You've created a character that just instantly warms your heart... like eggnog... though I've never tried it, I have to admit. :P Anyway, he's obviously nervous, but he's also inquisitive and there are parts of his character that is so Hermione and Ron!
Whilst I'm thinking of it, at one point you wrote '9 Slytherin. 10 Slytherin. 11 Gryffindor', when I think you mean '9 Slytherin. 10 Gryffindor. 11 Hufflepuff.' Just thought I'd mention it :) Oh! And this is a very small thing, but I noticed it in my friend's work yesterday (she's also French) and she ended a question with 'no?' i.e. 'What do you mean Iím Hugo Weasley and no matter what, I will still be, no?' - I've heard people use 'right?' instead more often, though I've no clue if it's a cultural thing at all. :P Just thought I 'd mention it as it felt slightly 'out' from his character. But, I'm tired, so please ignore me if I'm making no sense!
You've got me extremely intrigued into the 'music' - what is it?! Can anyone else hear the music? I can't wait to read how Hugo settles in and starts to make friends. I've a feeling he'll be playing the 'unlikely hero', and good on him - it's about time someone other than a Gryffindor got the herolight :P
Anyway, a great start to what sounds like a very intriguing story! Merry Christmas, Akussa! :)Author's Response: Aw, I'm so glad you like my Hugo! He's just an innocent eleven years old kid that has a bit of difficulties dealing with his insecurities.
Thanks for pointing this out, I'll check it out! And I agree, it's a cultural thing; or a direct translation maybe since this is how we ask the question in French, but I will change it now that I know it's wrong :)
It will take some time for Hugo to adjust fully but in his own time, he will and I'm just so happy that people seem to agress with my anti-hero type of character! Not only Gryffindors can be heros!
Thanks so much for this lovely review and Merry Christmas to you too :)
Okay, I admit I wasn't expecting this story to take that kind of turn! The blonde girl kind of took a fairy-godmother appeal, and I loved that you turned her into a fan.
I really like the idea that by Tom never touching the water, Voldemort was never born. But then... does that mean there was no war? And therefore no rush to get married? Could the Weasley's have waited?! Could there be only one or two Weasley siblings in the world?!
...This could be HP-altering ;)
I enjoyed your characters, and they each played their roles in society very well. Your descriptions were lovely - they really painted an image in my mind. Well done!
Keira :)Author's Response: Thank you so much! Yes, I suppose if the war never happened a whole host of things wouldn't have happened/ would have been altered. For starters, the entire HP series would be moot. Which is why I made it so each chapter in this collection was separate from the first because after this chapter, none of the others would have happened.
Thanks for the lovely reivew!
~cb ") Report Review
Oh, I keep finding stories through this swap which I instantly enjoy!
This was such an interesting look into Bellatrix's mind. In many ways, she reminded me of a child. Her attention span, her sole focus on one object and her random thoughts which most definitely couldn't be contained. But, at the same time, I felt her power and her controlling tendencies.
You really showed Bellatrix's devotion to Voldemort, and how she sort of saw the world through an opaque piece of glass. This is the main image that I've created through your story. It seems that Bellatrix is standing in front of a window with everyone stood behind it, and she's polished one spot perfectly, so that she can see Voldemort perfectly, but then she seems to see everyone else with slight confusion and lack of clarity. Your description of how she sees Cissy; her faded love for her sister, but her confusion over why Narcissa doesn't devote more of her time to Voldemort. It's perfect.
I really enjoyed how you focused on the smaller details; the scuffling rats which she eventually killed, the dirt-ridden wooden floor, the broken glass in its frame. It just added to the believability of the entire piece.
I really like the description of the glass window. It linked perfectly to Bellatrix's life. Almost like it's always been broken, just like Bellatrix had possibly always leaned on the 'crazier' side. And she was the only one that could, or cared to, fix it.
The relationship between Bellatrix and Rodolphus was really interesting to read. I've always imagined the couple as Rodolphus loving Bella much more, and as she grew crazier, they grew further apart. But divorce wouldn't have been an option. I've always seen her as the more powerful in the couple, but I really enjoyed how you showed them. The idea of Rodolphus having mistresses and them only acting as a couple when needed was perfect.
