Reading Reviews From Member: Beeezie
  
605 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BeeezieUnlikely: Abandoned

28th June 2015:
Oooh, I really loved this! It's a wonderful look at the Yule Ball from perspectives different than Harry's, and I think that you captured both Pansy and Parvati perfectly.

Pansy's ego, pride, and focus on being the prettiest girl in the room came off as genuine to me, especially given what we saw of her at Hogwarts. Within that, though, I felt like you really humanized her - you took a larger than life bully and turned her into a vain and shallow teenager, which IMO is a good deal more forgivable.

My heart went out to Parvati, too. Harry really was a bit of a jerk to her during the Ball, and while I think that she was a lot less invested in him than Pansy was in Draco, it's still very discomforting to be abandoned by your date at a dance, especially a hugely public event like this, and to then also be passed over for her sister... yikes.

But I think that the two of them really did make lemonade out of lemons, and I loved the way you steered the conversation toward friendly territory after a little taunting. The pace was perfect, and I loved this. ♥

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #2, by BeeezieCold Blood: Light up the Dark

28th June 2015:
Oh, dear. Yes, that's what I was afraid of. Xenophilius Lovegood is a little eccentric, but he's not a monster, and unlike Umbridge, they'd got a strong bond with someone who will be deeply affected by the loss.

The evidence going missing really concerns me - I'm hoping they figure that out soon, though I suspect they won't, since this is a mystery. :P

I'm also really wondering what the link between Umbridge and Lovegood is. I can't think of much that they have in common, but either this is a serial murderer who kills with no motivation whatsoever, or there's some underlying motive that's not immediately apparent. Either way, it's really worrying.

The only CC that I'd give you is that sometimes I feel like your descriptions are a little off - as, for example, when you write about Ginny's "pure adoration" toward the beginning of the chapter, or when Luna became really cheerful and bubbly at the mention of babies, despite the fact that her father has just been murdered.

Otherwise, though, I loved this!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #3, by BeeezieCold Blood: It begins with pink

28th June 2015:
Oof. Well, this was uncomfortable. On one hand, I want to say that Umbridge deserved what she got, because she was kind of a terrible person... but on the other hand, anyone capable of doing this to another human being is a nasty piece of work in their own right. The opening section is just so chilling, particularly the use of the Imperius Curse. This isn't just anger or even hatred - this is cruelty that I don't think most people have in them.

I'm curious to see how Harry, Ron, and Pamela deal with Umbridge's murder, because while they had many, many reasons to dislike her... this is their job, and if they don't catch this killer now, he or she might go after someone a little less repulsive in the future.

I'm intrigued. Amazing job!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #4, by BeeezieRose: Unrequited

28th June 2015:
Aww, this was really gut-wrenching! I felt for Scorpius - while I could understand where he was coming from on a conscious level, it did make me wonder about his self-esteem and confidence - he was clearly in love with her, and while I can understand him not saying something, I don't know that him putting Rose into the 'off-limits' category in his head was really all that productive. It turned his worries into a self-fulfilling prophecy.

But for all that, I did like this. I liked it because your prose was lovely. I liked it because I liked the way Scorpius fell for her. And, most of all, I liked it because not every story does have a happy ending for the person harboring an unspoken attraction for their friend. In a lot of ways, I felt like this was far more realistic.

It was really wonderful. Amazing job.

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #5, by BeeeziePast Tense: third.

28th June 2015:
I literally cannot stop laughing at this story, and I am so sad there's not more of it for me to read. It's so wonderful.

I love the way Steph criticizes the way the wizarding world does things, because from where I'm standing, she's 100% right. I mean, yeah - parchment and quills? Really? How about, you know, a pencil? Those are useful. I can't imagine taking notes with a quill. I would love it if when classes start, she goes off on everyone and makes them use normal note-taking implements. Like pens and pencils and paper. See how much they mock Muggles and Squibs then.

When she chewed out Vector, I wanted to jump into my screen and hug her fictional character self. That's one of my biggest pet peeves ever - "Please reform this institution. Wait, reform means change? Does not compute!" At least Vector backed down, though.

