Reading Reviews From Member: Beeezie
697 Reviews Found

Review #26, by BeeezieAreopagitica: Prologue

1st August 2015:
Hey, here for the BvB review fest! Sorry I'm a little later than I meant to be - I got knocked out with a migraine. But I'm here now!

I really enjoyed this chapter - it was a great hook to draw me into the story. I'm not quite sure what's going on here or what the gifts are, but they're clearly enabling some anti-establishment activities, and I'm really intrigued to read more about what's going on. You definitely provided enough detail to get my brain spinning - are these similar to the galleons? Do they carry in information about the war from outside the castle? Are they some way to access Potterwatch? I need to know!

Beyond the very intriguing premise, though, I love the details you put into this. The depiction of the former DA members as being so tired and stressed is perfect, and you showed just enough of that to make the point without letting it take over the chapter in its own right. The little bit about Xenophilius wrapped the packages with such care and thinking about his wife was absolutely heartbreaking, and it actually really made me think about what we saw on him in DH and how frantic he was to get Luna back. I know that that's far beyond the purview of the story, at least for the moment, but the fact that you're really making me think about canon scenes in a new light is definitely a mark of your skill as a writer.

You did an amazing job with this, and I can't wait to read on!

Author's Response: Hello!

Sorry it's taken me so long to reply. I've been away/sick for a while :/

I'm really happy you liked the prologue. This is quite different from anything else I've written, so I'm glad you think it's good.

Thanks again for reading and reviewing!


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Review #27, by BeeezieMorningstar: Watching You Fall

30th July 2015:
Hey, here for the BvB review fest!

This is such a poignant way of making Remus/Sirius and Remus/Tonks both work. I really haven't seen anything that bridges the gap like this, and I loved it even more than I thought I would.

Because it makes sense. While there's obviously the temptation to think that Remus/Sirius pre-Azkaban could just pick back up after Sirius escapes Azkaban, it's really not that simple, and you do an amazing job of showing that here. Of course things have changed - neither of them is the same person they were, and Remus has had over a decade of interacting with the world that Sirius hasn't. It's not so shocking that he'd find someone else, and unfortunately, it also doesn't surprise me that his reaction to that would be to avoid the possible issues it might bring out in his friendship with Sirius rather than confront them. I feel like Remus often avoids rather than actively addresses when it comes to love.

And I loved the way you depicted Sirius throughout this - he was clearly in quite a lot of turmoil, but that his loyalty to his friend overwhelmed his own desires worked with everything we know about Sirius. He was fiercely, fiercely loyal - I don't think there was anything that would have convinced him to give up the Potters if he had been made their secret keeper. And he clearly carried some pretty significant scars from his time in Azkaban on top of that - that he'd put his feelings on the back burner rings so true.

The ending of this really broke my heart. You did an amazing job with it, though, and the ending was fitting - it was just heartbreaking as well.

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Review #28, by BeeezieEmotionally Constipated: the young and the clueless

30th July 2015:
Hey, here for the BvB review fest!

Wow. It's interesting to go straight from Bad Blood to this, because it's such a different tone. I loved this, too, though - it was such a cute take on Lily and James. Lily-as-oblivious-but-interested and James as interested-and-confused is a wonderful take on the beginning of their relationship - it captures a lot of the awkwardness that I think was probably there, but it makes it incredibly endearing rather than actively uncomfortable.

And there were a lot of details that just made this one-shot. I loved the way Peter snapped at them - I can totally understand the "... yeah, this is all very nice, but I'm trying to sleep here!" Sirius's advice was spot on - but I can totally sympathize with Lily, here, even moreso than James.

Because I've totally been that girl. Super embarrassing story here - when I was in college, I told an old friend from HS that I had a crush on him - and then totally brushed off his IMing me whenever I was online for awhile to chat and say, "Hey, do you want to do something?" as him just trying to stop me from feeling awkward about it all. In retrospect... um.

So I can totally see where Lily's coming from, and I can also see Dorcas's response being "Oh my god, shoe-meet-head please, what is wrong with you?" At least Lily made it right pretty quickly after that - I feel like if she'd given herself enough time to process what happened, she might have been overwhelmed with embarrassment!

I did notice a couple typos - the "James" after "You think that'll work?" should have been capitalized, but it wasn't. You also switched to present tense a couple times - e.g., Now she finds out she could've...

Those are minor, though, and this was adorable.


Yeah, this and Bad Blood are kind of complete opposites of each other so it can be a little surprising if you go directly from one to the other.

I love for Lily and James, I cannot count the amount of nights that I've spent hours just reading fic on them and I've wanted to write something portraying James as dorky and nervous for a while so I'm so happy to hear that I pulled it off.

I didn't want to forget Peter, he gets forgotten a lot so I made an active effort to include him as much as I could. I would've been the same as you in the situation, it's easy to spot when someone likes someone else but I'm completely oblivious if it's ever directed at me.

If I remember, I'll definitely go back and fix those typos, thank you for pointing it out and thanks for leaving a review!

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Review #29, by BeeezieBad Blood: (don't) forgive and forget

30th July 2015:
Hey, I'm here for the BvB review fest! I meant to review when I stopped by to read this a few weeks ago, but I must have gotten distracted. I'm glad I remembered to come back, because I love this story.

I'm not a Snape fan. I don't like Snape - I think he's pretty much a jerk, and that his being a selfish bad friend dates back much further than actually calling Lily a Mudblood. The way you approached the aftermath of that incident here lines up pretty perfectly with my own headcanon for what happened that day; I found it completely and totally believable.

Your handling of Lily's emotions throughout the one-shot was wonderful - you gave them the full scope and complexity that I think the situation warranted. Her wanting to avoid people because she (probably accurately) thought that they'd say "I told you so" was perfect, and her processing that it had hurt even though he did call everyone else that - as well as really thinking about what that meant - rang so true to me.

