Reading Reviews From Member: Beeezie
  
682 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BeeezieMistaken for Strangers: James Helps A Cat

13th February 2016:
Hey, J! I'm here for BvB. :)

I'm a bit at odds about this chapter. There were a lot of things I really liked, but there were also a fair number of things that came off as a bit awkward to me. I'll try to touch on them both, and hope that you don't feel like I'm being too harsh about the latter. :)

The good:

I really enjoyed the character development in this. While his family was included in a few parts (and wow - Lily really is terrible at naming things!), they definitely weren't the major focus, which did two important things, IMO.

First, it established a new tone to the story: while you've had chapters that didn't really focus on his family before, the tone of this felt to me like it wasn't just a brief respite before he had to wade back into them - it felt to me like the changes in his schedule were helping to distance him from his family in the longer term.

Second, it allowed you to really explore relationships James has with people outside his immediate family; Anna has been a common thread throughout the story, obviously, and Quidditch has been present throughout, but I actually found his interaction with Scorpius to be really interesting, and I wouldn't mind seeing those two spend a little more time together.

The awkward:

While I enjoyed the chapter overall, I didn't feel like the actual writing was really your strongest, particularly not earlier on in the chapter; the dialogue itself was generally fine, but the actions surrounding it didn't always flow very well, and it sometimes felt like your were forcing description in to break up the dialogue rather than because it genuinely added something to the story.

I also felt like your depiction of Scorpius's panic attack felt a little cursory - I can understand not wanting to spend significant space on it, but even so, I'd have liked to see a little more acknowledgement of time passing, even if it was as simple as a couple lines of summary rather than a full depiction of it (or just a reference to it being anxiety rather than a full-blown panic attack).

Overall, I did enjoy the chapter - I just feel like you could tighten up the writing a bit more. :happy:

Author's Response: Hey Branwen!

Thanks so much for this super helpful review. I'm not going to lie-- I think this is the weakest chapter of the story, and that's why I procrastinated posting it for so long. I probably should have done a full rewrite, but I just wasn't invested enough to do that, as terrible as that sounds. So don't worry at all about sounding harsh-- I was honestly expecting much much more criticism! You've really helped me develop as a writer and getting your feedback is very helpful. :)

This chapter is definitely the beginning of a change, as the first part of the story is really family-heavy, and the rest of it is much more about him breaking away (and the consequences thereof). So I'm glad you could kind of sense that!

He and Scorpius definitely develop their own relationship, which pops up a bit in this story and manifests in the Scorose spinoff I'm going to post when this fic is complete. If I had extended this fic further, I definitely would've gone a bit more in-depth on this, but I kinda switched away from making this story as long as I planned for it to be and so this is a bit of a loose end. Sorry to raise your expectations and not deliver!

The writing in this chapter is super super meh. Like I said, I've contemplated doing a whole rewrite of it, but I'm working on other things that inspire me more so I'm not sure if I'll get around to it. If/when I go back, I'll keep in mind your comments-- I've been having trouble pinning down what's so off about it, and what you've pointed out are great places to start!

I'll also keep your comments in mind about Scorpius-- I felt like I was already off on too much of a tangent, but I did want to keep it realistic, so it seems like I didn't find the right balance. Thanks for pointing that out.

I could definitely tighten the writing up a LOT more! Thank you so much for being honest-- I've been dreading getting feedback on this chapter because it reads so terribly to me, and you've helped me understand why I feel like that a lot better. :)

Seriously, never worry about being harsh on this story-- I have a lot of problems with it that I can't quite articulate and it's very useful to hear your criticisms. :)

--J


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Review #2, by BeeezieMistaken for Strangers: James Buys Some Books

6th February 2016:
Hey, J! I'm here for BvB! :)

My heart went out for James here. It's one thing that certain parts of his personality have kind of gotten lost among all of the Weasley-Potter clan at Hogwarts or at family gatherings, but it's pretty clear at this point that even his parents don't really know him when he's not being loud. It's understandable, I guess, and I obviously don't doubt that they love him, but it is a little sad to see.

There was such a difference between his conversation with his mother (as well as with Leanne and Regan) and his conversation with Anna. Despite his slight hesitation in going up to her, he came off as far more relaxed once they started talking.

I found her relative lack of interest in his background a little strange, though. Not necessarily in a bad way, but it does make me think that he's more into her than she is into him. She's happy to engage if books are involved, but other than that, she seems to have limited interest in him. It's mind-boggling to me (characteristic, but still mind-boggling) that after hearing that he had so many family members at Hogwarts, she didn't follow up at all about who they might be. I'm curious to see how their relationship continues to progress.

A little CC -

There were a few points that felt a bit awkward to me. I felt like the paragraph starting, "Regan looked tanner, James decided" would have read much smoother if you'd just worked that description in when they were walking toward him. As is, it reads kind of like James is attracted to Regan, which I don't think was your intention.

Overall, though, I really enjoyed this chapter, and the juxtaposition between James-with-Anna and James-with-family is becoming more and more stark. I can't wait to see where you take it!

Also, just fyi - the dimensions for a chapter image are actually 380x300, not 300x380 - if you can change that asap, that would be great. :)

Author's Response: Hey Branwen, thanks for stopping by! It's always super helpful to hear what you have to say. :)

I agree that the degree to which James/his personality is so overwhelmed by his family is somewhat sad. To be honest, it's heavily inspired by my experiences within my own (large) family, because it's been really easy to get lost in the shuffle and a lot of the time, people expect me to be exactly who I was when they last saw me/when I was much younger. I've also thought about how hard it must be for busy people like Ginny and Harry to connect to their kids when they spend so much time away from Hogwarts, but I think over the story you'll see more of that. Family, as much as it overwhelms him, is very important to James, and his relationship with that really develops throughout the story.

I think it's also hard to relate to his family's reactions because we see such a unique side to him (when he's with Anna), but most of the time he's blending in with his family a lot more. While I was really into that perspective when I wrote most of the story, I realize that it's also limiting and casts a somewhat negative light on his family

I think Anna really lets him relax because there aren't many expectations or preconceived notions there. Your comments about her reactions to him have actually led me to go back and edit the chapter, because I was intending for her to be overwhelmed more than uninterested. I imagine her to be the type of person who goes over conversations in her head afterwards and thinks of lots of things she'd like to say, even though at the time she doesn't know what to do.

Thanks for pointing that out! I went back over and edited a few things. :) That difference is definitely a huge part of this story so I'm glad it's shining through!

I've gone back and just deleted the CIs (sorry validators-- well, sorry to you and your team, Branwen!) because they were never that great to begin with and it's not worth the effort to switch. Thanks for letting me know about that! :)

Thanks again for your helpful comments, Branwen! It's great to hear from you. :)

--J


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Review #3, by BeeezieLetters to loving you: [one]

6th February 2016:
Hey, Anja! I'm here for BvB! :) It's great to have you back for it. ♥

I found your take on the Malfoys post-Battle of Hogwarts to be really believable and realistic. It makes sense that Draco and Narcissa might be held under house arrest; while they were certainly part of the regime, they weren't anywhere near as active in Voldemort's reign of terror as Lucius (and it makes sense that he'd be taken away, too - I just can't imagine him getting off). I also liked that you kept Harry's testimony believable and in keeping with what we actually saw of his perception regarding Draco and Narcissa. He clearly kept his testimony to the objective basics, which makes sense, and the fact that Draco clearly had had no contact with Harry while he was awaiting trial made his confusion when Harry showed up and testified on his behalf quite clear that he had no idea how far Harry had moved past their enmity from school.

I also liked the difference in his and his mother's sentences. I completely agree that Draco really shouldn't have been put in Azkaban - he was a kid, and I'm generally opposed to locking up people for things they did as minors if there's any other solution - but Narcissa was far more complicit and for a much longer period of time than Draco. She did deserve jail time - but the shorter sentence seemed reasonable, given the situation. I love Draco's sentence - I can't wait to see how you depict it!

I also found your take on their respective relationships with Lucius really intriguing, and I'm interested to see how you expand on that further throughout the story. We saw that Lucius was willing to go to great lengths to support Voldemort and that he was quite cavalier with the lives of others, including eleven year old girls about to go to Hogwarts. (Poor Ginny.) I can imagine how that might have manifested in different but still very stressful and anxiety-provoking ways for Draco, and given how devoted Narcissa is toward Draco - yeah, I can see that creating a significant rift.

