Reading Reviews From Member: MadiMalfoy
451 Reviews Found

Review #1, by MadiMalfoyA Man Barely Breathing: Until I take my last breath.

30th November 2014:
Hello hello!!

You know how much I love a good Dramione, and yours even more so!

Anywho, I needed a break from scrambling to finish up NaNo so I just happened upon this little thing and decided I had to read it! Considering the wide variety of Dramione stories I've read, I had yet to read one that involved divorce until now, which is surprising to me!

Draco's despair and desperate love for Hermione gets me every time. The fact that the divorce even came about because of miscommunication about miscommunication says something about marriage itself. The judge is so kind and insightful, and that really speaks volumes about people involved in the lower judicial systems and how they can change clients' lives by thinking about the situation a little more thoroughly than they usually would care to do.

As always, a truly splendid piece! :) ♥
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #2, by MadiMalfoyUnrequited Snowfall: Unrequited Snowfall

8th November 2014:
I saw your status in the forums and decided I needed a break from NaNo writing, so here I am! :)

I love a good Dramione, but unrequited love and angst is my favorite!! This was such a beautifully told story from Draco's POV, something which we don't always get to see and I absolutely loved it! His angst about whether or not he should really try to go for Hermione or not and if he truly is in love with her or is just infatuated with her because she's "forbidden" is a great character trait! This was just so great ugh I love it!! ♥
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thanks MadiMalfoy!

I'm glad you enjoyed it and that I characterized him to suit folks. One of my other reviewers on a different Dramione of mine mentioned that the pairing seemed unrealistic because they were at Hogwarts and having them actually get together is just so implausible in a one-shot.

So I ran with the idea that gave me and this was the result. Thanks for reviewing and I hope it made a nice reprieve from NaNo.

Good luck with NaNo, btw! =)

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Review #3, by MadiMalfoySomething Worth Fighting For: Chapter 1

26th October 2014:
Hi there! :) Here's the review you requested a few weeks ago! :)

Well first of all, you made me cry, which is very hard to do when it comes to fan fiction. As I was reading, I realized I had never really properly mourned Fred at all either (probably because of the time lapse between the release of the book and the movie) so this allowed me to also do that. I think it's very characteristic of all of the Weasleys how you've written them.

I think it's very characteristic of Ginny not to show her emotions in tears until she finally realizes she hasn't done that yet and then just breaks down all at once. And Harry! Oh, Harry! I loved their little scene together--it wasn't cliche whatsoever! I loved it!

This really is quite intriguing and I definitely want to read on! Great job on opening this up, I'd love to read more! :) Feel free to re-request whenever you have time! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #4, by MadiMalfoyDefine Me: Prologue: Positive

26th October 2014:
Hi there! MadiMalfoy here with your requested review from way way too long ago! :)

I haven't had a chance to read much next gen with OCs so this is definitely new for me! So far I really enjoy Taylor's and Lottie's characters. They seem like the best friends ever and much older than they really are. I think a lot of people tend to forget that even at sixteen, if you have a job or rough family life, you really are more mature and adult than some actual adults are. The boss man seems very rude! I do hope you punish him in some way eventually!

I don't think you've managed to write any cliches into this, other than the fact that she got pregnant after having sex one time but that's okay! It lends some barriers to the story between her and James. Great job so far, keep up the good work, and please feel free to re-request! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #5, by MadiMalfoyDoing the Right Thing: Doing the Right Thing

1st October 2014:
Hi there!! Sorry it's been SOO long since you requested this--RL got in the way more than I was expecting it to! Since you didn't have anything specific, I'll just give you a general! :)

Firstly, DRACO MALFOY ♥ ugh I love that boy, you have no idea! He's such a deep character even though we aren't given a huge amount canonically about him, but JK has said he's the opposite of Harry (ish) so it makes sense. I really thoroughly enjoyed your characterization of him; it's deeply rooted in canon, which makes it that much more believable.

As far as plot goes, I think you came up with a great idea! Draco needs redemption in the Dark Lord's eye, so he accepts the challenge of creating a diversion for the Lestranges' killing of the Minister while retaining his promise to his mother to make her proud. I loved it!!

It flows very smoothly between past events and the current situation through some super well-written transitions & also Draco's thoughts. Wonderfully done!

