Reading Reviews From Member: Beeezie
  
538 Reviews Found

Review #1, by BeeezieRule Breaker: The Battle

18th July 2014:
Aww, thank you so much for the dedication! ♥ I'm sad that both the story and the CIs are coming to an end. :( You don't happen to have another novel in the planning stages that will need graphics, do you? :P

I really enjoyed this chapter. Looking back on all of them, I can definitely see how your writing has evolved and improved over time, which is great. The adjective/adverb overuse I'd been noting in early chapters has basically vanished at this point, and the prose as a whole just has a smoother flow to it. (That's not to say your writing was bad at the start, of course! It wasn't! But it has gotten better.)

A couple little pieces of crit:

I would have liked to see a little more about Draco's relationship (or lack thereof) with Wormtail. It's not even so much that I wanted you to spend more time on it, because I agree that Hermione would not have wanted to dwell on it, but I did wish I'd gotten some indication from Draco about how Wormtail affected him, even if it was just a sneer or a kick.

I also was a little confused by Lucius and Narcissa showing up and calling Draco, 'Malfoy.' That seemed very out of character for them. I also felt like Hermione was a bit too nonchalant about their presence - after all, the mending that's happened between her and Draco certainly doesn't extend to them, and I'm not even sure that 'changed sides' is accurate as much as 'defected' is. It's not like they joined the Order, after all.

Overall, though, this was an excellent chapter. I thought that you captured the affection and love that the Malfoys clearly shared for each other perfectly, and I also loved that you didn't ignore their prejudices. Even though there wasn't time to properly address it in the moment, it's clear that they weren't pleased, and it wouldn't shock me if they did take Draco out of the fight by whatever means they had to... because that's something they would do, too.

I also thought that you captured the action elements of the chapter really well. There was a lot going on in it, but throughout the chapter, I felt like I had a very good picture in my head of what was going on, which is a pretty impressive feat given how chaotic the scenes you were describing were. It never got repetitive, either, which was excellent.

Great job, and this was a crazy cliffhanger! I hope you get the next chapter up soon!

Author's Response: Branwen! :D

You completely deserved the dedication! Your CIs give such a beautiful face to these chapters, and your fantastic reviews are really going to help me improve this! (That improvement is going to start happening like...tonight! WHOA.) As for other projects planned...I'm considering a sequel to this, actually! I don't know yet, but I feel like I could continue from where this ends. We'll see, I suppose! I'll be writing a huge, in-depth, overly-emotional blog post on HPFF after I post the epilogue to this story, so maybe I'll decide by then. :)

I'm so happy that you see how my writing has changed! I completely agree that it's gotten better! It's been five years since I started this, after all, and a lot has changed in my style, etc. I'm glad you think it's better now. When I edit the other chapters (starting like...tonight! ;) ), I hope to improve them also. Thanks!

I love your criticism, as always! I'll think how to clarify with Wormtail. As for the word "Malfoy" being shouted...I actually imagined that as one of the fighters in the hall seeing Lucius and shouting that. Huh. I'll have to clarify that as well, oops! But I will fix Hermione's reaction...and pretty much that whole scene for that matter. XD

But I am glad you liked their characterization for the most part, as well as the action-elements here. Thanks again for this fantastic review! I can't believe the end is so close...I barely even want to write it. Edits first, though, and then the end...wow.

Thank you so much for everything.
--Emily


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Review #2, by BeeezieEvent Three - The Plans We Make: The Plans We Make

12th July 2014:
Wow. I knew that something must be really, really urgent for Hermione to make such a simple grammatical mistake.

I'm not sure I've read a single story for this event that focused on Harry and Hermione's friendship. Their friendship is one of my favorite friendships in the series, so I'm really glad I decided to get a few more reviews in and ended up clicking on yours.

This was really nicely done. I can absolutely see Hermione reaching out to Harry upon discovering that she's inadvertently gotten pregnant, and I think that you captured how Harry would respond to such a confidence perfectly. He was clearly trying to help, and through a bit of awkwardness, I think that what he said was helpful. It certainly seemed to make her feel better!

