feel differently towards him.

His behavior towards Dominique is awful but it changes subtly over time. I think that you'll be surprised by WHY he seems to dislike her so much though but that's for another chapter. BUT you can read my one-shot "Glass" if you want to cheat and get a head start. :D

Logan Rookwood (The waiter that Dom kind of crushed on) will show up later on in the story but as of yet, he hasn't made an appearance again.

Dom's stutter is cleaned up in the next few chapters because so many of you pointed it out to me. Hahaha. Victoire and her siblings weren't brought up badly but once again, you'll get your answers if you keep on reading. :D

Thank you for the review!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #10, by MadiMalfoyThe Parish: The Parish

14th August 2015:
Hi! :) I saw you posted about this in the Ravenclaw Story Updates thread so I decided to pop over and see what this was all about!

While I don't watch "The Strain" on FX I have heard of it so I really like your tie-in to it! I'm very excited to see how you use Filch's character here as well considering he's not usually touched upon very often in fanfiction. The idea for this must have struck you like lightning or something because this is so different from the usual fics that deal with having to kill something bad and brand-new. I like it a lot!

Your characterization of Hermione so far is spectacular as well! Her growing restlessness in working in the Department of Magical Law seems very true to character for me as well because she is so talented and would want to spread that talent around. I'm also very excited to see how you develop all of these other characters you've created as well.

Branwen does deserve to have a character named after her because she is just such a wonderful person! :) This website is one of the reasons I continue to write fan fiction because of it's amazingly friendly and welcoming atmosphere. A really great start to what I'm sure is going to be a phenomenal novel!! Adding it to my reading list for sure, even though I'm not a huge fan of Romione. :) ♥
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi Madi!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I'm so happy that you liked the first chapter of this! You're totally right to say that the idea hit me like lightning. My sister watches "The Strain," so she's gotten me into it. When someone challenged me to write a dark Romione, my brain just clicked, and this story was born! I'm also not a fan of Romione (at all!), haha! I'm a huge Dramione shipper, but since Laura (tangledconstellations) wanted to challenge me to write a Romione, I couldn't shy away from that! So we'll see if I do that couple any justice.

I'm really glad you liked the story's premise, as well as Hermione's characterization. I love writing for her so much, so that part at least will be a lot of fun. Also, I'm so happy that you liked that I named a character after Branwen, haha! She's so fabulous, so I couldn't resist.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing! I hope you like the rest of the novel as I write it!

Emily


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Review #11, by MadiMalfoyFinding Him: morning.

11th August 2015:
Hi! I'm here with the review you asked for about a month ago. :)

So firstly, yay for Scorose! I haven't read one in ages, so this was a nice reminder of why I like the pairing.

You've really intrigued me from the get go with the writing style--even though I've never read any of your other stories (which will soon be changing!)--it's unusual in general, and the fact you had it in your areas of concern made it stand out even more to me. Really, all I have is praise for the way you've started this story off! The style actually helps with the plot, in my opinion, because it is so unique. The plot in general is intriguing too--why does Rose feel this way about Scorpius after four years? And what happened between them and where is he? These are all really good questions for your readers to be asking, especially for the first chapter because it keeps them interested.

As far as grammar and punctuation goes, the only recurring thing I noticed was with dialogue. When you have the dialogue tag after the dialogue, it should be in this format: "quote," he said. So the spoken words end in a comma and the first word is not capitalized, unless it's a proper noun (a name). That's really the only CC I have for you with that, the rest of it is fairly smooth!

This is a great start to what I'm sure is quite the story! Please feel free to re-request for the next chapter or for anything else on your AP. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Ah, Scorose! I sometimes wonder if I could ever get tired of that ship. I'm pretty sure I wrote this story because I wanted to write this ship so bad and I jumped on it when I finally got a plot bunny.

Writing style was a concern, especially with this story since I started off with a different approach. I tend to jump into dialogue and action fairly quickly but instead I started the story off with a reflection. I'm very happy to hear that you think the style is working. Definitely makes me feel a tad relieved.

I'm glad you find the plot interesting! And yes, everything will start to unravel. I think that's the fun part of the story, I get to tell two at once, the past and the present.