But it wasn't easy for her to let go, and as much as I really dislike Snape, I liked that, too. They'd been friends for years, and he'd been her first glimpse into the wizarding world - that's hard to let go of, particularly since everything we know about Lily from canon paints her as a kind, empathetic sort of person. Both of those things working together would definitely make her want to forgive him for the slip up.

It seemed pretty clear, though, that Lily's take was right - Snape wasn't sorry enough to not keep making the same mistakes. He was more sorry that he'd gotten caught out at them. It was so gratifying to see Lily call him out on it.

Amazing job.


First off, it's made my day to hear that you loved this story. I'm not a Snape fan either to be honest with you, Lily tried to warn him plenty of times that what his friends were doing went beyond being bullies and he simply ignored her warnings. Everyone has their limits and I think being called a Mudblood was the straw that broke the camel's back.

And there was the fact too it was embarrassing that after so many years of friendship, everyone witnessed Snape pretty much spitting all over what they went through together. Everyone warned Lily it was going to happen, just like she warned Snape that his friends were doing evil things.

Of course it would've been hard to let her go. Cutting out people in your life who are toxic is easier said than done, especially when you have to see that person every day for an entire year, and if you've gone through difficult times together.

Thank you so much for leaving this review!

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Review #30, by BeeezieTurning Page: Hand In Hand

30th July 2015:
Hey, I'm back for the BvB review fest!

You really are doing such a wonderful job of portraying Draco's inner demons in a really believable, genuine way. The nightmare makes sense to me, and I'm actually really glad you're tackling his guilt over Crabbe's death. That had to have been pretty traumatic all on its own, but there's definitely a temptation to brush it off because of everything else that happened in the war. You balanced it perfectly - you acknowledged the nature of their friendship, which never seemed particularly deep - as evidenced by Crabbe basically turning on him at the end - but just because there wasn't as much substance as there was in Harry's friendship with Ron and Hermione (for example) doesn't mean that it was simple to shrug off, particularly when Crabbe died in part because of Draco.

It's a really complicated, nuanced issue, and you traverse it brilliantly.

You do the same thing when he bumps into Astoria at the Leaky Cauldron. There's so much going on in that scene - nostalgia, her guilt over her patient and her mother, Draco's unwillingness to talk about what was keeping him awake, and the fact that they're each pushing the other to open up while wholeheartedly believing that their problems are too difficult and complex and talk about - but it was all handled with a deft hand. You developed their relationship a little more and left a lot of little tendrils that you can pick up and expand upon in later chapters. It was really well-done.

You're not letting Draco let go of his self-disgust and inferiority complex very quickly, are you? He's clearly starting to fall for Astoria, but there's still a lot of baggage there, and I love that getting to know her isn't magically making it go away. You're doing a wonderful job with this.

Small typo that I noticed: early on in the chapter, you write, I knew I was much of a good friend either. I'm pretty sure that was supposed to be "wasn't," not "was."

I also did wish that they'd met in a slightly more natural way, even if it was just Draco sitting in the Leaky Cauldron when she got there. My credulity was just strained a little, especially since I'm still a little confused about how she forgot her ring when she disapparated. It's not something I'd normally mention, but everything else here is so beautifully done that I thought I'd make a note of it.

Overall, though, I loved this chapter, and I hope you upload another soon!

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Review #31, by BeeezieTurning Page: Misguided Ghosts

30th July 2015:
Hey, I'm here for the BvB review fest!

I love the way you characterize Draco in this. From the very start of the chapter, he's so realistic - the disconnection Draco feels between reality and the kind of false invincibility that's unfortunately very common among people in general, particularly people in his age group who are suffering from depression rings so true to me. I also loved the way that you walked the line between Draco's nostalgia for the days when his family was knee-deep in the pureblood megalomania sludge and his nostalgia for a time when he was afforded more respect and power, irrespective of the root cause of it.

I also really love the repetition in the italics. I think I said this in my last review, but it just rings so true to me. On a personal level, it's very reminiscent of my thought process when I'm having a difficult time - I have different words running through my head, but the effect is pretty similar. It's one of the many reasons I really love this story.

Draco's interaction with Astoria at the party was wonderful, and I thought that this was a really graceful, natural way for them to meet again - something I'd been wondering, after last chapter, how you were going to pull off! It was wonderful both because it really made me start to see why Draco would be drawn to Astoria, and it gave me a really solid idea of who Astoria is as a person in general. Her comments about St. Mungo's and the Ministry's ignorance about serious mental health issues, particularly following the war, come off as so believable.

And the fact that he jumps from their conversation to more of the potion? That speaks volumes about his mental state, and my heart really goes out to him.

A couple little things I think you could work on:

I did notice some typos here and there. For example:

... I shot my mother a quizzical look. It's doesn't go unnoticed...

It's should just be "It," I think. Or,

"Ah, yes, well Daphne is currently the junior under sectary..."

I think that should probably have a comma after "well" and, more importantly, should read "undersecretary," not "under sectary."

I also feel like while your prose is usually lovely, it can get a little awkward when it's regarding dialogue. You use a lot of adverbs that don't always add to the description and you often couple actions in a way that just feels a little awkward. You also definitely aren't using commas everywhere you should, and you often overuse joining words - "I do x before y" or "she does x as y" when the actions aren't explicitly (and usually causally) connected.

A couple examples of these:

He trails off and frowns momentarily.

I feel like you needed to still to one of those, probably the former - frowning "momentarily" is a little weird as a descriptor. Both together, though is overkill.

He laughs before continuing and my mother exclaims as I nod in agreement just don't work well for me. "He laughs" would be sufficient - it's clear he's continuing, since there's dialogue following it. And, I feel like my mother exclaims. I nod in agreement would work better as well - "as" connects the actions in a way that I'm not sure is warranted here. "And" would often work better, and sometimes, you don't need both at all.

