I was just reminded by your beta request that I owed you a review on this! Whats terrible is I read this when it was still brand spanking new and just kept not having enough time to review it.
I, obviousy, love anything to do with slytherins so naturally I was ecstatic to read this!
I'm not sure what I think about Tracey yet. She isn't unlikeable but I haven't quite made a connection to her, but I think this is perhaps because we're night and day.
Whatever is between Theo and Daphne is seriously intense! I wasn't quite sure what exactly what happened though. Somethings obviously up with Daphne...but what? For whatever reason I thought that he was implying that she was lesbian...but I don't think thats right at all because of the, possibly mistaken, line that had something to do with last night;) But I'm not sure whats up really, but Daphne might want to watch her back because Theo sounds like her just might humiliate her.
EverAuthor's Response: Ever! I'm so excited to see a review from you! Even more so now that you aren't going to be on as much as you used to! Yes Theo is upset and he'll do whatever it takes to get back at Daphne, even something that would include using a fellow Slytherin! Gah I can't believe how long its been since I've updated this story and responding to all these reviews really makes me want to go back and continue writing- which I will do at some time as I'm focusing on Life As We Know It at the moment. Thank you so much for this awesome review though! It really means a lot to me!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
I love love love that you still request, just wanted to tell you that even if I already have.
I'm still as impressed as ever! The emotions, the imagery, the plot...Gah! I'm just always so flabbergasted at how well you write. I can't even put it into words. How obnoxious, but it's wonderfully obnoxious!
I particularly enjoy the interactions between Ron and Draco; it's tense and quite uncomfortable. Molly's reactions were also awesome--and annoying, in a good way (it makes me think of the 'c'mon mom' moments when mom say no because its dangerous). I knew Molly would siagree with Arthur, but I think that's a Molly thing, she'd prefer her kids sit idle and at least somewhat safe then drive them into the line of fire.
The whole time i was reading this, all I could think was Hermione could be being tortured or killed or something else horrible and everyon'e sitting about arguing! It's better to go save her and the others than just sit there, but apparently Molly doesn't agree. It was terribly frustrating, which I think is excellent! I'd imagine thats one of the emotions you'd have wanted to come across. Even if you didn't intend it, I enjoyed it and I think it gave a nice touch.
Did I mention it didn't suprise me this got nominated for Dobbys? This story is so good it almost physically pains me! Amazing, excellent, fantastic, fabulous, wonderful and incredible job!
EverAuthor's Response: I love that you're still willing to read this story for me! ♥ I always manage to miss your openings, somehow, and that makes the times I do snag them even more special. Thank you so much for continuing to be such an enthusiastic reviewer!
You've no idea how much it makes my day to hear someone say they think that I write well. ♥ Well, you probably do, but then you know what I'm feeling right now! Interactions between Ron and Draco are some of my favorite bits of these Shell Cottage chapters. :D And I always liked the parts in the books when Ron would go after him, too; those were always so fun to read! I suppose that's why they're here. ;)
Frustration is definitely one of the emotions I meant to convey here! And I agree with you -- it /is/ frustrating to have them just sitting about and arguing and getting nowhere, but I totally see Molly's side of it. I wouldn't want to put my family back in the line of fire, either, even if it meant other people might be helped. That's a huge risk, and it's things like that that really get me to admire the bravery of these characters.
EVER. ♥ You are so sweet! I was beyond flattered that this story made it to the final round in not one, but two categories -- that encouraged me more than words can convey. Thank you so much for leaving this review for me!! Report Review
God bless it! I knew, I knew that letter was going to get me worked up when you mentioned it! I knew it, but darn it! Still got me.
I love, love this sotry! It's absolutely official, and I'm obsessed! Everthing is up to par, which thoroughly impressed with!
I particularly adored Walburga's reaction that Cedrella was marrying a weasley. That section was a little confusing; the only flaw I've noticed! It took me a minute to sort through it and determine who was marrying who. Maybe it's because I'm tired but I don't know.
Try just a little, little more imagery. I know this is pestering but I will bug you and nitpick and bother until I get perfection. I know you have it in you--I've seen it-- which is why I bother you until it's perfect. I know I'm annoying and I apologize, but oh well!
Please, please keep requesting! I love when people come back and request repeatedly!