I am so psyched that Connor is the new Muggle Studies professor, too. This is wonderful. I can't wait for more. You win at writing forever.

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #6, by BeeeziePast Tense: second.

28th June 2015:
I love Steph's friends. Inner demons or not, a good job right out of school is a good job right out of school. Even if it's not quite what you want, it puts food on the table (well, I guess the house elves do that at Hogwarts, but you know what I mean) and, as Connor pointed out, it pays off your loans. I can totally understand why she'd take this job, even if she isn't a huge fan of the wizarding world in general. And Devika's right, too - this a chance to make a difference.

I don't think the fact that she'd be teaching history, not Muggle Studies, really hit me until I read this chapter. I mean, I knew that, but I think Vector gets credit for not having a token Muggle teaching Muggle Studies on staff as some kind of diversity statement. This is really cool, especially since Steph has a very different view of wizarding history.

And of, you know, history history. And functioning in the world. And teaching. God, my background is in history, psychology, and library science, and the lack of PRIMARY SOURCES and CITATIONS has me tearing my hair out. Good god.

I love this so much, by the way.

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #7, by BeeeziePast Tense: first.

28th June 2015:
Omg yes. Sorry, Binns, but you really had to go. History is a wonderful subject, and if you're making it boring, you need to be replaced yesterday.

I love the way you characterized Steph and the wizarding world through her eyes. I can totally see where she's coming from - there are a lot of things about the magical community that are pretty weird and maladaptive. We saw a glimpse of that in the series, since Hermione was Muggleborn and Harry was basically Muggleborn for all intents and purposes not connected to magical blood or his parents' old friends, but I loved seeing more here.

And I agree with Steph: Callie came across to me like someone who's probably mostly well-meaning but who's also utterly clueless. And, the fact that she's never even met her sisters' friends makes her come across as a bit snobby and self-absorbed - not exactly the sort of person I'd count on in a crisis to help me.

I love the end of this chapter, and I cannot wait to read more! ♥


How have I not discovered you as a writer? You're so wonderful!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #8, by BeeezieHamartia: two.

28th June 2015:
Oh, I love the way you opened this chapter. There's clearly some homophobia, especially from younger students, but there's something so wonderful and refreshing about Amelia being sure that she would face rejection and then instead finding that her house was incredibly supportive of her. Loyalty is such an important quality, and I always felt that it was one that all four houses took very seriously - perhaps Ravenclaw a but less than the others, I'll admit.

The way you're characterizing Slytherin in general makes complete sense to me. I love the way you're presenting their behavior in OotP as being based on loyalty to the Ministry, not loyalty to Voldemort - it makes an enormous amount of sense, and from the way you present it, I can see why they just wouldn't see whether or not they supported Harry as being particularly important even if they were opposed to Voldemort's ideas.

Sorry - I don't mean to get side tracked from Amelia and Athena, because their interaction toward the end of the chapter was golden. I felt like I got a really vivid picture of each other them and their relationship from a short conversation, and I can't wait to see more of it!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #9, by BeeezieHamartia: one.

27th June 2015:
Oooh, I really liked this! It's so intriguing to read about Slytherins who break the mold of the stereotypical Slytherin we saw in the books - they clearly weren't all pureblood maniacs, and while your story summary really intrigues me on that subject because I'm wondering whether Amelia (and, btw - omg, so excited to read on), I like that this chapter depicts both a character and a house who are much more nuanced and complicated.

I can also see why a Muggle parents might have a poor reaction to their daughter going off to school and entering a world that they couldn't take part in - to me, that's a difficult and troubling aspect of blood status that didn't get as much face time in the books as maybe it should have, so I'm really glad you're touching on it here. There's this idea that most Muggle parents would be thrilled to learn that their child was a witch or wizard, but I tend to think that it isn't always that simple.

