Reading Reviews From Member: patronus_charm
  
1,106 Reviews Found

Review #1, by patronus_charmWait: Gabrielle

19th April 2014:
Whoo, Iím finally feeling a bit better so I can start getting onto all the things I owe you :P

Ooh, I really loved this story because I really love stories which write about canon events but from a different POV from Harryís as it just makes it so much more interesting and really made this a great read. As well as the different POV, the second person POV worked really well here, I think it made Fleur more relatable which was a good thing given how haughty and reserved she tends to be, so this really made me see her in a different light.

This one-shot really got to me as I never really thought about Fleur being alone and not having many friends and the fact you made her like that here, was just gah, so many feels. I think it was all the little things such as Madam Maxime being the one to comfort her, the way she clung onto her sister so desperately and the way the other girls looked at her. All those things just built up a great picture for me, though a very sad one about what Fleurís life was like.

The way you included all the little canon things such as Cedric and Krum appearing and the Grindylow attacks was really great but what made it even better was how you put a spin on it with the memories Fleur had of her sister and how close they were. I knew how close Harry was to Ron, but for Krum, Fleur and Cedric their attachments to the people was never fully explained but now it has, I can place that scene into context a lot more and I love it when I can do that.

Gah, this one-shot gave me so many more feels than I expected Emily, so thank you for writing such a great entry!

-Kiana

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Review #2, by patronus_charmBecause of James Potter: Because of James Potter

19th April 2014:
Sorry I only just got to this, being ill does hamper my reviewing but it was probably a good thing I left it until now as it crushed all my feels and that wouldnít have made me get better any quicker!

Ah, you actually made me want to hug Snape and you made me cheer him on throughout this which was pretty weird as usually I canít really stand him and Iím not a big fan at all. I thought you wrote his character really well and the narration suited him really well as I viewed him a different way to then I usually would.

Ok, what I really mean to say is that the Lily and Snape you showed here was really perfect as they were still both so innocent and full of hope that everything would work out and they could always be best friends. I really loved that as we so rarely get to see that innocent side of them, even if it was only shown here for a few moments.

The ending complimented it perfectly with the way James came along and made Snape run, showing perhaps that Snape could have been the better, nicer person for Lily, but it was just circumstances which made it be James instead. That actually left me thinking a lot, because if this did actually happen I wonder how much this effected Snapeís decision to go and join the Death Eaters.

One final thing I want to say is how well you showed the darker side to James, and that he wasnít that nice at all. Iíve noticed people turn it down quite a bit, but what they did to Snape there was really horrible and that was definitely the point where I wanted to go and hug him. Seriously, you made me feel so much from squeeing over Snape and Lily, cheering on Snape, and then yelling abuse at James.

This was such an interesting one-shot, and thank you so much for entering it for the challenge!

-Kiana

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Review #3, by patronus_charmForever and a Day: Forever and a Day

10th April 2014:
Hey Sarah!

This was so cute! It was another one-shot which had this letter sort of feel to it, but thankfully with a lighter subject matter because I donít think I could handle any more angst after last time. I really loved the little intro so we could get settled into the one-shot if that makes any sense and it set the scene for it perfectly.

I really loved the use of the song lyrics and how they acted as internal questions in a way and then she answered them. It was so adorable to see how much she loved her son and how much she almost wanted to do George, and Fred too, proud with him so they can show that though there was a war it can have a brighter end.

The way she started dreaming about itís like was so sweet. I think the line about still being there even when you donít call me mummy was so cute and just so adorable, then the bit her loving him for as long as she lives. It fitted the song so well, I was actually listening to it while reading to get into the mood of it more and they went so well together.

Wow, your writing is improving so much every time I check out your page, keep it up!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hey Kiana!

You're not the first person to say that! I didn't realize how kind of similar it was until after I posted it. But I like it! I think it works best for the way I wanted to write this. I'm glad you liked the way I started it off. I actually had to add that as an after-thought because my word count was too short.

I had a pretty hard time combining all of the song lyrics and making it work, and finally I settled on this way so I'm glad that you liked the way I kind of had them be her thoughts, too. I'm just so glad that you liked all of it. Ugh. That mummy line killed me, and I'm not even a mum. I'm trying to hit those mom's right in the feels.

KIDDING. Kind of.

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH! You're so sweet!! ♥

xoxo Sarah ♥


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Review #4, by patronus_charmIt Is the Colour of Joy: You Smile...

10th April 2014:
Hi there, here to review your challenge entry!

I really loved the style choices in here with all the little segments making up the full story as it just gave it a much broader and wider view of Astoria and Dracoís lives. I remember your other one-shot about them which I really enjoyed, and now I think back to it, we really do get the full view of them both, and itís amazing how I feel as if I know theyíre story in about 1,000 words.

The use of repetition worked so well with the second person narrative, it was almost as if it wouldnít work nearly as well if it was in any other one. It just showed how much he meant to her, and it was almost as if she couldnít believe that Draco was with her hence all the repetition as it was as if she had to ensure her mind that this was really happening.

I thought you wrote Draco and Astoria so well together too, it really made me squee just seeing how cute they were. I think the cutest part was the ending how even though they had issues and problems, she was still so happy about being pregnant and you could sense her excitement as she told him. Gah, it was just so adorable and I donít think Iíve read anything so cute in a while.

Thank you for such a great entry, it was so much fun to read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hello! *waves*

Ah! Thank you! It was a little risky changing the style in each segment, but I was finding it exceptionally difficult to write in just one style in second person, so I kept switching. I must admit that I really enjoyed playing with tenses, since they're usually not my favourite thing. I'm glad that you feel as if you know Draco and Astoria's relationship. Everything is really vague in both stories!

I was pleasantly surprised by how well second person lends itself to repetition! I love using this device, and so I'll definitely be trying out second person again, almost solely for this reason. I like to think of their relationship is really very strong, but both of them feel as if it's quite delicate. It creates an interesting dynamic.