There were a couple things that felt a little odd, though. In the paragraph starting, "I could feel the heat of blood rushing through my body," Draco referring to himself in the third person seemed a little odd - "my mother and I were locked up for good" would have made much more sense. I also wasn't sure why you didn't mention Dean - I'm pretty sure he was with Harry & co when they were captured, at least in the series.

Other than that, though, this was a great first chapter. I'm so glad you're a Claw again and I'll have more chances to read your stuff! ♥

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Review #4, by BeeezieLa Bête Noire: quand l’étérnité finit.

28th January 2016:
Hey, Laura! I'm here for BvB!

I thought about stopping in on one of your other stories instead - I feel like I've left about half of them half-finished - but this caught my eye and I couldn't resist, so I guess I've got another one of your stories to add to my reading list. ♥

I adored this. It's so haunting and beautifully written - you're such an amazing author. There aren't many authors on HPFF whose prose can match yours, and you're at your best here. You captured Dumbledore so wonderfully here - this fits perfectly with his conversation with Harry at the end of PS. There's a veneer of serenity, but I could also see hints of a deeper and darker undertone. That's Dumbledore as we knew him in a nutshell, I think, and you've done a wonderful job in every fic of yours that I've read that attempts to capture a very complicated man.

I also love the way you characterized Flamel; he's got a very strong personality, and it's interesting to see Dumbledore interacting with someone who's genuinely an equal. I don't think we ever saw someone pushing back against him in canon, not really, especially not to his face - maybe Snape and McGonagall, but even they deferred to his judgment in the end. Flamel is calling him out in ways that are a little bit uncomfortable, and I love it. What he says about Fawkes is amazing. I need to know more so badly!

This review feels so insubstantial, but I just don't know what else to say. You're amazing.

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Review #5, by Beeezieto the end of time: Move In

20th January 2016:
Hey, Claire! I'm here for BvB! So psyched to get back to this story - you know how much I love it.

I think that Padma has a really, really good point here, though I'm not surprised that Parvati doesn't want to see it. Yes, they lived together in school, but that was a very different situation in many ways, and (as Padma also pointed out), Lavender was in a very different place back then. This is a super messy situation, and while I'm obviously happy about it because it'll hopefully move them closer toward a relationship (oh, please have that happen!), it's something that I'd counsel my best friend against if she were to do it. (And, actually, have counseled my best friend against!) Of course, after she'd offered, it would be very, very difficult to just take it back, so I do understand why she's trying to look on the bright side once Lavender is actually moving in.

This is such a tough situation, though, and I feel like Parvati's feelings were probably what caused the impulsive offer in the first place - friendship is wonderful and they're clearly very close, but one consistent thread through this entire story has been that Parvati really, really wants Lavender's approval. This isn't the first time that she's been motivated by wanting to make Lavender happy no matter what, and I love the consistency of that even as they grow up and their situations change.

Amazing job. I loved this, and I'm so happy you're back!

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Review #6, by BeeezieTroublemakers: Troublemakers

19th January 2016:
Hey, Panda! I'm here for BvB!

I loved this premise so much. Those are the best commercials, and they fit troublemakers like James and Sirius so well. And, while this may have been less intentional, I also liked the normalcy of this detention compared with Harry's detentions writing lines, which was quite a bit more sinister than this.

Of course, the tongue twisters are their own form of torture. Poor James - I can't believe she kept him at it for an hour! He's much more patient (and much better at tongue twisters) than I would be in his situation.

And then, of course, came the musical. If anyone would do something that absurd, of course it would be James and Sirius. Poor Professor Ginger - keeping someone at tongue twisters for an hour is cruel, but I'm not sure that even tongue twisters warrant a ball grown and confetti. :P

My only quibble is that I'm not totally sure that James would have been able to cast a talking Patronus while he and Sirius were still in school; I thought Dumbledore had invented that? The two way mirrors would have made more sense to me. Then again, the musical was so amazingly implausible that it doesn't even really matter, haha.

Overall, though, this was hilarious - I loved it. Amazing job.

Author's Response: Hey there Branwen!
Thank you for this fabulous review!

I really enjoyed making James do all of those tongue twisters. I can imagine him being patient about it but inside furiously boiling away. And Professor Ginger was just having too much fun!

I didn't even think about the talking Patronus happening after this. You are definitely right, the mirrors would make a lot more sense. I'll have to go back and change that when I have time. Thank you so much for pointing that out!

~Panda


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Review #7, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: Other Lessons

9th January 2016:
Hey, I'm here for BvB!

I really like the way you started this chapter - it makes sense that both lessons and the curriculum would have changed over the span of nearly two decades, and while her mother's notes must have been helpful, they're not a get out of jail free card, either. ... other than for Binns. Who really, really needs to get sacked already.

I loved that you have Rose struggle with learning charms - it makes complete sense to me that she'd have trouble with some subjects, and her complete lack of subtlety combined with her stubbornness makes this work really well. I also really enjoyed Scorpius mocking Rose over it - as I've said, I really wanted to see him needling at her without any obvious provocation, and this definitely qualifies - and it spurred her on to master the spell in a way that made a lot of sense.

The inclusion of goblin-made materials into the curriculum also works really wonderfully with the overall changes you've made in including goblins in this. My only concern was whether the goblins would really be okay with letting wizards in on their process to such an extreme extent - we saw a lot of paranoia early on. I'm sure you'll cover that appropriately going forward, though.

One quick nitpick:

While I've loved your world building overall, I don't think you've gone as far as you could - and, probably, you should - in creating new teachers. As I mentioned in the last review, it seems very strange to me that the Headmistress is still teaching an entire subject - doesn't she have other things to do? Similarly, Slughorn and Flitwick still being around seems a little odd.

Otherwise, though, great chapter!

Author's Response: So the last review in my list to do, so that you don't go through to the next chapter with unresolved 'issues' with my stuff - well meaning and constructive and good intentioned as the 'issues' are. ;)

And Hermione's notes. She took such good ones that I couldn't see them go to waste. It's also a part of my belief that the teachers would not have stagnated over that time period too, that they would have changed and for the better. So Hermione's notes are useful but not a quick fix.

Except for Binns. Yes, the awful teaching habits of Binns would have had him fired in any modern school that I know of. In some real ways, so should the teaching style of a certain 'evil potions master' have been rectified, if not curtailed. I have some plans for the history of magic lessons, don't you fear.

It is always a struggle for me not to love my characters too much and thus want to make them perfect or spare them some hurts that I know are necessary. For instance, there is a character that I haven't even written one line about, who is destined to die and I feel so sorry for them already.

So I had to give Rose some true weaknesses. She is a bit unlikeable, especially in her treatment of Scorpius, so that makes up some of her imperfections. But that is changeable, and will change over the course of the story - Rose will have a definite character arc where she improves in this area. Remember she is the one that comes to school with all the prejudice and not Scorpius, she has to be disabused of those notions if she is to grow and (hopefully) fall in love with Scorpius.

Anyway, I am getting off track. Charms is one of her weaknesses too. And fitting in with my reasoning, it is for a very good reason too. This is not exactly the case, but Transfiguration is more Gryffindor - you force your will upon the world - and Charms more Slytherin - you have to subtly coax the world into doing your bidding.

Is Scorpius mocking her, or is he not - that's what gets to Rose the most. We know that he is getting some sly measure of his own back at her continued nastiness towards him, but she only suspects it. It fits with each of their characters and also advances the character development of Rose too - a win win situation.

I liked the inclusion of the 'Making stuff' lessons. There are all these wonderful magical items in the wizarding world. Tech subjects are always a favourite with kids in school, I thought it was high time they learnt more tech subject than just potions.

As for how goblins feel about it, again this will be explained not in the future, but in the past. It is addressed in a very big way in an up coming chapter of Harry Potter and the Final Year. There are good reasons, both practical and political, for the sharing of these secrets. The main one of course being that it doesn't matter - the goblins can share the 'secret' all they like, only 'Smiths' can actually make 'goblin made' items, and they are very very rare. Perhaps I should say more about it in this chapter, go back in and add something along those lines to make it clearer.

And finally your nitpick. You would be entirely correct except that you have only seen the teachers who are teaching Rose. We are seeing this world of Hogwarts through the eyes of Rose. We have only seen her teachers. If these teachers were set to retire, and a lot of them will be over the course of this story, then they might share their classes with their replacements and ease the new professors into teaching. If so, then the old teachers would only take the easy classes and the classes that they had to - probably the OWL and/or the NEWT ones. That is what is happening. We shall see the new teachers in the chapters and years to come. For instance there will be a whole new Headmaster to come in the next year and I hope that my readers shall like him.

