Reading Reviews From Member: patronus_charm
  
1,111 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patronus_charmBlack Sands: In Too Deep

22nd April 2014:
Is it strange to say that I actually found myself missing Helenís narration? You spoke about the challenges of first person narration in your authorís note, but I actually enjoyed it here because it meant finding this whole new aspect of the Ministry considerably less daunting as she was exploring it for the first time with me. I enjoyed the narration for another reason too, because it was interesting to find her thoughts considerably more muted and calm compared to before, and it was almost as if this change was almost over-whelming her so I liked that twist.

Helen and Moody were excellent again in this chapter! In fact, Moody was his most intriguing here with his little comment about thinking that Helen was different from the others. Iím still trying to puzzle over whether that means other girls heís liked, other English women or just witches in general, but Iím there will be an interesting explanation up your sleeve!

The Department of Antiquities was fantastic! It had the blend of wizards trying to merge into the local Muggle culture as they discussed what Helen could wear, and seeing that aspect has always interested me. Then just the general jobs they do such as code breaking and going into tombs, itís exactly what draws me into Ancient Egypt and you did such a great job of creating the atmosphere there I couldnít help but be drawn into it all and never wanting to leave it.

The ending to the chapter was really great! Iím still not entirely sure what to make of the master but giving how everyone seems to have secret motives for doing things here, Iíll remain neutral until I know more about him. Helenís mission sounds so interesting though, and I canít wait to see how you combine magical and mythological elements even more.

I definitely agree about the backstory should be a story in its own right, and if you ever do write it, you have an eager reader here! Another fantastic chapter!

-Kiana

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Review #2, by patronus_charmScars : Lovely Lavender

21st April 2014:
Hi Grace!

This was such an interesting story because Iíve never read about her through an OCís eyes before so it added a new layer to. I really loved Juno too, as she was just so sweet and encouraging and the perfect friend for her. Aw, they were so cute, I think I might need to go and read the companion story just so I can have some more of them!

I really loved how you wrote Lavender too, how the war seemed to have matured and calmed her so at least she could have something positive from it. I felt so bad for her though when at the beginning she was worried about what they think, but by the end she was bouncing in her chair and being able to wear her scars with pride. It was such a touching moment and almost brought me to tears.

At first I didnít know what to make of the waiter as it was just like ew who the hell are you and are you going to be mean to poor old Lavender and I really wanted to cheer her on, but I felt so proud of her opening up about them and saying where she got them, and then he was so cool about it and was even sort of impressed. It always amazes me how positive peopleís reactions can be to stuff like this, and I thought you wrote it really well.

Aw, this story was just so cute and I definitely fell in love with Juno and Lavender as they were so sweet and surprisingly well matched now I think about it. Great story, Grace!

-Kiana

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Review #3, by patronus_charmTime, Space, and Blunt Force Trauma: for old times' sake.

21st April 2014:
Whoo, for Sirius fics, I feel as if we need to start a trend for them as he really is a fab character and this was a fab story, as usual, teh!

Ah, your Sirius was fab! There was this weird energy, I guess pent up energy, throughout this one-shot and really made me agitated, and wanting to run around which just showed how well you wrote Sirius as I really could imagine how much he just wanted to be free and outside. Another thing I really liked was because he lost his youth in Azkaban, he was still mucking around, getting drunk, cracking jokes in a serious (haha, didnít intend the pun) situation whereas the others realised what was going, and that subtle difference in their maturity was really great.

I just loved all the canon things you included, there were so many from Kreacher, Buckbeak, the painting, a mention of Ronks (and I was just like ♥ ♥) and all the Order. I just admire how many things and people you included in quite a short story and they all had a purpose. I donít know why I admire that trait so much but whenever someone manages to do that itís just like whoo, so whoo!

Ooh and the fighting was super cool! I donít think Iíve read a fighting scene by you but write more, as this was great and so much fun! I really loved reading it from Siriusí perspective as it made it a lot more fun than from Harryís, as Sirius was just thinking of it as a game and Iím surprised he didnít saying whoo one point for me for hitting you and two points to Remus or whatever, because that was the energy he was projecting.

The afterlife ending thing was so super cool too! It had that lovely ethereal feel to it like in your other one-shot, and it felt all dreamy and sleeping I thought I was going to start floating around or something. It was just written fantastically as there were moments of reality when the boy made the serious joke, but then other points such as the end with the repetition it had this supernatural feel and the blend of all of that was really great!

Another fab one-shot!

♥ Kiana

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Review #4, by patronus_charmThe Lady and the Friar: laughter like bells

19th April 2014:
Hai. Hai. Hai. teh. (fun fact, when I type reviews on word it always wants to call you the, and itís like no the nameís teh, well actually Nicole, but Iíve called you teh for so long now, I canít give up on teh). Woah, that was a long fun fact.

Ahahaha, Iím only half way through the one-shot but here are some things I love about it: Barabbas Ė such a fab name, Helena is so cool and a bit rebel and fab, the way it seemed almost ethereal with all the singing and Latin due to your fab description, it was historical Hogwarts which was so cool. Ok, I will continue reading and give more detailed thoughts and things later.

Question Ė is Thomas Tuck the same one from Robin Hood, because if he is thatís so cool and yeah, itís like a crossover, whoo! I loved Thomas he was so cool and like yeah I shouldnít be going to a tavern, but I am anyway. Minor thing, I loved the descriptions of Hogsmeade in that time period, it was so much more fun to read then as it was all so refreshing and new for me.

Anyhow, I adored this one-shot, I loved this Helena because usually sheís all moody/flighty/angry and even though I sensed a bit of a rebel side to your one she was a lot more grounded and real which made it so much more fun to read. In fact, I enjoyed her so much I really wish your NaNo novel could appear as you had such a good grasp of Founders characters here, I want to see moar of them!

Another thing I liked was how you made me enjoy reading all about the Easter celebrations even though Iím not religious, I was like ah it looks rather fun I want to join in. Like I said before, it has this ethereal air about it which I guess naturally comes when you combine religion and magic and that was just a really cool feeling. I think it was the ending line which really gave it this mystical sort of feel if that makes sense.

Ok, this was another fabulous one-shot, and I have another one of yours to read tomorrow so whoo!