EverAuthor's Response: Haha, I'm sorry but the fact that the letters get you simply fill me with glee!
I'm so happy that you love this story and that it's been up to par so far! (Rhyming unintentional.)
I re-read that section and it made sense to me- it would, since I wrote it- so could you please elaborate on how it became confusing and I'll work on that. :)
Hopefully there is more imagery in chapter four; I hope you like it! And don't worry about the pestering- I too would like Sheer Abandon to be perfect!
And I will most definitely be coming back to request! XD
-Katie xx Report Review
I'm really, really sorry about such a terrible wait, but it's been a long month for me! But I'm here now so..
The style is still as perfect as ever! If there was anything that I was hoping that you would keep up was the style. Because there's so many stories with styles similar to this, its hard to make it stand out, but yuou've odne it!
The characterization is also as excellent as it was in the previous chapter. I didn't see any grammar/spelling/whatever mistakes but I wasn't really nitpicking for them.
Rather than rambling and telling you everything I love/adore/whatevere, since it'll take too long, just assume that I'm pleased with the quality unless I state otherwise!
The only thing I'll poke you about is the imagery. I know, it's hard especially in first person, but it's worth it! Just try to add some in your next update or whenever you can, and we'll take a look! The worst that can ahppen is that it's awkward. You don't have to overdue it if you're not comfortable with it. I think just a little would do the story good!
EverAuthor's Response: No problem! Thanks so much for reading anyway :)
I'm glad you found my story entertaining, and that you liked my characterization. I'll definitely take your advice and try to plant some more imagery along the way. I tried to include some more about the WW office in particular, but I'll take another look.
Thanks again, so very much! Report Review
Meg! How have you been hun? I know I've been telling you forever that I would update Playing Cinderella, which I will do. And I also have taken forever to get here!
I lvoed this, so adorable! I laughed a bit when Ron disapproved so much of Rose becoming a Malfoy, I thought it was cute and hilarious!
The last paragraph particularly stuck ouyt to me; heartwarming and absolutely cute! Great job hun! We need to catch up sometime!
EverAuthor's Response: Ever,
It has been forever. Lol, I hope you continue with Playing Cinderella because the idea is so intriguing and Cinderella is my FAVORITE children's story. I read it to my daughter all the time. Hehe, it doesn't matter that she doesn't understand yet!
Lol, I actually based this on really events that my brothers did to my mom. My mom was mortified!! LOL. I know my day is coming.
Thanks for the review...
Meg Report Review
Hahaha for the life of me I couldn't figure out what you were talking about with your bottom translation. I think my mind just automatically translated it so it took me a right minute!
It also took me a right minute to get here! But I'm here now, and here's a round of applause for participating! I was really impressed, and I apologize for the wait.
I love the situation, it was adorable! Kids are really fun to write about and I loved that this situation wasn't something I expected. The winners will be posted tonight!Author's Response: Haha, sorry about that! Site rules are site rules :)
I loved participating in your challenge, so I've got a round of applause for you for making me write this!
I await the results with impatience.
You've foiled my evil plan. I was going to log out and leave the reviews so you'd be stuck having to guess at who your secret snata was but you weren't interested in playing my reindeer games, which I discovered when the review box said I had to be logged in.
I'm a little surprised by your author's note...I liked your choice of name, I find it clever! If there's one thing I'm going to ask you to do, honey, is never ever apologize for anything when it comes to your writing! Apologizing for 'offending' someone because your Fred II is supposedly OOC is downright ridiculous! You should be offended that you feel like you have to apologize! This is fanfiction, we don't have to be canon. Want pure, no doubt canon? Read the books. I can't force you to do anything but seeing that you apologized for that really erks me to no end. Don't apologize for that either.
This was beautiful. Especially the third paragraph! Comparing hearts to harps (what an awkward sentence) Absolutely gorgeous. I was astounded by how different the two objects are upon first glance, but as you deeper describe them how they're so alike.
One thing that really impressed me was that you covered such a large span of who Nagini is as a person, so many of her emotions, whats happening, and absolutely stunning descriptions in a semi-short chapter. That is mind-blowing, because this didn't feel rushed, forced or overloaded at all! I was very, very thoroughly impressed by your ability to do this seemingly effortlessly and with such a tremendous outcome!
