Reading Reviews From Member: Beeezie
414 Reviews Found

Review #26, by BeeezieDiamonds into Coal: Reflection

15th July 2013:
There was so much I loved about this chapter.

At this point, you probably know me well enough to know that I can be a bit obsessed with intricate backstories and histories, so the beginning of this chapter made me really, really happy. The mention of Gryffindor's son being killed by Norman armies was really exciting for me, because it's real history integrated into the wizarding world in a way that makes total sense and then commence flailing.

And I loved the way you briefly touched on Hogwarts when it was first founded. The growing pains you describe were really interesting - I'm not totally sure, but it seemed like the implication was that at this point there weren't even Houses? (I could be misreading that.) Either way, it was lovely, and I liked the fact that you acknowledged that yes, they were at Hogwarts at the same time - I'd have wondered, otherwise.

I also loved Helena's reaction to Venn - it felt very realistic. She's clearly well on her way to infatuation, and I liked the mention about halfway through of her playing along despite not like his arrogant tone. That felt significant to me on a couple levels, and I'm curious to see how her feelings evolve. (And what he made of the dinner!)


Author's Response: Hey, you liked my details! That's lovely :) Just think, Gryffindor's son could have made a more appropriate mate for Helena--if only, if only.

Ugh, when I put it like that, it's like I don't ship Venn/Helena. But I do, I so do. Even knowing their ending, they still break me up.


Yeah, I guess there weren't formal Houses yet in my version. I think for some students, like Venn and Helena, it was sort of obvious which Founder each of them took after the most. Maybe that wasn't the case for all of them.

It's great that you're having fun watching Helena react to Venn as he reacts to her, too :)

Thanks for your sweet review!


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Review #27, by BeeezieDiamonds into Coal: Vanity

15th July 2013:
Oh god, I loved this.

You did such a great job with Venn's skepticism at first, and I think his personality and attitudes concerning romance became very, very clear in this chapter. Between his descriptions of the various girls he'd been briefly entertained by in the past and his sentiment that Helena doesn't need to be kind, just glorious, I can see how he would be the sort of person to latch on and just not let go. From this point, I wouldn't necessarily guess the ending of their story if I didn't know it, but I will predict that his views on relationships will be pretty unhealthy, and that he'll probably fluctuate between idolizing her and resenting her (or some other negative emotion).

Or maybe I'm just way off base.

Either way, I loved the chapter, especially his reaction when he first sees Helena. Despite everything, I thought it was pretty sweet.

Great job!


Author's Response: Venn, I think, is really in love with an idea. He and Helena sort of have that in common, I guess. Helena reminds me a little of Sansa Stark in that she's attached to this idealized world of knights and charming princes and pretty clothes. Venn views marriage as a stepping stone to what he really wants: his father's title and all that he stands to inherit. It's cool to hear that you wouldn't necessarily predict an unhappy ending for them yet but could see foreshadowing of some pretty unhealthy attitudes, at least on Venn's part.

Thanks for your very sweet review!


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Review #28, by BeeezieDiamonds into Coal: Of Wit and Learning

15th July 2013:
Again, this was absolutely amazing. You continue to capture the time period, and I really enjoyed your characterization of Helena. She clearly has her priorities and is very single-minded, but she didn't come off as an overt rebel, which would have been a harder sell for the era, IMO. She's done very well.

My only real issue was that you occasionally talked about her body parts as if they were independent actors, which felt a bit strange. For example, at the beginning, when she was searching through the books, you wrote "the hand that wasn't assisting her in the search" - it almost came off as if her hand was not attached to her body. I noticed a couple other instances of this in other chapters, too, so I thought I'd mention it. Otherwise, your prose is lovely, as is the story thus far.


Author's Response: I agree that it would have been weird to depict Helena as this totally headstrong young woman with zero concern for societal expectations. She's a noblewoman and her family is famous and I think she understands all that comes with that, even if she doesn't like it most of the time. However, I definitely couldn't imagine her just taking all of it, either, so I tried to strike some kind of realistic balance between the two extremes.

Yeah, I can see how that would sound a little weird. I haven't looked at this chapter in a long time, but I'll have to go back and make some edits here and there now that the story is finally going to be completed.

Thanks for your lovely review!


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Review #29, by BeeezieDiamonds into Coal: A Birthday Feast

15th July 2013:

This was really, really interesting! I'm not sure if it was just so long ago that I read the first chapter of this story that I don't remember, or if you didn't mention Venn's specific background before this point. (Maybe both?) I was a bit surprised when Salazar showed up, but then I realized that I was being ridiculous - of course Salazar and the Bloody Baron (which I'm assuming Venn is) were contemporaries, because they both clearly interacted with Helena.


I really, really liked this. I felt like you really captured the era - this definitely felt old-fashioned. It wasn't just the way they spoke to each other - though there was that, too - it was also his family's focus on finding him a bride. I'm also intrigued by the idea that he doesn't want one, though I think it fits with the baron's personality as we know it. He was obsessed with Helena. Maybe that's why.

I did think that the 25 years old to inherit thing was a bit odd, but after reading your author's note, I can see why you chose to do it, and I can suspend my disbelief in any case.


Author's Response: Branwen :) I'm legitimately thrilled you're reading this again. Hope you are enjoying it!