-Kiana

(also, I just read your AN and if you ever extend it let me know, as I loved this!)

Author's Response: DO NOT GIVE UP ON TEH. I ♥ this name too! :P You're gonna have to train your autocorrect / Word spellchecker.

Hey, hey, thank you for another fab review on my newest oneshot, eep. I was ahem, rushing through this one so it's still a bit underdeveloped to me, and quite empty. I must definitely come back and work on this piece, possibly turn it into a short story or something.

Fun fact: Barabbas is a biblical name! He's a murderer, and there's not much about him that I know of...er, well, I didn't have time to do much research. :P But yeah, he's a name associated with Good Friday so I thought it would be fun to throw that in there.

Bahaha, yes, I'm not sure myself if Tuck ever turns out to be the same Tuck as the Robin Hood legends! I'd love to think so, even though the timelines wouldn't match, if we're going to be accurate. I'm pretty sure Robin Hood was somewhere in the 1400s, and the Hogwarts Founders Era is somewhere in the tenth or eleventh century. I heard there were no barons back then, or even friars - though there were monks. I'm glad you like this tavern-going monk. I had much fun writing him, and I want to write him a bit more as this sometimes-devout man who enjoys life a bit too much. :P

Ahh, I'm glad you like the descriptions of the places and stuff. I didn't have time to think things too carefully and in too much detail, but earlier on I'd borrowed a few children's books on the Middle Ages for my little boy, and so there was me doing very quick research through children's books instead of being overloaded by Google's excess of info.

I MEANT THIS TO HAVE A FLUFFY ENDING. Seriously, I did. Helena was SO MUCH MORE AWESOME in my fluffy-ended version, but unfortunately, I ran out of words, and so I had to revert to my default, which is not-fluff.

And aww, my NaNo novel. I'll probably be going back to it time to time...not to finish it but to snip more pieces out of it and make new stories! So you'll be reading fragments of it and the characters now and then. :D

I had a lot of trouble trying to think how Easter is celebrated in medieval times. I know people were religious, and they probably had to cut out a lot of food during Lent, including meat haha. And I love reading and writing fics which combine religion and magic - there's a mystical quality to these stories which I really like.

YAY, thank you for this wonderful review, Kiana! ♥ ♥

teeeh


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Review #5, by patronus_charmSpectacular Now: Spectacular Now

19th April 2014:
Hi Georgia, I was just reading through the entries for the challenge and came across this and had to leave a review because it made my feels crumble to the ground so much and was just perfect (though it probably didn't help I had Adele on in the background while reading and all her songs are so sad so it was just even worse).

I loved all of it so much, the way you used the quote was so original and amazing and it just snuck up on me really and that worked so well because it felt as if it was meant to be there. Also, I love the idea of Fred the ghost as he made me laugh way too much, and was just generally a brilliant ghost. I really loved how much George and his family meant to him and how happy he was to see him them grow up as it just made me a feel better that he was somewhat content in the afterlife (if you can be!). I think the best thing was he was just like Fred's a good name, and so sincerely too, it made me laugh so much (must stop saying that).

The beginning was so touching too, with the way George didn't care that his children didn't look like him, he just loved them no matter what. Gah, I think that's when my heart exploded then, because I always thought he would be a good father and that just showed it all right then. George and Angelina were really perfect together there, especially the way they were going to buy The Burrow together as it was just so cute and yeah.

Ok, I'm going to leave this review here, because I think being ill addled with my brains slightly and made me repeat a lot of things and sound stupid, but I loved this one-shot, it was just so fantastic :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for leaving me such a fantastic review!!

Ooo. Adele might not go too well with this story. You might need to reboot on the feels.

When I read the quote, that's just immediately what came to my mind. I'm glad you thought that it fit there.

Fred's got a rough exterior, but being dead has softened him. Haha, that sounds so morbid!!

I don't think he's stuck in the mortal world forever. I think he'll find peace even more than he already has.

I honestly included the bit about his kids not looking like him because I get a little bit peeved when people portray Freddie and Rox as white people that are a little bit darker. I ended up almost cutting it because of the word count, but I decided that I really liked it in there.

I've always pictured them moving into the Burrow. I picture Bill as becoming the sort of patriarch of the family, but George and Angelina become the heart and the core of it.

I'm going to leave this response here because I'm rambling a little. I will admit, though, that I don't think you got me sick. It was probably the fact that I work with young children 15 hours a week.

Thanks again for such an amazingly sweet review!!!

-Georgia


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Review #6, by patronus_charmWait: Gabrielle

19th April 2014:
Whoo, Iím finally feeling a bit better so I can start getting onto all the things I owe you :P

Ooh, I really loved this story because I really love stories which write about canon events but from a different POV from Harryís as it just makes it so much more interesting and really made this a great read. As well as the different POV, the second person POV worked really well here, I think it made Fleur more relatable which was a good thing given how haughty and reserved she tends to be, so this really made me see her in a different light.

This one-shot really got to me as I never really thought about Fleur being alone and not having many friends and the fact you made her like that here, was just gah, so many feels. I think it was all the little things such as Madam Maxime being the one to comfort her, the way she clung onto her sister so desperately and the way the other girls looked at her. All those things just built up a great picture for me, though a very sad one about what Fleurís life was like.

The way you included all the little canon things such as Cedric and Krum appearing and the Grindylow attacks was really great but what made it even better was how you put a spin on it with the memories Fleur had of her sister and how close they were. I knew how close Harry was to Ron, but for Krum, Fleur and Cedric their attachments to the people was never fully explained but now it has, I can place that scene into context a lot more and I love it when I can do that.

Gah, this one-shot gave me so many more feels than I expected Emily, so thank you for writing such a great entry!

-Kiana

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Review #7, by patronus_charmBecause of James Potter: Because of James Potter

19th April 2014:
Sorry I only just got to this, being ill does hamper my reviewing but it was probably a good thing I left it until now as it crushed all my feels and that wouldnít have made me get better any quicker!

Ah, you actually made me want to hug Snape and you made me cheer him on throughout this which was pretty weird as usually I canít really stand him and Iím not a big fan at all. I thought you wrote his character really well and the narration suited him really well as I viewed him a different way to then I usually would.

