Reading Reviews From Member: soufflegirl99
  
136 Reviews Found

Review #1, by soufflegirl99In The Friend Zone.: The Plan.

20th December 2013:
Yes! More awesome next gen!

I love everything about this -- Scorpius as this nervous, over thinking, conscience teenager; the descriptions of Hogwrats and the hilarious description of Rose at the start; and the funny dialogue too!

The characterisation of Scorpius was super duper! I loved the first line, "alright lets start with the basics…" and the narrative in the first section introduced him brilliantly. I felt like I'd known Scorpius for most of my life! The way quirky lines and descriptions feel perfectly flowing, and I liked the way that you could tell who each character was by the way they spoke, for example the bluntness of Albus in comparison to Molly's happier busy tone. The way you described Rose as being "stubborn" and "beautiful" next to each other was basically the best sum up of love ever! You showed how Scorpius loves her despite her flaws that annoy him. That showed a lot about both characters right at the start, which was another bit of detail that made me feel like more connected with Scorpius. I found the whole plot thoroughly gripping, and I really enjoyed the bits about Molly proving Scorpius wrong. I also thought it was so cute the way Albus and Rose are closer with each other over their siblings, and the way Molly can over ride Albus' winning smile!!

His whole plan is super original and inventive, and I kind of want it to go wrong for him and get put in an awkward situation, which i know sounds really mean, but i want to see Scorpius tell Rose straight in the face! i honestly don't think that's going to happen though! I'm also kind of hoping that Molly and Scorpius get together…hmm, this story is so captivating! I can't wait to see how it all works out!

Sophie :D

Author's Response: aww thank you, you are so sweet :)

I'm really glad you liked this story cuz I wasn't too sure about it at first! It definitely isn't my best but I guess that's to be expected with writing; you get better with time!

I hope you liked the rest! :)

-Amanda


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Review #2, by soufflegirl99Spread Your Wings: Chapter 1.

12th December 2013:
This is an absolutely awesome chapter! Really entertaining and funny to read, and I loved every word of it! :)

The character of Annabelle is brilliant -- this bubbly, happy girl that was a pleasure to read about! I loved the amount of little details you added in to the story to make her more three dimensional and believable -- like the fact she doesn't like flooing, e.t.c. Your description of her relationship with her Dad was lovely too, and it really helped set the scene and get an idea of who she is, and what she's like. The characterisation of Lily is awesome too! The way she foresaw that Annabelle was going to whack her, and her banter with James…James! The way you described him as knowing he was attractive, and being smug, made me laugh a lot! I especially loved the bit about him being vain and looking in the mirror! It was really inventive, and really funny to read! :D

I love a next gen fluff (I mean, who doesn't right?!) but I must say this one has such an original plot! I love the way you brought the Scamanders into it, and I especially loved the way that Annabelle is dating Lorcan to not make things awkward for Lily -- that's a really sweet thing to do! The not to her dad made me laugh a lot too! :P And i can't wait to see how the plot develops, because you've set up the foundations for such an original story! I can;t wait to see what happens next!

Overall, a captivating, very gripping and thoroughly awesome chapter with a great, realistic bunch of characters! :D :D

Author's Response: Oh my goodness you totally made my day, thank you so much for this review! :)

I'm really glad you liked the characters and the plot, it definitely just came randomly to me and I'm really in love with the idea of it!

haha oh yeah, next gen fluff is my favorite!
it gets me all gitty and I love how much freedom you have to write in it.

gah, I can't even explain how happy this review made me, you are so sweet! I have a month and a half off of school for winter break so I definitely think I'll be posting soon and finishing it :) I hope you continue to read!

-Amanda


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Review #3, by soufflegirl99Logarithmic: (3)

19th October 2013:
I am so pleased that you added another chapter on Log! I love it almost as much as Lockhart loves himself!! :)

I love the way Eloise is friends with Neville, that is so sweet, and their friendship made me squeal. I loved the characterisation you put in too, it made the characters so much more believable, and the description really paints a picture in your head. I loved the thoughts of Cormac, he's so egotistical, but you write his thoughts and feelings amazingly well. It's so realistic!

I liked the way you included some teachers in there too! I'm personally rooting for some reference/anecdote to Umbridge action in DADA as a terrible teacher in the fifth year, but it was fun seeing them in two perfectly described lessons. I liked the way their dialogue was flung back and forth, I can tell they both kind of have this banter going, and natural chemistry going on, that I LOVE!

The plot is going at a nice steady pace, and it's intriguing to read, and I enjoyed the way you split up the points of view, it made it more gripping! The dialogue is perfect for each character, by the way, I loved Slughorns "m'boy." I can;t wait to see how you tackle Snape as a professor hahah! :D

Overall, another fantastic chapter that was as gripping and awesome as always! I love it!


Sophie :D

Author's Response: You truly must love Log very much then!

I'm so happy you like Eloise and Neville! I can genuinely see them as friends, and possibly more if there wasn't Cormac in the picture now... Cormac is such a horribly fun character to write, expect more egotism soon, and lots of it.

Ooh, you just gave me an idea! Mentions of Umbridge may appear, just you wait...

SNAPE. Um. How about never, ever, ever? It's something I hadn't about, and it terrifies me to write him, so we'll see, I suppose.

UGH THANK YOU FOR BEING SO FABAROONEY ALL THE TIME ♥


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Review #4, by soufflegirl99How Fried Chicken Killed Scorpius Malfoy: The One Where Malfoy Dies At The Hands of Fried Chicken.

1st October 2013:
This is brilliant! I really enjoyed reading it, and it was so funny! I loved the characters of Scorpius Malfoy and Rose Weasley, they had such witty and relatable personalities, and you put them in hilarious and random situations.

I loved the dialogue at the beginning! Especially the way Rose coughs 'moobs' I couldn;t stop laughing at that. I especially loved the extra bits of detail you add through out this on shot, such as 'taking full advantage of the corridor being empty' and 'I’m Rowena Ravenclaw, the founder of Ravenclaw, the most Rowena of the Rowenest, the most Rav of the Rav, the most Claw of the Claw –"', they were all so funny and it was a spot of genius to make these prompts all connected in some way. That was another ting - how they were all connected, and the way one event linked to another fluently and smoothly. I liked the way you knew Scorpius was going to die anyway, so it wasn't as sad. The fat and spotty jokes through out were very humorous as well, especially the way you kept bringing them up! :) It was extrememly random,and the pace was fast, but not so that you got lost. And as for the originality...10/10!

Overall, a really entertaining and memorable one shot, with really inventive plot twists and turns that kept me gripped to the screen until the very end. Awesome!

Sophie :D

Author's Response: Hello, Sophie! :D I am so excited to see you here!

Aha, I know you've seen the prompts we had to use for this so you know how hard it was to come up with a plot without making it too random and giving your characters fun personalities..

Sometimes I still think that I went crazy haha.