As of this response the story has had 5469 reads and this chapter has had 195, thank you all.


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Review #8, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: Rose's First Lesson: Transfiguration

7th January 2016:
I'm here for BvB!

So before I get to the rest of the review, I just need to say how much I enjoyed the mention of Garth Nix (as I'm sure you could have guessed, haha). Amazing author, though I would personally have been even more enthused if you'd mentioned the Old Kingdom series. :P

I loved how lost Rose got in her book - it's something that I think most readers have experienced. When I was a kid, my parents would have to call me to dinner about five times before I even processed it - I was just so absorbed in my book that I didn't notice that. That makes Rose's irritation with Scorpius feel a little more understandable to me here than it usually does - I was always a little temperamental after being interrupted, too!

I also loved the Transfiguration lesson - the way you explained it was wonderful, because it complemented what we'd learned in the books beautifully while still adding your own interpretation into the very heart of what transfiguration is and how it works. I loved the way McGonagall explained what makes transfiguration spells easier and harder, and the lesson felt more practical and tailored to the individual students' learning styles and needs than lessons we saw in the book.

A few issues did pop up for me, though. I'm not sure whether they'll be addressed in the future or not, but either way, I thought I'd point them out.

Initially, when Rose talked about being in Australia, I'd assumed that she meant for a visit. But then she mentioned primary school, which would presumably imply an entire year. I'm still a little confused about why she'd do that, and about why her grandparents are still in Australia at all - did they just decide to stay there after Hermione lifted the memory charm?'

I also do still feel like you could be doing a better job at absorbing us into Rose's emotions and response to Scorpius. Given how well you've done so elsewhere, it sticks out a bit when the crux of her irritation with Scorpius is "for some reason" - even if she can't identify what's annoying her about him, it would seem more realistic to me if there was some internal progression.

I also wasn't sure why the Headmistress was teaching classes - presumably she has other things to do, and Dumbledore never did. Maybe this is just a one-time thing, but regardless, I'd have liked that to be expanded on a little more.

Overall, though, another excellent chapter!

Author's Response: Chewing through these responses quickly because some of your criticism from the next review in line, should have been answered in reading a response to this one first.

I so knew that you would love the mention of Mr Nix, though it might not have been personally tailored to your particular likes. ;) It could have been any of his series - I like them all - but I referenced the Trouble Twisters series because it had more bearing upon the thoughts of Rose that I wanted to highlight, as well as being more appropriate for an eleven year old.

Yes, when Rose is interrupted she did get a bit testy. But did you see, that before she knew who it was she was inclined to be polite? Once she saw it was him, that's when she said what she did. The 'mental lag' left over from reading was also the reason that she said all that she did. She didn't really mean for it come all out, as she thinks to her regret later in the scene.

So the transfiguration is a bit of my head cannon mixed in with a bit of logic too. I'm really glad that it has struck a sympathetic chord amongst my readership. It also shows a reason for Rose to be so good at it. More will be developed about it along the way.

And McGonagall too, I really wanted to show that she hadn't been standing still as a teacher - that she had grown over the years. This also falls into one of the areas that you found a bit strange. I thought that I had made it clear in the chapter, but McGonagall is only really teaching this first year class and not terribly many others. She says - "I had less and less time to teach, but I was intrigued by you lot so I took on the first years for one last time." She might be also seeing her last NEWT class through to completion too, but Rose is unaware of it. I think that she is taking this class in particular, because Hermione was a bit of a favourite (as much as she showed that she had any) and I think that she would like to see just what her daughter would be like.

I not only like her as a character, but found that I really love to write her. She is such a joy to write, especially as how I have her retiring - she can finally let her hair down and show some of her Gryffindorness through that her strictness up till now has largely hidden. I always loved that bit in the books when she whispered out of the corner of her mouth to Peves on how to unscrew the chandelier during Umbridge's rein. I wanted to recapture that, especially with her treatment of Fred and James. We shall see a bit more of that latter.

The stuff about Hermione's parents won't really be discussed in the future so much as in the past. It will feature in an upcoming chapter of my other story set in the Post-Hogwarts era. But yes they did stay in Australia, and also Rose stayed with them for a year and did a year of primary school whilst she was there. There are a few reasons for this, but one main one is that there will be some 'Australianisims' that creep through my writing. They can be explained easily enough as being a product of Rose's stay there and that the story is being written through largely her point of view.

Part of the reason that there has been no real progression of her feelings for him is that there has really not been that much, progression that is. Remember, even though this is the eighth chapter, Rose has only known Scorpius for three days by this stage - it is the morning of the fourth day since they met. There hasn't been much time for anything to progress. Also it is for 'some reason' that she doesn't really know - for Rose that is. We all know, or hopefully I have made it obvious, that she finds him attractive, but doesn't understand what it is having never really experienced the emotion before and being incredibly emotionally naive (and a bit repressed to in that way).

As always, I'm glad that someone I like and respect liked my story - it is very pleasing to me. As of this response the story as a whole has had 5467 reads and this chapter has had 259, thank you all.


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Review #9, by BeeezieA Stocking for Dobby: A Stocking for Dobby

7th January 2016:
Hey, I'm here for BvB! I hope it's okay that I'm reviewing this - I just clicked on one of your signature links, and had no idea it was so old until I read the A/N.

This was a really cute one-shot. I love the idea of Harry trying to raise awareness about house elves as well as tangible financial resources to help them. It suits what we know about him as a character, and it's particularly fitting that he'd hang the stocking for Dobby, who was so important to him in a lot of different ways even before he died trying to save Harry and his friends. It fit particularly nicely with the Weasleys' Christmas as we saw it in the first scene; the love and acceptance that was so clear from the gathering transitioned perfectly to Harry talking about Dobby, in a way that I don't know that anything else would have managed. The time skips forward to show that this was a widespread and ongoing thing, rather than a one-time awareness campaign that didn't reach far past Harry himself, made this so much more meaningful, too.

While I liked the concept overall, though, I wasn't entirely sure about the scene with Draco in particular - while I can see him donating money, depending on how one sees his character developing after the war, I had a harder time seeing a Draco who chose to marry Pansy Parkinson doing that, and it makes Draco's post-war life seem incredibly sad in the middle of a generally uplifting one-shot. It would have fit better, IMO, for either his mother to complain to him about it or for him to hear about it and do it on his own.

Overall, though, this was a very cute one-shot. Nice job. :)

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review. Yeah, this was written in my first year of fanfic writing and would be quite different if written now, especially the scenes with George and Draco. At the time, I didn't know that George ended up with Angelina or Draco with Astoria.

I definitely would have portrayed Narcissa softer, and Draco would have used it as a teaching moment for his son instead of doing it in secret. I believe he would have kept it anonymous still, but wouldn't have had the negative reaction from his family, except Lucius maybe.

I'm glad you liked the scenes with Harry and the Weasleys, I think I write them pretty well, and I've always had a feel for Harry's voice. I don't think he'd want to free all the house-elves, but helping the mistreated ones find better employment is something he'd definitely do.

Thanks again, much appreciated.


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Review #10, by BeeezieThe Twelve Days of Christmas: Victoire

5th January 2016:
Hey, Stef! I'm here for BvB! :)

I absolutely loved this chapter - it was adorable on so many levels! The fact that Teddy and Victoire named their daughter Nymph was heart-warming and heart-breaking all at once. I loved seeing Tonks remembered like that, but the reminder that she never even saw her son grow up, let alone her granddaughter, was like a punch in the gut. A good kind, though? I guess?

The way you turned what was supposed to be a nice trip to see Santa into a fiasco was perfect, particularly given that Nymph is so young. Outings with babies never seem to go as smoothly as they should, though it's not surprising that as new parents, Teddy and Victoire are still figuring that out. Using the picture as their Christmas card was perfect, too - while I get that Victoire was hoping for a proper photo that she could show people for them to oo and ah at, I feel like this is probably a more common experience! I'm sure that more than one recipient will have their own similar stories to share next time they see them, too - this could definitely lead to a trip down a particularly disastrous memory lane. :P

Wonderful job.

Author's Response: Hello!

Thanks for the lovely review!

I'm so happy that you liked this! And I saw that you posted a quote from this one-shot in the new Squee the Claw thread! Thank you so much for that mention! It's so kind of you!!