Thank you for pointing out the dialogue part! I tend to be more aware of how I'm writing that but I wrote this chapter a fair while ago so I guess I missed that. If I remember correctly I did go back and fix that, it's just that took forever to get this review response up! Sorry about that!

Thank you so much for taking the time to do this! I cherish your comments and I will hopefully be more careful with editing in the future! It was lovely to hear from you!

~Sama


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Review #12, by MadiMalfoyTraitorous Hearts: The Writing On the Wall

11th August 2015:
Hello again Penny! :)

So you already know how much I enjoy this story and even after not reading it for several months I could still remember everything (thank you for the chapter summaries, those helped a lot!!). But this chapter was--so far, at least--my favorite. You've managed to capture a friendship, however unlikely, between Astoria and Ginny that I feel could legitimately be canon. Both of them are strong-willed and strong-hearted, but exhibit these traits differently, and you express those differences beautifully.

Your main concern was the length of this chapter, but I honestly think it's the perfect length! I couldn't find a good place to split it because it all flows so seamlessly. You've got a great length here because it's not super long and it's not super short. You didn't have too much plot in here, nor did you have too little. It was perfect!

As always, loving the way this is going, and I can't wait to read more. Feel free to re-request for a review where I read several chapters and then respond as well. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hey Madi!
Thank you so much for this BEAUTEOUS review! I was feeling down bc I accidentally left my computer at a friend's house, which is an hour away from me, which means I don't get to write tonight like I'd planned :(. But this really helped cheer me up! Thank you so much!

I am SO excited that you liked the growing friendship between Astoria and Ginny! The first time I stuck them in a room together I was like...but wait, these two *have* to become friends. But, as you mention, it's an unlikely friendship. I wanted to make sure it didn't seem too far fetched. I felt like they gelled really well and, despite everything, that it felt natural, but it means so much to have that backed up. And you think this chapter is your favorite? Yay! *blushes*. :). I'm really fond of it.

Okay. Thanks for your comments on length. That helps. I'm just trying to make sure my chapter lengths are reader friendly, so I've been trying to reevaluate that lately. But I'm glad that this one passes muster.

Thank you so, so much again for your kind and considerate review! I'll definitely be over to re-request!


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Review #13, by MadiMalfoyThe Trial of Draco Lucius Malfoy: The Trial of Draco Lucius Malfoy

6th August 2015:
ELLIE. STOP IT WITH YOUR BEAUTIFUL WRITING THAT GIVES ME ALL THE FEELS. PLEASE.

But really, don't. :P This was a great sequel and I enjoyed it! I've always wanted to see Draco's trial, and you wrote this beautifully and made it all seem very true to real life trials. Or at least as close as they can be considering it's a magical trial, but whatever.

I almost would have liked it to have been very close between the Wizengamot -- more like 40/60 or something where the votes would actually have to be counted. I feel like even with the wonderful romantic story of Draco and Hermione, many of the Wizengamot would still hold his actions as a Death Eater against him, considering his statement of love, no matter how real it is, as a trifling matter and not strong enough to overcome his crimes.

COULD YOU WRITE A SEQUEL TO THIS SEQUEL??? To get Ron & Harry's reaction to finding out that Draco's in love with Hermione and the possible feelings she has for him?? :D

Great as always, Ellie!! :) ♥
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hey Madi,

I'm so pleased you're enjoying the story. There will indeed be a sequel to this sequel. =)

xx-Ellie


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Review #14, by MadiMalfoyDeceptive Hearts: Those Tender Sparks

6th August 2015:
ELLIE I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE!

HERMIONE NEEDS TO GET HER HEAD OUT OF THE CLOUDS AND REALIZE DRACO ACTUALLY FANCIES HER AND ISN'T JUST DOING HIS CUTE LITTLE FLIRTY THINGS TO ANNOY HER!

*ahem* Anyway, I've finally found time to return to reading this and I am very excited to see how you've gone with it so far! How long are you planning on this being? If it's going to be a novel let me just squeal in excitement already! The little touches and cute words they exchange are just perfect for my little Dramione shipper heart ♥

Great as always, Ellie! I can't wait to read the next chapter of this!! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hey Madi!

