Reading Reviews From Member: HorseMad99
  
55 Reviews Found

Review #1, by HorseMad99From the Outside: Just an Act

29th November 2013:
Hi it's Beth your requested reviewer.
First off I really like Lily's little internal conversations especially when she says 'great. Just what I needed. Why don't I just wear a sign around my neck proclaiming my love for him.'
I'm a little bit confused about the part where is says 'I don't think I've ever seen Rose get this red. And Rose can get red.' I'm not sure whether you meant either 'I don't think I've ever even see Rose get this red' or did you simply put the wrong name in? Either way I think it would be better if you put it all as one sentence rather than having just a short sentence at the end of it.
The characters seem to be blushing (especially blushing violently) a little bit too often, maybe just try and think of a different way to phrase is so that you're not repeating yourself too often.
I really liked how Scorpius was almost a little bit overly polite when they collide with each other and in general I like his character as quite often he's just Al's sidekick and isn't given a huge character and I always end up feeling a bit sorry for him because he's just Al's copy.
It seemed at times that when the character was supposedly yelling it just felt a little bit out of place and as though it didn't really fit in, maybe you could just look back and change it a few times and also when they are yelling you could just add some caps?
I think for a first chapter you need to ease into the plot a little bit more, it started all of a sudden and I think that if there was a bit more back story then it would give some of the characters and bit more depth. Also if you add just a little bit more of Lily's thoughts/feelings it would give her character a little bit more substance.

I really like this chapter, it flows quite well but I think it will be helped a bit of you add a bit more back story which will also help with some of the characterisation. As a first chapter it was quite fast moving but I think the back story and extra thoughts/ feelings would even it out a bit.
I also really like the inclusion of the title into the last line.
Overall I think this is a really nice chapter, please feel free to re-request.

Beth :)

Author's Response: Hi!

Thank you so much for taking the time to review!

You're suggestions are very helpful, so thanks again for that!

I'm glad you liked the chapter though, thank you for all your comments!

Katie(:


 Report Review

Review #2, by HorseMad99Howl. : Howl

7th June 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer.
Sorry this review is so late, as I mentioned on the thread I have had an important exam that I needed to study for but I am finally her (at last!)
'Her wand (or so she claimed)' the first thing I thought of was it when Umbridge was interviewing all of the muggleborns and asking them who they had stolen their wands from and that was why the narrating character added '(or so she claimed)'
I really like the repetition of 'Twist. Turn. Stop. Observe. Repeat' it just worked really well and added to the tense/creepy atmosphere.
'Have you ever had that satisfaction? When you see pieces shatter, and you know that you have caused it.' I don't know why but I just love this quote, it was certainly un-nerving but still really good.
I really liked how the other character demanded to have her wand back despite all that was happening and how she seemed in no position to ask for such a thing but she did anyway.
'Manor' when you mentioned this it immediately made me think is might be Bellatrix and Hermione bu then the ending proved me wrong.
I really liked the repetition at the end of 'Have you ever had the satisfaction? When you see pieces shatter, and you know that you have caused it' I think it ended it really well.
Okay, era defining. So it wasn't too clear which era it was from but seeing as it was a one off chapter and we don't even find out who the characters are I don't think it is all too important. I think it actually works really well as being so unknown.
I think you could have made more of the ending in the way that you had to mention in the authors note what happened, instead you could have explained it a little more in the story.
However I did really like it especially not knowing who the characters were. It kept me guessing and really made me think about it so well done.
I don't think it is all to vital that the era is not crystal clear though I think it will become clearer if you make more of the end.
I really liked this so feel free to request a review for another story!
10/10
Beth :)

Author's Response: Heey. Thank you for you review. I'm glad you liked it and enjoyed the quotes that I was hoping the readers would enjoy. I would love for you to give me more reviews. Once I start writing again of course,
Thank you again :D
Xx
-Kate


 Report Review

Review #3, by HorseMad99Never Too Late: Never Too Late

7th June 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer.
I am sorry I am so late! As mentioned on the thread I had an important exam yesterday which I have been studying for, so sorry again that it is so late.
The start is very good and I think it really captures her insecurities and many people will probably be able to relate to at least a few things that she talks about or what people say to her.
She seems so used to it, so much so that it doesn't even phase her at all and it's really sad that sometimes things do get to that point.
'Attempt to join in halfheartedly, but fail miserably' it is really sad because she is trying to act like everything is okay but in reality her whole world is sort of ripping at the seams.
The POV (point of view) change was not that clear and it took me a few moments to realise what had happened. This is easy to solve with either 'JAMES' POV' when it changes or put in your authors note something like 'The Pov changes between . and . after every quote of the song' it will just make it a bit easier for the reader especially if they are not concentrating hard I know from experience how confusing it can be if you don't concentrate enough and something suddenly dramatic happens and you can't remember who half of the characters even are.
I like the format of how the lyrics fitted into the song, there was a risk of it interrupting the flow but I think it worked really well and I like how it highlighted where the lyrics where for anyone who didn't know them.
I really liked the conversation about how they made her cry it was very realistic.
I find it really sad that she mas been messed around and lied to or made fun of so much that she doesn't even know what the truth is anymore.
I was also so sad when she said 'I don't deserve love' it must be so hard for anyone who gets to that point.
Finally just a little pet peeve over A/N's (feel free to ignore) I in particular find it a bit annoying if someone says something like 'I don't like this chapter' and when you said 'Regardless please review even it is to tell me how poorly it is written' I know I like it a lot better and tend to give more positive reviews if someone asks in more of a positive way so maybe say something like 'maybe you could give me some help on things to improve' it makes people think that by doing it they are helping you (which they are) rather than thinking oh she just wants me to say it wasn't very good so there is no point of me reviewing.
I really liked this, it was really sad but really good. Feel free to request another story!
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hi! That's fine - as you can see, I've been busy too, and that's why it's taken me so long to reply.