THis really is a great piece and I would be delighted to review your novel! Just re-request whenever you have time and I'll do my best to get started on it! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #6, by MadiMalfoyTraitorous Hearts: A Family Affair

6th September 2014:
Hello once again! :)

You have returned with another fabulous chapter! Ugh, the literature and history nerd in me is basically going crazy with your Shakespeare references galore and family history!! I think you've really highlighted the depth of Astoria's worry for her father's health, mentally and physically, along with Filly's worry also. It's truly saddening to watch a family member wither away before your very eyes and you can't do anything about it. You've captured that despair and torture very well in Astoria's incessant need to alphabetize and organize everything because she needs to focus on something other than her father's worsening condition and the war going on outside. The (lucid!!) history lesson given to Astoria from her father was so touching, I absolutely loved it! Your dedication to being historically accurate is phenomenal as well!

Moving on to the short scene in Malfoy Manor, let me just say THANK YOU. Because all we're given in the canon-verse is that supposedly everyone in the Manor was on lockdown by Voldemort's orders. So I really enjoyed getting to see the aftermath of the trio escaping and how that affects Draco and his family because his mother wants him to get out right now before Voldemort comes but Draco knows he's already in too deep, that he's already lost. Truly tragic. That last line really summed it up well--the bully school boy was gone, and he had been replaced with a hardened-too-young man who was willing to kill in order to save himself and his family.


Come back anytime, please! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello, hello!

I'm so glad you liked it! Yay for history & literature nerdiness! I loved working in the Shakespeare bits, and I'm especially happy that you enjoyed the family history. I love getting to include those details.

Thank you! It's sad to write about Felix's situation. It puts a lot of pressure on his daughters, and, of course, Filly. I think it explains a lot about why Astoria acts the why she does. It both hardens and softens her. She's tougher because she's had to bear up under the weight of handling the family matters--obviously Daphne is just running away from the responsibility. But I also like writing Felix in, because we get to see Astoria's softer side. And a HUGE SMILE that you loved the history lesson. Felix is a very different kind of personality than those I've been writing for this story so far. It was a challenge to try to capture his voice, but it was fun, because he's just so warm, and I'm glad you think it came out well. And thanks--I really try to be accurate, so I'm glad you noticed! :D

Thank YOU! Because I am so touched to see someone really care for that scene. It was one of my favorites, just because I felt like it was so important. Like, Draco goes from making all these unimpressive attempts to kill Dumbledore, to hesitating when he actually gets the chance to kill him, and then, when he has the chance to turn Harry in, he doesn't. But when we next see him, at the Battle, all that hesitation is gone. He's out to stop Harry, and he's seemingly committed now. Why? When I really started looking at Draco, as a character, I realized that it was a change in his trajectory--a deviation from the norm--so something had to cause it. And it didn't take long to think of what it could have been. Really, after such a massive failure, it's a surprise that the Malfoys all survived. If he cared about his family at all, he wouldn't be able to step one toe out of line. In that light, I think his actions at the Battle of Hogwarts make more sense. Or I hope so, at least.

Thank you so, so much for this incredibly kind review. It really helps! I'll definitely send in another request when I post the next chapter, which (fingers crossed) will be soon! It's almost done. Just a few tricky pieces to iron out.

Thanks again!


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Review #7, by MadiMalfoyFalling: Falling

4th September 2014:
Hey there! :) I know I'm super late on this--moving in to college got me way more behind than I thought it would!

Anywho, on I go! Your main concern was flow with consideration to the different snippets of his life. Honestly, I think you made it work flawlessly! Sometimes it can be a bumpy road writing stories like this but it's pretty smooth here. The snippets you've picked highlight the ups and downs of Albus's earlier life, and also some of his last moments greatly.

As far as plot holes, can there really be any when it's written as snapshots of a person's life? Really, this is a great reflection of the big points in Albus's life that are touched on by JK Rowling but not always described in great detail. The way you've written it through the word "falling" gives it a unique tone I thoroughly enjoyed!

Basically, a great piece and please, feel free to re-request anytime! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi!

Ah, it's not a problem at all! I know how time consuming college related things can be >.< (and I'm still halfway through my applications. Merlin save me!)

Thanks so much for this really helpful review! I'm thrilled you think that the merging of the snippets worked, for I was a little nervous while writing something like this. It's a new style for me, but I loved the end product and I'm glad you did too!

The concept of falling was another thing I was apprehensive about writing, seeing that I used it in such an abstract sense. Thanks for point out that that was not the case. Seriously, this is such a motivational review, that I'm practically itching to write! I'm very happy you liked the story and I will definitely request reviews in the future!