The end was absolutely perfect. I loved them both being wrong about Ron, for once - he's usually pretty predictable, but I feel like this is a very unusual situation!

Great job. I'm so glad I read this.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #3, by BeeezieEvent Three - Saving Teddy: Saving Teddy

12th July 2014:
Awww, this was so cute!

I assumed when I started reading this that "Teddy" referred to Teddy Lupin, and that he was either in trouble or playing a trick on Rose... so I was really surprised when Ron burst in and found a huge spider instead.

I could totally understand Rose's terror, though, especially considering that she's only four, and I loved seeing how Ron's initial reaction was pretty similar. His thought about Rose and Hugo sharing a room really made me laugh. I was also really happy to see how he rallied, though, when it became clear that his daughter needed him - I definitely saw a parallel between that and his going into the forest in their second year because he thought it would help Hermione. I thought you captured Ron perfectly, with appropriate modifications for his new responsibilities.

More than that, though, I loved the way you depicted Rose and Hugo. I find little kids to be really, really hard to write, but you did a brilliant job. I loved this entry.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #4, by BeeezieEvent Three-Into the Flame: Charlie's Test

12th July 2014:
I love this look at Charlie before he became accustomed to working with dragons. There had to be some point where it was a Big Deal - and you did a great job at showing that. I loved the way you talked about the dragons and distinguished between them - which breeds were endangered, their build, their speed... it really heightened my interest in the story, because those are the sorts of little details that, for me, show an author's imagination and the depth of their world development.

I was not expecting where you took this story, though. I was expecting the transfer to just go well and have that be that. Instead, you had Charlie get fried by a dragon.

Really, I didn't see it coming.

But it really made the story something special for me. I mean, I liked it before, but that bit of beauty and recklessness from Charlie really made him feel real to me.

One tiny nitpicky thing - at some points, you capitalize "Pen One" and "Pen Six" as though they're proper nouns, and in some places, you don't. I think that they probably should be capitalized, but more importantly, it should be kept consistent. It's super minor, but I thought I'd mention it. :)

Overall, though, I loved this.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #5, by BeeezieEvent Three: Overcoming Azkaban: Prompt Two

12th July 2014:
This was a really interesting look at Sirius's relationship with Harry. I can absolutely see how Harry, who was often told that he was very like James, would remind Sirius of his best friend in ways that were really painful, especially since most of his memories of James were from when they were still in school and around Harry's age. It was so sad to see that Azkaban had really destroyed so many of Sirius's best memories of his friend.

There were some bits that I wasn't quite sure about, though - when Sirius and Remus talked about James messing up his hair in the books (maybe in HBP), I thought they'd described the habit with some affection. It seemed a little odd to me that now he was being described as hating it.

Overall, though, this was a really creative take on their relationship, and on Sirius's experience post-Azkaban in general!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #6, by BeeezieHead Girl Evans: Lily

12th July 2014:
Huh. I really liked this take on Lily - I feel like it takes her out of the Mary Sue realms and into someone who's a little more realistic. The idea that part of what drove her to be such a powerful witch was competitiveness and the desire to prove people wrong is one that I can believe very easily, and given how many slurs and insults Hermione received when Voldemort was out of power, I can only imagine how much worse it would be to be Lily, who grew up during the First Wizarding War. The internal drive and sentiment that she absolutely had to be tough seemed like it was absolutely the sort of pressure that could mold someone into being as talented and accomplished as Lily is always described as being.

I really enjoyed this little look into Lily's character. Great job.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Branwen, you are my last review!

I'm so glad to hear that you liked this version of Lily. I think if you look at what we're only given in the books, she seems pretty Mary-Sue but if you made up the rest of Lily, you could make her pretty realistic. I feel like in Lily's days, it was either be the best in your classes, especially Defense, or you'd find yourself in the hospital wing with a very bad injury, or dead.

Thank you so much for your awesome review!


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Review #7, by BeeezieEvent 3: At Night's End: The sun sings lullabies.

12th July 2014:
Oh, your prose is so beautiful. As soon as I started reading, I felt like I was transported to the scene you were writing - the description of the night and sunrise is transfixing.