Those are fairly minor things, but I did want to note them, because I think they do hold what's already a great story back from being an amazing story. You've got the substance - your character development, plot, flow, is all wonderful. It's just a couple little mechanical things. Overall, this is an amazing story, and I'm so glad I've had the chance to come back to. Adding it to my favorites now and moving onto chapter 3!

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Review #32, by BeeezieMoving On : Moving On

23rd July 2015:
Hey, I'm here for BvB!

I'm always interested to read about people's interpretation of Cho's reaction to Cedric's death. I tend to think that she was pretty by it, in part because the relationship was so short. She didn't have time to really get to know his annoying characteristics as well as the good ones that drew her to him in the first place.

The way you describe how Cho felt about Cedric during their relationship and in the immediate aftermath of his death was perfect. I feel like you captured Cho's state of mind as we saw it in the books - but more than that, I felt like you were very true to her age. Her anxiety about how much Cedric loved her, the way she jumped to their being in love in the first place when they'd been together for about a month - worked. It was completely believable, and the strength of her feelings about him and her faith in him were both realistic and utterly heartbreaking.

My only issue with the fic was that I felt like it was either too long or too short. If you'd ended it after the stinksap, I think it would have worked as is, but since it did continue, I wanted the rest of it to be fleshed out more. I wanted to see more about she felt about Harry, the process of moving on, and her life as she reaches middle age. It felt odd for the first part to be so much longer than the second part, and I'd have like to see you either expand on it or cut it out. (I know that the quote is at the end, but I'm looking at the story in general, not necessarily in the context of that challenge.)

Overall, though, I thought that this was a really great take on Cho's frame of mind and feelings for Cedric. Good job! :)

Author's Response: Hi Beezie!
Thank you so much for this review!

I'm glad that you found Cho's reaction realistic. That was one of the points that I worried about while writing this fic. I spent a lot of time tweaking scenes trying to make it work right. I'm glad you think that time paid off!

Thank you also for that critique. I see what you are saying about the ending being short compared to the beginning. I've been considering re-reading my fics, and changing some things based on reviews, and I will certainly take this comment into consideration.

Thanks again!

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Review #33, by BeeezieMistaken for Strangers: James Sits Some Exams

23rd July 2015:
Hey, back for BvB!

Oooh, I love Lily's having trouble with anxiety. Anxiety problems are so tough, because logic is fairly useless in the face of anxiety. If she's having problems this significant when she's thirteen, she's going to have a tough road ahead - I hope she talks to someone about it, and while I know Lily's problems aren't the point of the story, I'd love to see a little more about treatment included here and there. (I'm not sure whether that's what you're alluding to in your A/N.)

You also asked specifically in your A/N about Lily's panic attack. I actually have had panic attacks before, and it came off as fairly genuine to me. Lily being curled into a ball against the wall was a really nice touch. I've actually been known to hide under tables - there's something about panic attacks that makes me super agoraphobic. The only thing that really jumped out at me as being unrealistic was the fact that she could master the spell afterward. When I've had a panic attack, I tend to feel drained and absolutely exhausted - there's no way I'd be able to succeed at something requiring intense concentration for such an extended period of time.

I'm also intrigued by the way that you're setting up the extent to which James's family relies on him little by little. You're not even generally showing any conscious thought about it on his part, but when I read between the lines a little, it's blindingly obvious that this is a huge source of stress. I feel like I say that in every review, but you keep hammering it in with new scenes and new examples of it. If I were James, I'd be exhausted.

And he does hint at that in a roundabout way when he talks to Anna about Shakespeare, when he's appreciative that she doesn't insist on arguing him around to her point of view. I'm not actually sure I agree with him that it's a signifier of maturity - I think it's more just a matter of personality styles - but the fact that he sees it that way speaks volumes on its own.

In regards to the specific questions in your A/N: I like Anna, I like the style, and I like Fred and his hi-jinks. However, I do feel like the narrative would benefit from changing it up a little. I want to see more about Anna than just the fact that she reads - favorite subjects, friends, something. James keeps seeing her with her friends, after all - there are certainly openings to talk about them. Similarly, while Fred's hi-jinks are wonderful, I feel like at this point you're showing a little too much of Fred-the-destructive-force-of-nature and not enough of Fred-the-cousin-who-has-many-good-qualities. I'm not quite sure why James is so close to him, because most of what we've seen is Fred causing mayhem and interrupting James from everything he's doing.

So - I like the way you've been doing things, but I do think that it's time to switch it up, and I'm excited to see how you do that in the next chapter!

I do want to mention two concerns that got pinged for me, though.

First: I'm thinking back to the things I've said about dialogue, and while I stand by them, I'm starting to think that they're emblematic of a larger issue. I feel like you don't always tighten up your narrative as much as you could, and consequently include a lot of extraneous detail that distracts from details that are either directly relevant to the plot or that contribute to overall world building. A minor (but good!) example: at the very beginning of the chapter, the way that you listed off all of the friends James was sitting with struck me as unnecessary. I don't really remember Brendan or Regan - are they on the team with him? Regardless, there are so many characters and so much going on that I think the story would flow more smoothly if you were a little more assertive about where to summarize - e.g., James was sitting with some friends rather than list everyone out. It's minor, and as I've said, I do really enjoy the story and the narrative - but I think that this would improve it.

Additionally, realizing that James (and Fred?) are only 15 or 16 while Rose and Albus are 14 or 15 in this story make my concerns about the party scene in the previous chapter even more significant. While there are certainly some young teenagers who get into that, it's far from age appropriate overall, and I can't imagine it would be allowed in Hogwarts. I'd just caution you to keep their ages and what's age appropriate in mind when you're writing, because you do occasionally veer away from that that. (Another example is Fred's constantly kiss everyone. Most 15/16 year olds aren't quite that confident, if nothing else.)

Those are both fairly minor, of course - I bring them up because the story is well written and very realistic overall. Other than those things, I really enjoyed the story, and I'm so interested to see what will happen in the next one!

