FOURTH WALL FOURTH WALL FOURTH WALL.
oh my god, NO THE READERS DO NOT LIKE YOU, LOUIS, BECAUSE YOU WILL NOT KISS CIARAN. Well, this reader doesn't, anyway.
Anyway, this was a beautifully fillery chapter with lots of fluff and cuteness and n'aww they are so cute! You've made a couple of spelling errors and used one word instead of another (and I only noticed because whoa, a mistake in Sam's work? Surely not!
The idea that Ciaran will write a book about himself though... wow. I think it should be called something like... Enchanted :P
Brilliant chapter, as always! Love it to pieces, Sammy! Report Review
Aw Sammy! it's a little fillery, but you know I love all of Ciaran and Lucy and Jack and Louis :) I hope Jack and Lucy are getting better together, don't make them break up! Jack's picnic sounds awesome (well done Key), and hopefully theywon't fall out and hopefully it'll be in the missing moments, yes yes? :D
I also want to know more about Ellis, but, like Ciaran, I'll suppose I'll have to wait! Louis 'showing' Ciaran his paintings was super cute as well, oh asdfghjkl feeels, you are meean, Sam!
Love Enchanted, as always! (and I didn't notice any Americanisms :P) Report Review
OH MY GOD THEY'RE GOING OUT I LOVE YOU SAM I LOVE YOU
That was quite possibly the cutest chapter in the history of fluff. It was adorable. I loved the bit in the restaurant- not just the cuteness- the extra bits about Ciaran's family, it's wonderful! I love all the extra cute stuff, and I loved that Jay named his restaurant after his daughter. D'aw.
and I'm hoping Lucy and Jack are all betterer now as well!
AND CIARAN AND LOUIS OMG!
But hearing Ciaran's story was sad, like, heart wrenching, I can't imagine a three year old having to try to deal with that, it's awful :( You're cruel, you are.
Other than that, well, it was brilliant, like always. The only quibble I have is that you spelt honour the American way, and you are BRITISH.
Love it! Report Review
wow, this was very powerful! I thought that the ranting done by Victoire was brilliantly well written, and very moving. Her swearing and shouting and the sentences all running into each other or being chopped up, that's very well done! Yaaay!
Dom and Teddy were also well written, their characterisations seemed to be ones you were familiar with. Your dialogue is great, and I'd love to see this maybe in the Guild? Sounds like it could be a wonderful script!
My only criticism would be to set the scene a bit more, as you've explained a bit but not gone into very much detail.
Overall, a wonderful piece of writing, that is really powerful. Stupid Teddy and Dom for cheating! How could they? SEVEN MONTHS? HER OWN SISTER? Evil. I knew I didn't like Dom :P
-Supreme Shop of Awesome, out.Author's Response: Hey Jenny! Thanks for reading and reviewing this!
I am glad you found this powerful, and liked Victoire and her dialogues and such.
Yeah, I know my Dom and Teddy pretty well, since I wrote them in the prequel, and again glad to know you liked the dialogue. Thank you for the amazing idea of turning this into a script, I think I may just well do it xD
Since this was a sequel to another story (though working as a stand-alone too) I didnt think much of setting the scene, but I'll think about it!
Haha poor Victoire, but poor Dom too. Dont judge Dom so easily. She got carried away by Teddy. Its TEDDY THATS EVIL :P
Thank you! Report Review
OH MY STOP IT WITH THE FEELS.
I'm really sorry I haven't read/reviewed any more chapters until now, I have been ridiculously super busy! :( Now I'm making time where no actual time exists :P
I adored the bit at the start, about the differences between Muggle and wizarding Halloween, it was really nice to be reminded of the difference! And James and Lily... you stubborn morons, you! I badly need for them to get back together, you hear me?
I'm blaming James here too, not Lily. James is trying to give Lily some space to cool down and stuff, and Lily is just being pigheaded and stubborn! Role reversal, much? Gahhh, you make me mad :(
I also liked the little bit of pranking with the Slytherins :P You make the cliche bits of the maruader era seem not cliche, which is super awesome. It's also kind of cool that it's usually Peter who has the ideas against the Slytherins.
REMUS/MARY. Holy moley, why do you do this to me? :(
Not fair. I know Remus is doing the right thing (in his eyes at least) and James and Sirius and Peter know that too, but Mary can't understand why and this is horrible :( I thought that Remus' internal conflict was written amazingly (per usual) and I'm so sad for him! Although, as soon as the words 'Mary' and 'near the dungeons' were mentioned, my internal Slytherin/evilness radar was screaming!
