Reading Reviews From Member: DumbledoresArmyOfOne
  
179 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneRabbit Heart: Losing Heart

20th April 2014:
Oh my goodness! Vampire rabbits serving their evil overlord. This is the best plot twist ever. I'm so scared for Wren and her dangerous affection for the insidious Bunny. I'd love to see more of Albus and james' prank war though, to lighten things up.

Every chapter gets me more and more anxious about poor Wren, who really has been through quite enough at this point :(

I hope her life starts to pick up soon. In the meantime, at least I have your awesome writing and worship-worthy plotting skills to look forward too. Thanks for the awesome story!

Author's Response:

Awww, you flatter me!!

I love plots. And twists. When the plots and twists come together, I love them even more. Don't worry. This story is riddled with the James/Albus prank war. There's more of that coming up every few chapters. I hope you enjoy that subplot as much as I enjoyed writing it. :)

Yes, Wren gets very anxious, and things are not easy for her. She really has been through enough, but I'm not done with her yet.

What an awesome review! Thank you so much for coming by and peeking in at my crazy story!

-Pix


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Review #2, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneFluorescent Adolescent : call me darling

14th March 2014:
I really love Mikey and Effy together but I feel like they're not going to end up together but they're so cute and I love them. sigh.

The dancing was so much fun to read- I love your descriptions and It made me want to dance!

Awesome chapter :)

Author's Response: omgomgomg your reviews are just making my day! i'm smiling so much, awh thank you! and we'll see about mikey and effy (lol jk i have no idea whats happening there i'm still writing my way through chapter 6) bea xx

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Review #3, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneFluorescent Adolescent : communism in mermish

14th March 2014:
Ah I love how realistically you write highschool like literally every scene you describe I'm like, yeah, that could happen. So yeah, thanks for actually making what you write plausible and for these awesome characters.
Can Oscar be my best friend?

Author's Response: i'm so glad you think this is accurate- i'm still in the british high school so all i write is experience (as experienced as i can get, because i don't go to boarding school and i'm not magic hahaha) but yeah ahhh so happy it's relatable!! bea xx

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Review #4, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneFluorescent Adolescent : crushed moon extract

14th March 2014:
Hey there!

Just thought you should know that this chapter is so good! Your writing style is really unique and generally great, which makes this type of storyline stand out :)

Great beginning!
(and I love the title oh so very much)

Author's Response: thanks so much!! and wow, are you into the arctic monkeys too? bea xx

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Review #5, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneThe Seams: Free Until They Cut Me Down

23rd February 2014:
Hi again! I just have to tell you that whenever you request a review for this story I'm daunted because I feel so unqualified to analyze and critique such talented writing. You somehow pair meticulous attention to detail with seeming effortlessness and it makes for beautiful writing, so thank you for sharing your work with us :)

First of all, you handled that time jump so well! There's this alien environment full of new characters, but the familiar themes running through and the present tense really ground the reader into this time and place.

You've already created such amazing, real characters in little more than a chapter of development. Penelope is very complex: she's obviously very lonely, yearning for adventure and love, but the empathy we might feel for her is tempered by obvious faults (pride and stubborn rebelliousness), which just make her all the more interesting to read.

Your plotting is flawless- I love how you have that undercurrent of dread winding through every chapter. The curse and our knowledge of Penelope's inevitable fate make it impossible to look away... like a train going full tilt towards a barrier- you know there's going to be a crash.

The only CC I have to give is a) it should be 'its plume' in the seventh paragraph, not it's and b) the last two paragraphs are slightly confusing in their structure. There seems to be a loss of flow there and some of the transitions don't make much sense (or I'm just reading it wrong).

Finally, if I haven't conveyed it enough, I loved this chapter, I love the whole piece, and I'm so excited to read and review more of it.

~Gilly

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Review #6, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneA Savage Failure: Suddenly Everything has Changed

2nd February 2014:
AH this took so long i'm so sorry but holy smokey joes this chapter man. I'm cry.

Okay, I'm still kind of reeling so I'll start from the top. I love (hate) that you started this so wonderful and fluffy and ended it with feels and hurt because it just makes that loss all the more unbearable to see the happiness first. Well played.

Favourite line: "Time did not stop for lovers." wow. So short but powerful - it really portrays what I think is the theme of this story - love is powerful but time, or war, is more powerful still. A kind of brief spark of light against a bleak and eternal landscape (that got a bit poetic?) and just really beautiful and raw. I love it.

I think you did a really perfect job of showing the misgivings on both sides: Charlie's nervousness about coming out to his family, the distrust and emotional walls on both sides, the rocky footing and the uncertainty each face about the feelings of the other - that sort of rebuilding after the destruction of the war is a really awesome thing for you to show and you did it so well. Kudos for that!

