Reading Reviews From Member: TenthWeasley
  
615 Reviews Found

Review #26, by TenthWeasleyThe darkness will come: Before Hogwarts- age 11

15th April 2013:
I like this nice family scene, Harry and Ginny sitting down to talk with Lily about the war. I like to think that it's something that they would have done with all three of their children eventually -- it's too important otherwise!

There were several more typos in this chapter, and the formatting was a bit wonky, but it's nothing a quick bit of editing won't fix. :) I don't think Harry would call his own son thickheaded, either -- maybe self-absorbed? (Parents do call teenagers that!) Have you considered joining the HPFF forums and getting a beta reader? Beta readers are invaluable! And it's a great way to make a new friend, too.

And again, don't be afraid to elaborate! What prompted Lily to ask her parents about the war? What does she think about Uncle Fred? What does the room they're in look like? A story is very much helped by describing the setting, as well as infusing in the dialogue that keeps it flowing, which you're already good at.

Keep it up! More writing makes you better at writing, and you're already two chapters into your story, which is farther than many people get. You should definitely continue writing! ♥

Author's Response: Thank you very much for the wonderfull comments. I've just looked at all your stories, they're all amazing. Well done especially on commitment level!

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Review #27, by TenthWeasleyThe darkness will come: Before Hogwarts-Age 7

15th April 2013:
This was cute! It was a bit short, but that's not always a bad thing. I liked the brother-sister relationships you already gave Lily with James and Albus, and especially how they taunt each other -- I don't think enough people capture that lovely aspect of family life. ;) Although the hat that James forced on Albus sounds horrible, oh my goodness!

If you wanted to extend this chapter a bit, I could suggest perhaps elaborating a bit and giving some backstory. I assume that the family is moving into Grimmauld Place, but why? How does Lily feel about it? Does she explore the house herself? Try picturing what she sees, hears, smells, and write it down!

This is a promising start -- definitely don't give up. :) Your summary was intriguing! I'm off to check out your second chapter, too!

Author's Response: Thank you very much!

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Review #28, by TenthWeasleyPerfect? As if...: Don't judge a book by its cover

15th April 2013:
I've never read about any of Malfoy's children other than Scorpius (who, obviously, is canon -- I wonder if he crops up in this as well), and I don't read about next generation characters in general, but I think you're off to a nice start here. You've started off with an intro chapter to set the story going nicely. I am curious about where you're going with it!

Having Draco marry Hermione after Astoria is something new, too, and those are the creative sorts of spins that are good in stories like these. :) And good old Rita Skeeter, still hanging around! It's a wonder she survived that long, to be hoenst. She's too nosy.

A very interesting beginning! You should keep going!

Author's Response: Thanks. I was a little nervous to put this on here because this is my first fanfic. Thank you for the review.

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Review #29, by TenthWeasleyA day without magic: Finding out

15th April 2013:
Ooh! I've never read a story like this before -- the disappearance of magic? I am very intrigued! I'll bet the moonlight and Ron's headache are somehow involved, although I don't know why yet. I have a feeling you'll tell me!

It's been so long since I've read a story centered around these main canon characters, too. So many people write Marauders, or next gen, or lesser-seen characters like Grindelwald or Colin or what have you. I'm glad I got the chance to do this now!

Please do continue; I want to see where you're going with this. :)

Author's Response: You made my day! Thank you so much for this review! I am planning to continue the story but I'm not going to say anything :P

You are right, I miss reading about the main characters and It's going to be a great adventure writing about them! Keep reading this web page has a lot of interesting stories!

Again, thank you very much :P


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Review #30, by TenthWeasleyLycanthrope: Ava Fen

15th April 2013:
Ooh! This is an intriguing first chapter! You've hooked me in already; it makes me want to read more, and know how Ava's job is going to turn out, and who the mysterious man from the summary is. And the worker killed by a werewolf! Ooh, that would be terrifying. The First Wizarding War was a grim time, to be sure.

I like Ava already, even though we don't know very much about her. She definitely seems smart, if only going by the fact that she got O's on her O.W.L. and N.E.W.T. exams. Not to mention she knows the Ministry's been infiltrated, too.

There are a few points I might make, just to help your story -- the first is that speaking characters generally get their own paragraph, even if the paragraphs end up being a bit short. Rosmerta and Ava's conversation should be split up into more paragraphs to better indicate who's speaking.

The second thing I think could help you would be to keep a constant tense. You often switch between present and past tense for your story, like here:

The room was small, and very cluttered. To the right side of the room, a grand fireplace majestically stands

You should either write "The room is small" or "a grand fireplace majestically stood." You can write the story in either tense, but be consistent!

Overall, though, I think you've got a good start to a story here. I really do want to know where you're going with it! I'll be keeping my eyes out to see if you update. :)

Author's Response: Thank-you so much! I was thrilled with this response, and don't worry, the story gets very exciting :) The second chapter should be up soon, not too much happens in the second chapter, but it just gives you an overview of Ava's first day of work! And about the constant tense, I agree, and I do need to work on that! I was stressing over it, but I still cant decide which I find easier to write in. but, I will work on it :) Thankyou so much again, it is my first fanfiction so im very excited to carry on writing it :D

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Review #31, by TenthWeasleyThe Final Stand: The Final Stand

15th April 2013:
This was extremely interesting! I've never read a story quite like this, from Voldemort's POV, and I think you got into his head really well. You seem to know what made him tick, even up until that last second, and especially what Harry meant (or, rather, didn't mean) to him.