Overall, I really enjoyed this one-shot! Fantastic job! Keira :)Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing my story!
I love your analysis of this, it is really quite true that Bellatrix lost sight of everything else in her entire life except the Dark Lord and his conquest. That was her entire life and without it she was an empty shell. But not only that, she was certifiably insane at the same time. It's almost like she's not entirely lucid all the time, she goes from having a perfectly nice conversation with Narcissa to accusing her and threatening her, back to nice again.
I think that Rodolphus and Bellatrix were a staged couple, because she has made it clear so many times that Voldemort was her one true love in all ways that were necessary. I don't know if she lusted after the power more than the man but I always saw her husband as a front for her, for the wizarding community at large. But hey, a guy has to feel loved somewhere, right?
Anyway, thanks again so much for reviewing this I really appreciate it! Report Review
Do you know why I'm so glad that I've only just found your story now?
...Because that was one incredible cliff hanger! I feel sorry for the people that had to wait for the next chapter, because I can move on immediately :P A very intense, but captivating first chapter, to be sure. I have so many questions, which I'm sure you'll answer, and can't believe it's taken me this long to find it!
I absolutely loved the opening to this chapter. When I read the chapter summary, I immediately assumed that Lorcan was late twenties, an auror and was currently on a mission (and complaining that being a spy wasn't in the job description)... I have no reason for this, at all. It just was. So I loved reading that opening paragraph and finding that Lorcan was, in fact, a ten year old boy. It just hooked me even further.
Your descriptions were perfect and extremely believable. I loved the little details you added, it took the story to another level of reality. Your start and end and such hooks! Severus Snape? He's alive? How does Lily know? Why did Harry refuse? Where does Luna thing her son is? What's Snape been upto?
...I'm not kidding, I'm desperate to read the next chapters.
Your characterisation was brilliant. Lorcan was the perfect ten year old boy with a mission, and your description of Snape was just... incredible. There wasn't any point where the scene wasn't painted in my mind. I was so involved, that when you wrote that Lorcan hadn't noticed the sealed window was now wide open, I was actually hoping that Lorcan would run! :P I felt panicked when he got dragged through the window.
I feel like I'm rambling, which I probably am. And my grammar usually disappears when this happens... so I'm sorry for the state of this review. But overall, I loved it. I'll be back, as soon as I can finish my essay, to continue reading.
Fantastic first chapter! 10/10
Keira :)Author's Response: Thank you, Keira! I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter enough to want to read more, and that it already has your wheels spinning. I really tried to inject a lot of mystery right from the start, and I'm glad that seems to be coming through.
And I'm so glad you liked the characterizations. It don't write from the POV of a child very often so this was fun to play with. And Snape is my absolute favorite character from the book, so I'm always looking for ways to fit him into my stories.
If this was rambling, feel free to drop by and ramble anytime. Thanks again for the R&R! Report Review
You know on some computers they have that 'post-it' note thing.. where you can leave notes? Top of the list is 'Post Scriptum'. I remember reading the first chapter ages ago and absolutely loving it, but then due to exams, I completely forgot! I'm very glad I can come back to it now! :)
I think your descriptions are one of your biggest strengths; you effortlessly draw the reader into this mystical world and its characters... and it feels normal. The characters you're writing feel the the characters in my head - they're not acting peculiarly or saying things OOC.. it's spot on. Really.
I LOVE your characterisation of the Marauders. Remus was world-weary, tired, but still friendly. Peter was uncertain, but not evil. Sirius was perfect. Absolutely perfect. And James was really sweet. Great job on that :)
My favourite thing about the opening was reading how Lily had always enjoyed Halloween. It's such a simple thing and could have been said in a matter of words, but your description just had me imagining the entire thing. You even made me like Halloween a bit more!
Overall, I really enjoyed this and I'll definitely be back as soon as my workload is over, so that I can continue reading!
Keira :)Author's Response: Hello! Oh, yes, I remember you reading the first chapter of this, and I'm so happy to see you return for our swap. I'm so flattered that Post Scriptum has been at the top of your list! :)
Thank you! I used to struggle with not having enough description, and then I struggled with making it too deliberate and letting it take over the chapter. I'm really glad that you think I've struck a good balance here and that the characters seem to fit in with canon.