MOOBS! ♥ I think they are needed in any parody. Just saying. I added bits of detail in there, because I feel like the dialogue was so overwhelming. Descriptions always painful for me so I felt like I should at least add **something** to make it a bit more visual.

Yeah.. that whole Rowena Ravenclaw thing.. I really don't know how that happened..

I find it hilarious that you enjoyed the "flow" of this piece lol.

All credit for originality goes to Jenny and Claire for the prompts! I just made the literal usages of them haha.

Thanks so much for your kind words m'dear!

Nadia :D


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Review #5, by soufflegirl99Reason to Fight: L'Envolée

29th September 2013:
This chapter is absolutely amazing, as always, and the words are flowing, and beautiful, and I enjoyed every word of it. This story truly takes you to another place, and when you described where Simon was, it made me cringe and want to stop reading, but I carried on, because it was truly gripping and very moving.


I love how you started the chapter, introducing the scene and Astrid so smoothly. I loved the repitition as well, it really seemed to grasp how fed up and bored she was.
The sentence, "Mission details, mon oeil. Not on a Friday evening at eight." was very funny, and made me chuckle an awful lot! I thought it was very typical Astrid, and I know I've said it before, but the french bits make this story so unique, and it really enriches the story.
The way you put Astrid had to battle with patriotism and comfort, especially I liked the bit about how her toes made the choice for her! :) The way it was akward, and then there was an attempt at conversation, and it really made me want to punch Alban. It was definitely worth Astrid restraining herself though, and it made me completely empathise with her when she did just have to bite her tongue. I loved the horrible note saying 'my pleasure' that was deliciously horrid, and reminded me a bit of Umbridge actually.

Simon is already such a noble and humble and awesome character - the way you describe where he works is horrifying, and especially the depth of the conditions, it must've been beyond freezing for them. I loved the metaphor of the collapsing structure, that was really clever, as it symbolises Simon as well as the house. One small thing and he could collapse.

The most totally-adorable scene EVER was so between Camille/Xavier!! Nothing like an injured man to spice things up a bit...hahah I found it amusing it wasn't like a sexy cut or anything, it was just like a horrible disfigured nose! Still, I reckon romance is going to blossom between them, just one too many shot of alcohol away.it was so nice the way she was so tenderly looking after him, and he was asking after her, and awwwhhh! I might just explode with the awesomeness of this couple! They're so sweet and caring towards each other! I liked the emphasis on the wear and exhaustion of the war on them both, that was pure genius.

How Esther died was very delicately put - you could've gone wrong in quite a few ways, but it was very sensitively put, and of course it would be Sarah that would've seen it. The fact that they would let them work to death in those conditions was horrific enough, but poor 13 year old Sarah, that was just sick. It was so full of suspense and my heart was racing so fast when he could feel the wand in the toilet brush (of all the places, the toilet brush) and when they discovered Simon not being in his place...BRILLIANTLY written!!! I loved the way Sarah said: "take me away from here!"

Altogether, a super chapter, with even more awesome characterisation and touching moments.

Sophie :D

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Review #6, by soufflegirl99Pandemonium: First Day

28th August 2013:
Hahah, this story is brilliant Sian! I really loved reading it, it has a great pace and sense of excitement to it, and the kind of hilarity only chaos can produce! I found it thoroughly entertaining and engaging, and I thought all of your characters were described really well :)

I loved the way you made Fudge quite muddled, and his eagerness was portrayed really well. I loved the way you included his bowler hat, that's one of the most memorable and iconic things about Fudge, and his behaviour and language is all very fitting for this character. I thought it was really humorous the way you started this chapter off, with: "Cornelius Fudge’s office was a very serious place" and the repetition of the word 'serious.' It built a really unsettling atmosphere, and the knowledge that something was going to go wrong. And when it did, it was made even funnier by the build up and tension rising from the very start.

The use of the hints was cleverly wound in to the plot, and you had no idea which one was coming next! The trail of events that happened in his office were so absurd, and each person's reaction to each event was well put! I loved the way you introduced Ludo, Susan and Barty, as these very solemn, studious and serious people, that made even Fudge seem a bit flustered. The things that happened to them, they were totally unprepared for, and I enjoyed seeing these characters briefly come out of their shells and stop being serious!

The last line was brilliantly put -- all of the lines felt well put together, fluent, and really neat -- it left you feeling satisfied, and coming away feeling like the plot had really achieved something. The structure of the paragraphs helped it run really smoothly, and the range of sentences created this really easy rhythm to the one shot. It made quite a narrative piece of writing, and I really enjoyed the extra details and bits of information you slipped in here and there.

Overall, a really funny and incredible one shot, that I found truly awesome! It was totally unpredictable at times, and the events that happened were both humourous and creative!


Sophie :D

Author's Response: Sophie! ♥

Haha when I saw those prompts I couldn't think of any possible way to make them serious (although you managed to prove me wrong!) so I decided to make this story as ridiculous as possible!

Haha Fudge takes himself so seriously that I had to bring him down a peg or two, but I wanted to build him up as this serious character first.

Those hints were so difficult to work into the plot! I'm glad you thought I worked them in well though. I enjoyed writing all the ridiculousness and thinking of what stupid thing could happen to these important and solemn characters next.

I'm happy you thought that the chapter felt well put together and flowed properly! Thank you for the lovely review, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter too!

Sian :)


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Review #7, by soufflegirl99As Darkness Descends : Midnight Meetings

20th August 2013:
This first installment was so perfect and amazing, it makes me want to explode in a pool of feels. The description, the detail, it was all just awesome, and I really enjoyed reading it!

The way Sirius was drunk doesn't really surprise me, and I agree with James about that being the safest way. It does sound just like Sirius to want to go and do something reckless and stupid, and I liked the way you portrayed his way of coping with Belle's death in contrast to Lily and James'.

I thought it was a really nice touch that you made Lily forget about what was happening on Friday, it made it her, Sirius and James much more believable somehow, and more realistic. I can't wait for their wedding, hahah! I loved how excited Lily got about it as well, and it'll be a nice change for them in quite a dark place, and add more of a light hearted tone to the story. It's so exciting anyway, however it does make me feel so sad. Especially because if Sirius reacted this way to Belle dying, how is he going to react when Lily and James die, the rocks he cling to, and then when Frank and Alice get tortured? It makes me feel so grateful I don't have to live with death eaters around me :)

I loved the way you described Lily here (I always love the way you describe Lily) but the way she gazed up at the moon and when you said "she became this girl who wanted to sit there and gaze, sit there and dream about all these things that she probably didn’t even want in the light of day" That was heartwarming to read, and I loved the way you put that in :)

The last line was truly terrifying, and it contrasts with the newly formed Order of the Phoenix, so in basic terms, there's a good gang and bad gang! The last bit was heart racing, and it was really tense. It kept me hanging on, and was really unpredictable, because I had no idea how the death eater meeting was going to pan out.