I loved the line about Death Eaters being pawns in his chess game, too; that's nearly exactly how I think of them, and that conjures the perfect picture of the group as a whole. He doesn't care about them; he only uses them to further his advantage. Voldemort feels almost nothing, but is extremely calculating and strategic, and that's something I find pretty fascinating. And even though you used the movie version of his death, it worked here. It still brought home a sense of mortality that I got at the end of the Deathly Hallows book, too. "Slowly dissolving" was a good way to describe it.

The end line, too. ♥ You got Harry very right in this story, and that's not something a lot of people can do.

Please do keep writing! This was really good, and I do mean that. For a first story especially! You've definitely got the potential to keep going.

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Review #32, by TenthWeasleyReason to Fight: Prologue

11th April 2013:
I've started to read this for you, Val! :) And I'm really enjoying it already -- WWII is one of my very favorite periods of history, and you seem to have written it very well thus far. I like broad range of characters you've given us to interact with, too, and I liked that we got small glimpses of all of them in this first chapter.

Hazarding a guess -- Astrid's connected to Fleur in some way? (Watch me be wrong.) I'll get to reading the other two chapters quite soon, but really, I do like this very much! ♥ You should be very proud of just this chapter!

Author's Response: Rachel!

I'm really happy you like the characters, and that you think this is accurate -- it's one of my main worries, because it's not an era I lived in (obviously), yet I still want to write about it realistically.

No, Astrid is related to Hagrid, of course. (Yes, she's Fleur's grandmother.)

Thank you so much for taking some of your time to give this a look &hearts


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Review #33, by TenthWeasleyThose Girls: Those Girls

11th April 2013:
Here for the Ravenclaw review battle! This story took me by surprise -- I'm normally not one for next gen, but I saw that this was your latest one-shot and a Mumford & Sons-inspired one besides, and felt obligated to give it a go. And I really, really ended up enjoying this!

I think I've read a sort of tangled Dominique/Teddy/Victoire before, but by and large I was most impressed with yours. I really like your characters and how you wrote them, even though we read about them for less than 2,000 words. They have distinct personalities crafted for them in such a short time, and that is not an easy thing to do, so more kudos to you for that! Dominique especially feels so real, and she's like a real woman, not a caricature or an idea of one.

There are so many emotions woven throughout this -- anger, desire, heartbreak, defiance -- and angst, of course, always angst. ♥ Which is my favorite, to tell you the truth, and you pulled it off very well! I'm sort of attracted to Teddy, no lie, and even though we know he's flighty and unpromising, I think we're meant to be attracted to him, too, because the first person POV means that we are essentially Dominique for a suspended amount of time.

And the ending! I actually LOVE the way you wrote the ending, because it left me hanging -- I don't know whether she's going to let Teddy in, or make him wait, and it sort of kills me, but it makes me think either option is plausible. A pick-your-own-ending, if you will. Oh, not enough people write those. ♥

Your language was really beautiful, too, and there was a cynicism to its beauty that complimented Dominique wonderfully. The metaphor of the arithmetic of Teddy was fantastic! And describing Teddy through the glass as impressionist. ♥ I am seriously so impressed right now. I feel a bit like I'm rambling, but I was very taken with this one-shot. And you should be very proud of it!

If this doesn't at least place in Kiana's challenge, I'll be very surprised for sure. You wrote this very well, and I'm so glad I took the time to read it. Seriously, brilliantly done!

Author's Response: Hello! Wow thank you so much for taking the time to leave such a lovely review! Mumford and Sons are brilliant- I really love them, so I felt I had to do them justice :P

I've wanted to have a go at a Teddy/Dominique/Victoire for a while- I had quite vivid ideas of them in my head, so it's wonderful to hear that that came across. I'm especially glad that Dominique feels like a real person, as that's exactly what I was hoping for :) She has become someone who defines herself by another person, but I wanted to show that she is really more than that.

Hehe I rather like Teddy too :P I think, in a way, he's been damaged as much as Dominique by the relationship- it isn't doing any good for either of them.

It makes me so happy to read your comments about the ending :) I was praying that people would like it!

Thank you so much for all your wonderful words on the language and suchlike. I swear this review is better written than the story :P It's honestly so good to know that you enjoyed it so much. I get a lovely warm feeling inside every time I look at this review... that sounds weird but I'll go with it!

Thank you so much again!


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Review #34, by TenthWeasleyWhat It's Worth: Here We Go Again

5th April 2013:
I'm so happy to be reading a story of yours again! After I made that status asking for reading requests, I tried out a Harry/Luna novel, but I couldn't make it through the third chapter because it just didn't feel right. I couldn't explain what it was, but I decided to stop reading and pop back into the Unsinkableverse. Whatever was missing in that novel I tried reading, I found here.

On the contrary, this first chapter wasn't slow at all for me (and I've just seen the word count after having to make my way here again due to shutting down my computer, and that did NOT feel like nearly five thousand words). Opening this and reading about Molly and Arthur and Hattie and all the members of this group of friends... it feels a bit like coming back to old friends of my own. ♥

I love that you're actually addressing the rise of Voldemort here, too, because that's something that's so lacking in this era of fic writing. People very much undermine the influence he had on the wizarding world, but that doesn't make sense to me. He had whole communities afraid to speak his name, so knowing that you acknowledge that and are having Cosmo bring up the newspaper, and Cecila's dad working overtime for it, bring a really fresh and welcome layer of authenticity.