Finally, just some general squealing. The dragon tattoo! OMG so hot okay? Loved, loved, loved that part

Author's Response: Gilly!

Thanks for sending the last part of the review in a PM. I think it's the heart symbol thing that stops a review from rendering after that - it's seen as open HTML.

I cried writing this chapter (which has only happened to me once before). So I'm not all that sad that it caused a lot of feels for you. :P Part of this felt like a slight downward spiral for them but the downward part isn't really undertood until Brad dies. I felt so bad for killing him, really I did. It's just that JKR said he never got married and stayed single his whole life (she also said he wasn't single becuase he's gay - but I decided to interpret that as he's single because the person he loved died).

You just got really, really deep with that line. :D I'm so glad that you found the story beautiful and raw! I can't think of nicer words to describe it!

I'm really glad the misgivings made sense. I didn't want it to just be about Charlie not being out with his family - that seemed too shallow. I liked using the idea of rebuilding in their relationship as it was relevant to the wider wizarding world. I imagine that quite a few couples, families, and friends had to determine where their relaitonships were after the war.

The dragon tattoo may have been a bit of self-indulgence. I would *love* for my hubs to get a tattoo of a dragon and well, this was my wish fullfillment. :D

Arthur (and about half the family) figured out their relationship by that point. Charlie's the only one who really thinks he has a secret there, haha. I couldn't see Arthur being anything other than supportive of his kids doing what makes them happy (as his career was centered around his own passion for muggles even though it wasn't the most popular idea). he is rather rad.

I can't tell you how much this review means to me! I'm overjoyed that you liked the story and that it felt right (from a cc perspective). Thank you so much for an incredible review!

-Rose


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Review #7, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneGravel on the Ground: From the Ashes: Chapter 2

23rd December 2013:
Hey Farmgirl!

Hi, how are you etc.

Thanks for another unsurprisingly awesome chapter! I love this story more and more the more I read :)

I have only good comments, yet again.

First of all, the scene over the dinner table was so wonderful. Your characterization of Fred and George and Ginny was particularly good - I especially like Fred and George's reactions to Ginny's deviousness later on in the chapter. I had one of those 'I can't believe it's not Canon!' moments.

That being said, something seemed a bit off with Charlie and Bill. They both only had one line each, but they seemed a tad forced or maybe too earnest. That may just be me though.

Excellent line about Muggles being as cruel as wizards. There's often a loss of perspective when talking about Voldemort, a magical being of pretty much pure evil, and I'm glad you called up that comparison as there are definitely muggles who are just as bad if not worse (Hitler being the obvious comparison). A really thought provoking line, I think.

The only other nitpicky thing is that you said Harry was unaware of the magical world for the first twelve years of his life, even though he got his Hogwarts letter shortly after his eleventh birthday.

Another fantastic chapter. I don't really have anything else to say

~Gilly

Author's Response: Hello! I'm so incredibly sorry for the delay in responding to this! Life just gets away from me sometimes and I have to step back from online stuff. And then when I come back, I'm so far behind it takes AGES to catch up.

Anyway, what a fun review! Thank you so much for this! I'm so happy people are enjoying this weird story of mine!

A "I can't believe it's not Canon" moment? Really! WOW, thanks! I'm so honored! I was trying really, really hard to create that feeling, but it's so hard and you never know how people will react.

Charlie and Bill. It was probably a product of me going, "Oh, they haven't said anything for a while, I'd better include them." I'll have to be more careful in the future in big scenes like that. At least they got lines. I realized after posting that Ginny doesn't get one line at dinner. Oopsie again.

Did I really write 12 years? Darn it. I'm gonna have to go back and edit that. That's just a mistake, plain and simple. Thanks for catching it!

Thanks again for reading! Hope you'll come back for more now that I'm active again.

- Farmgirl


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Review #8, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneCloser In Winter: Hunger, Fear and Anger.

23rd December 2013:
Hey, I'm here with your requested review from my tag :)

You have quite an interesting story here. It's quite a confusing and drawn out intro, but you don't seem to have any dangling loose ends or random unexplained bits. I like how you're giving some different sides to the characters: some of Ginny's brashness turning into arrogance and Hermione's constant striving for perfection finally getting to her.

You wanted some CC, so I have two main points to get at. First of all, your story is a bit skin and bones at the moment. I can see that the structure is there, but it's a bit confusing and all over the place. I think your story could improve even more if you added more narrative to hold the odd bits and pieces together. Since you're writing in third person, it shouldn't be too tricky to add more explanation of seemingly unrelated events.

You have a lot of really interesting plot points, I just think they could be strung together more elegantly, as what you have right now can be a bit clunky in places.