It's definitely going to be novel length, (I think it is already based on word count) I will hopefully be updating again soon. I'm pleased you are enjoying the story and I hope you like the rest =)

xx-Ellie


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Review #15, by MadiMalfoyThe second stage of grief: Anger: Chocolate Frogs

17th July 2015:
Hello there! :)

I was just browsing through the recently added stories and came upon yours! The summary drew me in instantly so I just had to see what it was all about.

To be honest, this near about had me in tears. (Granted, it is one in the morning as I'm typing this, but I digress.) The way you've written this is beautiful. Your choice of words is remarkable and your descriptions of the scene and body movements is so fine, I can clearly picture exactly what is going on in my head. I felt Harry's surprise when Teddy metamorphed into Remus. I felt Teddy's anger at Tonks and Remus for leaving him. Really, I just want to continue gushing on and on about how beautifully you've captured this scene. There is clearly a very close relationship between Teddy and Harry here, and you've got that down so wonderfully. Teddy's ability with language as a ten-year-old is amazing as well, and you pulling in Lupin's intelligence as a trait Teddy inherited only furthers the sadness but also goodness of this tale.

Truly, a stunning piece! Wonderful job, dear. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello!
Wow that's so nice to hear!! And I see I'm not the only one with a (quite unhealthy) addiction of reading fanfics in the middle of the night!
I'm always very conscious of descriptions because I know that I have a tendency to over describe things. A lot of editing was required to achieve a description I was pleased with, so it's lovely to hear that you think it's good!
I always felt like Teddy would be quite a lot like his father in terms of intelligence and emotions, so I'm glad you caught the fact that it's an inheritance!

Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!


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Review #16, by MadiMalfoyBetrayal: Dear Remus

16th July 2015:
Hi! MadiMalfoy here with the review you asked for about a month ago. :)

I don't think I've every read a fic focused around Sirius and Remus before, so this is definitely a first for me, so thank you! As far as your concerns go, you have nothing to worry about!

You pulled me in immediately with the letter from this mysterious woman Meredith. It made me ask questions like who is she, how is she important to Sirius versus Remus, why is she in the US, etc. From what I gathered from your story info, I'm assuming she'll be a love interest for Sirius or Remus? You've managed quite nicely in a short intro to capture my interest and keep the attention there to want to continue reading on. You used enticing language to describe the scenes and characters which exhibits your high skill level when it comes to that sort of thing.

I think you've got a great premise here and I'd be happy to come back again to help you improve! :) Feel free at any time to re-request.
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #17, by MadiMalfoyThe Shadows Within: Prologue

15th July 2015:
Hi! I'm over from the forums with the review you asked for about six weeks ago! :)

Since you asked for just a general review, I'll touch on everything briefly.

You've done a great job setting up what I'm sure is going to be quite the dark story with this prologue! It's a nice length as well--it's not too short so we feel like something is missing, but it's also not too long so we feel like there's too much information given already. I really like your premise for this, I can already tell it's going to be quite the mystery and adventure.

With Voldemort's characterization, you've got him down pretty well so far. The intimidation factor is SO there and I love it! His movements and words and thoughts are so logical and straightforward and you capture that perfectly! His reasoning is sound and the way the other characters react to him give the reader the right perception of his persona. Voldemort's got this sort of eerie super calm demeanor and with the dialogue and body movements you give him it is apparent and there and that is a very cool thing!

Overall, a great start to what I'm sure is going to be a great First War fic. However you pull in the Marauders will be very well done, I'm sure of it! Please feel free to come back for more at any time! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for taking a peek at the start of this story. I appreciated all of your comments, especially about Voldemort's characterization. He is such an intimidating character to write so hearing that I did him justice makes me very happy. I'm glad you like the tone and are willing to continue on if I re-request. Thanks again! =)

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Review #18, by MadiMalfoyBroken Memories: The Velvet Box

15th July 2015:
Hello, here with your long-awaited requested review from the forums! :)

Yay for Fred/Angelina & George/Angelina! Although obviously not in a very happy way right now...But anyway, onto the review! You were concerned with characterization, pacing, language, and formatting so I'll briefly touch on each of those things.

