This chapter is so awesome! I love the bitterness of Alrek in the first paragraph, you describe his angsty thoughts so well, and it really made me shudder at his character. He's such a selfish horrible character, and I think the way he thinks about hurting Lily all the time really adds an ominous tone to the story. It certainly made me shudder!
I was completely absorbed in it, as usual, and I love the different plans for each character. Thinking of it, I really agree that Belle would be perfect in a book shop! That's such an original idea! I like the way Lily can detect the shadow in Peter, that added a slightly darker side, and it's terrible the way Lupin won't have as high a chance as the others at employment - even though he's one of the most clever. It's so cute the way the boys all want to move in together! I can't wait to see what it'll be like when they're older.
The penultimate paragraph really had me going - I can't believe you finished it there - and I half knew already that something was up to do with Violet and Alrek.
The sweet start of the last paragraph totally threw me. I was not prepared for it to be Alrek, you built up the suspense amazingly as always, and my heart was beating so fast! The way his eyes are 'half crazed' had me terrified, and the last line is so creepy.
The characters get more and more real each chapter, and I love your unique personification of each one individually! I can't WAIT till the next chapter! :)Author's Response: Hiii! I'm so happy you liked Alrek's less... comforting start of this chapter ;). He's a lot of fun to play with. I think because he does feel so detached from reality.
I spent so much time wondering what Belle wants to do. She doesn't feel like she'd fit working for someone else. I can't see he wanting to adhere to another person's schedule or orders. And then a bookshop just seemed to click. I'm so happy you agree and think she'd be perfect to own one!
eeek I'm so happy the ending creeping you out!! And I really do feel bad about cliff hangering everyone, but it was the better of the two options :P.
I can't tell you how much it means to me that you're still reading and enjoying this story, Sophie ♥ Your reviews are always such an awesome surprise and leave me smiling ear to ear!
Thank you again, and I really hope you like next week's chapter! ♥
The tension you build up in this piece is so well crafted, and your characterisation of Padma is perfection! I think you captured the suspense and fear of a raven claw brilliantly in this, and the whole title is beautifully simple and inventive.
You had me on the edge of my seat, when she knows there's something behind her, and it's actually Malfoy. That was expertly done, and the range of sentences really added that eerie effect. I think the use of dialogue really helped as well, just to keep the pace going and keep the reader engaged.
The way you write Malfoy is brilliant! Straight from Rowling's characterisation, and you really add the arrogant and inquiring side to him, that makes him so believable and realistic. I loved your version on him - and I'd like to see more of him!
The format and structure is fantastic too - it really helps keep the story at a varying pace - creating compelling suspense, and then steady flow at times. The time you did it in is original too, I don;t read much about their seventh year, so I think it's such a cool and creative one shot - a quirky character, time, and plot!
Overall, an awesome descriptive and wholesome piece of writing. It had me gripped, and I think you really write Padma's thoughts well. Awesome!
Sophie :DAuthor's Response: Hey Sophie! This review was such a lovely surprise!
I'm glad you liked the characterisation of Padma and Draco here. Because I love minor characters, Padma was great fun to write and I enjoyed exploring her character here. Malfoy was more of a challenge because he's been written about much more than characters I normally use. You never know, we might see more of him in the future!
I'm pleased that the flow and pace seemed appropriate for the story. The seventh year at Hogwarts is really interesting, because we don't know much about it at all - it's something I'd like to explore more in the future, I think.
Thank you for a fantastic review - you've put a massive smile on my face!
Sian :) Report Review
The flow of this chapter is absolutely brilliant, and it's been such a fascinating and awesome read for me - I really enjoyed reading it!
The title definitely had me astounded, and I think it's pure genius. It suits the situation they're in perfectly, and really gets your attention too, so kudos for that. It adds more of a mystical element to it, and I think it's quite ironic too - seeing as it's a star, and it's like Fleur's light has gone out, and she's not longer the star in Bill's life. The summary I thought definitely drew me towards it, and really gets you developing questions about the story before you've even started reading it.
The whole present/past tense thing works astonishingly well. You describe the senses nicely too (e.g. the scraping at the beginning, and how she doesn't feel Bill's there.) That adds much more of a realistic edge to it, and makes the story that much more believable. I think the repetition of the word: "ministry work" really got me - it makes you empathise with Fleur, and really connect with her bitterness.
The structure is really well organised, and suits the thought process of Fleur. The short snappy sentences really have you engaged, and it made me even more compelled and thrown in to the story. The dialogue between Teddy and Fleur is really interesting, and I love how they chat about who fancied who. Their banter is lovely to read, and I automatically think of how Bill and Fleur should be like that - it says a lot when a young man who's not related to you, can talk comfortably to you, when your husband just avoids conversations with you. It helps the reader come to terms with the relationship Fleur has with Bill, and the way she connects with Teddy is so sweet.