And this is LGBTQ+! Omg that also makes me so happy. I cannot wait to read on, and I'm super disappointed this only has a couple chapters up so far!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #10, by BeeezieSunshine and Cauldron Cakes : Sunshine Elixir

21st June 2015:
Hey, here for BvB!

This was such a fun one-shot - I loved it. I can totally see how two Quidditch players on opposing teams could get into this situation, and I loved the fact that you made Scorpius a Beater, which really exacerbated the direct competition between them. While Ron was (understandably, I guess) angry about Rose getting injured, my sympathy for him was pretty limited. Quidditch is a rough sport, and this is just kind of how it goes sometimes. It would be ridiculous to not hit bludgers at opposing players just because you're dating them or friends with them.

Scorpius's reaction to hitting Rose was perfect. He felt bad, but not overly so, since it was clear that she wasn't seriously injured, and he didn't let it distract him from the game, just the celebration - that felt really fitting, and also pretty indicative of a healthy relationship.

And the scene in the hospital wing almost made me die laughing. Oh my god. That's certainly one way to tell your fairly hostile father that you're dating Scorpius Malfoy - I only wish she'd actually managed to finish some of those sentences that she got cut off from saying, because I can't even imagine Ron's reaction to her praising Scorpius's half-naked (or more than half naked?) appearance.

Loved this so much.

Branwen

Author's Response: Hi Branwen!

Thanks so much for giving this little story it's first review! I must admit, I don't actually personally love it that much as I think the writing is a little below what I could achieve, but I'm so glad you still liked it!

I'm really glad you noticed that Rose and Scorpius's relationship is actually really healthy. I've read a lot of Scorose stories where I think the relationship seems borderline abusive, so I'm trying to really avoid that in my writing. Though there are just hints of it here, in my head, they're in this really stable, caring, and healthy relationship.

And I totally got this idea from all those wisdom teeth extraction videos. I've never had the pleasure myself, but those videos always kill me and I wanted a magical equivalent :P

Thanks for reading!

Stefanie


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Review #11, by BeeezieA Single Point In Time: 1981

21st June 2015:
Hey, I'm here for BvB!

I loved this. Your imagery was so beautiful and made the scene seem vivid and alive - I could hear the silence and see the sunrise, and it was perfectly fitting for an evening like Albus had experienced.

And on that note - I felt like you did an amazing job of capturing how Albus might have been feeling on that night and what his experience might have been like. I really loved that he was distracted enough by logistical concerns and cold analysis that he wasn't actually mourning or celebrating yet - it's a coping mechanism that a lot of people dealing with grief and extreme stress in general fall back on, and it makes sense to me that Dumbledore would be one of them.

I mean, part of that is the significant responsibility and authority he holds in the wizarding world, particularly surrounding this issue (since it doesn't seem like anyone else quite knows what's going on with the Potters and why Harry needs to stay with his aunt and uncle), but I think that part of it is just who Dumbledore is. Some people aren't very good at feeling helpless, so they do everything they can at least trick themselves into believing that they aren't.

I also loved the consideration for the logistics of leaving Harry on a doorstep in early November. It always seemed to me to be a bit of a poor decision to leave an infant outside that long, however much you bundled him up, but if he put a lot of charms on Harry to prevent him from getting cold or, you know, kidnapped, that goes a lot way toward explaining his actions.

This really was so wonderful. Great chapter!

Branwen

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Review #12, by BeeezieTabula Rasa: One

20th June 2015:
This needs to go on my reading list. Right now. Okay, that's now done, so I can move onto the actual review.

Omg. This was wonderful. I was intrigued when I saw the summary - you always have such great summaries - and I was not disappointed.

I loved the way you described the pandemonium of the battle. It was clearly absolute chaos, and while it seems like he comported himself well given the situation, reading about it from his perspective really did hammer in for me how ill-equipped a lot of the kids were for this battle. I mean, it was clearly difficult for everyone (to understate things pretty drastically), but we experienced it in the books from Harry's point of view, and Harry has been through a fair number of things that other Hogwarts students haven't been. Colin hadn't, and oh, he was just so young.