Also, just throwing this in there: ARTHUR AND MOLLY ARE TOTALLY ENGAGED. I defy anyone to think otherwise! ;)

I think this is going to be much like my reviewing style from TUMP, and that means that I might not leave reviews on every chapter as I'd prefer to. I wish time constraints dictated my life differently. But I definitely am going to continue reading, and I'm already itching to hit the next-chapter arrow! And you'll hear again from me at the end, if not sooner than that. I can promise you that.

Thank you for writing these stories. This is totally my own headcanon now, too -- I love this so much!

Author's Response: Harry/Luna is an odd ship to me. It doesn't entirely make sense, I guess. I can kind of see the logic, but I don't see the attraction, I suppose. I'm glad you stopped by and started this story though! I hope you enjoy it :)

I'm glad it didn't seem too lengthy/wordy. Re-introducing a large cast such as Unsinkable has is a bit of a pain. Voldemort's rise is a huge plot in this novel, as you said it was the major social issue in this subset of society at the time. There was no avoiding it. Setting up the culture of fear that would result in "people eloping left, right and center" because they were all hyper-aware of their own mortality pretty much ensures a great deal of Voldemort activity.

They really are, and just never make it official haha. It's true. XD

I do understand about getting time to do everything, so no worries, I won't be mad at you for not reviewing every chapter ;) I appreciate any reviews you can send me! Thanks for this, and I hope you like the rest of the story!


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Review #35, by TenthWeasleyBurning Bright: Fading Fast

3rd April 2013:
Hello, Kiana! :) You were last up in the review tag, and that fact coupled with the fact that you had a fairly new one-shot on your page makes me glad I saw it in time. I love stories about any of the Marauders or Regulus (which is, I suppose, why there's a lot of them on my page), and was pleased to see that your latest one-shot was just such a story!

I've read a couple of one-shots before that use the metaphor of stars in talking about Sirius and Regulus, and it always impresses me, thinking that HPFF writers are talented enough to use those names and dig into the history behind them to aid in their writing. I especially like how you tied in Sirius's strength -- for Sirius was, in my opinion, much stronger than his younger brother -- to the strength of Sirius the dog star. I don't know anything about the characteristics of the star/constellation Regulus, and you've made me want to go look them up now, just to align them with the Regulus you portrayed here!

I felt really bad for him throughout the course of the story. :( I think one of the things you best made clear was throughout everything, Regulus was a young -- didn't he die when he was eighteen? He hasn't had the time to strip away the moral fibers of his conscious, like so many of the other Death Eaters he surrounded himself with. Except Bellatrix, but she's just kind of crazy anyway. He's impressionable and scared, and I so wish he'd chosen differently. It's easy to see why he chose to join the ranks of the Death Eaters, especially knowing that he and Sirius always butted heads, and knowing that his parents disapproved of Sirius... but it makes you wonder.

I liked all the repetitions you used in this, too. Words like "burning bright" and "fading," which along with your title tied the whole thing together. And I especially liked the last line, a rather clever reversal of the falling star! And Regulus wrote Sirius letters! Just like my Sirius wrote posthumous letters to Regulus. ;)

Good job, Kiana! I'm glad I got the chance to read this; I enjoyed it very much. ♥ Hopefully I'll see you around soon!

Author's Response: Hey Rachel! I love the Marauders and Regulus too, and I have ton of one-shots half-written about them :P

Yes I know that several other people used that theme too, but it just works so well for them, and really shows their relationship. Canis Major is such a big constellation it fits Sirius so well. As for the Regulus star it is pretty big, but not as big as Sirius so I thought it would be cool to incorporate it ;D

I'm glad that you felt bad for him, as that was the aim of the story ;) I think it was the fact that he was so young and that he just died, and it's so tragic. A lot of people forget about him, so I wanted him to get some sympathy here!

Like you said, he wasn't hardened like the other Death Eaters, and that's probably what contributed to him dying so young. Yes it does make you wonder, and I hope if he and Sirius were closer, he may have not joined the Death Eaters.

I'm glad that you liked the repetition, and I thought it would tie in well with the star theme :P Haha yes I hoped that Regulus would try to contact Sirius, and letters seemed the most fitting!

Thanks for the great review Rachel, and I'm so glad that you enjoyed it :D

-Kiana :D


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Review #36, by TenthWeasleyThis Predicament: The Beginning of It All

2nd April 2013:
I remember you telling me about this story! And now that you've slipped so quickly into the review tag, I get the time to leave you a review for it. How long's it been since I've visited your page? I feel like it's been eons!

Ugh. You know my feelings on the whole Ron/Hermione matter, but Ron should totally be marrying Hermione and not Lavender! I feel so badly for her, too, because it's clear that she always loved Ron, and maybe he loved her too, once upon a time. I'm kind of under the impression that he grew tired of waiting for Hermione to make the move and was too proud or confused or whatever to do it himself, and Lavender was there and willing and he went with the easy option. It would be a Ron thing to do.

But that makes it no easier to read how heartbroken Hermione is here. :( I really do feel for her, and at this point it almost looks like she's got no other options left to her, you know? Which isn't true! Being "the brightest witch of her age" takes its toll; I bet there's all sorts of pressures and expectations that go along with that title.

I like that this isn't going to be a conventional Dramione, though, and that Draco's actually going to be the one to save Hermione, because for the first time (for me) it's Hermione who's making the bad decisions. I guess Ron is, too, but he's not mean or abusive and I'm glad of that. It'll be interesting to see how you bring Draco into this story!