I'm glad you like the start - I really tried to capture the bullying that she's endured and show how deeply it's affected her.

As for the POV change, I like your idea, and I may add in a comment at the beginning saying that the POV will change after each lyric. Thanks for that suggestion!

I will go fix that A/N as well!

Thanks so much for this review!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


 Report Review

Review #4, by HorseMad99Not Normal: {Chapter the Second}

29th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer,
Firstly I love how she described Regulus 'and he was dead cute, and dead but who really cared about such trivial things' it was very funny and the pun was good.
'Aren't you the bloke who died trying to destroy that horcrux, but didn't quite make it?' this shows really well that she is quite a blunt character and unafraid to speak her mind.
I love how sarcastic Regulus was when he said 'No, I've just been roaming around the place for the past 40 or so years, walking through walls, never ageing and being ignored by the general population and I still think I'm alive' he's sassy too. I love his character so far and I'm really interested to find out what part he will have to play later on.
'Oh nothing, just talking to Regulus Black' I love how she says this and obviously Albus thinks she is joking but in actual fact she is telling the truth. I can really imagine his reaction when/ if she finally tells him and I can imagine him just saying 'so you really were talking to Regulus Black?!'
I also love how when Regulus tells her that he is going to help her, her first reaction is 'Does the guy want to help me with me potions homework?'
It really made me laugh when Regulus started talking about the free wifi and when he said, 'I have been dead for forty years, Ellie. Death can get pretty boring if I can't live stream the latest episode of Doctor Who' I swear this is exactly what I am going to be like when I die.
'TTYL' did he really just say that?! I think I'm a shocked as Ellie, I suppose it's because the Black family was always quite traditional and it's just really strange to read about him knowing about and using wifi etc.
'being a complete noob when it came to social situations where sarcasm wasn't functional, my brain shut down and left me alone to flounder through' though I don't particularly like the choice of word with 'noob' I really like the rest of the phrase, it's really relate able and made me giggle.
'But not before before she hit me right in the feels' that pretty much sums up my whole existence.
I really liked this chapter, it was just as good as, if not better than the last. The humor and sarcasm worked really well and I really want to read on!
Feel free to re-request when you have posted the next chapter.
10/10
Beth :)

Author's Response: I'm so sorry for taking so long to reply to this!

Ellie and Regulus' relationship is just a lot of fun to write. They're both very endearing and likeable (I hope!) characters in their own way, and I love writing them together, because they're so different, yet still very much the same.

Chris takes a lot of things about Ellie in his stride - which shall be further explored. Peole are curious about him, and there's a lot more to him than meets the eye.

I'm glad to hear that Ellie's awkwardness is so relateable! That was on purpose - we've all been there.

Thanks for the wonderful review, and I shall make sure to request for the next chapter!


 Report Review

Review #5, by HorseMad99Resistance : Firenze

28th May 2013:
Hi it's your requested reviewer!
I really liked the reference 'Mars is bright tonight' it makes it clear immediately that this story is being told from the point of view of a centaur even if a reader didn't see the chapter title.
The bit about the unicorn made me really sad especially 'it chose to fight in human wars, and it has paid the ultimate price' it really made it obvious why centaurs don't like to associate themselves with humans other than the fact that they are very proud.
It was also really sweet as well as sad that the people of the leaves stayed with the unicorn whilst it was dying and then put it out of it's misery to prevent it's suffering.
It was really sad that some of the centaurs died too, it showed that no one really escaped the battle unscathed.
'my people wounded for human pride, this last sanctuary of ours invaded by their death sticks and their greed' this really made me think that the whole war had no affect on the centaurs at all until the battle of Hogwarts where they were dragged in simply for the fact they lived near.
I really wanted to kill Bane when he said 'Thr traitor Firenze...the lover of humans, of obedience. What is your purpose in returning here? You are banned from these woods' It really annoyed me that Bane was too proud to forgive him. The centaurs lost enough people to be stubborn and lose another over a stupid argument.
'There is nothing more proud than a centaur, unless perhaps Hippogriff or a Malfoy' this worked really well because it injected a bit of humor into this very sad chapter.
I really want to know who the boy was or did you just write him without actually giving him a character/ name?
I think that is was really sad/ a real shame that Bane couldn't bury the hatchet and forgive Firenze.
This was an amazing chapter, it made me really sad because it is so well written and really moving. The flow and structure is perfect. I can not fault this!
100/10
Feel free to re-request.
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hello! :) I'm glad you liked the little references to centaurs to set the scene, and enjoyed the story. I felt so sorry for the unicorn too, but it just showed how unfair the whole war was for everyone involved.

I know, Bane really is horrible, isn't he? Then again, he has been through a lot and I thought that the tension with the centaurs was building through the HP books, eventually it would implode on them. You're right, they should have stuck together and appreciated the centaurs living instead of fighting amongst themselves! :(

I'm glad you liked that little bit of humour! I thought it would be something Firenze would say, especially after being around humans for a while.

The boy is a character in my novel The Girl from Slytherin, but for the purposes of this story he could really be anyone who was in the wrong place at the wrong time and got caught in the centaurs' quarrels.