I really tried to stay away from cliches with the Marauders, having read (and subsequently disliked) so many stories with the usual depictions! My major concerns were that Peter fit in and James and Sirius not be super pranksters. I'm glad that they all seemed to work well for you!
I love writing Lily. She has such adorable moments where she just loves magic. I'm pleased that you liked the chapter opening :)
Thanks so much for this wonderful review, and I do hope to see you back here soon!
Amanda Report Review
I'm not the greatest Dramione fan - my love for Ron always gets in the way when I attempt to read them. He's always portrayed as some 'evil' character, who might be abusive, or drunk, or just plain mean. And that is exactly why I loved your opening chapter.
You've started in such a canon moment; it's perfectly reasonable for Draco to be in a classroom that Hermione runs into. And what happens with Ron is canon, he's still the same character from the books - which makes me very happy!
Although the first chapter was short, I found it to be the perfect length for a prologue. You talked me through a canon moment, I had an explanation for why my main character was behaving in the way she way, and you introduced another character perfectly - without giving too much away. I'm now intrigued and want to read more!
Your writing was set at an extremely good pace, and it flowed very well. There were a couple missing commas etc that made me pause at times, but other than that it was easy to read.
Great job! Keira :)Author's Response: I just can't see Ron as being abusive/evil and such and that is one thing I dont like about dramiones is they feel they need to do that to him when really they dont. I'm so glad that you found my characterization of Ron good. With this story I really want to make it as close to canon as I can so it always makes me happy when people say that I'm doing well with that! I'm so glad that you enjoyed this chapter and are interested to read more which i hope you do! Thank you so much for reading and reviewing!
~Slytherinchica08~ Report Review
Firstly, (and most importantly), happy birthday! I hope, wherever you are in the world, that you're having a memorable day and can't stop smiling. And if not, then that's why I'm here!
I absolutely LOVED your ending. But I'll get back to that in a moment as it's always best to start at the beginning, don't you think?
I like the light-hearted tone of the entire piece. It's clear from the beginning that Emmeline Vance is a lot younger than Gideon - and at no point did I start thinking, 'ooh romance in the making' which is very easy to do when a guy and girl are stuck in a broom closet. So well done for managing to avoid this cliche!
"Well this is a silly place to hide, isn't it? They always look in the broom cupboards first," Just in that line, you nailed Gideon's character. It came across as if he was amused - in a brotherly way - but also showed that he was comfortable to have fun.
At times I thought Emmeline acted a little too... confident(?) for a second year addressing a male seventh year. But, as she later joins the Order, it's clear she has some guts so this could completely fit her character.
Your ending. I LOVED it. It really made the story for me - like finishing a circle (if that's indeed possible). In those few lines, their relationship was perfectly described. You fulfilled one of writing's basic rules; show don't tell. At no point did you go 'and then they were friends', but through your use of dialogue and description of how they spoke - the point came across perfectly.
Once again, happy birthday! Keira :)
P.S. I was asked on behalf of the Gryffie Birthday Reviews - I didn't just stalk you to find your birthday. I swear. ;)Author's Response: Thank you so much! And yes, I figured it was from the Gryffie Birthday Reviews ;)
I'm so glad that you liked my story! I'm definitely one of those people that automatically thinks boy+girl+broom cupboard= romance *shimmies away, embarrassed* I just figured that because everyone seems to always write that or assume it, I'd try to do something different for the challenge. I'm so glad that you liked how I wrote Gideon's character. I find it rather difficult to pull off that kind of character. Thank you for the compliments on my "show don't tell" thing, too! Most of the time I'm way too over-descriptive, so that was great to hear. Also, I'm glad that you didn't think it was choppy or random or anything.
Did Emmeline seem too confident? Hmm I'll see what I can do to fix that. My rational was that she's a Gryffindor (and thus brave and bold) and that Gideon was being really friendly so she felt more confident. I'll take a look at it.
Thanks again for the lovely review and the birthday wish! May your birthday be just as wonderful, whenever it may be!
~cb ") Report Review
I'm here for the review swap - I'm so sorry for the delay! Work got in the way!