A very promising beginning, Erica! I'm pleased I got to read this for you. :) Hope to see you working on this again soon!

Author's Response: Rachel how I always look forward to your reviews! This review just leaves me with all sorts of feels! I'm so glad that you enjoyed it and that you were able to feel the emotions and understand where I was going with things. I do love Ron and honestly I don't think I could write him as an abusive guy because thats just not him. Maybe if I wrote a super cliched story I could write him that way but otherwise, I like having him as the friend that things got a bit complicated with but never really got off of the ground. Anyways, thank you so much for reading and reviewing!

~Slytherinchica08~


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Review #37, by TenthWeasleyBlack Sands: Prologue

2nd April 2013:
Susan! I was too slow to give this review to you by means of the review tag, but I've been meaning to drop by this story for ages anyway, and once I'd started reading I didn't want to stop. I've loved reading about ancient Egypt ever since I was little and picked up a book on Tutankhamen, and who better to combine it with fan fiction than one of my favorite HPFF authors?

Right away I am SO intrigued about what else you've got in store as far as this story goes, and I hope to return really quickly just to figure it all out. I can't believe more people don't write about ancient Egypt on this site, come to think of it, and you've already made the magic tie together so well with the story. Ay seems like a fantastic villain, if that is indeed what he turns out to be. And I'm going to guess the curse comes back for your protagonists? Oh, I am so excited to see this. You have no idea!

I loved the way you wrote this scene, too, not just because of what went on in it -- although like I said, that's enough to make me want to jump into the next chapter write now -- but because stylistically it felt like ancient Egypt, if that makes sense. The tone your characters spoke and thought in was archaic and lovely and so accurate, in my opinion. And the descriptions were just gorgeous! Ones like this:

The night sky blanketed the world, the only light coming from the tiny pinpricks of light shining from distant stars.

The shape swirled around the tomb and Ankhesenamun could have sworn that she heard it screaming, crying out against its new prison.

That last one sent a chill up my spine. How terrifying is that?!

I cannot wait to come back to this story, and I definitely intend to make it sooner rather than later. This was fantastic! I'm so glad I finally read this first chapter! ♥

Author's Response: This is a wonderful surprise, Rachel! It's a lovely treat to see a review from you, and for this story too! I've enjoyed having the opportunity to write about Egyptian magic and history - it's an exciting area, refreshingly different from the other stories I'm working on. Thank you for the compliments! I'm so glad to be one of your favourite HPFF authors! ^_^

The unfortunate thing is that the prologue is more just background rather than a central part of the story. It places the daemon in the tomb and shows how it was done, but Ay will not return, except in passing. I have found a way of referring back to the prologue more, though, and hopefully it will work. :)

It is a pleasure to hear that the prologue sounded authentic - it was something so new to write, especially within the Potterverse, that it was hard to imagine how magic would have worked back then. It makes this more of an OF than fanfiction (hence why I chose to explore the Blacks in the first official chapter). But to hear compliments about the style and descriptions from you is simply fantastic! I don't know what else to say! ^_^

Thank you very much for taking the time to read and review! It will be wonderful to hear what you think about the rest of this story!


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Review #38, by TenthWeasleyA Hundred Bloodied Sunsets: we will remember

2nd April 2013:
I LOVE the way you wrote this -- and I am completely in awe that you managed to tie all of the Hogwarts fallen into the recurrence of colors and characteristics sunsets. I am such a huge fan of imagery and repeated metaphors, and I think you captured perfectly here the different romantic and poetic facets of sunsets that would apply to these characters. My favorite, I think, was Colin's, and how the winking of the sun is like the flashing of a camera bulb. Seriously, Helen -- brilliant job!

And as I said, your imagery was wonderful. You really know how to describe colors, and it was more like painting with words than just throwing them about as necessary descriptions. I'm not sure if that makes any sense, but it was artistic and lush and just bordering on purple, but purple prose happens. And considering that I'm writing this review on a day that is extremely wet and cold and windy, I like the warmth of these sunset pictures you've put in my head. Even though they are describing death, they're peaceful.

And maybe that's what this is all about (switching from my reviewer's hat to my analyst's one, apparently): Sunsets are an end to a day, and isn't death the same sort of end on a grander scale? And yet we still find peace and beauty in sunsets. Maybe we should look for the same peace in death.

Philosophical musing aside, this was a lovely one-shot, and I'm so glad that out of all the stories on your page, I picked this one to read. I love this challenge, too, and I think it's even more impressive that you were able to get so much out of 500 words! Fabulous job! ♥

Author's Response: HI.

This is such a lovely review thannnk you for leaving this for me (and I want to go to my knee-jerk sorry for the long time it took to respond thing, but it actually hasn't been an obscene wait for once!)

I honestly thought that I couldn't do anything at all with 500 words (I mean, 500!? SURELY you need at least a couple of thousand word chapters to get anything done?) but I was actually quite pleased with how this turned out in the end.

Colin's was the first bit I wrote and I think that remains my favourite :D

As a philosophy student, I fully embrace your analyst's hat. Death is one of those strange, incomprehensible things that I end up thinking about all the time and I definitely like that slant on it (although, easier said than done).

Thank you for such a lovely review! :)


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Review #39, by TenthWeasleyEmpty Chairs at Empty Tables: Where My Friends Will Sing No More

24th March 2013:
What luck that we're paired up for this month's TGS review battle just before you became a new QTR editor! I don't think there's a more fitting way for me to welcome you onto the staff. :) And if I remember correctly, we've been paired up in the past, and I've always liked my pairings, so it's safe to say that I'll enjoy this, too!