Ok, what I really mean to say is that the Lily and Snape you showed here was really perfect as they were still both so innocent and full of hope that everything would work out and they could always be best friends. I really loved that as we so rarely get to see that innocent side of them, even if it was only shown here for a few moments.

The ending complimented it perfectly with the way James came along and made Snape run, showing perhaps that Snape could have been the better, nicer person for Lily, but it was just circumstances which made it be James instead. That actually left me thinking a lot, because if this did actually happen I wonder how much this effected Snapeís decision to go and join the Death Eaters.

One final thing I want to say is how well you showed the darker side to James, and that he wasnít that nice at all. Iíve noticed people turn it down quite a bit, but what they did to Snape there was really horrible and that was definitely the point where I wanted to go and hug him. Seriously, you made me feel so much from squeeing over Snape and Lily, cheering on Snape, and then yelling abuse at James.

This was such an interesting one-shot, and thank you so much for entering it for the challenge!

-Kiana

Author's Response: That's fine, it's not your fault you were ill. Hope you're okay :)

Thank you so much! I'm not a fan of adult-Snape but kid-Snape was a nice guy at SOME point.

You have just made my week with this review, thank you so much. That's exactly what I was trying to do and I'm so glad it worked.

No, he wasn't nice at all. Aw, that's so sweet, thank you so much :)

Thanks for posting the challenge!

-Karou


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Review #8, by patronus_charmForever and a Day: Forever and a Day

10th April 2014:
Hey Sarah!

This was so cute! It was another one-shot which had this letter sort of feel to it, but thankfully with a lighter subject matter because I donít think I could handle any more angst after last time. I really loved the little intro so we could get settled into the one-shot if that makes any sense and it set the scene for it perfectly.

I really loved the use of the song lyrics and how they acted as internal questions in a way and then she answered them. It was so adorable to see how much she loved her son and how much she almost wanted to do George, and Fred too, proud with him so they can show that though there was a war it can have a brighter end.

The way she started dreaming about itís like was so sweet. I think the line about still being there even when you donít call me mummy was so cute and just so adorable, then the bit her loving him for as long as she lives. It fitted the song so well, I was actually listening to it while reading to get into the mood of it more and they went so well together.

Wow, your writing is improving so much every time I check out your page, keep it up!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey Kiana!

You're not the first person to say that! I didn't realize how kind of similar it was until after I posted it. But I like it! I think it works best for the way I wanted to write this. I'm glad you liked the way I started it off. I actually had to add that as an after-thought because my word count was too short.

I had a pretty hard time combining all of the song lyrics and making it work, and finally I settled on this way so I'm glad that you liked the way I kind of had them be her thoughts, too. I'm just so glad that you liked all of it. Ugh. That mummy line killed me, and I'm not even a mum. I'm trying to hit those mom's right in the feels.

KIDDING. Kind of.

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH! You're so sweet!! ♥

xoxo Sarah ♥


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Review #9, by patronus_charmIt Is the Colour of Joy: You Smile...

10th April 2014:
Hi there, here to review your challenge entry!

I really loved the style choices in here with all the little segments making up the full story as it just gave it a much broader and wider view of Astoria and Dracoís lives. I remember your other one-shot about them which I really enjoyed, and now I think back to it, we really do get the full view of them both, and itís amazing how I feel as if I know theyíre story in about 1,000 words.

The use of repetition worked so well with the second person narrative, it was almost as if it wouldnít work nearly as well if it was in any other one. It just showed how much he meant to her, and it was almost as if she couldnít believe that Draco was with her hence all the repetition as it was as if she had to ensure her mind that this was really happening.

I thought you wrote Draco and Astoria so well together too, it really made me squee just seeing how cute they were. I think the cutest part was the ending how even though they had issues and problems, she was still so happy about being pregnant and you could sense her excitement as she told him. Gah, it was just so adorable and I donít think Iíve read anything so cute in a while.

Thank you for such a great entry, it was so much fun to read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello! *waves*

Ah! Thank you! It was a little risky changing the style in each segment, but I was finding it exceptionally difficult to write in just one style in second person, so I kept switching. I must admit that I really enjoyed playing with tenses, since they're usually not my favourite thing. I'm glad that you feel as if you know Draco and Astoria's relationship. Everything is really vague in both stories!

I was pleasantly surprised by how well second person lends itself to repetition! I love using this device, and so I'll definitely be trying out second person again, almost solely for this reason. I like to think of their relationship is really very strong, but both of them feel as if it's quite delicate. It creates an interesting dynamic.

If you can believe it, they're even more adorable in my head. It's quite sickening, even for me. I'm really happy that you enjoyed reading this. Have fun reading the rest of the entries. I'm looking forward to taking a look myself :)


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Review #10, by patronus_charmThe Voice: Chapter One

9th April 2014:
I assumed reviewing this would be fine as you posted it last time plus it looks interesting!

Wow, this was really cool! I loved the stylistic choices with how you mixed up the flashbacks and the present tense as it made this one-shot so much fuller if that makes sense and provided such a wide perspective of what happened to Pansy and how that caused her to act later on. It made the story have a really creepy story too throughout as you were never really sure what the voice was going to say or suggest next and it was just like ahaha drama!

I would watch your grammar in places as in some places you forgot possessive apostrophes and in other cases your dialogue punctuation was off, with missing commas and such. There are some really great tutorials on the forums on how to improve and I really suggest reading them as it helped me a ton and theyíre really easy to understand too.

I really loved how you tied this into Draco and Pansyís relationship though. It was really interesting to see them together as it was a different take to how I tend to see them with Draco cheating on Pansy (was it with Hermione with the blood status comment), and then how he begs to have her back. At first I was like whoo girl power say no to the cheater, and then when the voice turned more and more evil with the way it kept on calling her beautiful to make her believe it and the darker and darker thoughts it kept on feeding her, it was just like no Pansy be girl power and ignore it donít listen to it.

I really wish there could be a follow up story to this as it will be interesting to see whether she goes through with it and what the consequences of it are. This was such an interesting one-shot!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana :)

Sorry for not responding any sooner.