If you can believe it, they're even more adorable in my head. It's quite sickening, even for me. I'm really happy that you enjoyed reading this. Have fun reading the rest of the entries. I'm looking forward to taking a look myself :)


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Review #5, by patronus_charmThe Voice: Chapter One

9th April 2014:
I assumed reviewing this would be fine as you posted it last time plus it looks interesting!

Wow, this was really cool! I loved the stylistic choices with how you mixed up the flashbacks and the present tense as it made this one-shot so much fuller if that makes sense and provided such a wide perspective of what happened to Pansy and how that caused her to act later on. It made the story have a really creepy story too throughout as you were never really sure what the voice was going to say or suggest next and it was just like ahaha drama!

I would watch your grammar in places as in some places you forgot possessive apostrophes and in other cases your dialogue punctuation was off, with missing commas and such. There are some really great tutorials on the forums on how to improve and I really suggest reading them as it helped me a ton and theyíre really easy to understand too.

I really loved how you tied this into Draco and Pansyís relationship though. It was really interesting to see them together as it was a different take to how I tend to see them with Draco cheating on Pansy (was it with Hermione with the blood status comment), and then how he begs to have her back. At first I was like whoo girl power say no to the cheater, and then when the voice turned more and more evil with the way it kept on calling her beautiful to make her believe it and the darker and darker thoughts it kept on feeding her, it was just like no Pansy be girl power and ignore it donít listen to it.

I really wish there could be a follow up story to this as it will be interesting to see whether she goes through with it and what the consequences of it are. This was such an interesting one-shot!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana :)

Sorry for not responding any sooner.

It is totally fine that you picked this :) I'm so glad you liked it. But yeah, I really have to learn a few things about grammar and punctuations and so on. I have read a few topics in the forums, they're great! I may have to re-read them again, haha :)

Hmm. I was actually thinking of Hermione while writing this but I made sure her name wasn't mentioned. I was surprised you guessed it was her :)

Yeah, Pansy is really 'weak' in this story, and I wanted the voice to be one of her strengths. Obviously not in a good way and I'm glad you observed that!

Thank you so much for your review :) And I'll take in your suggestion and read the tutorials in the forums.

- Avi


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Review #6, by patronus_charmPlay the Devil: The Feast

9th April 2014:
Ahahah, this chapter was so cool!

First of all, I loved seeing Rose get dressed it just made me laugh so much how you just cling onto that one random thing no matter what just to feel some comfort in a strange and for her that was her underwear. I can see why the others must of thought it was weird, and it was just such a great moment. I felt for her so much again when she stumbled into the hall late and everyone was staring at her, but it seemed to be in typical Rose style really.

This chapter was so cool with all the historical cameos from people and yeah it was fab! I think the small historical touches were really great with Rose forgetting that you had to address people with their titles such as your grace, and then all of the meat. The vegetarian inside of me was feeling very sick and I really hope time travel doesnít actually exist because I donít know what I would eat if I was sent there :P

I loved how we were getting deeper into the politics of the time such as the Lovells making an appearance, and then the hints to the old civil war with Edward and then the future one with Henry and Richard. Gah, all those times Richard was referred to as a loyal as a dog, I was just like uhuh he stole the crown from his nephew, not so loyal. I really canít wait to see what happens with that aspect of the story and the battle of Bosworth. Maybe his death is what finally stops Rose going back in time.

The ending with Anne Lovell running after Richard was really interesting as I canít remember them ever having an affair, but then it seemed like it there. But I really hope it isnít true as he and Rose had such cute little moments in this chapter which were so sweet and yeah.

This review felt very rambly so hopefully it makes some sense to you!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :) Ahh, I'm so sorry for taking ages to respond to this, once again. This week has been crazy. :(

I'm so glad you liked this chapter! I love how I'm finally posting the chapters which happen in the past, it's quite exciting. And yes! I feel like simple things like that would be such a big adjustment when going to a time when things were less...comfortable. And haha, yes, typical Rose. :P She has the worst luck and she's quite awkward, but I do love her for it.

I'm glad you liked the historical cameos! I can only imagine what it would be like to adjust to all the etiquette rules but I'm sure it would be difficult to adjust to. Hahaha, from what I've read it seems like the rich would just feast on meat, I'm sorry if it made you feel sick! I think the lower classes would probably eat more broth and porridge type stuff but the nobles would enjoy their hearty meals. I'm a bit of a carnivore but thinking about eating the pig was a little excessive.

Yes! I felt like that would be really important and politics would always be on everybody's mind. And yup! I'm quite excited to get to that part way down the line as it's one of the most interesting things about his character and shows how evil he acts in the future. It's so exciting to pull in all these historical details in the story.

Anne is up to something, for sure. :) Hehe, I'm excited for readers to see more of Annie as she's quite a contentious character in my mind.

Thanks so much for the amazing review, I loved it! :) ♥


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Review #7, by patronus_charmMagpie: Trouble

9th April 2014:
Finally here!

Ooh this was a really interesting chapter! I loved the start of it, it was so dramatic. I really hoped their cloak would be one like Harryís and couldnít be summoned but I guess it not being part of the Hallows does make it less likely :P Gah, Dawlish, I always hated that guy, though I canít help but fear for Verity that heís only going to go out of his way to annoy her even more now. Plus, the fact he saw that Umbridge had it in for George certainly doesnít look good, so weíll just have to hope everything works out for them.

Arthurís cameo was lovely and I really enjoyed seeing him there, and I do hope we get to see more of the Weasley family as time passes. They made such a funny trio and even though it was meant to be a serious situation as they got caught breaking into the Ministry, they still all had their little banter going and that just lightened the mood. Aw, they were just all so cute and thatís all I can really say :P

Whoo, theyíre going on a break! Sebastian was rather creepy in that section, though I think it may have just been the comment about snogging which made me think that, as itís making me wonder who heís got his sights on and whether heís been having an affair or not. Ooh, I really hope this brings George and Verity closer too as that would be so sweet and I would really love for that to happen.

More information about the secret society! And a secret book too! I canít decide which one will be more interesting as I imagine the first will shed more light on Penelopeís death and perhaps which side she was really working for. Then with the book it could be linked into that or it could be linked into George as I have a feeling it might be from him.