Like I said, I enjoyed the character development - there's some different takes on familiar characters which is always refreshing. I can see where the tension between Hermione and Ginny comes from, but at this point, since there's so many other confusing and unresloved things floating about, it's a bit much to add that confrontation, I think.

I know you were concerned about adding these issues too soon, and I think it might be kinder to the reader to resolve some of the other issues (what's going on with Hermione's head? Is everyone just going crazy? etc.) before you toss in another ingredient.

That being said, it does help to build the tension, which you're doing really well.

I really like the story so far, and I hope I'm not being too critical - I'm just giving an honest opinion on how you might improve an already great story!

If you have any questions (I know I haven't exactly been clear :/) feel free to PM me :)

Well done!
~Gilly

Author's Response: Hi Gilly!

Thank you so much for your review and sorry it took me so long to respond!

You hit a bulls-eye with the skins and bones part; honestly, I'm focusing on getting the story going in the right direction and I'm ashamed to admit I did starve it a little. I'll be working on that with a beta-reader and when I feel I have a good grasp on the plot. :)

I'm really glad you got the credibility feeling I was going for - showing different sides of the characters we know and love while staying believable... It's hard not to slip into some out of character outbursts!

The entire dynamics of the group are going to be explained in the next chapter but some details are going to stay shushed until the opportune moment... I really want to answer you questions thoroughly but still don't want to give plot twists away... Sorry, I'll have to leave so ends loose... For now! :D


I'm really glad you liked the story and don't worry, constructive criticism is in my opinion the best kind of compliment for a WIP! So many thanks again for your review :)
I'll be updating this chapter soon and the next one(s) is (are) short to follow. Hope I'll read you then ;)


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Review #9, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneA Savage Failure: Love in a Hopeless Place

23rd December 2013:
Hey!

I'm here with your requested review :)

I'm a sucker for minor characters, and Savage is about as minor as it gets. It's one of the wonders of this site that anyone can take a name from the books and spin a life story for them, and I think you've done a fantastic job.

You've given us small glimpses of Savage's character but he's clearly a well thought out character. You really covered the conflicting loyalties well: he's loyal to the ministry, which is always fluctuating in the books from 'good' to 'bad' - it's an interesting topic to cover, just because the affiliations are so subtle and inconstant that it would be hard for Charlie to keep up.

I really like their relationship. Apart from explaining why Charlie was the only Weasley never to have his own family, there's something very raw and believable about their relationship. Always separated by distance and conflicting morals, and yet drawn together by attraction and... idealism I guess, it's a really dramatic and interesting setting.

Apart from a few grammar mistakes (throwback in the first paragraph should be throw back), it was a really well written chapter. I like the timed style as it really gives a sense of perspective of the distance between Charlie and Brad.

To wrap this up, this was an awesome chapter and I really enjoyed it!
~Gilly

Author's Response: Gilly!!!

I feel so special getting a requested review *and* beta-ing. ^_^

I hoped that he'd be more important in the books but then I realized he was just a name on a page in one of the books. o.o I've created my own reality within HP. I'm really glad you like how I've developed him in this story!

Savage was in a tough spot from a professional position. It's great that his attempt to walk the line came through in this story. Charlie did have to go through more than one struggle with determining where Savage's loyalties were. :-/

I'm not sure I put enough about what drew them together. Attraction, sure. They're both devoted to their own set of people. The next chapter gets into why Charlie never moved on. :( (spoiler, it's sad)

I'll do a good read through and look for those! It's great to hear that this was well-written. This was my first attempt with the time specific narratives.

Thank you so much for an incredible review!! You were extremely helpful with the AOCs!
-Rose


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Review #10, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneCareful What You Wish For: Two of Cups

13th December 2013:
Hi! I'm so sorry I've taken... what, almost a month? with this review.

I really like the third chapter! I think it's my favourite so far in your story. Angus is quickly becoming my favourite character, just because of this chapter- the poor boy.

Really solid description and detail all around, great characters so far and enough plot to keep it going, albeit slowly. I like that you're taking your time to build up (presumably) to the action, so we can acclimatize ourselves to the setting and characters before you start to play havoc with their lives.

You may want to re-read, as I did catch two or three spelling/grammar errors ( ex. Oliver sniggered, not very subtlety. "Katrina's my sister." - should probably say subtly ) but otherwise a very strong chapter.

Love he portrayal of Trelawney and the INTRIGUE with the two of cups card ;)

"Who've you got your eye on," I love that xD

Awesome chapter, and again, I'm sorry for the slow response!
~Gilly

Author's Response: Hey there! And haha, don't worry about it at all!

Oh, thank you so much! Yeah, I have a soft spot for Angus muself!

Thanks for pointing that out - I've edited this chapter two times already, but something ALWAYS seems to escape my attention!

And I'm glad you like my characterization of Trelawney! I always worry about writing canon characters, especially minor ones!