It is totally fine that you picked this :) I'm so glad you liked it. But yeah, I really have to learn a few things about grammar and punctuations and so on. I have read a few topics in the forums, they're great! I may have to re-read them again, haha :)

Hmm. I was actually thinking of Hermione while writing this but I made sure her name wasn't mentioned. I was surprised you guessed it was her :)

Yeah, Pansy is really 'weak' in this story, and I wanted the voice to be one of her strengths. Obviously not in a good way and I'm glad you observed that!

Thank you so much for your review :) And I'll take in your suggestion and read the tutorials in the forums.

- Avi


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Review #11, by patronus_charmPlay the Devil: The Feast

9th April 2014:
Ahahah, this chapter was so cool!

First of all, I loved seeing Rose get dressed it just made me laugh so much how you just cling onto that one random thing no matter what just to feel some comfort in a strange and for her that was her underwear. I can see why the others must of thought it was weird, and it was just such a great moment. I felt for her so much again when she stumbled into the hall late and everyone was staring at her, but it seemed to be in typical Rose style really.

This chapter was so cool with all the historical cameos from people and yeah it was fab! I think the small historical touches were really great with Rose forgetting that you had to address people with their titles such as your grace, and then all of the meat. The vegetarian inside of me was feeling very sick and I really hope time travel doesnít actually exist because I donít know what I would eat if I was sent there :P

I loved how we were getting deeper into the politics of the time such as the Lovells making an appearance, and then the hints to the old civil war with Edward and then the future one with Henry and Richard. Gah, all those times Richard was referred to as a loyal as a dog, I was just like uhuh he stole the crown from his nephew, not so loyal. I really canít wait to see what happens with that aspect of the story and the battle of Bosworth. Maybe his death is what finally stops Rose going back in time.

The ending with Anne Lovell running after Richard was really interesting as I canít remember them ever having an affair, but then it seemed like it there. But I really hope it isnít true as he and Rose had such cute little moments in this chapter which were so sweet and yeah.

This review felt very rambly so hopefully it makes some sense to you!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :) Ahh, I'm so sorry for taking ages to respond to this, once again. This week has been crazy. :(

I'm so glad you liked this chapter! I love how I'm finally posting the chapters which happen in the past, it's quite exciting. And yes! I feel like simple things like that would be such a big adjustment when going to a time when things were less...comfortable. And haha, yes, typical Rose. :P She has the worst luck and she's quite awkward, but I do love her for it.

I'm glad you liked the historical cameos! I can only imagine what it would be like to adjust to all the etiquette rules but I'm sure it would be difficult to adjust to. Hahaha, from what I've read it seems like the rich would just feast on meat, I'm sorry if it made you feel sick! I think the lower classes would probably eat more broth and porridge type stuff but the nobles would enjoy their hearty meals. I'm a bit of a carnivore but thinking about eating the pig was a little excessive.

Yes! I felt like that would be really important and politics would always be on everybody's mind. And yup! I'm quite excited to get to that part way down the line as it's one of the most interesting things about his character and shows how evil he acts in the future. It's so exciting to pull in all these historical details in the story.

Anne is up to something, for sure. :) Hehe, I'm excited for readers to see more of Annie as she's quite a contentious character in my mind.

Thanks so much for the amazing review, I loved it! :) ♥


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Review #12, by patronus_charmMagpie: Trouble

9th April 2014:
Finally here!

Ooh this was a really interesting chapter! I loved the start of it, it was so dramatic. I really hoped their cloak would be one like Harryís and couldnít be summoned but I guess it not being part of the Hallows does make it less likely :P Gah, Dawlish, I always hated that guy, though I canít help but fear for Verity that heís only going to go out of his way to annoy her even more now. Plus, the fact he saw that Umbridge had it in for George certainly doesnít look good, so weíll just have to hope everything works out for them.

Arthurís cameo was lovely and I really enjoyed seeing him there, and I do hope we get to see more of the Weasley family as time passes. They made such a funny trio and even though it was meant to be a serious situation as they got caught breaking into the Ministry, they still all had their little banter going and that just lightened the mood. Aw, they were just all so cute and thatís all I can really say :P

Whoo, theyíre going on a break! Sebastian was rather creepy in that section, though I think it may have just been the comment about snogging which made me think that, as itís making me wonder who heís got his sights on and whether heís been having an affair or not. Ooh, I really hope this brings George and Verity closer too as that would be so sweet and I would really love for that to happen.

More information about the secret society! And a secret book too! I canít decide which one will be more interesting as I imagine the first will shed more light on Penelopeís death and perhaps which side she was really working for. Then with the book it could be linked into that or it could be linked into George as I have a feeling it might be from him.

A great chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hola! :)

Hehe, so much drama! I wanted to make that whole scene quite awkward for Verity, and just to show how unlucky she is. And Dawlish definitely has his eye on Verity, and not in a good way. I felt that Dawlish and Umbridge would be cronies (or at least fake friends :P) and so he would follow her pretty loyally and hate those she hated.

Aw, I'm so glad you liked Arthur! Writing the Weasleys was quite intimidating but I enjoyed it. Arthur is one of those characters who is quite light-hearted and easy-going, but of course he has his passionate moments as well, so I enjoyed balancing his parental figure with his lovely, teasing Arthur-ness. His fatherly concern for Verity was very important as well.

Yes! Sebastian is creepy and moody, but we're seeing him through Verity's eyes and she's quite sick of him and being a little mean. After all, she did kiss somebody else, and Seb isn't strictly a bad guy. But I'm excited to post the next few chapters so you guys can see what happens as well! :D The drama is far from over.

Ooh, I love your theories about the book. I've been carrying this chapter around in my head for a while when working on Camp NaNo but replying to this review is making me excited to post it.

Thanks so much for the amazing review, Kiana! ♥


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Review #13, by patronus_charmThe Wild Rose: Chapter One

7th April 2014:
Hi!

Wow, I loved your take on Scorpius here it was such a great change from the usual playboy person he is. I guess he was still a playboy with all these girls he was dating and then killing, but he had such a creepy air about him it was so much fun to read. Throughout the one-shot there were flickers of what really lay beneath it all, but Iím so glad that you didnít reveal all his evilness until the end as it made for a much more interesting read.