A great chapter :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hola! :)

Hehe, so much drama! I wanted to make that whole scene quite awkward for Verity, and just to show how unlucky she is. And Dawlish definitely has his eye on Verity, and not in a good way. I felt that Dawlish and Umbridge would be cronies (or at least fake friends :P) and so he would follow her pretty loyally and hate those she hated.

Aw, I'm so glad you liked Arthur! Writing the Weasleys was quite intimidating but I enjoyed it. Arthur is one of those characters who is quite light-hearted and easy-going, but of course he has his passionate moments as well, so I enjoyed balancing his parental figure with his lovely, teasing Arthur-ness. His fatherly concern for Verity was very important as well.

Yes! Sebastian is creepy and moody, but we're seeing him through Verity's eyes and she's quite sick of him and being a little mean. After all, she did kiss somebody else, and Seb isn't strictly a bad guy. But I'm excited to post the next few chapters so you guys can see what happens as well! :D The drama is far from over.

Ooh, I love your theories about the book. I've been carrying this chapter around in my head for a while when working on Camp NaNo but replying to this review is making me excited to post it.

Thanks so much for the amazing review, Kiana! ♥


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Review #8, by patronus_charmThe Wild Rose: Chapter One

7th April 2014:
Hi!

Wow, I loved your take on Scorpius here it was such a great change from the usual playboy person he is. I guess he was still a playboy with all these girls he was dating and then killing, but he had such a creepy air about him it was so much fun to read. Throughout the one-shot there were flickers of what really lay beneath it all, but Iím so glad that you didnít reveal all his evilness until the end as it made for a much more interesting read.

Ok, I have to admit, after remembering you asked for a faceclaim for both Lily and Rose, I had a feeling about half way through the story what the twist could be, but if it hadnít been for that I wouldnít have realised. All the mentions of roses and flowers in general, then obviously when you say Scorpius the answer is Rose, so the fact the answer was Lily this time was a great twist. I think the closing lines with Lily questioning why Scorpius called her that were the best ones, as it sort of made me question Scorpiusí sanity too, and whether he was all there (obviously killing people is a big sign of that too, but yaíknow. :P)

This was such an intriguing read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana!

I am so happy you loved my take on him. I didn't write much about him, as I would have wanted to, but I wanted to write him as mysterious, so the ending could be a surprise.

Oh yes, where I asked about Lily and Rose. A little give away, but I hoped no one remembered or noticed it :b hehe.

I loved those lines too. I took them from the song I was inspired from. Lily didn't really think of it, and thought that he recognized her as her and not her cousin. But she didn't realize it till the very end.

Thank you so much for your review! It made me so happy.

Big hug,
Avi


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Review #9, by patronus_charmOver My Head: Of Supposed Best Friends and Extreme Ginger Syndrome

6th April 2014:
Hi!

This was off to a really interesting start! I liked how her family isnít the most normal one with divorced parents, and how her mum never managed to fulfil her dreams because of the drinking as it made a change from the usual background I come across. That was seen again with how she wasnít the best of friends with the Weasleys and didnít even seem to want to be friends with them all that much as usually itís the other way round. Then there was the rival Weasley clan almost and that made me laugh a lot :P

I would just watch your narration style now and then. At first you started off as really informal with the use of totally and exaggeration but then there were a few slip-ups such as here ĎI wonder if it was wise to insult the children and cousins of the man who saved the world.í were just felt really formal compared to the rest of the chapter, so I would read it again and check for consistency in narration styles so it doesnít detract from the flow of the story.

Alyssa seems to be a really interesting character though and her friend Pippa. In fact, you do have a really interesting cast of characters who all seem to have unique personalities so it will be interesting to see where this story goes, especially with Alyssa and Albus.

I thought this was a really good start!

-Kiana

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Review #10, by patronus_charmLove and Be Loved: Hope Is Real

5th April 2014:
Hi lovely!

Sarah, this is seriously some of your best writing yet! Every time I read something new of yours itís improved so much but this was really, really amazing! I think the rawness in Fleurís voice and the unexpectedness of the story and her revelation is what made it for me. I always viewed Fleur as this sort of perfect being with god like characteristics so seeing her here, not on her pedestal but as this humbled person trying to save her niece from the same mistakes was truly moving and I think you did an amazing job with Fleurís characterisation as it really will make me look at her in a different light because itís making me wonder whether this perfection was a mask for something else.

The quotes embedded into the story really gave it another perspective and I really enjoyed them. It raised awareness for the charity so much and it really made me want to look into a little more, and it just showed me how much of Roseís pain was born out of her thinking she wasnít loved and that was so sad, and know my feels are lying on a crumpled pile on the ground :P

There were so many moments which really got to me but Iíll just have to list a few instead otherwise it can go on for a while. I think the first one was when Fleur said she noticed the scars on the back of Roseís legs as that shocked me so much as I didnít see it coming and made me want to hug Rose and get her to spew out her problems so we could help her. Then when Fleur was telling Rose she understood what she was going through and knew she could help her it was so sweet and yeah, I loved it as it was so moving.

I think the most touching one was when Fleur was like if you carry on you wonít be making your mother cry at your wedding or have your cousins pet over your children as you will be dead, and that harshness of that really hit home how serious the situation was. Gah, I donít really know what to say but this was such a powerful one-shot and really fantastic Sarah! ♥

-Kiana

Author's Response: Oh my goodness Kiana, you literally just made my morning. You are so sweet. ♥

Thank you SO much! I really appreciate it! I'm so glad you felt that way about Fleur, because that's what I wanted you to feel. I purposely took two characters that are perceived as perfect (Especially Fleur) and show that even they could have such huge flaws and doubts. I'm so flattered that you liked it so much.

Thanks, hon! I'm glad it made you want to look into it! They're an amazing organization that does such amazing work it just humbles me to think of what they do. YAY I GAVE YOU FEELS. (it's okay, I cried when I wrote it).