Author's Response: Branwen, you have, as ever, come in clutch. Thank you so much for this lengthy and insightful review! You're the best. AH NO I TYPED OUT A SUPER LONG RESPONSE AND IT SOMEHOW GOT DELETED :( Going for it again.

Thanks so much for your feedback about the Lily scene-- one of my former best friends had panic attacks a lot, although I've never had a big one myself. I wanted to get it accurate and I'm glad you found it fairly authentic! I get where you're coming from about the spell thing, but I wonder if this is something that differs from person to person, because my aforementioned friend would be super intense after one about whatever she was doing because she wanted everyone to forget about it/get over it. (But maybe she was special...?)

I'm glad you're picking on so much about James's character and position in his family. This becomes super important later on as he starts developing more and growing and I'm actually about to write a scene about some of the things you mentioned! (Chapter 9ish, I think?) So keep an eye on that! I'm glad my characterization of James is coming across to you.

Anna is going to be fleshed out a lot in the coming chapters, don't worry! I had a specific idea about how Anna/James should go about growing closer and I thought it would take some time for Anna to open up to James about more than books. But you'll see a lot more of her over the next few chapters! :)

Your concerns about Fred have seriously just inspired me to take him in this direction that I hadn't thought of before, so thank you so much for voicing them!! They mirror some things I had started to wonder about. One thing about Fred I would like to point out is that this story is from James's POV and, though he is fairly accurate about most things, I wonder if he exaggerates about his best friend/cousin internally. He's the only character we haven't really encountered, so we're taking James's word for a lot about Fred. Something to keep in mind in the next chapters!

Thank you for pointing out that sentence and that general issue-- for that sentence, I actually kept going back to it to add in characters cause I was like "James needs friends" and never really reread it to notice how awkward it got! (And yes, all the characters mentioned are on the Quidditch team.) I think I do that a lot because I get easily distracted while writing. This is the first fic I've really written since like 2012 and it's a process to get back into it, but your comments about stuff like this really help me improve not only this fic but my future ones! :)

Finally, the age thing. I think I'm literally about to go edit the party scene because now that you've mentioned it it's really bothering me. I would like to say that, in my experiences in high school, it was always the underclassmen (14-16 y/o) who were the most into the drinking stuff because it seemed new and exciting, and they were subsequently the most prone to being irresponsible. Buttt I totally see where you're coming from, and I'm going to tweak it now.

Thanks again for your review-- it was, as always, super helpful! :) I'm so glad you're enjoying this story overall, though, and I'm excited to hear your thoughts about the next chapter!!


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Review #34, by BeeezieMistaken for Strangers: James Attends a Party

22nd July 2015:
Hey, J! I'm here for BvB!

I'm really impressed by James's patience in the beginning of the chapter - I definitely wouldn't be able to just sit there reading for 10 minutes waiting for someone I have a crush on to notice me! (I'm not sure he's quite got a crush on her yet, but he certainly seems to be very intrigued.) I am, however, really amused that it takes her that long to acknowledge (possibly even notice?) him, and given that, I think he played the situation right. She was clearly disappointed when he left. (I can't imagine how uncomfortable she's going to be if she calls him "Jeremy" to her friends, who will presumably correct her!)

I found the detail about James not drinking to be interesting. On the surface, he really does fall into a lot of tropes - Quidditch player, prankster with Fred (which are tropes that I use, too, except Roxanne instead of Fred since Fred is, of course, Victoire's age, so I'm not saying it's a bad thing!) - but you're also including a lot of nuances into his personality. I liked the way he handled the party and is really being introduced as the voice of reason. I particularly like his reaction to Rose's prank - he was level-headed and treated the entire situation very rationally, which I loved.

And that's also making the way he's drawn toward Anna make more and more sense the further I get into the story. Of course he'd enjoy the company of someone who isn't really asking anything of him but conversation and company when she decides to stop reading. She really does seem to be interested in him because of what she sees of his personality, rather than anything else, and it's very... pure, I guess is the word I'm looking for. The frantic mayhem of his family really does seem to be wearing on him a little - how could it not? Both books and Anna are a welcome escape, I'm sure, and that really makes me root for their friendship (and, eventually, something more).

I also love the way you're introducing a lot of information about both Anna and her/James's experience of the wizarding world through what books they're reading. From Anna reading every book about Hogwarts the library had once she arrived - is she Muggleborn? I'm not sure you've said - to their short dialogue about philosophy as pertains to magic creatures to James's reading Shakespeare (though he still seems a bit confused about it!), I really feel like I'm getting a handle on their inner interests. Moreover, you're really establishing that James is a smart, introspective person, which is also hugely important in setting up the relationship, IMO.

That said, while I love his interactions with Anna, I did think that the party was a little over the top. It's not that a raucous party or some alcohol consumption is unrealistic - these are, after all, teenagers - but I have a hard time believing that they'd basically turn the common room into a nightclub, host the other Houses, and engage in very heavy drinking and pregaming (!). It is still a school, after all, with people whose job it is to stop this sort of thing, and they are mostly minors. It would have been great if it had come off a bit less intense - say music, butterbeers and a little firewhiskey here and there, and Rose's attempted prank, but as it was, it felt out of place, especially with how realistic you've generally kept the story aside from that.

Additionally - and I mentioned this in my review of the last chapter, I think, so I hope I'm not just beating the dead horse, but:

In this chapter as well, I felt like the description surrounding your dialogue was a little awkward at times. You really didn't need all of the "he said" "she said" etc. For example, in the first section, you have (among others): James said as he pulled the book from his bag; Anna responded, deflating slightly; James recited, nodding; and Anna said quietly, watching him leave after saying bye to a few of the elves.