To conclude, this chapter was both very exciting and awesome, and I can't wait till the next chapters. Also, to see what stupid thing Sirius will do.

Sophie :D

Author's Response: Hi my lovely Sophie!!!

I'm so happy that you liked how I started Sirius off in this. We know he isn't good at handling his feelings, and with something like this that he's sort of forced to face, I really want to give him the chaotic kind of way of handling it that I think he deserves.

I'm super excited to write the wedding! We know from Canon that Lily and James's will be a small one, so Alice and Frank is a chance to go a little more traditional with it :P

I think Lily is going to deal with a lot of change in this story, both her external world and internal, and I'm so excited to see what you think about it as we go through!

Hahahah our Sirius, do stupid things?! Never :P!

THank you SO MUCH for the amazing compliments, and i can't even explain how excited I am that you're continuing on in my Marauders land with me! thank you for putting such a huge smile on my face!

♥ Jami


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Review #8, by soufflegirl99A Voyage with Voldemort: Ibiza

20th August 2013:
This was such a funny one shot! I loved it! It's so quirky and unique, and the way you portrayed each death eater was so fluffy and not-scary, it was awesome! :)

Firstly, the whole setting of Ibiza is so comical and original. I would never in a million years picture death eaters hanging out there. The plot was so funny, and my favourite bit was definitely when Voldemort was doing the conga. How you managed to include that in the story, and make it believable is just incredible!

The pace is quite fast and engaging, and I loved how much detail you put in to the description. It certainly made it more believable and realistic, and the line in german added a really nice touch to the story as well :) I love it when people include foreign languages in their stories!

I loved the nod at sunburning english, hahah! And the whole little thing about Voldie's Vanity made me laugh so much! The roles you gave each of them was really witty, and I particularly liked how over dramatic everyone was. It fitted in perfectly with the task, and the last paragraph ended it with the same light hearted and humourous tone it had begun with.

The resentment in Lucius ( hahah I thought his role as Bellatrix's hair expert was awesome) against Snape was very well played out, and all the odd things Snape enjoyed from his drink on the plane to his Luna Lovegood couture shirt was original and a tad on the barmy side. The band "Harry's Hipsters" is pure genius as well!

Overall, a really awesome one shot that I thoroughly enjoyed reading! 10/10!

Sophie :D

Author's Response: Sophie!

I'm so glad that you loved the setting! I honestly thought people would question my sanity when reading it, but no one has so far so I can still live in hope! Erm, the only thing I can say is probably desperation when I'm insanely tired.

Yeah, I guess the pace was meant to match their flow of thought in the way. I'm so glad that you loved the description though as this was rather different to my usual, so a lot more fun! I love that too!

Of course I had to include the nod, it wouldn't be true to the Ibiza tradition otherwise! I'm so glad that you loved the roles, because that's the best thing about AU, you can really make them your own.

I'm so glad that you liked each of their own roles, because I was worried it would only be me! Thanks for this amazing review, Sophie, it really made my day :D

-Kiana


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Review #9, by soufflegirl99You. (Me).: You. (Me).

18th August 2013:
Hi Sian! I couldn't resist leaving a review on such an awesome one shot, even if it did take me descades to get here!

This is such a beautiful piece of writing, I felt like every word was carefully picked out to suit this piece, and it all fitted together amazingly well. The characterisation of them was spot on, and I loved the relationship described between Teddy and Victoire.

I loved the nod at the greek gods; as if this was godly beauty, and no other human can compare, and she is untouchable. The mtnion of colours really stuck out in this, and the 'indigo eyes' was really clever, because purple is often interpreted as royal and moody, and dark blue is mysterious and wild like the sea and sky, so the combination of those two colours together gave us an insight in to what was going on in their head and suited what I said earlier about being untouched and more like nature's gift. "My unworthy eyes feast greedily," also refers to this theme, and reminded me of Midas and gold; also with the whole indigo and royalty. The theme was just really well played out through out the one shot, and I loved looking deeper in to the meaning of each word. "Granite heart" was my favourite in all of this! :)

The way Teddy speaks in italics, it combines the 3rd and first person, and that's what makes this piece so original! Especially the last two lines, they kind of contrast with each other, and they're both set out the same, and gah, it's just so awesome.

The conflicting emotions are well described, and there's a kind of soothing rhythm to the words and the lines you set out, though I don't think that's deliberate! I feel so sorry for Teddy, as in he'll never get to be with Victoire, and I love the way that's finally revealed in the last bit.

All in all, a perfectly sculptured image of beauty, and what it really means. It's definitely very thoughtful, and memorable, and it's awesome!

-Sophie :D

Author's Response: Sophie! You're amazing, do you know that? *hugs*

Since this was for the Every Word Counts challenge, I did find myself picking out each word to fulfill a specific purpose, and I'm so pleased that it worked and that you were able to get so much from this story!

I actually really wanted to include the Greek gods in this because of the mythical inspiration behind the story but I didn't want it to seem too forced. The fact that you were able to pick up on that and make connections with other myths makes me so happy, because it means I'm doing my job! I love the fact you've been able to pick up on the colours that I included as well, and interpret one word in so many different ways!

Teddy is the echo here, and I thought the italics worked really well to show that. You're the first person to pick up on those last two lines, and that's put a massive grin all over my face. I really wanted them to seem contrasting and portray the conflicting emotions of the two characters, and it's great you managed to get all of that from this story!

Thank you so, so much for this wonderful review, my dear! ♥

Sian :D


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Review #10, by soufflegirl99The Peverell Society: 1. Beginnings

16th August 2013:
Hello! Here for the review swap :)

The first chapter is absolutely wonderful! I loved it! The humour is so subtly done, which makes it even funnier! I loved Ron as the over protective Dad, and the way he could only listen to Hermione, I thought that was very Ron and very well characterised!

The bit between Scorpius and Rose was fantastic. I love the eerie tone that was set at the start, and the tension slowly rose until breaking point, in which we actually discover it was Rose! That bit was very cleverly done, and immense fun to read! I love the relationship between Rose and Scorpius, it seems very realistic, and their dialogue together is just hilarious to read! They seem like such different characters separately, and then when they're together they're very much in sync with this awesome banter going between them. It was really funny to read, and I really enjoyed seeing them click as a couple.

It was fantastic to see a flash back here, to just mix the story up a little bit, and I think all the things Ron said were so inventive, a little bit crazy, but they made me laugh a lot. The reactions of Hermione, Ginny and Harry were also very well described, and made it even funnier! I like how Ron doesn't approve of marrying pure blood; it's interesting, in comparison to the snooty Malfoys and Blacks who don't approve of anything NOT pure blood. Hermione's response was so intelligent, and I loved the reference to spoiling grandchildren! :)

Another funny touch, was the court, how Scorpius couldn't understand the muggle terms Hermione was introducing! I think Hermione would be the best person in court ever, because she can be so stern! Smith sounds absolutely horrible, and I'm scared for the safety of Harry, Ron and Hermione! Especially leaving a body for everyone to see, that's gruesome.