Oh gosh, I'm blushing now, you're just being too sweet. I want to give you a thousand hugs and harts for this lovely lovely review. It was so sweet, and I'm so glad you liked it and thank you so much for reviewing (and posting a status telling other people to review, you sweet girl you)

Thanks again hon! ♥

xoxo Sarah ♥


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Review #11, by patronus_charmPerfectly Pansy: A Proper Pureblood Witch

5th April 2014:
Hi, here with your challenge review!

Pansyís characterisation was really interesting here. It was something Iíve never really seen before as it usually tends to be her being the girly girl or her being pitied as itís after the war, but here it was more in touch with her evil, darker side and that was so much fun. I could really see how she connected with Draco there as they held so much contempt for Gryffindors and the Weasleys that it made me laugh so much that they fitted so well with one another.

I really liked the use of second person pov too, because it sort of made me question whether this vile side was really Pansy or whether thereís something else lurking in there which could reveal another side to her. It almost acted as a mask for her, hiding each move she made and that was a really interesting thing to do and made me read it in a different way.

You included such a range of characters in this from Milicent to Ernie Macmillian I really have to applaud you for making them all have a purpose and fitting them into a relatively small one-shot. My favourite cameo appearance as such was Draco as it was so interesting to see them interact. Again, this was another take on Pansy by showing that Draco cared for her and wanted to be with her as he revealed that secret to her and kissed her rather passionately shall we say and it was almost rather sweet seeing these evil people finding solace in one another :P

This was such an interesting one-shot and thank you for submitting it to the challenge!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana,

Thanks for the review - and thank you for coming up with the challenge. I originally started writing this for another challenge and my first choice was already taken so I got "stuck" with Pansy. I tried for weeks to write it, but it just wasn't working. I saw your challenge and started toying around with second person POV and the story started flowing!

I really wanted to portray Pansy as a character who had been brainwashed to act a certain way and was expected to behave according to her parents' ideals. I hope it came across.

Thanks again!

Beth


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Review #12, by patronus_charmThe Deathly Children: At The Churchyard Again

2nd April 2014:
Yayaya, Iím sort of glad I didnít have time to review this straight after reading it as it gave me an excuse to come and read it again now Iím reviewing it :D

I loved the opening section when Bathilda discovered Kendra and Ariana as it was such a fantastic way to fit it with canon and made me view it in a completely different way. Your characterisation of Kendra was so fantastic I can barely describe it but it fitted perfectly with how I imagined her. There was the fierce loyalty to her daughter and the secret and the way she almost became predatory when Bathilda suggesting contacting St. Mungoís about her illness and then had to immobilise her. You humanised her though and it seemed as if she did regret what she had to do even if it meant protecting Ariana and that mix of emotions was really great!

Can I just say that I love Aberforth thanks to you? In that scene with Gellert I was just cheering him along throughout as heís just so good and loving and caring. He genuinely just wants to do whatís best for his sister and seeing that is so touching as sibling love is so rarely explored, and that contrasted nicely with this cold and vicious character of Gellert. I really liked it for another reason as this altercation gave some background as to why they never really got on and it will be interesting what future spats the pair of them have.

The scene at the graveyard with Ariana and Aberforth was so touching (I swear I use that word all the time when mentioning him :P). It just tied in really well with what I just said about Aberforth and we got to see more about the vulnerable character of Ariana. I canít help but wonder whether because she senses Albus blames her for their motherís death it will make her deteriorate more rapidly or not.

Ooh so they met! I almost canít cheer them on after Gellert got into that fight with Aberforth, but on the other hand theyíre both so curious Iím so happy we get to see them together as theyíre so fascinating to read. Again, I canít help but wonder whether Albusí infatuation with Gellert will make him believe in the Hallows more or whether he genuinely does think they exist.

A fabulous chapter, teh!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Gaahhh, Kiana! ♥

THANK YOU yet again for another fabulous review! Honestly, I feel so lucky to have you as a follower of this story; from the start, I didn't think I'd get many readers for this, because of the not-so-popular era and my slow updating speed. So, have more hearts: ♡ ♡ ♡ ❥

Aslkjlasf your comments on Kendra THANK YOU. She was one of the main characters in the original NaNo novel, but not in this fic, since she's already deceased. But still, I have a lot of material that I've written about her, so I feel like I know her character pretty well. Above all things, she wants to hold her family together, even if it means that her actions become a little morally ambiguous. Poor Bathilda, she hardly stood a chance against Kendra. But then again, Kendra is dead and Bathilda isn't, and won't be, at least not for a very long time.

Aberforth is seriously one of the biggest surprises for me. When I began writing, I thought that he would be sidelined a little, while I focused on Ariana, Albus and Gellert. But somehow he started playing a larger role in the story, which of course makes things more balanced, and develops the Dumbledore siblings in more detail. And also makes things far more complex to write. :P Aberforth, despite his odd nature, is the one who loves and adores Ariana the most, and this is something that she recognises. I also didn't expect Aberforth to meet Gellert first, but then I rearranged the chapter and thought, hmm, this is odd, I don't know if it will work, but let's try it out and see.

And YES, they met. That was like, the hardest scene to write EVER. My gosh. I honestly hope I did those two justice! As for the Hallows, you'll have to read more to find out! Wait, that means I have to write the next chapter. :P (I'm planning that out, and hopefully it won't take too long!)

Thank you so much for coming back to read, Kiana! ♥

teh


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Review #13, by patronus_charmlow tide: a meditation

2nd April 2014:
*sobs to self and attempts to get up from puddle of feels*

What did you do to me Kristin? I knew it was going to be a heart-breaking story because most relating to George, but this was like rip me to shreds and then trample on top of me feels. Gah, it was so sombre and beautiful and 2nd person pov really helped with that. It felt as if George was almost detached from his body and he was just floating around as a spectre of some sort which worked so well as he felt as if he was one without Fred and how could he cope without his twin as they were so intertwined, and it really felt as if George had lost half of himself.

You included so many other characters for such a short story and thatís so impressive. We had the lovely images of Lee and Angelina in the background showing how you can move on from this grief and there is this end to it, and I could feel in the back of Georgeís mind that he wanted to join them. Then the lovely bit about Percy and Ron, and it just made me chuckle a little about the adorable sibling memories. Finally all thoughts about he and Fred were heart-breaking! Gah, I canít even describe them in detail as it will make me choke too much but it was beautiful!