It's not that there's anything wrong with any one of those on its own, but they're overused. There's no reason you can't simply say, James pulled the book from his bag; Anna deflated slightly; James nodded; or Anna watched him leave after [he said] bye to a few of the elves, and IMO, it would make the narrative flow better.

I hope I wasn't too critical in this - I really am enjoying the story! I just thought I'd mention those two things, because they stuck out to me in the midst of highly engaging writing and a very believable storyline overall. ♥

Author's Response: Branwen, your reviews are so helpful! Thank you so much for leaving me another thoughtful one. I'm so glad you're enjoying James, his development, and his relationship with Anna. I was inspired by a lot of stories using those tropes and thinking, "What if James is just kinda caught up in everything?" And I'm glad that he and Anna are making more sense over time!

Thank you so much for your criticism! It's seriously helpful and I really appreciate it. I totally see what you mean about the party, and I think I'll go back and change it up a bit. I was definitely bringing my college party experience (limited though it may be) and not thinking through the transfer. So thank you so much for voicing your concern!

My dialogue tags are definitely a weak point because I'm overly concerned about the interactions being clear (I hate when I can't tell who's talking in a fic!). Thank you for your comments about this-- it's reassuring that I don't need them all the time and I'll go back and figure out better ways to fit that in!

Don't ever worry about being critical Branwen! That's what helps me and my fic better. :) Thanks for taking the time to leave this review!

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Review #35, by BeeezieMistaken for Strangers: James Talks to a Girl

20th July 2015:
Hey, J! Here for BvB!

I love how oblivious Anna is to who James is. Pretty much everyone else seems to recognize him just fine - because, duh - but she's just so fixated on her books that she doesn't find him remotely interesting until he starts talking about books himself. I love it. (And FTR - I have totally been Anna before, as least to a slightly lesser extent and without magic, so I find it totally believable!)

I also continue to love the way you end sections. It never fails to make me laugh, but even more important, I feel like it really helps to give a good feel for his life overall, and at this point, it's also acting as a nice way to contextualize his interest in Anna. He's clearly got a lot of other things on his plate, so the fact that he is remembering her and paying so much attention to her at this says (to me, anyway!) that there's something about her that's really sparking for him, even if that's not super apparent in the rest of his thought process. It's subtle, and I love that.

I also really enjoy the way you're portraying the next-gen Weasley clan. They're clearly close, but they're also clearly not just one big happy drama-free family. Thus far, at least, you're walking the line beautifully. I've read some fics in which some of them absolutely hate each other or they feud over a guy to the point not speaking to each other for months on end... and that always feels melodramatic to me. You're showing the normal growing pains of adolescence without giving into unrealistic melodrama city, and I love it. It also really does seem to be falling in James's lap, though, and I can see why he'd be drawn to someone totally unconnected with any of it.

There were a couple things I thought you could have improved, though.

It's entirely possible that I'm still suffering from the after affects of round 6 of TAR :P, but I had a hard time keeping track of how old the Weasley/Potter clan all were and what houses they were in. I did last chapter too, to some extent, but it was the first chapter and not that big a deal. At this point, though, I do wish that I had a better idea of that - I do feel like they each have their own personalities, but I'm having a hard time keeping all the personalities straight, if that makes sense. I'm not saying you need to go through and do a list of age and house (in fact, please don't!) but is there a way to make it a little more explicit?

In addition, I did wonder - and this is solely a matter of preference - whether it would have been possible to split this chapter up into two of them. It's just a little long for me, especially considering that the chapters surrounding it are about 3000 words apiece. If you took out half of this and submitted half of this as a new chapter, you could just reorder the chapters to put it in its right place after it's validated. Just a thought, though, and as I said, it's purely personal preference.

That said, I really enjoyed this chapter, and I'm so interested to see how this relationship develops!

Author's Response: Hey Branwen! Thanks so much for your review!

I'm really excited that you find Anna realistic and James's interest subtle! I'm also glad the Weasleys are resonating with you-- I've also read stories like that and I wanted to avoid it!

Thanks for pointing out your confusion. It's hard when I've been writing so much about them and thinking about them to see what's unclear. I also dislike when people list out the cousins and what year/House they're in, but I totally see where you're coming from. I'll think about it and see if I can help clarify it better.

We've already talked separately about the chapter length and I totally agree!

Thanks again Branwen! Your reviews are always super helpful. :)

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Review #36, by BeeezieHaunted: the gift

20th July 2015:
Oooh, I'm so glad I clicked this! I'm really attached to Theodore Nott, for some reason, and I love the portrayal of him as having somewhat nuanced loyalties and values. I'm still not entirely sure what his endgame is - I don't think I believe that it's all about his father ending up either dead or in a cell, since I'm not sure the DA has much power over that (being, you know, a bunch of teenagers rather than members of the Ministry). It's a really interesting dynamic, though, and I'm so curious to see where you take it, particularly given the friendship he seems to have with Astoria and the fact that he somehow had a vial of felix felicis laying around. I don't blame the DA for being skeptical - I'm skeptical, and I've got the luxury of seeing his thoughts and therefore having a much better idea of his frame of mind. I always seen Theodore as not being into the whole "community spirit" thing, even when it was imposed by the people who was theoretically supposed to support. Excellent job.

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #37, by BeeezieHow You Court A...: ...Witch

20th July 2015:
Oh, dear. Oh, dear. Really, James? You brought your best friend on your date? He's so oblivious sometimes. When you're hanging out with your girlfriend, sure, but an actual date? And your second date? No. You really showed that his obliviousness stayed consistent, though - standing outside without a cloak just to impress girls? He didn't get her comment about Sirius until she spelled it out. Honestly. (Oh, James. I do love James, but oh James.)

I also actually really liked the way Lily overreacted so dramatically to seeing James with another girl without dealing with the situation head-on. I can understand that, particularly when a relationship is very new and you're still feeling each other out - and being a teenager really doesn't help. But I also loved the way she was able to cool down and admit her mistake quickly rather than get defensive to save face. This was such a cute story - amazing job!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

Author's Response: I (Georgina) have found in my experience that teenage boys, even after puberty, are idiots. James is still learning, quite obviously. At least Lily is willing to teach him.