One of my favorite things, too, was the fact that he kept thinking about his family. I think part of why Colin wanted to fight was that (at least in my eyes) Colin was always a little reckless and tended to overestimate himself a little, but I also feel like Muggleborns were in a particularly bad situation - their families were directly in danger if Voldemort triumphed, as they had been for the two years previous to the battle when Voldemort was out in the open. I understand wanting to protect your brother and your father.

It was a good chapter on its own, but I can't wait to see the reincarnation aspect of the story. Amazing job!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw!

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Review #13, by BeeezieDon't Mean a Thing: Not the One to Stay Around

20th June 2015:
Ouch. This was so raw from the beginning to the end.

I could understand why Sirius did what he did, on both counts - I can see a sixteen year old boy who liked a pretty girl deciding that he didn't really care too much what his friend thought... but I can also see him changing his tune eventually, especially since it was always clear from canon that Sirius really did love James, maybe even more than he loved anyone else (or at least it seemed that way to me).

I did want to reach into the story and smack him, though. I like Lily with James, so it's not that I was necessarily rooting for her and Sirius to work out, but I hate it when people make decisions for other people, which is definitely part of what was going on here. Sirius just kind of unilaterally decided that Lily should date James, so he broke it off so she would. Um, Sirius, does Lily not have any say or agency in this decision?

I get it. I do. I think it's very believable, given what we know about Sirius and his friendship with James, for him to make this decision, and I think it's the sort of somewhat-misguided-loyalty that people, especially young people, are prone to. And it did seem to me like she was genuinely less important to Sirius than she was to James, and yeah, I think misleading her wouldn't be cool.

But still.

I also loved your depiction of Lily here. You portray her as being very in control of her own feelings and as making fairly uninhibited decisions, which I loved, because it really fits with what we know about her. I could also see why she was described as being so popular, and why we know of two men who pined their lives away for her (well, I guess James pined his adolescence away, not his life, but still). There was a lot of hidden depth to her, and I'd have loved to see more. This was a lovely one-shot, though!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw!

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Review #14, by BeeezieDull Ache: Oblivion

20th June 2015:
Oh, Rose. As I was reading this, my heart was breaking for Andromeda, especially once they said she was having a son, because I thought I knew how this was probably going to end. I was sad that I was right, and very sad once I read your author's note at the end. I'm so sorry for your loss, belated though the sympathy is.

I do want to say, though, that I disagree with your author's note. I didn't notice a lot of typos, and I think that this is well written. You conveyed the confusion, pain, and loss here perfectly, and I think the style in which you wrote the story fit that in a way that lots of beautiful flowery prose wouldn't have. It would have felt odd for the story to move along at a slower, calmer, more controlled pace, because it wasn't about a slow, calm, and controlled situation.

I could feel their anguish, and my heart broke particularly for Andromeda when I remember what she'd already lost when her family disowned her and what she was going to lose in the future during the SWW. I thought that your decision to have Ted use Obliviate on her at her urging was perfect - I'd never thought about that being an option in the wizarding world, but given the grief she was feeling that was really tearing her apart, I could understand why she wanted him to do it. I'm not sure what I think of leaving the burden on him in a way that leaves him without any support, because he's clearly crushed by the loss as well, but I do understand it.

This was incredibly moving, and again, I'm very sorry for your loss. I hope that writing this did turn out to be cathartic.

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw!

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Review #15, by BeeezieKnight Takes Queen: King

20th June 2015:
Wow. In this story, at least, Rowena really did not have a happy life. I mean, it seems like she's found happiness in a lot of places, but there's a lot of internal conflict that's a pretty consistent undercurrent throughout. I can empathize with not being able to get out of your own head, so I really loved that a lot.

I could also empathize with her reaction to Helga. Rowena seems to me to be a very proud person, and I can see how in this moment, she would want to be alone (or at least without Helga hovering). Helga seems like a very sweet, good-natured person, but I felt like you started to get at the darker side of people like her - their genuine desire to help and find harmony can actually end up being selfish and an imposition on the people around them. I love reading about the darker side of generally admired personality traits, so that appealed to me a lot.