I really hope everything gets better soon.. but I doubt it, somehow :P Another fantastic chapter! Also, I'm writing a marauders now, one that I've been wanting to write for aaages! So, thanks for giving me the push!
- JennyAuthor's Response: Oh, no, don't apologize! I totally understand being busy, and no rush at all. I definitely did miss your lovely reviews, but other commitments come first. :) I will be happy to receive your reviews whenever you have time (existing or otherwise)!
I hear you, don't worry. And they will, I promise! That's one of the great things about James/Lily--you never have to worry TOO much about them (as long as you ignore their eventual fates), because you know they'll end up together. They are both being very foolish, and as much as I'm sorry to make you mad...I'm also happy about it? :P If you weren't frustrated, I wouldn't have done a very good job writing this.
"You make the cliche bits of the maruader era seem not cliche, which is super awesome." - That line made my LIFE. Thank you.
I think at this point, I may need to invest in a shield, in case you decide to start throwing rotting vegetables at me. Remus and Mary are not in a very happy place, it's true, and...well, I shouldn't say anything more, because it'll spoil it! You must read on! (When you have time!) Mwahaha.
Well, like I said, everything will get better. Actually, SOME things will get better. That's more accurate. And I'm so happy to hear that you're writing your own Marauders story! I bet it will be great. :) At some point, I want to read it.
Thanks for another great review! I'm so happy that you're still enjoying the story. Report Review
OMG, MIKE. LIKE, SERIOUSLY STOP HIJACKING ME WITH TEDDY/GREYBACK FEELS. *cries*
The imagery here was amazing, and the emotion just seeped through it all, making me all sad and stuffs ;(
I love that Fenny regretted his decisions, and that Teddy could forgive him showed a real strength of character, which was super powerful and really touching. The ending was my favourite, with them both drunk outside the pub, although the ideas and imagery about his smiles and his laughing at the start was absolutely fantastic :)
Some quick CC - you've changed tense a few times when I don't think you meant to, and you've also got a few typos. (I would totally not mention this if you hadn't been so ruthless with Hattie)
- Supreme Shop of Awesome, out. Report Review
WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR? Oh, my last review, full of hopeful promise and feels, and then you tear it up and throw the pieces to the wind. I'm not very happy any more. I didn't think she would actually say yes, but I didn't think he was going to muck that up so monumentally. I mean, seriously? The one subject that could bring their tentative friendship crashing down- sure, that's the one he'll pick to talk to her with.
Lily was a bit weird in this chapter though. Her anger /was/ hypocritical, and she said about not really being able to talk to James because 'their past' was in the way, but then she said she really would miss being able to talk to him. I was all, 'wha?'
But lordy, that line at the end with poetic licence: oh, I loved it. I really did. It was truly majestic.
And James, James, James. You are a complete moron. After that lovely demonstration of how not to ask someone out, you display a chronic case of foot-in-mouth. I didn't even think it was that possible to be /that/ bad. However, you are so adorable. Your heart is in the right place, even if you are a bit of an idiot. The idea that Lily not saying 'no' had sustained you for seven years is beautifully hopelessly romantic. But you are a fool. But I love you. I want a James of my very own!
(side note about Mary/Remus: STOP LEADING HER ON. Clearly he likes her, and if Remus thinks his furry little problem is going to get in the way, (which it doesn't HAVE to) then he shouldn't lead her on. The lets-turn-Mary-into-a-lioness plan isn't working so far, and Remus breaking her heart won't help! Do you hear me, Remus? Bah, boys. Although, Lily getting jealous. oh, that was amazing. :D a great touch. And I think that if James showed her the secret passages, she'd report them. So, :P)
Anyway. I expect this all to be cleared up and beautiful in the next chapter. *snorts* unlikely, but I can hope, eh?
Fantastic, (but gr)
- JennyAuthor's Response: *cowers* I know, I'm sorry! If it makes you feel any better, it always kind of guts me to think about this part, too. But I also feel like it was necessary for them to acknowledge their messy history before they could really be together. I think they could only go on ignoring it for so long before it would inevitably rear its ugly head. Anyway, I'm rambling. :P
James, like many humans of the male variety, is not exactly the most tactful. This, however, is probably one of his worse moments in that department. Unfortunate coincidence, that. He really does mean well, and he's so hopeful, but I always feel like one of his main flaws is that he's a bit thoughtless when it comes to other people's feelings (hence the teasing of Snape and other students, and then the fact that he caused such a mess here).