Thank you for the great review!

Courtney:)


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Review #11, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneHarry Potter and the Curse of the Incas (Book 8): Chapter 2. The Dursleys Discharged

2nd December 2013:
Hey there! NaNo is over and I have time to breathe and read again!

So here is your requested review!

First of all HOLY CHARACTERIZATION BATMAN! I mean, wow, you've hit the Golden Trio right on the head. I don't know how you stole JKR's brain (and those of her characters) but you're certainly using it wisely.

Everything from Harry's guilt and restlessness to Ron's ears turning pink at whatever Hermione (naughty thing) wrote in that letter was so spot on and I am really impressed.

I loved the scene at the Ministry! The way Harry is still so uncomfortable with his celebrity is very true to canon, and the dialogue with the ministry workers was hilarious- it was like a game of broken telephone, making everything Harry said into something impressive (Curse breaking's just a holiday to him! - brilliant.)

I really loved your attention to detail and scene setting throughout the chapter, especially the scene at the Ministry, with the festive memos and the happy faces. It really conjured a picture in my imagination.

One thing I would say is that you need to be careful with your apostrophes when you're writing and editing: I noticed a few punctuation errors (Dursley's should not be possessive, it's plural). Other than that and a few tiny grammatical errors that only a pedant like me would take issue with, the chapter was very well edited.

I'm really happy you chose Bill as Harry's travelling buddy. As the eldest child, I'd imagine that he would be feeling some of the same feelings of guilt and restlessness that Harry himself has, and the two have some other parallels that make it really believable that they both want out.

The scene at the Burrow, the dinner I mean, was suitably heartbreaking and I think you've done a really excellent job of portraying grief in the Weasley family. Fleur and Molly's relationship is also really well done: you still have those vestiges of hostility and different views, but they've also bonded and that's really evident.

Finally, I mean really, I have to wrap this beast of a review right up, I'm a big fan of this portrayal of the Dursleys, especially Dudley. Fresh starts all around, right? I also love how you showed that shift in harry's perspective. How could he be afraid of his childhood bullies when he's faced Voldemort and come out as the survivor?

Really excellent chapter - I have no criticism to give!
~Gilly

Author's Response: Hi Gilly,

I have been away now for almost a month, and had forgotten that I had requested a review so this was really lovely to come back to, thankyou!

And thankyou for the pick up on the atrocious punctuation!
I have every intention of getting it beta'd but for now, the silly season is upon us and everything I had planned to have done has not been done, and things that I wanted to do are not done and..
well..
Anyway, enough excuses. But I wont be making any promises to improve things any time soon, itll be a couple of months before I get time to think properly again.
I really really appreciated the review too. the one thing I am a bit uncomfortable is the random pairing of Bill and Harry, and if I ever get to rewrite the intro, I will have a prologue wiht a little more time spent developing that relationship before it launches off on a "hey wanna fly aroudn the other side of the world with me?' session.

Anyway, I htink I have thanked you a million billion times, but once more, thankyou!

Anthea


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Review #12, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneThe Nightingale's Lament: The Nightingale's Lament

18th November 2013:
Oh my goodness Sian. How is this so beautiful?

I'll admit to never having heard of Vicky Frobisher before I read this story, but now I'm so intimately introduced to her story, to her pain and everything she's ever felt or fought for that it's hard to remember that this beautiful story was only just introduced to me.

There are so many beautiful lines in here that I'm not sure where to start.

I think that this paragraph was my favourite though:
Shivering again, Vicky wrapped her cardigan tighter around her thin body again. It hung off her in folds, like wrinkly skin on an old woman. Vicky felt old. It seemed to her that the emotions that had taken hold of her could only be a lifetimeís worth, could only be experienced by someone who had lived many years and seen many things. Her age felt wrong, as if the numbers didnít match the pain.

I think you perfectly reflect the true tragedy of the war: forcing these kids, they really are only children, to grow up so fast. To experience grief that's to big to fit them. The imagery of the old woman overlaid on Vicky is also really beautiful.

The patronuses are so perfect! I love the repeated imagery of the nightingale - I see it in Vicky, a sort of melancholy songbird, and I think you chose perfectly for both of them.

Going back to the aging bit, I really appreciate how you didn't belittle Colin and Vicky's love just because they're young. In fact, you did the opposite. I can tell that there is a maturity in them that probably wouldn't have been there in other circumstances, and I really liked how you reflected that in every part of their life: love, school, friendships, family, grief - they are all older than their years.

Finally, I think you dealt with grief in a very convincing way. There are scars that don't heal, and even though your ending was lighter, you never took away from the grief that they are all feeling - Vicky is still crumbling and broken, it's just that she is learning to bear the unbearable.