This was a cute first chapter. Your characterisations were clear and the relationship between Scorpius and James was easy-going and realistic to 20 year old males. I like how slow James was on the uptake - it was asif he was still slightly drunk (which chances are, he would be) and made the scene much more authentic.
Lorcan was easily my favourite character. He was just so random - appearing from a wardrobe and claiming to be their new best friend. (Though I was slightly confused - wouldn't James know who he was due to his sister being names after Luna?)
The spacing is a little distracting - but I had loads of issue with it at first as well :) It's easier if you use the 'simple editor' whilst uploading your stories as it gets rid of any peculiar spacing that happens regularly - you just have to add the codes i.e. < .i. >italic< ./i. > < .b. >Bold< ./i. > (remove all full stops and spaces;). )
An interesting start and it'll be interesting to see where this goes! :)
Keira Report Review
How on earth was this pointless? This was ridiculously cute and so easy to relate to! I'm not a parent but this seems to realistic to how I imagine infants must be like - especially as most parents complain of their lack of sleep. :P
I think this is my favourite part about this story - many of us are at fault of getting swept into the magic world (it's no bad thing) but at the same time it's so nice to read a story which has direct links to the world we live in.
The desperation and longing to sleep was perfect! You can still tell how much they love their son, but it is perfectly balanced with the need to get the kid to shut up! :P
Your characterisation was spot-on - James' easy-going personality and his humour! Lily's kindness and her sneaky humour was great as well! :)
I really enjoyed reading this! It was absolutely how I'd always imagined their relationship and I'm glad Sirius was part of it - he never seems to be far away in my mind. Keira :)Author's Response: This was such a wonderful review, darling!! It was really fun to show the more normal and human part of Lily and James, because they didn't just wake up heroes. They were normal, brave people who did incredible things, but pretending that they were just consonantly incredible and taking away the human aspect of them, I think really cheapens their sacrifice.
I'm so happy you liked these characters!! This was actually originally going to be part of book 2 in Before They Fall, but I really just wanted to post it now, haha!
Thanks again for this lovely review, I'm so happy you enjoyed the one shot ♥ Report Review
I've been meaning to review some of your stories for so long after you faithfully review mine, but there's always been some distraction or issue stopping me from doing so. Literally, I have a list of 'HPFF To Do' and at the top is your name (capitalised AND underlined) ;). So I'm very sorry its taking me so long, but here I am!
When I saw you'd written a story about Remus, I couldn't resist! He's one of favourites and I can say with 100% certainty - you've captured canon Remus. You actually have him within your story - his doubt, his self-loathing, his selflessness and his burning hatred, yet combined with compassionate and kind Remus we all know and love.
You've done a brilliant job showing Remus' feelings and thoughts change, reflecting the situation and atmosphere of the scene. At no point was there a moment of 'he was sad... now he is happy'. It was a gradual change which makes it much more realistic. In a weird way, it reminded me of that '5 stages of grief' - he seemed to go through different stages of acceptance and his arguments against each point were well-thought out and accurate.
One of my favourite parts about this one-shot was that it was always clear why Remus acted the way he did - there was no hiding his past out of shame or making himself look more positive whilst reasoning - it was blunt and to the point. Very Remus.
Your characterisation was perfect. Literally - perfect! I couldn't help but chuckle at Andromeda being the scary mother-in-law. There was echoes of Molly and Arthur within this couple - the scary dominating female, and the tame husband willing to appease his wife, yet as soon as someone they care for is threatened... then all hell breaks loose. :P For some reason it seemed perfect to Ted and Andromeda! I just loved their reaction to Remus - nothing seemed out of place or OOC. Their reactions were spot on. :)
Tonks was perfect as well - I like how you've explained her physical looks and how Remus reacts to seeing her - desperate to look but scared of what he'll see (kind of like a child wanting to look under their bed in the middle of the night ;) ). She was also perfectly in character and I like the growth of her emotions - uncertain, irritated, hurt, passionate and just plain angry. She was just how I imagine her.
Your last line; 'We'll get there if we should.' Shivers. Literally. It was so perfect to the scene, the moment, the entire relationship and just is perfect. I can't say how much I loved reading this - it really was brilliant! And I'm so sorry it's taken me so long to review.