Ever/Slytherin Secret Santa!Author's Response: Secret Santa... OMG I forgot all about mine!! *FacePalm* RL deff's caught up with me!! Bugger, Bugger.
However, on another note.. Thank you so much for the review hun! I feel as if I have to apologize to people for the name though :/ A lot of people think I am mad for calling a student that, like I'm trying to add a piece into chapter two now were it explains a little background detail about how Nagini got her name, but it's hard. So I just apologize for now.. But thank you anyone. I know it's fanfiction and it is what we create, but sometime's people can scrutinize a little too harshly :P but that's just what we have to put up with :)
She has a lot of emotion at the start of story yeash :) but toward the end it just seems to leave her, and the last chapter is pretty sad :( Already written - I know, I'm mad! I have a first chapter and a last, but no middle... oh well.
Thank you so much for your positive feedback hun. It mean's a lot. :)
~Karni, x Report Review
Returning the review! Thank you love *hugs*
I love, love, love Sirius/OC.
I really enjoyed this. Your writing style is beautiful and I was thoroughly impressed. The only thing that wasn't absolute perfection was imagery. You had some, and believe me when I say this piece was wonderful! I would recommend just a little more imagery and that would cause this one shot to go from near perfection to stunningly perfect.
You had a little imagery, such as a little descriptions of Violet's fluffy dress, but I think it wouldn't do any harm to elaborate further.
Your style of writing was definitely what I enjoyed the most.
Great writing and happy holidays!
Ever Report Review
I'm finally here with your review swap, love.
You never disappoint me. Ever. Let that be a disclaimer.
Your imagery was perfect again. You had me a little worried that your perfection was slipping, but you're back to bat! Great job!
The flow is never, ever messed up when you write, this too impresses me. You always smooth everything out so flawlessly! Great job, again.
Characterization is fantastic as well! We're already very familiar with your take in the characters, but you keep all your characterizations they same as you go. If that makes any sense?
I feel bad, because all I ever do is gush about you but Im truly bone dry off CC for you.
Happy holidays lovely!
Hi my darling Ever! I'm so happy the imagery was back up to par in this chapter!! Hopefully it stays that way, but please feel free to get on me for it if it doesn't ;).
Your reviews are always such an awesome treat, with or without CC! And I love knowing that you're honest enough to point it out if something was off ♥
Thank you so much my dear for your always amazing reviews!!
I didn't think this was weird! Unusual, yes. But I loved it! It was unusual in the best way!
I adore the last line, it was brilliant and really felt so Sirius to me. (I don't say that as a pun but in all seriousness...again, no pun)
Your writing is really powerful, which is so, so impressive considering your writing is always short. I'm offended a little when someone says my writing is short but this absolutely isn't a bad thing, but admirable in your case!
I adore your writing. 'Nough said.
EverAuthor's Response: I'm not sure I know the difference between 'unusual' and 'weird'. :P
But anyway. I usually hate my last lines, so I'm glad you liked this one! I tried to make it as Sirius and as serious as possible. (*that* was a pun.)
Thank you so much for your lovely review! I'm so glad you liked this, 'cause it was way fun to write. :D Report Review
Ah! Bloody letter at the end! I despise cliffhangers because I can react so wildly at times ^.^
Hm. I'm having a bit of trouble thinking seeing as I'm terribly sick, so I'm sorry if I ramble.
The only thing that I would really strongly suggest is more imagery! You did better this timethan the first chapter, adding bits about the hair and eyes and whatnot but I'd really like to see more! It's definitely a good thing to have and I think it would really bring the story to life! And I'm afraid I'm going to keep pestering you until I see some more of it;) I'm definitely one of those critical reviews that sometimes just won't shut up...
I liked the characterization a lot! (I really, really, really, really want to know more about Tom and I'm curious as to how you're going to portray your take on him!) And Fee is proving an interesting character! She definitely has my attention!
The only thing that seemed a bit off to me was when she said something along the lines of 'not physco-analyzing a dead woman's actions'... My sister is about to trun 11 here in a few months, seeming irrelevant, but I highly, highly doubt an eleven year old would say something about physco-analyzing actions... I spend way more time around eleven year olds than I should and I would never in a million years hear that come out of one their mouths. And to be fair, they're not dim children! They're rather bright and I still don't believe that would come from an eleven year old. Yes, I'm nitpicking but still.