The imagery with the beach and the way you tied Georgeís emotions into that too was truly fantastic. I think my favourite one was the bit about the sandcastle and how the last he made one was with Fred. Then how their sandcastle got washed away was like Fred being taken from him but there was still hope for George as that was the natural cycle. And yeah, it was so beautiful and really made me want to cry.

This was such a heart-breaking one-shot but I loved reading all of it! Thank you so, so much for entering the challenge :D

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana! Aw, I apologise for the feels. *hands over chocolate and hugs*

I'm really glad you liked the use of second person here, and that you pointed out the feeling of detachment. That's exactly what I was going for - I wrote it slightly in the style of a guided meditation, and those always kind of encourage detachment from the things around you (and although it's kind of opposite here in that the focus is on what's going on around him and he's instead detached from himself) I'm glad that sense of detachment came through. Gah, I'm starting to make no sense at all. Moving on...

I'm glad you liked the sibling memories, and the way they lined up with he Fred memories. Yeah you're right, I think part of George wanted to join Lee and Angelina in building the castle, but part of him is still not ready to let go of the past.

I liked what you said in your last paragraph there, and I'm glad there is a feeling of hope conveyed in this fic; it's kind of hidden I suppose, but it's there (or at least meant to be there) and I'm happy it came across that way to you.

Thank you sooo much for this amazing review!!! ♥♥♥


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Review #14, by patronus_charmHere Comes the Flood: Here Comes the Flood

31st March 2014:
Whoo, Iím here earlier than expected :D

Ah this one-shot was so amazing Sian! The way you fitted everything into canon events and made it all so believable is what amazed me the most because while I was reading at first I was just like no, how could Blaise be part of the DA it just wouldnít have happened, but by the end of it I was cheering him along and hoping that he could be recognised for his bravery in some way or another.

Blaiseís character was really fantastic and I loved how you showed that there was a brave side to Slytherins and that there was a nice side to them too, and I guess most importantly of all, that they wanted to fight against the Death Eaters. I think the way it worked with Blaise was how you gradually built up that thought in him throughout the story until he was fully resolved to join them, and take a lead part in what they did as it made a lot more realistic.

I loved the way Blaise went and got a detention just to talk to the others. It just showed how much he truly wanted to be part of the cause and that was shown again in how genuinely felt for fear for them all. I think the most poignant moment with that was how Luna disappeared and then Ginny, and then there was the risk of Neville going too as it made the danger so much more real seeing it like that.

Then finally the imagery with the water and how the final battle started was really fantastic and I felt so brave of Blaise at that point in how much he had changed and how he really wanted to win this for the DA. This showed house unity so well, and it was such a fantastic one-shot to read too!

-Kiana

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Review #15, by patronus_charmClementine: Clementine

31st March 2014:
Hey Laura! Can I just say your banner is stunning!

Ah, this was so adorable. I donít even know where to start as I just want to have a massive squee fest which wouldnít make much sense and use a ton of exclamation marks so I will try and write something coherent instead :P

I really adored the use of second person narrative here, it really fitted with Fleurís character really well as it introduced this vulnerable side to her, and showed more of her flaws as this shy and almost insecure girl when it came to love. That worked so well with her character as sheís usually such a haughty person whereas here it really drew me into her and made me want to get to her know her and find out why she loved Bill and that was a great twist.

You had some really lovely description in here too! I think some of my favourite lines were discussing the dresses and colours as your use of imagery there was really beautiful. I think this Ď A soft, apricot orange in summer; a darker, bolder pumpkin orange in winterí was my favourite because the way you connected it to food made it so much more vivid and it was a different way of describing things too which is also a good thing to find!

The Bill in here was probably the cutest I have seen so far. I think it was the way he didnít notice her at first (or was too shy to like Fleur was) and then the way he didnít go to lunch with her to practice his French. Gah, I was like in squee heaven and yeah it was so cute which is saying something for me as Iím usually not a massive fan of fluff as itís too overdone but this was really great.

You left it in such a happy note too and it was the perfect way to tie up the one-shot! Thanks for such a fab entry, it was so much fun to read :D

-Kiana

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Review #16, by patronus_charmPandemonium: Lucky Dip

29th March 2014:
Ok, a speedy review as Iím going out soon but yay for an update!

I love how you set the scene of the opening of the shop because it just seemed so normal and almost a little dull given the craziness one tends to associate with Weasleyís Wizard Wheezes, but it just did such a great job of lulling into security when the chaos happened it was just like woah. Also, I loved all the little hints about George and Angelina and how she forced him to take business seriously it was so cute!

I love the idea of the ghost sort of thing. Iím not really sure what to call it, but it was so cool, because there was that lovely tender moment when George remembered his brother and how they always wanted to set up a shop in Hogsmeade and then Colin goes and appears and starts talking to Harry. It was so Colin like to come and warn him about the ghost it made me forget all about the feels of him dying!

Only the Weasley children would go and get excited about the prospect of some crazy curse coming to town, so just seeing them turn into children again made me laugh. You did a great job of capturing all of them then so I could enjoy all of their reactions which was really great. I especially enjoyed Rowena and Hermioneís sort of spat as you would expect them to be great friends straight away but to see the reverse made me laugh a lot.

A great chapter, Sian and I canít wait for the final one!

-Kiana

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Review #17, by patronus_charmConnect the Dots: hermione

29th March 2014:
Hi Gina! I was so excited to read this as I have a soft spot for Hermione/Krum stories, I just so rarely come across them.

Wow, this piece was just stunning really! I think the thing which made it for me was how you started each section with the time as it matched Hermioneís methodical mind so well and helped placed in the story. It was also good for another reason because I usually only see that in mysteries whereas this was a romance story, so seeing this calculated thing merged with love created this strange feeling which went well with the whole story as you never really knew what was going to happen next.