The first chapter was more like a prologue, and it was set very far in the future, so you didn't really miss anything here. It's great that you felt like Salazar fit in okay as Venn's uncle.

Venn will go through a lot of personality shifts as the story goes on. He doesn't fully understand his own feelings about Helena and marriage and his future, and as you can imagine, he doesn't cope well with pressure. I chose to make the pair of them a bit older than average to avoid the super-young couple and arranged marriage cliche as much as possible. Don't worry, the age doesn't necessarily reflect the maturity for either of them.

Thanks for your awesome review :)


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Review #30, by BeeezieOver The Edge: Chapter Four: Mr. Brooks

15th July 2013:
Oh, dear.

I know Heart said he didn't want a sports writer, and he wanted someone to give Krum depth, but as a huge sports fan, the cynic in me could totally see what he was saying, and the sad part is that I can also see how it would play to people, especially he's an athlete. Stories about fallen athletes with substance abuse problems are a dime a dozen. Redemption stories are something everyone seems to like.

And, if it wasn't already clear that Heart was very bottom-line, get-the-story-at-all-costs, this definitely would have hammered it in. Sending Rose in unprepared like that was ridiculous, and I'm curious to see how she handles it.

And, of course, once again, you made a great choice in what you chose to reveal in the excerpt of Rose's book at the start of the chapter. But that's nothing new.

Lovely, lovely job.


Author's Response: I had to play around a lot with just why and how Rose would find herself in the position of writing Krum's book. It felt like she needed to go into it without any real bias, so making her a sports fan didn't feel like a good fit. But why else then would she be given the job? I'm glad Heart's reasoning felt sound. He wants to give Rose a chance at something big, but he also wants to maximize profits.

Thank you for the string of lovely reviews. I'm so tickled you picked to read a few chapters on this story for the House Cup! Thanks again!!

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Review #31, by BeeezieOver The Edge: Chapter Three: Albus Potter

15th July 2013:
Yeah, again, I loved the excerpt at the beginning of the chapter. It's nice to get the backstory bit by bit like this - as I said last review, it's a great way to give the reader (or at least, this reader) relevant information that doesn't readily fit into the narrative in a graceful way.

I really enjoyed the interaction between Rose and Albus this chapter. (Well, I'd better have, since it was most of the chapter!) I felt like I got to see more of Rose's personality than I had when she was at work dealing with her boss's rantings and ravings, and again, you worked some interesting information about her life in quite nicely. Maybe Albus is right that she's no fun anymore or maybe he's not, but the perception does say something about her character, and this chapter really started making me wonder along with Krum who had gone over the edge in this affair.

(Maybe both? That's usually the right answer.)


Author's Response: Isn't writing backstory the worst?! It's so true about having to try and insert it in graceful way!

I'm glad you enjoyed the Rose/Albus bits. Al turned out to be a more important character than I anticipated. He doesn't really influence the plot, but he has a way of holding a mirror up to Rose and making her take a look at herself and her life.

And I think both is the right answer! At least that's what I hope readers walk away with by the end.

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Review #32, by BeeezieOver The Edge: Chapter Two: Joseph Heart

15th July 2013:
I loved the excerpt from her book that you had at the beginning, for two reasons. First, it gives us some important backstory on what happened to Krum after DH in an elegant, natural way. Now I feel like I understand the bitterness last chapter better than I did - or at least, now I'm attributing it to something different. Second, the implication of that excerpt being from chapter one seems to me to be that the book is largely about Krum as an adult, not Krum's entire life, which is really, really interesting.

I also loved the first glimpse we got of Rose and her boss. He was so fast-paced and difficult, and it's interesting to see her handle him. It makes me wonder whether she'll be able to handle Krum in the same way...

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked the book excerpt. I really toyed with how I wanted to unroll his backstory, and this felt like a good compromise: small snippets that give the reader just enough details to fill in the blanks themselves. I hadn't really thought about the fact that I skip over so much of his younger years, but looking back, I always wanted this story to be Rose's journey, so I guess I subconsciously chose to have him near the end of his "growing pains."

I'm glad you liked Rose's boss too! He's a fun character to write in that he's so outwardly abrasive but actually good-intentioned at heart.

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Review #33, by BeeezieOver The Edge: Chapter One: Prologue: The Man In The Suit

15th July 2013:
I really love what you've done here. We know so very little about Krum, other than that he was a relatively decent sort of guy who liked Hermione and got a lot of glory when he was still very, very young.

But that's enough, I think, to make this work and to make it plausible. It's not shocking that someone exposed to so much fame so soon would end up getting swallowed by it. The bitterness and distress I can see in him fits so well with that backstory, and I'm really intrigued to read on.


Author's Response: Thank you, Beeezie! The fact that we know enough about Krum to give him an interesting backstory but not enough to have to obsessively worry about keeping him in-character all the time is one of my favorite parts about writing him.

I'm glad the set-up feels believable. A lot of people can handle fame well, but I think being exposed to it so relatively young increased the risk of sending him down a bad path.

Thanks for the review!

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Review #34, by BeeezieThe Steps to Insanity : Lesson One: Honor Thy Name

15th July 2013:
Please make this into a podcast as soon as you get the chance, because it was amazing.