You've done a wonderful job so far with keeping close to canon for George and Angelina's characterization. Obviously they're both grieving so they can't be as happy-go-lucky and upbeat as usual, but you haven't made them seem way too down and dark. The way you had George talk about reopening Weasley's Wizard Wheezes is a great example of a coping mechanism for grieving and I'm glad you have it in some detail and we see it from Angelina's side as well.

The pace for an introductory chapter is actually quite nice--you break it up with the flashbacks at relevant points so it doesn't break up the flow, but rather assists it in moving the plot along because you get that background information you need to understand what is going on in present time. To be honest, I quite enjoy the format you've got this in because of what I just mentioned and also because it makes the story more interesting and seem a little less depressing for the whole thing.

Your use of language is great! You have great descriptions and utilize character traits to express their emotions and body language even better! I caught a few grammar errors here and there but nothing major enough to interrupt story flow.

I really think you've got a great story here and I'd be more than happy to help you get your muse back for this! You're welcome to come back and request more at any time! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi Madi!

Thank you so much for the review!

I've actually sort of got back on my feet with this story. Chapter five is in the queue now! So hopefully it won't take me another two and a half months to knock out chapter six. Reviews like this really help my process. It's nice to know what's working and that people are actually reading what I've written.

I'm happy you actually liked the time jumps. It's an idea that I had for a while before finally writing it all down. I've tried to make it so the memories make sense with the present events and as you say, provide background and also off-set the saddness of present day.

I'll definitely be going back through it to catch those grammar errors also. Thanks for mentioning that!

I hope to see you in my reviews again soon!

Thanks again!

Stefanie


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Review #19, by MadiMalfoyBaby Blanket: Confusion

10th June 2015:
Hello! :) I've popped over from the forums for your requested review :)

Firstly, FRANK AND ALICE!!! I remember when I first read the books I wanted to know what had happened to them and what kind of people they were before they lost their lucidity. Plus, I haven't seen a whole lot with them being the focus of the story and what it's like to be inside their minds.

You were concerned with the plausibility of the scenario and Alice's characterization. With Alice, I think you've done a beautiful job in capturing how her train of thought and her perception of the world around her works after being tortured so extensively by Bellatrix. Her confusion as to why Neville continuously calls her mum is a great example showing the effects of her memory loss.

As far as this being a believable scene, I would say it is one hundred percent plausible. The fact that Alice still has some memories--if faint and slightly altered than reality--and utilizes them to do something in the present speaks to her fight to interact with this young man in the only way she knows how. You clearly did your research for this piece, and your talent in turning a phrase elevates what could have been just a simple story about just another day in Alice's unchanging world.

A truly thought provoking read! Great job on this! Please feel free to request another review in the future! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi Madi!

Thanks for dropping in!

Frank and Alice have always been really interesting to me. I've actually written a couple of stories about them now, but this might be my favorite.

I'm glad that you think my portrayal of Alice seems realistic. Insanity can work in funny ways and her story is always portrayed in such a depressing light. I just wanted to sort of make her happy.

It's a relief to hear that this seems plausible. I was so worried that it would be too happily ever after and I wanted it to retain at least an element of reality. I'm ecstatic that you like where I went with it.

Thank you so much again for your time and your kind words! I definitely will.

~Kaitlin


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Review #20, by MadiMalfoyDestiny Beckons: 1. An Unexpected Delivery

24th May 2015:
Hello there! Tis I, MadiMalfoy, from the forums with your requested review from about a month and a half ago! :)

Getting right down to it, time travel is something I kind of forgot existed in the HP world?? Like I just managed to forget time turners were a thing for a little while there and was wondering how this was going to work without a TARDIS (Thanks, Doctor Who)? But now that I've recovered my faculties, I think this is an interesting idea! Obviously, as this is only the prologue--and therefore very brief--it doesn't do much plot-wise except set up for what will surely be a wild ride into the past. But the coherency is pretty great, although I am somewhat confused as to why Hermione would be in a dormitory that technically was never hers since she didn't attend for her final year. and since the Battle concluded a mere several hours prior, I don't think that adults would have wanted anyone wandering around alone in the castle until they were positive all of the Death Eaters and sympathizers were rounded up.