This was brilliant, as I expected! Just remember to add some imagery in! There was lots of oppurtunity in this chapter and I'm definitely going to hold your nose to the grindstone on this one;)
EverAuthor's Response: EVER! You're back! *squee*
Haha, the letters are so hard to write though. So while you hate the cliffhangers, I'm just happy they're good enough to provoke feeling about them, if that makes sense? ;)
Aww, I hope that you get better soon! Being sick really sucks! Don't worry though, I ramble far too much and I don't have the excuse of being sick haha!
Might I point out that chapters two and three had already been validated by the time I got your review in chapter one, but I promise you'll see more imagery in chapter four onwards; I'm really trying to fit more description in!
If I told you now how I'm portraying him, it'd be a plot spoiler. However, I promise you that chapter six had me cackling my head off in a very Bellatrix-esque way and it's a Tom chapter. That's all I'm saying for now. ;)
I love that you think that my OC is interesting; I'm trying to show as many sides of her as possible to the extent that I described her as an onion this morning... :')
I can't remember what used to come out of my mouth when I was eleven haha; I remember that I did know about Psychology though as my friend was a sixth-former and she was doing Psychology A-Level. A possible reason for Fee's knowledge of that word will be revealed in chapter four. I'll even give you cookies if you mention what it is when you review that! ;)
Thank you! I'm definitely working on the imagery, but as I said, chapter four is when you'll see changes. And don't worry about the nitpicking, I nitpick so much about grammar it should be illegal. :P
Thank you!! *hugs*
-Katie xx Report Review
Ever here with your review!
I'm currently having a debate with myself as to whether or not the song fits. The first time I read it I thought the lyrics specifically that you used did fit. But after rereading it I'm second-guessing myself. I think that a Katy Perry song, no hate but, doesn't seem aproppriate for such a dire situation. But then again, having never heard the song myself until after I read this ( I had to look it up:3 ) it doesn't truly matter because the only lyrics that you actually took from the song do fit? I don't know, to be honest. So, no, I don't think the song fits. But I do think those specific lyrics do.
To be perfectly candid, I think this story would be even better without the lyrics from the song. But that's just me! But considering this was for a challenge that specifically required lyrics I suppose you had to!
I adore Lucius and Narcissa and I also adored your take on Narcissa! I love that she wasn't portrayed as a helpless, opinionless victim who merely hid behind her husband and let her son be thrown to the mercy/fate/whatever else that could harm Draco!
EverAuthor's Response: Hey there and sorry about the wait!
Yeah, I know what you mean. I wasn't totally sure about the lyrics but I jsut couldn't for the life of me think of something else to put. Thanks for your opinion though, and I'm glad you like how I potrayed Narcissa. I'd never wrote about her so I was quite nervous.
Thanks again for reviewing! :) Report Review
This was beautiful. It really was. And to think you wrote something so breathtaking in 500 words!
I liked the idea of the never-ending circle that was just about tearing Gia to shreds. It was heartbreaking! Thankfully, you described it in a way that left it beautiful and not cheesy. Because of the way you wrote it I definitely do not think it was too dramatic. You definitely approached this plot with good taste so it kept this story believable and not cheesy.
This is an interesting read! You covered so much raw hurt, pain and even frustration in 500 words! That is quite the feat! I loved that she was determined that the circle had to end, it had to stop, but then he comes back. And the cycle of pain continues. The last line is really important, and you handled it really well!
The only errors that really stood out to me was:
'When her thirst was clenched'
'But now, she died a tiny bit inside knowing that he had ever loved her.'
I think you meant quenched? And as for the second one at first I thought you meant never rather than ever but I suppose both really would fit. So the second one is only a possible typo?
I'm thoroughly impressed! Also, I apologize for the length of this review but I've noticed my reviews get shorter when the chapters do!
EverAuthor's Response: Aaah, well spotted on the two mistakes. I must have read it so many times that I'm immune to noticing my silly typos. :/.
This (not at all long and very much appreciated) review really made me smile so thank you :D.
Also, thanks for abating my worries over this one-shot. It took me a long time to post it because sometimes I'd read it and feel that it was slightly ridiculous and way too dramatic and other times I'd read it and just not be sure so your opinion really means a lot.
peanuts11 xx Report Review
Hey Courtney! Ever here with your requested review!