Thank you so much for this really thoughtful and lovely review, it was a real pleasure to read! :)


 Report Review

Review #6, by HorseMad99Unexpected Parenthood: Chapter Five

28th May 2013:
Hi it's your requested reviewer!
I think it is really appropriate that 'best friend' is in inverted commas because Dom and Flick were best friends but then Flick left without telling Dom and if you can't tell your best friend everything then who can you tell? I think Flick will and should be starting to feel a bit guilty by now especially as she is going to have to go back and face everyone after acting like they didn't exist for about a year. They also haven't spoken for a year so Flick is going to have some real explaining to do when she gets back to Hogwarts!
'I really doubt that Minnie would have said she was going to kick you out just for having bad grades' Dom is getting suspicious! It seems Flick's cover story is going to fall apart and I really don't envy Flick for when she has to explain the truth to everyone especially Al.
I think it is really cute that Flick went back and read all of the letters she had been sent even if it may have only been because she felt guilty for not replying and because she was going to have to see everyone the following day and it would be easier for her if she could truthfully say she had actually read all of their letters.
I really liked this chapter, it flowed nicely and leads up to the start of term really well!
Feel free to re-request!
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hey,

Flick feels guilty, so, so guilty. She knows that her and Dom shared everything and then she didn't tell her about being pregnant and Flick fears that'll be the end of their friendship.

There are cracks and suspicions, what's the truth and what's not??

As well as answering truthfully about reading them, some of the things in them she could answer or discuss if the topic was brought up.

Thank you once again!!!
-Potterfan310
Soph x



 Report Review

Review #7, by HorseMad99Born To Die: Born to be a Weasley

28th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested review. Sorry that I took a while.
'The clock was taunting me' clocks do that a lot I find, especially when you just want a lesson to end.
'Into Dad's Angelina' did you mean 'into Dad's Anglia' as in his car?
'Successfully with 10 minutes to spear' I think you meant spare.
'Long list of choirs' I think you meant chores rather than choirs.
I like how she describes Bill's hugs as 'hugs of steel' I can really imagine him having quite a tight hug.
'Just because I don't think climbing onto the roof of the house so we can drop water balloons at the gnomes is something considered fun' this made me laugh. Ginny really seems like a bit of a loose cannon whereas Cedrella seems more quiet and reserved in comparison.
I like the references to bits that we find out in the Harry Potter books, my favourite was the fact that Fred and George's hands on the clock were pointing to mortal peril after they turned Ron's teddy bear into a spider.
I can really imagine how horrible it must have been for her having to tidy the twins room, the left over rotting apples really sounds like something they would leave around in their room.
'Ginny and mines room' it should really me 'Mine and Ginny's room'
So far it is a good story, I like the references to the other HP books and I like the characterisation of Cedrella however there are quite a few typos that make it just a bit harder for the story to flow and harder for the reader. These can be easily sorted out either by asking someone to beta the chapter for you or by editing is quickly yourself.
Other than that I really liked the story so far!
Feel free to re-request.
Beth :)

Author's Response: It's fine! Thank you for taking the time to review. :)

Thank you for all the advice and I'm absolutely taking your criticism to story and advancing it. I'm correcting the all the typos that I can. I'm glad you liked the references to the other HP books. I tried to make sure that humor was still there to help smooth over the rough edges that chapters might have in the future!

Thank you again and I'll be sure to stop by the next time I post a chapter!
Sweetinferno


 Report Review

Review #8, by HorseMad99Hating You Is What I Know: Git Brother and Sorting

28th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer, I am sorry that this review is a little bit late.
First off I like that Evie doesn't judge Scorpius for the fact that he is a Malfoy. It would be easy for Evie as a muggleborn to simply go with the popular belief that all Malfoys are evil/traitors.
I like how Evie is not put off by the fact that muggleborns don't normally get into Slytherin and instead she takes it as a challenge.
Evie seems to think 5'4 is quite tall when in reality it is actually quite short for a teenage boy.
'It was only because he gave me chocolate, I loved chocolate. It is a fact that chocolate will get you anywhere' this pretty much sums up me completely and it is really sweet and it makes her character very believable.
'If I could curse loudly, I would have done' I really like this because I know how it feels to hate your name, especially when teachers call out your full name at school, it can be mortifying so I can really sympathise with her.
I liked this chapter, it flowed well and I like her conversation with the sorting hat.
Feel free to re-request.
Beth :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your review:)
I would definitely request again when I would update but before that I need to reedit it and before that I have my xams which would not be ending any soon.
Anyway Thanks for you review.