I've gone on quite a long time, and I really don't have much else to offer, so I'll just end by saying I loved this one shot, I loved the seamless flow of past to present and pretty much every word that makes up this story is exactly the right word.

Really, really well done!
~Gilly

Author's Response: Hi Gilly! Sorry for taking so long to respond to this, RL overwhelmed me!

I love taking minor characters and crafting a story about them, and to know that I've managed to create a character from Vicky that you feel like you know and actually feel something about means so much to me. It means my writing is doing its job :)

Ah, I'm so happy you picked up on that! These kids are really going through something that they should never have to face, and even though they may fight in a war and handle challenges like that, the emotions can be completely overwhelming for them, to the point they don't know how to cope. I was hoping someone would pick up on the idea of the old woman overlaid onto Vicky, so you've made me really happy!

I think it's hard to deal with teenage love in the right way, and normally it's something I avoid writing about because of that. Personally I don't like those stories where everyone ends up with their school boyfriend/girlfriend, because I don't think those portrayals are very realistic - but at the same time, that's not to say teenagers can't be in love, and experiencing the same things adults feel. I think the war, for these two, would have made them more mature, and maybe their love meant a little more because of that, but I'm really pleased that you thought I dealt with their relationship well!

Your interpretation of the ending is exactly how I intended it - unfortunately, grief is an emotion that never goes away completely, not really. It eases over time, and I think that for all people who are grieving there's a point when they realise they have to begin living again, so I'm pleased I managed to convey that here.

Thank you so much for this wonderful review, Gilly! ♥


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Review #13, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneDivided: The Tale of the Hogwarts Founders: Chapter I

11th November 2013:
Hello! I've been on a mission to get all of my reviews done, so I thought I may as well review yours while I was at it.

First of all, I really enjoyed this chapter. While the speech might be a bit modern for the time frame, I'm not an expert on tenth century England either, so I don't have any critique for you there ;P

Rowena's characterization was really good! I like how you made her young, so you can see that while she is wise and intelligent, she hasn't quite reached the maturity of thought that she was known for in her later years.

I love how you've portrayed the founders. Many people focus on Slytherin's betrayal and forget that before they split, they were friends. It's lovely ow you've shown their friendship and their reliance on each other.

I also really liked that hints about war and unrest. It was a really good way to introduce the setting and conflict in this conversation between friends.

I can't wait to see how Slytherin's character grows and changes into the man known at Hogwarts. Does it have something to do with this muggle girl he's so infatuated with? Hmmm.

Spelling and grammar were impeccable as far as I could see, so that's wonderful!

To answer your question, yes, the first chapter does make me want to keep reading.

I really enjoyed the descriptions in the first paragraph: they really caught my attention with the vividness of the scene you pictured there, so well done.

Excellent first chapter!

~Gilly

Author's Response: Hi Gilly! Aw, thank you! I was sure I had accidentally posted when you had the review queue closed, so I appreciate that you did this anyway, that was really sweet of you.

I was worried about the dialogue. Since I wasn't there in the 10th century to hear how they actually spoke back then (big surprise, right?) I wasn't sure if it would be too awkward sounding. But if you didn't think it took away from the story, that's good.

It's wonderful to hear that you like my portrayal of the founders and their long standing friendship. What a great point you made about Rowena too, being very intelligent but a little immature - I'm really glad you liked her.

Much of the war and unrest is actually historical, there were a lot of wars going on at the time against Vikings - so I just extended it into the wizarding world as well! I'm glad you liked that setting.

I really appreciate your comments on my description - that was one of the things I worked on the most in that chapter so I'm glad it set the scene well.

This was a lovely review, thank you so much!


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Review #14, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneRoyal: The Letter

11th November 2013:
Hi Lo!
I'm so sorry for the terrible, terribly delay. You of all people know how NaNo is... it sucks your soul, I tell you.

Okay, so I'll start with what I enjoyed, which pretty much encompasses the whole chapter! This is a really interesting premise and I'm excited to read more. Teenaged royalty, a shocking letter, boring paperwork and... peacocks? What's not to love! It was really well written, and, thought short, engaging and interesting.

As for believability, it was really good! I have a few concerns about characterization. I understand that Carolyn is young and she has to be relatable, but I'd imagine that if she was brought up in Court, some 'royalness' would rub off on her. She seems almost a bit /too/ relatable, if you know what I mean. But as a character I like her a lot, and she is, of course, /yours/ :P

I only noticed a couple of punctuation errors, and no spelling mistakes (except one You're where it should be your) so that's always lovely!