I'm glad you liked this. It is definitely sad that Tonks never saw her son, let alone her granddaughter, grow up. I think she'd be such a fun mother and grandmother. But it's always been my headcanon that Teddy honours his parents memory in many ways, naming his daughter after his mother is just one of them.

Babies, from what I understand, are always causing surprises. And as new parents Teddy and Victoire are definitely still figuring it all out. But they did get a pretty fun photo here that I'm sure they'll keep for years to come :)

Thank you again for reading!

Stefanie


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Review #11, by BeeezieA Binary System: je suis vide

4th January 2016:
Hey, Olivia! I'm here for BvB!

So I really, really loved this. The way you describe their relationship building felt so realistic - there wasn't this crazy immediate crazy You Are The One attraction, but rather something that grew bit by bit. It was lovely to read about, and it really fit for me into what we know about Remus and Sirius as people - because while there's a definite undercurrent of the Sirius-as-heartbreaking-flirt trope in the HP fandom, there really wasn't any evidence of it in the books. I really believed Remus's feelings and I was so happy when they got together - and so gutted when you threw a huge wrench into it before they even left Hogwarts.

I'm glad you did, though. I don't think I've ever read anything else that really explores how Remus would have reacted to Sirius's prank, and I've never really thought of it from Remus's perspective. But now that you've made me - oh my god, you're so right. Werewolf or not, the knowledge that he'd caused someone's death would have weighed very heavily on Remus, and while I don't believe Sirius was thinking in those terms... It kind of doesn't matter. He should have been, both as Remus's friend and as his boyfriend. If I were Remus, I'd also have been really disturbed and hurt by that betrayal, and it gives a really interesting spin to his interactions with Harry and to the schism between them, which I've always wondered about.

You did an amazing job with this, and I'm so happy I've read it.

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Review #12, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: Hat’s for House-Elves

3rd January 2016:
Hey, I'm back for BvB!

Just a couple quick nitpicks:

I noticed a few typos early in the chapter. I think the chapter title should be "Hats for House-Elves" and that there should be a period after the first
"Sunday." I also felt like "the previous day" or "the day before" might have worked better in the context of the story than "yesterday," which to me works better in dialogue or a present-tense narrative.

That aside:

I could really understand why the "fan club" rubbed Rose the wrong way. I mentioned last chapter that I wished you'd show more of Rose's reaction, and you've done that here - it's very easy for me to empathize with her about this, because I'd also be quite irritated by the entire situation. While I do get the sense that he wasn't really enjoying the attention, there is a certain privilege in getting the attention regardless - he has a huge group of potential friends he didn't have to do anything for, and whether or not he chooses to pursue any of those friendships, it's a choice no one else seems to have. I do sympathize with him, but I sympathize with Rose, too.

That said, I do still feel like you could be portraying her as a more sympathetic character overall, and part of the issue is that you're sometimes telling where I think showing would be sufficient. For example, when she goes to meet the house elves, you say that The one thing she’d not taken into account, of course, was that it wasn’t going to be only herself involved. No, she’d completely discounted the fact it also depended upon how the house-elves themselves would take her gesture. So completely sure of herself and the positive outcome she was sure she’d receive; she went down to the kitchens with no doubts about her reception. I think that spelling that out, particularly when you don't typically spell out other characters and the problems with the way they're approaching a given situation, is unnecessary and actually harms the reader to interpret Rose and what's actually a pretty nuanced scene on their own merits.

I find what you're doing with Albus's house situation really interesting. I'm still not 100% sure I love the concept, but you're executing it well, and it's definitely leading to some very interesting family dynamics, particularly with James. It seems to me like being between all four houses has the potential to help Albus mature as a person in ways he wouldn't otherwise, until he's finally sorted into a permanent house. (If that ever happens - I'm not convinced, and I still don't see any Slytherin in him.) I can see why he'd find the snakes in the common room off-putting, either way.

Overall, another great chapter! :)

Author's Response: I'm also back, for more responses.

The title *sigh* will go and fix it, thanks.

But the thing about the 'yesterday' is that I am writing her thoughts and so I think that she would think 'yesterday' - as you point out if it were first-person. I think that what I shall do is italicise them, as if it is her direct thoughts (which they are). A subtle re-write might get what I want to achieve across better.

Yes, his fan club, his ready-made, father bought, fan club. It might rub anyone up the wrong way, but someone who is looking for reasons to dislike him ...

I put the Malfoy Scholarship in for a few reasons. There are some obvious ones: it does say something about the character of Draco, for instance. But also I needed to give Scorpius something that would balance out all of the 'Weasley Clan' that Rose has to fall back upon. The story needed some balance there. Also it allows Dawn some financial independence that she wouldn't otherwise have, given the background I want to establish for her. JKR explored the relation between two friends, one of whom had money and one of whom had little. She did so well and ably and I did not want to repeat what she had done, neither was I interested in exploring it either.

You know I wondered about the inclusion of those sentences. I still don't know if I should have or not. It does break the 'in-the-present' style of the narrative that I have been using. Your words are making me doubt its inclusion even more. I shall have to think about it.

Albus's house situation is a bit of an experiment, I will definitely give you that. I think that it's worth it from what it says about his character and from some of the plot lines that it can engender. I don't necessarily think that it should happen, but it works for my story, and in some real respects that's all that matters. The way I've seen him written, he could belong in any house; that was the jumping off point for me and got me thinking, 'if he could be in any, wh not put him in all...'

As to you not seeing any Slytherin in him, half the stories that I read where he's placed in Slytherin only, I don't see the Slytherin in him. Being Slytherin I believe is not an obvious set of traits, I think that they will come to the fore the longer you know the person. Unless of course you take the 'all Slytherins are evil or stuck-up purebloods or thugs' that is almost de rigueur for the members of that house in the JKR books. I am really taking a leaf from your book about how Slytherins think and act - you really explain and show it so well in the character of your Scorpius. The thing about them being results driven and not rushing into things, thinking before they act. Pondering the ramifications of their actions before committing themselves to some path that has no recourse. All of that sort of stuff. So as to Albus, I am taking the tack that we will see more of his Slytherin side in his sly and subtle sense of humour.

There is one thing that concerned me about this review. Even though it comprises most of the chapter, you didn't mention what happened with the House-elves at all. I was sad for some reason after I read this review and I wondered why. When I analysed my feelings I realised that it was the lack of discussion of the House-elf stuff. Did you not mention it because you didn't like it? I hope not because the House-elves do feature quite a bit more, especially in this first year.

Thank you for the review, I didn't mean to finish on such a downer - I really did appreciate and enjoy it. All of the stuff that you are seeing of the characters of the main two protagonist is fairly spot on. The only things that you are not getting are things that I haven't really revealed as of yet. As of this response the story as a whole has had 5467 reads and this chapter has had 305, thank you all.


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Review #13, by BeeezieBedtime for Luna: Bedtime for Luna

1st January 2016:
Hey, I'm here for BvB!

This was such a cute story! I loved the way you integrated a lot of the things that we know and love about Luna from the very start. I can absolutely see her arguing with a kneazle to not go after gnomes, even though I feel like it's probably about as much use as arguing with a cat to not go after mice! I also really enjoyed the way you drew a parallel between her saying good night to Lorcan and Lysander and her remembering her own mother. It makes sense that Luna would think of her in the quiet moments when everyone else is asleep, and my heart went out to her when she said she wished her mother had been able to meet Rolf. Those quiet moments can really be the hardest, and while you didn't dwell on it, it definitely stood out to me, and it gave her brief conversation with Rolf when she gets in bed a lot more meaning than it would otherwise. I really enjoyed this. The peace surrounding her entire routine was really refreshing, and it's nice to think of Luna like this. Great job!

Branwen

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the very kind review. I'm glad you enjoyed this. I really like to write Luna and think I have a feel for her. I also like to alternate dark stories and fluff.

This is my first original fic here in a while, so it's nice to get a bit of good feedback on it as I start to get back into the swing of it here.

Thanks so much for the BvB review.


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Review #14, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: An Afternoon with Hagrid

1st January 2016:
Hey, I'm back for BvB! :)

While I still feel like Rose took a bit longer to really start to develop as a character than was necessary, I love what you did with her at the beginning of the chapter. There's clearly a lot of thought that's gone into her, and you've done a wonderful job of giving her some of both Ron's and Hermione's personalities without making her a carbon copy of either. Her take on the Forbidden Forest toward the beginning of the chapter was wonderful and felt very realistic; she's clearly brave and adventurous, but she's also clearly got some limits, which is important to emphasize, particularly for an eleven year old. I also love her focus on the library and Madam Pince's reaction to her - sometimes references to the next gen's parents can feel a bit contrived, but it absolutely didn't her.