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Review #8, by MadiMalfoyTrying to snog Hermione Granger: Chapter One

2nd September 2014:
Hi there! I'm here with your requested review :)

Firstly, yay Dramione!! I haven't gotten the chance to read one for a review request in the longest time!! So thanks haha :)

Okay so, you've got a lot you want me to cover, so I'm going to start with the easier one first: grammar. I noticed a lot of technical and spelling errors throughout the chapter, which interrupted the flow somewhat. Examples of this are "your" should be "you're" and "there" should be "they're" in some instances. Other places it's simply missing commas or too many commas. Also, one thing I'd like to note is that it is spelled Blaise, not Blasie, but that's an easy mistake to make! I think a beta would help greatly with this just for proofreading and the like.

As far as plot and flow go, I think you've got quite the interesting idea; who can make Hermione Granger kiss them first? I've read a few similar stories, but I think you've got a great twist in it with Blaise. I was able to grasp the situation (which is rather funny) relatively soon, but it's just kind of there, without any explanation why. You've written it very straightforwardly, which is nice in some cases, but I think if you slow it down some, give it some beef and fluff and add some more details of the setting and the scene, that'll help balance out all of the dialogue. It wouldn't be a bad idea either to define at what point in their schooling this is and what's going on in the outside world (i.e. is Voldemort a threat, etc) just so we know as the audience what we can expect from the outside world.

That brings me to my next point: dialogue! So, you have quite the large amount of dialogue with very little detail. It's better to do more of a 40/60 that an 20/80 when it comes to description/dialogue, if you know what I mean. As I mentioned above, it helps to balance the chapter out and the scene out so we can imagine it better in our minds as readers the way you want us to. Going into the dialogue itself, I think it's somewhat OOC on Draco's part because he's not even really that stuffy and uptight about himself canonically. He's very suave and smooth and always handles himself carefully. Their conversations just seem very immature for their age and typical presentation.

I know this all seems really harsh and critical, but I'm just trying to give you some constructive criticism to improve your writing talents. Really though, you've got a great story and I can tell you're very excited about it in your head, so just show us that in your writing! Use exclamation points and fun words to describe things! They draw the readers in and make us want to continue reading. Really though, I'm intrigued! Please feel free to come back any time! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #9, by MadiMalfoyHarbor: Harbor

1st August 2014:
And once more. :)

Hinny is probably one of the few canon ships I actively write about (unlike Molly/Arthur & Lucius/Narcissa who I simply know are always together). Songfics are not usually my cup of tea (although I have written one...) but this one is great because you don't focus heavily on the lyrics; rather you just have them in there to inspire the characters and scenes there.

Your characterization of Ginny is fabulous, and don't let anyone ever tell you differently! The movies-in my opinion at least-really took away her don't-take-no-for-an-answer and strong, independent attitude and you've brought it back. I think that because you glossed over the stuff typically seen in Harry's POV, you were really able to focus and pinpoint exactly how Ginny felt towards Harry and how it affected her and also him.

Really, I couldn't wish for a better Head of Ravenclaw house, and definitely not someone with so much writing skill and talent and love for the Weasleys! Thank you, WeasleyTwinMom. :) ♥
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #10, by MadiMalfoyTwins!: Twins!

1st August 2014:
Hello again! :D

This little one-shot about Molly finding out she’s having twins is so cute! Already mother of three, I think she’s got it down pat. Charlie, Bill, and Percy are so adorable!! Causing Molly so much trouble at such young ages, no wonder she’s so good at handling mayhem later on! I can just imagine her telling Arthur the news and getting angry with him for somehow providing her two more boys instead of just one!

It really highlights how much of a mother she truly is, and I love that about this piece. Her relationship with Healer Whitlock is great too! Internally, I feel like Molly is excited to have two more children, even if they are both boys and not the girl she wants, because they are two more things that her and Arthur created together and she’ll love them just the same. :)

Your love of all things Weasley has really made me want to not only read more Weasley-centered fics but also try my hand at writing them. Thanks for being amazing!! :) ♥

~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #11, by MadiMalfoyCharlie the Dragon Hunter: Crikey!

1st August 2014:
Surprise! :D I decided as my way of participating in Thank You WTM Day I would review some of your old stories!

Even though Charlie isn’t mentioned much in the books, I’m so glad I found this fic!! I love minor characters but have yet to find a good Charlie-centered one—until now! And Tonks! It’s great you put her in there as his classmate and still her usual self with brightly colored hair. :)

The Dragon Hunter! What a laugh! This silly magical representation of Steve Irwin is amazing and really is a tribute to his memory as the Crocodile Hunter. The parallels are flawless and you couldn’t have done it any better! I think that Charlie typically gets overlooked most of the time in a lot of fan fictions, but he’s an important part of the Weasley clan too, just like Fred and Ron and Ginny and the rest! Really though, your talent amazes and inspires me to improve greatly!