Ok, I have to admit, after remembering you asked for a faceclaim for both Lily and Rose, I had a feeling about half way through the story what the twist could be, but if it hadnít been for that I wouldnít have realised. All the mentions of roses and flowers in general, then obviously when you say Scorpius the answer is Rose, so the fact the answer was Lily this time was a great twist. I think the closing lines with Lily questioning why Scorpius called her that were the best ones, as it sort of made me question Scorpiusí sanity too, and whether he was all there (obviously killing people is a big sign of that too, but yaíknow. :P)

This was such an intriguing read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana!

I am so happy you loved my take on him. I didn't write much about him, as I would have wanted to, but I wanted to write him as mysterious, so the ending could be a surprise.

Oh yes, where I asked about Lily and Rose. A little give away, but I hoped no one remembered or noticed it :b hehe.

I loved those lines too. I took them from the song I was inspired from. Lily didn't really think of it, and thought that he recognized her as her and not her cousin. But she didn't realize it till the very end.

Thank you so much for your review! It made me so happy.

Big hug,
Avi


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Review #14, by patronus_charmOver My Head: Of Supposed Best Friends and Extreme Ginger Syndrome

6th April 2014:
Hi!

This was off to a really interesting start! I liked how her family isnít the most normal one with divorced parents, and how her mum never managed to fulfil her dreams because of the drinking as it made a change from the usual background I come across. That was seen again with how she wasnít the best of friends with the Weasleys and didnít even seem to want to be friends with them all that much as usually itís the other way round. Then there was the rival Weasley clan almost and that made me laugh a lot :P

I would just watch your narration style now and then. At first you started off as really informal with the use of totally and exaggeration but then there were a few slip-ups such as here ĎI wonder if it was wise to insult the children and cousins of the man who saved the world.í were just felt really formal compared to the rest of the chapter, so I would read it again and check for consistency in narration styles so it doesnít detract from the flow of the story.

Alyssa seems to be a really interesting character though and her friend Pippa. In fact, you do have a really interesting cast of characters who all seem to have unique personalities so it will be interesting to see where this story goes, especially with Alyssa and Albus.

I thought this was a really good start!

-Kiana

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Review #15, by patronus_charmLove and Be Loved: Hope Is Real

5th April 2014:
Hi lovely!

Sarah, this is seriously some of your best writing yet! Every time I read something new of yours itís improved so much but this was really, really amazing! I think the rawness in Fleurís voice and the unexpectedness of the story and her revelation is what made it for me. I always viewed Fleur as this sort of perfect being with god like characteristics so seeing her here, not on her pedestal but as this humbled person trying to save her niece from the same mistakes was truly moving and I think you did an amazing job with Fleurís characterisation as it really will make me look at her in a different light because itís making me wonder whether this perfection was a mask for something else.

The quotes embedded into the story really gave it another perspective and I really enjoyed them. It raised awareness for the charity so much and it really made me want to look into a little more, and it just showed me how much of Roseís pain was born out of her thinking she wasnít loved and that was so sad, and know my feels are lying on a crumpled pile on the ground :P

There were so many moments which really got to me but Iíll just have to list a few instead otherwise it can go on for a while. I think the first one was when Fleur said she noticed the scars on the back of Roseís legs as that shocked me so much as I didnít see it coming and made me want to hug Rose and get her to spew out her problems so we could help her. Then when Fleur was telling Rose she understood what she was going through and knew she could help her it was so sweet and yeah, I loved it as it was so moving.

I think the most touching one was when Fleur was like if you carry on you wonít be making your mother cry at your wedding or have your cousins pet over your children as you will be dead, and that harshness of that really hit home how serious the situation was. Gah, I donít really know what to say but this was such a powerful one-shot and really fantastic Sarah! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Oh my goodness Kiana, you literally just made my morning. You are so sweet. ♥

Thank you SO much! I really appreciate it! I'm so glad you felt that way about Fleur, because that's what I wanted you to feel. I purposely took two characters that are perceived as perfect (Especially Fleur) and show that even they could have such huge flaws and doubts. I'm so flattered that you liked it so much.

Thanks, hon! I'm glad it made you want to look into it! They're an amazing organization that does such amazing work it just humbles me to think of what they do. YAY I GAVE YOU FEELS. (it's okay, I cried when I wrote it).

Oh gosh, I'm blushing now, you're just being too sweet. I want to give you a thousand hugs and harts for this lovely lovely review. It was so sweet, and I'm so glad you liked it and thank you so much for reviewing (and posting a status telling other people to review, you sweet girl you)

Thanks again hon! ♥

xoxo Sarah ♥


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Review #16, by patronus_charmPerfectly Pansy: A Proper Pureblood Witch

5th April 2014:
Hi, here with your challenge review!

Pansyís characterisation was really interesting here. It was something Iíve never really seen before as it usually tends to be her being the girly girl or her being pitied as itís after the war, but here it was more in touch with her evil, darker side and that was so much fun. I could really see how she connected with Draco there as they held so much contempt for Gryffindors and the Weasleys that it made me laugh so much that they fitted so well with one another.

I really liked the use of second person pov too, because it sort of made me question whether this vile side was really Pansy or whether thereís something else lurking in there which could reveal another side to her. It almost acted as a mask for her, hiding each move she made and that was a really interesting thing to do and made me read it in a different way.

You included such a range of characters in this from Milicent to Ernie Macmillian I really have to applaud you for making them all have a purpose and fitting them into a relatively small one-shot. My favourite cameo appearance as such was Draco as it was so interesting to see them interact. Again, this was another take on Pansy by showing that Draco cared for her and wanted to be with her as he revealed that secret to her and kissed her rather passionately shall we say and it was almost rather sweet seeing these evil people finding solace in one another :P

This was such an interesting one-shot and thank you for submitting it to the challenge!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana,

Thanks for the review - and thank you for coming up with the challenge. I originally started writing this for another challenge and my first choice was already taken so I got "stuck" with Pansy. I tried for weeks to write it, but it just wasn't working. I saw your challenge and started toying around with second person POV and the story started flowing!

I really wanted to portray Pansy as a character who had been brainwashed to act a certain way and was expected to behave according to her parents' ideals. I hope it came across.

Thanks again!