I don't think I've ever read a story that started with Bellatrix as a young girl, but I love the way you pulled it off here. There's a lovely mix of you showing how her environment helped shape the person that she became and a glimpse at some underlying brutality, even at that young age. The fact that the newspaper article at the end made her smile makes me shudder, personally. The eagerness to please her father and her faith in him kind of reminded me of the way we see her regard Voldemort in the books, which I find really, really interesting.

Amazing job, Jami. Really.

Author's Response: Ugh I've been chickening out on podcasting this one pretty severely. There's so much dialogue and I have yet to try that. But I really do need to get myself into gear. Maybe this weekend!

Her devotion to Voldemort is something I absolutely see as being passed on from her feelings of never being able to please her father. I don't think she was ever a good person made bad by environments. I think she was always going to be a messed up person, but that her environment didn't help ease that at all.

Thank you again for all the amazing reviews you've left! It was so great to see what you thought about these stories, and I'm really excited you liked them ♥

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Review #35, by BeeezieThe Steps to Insanity : Prologue

15th July 2013:
(I feel bad that my reviews for you lately have been very rushed - it's just that I see the opportunity to leave them so I am, even if they're not excellent, because I'm still reading your work.)

Yeah. It's interesting reading this, because I actually listened to the podcast version first, so as I was reading along, I actually started to hear your voice in my head narrating it. Having read it all on its own, I stand by what I said (I think) in my review on HPPC - you definitely made the most of this as you read it.

At any rate. Second person is hard to do, IMO, but you pulled it off magnificently here. You gave this prologue a really, really creepy vibe (with a dash of crazy), and you also portrayed Bellatrix in a way that I found compelling and convincing. I especially loved the last four paragraphs - they just sum up her personality and her life so well. "The husband who you've more than outgrown," indeed. I loved that line.

Loved it.


Author's Response: Hi again! Hahah I love any reviews from you, rushed included! And I know what you mean about having to take the opportunity when you get it!

I usually save second person for those times I want to write something, but don't want to focus on the plot so much as the character. It just seems easier in 2nd PoV to blur things together and get away with not making anything clear... haha!

I loved your review for this on HPPC and am so happy that reading it alone worked well, too! It was a really fun story to podcast because of the extreme sort of emotions our lovely Bellatrix feels :P.

Thank you for another awesome review!

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Review #36, by BeeezieThe Joker and Her: Epilogue

15th July 2013:
Yeah, this cliffhanger? Not nice. Not nice at all.

Which really makes it the perfect way to end the story, especially since you got the sequel up and posted pretty quickly. (I cannot wait to see how that goes.) The fact that you ended the story this way actually makes me appreciate the last chapter even more than I already did, because it really was the end of Brienne's story for this book. I wasn't really sure what the epilogue would entail, but I liked it a lot! It was very intriguing, and left a lot of unanswered questions for me in a way that makes me hungry to get into the sequel!

The one suggestion I would make is that I think you could go through and tighten up the description a bit. There were a few points where I wasn't really sure who was speaking, and I would have liked to get a bit of a better image in my mind of the setting. Overall, though, excellent job!


Author's Response: Hi! Wow, I woke up to a deluge of reviews from my favourite reviewers, so I'm super happy right now!

I'm really glad you liked this and didn't think it was super overdramatic. Thank you for the tip, I will go through it and try to tighten it up if I can :)

Thank you very much!

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Review #37, by BeeezieThe Birds and the Bees: The Birds and the Bees

14th July 2013:
We still have a few pre-2009 stories to review before moving on, so I thought that I should check out our HoH's page. It seemed fitting.

I am so glad I did. I laughed through this entire story, and enjoyed it so much that I added it to my favorites before writing the review.

The image of the Weasley boys trailing after Arthur like little ducklings when all he wanted to do was give Bill the dreaded talk was both hilarious and really believable, and I thought that you showed age-appropriate reactions for all of them. (Yes, Bill, they don't like it when you throw dungbombs at them, you're absolutely right!)

And, in Percy's case, you showed a very Percy-like reaction to what he was hearing. Of course Percy would have found a book and read it, and of course Percy would start explaining it to his brothers. That's just so very Percy. (I loved Arthur's comment to Molly at the end regarding Percy, too - genius.)

This was so good. I loved it.

Now I want to write one of these. Maybe after the House Cup I'll try my hand at it...

Author's Response: Aw thanks! I'm glad you stopped by :)

Poor Arthur, he really is inept at this. He just plows right on knowing that he's not handling it well, and then gets hijacked by a precocious 7 year old. XD Poor guy. And poor Bill and Charlie, the only two really old enough to understand everything, they're so embarrassed. And Percy who understands all the concepts but doesn't really *get it*, you know? He's just too young. haha... Arthur does love to crack an inappropriate joke ;)

Thank you so much for the review! You should definitely write a birds and the bees talk - it's really fun to show it all going downhill.

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Review #38, by BeeezieSoul Set Aflame : Chapter 1

14th July 2013:
Oh dear, Jami. Why did I have the bright idea of reading one of your stories for this review event, again? This was brutal.

... And amazing. Oh my god. So amazing. Please make a storycast of it if you haven't already so I can go and listen to it. Multiple times.

Okay. What did I love?

I loved that you chose to tell a FWW fic from a house-elf's perspective. All the ancient wizarding families seemed to have them, and house-elfs seem to dislike pain and torture and other sad things, so it's a really interesting choice that you had a lot of room to do something great with.