Thank you for being such a wonderful head of Ravenclaw house. :) ♥
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #12, by MadiMalfoySomething to Live For: Interviewing a Foreigner

31st July 2014:
Well hello there! Welcome to HPFF! :)

Contrary to your opinion, this is actually quite intriguing right off the bat! You've introduced your OC to both Draco and George already and made her unforgettable to them both. She's quite the character, I do admit! An American, in England, in the early 2000s? *Astonishing!* :P I think the fact you made her American gives you great opportunities to use language barriers as fun situations (i.e. "biscuits" meaning two different things) for Rosalind and Draco/George.

With your descriptions, here's my biggest tip: if it's not working, then just scrap it and start over. Also, try to describe something without actually using that word in it. For example: "Brisk autumn air tangled in her hair, the cobblestones uneven beneath her feet; meandering down the alley, a bright violet building piqued her interest." I hope that helps! My final tip is to use more contractions; it makes things more casual and relaxed-sounding.

As a whole, though, this was a great opening chapter! I can't wait to see how you develop it further! Please come back anytime you'd like. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi there! :)

That's a relief, I felt like my pace was a little too fast haha. I decided to add a prologue that's still waiting to be validated and I tried to add a lot more description. I really like your tip and think that will help me a lot, I tend to use too many adjectives and come off as repetitive. So I will definitely keep that in mind :) I also plan on using small language barriers and there's a lot of action coming soon! Thank you so much for your kind review I'll make sure to come back again :)

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Review #13, by MadiMalfoySacrifice: Of Beginnings, Aurors, and Torn Photographs

31st July 2014:
Hi there! Here with your requested review :)

Since you didn't have complete specifics, I'll just kind of hit everything!

I'll start off with characterization! Obviously, I can't exactly nitpick with your OCs but I will say I do like them so far! And I love that all of their names start with A; it's cute! You've really got Harry and Dean down well; I think that even though they are Aurors, they still have that need to make sure everyone is okay and safe, and you showed that in them being assigned to the Schrechovitz siblings and really caring about them. I'm excited to meet Dean's son Vincent, as he seems like a love interest for AJ, or at least her best friend or something of the sort! Great characters so far in general!

As far as plot goes, I think you've got a great setup already! Although we don't exactly know why their parents are gone (and/or dead?) you hint at their mother's issues a little bit and there is some obvious dislike towards their father. I feel like you are wanting to create tension and build to a reveal of why the kids are living without their parents. Really, even though there isn't technically a lot going on in this chapter, you've really fleshed out your characters well enough to develop a plot through their interactions with Harry and Dean and each other. The only little detail that bugged me was what the youngest, Adam, would do when the other four went to Hogwarts. I mean, that's more back-story detail than anything, but if it becomes relevant in later chapters, I'd say touch on it briefly simply because the four younger ones COULD get taken away at any moment, so why wouldn't Adam have been taken while the other four were away at school?

Overall, a great opening chapter with lots of good description! Feel free to re-request whenever you like! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: MadiMalfoy!

Thanks for the great feedback on my characters! I was afraid they were confusing--some people found them that way, but i'm glad you didn't :) And we'll just have to see about Vinny ;)

I do want to fill the readers with suspense. I won't actually tell the whole story for a while, but some people I'm sure will piece it together!

And I fixed this for the update I'm about to submit into the queue about Adam's situation: the 'incident' that left them by themselves, had just happened over that past summer. AJ was already seventeen, and therefore capable of taking them all in. So there had not been school yet, therefore there was no need to take Adam away. But now, they're all in school, so no worries about Adam.

I'll definitely be back. Thanks for a wonderful response! :)

-Leigh xxx

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Review #14, by MadiMalfoyTrixangela Snape: Year 1: Chapter 1: All Aboard the Hogwarts Express

31st July 2014:
Hi again! :)

Aw, Trixi on her first trip on the Hogwarts Express! So cute. :)

You were mainly concerned about the plot so I'll touch on that first. It's very straightforward but works well because that's how Severus himself is and sort of how Trixi is also. The only thing I would say that would improve it is to add more description of the scene to balance out the large amounts of dialogue you have. Just describe the train in greater detail or what Draco looks like, or Platform 9 3/4. That makes it less difficult to try and remember everything that's being said because describing things still helps to move plot along but also assists in setting the tone of the current scene. Other than that though, I really enjoyed how you had Trixi just forging along and talking to Luna and Ginny! She doesn't yet understand the whole prejudice thing because Snape has sheltered her from most everything.