I'd always wondered quite what Ollivander meant when he promised to make Luna a new wand, since we've always been told that the wand chooses the wizard. I loved this take on both his words and that principle overall - you kept both equally true, and the thought Ollivander was clearly putting into what he used to make Luna's wand was really sweet. I loved the detail you got into when you were describing the wood he chose in particular - wand lore can be so fascinating, and this glimpse was so lovely and fulfilling.

This was a nice take on Ollivander himself, too - I think that in the books, he's often depicted as a little creepy, and I liked seeing that there was more to him than that... and it seemed completely fitting that Luna was the one to bring it out.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #8, by BeeezieRunning into Weasley: Running into Weasley

12th July 2014:
Aw, this was really cute!

I thought you did a great job of capturing the uncertainty that tends to surround romance and crushes, particularly in the early stages. A cheerful word here or a smile there can take on so much meaning it's ridiculous, and between that and wandering around pretending to be doing something while really you're hoping to bump into someone came off as really realistic and genuine to me. I also really enjoyed Rosalia intentionally bumping into Louis... and then not planning out what to do after that. Again, it felt very much like a young person nursing a really bad crush, and it made me smile a lot.

Tiny bit of crit - you made a few small mistakes around how you wrote/formatted your dialogue. When you write dialogue, you should use a comma when you're using something like "he said" or "she asked" - they're not really a proper sentence on their own, and they're directly describing the dialogue that came before them. So, for example, in the first sentence, Good morning, Rosalia should have ended in a comma, not a period. (There's an article on the forums that covers this further.) Minor, but I thought I'd point it out.

Overall, though, great entry. :)

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #9, by BeeeziePrompt One: Fluffy Oversized Hummingbirds: Fluffy Oversized Hummingbirds

12th July 2014:
Aww, I really enjoyed this!

It's a cool take on the prompt - I can totally see a professional athlete who's been battling serious injuries losing the support of many of the fans for that alone, let alone taking a swing at another player. And I thought that Oliver's agent was right on the money - yeah, little gestures and photo ops really can help win fans over. They're very fickle.

And I loved how the photographer, who's clearly used to this sort of thing, knew it. I appreciated how you didn't just rehash the Rita Skeeter trope - the reporter certainly resembled her in some ways, but she wasn't a driving force in the story or a major part of the dialogue.

Also - I love your prose. It flows so nicely, and you really manage to get Oliver's personality across through your word choice and the way you phrase things.

Nicely done.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #10, by BeeezieEvent Three: Unicorn: Unicorn

12th July 2014:
Wow. This was a really interesting concept for a piece. I love how you made it really clear from the start that the MC's major motivation was worry about being able to provide for his child - given what we're told in the books about what happens to you when you slay a unicorn, it had to be something pretty extreme for it to be believable.

This was absolutely believable. I could see how he felt backed into a wall, though I was also gratified to see him describe his actions as "cold-blooded murder" - there weren't any excuses, just the desperate attempt to provide for his young daughter after his wife/her mother seems to have died.

But it was clear to me that the people he was with were a lot colder and more hardened than he was, and that he was always ambivalent about what he was doing to the unicorns. That made the ending come off as more believable and genuine that it would have otherwise.

A few little nitpicky things - the formatting seems to have gotten messed up when you posted this chapter, so there's a lot of space between each paragraph. It makes it a little harder to read/follow the story when only a couple paragraphs are visible at a time, so I'd recommend going in and fixing it.

I also wasn't sure about use of the word "dejected" partway through: It may be any day now that I am dejected from my job... - dejected generally just means something along the lines of "sad." Maybe you meant rejected? Similarly, further down, you say: The others murmur their dissent. "Dissent" usually means that you disagree with something - maybe you meant assent instead?

Like I said - pretty nitpicky and minor. Otherwise, this was a really interesting entry, and I enjoyed it a lot. I thought that your characterization was strong, and that your plot was very believable. Nice job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello! Thanks for stopping by!

Thanks for pointing out all these things, they're really helpful. The formatting got a bit messy because when I went to submit it wouldn't let me until I put two returns between each paragraph :(

Definitely, it is cold blooded to murder a unicorn so that was important to put in there.