An allround excellent chapter, and I'll be going back to review the first story, The Mysterious Case of the Twin Wands! :)

-Sophie :D

Author's Response: Hello! I know I am ages late answering to this, so I'd like to start with an apology.

I'm really happy you liked the chapter and more so since you haven't read the first story. I wanted to throw in a little back story, so that a new reader doesn't feel left on the outside.

Ron is one of my favorite characters, because I relate to him so much. I really love writing him and I love seeing how his relationships with Hermione, Harry and Ginny changed and evolved. It also means a lot that you liked that scene, because writing any of the big canon characters is scary. We know so much about them that it makes it difficult to capture their spirit and bend them to our own little plots.

And yes, I think Hermione would make an excellent lawyer and I had a lot of fun playing with the legal notions there.

Thank you so much for the review! It means a lot! :)

Ral


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Review #11, by soufflegirl99Requiem for Lost Innocence: Decisions

15th August 2013:
This chapter was just as awesome as the first! I love the way the family motto was in latin, and I love the family motto! (Not for my family of course, but it's rather fitting for theirs!) This story has such an interesting view on the high society of witches, that I've never seen done before! Bellatrix's dad sounds really scary, and not very loving, and very formal and selfish. I can see why Narcissa and Bella turned out like they did! The latin bit in the final bit was also a very creative touch, and added to the kind of pride and blood theme that's going on through out the story.

It's an awesome twist that Bella married Rudolphus just so she could become a death eater. That sounds just like the sort of thing she'd do! The last paragraph was quite frightening though, and I wonder what sort of strings Bellatrix is going to pull. I feel so sorry for Rudolphus -- mind you, if he's the kind of person that can fall in love with her at the start, he must be not really nice himself. The way you put her looking back at her memories at the wedding really showed how unfocused she was on the actual romance, and how dedicated already she was to Voldemort. It was also really interesting to see Narcissa and Lucius in Bella's eyes, and she has the foresight of how Lucius could be weak and betraying right from when she first sees him. The word "raw power" seemed to really apply to Voldemort and Bellatrix, and sets the tone for the kind of darkness they create. The way they have this kind of connection through hate and dark magic is really well described, and it's going to be fascinating to see where it leads them later on. I'm also kind of looking forward to seeing how Bellatrix goes so insane, and also how she got caught for Azkaban.

Another brilliant chapter, with some incredible advancement on Rudolphus and Bella's behalf on their relationship, and again, awesome detail!

-Sophie :D

Author's Response: Hello! :)

The way I see it, the wizarding society is very... medieval, so to say. Everybody has a place, everybody plays a part. More so in high society, where everything is just a power play. If we look at the evidence in the books, Narcissa was very high up in Voldemort's inner circle, yet she never took the mark. Her son was forced to take it as punishment for Lucius' mistakes. So, it's quite possible that at the point in time when Voldemort was coming to power, he needed the influence and gold of the old families. It's also possible that he respected them, because they had everything he valued but lacked himself: social position, money, history, purity of blood.

As for Rodolphus, I don't think he knew what he was getting himself into, when he married Bellatrix. Her cruelty and blood lust are unique, even among the Death Eaters. Something must have triggered that, and this is what I wanted to explore.

I'm very happy you like my story! The review made my day, even though I am ages late responding to it! Thank you!


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Review #12, by soufflegirl99Requiem for Lost Innocence: Mirage

15th August 2013:
Firstly, the whole title and chapter title for this story is completely and utterly awesome and I had no choice but to check it out. It sounded way too fascinating, and I'm pleased I did, because this is such an original and awesome interpretation of Bellatrix and her life.

Bellatrix is such a complex character to portray and write about, so lots of kudos for tackling such a tricky character! I love the way you characterised her of not always being evil and bad -- it makes much more realistic and believable as a character, and it makes a nice change from all the other Bellatrix stories :)

I've never really thought about what happened to the Black family when Andromeda went off with Ted, and I think all the characters acted accordingly. The way you describe Bellatrixs' reactions and her feelings towards her sister seem to all make sense, in comparison to the Bella we know now. When you described; "steaming waves of white, hot rage in her throat" that was beautiful and summed up the feeling of anger perfectly.

It was very, I can't think of another way to say this, but english narrative. It worked amazingly in third person, and the way you went in to such brilliant detail, and the way you described the suitor, how the suitor acted, and everything really reminded me of the way Rowling spoke about Harry and everything, and the combination of great detail, engaging range of sentences, and the way you structured it made it very english and such a riveting story to read! It just makes this chapter so addictive!

I think pride played such a big part in Bella's life -- the way her family treated bloodlines, and the way Bella dealed with people, like the first thing she noticed in a person was their bloodline. And the characterisation from the beginning of the chapter even, you see her thinking all these things but not taking action, compared to what she's like at the end which is even more proud, and acting more wildly. She's come some of the way towards the full death eater Bellatrix already! I love the way Bella analyses things a lot...that's a really inventive thing to make her do, because I'd always imagined her to be quite rash. It kind of makes her even more evil in that case, knowing fully and wanting to kill someone.

There's such much more I want to say about this chapter, but I'm exhausted, so I'm just going to cut it short. This chapter was so original, immense fun to read, and I loved everything about it from the format to the characters (Rudolphus sounds cool!) The last lines were really suspenseful and tense, and I can't wait to see what happens next! :)

-Sophie :D

Author's Response: I have no words to tell you how much your review means. I am so pleased and humbled that you found the whole narrative appropriate for the situation, especially since I am not English and I've never been to England.

I don't think all people are born evil. I think people are born good and they have evil come into their lives and take over. And for Bellatrix, I think she needed a trigger. Because we have three sisters, brought up the same way. One ran away with a Muggleborn, one married a pureblood and one ... well, one became the poster child for mental illness.

Bellatrix is such a complex character and it was challenging for me to do this. I'm happy the results were good. Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! It means a lot! :)


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Review #13, by soufflegirl99And Now A Word From Our Sponsors: Two

15th August 2013:
This Rose that you portray in this story is so cool and fun to read! :) It's a really original take on her, and I love Scorpius in this too! I especially love the detail you payed to the quidditch-ness, and the banter between Scorpius and Rose is very well formed, witty and funny!

The narrative of Rose runs so fluently through this story! She's so humourous, and the structure of where you put her thoughts and opinions on things/people was spot on and well spaced out! This really helped it flow, and the way the lines were spaced and stuff made it even more funny! Hahah I liked the comments about her missing breakfast and also about Pippa! :P The way Rose saluted to Madame Hooch was hilarious as well, and I can see the Ron element in her, as well as the studious witty side of Hermione. The metaphor with Hagrid's salamanders was very witty, and it made me laugh loads!