I know that she did ultimately reach Rowena, who was probably glad in the end that Helga stayed, but... still. I think Rowena had the right to be a little selfish and scared in that moment.

I loved the fact that she wanted to be buried at the bottom of the lake - it was a wonderful way of bringing this entire story back around to the first chapter, and I did notice what seemed like an affinity to water even in the last chapter, too, so it made sense in the context of her character as I've gotten to know it over the three chapters.

This was so beautiful.

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw!

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Review #16, by BeeezieKnight Takes Queen: Bishop

20th June 2015:
This is fascinating. Initially, I was really confused, because I guess I was seeing the previous chapter as being Rowena later in life - but it wasn't, was it? She was still a very young woman, one who didn't understand and necessarily really believe in magic.

(Or maybe it was and she did and I'm missing something because I'm not taking my time the way I usually would, because of TAR.)

Regardless: Aph, your prose is so pretty. As with the last chapter, I could see this scene in my mind as though I was watching a movie. I was glad to see that even in the beginning, she was in a better space emotionally than she was last chapter, despite her continued conflict about her magic throughout the chapter (though given her despair last chapter, I guess that's not particularly surprising - a person can really only handle that kind of acute pain for so long before they crack, I think).

When I think about the Founders, I assume that they grew up knowing that they were witches and wizards, accepting it and happy with it. But it makes sense that that wouldn't necessarily be the case - after all, their founding Hogwarts probably wouldn't have been such a big deal if Hogwarts hadn't been desperately needed. The idea that she'd really made her own way - including living in the wildnerness! - is one that I hadn't really considered, but which is now making its way into my head canon.

This was lovely.

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw!

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Review #17, by BeeezieKnight Takes Queen: Rook

20th June 2015:
Hey, Aph! I'm so glad I have an excuse to review some of your stories, because you're such a wonderful writer.

And this is no exception. I loved the life you brought to this scene with your vivid prose. I could feel the wind whipping at her face and her clothes, and even more importantly, I felt the depths of her despair. I thought the religious angle was a really great touch, because while it takes a lot of pain to get to the point she was at in the first place, the feeling that damnation was worse than what she was facing just then was heartbreaking. I wondered what had happened to bring her to this point, especially since it seemed to me like she'd been in the depths of despair for awhile.

The appearance of the merman at that point was brilliant, and I understood why he had such an effect on Rowena - it didn't make her happy, but seeing the merman seemed to pull her out of herself a little, which was particularly in keeping for someone who loved discovery, and the symbolism at the end was beautiful. This was such an amazing piece.

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw!

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Review #18, by BeeezieFanged Revolution: Chapter the First

11th June 2015:
Oooh, Olivia, this was so good. So good.

I love the worldbuilding you did here! Drawing Septimus Malfoy in was wonderful - I love little references to canon like that - and the mention of werewolves and garlic was perfect. The tension between the vampire community and the wizarding community is completely believable, too. We saw plenty of examples of prejudice from the wizarding community throughout the series, and that was aimed mostly at people who were far less dangerous than vampires. I can totally understand why the vampires would keep the fact that some of them retained the ability to do magic quiet.

At the same time, though, I do wonder whether the wizards don't have a point here. I get that they (presumably) didn't choose to be vampires, but while werewolves are only dangerous three nights a month and can be subdued for the duration of that time, it seems to me that vampires are pretty dangerous most of the time - Ignatius certainly didn't hesitate to kill that woman, and while I get that the horror on her face might have been what decided him, it takes someone with a pretty short fuse to jump from "You're scared of me" to "Let me eat you now."

I don't know - I don't feel like there are any simple answers, at least not from what I saw in this chapter, and I'm beginning to feel like you excel at making everything murky and complicated! :P

And that cliffhanger - ughhh, you destroy me. Onward!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #19, by BeeezieThe Brothers Three: The Pale Steed

11th June 2015:
Huh. I don't think I'd processed that Death was actively watching the Peverells last chapter, certainly not so closely that she'd continue to do so over the course of several years. That's interesting!