Thanks for reviewing!
Lauren


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Review #11, by BeeezieIf You Asked Me Now: Who Is It?

12th July 2014:
Aw, I loved this. It was such a beautiful look at Lily's relationship with her mother. In how she described it, I could really see shades of both Molly and Arthur in some ways - their unconditional support, Molly's strength and willingness to do anything to support and protect her children, Arthur's sympathy and tolerance of just about anything.

And I also really enjoyed your take on Lily. You didn't take away from any of her other relationships with this - the strength of her relationships with her father, Rose, and Evalin - but within that, you really emphasized how much her mother means to her, and I thought that the support she gave Lily throughout her school years and her time as a Healer was beautiful.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #12, by BeeezieEvent Three - Dependable: Two Beginnings

12th July 2014:
Aw, I'm not sure why you don't like this! I think it had a graceful and meaningful simplicity about it.

I loved the way that you briefly summarized their initial meeting and each of their years at Hogwarts. You captured Lavender's silliness and carefree spirit beautifully, especially in their earlier years. I also thought that you did a great job at adding depth to little moments in the series - Parvati developing a crush on Harry when he plays "hero," both agreeing who of the trio they would kiss/marry/kill, skipping the third task, accidentally pulling an all-nighter... this was a really lovely picture of their time of innocence.

But you also did an amazing job at showing the harder times - Lavender's first breakup, the fear instilled by the Carrows, and ultimately the excitement of finally acting on the repressive regime. It really made their friendship come alive to me in short, small bursts, and I loved it.

This was more than okay. Way, way more than okay.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #13, by BeeezieEvent Three: Irreparable: Irreparable

12th July 2014:
Poor Marietta. I know we're kind of supposed to agree with Hermione and Harry in the books, but the hex always felt a bit cruel to me. She suffered so much for that one moment of weakness when she was 16 and didn't really understand what was going on or what was at stake.

And you portrayed her predicament perfectly. I loved the idea that she'd never been especially focused on appearance before, but now she was - I can see how suffering something so disfiguring could do that to a person, because now it's not possible for her to just be herself - everyone will be too distracted by her face to take her on her own merits. I can only imagine how much worse that would have gotten when she realized that she was wrong and saw her friends die... you really covered that entire dynamic beautifully.

But I liked that this ended on a bright note. I'm sure Marietta will have setbacks, but I did feel like she had a breakthrough. It was a really positive ending to a sad story.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hi Branwen!

I'm glad you're also able to see the hex in a different light. To be honest, before writing this story I'd never thought about the consequences of the hex on Marietta herself and writing this actually opened up to me how much Marietta probably would have suffered. I'm really pleased to her you liked my portrayal of Marietta's situation in my story here.

I always love happy endings so I almost always can never resist ending it on a good note. I'm glad you seem to like the same :) Thank you for reading. I really appreciate the lovely review you've left!

- Charlotte


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Review #14, by BeeezieFriendship never dies: Friendship never dies

12th July 2014:
This one-shot made me feel so, so bad for Remus. That one night really did essentially steal everything from him, didn't it? With his condition, it was so hard for him to make friends, and when James and Lily died, Peter appeared to die, and Sirius was arrested, he was left with so much guilt and sadness and overwhelming loss... and I can't imagine that there were many people he could confide in about it. And then when he finally got someone back, Sirius was hardly back before he died.

I loved the snippets of their friendship that you showed. They were so clearly filled with such significance to Remus - Sirius's "solution" to his "furry little problem," the four of them running together... But I also liked the idea that Sirius wasn't quite gone - it's an interesting concept, especially with the veil being so mysterious.

Great job. :)

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #15, by BeeezieGolden Days: What a Time to be Alive

12th July 2014:
Aw, this was really cute. I liked going back in their memories with them, to a lot of the best moments in the series - or at least the most entertaining ones. I especially loved their reminiscing about the first time they met Grawp (though in the books, was Ron there for that?) - I'm sure Hermione was close to falling apart, too! I also really appreciated the reference to Kreacher, and their going to look for him at the end of this - it really says a lot about how far he's come!