The only issue I had with Rose was when Scorpius entered the scene. While I do understand that part of the point is that she really, really doesn't like him and isn't being fair, the strength of her reaction felt a little excessive, and I feel like there's no way one can read it without taking Scorpius's side. IMO, the ideal is to show the audience where they're both coming from, even if one is clearly more right than the other, and I don't think you did that here. It's not even necessarily what she does - it's that while you describe her actions, you don't really describe her thought process, even though you did just a few paragraphs up when she and Dawnsfirstbloom were in the library.

That said, once they got to Hagrid's, I loved it. I really enjoyed the way you delved in Hagrid's cooking - Hagrid's cooking was always just a running gag in the books, but you gave it depth in a way that actually made a lot of sense. The mention of the dragons at Gringotts had a similar sort of feel to them - it's subtle world-building that really makes the story, for me, particularly since you were able to tie the details into character development when Scorpius let the multiple-Malfoy-vaults thing slip. There were just so many layers in that very short exchange, and that's really the sort of thing that makes a story for me.

I also like the way you used the visit to Hagrid to develop Scorpius's character in other ways. He's clearly a little stiff and uncomfortable - at first, I thought that he was just awkward when talking to goblins, but no, he's a bit off all the time, isn't he? It's not that he comes off as a bad person or anything, of course - but I do understand how Rose would find him off-putting, because I'd likely have the same reaction. In some ways, though, I wish you'd played that up a little more - it would make Rose feel a little more relatable, where now, she seems like a snob who's just looking for reasons to be irritated with Scorpius.

Overall, though, this was an excellent chapter, and as always, I really enjoyed it. :)

Author's Response: OK, it's time that I responded to my backlog of your reviews to keep abreast of your thoughts and criticisms - constructive as they are, of course.

I really didn't mind the criticism that you had with how slowly I was developing the character of Rose. I am in this for the long game. I recently tallied some of the chapters that I have written and it will only be in the early thirties that we manage to get out of first year. So I knew that you would discover her personality before too long.

I really had a clear image in my mind of how I wanted her to be: far more in tune with how her dad thinks and acts. She's very much a daddy's girl, but she does have her mum's brains and talents. I'm glad that she is becoming clearer to you.

Yes the Forbidden Forest thing, it really does show her sensibilities. She is not a stick in the mud by any means, but she is far more sensible than others have been in rushing in after danger. *cough* her dad and uncle *cough*

I had to really think hard about this one, just why I wrote it the way I did. Once I re-read it I remembered exactly why I had. The answer is revealed the way you wrote - 'it's that while you describe her actions, you don't really describe her thought process.' The thing is, I cannot describe her thought processes when she said, "I didn't say he was invited," because she had none. It was just a knee-jerk reaction to his presence, there was no thought what-so-ever in her response. It popped into her mind and she said it. When she actually stops to think and gets over how there is something about him that gets under her skin, they can co-exist quite pleasantly. Have a look for most of the time with Hagrid, no fighting, no arguing only a dirty look once. Once they leave it's a different matter and one of them says something to wind the other up (to be fair, Rose will generally be the culprit there). But that's the point, she tends to talk before she engages her brain sometimes, especially when her temper is involved. Don't worry, it will come back to haunt her - there is a particular incident when this very matter comes up in third year and then, as if she hadn't learnt her lesson, in sixth year as well.

A lot of this story is filled with bits and pieces of my head cannon and also a bit of wish-fulfilment. I really hated the way that Hagrid lived in a shack, even after he was exonerated, and that his cooking was a running joke. I wanted to make amends and give something back to a character that I loved from the books.

I'm really glad you liked that exchange. I not only wanted to make amends, but I also wanted to give him a reward. Nothing could make him happier than to look after dragons and I wondered just how that could be possible. Because of all the things I am writing about the goblin culture, it was a natural and logical leap to include them. It all just fit together perfectly. The writing gods also favour you when you can put that sort of stuff down and also do it in a way that illuminates the character of the participants.

I knew that the visit to Hagrid's was going to bring out some of Scorpius that we hadn't seen. I imagine him as a lonely boy growing up, some of the reasons will be explored as the tale goes on, but one of his true joys of his younger life was playing with the dogs kept at the Manor.

So think back to when he came to school on the train. He is stiff, he is sure of his reception and that it's going to be bad. This story is told largely through Rose's perspective and so we are limited with seeing things through the lens of her vision and her perceptions. Part of it, you are right, is that she is a bit of a snob and she is trying to find reasons to be irritated with him. But now we the readers are starting to see a bit more of what makes Scorpius tick, even though Rose isn't.

As of this response the story as a whole has had 5467 reads and this chapter has had 482, thank you all.


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Review #15, by BeeezieSplendor and Gloom: Prologue

26th December 2015:
Hey, I'm here for our Ravenclaw holiday fun event! ♥

I'm adding this to my reading list. I loved this prologue. Your prose was haunting and really made my skin crawl, particularly when she was first waking up; at first, I thought she was having a simple nightmare, but as it became clear that this was a more complex and deep-seeded problem than one bad night, I really found myself getting drawn into the story and wondering what had happened to her.

Prologues can be very tricky, because you have to balance keeping your readers intrigued with giving them enough context that they're drawn into the story. That was masterfully done here; I totally understand the mix of horrifying and exciting, but based on what I've read here, I think you should be leaning toward excitement; this is an amazing start!

Happy holidays!

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Review #16, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: Rose Gets Settled In.

13th November 2015:
Hey, I'm back for BvB!

Quick sidetone - I love your chapter image so much. They're all lovely, but this one is particularly so. ♥ (Though quick reminder that I hadn't noticed until now, because I recognize your work - due to some crediting issues, we now require people to credit all banners and CIs, including the ones they made, so remember to add that in when you get the chance.)

I continue to be so fascinated by your characterization of the trio. I do wonder whether you have Ron being a little too open, especially in comparison to Harry and Hermione - a bit more so makes sense, but the extent to which you seem to be setting up is starting to make Ron come off as significantly less mature than his friends, and even though it doesn't seem to me like he's really oversharing, it isn't ideal. That said, I adore the way that you used his stories to segue so seamlessly into Rose's excitement about attending Hogwarts, including her excitement about making new friends and the bit of resentment she feels that Albus has been "stolen" from her.

I love how overwhelmed Dawnsfirstbloom is by everything. Her reaction makes complete sense given her situation, and I really love that you're delving into it in so much detail. My heart went out to her, and while I'm really glad she's gotten the opportunity she has, I can't help but feel bad for everyone who didn't get it. There never seems to be an easy answer for this kind of societal strife.

I am starting to see more of Rose's personality at this point, including a lot of the more positive aspects of it, and I'm really enjoying it. Between this chapter and the last one, I'm understanding a little more of her distaste for Scorpius, and I'm also seeing her loyalty to her friends. I also liked seeing her ingenuity - for a little while, I wasn't really quite sure about the bookmark bit, but once I really stopped to think about, it occurred to me that Fred and George may well have been doing similar things when they were underage, and if Hermione had been a little more prone to rule breaking and raised in a wizarding family, she likely would have been as well - and Ron did say that Rose had inherited her mother's brains.

The sleep thing didn't strike me as off at all, though - I actually really loved your inclusion of it, because while "the heroine doesn't need much sleep" can be a bit of a Mary Sue thing, you've clearly explained and justified it here. People absolutely do need different amounts of sleep, and as someone who falls closer to the "less" end of the spectrum, it's so wonderful to feel like you have more time to do things. When you're sharing space with someone like Rose in in the dormitories, I imagine it would particularly stand out.

A couple things that stood out to me - they're a bit minor, but at the same time, I do think they're worth pointing out, because they have broader implications.

I wasn't a huge fan of the a last name that sounded African in origin and had way too many syllables... etc, either. If just felt a little uncomfortable to me, since you haven't given the same treatment to plenty of other names that Rose likely won't remember. Why not just include the name and then say, "Rose was sure it would take her at least a month to remember all those syllables," for example?

I also want to quickly follow up on some crit I had for the last chapter - the fact that the kid who harassed her before the sorting became a throwaway line really didn't dispel any of my discomfort with the inclusion. In many ways, it made it worse - it's really not a trivial thing to have happen, especially to a young girl in such a new situation, and I still feel like you'd get the sentiment you seem to be looking for if you took the gendered component off the table.