Just two small CCs I have for you; I do believe Harry is only 13 years old in POA, so he should be 13 here too, as he's one of the youngest in his class. Also, with the dialogue, it's very formal and stiff-sounding because the characters aren't using contractions like "I'm" or "You're" and instead use the full "I am" or "You are". This makes Trixi's lines age her more than her 11 years. They're all just 11, 12, or 13 years old; they don't use sophisticated language very often yet. And just for fun, I suggest putting in a line for Draco of "My father will hear about this!" after Harry Potter faints 'cause you know it's a great line and place to say it. :P

Great chapter, come back anytime! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thanks for your excellent advice! I have been told I have quite a lot of dialog, and I have been fixing that (you should love Chapter 6 when it's validated) only thing I noticed is now my chapters are 5-6k words! 0.0 takes a lot time to get that beta-ed and validated.

And yes, I did notice the "stiff" speech myself, I have changed that up in the later chapters, and in the future, I will go through and fix my current ones. There are still a few characters that will have that though. Namely, Franilda Wildnox who is a stiff girl to begin with.

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Review #15, by MadiMalfoyMaternity Woes: Changing World

30th July 2014:
Hello there! MadiMalfoy here with your requested review from a couple weeks ago! :)

First of all, congrats Hannah and Neville!! :) I haven't read much of them (considering I ship Nuna, but even so) but minor characters make me happy so this is great! You were really worried about how the 99% dialogue works with this piece, but you needn't have been! Only having the one line of dialogue allows for greater character exploration within Neville's mind and how the current situation affects his thought process and what he reflects on.

I was so gunning for him to just slam the doors open and go straight to Hannah like the BAMF he is, but you not allowing that to happen just heightens the sense of urgency he feels. Even though he's worried something catastrophic could happen whenever he's around the baby, I think he ultimately knows deep down he'll be just fine and his instincts will guide him. You've got his characterization down to a tee, so kudos to you for writing Neville perfectly!! I loved the little snippets with Harry, and Ron, and Mr. Abbott also--it highlights how Neville thinks of his friends still in rather school-age terms but that's just because he's not necessarily ready to change how everything is yet. But of course babies just have to do their own thing and be all *demanding*...

As a whole, I truly enjoyed this piece! The description was perfect, and the single line of dialogue epitomized all of the feelings Neville was having. Fantastic job, come back anytime! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #16, by MadiMalfoyRose-Coloured Glasses: Real beaches have sand

21st July 2014:
Hi! MadiMalfoy here with your requested review! :)

Well, isn't this just intriguing? :D I love your addition to the Fleur/Bill clan, Jeanette! She's a great new dynamic piece on the playing field inside of all of the canon stuff, so great job! Wonderful characterization of Victoire and Dominique too, I really enjoyed their characters!

Oh Teddy Lupin, you little scamp! Obviously he's marrying Victoire, but he doesn't mind a little peek at her half-Veela sister, does he? Such a naughty boy! I think you have a great relationship developing so far already with him and Jean, considering he did see her naked for a solid five minutes. The fact she just goes swimming naked all the time makes me laugh because that's such a no-no if you're not in France!

Really, I think you've got a great story lined up just with this opening chapter! Will Teddy continue talking to Jean more than he should? Will Victoire find out what happened at the beach? WILL THE WEDDING STILL BE ON?? In essence, you've hooked me, now reel me in! You're welcome to re-request anytime. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi there!!

Aaaahhh, you're so kind! Thank you for this lovely review :3 I'm so glad you like Jean and Teddy and that you're intrigued with their relationship potential :P I had heaps of fun writing the naked scene, and I'm glad you see it in a humourous light, because a lot of people haven't hahaha.

Thanks again for this review, it totally made me smile :D I will certainly be re-requesting another for the next chapter :P

Jo xo

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Review #17, by MadiMalfoyTraitorous Hearts: A Changing Tide

20th July 2014:
Well well well, some things really did happen, didn't they!?

This was quite the chapter, I must say. It was on the long end, but it was necessary I think to have everything in there that you did. Who knew Draco Malfoy had a good heart? *scoffs* And Astoria! Ugh, have I told you how much I love her characterization?! She's so strong and determined not to go down without a fight! Because you have her almost saying Voldemort's name three times, that alone conveys just how unafraid she is of him, something which Draco supports with his statements.