A minor bit of CC, though -

I wasn't sure about the order they listed the people they lost in the war, or who listed what. I'd think that Harry would be the one who mentioned Lupin, Sirius, and Dumbledore, and not necessarily in that order, and I certainly don't think Colin and Griphook would come before Dumbledore, Sirius, and Dobby. It's minor, but it stood out to me as a bit odd.

Overall, though, excellent job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello there Branwen!

I fixed the whole Grawp thing because someone else had pointed it as well and I felt like such an idiot about it because I completely forgot that Ron wasn't there to meet Grawp so I went back and fixed it.

I took into account about what you said about the order that the names were listed in and I went back and fixed that as well, taking out some names and I think I put in a couple of new ones in their place. i see what you mean about it being odd in the way they were listed.

Thank you so much for your awesome review!


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Review #16, by BeeezieWe Will Rebuild.: We Will Rebuild.

12th July 2014:
I loved the way you depicted Kingsley in this. I think it's absolutely realistic that he'd have a lot of hesitancy about taking the job on - the Wizarding World at that point was pretty much in a shambles. Given Kingsley's position of pretty much total noncompliance with the corrupt regimes under Fudge and under Voldemort, he is an obvious choice and I can see why so much of the world trusts him... but at the same time, you're absolutely right - that must have left him absolutely bone tired.

However, I was glad that if Arthur was going to push Kingsley - albeit it subtly - into accepting the Minister post, he was at least willing to help out by taking on more responsibility, too. I get that Fred's death affects him and his family, but if everyone who lost a loved one refused to step in, the same corrupt, prejudiced people would be in charge.

Toward the end, though, I could see some anticipation and even eagerness at the idea of reforming the Ministry. I thought that this was a great one-shot looking at some of the consequences of Voldemort's downfall!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Thanks for the review.

I think a lot of people would feel some reluctance to take on the huge job of reforming the Ministry and covering the positions of those who died or were corrupt. After all, one of the Weasley kids said Arthur loved running the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office and never wanted promotion. But in a crisis, it's sort of all hands to the deck.

And Kingsley doesn't appear to be a career politician. He was an Auror, so I would imagine taking on the huge responsibility of running the entire Ministry would be a lot of pressure for him.

Thanks again.


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Review #17, by BeeezieEvent Three - Hold On: Comfort

12th July 2014:
Oooh, I felt so bad for both Dennis and his parents here.

I know that you focus primarily on Dennis, but the first bit in particular really made me think about their parents as well. I can't imagine how hard that must have been on them - they lost their sixteen year old son in a war they don't really understand and in a world they had no part in, and now they not only have to grieve for him, they also have to try to keep themselves together enough to be there for their fifteen year old son... who also has a foot and a half in the world that killed his brother. The tension between his parents over the psychologist/psychiatrist made a lot of sense, given that dynamic.

Tiny nitpicky thing, though - AFAIK, "shrink" usually refers to a psychiatrist, which isn't quite the same thing as a psychologist, and it's not clear to me from the context whether Dr. Miller is a Ph.D psychologist or a psychiatrist. It's entirely possible that Dennis's mother was just using whatever word she wanted without really caring about accuracy, but in case it wasn't intentional, I thought I'd point it out.

Beyond that, though, this was perfect, and I loved seeing Andromeda's appearance - she's absolutely used to pain, especially from the Second Wizarding War and especially due to blood status.

This was really insightful. I loved it.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #18, by BeeezieJigsaw Memory: Jigsaw Memory

12th July 2014:
Oh, this was so, so gut-wrenching. I think that in DH, I spend most of my energy feeling bad for Hermione for losing her family, albeit by her own actions and for a (hopefully) limited period of time, that I never really think about what it must have been like for her parents.

This was a wonderful look at what they might have experienced, though. I loved the fleeting sense "Monica" had that something - she didn't know what, but something - was missing, and that what she was experiencing wasn't quite real. You got that sentiment across so well - I could really feel the confusion and even fear that she felt. I absolutely loved how even with the memory charm in place, there was some part of her that still remembered her daughter, and felt a sense of wrongness when she was away... and I really appreciated Ron going with Hermione to retrieve her parents, especially since I'm sure that he had his own grieving to do.