I love the way knitting keeps on coming back - in lightens the mood of the story a bit, and made me laugh a bit. It also reassures the reader that Fleur's normal, and hasn't really doe anything wrong. It's not like she had a horrible personality that drove her away. The characterisation of Fleur, and the depth you write her in, is so fascinating, and creative. You show how tired of loving Bill she is, and how humoruous and dedicated she is as well. I think you grasp her complex character brilliantly, and really show new sides to her that I've never read before.
I like the way she's so caring to Alina - the way she too has been abandoned by Bill I think really gives Fleur another friend, and the way you describe her as 'the pretty girl' makes this even more riveting and intriguing.The sentence sthat aren't always quite fully formed are really effective, too, like Fleur's disjointed thoughts. The clearance she has at the end is really refreshing - not the typical soppy ending, but the way she finally gets over him and can carry on living her life. One of my favourite things I love about this piece, is not just how everyone can relate to Alina, Teddy and Fleur - not just the originality of having BILL cheat on Fleur - but the way you don't spell everything that happens out for the reader. The way the reader has to infer a bit of it, makes this piece a master piece, and I think anymore and it could become confusing and leave the reader dazed. But you have a perfect balance of enough description to give what it is away basically (e.g funeral) but then leave us to realise it's Bill's funeral. I hope that makes sense!
Overall, a really original, inventive and deep piece of writing. I love your character development of Fleur, and the format is brilliant. It was immense fun reading and reviewing this!
Sophie :D Report Review
Hi! Just thought I'd say how original and cool this story is, and it's so so warming to bury in to, and captivat you! First paragraph had moi capturd and ti amo how much 'hönhe' you put in to molly and Campy :) cosquillas fights for victory! Good plot structur, and ovarall, amazing chactarisation and discription!! Sorry it's so short! But it's basically a toll und spitze chap! Woo!Author's Response: Hi Sophie!
I was tempted to try and answer this without using the letter E as well, but since I already had to leave a review earlier, I decided it's not worthy putting myself through it all again!
I'm very glad that you thought this chapter was a original and cool - thanks for the review!
Sian :D Report Review
First off, this was such a moving chapter. First paragraph had me in bits, I was so distraught, and you described it so well - a really moving first few paragraphs.
Plot development is awesome, as always, and I love how cool Astrid is and how awesome the characters get to be like children - good bit of characterisation there! A useful insight as well to each character.
I love how you've added nazis in (well not love obviously, but it made it more interesting and quite inventive too!)
Killer last line as well, has me totally excited and on the edge of my seat for next chapter! Eeeek!
The flashback added so much more tone to Johanna, and makes me lover her even more. I so want to meet Simon. Also, more Camille and Xavier action please!!
Did I mention how much I love french speech in this chapter? I do. It makes it totally original and even more awesome.
Another totally cool and engaging piece of writing! Well done Val! :DAuthor's Response: I am the luckiest person on Earth to have you shower me with compliments twice in less than a week.
Astrid is one heck of a lady, that's for sure. She's essentially inspired from Fleur in GoF -- it runs in the family, I suppose!
The Nazis, obviously, are a huge part of the story. I wish they weren't there though...
Bah you are the first person to pick up on the final line, so thank you!
And of course there will be more flashbacks, and more Simon, and more Jo. And more French.
Thank you so much for your lovely review and your constant support Sophie, it means the world &hearts Report Review
This is such an awesome story - I've heard this song so many times, and these words, but I've never related them to Draco :) So it's really fascinating to read this!
The first line really hits you and grabs your attention - right from the start it engages you, and it's so riveting from Draco. The format really adds to the suspense too, and I love the way it's laid out like his thought process.
The characterisation of Draco was perfect - you managed to capture his reluctance, and his family's reluctance to the war and the death eaters, and yet their unwillingness as well to go with the rules. It most certainly is very realistic and believable, and the whole idea of the quote being about Draco from the war is so original! I love your take on it.
I love how you describe how each character reacts to fame - it's so funnier and so much more amusing in Draco's perspective as well! I love how he thinks' Harry sucks it all up, and you really made me laugh with my favourite quote: "What was it called S.C.R.E.W.? S.P.E.W.? Who knows? And quite frankly, who really cares?" I think it was hilarious that Hermione used her fame for that!
Overall, a really awesome and captivating story, and I'm bursting to read the next chapter! :D
Random fun fact: Today in 1963 - The last Project Mercury space flight was launched.Author's Response: Yeah I was given the song and Draco for a challenge and for some reason they seemed to fit really well, so I'm glad you're finding it fascinating.
I'm really glad that you liked the format as I thought it was almost too boring and that it lacked action, so yay for that. Unfortunately the rest of the story isn't purely his thoughts, as they may be a little difficult to sustain!
I'm really glad that you liked Draco's characterisation as he's such a complex character and you never really know what he's up to so it was mostly guessing on that front, so to have you find it realistic is wonderful!