The first thing I automatically noticed is the defined style. I've seen this general style attempted at, but there's something about yours that makes it stand out from the rest. Don't ask me what, because I don't know. But whatever you're doing, keep doing it!
The plot is very a,using, and I'm curious as to where you plan on taking it. This was a good opening chapter for what I'm sure is going to be a funny story!
I think you've captured Isabella really, really well! Her character is very defined so you're spot on with your characterizations so far! Even Pauline, even though her part was a little minor types it wasn't, was characterized appropriately.
The only thing that I would really recommend improving is the lack of imagery. I know, trust me, I do! I know this is hard especially with this being in first person, but it would add to the story even more. But, this is a tricky subject because it will be hard to add without making the whole thing awkward, so approach with caution.
The flow was pretty solid! There weren't any awkward jumps so you did good smoothing it all out!
Ultimately, this is a very good start to what's sure to be a fun read! Good job darling!
EverAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for your review (and sorry for double posting in your thread!)
Really, I have a defined style? That's super good to know, and I hope I can keep writing in that particular way!
I'm glad you like the plot and the characterization of Isabella-as I've said before, I was worried she was going to be unlikeable, so I'm happy that people seem to like her and that she is defined-you do read about a lot of the same old characters these days.
At this stage the plot, while amusing (I hope) is a little too...normal for me liking, but after awhile it takes what I hope is a unique angle.
Lack of imagery...hmm, I see what you mean. I'll go back and see if I can fit some more of that in the first chapter without making it look awkward. If not, I'll definitely be working on it in future chapters!
Thanks so much, I hope to see you here again (look out for me in your review thread!)
Courtney:) Report Review
I'm here!:D so...harsh and honest? I can do that, but as a disclaimer I don't say any of this to be means, at all. Ever. Promise.
So I like the plot a lot, I think it has a lot of possibility for a really good story. I'm excited to see what you do with this, seeing as this chapter captured my attention.
For the most part, the imagery was pretty solid! If you could just add a tiny bit more about how the characters themselves look, I think that would do a lot.
I love, love, love Tom riddle and all of the potential he has to play in this story! I can tell you already this is going to be a story that Ill be checking in to read more!:)
Fr characterization, I think Orion and Walburga were solidly characterized. But, I'm absolutely dying to know more about Fiona! We have a bit do what she's like, but I really want to know more! You did an excellent job capturing my attention with this opening chapter!
I also want to know more about Aphard! I almost want to see a show down, if you will, between him and Tom! I really, really want to see more of Tom and Fiona's relationship, to whatever extent it may be!
The flow was pretty good! There was no jumps or skips that were terrible so you smoothed out the seams pretty well!
You're done very well on making sure I come back for more;)
I very much enjoyed the opening and closing sentence, I know this seems a bit minor but it really is important, so good job!
I applaud you for such an interesting story, I absolutely cannot wait to read more! I do enjoy these stories, especially in such a beautiful style as this!
Oh, yes! I love your style of writing! It's very elegant and smooth! It fits the story perfectly while also seeming effortless on your part! Even though its probably achieved with much difficulty!
Okay, so for constructive criticism we've got: more imagery, more characterization of certain characters, and that's it!
Good job, I'm looking forward to reading more!
EverAuthor's Response: Hi Ever!
Thank you so much for your review! Don't worry, nothing in your review is mean! :)
Thank you! To be honest, the plot bunnies in this fanfic have been very kind to me so far! I'm happy that this chapter captured your attention, and I hope that further chapters will continue to do so!
I didn't want to detract from the story by spending too much time on character description, but considering how many reviewers have pointed this out, I think I may try and see if I can fit one or two more lines of description in for each character. In my defence though, Mark Twain wrote an entire book about Huck Finn without describing his physical appearance... ;)
Thank you, I'm trying to keep Tom involved as much as possible while reflecting the fact that he's very much interesting in creating Horcruxes and conquering the world. I don't want to turn him into the male equivalent of a social butterfly when the books say he's incapable of love due to being conceived under a love potion. Although it's entirely possible that Dumbledore was wrong and he did fall in love; you'll have to wait and see. :P
I'm glad to hear that you felt that Walburga and Orion were solidly characterized. I feel that Fee is ambiguous; while some people are certain of themselves and form their own personality, others are influenced by change in their lives and I see her as falling into the latter group.