I loved the way you characterized each of the brothers several years on; I could see how both Antioch and Cadmus were continuing to head down dark paths that you'd already started to show in the first chapter, and while it was sad to see Cadmus in particular fall further into despair, it's not particularly suprising. They're not just caricatures of bad people, though - I can definitely see a little more complexity in Antioch in particular, which I like.

Ignotus, on the other hand - I was a little surprised by how you dealt with him. I guess I was kind of expecting him to just get The Good Brother treatment in juxtaposition to The Bad Brothers, but you didn't really do that. You exposed his flaws, too, and made him look petty - but still redeemable, which I'm not sure is true of the other brothers, at least not from Death's point of view.

As with the last chapter, though, I was surprised at the strength of my dislike for Cadmus, which grew exponentially in this episode. I'm not sure whether it's intentional on your part to present him as the most unsympathetic of all of them or if it's just my interpretation (which wouldn't shock me, actually, as the stone was by far my least favorite of the Deathly Hallows), but either way, he creeps me out more than Antioch, who at least seems to be a little more honest about not being a great person.

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: She kinda got obsessed because they share the seven sins between them, collectively in one family. (Maybe I should make that clearer??)

I don't think of Antioch or Cadmus as villians. I mean, I think that most 'bad guys' don't see themselves as such, and I kinda hoped to show that. Just like Ignotus isn't just 'good'. Everyone has thier faults, which of course Death knows.

Cadmus is certinaly my least favorite, and the catalyst for all this deathly hallow stuff, as we'll (hopefully) see in the next chapter (if I can ever get away from Stand Tall long enough to write it...)

Thank you again for these great reviews, so gald that you enjoyed the piece!


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Review #20, by BeeezieThe Brothers Three: Introduction

11th June 2015:
I read this for the Diadems and thought it was brilliant, but didn't have a chance to review it. But TAR is giving me a great excuse, so here I am! ♥

I love the way you characterized each of the sins in the beginning. I don't think it's always particularly fair, but that fits really well - she's Death, and empathy isn't really part of her nature. And, in fairness, she probably sees the very worst of humanity, not the best, particularly if she's hanging around taverns focusing on sins. Confirmation bias, Death. Confirmation bias.

And I like the way you characterize the Peverell brothers, too. I could see already how they would come to make the choices they did when confronted with Death, though I feel like their motivations are likely going to turn out to be a little different than they were presented in the story we heard in canon. (Which makes sense - it would be a little unrealistic for subtleties of personality to all manage to make their way through centuries to end up being perfect in the late twentieth century!)

Antioch was thoroughly unpleasant, of course - but I found Cadmus more interesting. I actually expected to feel really bad for him once I heard his backstory... but as I read on, I realized that I didn't, not really. It was sad, certainly, and I did sympathize to some extent, but mostly I was just a little disgusted, particularly at his lack of concern for his remaining children and especially when he seemed to be saying that it "should" have been Antioch's wife to die, not his. I mean, come on - it's not her fault her husband is scum.

Amazing chapter.

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Bahaha! Confirmation bias. You get me.

I'm glad that you enjoy it, I am definitely utilizing the fact that their characters have been simplified over decades into one dimensional character of a legend, and I'm trying to expound upon that.

I'm so glad that you enjoyed it, and proud that it even was nominated for a diadem!

Thank you for the lovely review!


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Review #21, by Beeezieto the end of time: Should Have Said

11th June 2015:
Yesss, excuse to come back to this story! I love this story.

This was an incredibly upsetting chapter because of the content, but it was always going to be, and you really did execute it perfectly. I felt Parvati's hesitation, and I could absolutely see how the moment before the battle got lost - I totally understand why Parvati hasn't said anything and what she's going through, but at the same time... Parvati, the time to say something is before an enormous battle - and by before, I mean days/weeks/months before, not five minutes before.

It's just really wretched, though, because again, I get why she didn't say anything.