I think Lily is supposed to be a bit weird here--I always like to write arguments where someone could read it and be mad at both characters. I think maybe the stuff you're talking about could be clarified more, though, because I don't want it to be TOO confusing. My intention was mainly to say that she thought they couldn't ever really be true friends because of their history--not really that they couldn't talk to each other because of it. And she kind of goes there in the heat of the moment, hence the later regret of losing him as a friend. It's actually very roundabout, now that I try to explain it. Basically, Lily is irrational in this chapter. I don't think what she's saying is supposed to make sense, although I did read that part over and I thought it could use a few edits. :P
Poor Remus and Mary. Honestly. I think Remus is enjoying the feeling of being liked, but as you pointed out, that's kind of unfair to Mary. It may just be that she gains something out of this whole situation in the end, though. ;)
*adopts innocent look* Oh, yes, everything will be perfect next chapter. *sees Jenny isn't buying it* All right, maybe not. But I guess the good thing about James/Lily stories is that you know it'll get cleared up in the end, right? :P
Thank you again! Report Review
MIKE! WHAT SORT OF A CLIFFIE WAS THAT? *flails* You're a bad person, I hope you know that.
Right. Teddy really needs to let Greyback in on the secret, because he's going to have a really hard time keeping it all stchum. Additionally- wasn't it Greyback who bit Remus? OMG TENSION.
I love how you write werewolves, it's all so natural :P Do you write werewolves a lot? I love how you slotted in Teddy's metamorphagus abilities and Teddy trying to pretend he's lost his memory is hilarious :P
This is a brilliant fic, and I can't wait for more, you evil person :(
- JennyAuthor's Response: IT WAS A MEAN CLIFFIE. THAT'S WHAT. I do :D You just told me!
MWahahaha. You'll learn al about that soon. Mwahaha.
Thanks! :D Well, werewolves are natural so ;) And I do :p Hehe thanks! I like Teddy. He's fun to write.
THANKS JENNY! I promise I'll update sooon!
-Mike. Report Review
The feels in this chapter have officially killed me. James and Lily- OH GOSH. Although, it's early days yet and I fully agree with Sirius' hilarious comment: "We get it. Evans is treating you like a normal human being, so she must be in love with you." - don't walk before you can run, Jamesie. I love that he was trying so hard to be nice to her with Filch -in fact, he was perfectly lovely- and then he made sure he didn't creepily stare at Lily while in the Three Broomsticks, and then he went to save her! *flails* Lily was in a little over her head, and while her intentions were good, I was mentally trying to speed up James' appearance there. And trademark attack of Snape... nicely done. :P
It was also super interesting to hear about all the conflict in the Department for Law Enforcement- I suppose the internal mess helps the Death Eaters become worse, as it's not regulated and stuff? I wouldn't be surprised if a couple of the Death Eaters had stuck their oars in, to be honest. And I caught Dearborn's little comment about 'making amends following the scandal'- does he want back in at the Ministry? o.O and the Hog's Head = dodgy. I dislike him.
One question I have, is has the Order been officially formed yet? Is it already operating under Dumbledore, and Lily and co. just don't know about it yet, or will they have a hand in its creation? I'm imagining a parallel to the DA- a study group intended to help students with Defence against the Dark Arts, and then that growing into the Order we saw in HP. Hmmm. (Lily/James did suggest a study group... :P, oh dearest imagination, kindly shut up).
And Remus nearly followed Mary away. don't you think I didn't see that! I saw it! (although, I AGREE, LILY. Mary's skittishness- you need to put a stop to that. Get out her inner lioness and stuffs)
And also- I'm pretty sure I'm right about Dearborn. Either that or he's actually really good and an Order member brought in by Dumbledore to watch over the kids... but, if that were true then I would have assumed it would have been someone that was even slightly competent at teaching Defence... no, I'll stick to my guns. He's a baddie. Fo sho.
Another chapter that I really can't gush enough about. It was witty: ('consider yourself insulted', Sirius' commentary ideas ohlordIcan'twaitforQuidditch... ) and there was all the FEELS, and then there was the epicness of the meeting with Bellatrix. Nasty dark arts business, which was amazing. Every time I think, 'yay fluff!' ^.^ , you throw that in, and I'm all 'YAY ACTION!' >:D And the shadowing evil that looms overhead is growing. :P
Amazing. Just, awesome.
- Jenny.Author's Response: Yay, more reviews from Jenny! :D
Well, as you saw in the next chapter, James' optimism was definitely a bit premature. He is very nice in this chapter, though, the poor guy. I'm glad you liked the tension of the Hogsmeade visit, and their fight with Snape. :)
Haha, it's really killing me to not say anything about Dearborn! I will tell you that one of the theories you have guessed so far is correct. But I won't tell you which one, unless you want me to.