Hehe! There may be a showdown, but there may not be. Alphard will be included in further chapters, as will Tom. We also see a Tom-Fee moment in chapter six.
Thank you! In a way, when writing this fanfic, I visualize the scenes to unfold like a TV show- one scene, cut to other people, cut to later in the day, etc. I have trouble with writing moments like travelling from one place to the other to connect scenes, so I tend to avoid that weakness. Which is technically bending the rules, but meh. :P
I'm trying to keep the closing sentences as interesting as possible, so I'm glad you liked the opening and closing sentences! I agree with you; it seems minor but it has a major impact. :)
*happily bows down to applause*
Thank you! Some segments are difficult to write, while others flow easily. It depends on the characters, setting etc. I'm so glad that it's perfect for the story! :D
I'm looking forward to seeing your next review too!
-Katie xx Report Review
I'm here! And I didn't take six years to get here! Disclaimer: Here's harsh and honest, but I refuse to be mean.
So the first thing I automatically noticed was the typos. I would absolutely recommend getting a beta to go over those things because it was a bit distracting!
For the emotions I really wish there would have been some kind of monlogue or something of the sort that really dissected Lily's feelings. Of course, we get it. She'ds frightened and angry and twelve million other things. But, I would have liked to see you further dissect it and explain it in depth and really knocked us down with all the emotion in it. I know you can do that and I want to see it.
I also would have liked a little more imagery. I didn't see that much of it and I would have liked to see a little bit more. It really adds to the story, and you really wouldn't need to terribly much for a piece like this.
Also, I think you should further dissect James's feelings as well. You did have him speaking to Harry about his future and whatnot, which was a lovely touch but I think you could have also talked about his feelings about Lily's. Does that make any sense?
What I really did like about this was the general plot. I adore a good James/Lily so I was pretty stoked about this!
I feel terrible. But it absolutely, posititvely no way am I saying this in a mean way. I loved this piece, I do, but there's always room for improvement.
I feel awful, just so you know.
EverAuthor's Response: Hey there :) Thank you so much for the review :) I really appreciate it :) And there's no need to feel mean, you were being honest, but not in a mean way! Don't worry! I will definitely run back over this story and add the stuff in that you recommended :) Thank you so much :D Report Review
'm sure you've almost forgotten you even requested a review from me, seeing as it's been about a month;/ I'm so sorry about that/ My hiatus wasn't by choice but I'm determined to get back into the swing of things.
Of course I like this story, what a silly thing to ask! I love everything you write so I will admit I went in with terribly high expectations.
The descriptions, my darling, were wonderful. I had everything pictured so clearly in my mind. There was just enough to really bring the story to life but not enough to make the story dull. I love that instead of the usual flashback style one would usually attempt was approached with a twist of using the pictures instead. it made me bring it to life myself, and I loved that.
I loved the emotions, despite that I was very close to crying, and they were very strong and full-blown. Thats a very good thing, and I adore it!
I've never read anything like this for Hermione, so I really enjoyed this. It's funny, I don't think I've ever put too much thought into the trio in a situation even close to this age/situation so I loved that you've attempted it, and a good attempt at that!
I pulled this story up with incredibly high expectations and they were all blown out of the water! Incredible job!
EverAuthor's Response: Thank you for reading and reviewing! No I didn't forget about it, I just knew that you were busy and would get to it whenever you could. :)
I am glad that you liked the descriptions and the flashbacks. It was really difficult for me to pick out what memories I wanted to display for her character to relive. I also wanted to play into Hermione's love for books. Even if that did mean an non-educational book.
I've always wondered who would out live who in the situation of what trio member would go first, second and third. I always figured Hermione would stand the test of time better than the other two would be able to.
Thanks again for the review!!
-SR17 Report Review
YAY FOR NANO! GO YOU! WOOT:D
Anywho, I'm here with your review!
You know you know I love your writing! This was wonderful, it really was. I loved the imagery and the plot and the everything but what really, really captured my admiration was the chemistry between Rose and Scorpius. That was by far the most wonderful thing about this entire piece. I loved that it defied cliches about the Weasleys being insperable and all but the chemistry really took the cake.