I really loved her frantic attempts to get to Lavender, and it was nice to see Padma and Seamus pulling her away - I know that the focus of the story is on Parvati and Lavender, which is how it should be, but I feel like you work in a lot of offhanded details about their friends and Padma that hint at a much stronger relationship and history that happens to be most off-page. It's subtle and really beautifully done... like everything in this story, really!

I would have liked to see a chapter or two from the school year preceeding the battle, though - I'm curious about how Parvati experienced her feelings for Lavender given everything else that was going on.

Otherwise, though, this was wonderful. I'm sorry it took me so long to get back to it, and I can't wait for the next chapter!

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #22, by BeeezieForest: Forest

11th June 2015:
Wow. This was so beyond adorable.

Personally, I'm a huge fan of both magizoology and queer girls/women, so I knew I was going to love this as soon as I started reading - and did I ever.

I loved the way you characterized Lily - the way she tripped over her own tongue in the beginning and ended up feeling super embarassed for asking Elia what year she was in felt so realistic to me - it was really a bit of an overreaction, which kids and teens tend to be known for. And, her ignorance about unicorns/unicorn foals was really endearing, especially since she'd snuck off to the Forbidden Forest in the first place.

And I understand the claustrophobia she hints at, too - I feel like the next-gen Wotter clan often gets portrayed as a big happy family, but I can absolutely see how it could get a little overbearing, and I'm glad you touched on that. It felt like a perfect justification for why rule-abiding Lily would wander into the Forbidden Forest.

And she was so taken with Elia so immediately - it was beyond adorable, and it seemed like Lily only got more enamored as the story went on. I could understand why, especially seeing Elia through Lily's eyes - she came across to me as someone who's got a really distinct view of the world and is happy to explore and experience the world on her own - which I think is really, really good for Lily, particularly given how big and loud her family can be.

I love that Elia made the first move - I was so hoping when you brought them back to the clearing and Lily was wondering why that this would be the result! This was so adorable and fluffy - I loved it. ♥

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #23, by BeeezieWhen It Matters: When It Matters

11th June 2015:
Carla. ♥

I've been staying away from Scoroses while I work on mine, but I figured that a one-shot wouldn't hurt my focus too much. And oh my god, I'm so glad I clicked on this.

There are so many things I really liked about this - while it's a one-shot, there were so many hints of the broader context than just this one day, and that really brought the world to life for me.

The brief mention of just a tiny bit of tension between James and Albus over Al's sorting worked perfectly - it wasn't overdone, but it did give me some idea of their relationship. I also loved that Rose described Scorpius as really kind - it's kind of a trope to make Slytherins a little irredeemable, I think, which is annoying because I don't think that's the core of Slytherin at all. I loved the way you acknowledged that - subtly, but it made me smile.

I also loved the way you described winter - it made me wish it was winter outside now, when it's only just starting to hit summer. Rose thinking about liking the way the biting cold feels hit me really close to home, because I totally understand the sentiment.

And their feelings for each other. Omg, this was the cutest thing ever. I wanted to hug them both and giggle a lot, because aw.

Loved this!

Btw, you are unfair. You're an amazing artist and I'm discovering that you're also a wonderful writer and I am being eaten alive by envy now. (The good kind, of course. :P)

House Cup 2015 - Ravenclaw

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Review #24, by BeeezieThe Man With the Twisted Face: Outsider

3rd June 2015:
Hey! I'm here for BvB!

I'm happy to get in right after you, because I've been wanting to get back to this story - I really enjoyed the first two chapters, and I liked this one, too!

One of the things that's really wonderful about this story is how much you muddy the waters. There's nothing clear cut here - yes, the Death Eaters are awful, but that doesn't mean that people on the right side conduct themselves well all the time. And, in fact, Fabian conducted himself very, very poorly here.