In general, though, great chapter. :)

Author's Response: Thanks for the kind words on the chapter images. I did particularly like this one myself (and the train of the first one, and the sorting hat and ...). I had the image in my mind that I wanted to convey of the bookmark and could only do so poorly by my words in the chapter, so what better way to illustrate it than in the chapter image? I have been meaning to put in those credits and did so just before I answered this.

Ron has definitely been more open about his 'adventures', but do not worry, he has self censored them or omitted those which have been inappropriate for an audience of an eleven year old (and younger). If you want to see how he did so for the kids when they were far younger, then I suggest that you peruse my one-shot, A Story For Bedtime (*tries to look all innocent*). In my mind, Ron was the one to sacrifice his career (such that he had) to look after the children. He always knew and accepted that it was his wife who was destined for greatness in terms of work, and took the hit for her. But it wasn't that bad for him, to me, I think that his sense of fulfilment would be in raising a loving family.

The dislocation would be great for Dawn, but she is a fairly up, doesn't-let-things-get-her-down-for-long, sort of person. As to the effect of those who don't get the opportunity, I never know if I make it clear enough, they don't because they can't. And remember there are millions of Muggles who never get the chance to go to Hogwarts either.

I'm really glad that some of the inner goodness of Rose is getting through. She is good at heart, but we see all that unfair dislike directed at Scorpius so I have to show my audience that it is really the exception rather than the rule.

The stuff about her preforming magic, is something that bothered me from the books. If you think about it, the way the ban on the under-aged use of magic is policed is inherently unfair towards Half-bloods and especially the Muggleborn. Rose, a reader of rules and smart to-boot, has seen the obvious loophole and has exploited it. It also fits in, I think with what Fred and George must have done to have all that WWW stuff ready for school.

Rose's sleep patterns are unashamedly a Mary Sue, but it does help my heroine to achieve all that I have her doing. Without the distractions of the internet, I think that she would employ her time extremely well.

OK, so we have ended the fluffy section of the review/response and now must venture under the magnifying glass of criticism.

In every review, since your first, when you have been including these CC's, you have been putting your finger upon vital stuff. It really is heartening to know that some of my subtle intentions are being discerned.

About Asheya's last name; I cannot put in "Rose was sure it would take her at least a month to remember all those syllables," because that would be entirely incorrect. I cannot say terribly much more about this here without spoiling stuff. The only thing I will say, is that where you wrote - 'since you haven't given the same treatment to plenty of other names that Rose likely won't remember.' - my reply is, "really? Have I now? What are her other room-mates names then, for instance?"

Hopefully, by this response you have read my last and what I said of this matter there. She knows what he did was 'pervy' and boys shouldn't do that to girls, but it's far more academically than practically. For Rose it is far more that her personal space was violated than her person. She doesn't see it as a sexual assault at all, like she was violated, only as something physical like a kick or a punch and she responded in kind. It is only we who can see it from our lens of maturity that know it for the crime that it actually is. To Rose it's over, she dealt with it and it's gone. You my readers will see its full ramifications in the fullness of time.

As of this response there have been 4369 (how inappropriate) reads on my story in total and this chapter has had 405, thank you all.


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Review #17, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: The Sorting Hat’s Greatest Regret

12th November 2015:
Hey, Andrew! I'm back for BvB!

The Harry-as-an-Auror thing was amazing. I can absolutely see him getting a little Mad-Eye Moody about the whole thing, particularly given his childhood and adolescence (which I'd argue may be as responsible for that kind of approach as his career), and I can absolutely understand why he'd take personal safety and constant vigilance so seriously. I also loved that Ron thought that it was a bit overkill, because that's also true to their personalities and backgrounds - while Ron experienced trauma and loss, I think that he was in a fundamentally different place than Harry and Hermione during the war and in terms of the pureblood thing. It showed in the books, and I think you're continuing that here. At the end of the day, Ron chose to fight the Death Eaters and Voldemort - blood traitor or no, they were clearly happy to leave Percy alone during DH, and if Ron had indicated that he wanted to switch sides, he could have. Having that choice changes the equation - quite a bit, I'd argue. Look at DH - Ron had somewhere to go when he was tired of fighting for the fate of the wizarding world, where Harry and Hermione did not. I'm not trying to be super down on Ron - I just thought that that little exchange that you relayed was really, really interesting, and it got me thinking. :)

I loved the Sorting Ceremony. Now I see what you meant in your review response - Rose's sorting is amazing, and I felt so bad for Scorpius when the hat put him in Slytherin despite him clearly not wanting it. (That does indicate to me, though, that he's very, very strongly Slytherin - if it had been close, I'd imagine that the hat would allow him to choose the other one.) I wonder why he was so opposed to being in Slytherin - hmm. I haven't seen an enormous amount of anti-Slytherin stuff yet, other than a bit from Rose. I guess I'll just have to wait and see. ;) I was wondering whether you'd make them all in different houses, but since Dawnsfirstbloom and Rose are both in Gryffindor, that's clearly not going to be the case. I don't know - maybe Albus will be a Slytherin in the end. That'd make it symmetrical, anyway.

Speaking of which - Albus's sorting was really intriguing. He's coming across as a pretty strong Hufflepuff to me, actually, and the hat seemed to be leaning Gryffindor, but I guess we'll see! I'm interested to see how this plays out. The hat has put a lot of pressure on him, and while it's a bit besides the point, this might put a bit of a dent in his Quidditch aspirations, especially given that first years are allowed to try out now.

A little CC - and I might start to press you a bit more since you've said you like the crit. ;)

This is minor, but the bit in the beginning where Rose says that Hagrid is her godparent along with Harry and Ginny seemed a little excessive to me - ditto with Albus, if he has other godparents. I just didn't understand why Hagrid had to be a godparent vs. a good family friend, especially since while the importance of godparents is established in the series, I can't really imagine it being so important to the trio or Ginny that they felt the need to get greedy. The major reason I'm bringing it up isn't so much Hagrid on his own, but that I feel like the kids are starting to come off a bit too much like special butterflies. Albus and Scorpius can speak the goblins' language, Albus and Rose have lots of godparents and unique sorting experiences, Scorpius has a really big club of people who are grateful to him... it just seems to me like you should strip away the unusual things that aren't plot important so that the ones that are feel more plausible.

The bit with the kid grabbing Rose also seemed out of place - they're presumably both eleven, and it made the scene really uncomfortable in a way that I didn't think was necessary. The same effect could have been achieved if he was just poking her or jostling her. Even when the series got dark, there wasn't usually this kind of violence depicted. While I'm sure it happened, I think it needs to be handled delicately. I really didn't like that gendered bullying is how you establish that Rose is able to defend herself, and I really, really didn't like that what's actually quite a big deal ended up getting mostly shoved to the side because of everything else that happened. Dawnsfirstbloom is wrong - the kid didn't get what was coming to him. By not immediately addressing it, Neville essentially endorsed it. I get that maybe he didn't see the whole thing, etc, etc, but it just felt very out of place, and I think that something less gendered would have been far more effective without carrying a lot of the unpleasant undertones that it's impossible to avoid with this sort of thing.

Otherwise, though, I really enjoyed this chapter. Good job!

Author's Response: Again I have to respond to your review out of turn because I cannot let you loose upon the next chapter (and next review *flutters eyelashes*) without responding to this one.

There is not much that I can say about your first paragraph because I basically agree with everything you agree with. It's also a lot more from his job, he has learnt over time that the byword is Constant Vigilance. I have it in my mind that, yes, he can relax and unwind with his family, but it's never all the way - there is always a little part of him that is on the look out to protect everyone. Even actually his enemies from themselves, that's the sort of man I envision he is.

Thank you for the praise about the sorting, I worked really hard to get it to show their various characters. Dawn's is over quickly, she is an open book. Scorpius's is a bit more protracted and the way I look at it is that it's not so much how Slytherin he is, but that the Hat has given him what he needs and not what he wants. And Rose ... well we shall learn a bit more about that later - after Christmas in Second year to be precise. ;)

And finally Albus; Inclusive and smart and crafty and brave Albus. I have seen his wonderful character placed everywhere, so I thought why shouldn't I. As to his Quidditch aspirations, well gollee if you haven't just uncovered a major plot point. Have I said yet in this response, about my head exploding or how much I love your reviews?

OK, rolls up sleeves, now to get to work.