Even though Lily trusts James enough to date him, she's still insecure about it. I'm glad to hear you saw it was realistic.

Again, thank you so much for your reviews, they've really made our day.

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Review #38, by BeeezieHow You Court A...: ...Pretty Girl

20th July 2015:
Ahhh, Fleur! Just when I get through typing about how much I adore her in my last review, I find a chapter all about her! I should have remembered from the banner, but I think I processed it as Victoire or Dominique for some reason.

Ooh, I loved this even more than Padma/Krum, I think, just because I'm so obsessed with Fleur (who was really much cooler than anyone but Bill gave her credit for). I loved the way that she clearly hadn't figured it out until Cedric came back up - it makes sense that she wouldn't realize immediately, and I think that if she'd known her sister was down there, she'd never have given up. I certainly wouldn't in her position - as I mentioned, I'm an older sister, and I know exactly where she's coming from. And I think that you helped show why she was so fond of Harry for years afterward - she genuinely thought her sister was in danger, and so did he. I also really loved that you didn't bring Bill into this, really - I'm noticing a strong theme of friendship and family over romance through these chapters, and it was nice to see Fleur in a genuine friendship. We saw her in a good relationship in the books - I'm not sure we ever saw her with friends. I loved this chapter (and I loved your portrayal of Cedric).

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Heehee. Funny how things work out like that.

Wow, with you loving each chapter more than the last I really hope the Lily one isn't lackluster. I would think what was taken would be a surprise to the champions until later. Freda and I aren't the best at touchy-feely romance and both have more experience with friend and family love. We really relate to this one, both of us having Ginny as a younger sister and Freda having me too.

Cedric is awesome.

Thank you very much for your reviews; they've been very kind and flattering.

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Review #39, by BeeezieHow You Court A...: ...Werewolf

20th July 2015:
Oh, Padma. I can understand where she's coming from, but if your sister's boyfriend won't date her because you're a werewolf, there is no future there. Just be thankful there's such an easy litmus test - someone like that doesn't have any genuine dedication, and he isn't going to be there for her through sickness-and-health and all that stuff. She's much better off finding that out now. But that said, I do understand why she feels that way, and while it's heartbreaking, it's heartbreaking in part because it's so realistic. I loved what it led to, though - I actually really enjoyed both Fleur and Krum in GoF. Fleur is one of my two favorite HP characters from the books, probably, but I liked Krum a lot too. I loved seeing him find someone who wasn't obsessed with his stardom, and I really loved seeing Padma find someone who wasn't a bigoted jerk and who she could really be herself with. Oooh, I really enjoyed the Roxanne chapter, but I loved this one!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

Author's Response: When I (Georgina) wrote this one I wanted to bring about the conflicting emotions in Padma, and the problems of being bitten. We don't see it as much in the books, but the wizarding world on the whole is fairly anti-werewolf. This collection of short stories/one-shots was supposed to hit you right in the feels. Each one includes an element of me when I'm having a bad day.

I loved writing a love interest for Padma, and my insane brain said "Hey, Krum" and the sane brain said "I thought I told you to shut up--wait, that could work".

Most people have been raving about the Weasley chapter and I was hoping the other chapters weren't a let-down, so I'm very happy to hear you liked this one even better.

Thank you so much for your review!

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Review #40, by BeeezieHow You Court A...: ...Weasley

20th July 2015:
Aw, the overprotective older brother - as an older sister, I totally relate. It's a total trope, but it's a trope that's totally realistic, and I think that you played it perfectly. There isn't ridiculous overprotective how-dare-you-look-at-her nonsense, just normal protective when-did-you-get-old-enough-to-do (with a little bit of omg-Slytherin!boy what) concern. They clearly had more concerns based largely around their ages, but they kept them to themselves until Abner proved himself to be a jerk. (Ew.) I did wonder why he was staying on their couch overnight on Christmas Eve in the first place - why wouldn't he just go home, particular when it's a holiday? I also thought that while part of it worked, the last bit of the comparison between Roxanne and her mother came off a little odd - but even then Angelina onward seemed like it was basically saying, "But Angelina and Roxanne looked different because Angelina was an adult," which is established by the mother/daughter relationship. Not a huge deal - it just stuck out to me. Her conversation with her father afterward was so adorable, though - I loved it. I liked the emphasis on family throughout the other sections, too - particularly the second one, because seriously men need to calm down about that sort of thing, they're so high strung - but her father comforting her was the best. I wasn't expecting the last section, though! I thought that Jonathan would be it and they'd live happily ever after - I was so sad that that wasn't the case. :( I liked him. Overall, though, this was a lovely chapter, and I love the takeaway. Family is indeed great!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

Author's Response: Whoohoo yeah three cheers for family! :) family is awesome, and you're stuck with them forever anyways.

With Abner, the idea was either he'd stay for breakfast, or it was too late for him to get home. But yeah he would've had to earn Fred's trust no matter what his house. Yeah, i didn't think the bit about comparing mom and daughter flowed well. I remember we were rushing a bit to get he first two chapters in before the challenge deadline, so we didn't have time to fix that as much as I'd like.

Georgina liked writing the second section. I loved how her cousins were caring and comforting her, even if it includes sittin on her but hey, that's what families do.

Everyone expected happily ever after. I (Freda) had nearly insisted a bit ago that one cousin not have kids- rather in protest of Charlie not getting a family. (I can see him being a great dad too!) So we decided a while ago that she got engaged but her fiancé died in some freak accident. Yeah. :( But it did make for a nice twist; with a bittersweet ending.

Thanks for reviewing this story!


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Review #41, by BeeezieThis Time.: The Storm

20th July 2015:
I am a sucker for time travel, and I'm scanning active Puff pages for things to review - so here I am!