The issues at the Ministry are something that I definitely see as helping Voldemort gain power--we saw the same thing happening, to a certain extent, in OotP, with Fudge refusing to admit that Voldemort was back and allowing him to fly under the radar while he rallied his troops. In this case, it's not a matter of denial, but more of organization. I think the Ministry had never really dealt with someone like Voldemort before, and so they had trouble reacting properly. Also, he's now been a threat for so long without there being any real successes at stopping him, so I think that's when people tend to start turning on each other.
The Order is definitely going to have a presence later on, and I will say that it's formed already, since you asked. I know a lot of stories show Lily and the Marauders as being really integral to the Order's early days, but I take a slightly different view, which you will eventually come to. ;)
Your comment about Mary's inner lioness is extremely prescient. *tightlipped again*
I'm so happy you liked the chapter, and are generally just enjoying the story! It honestly feels like it's been ages since I got to have the experience of someone going through this story and leaving reviews, and it is so fun! I'm remembering stuff that I forgot I even wrote! :)
Thank you so much! Report Review
I started to review this at half two this morning, and then my eyes went fuzzy so I went to bed, I'm sorry :( So, on with the review!
Right, OMG LILY, JUST LOVE JAMES ALREADY. No, Jenny. Think of the plot.
Also, the Remus/Mary feels, oh gosh, if they get together I may not be able to contain myself. I mean, sure, there is a furry little problem and Lily is quite possibly right saying there are some commitment issues, but he's going to look after her! And it would be so cute. I have a lot of love in my heart for Remus. I love how it's all tentative and new and sweet- if someone else had written it, they would have been caught in a broom cupboard :( So yay for tentativeness! :D The scene with Lily, Mary and Anna- it's so true to life. I must have had the same conversation a million times with my friends, only without the threat of Silencing Charms: "Anna looked supremely unconcerned" - what a LINE.
And James' reaction was so typically male: "The last thing he wanted was to get pulled into hysterics over who fancied who." Never mind that he's pining over Lily, and has been doing so for aaages. Love with anyone else means hysterics! Twas a great little bit.
The discovery of the Room of Requirement! Wow, that was like a breath of fresh air! (oh god, I've started on the imagery again, stop me, please). Usually they just find it, and immediately know how it works and use it to it's full capability every other half hour. *rolls eyes*. I LOVE that this isn't the case- more proof of your fantastic originality. The idea that it is just a hiding place is fab, and while I kind of think that you'll just leave it as a hiding place, I also kind of think that if someone would unlock all it's secrets, it would be Lily, with the Marauders standing around all like "is this girl for real? Seriously?" Oh god, I hope they don't have to use it while running from Death Eaters. :( Your story makes my imagination run haywire! Stop it!
On a more serious note, the ever looming threat of old mouldy Voldy is getting steadily nearer and looming-er.. it's horrible to see all your lovely characters so scared! Lily was a proper lion, declaring she'll defend Mary and Anna, and I really hope she doesn't have to, although my inner Lit student detects a degree of foreshadowing... I hope I'm wrong on that point :( Mary is such a sweet character, although I have a feeling I may get annoyed at her lack of confidence at some point.
Lily and James' sweet moment in 'their' office (KISS) well, I was so happy. SHE ASKED HIM TO STAY. Although he said no, I'm glad, or world war three may have broken out in such a confined space. Also: "To his surprise, Lily sighed knowingly, put down her quill, and said, "Sit down."" She is a teacher if I ever saw one! She's already got an office, the attitude AND planning study groups. Mind you, I could see James being a teacher too- earlier, didn't he say that he liked sharing things with an eager audience? N'aw.
And I think you're probably getting used to my reviews being in the wrong order, but I'll apologise anyway: I am actually sorry, they must be hell to read.
Also, is your title of the fic a reference to the prophecy? "Thrice defied the dark lord... *rattling breath*" Because OMG TRILOGY. YAY. Although considering the web of intrigue I created about Dearborn, I'm embarrassed it took me until chapter five. I think you may have to deduct points for sleuthiness :( Although, I'm pretty excited now about a massive bust-up! I adore action, so so so so much.
But anyway, you're just amazing. I love how this fic is so complex, and I can try to point out things like foreshadowing- I may have said this before, but nothing is clumsy, everything fits in neatly. Everything /adds/ to the story, every single witty line or brilliantly crafted sentence.
PS. Totally saw your tweet, then got a calculator and added up your review counts, which MEANS, that if no-one sneaked in before me, this is your thousandth review. Thanks so much for being a wonderful author- your wittiness and writing prowess and complete genius means you deserve every single one of those reviews, and more besides.Author's Response: OMG, OMG, ONE THOUSANDTH REVIEW!!! *hugs Jenny profusely* Thank you so much! I feel like I should print this out and frame it or something! *may actually be contemplating doing this in some form*
And you were up that late?! You don't need to apologize for going to sleep...sleep is important! (Although I'm pretty flattered that you stayed up so late because of my story.)