You've had to make me think about this quite a bit and one of the minor upshots is that I now have a bit of a plot bunny concerning the christening; so thank you very much for the extra work there Beeezie, I really appreciate it *drips with sarcasm*

Some of my kids have three godparents, so I didn't find it that strange at all. It's also a part of Harry's (and Hermione's too to some extent) vision of constant vigilance; godparents are important in JKR's world and Harry would want to spread that protection around, just in case. It is also a big thank-you to someone who he knows will love it and who frankly deserves a bit more family.

And in some ways they are all special little butterflies as you put it, deliberately so. As to stripping away the unusual things that are not plot important, I have to say that most of what I've put into these first few chapters are all plot important; almost everything is relevant. I am writing this with the long game in mind, there are some things in these chapters that won't get paid off until seventh year. There's even one thing in the first chapter that will get it's resolution in one of the epilogues; I kid you not.

OK, this last bit. I can understand your criticism and your concern and even your distaste. Let me first say that you are correct. All of what you said is valid. So what I want you to ask yourself is, if I know this, then why did I put it in?

Let me justify some of my decisions. Yes they are all eleven, that is a vital point. To Rose it is really only physical, there is no real sexual component to it for her that much. There are some kids of a highly sexualised nature, from quite young, especially in boys, and their youth and immaturity leads them to make poor and frankly unhealthy decisions/actions. It wasn't just a throw away thing, the inclusion of this act. The surface of it is light and easily dismissed, you are right about the complicity in the act that the teacher has by not addressing it properly; I've seen this happen. Bullies get away with stuff because it is too hard to rectify their behaviour. Instead their victims are asked to modify their already good behaviour into one that enables the bully to keep doing what she/he wants. I have been the victim of bullying, and funnily enough even at 40+, I still am in my workplace (Ugh), so I will not be treating this lightly. Please trust me.

As of this review 4363 reads on my story in total and this chapter has had 408, thank you all.


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Review #18, by BeeeziePretty in Potions: Birds Of A Feather

11th November 2015:
Hey, I'm back! Your responses were so sweet - I'm glad the reviews were helpful and inspiring! :)

I loved the way this started - I can definitely see Malfoys being so focused on manners and propriety, especially in the aftermath of the war - that's one of the things they wouldn't have to disavow with Voldemort's defeat. It's wonderful that James happened to be there for it - presumably, it woke him up, so I wonder how much of it he really processed properly vs. "Howler, yikes."

I'm really intrigued by their relationship! I like the uneasiness she feels toward him (which in retrospect is I think a better word for it than hostility or dislike), and his... semi-protectiveness, I guess? toward her is fascinating. It's really set the stage well for some kind of relationship in the future.

So, Merrick. I really like her character so far, and I love that she's queer - my headcanon Dominique is a lesbian, so I will be beyond psyched if something actually happens between them.

Great job - this continues to be a really engaging story! I'll keep an eye out for updates. :)

Author's Response: They really are! I just cranked out an entire chapter after reading this one :) You'll have to wait to see just how much of it James processed, but it will definitely be mentioned in future chapters. I didn't want to make them outrightly hostile to one another because I just didn't picture their history being like that and it's become a bit of a cliche in James/OC fics. You'll see more on James and the way he feels about Athena in the future but yes, semi-protectiveness is a great way to describe it. I'm so glad you liked Merrick! She's really fun to write and she plays a large role in helping Athena cope with everything. I didn't originally plan for her to be queer or her to have something with Dom, but it just came to me while I was writing the chapter and I thought it was a good idea so I just went with it. I'm really really glad that you liked it. You'll have to see if anything comes of it, however :) I'm so glad you liked it and once again thank you so so much for your reviews.

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Review #19, by BeeezieColors: Blue

11th November 2015:
Hey, I'm here for BvB! I read this earlier and actually nominated a quote for SOTM, so I'm excited to have an excuse to review it. :P

So I love this song - I've actually had it on endless repeat all day - so I was really psyched once I realized that the title was not just a similarity. It's an amazing song to live up to, but you did it justice.

This isn't a long one-shot, which makes the complexity you've managed to integrate into it even more impressive. The first section is so full of hope and passion and youth, but as the story continues, all of that starts to drain from the picture Rose is (metaphorically) painting until everything is left grey and lifeless.

What's wonderful is that there are so many things feeding into that lifelessness. You have such a realistic depiction of the unfortunate cycle substance abuse and mental illness can take in families, even in people who were harmed by those patterns in their own families. It's heartbreaking to see, and it's especially heartbreaking to see Rose fall into it - because that can happen, too. When you're committed to a relationship, problematic behaviors begin to be normalized so that you have a hard time identifying them and can even get drawn into them.

This was so sad, but so good. Amazing job.

Author's Response: Hi Branwen! Thanks so much for dropping by!

I didn't even realize that you nominated me!! Thank you so much for that!!

I too have had this song on repeat for ages and I just knew I had to write the story. Its so hauntingly beautiful. Halsey's voice is amazing.

It was quite a lot of fun actually writing Scorpius and Rose as destructive instead if how I usually write them. Rose certainly has normalized and adopted Scorpius's very terrible habits and he definitely normalized them from watching his own family growing up. Of course, I do think there was a whole host of things that caused both of them to go down this path that I didn't quite touch on here.

Thanks again for the review :)

Stefanie


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Review #20, by BeeezieHurricane Luna: They Love in a City

10th November 2015:
Hey, Beth! I'm here for BvB!

I remember loving Hurricane Luna, so I thought I'd stop by again and review another chapter. (... which I've totally already read and just hadn't reviewed yet. I'm sorry!)

I love your characterization of Rolf. He's so well done - the dichotomy between how reserved he is and how dreamy Luna is works so well, particularly in the context of how long it's taken him to really warm up to her. His discomfort with social interactions, busy streets, and surprises is something that I think is really easy to identify with - I do think that Luna is good for Rolf, but oh my god, I would have the same deer-in-the-headlights response to "let's go spend time with my friends and their kids!" It's nice to see him making the effort anyway, though - from what I've seen of Rolf, I honestly think that a little of Luna's ability to approach situations with a little more confidence would not go amiss.

That's especially true because it seems like once he does put himself out there, it turns out to not actually be that bad. It seemed like the idea of "kid" was a lot more intimidating to him than actually dealing with a child was. If he hadn't ended "I love" with "Paris," I bet he'd have found the reality a lot less scary than he clearly thinks it is.

I also absolutely adore your world-building and the way you've interpreted existing artwork to fit into the secret wizarding world framework. It's so wonderful, and it kind of makes me want to go to a museum and three and wander around doing the same thing.

Amazing job. ♥

Author's Response: What's better than two Beeezie reviews?

Why, THREE, of course! (thanks so much, by the way)

Eeep! So glad you like my Rolf. I know he's very different than what most people's head canon is. But I really thing Luna would need some balance in her life partner - and clearly Rolf needs it as well!

It's been so long since I've worked on this story that I completely forgot about the Paris chapter and incorporating the artwork and architecture into the story.

Wander the Museum at night? That sounds awesome!

♥ Beth


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Review #21, by BeeeziePride and Scorpius: Goblin Friends and Friends of Goblins

10th November 2015:
Sooo I've been keeping a lookout for you on BvB, but I couldn't wait any longer. So I'm back. :P

Judging from the end of the last chapter, I’d originally jumped to the same conclusion as Rose. I love the way you spun that on its head - it’s got a lot of really fascinating implications for Draco’s mindset in the present, and it also gives Albus’s familiarity with Draco’s name a broader context. I’d wondered how Draco came up in conversation often enough to register with Albus, and if the scholarships are something he’s involved in, that makes a lot of sense. It’s also a really elegant way of sidestepping a lot of the Malfoy prejudice that’s often present in next-gen fics, which I love.

I also felt like I started to get a much better idea of who Rose is as a character this chapter, which was nice - as I said in my last review, she was feeling a little less distinctive than the other main characters, and while I still wish we’d seen a bit more positive sides of her personality in the first two chapters, you’ve done an excellent job here. I love that her mind jumps to defending him without any real deliberation even though she doesn’t particularly like him, because she just doesn’t like bullies. I’d bet that she ends up in Gryffindor without much deliberation from the hat.

I’m continuing to love how you portray goblin culture here. It seems like you’ll be continuing to explore it pretty extensively throughout the fic, which is so fascinating - I can’t wait to see where you take it next. The way you’re portraying relationships between goblins based on their individual backgrounds rather than as a monolith is particularly well done; it makes sense, but it’s a level of detail that I think a lot of people wouldn’t have thought of and/or executed as well as you have. Amazing job. :)

A little CC -

Scorpius seemed a little stiff when he was acknowledging the boy in the beginning. They say that he sounds like Draco, and maybe that’s true, but regardless, it just came off as unnatural to me, even in the context of someone who masks his insecurity with being very polite and proper (which seems to be the case to me right now).