And their little dynamic is so great in the middle! When Astoria has dropped all fronts and is just begging Draco, showing how desperate she really is, and she picks up on his scent, that just makes me want more! Keeping them a few inches apart and then separating them instantly because of a visitor is so frustrating! Draco being unable to comprehend why he says she's innocent foreshadows something for the future!

I'm so excited to find out what happens next!! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hey there!

Well, some things really DID, I suppose! ;)

I know it was a little long--I was worried about that--but I'm very glad that you agree that it was necessary. I couldn't find any good place to cut it that wouldn't ruin all that built up tension.

I see your scoff and I raise you a doubtful snort ;) Haha. I, too, wouldn't really trust the idea of Draco's "good heart" at this juncture. He's done a good thing, but *he* doesn't even know his reasons yet, and we can only guess. I agree that saying Draco has a good heart doesn't sound quite right. It would be premature, and would gloss over too much. I *would* say that I think he is capable of good, but has been deeply entrenched in cowardice for a long time. This, at least, was a non-cowardly act. It's growth, but the poor dear has a rather long way to go before I'll be calling him a paragon of any sort.

:D I am beaming! There is no other word to describe it. I always appreciate some Astoria love! She's like my child--my lying, mistrustful baby. Thank you so much. I am so, so happy to hear that you like her :D

Astoria is definitely brave--much braver than she realizes. And she's defiant. I think that Astoria has a little better handle than a lot of people on the fact that Voldemort is, ultimately, a person. He's a horrible, powerful person, but still ultimately a man. But also, she's a Pureblood. She knows a lot of Death Eater families and has known them all her life. For her, the Death Eaters aren't this distant, malevolent force, nor is Voldemort. As she says, she would be terrified if she actually had to face him. But, as Draco points out, she still wouldn't just curl up into a heap and wait to die. And, being that kind of person, I don't think she'd put much stock in the whole avoiding-the-name taboo. She wouldn't find it sensible.

Heehee! Thank you. I am SO glad that you liked it. That part took a lot of tweaking, but I was happy with the way it turned out.

Muahahahaha. Sorry. But never fear, there *will* certainly be something in the future. All sorts of character growth and plot twists and--possibly--romance, ahead ;)

Thank you so, so much for the review! I really appreciate your thoughts, and I'll be sure to re-request when I see an opening!


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Review #18, by MadiMalfoyTrixangela Snape: Year 1: The Prologue

14th July 2014:
Hi there! Sorry about the ridiculous wait on this, you probably forgot about requesting this!

Since you only wanted me to focus on plot, I'll go in depth with it! First off, what a different take on Voldemort's attack on the Potters! And Harry getting his wand and bringing Lily back! I think it is really mysterious and adds a sense of foreboding to the story because Albus and Snape can't figure out what it is that Harry did. Snape offering his home for Lily & Harry is very touching! Lily and Snape having a daughter (and being together in general) is not something I ship, but you make her bring out the good in him, so thank you for that!

Perfect characterization of both of them I think! Lily is so kind, loving, and caring, so she takes care of the kids and gives them all the love she can. Severus is the awkward, rather indifferent father figure and is sort of helpless with the children. It's very in-character for him to not want Harry once Lily is gone because he reminds him all too much of her and the whole situation they went through. Poor Harry though! Thank goodness for Dumbledore! I'm glad you gave Snape a scene with his daughter crying, it really shows he actually does love his daughter, he's just not the best with feelings or how to deal with a crying baby. The house elf Riffer is so cute!

Great opening chapter so far, I think you've got quite the story set up here! :) Feel free to re-request if you'd like!
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Thanks for your review, I don't mind the long wait, I know people get busy! :)

Snape actually lightens up a bit with Harry (in chapters that look back during Snape/Lily time together, but due to the lost of his love, it's inevitable for him to just hate the boy). There will be touching moments with Snape when Lily is around (as you have mentioned). Snape can be caring when he's not hauled up in sorrow, regret, and self-pity.

The next chapter I update for this story will go back in the past. I am really looking forward to it's posting.

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Review #19, by MadiMalfoyDon't Mean a Thing: Not the One to Stay Around

10th July 2014:
Hey I'm here with your review from a few weeks ago! Sorry for the huge delay, I went on vacation for a week with no wifi and then was workin ga lot and had a bit of a binge writing session so reviewing kinda went down the drain haha. :)

Anyway, this is a great piece! I must say, this is my first ever Sirius/Lily fic! I've seen it getting more popular but never had the chance to read it until now! So thank you for that! :)

As far as characterizations go, I think you have a very believable Sirius and Lily. Sirius is all dark, brooding, hotness who really does care about his friends. And Lily! Lily, whose had her heart broken so many times, who can't seem to shake Potter, who caves into Sirius because he supposedly understands her feelings. Flawless to both of them!