Remus and Mary are very cute, I have to admit...however...well, you basically covered the "however" part of it. It's there and it's undeniable, but I suppose you'll have to keep reading to find out what happens between them. I LOVE tentativeness. You can probably tell that from this story. :D I love that you pointed that out about James, how he didn't want to get involved even though he's BEEN involved in something similar for ages. I actually never even thought of the hypocrisy in it--just more his isolationist attitude towards it--but you are so right!
I'm so glad you liked the Room of Requirement part! I was trying to make sense of the fact that it wasn't on the Marauder's Map, because if it were, you would think they'd have marked it somehow. And then I remembered how Fred and George originally found it, and that scene was born. :)
If it seems like I'm ignoring anything you've said in this review or saying really oddly brief things about it, it's probably just because I feel like, if I say anything, it's going to ruin parts of the plot for you. :P But one thing I WILL tell you is that you're completely right about the title reference and trilogy aspect. I actually have a hope to one day write FOUR novels about them (ack!)--one for each of the "defiances", and then one covering the time following the third and up to their deaths. (Yeah, I'm gonna go there. I'll be a wreck.) Don't feel embarrassed about not picking up on it...I honest think I was on chapter twenty-something of this story before ANYONE ever mentioned it in a review.
And having said that, I love hearing you pick up on foreshadowing, and (dare I say this?) you never know whether you might be picking up on something that is going to happen in this story, or in a sequel! So keep that in mind. ;)
Aaaahhh, I'm just so happy you love the story so much. I couldn't even ask for a better review to have as my thousandth, because it's made me so full of enthusiasm. So thank you (a thousand times)...I can't tell you how nice it is! Report Review
RIGHT. I GOOGLED CARADOC DEARBORN, and I have a naturally suspicious mind, and I'm probably reading /far/ too much into this, but I reckon he's a baddie. Like, a MAJOR baddie. I will now list my reasons for thinking so (no laughing when I'm wrong).
a) HP wiki says he disappeared, his body was never found. Clearly something fishy is going on there.
b) Lily mentioned he was evil.
c) someone else mentioned he was spineless.
d) he backed Dumbledore and effectively lost his job, and now has to rely on Dumbledore's handouts. If I was Dearborn, I'd have a grudge. (I'm suspicious and mean)
Therefore, I conclude that Dearborn has become jaded with the Order (and/or Dumbledore) and is going to (if he hasn't already) joined the Death Eaters- possibly due to his spineless nature, he get easily persuaded to join.
Now, I'm going to be quite big-headed and say I'm usually right about guessing plots (I'm a right laugh to watch films with *rolls eyes*) so I'm about ninety-nine percent sure he's a baddie. And a friend once called me Sherlock. *head inflates*
Anyway, onto more light hearted stuff! James and Lily after the party, I was practically chanting 'NOW KISS'- but as much as I want them to, that probably wouldn't be good for the plot. So sad, but happy.
Anna at the party was brilliantly sarcastic, not over the top, but totally believable- not everyone has the perfect comebacks all the time (as we've seen with Lily) :P
The giant photos and being 'immortalised in cheese' (oh my gosh, I laughed so hard) sounds like such a brilliant idea, and such a Slughorn thing to do. Does he have no conception of the embarrassment, or does he rnjoy making people squirm? (ohmygosh- plunny for Slughorn organising a Deathday party... that would be so amazing) I also love that James was referred to as 'Courageous and Confident'! Genius.
Remus' furry little problem neatly making an appearance as well... seriously, nothing is jerky or seems to be out of place. Please, may I have your writing skills? On the same kind of line, I loved the sneaky little bit about the invisibility cloak- I wonder if Lily knows about Remus' furry little problem? o.O
Oh, I'm going in the wrong order again. The Defence class was superb, I liked to see the Marauders being mischievous, and I ADORED the reference to their fifth year :P Although I have now a deep rooted dislike of Dearborn, which I doubt will ever go away. OMG. Dearborn and Peter. will they conspire against with each other? Against the marauders? I /may/ be getting ahead of myself here.
By the way, I meant to say in the last review but I forgot- I really love the parallels to Harry's years with old mouldy Voldy on the loose- the extra protection of the Aurors and the stuff to detect dark magic! It's fantastic.
I love this story so much! And verbal acrobatics is such an amazing phrase!