The only thing that got me was how at first Rose was going on about how Scorpius was a loon and next thing she's pretending to be a good little camper and getting wood really just because Malfoys sexy? I think there should have been a teeny weeny sentence how even if he is a loon, his sexiness covers it up? Or perhaps she finds loons sexy? i don't know;p Do you understand or am I just babbling about?
Other than than that little babble, this was perfection. I loved the setting particularly, it was enchanting! This was an incredible job well done!
EverAuthor's Response: Aw thank you Ever! That means so much to me, thank you for your encouragment. :) I will definintly take your advise and edit that little section :) Report Review
This was definitely not boring! Let's just clear the air here.
I would hate Audrey for such a negative attitude. There's no doubt in my mind. I can't stand people with such a sour attitude. She would drive me insane.
I did pity her, on some level. But then again I hated her for being so self-wallowing. I'm tall and skinny--I TOWER over the boys at six feet and you don't see me whining! She doesn't live life content with herself and it drives me crazy. Gosh, this piece didn't physcologically affect me until you asked if she was a person I would hate. You writing makes me think! Oh good lord, I love it! I've never read anything that made me think of the characters like this! I LOVE this. Genuinely love it!
EverAuthor's Response: Yay! That's good to read.
She would drive me insane, too. She'll probably drive herself insane even, what with all that sitting in cafes and commenting on people. I've no idea how she can stand it. :S
You're skinny and six feet tall and many, many people would kill to be like that, darling, Audrey included. :P
But you're right, she does need to rethink herself, especially when she sees fit to comment on Rita Skeeter's appearance.
I like to throw in random questions, so I'm glad you like this one!
And thank you so much for your lovely review. :)
I'm here with your review!
So, please, please, don't get me wrong. I enjoy founders very, very much but I'm simply no expert (translation: I suck all hell at it) so I don't find myself being the best resource for help when it comes to factual/canon opinions I can help you with basic categories such as flow, grammar, pace, etc but I won't ever claim to be an expert in any situation regarding founders era.
Flow: This is perfect! There weren't any jumps or awkward transitions so it was wonderful:)
Characterization: I know this is weird, but I've written about seven different OCs with the name of Adeline and they've always been very rich and 'holier than thou' so XD random crap that you don't really need to know about. I loved reading about Helena very much, and the strong personality you bestowed her. I'm a little lost as to why Rowena would make her carry out something that she had said as a mere child though. I wish there would have been more reasoning behind it. Maybe I'm not reading between the lines enough but I was a little on the fence about it. The Baron really freaks me out. He seems quite threatening and I really wish he would just...go away or something.
The only thing I would really, really like to see more of is imagery. You had plenty of it describing Helena but there should have been more about her surroundings, Rowena and the Baron. Descriptions really bring a story to life and I would definitely like to see more of it.
I love your style of writing, it's so beautiful, and I'm looking forward to reading more!
EverAuthor's Response: Hi! Sorry to have taken so long to answer...
Honestly, not being an expert on Founders era is fine by me - I will never have enough people correcting my grammar or my spelling!
Haha, the name Adeline is usually associated to 'holier than thou', isn't it? Oh, well...
I'm glad you enjoyed reading this version Helena, I adored writing her.
Rowena's motives. Well. In the way I see her, a word given cannot be taken away, no matter the circumstances. She values honour and morality over anything else, and in her mind, her own daughter simply could not be untrue to her word because it would against Rowena's principles. I hope this makes things clearer?
Bleurgh for the Baron - he was such a slimy creature to write it made me shiver.
I will edit, soon, but this was written for a challenge and I don't know if it'd be fair to edit past the deadline when it hasn't been judged yet. I'm planning to add more imagery though!
Thank you for this wonderful review, I'm very grateful for it!
:) xx Report Review
You honestly can't say you didn't see me coming, you know I can't resist.
This was just gorgeous. I really enjoy how to took a stab at second-person narrative, it was really impressive.
everAuthor's Response: Hi darling ♥ I'm so happy you liked it! I was actually planning on stalking out your review thread to request this, but you beat me to it ;)!
Thanks for all the awesome reviews, m'dear ♥ Report Review
Hey! For some odd reason, I love the fact that you keep coming back and requesting! I really, really love it!