However, your impeccable grammar and flowing sentence structure adds to the plot and makes the reader feel like they're experiencing the scene with Hermione. This goes hand in hand with the descriptors you used, and used well. A lot of times I encounter people who throw too many description-type words and sentences so the plot and the story gets bogged down (like Tolkien writes basically) in that and not the storyline. You have a great balance of description versus action, which can be tricky to do in first person POV. I'm curious to see how you manage to pull Snape as a student(?) into Dumbledore's plot for all of this to happen, so reader interest is definitely there.

Great job on an opening chapter to what I'm sure is a great fic! Please feel free to re-request for this story or any other of yours anytime! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing. Glad you enjoyed the story.

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Review #21, by MadiMalfoyUntouchable: Prologue: Afflicted

24th May 2015:
Hiya! :) I'm here with the review you requested a little over a month ago!

So firstly, I'm just so ecstatic that 2/3 of the slots in my thread were Dramione, and that they were both super unique. With yours, I'm VERY intrigued as to how you came up with the premise and the logistics of the curse! It sounds similar to what Rogue is like in the X-Men comics/movies, so I am very curious about whether or not you'll end up having her discover a cure or something of the sort. The narrative really helped move the story along actually--it wasn't too descriptive but hearing Hermione's train of thought and the way she was seeing the battle in the department of mysterious is a fresh perspective on the chilling events. Also! Killing Malfoy senior accidentally because he touched her should totally cause more friction than usual between Hermione and Draco, yes? Considering it is technically her fault he's now dead (even though he is the one who cursed her but I digress).

What a fantastic start to what I'm sure is going to be a great novel! Please don't hesitate to re-request once you've updated this with another chapter! :)

~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #22, by MadiMalfoyUpper Class: Chapter One

24th May 2015:
Hello! This is me (inexcusably) here for your requested review from so long ago you most likely completely forgot about it!

Okay so first of all, I was somewhat confused by the summary due to your use of the word "teacher" to describe Draco but now I get it! I think if you changed that to "mentor" or something similar it would work better. The summary did draw me in though, so no worries about that! :)

I have yet to read a fic where Hermione is actually a pureblood (somehow!) and then gets involved with Draco due to that. Basically, this is good because while it is a cliche of Dramione, it's not so common (at least on HPFF) where it gets boring. I think you've got quite the interesting premise here--I've seen lots of stories where Hermione is actually Blaise Zabini's long-lost twin and then falls in love with Draco that way, or she was adopted by the Grangers and finds out her biological parents were rich purebloods. I like that you're keeping her with her parents and how that dynamic will play out. It's also quite interesting that Ron & Harry would have a flat together even though I'm sure Ron knows Harry & Ginny are totally together (If you're sticking with that bit of canon) and that would cause tension like no other.

The only CC I really have for you would be to add more description in. Describe the scene; are Hermione's hands shaking? What about her voice, what does that sound like? Do the couch cushions squeak as the boys sit down beside her? Things like that really pull the reader into the story and helps them visualize what it is you see perfectly clear in your head.

Anywho I really enjoyed this introductory chapter--if a bit short--and I would be happy to continue reviewing this at your request. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #23, by MadiMalfoyRabbit Heart: 4. Hearts and Minds

30th March 2015:
Hello hello! It's been a good 2 and a half months since you requested this review, and severely apologize!

Anywho, I decided to read a few chapters to really get into the plot a little bit more as per your request, and boy did it get interesting! The point of view change between Wren & Albus really helps to thicken the plot somewhat and explains how both of them are nervous for tow different things but they can't tell the other (or won't tell) about it, which is killing the other. I am very curious to see where you go with Wren's bunny--I have an inkling you've pulled stuff in from the first chapter with the bunny and that it will be a subplot/plot device later on. Also I am excited to see how you work with Albus's crush on Wren and his increasing awkwardness as he grows taller, and also Wren's understanding of the feelings she might possibly be developing for Albus too.