And, while I really like the idea of the Malfoy scholarships, the fact that they exist in the first place makes it feel even more unlikely to me that Albus has never even heard the name Malfoy. Even if he doesn’t know about the scholarships in particular - and there’s no special reason why he would - if the Malfoys are that involved in philanthropy, I’d think he’d at least have heard of them, even if he doesn’t have the same context that Rose does.

Overall, though, this was an excellent chapter!

Author's Response: Hi there, I had to respond to this review out of order, because I have to say some things before you move onto the next chapter (and hopefully it's review *blinks winsomely*). And it's such a sweet thing this unexpected review out of turn. What's more, you also keep calling me on stuff, making me defend my decisions and hopefully justifying them.

On to the 'nice' part to the review then ;)

It was my evil intent to cause my readers that 180 degree about-face. In my defense, I also subjected my Heroine to the same dislocation. I wanted it to raise some interesting questions about what senior Malfoy was now like, especially in the light of how Scorpius is - isn't there some conflicting evidence there? All will be revealed in the fullness of time. As to there being no anti-Malfoy prejudice, we shall have to see about the scope of it's presence or absence too in the chapters to come.

You will have plenty of time to get to know Rose's character, she is my main player after all. In these first few chapters, events took the forward position and the exploration of her, beyond her reaction to those events, was necessarily put on the back burner.

What you said about her sorting, once again made my mind explode. You will see why when and if you get to the next chapter.

As to goblin culture, we will see it explored in chapters to come - it is not a major thread, but it is not insignificant one either. I hate it when an author paints another race as conforming to one pre-set stereotype, it basically means they're stupid and not having the same intrinsic worth as humans. JKR was a little guilty of this with her goblins and House-elves, but to be fair one was a slave race and the other were bankers. They were basically ruthless and very concerned with money and property. Have you seen human bankers, they are not terribly dissimilar. If an alien race were to judge the entirety of our species upon one such narrow profession, then we would not come off the better for it. There is such a large range of differences between groups of people who live in different areas of one country, let alone comparing them to a totally different country. I figure to give goblins the same respect and allow that differences in circumstance and location will result in differences in culture and behaviour.

Now onto the part of my response where you make me work for a living.

You would be completely and utterly correct, if Scorpius used his proper diction and manners to only mask his insecurity. You fail to take into account that there may be other reasons for him doing so than just that. I had the reasons for him speaking so posh worked out in a nebulous way and was gong to leave it at that, but other readers called me on it and the formless ideas had to gel and set. The upshot is that there are other reasons for him 'talking posh' (and others doing it too) and these will be delineated in chapters to come. Again, this is one of the fantastic things about fan-fiction, I've got some wonderful chapters coming up (not published as of responding to this) that were done as a direct result of having this sort of feedback from readers.

Remember Rose had not heard of the scholarships either and she had heard of the name of Malfoy. Let me just say that they are not that well known in the Wizarding world - what you have to ask yourself is who gets the scholarships and why? One thing your review has done for me is to make me realise that I have not worked out where I will tell Rose that in the story and hence my readers. So I thank you for that.

Thank you again for such a lovely and unsolicited response, as of this review the story has had 4317 reads and this chapter has had 432, thank you all



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Review #22, by BeeeziePretty in Potions: Firewhisky Blues

9th November 2015:
Huh. Yeah, I’m really enjoying the way you’re unraveling what it means to be a Slytherin in this next-gen universe. It’s a really interesting take on it, and her reaction to the mere idea of being bullied being “avoid avoid avoid” fits really well with her quitting her job after she faces a somewhat similar situation there. I don’t think that she’s a coward, but she’s clearly got different strengths than her brother, and I’m curious to see how those develop over the course of the story.

I also really enjoyed her interaction with James. She clearly doesn’t particularly like him, but I didn’t feel the really deep hatred that I often see in similar situations, which I liked - there was certainly dislike, but I can already see the potential there, which is wonderful.

Again, I’m sorry these were pretty short - I just wanted to stop in and mention something about them, because I really did have a fun time reading these to validate them. :P

Author's Response: I really wanted to make a point of addressing how I think Slytherin is treated post-war because while I think there are many wonderful aspects of the wizarding world and that there's been many improvements made, I don't see them being so quick to completely change their perception of Slytherins as a whole. As I've said, thank you so much for your kind words--I REALLY appreciate it!

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Review #23, by BeeeziePretty in Potions: The Black Sheep

9th November 2015:
Oof. I loved (loved, loved) the bit in the beginning where Athena was talking about breaking the vase and hiding from her mother because she was afraid of getting in trouble. I thought it was a strong chapter in general, but that part just stood out to me as being such a perfect depiction of how children think. I can remember having at least two occasions in my childhood where I reacted in a similar way - not hiding up a tree, of course, but the same frantic and completely unrealistic plans based in a massive overreaction. It was perfect.

And that’s not even getting into the rest of the chapter, which is, as I said, strong all on its own. Your depiction of Lucius and Narcissa is really fascinating, and I’m not quite sure what to think of them yet. I am starting to get a good sense of why she was put in Slytherin. It seems like there’s a lot of nuance in how you see the houses, so I’m really looking forward to seeing where you take this in the future, particularly if she ends up being the head of Slytherin (which I believe Slughorn was, in DH - I’m not sure whether he stayed on?). My heart went out to her when she remembered the little boy dying - I can understand why she’d quit and decide she couldn’t take it, even though it doesn’t seem to have been her fault.

Great job!

Author's Response: When I first started writing this chapter it was SUCH a struggle but once I came up with the idea about vase story it just flowed out of me. Thank you so much for your kind words :)

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Review #24, by BeeeziePretty in Potions: I'll Take You Back to the Start

9th November 2015:
So I don't have time to leave really thorough reviews, but I just read all three chapters of this in the queue and wanted to stop by with some reviews, because I really enjoyed them. :)

This was really well done. I loved the way you introduced Athena - I felt like I got a great sense of her relationship with Scorpius. I particularly enjoyed his threat to use Veritaserum on her if she didn’t tell him what was going on - that’s a very sibling-y thing to do in a lot of ways, and if I hadn’t already known they were siblings, that would have definitely clarified it for me. I also thought that the way you dealt with her quitting her job was excellent - I was left wondering what happened, and while I’ve gathered more of the picture from the other two chapters, I’m still a little fuzzy about the details. For me, that’s a really good thing, because it keeps the focus on Athena and her current struggles and direction, rather than on the past.

Great job!

Author's Response: I mean this in a good way but you've totally just made me cry with your reviews. You're so sweet and I'm so glad to hear that you like them. It's definitely giving me motivation to write more and I can't even express to you how much you've made my week with your kind words :)

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Review #25, by BeeezieHermione Granger: Ron Needed Her.

9th November 2015:
I just realized that I still owe you for our swap awhile ago, so I’m back for chapter two! ♥

I loved the impotence Hermione expresses at the beginning of the chapter when she’s talking about facing Bellatrix. I can totally see why she’d feel that once they were on a level playing field, she’d be a match for Bellatrix - it makes sense on both a personal and post-traumatic level. However, experiencing a situation in which her absolute best still wasn’t good enough and in the end, she needed to be rescued again also helps explain why she’s still clearly so caught up in that moment, even a year after the fact. (And, of course, it wasn’t even really Hermione being rescued - it was Ginny who was the impetus for Molly stepping in.)

And the way you describe the situation after the battle… oh, god. It felt so heartbreakingly realistic - the coughs and the smell that just wouldn’t leave her hair made me shudder, because they felt so real.

They also broke my heart, both for everyone that died and for Hermione herself - who’s still in that situation of feeling like she has to be strong for everyone else. I get it. I really do. But it’s clear that being there for everyone else is causing her to spread herself too thin and not deal with her own trauma, which was considerable.

Poor Hermione. This is completely in character for her, though, and you’ve done an amazing job with her so far.

Author's Response: Hiya Branwen,

TWO amazing reviews - thanks so much!

I'm like a puddle of goo over here because you picked up on exactly what I was trying to convey with this chapter. Every major point in this chapter, you made a comment on and I really appreciate it.

My plan for this is to show her slow descent into herself - and then, hopefully how she finds her way back.

Thanks again!

♥ Beth


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