Beth


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Review #17, by patronus_charmThe Deathly Children: At The Churchyard Again

2nd April 2014:
Yayaya, Iím sort of glad I didnít have time to review this straight after reading it as it gave me an excuse to come and read it again now Iím reviewing it :D

I loved the opening section when Bathilda discovered Kendra and Ariana as it was such a fantastic way to fit it with canon and made me view it in a completely different way. Your characterisation of Kendra was so fantastic I can barely describe it but it fitted perfectly with how I imagined her. There was the fierce loyalty to her daughter and the secret and the way she almost became predatory when Bathilda suggesting contacting St. Mungoís about her illness and then had to immobilise her. You humanised her though and it seemed as if she did regret what she had to do even if it meant protecting Ariana and that mix of emotions was really great!

Can I just say that I love Aberforth thanks to you? In that scene with Gellert I was just cheering him along throughout as heís just so good and loving and caring. He genuinely just wants to do whatís best for his sister and seeing that is so touching as sibling love is so rarely explored, and that contrasted nicely with this cold and vicious character of Gellert. I really liked it for another reason as this altercation gave some background as to why they never really got on and it will be interesting what future spats the pair of them have.

The scene at the graveyard with Ariana and Aberforth was so touching (I swear I use that word all the time when mentioning him :P). It just tied in really well with what I just said about Aberforth and we got to see more about the vulnerable character of Ariana. I canít help but wonder whether because she senses Albus blames her for their motherís death it will make her deteriorate more rapidly or not.

Ooh so they met! I almost canít cheer them on after Gellert got into that fight with Aberforth, but on the other hand theyíre both so curious Iím so happy we get to see them together as theyíre so fascinating to read. Again, I canít help but wonder whether Albusí infatuation with Gellert will make him believe in the Hallows more or whether he genuinely does think they exist.

A fabulous chapter, teh!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Gaahhh, Kiana! ♥

THANK YOU yet again for another fabulous review! Honestly, I feel so lucky to have you as a follower of this story; from the start, I didn't think I'd get many readers for this, because of the not-so-popular era and my slow updating speed. So, have more hearts: ♡ ♡ ♡ ❥

Aslkjlasf your comments on Kendra THANK YOU. She was one of the main characters in the original NaNo novel, but not in this fic, since she's already deceased. But still, I have a lot of material that I've written about her, so I feel like I know her character pretty well. Above all things, she wants to hold her family together, even if it means that her actions become a little morally ambiguous. Poor Bathilda, she hardly stood a chance against Kendra. But then again, Kendra is dead and Bathilda isn't, and won't be, at least not for a very long time.

Aberforth is seriously one of the biggest surprises for me. When I began writing, I thought that he would be sidelined a little, while I focused on Ariana, Albus and Gellert. But somehow he started playing a larger role in the story, which of course makes things more balanced, and develops the Dumbledore siblings in more detail. And also makes things far more complex to write. :P Aberforth, despite his odd nature, is the one who loves and adores Ariana the most, and this is something that she recognises. I also didn't expect Aberforth to meet Gellert first, but then I rearranged the chapter and thought, hmm, this is odd, I don't know if it will work, but let's try it out and see.

And YES, they met. That was like, the hardest scene to write EVER. My gosh. I honestly hope I did those two justice! As for the Hallows, you'll have to read more to find out! Wait, that means I have to write the next chapter. :P (I'm planning that out, and hopefully it won't take too long!)

Thank you so much for coming back to read, Kiana! ♥

teh


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Review #18, by patronus_charmlow tide: a meditation

2nd April 2014:
*sobs to self and attempts to get up from puddle of feels*

What did you do to me Kristin? I knew it was going to be a heart-breaking story because most relating to George, but this was like rip me to shreds and then trample on top of me feels. Gah, it was so sombre and beautiful and 2nd person pov really helped with that. It felt as if George was almost detached from his body and he was just floating around as a spectre of some sort which worked so well as he felt as if he was one without Fred and how could he cope without his twin as they were so intertwined, and it really felt as if George had lost half of himself.

You included so many other characters for such a short story and thatís so impressive. We had the lovely images of Lee and Angelina in the background showing how you can move on from this grief and there is this end to it, and I could feel in the back of Georgeís mind that he wanted to join them. Then the lovely bit about Percy and Ron, and it just made me chuckle a little about the adorable sibling memories. Finally all thoughts about he and Fred were heart-breaking! Gah, I canít even describe them in detail as it will make me choke too much but it was beautiful!

The imagery with the beach and the way you tied Georgeís emotions into that too was truly fantastic. I think my favourite one was the bit about the sandcastle and how the last he made one was with Fred. Then how their sandcastle got washed away was like Fred being taken from him but there was still hope for George as that was the natural cycle. And yeah, it was so beautiful and really made me want to cry.

This was such a heart-breaking one-shot but I loved reading all of it! Thank you so, so much for entering the challenge :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana! Aw, I apologise for the feels. *hands over chocolate and hugs*

I'm really glad you liked the use of second person here, and that you pointed out the feeling of detachment. That's exactly what I was going for - I wrote it slightly in the style of a guided meditation, and those always kind of encourage detachment from the things around you (and although it's kind of opposite here in that the focus is on what's going on around him and he's instead detached from himself) I'm glad that sense of detachment came through. Gah, I'm starting to make no sense at all. Moving on...

I'm glad you liked the sibling memories, and the way they lined up with he Fred memories. Yeah you're right, I think part of George wanted to join Lee and Angelina in building the castle, but part of him is still not ready to let go of the past.

I liked what you said in your last paragraph there, and I'm glad there is a feeling of hope conveyed in this fic; it's kind of hidden I suppose, but it's there (or at least meant to be there) and I'm happy it came across that way to you.

Thank you sooo much for this amazing review!!! ♥♥♥


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Review #19, by patronus_charmHere Comes the Flood: Here Comes the Flood

31st March 2014:
Whoo, Iím here earlier than expected :D

Ah this one-shot was so amazing Sian! The way you fitted everything into canon events and made it all so believable is what amazed me the most because while I was reading at first I was just like no, how could Blaise be part of the DA it just wouldnít have happened, but by the end of it I was cheering him along and hoping that he could be recognised for his bravery in some way or another.