And you did. Oh my god.

You captured how frightening and evil the Death Eaters were, both with the beginning of the story and, maybe even more so, with Tully's continued thinking that she didn't want to see another child die. And Bellatrix wrapped it all up quite nicely with her threats, which are definitely not 12+ so I won't repeat them here.

And I loved that you integrated James and Sirius in it. You captured them both beautifully, I thought - that mix of earnestness and slight sense of humor no matter what the situation was perfect.

So much love right now. Wow.

Author's Response: Hi, Branwen! I was so excited to see you here!

I didn't think about making a story cast out of this one... but it might actually work well! Thank you for the suggestion!

I wanted something different than the usual first war horrors. I mean, J and L death and Alice and Franks torture are absolutely terrible, but they're done a lot so I wanted to try and find a different way to show it. Using someone who has to be involved regardless of their opinions felt like a solid idea!

I'm so excited that the feelings all came across, and that you liked he bit of humor James and Sirius brought. I thought it would feel out of place to some people, so it's a relief knowing you enjoyed it!

Thank you for this awesome review ♥

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Review #39, by Beeeziead memoriam: ad memoriam

14th July 2013:
Okay, I can now officially say that you write an excellent Minerva McGonagall. I hadn't read this one before, but if anything, I think I might like it better than Sharing Fire.

There was just so much in this that brought it to life for me. I loved the way you integrated the historical context of Minerva's life when she was a young girl - her brother dying in France in the war, for example, just feels so real to me and rooted in the time period this was supposed to be set in.

But you also included more personal struggles, and I really loved that. In this (as in Sharing Fire), you make me look at Minerva in a completely different light. I mean, it makes sense that she'd have lovers, and the miscarriage is such a plausible thing to have had happen. It was also completely heartbreaking, and as I read I found myself thinking about how her experiences with Grimm could have affected her personality in the books.

Your writing in this was also lovely and haunting, as always. Beautiful job.

Author's Response: *blushes* Thank you VERY much! It's wonderful to hear such a compliment!

This story does contain a more carefully drawn out portrayal of Minerva, one that I'd been working on for a longer period of time - it's also closer to canon. I'm really glad that you like the details of Minerva's backstory - the death of her brother during the war gives her a different perspective on death and war from a young age, and I saw this as having a major affect on how she works through both the first and second wizarding wars. It's even better to hear that her personal experiences tie in well with her personality in the books - that was what I really wanted to do with these stories, and it means a lot to hear that it worked. ^_^

Thank you again! It's fantastic to see that you enjoyed this story!

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Review #40, by BeeezieGreen and Silver Bells: Green and Silver Bells

14th July 2013:
Oh, god. Usually, stories about the Malfoys are either deeply dark and depressing or parodies, but you walked the line here very nicely. There were many humorous bits - Dobby's bells, for example, and Lucius's thoughts about how there was only so much an ex-Death Eater could take - but you didn't turn him into a caricature: the impulse to Crucio Dobby in particular was really unsettling, though also completely in keeping with his character.

I also liked the obvious affection and attraction Lucius clearly felt toward Narcissa - a lot of fics make him out to be this uniformly cold guy, but that always seemed a bit unrealistic to me. Just because he's like that to Harry and co. doesn't mean he's like that to everyone. Showing them doing run-of-the-mill couple things - in this case, Lucius getting Draco so Narcissa could sleep - was really refreshing.

Great job! :)

Author's Response: It's scary because you're right - it is hard to find a Malfoy comedy, yet for all the dark associations the family has, they have great comic potential (maybe like the Addams Family?). And any family actually trying to live with Dobby would be in constant threat of utter chaos. XD But like you've mentioned, there are darker hints in this story to remind one of Lucius's "job" as a Death Eater.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed this little story - it was a lot more fun to write than I ever expected, and it was also great to have the opportunity to write about this family, characters I wouldn't have normally thought of writing before.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing! ^_^

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Review #41, by BeeezieSharing Fire: Sharing Fire

14th July 2013:
(It's still Violet day for me.)

I read this ages and ages ago for something - maybe a duel on TGS? - but I clearly didn't review it then, so I'm taking the chance to now.

This was such a great one-shot. You have this talent for taking characters and ships I thought I had all sorted out and making me look at them in a completely different way. In this case, I can sort of see Voldemort acting like this, but this makes me look at Minerva really differently.

It makes sense, of course - she was so much younger here than when we meet her, and of course she couldn't have always been the stern disciplinarian we always saw from Harry's pov. I can see a shadow of the McGonagall we knew in the Minerva here, though, mostly in her strength. That's not to say that she's not hurt - of course she is, she's crying - but I could see that raw backbone that always made her so compelling as a character.

For what emotion could a man without a soul express? -> This is one of the best lines of the story. It sums up Voldemort so well.

And, of course, as always, your writing is simply breathtaking all on its own.

Author's Response: Thank you for popping in to review this story too! It's one of the few older ones that I'm still proud of, so it means a lot to hear that you admired it. :D

You're right that this McGonagall is different - she's not like the other portrayals of her that I've written. There's something far more naive about her, though her Gryffindor side shows when she takes the risk of walking off with Voldemort - she recognizes that he's dangerous, but a streak of recklessness takes hold. Perhaps the more authoritarian nature emerged as a result of this moment.