Haha, I loved writing that part too, as they varied so much and it was fun to see Draco's thoughts to each one. Ah thank you for this wonderful review it really cheered my day and I hope you like the rest of the story!
And thank you for the fun fact, I've never gotten that in a review before but it was really interesting so I may have to steal that idea :P
-Kiana Report Review
Not only is this title absolutely amazing, but also I adore how each one is in french, and how they are french!! I think how it's set in the 1940s, and it's french, is so original and awesome and lots of kudos for two settings which haven't ever been seen before.
Firstly, I think Camille and Xavier are so cute together. Their personalities slot together - they're both fiesty, and they both crae and have similar traits, but then they're also the opposites of each other, so I think they're made for each other!
Secondly, I hate the minister so much! Using house elves to take away magic? What a deliciously horrifying thing to have a story about! That's so sinister, daunting and petrifying, and yet a fantastic idea at the same time. That's so harsh, and painful! I already hate the guy - he seems way too focused on winning (which I know is for his country, e.t.c) but he seems to enjoy doing that to people! Amazingly inventive idea Val :)
Thirdly, I think Jean was kind of right about lying for Astrid - it certainly might make her look more competent and more trustworthy in the Minister's eyes, however that'll put more pressure on her, plus it's mean to talk about having favourites and stuff because they're all awesome in different ways so it's difficult to compare them all! I do believe they have a right to be angry at Jean though - he could've at least told them he was going to say that before hand.
I think that in the future, one of the gang (let's face it, Camille) might let her feelings slip and get captured and might have her magic taken from her. Then, Xavier will be all like: "we must save her!" and Jean will be all like: "No it's too late for her". But Xavier will go anyway, and then he'll save her and they'll get married, and live happily ever after.*sighs*
I just want more flashbacks from Johanna; who's kid it would've been, how she met the er father, e.t.c. More Camille and Xavier action pleeease, and I wouldn't mind a couple of flashbacks from Astrid. Ohh exciting times!!
Another awesome and creative chapter Val, mercy! Favourite quote: "C'est quoi ces conneries?"Author's Response: Ahskhfkjs Sophie &hearts
I'm so happy you ship Camivier! Writing them together makes me really mushy, even when they argue with one another.
The Minister is an ambiguous character, even to me: I haven't really decided if I like him or not. If anything, keep an eye on him -- he's going to play a big role in the coming chapters.
Ooh, how interesting that you think Jean was correct! I don't think the Minister is interested in Astrid for her mission abilities though, if you catch my drift.
Your theories are very interesting indeed. I won't say anything, but some of that is correct. Muahaha.
There will be more flashbacks, of course, and more Camivier action, and flashbacks from Astrid too :) In fact, two of those requirements are in chapter five.
EEE thank you so much &hearts Report Review
I love this chapter! It's so sweet, and I love the way you describe the chemistry between Molly and Campbell - you make them look like such a cute and believable couple!
The characterisation of Molly is so in depth and realistic - I think it's impossible to not fall in love with her. You can still see streaks of Percy in her now and again, which is awesome, and I think you write her thoughts and emotions incredibly well. The way she kind if contrasts with her sister's spontaneous personality is so original, and how she breaks the stereotypical image of herself. Sorry if that doesn't that make sense!
The plot development is at a perfect pace - quick enough to build suspense and tension, but then slow enough and steady enough so we can take it all in.
The whole last paragraph is such an inventive metaphor about running! I love the way she realises that she's been running TO Campbell - I thought that was a really thoughtful and insightful touch, and added even more depth to their relationship.
Overall, a really engaging, quirky and awesome addition to the story! Plus, you didn't go overboard on the romance and sappiness, you got the balance perfectly.
Sophie :DAuthor's Response: Hi Sophie!
Another review? You spoil me! I get so excited every time I see a review from you because your comments are always so lovely!
I'm glad you think they seem like a believable couple. I know what you mean about Molly's character - you managed to get exactly what I was trying to do with her. She does have elements of Percy in her and she behaves a lot like him, but that doesn't define her completely. I wanted the first meeting with Campbell, when Molly goes in all business with no real idea of what to expect, to be the turning point for her in a way.
I'm so happy you think I got the balance right! It's so hard to do and I worried so much that it was too romantic and too sappy when I wrote it, so it's good to know you think it wasn't either.
Thanks for another review!
Sian :) Report Review
This chapter is so moving - Belle and Sirius are such a cute couple, and James and Lily are such awesome people! This chapter was definitely not too long - I was captivated and so gripped by it, I didn't even realise the length, haha.
I love how grateful Lily is for Mrs. Potter, and everything. It was really touching how appreciative she was, and I loved the last paragraph in her view, because it made me be all reflective and feel grateful of my own life! The words James says to Lily brought tears to my eyes, “I think the fact that we can hurt this badly for people we’ve never met is what’s going to eventually make our world better.”, that's so wise and insightful!