Blaiseís character was really fantastic and I loved how you showed that there was a brave side to Slytherins and that there was a nice side to them too, and I guess most importantly of all, that they wanted to fight against the Death Eaters. I think the way it worked with Blaise was how you gradually built up that thought in him throughout the story until he was fully resolved to join them, and take a lead part in what they did as it made a lot more realistic.

I loved the way Blaise went and got a detention just to talk to the others. It just showed how much he truly wanted to be part of the cause and that was shown again in how genuinely felt for fear for them all. I think the most poignant moment with that was how Luna disappeared and then Ginny, and then there was the risk of Neville going too as it made the danger so much more real seeing it like that.

Then finally the imagery with the water and how the final battle started was really fantastic and I felt so brave of Blaise at that point in how much he had changed and how he really wanted to win this for the DA. This showed house unity so well, and it was such a fantastic one-shot to read too!

-Kiana

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Review #20, by patronus_charmClementine: Clementine

31st March 2014:
Hey Laura! Can I just say your banner is stunning!

Ah, this was so adorable. I donít even know where to start as I just want to have a massive squee fest which wouldnít make much sense and use a ton of exclamation marks so I will try and write something coherent instead :P

I really adored the use of second person narrative here, it really fitted with Fleurís character really well as it introduced this vulnerable side to her, and showed more of her flaws as this shy and almost insecure girl when it came to love. That worked so well with her character as sheís usually such a haughty person whereas here it really drew me into her and made me want to get to her know her and find out why she loved Bill and that was a great twist.

You had some really lovely description in here too! I think some of my favourite lines were discussing the dresses and colours as your use of imagery there was really beautiful. I think this Ď A soft, apricot orange in summer; a darker, bolder pumpkin orange in winterí was my favourite because the way you connected it to food made it so much more vivid and it was a different way of describing things too which is also a good thing to find!

The Bill in here was probably the cutest I have seen so far. I think it was the way he didnít notice her at first (or was too shy to like Fleur was) and then the way he didnít go to lunch with her to practice his French. Gah, I was like in squee heaven and yeah it was so cute which is saying something for me as Iím usually not a massive fan of fluff as itís too overdone but this was really great.

You left it in such a happy note too and it was the perfect way to tie up the one-shot! Thanks for such a fab entry, it was so much fun to read :D

-Kiana

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Review #21, by patronus_charmPandemonium: Lucky Dip

29th March 2014:
Ok, a speedy review as Iím going out soon but yay for an update!

I love how you set the scene of the opening of the shop because it just seemed so normal and almost a little dull given the craziness one tends to associate with Weasleyís Wizard Wheezes, but it just did such a great job of lulling into security when the chaos happened it was just like woah. Also, I loved all the little hints about George and Angelina and how she forced him to take business seriously it was so cute!

I love the idea of the ghost sort of thing. Iím not really sure what to call it, but it was so cool, because there was that lovely tender moment when George remembered his brother and how they always wanted to set up a shop in Hogsmeade and then Colin goes and appears and starts talking to Harry. It was so Colin like to come and warn him about the ghost it made me forget all about the feels of him dying!

Only the Weasley children would go and get excited about the prospect of some crazy curse coming to town, so just seeing them turn into children again made me laugh. You did a great job of capturing all of them then so I could enjoy all of their reactions which was really great. I especially enjoyed Rowena and Hermioneís sort of spat as you would expect them to be great friends straight away but to see the reverse made me laugh a lot.

A great chapter, Sian and I canít wait for the final one!

-Kiana

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Review #22, by patronus_charmConnect the Dots: hermione

29th March 2014:
Hi Gina! I was so excited to read this as I have a soft spot for Hermione/Krum stories, I just so rarely come across them.

Wow, this piece was just stunning really! I think the thing which made it for me was how you started each section with the time as it matched Hermioneís methodical mind so well and helped placed in the story. It was also good for another reason because I usually only see that in mysteries whereas this was a romance story, so seeing this calculated thing merged with love created this strange feeling which went well with the whole story as you never really knew what was going to happen next.

Another thing I really enjoyed was your narration style how you only said the things which needed to and skirted around the issue of Ron throughout as that kept us guessing about what was going to happen. Gah, I feel as if Iím not describing what I mean to say very well. I guess the best thing to say was sort of fairytale like, how Hermioneís thoughts were a sort of mixed until she came back from Krumís and realised what she really wanted for her and Rose.

Your descriptions were fantastic in this! From Ginny being pregnant and Roseís small cries, to the love Hermione still felt for Viktor and the part when they looked at each otherís photos. I thought you had all of their idiosyncrasies down perfectly and it really did feel like we were just coming back to all of these characters a few years later and it really felt natural.

I think the ending was my favourite mainly because it was left a little ambiguous because weíre wondering whether it does go the canon way and Hermione ends up with Ron, or the small hope of mine which is Hermione and Krum somehow end up together. Then again, I do think when Hermione said she would never see him again, that was true so Iím guessing the canon way is the right one.

Anyhow, I really loved this one-shot and if a sequel to it is posted, let me know as I would love to read it :D

-Kiana

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Review #23, by patronus_charmLion Hearted Girl: Lion Hearted Girl

22nd March 2014:
Hi there, here to review your entry!

I really liked the structure of this and how you made it span all of Ginnyís life as we really got a full picture of her then, from when she was the young, shy girl faintly dreaming of Harry and then up to when she was an adult and had won him and was this lion hearted girl (minor thing, but I loved how the title tied in with the story, it was really cool!).

I think the fact the story started and ended with this hopeful tone of her life being a good one, and then interspersed with the moments of sadness with Fred dying was really great and gave us a really wide variety of emotions. It also fitted Ginnyís character really well as she was always this fiery sort of girl so the fact her emotions sort of exploded across the story (ok, a bad description but I canít think of a good one right now :P) just portrayed her character really well.

The way you showed the importance of family ties and how much the Weasley family meant to Ginny was really great, especially this line Ďyour six Big Brothers became four and a half broken ones.í As it sort of showed how because they were broken, she had to be the strong one, the one who protected all of them. I never really thought about how Fredís death could change Ginny so it was really interesting to read it here because it isnít covered too much in stories.