I really liked the ending! Such intrigue o.O

So great start, I can't wait to see what happens next :D

(you can't be mad at me for not writing today because I wrote a review for YOU ! :D )

~Gilly

Author's Response: Hi Gilly!
And I totally know how much time NaNo suck out of your life, so don't worry :P

Yay! I'm glad you liked it! And as for Carolyn's royalness, I should really look into projecting what I'm thinking. I might as well explain it here though :)

Basically her mother tried to let her have a moderately average life, but when her mother died she was pushed into the role of queen and basically rebelled against that for a while. I will look into making her a little bit more formal, but I tried to convey a teenager sick of her job and just wanting to take a break since all she does is paperwork...

And I will definitely check for those errors and that horrifying typo! Gosh! I'm so embarrassed...

And yay! I'm glad you liked it! And no worries about not writing today, as long as you stay caught up. (To be honest, I only wrote about 2000 words last Monday to Friday. Weekends are my NaNo saver!)

Thanks!
Lo :)


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Review #15, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneIn Sickness And In Health: Healing in Hell?

11th November 2013:
Hey Grace!

First of all, and this may be getting a bit repetitive, but I am SO SO sorry for not reviewing more promptly. NaNo has taken me over and I've barely had time to read.

Excuses aside, I quite liked this chapter! I know in my last review I pointed out some of what I found to be characterization errors, but I found the characters were much more believable this time around.

I like how you demonstrated the maturity you'd expect from two almost-adult in such a situation. many Dramione fics have them shouting and ranting at each other, even when they're older, so I'm glad you've demonstrated that Draco and Hermione are mature adults, capable of reasonable thought and the like.

The only CC i have to give is purely stylistic. You gave a very large amount of information purely through expository dialogue. While this is all well and good and often necessary, it does get a bit monotonous when we have several paragraphs of ongoing speech, often without a break.

I agree that it makes sense in this case, as both the characters and the readers need this information that Harold is spouting, but it might read a little nicer if you broke it up a little with actions or questions or even more surprise or outrage from Draco and Hermione. They do seem a bit too accepting of their fate.

Other than that, I found this chapter really enjoyable and I like how original this story is turning out to be.

Thanks for requesting, and I'm sorry again for the delay!
~Gilly

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Review #16, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneBlurring Whites: One

26th October 2013:
Hey Nadia.

Um. Woah, okay how do I start this?

I admire you a lot just for tackling such a sensitive issue, and such a difficult topic to work with. But the fact that you pulled it off, with grace, with compassion is even more impressive.

The idea of having to be aware of the consequences before moving on- that's really powerful. I think you handled the split perspectives really well, and they really added to the power of the story. This is so heartbreaking, because you know that James will always be affected by Lily's death. She gets to move on, to sleep, but he and his family will always have that weight to carry with them. As much as I think james needed to open up, I don't see him ever completely getting over it or moving on.

Apart from a couple of grammar/ spelling mistakes and a slight overuse of commas, this was really well written. The pacing worked really well for this type of story.

Finally, I think the ending was perfect. It's so hard to find a positive note in this situation, but find it you did and you finished the story on a perfect note.

Thanks for sharing this with us, Nadia
~Gilly

Author's Response: Gilly!

Angst angst and more angst. That's Nadia for you. I swear, it's all I actually enjoy writing. There's so many issues out there... I try to make use of them as much as I can.

I really like how you put it that way. You understood exactly what I was going for - they leave so much pain behind.

Yeah, I need to work on those mistakes! I'll be sure to fix them when I get the chance, thanks for pointing that out!

I tried.. I felt like I needed to give Laura something. When I go back I'll be adding more depth into her character.

Thanks so much for the swap Gilly, your review has made me so happy.

Nadia ♥


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Review #17, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneSlytherin Career Day: A Long Day in the Dungeons

21st October 2013:
Hey there! So, I've seen you around the forums and the the Gryffindor common room and everything, but never really talked to you, so when I saw your post in the review tag I thought it would be the perfect way to strike up a conversation xD

This is such a hilarious story! I love how you've characterized Snape - he's so bitter and sarcastic and strangely interested in hair-care products. You've done a fantastic job of presenting the future of Slytherin House to us, in all their glory. I was chuckling by the end of the first paragraph, and Crabbe's creepy bit about fire and the (unproven!) murder of his sister made me giggle even more.

Goyle and Pansy were suitably oblivious and vapid, respectively, while Draco Malfoy Had the most hilarious career path I've heard. Lucius does have fabulous hair, though, it must be said (so much sassy hair flicking from him in CoS ;) )

I think Blaise Zabini is the true gem of the bunch though- how did you write that section without dying of laughter / getting sick?

I love how you outlined all of SLytherin's faults, while hinting a Snape's own flaws. A little hair grease here, caustic comments and sheer indifference are some well known Snape attributes that you displayed perfectly here. I also loved how you put in those ittle comments that show Snape's hero worship of Dumbledore. Well done!