I love how Sirius thinks Belle wants to go somewhere fancy, and then she's really down to earth and wants to go to Honeydukes. That was such a sweet touch, and really adds more depth to Belle. I think that was an awesome little detail that showed us just how well they get on as a couple, and also how actually relaxed Belle is around Sirius!
Grrr Alrek just got me punching the screen! I loved the way you wrote the last section in Alrek's perspective - you write his bitter thoughts so well - and the you built up the tension really well with the stricture, it was formatted like his thoughts.
The last line is so suspenseful! I can't wait till the next chapter eeekk!Author's Response: Hi Sophie!! ♥
I'm so relieved you didn't think this was too long. I don't know how the word count gets so away from me.
Awww I'm so happy you liked James's bit in the final section. And I hope they were happy tears!
Sirius's bad mood was so much fun to play with, then when I got to show what Belle actually wanted to be doing and Sirius realized his bad mood was all for nothing, I just had to giggle. He's such a complicated little creature, that Sirius Black.
Alrek's section was one that I really enjoyed writing just to get us back into the bad guy sides of things and show us that he's really not doing well. Though I can't say I feel bad for him :P
Thank you so much for another really awesome review, Sophie ♥ I'm so spoiled by you! Report Review
This story is awesome!
I love how you throw the reader right in there, and it's a really engaging opening about the whole trunk fiasco! The choice of character is really original - I love the quirky thing about her dad's surname! That's really creative!
I love the character development, as well - she's a believable and relatable character, yet still unique in her own way! I love a good Albus Potter/Canon fan fic!
The description you add for her friends is brilliant - it helps us define each one individually - yet to doesn't overwhelm us. I liked the way you made Molly so much like Uncle Percy as well!
I think this is so humorous! The group dynamics are very believable, which makes the comic delivery classic! What helped with the group dynamics, is the anecdotes too- it gave the group a real sense of history, and made them seem stronger as friends, and much more realistic.
The snappy dialogue really grabs your attention, and Katie's really funny.
I like how Rose isn't the typical cliche - you portrayed her in a inventive new way, that I haven;t really seen before - the same goes for Al. Plus, you left us hanging on a huge cliffhanger! So excited for the next chapter!
Overall, a really imaginative and compelling piece, with a great bunch of characters, a nice riveting yet steady pace, and I can't wait to see how the plot unfolds! :)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing! I'm pleased you like the story so much.
Hehehe the surname thing came about because I wanted her to be Katie Bell's daughter and I'd written a few chapters with her as Lucy Bell and then I realised it was her mother's maiden name so I came up with the whole 'Smellie' thing. I thought it would be sort of unique :)
Thank you for all your compliments on my writing, I like to think I've come a long way since starting this story but it's fun to look back at these early chapters and see where it all started. These characters have become such a big part of my imagination.
I hope you've continued to read the story and I'd love to hear your thoughts on the rest of the story. Thanks again! :) Report Review
This one shot is not only extremely moving, but definitely the best Snape one-shot I've read.
You summed up Snape's life brilliantly - perfectly capturing all the most memorable scenes in so much detail it effected the reader much more. The indepth description really created this emotional atomsphere, and definitely a kind of remorseful and nostalgic theme to this one shot.
The characterisation of Snape was beautifully done. I love how you showed streaks of both Slytherin and Gryffindor in him; Gryffindor by putting up with James' taunts, but then Slytherin for wanting to embarrass him in front of Lily. I also loved how much depth you added to him as a character; you made him so believable by adding this gentle side to him with Lily, and then this bitter side as well. I liked how Snape felt the patronus come out of him, how this mental image of Lily physically produced his patronus, from inside him, which shows how close Lily was to his heart.
I also loved how you included their thoughts of a future together - it made the ending even more tragic, that he longed for an ending with Lily, and I think it's so sweet the way they pictured working together. I liked how you tied in the crushing and slicing instructions, that are in the half blood prince book - that added a lovely touch.
Overall, a fantastic and riveting one shot. Awesome! :DAuthor's Response: Hello!
Oh my goodness, I'm so happy you enjoyed this Snape one-shot! I'm glad you liked the nostalgic theme of Snape reflecting on his time with Lily. I imagine Snape thinking about his past mistakes and his potential with Lily a lot, proven by how he still loved her until the day he died.
Since Snape and Harry do have many similarities, I think it's important to bring out some of those Gryffindor traits that Snape possesses. I'm happy you picked up on those traits! I was a bit worried about his characterization so it's a relief to know you thought it was done well. He has so many sides of his personality to capture which can be difficult in just a one-shot.
Thank you so much for stopping by to review! I really appreciate it. =)
Alli Report Review
It ended so tensely! Eeeek can't wait for the next chapter!