The whole plot of the story is very engaging, and you create this captivating atmosphere right from the start, with these lingering lines that really make you want to read on. You don't get too deep in to the whole revenge thing either, which is awesome, because other wise it would be boring and angsty hahah :P

Pippa's nice, but she seems like the kind of person who could hack you off a bit, so I agree with Rose that she finds her annoying. I can totally empathise with Rose getting annoyed at having Pippa and Albus as a couple too. Scorpius is quite harsh to Rose, at least from her point of view anyway, and so I can see why Rose announced what she did. However, I'm interested to see what Scorpius will do back next chapter.

Altogther, a really funny and addictive story! I love the title, and the plot, and the characterisation and everything is brilliant!

-Sophie :D

Author's Response: I'm really glad you like her! She was a lot of fun to write -- all of these characters were, actually. My Rose is heavily inspired by a Rose that Sarah once wrote, so I can't take full credit, but she's endlessly entertaining. I've actually got a full sequel short story/novella planned for this story, and if I ever do write any big HPFF thing again, I can see that being it. I actually sort of miss the wackiness that went along with Rose and Scorp and company.

I'd always wanted to do a big Quidditch-focused story, and even if this wasn't a novel, this satisfied that craving pretty well. Writing about Quidditch constantly is hard! That's where the other classroom scenes come in handy -- a nice break from the sports side of things, which, admittedly, isn't my favorite part.

Pippa and Albus are both a little obnoxious -- well, so is Rose, but she's very in-your-face about how annoying she is, and I do have to respect that somewhat. ♥ This is definitely my turn away from my usual angsty, dark writing and it was a great outlet at the time, and another huge reason why I'd like to attempt the sequel. Nearly everything I write is on the darker and angstier side of things in general, and banter/fluff is a good reprieve from that occasionally.

Thank you for reading this and letting me know your thoughts, Sophie! I really am so pleased you enjoyed it so much, and each new review on this story gets me thinking about that sequel more and more. It's something I'm seriously considering!


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Review #14, by soufflegirl99Before They Fall: The Force That Drives Us

12th August 2013:
What a moving last chapter this was -- it managed to reduce me to tears several times -- and the way you described the way they had to bereave over Belle was just truly touching. My favourite quote of all was: "It was time to walk into the next phase of his life. But no matter how long he lived, he would never get over Belle." That really got me sobbing, as it basically sums up every person's emotion beautifully after they've lost someone close. That quote had such an impact, as well, because they're all so young. Too young to be dealing with massacre, and Belle was way too young to die, and they were all too young have to be put through all of that.

Adeline was such an interesting character to meet, and I think the bitterness that she had perfectly matched what someone in her position would feel, and there were certain aspects like the fact she wanted them to use the mansion for a portkey and stuff, that kind of determination and generosity that Belle had, and I guess it really showed the Belle side of her. I also love the fact that you added that Lily could understand the complexity of sisters -- because of course, Lily and Belle both had tricky sisters. That was lovely, and it really gave the story a touch of beauty in such a dull and dark thing to describe. I don't know, it just helped balance out the mood a bit. Sorry, I'm probably not making sense!

The fact that her parents won't even see her funeral is infuriating -- that got me seething, and you wrote it so believably, because it's quite easy to be quite fake and melodramatic about that kind of thing -- and I think Sirius for once acted accordingly!

The sense of unity and closeness was really nice through out this chapter, it lightened the chapter a bit, and set the story at a calmer end. It reminded me of the end of the Half-Blood Prince; Ron, Hermione and Harry all stronger, wiser, and closer from Dumbledore's death. I feel like they've come out as wise adults -- not late teens or young adults! The last bit had an awesome tone to it -- you managed to get a good mixture of solemness, hope and grim determination. The last words were a brilliant end to the story, even if they weren't "will you marry me?"

I'm afraid I might go a bit blubbery now. It's been an absolute pleasure to read this wonderful story every saturday, and to really show me an original side to the marauders. To be honest, it was this story that made me love Jily and all of the marauders, and the characters. Thank you so much for updating so regularly, having long beautiful and addictive chapters and the most funny, realistic and incredible characters ever.

-Sophie :D

Author's Response: Hi my lovely Sophie!!!

You're review is making me so sad and soppy, haha! But yes, they are all way too young to have to deal with this kind of thing.

I'm excited you liked Adeline's arrival! And you're making perfect sense! I wish I'd have used the fact that Lily and Belle both had difficult sisters more in the story, but at least Lily got to think about it now. And I totally agree with how Sirius was acting! How could anyone blame him for not being happy about any of this?

Eek I'm so excited you liked how it ended! I wanted something that made it clear where they'd be going next, and ending it with that line has been something I've been so anxious to write. I was actually happy with how it turned out, which surprised me because I'm always my worst critic, haha!

Aww Sophie, it makes me feel so happy/grateful/lucky that you're blubbery. I can't even thank you enough for the reviews you've left on this story, the support you've given me, and just making me feel like the luckiest writer on the site!

Thank you so, so much ♥

Jami


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Review #15, by soufflegirl99Before They Fall: Forever Frozen In Time

20th July 2013:
I never thought it was possible to cry more than the time Fred died, but then I read this chapter, and I honestly didn't know if I'd be able to stop crying. You portray the emotion, the emptiness, the reaction of Sirius so perfectly -- slightly too perfectly in fact -- and it makes such an emotional, moving and touching chapter. The bit that really got me was when Belle realized they would kill her, and the full malice and ruthlessness of Bellatrix. You made that realisation sink in so well, and I think the way you made Sirius' vision and hearing go was also very realistic because that often happens when you're in shock.

The last paragraph was so heart-wrenching I was literally paralysed - when she was in his lap, and the way his patronus kind of dies with her made me sob even harder. You also described the different stages of death incredibly effectively, from the shock, to the anger, to the disbelief, to the utter sadness. And all the way through Belle being tortured, I don't know if you did this deliberately, but all the four qualities of the Hogwarts houses were shown in her. At least she felt hope (the word 'fleeting' in front of it made it much more effective, but i don't know why, it just was) when she died, and not fear or anything. When the green light doused over her, I had to reread that quite a few times, because I was thinking "she can't be dead, it'll just be a jinx or something" and I love the way you left that quite unclear until later on when Sirius bursts in.

Another thing that made it moving, was the word "No!" in bold. That made it really stand out, and played it visually in your head. It was so Sirius, to shout it out in such cracked emotion, it sent shivers down my spine. The eerie repetition of it, also, really punched you in the stomach. I liked the way it was James that made sure he didn't crumple to the ground, like James was his last hope. It also makes me feel much worse for Sirius when James dies, and really brings out his Gryffindor side and willingness to keep going. On the other hand, it makes me happier when Sirius dies in the fifth book, because he at least has Belle, James and Lily to look forward too :)

Overall, truly a 'soul-splitting' chapter like in the story description at the start. Sometimes I wish you weren't such a good writer, so then it wouldn't be as moving. I've grown so attached to Belle, and she was definitely one of my favourite OC characters on the archives. Gah, I'm going to go sob in a corner now, this chapter is completely amazing.