I've had a lot of time, in writing the trilogy I'm currently working on, to think about all those who've died or been lost in some way during the first wizarding war. And I think you really nailed the tone of it in this story, too -- there was so much loss in that war, for both sides. There were obviously losses in the second war too, but I think this era is more shadowed and dim in the collective mind of the Potterverse, and that almost makes it more deathlike. Maybe I'm just spewing words now, but what I'm trying to say is that, in a slightly morbid way, I liked that this one-shot focused on those losses, because it's something I'd had on my mind, and you filled in the gaps nicely.

I really liked the style you wrote this in, too! You have a very nice way turning phrases and making things elegant where they might not otherwise be. I think my favorite bit of description in this story was when you were describing anything black or white or gray, especially the marble tiles and how they turned into gray. There was just something in that... and it was real, you know? I can't quite put my finger on what it was, but I liked it.

Drawing inspiration from songs often results in some of my favorite one-shots! And the song you chose is really fitting for the subject, too; I'm almost jealous I didn't think of it myself. ;)

I really enjoyed this, Laura! ♥ I'm glad I got an excuse to read it this month, too. And I'm sure we'll be talking again before long!

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Review #40, by TenthWeasleyProtego: Fate

6th March 2013:
(I'll have you know that I read much of this story listening to that Muse song you linked me too, and it naturally fit extremely well with the story.)

PLOT TWIST SAY WHAT. Not even one-shots are safe from the way you continually pull the wool over my eyes! I had to zoom back up and skim over the story again after finishing because I like going through and picking up on all the little clues. I love the way you told this; it wouldn't have had nearly the same impact chronologically, but even the way you did choose to line up events worked very well for building suspense and keeping me reading. Natch.

It's sort of a tragic end for my favorite next generation pairing (which obviously means YAY, I LOVED IT because I am somewhat sick), but I think you pulled it off really masterfully, as always.

I just... I cannot say enough good things about your writing. ♥

Author's Response: I THINK I AM CAUGHT UP ON RESPONDING TO YOUR REVIEWS AS OF THIS MOMENT. I feel like I should give myself a reward. I just ate a Reese's Egg, a Mr. Goodbar, and a mini bag of Reese's Pieces, so I'm not sure what still qualifies as a reward. I will have to figure something out.

The random order was a sneaky way for me to make readers attach themselves to characters in the past while simultaneously dreading what happens in the future. You know the beginning and the end, and when the second timeline with adult Benjamin clicks into focus it hits that he's TOTALLY GOING TO OFF HIMSELF. He'd been planning to kill his parents before he was born, but arrived too late to the party. The ironic part is that Scorpius saves his son /from/ his son. TIME TRAVEL, MAN.

You da best. ♥


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Review #41, by TenthWeasleyMisplaced Dreams: Prologue: The Ship of Dreams

26th February 2013:
Titanic is my all-time favorite movie, and I've read more books than I care to count on the subject -- so seeing your forums advert for your banner, and then seeing that that banner had Leonardo DiCaprio on it to boot, made me curious! I've never read a Potterverse-centric story about the Titanic before, and this was a very interesting way to start.

I like the relationship you've already built between Nate and Jared, and I'm intrigued as to how you're going to develop that over the course of the story. This was a short prologue, but it led into the rest of the story nicely -- which is, obviously, exactly what a prologue is supposed to do! The ominous note at the end was a nice touch, too, although I do suppose we all know how the ship's story is going to play out. I have a few suspicions about what'll happen, but we'll see if I'm right...

There were a few things I noticed in reading this story that you might want to know about. :) First is comma splices -- you have quite a few in here, and it makes your writing seem a bit more unpolished than it could be. If you haven't looked into those, I'd definitely recommend doing so. One example was here:

We, however, were eighteen and not long out of Hogwarts, just last summer, to be exact. -- There should either be a semicolon or a dash after 'Hogwarts,' or the 'just' should be the start of a new sentence (I'd do it the first way myself). They're two like thoughts, but they're also separate thoughts, and can't be part of the same sentence, even with commas. There were several other examples of this, too, so be on the lookout for those.

And a couple of grammar things:

one look between he and I told me that second ticket belonged to me. -- 'he and I' is not proper grammar here. You wouldn't say "the look passed to I" or "the look passed to he." Although it sounds funny, the correct way to word this sentence is "one look between him and me." I would personally avoid that altogether and rephrase it as "one look between us."

the tickets in my best friend and brother's hands would takes us to it. -- 'takes' should be the singular 'take' instead.

Nice job! I hope I've been of some help to you, and I'm curious to see where this story is going. Keep writing!

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Review #42, by TenthWeasleyThe Anatomy of Genius: The Anatomy of Genius

21st February 2013:
I've been eyeing this story for ages and ages, probably ever since you first posted it. :) I actually remember seeing your announcement at the top of your page about an upcoming James/Lily, and reminding myself to check back and read it... and somehow I have managed to forget, and remind myself again, only to forget again. (My brain sometimes leaves something to be desired.) So now I am finally here to leave you a very long overdue review for this story for the review tag, and it feels like many planets have aligned perfectly!