I love how you show everyones perspective in third person, and how smoothly that runs. The thought process of James is always fascinating, and I love how detailed you make the chapters - e.g him thinking whether to tell Lily he forgot Jenna's name (that was very funny.) The whole Valentines dilemma was brilliant as well, and how clueless all of the males were!
I love how caring Lily is! It shows what a true gryffindor she is, because even though she's really creeped out by Arlek, she doesn't want to ruin James' moment. I think that showed true courage, and definitely added more eerie edginess to the story.
The way you compare Magonagall as a mother is so sweet, and made me feel quite moved actually. Because in a way, the Marauders, and Ron, Hermione and Harry are like the children she never had, and they looked up to her.
I can't believe James might be scouted! And Frank is an awesome commentator :) I think you wrote the game extraordinarily well, especially the litheness of Polly and the realistic action.
I also really like your characterisation of Moody; how he swears at the meeting, how he expresses his opinions and how he actually really cares about the order, and marauders.
I was laughing loads at Belle's reaction to Violet flirting with James. The comic delivery is classic, and the way you describe her facial expressions and tone of voice is very humourous. I found it hilarious!
Thank you for making my saturday again, Jami, and I look forward to the next instalment. This chapter's awesome! :DAuthor's Response: Hi Sophie!!
I really enjoy getting to jump to the different sides of things. Getting to see the whole picture is something I always wished we'd gotten more of in the HP books, so I couldn't resist doing it for htis.
Males are so insanely clueless. Poor James is no exception, that's for sure, haha! Thank you so much for your comments about McGonagall. I can't imagine what she'd lost during this, and I agree with you on her feeling like they were sort of the children she'd never had. It's so sad to think of how many she'd lost ;(.
My brain does not think sports at all. Not even a tiny bit. So knowing that you think I wrote the parts of the game I included realistically means so much. It gives me the confidence I'm going to need to write the full game for the last of the season, haha.
Thank YOU for making my Saturday with this awesome review!! 99% of the time, when the chapter still isn't finished and it's already Friday, I go back to last weeks reviews and try and motivate myself. I'll definitely be doing that with yours!
Thank you so much ♥ Jami Report Review
This is such an awesome story so far! I love how you introduce Eloise - you throw us right in there, with such an engaging opening.
The whole title is absolutely awesome - and I'm interested in to how you use that in your story.
I am so loving the minor characters - kudos for that - because minor characters don't get enough love and the characters you've picked are so fascinating.
I also love the simile of the butterfly. It's completely relevant, and show her character traits. I'm also thrilled that she's a puff and claw at the same time - a mixture is always awesome :P
The comments are pretty inventive too, though I still hate them -_- It's very realistic, especially that she turns to books for relief, and how effected she is by the bullying. It made me feel so sorry for her, because teenage kids can be so mean, and you really portrayed her as this innocent lovely girl. Brilliant character development and a nice narrative that keeps a steady yet compelling pace and also sets the tone brilliantly.
My favourite bit, was the pink glitter bit - that had me laughing a lot!
I'm looking forward to how Mclaggen comes in, more on her kneazle, and as long as Vincent isn't too mean it should be another fambubblybumshus story!Author's Response: Hi, it's so good to see you!
LBD reference aside, I'm really happy to see you reading this story as well!
The title is a result of too much mathematics (six hours a week, not to mention the homework, can you imagine?) and yes we will find out how it fits, of course.
I had a little too much fun coming up with the comments, which proves your point entirely - teenage kids can be horrible. Sometimes I think I'd rather face Voldemort than the snide comments of a group of sixteen year olds.
Yes more on her Kneazle, of course! And on Vincent too...
YOU'RE THE BEST AND ME LURVES YOU! Report Review
This is an excellent story!! It's got brilliant suspense - I love the format of each axe number. It really helps create a tense gripping atmosphere, and makes it even more compelling to read.
The whole idea is really original, and I really love how it's gryffindor related - you did an incredible job of describing how hard it is to be brave! :)
I found it really moving actually, how upsetting it was for him, and the description made it seem so realistic and riveting. It was a really detailed account of that era as well - quite engrossing - and sickening actually about how the audience reacted to his execution.
Overall, a really descriptive, moving and original story - with a creative choice of character as well! Awesome! :DAuthor's Response: Hello!
This idea did quite literally pop into my head - with the axe numbers and so on - and I had to write it. But I think I kind of surprised myself when I actually got it written, because some of the themes that came through I hadn't even thought of before!
The Gryffindor aspect has always really interested me when it comes to Nick. He's very proud of his house and the fact that bravery is one of their traits, but he admits that he was afraid to die. He seems ashamed of it in the books, but I've always thought that death is one of the most natural fears - and who wouldn't be scared to face a death like this?