Sophie :D

Author's Response: Awww Sophie :( I didn't want you to cry :(.

Sirius's reaction was what made me most sad. It made everything feel too real, and I wanted to just stop writing it and delete it all and say, "everyone lived happily ever after," haha!

I almost ended this chapter after the dousing of green light, but it just felt too sad to let people hope she would be alive and her not be, if that makes sense. I wanted to get it all over with, to show it happened and to be done with it so I could pull my sad self back together, haha!

Awww haha i don't know if I should say thank you or I'm sorry to your awesome compliment about me being a good writer! I grew so attached to her as well, and it means so much to me that you have ♥ I wanted people to love her as much as I do, and the fact that you cared about her just humbles me beyond words. Thank you so, so much for your support, Sophie.

This chapter was a nightmare for me to write, and I'm so happy that even though it made you sad, you don't hate me.

Your awesome, detailed, thoughtful review really made my day, and I know I said it a thousand times but THANK YOU for your incredible attention on BTF! ♥


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Review #16, by soufflegirl99The Perks of Being an Obliviator: The Perks of Being an Obliviator

17th July 2013:
This is a really inventive and original take on the challenge! It was a really captivating and fascinating story, that had me engaged the whole way through!

First of all, your characterisation of Alicia was spot on. She was very realistic and beliveable as someone that was stuck in a ministry job and wanted to do something more. You wrote out that scenario really well, by the way, and it wasn't too over done and cliched like it often is in films and stuff. Anyway, I think you wrote Alicia fantastically, and her character harmonised beautifully with the third person narrative. Her often dry and sarcastic comments were a pleasure to read, and her witty personality was very enjoyable to read.

The pace and plot were perfectly formed; it was quite a steady pace, but then kept you gripped and guessing the whole way through. As for the plot, it was quite a simple structure, but then they have to be for one shots, so in that sense it was very detailed. The original take on such a cliched story line was remarkable, and quite refreshing actually, and the inner most thoughts of Alicia really helped contribute to quite a lighthearted and curious tone to the story. I loved the ending, and this whole story creates such beautiful imagery and a real sense of accomplishment and achievement at the end.

Overall, an absolute pleasure to read, with an awesome title and a cracking set of characters, with a nice bit of humour stuck in it.

Sophie :D

Author's Response: Hey Sophie!

Thank you so much for the lovely review! Originality is definitely something I try to do so I'm glad you thought this was an inventive/original take, and also a story that engaged you! :)

The characterisation of Alicia was something else I was worried about in this fic, so your comments definitely made me smile! I'm so glad you liked the way I wrote her in the story and that you didn't find it too cliche - I definitely tried to make it as realistic as possible, since I'm also a stickler for canon. Wow, thank you so much for all your comments about the pace and plot as well - it definitely is very encouraging and means a lot to me to hear that about this story!

Thank you so much for reading and for leaving an absolutely wonderful review - you've definitely made my day with all your lovely comments! :)
- Charlotte


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Review #17, by soufflegirl99Twelve Across, Four Down: Prologue

17th July 2013:
This story title sounded really interesting, and the description was definitely quirky and sounded funny. I'm really glad I did read this, because it had me fascinated after the first word, and I do love a bit of humour and an Al/OC!

The structure is fantastic - those bold remarks that stand out - and the readable paragraphs that kind of suck you in. The format is awesome! Especially the last bit, those one word sentences that really make you realize the full depth of her fear and terror. I think it was really humourous the way you broke apart the sentence then joined it together again - that was really inventive and cool.

The whole first paragraph about being a cat was very funny, it helped settle in the character, and gave us a nice clear snapshot of her witty personality. The style in which you write her in is memorable, and very addictive and gripping to read, as well as easy. Her thoughts don;t make you work too hard, which is awesome. The last line, however, was truly suspenseful, and I can't wait to read what happens next!

The pace was brilliant, and the way you kept playing the reader along, not letting us realize it was Albus till the very end was amazingly done. The steady pace suddenly gave way to these shocking and tense sentences that really sent the realisation bells ringing. I thought that was very original, and very cleverly done!

Overall, a creative and quirky first prologue with a great realistic character and a lovely sense of humour. Awesome!

Sophie :D

Author's Response: This was more of an experiment on my part than anything else. The story has been in my head for years and I decided one day, on a whim, to just write it. Not think about it and just write it. So I'm glad that you liked this! It's such a relief and I feel like I'm reassured that, yes, I am doing the right thing.

Thanks so much for saying you liked my main character's voice in this! For someone who really loves my own bed, she was surprisingly hard to figure out! So it's nice that you came in here and told me that you liked her.

I do hope to get around to writing more of this - and I do want to! I just need to find the time. And your review has really motivated me.

Thanks so much!

Jasmine.


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Review #18, by soufflegirl99Life As We Know It: chapter one

17th July 2013:
I don't normally go for Dramione's, but I have to say, already from what I've seen this is brilliant! From the attention grabbing first line to the last tense line from Malfoy, I really enjoyed it, and I'm looking forward to reading the rest.

Firstly, the characterisation was spot on. You managed to capture Ron/Lavender's relationship realistically, and the way you show Ron's little bit of regret really tied in well with his character. I think this story works brilliantly in first person, and you really make the reader empathise with Hermione, right from the first sentence. It really showed her gryffindor side as she pulls herself together, and that really showed that strong side to Hermione that despite all the sadness wants to avoid humiliation.

The detailed description of her thoughts really adds to the pace of the story, helps balance it out, and I love the way she thinks back to her life with Ron, and kind of regrets and also yearns for those memories. The way the plot keeps you guessing already is awesome, and the structure and style in which you write in is so awesome and addictive.

Fantastic story so far, and I'm looking forward to ready the next chapter!

-Sophie :D

Author's Response: Ah this review has absolutely made my day! I'm so glad that while you don't normally read dramiones, this one has caught your attention and made you want to read more of my story. The fact that you feel the characters are spot on is amazing! Thank you so much for taking the time to read and review!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #19, by soufflegirl99Bad Blood: Five

17th July 2013:
Each new chapter of this never ceases to amaze me, and this story is just so riveting and original!! I had my suspicions about Snape, though I didn't think it would be him in the end. The way it all ties up perfectly though, like Rowling's writing herself!

The last paragraph is quite biting, and the whole chapter had me on edge. The tension is built really well throughout this chapter, and I found James' reaction so moving. The description of how his fingers are taunt, and the way he's speechless, is even worse than if he said anything, and that really helped me empathise with him. It was so touching!

The way Snape rejoices in his 'success' is written brilliantly - it's quite sickening the way he says "what luck!" and is pleased with himself for killing! I liked the way to just really illustrate how sick minded and disgusting Snape is, he liked the way a boy the same age as him was genuinely terrified of him. That struck me quite hard, just like the last few lines of the story.