As with everything you write, this had an incredibly beautiful tone and quality to it. Your style of writing is... I feel that with each review I leave for you, I try and fail to describe it, but maybe it's just beyond words. There is a sort of warmth that I feel in the pit of my stomach when I read really mellifluous words, and that is the kind of warmth that I get when reading your stories, and especially your one-shots. I aspire to have the command of language that you do! Several times in the course of this story I stopped just to read a sentence over again, because there is a precision of English here. I am mixing and muddling up my words, but I hope you know what I'm getting at. :) You know what you want to say, and even better, you know unconventional ways of saying it, and that's what makes your readers listen. It's an incredibly good thing to be able to do.

And then, of course, there is your portrayal of Lily and James beyond how your words flow -- but it is your words that convey them so accurately, actually. I can't remember the last time I read something centered around this pairing that got them so right, without a wall of flat characteristics that are stale and overused and dry. It's like you know them personally, and write about them from experience. This line, especially, was one of my favorites:

James Potter wasn’t the sort to have nightmares, and Lily doubted that he ever would. -- That's just so James! And probably the best thing you did with him is make him simple on the surface, which I would have bought anyway, but you (pleasantly) surprised me, alongside Lily, by making me remember that no one is as simple as they seem on the surface. And it's that sort of character arc that is so, so hard to achieve in novels, let alone one-shots, and it's another reason I love reading your work so much. You get me thinking, and I think maybe three or four other fic authors have accomplished that. I love that.

I can't imagine why I've left this story so long, but I'm so, so thoroughly glad that I've finally found the time and excuse to sit down, and read and review it properly. Every character you write, you do them such poetic justice. :) I'm going to have to go now and recommend this on the forums. I adored this! ♥

Author's Response: How do I even begin to respond to this review! I will offer my apologies for putting off a response - there's no excuse except procrastination. Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review this story! It means a lot to hear your feedback, and I'm very glad that you also enjoyed this story. ^_^

*blushes* Your compliments! Wow! Most of my one-shots are like showpieces to me, where I can experiment with different styles and forms. Unlike the longer stories, which allow for more exploration of character and plot, these short pieces give me the opportunity to play with words. It's why they take me months to write - I keep going back over each part to rework sentences and smooth out the language - it's fantastic that it shows. It's important to me that each sentence not only convey the right meaning, but that it sounds right - the syllables have to be arranged in a way that pleases the ear. Sentences literally have to end on the right note - a flat note takes away from its power. I also love being able to twist meanings and find new metaphors for things. My professors always find it annoying, but I'm glad that you like it. ^_^

Now to respond the next part without just going asdfghjklsquee because that's what came out first. I can't put into words how much it means that you've said these things about my story. Writing Lily and James correctly is what I've striven for for a very long time, and it's never felt as satisfying as did when I wrote this story. They're probably the most difficult Potterverse characters to write because every fan of the series has their own idea of these characters and their (admittedly strange) relationship. They mean so much to the series... and I'll stop now before I ramble on. :P Needless to say, it's the awesomest, bestest thing that you like how both characters turned out in this story.

What you've said here - "no one is as simple as they seem on the surface" - is so important. It's often the lesson that Harry has to learn in the series, and I liked the idea of Lily needing to learn the same thing. Instead of making her hate James, which just leads one into cliche, why not simply make her prejudiced against him? There he is, the pureblooded wizard of comfortable means, while she is at the opposite end of the social spectrum as a Muggleborn from Cokeworth. It made understanding the two characters and how they act toward one another much easier, and I'm kicking myself why I hadn't thought of it sooner - it would have been quite an experience to write it as a novel. :D

Thank you, thank you, thank you! *huggles* No response can be enough for this review.


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Review #43, by TenthWeasleyKettou no Sakura: Chapter One - Homecoming

20th February 2013:
Hey, Renny -- here for the exchange! I have seen this pop up in several review exchanges over the past few months, and I've finally had the chance to read it for myself, which is very neat. Right from the start, the premise for this story is extremely original. I've heard of a few (but not many) fic set in other countries, but never one in Japan, and never one that really world-builds like you've already done here. If you were hoping to make your story stand out from its counterparts, then you have by and large succeeded!

I think probably the thing that struck me the most about this chapter is the depth of the research you've clearly put into it. I really appereciate that as a reader, because it goes with what I said above about world-building: It creates an atmosphere, and it's nice to know that you care enough about your story to put that sort of time and effort into it. I love feeling like I'm there when I'm reading, original fiction or fan fiction, and this was one of the stories that made it easy to picture exactly what you wanted to reader to see.

There was a lot of description in this, too, which contributed to that (I know I'm kind of stuck on that, broken-record style, but that's truly what I got out of this story, how thorough it was!). One of my favorite lines:

The purple, clove-scented smoke flew away from him to join the final great puff of steam -- I have a thing for smoke and mist! And that was really elegant, somehow -- I enjoyed it. The description of the smoke as being clove-scented puts that smell immediately in mind, too, which was great.

Your tying in Pottermore and the cherry-and-dragon-heartstring wand, and the Japanese magic school, and Snape's ancestors... That was perhaps what impressed me the most. Again you ground your story in such thorough realism, and again I'm blown away! I know it's been ages (let's not calculate how long) since I've read The Dream of One Night, but of course your love for Snape isn't ever far from you, and I think you're doing your AU Snape storyline much credit here.

Anyway. I think this was a bit more rambling than I intended, but I hope you'll forgive me for that. :) Great job with this, and do keep doing what you're doing! I'm glad I got to exchange with you at last!