I actually liked that a lot, because I think it gets at the darker side of Gryffindor. We see the best of them (overall, anyway) in the series, but the same qualities that make them brave and inspiring can also make them bullies, and Fabian is without a doubt acting like a bully here. There's nothing noble about baiting a kid you don't know, but it is rash and impulsive. Those are two very Gryffindor traits, and Antonin clearly reacts to them - and from the end of the chapter, it's pretty clear that he identifies them as such.

But, even though this is from Antonin's point of view and I really sympathize with him here, I can kind of see this from Fabian's side of it, too. On one hand, it's a nasty thing to do to go after a kid you don't know - but on the other, as I think about it, there's also only so much "benefit of the doubt" to go around before you get tired of it. And, from what we see of Antonin's encounters (or lack thereof) with his housemates, the vast majority of Slytherins really do buy into the blood purity thing.

It's really fascinating, and there aren't any easy answers - and I can totally see how, after a tough day where his beliefs are shaken, Antonin would fall in with the first people to show him kindness, even if they are future Death Eaters. And, I think that you've really showed the dangers in placing people on pedestals rather than just seeing them as people - Antonin was idealizing Muggles and Gryffindors, when what he really needed to do was just see them as equally deserving of respect.

This is so intriguing. I can't wait for the next update!

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Review #25, by BeeezieCalculus: 11:57

2nd June 2015:
Hey! No worries about leaving it to the 31st - I got caught up in things and waited even longer!

I really enjoyed this chapter. Your prose brought the scene to life for me - I could practically see the park and the dark hotel room, and hear the rain pouring down. (Well, it helps that it was pouring until recently outside my house, but even if it hadn't been, I'd have felt like I could hear it.)

There were a lot of little deft touches that helped make the story, too - I liked the way Tobias Hughes was reflecting on the case and the current political situation, both because it helped to set the stage of the story for me and because it seemed incredibly realistic. I also loved his caution with using magic in a Muggle area, even though it was quiet and nearing midnight - that helped me get a sense of what kind of person he is, and it made sense in the context you've given - it's not surprising that an elderly wizard on the Wizangamot would be strictly by-the-book, and it makes me wonder what way he was going to side.

Because he's clearly not going to side with anyone now. That scene was horrible (but very well done!) - again, I could practically see it in my mind, and I could absolutely feel how frantic he was to get through this. It was so sad and brutal.

And let me talk about the case for a second, because that's super intriguing to me. It sounds like a boring, finicky legal case on the surface, but (as with many such cases) it's something with enormous repercussions. And, not to deviate too heavily from the content of the chapter itself, but as someone who's interested in employment law and legal matters in general, the case itself was really thought-provoking to me.

On one hand, yes - prejudice is wrong, and the system you describe sounds like it's discriminating rather than making a sound business argument in the first place. However, I have to wonder what ramifications a broad judgment would have on other, similar policies that are less clear cut - an example from our world might be charging higher car insurance rates for young men, who (IIRC) are more likely to get into accidents.

Hmm. It's a really interesting backdrop, and I'm totally adding this to my reading list so I can come back during the HC! :) Amazing, amazing job!

Author's Response: Thanks for this wonderful review! It seems just about everyone's lives got crazy during May, so no worries for you either.

I'm glad you enjoyed the setting and characterization for the chapter. I wrestled for quite some time with how to make this chapter work because given the challenge, I didn't want to drag the story on too long (at least initially). Obviously that meant using Hughes's introspective nature to flesh out the political motive rather than doing loads of heavy lifting in terms of chapters to make it crystal clear.

With that said, one of the weaknesses of that approach was the gray area you mentioned in your second-to-last paragraph. The vision for me with this legislation is to create a wizarding version of the Civil Rights Act (from the United States - I don't know any British or European equivalent). How the change would work in practice is someone would have to demonstrate they were discriminated against to even get any shot at relief, but then the business would have a chance to prove that its decision was either: (1) not based on blood purity or (2) fits exceptions that the Wizengamot deems appropriate to create in its final ruling.

Anyway, I've gotten off on a meandering legal track now, but I'm really glad you enjoyed the beginning. Hopefully if you do get a chance to read it through to the end you'll enjoy the remainder as well.

Thanks again!


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