I can't believe you let Snape (kind of) get away with it, and leave James in such a desperate place! Snape kind of won really, and the way you describe that accomplishment drives the punching resolution in to your head.

Thank you so much for such a fantastic and gripping story - the diverse ways in which you portray Snape is truly fascinating!

Sophie :D

Author's Response: Sophie! Gah, I'm so happy you enjoyed this story! AU is such fun; I can't believe I've explored it so little. Writing canon is like a puzzle, and writing AU while attempting to keep the characters and settings canon is even more so. As a logically-motivated thinker who happens to adore puzzles, it's a field day! I am unbelievably flattered you compared this to Rowling's writing; I can't tell you how motivating and inspiring that is. ♥

I think it's difficult, as the author and as someone who knew what was going to happen from start to finish, to gauge things like tension and suspense -- and I'm so grateful to reviewers like you who make me think I got it right. :) Snape's definitely certifiably crazy, and peeking into his head is supposed to be a bit nonsensical and jumbled and, yes, sickening. I adore his character, something I'm sure you know, but I love him because of his complexities and the immense shades of gray in his person. He is capable of truly awful things, but also truly heroic things. Here... he went with the former.

Snape COMPLETELY won, which is so sad for James and Lily and basically everyone. He doesn't care about death; he's probably looking forward to it, morbid as it sounds. He killed Lily, and what else is left to him?

Thank YOU for such a lovely and wonderful review! ♥ I enjoyed hearing from you so much, and am totally floored you enjoyed "Bad Blood." You're amazing!


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Review #20, by soufflegirl99One Long Night: beatbeatbeatbeat

17th July 2013:
This one shot was gripping! I was captivated the whole way through, with a brilliant tense rang of sentence to really engage the reader, and also it worked really well in third person.

I love the repetition of 'beat' -- it really added that sense of doom, like it was inevitable. The way it left you hanging at the end really added to the suspense, and definitely made a shiver or two go up my spine! The way the repition of other words too, it so effective, as it's like the whisper of Nagini or the voice at the back of their minds. I thought that added a spooky touch to the story, and really enriched it's daunting side.

I also love the structure; the paragraphs are absorable and, there's a great contrast of heavy and light ones. The way sentences stand alone and stick out among all the other lines is fantastically formatted and is just like a trail of thought.

The whole style this is written in is really dramatic, and I loved the way Lily should've said: "“Don’t dig your nails into the sofa, James.”" - that's a really original idea of writing what should've happened, and the regret added to the theme, which was the sense of injustice of them being young parents dying.

Overall, a truly remarkable and memorable one shot, that was very cleverly written.

Sophie :D

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Review #21, by soufflegirl99Logarithmic: (2)

1st July 2013:
Gah, Val, this chapter is beautiful! You've captured such different characters perfectly, and so in depth, I feel like I've known Eloise all my life! These two totally different people have so much in common, and they're so similar, and this chapter is just bursting with awesomeness!

Firstly, how original is it of you to format it this way?! You show the reader first Eloise, what she's like, her friends, her character, so we can have an overall opinion of her. She's witty, funny, clever, but I love the way you did interwine a bit of doubt there. Like how she feels overwhelmed a bit by Voldemort. I also feel that you describe Hufflepuff in such a lovely way; in my head it's always been a loyal hard working house, and you really showed the best of the Puffs, and did a great job of capturing what Hufflepuff is like in such a unique way.

Secondly, the whole way through I was gripped. There's nothing more horrible than a boring story, and this my friend, was at the other end of the scale, It's really hard to keep readers when you're talking about, well characters hahah, but nothing much is going on, but to me you were talking about riveting life and death situations. The perfect well thought out structure is so easy you can just slip in to those lines and read and read. From the very first line, you get dragged in, and can I just say I LOVE her mother! Quirky engaging lines like that just grab your attention and don't ever let go.

Lastly, the way you introduce Cormac is so brilliantly done. I love the you asked a question in 3rd person, and the way you started it off "Cormac was having a foul day." I love the way he reacts to the banter, and the way he is seething about it - you describe his anger really well, and it's awesome to see how he reacts and see the chemistry between them. It's going to be interesting to see how this works out. The way he's quite..err.. arrogant and self righteous is really fun to read, too, and he's a strong funny character!

What an awesome chapter, Val, I can't wait till the next one, and I'm sorry it took me so long to review such a wonderful story.

Sophie :D

Author's Response: WHAT HOW DO I RESPOND TO THIS.

Okay. You liking Eloise and feeling like you've known her your whole life is without doubt the highlight of my day -- and let me tell you that I waded my way out of a thunderstorm two hours ago.

I once took an online Sorting quizz that sent me to Hufflepuff. I honestly don't think I'd go there (I'm not a particularly nice human being on a regular basis, if you really must know), but nonetheless I value the qualities associated to the house. Besides, I am fed up with Hufflepuff being the house for the characters you don't know what to do with.

Helen is quite cool, yes. Not that Eloise always agrees with that, but she doesn't know what's good for her.

Cormac is a lot of fun to write about, though he really needs a Bludger to the head to reduce the size of it! The chemistrh between the two is going to be interstin to see develop, yep.

Thank you so much Sophie (and pah, what is this about apologising? You don't even need to review in the first place!) ♥


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Review #22, by soufflegirl99Before They Fall: Accepting and Understanding

25th June 2013:
Okay, before I start, I just want to say how amazing and awesome this story is, and how it's probably the best Jily I've ever read, and I can say with confidence that quite a few people agree with me about that.

I loveee your portrayal of Remus - he's such an awesome cute character, and you're characterisation of him is just the best! The way he can reason with anybody reminded me of the relationship between him and Harry in the fifth book, and how like Sirius/James Harry was being. I think it was so moving the way you wrote about how Remus got turned, and it found it really touching, and I totally didn't have tears in my eyes...

The argument between James and Sirius was really unexpected and upredictible! But I think it was quite important, and showed how Sirius is actually really caring, not just for Belle, but towards all his friends. And I don't really have a side, as I agree with both of them - James should be a bit more considerate and keep a close eye on her, but he can't exactly always be next to her. I think it was really funny how Belle is sassy 24/7, and, on a side note, her and Sirius are unbelievabley cute together!

Eek! Can't believe there are only 4/5 chapters to go! I'm really sad about that, but so excited for the sequel! It's going to be awesome (but no pressure) :D Overall, another lovely and brilliant chapter, and I was pleased the pace was slower after last time's heart wrenching action one!

Sophie :D

Author's Response: Hi lovely face! How am I supposed to reply to the sweetness of that comment? I try so hard to hope that people are enjoying this and not convince myself they're just reading it to be nice, so the fact that you think it's a good Jily seriously just makes me want to hug you ♥

I loved that Sirius and James's argument showed how caring Sirius really is. I agree with them both too. I can't imagine being in either of the positions, but I'm happy you could see both sides of it! And that you think Belle and Sirius are cute together! I think so too, but I'm a little biased :P!