Author's Response: Yaaay! I'm so glad we got to exchange finally too! Same here... it's been, ugh, FOREVER since I last read "In the Black" :( I can't believe you're almost DONE with the trilogy! (way off topic, but one of my favorite bands, the lead singer being the guy I base my own Severus's appearance off of, came out with a song called "In the Black." I always think of Beth when I hear it :D) I wish I had had a tenth (no pun intended) of your dedication and creativity when I was in school. I cringe when I look back now at all the time I used to have and how I spent most of it playing video games or something stupid. Anyway, I'll always appreciate the reviews you left me for my own story :) I more than anyone know sometimes you just can't get back to a story to finish it. I have so many amazing stories here on HPFF, yours included, that I started in the past and know I just probably won't ever get to finish, especially since we'll probably be adding to our family again in a couple years, just when the first one's in school.

Anyway, thanks for this review :D I think the sheer amount of research and time I put into this first chapter is what's taking me so long to get back to work on the second one. I'm pretty familiar with modern Japanese pop culture, but know almost nothing about this specific time period. So it was literally write one sentence then spend twenty minutes researching the next sentence.

It would have been nice if I could have done a canon-Snape, but then I wouldn't have been drawn to make up this whole other magical tangent. I can't see the Princes as being people who had enough money to travel the world, unless Eileen Prince married WAY below her station. So that's been fun, doing an almost completely OC story with a nod to canon here and there.

Ok, I'm finding myself growing rambly. Is rambly a word? Google Chrome seems to disagree with me. Thank you again for the review, and I'm stoked we got to be paired up! Good luck with your many, many writing projects!
~Renny


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Review #44, by TenthWeasleySeven Moments: Near and Far

18th February 2013:
-I am currently running pell-mell straight in your direction down a very large hill, and then I am tackling you with all the love and affection paltry words can express- ♥ ♥ ♥ YOU WROTE ME SNETH FOR MY BIRTHDAY. SUCH BRILLIANT SNETH. THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES AND THEY ARE GOING TO SPILL OVER SOON.

Everybody was so perfectly, perfectly, perfectly written. ♥ I have said this time and time again, but you understand Beth like none of my other readers understand her, and I daresay sometimes even better than I understand her. The fact that you've taken a character who I created out of nothing and have given her such life and accuracy in this story, and knowing so much about her and STILL thinking this -- you have to know how incredible that is. I cannot even think right now, my brain is just one jumbled mess. You got her tone right, her voice, her characteristics. I am beyond thrilled. There aren't even words for this! You wrote BETH, not your impression of Beth, and that is talent at a whole new level.

And Severus! Your Severus is so masterful, and it always is. ♥ He is so stupidly in canon here I can't even begin to tell you, and you've made his relationship with Lily so believable, even while balancing it with his relationship with Beth. I adore how he sees her, how he associates her with the Marauders. And I LOVE how she sees him, too -- this is canon. It is officially what happened. I could never, in a million years, come up with such perfect explanations as this. STILL CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS FOR ME, OH MY GOODNESS.

All the boys were fantastic. Exactly hands-down as I see them when I write them! I love the moments when they're teasing Severus, especially the one in second year, because even though it's infuriating, they were nasty to him. And he was nasty right back, and it's just so canon, and my heart is actually beating more quickly than normal because of how excited and pleased and honored I am by this story.

Peter. ♥ How sad that his wall of pictures is mostly him and Remus, and yet THAT IS STILL HOW I SEE IT IN MY MIND. And it'll become even more apparent than it already is in ITB and ITR, but you got the divisions exactly right: Beth is closer to James and Sirius than she is to Remus and Peter, and by necessity they stick together. Oh, painful foreshadowing. If they'd hung around him a bit more in school...

Lulz so much at Beth stalking Sev. SHE WOULD, THOUGH. I AM PRETTY SURE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED IN THE UNWRITTEN PAST. ♥ And then we get a complete turnaround in part seven, because he's the one stalking her!

SHE SEES HIM WHEN HE'S NOT THERE. HE'S WATCHING HER WHEN SHE'S NOT LOOKING. I DON'T THINK IT'S LEGAL TO SHIP YOUR OWN PAIRING THIS MUCH, BUT IF THAT'S TRUE YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO LOCK ME UP. This makes me want to sit down and write Sneth and not look up until BE is finished. No -- it makes me never want to finish. Because I know now like I didn't really know before that I don't want to stop writing them, and I don't know what I'm going to do when the time comes to stop. Your reviews and now this brilliant, brilliant piece of writing have kept me going and kept me writing that story and made me love it with a sort of intensity that I don't think I would have otherwise.

I cannot tell you how much this means to me. This story, of course, which is probably my new favorite one-shot of yours, but also for your Cedchel one-shot, and the Romione you wrote me, and for your reviews and your support and for word racing with me and asking for snippets and giving snippets in return and being the best, best writing friend I could ever have asked for. ♥ ♥ ♥ I am an overload of feels and I think I am short-circuiting, but this was absolutely, positively, incredibly perfect, Sarah. I could not have written it better if I'd tried. And I MEAN that.

Thank you so, so, so, so, so much for writing this for me!!!



Author's Response: ♥ ♥ ♥

I could write Sneth forever. When I'm reading fan fiction, I treat the characters like real people. That's how I think of them. And it's so, so easy to do that when I'm reading Sneth. On top of this, I get easily attached to my favorite characters. So imagine how much this attachment has been growing now that we're on the third Sneth book and I've been watching the evolution of Beth and Severus for so long. I love imagining all of the behind-the-scenes moments that could have happened, stuff so minor that it didn't make it to the forefront. That's how I regard my favorite stories and characters - they're still playing themselves out even while we're not watching. So it was exciting to be able to imagine what sort of moments might be lurking in their past.