Another thing I really enjoyed was your narration style how you only said the things which needed to and skirted around the issue of Ron throughout as that kept us guessing about what was going to happen. Gah, I feel as if Iím not describing what I mean to say very well. I guess the best thing to say was sort of fairytale like, how Hermioneís thoughts were a sort of mixed until she came back from Krumís and realised what she really wanted for her and Rose.

Your descriptions were fantastic in this! From Ginny being pregnant and Roseís small cries, to the love Hermione still felt for Viktor and the part when they looked at each otherís photos. I thought you had all of their idiosyncrasies down perfectly and it really did feel like we were just coming back to all of these characters a few years later and it really felt natural.

I think the ending was my favourite mainly because it was left a little ambiguous because weíre wondering whether it does go the canon way and Hermione ends up with Ron, or the small hope of mine which is Hermione and Krum somehow end up together. Then again, I do think when Hermione said she would never see him again, that was true so Iím guessing the canon way is the right one.

Anyhow, I really loved this one-shot and if a sequel to it is posted, let me know as I would love to read it :D

-Kiana

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Review #18, by patronus_charmLion Hearted Girl: Lion Hearted Girl

22nd March 2014:
Hi there, here to review your entry!

I really liked the structure of this and how you made it span all of Ginnyís life as we really got a full picture of her then, from when she was the young, shy girl faintly dreaming of Harry and then up to when she was an adult and had won him and was this lion hearted girl (minor thing, but I loved how the title tied in with the story, it was really cool!).

I think the fact the story started and ended with this hopeful tone of her life being a good one, and then interspersed with the moments of sadness with Fred dying was really great and gave us a really wide variety of emotions. It also fitted Ginnyís character really well as she was always this fiery sort of girl so the fact her emotions sort of exploded across the story (ok, a bad description but I canít think of a good one right now :P) just portrayed her character really well.

The way you showed the importance of family ties and how much the Weasley family meant to Ginny was really great, especially this line Ďyour six Big Brothers became four and a half broken ones.í As it sort of showed how because they were broken, she had to be the strong one, the one who protected all of them. I never really thought about how Fredís death could change Ginny so it was really interesting to read it here because it isnít covered too much in stories.

I really liked the use of second person POV because throughout the story Ginny was changing from the shy girl to the brave one, so we never really knew who she was in a way so the use of narration complimented it really well, because I canít really imagine the story having the same sense of sadness and nostalgia in another POV.

Thanks for this great entry, it was fun to read!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lovely review! Ginny is a very strong, complex character and the prospect of doing her justice, even in the smallest way, is the whole reason behind this story. (Also I love the description of her emotions exploding across the story, and I'm absolutely flattered!) I think in canon we see some of the effect growing up with six brothers had on Ginny and they were all very important to her - the Weasleys are a very close family, of course, and the loss of Fred affected all of them in different ways.

I was surprised at how well the second person fitted this story - I've never written it before (as I imagine is the case with most entries for this challenge) so thank you for the prompt!


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Review #19, by patronus_charmYou Are My Sunshine: Ariana

20th March 2014:
Wah, I was so excited when I quickly read it because I adore the whole Dumbledore family and the 500 word challenge, and yeah Iím sorry I couldnít review right away but maybe it was a good thing as I was a little too excited then :P

This was such a sad story. Iíve never read a story from Percivalís perspective before and Iím so glad that I read this because it really made me think of him in a new light. The song lyrics is really what made it here for me because it showed such a sombre and sincere side to him, as he had such a range of emotions from love to guilt and they were all brilliantly written for such a small piece and they just merged together really well.

One thing which shone through and worked really well with the lyrics and the title was how much he loved his family and they were you interspersed good and bad memories really created a complex story with so many layers so it was really interesting to read. I think the way you started off with the lighter memories such as her being this golden girl like her mother, the person she loved, and then moved onto the darker ones was a really good idea as it created this ominous and foreboding feel while reading it which was great.

I think the thing I loved most about this story considering the size of it was how developed all of the characters were and how I got a sense of them. There was Kendra when he recounted how Ariana looked like her and you could clearly see she was always someone he would love. Then Arianaís bright and bubbly personality who just wanted to play rather than forced to do magic was a lovely change from the sad and docile girl I tend to see, then the cheekiness of the boys contrasted really well with the pure love Percival had for his family and how he never really wanted to let them go.

I canít even talk about the incident Ė itís too sad as they were just such a lovely family beforehand. I really loved this story and it you used the second person POV in such an interesting way and it really made me look at the dynamic differently which was what I wanted the challenge to do, so thank you for that and this fab entry!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! Yay! I hope I do this justice, and it's no problem that you couldn't review right away! I didn't respond to this for a while, so everything's good! :)

Aw, well that's what I was going for, so I'm sorry if I'm not actually sorry. :P Yeah, I've never really seen anything through Percival's POV, so I think that's why I chose him. And yay! I'm glad you liked the emotions! Thank you so much for the beautiful compliments!

Oh, I'm so glad you saw the love Percival has for his family! And yay! I'm glad you caught the whole light to dark thing!

I'm so happy you said the characters were developed. I'm so glad I was able to pull that off in 500 words! I'm so happy you saw all the little details of the other Dumbledores in there as well.

I try not to think about the incident, so I'm in the same boat. Thank you so much for the wonderful review and comments and compliments, and thank you so much for this wonderful challenge, because without it I never would have dreamed of something like this.

Thank you!
Lo :)


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Review #20, by patronus_charmPlay the Devil: Fotheringay

17th March 2014:
I loved how Rose could still be so calm and normal about the situation, especially in regards to the toilet, because if it was me I would be freaking out big time! I really liked how you included all those thoughts about her friends as it drew her closer to me as a reader and made me understand what she was missing by being in the past with Richard. You also captured this lovely spirit about her with the way she sort of bounded around and had all of this energy and I really loved that.

The aspect of religion was explored really well here and I really enjoyed reading it. It was so funny seeing a modern person going through all these elaborate rituals because to the people in those times, but just seeing Rose there highlighted how arduous it all was and how much times have changed. Then Hermioneís standpoint made me laugh at lot because it just seemed so her with the way she always looked for logical and never something more, it was just nice to see her characterisation shine through there.