I will read more soon - but I'm half way through the next chapter of 'Playing At War' and don't want to stop now! :P (It will be up soon!) Also, I feel bad referring to you as 'The Last Marauder' - do you mind telling me of another name I could use? :D
100/10 Keira :)Author's Response: Hi there yourself. Don't worry, it's not a problem, if I'm honest with you I'd much rather you spend your time writing your awesome fics, instead of reviewing one of mine ;) You're grand, it's cool! But I'm very glad you dropped by the review tag and picked this story to review!
I'm glad you thought Remus was canon in this, he's my ABSOLUTE FAVOURITE character, so I want to get him just right. All my stories feature him in some shape or form and I just love writing him so much. I just feel like I can relate to him a hell of a lot more than any other character, and I just seem to understand where he is coming from and what mind-space he is in more than any other character too. I just find it so easy to get into his head and see things from his point of view, than say if I tried Sirius or James, or even Ron or Hermione.
I'm also glad you liked the flow of the story too, I didn't want the progression to be abrupt where he moves from one extreme feeling to the next, I wanted it to be gradual and subtle, because it just seemed more realistic that way, to me anyway.
I'm glad you liked Ted and Andromeda, they both caused me a lot of trouble characterisation-wise, but then I just laid out the facts: They one have one child, and they had to watch her be miserable for a year because Lupin refused to be with her, and that must have been the hardest thing in the world to do, watch their child be miserable and know they could do nothing. Then Lupin decides to let her in, they get married, she gets pregnant and he leaves, again having her in a depressed state, and as parents I just figured that they see Remus as causing her an inordinate amount of pain and their first reaction is to protect her from more, which means refusing to let him see her. Or at least that is how I see it...
I'm glad you liked Tonks too. I really wanted her to be a strong character in this, and even though she is hurt, I wanted her to be strong, because that's the way JKR wrote her. I found her very difficult to write and I really had to work hard at it, and I'm quite happy with the result, still don't think she's perfect, but she's the best Tonks I can do.
Glad you liked the last line, it's the last line of the song which was the inspiration for this fic and which gave this fic it's title: "Heroes or Ghosts" by the Dublin band the Coronas, really great song, though I prefer the version in Irish which is much more beautiful "Taibhsi no Laoch(ra)".
Don't feel bad at all about calling me by my pen-name, I love my pen-name a lot, because it allows me to just be me, I don't have to hide anything, or hold my love for HP back at all. I don't want to give my name out publically online (there's always a fear that someone I know will find this page and connect it to me and realise the true extent of my nerdiness and Harry Potter obsession.. fanfiction is not well thought of at all in my circle of friends - I study literature in college see...and when you study the likes of Joyce, Beckett, Yeats, Wilde, Friel and Heaney, HP fanfiction is considered the lowest of the low, second only to Twilight fanfiction), but I'll tell you what I will do, I'll PM it to you on the forums, how does that sound?
Can't wait for more "Playing At War" - you have me all excited now! :-) Keep up the great writing yourself, please say there's more "Mischief Managed" soon too? :) Report Review
Oh - I love this, Jen! :)
It's just creepy from the start - sort of the perfect portrayal of travelling to Azkaban. They're not mad yet, but they each have a good idea of what's coming for them. I love your story summary, it glued me in immediately and put me in the right mind-frame to read it.
I don't know how you manage it in such a small extract - but you really made me be on Georgia's side. She's the murderer... but I'm supporting her - THIS IS NOT SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN! I don't need to know who she is, or who he is - they're just faceless with no details, yet are still strong characters that stay with you.
Brilliant, Jen! 10/10
Keira :DAuthor's Response: Thank you Keira!
I'm so glad you liked this, and the story summaries are always hard to get right. I'm glad you're on Georgia's side, I wanted to get the story to have a little questionable morality, so yay! :) Faceless with no details- that's a beautiful way of saying it. Thanks!
Thanks so much for the review, Keira-lady! :) Report Review
See, the whole time I'm just siding with Gaby and Grace but at the same time I know Lily has distanced herself... and I'm torn! You really are a brilliant writer :)
Oh Ray - this is where you first start feeling... apprehensive (?) about him. He;s too pushy and you just want him out the picture so Lily can focus on James. Characterisation = spot on. I love Sirius - even though he was mainly mentioned as a single smirk - is was just a perfect small detail.