I'm definitely no expert in history, but something that has always struck me was the way that people used to view public executions as a form of entertainment. It's so alien from what we know now and I think that was one of the points I tried hard to get across. It's important for me to try and make pieces like this correspond with the era they're set in.
Thanks so much for the lovely review! I wasn't expecting any and this made my day again!
nott theodore :) Report Review
This chapter is just so awesome...my fingers are practically shaking with excitement.
I must say, I can empathise with James about the english weather - it is truly ridiculous - and I love the pathetic fallacy that set the tone really nicely for the chapter.
Lily's gift of the photo in the snitch is so creative, and I think you made James be believabley in love - not too soppy, but then not really icy and cold either.
The build up if tension and suspense is incredible - you build it up right from the start, so when Sirius does actually pick a fight with Regulus, I fond myself shouting at the screen. I think Belle has every right to be annoyed because Sirius was getting a bit to wound up - I can completely understand why - and he did bite back too much at her.
The fact that Sirius is feeling so betrayed by his brother, just makes me even more annoyed at Peter. The dramatic irony is just so...Grrr!! I am so annoyed at Peter for putting the gang through so much pain and hardship - it makes me feel the third book much more actually, and helps to sympathise with Sirius.
You write emotions amazingly well - making the reader feel frustrated, happy, e.t.c I think i felt sad, happy, annoyed and angry whilst reading this - it's thirsty work :P
The characterisation is brilliant - each character is so crafted and deep - you've created flaws and moulded these characters perfectly. Much more realistic, than just saying all their good bits. Your portrayal of all of these characters are definitely the best I've read - you back up all of Sirius' anger, and defintely get the reader wondering about their own opinions on each character.
I'm sorry this review has been a bit messy, my emotions are just all over the place now after reading it!! Another beautiful chapter :DAuthor's Response: Ahhh you've given me two amazing reviews! I don't even know what to do with you!!! Maybe I''l have better luck responding to this one :P
I've really been wanting to balance that line between James being in love and not being too romancy about it. I don't think he'd necessarily hide his feelings, because he doesn't seem like someone who really feels embarrassed about much, but I do think he'd tone them down. I'm really thrilled that you think I've done a decent job keeping him in a realistic sort of light ♥
I thought Belle was justified in her anger, too! Sirius of course has every right to be angry, but not at Belle! Yay I'm so happy you thought he was out of line snapping at her too!!
I really hate what Peter will end up doing, too. But by the time we get there and you see my version of it, I hope you're a little less angry at him for it all ♥ At least right now he's just a best friend of three other amazing guys *wub face*
Ohhh you saying that I write emotions well is one of the best compliments ever ♥ That's what I want to do most with my writing, is make people *feel* and ugh you're turning me into a mushy pile of feels. Can I hug you???
Showing Sirius's anger has been something that's felt really important to me. I want to show him in the amazing lights he is, because he's such a special person. Let's just ignore he's fake for a bit :P. But he also has enough anger to go after Peter without a second thought to murdering him. Not that I don't think he was justified in doing that, because I can't imagine what he felt that night, but still a lot of people wouldn't have reacted so intensely. So showing Sirius's ability to get to a point where he can't stop himself is really something I try to do.
Great. I'm not making sense anymore, am I? Okay, we better end this before I go on any more tangents. Thank you so much for stopping by to review, and this wasn't a mess at all! I'm so happy we got to be battleship partners, Sophie! Also, just out of curiosity, what country are you in?? I creeped out your profile to see if you had it listed and didn't see it :P. Also, I despite weekday mornings as well:P
Thank you again for stopping by!!! ♥ Jami Report Review
This is a brilliant story! I love the names of the children too - completely original and inventive - and I love how you've gone for a Hannah/Neville story! (one of my favourite pairings!)
I found it really moving, and it had me gripped by the emotion. You write the way Frank and Alice Jr. are amazingly well - you make them very convincing little children, and realistic.
The funeral speech had me in tears, you wrote it so believably, and the detail in the dialogue is strongly emotive.
The whole one shot was very sweet, and you portrayed both hannah and Neville brilliantly, and really developed the characters. An awesome one shot! :)Author's Response: Aw thank you!
I'm glad you liked the names :) I thought that Neville would want to do that for his parents and I don't think Hannah would've had any problem with it :)
Thank you so much, I'm happy you thought everything was believable and convincing!
Thanks for reading and reviewing, it means a lot! :)
-Amanda Report Review
This is completely and utterly amazing! It's so gripping, and daunting actually, and I must admit I had to read it twice over because it was just so awesome.
Bellatrix is such an interesting character to explore, albeit dark so many people don't, so it's lovely that you've been original and been brave enough to write about her. It definitely scared me anyway!
That last sentence really bites at you as well, a riveting cliff hanger.
The imagery in the first paragraph really helps set the scene as well - e.g blood red lips. It creates quite a haunted atmosphere that pulls you in to the story and keeps you engaged.