 Report Review

Review #9, by HorseMad99The Perks of Being a Sociopath: Hello and Goodbye

27th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested review, sorry I am a bit late.
'She generally appeared cool and indifferent to most people, a trait that she actively maintained...' I like the way this describes her it definitely gives a sense of her character already.
Why is Olivia at Katie's house? It almost seems like Katie's mum doesn't really care too much because she only comes and does the healing spells when asked and she is not there to help Katie like Olivia is.
'start jabbering at a sound height only bats could hear' firstly rather than sound height it should be pitch but apart from that I really like this phrase. It really makes me picture Ellie screeching whilst Olivia is exasperated.
It says her mum's name is Sara Erikson, but how comes Olivia's last name is Wright? Will we find out where her dad is later on?
I love the description of Lynton and of how Olivia looks/ how she matches the sea and the sand it was a really nice touch.
'Physical closeness generally made her feel uncomfortable' this makes her sound so much like a character in a fanfiction I am writing!
'Merlin's pants, are you two done already? You'd think Ellie is going to in sodding Russia for 15 years' this really made me laugh and conveyed really well how little patience Olivia has for what she probably deems 'unnecessary displays of affection'
Liz and Olivia both sound like people that no one wants to be friends with and therefore ended up being friends with each other.
I like how Liam, Liz and Olivia can all insult each other without it really mattering.
I think you captured the essence of the marauders really well in a short amount of writing which is good because it meant it didn't drag on.
For someone who claims to not like physical closeness ,and generally by the sounds of it, friendship - she seems to have quite a few friends. I think Olivia likes to imagine that she doesn't have many friends maybe so she doesn't expect too much but I think she has more friends than she thinks or is willing to admit.
I didn't really like who she claimed to not know who Liz and Liam were infront of the marauders, although she was joking it seemed a bit too selfish and as though she didn't want them thinking that her friends were weird.
I like this chapter, it flows well and is a good introduction to the main characters. I like the character of Olivia so far and I am certainly interested to see how her character develops later on.
Feel free to re-request,
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hello, thank you for the review! Don't worry about being late or not, I really don't mind if it takes a few days longer :)
Olivia is at Katie's house because she's always there after a transformation to help her (when she's not in Hogwarts of course). I realize it isn't probably very clear so I'm trying to fit more backstory in some of the later chapters.
You're right about Katie's mom, she has a lot of internal struggles about her daughter.
I'm glad you liked the more descriptive part, sometimes I worry whether it interrupts the story flow, but most people said it didn't bother them. So yaay!
There is a small part about how and where Sara met her husband Aldwyn Wright, maybe you missed it? And in most countries children take their father's last name, so I thought I'd play safe there. In this scene, their father is at work, but I felt like that was unnecessary to write down. Maybe I could incorporate it in some dialogue if I edit it.
Wow, you're spot on with that! Olivia indeed likes to think she's all rational and doesn't have too many friends, while she's actually not that bad with people. I'm glad you captured that!
Yes, I realize it may have appeared too selfish and a bit mean. I meant for her to be joking though, she doesn't really care if her friends are weird, she was just annoyed. But yeah, I get your point.
So thank you for your lovely review, it was very helpful!


 Report Review

Review #10, by HorseMad99Unexpected Parenthood: Chapter Four

23rd May 2013:
Hi it's your requested reviewer,
This is probably going to be a review with me getting aggy at how awful her mother it.
I think it is really realistic and fair enough that Flick thinks that her Mum shouldn't bother writing letters because Flick is right in saying that it was her choice to leave.
I hate their Mum for how it seems like she only stayed as long as she did because Oscar was really younger but I think it's was more for her own piece of mind than for the benefit of her family.
It is really is quite sad that Flick's mum doesn't know that her dad is dead but I suppose it is her own fault really for not giving them any way of contacting her.
I definitely agree with Flick, if her mum so desperately wanted to see how much they had grown etc. then she should have just stayed. By sending letters I think it keeps the wound open and doesn't let any of them get over the fact that she just left all of them.
At the end after reading the article it must have been horrible for Flick!
She clearly still likes him and she probably thought that he was really in love with her but she must be torn because she can't expect him to not move on as it was her who dumped him and she couldn't expect him to wait for her seeing as he didn't even know whether he was ever going to see her again let alone get back together with her. Still it must feel absolutely horrible for Flick to see the guy, who she still loves and is the father of her kids, with another girl and for them to seem so happy. I bet it makes her feel inadequate and unwanted/unneeded. Poor Flick :(
This was a really nice chapter, I liked it! Feel free to re-request!
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hey :)

I am in total agreement, she did it for piece of mind rather than them. I think everything you've said is spot on!!!

Poor Flick indeed.
Thanks again!!!

-Potterfan310
Soph x


 Report Review

Review #11, by HorseMad99It's Not Love: A Fail End To A Birthday And Some Best Friend Issues

23rd May 2013:
Hi it's your requested reviewer!
'Its in the second ballroom,' oh just the second FREAKING ballroom, I think I am becoming jealous of the Malfoy's huge fictional house.
'This place is worse than a muggle zoo' this is exactly how I feel at the January sales, it's crazy.
'Are you paying him to marry you?' It's so scarily accurate and it makes me sad :(
'You are strong enough to handle this, I believe in you,' this has to be the cutest thing any brother has said EVER.
'Just six days until I become answerable to someone else other than my parents and six days until it all becomes real' it really puts everything into perspective because she has only got six more days until she is committed to someone she doesn't want to be with. What happens if she falls in love whilst she is married to Nicholas,I can't imagine how horrible that would feel. (I think I may have an idea of what might happen but I don't want to spoil it for other readers if I am right so I will PM it to you!)
I'm so glad that Mikaela didn't let it turn into a huge argument when she found out about Alex's secret relationship because she really needs her friends right not and I think if they had of had a huge argument it might have ripped my heart to shreds.
'Dora would not tell on you, Miss, Dora promises!' I think Dora has to be my favourite character, I have a soft spot for house elves seeing as Dobby was my favourite character in the Harry Potter series.
'Both smiled sadly' they feel so bad for her but they can't show it because they know they have to stay strong for her.
YOU ARE MAKING ME SO EMOTIONAL RIGHT NOW!
This was an amazing chapter, my favourite so far all I can say is WOW!!
10/10,feel free to re-request!
Beth :)

Author's Response: OMG YOU REALLY ARE GETTING EMOTIONAL? THATS SO CUTE?
MADE MY DAY!
CAPS LOCK OFF NOW...
okay so wowww.
this review is just perfect.
funny anrd simple and sweet.
thankyou
i will. promise
Em