I really liked the use of second person POV because throughout the story Ginny was changing from the shy girl to the brave one, so we never really knew who she was in a way so the use of narration complimented it really well, because I canít really imagine the story having the same sense of sadness and nostalgia in another POV.

Thanks for this great entry, it was fun to read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! Ginny is a very strong, complex character and the prospect of doing her justice, even in the smallest way, is the whole reason behind this story. (Also I love the description of her emotions exploding across the story, and I'm absolutely flattered!) I think in canon we see some of the effect growing up with six brothers had on Ginny and they were all very important to her - the Weasleys are a very close family, of course, and the loss of Fred affected all of them in different ways.

I was surprised at how well the second person fitted this story - I've never written it before (as I imagine is the case with most entries for this challenge) so thank you for the prompt!


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Review #24, by patronus_charmYou Are My Sunshine: Ariana

20th March 2014:
Wah, I was so excited when I quickly read it because I adore the whole Dumbledore family and the 500 word challenge, and yeah Iím sorry I couldnít review right away but maybe it was a good thing as I was a little too excited then :P

This was such a sad story. Iíve never read a story from Percivalís perspective before and Iím so glad that I read this because it really made me think of him in a new light. The song lyrics is really what made it here for me because it showed such a sombre and sincere side to him, as he had such a range of emotions from love to guilt and they were all brilliantly written for such a small piece and they just merged together really well.

One thing which shone through and worked really well with the lyrics and the title was how much he loved his family and they were you interspersed good and bad memories really created a complex story with so many layers so it was really interesting to read. I think the way you started off with the lighter memories such as her being this golden girl like her mother, the person she loved, and then moved onto the darker ones was a really good idea as it created this ominous and foreboding feel while reading it which was great.

I think the thing I loved most about this story considering the size of it was how developed all of the characters were and how I got a sense of them. There was Kendra when he recounted how Ariana looked like her and you could clearly see she was always someone he would love. Then Arianaís bright and bubbly personality who just wanted to play rather than forced to do magic was a lovely change from the sad and docile girl I tend to see, then the cheekiness of the boys contrasted really well with the pure love Percival had for his family and how he never really wanted to let them go.

I canít even talk about the incident Ė itís too sad as they were just such a lovely family beforehand. I really loved this story and it you used the second person POV in such an interesting way and it really made me look at the dynamic differently which was what I wanted the challenge to do, so thank you for that and this fab entry!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! Yay! I hope I do this justice, and it's no problem that you couldn't review right away! I didn't respond to this for a while, so everything's good! :)

Aw, well that's what I was going for, so I'm sorry if I'm not actually sorry. :P Yeah, I've never really seen anything through Percival's POV, so I think that's why I chose him. And yay! I'm glad you liked the emotions! Thank you so much for the beautiful compliments!

Oh, I'm so glad you saw the love Percival has for his family! And yay! I'm glad you caught the whole light to dark thing!

I'm so happy you said the characters were developed. I'm so glad I was able to pull that off in 500 words! I'm so happy you saw all the little details of the other Dumbledores in there as well.

I try not to think about the incident, so I'm in the same boat. Thank you so much for the wonderful review and comments and compliments, and thank you so much for this wonderful challenge, because without it I never would have dreamed of something like this.

Thank you!
Lo :)


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Review #25, by patronus_charmPlay the Devil: Fotheringay

17th March 2014:
I loved how Rose could still be so calm and normal about the situation, especially in regards to the toilet, because if it was me I would be freaking out big time! I really liked how you included all those thoughts about her friends as it drew her closer to me as a reader and made me understand what she was missing by being in the past with Richard. You also captured this lovely spirit about her with the way she sort of bounded around and had all of this energy and I really loved that.

The aspect of religion was explored really well here and I really enjoyed reading it. It was so funny seeing a modern person going through all these elaborate rituals because to the people in those times, but just seeing Rose there highlighted how arduous it all was and how much times have changed. Then Hermioneís standpoint made me laugh at lot because it just seemed so her with the way she always looked for logical and never something more, it was just nice to see her characterisation shine through there.

Aw, Roseís conversation with Richard was so awkward yet so adorable at the same time. Heís so considerate and sweet, in fact, when I think of their relationship I imagine it to be like what he had with Elizabeth of York, this sort of forbidden love you canít but have. I loved how Rose just made up a title for herself and made Ron a baron, I bet he would love to that! Gah, I have so many questions if the Earl of Warwick is going to feature in this, is Richard going to marry Anne? Then his thing with Elizabeth, whatís happening with that? Iím hoping nothing is the answer because he and Rose are so sweet!

I loved her sort of heart to heart with Ellyn, itís really nice to see that sheís beginning to have some friends there (now I feel as if Iím Roseís mother :P). Aw, and she has a crush of George, I guess he always had that bad boy feel for him so I could see why she would. I really canít wait to see how the banquet goes because Iím feeling something big might be about to happen!

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

Me too! Rose is used to luxury - anything is more luxurious than this, to be honest - but I decided that she had to sort of accept it or else blow her cover and make a big scene. :P Haha I'm really glad you liked hearing about her friends and her thoughts about being there. She's so much fun to write and in this chapter she's sort of sneaking around and biting her tongue and holding back while going slightly crazy with confusion and the need to brush her teeth, so it was quite fun to write. :P

Thank you! Talking about religion and superstition and how it would appear to somebody like Rose was one of the things I was most excited for with this story. I agree with her, it would feel so pointless if she wasn't getting anything out of all the praying. Haha, Hermione here is in most ways a reincarnation of my own mom, and that is just something my mom would say. :P

Yes! He is really nice to her, in his way. He really has no idea how to interact with women especially mysterious ones like Rose - he knows there is something suspicious about her but is ignoring it for now. Ron would totally love to be a baron! Hehe, well you'll just have to wait and find out - it is as much as possible going to follow historical canon (or fact?). The Anne thing and the Elizabeth of York thing are a little problematic in terms of TOS but I have a plan to work around it, sort of. :)

Haha! Aw, yeah I really like Ellyn, she's so sweet and innocent. Yes, the George thing might pose some problems for her. There is something big which happens at the banquet, though it is a little subtle and I'm quite excited to see if people notice it! :D And that's all I can say for now but I'm really excited to put the next chapter up.

Thanks so much for the amazing review! :D


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