Aw, Roseís conversation with Richard was so awkward yet so adorable at the same time. Heís so considerate and sweet, in fact, when I think of their relationship I imagine it to be like what he had with Elizabeth of York, this sort of forbidden love you canít but have. I loved how Rose just made up a title for herself and made Ron a baron, I bet he would love to that! Gah, I have so many questions if the Earl of Warwick is going to feature in this, is Richard going to marry Anne? Then his thing with Elizabeth, whatís happening with that? Iím hoping nothing is the answer because he and Rose are so sweet!

I loved her sort of heart to heart with Ellyn, itís really nice to see that sheís beginning to have some friends there (now I feel as if Iím Roseís mother :P). Aw, and she has a crush of George, I guess he always had that bad boy feel for him so I could see why she would. I really canít wait to see how the banquet goes because Iím feeling something big might be about to happen!

Author's Response: Hi Kiana! :)

Me too! Rose is used to luxury - anything is more luxurious than this, to be honest - but I decided that she had to sort of accept it or else blow her cover and make a big scene. :P Haha I'm really glad you liked hearing about her friends and her thoughts about being there. She's so much fun to write and in this chapter she's sort of sneaking around and biting her tongue and holding back while going slightly crazy with confusion and the need to brush her teeth, so it was quite fun to write. :P

Thank you! Talking about religion and superstition and how it would appear to somebody like Rose was one of the things I was most excited for with this story. I agree with her, it would feel so pointless if she wasn't getting anything out of all the praying. Haha, Hermione here is in most ways a reincarnation of my own mom, and that is just something my mom would say. :P

Yes! He is really nice to her, in his way. He really has no idea how to interact with women especially mysterious ones like Rose - he knows there is something suspicious about her but is ignoring it for now. Ron would totally love to be a baron! Hehe, well you'll just have to wait and find out - it is as much as possible going to follow historical canon (or fact?). The Anne thing and the Elizabeth of York thing are a little problematic in terms of TOS but I have a plan to work around it, sort of. :)

Haha! Aw, yeah I really like Ellyn, she's so sweet and innocent. Yes, the George thing might pose some problems for her. There is something big which happens at the banquet, though it is a little subtle and I'm quite excited to see if people notice it! :D And that's all I can say for now but I'm really excited to put the next chapter up.

Thanks so much for the amazing review! :D


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Review #21, by patronus_charmA Tale of Star-Crossed Lovers: In Which Draco Malfoy Becomes A Pirate

16th March 2014:
Ahahahaha, I found the story, and itís so fabulous and thank you for the dedication, you are wonderful and now let me try and write something coherent!

Ah, Dracoís a Muggle, well sort of! I think this was the best idea ever, especially due to the fact he watched Dancing with the Stars, I mean who would have seen that coming? I felt so sorry for Lyra though because clearly sheís his house elf replacement, when she started yelling back a little I was just like go Lyra like an idiot. I really liked her!

Then Hermione and Krum met up, I never saw that coming! I adored his accent and the fact he was a dancer and had his own school, I just have the weirdest imagery in my head right nowÖ I love how Viktor was just like yes Iím fabulous I know it, and how Hermione could dance in stilettos, it was just so crazy and ridiculous but amazing at the same time!

Ahaha, I donít even know what to say but Draco learning how to dance and then falling in love with Dramione, I mean, of course that doesnít happen in stories it would simply be unbelievable. I mean this line said it all really ĎThat would be unrealistic, and out of place in a story as realistic as this one.í Haha, I loved your narration style too, I rarely ever come across it but itís so much fun Iím glad you used it here.

I donít even know how to react to the next bit, it was just the thought of Draco being so helpless and unable to walk which cracked me up, because as he was in a vulnerable position it naturally made Hermioneís love for him more likely as they were on equal levels!

Whoo for the Ron shout out I was waiting for him to crop up. Ah, but he got Eloise who was secretly Veela while Draco and Hermione could sail on the wonderful ship known as Dramione. I totally didnít see that one coming and I think the way it was just slipped in there made it even worse because my cat didnít appreciate my laugher in the slightest.

Wah war! Scabbers! Time travel! Mongol tribes! It was just so fabulous the ending because you just couldnít see it coming. I hope all the Dramione shippers come and read this and see where the true story of how they got together is because I donít think they could ever read another after this :P

Thank you for such a fabulously mad story, Kristin!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Hi! I'm so glad you liked this! Haha, don't worry about writing something coherent - the story wasn't! :p

Obviously - why shouldn't Draco like Dancing with the Stars? It *totally* seems like his sort of thing. :p I'm glad you liked Lyra! No need to feel sorry for her though as she's totally the boss of Draco. Whatever he may think.

Viktor Krum could totally be on Dancing with the Stars. Um yeah I'm not sure how he ended up in this story either! Hermione in stilettos... XD I've seen the occasional fanfic out there where Hermione is randomly just really fashionable and sexy, so I couldn't resist putting in a bad cliche where it makes no sense!

When something is as out-of-control unrealistic as this, I had to call myself out on it! :p I'm glad you like the narration style, it was pretty fun to write.

Yes, Dramione is an actual ship! I couldn't resist, after JK's recent announcement about Ron/Hermione and thnking about all the shipping wars, which here, became actual ships in a war of bickering haha. Teehee, speaking of cats, Ron and Eloise's rainforest cat exists in this story solely because of that question you asked me on my MTA about whether I'd ever include a rainforest cat in a story! So you inspired that particular madness, be proud.

The ending... even I didn't see that coming! :p First it was just a 'they lived happily ever after' and then my fingers kept typing and suddenly there was an iceberg and this random yurt-building wizard became Genghis Khan and I really don't know where half this story came from. Thanks for your lovely review and I'm so glad this made you laugh! :)


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Review #22, by patronus_charmBeginning of the End: Never Let Go

14th March 2014:
Hi Erin!

The second person fitted this challenge really well! It helped with Lavenderís lost voice so much, and she didnít really seem to be there if that makes sense, more of a spectre in the background which I guess she wished she was given what happened later on, but it fitted really well with the story and flowed really smoothly so that was really great.

I loved the idea of Lavender and Oliver being together, I never suspected that one before so that was a lovely surprise. I thought they worked really well together especially how determined Oliver was to protect Lavender from all that horribleness but it didnít work anyhow.

I think the way you also kept on referring back to the battle and how she never really recovered from it was really great too, as it just showed how much it had changed her and how she could never go back to before. I think one of the most moving bits was at the end when she thought she could never live her dream because of the scars as that just made me want to well up as that was just so sad to see how such a bubbly girl had been reduced to that.

Peopleís reactions to her were really written and realistic even if it did make me want to hurl things at them. I suppose the little girl didnít really know much better given her age and stuff, but still, I was just wanting to hug her as she must have to endure this so much it was a surprise that she could carrying on living and trying to be happy as it mustnít have been very nice.

I spotted one tiny typo here ĎďLavendar!Ē she exclaims,í when it should be Lavender (unless Parvati says it differently and if so, sorry!) but other than that it was a really fantastic one-shot, and a brilliant step away from your comfort zone. I hope to see you do it more often! Also, one final thing I never expected this sort of story to appear in the party gone wrong one, so itís really great how you can interpret it in such different ways to produce something really different!

-Kiana

Author's Response: Kiana! You and Sarah just made me a whole lot more confident in myself! You have no idea how happy I am right now! It's so wonderful to see that the first reviews on the story are such good ones!

I was actually hoping you would review this! You're just so awesome at second person and I wanted to see what your response to this would be. I was extremely nervous as well, but now that's all gone and I'm just squeeing and dancing with the air!

I never really planned on Oliver and Lavender being together as well. It just sort of happened, and although I don't particularly like Lavender much, Oliver is just a sweetheart. Lavender always seemed too shallow a character to me.

It was hard to write about the people. Especially the scene with Lexie. I just find it difficult to write bitchy, gossipy, those type scenes, maybe because I tend to steer away from such things in RL. I'm so happy you found all the instances realistic!

Yeah the typo. :/ My friend's name is spelled as Lavendar and I kept making that mistake out of habit. I'll be sure to rectify it soon!

Thank you for such a lovely, thorough review! It completely lifted my spirits! *hugs* Thankyouthankyouthankyou!!



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Review #23, by patronus_charmThis Devilry: Chapter Eight

13th March 2014:
Ooh this chapter was really creepy! Iím still not certain about Bree and her form of therapy in this only highlighted why I wasnít sure about her. I can understand why drawing out Ginnyís fears of Bellatrix might prompt her into revealing her secrets and recovering but Bree just seems to be a little too mean and too intent on causing Ginny pain. I donít really know what her motive for it could be whether itís purely because sheís a sadist or she has links with former Death Eaters, but either way Iíll be watching her.

The therapy scene in general though was really brilliant and you wrote it really well. I could definitely tell you have a background in psychology here because the manipulation of Ginnyís emotions was fantastic especially when the world of pleasure with France was destroyed so brutally by the arrival of Bellatrix. Even if the therapy scenes put me on edge because of Bree, they are worth reading purely to get into Ginnyís mind and seeing how much she was suffering.

I really loved the nod towards Fred and how he and George were always protective older brothers to her as it was so rarely done. It was just so moving to see her go to him for reassurance that the demons of her past were truly dead and she wasnít just imagining in it. It almost seems that Ginnyís getting more and more paranoid and doubting everything so it will be interesting to see if it worsens or not.

Ooh the ending! I donít really know what to think because I just didnít see it coming so Iím still trying to register as to what it could be. I have a feeling Ginny might somehow be involved in this passage as it might be either a deluded middle of the night thing she made or a purpose built secret escape place. Or it could be Bree and the reason as to why sheís so creepy!

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Review #24, by patronus_charmFounding Hogwarts: Normandie

11th March 2014:
Hi there!

I really thought you did a great job here! You set up a really wonderful and unique story in just over 500 words (or is 500 and the extra was the an) which was a really impressive feat because we got such a full story of Godric and really got to know him which was really great. The choice of second person POV was a really good one here because I see it so rarely done, especially in the Founders era it provided a fresh light for this story. I think the section where it was most noticeable was the last line because it seemed to reinforce the courage of Godric Gryffindor, but then a vulnerable side too because it almost felt that perhaps Godric was saying that to himself to power him on through the tough times.

I thought the characterisation here was really great! As it was written in second person pov it meant that we were left guessing for longer as to exactly who it was which was a good thing because it meant we could form views on Godric which wouldnít be as biased and it definitely was the case here. We had his rise and then his fall, but he still kept on going which I really admired him for because it was nice to see that this supposed heroic warrior wasnít always mighty and on the winning side.

This was a really great start with a hint of mystery as to why exactly did his friends leave him and what was going to happen next, so Iíll see if I can catch some more of this! Good luck in the challenges! :)

-Kiana

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Review #25, by patronus_charmLove in Three Acts: Act 1: Friendship

9th March 2014:
Hi Rose!

Aw this story was so cute which is a strange thing to say as Iím meant to be Ronks, Ronks, Ronks. I really adored the way you showed how their relationship changed from their playful banter and them just being friends to something more towards the end and the transition was written really well. I really loved how you had Remus worrying away as ever, it was just written really well because I could almost sense that though he thought he had feelings for Sirius he was doubting them so much he could never be sure so he just stayed quiet.

Sirius was so sweet too with the way he was just like whut someone rejected me, how? Then the way he was wondering how Remus could have even ended up as their friend because I have to wonder that too. Their little meander outside together was so cute and the ending was just so wedpwf. I was squeeing so much then.

I thought you wrote the other two Marauders (and Jamesí parents too of course!) really well, and it was a lot of fun to read them. I think my favourite thing was the way they went into London and Sirius pretended to be American while sort of forgetting that he was meant to be a Muggle for a while because it was just so them and had me cracking up a lot!

Really love this chapter and I hope thereís more up soon!

-Kiana

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