Awww haha you are so sweet Sophie. I hope the sequel does the kind of justice I want to their lives after Hogwarts, and the only reason I have the courage to write it is because of insanely sweet reviewers like you ♥

Thank you so much for another amazing review, Sophie! I love seeing you here. You spoil me!


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Review #23, by soufflegirl99The Signing: The Signing

25th June 2013:
The way this story is written is so attention grabbing, and suspenseful, and just completely and utterly awesome it's hard to really write it in words asdfghjkl.

You built up the tension really well, and you bring us in to a really sets this formal tone that engages the reader right away. You keep the tone up really well, and the hard hitting sentences like: "As much as he hated to admit it, Barty was scared." really help set the kind of following theme of power, and it made me question who really was in control of the ministry.

Your characterisation of Barty was spot on, by the way, and I loved the inner raging battle between himself, and seeing his character explored in depth. It really made me empathise more with him, and the way he's reluctant to sign it and yet wants to prevent the war is so touching. I especially loved the sentenceL "Barty Crouch was a winner" as that said a lot about what kind of minister, person and father he was - and it really gave a useful insight in to how his son could've rebelled against him. It made more sense that is son would've gone against such a controlling and determined father.

Overall, a terrific and superb characterisation of Barty, with an awesomely (is that a word?!) written inner turmoil. Woo! Go Sian!

Sophie :D

Author's Response: Sophie! Ah, I want to hug you right now!

I'm so pleased that you could feel the tension in the piece and that you thought the formal tone worked well!

Barty wasn't the easiest character to write, but I'm so happy you liked my characterisation of him. He's a very one-dimensional character in the books and I wanted to add another layer to his personality, showing that he did experience this inner turmoil while making the decision. At the same time I wanted to retain his methodical way of thinking, and give an insight about the sort of person he was. Writing this definitely helped me to understand why his son might have wanted to rebel against him, although he could certainly have found better ways to do it!

Thank you for this brilliant review - you just made my day!

Sian :)


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Review #24, by soufflegirl99Watering Petunias : Wither

25th June 2013:
This one shot is so awesome! I love the unique characterisation of Petunia - it's brilliant, and her thoughts, emotions and OCD is amazingly portrayed in such an inventive and original way.

I loved the bits that were in italics; her thoughts slipping through and the delivery of them in classic as well - you managed to slot them in just the right tone of the story. Sorry if that doesn't make sense!

The last line really punched me in the stomach (not literally...) and the way you wrote it...ah! It was just awesome, and the whole theme of gardening, and cleaning was maddeningly addictive and riveting. I've never seen Petunia as well written as this...you managed to perfectly capture such a complex character - combining her flaws, regrets and the real her we don't see much of in the book. I love the way you wrote her with a bit of a dry sense of humour, I always imagined her with that, and I thought it was really sweet how Vernon always kind of cared and looked out for her. That bit was really touching!

You describe OCD astonishingly well - I'm glad to say I've been lucky enough to never experience anything like it, but even little things like the way she dreams of the feeling of washing her hands is really shocking. Oh! That brings me to another thing; the relationship you write about between Lily and Petunia. I love the way how it isn't just Petunia winding Lily up, but Lily (who's often portrayed as this perfect figure) is just as mean and unkind back - especially with the whole cleaning thing in the last paragraph. Seriously, that was a low blow. The bits about how Lily mentions hogwarts makes me seriously empathise with Petunia, and I can kind of understand why Petunia hates magic now if all she can see of it is the bits Lily shows her.

Altogether a really memorable and fascinating one shot - aha, I can see why you found it horrible having the number 19!

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Review #25, by soufflegirl99Waiting Room: Green Eyes Against Blinding White

19th June 2013:
This one shot is absolutely brilliant - the whole afterlife idea is really original, your characterisation is spot on and I think it was altogether a fantastic and incredibly touching one shot.

It's very effective the way you make it so that they don't remember much after dying - I love the steps in James' head as he mentally goes through the past days events and tries to recall how he died. That was very insightful, and introduced us to James in a very inventive way. I love the way you prtrayed the relief when they find each other, and how beautiful he sees her as. This really added to how realistic they were as a couple (amazingly so - you write Jily so well!) and also made it even more moving and sad with the fact that they died.

The whole title, and the way Lily's still waiting to give Harry advice, is extremely unique and clever. I love how it connects with a memory, that it refers to when Lily was pregnant, and you tied in brilliantly with the end; managing to also hint at what they'd be doing in the future, which is very hard in the afterlife!

The characterisation of James and Lily is perfect; I adore how you've written them as these caring, relaxed parents - and the quirky bits of humour you add in make this even more enthralling and engaging. Hilarious lines such as: "flailing my arms like a pissed off adolescent," really make it a less tense story and lets the reader kind of settle in to it more. I love how this funny side of him is, in contrast to how distraught he is when he realizes Peter betrayed them. Oh! That's another thing, I thought you made Lily and James discover the truth really well, not to mention showed a Ravenclaw side to Lily. It broke my heart as I read when James discovers Peter betrayed them, and I thought it was tragic when they thought Frank and Alice would bring Harry up.

The plot is flawless; engaging, riveting and extremely moving. I think it's definitely the sort of one shot that's memorable and stays with you long after you've read it. The characters are so relatable, and you can really empathise with them. Also, it's an awesome take on death and the afterlife, and has connotations of purgatory too. This has been a compelling and altogether heart warming/breaking at the same time one shot, that was an absolute pleasure to read.

Sophie :D

Author's Response: Hi, sophie!

Wow, you sure know how to make somebody feel good about themselves. :) This story started out as a combination of a sudden obsession with afterlife fics and a need to take a break from Detox for a while. An awful lot is written about James and Lily before their deaths, so I'm really glad you liked my little glimpse into what might have happened just after Voldemort killed them.

The human mind is adaptable in a lot of pretty amazing ways, and I thought that James's mind would probably want to shield him from the horrible realization about how he died for as long as possible. So he has to muddle his way through until the terrible moment when it all comes back to him.

I liked the idea that James and Lily would exist in a sort of purgatory for a time, waiting to be there for Harry when he needed them the most. They both sacrificed so much to give him a chance to live, it just seemed appropriate to me.

I'm really pleased that you liked my James and Lily. I definitely owe a lot of credit to Jami's Before They Fall for all of my head canon on the two of them. And I don't like fics that portray either one of them as *too* mature, since they were both 21 when they died. Of everything that happens in the story, I agree that their thoughts about how Harry's life would turn out was the saddest. There really was no way they could have known how awful parts of Harry's life would be. :(

Thanks for all of your kind words! I'm really happy that you thought it was good. Thanks for the lovely review!


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