Next chapter! Keira :) Report Review
I love your cheery message at the end - a slight contrast to the angst and drama of the chapter :P
Oh, James. :( It had to happen at such a bad time as well, you really feel for him and almost get angry at Lily for just being too distanced. I loved that you included Siuris beign upset - they were like a substitute family for him and most people ignore this. Great job on that! :)
"He would not cry in front of me, for he no longer trusted me." - okay, that line just sucks. (In a really good way). I ended up reading it with a 'pouty' lip. :P Your writing style is so blunt and one of the things I really love about this story is that you can actually see how your writing developed over the period it took to complete this. I love it when you can see that!
Anyway, onto the next chapter - 10/10 Keira :) Report Review
Well... that's awkward. It's one of those moments where you just want to subtly (or just scream) hint that you might want to rethink the decision.
As always, your characterisation is brilliant and your plot exciting. You've really grasped a life outside of Hogwarts perfectly - it's almost becoming canon for me :P
Once again, it's the smaller details which really make your chapters - like Jinx not liking Ray - there's nothing to not like about him but it's clear that Jinx has his loyalties! 10/10 (again) Keira :) Report Review
"Of course when I answered, I did not elaborate as fully."
- That line just explains Lily, doesn't it? I really do love this story and I'm so glad that you wrote it! I really liked how Sirius showed that Lily was just as good a friend to him as anyone else and therefore is entitled to tell her when she's being 'stupid'. It's still clear that James comes first - but Sirius wouldn't be in character if he wasn't! :P
I also like the smaller details that you put in - like not being able to apparate over seas or the ugly shoes in the shop window. They're small things but definetly add to the story! :)
10/10 Keira :) Report Review
I remember really liking this chapter when I first read it, (I just realised that sounds like I don't anymore, I still do!) because I love the casual wayyou introduce Ray. He gets no more mention then his grandfather but you somehow know he has a bigger part to play.
I really like how you portray Henn and her insecurities of feeling left out - because lets face it, that happens when you leave school and everyone goes in their own directions :(. I really like the James/Lily conversation - you could almost hear him yearning for more interaction, yet Lily remains indifferent as always. I really liked Sirius' part - it showed his loyalty and also protective side of James.
Another great chapter - how is it possible to enjoy this story more everytime I read it? 10/10 Keira :) Report Review
First of all I have to admit - this is the sixth or seventh time I've read 'Living Life' and I love it more everytime! It was my first fanfiction I ever read exactly a year ago - and I've suddenly realised that I never left as many reviews as I should have - so I'm here to resolve that now! :)
I love your characterisation! It can be difficult to bring originality to the marauders era as it's one of the most popular (though now overtaken by Next Gen, I believe). Yet you do so brilliantly!
James and Sirius have depth to their characters and reasons behind their actions rather than just wanting to get in trouble. The Lily/James relationship isn't there because it always has been - but because there is actual feeling between them. Your OCs; Henn, Gaby, Grace etc fit so well into your plot and you give explanation for them all.
I love how you portray Lily - it's like we can tell she's losing herself, and she's also aware of it but the saddest part is that she just doesn't care. You do this fantastically!
Anyway, 10/10 and I'll go review more! Keira :) Report Review
Oh I love this story. I love Ron. So your writing + Ron = my new favourite story. :D
Your characterisation is spot on (as always) and you've got the feeling of war so perfectly. You can almost feel the atmosphere - guilt, anger, revenge but above all - exhaustion. Just perfect. :)
Ha - this is my 100th review (just realised) but it's so worth it! 1000/10 :)Author's Response: Hey! Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and review (and to be the first to review the third chapter, no less)! I adore writing Ron, and I'm really happy you're enjoying how I'm writing him here, too.
Gahh, your comments are so lovely! :3 I love sort of immersing myself into canon and playing around with it, and I'm really happy you've got the sort of warring feeling here, too. It's all things I've tried to pinpoint in writing this, so your comments are massively, massively appreciated!