The flow is very nice and smooth! I think the end could've been drawn out just a teny bit more, but that's just my personal opinion. It's very like Sirius to just drop things and leave so that's totally characteristic. Great job on this one-shot, I just might have to look into some more Sirius/Lily! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi!!

Thanks so much for the helpful review! I hope your vacation was wonderful!!!

This was the very first Sirius/Lily piece I've written which is why I wanted extra feedback on it.

It means so much to me that Sirius and lily felt genuine! Sirius felt very close to canon here but I wasn't sure if I took Lily too far - but it doesn't sound like I did!

Yeah, I did write this in a rush so I could have stopped and slowed down a few sections. It was one of those "ah, i have this idea and have to get it out" and then posted right away. I'm so glad you liked this and that you're interested in more Sirius/Lily (Sily?!). You should read A Cold Heaven by forsakenphoneix - it's great.

anyway, thank you so much for a wonderful review!!

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Review #20, by MadiMalfoyHow to Become Minister of Magic: A Guide: Whispers

10th July 2014:
Hi! Here with your review from a few weeks ago! :)

Ah yes, Louis Weasley, lawyer extraordinare and hottie to boot. I enjoyed this chapter, as you were able to develop Laney and Louis as characters and in relation to each other as they worked together every day. It flows very well, especially through the scene changes from the office to the courtroom and then the time jump. I laughed at Mr. Garvey's character--such a typical politician!

The only CC I have for you is at the very end, the language gets sort of confusing less descriptive. I think if you use a term other than the big F it would still have enough surprise and shock factor but be a little more appropriate for the story. So far you haven't really used much vulgar language so that seems out of place. Other than that little thing though, this chapter was fabulous!

You can re-request at any time. :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello! Ah, yes, Louis. He sure is something isn't he? I'm glad you are liking the relationship between them, its good to know that they work together :P Haha! Yes, Mr. Garvey is definitely your stereotypical politician. Ok, I'll look back through the ending and see if I can make things more clear. And I understand what you are saying but I just like it because it is really the only word that describes that act taken with no emotion behind it whatsoever and that is what it was. It was *insert f word here*, not having sex. Sex implies more, or at least to me it does :P Thanks again!

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Review #21, by MadiMalfoyA Chronicle of Wasted Time: Vindication

9th July 2014:
No! Not Jeremiah's portrait! :(( How dare you take my heart and rip it to shreds! I loved your integration of the muggle world and magical world outside of Hogwarts; it flowed seamlessly with the Fat Lady's life inside the safety of the castle.

Professor Dumbledore's kindness is spot-on with his canonical characterization! Offering the Fat Lady the post of Gryffindor House's entrance portrait illustrates this trait seen so often in him throughout the books. It's so sweet how you wrote her as remembering her husband so much and doing things the way she thinks he would to keep his memory alive. But oh, Tom Riddle, you sneaky little turd! The Fat Lady handled the different situations thrown at her very well and only regretted not giving out her words of wisdom; but thank you for having them in there as sort of a pick-me-up from the sadness of the story so far.

Wonderful wonderful story, I'm glad you continue to write beautiful things such as this! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hi again! :)

Aw, I'm sorry!! I felt quite bad about Jeremiah but it was the right choice for the story even if quite cruel. Writing the magical world and history was one of my favourite parts of this story so I'm so glad you liked it!

Aw, good, I'm glad you liked Dumbledore. I imagined him noticing the people who usually don't get much attention and giving them a second chance and an important position, like with Hagrid.

Tom Riddle is so sneaky! I'm glad you liked this story, thanks so much for the really lovely reviews - I really appreciate it! :)

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Review #22, by MadiMalfoyA Chronicle of Wasted Time: Sensation

9th July 2014:
Hi again! :)

Well, isn't this just the coolest story ever!! A multi-chaptered piece about the portrait of the Fat Lady and her existence?! It almost seems too good to be true! (So naturally I favorited it to make sure I remembered it).

Your portrayal of the way magical portraits come to life awed me and was truly quite elegant. You have a way of using words and turning them into the exact kind of descriptors the scene needed. All of your literature references made me smile--I like when the author adds a personal touch as part of the story! :)

I shall continue reading :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello there! :)

Aw, thank you!! I had so much fun writing this - it's one of my favourite stories I've posted up here - so I'm so pleased you liked it.