Okay, I think I need to stop rambling, you don't really need me to tell you everything that happened in you story; after all, you wrote it :)

I loved this one-shot, and I'll be back to review something else soon :D
~Gilly

Author's Response: Back-to-back reviews on a one-shot that's more than a year old? This has to be some sort of record. One that I have to say I'm very pleased to be able to set! And it's lovely to make your acquaintance!

There's nothing more fun, at least for me, than to indulge my inner need to write mean, bitter, snarky Snape. When he isn't being all serious and spying on the Dark Lord and killing Dumbledore, he is an absolutely hilarious character to write.

I read a fic a long time ago -- don't ask me where or what the title was; I honestly cannot remember -- where Draco decided to become a hairdresser because he admired his father's hair. The idea stuck with me. And Zabini's section was actually the first one I wrote. I did suffer from a lot of sniggering while drafting that one.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed this. I think I wrote four stories for this challenge in total. It was one of the most fun thing I ever got involved with in the forums. Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #18, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneKeep Calm and Carry On: Take Two and Call Me in the Morning

21st October 2013:
Oh, I loved the ending!

Edie is so perfect! She's one of my Preferred People on this site :). I love how she's so intense cheering for the Kestrels, including the drinking post-quidditch. Wonderful first section! I loved the boys, they're so different yet both wonderful in their own right. They seem to be so nutty when they go out like this! I bet they love the fun until the next morning!

Like I mentioned, the ending is perfect- I see Edie regretting this night big time! I've gotten to the most recent section you posted, so re-viewing this section is fun! Edie is more irresponsible before she gets her job, I think shes more content in the recent posts, though. She's so incredibly fun to view!

Wonderful section of your story!
Hope it continues soon.
~Gilly

Author's Response: Hello!

I'm glad you like Edie! Your opinion may change the longer you read the story, but for now I will accept that compliment ;) You're right, though, that she's at least somewhat attempting to be a little more professional in later chapters.

Thanks so much for taking the time to review!


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Review #19, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneTaking the Biscuit: Booty Calls

21st October 2013:
Oh my goodness! I didn't expect this plot twist! I love how you include bits from the first story into this one. Your continuity is wonderful! Rose is so perfect- I love the depth of her disposition.
Scorpius continues to be my preferred person in this story. He's just so nutty!I enjoy the more serious route this story is following- Rose is experiencing some true difficulties in her life which I think is very good. I enjoyed Gilderoy's bit so much! He's so funny, I love how full of himself he is. Rose is getting pretty 'do or die'! Nervous to see the next section!
Wonderful section!
~Gilly

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This is very much a continuation of the first story so elements will continue to reappear. Thanks so much!

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Review #20, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneKeep Calm and Carry On: The Match

21st October 2013:
Oh, I loved the ending!

Edie is so perfect! She's one of my Preferred People on this site :). I love how she's so intense cheering for the Kestrels, even while swooning over Oliver :D

Ms. Bell is wonderful too! She's so much like Oliver! I love how different she is from Edie, yet how closely their interests line up. I like the things she tells Edie of Oliver.

Like I mentioned, the ending is so perfect! I picture the events in my mind: hundreds of riotous Puddlemere supporters hunting Edie. It's so funny!

Wonderful section of your story!
Hope it continues soon.
~Gilly

Author's Response: Hey! Thank you very much. I really like Katie as well... I think I would want to hang out with her. And yeah, she and Edie do have some similarities, don't they? Especially the bit about not being able to keep their opinions to themselves ;)

Thanks again! ♥



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Review #21, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneNocturne: Nocturne

20th October 2013:
Hello there. I came here with the intention of reading something cute and short and I'm left speechless. So speechless I have to say something about it :)

This is so, incredibly beautiful. I was captivated by the beginning but it was the last sentence that made it flawless. You found the perfect way to end this story and I'm so amazed.

I can't believe how much wisdom and emotion you managed to convey in so few words. I absolutely love your approach to potions: six ingredients that can make almost anything. What an interesting metaphor for life.

I'm so impressed by your writing here. You have singlehandedly rekindled my love for Severus.
All I can say is thank you for sharing your beautiful art with us.
~Gilly

Author's Response: Thank you! I'm really glad you liked this! I was apprehensive about writing Snape because he's generally a character I feel gets butchered in fanon; to here that this rekindled your affection for him is lovely :)

And thank you for your wonderful, kind words :D


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Review #22, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneMake or Break: Make or Break?

20th October 2013:
Hello! I'm here from my review thread!

So, Leah. Um, wow, that was a dramatic ending. She seems very emotionally unstable, to say the least, and I don't really see any Hufflepuff traits in her.

I'd like to have a bit more information about Leah- why is she so unstable? Why is she in hufflepuff when much of what we see in her is cruel and caustic? I understand that she is hurt by people making fun of her stutter, but what causes her to react in such a terrible, violent way? Is she mentally ill, or just very sensitive?

Your writing was very engaging and I didn't find any errors in spelling or grammar, so well done there!

I'd actually like to see a sequel to this, or perhaps a prequel- there seem to be a lot of things left to explain and I'm left slightly confused at the end. I'm really surprised in Seamus- he seems like a nice bloke from what we know of him in canon, so I wonder what drove him to do something so cruel?

This was an interesting piece!
~Gilly

Author's Response: Hi Gilly, thanks a lot for taking the time to review this! :)

ahh Leah, I love her..haahaa I get it though, I totally get how she comes across like that and you may be right.

However if I were to write a sequel to this then all of your questions will be answered, which is why I'm skipping over yours now, but I'll answer the ones that don't give to much away.

Why is she so unstable? - I wouldn't say she is so unstable, but being the victim of so much taunting has lead her to always question herself, jump to the wrong conclusions straight away and be a bit more violent. She is constantly worried about what other people think about her and everyone has a breaking point.

She is in Hufflepuff because she has many of their traits it's just in this we see how she just breaks down. I wouldn't say she is cruel just desperate and helpless.

She's not mentally ill just all the taunting has an effect on her eventually and that's what you see!

Ok, I answered them all but I didn't give to much away!

Thanks for the lovely review, I really appreciate it


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Review #23, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneCorbeau: Raven

20th October 2013:
Hello, I'm here from my review thread and... wow.

I think I'll write this in some kind of structure so I don't just end up gushing meaninglessly.

First of all, where did you find this perfect song? I speak French fluently, so I feel I can really appreciate how well you used these lyrics, and how seamlessly they fit into your story.I especially like the last lyric you used: "On joue au couteau et on peut partager le mÍme lit". I think it really reflects Cho's sentiment that 'now would be a nice time to die'(oh god that sentence)

Secondly, you have converted me! I've never really liked Cho, but this has changed my mind a little bit. I love how much impact Cedric's death had on her. i can't help but feel that if he had lived, they would have broken up eventually, but since he died, well, that must leave a scar that would never heal, and I think you showed that perfectly.

At first I wasn't sure about the style here- it seemed choppy, you used a lot of partial sentences and short paragraphs, but once I reached the end it seemed right. It was such a delicate way to portray these little flashes of Cho's life, and I think you pulled it off with a lot of elegance and beauty.

Finally, this line made me stop in my tracks:
"Life can be cruel. No, not life. Life can beautiful and bitter. Itís the people in it that can be cruel."

A beautiful line in a beautiful piece.

I'm so glad you shared this wonderfully thought out story with us. I really enjoyed it.
~Gilly

Author's Response: *does excited happy dance*

First of all, I'm so happy you liked it! I loved writing it and this review is awesome. That song is ome of my favorites and once I looked up the translation of them, I got the whole idea to write this about Cho. She was never a favorite character of mine either, possibly because she was never developed much past being Harry's love interest for a little while. I hoped that the style wasn't too out of the ordinary and that the progression of time was easy to see, so that's good that it made sense! That line was a really random thought in my head that I wanted to put in the story, so I'm glad it works:) Thanks for your lovely review!

-LumosWeasley


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Review #24, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneFood Fight!: Food Fight.

20th October 2013:
Hah! This was a really funny story.
I like your characterization of Fred and George... they're so mischievous! Imagine getting hit in the face with mashed potatoes... how messy.

It seems like you have a whole Thanksgiving dinner flying around the great hall: stuffing, salad... I half expected someone to chuck a whole turkey!

You may want to watch your capitalization and punctuation. There were a few strangely structured sentences that could probably be combined, for example here: "Younger student were crawling under tables. Trying not to get crushed by older students." that would probably flow a little more nicely as one full sentence.

Fred and George continue to be hilarious- they started that food fight easy as pie, and they're absolutely nuts!

I can just imagine McGonagall's face at the end too: all sour like she'd been sucking on lemons :D

I like this little story a lot, it was loads of fun to read!
~Gilly

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Review #25, by DumbledoresArmyOfOneHarry Potter and the Boy Who Lived: Part 1 - 1981. Chapter 1 - Mr and Mrs Dursley and the Flying Motorbike

19th October 2013:
I love this chapter!
It's so interesting to see what would happened if Harry's and Neville's roles were reversed- I ever thought of the effect it might have on Sirius' life, but I love how you've spun that.

Petunia's characterization is also perfect in this chapter! I love how initially she'd unpleasant, but there is still that side of her that loves her sister. I think that's perfect.

Finally, Vernon was perfectly entitled and obnoxious and you did a wonderful job of portraying his self-importance.

Wonderful first chapter! It was a pleasure to read :)
~Gilly

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