 Report Review

Review #12, by HorseMad99Resistance : Thanatos Nott

23rd May 2013:
Hi it's your requested review
I'm sorry it has been so long, I have been so sorry.
Wow, that chapter was just amazing, it was really powerful and I like the idea that it was told from a completely different point of view and it gave a perspective of the other side of the story.
I really liked the quote 'the generation lost to the dark arts' its really chilling and scarily reminds me of 'the lost generation' who were the people alive around the time of the First World War, they were called 'lost' because so many people died which is really similar to what has happened because of the battle of Hogwarts.
I also really love the quote 'we had fought for a better world, for a society cleansed of sin, we were revolutionaries but we have fallen' this phrase in particular is really powerful because quite a lot of the death eaters were fighting for what they had thought was right which reminds me of Les Miserables, I really liked the idea that they were revolutionaries.
I thought it was really sweet that he was relieved that his sons would not be servants of the Dark Lord because he knew how much he had suffered despite the possibility that at first he thought he was fighting for a worthy cause.
The quote 'they will not toil or fear as I have feared' really makes me think about how emotionally scarred or insane most of the death eaters must have become because of all they have gone through.
I also really liked how Andromeda got her revenge, he lost her husband, daughter and son in law so she really deserved to get angry at someone for it and I'm really glad that you wrote wit so that she could, it makes me feel like I can put the character of Andromeda to bed now because despite not getting to fully get revenge she did at least get to let out some of her fury onto her husband's killer.
I also really like the idea that this story will be told from many different people's point of view at many different points after the Battle of Hogwarts. I really liked this chapter it was so good!
Feel free to re-request, 10/10
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hello! :) You didn't take long at all, and me putting in the wrong link certainly didn't help! Sorry about that again, btw! :)

I'm very excited that you liked this story! I enjoy writing opposing points of view, and Nott was an interesting character for me to explore. Hearing that the story was powerful is just lovely.

That's such an interesting comparison of the generations! I'm glad that line stood out for you, I liked it as well. It's so tragic that young people (and all people, really) were lost and lost their loved ones in this war.

I like to imagine the DE as thinking of themselves as the good guys. It's deluded, but justifies their awful actions. To himself, Nott is a revolutionary, while to others he's a villain. However, this doesn't mean he wants the same fate for his sons, especially since he's chosen the losing side. I'm so happy that contrast came across!

That's such a good point about the DE themselves being traumatized by what they've experienced and done. I'm so happy you read that message into it!

The Andromeda part was completely unplanned, but just felt right. I'm glad you liked it, and I hope I did her justice and gave her a sense of justice as well.

Thank you so much for this really lovely and kind review, and I hope you don't mind if I do re-request! :D


 Report Review

Review #13, by HorseMad99Not Normal: {Chapter the First}

23rd May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer!
Okay, you asked me whether it was eye catching which it certainly is. I am unfortunately guilty of looking at a banner then deciding to read the summary and yours certainly caught my eye.
The first little section is really intriguing, I really like it especially as rather than screaming Ellie is more quietly curious. It gives the reader an insight into her personality without you having to simply state the facts, by doing this I think it makes a story a lot better and a lot more readable.
I like how when she sees the women again she still doesn't scream in fact she corrects her, I would have been so scared!
I really like Ellie as a character. I like that she is scared not because she can see the ghosts but because it is a gift which she doesn't share with her twin. It shows just how close they are.
'Are you in the habit of drinking juice straight from the carton from other people's fridges?' I really like this quote, it makes it really funny and Albus is so smooth in his reply, it sounds like Ellie's house is almost like Al's second home.
I love how Al and Rose both barge in and no one really makes a fuss about it. Next thing you know the whole Weasley/Potter family will be appearing in the kitchen!
'There is thirty per cent off all stores, including the book shop' I love how at first Ellie doesn't really want to go but as soon as Rose mentions that there is a sale at the book shop Ellie wants to go.
I also like how Rose believes in Divination there are too many stories where Rose is very much like her mother (I am guilty of this) and it is nice to see her being different.
'and then there was my cake sense' who needs 'the sight' when you have the cake sense !?
I also really like how at the end Ellie tries to justify everything that Madame Cassandra says as though she is trying to convince herself that Cassandra is an old fraud.
I really enjoyed this chapter, it was really good and well written. It flowed really well and the dialogue was neither under nor over used and it worked really well.
Feel free to re-request, 10/10
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hello!

Aren't we all guilty of reading a story because of its banner? I am glad that you thought it was catchy!

That was something I wanted to highlight about her. Even as a kid, she was a bit weird. I imagine Luna was similar to Ellie at that age! She doesn't scream either because even though she pretends to be really cynical and everything, deep down, she only wants to see the best in people.

Albus is one smoothe dude! And yeah, the houses are more like two halves of the same whole for some of the characters!

Who doesn't love a sale, especially on books? Ellie's no exception to that!

Rose and her Divination obsession is actually one of the most fun things to write! I have way too much fun with it! And the cake sense is also a lot of fun!

Thank you so much for the review!


 Report Review

Review #14, by HorseMad99Hating You Is What I Know: Meeting Malfoys

20th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer.
I like the little conversation she had with Draco, it was cute.
'So see guys, that's why I don't tell my full name' I like how she says this, it made me giggle.
I also like how she ended up in a compartment with Scorpius, I really hope they become good friends because then they can unite under the fact that they both hate their names.
Finally I was wandering what relevance the end of the last chapter has to this one. The bit I am talking about is this:
'I didn't know that my past was going to crash on me hard and I would have to face the reality of my life which would leave me with nothing but pain.
I would meet the one person I hated the most who changed my childhood with his single decision and made me behave the way I do now, who would change my whole life.
I would find the one who would help me find the power within me and would vanish all the darkness and sorrow in my heart. I would lose everything just to get to him. Just to be with him and I didn't know that my journey to get to him would be so difficult'
I'm just curious because in the previous chapter this was written talking about the person who she bumped in to who we discovered in this chapter is Draco Malfoy. I'm just a little confused of what it means. Obviously it will probably become clear in later chapters but I'm just curious.
A good chapter. Feel free to re-request!
Beth :)

Author's Response: Thanks for your review :)

Well, i know that Scopius is going to be a big part in her life and well. we are going to see a lot of him.