I am very very interested to see what Albus manages to do with getting back at James for all the pranks this summer! Eep, I'll definitely be back to read more of this when I have more time! Please feel free to re-request again! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello to you!

I'm so glad you came over to read, and thanks so much for reading ahead a few chapters. It's really the only way I can get people to comment on plot arcs. Not that I mind the chapter-by-chapter reviews, but I hardly ever get crit on overall arcs, so thanks.

Ah, the rabbit is very integral to the plot. He's in there, all the way. I'm not sure if I handled Albus' prolonged awkwardness enough, but I definitely followed through with the pranking issue. In fact, it's about to wrap up in a chapter or two, which I'm excited about.

Thanks so much for the read-through. I'll definitely rerequest again!

Pix


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Review #24, by MadiMalfoyThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Yangs Audacity

30th March 2015:
Hello there! You've probably forgotten about this requested review since it was from 2 and a half months ago, but I've returned! :)

Anywho, I decided to read a couple of chapters instead of just one to make up for the ridiculous time frame. :3 I forgot how much I enjoyed Annette's characterization and thought process. The detail with which she thinks/you write is amazing and really puts it in her perspective so it's like the reader is actually in the scene as Annette. I loved that she was able to work magic and science together so beautifully! The whole premise of being a muggleborn with a heavy science background and thirst for knowledge concerning magic and science together really makes the plot of these last two chapters work very well together! SCIENCE.

Ahem, anyway, more to the point of this chapter. I think it's absolutely hilarious how many people are involved in this bet and the fact this many are involved only after being on the train for a few hours. It's somewhat ridiculous and preposterous but I can't wait to see what you do with it in the coming chapters! As you touched on how others perceive Annette as a "lonely cat-lady needing human affection" i think that you could totally go the route of aromantic/asexual (if you haven't already) if it's not an important plot point later on, or even if it is. Some people are simply more interested in doing sciency things than getting laid even as teenagers.

Overall, a great two chapters, and I'll do my best to read further along once I have more time! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Madi!

Thank you so much for yet another review. :D I am super happy to see you continue to enjoy Annett's characterisation. She's amazing fun to write. That you feel that you're in the scene with Annett makes me even more happy! Thank you. And yes! SCIENCE!

I guess that's what happens when a Potter or a Weasley gets involved and when the Potters and the Weasleys have a relatively strong familial connection. :P Ridiculous and preposterous was very much what I was going for to further alarm Annett. She is! She is certainly more interested in doing sciency things than getting laid. Absolutely. But more than that, you may find that she is more interested in doing sciency things than perhaps even hanging around friends.

Again, thank you for this spectacular review!

Cheers,
Em


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Review #25, by MadiMalfoyEverything About You: Everything About You

24th March 2015:
Hello! :)

I decided to procrastinate longer on my essay and read this lovely one-shot of yours! :)

I've read my fair share of Draco/Hermione one-shots (OTP oops) that take place during Hogwarts at some point where Draco's feelings are either unrequited or hers are simply unknown or left up to the reader to decide, but yours doesn't do that. It's actually quite a sweet one-shot, and the song lyrics fit in so subtly (if you had any in there) it's truly wonderful! Your characterization of Draco is definitely something I'd hope he'd turn out to be like in future canon (even though we really have no way of truly knowing) with his wife. He's retained his brooding nature and all those good Slytherin qualities, but he's become a better man through his observing of Hermione throughout the years. The ending is so cute I nearly squished my own cheeks at how adorable it was!

A remarkable piece, I'll definitely have to come back and read some of your other pieces later! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time out to give this a read! I put a lot of pressure on myself with this oneshot, because I don't have a lot of experience with Draco as a character or Draco/Hermione as a pairing. I started a multi-chapter with them, but it hasn't gotten to their interactions yet so this was a bit of a trial run for me! :) It means a lot that you enjoyed the characterization of him. I didn't want him to lose the Draco-ness that we love, which I feel sometimes happens. Thank you again!

Amanda


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