I'm glad this had a happy ending. It made me tear up... a lot of these HC entries have been doing that to me!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: I'm so glad you liked it! It's probably the most stylistic piece I've ever written, and I was afraid that people would get lost, and it would defeat it's purpose. It's wonderful to hear that it worked!

As a mom, I kind of obsessed over the idea, actually. Haha. I really wanted to show that even without memories, after you have a child you're permanently changed. And if you just erase that part of someone, they're not going to be the same person anymore.

I'm so glad you liked it! Thanks for such a wonderful review! You're awesome.


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Review #19, by BeeezieEvent Three - Lament: A Giant and a Phoenix

12th July 2014:
Oh, this was a really lovely look at Grawp! I don't think I've ever read a fic about him before, and I really think you captured him perfectly.

One of my favorite things about this story was the way I felt like you captured Grawp's thoughts - his frame of mind. He was clearly a pretty simple creature, like most giants, and you did an amazing job at portraying that. It was obvious in his stilted, awkward attempt to talk to the bird, and in his memories of all of his prior experiences with birds, and in his ability to distinguish between past birds and this one, even if he couldn't really articulate why this bird is different and beautiful and something that he wants to keep around.

I also loved the idea of Fawkes singling Grawp out to heal, out of everyone hurt in the battle. I think it's because in Grawp, Fawkes saw a little bit of a kindred spirit - some secluded and reclusive and not well-understand.

This was beautiful.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #20, by BeeezieEvent Three: Thestrals: Hugo

12th July 2014:
Oooh, I hadn't processed the change from first to second person in the last chapter, but now I have noticed the progression, and it's yet another thing about this story that I really like.

I love that the third one-shot in this story humanizes the thestrals, in a way. Hugo's losing his grandmother is very, very sad, but it did feel like if any of the three was going to truly gain a connection with thestrals, it's fitting that Hugo was it. The death that Sirius witnessed was horrible; the death that Neville witnessed had a lot of strings attached, even though I doubt that that's what his grandfather intended. But Hugo? He was grieving, but he was also happy that his grandmother left the world with a smile. It was the death, and only the death, that was causing him pain.

And, of course, I'm not sure that it's a coincidence that Hugo is the one who (presumably) grew up outside the specter of war and murder and grief. Even though most of Neville's childhood was in between the wars, his parents had to be a pretty stark reminder of it every time he saw them. Hugo, on the other hand, didn't have that daily reminder - this was just a painful moment, not just a piece in a horrible, twisted puzzle. (I'm assuming.)

Anyway. His encounter with the thestrals was beautifully described. I love the symbolism of him coming across them when he's searching for external quiet and peace, because it seems like to some extent, he found it there with them.

Amazing job.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #21, by BeeezieEvent Three: Thestrals: Neville

12th July 2014:
I have a bit of a soft spot for Neville, and this made me cry.

I'm so, so impressed that you managed to show someone overcoming adversity in 500 words, but you did, and you did it brilliantly. I think that you really captured the essence of who Neville was and what his insecurities were in the beginning of the series - the emphasis on guilt was especially heart-breaking, because I could absolutely see how the combination of feeling like he was letting his grandfather down and feeling like he was an impostor for being in Gryffindor would lead to him feeling like that.

I also really liked your choice to depict Neville as feeling like he'd failed when he tried to stop Harry, Ron, and Hermione. I know that Dumbledore was trying to tell him that he had showed bravery in standing up to them, but I'd always wondered if Neville got the message. I tend to agree with you - I don't think he did, not really. And the line, Your cowardice stops you from admitting your shame? That's genius. It's so well put.

But then you showed him joining Dumbledore's Army, and fighting the Ministry, and leading the rebellion at Hogwarts, and finally even killing Nagini - and I loved the progression you showed. It's not like a flip switched in his fifth year where suddenly, he was brave - it kind of felt like a combination of true maturing and fake-it-til-you-make-it, and I loved it.

Tiny, tiny, note, though - weren't Harry and Neville born at about the same time, since Trelawney's prophecy could have applied to Neville as well? You seemed to have him having his birthday mid-year in this, which wouldn't really work if his birthday is in July.