PS. This may be the longest review I have EVER left.Author's Response: :O This IS a long one! AND I LOVE IT. :D
Very interesting predictions there...I'm waggling my eyebrows in a cryptic sort of way, which is probably a terrible mental image. Of course, I won't spoil anything for you and say whether you're right or not. But I will say that, either way, points for sleuthiness. ;) It's actually so interesting to me that you dislike Dearborn--I've never had anyone tell me that in a review. I'm not offended in the slightest (I actually take it as a form of high praise when people tell me they dislike one of my characters), but your reaction is definitely unique. :D
Oh goodness, the "NOW KISS" chants have started already, have they? I'm quite sure you're going to want to murder me before the story's end. *hides* Apologies in advance.
I'm so glad you liked Anna! I love Anna. I used to get reviewers telling me how much they disliked her, which just made me feel this evil sense of pride in the fact that I thought she was awesome. Later in the story, many of them decided that she was all right. ;)
I love it when people review this story from the start, because it reminds me of things that are way back in the dusty corners of my memory. Like "immortalized in cheese". Did I actually write that? It sounds now like it came from a much wittier person than me. :P I think Slughorn has a concept of embarrassment, but it happens to be very different than the one that most other people have. In his mind, who WOULDN'T want all that attention and praise?
You want my writing skills?! I actually don't know if anyone's ever said that to me before! I also don't know if I have skills. But I'll take your word for it. :P
I could tell you what I think about what Lily thinks about Remus' furry problem, but you'll come to that later in the story, so I won't spoil it.
I feel like I repeat this every response, but oh well: I'm so happy you're still loving the story! Your reviews have been really fun to read so far, and I look forward to hearing more. :D Thanks again! Report Review
Oh dear lord! I'd kind of gone off Lily/James and the whole marauders era in general since I tried one (disastrous) and I read far too many (cliche) but this... this is like water in a desert. I sound like a cliche marauder fic now. YOU ARE MY SIRIUS BLACK.
*cough* Anyway. I love the defined characters, the witty dialogue, the brilliant scenes- JAMES CLEARED THE OFFICE- that's true love, right? :P And now they're calling each other by their first names... it's slow and steady, and so believable and just brilliant.
of course, you've slotted in the growing warning about old mouldy Voldy really neatly, as well as the reminders of James/Lily romance :P
I can't wait to read the Slug Club party! You're a brilliant writer. Sorry this was only quick, I'm going out.. about four minutes ago!Author's Response: I'm your Sirius Black?! :D I'd better get working on perfecting my attractive, angsty stares and casual charm...
In all seriousness, I'm so happy to hear that I've managed to overcome your feelings about James/Lily and Marauders Era for you. I completely know what you mean; it can take a lot of sifting through to find something that you really like. There really is so much potential for a good story, though, I think!
I really tried to make their relationship progress at a steady rate--or if not entirely steady at times, at least believable still. There's a lot of history to overcome, you know? I felt like that wouldn't just go away in a week. I guess it might be torturous at times, but...I like to think it's worth it. :P
And yes, there's always Voldy. He does cause a lot of trouble for James and Lily, unfortunately. I feel like one of the great parts about the HP books was the fact that you knew there was danger going on outside, so I've tried to carry that through into this story.
Thanks again for the wonderful reviews! And no rush on reviewing; the story isn't going anywhere. :P Report Review
Well, questions were certainly answered here, it was all very intriguing. I like the continued development of Patricia's character- although, I have to say that I think that modifying Astoria's memory like that is downright cruel.
The sense of safety and home in the Weasley house was a little too much, I think, and I thought perhaps everything was explained a little too quickly, but overall this was an exciting chapter xD
Some CC- your spacing is a little off- I recommend that when publishing your chapters you use the simple editor- it doesn't create lots of horrible empty lines :DAuthor's Response: Thank-you for the review, I appreciate your feedback. Unfortunately I did use the simple editor, it always spaces it twice what I have it spaced when I actually submit the chapters though... Report Review
OH MY GOSH, THE DEATH EATERS ARE BACK.
This was a confusing and action-y chapter, but that was kind of the point so BRILLIANT. Awesome stuffs. :D I liked the contrast between the homeliness of the Weasley home to the danger that was felt, and whoa, Draco and Scorpius turned up? What is this?