I love how you've written it! We never know who the narrative in - which ties in with the title and persona of Bellatrix - you don't tell us whether it's Voldy, Bella herself, or just an all knowing story teller. It definitely sets an eerie tone to the story.
The whole idea of Bellatrix having a gift, and this idea of trade is extremely inventive!! Especially "bleeding magic" that's a horrific image that really gives the reader a mental image of Bellatrix.
I like the insight to her plans after they take on Hogwarts as well - her thoughts about power after killing Harry that don't involve Voldemort. That was really fascinating to read.
The style that you write this in - like a prophecy - is EPIC. I have never seen such a creative writing style! The language that you use, and the structure of the sentences are awesome - the way you show a whole other perspective to the Death Eaters is just brilliant. You showed me Bellatrix in a whole new light - the way she feels destiny is telling her to do all this is genius.
Overall, a compelling original prologue that I can;t wait to read more chapters of! :)Author's Response: Awww! This review was such a lovely surprise ♥
Bellatrix has really captured my attention in Before They Fall and I can't say I'd ever be brave enough to write her without that story sort of adjusting me to being inside her mind. Scary place, that woman's mind :P
Eeek I'm so happy you think it's eerie!! That's definitely what I was going for! yay!
I keep trying to respond to every part of this review but I just don't know what to say. Your compliments are so amazing, and I am so happy that the style has captured you. I really wish I could make coherent thoughts right now and give this the reply it deserves, but all I want to do is squee and hug you and squeeze you. You've really left me speechless with our amazingly kind words, so before I start spitting off words that make no sense, I'm just going to cut myself off and say THANK YOU.
You are awesome ♥
This is such a riveting, engaging and funny chapter!! I loved it! It had me gripped from start to finish with the great characters and quirky narrative.
You get the dynamics of the work just right - very realistic office life and chit chat - and you introduce us to the story leisurely - creating tension from the very start by giving us some answers but making the reader ask more questions. The dialogue is really interesting, and the off hand statements and opinions to each character/speech is brilliant (e.g Typical rock star.) It makes it even more humourous and quite a unique style of writing.
Overall, totally original genre, and choice of character, and a lovely theme you've set. Well done :)Author's Response: Wow! This review really made my day!
I tried my best to create a realistic workplace and interesting characters, because I really wanted to set the scene well. Molly makes a lot of off hand statements and sometimes she has trouble controlling what she actually says - I think the filter between her brain and mouth doesn't always work - but I think everyone has those thoughts in their mind, and they can be quite amusing.
Thank you so much for taking the time to review and make such lovely comments!
nott theodore :) Report Review
Awh Val!! This chapter is so sweet and awesome - thank you so so much! I'd like to say I'm not tearing up the third time I read it...
I love Dom's quirky quick comebacks, and the way she's not an early morning riser adds even more originality and humour to it - I love all the characters you've created! The flow is smooth but reasonabley fast paced which makes it so engaging and gripping.I also love how you've portrayed Roxy - she can sometimes be the non-prankster, the quiet one, but your portrayal of her is the best one as a prankster! The idea with the twin notebooks is hilarious - you make up such awesome pranks and tricks!
The small bits of detail make this story so unique and fambubblybumshus - e.g saying that Isabel grew up with 4 dogs, the memory of her and Louis slipped in there - you've created strong realistic characters with such strong back stories it's a like the style of Rowling herself, actually.
The way Summer gets money is very inventive, but Id rather stick to my way, thanks. The letter Autumn received (by Polka - the awesomest name for an owl EVER) had me in fits of giggles, I love her uncles, and I can't wait to meet Yuna!!
I'm also looking forward to the name of Sophie's kitten...I'm expecting a good name.
I have no idea about the wands - all I can do is credit the imaginative problem they've been faced with, and hope it makes their relationship stronger and let there be plenty of bonding time between Louis and Autumn :P
The whole face painted with a different house ttrick sounds genius - pure genius! It's so funny, and I like how you bring memories back with Louis and Autumn to create that history and chemistry between them.
Overall, the most amazing, hirrandipopping chapter of them all - thank you so so so so much - best birthday present ever wo! :DAuthor's Response: SOPHIE &hearts
Dom is entirely a figment of my imagination, of course. Everybody loves mornings, didn't you know? (Huhuhuh, NOT, getting up is the worst thing ever).
Roxanne is actually the most prim of all -- Angelina educated her well -- but at the same time, you can't be George's daughter and not have a sense of humour!
THE STYLE OF ROWLING *flails*
Yes Noah and Newton are the best and they come back soon :)
The cat is named Caesar, as you'll discover in chapter six...
HAPPY HIRRANDIPOPPING BIRTHDAY TO YOU AGAIN THOUGH THIS IS REALLY LATE &hearts Report Review
This is breath taking - the description is so vivid - you're such a diverse author - a different genre to W&W and TCG and yet so awesome at the same time!