And I'm very glad that you liked that line. :D It reflects what Voldemort becomes, a shadow who can only experience hatred and rage.

Thank you again!

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Review #42, by BeeezieNew Destinations : Australia

14th July 2013:
Oh, god. This made me want to cry.

I do want to take a moment to mention that the way you formatted your dialogue toward the beginning seemed a little off to me - "grins" isn't a dialogue tag, so "Jean grins" should follow a period, not a comma - and I don't believe it's proper to end sentences in a comma unless you have a dialogue tag, period. (At least, I've never seen it.)

Okay. Anyway.

I really loved this. It took me a moment to realize exactly who the main characters of this story were, but once I did, I knew you would do them justice, and you did. I especially liked the way you depicted Hermione's mother reaction to the memory charm - it's a really interesting look at it, especially since none of the major characters had their memories wiped in the books (that I recall, anyway). I also loved the way you described Australia - it really did the travel theme justice. I felt like I was there.

This was so nicely done, and I wish I had time to wax poetic, but you're a Claw and you understand our time crunch. ♥


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Review #43, by BeeezieEnough: Enough

14th July 2013:
(Still yay excuse to review Violet!)

I'm actually usually not a big fan of Snape - he's one of my least favorite characters in the books, and I dislike Lily/Snape with a passion - so I almost skipped over this. But, it's reasonable short, and you wrote it, and it's a pretty banner, so I took a chance.

And I'm glad I did, because to my surprise, I really liked it.

I think what I loved was that you didn't make excuses for Snape, but you didn't vilify him, either. I felt like you portrayed him as just a person - one who had made mistakes and was paying for them and had his fair share of regrets. It felt very real and raw to me, which is what I think appealed to me so much about it.

I also really liked the memories you chose to show - in particular, I like Snape telling Lily about the curse on Voldemort's name. I like it because it implies that he'd done it before DH, which would help explain why no one wanted to say his name after he disappeared, and I like it because it shows that even after the incident by the lake they didn't just part ways and never ever even speak again.

This was lovely. Again, apologies about the poor review.

Author's Response: It's strange because I love Snape as a character because he's so messed up... it's actually a bit of a problem of mine. There was a time when I did romanticize him, and I supported him even after HBP, but the way that JKR developed his character in DH left me ambivalent. I like his backstory at the same time that I'm wary of how much it tries to show that he did everything out of love for Lily. That's not enough for me - if it was instead because, like Regulus, he saw the wrong in Voldemort's doings, then I would have been more satisfied.

However, the scenes in DH did inspire me to write about them and try to better understand what JKR was doing with Snape's characterization. The memories Snape gives Harry are so limited in perspective - we never actually see inside of Snape's head to gauge whether, with age and experience, he had come to regret his actions and come to grips with the kind of love he felt for Lily - a worshipping sort, tainted by selfishness and his desperation for someone to love him (not necessarily for him to return that affection).

I'm really glad that you liked that first flashback when Snape tells Lily about Voldemort's name. What's so important about it, at least to me, is that Snape approaches Lily as a concerned friend. He wants to protect her, but his information also protects the whole Order - it ends up mirroring Snape's actions later on, when he protects Harry, not for his own sake, but because of Lily. But all the same, it shows that Snape can't perform a truly good deed because it will always be framed by his desire to keep Lily alive. It's such a weird relationship, and I think that's why I like writing about it (why write about happy romance when you could have fun with really messed up ones?). *hides*

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing this story! It means a lot that you liked it because it's neither your character nor your ship, but you still found something appealing in it. That alone is a brilliant compliment! ^_^

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Review #44, by BeeezieAmoretti: Amoretti

14th July 2013:
Ha. When I saw that we had to read stories written prior to 2009, I immediately said, "Violet!" and then found your profile and started scanning for stories. Every time I read something of yours I love it, but I don't have enough time to read as much as I wish I could.


I really, really liked this story. The writing was a little less awe-inspiring than I'm used to seeing from you, but that makes sense, really - this is a much older story than the others I've read! Even so, your grammar was flawless, your descriptions were great - I could so see Lily flipping the pages irritably in my mind - and it flowed beautifully. I think that in a lot of ways this is exactly what a one-shot should be - it's a cute little snapshot that I, as a reader, can insert into the story I know from the books. This was a great, believable concept, and I think you captured James perfectly.

Great job!

(This is a very lame review. Sorry. You're a Puff, you understand, you guys have been in the same boat as us lately.)


Author's Response: A review from you can never be lame! It was a fantastic surprise to see you reviewing my stories and I'm really glad that you enjoyed them too. :D

You're right that this story has less punch to it. I was trying to write something normal and cute, and as you can see, neither of these is in my area. I'm glad that you still liked the descriptions - I remember enjoying writing the parts where Lily flips the pages while James is talking, obviously trying to ignore him (and probably succeeding too!). James is always fun to write in the first person, though I haven't been able to do it for a while now...

Before I ponder on into oblivion, thank you again for reading and reviewing! It's been great to hear from you! ^_^

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Review #45, by BeeezieA Picnic to Remember : The Surprise

13th July 2013:
This was really cute! I usually don't like Teddy/Dominique stories, but you did a really nice job with this.

I think what I liked most is that you gave a clear progression of events that led from his presumed relationship with Victoire in the epilogue to him starting a relationship with Dominique in this. There wasn't a melodramatic element to at all, both because Victoire broke up with him and because it happened such a long time ago, and I liked the way you mentioned that his friendship with Dominique had built up over time before he developed feelings for her.

My only major complaint was with the travel itself. The process of getting to the island was great - I loved the back and forth between Teddy and Dominique, as well as how much she clearly hated having her eyes covered. However, once they got there, it felt a bit anticlimactic in terms of the destination (though not, obviously, the plot - what happened between the two of them there was absolutely adorable).

I mean, you did describe the scenery when they first arrived, but after that you didn't really go into detail about their surroundings again (other than mentioning the sand at one point), and, especially since the prompt was about travel, I would have liked to see a little more of that. Not much, because you do have a fair amount of it already - just a bit, you know?

Other than that, though, this was a lovely little fic, and I really enjoyed it! :) Great job!

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks for reading and reviewing. I am glad you found this cute even though you're not into Teddy/Dominique.

I am pleased you liked my not including any melodramatic element between Teddy/Dom/Vic. I just wanted to keep this drama-free, and figured if Vic & Teddy broke up years ago, it wouldn't be so weird if Teddy & Dom got together now. I am glad you liked the way I showed things.

I am pleased you liked the process of getting to the island. I am sorry if it wasn't anticlimactic for you as I was focusing more on the moment between the two rather than the place but maybe when I edit I can include more description and stuff and try to make the place more important as well.

Thanks a lot for all your comments and suggestions. I'll surely consider them. Thank you!

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Review #46, by BeeezieAnywhere but Here: Anywhere but Here

13th July 2013:
As soon as I saw this, I knew I needed to read it. First, because you wrote it, and whatever you said in your A/N, I am typically pretty impressed with what you write. Second, because it's about Lavender, and I find fics about Lavender to be really interesting in general.

I do understand what you mean when you say it felt rushed - there are definitely points that feel a bit less polished from what I usually see from you, I agree. There were a lot of little grammatical things that I haven't seen in your more recent things that I've read (which were, admittedly, awhile ago), and there were occasionally adjectives that didn't quite fit right. I also did feel like the end was a bit rushed - I would have liked something a bit less definitive than "I was going to be fine," you know?

At the same time, I think you might be underselling yourself. Overall, your writing was lovely and the details you provided painted a very vivid picture of what Lavender was thinking about. I also liked that you leaned on them so heavily to help describe her emotional state - it definitely illustrated how helpless she felt.

Honestly, though, I think the thing that impressed me most was how you created such a strong, plausible post-war voice overall for Lavender in this story, which is something I always love to see and also always admire in a writer. She's a character with a lot of hidden depths, I think, and you really took them on and did something with them.

The friendship between Lavender and Parvati was also lovely to see, and I think you did a terrific job with it. They were clearly very close in the books, but I don't think it gets explored very often in fics because neither of them is an especially popular character. However, especially when you're talking about recovery from the sort of trauma Lavender experienced, it makes perfect sense that she would need a friend to help pull her through it.

Again, I do see what you mean, and I do think that there are a couple parts you could improve a bit, which I already noted above. Still, though, this was a lovely story, and I think you did a great job with it.

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hey Branwen,

I do agree with you, i wrote this in a rush and i know it can get tightened up a bit. Especially grammatically.

I'm a little shocked that you like Lavender stories because it seems that most people don't really like her as a character. I do enjoy her and I think she acts in very normal teenagerish ways so there isn't really a base for how much some people dislike her. To be honest, many teenage girls can be a little overbearing with first boyfriends. I think i like her best post war though because there is a lot to explore. Also, if you think about it, she was part of the DA, she stayed to fight - there is a lot of depth, as you say, in her character that she doesn't get credit for.

The end, 'i was going to be fine' doesn't necessarily mean she's going to be fine. In her eyes she's going to be 'fine' but the only reason she thinks that is because she's escaping into her fantasies again. She's "in" China and not having to deal with the reality of her depression, the reality of her post war self. Her mode of survival is escaping. It's being in another place so she can live to be the person she believes she is. It's a bit of an irony that she says she'll be fine because she is anything but that and will not be fine till she learns to try to cope with reality. But I think I do understand where you are coming from with wanting something that's sort of less clear in a way.

Past all that though and the feeling of it being too rushed I'm pleased that you enjoyed the details and the writing itself. That's always such a compliment coming from you as i've always been a little in awe of how you write. I really like trying to develop a voice for my character and post war Lavender seemed perfect to get this story across. There is so much to explore with her and so many emotions that are underneath the surface that I can't imagine how hard it would be to deal with the after effects of war. The demons and the terror of thinking you could die from Fenrir.

Yah, i like how Parvati turned out in this story. She is trying to hard to be that rock for Lavender, she cares for her so much and needs Lavender to survive this. But she doesn't realize that she's a little out of her depth and that she's lost Lavender already. In a way too Parvati herself makes it hard for Lavender to grow because Parvati has seemingly gotten past the war. She still is 'perfect' in Lavender's eyes and she sees this gap between her and Parvati and instead of making her push to get better she falls even further.

Anyway, enough of my rambling. I'm really pleased that you enjoyed this and as soon as my holiday is over I'm going to go back and try to tighten this story up.

-zayne ;)

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Review #47, by BeeezieThe Muggle Experience: Who needs magic?

13th July 2013:
This was an interesting story.

Most of the fics I've read so far have focused on European countries, so it's a little refreshing to see one that jumps over to China, especially since that does include language barriers that don't exist in Europe. As soon as I saw "small southern province," I winced, because I could already foresee them literally not finding anyone who could speak English.

I also liked the conflict you showed them having, because it's very realistic. When you're lost in a strange place, especially when you don't speak the language, I think it's natural in a lot of ways to snap at the people you're with and see the predicament as their fault. However, the fact that they were able to move past it was also good, and fits with what know about Neville's character in particular, IMO.

That said, there were a couple things I thought you could have improved.

First, while I liked that you included the language difficulties, I would have liked to see more details about their experience in China in general. Language aside, there were points where it kind of felt like they could have been anywhere. It would have been nice to see more description that rooted them in China specifically.

Second, while you sort of acknowledged this in the fic, I still thought that their running off to China without doing any research was a little unrealistic, especially since Neville never really came across to me as foolhardy. I can't imagine either of them would have gone without even bringing their wands, especially given their experience with the war growing up, you know?

Otherwise, though, this was definitely a creative take on the prompt, and I liked that you took it somewhere most people didn't. Nice job. :)

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi and thanks for the review!!

I'm glad you found their interactions to be believable; it was fun to write, that's for sure!
The descriptive aspect of the story is definitly lacking, I couldn't agree more about that. I didn't have the time to go over this story longer because of the deadline but should I update the story, this is the one point I would work on.

As for the language point, while I agree with you, I will let you in a little secret : this kind of happened to me... When I went to China, we read books and prepared our trip for months but when we got there, surprise! The one thing the books had failed to tell us was that, all that was written in the books is useless because they don't even use the same written language!! So you have all the street names and Inn's names written in our alphabet but when you show the locals so that they will help you out, they can't read it!! You feel pretty dumb, that's for sure...

As for the wand thing, I completly agree with you and felt the same way but I felt it would be too easy if one of them could use magic and would solve their problem way too easily so that's why I chose to leave them behind. But, once again, I felt the same way and thought it was out of character considering what they'd gone through just years before, to go somewhere unprotected. It just didn't fit in the story.

Thanks for taking the time to review so nicely, I really appreciated your review!

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Review #48, by BeeezieThe Globetrotting Garden Gnome: The Globetrotting Garden Gnome

13th July 2013:
This is definitely one of the funnier House Cup story I've read so far. I couldn't help but smile at the very first sentence, and the smile didn't fade throughout the story.

I loved your choice to write about a non-human. You definitely used your imagination in how a gnome might think, and you gave him a really strong voice. The emphasis on how much he hated humans - other than Arthur, of course - was really funny but also pretty understandable, once I stopped to think about it for a minute. I also liked the fact that you portrayed Arthur as being so complicit in the gnomes' continued residence in the garden.

The fact that the gnome actually ended up in Italy with George and Angelina (I'm assuming) - and what's more, that he hated it - really made me giggle. That's certainly one thing that will convince you your home isn't so bad after all. :P

I did notice some grammatical errors here and there - mostly misplaced punctuation or similar things - but there weren't so many that it was really distracting. I'm not sure if they were just because of the time constraints around this or not, but either way, getting a beta to look over this quickly might be worth your time. :)

The only other issue I had was that there were times that I felt like you should have either been a little clearer in what was going on or should have cut the section out altogether. I get that you were trying to tell this from the gnome's perspective, and I appreciated that, but at the same time, it's not really worth it if it's just confusing to the readers, you know? The specific example that comes to mind is the girl who kidnapped his son - I'm assuming you're talking about Ginny, but that reference kind of lost me and left me feeling confused and didn't really add anything to the narrative for me.

Overall, though, great job. I really enjoyed the story! :)

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I am so glad that you found it funny. This is my first attempt at writing humour, so that makes me really happy!!! :)

Yeah, I can't imagine a gnome liking humans after how they're always being treated. I'm glad you agree :) And well, Arthur is just too kind to not care about them - also, I think he finds them quite funny - and feeding them will definitely make them want to stay, right? :)

Yeah, I am sure that this certain gnome will be very happy if he gets to stay in the Burrow for the rest of his life ;)

I'll take a second look at this and try to find errors. Thanks for pointing it out - English isn't my first language so I tend to miss out on it sometimes, so I really appreciate you mentioning it :D

I'm sorry to hear that you found that part confusing - yes, it was Ginny. I'll try to see if I can make it more clear somehow :)

I am so thrilled to hear that you enjoyed it. Thank you so very much for this review!!! :D

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Review #49, by BeeezieRÍve Voyager: RÍve Voyager

13th July 2013:
Oh, god, this was heartbreaking.

I opened a lot of stories in my browser at once and have just been going through them one by one, so I didn't initially remember who this was about. Once I got to the mention of Neville, though, I'd figured it out, and that was a good confirmation.