The relevance at the end is based on the story that is going to carry out. It's about her past, i.e her childhood and then her future.
The two persons that were talked about, would be told soon in next few chapters.

Thanks Sara, I hope you review again :)


 Report Review

Review #15, by HorseMad99It's Not Love: Best Friends And All That Jazz

20th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer again.
So I love the conversation at the start, it shows how well they get on because they can insult each other and it doesn't matter at all because they know each other well enough to realise that they are joking.
'I'll hex her ass later. Well by later I mean within the next thirty seconds' I really like this quote because it is really relateable for example if someone ever tells me that they will help me with something later, I wait about thirty seconds until I ask again claiming that it is later now.
'I don't want to see his face!' I really think that this represents how much she doesn't want this marriage, she can't look at his face because she can't even get around the fact that she has to marry someone let alone that this is the actual person that she has to marry.
I also like the quote, 'I had plans for the future. No of which involved some bloke and a life commitment' first no should be 'none' but apart from that I think the quote really shows how much she doesn't want this. It is likely that she will have to give up most of her dreams and aspirations all because she has Nicholas.
You definitely make people sympathise for Mikaela as a character.
This was another very nice chapter, feel free to re-request at some point if I have a spot free!
Beth :)

Author's Response: hii. GUESS WHATTT YOU DO HAVE A SPOT FREE? YAY?
THANKYOU SO MUCH!! your reviews are good for my writing ego. lol.
i will correct these silly grammatical errors soon.
thannnksss
em


 Report Review

Review #16, by HorseMad99The Worst: Dreading The Worst

20th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested review.
Wow, this chapter is far from boring or a filler chapter. It was really intense and kept you focusing the whole way through.
The way you have written makes it all sound so believable and it certainly created an atmosphere of panic and uncertainty.
I like how she is having to convince herself to run because she knew that she wasn't very brave yet she still tried to escape rather than just hiding, in that respect she is almost more of a Gryffindor.
All of the descriptions are so realistic and it really helped to make the reader feel as if they too were in the forest/cottage with Dominique.
I can't believe she was bitten, it all happened so fast but I think it worked really well.
It was definitely effective as a first chapter and it really makes the reader want to read beyond to find out the implications of her being bitten.
The final paragraph was so scarily accurate and eerie.
I really like this chapter, it certainly makes me what to read beyond! 10/10
Feel free to re-request.
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

I am glad you liked this chapter and found it intense as that was my aim.
It's a great pleasure to hear that you found this believable and the atmosphere was what I intended.
I particularly wanted to highlight the bravery aspect so pleased you liked it too.
It's flattering that you like my descriptions, so thank you!
Yeah, it all happened quite fast but its good to hear you found it to work well, and that over all you found this an effective first chapter.
The final paragraph was supposed to be eerie so I am glad that effect worked.
Thanks a lot for your lovely comments and the 10/10!


 Report Review

Review #17, by HorseMad99It's Not Love: The First Official Encounter Along With Presents

19th May 2013:
Hello, it's your requested review again!
'I just wanted this Sodding day to end' I like the quote but there is no need to capitalize the 's' of Sodding. Along the lines of capitalization, near the end where you have written 'I need to give scorp his present,' remember to capitalize his name.
'Is it hug Mikaela day? It bloody hell looks like that' again I like the quote but I think it would sound better as 'it bloody well looked like that'
'Samuel nodded and wished me.' what did he wish her!?
I like how Sam apologises but then I lost all respect for him when he started talking about how he wanted the engagement party to be that weekend. He needs to give her time to get her head around it, for goodness sake she has only just found out, would it be wrong of me to want to kill Samuel right now?
I really like her out burst, she DESERVES to be angry, I can't imagine how I would be feeling right now if I was in her situation but I do know that at some point I would have gone COMPLETELY crazy. I don't think they are allowing for the fact she has just found out nor are they being very understanding about it.
'They are all staring at me as if I performed a forbidden spell on a baby' first I like the description of her reaction but they seriously need to be more realistic. Did they expect her to just go along with it without any complaints. I bet it is because they think it is not her place to disagree because she is a girl and they seem like quite a traditional family. Grr at sexist people.
'Hush now, it's just a set of rocks for and actual rare diamond' this is really cute but it definitely screams out 'insincere because I just want you to marry my son so that he doesn't lose his magical powers but I don't really care about you'
And finally, 'this was the only golden trio I wanted to belong to and I did,' this has to be one of the cutest lines ever!
Feel free to re-request.
Beth :)

Author's Response: Heyy
Yes I will correct these mistakes.
He wished her a happy birthday :p
Yes a very traditional sexist pureblood family.
YESSS that's what i wanted people to get. Its a bribe :p
You will love the next chapter :D
Em


 Report Review

Review #18, by HorseMad99Souls : Souls

18th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer!
The first paragraph is almost mysteriously menacing but very enticing. The story in general has a very eerie feel to it and you have created a very good atmosphere.
The way you described Riddle's reaction to his surroundings, others and the was he analyses the hat are all very realistic and very believable. The sorting hat's song was also very believable and if I didn't know any better then I would probably think it was from the Harry Potter books themselves.
You have really capture Tom Riddle's curiosity and desire to know about the hat. You have characterised him so well and it is so realistic (I may be repeating myself somewhat but that is because your writing is just so believable and realistic- I am jealous.)
I like how even back then, the school's resident trouble maker was a Weasley.
I can't believe the hat was a horcrux! It was an amazing idea yet it seems to make so much sense even in the Harry Potter series it fits. I never would have imagined it but it seems so reasonable and realistic!
This story is amazing and so well written!
Feel free to request a review on another story.
10/10
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hello there! :) Thank you so much for this speedy response and such a lovely review!