Thank you again for leaving your opinions on this story! I hope you'll drop back for future updates, too. :3 It's great to see your name back on my page once more! Report Review
I'm absolutely shattered as I've just stayed up to read your entire story :P So this will be short, and if I've got time I'll leave a proper review tomorrow! :)
I LOVE this story - your characters, the plot - your originality! I can't wait to read the next chapter! :)
KeiraAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like this story so much! You still have another chapter ahead of you, and I'm working on the next one as fast as I can (without rushing). Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I was just browsing and came across your lovely story - the title just had me! It was haunting but intriguing at the exact same time. Just from the title, I knew that this was going to be a great one-shot. :)
I liked how much angst and tension was present int he chapter despite its smaller size - but that was one of the best parts - it was short and blunt which just added to the dramatics! xD I loved how you repeated 'thud-thud'; it just added to the heart-breaking tone of the story. Your first sentence was terrifying... but at the same time, I just wanted to carry on reading. Great job!
"All is silent except for the thud-thudding of his own heart against his ribs, alone." Woah. That line was just... woah. There was soemthing really haunting about that line which really captures the 'essence' of Snape. He's perfectly inc haracter, but you've also shown him in a really unique manner.
I really like the small mention of Harry which added to the one-shot but didn't take away from the story. I really enjoyed this and am so glad I stopped by to read it!
Keira :) Report Review
My plan was to drop in and read your great entry for the 'Ronald Weasley Challenge'. Then I saw there were 17 chapters (:O). So I figured I'd read a couple... but then I got hooked... and 17 chapters later... here I am. :P
I love the plot; it's something that I've thought a lot about - how much would they tell their children of their Hogwarts Days? I really like how you did this - especially the letters from Ron's POV. It's amusing that it smells like sweets and the scene is warped slightly. I love the distinction between his and Hermione's letters!
This story is actually one of the first fanfics I ever read - there must be an ancient review around her somewhere :P Though there was nowhere near as many chapters! :)
I really like how the kids comment on everything they see, and then the contrasting personalities of the parents. There's so much that keeps you involved and I can't wait to see their reaction to Sirius!
Are you planning on carrying this on through the next school years? Your characterisation is perfect, as always! And I love your plot. :)
It's a brilliant story, Akussa and I can't wait to read more! :) Keira
P.S. I feel horrible - but I was completely swamped with exams that I don't think I fully congratulated you! Congratulations on mini-Akussa! :) Report Review
I'm just popping in to read your fabulous entry for the 'Ronald Weasley Challenge'. I'm so glad that you decided to carry this story on - I was completely hooked!
Your characterisation of Ron is brilliant - from his temper tantrum, to his swearing, to his fears of inadequency. Ron's always been left out, in my opinion, and I think you portrayed this brilliantly by him recieving Scabbers off Percy - who had just recieved a new owl - and also your mention of having a hand-me-down wand as well (which of course was convieniently broken in the following book, meaning Ron got a wand of his own ;).)
The twins slightly mean humour came across very well; I love the back-story of the 'turn this stupid fat rat, yellow'. I also really liked how Ron was immediately remourseful. If there is one thing that is present throughout the entire series is that Ron acts on instinct - but then immediately feels guilty. You showed this really well!
One of my favourite parts was how aware Ron is of his money situation and how Harry wouldn't want to be his friend - not because of who he is, but because Harry has an expensive owl. It shows so much about his character and his future decisions. I also liked how he was certain that he would be a Hufflepuff - in my head Ron's loyalty would have been a key factor in his sorting and it wouldn't suprise me if the hat was indecisive. :P
Overall, a fantastic entry and hopefully the results will be up soon! Keira :)
P.S. I've just had a sudden brainwave - I can't believe I forgot! I never did the changes for that banner, did I? I'm so sorry - I'll get right on it (if you still want it) - if not then feel free to reequest on TDA :)Author's Response: Keira! Thank you for giving this story 3rd place in the Challenge. As I said, I really enjoyed writing it so thanks for the inspiration!
Really glad you enjoyed the second chapter, and thank you so much for reviewing it so thoroughly. Sorry this response is a bit short, my brain is frazzled today. Speaking of which- your brainwave! I sort of thought you'd decided not to do the banner which is why I didn't contact you about it again, I didn't want to bother you! I'm currently unsure about a banner for that story. I've been umming and aahing about what I want on it! But please do whip something up if you're feeling inspired :)
Athene Xo Report Review
I'm just popping in to review your entry for the 'Ronald Weasley Challenge'. As you know, the idea behind the challenge is to take an event and give reasons for Ron's behaviour - to make the reader connect with him in a way they didn't before. I think you did a great job of achieving this!
I really liked your description of the after-affects of apparation. It's never gone easy for Ron (bless him) and I think the descriptions of him being weaker really tie in with his physical state of living on very little food and travelling long distances.
Fleur's reaction seemed to be a normal respone if you were living in a warzone with one of the biggest blood traitors - I liked how Bill didn't immediately run to his brother's aid. His characterisation was great!
Ron's language seemed very in tune with his character - you don't shy away from using slang or crude language which is very Ron! ;) I also like how he immediately classed himself as a coward - Ron is always thinking negatively on himself when it's often not true! :)
The relationship between Ron and Bill is great - Bill acting out the 'wise older brother' role.
"If this war was going to teach him anything it was that forgiveness is a strength as much as redemption is."
^ Love that line!
Anyway, a great entry and the results will hopefully be up soon! Keira :) Report Review
I don't think I can say how much I enjoyed this story! I was just popping in to read your entry for the 'Ronald Weasley Challenge'.
I love how it started with 'Babbity Rabbity' and Ron being read a bedtime story - it seemed such a realistic routine that you can imagine Molly fulfilling. The idea of Arthur deciding to tell Ron about Harry Potter as a bedtime story is brilliant; and I loved how Molly scolded him immediately. The characterisation of both of them was spot on! It really was a fantastic first chapter!
I think you've left a great age gap between each chapter; you can clearly see Ron developing but still remaining as part of the character we all know and love.
At first I thought Fred and George were bullying Ron, as is to often portrayed on HPFF, but I really liked how instead they were playing with him. Especially playing 'Harry Potter beats You-Know-Who'; the way Ron is shown in PS (or SS), it's obvious that HP has been a part of Ron's childhood. You showed this brilliantly!
The idea of Ron wanting a twin to play with, and offering to share his room with Harry is so cute! I've always thought Ron would feel left out; his options being Percy and Ginny. Molly handled the situation in true Molly character! Your characterisation really is spot on! :)
I think my favourite part of your story is the relationship between the twins and ron; it's often portrayed as them picking on Ron (which.. is true) but you've also clearly shown the brotherly bond that's also shown in the series.
I really loved this and would love to read more! Are you planning on carrying on? Hopefully the results will be up soon (I've just got to review every entry first! :P). Keira :)Author's Response: Thank you so much for reading and reviewing! I just loved your challenge (especially since I love writing Ron and really hate when people turn him into a terrible person in fanfics). I'm so excited to get second place! Thank you so much! :D
I'm really glad that you liked the family dynamics and thought that they fit in well with what we know of the Weasleys. I just love that family, so I try really hard to keep them as close to canon as I can.
The twins are constantly pranking and teasing everyone, but they are never really cruel (with the exception of Umbridge and probably the Slytherins...). I very much see them having the typical "No one messes with our brother but us" mentality. They can be really good brothers when necessary.
I am hoping to continue this with missing moments scattered throughout the seven books, but I'm having a hard time narrowing down what to write and figuring out how to go about it. Plus, that means that it'll soon leave the realm of cutesy little Ron, which is a shame, because he was so much fun to write :P
Thanks again for your challenge and for leaving such a lovely review! Report Review
Awh this is so cute! I'm just popping in to read your entry for the 'Ronald Weasley Challenge'. As you know the challenge aim was to portray Ron Weasley in a different light to how he is normally seen.
I really liked how you showed Ron performing his first magic - the idea that his first was connected to food is so Ron! Then with his teddies spinning round the room in the middle of the night was such a childish thing to do that it really related to his age!
Molly and Arthur portrayed a great family atmosphere which is always present in the books. I like how Molly immediately assumed that the noise was the twins. Your characterisation of all the Weasleys was very good - I like how Charlie was playing with the twins - he must be pretty lonely without Bill around!
A great entry, hopefully the results will be up soon! Keira :)Author's Response: Thank you :D
Cant wait to find out the results :) Report Review
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