You interpreted travel in a different way than I think most people did, and I'm glad, because what you made from it was really terrific. I thought that you did a great job at capturing Alice's mind from several different perspectives, and I found the fact that you almost switched her dreaming and waking selves to be really interesting. Most of the time she spent awake is clearly spent in a fog, albeit a somewhat frustrated one - she's only barely aware of her former life, when she even remembers it at all. In her dreams, however, it's a completely different story, which I found fascinating.

Similarly, I really loved the way you explored her relationship with Frank both pre- and post-St. Mungo's. That's something I've actually always kind of wondered about - they were physically together, but they were so disconnected from reality that I've never really been sure how much they actually communicated or were even really aware of the other. You showed a shadow of what they used to have, which fit perfectly with the situation, IMO.

And, of course, the ending actually brought tears to my eyes. It was so heart-warming to see her manage that one word, but it was also very clear (or at least, it seemed this way to me!) that this was not a step toward recovery, not really - it was just one moment in time where she managed to get a bit of a grip on reality. Poor Neville.

I do have a couple suggestions, though.

First, while I loved that you actually depicted the beginning of the torture that ultimately drove Alice and Frank insane - it was a bold choice, but one that fit well with this story - I felt like you could have done a bit better with the dialogue around it.

Second, I felt like your description during her memories could have been a little stronger. Because there's clearly such a disconnect between awake-Alice and asleep-Alice, it would have been nice to see that reflected not only in her dialogue but also in her perception of the world as a whole.

Overall, though, this was a lovely, if heartbreaking, story. Excellent job.

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello!

I did that as well and it took me so long to figure out some stories out so I would open ANOTHER tab and work it out haha! So many tabs! D:

I'm glad you liked my interpretation of travel! It was one of the first things that popped in my mind!

I'm glad to hear that you thought it was fascinating! I really struggled writing this story so seeing all your lovely compliments makes me so happy! :)

I love the Frank/Alice pairing, so I'm glad that I've done it justice! :D

Aw, thank you so much. I absolutely loved writing those last few lines! :D

I'll take those tips on board when I revise it after I finish school! I don't have much time at the moment, but I will have some soon so I'll change things around after! Thanks for the tips!

Thank you for this lovely review!

- Kayla. :)

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Review #50, by BeeezieRoad Trip Down Memory Lane: The Trip

13th July 2013:
Huh. This was an interesting take on the prompt, and not one I've seen in any of the other stories. I wasn't quite sure where you were going with it, but I ended up being pleasantly surprised!

When I started reading and saw that the focus was on Hermione's loss of her father, I have to admit that I almost clicked the back button - I've already read a few fics that tugged at my heartstrings, and I wasn't sure if I could do another one. I'm glad I kept going, though, because that didn't turn out to be what this one was about at all.

You walked a very fine line between portraying real, sincere grief without letting the story itself end up being very sad, and I think you did an amazing job with it. Yes, I absolutely felt for Hermione, but the story didn't end up consuming me with sadness, because you also turned it into a real opportunity to show Ron and Hermione's relationship with each other and, to a lesser extent, their children, which was decidedly not depressing.

This was actually probably one of my favourite depictions of Ron and Hermione's relationship I've ever read. You didn't make Ron a different person - his repeated attempts to convince Hermione to let him drive come to mind - but you did show a different side of him, and I think that that's important, for two reasons.

First, people often act a bit differently around their significant others than they do around other people. Second, this is presumably set a good chunk of time after the war, and Ron has presumably grown up since then. It makes perfect sense to me that we'd see a bit of a different side to him when he's comforting his wife, and I really liked the way you extrapolated who he was in canon to who he might be later in such a realistic and enjoyable way.

My only suggestion is that I thought you could have included a bit more detail here and there, mostly in description. In the beginning, for example, when Ron comes home, I thought that their interaction would have been stronger if you'd added some more detail. As it was, I had a vague idea of it in my head, but that was it, and it was such a powerful scene that I would have liked to see more about what they were doing, not just how they were feeling. Ron wiping away her tears was a nice tough, and I would have liked a bit more of that sort of thing.

Overall, though, this was a lovely story, and I really enjoyed it. :)

House Cup 2013 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi Beeezie!

Thank you so much for this lovely, thoughtful review! And I'm sorry it has taken me such a ridiculous amount of time to respond to it!

I'm glad you thought this was a different take on the prompt, and that you were pleasantly surprised. To be honest, I wasn't sure where I was going when I wrote it... :P I just sat down with an idea and wrote the whole thing in one sitting!

Aww! I'm sorry that you'd already read so many heart-wrenching stories before you got to this one! Thank you for continuing to read, though; I'm glad it turned out different! I know how you feel... sometimes reading too much depressing stuff at one time can really get you down!

It was really important to me that this not be entirely sad. Yes, there had to be some sadness in it, but I wanted the overall mood to be different. And I'm glad it worked out that way, in your opinion!

Aww!! ♥ Yay for this being one of your favorite depictions of Ron/Hermione! Thank you so much! This was my first Romione ever, so I can't tell you how good it makes me feel to read that!

And I'm super-thrilled that you thought Ron was realistic and in-character. I wanted him to still be himself, while being a wonderful husband (because of the circumstances), and I'm glad that worked out and that you liked it so much!

I completely understand what you're saying; description is definitely something I need to work on in all of my fics. Thank you so much for the tip, I can't tell you how much I appreciate it!

Again, thank you SO MUCH! ♥

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