It seems like I always have an excuse for rambling, but I'm quite sick so I'll do my best to make sense but no promises.
Your imagery is beautiful. You make it seem effortless, but because I know better than that, it must take some serious effort! It definitely pays off. The descriptions of the dungeons was enough to give me the shivers.
I do love that this chapter was focused mainly around Hermione. i'm curious as to what part Dean and Oliver will be playing in later chapters. I wasn't too terribly surprised when Hermione discovered Dean to be in there, but I was really astounded when Oliver was too. I loved that you used a more minor character. I really like Oliver, so I'm excited to see what happens. I also wonder which of them will survive. I've got bets on Oliver and Hermione, not so sure about Dean. But hey, who knows, he might make it too.
Trying to theorize the drop of blood when my head hurts isn't the best idea but I'm honestly trying. I'm so confused, but I assume you'll clear it up in later chapters. How is he dying? I'm thinking somehow the horcruxes are slowly eating at him, killing him? Or perhaps his wand is taking pieces of his life essence, or whatever, away with each curse he casts? Yeah, I've got nothing.
I really, really, really enjoy this story so much! You always make me want to hurry ahead and read the rest of it because I have to know what happens!
EverAuthor's Response: Trust me, I love the fact that you're still willing to come over here and review this for me! I need to stalk your thread more diligently. :3 And this is the first time I've ever continually re-requested for chapters like this, so I'm just relieved it's going over so well!
The imagery in this story is definitely more intentional than in most, if not all, of the other things I write (though I think this sort of dwindles in later chapters -- you can tell me!). The style of this story was set out to be that way. ;) I'm so happy you like it, though, because sometimes I'm nervous about putting TOO much in, or having it be overly thick, or what have you.
I liked writing Hermione's chapters almost better than Ron's, not that I can choose. They were so very different, and that was both a challenge and an enjoyment -- I normally write different things across stories, but not usually within them. Well, no, that's a lie, but I had to get up early this morning and am running solely on caffeine, so bear with me! :D Dean and Oliver do, of course, crop up again, but you'll have to wait and see for your predictions. ;) Maybe all of them survive... and maybe none of them do.
Ahaha, well -- you're a bit close! Now I'm completely terrified my explanation about the blood won't make sense. :P Ahh, this will be fun to work out, won't it?
This response was completely inadequate when compared with how awesome your review was. Seriously -- your feedback is so appreciated, and so lovely, to boot! Thank you so much for all your fantastic opinions on this story! ♥ Report Review
You wrote a lucius/narcissa and you didn't even tell me? D; hurt over here, truly hurt;)
I loved this. The idea of a love triangle between Lucius, Bellatrix and Narcissa is so deliciously dramatic! I loved how Bellatrix was so...take charge. You know I'm a huge Lucius/Narcissa shipper but the thought of Bellatrix and Lucius together is to cute! I love it! You should write more stuff like this:D
EverAuthor's Response: I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I have been on the fence about this story. I am glad that you liked it. I have always thought that there could have been this rivalry between Narcissa and Bellatrix over Lucius.
Thank you so much!!
-SR17 Report Review
Hey it's Ever here with your requested review!
I really love this. You're such a talented writer! I do love this!
Hannah/Neville is my cup of tea so I was really excited! The plot was fantastic!
The only thing I would really point out is the lack of imagery and sometimes you paragraphs get absolutely huge!
Otherwise I think everything's up to par!
EverAuthor's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
Thank you for the compliment! It honestly makes my day to get reviews like this so thank you from the bottom of my heart!
I love Neville/Hannah too! I am really excited to continue with this story and see where it takes me because exploring their relationship is causing me to see the books in a fascinating, new way.
Thank you for the constructive criticism, as well! I am a rambler when I talk so I often write really long paragraphs plus I'm not always sure when and where to break them off, but I'll definitely work on it! Imagery is something that I love when reading but that I sometimes find tedious in writing so I should definitely play around with it more to learn how I could use it to improve my writing.
Again, thank you! Report Review
I wish I could be of more help but e only movie I've seen including these characters is Harry Potter and Narnia? It was the white queen, correct?
The thought of Voldy drinking decaf is hilarious though, I'll give you that!
EverAuthor's Response: Yes, The white queen is from narnia. :)
And Voldy drinking decaf is hilarious. :D
Thanks for the review!
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