There was a lot about this fic that I found really interesting. It's usually a straight guy being portrayed as kind of promiscuous, and it was fun to see that turned on its head! I particularly like the idea that most guys were open to experimenting - there can be a stigma against that sort of thing among men in particular, and while I know that it's often good to use the wizarding world to discuss RL issues... yeah, sometimes I also just engage in wishful thinking because I want to think about a world in which sexual orientation isn't something that's seem as a problem, just as a fact. It's nice to find other stories that do that, too. And to find a story that does that while throwing the main character into a crazy time warping storm in the first chapter... awesome.

That said, there were a couple things about this that I thought seemed a little unrealistic. For example, the line about Louis only going as far as people were comfortable - I think I get what you're saying there (that a lot of people were just experimenting, right?), but the way it's presented kind of sticks out to me because that should be the absolute bare minimum for being a decent human being. It also seemed like you switched between past/present tense and first/third person POV a few times, which you should be careful with. Overall, though, this has a really interesting premise, and I'm excited to see where you take it!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #42, by BeeezieThe Orchard: Worms and Secrets

20th July 2015:
James's friendship with Mary is really, really interesting to me. It doesn't seem particularly close in her thought process, but it seems to be in his - and there doesn't seem to be any romantic intent in it, either. It's all very strange and confusing to me. I have no idea how James and Lily start a relationship after this, though - it seems unlikely from both his part and hers. I feel like she's lashing out at Mary because she's heard some things from Snape that aren't true and it's easier to think poorly of Mary than of her friend, which really makes me angry - she knows that Snape curses people, where the worst she can throw at Mary is that... she likes attention? Hardly a capital offense even if it was true, which it isn't. I do think it's realistic, though, and I kind of wonder Laura's run away rather than been taken away. She certainly doesn't have anyone to talk to.

Why is this the last chapter? I hope you post the next one soon - and regardless of when you post it, will you leave me a comment on my profile so I can come read it? I don't always remember to check my favorites for recent updates, and I don't want to miss this or ATG.

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #43, by BeeezieThe Orchard: Games Continue

20th July 2015:
Ooh, I know it's not the point of the story, but I love the intricacies you're working into the Marauders' personalities and relationships. For Peter to be the maniacal Quidditch fan and Sirius to be kind of "eh" about the whole thing is such an interesting choice, but when I think about it, it makes sense - particularly the former. Peter did always worship them. (Loved that scene, btw - you did a great job with it.) And aha, Sirius is talking to Eleanor! I want them to work out so badly, but... sad face. Lily really annoyed me in this chapter, though - first she insults Mary, then she drags Mary and Mafalda down to the pitch when they're clearly not interested in going, and then she ditches them immediately? Ugh. I don't blame James for not mentioning her and for moving on. Maybe moving on? Why did he want Mary to meet Helen so badly? I'm so confused and there's only one more chapter up! Zayne, I want to know what happens! Particularly with Laura. Poor Laura. Whose note Mary hasn't even read yet, I don't think. Ugh, Mary, you should get on that.

Why is there only one more chapter?

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #44, by BeeezieThe Orchard: Clock Tower

20th July 2015:
I love how dedicated Mafalda is to her studies - it's tempting to see it as simple studiousness, but - and I may be reading too much into this - with the scene and tone you've set for this story, I'm starting to see everyone's behavior in part through the lens of coping mechanisms - and through that lens, I can see why hyperfocusing on schoolwork would be an escape. The Ministry is a good reason, and it's a reason that makes sense, but I have a hard time believing that's all of it, especially since she's stretching herself so thin. Mary even seems to acknowledge that, a little, after Regulus talks to her. And speaking of which: what is up with him. I just genuinely don't get it. He doesn't seem particularly aggressive or hostile and threatening. He's just... there. Making comments. I don't get him, and I don't know what's in Laura's letter, and I so want to know both! I guess the only thing for it is to read on.

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #45, by BeeezieThe Orchard: Owls

20th July 2015:
I just realized that some of these chapters don't have any reviews at all! For goodness sake, why? This is such a riveting story! When this race is over, I'm going to have to remember to go recommend it in the story rec threads, because it's wonderful.

I appreciate the way the Gryffindors in general have banded behind Dirk Cresswell. I mean, I get that he's not particularly likeable, but it seems like a wonderful example of 1) even someone who's not super likeable doesn't deserve to be cursed and 2) people get your alliegance in certain things even when they aren't super likeable. If the Slytherins are banding together, so should everyone else. Florence actually grew on me a lot this chapter - I still think she's kind of mean-spirited, but I'm also thinking that it's her armor against stress and genuine fury, and that's something I understand much better. The reference to how her perfect sister always used to harp on intrigued me - I'm not sure if it just means that she finished school or if something more sinister is going on. (Florence is still mean-spirited, though. Mocking Mafalda about studying hard because she'll never be first in the class? Really? Florence, uncalled for.) The new rules make sense to me, especially if Dirk Cresswell was seriously injured (which he certainly seemed to be), but - and maybe this isn't where my mind should be right now, but it was an idle thought that popped into my head anyway - if there are any Slytherins who aren't into this whole pureblood supremacy thing, this must really be awful for them. That said, it's protecting everyone else, so oh well. I did find James's response really interesting, though - he seems to be writing to someone in the Order/who he trusts to deal with the situation about the incident, and he's comfortable admitting exactly what he thinks happened. I actually really, really love your James - when I'm done with this, I'm going to need to go see if you have any James-centric fics. I'm also curious about whether you've written anything about Lily, because this is by far the most flawed Lily I've read - and that's not a bad thing.

Amazing job.

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #46, by BeeezieThe Orchard: Holes

20th July 2015:
Oooh, Mary, I am right there with you. In the immortal words of Mrs. Whatsit - wild nights are my glory. (Madeleine L'Engle, I love you.) There's something particularly wonderful about a storm when it's reflecting conflict that you're feeling - it's like the weather is reaching out to comfort you. I don't know, personally if I lived in a place where every other day was a storm I'd be happy. I love storms. I'm wondering about Florence's suddenly taking to the Quidditch pitch, even in the rain - it seems like there's a lot of inner turmoil she's feeling that she needs to take out somewhere, and the Quidditch place is where she's choosing to do it. As a Beater, she's certainly got opportunity. I've felt like she's just needlessly aggressive, but I'm wondering whether she has some trauma that's making her act out, too - even if it's just the stress of the war. If that's the case, I still think she's mean-spirited, but I get it a little more. It's certainly more adaptive (IMO) than Mary's response, which is essentially to freeze like a deer in the headlights. I get it, I do, but my feeling is that it's easier to redirect momentum than it is to create it. Unfortunately, nobody gets to choose how they react to trauma. I do wish she'd open up to somebody, though, and I hope that she blows up at Lily at some point about what foul people those guys - including Snape - are. My heart went out to Dirk Cresswell (I'm assuming that's who that was?) too - what a horrible thing to have happen to you, and having someone come upon you and not offer support... I mean, again, I get that Mary doesn't have the energy to deal with anyone else's pain, but this is just such a terrible situation.

It's a wonderful chapter, though.

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #47, by BeeezieThe Orchard: Pressure Points

20th July 2015:
Huh. That's... okay, that makes her response to the trauma make a lot more sense to me. Not that it didn't before, but that brought it from heartbreaking to terrifying. I'd assumed that she just wasn't home for it, but it seems like she was home - her memory was just erased. I'm not sure if it was magical or repression, but either way - oh my god, that's terrifying. IMO, there's very little that's worse than not knowing, and I feel like you generally know when something important is missing. I'm wondering whether Mary has some experience with that, and that's why Laura opened up to her - she sensed it. I did wonder why it was so important that Laura's parents' deaths were hushed up, though - I can see it if she'd made that call, but she says that the Ministry did. People are dying left and right - what makes Laura's parents so different, and why do they think no one would notice? Regardless, though, if that's what Mary experienced - yeah, I get that. It's scary. But I can understand why Mary couldn't really deal with it, and why she couldn't look at the Ravenclaw table during the feast. She's too overwhelmed by her own pain and anxiety to take on someone else's - mistery only loves company to a point. And right now, while I still don't love Florence, her hostility toward Lily is making a little more sense to me - as is Laura's reticence to open up to her. Unfortunately, though, I wonder if that's part of what's pushed Lily back toward Snape - he's familiar ground, isn't he, and at least he likes her, from her point of view. But if I were one of her housemates? Yeah, I'd be angry, too.

Great chapter!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #48, by BeeezieThe Orchard: Confession

20th July 2015:
Aha! Unless this is a different Eleanor, there is a connection between ATG and the Orchard! Eleanor's a fairly common name, of course, but still, it sounded like her! If that's the case, I appreciate it and approve. I love seeing little connections between fics. At any rate: I can see why it flew off your fingertips, and I certainly flew through it! (And not just because I'm speed reading for the HC, which is totally going to leave me with a headache.) This was a great chapter - I felt like you covered a lot of little stuff in ways that really added to the story, and I'm curious to see how things like Regulus skulking around and Mafalda's date play out. And then, of course, there's the revelation from Laura. On one hand, I guess it isn't surprising - something that affected her to such an extent had to be traumatic, and that's one of the more traumatic things that can happen to you - but on the other, I'm a little curious about why she wouldn't at least tell Lily, even if she didn't want to talk about it. Then again, once you tell someone that, especially someone close to you, I can see how they might not let you not talk about it. Huh. Regardless, though, I feel so bad for her, and I can see why she's struggling with magic now - though it does make me very worried for her, because I feel like she could easily be next.

Great chapter!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #49, by BeeezieThe Orchard: Dreams

20th July 2015:
Wow. Florence, you are super, super self-centered. And I say this as someone who adores Cordelia Chase. Mafalda was pushing Mary after the nightmare in an appropriate way, but I can't imagine anyone ever opening up to Florence when she behaves like that. And, it's super hypocritical to tell Mary that she needs to open up when you hide things like mysterious letters yourself. Distaste for Florence aside, though, I continue to feel like you're really handling Mary wonderfully - there are so many little insecurities and uncertainties along with the obvious things like nightmares that make it clear to me that there's something haunting her - e.g., feeling like Sirius was always insulting her. I'm starting to see why, though - Mulciber and Avery are such nasty pieces of work, and at this point I'm feeling quite annoyed with Lily for insisting that they're harmless. No, Lily. This is not what harmless looks like. (Florence is still being a jerk, though.)

Next chapter!

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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Review #50, by BeeezieThe Orchard: Chains

20th July 2015:
Oh, Lily. Completely harmless? Really? I have a hard time believing that, and I have to side with Mary on this one. It's interesting to see Mary explicitly turn the assumption I made in chapter one on its head, though, and attribute Lily's idealism to her being more removed from the wizarding world. I can see how that would work, too, actually. God, what happened to Mary, though? It's clearly not just "things have gotten bleaker," though that obviously doesn't help. Florence is continuing to irritate me. I was glad to see James walking with Mary instead of her - James is much more interesting and less aggressive. See, Florence, you can have fire without being a huge jerk about it and criticizing your friends. (I really don't like her. It seems almost like she's doing it on purpose, though I'm probably just a conspiracy freak.) I can see how Lily's friendship with Snape would have hurt her among her housemates, though - it makes total sense that they'd hold it against her when he was bullying and hexing them.

I am already mourning that there's not more to this story, and I still have a lot to read. Zayne, you are amazing. I'm so glad I decided to read this rather than flitting around between short one-shots.

Ravenclaw - House Cup 2015

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