Great chapter, it raised a lot of questions I want answering! :DAuthor's Response: aha! glad I struck up some interest, thank-you for the review! Report Review
This was a good first chapter, I liked how you quickly identified Albus' fears and his animosity towards his brother :P It was quite funny! Meeting Scorpius was nicely done as well- and he didn't want to duel *rolls eyes at James*. Teaser. :P
CC- some of your sentences are a little long, and that tends to give a rambling impression. Sometimes simple sentences are good! :D
Great chapter overall :)Author's Response: Thank-you for the review. This story does still have some rough edges because of the way I originally wrote it, I appreciate your input on this. Report Review
This was wonderful. The language of the piece really fitted well with the time, at least for me. The dialogue was very good (and it is hard to write period dialogue, I've tried :P)
I liked the characterisations you've started- the start, with the descriptions of Marianne's family and the business and how she discovered her magic- it was unbelievably cute and I loved it. It's also pretty reminiscent of some older books that I've read- the style you've written in, I mean.
It's really interesting to see the Founders as teachers, and to see students with at least some degree of familiarity with them- as they were just 'professors'. :p
Overall, I liked this a lot. You're off to a fantastic start! :DAuthor's Response: Thank you! Dialogue is really interesting for me to figure out.
That's what I was going for, so I'm glad you liked it!
My idea is that this is sort of near the end of the founders at hogwarts--ie their deaths, salalzar's leaving, whatever I decide actually happens. So things have changed a bit, and the students see the founders more as just regular teachers, though they still honor them. Hope that made sense!
Thanks again, I really appreciate it! And sorry for taking a while to reply!
[in reply to your author's note] I WANT TO READ MORE. err.. *cough*
Anyway, as I said in my last review, I love this so incredibly much. It's funny and brilliantly written and I'm very aware of the dangers of repeating myself too much in reviews :/
There is a mystery with Dearborn now, which is fanastic- I seem to remember a Dearborn too... Caradoc? Or something? I'll google it later.
The Potions class was great, and I loved the way Lily is great at purposefully annoying people - first Snape, and then James. I think the way you've done Lily/James is fantastic so far, and I really can't wait to read more! I'm going backwards here, but I also loved Sirius' arrogance with talking to Professor McGonagall and also his views on the previous Head Boys. Him being a rebel and arrogant is a cliche, but you write everything so well I kind of forget it is. It's brilliant, anyway. :DAuthor's Response: YAY, YOU WANT TO READ MORE! :D
Hahaha, I won't get bothered by you repeating yourself in reviews, don't worry--especially if you don't mind how much I tend to repeat myself in responses! :P So glad you're still enjoying the story.
You may indeed find some details out there if you look up Caradoc Dearborn. ;)
I'm so glad you're like the dynamics between James and Lily thus far, since that's obviously the most important thing in the story, really. And Sirius! You know, I often feel like I have a hard time writing Sirius' lighter side, so I'm really happy that you think I've written him well.
See how I'm repeating myself? :P I'm just so happy to hear such wonderful feedback!
Thank you again! Report Review
Wowzers. What a fic! I've never read anything that dealt with the Bloody Baron/Helena Ravenclaw before, and wow, why haven't I? This was brilliant. I loved the imagery/metaphors of 'infection' - it was really powerful, the idea of his evilness affecting her. Although, to be fair, from what I've just seen of Helena, she wasn't particularly nice to poor Uther. *cough* I actually sympathise with Uther/Bloody Baron here, his self-pity infected me! I love how it fits with canon as well- the pieces of her that covered him- creepy, but fantastic, I loved it. Bloody indeed.
I loved that the knife seemed to have a mind of it's own- I have a question though, why did he run away from Helena?
This was an amazing, and really quite powerful fic, I adored it!
PS. Who is the male actor in your banner/chapter image? I can picture him acting, and his voice, but I can't for the life of me remember what he's been in, or who he is :( Report Review
Oh, James! *pats head*
This was fantastic, I loved every line. James himself was comedic gold- the reactions and actions of a twelve year old are just amazing, and you've written him incredibly well.
The bit about James not having to grow up as fast as Harry did really rang true, and that was pretty sad in such an otherwise light-hearted fic. But I really liked seeing that in there, it gave it a better sense of perspective on the Trio's "idyllic lives".
All the small details are what makes this fic brilliant- from Artie having a little drink to James' room- all the description added so much- I could imagine myself there quite clearly.
I really enjoyed this piece, and the ending was superb- I love how Ginny flips out and then Harry has to put his foot down! Fantastic :) Report Review
I don't care that people don't like Bonnie Wright, I love Ginny and I think that you've done an amazingly fantastic job portraying her here :) Harry is one massive 'thickhead' (my new favourite insult, thanks :P) and it was nice to see you develop the parallels between Lupin/Tonks and Ginny/Harry. I liked the humour even in the midst of a funeral, and you wrote Tonks so brilliantly canon, I applaud you. Tonks is HARD, but this: "Here I think your foot is my pocket, I've no idea how that happened..." it's brilliant. :D
I really really liked this short fic, and I wholeheartedly agree that men are idiots.