Wow, thanks so much! Your comments about my writing style really is so lovely, and I'm honoured you liked the descriptions. I wrote this right after writing a couple English exams so those literary references were a little inevitable.

Thanks so much for another great review and for choosing this story to review! :)

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Review #23, by MadiMalfoyCollateral : Collateral

9th July 2014:
Hey there!:)

You have a tendency to write the dark and tragic, don't you? :P Don't worry, I thoroughly enjoy the dark and tragic! And, a bonus is that it's quite the obscure character, so yay!

As you mentioned, you did try a new form of storytelling, and I really liked it! It gave the story more depth without overdoing it obviously. Keeping the names out of it mostly made it easier for the reader to become each of the characters as it switched between points of view with each scene.

Rather than a fragmented and shallow description we get of the Death Eaters invading the Quidditch World Cup, you really expanded on the preceding events and how it felt to be the muggle sacrifices. The whole idea of linking the muggle family through Clover with the Dursleys through Dudley made me smile! Finally he's thinking for himself and realizing he was not living a healthy lifestyle and got himself fit instead. Good job on his characterization, I really loved it!

Overall, a great one-shot, and I'll continue reading some of your stories! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello! :)

Hehe, I do enjoy the dark and tragic! I had a lot of fun experimenting with this story so I'm very pleased you liked it and it helped you connect to the characters.

Yes, the Roberts were such a small part of the books but once I remembered about them I couldn't help but write about them. I'm glad you liked Dudley as well, I thought perhaps he seemed a little too nice but he was fun to write for sure.

Thanks so much for the lovely review! :)

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Review #24, by MadiMalfoyHero: Hero

8th July 2014:
Hey there! Here's one of your reviews for your Merlin challenge prizes! :)

I chose to review this piece (and favorite it) because your single-sentence summary intrigued me instantly! Such a heartbreaking one-shot, though it was written very, very well; a truly beautiful piece.

Your way of describing the dementia is unique in that you didn't simply list the disease and what it did; you artfully portrayed it as something not to be taken lightly with family or in general, and that it takes great strength to deal with it as an immediate family member. I love the liberty you took with Lily II and who she married and had kids, it really works well with the plot as a whole. Poor Harry! I think it's really great you have not diminished him as a character, but really just shown how a disease can hit anyone at all, it doesn't care what that person's accomplished in life.

Great job, and I'll be around soon to finish up your review prizes! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: Hello! :)

I'm glad you liked the summary!! I wasn't really sure what to put there originally but ended up liking its simplicity. I'm so honoured that you liked this - thank you!!

I'm pleased you liked how the dementia was introduced: I really wanted to "show" what it is like to love somebody with the disease and how pain and joy alternate. This is really based on an interaction I had with my own grandfather, except for some reason it felt right to write it from my "mother's" POV - Lily's - and with Harry in the place of my grandmother. It's very true: dementia is the sort of thing which can affect anybody, and no family is ever truly ready for it.

Thanks so much for the truly lovely review, my dear!! :)

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Review #25, by MadiMalfoyWait: Gabrielle

8th July 2014:
WOW. Fleur centered fic about the triwizard tournament, and the second task? Well golly gee I didn't realize how much I wanted this until I read it! And written in second person POV! Emily, you amaze me with your range of writing skills!

Everything, from the French to the descriptions, are wonderful! Truly, truly amazing work with this piece! We don't really get much from Fleur's point of view, ever, in GoF so this was a really nice one-shot to give her some backstory and sort of flesh out her character a little more. The repetition of time passing helped give the story a more frenzied feel (when in the present) but wasn't too dominating over the plot. I loved the memories Fleur has of her and Gabrielle--so cute and sisterly and ugh it makes me love her more! Great job once again Emily! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

Author's Response: THANK YOU. ♥ I've never read anything like it either, so I'm really glad that this could fill in a canon moment from a different POV! I really enjoy writing in 2nd person, haha, I'm really happy you liked it and thank youu!

Thanks so much! I know, Fleur seems like a really unrrated character, especially considering how brave and strong she proved herself later on in the series, and I'm so glad you feel like this expanded on her character a little! I'm glad that the repitition of time passing didn't come off as too annoying, I was afraid that would happen ahaha xD And yay, I'm glad you liked Fleur's memories of her sister and that this made you love her more because I love Fleur. ♥

Thanks so much for the wonderful review, Madi!

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