Like I said - super minor. Overall, this was wonderful.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #22, by BeeezieEvent Three: Thestrals: Sirius

12th July 2014:
Oh, wow. That was brutal to read.

I've always wondered why Sirius ran away from home - I know he hated them, but I always thought that there had to be some especially terrible event that triggered it. I can definitely see something like this being the straw that broke the camel's back - so many of his family members were so prejudiced and deranged that I can easily imagine some pretty awful, messed up things going on in that house or during family gatherings in general... and since Sirius was still a child/teenager, he'd have been pretty powerless to stop it.

It's a really intriguing notion.

And I think that you captured the Potters - and Sirius's relationship with them - perfectly. Particularly if they were shielding him from that, his level of commitment to James and then to Harry would make even more sense; it's not just about love, it's about paying him back.

Amazing entry.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #23, by Beeezielow tide: a meditation

12th July 2014:
Oooh, your description. As I read, I felt like I could smell the salt air and hear the waves on the beach. It was a little jarring to read on and see that the beach, far from putting George in a blissful, relaxed mood, was reminding him of Fred. I can understand it, though, and I really like that you chose this setting to explore his feelings. Given how close they were and what their personalities were like, I can very easily see George having a hard time with activities that are normally fairly carefree and happy because he associates them with his brother. His decision not to join in with Angelina and Lee when they were making the sand castle made a lot of sense, and I was left wondering whether there would be other things that George will sit out because he wanted to keep those associations with his brother... and whether he'd be able to let them go as more time passed.

This was really thought-provoking. Thanks!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

Author's Response: Hello again! Thanks, I'm so glad the descriptions were immersing enough to make you smell the air and hear the waves. I do love descriptions so this is such a wonderful thing to hear about them :) And it's lovely to hear that his actions and feelings made sense given the situation too. Maybe George will be able to let things go after more time. I left it ambiguous intentionally, to leave it up to the reader to decide. Personally, I think that eventually he is able to let go - it's not like he's ever truly letting go of the memory of Fred, after all.

I'm so glad you enjoyed this story, and thank you for your thoughtful review!!!


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Review #24, by BeeezieClementine: Clementine

12th July 2014:
Aw - this was really sweet!

I love the way you captured Fleur. I do think that as the series went on, especially as she and Bill became involved in the Order and suffered losses in the war, she gained some depth and became a little less shallow overall, but this presentation seemed perfect for the Fleur we met in GoF. And, I also thought that it was perfect for someone in this position in general - I think many of us can tend to fixate on fairly insignificant things when we're attracted to someone (or just under pressure in general), especially clothing. Her stress about whether wearing an apricot dress would be too obvious because he has orange hair was perfect.

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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Review #25, by BeeezieThe Writing Desk: Alohomora

11th July 2014:
Wow.

There is so much caught up in these 500 words that I don't even know where to begin.

First: I loved the boggart. I loved it because we saw it torturing Molly Weasley in a very similar way in OotP as it did Sirius here. I'm not sure whether that's a coincidence or whether this boggart revels particularly in portraying horrible deaths, but either way, it's a really interesting parallel.

But more than that - wow, did I feel bad for this boggart. I'm pretty sure that we're not generally supposed to feel bad for dark creatures, particularly not dark creatures who torture our favorite characters, but I really, really did. It had been locked up in that desk for who knows how long when Sirius let it out, and presumably it was locked there for decades more until Molly tried to tackle it. I don't know how self-aware boggarts are, but that just seems like such a terrible, lonely existence.

Second: I thought that your take on Sirius's mother was very, very creepy. From what we heard about her in the books, I can absolutely see her keeping the desk (and the boggart) around out of family pride, and to me, that's just the sign of such a deranged psyche it's difficult to fathom it.

Third: This illustrated perfectly how boggarts, which can be pretty straightforward to deal with in a classroom, are much harder to take in the real world. When one jumps out at you and startles you as this one does to Sirius, it's hard to deal with it. (Not that I'm really sure how one could make the sight of your loved ones laying there dead funny in the first place.)

Great job!

House Cup 2014 Review - Ravenclaw

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