The whole idea is totally original, and you describe what it was like in victorian times really well. The characters are so believable and I love how the theme of cold and ice also reflects their feelings - it's such a brilliant theme for the stpry, and the subtle hints and cold imagery make it very compelling and engaging story to read, e.g "The last word shatters against her tongue."
I love how Jeremy just discovered blast ended skrewts! That is seriously clever of you! The way they dance as well is so sweet, and you write the banter extrodinarily well - to make it even more riveting.
You wrote the etiquette of the classes in those days very well - you carefully entwined historical facts in the piece artfully, to make it even more interesting and gripping.
Overall, a fabulous awesome chapter - you portray what it would have been like on the Titanic amazingly well :DAuthor's Response: I have no idea how to respond to this.
I like Jeremy so much -- he trusts Elizabeth to the point where he forgets she's a Muggle, and lets things slip... I'm glad you liked the dance :3
Ah, etiquette... I got a few questions on that in the first chapter, so I felt like it needed to be included, andit's good to hear it was done well.
I LURVEEE YOU &hearts Report Review
Another awesome chapter!!
The depth to Snape's emotions is so vivid - yet not overly done and written. He's very relatable, and it makes this story very gripping and hard to not read!
The whole twisting plot line is frankly quite riveting, and I thoroughly enjoyed reading all of it. I love the style you write in, too - it makes your writing unique, and very original too.
Overall, a fantastic descriptive piece. :D Report Review
This is another brilliant, funny chapter!! It's really engaging, the narrative works really well and helps show both sides of the story - both people's thoughts and opinions - in that sense you've got the best out of first person and third person and created your new kind of narrative. It's really nice how you smoothed their relationship out again, and the way the arkwardness comes and goes - it makes it gripping, totally understandable and even cringy at times - which is hard to do through writing I guess. The chapter title says it all...though I was delighted when the minister for magic walked in.unpredicitibe, but she coped well.
Peanut butter chicken nuggets sound extremely inventive and delicious though ;) Report Review
This is an awesome story!! You made the character of Alec instantly likeable and relatable, and the style that you wrote in made us all empathaise with him.
I love how you started by describing the great hall scene - it got the reader gripped in an engaging opening. The whole plot line is fantastic - and I love the dramatic irony that he only knows he fancys her. It really keeps the reader engaged in the story. The pace of this story is perfect - it doesn't change scene to fast, but quick enough for us to still be interested. The first person narrative works really well with this piece - his humorous thoughts and feelings are well structured.
Overall, a brilliant chapter - I hope to read a lot more of Alec! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you so much! This was sort of experimental (the idea just kind of jumped at me!) so I'm glad it's coming off well so far! :) Report Review
EeKkk! This chapter was so awesome, fast paced, and I couldn't drag my eyes off the screen! The relationship in a nutshell was certainly interesting. The ending...so gripping and cliffhanger-ish! I love Katie Jordan-Bell too - already one of my face characters for being so straight with people. I feel sorry for Kat though, and obviously kind of happy and sad for Grace, though ultimately happy because she'll have a cute little brother (she has to have a brother. A brother, okay? It has to be a boy, Val. A BOY!) If there's a sequel, I might cry with happiness ;)
Also, more weddings!! Gryffindor dresses for the win and Grace gets to be a bridesmaid twice! The question is, who will work Kiwi down the aisle...
Overall, so many questions and lovee for this chapter, it was thoroughly super duper and fambubblybumshus :DAuthor's Response: Katie was such a fun character to write!
Sad for Cat, yes, but why for Grace? I can't remember what I wrote about her. *hides*
AND I'M NOT GONNA SAY! You'll find out soon :)
You are thoroughly super duper and fambubblybumshus. And hirrandipops. We can't forget about hirrandipops.
THANK YOUUU &hearts Report Review
This is a very tragic story - such an awesome and original pairing as well - lots of kudos for the awesome pairing.
It was very sweet, and you wrote it very innocently at the beginning, before turning to a more grief-stricken style of writing. I found this one shot very emotional actually, both for sadness and anger at the injustice of Hagrid's childhood.
I love the way you describe how Hagrid reacts to the shock - it's very realistic and believable. I thought it was also really clever when you said that Myrtle had been taken in life and death - very inventive. The structure of the lines is brilliant, too - neat sizes of Hagrid's thoughts - it made the story flow really well.
Overall, a super duper one shot that combined fear, anger, grief and happiness in one smooth awesome one shot :)Author's Response: I've always wondered about what the relationship that Hagrid and Myrtle had back then since they were in school together. I decided in this piece that they should be friends, boarding something more. I really want to do another piece where you can see them a few years later. Myrtle has to know who people say killed her and I would be interested to see the two of the interact with him as the grounds keeper.
I'm glad that you enjoyed this piece and thank you for taking the time to review it! Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection