This was SUPERCALIFRADULISTICEXPIALIDOCIOUS!
haha. anyways, I loved it. it was concise, witty and cleverly written-- something really hard to do! I was smiling the entire time while reading it. Everything was spot-on. this story is like a little gem of sunshine nestled into the site. Nice work!Author's Response: WOW! Amazing spelling ability there! And a great review to boot! Thanks so much!
I'm smiling as I read this review, so I guess we're even.
Thanks again for reading and reviewing! Report Review
WHOO! thought that was one good one-shot. it wasn't boring or stupid but instead fairly original and touching. I can't think of a lot of feed back other than maybe change the ending to some thing a tad bit more profound. the story builds up excellently and then kind of ends on a plateau, if you get my slightly disjointed metaphor. Anyhow, good work! ya got talent! :) Report Review
Wow!! This great! Okay, I'm gonna keep reading! Awesome chapter.Author's Response: Thanks so much! Really glad you enjoyed it! I am still here, the next chapter is a long one which is why it's taken me so long (that and real life anyway!) Report Review
Ok! I finished reading. And to be honest, I actually really liked it! It's fun and original and you have a great, relatable voice for the characters. I am especially becoming fond of Albus. You've done a great job developing him :) This is one of those good quality stories that is just waiting for more people to notice it. I'll try to get recommended on the forums :) Anyhow, criticism... hmm maybe longer chapters and smoother transitions? I struggle with those too, they can be tricky little things but they can really help a story flow. But all in all, good work. You should be proud. Cause this is a high quality piece of literature. Keep it up! I can't wait for Lewis and Potter to continue interacting... **i love stories like that :D***Author's Response: Hey...first, thank you for reading my story and reviewing it :) I'm really glad you liked it so much...and I am working on the longer chapters and smoother transitions...I did put up the next chapter, so please continue to read and review...I'm gonna bring more of Al's and Layla's interactions in the upcpoming chapters, so please let me know how you like it and if it needs any fine-tuning...again, thanks for reading the story and reviewing!!
xoxo ;) Report Review
whoop whoop! this is actually turning out to be a really good story. I'm impressed. okay. I will continue to read :)Author's Response: Thank you!! Please continue to read and review...it means a lot to me!!
xoxo ;) Report Review
haha! It builds! nice. I liked it. onto the next chapter.Author's Response: thank you :D
xoxo ;) Report Review
Good story so far! Cool idea! Keep it up. I'd suggest trying to lengthen your chapters-- the ideas are great but they come and go so quickly!
:)Author's Response: Thank you for taking the time to review. I really appreciate your feedback. I'm glad you are enjoying the story. Keep checking back for updates!
Shelby Report Review
HI!!! This is a really cool first chapter, it's a great idea. I'm excited to see what will happen. The only suggestion I would have is to put more paragraph breaks in between dialogue passages. besides that... I think it's great. good work :)Author's Response: Awn, thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it, I'm updating as soon as I can. I'll work on the dialogues, thanks for the suggestion.
XOXO, Nikki Report Review
Oh. My. God.
You have NO IDEA how AMAZING this story is!!! THIS is the stuff of the dobbys!!! It is incredible!! I am breathless! And so mad there isn't more! oh man... I am hooked. I can't believe this story hasn't gotten more attention. it's better then basically anything else i've read in a long time. this is insane. aghhh i am still in awe. violet is so well made and tom is so freaking amazing and scary and wonderful. that one line about him pulling out the wand... I was like ***OH $%&$*** I literally bit my finger so hard it bled I was so excited... that sounds really weird in retrospect. Oh well! Point is, this story IS FREAKING MIND BLOWING! I love it! You are my hero!! WRITE MORE PLEASE THIS STUFF IS ADDICTING AMAZINGNESS WHEN YOU WIN ALL THE HPFF AWARDS I TOTALLY PREDICTED IT FIRST!Author's Response: Aw shucks, *blushes* you really are too kind :) Yes, my little story does seem to get very little traffic. Unfortunately low traffic also means fewer people to nominate a story for the Dobbys. Oh well, I am perfectly happy to have the odd lovely reviewer, such as yourself, pass through :)
I am extremely honoured that you think so highly of this story. Thank you so much for the kind words. They truly mean a lot :) Report Review
Great chapter!! The action is starting to heat up! :)Author's Response: Ahha there's a lot more action to still come ;) Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
This chapter is great, too. I love the Scorp & Al friendship. I didn't notice any big errors, I was suprised she said she had no friends then Scorp and Al were her besties. maybe it's just her kind of personality? hmm. great chapter!Author's Response: thank you! I guess, Scorpius and Al are her only "real" friends is what she means. Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
This is fantastic. I am so happy I found this story!! It's a bit weird because I am in the middle of a story about a model-- and I saw yours and briefly panicked-- but yours in completely, brilliantly original. It's genius. You truly have given Arielle a unique voice! It is extremely hard to think of any constructive criticism. I love how you blended her thoughts and actions-- anything you said in all caps made me laugh my head off. Well, the part about her being so frank with her humour was hysterical, too (dry as Voldemort's scalp :) ). Uhhh, the only criticism I have is to throw in some plot twists... I'm predicting Arielle and James will fall in love, (I may be wrong) but if I'm right you should make it a bumpy road. Time to read on!!! :DAuthor's Response: What a coincidence, i've never actually seen any oc model stories on hpff. The closest think is probably Beauty Queen by explosion which is actually vaaair different.
Thank you sosososo much! I'm really glad you enjoyed it so much. At the moment i'm not planning on updating it very soon. The the road will definitely be bumpy and (hopefully) a bit unexpected ;)
*CRINGE-Y SELF ADVERTISEMENT TIME* if you enjoyed OTB and humour then you could check out my new fic The Prime.
thanks for taking the time to drop such a lovely review Report Review
Hello! This is a great first chapter, I really think your premise is creative and original! (And considering how many stories there are on this site, originality is hard to come by!) The content is great, the only suggestion I would have is to try to put in more paragraph breaks, the text is really small and the big paragraphs are hard to read visually. Great start! Keep it up!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! and thanks for the idea, i will try to transition that into the next chapter. Thanks for reading, the next chapter will be finished soon. Report Review
Hi there! This is a great first chapter. It sounds like this is setting the stage for a pretty exciting story. I think that if you looked into one of the character's mind a little bit or showed their thoughts it would help develop their character, but that's just a suggestion. I'm a new author, so I don't have a lot of experience! Anyhow, great work. It was an enjoyable read.Author's Response: Hey there. Thanks for the feedback and comments; they are appreciated. Sorry it took so long for me to respond; I'm new at this too. What you suggest will start to happen. Chapter 1 has a lot of setup in it. Report Review
This chapter is hysterical.
Best quote ever was w/ Lily "yeah yeah dad we don't wanna hear about the good old days" or maybe it was the bit about stroking the tv. what a great sense of humour. Report Review
This is great. I can't help loving this story, honestly, it's probably my favorite of all time. I really love how well you develop each of the characters. the story flows really smoothly and makes me laugh. if it werent so great i would be able to stop re-reading it!! Report Review
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