I'm glad you enjoyed the story, I had too much fun writing it. It's great that you got an eerie feel, as that's just what I was going for! It's wonderful that you liked Riddle's characterization, and his dark curiosity- it was frighteningly easy for me to get inside his head! :)

Aw, the song! It was so fun and just had to be included. I'm so honoured you thought it did HP justice!

Yay, you thought the horcrux idea made sense! :) Even though the idea was pretty far-fetched, it's so wonderful to know that you liked it and thought it fit well into canon.

Thank you so much for this thoughtful review!!! :D


 Report Review

Review #19, by HorseMad99Unexpected Parenthood: Chapter Three

18th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested review calling for duty!
I love how Al says 'my Flick' he could have easily said 'Flick Saunders' but no, he still loves her its obvious, yayayay. The way he says it with a hint of sadness, this is because he is with Hattie now but seeing Flick made him realise that he still loves her- is this right?
Where you have written 'Please god don't let Albus Potter know legilimens it should either be 'Please god don't let Albus Potter be a legilimens' or 'Please god don't let Albus Potter know legilimency.'
I like how Tess rescued Flick from the awkward situation with Al. I would like to think my brother would do the same in a similar situation but in reality he probably wouldn't.
I love how happy Al is because Flick is coming back to Hogwarts. I can him having an internal party and then just remembering that he is going out with Hattie and internally kicking himself for it because he is going to miss his chance to get back together with Flick.
I really like 'Cookie' the new addition to the Saunders family, I don't know why but I like to think that Birdie and Gingernut would take Cookie under their wings and look after him/her.
I also like how you used the flashback, it really set the scene for how the situation began. This was a very nice and well written chapter.
Feel free to re-request,
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hey,

In a way your right but there are other reasons...

Thanks for pointing that out, I'll change it when I edit.

Same here, I think sisters are more understanding than brothers.

I think you have just described perfectly what is going on in Al's brain, he loves that Flick's coming back and then of the course he realises.

Aww, they probably would. Especially since Cookie loves playing just like Gingernut does :)

Thank you once again!!

-Potterfan310
Soph x :)


 Report Review

Review #20, by HorseMad99It's Not Love: Long Walks And Oversharing Of Tales

18th May 2013:
Hi it's your requested reviewer again!
So to start off with, I love how the old man and the old lady gave her hope for her situation (as well as giving her a lift)
I like how she is trying to convince herself that maybe she will like him after all because she doesn't want to let Draco down but you can tell that she doesn't really want too. I especially like how she says 'I'm sure we'll meet shortly. I mean, we're supposed to get married' it really shows what it is like to be in an arranged marriage, she has hardly even met him very many times and they expect her to marry him and have a kid!
I have to say when Dora said 'Dora will always be there miss' it was possibly the most cute and heart-breakingly sweet thing I have ever heard though I may be biased because house elves are my favourite characters ever.
I liked the flashback for Astoria as well as her telling Mikaela that her marriage was also arranged. I don't know whether it will influence Mikaela's decision or not but it was really well written and my heart melted when the Ravenclaw guy said 'Stay happy,' and 'don't forget me.'
One final thing to add, I sort of feel bad for Draco and Astoria because from what it says, it implies there marriage was formed on mutual misery which makes me sad too even if they did end up falling in love with each other. Feel free to re-request!
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hi againn
There is so much to Draco and Astoria. They do love each other a lot however the binding laws of marriage worked. For Mikaela it's totally different.
Dora is awesome. You will see more of her soon.
:D
Thankyouu
Em


 Report Review

Review #21, by HorseMad99It's Not Love: A Father Who Cares And A Long Drive Into The Rain

18th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer again!
At the start I sort of hate Draco because he says 'I hope she doesn't decided to become a muggle' as if it will affect the way he is around her and affect who she is however this represents Draco as a character really well.
I like when Draco says ' Damn those sodding muggles and their innovations' because it really shows how the Wizarding population has embraced muggle technology which hopefully means less people are less prejudice towards muggles.
I like how you used Draco's point of view for the start, it gave it a new perspective and showed that he really didn't want to have to do this do his daughter.
I also like how you used the song 'Paradise' to relate to how she feels.
The pep talk to herself was good because it is the type of thing that many people can relate to having done before.
I think the way she says 'Merlin's knickers! I'm starting to sound like a Hufflepuff!' shows how having Draco as a father has influenced her because it's just because of his prejudice, as there isn't any real reason why being a Hufflepuff is bad.
I like this chapter, feel free to re-request!
Beth :)

Author's Response: I love draco! My favv.
Also I like how you quote. Makes my day!
Thankyou so much for this adorable review.
Em


 Report Review

Review #22, by HorseMad99Unexpected Parenthood: Chapter Two

18th May 2013:
Hi it's your requested reviewer again!
So lets start with a little confession. Truth is I have already read your story so I know what happens (so far) etc. so I actually know who the father is but to any other reader it is a good use of suspense.
She is a generally relateable character with things like not being able do sleep because it was too hot and the way she acts with Gingernut, it is almost as if Gingernut is her child as well. I really like the ironically named cat Birdy.
I like how Flick still wants to do everything for Bentley and Aubri despite her family being there to help she doesn't want to rely on them too much and it gives her character more depth.
I like how Bentley had most of his breakfast on his face and Aubri had the bowl on her head, it's very funny and gives a lighthearted atmosphere so a difficult problem because it is inevitable that at some point Flick will have to tell the father and her friends.
I don't really like how Flick seems slightly ashamed of thee twins- I get that it is because she doesn't want the others to find out but I think it would really help her if she told people sooner rather than later because people are going to be more betrayed to think that she waited this long to tell them.
I liked this chapter! Feel free to re-request but only one or two chapters at a time please.
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hey,

That's fine :)

Gingernut is like a third child, her dad got her for him shortly before she told him she was pregnant.

Because Flick thinks it's partly her fault she got pregnant and because they've helped her out quite a lot by looking after the twins when she had to study or do exams she feels/knows they're her responsibility.

Flick sort of knows the repercussions that will happen the longer she leaves.

Will do!

Thank you!!
-Potterfan310
Soph :)


 Report Review

Review #23, by HorseMad99Unexpected Parenthood: Chapter One

18th May 2013:
Hi, it's your requested reviewer.
In the first little bit, it is good that you are describing things but it all seems like stating facts without much justification. For example where it says 'I love my room and I love the view' you could change it slightly so it is more like 'I loved my room especially as it had the most amazing view of...' etc.
The usage of the word 'grizzly' it might just be me but it doesn't sound like the right kind of word to describe a baby.
I really liked the chapter image and the point about Aubri trying to eat Flick's cardigan. It is cute and makes things more realistic.
I really liked the fact that in the flash back she made it quite clear that she wanted to continue with her education and that she eventually gets a tutor. This makes it a lot more realistic.
Surely her friends would be a bit more suspicious of her cover story, her grades may have been bad but surely they can't have been bad enough that her friends believed she had to drop out. Also surely the fact that she didn't reply to the letters would just make them even more suspicious of her cover story?
This is a really good start, it has good flow and I like the fact she is getting a second chance and is getting to return to Hogwarts. I like the characterisation of Flick, it already seems just from what I have seen that by having Aubri and Bentley it has made Flick grow up and become more mature.
Beth :)

Author's Response: Hey,

It may just be something that is said in Wales/UK. But we use it to describe a crying baby.

Aubri is a cutie isn't she, it reminded me of nephew because when he was younger he did the same thing to me and it just seemed like a good thing to add in, as you said it makes it more realistic.

They were suspicious and in a later chapter Dom has even questioned it. In the letter Flick wrote to them she explained she may not write anymore so she could focus on her studies.

Thank you and I'll be sure to change it so it sounds better!!

-Potterfan310
Soph :)


 Report Review

Review #24, by HorseMad99Sugar Rush: Sugar Mice

17th May 2013:
Hi it is your requested reviewer again.
This chapter was just as good as the last one! It had just as much humor, I like how flustered Indie is around Louis and then Kelsey lies so smoothly and easily. I also like how at times Kelsey almost seems the more dominant, down to earth sister even though she is the younger of the two but then she shows her childish side by teasing Indie about loving Louis. I like how well they get on because sometimes older siblings don't give their younger siblings the time of day so it was really cute to see them getting on so well despite the age gap.
I like how Louis has a little bit of ginger it's almost there to remind people that though he may not look like a Weasley, he mostly certainly is one!
Another very good chapter, feel free to re-request when you update.
Beth :)

Author's Response: Thank you again for the awesome review! That is exactly why I wanted to show Louis with a streak of ginger xD And I'm definitely re-requesting for chapter 3 when it's up :)

 Report Review

Review #25, by HorseMad99Sugar Rush: Peppermint Creams

17th May 2013:
Hi, I am your requested review!
This is going to be very long because I just liked so much of it!:
1. I love how the cat is called Broccoli, I don't know why but it makes me happy.
2. Indie sounds exactly like me, being unprepared, eating everything sweet in the house and playing music very loudly.
3. I love how when her mum asks who needs to be on the train Indie starts listing the driver, the conductor and the trolley lady. Also it is nice to know the trolley lady actually has a name and I think Pennykettle really suits her to a tea, pardon the pun.
4. My favourite line has to be 'I'll die of starvation and sugar deprivation and when both of you are weeping pitifully over my grave' etc. It was just so over dramatic.
5. Is there any particular reason why Violet has blue hair?
6. 'You've secretly got married to Scorpius Malfoy over the summer?' even Violet ships Rose and Scorpius together, it's so cute.
7. I love how the called Fred Ferdinand and said they were discussing how he would look in and that they call Albus Allison and neither of them seem even in the slightest bit surprised.
8. There are feet flavoured Bertie Botts Every Flavour beans!?
9. My final thing that I absolutely love and can't leave out is the bit about her trunk being half full or if you were pessimistic, half empty.
I shall not bore you anymore with the ramblings of all the things I like in your chapter because as you can see there are a lot!
There are a couple of things you can improve, firstly I don't think it is neccessarry to always say 'Parvati Patil alias Blue' once you have used it after that either use just Parvati or Mum etc.
Also you mentioned that Rose was named after Teddy's Mum, though she is called Nymphadora. It just be her middle name and I am being stupid but I just thought I would mention it.
It flows very well and certainly keeps the reader engaged. It is fast paced and bouncy (rather like Indie) which works well for the tone of the story. It is really good so far and I shall be reviewing the next chapter when I have the chance (which may be in a few minutes or maybe a few days, I don't focus on punctuality - it's not my strong point) Anyway great story!
Beth :)

Author's Response: Wow, thank you so much for the lovely review :)
I'm glad you liked so much of it... Violet has brown hair that she dyes blue, just for the heck of it. Yes, according to me, there ARE feet flavored Every Flavor Beans. I'll change the Parvati Patil alias Blue thing and gawd, I was supposed to mention that part about it being Rose's middle name in my author's note... I'm so stupid! xP
I'm really glad you liked it! :D


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page  Jump:     Next Page>