PS. your subtitle is genius, I love it :) Report Review
Cor, I'd be exactly the same if I was faced with a topless Rupert Grint :P
I really liked this, it was short and cute and funny: "it's character building!" - I liked those bits especially. Ron's laziness and mulishness was brilliantly canon, and George's short appearance was great too. I loved Hermione's embarrassed and the way Ginny was just like 'Seriously? Fine, ogle my brother' :P
Freshly mown grass- that's a smell I thought Hermione didn't associate with Ron, but I really really adore this short piece- it's just great :PAuthor's Response: Ha! I actually just saw a picture of him on tumblr all shirtless and he is lookin pretty good these days. Bit of muscle on him.
Ron is very lazy about chores. He doesn't seem to want to do anything. Typical teenage boy haha. Poor Hermione, confronted with the boy she really wants all shirtless and sweaty, and she can't have him. Ginny had to mock her for it.
I didn't think she associated it with him either, I just had this idea one day and decided to go with it. It's fun this way. :) Thank you so much for reviewing, I'm glad you liked it! Report Review
*sets herself out to reawaken muse*
I really enjoyed this, and I wish there was more. I feel like you're building up to a big scene (with a storm). You've set the scene without really detailing Lily's character, or that of her friends/brothers- it's just facts, not personality.
Saying that, I really liked the last line, it was every powerful- 'caught in a cage of freedom' :P
Hope I've helped reawaken your muse! I really would like to see the rest of Lily's story- it's quite clearly not finished :PAuthor's Response: Thank you!
That was my aim--to start the build up in the prologue. Hopefully I can flesh out her character a bit more in the next couple of chapters :)
That closer took me a while--I'm glad you liked it!
Thanks again, you've certainly got me thinking about this again and turning ideas over in my head! Report Review
Hey! The two sections of this were really powerful as they were complete polar opposites, which was super effective. Teddy's hair colour changes were a nice touch, and the emotion you portrayed for Tonks was amazing. I particularly liked the link to Lily Potter, that was very nice.
The second half was also really good, Remus and Tonks deaths weren't elaborated on in DH, but I thought you did it very well, and well with the little canon we have to go on. (you have a typo though- 'ling'- lying :P)
As you said you were editing this, I have a little crit for you- I'd maybe put a bit more into the description. The first scene could do with some more just to set the homeliness of it perhaps, and in the second scene, you wouldn't want too much, as you don't want to lose the immediacy and WHOA factor, but I think it would really benefit from some description.
This was a really touching one-shot though, that I thoroughly enjoyed.Author's Response: I apologize so much for taking so long with responding! Feel free to rant about how bad it was! I really, really appreciate your review!
Great! The link between the two moms just sort of occured to me randomly, but then I realized how intense it is. Both little orphan boys :(
ooh thanks for pointing that typo out! I'm glad you think I did a good job on their deaths. Writing those scenes are so hard for me
Description is going to kill me one of these days XP I'll see what I can do with it! Thanks for the crit!
Again, I really appreciate this review! Report Review
Wow, this was chilling. There was so much emotion here, but it was kind of detached at the same time, which made it a little creepy and very powerful. It added to the piece, rather than taking away from it.
Your imagery is amazing, I really enjoyed reading about the garden and Pansy's jewellery- I never saw her character as this way either, and it was really a bit of a shock to read something that portrayed her this way.
the only crit I have is that the last sentence seemed a bit forced- I think you got the drowning in cold diamonds' across without it, and also, you have some spelling errors - it's bear, not bare :P
Overall, a really nice one-shot that I enjoyed reading.Author's Response: This is one of my favorites so it always means a little more when someone really likes this one ;)
I've been working my way through my older stuff latley doing edits, guess I haven't made it to this one yet... LOL
As far as the last line I was gonig for the dramatic, because to me Pansy always felt like a bit of a drama queen so in my mind it fit ;)
Thanks for the R&R!
~Moon~ Report Review
Oh wow, this was a really touching, beautiful piece. I'm so glad that your Draco had a happy life after the war- and he's right, from what you've said, he did live a good life. This was really well written, your characterisations and the way your wrote Draco's emotions was very well done- I had a tear in my eye when he mentioned the doctors (although shouldn't it be Healers?)
The continuing motif of the cherry trees was beautiful, and the image of each cherry tree side by side on Draco's and Narcissa's graves sounded so pretty, and it was really touching.
Well done on a great one-shot.Author's Response: I'm glad you enjoyed this story... and as far as the doctor thing, I changed it back and forth a dozen times between healers and doctors... guess I ended on doctors. LOL
Thanks for the R&R
~Moon~ Report Review
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