I tried really hard to stay true to their characters, which I will have you know is difficult in the earlier days before In The Black - especially when Beth is super young and hasn't met the marauders yet. I was rereading In The Black for research reasons and when I read that she hadn't befriended them until her second year I was like OMG SHE WAS ALL ALONE AS A WEE FIRST YEAR. And that made me sad. So that got me thinking that in the absence of friends, her crush on Severus developed in an accelerated way so as to occupy her thoughts and make her perhaps feel a little less lonely. She had someone to think about, as it were, even if she was still mostly alone. But of course I could be totally wrong about that and maybe she had tons of other friends in her first year. YOU HOLD ALL THE ANSWERS. ~

I'm so happy that this wasn't a total fail and you liked it. I love, love, love dipping into your universes - I'm sure this won't be the last time I get my hands on your characters - and you are so nice for indulging me and letting me do that. It feels like going wild in someone else's playground. XD

FEELS FEELS FEELS. ♥ You are the best. Thank you for sharing Severus and Beth with the world, and happy birthday once again!


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Review #45, by TenthWeasleyCreep: Creep

3rd February 2013:
Hello! As promised, I've popped by to read this story for you. This actually first caught my eye in Recently Added, but I was saving my 600th review for a certain story, and made a mental note to check it out later. When Jami messaged me telling me I should read it, it made me laugh! She knows how much I love Snape, and I really do; I'm always up for a Snape story. And I was thrilled to bits to see you've cast Conor Oberst as his image, because that's who Snape is on my trilogy banners, too!

I think the very first thing that struck me about this one-shot was how extremely well you're able to use language. :) I have a very large appreciation for people who know how to use imagery, without coating their story in it so much as to lose the message. It's not something that can be learned, in my opinion, and you seem to have a very natural grasp of it. There were a couple of lines especially that stuck out to me:

The word ‘potions’ is a mere accident away from becoming ‘poisons’.

My heart beats in her chest.

These two lines are gorgeous! Really, really well done, Athene, and I'm honestly not just saying that. You write beautifully!

I'll admit that I didn't look at the warnings for this story before clicking on it, and as such initially was a bit wary of some of the things you were having Snape think and do -- sitting outside the Potters' house, for one. It's not how I see his character at all, because he was incredibly smart, and wouldn't have taken those risks, you know? And then by the end of this story I realized that it was a bit AU, and I became much more satisfied with how you wrote him. :D (I often feel I have to defend Snape -- I think I started building my walls before I knew what I was up against!)

And to that end, one of the things I really liked was that, as I was reading, I was making small mental notes of questions to ask you in this review. By the end, you'd answered them all! And I really admire that -- in novels, you have chapters and chapters to tie up loose ends. With one-shots, you only get... well, one shot. And it was great that you seemed to anticipate, and then answer, potential questions in yours.

I would definitely say your first foray into dark writing was a success! Dark stories are always my favorites, and I think this is something you should try again. I really enjoyed this. :)

Author's Response: Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this brilliant review! I really appreciate the thought you put into it, particularly considering the fact that you could have allowed yourself to be biased because, let's face it, I'm completely beastly to old Sev.

Yeah, I really liked Conor Oberst's look for a young Snape, and I think Milady did a wonderful job with the banner (if I say so myself!). I'd definitely cast him again.

I have a huge appreciation of readers who enjoy imagery, properly deployed! Haha. And I'm very glad you picked that out, as creating an image in my reader's mind is really important to me, whilst trying to avoid purple prose.

*blush* thank you for the lovely things you said.

Yes, when I was first planning this story, it was AU because of the twist - but as I started writing, it became clear that this unhinged Snape was very much not the controlled, analytical man we know from the books. what I did was take a complex character with a known history and gave him major psychological issues!

Thank you so much again for this lovely review, and for the encouragement to write in the dark genre again. I really enjoyed it and hope to do so again once I get a good idea!

Sarah xo


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Review #46, by TenthWeasleyRun, Won-Won, Run!: The Perils of Romance

1st February 2013:
My 600th review! As long as no dastardly no-good so-and-so deletes any stories I've reviewed in the time it takes me to type this out, because I've been looking forward to reading this all week. And even through that, I did not even anticipate how much I would seriously enjoy this! Trufax: There is nothing you cannot write.

This is absolutely hilarious, this story. ♥ You've brought the brilliantly funny Ron from canon here while still keeping him amazingly in form, and that's not always an easy thing to do -- a lot of people either overdo it or make him broody and angst-ridden. And some of the lines in here! You need to write more stories like this, in running commentary, because it suits your writing style extremely well. I will be pestering you about this. And Lavender was so wonderfully insane! Which is ironic, because I wrote about literally-insane Lavender only a week ago, and here she's licking his hand and wrapping her legs around him and I am dying right now. I hope no one is listening because I have giggling hiccups.

Honestly, I think my favorite part was Harry and Hermione's reactions, though, because HELLO CANON. (Headcanon -- Moaning Myrtle had traversed through the pipes into the boy's toilet and was trying to drown Harry so he'd die and haunt alongside her.)

I think I've said this a lot now, but this really is one of my favorite one-shots you've ever written. :D Please, please write more like this!! ♥

Author's Response: OR AT LEAST IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IF SOMEONE HADN'T DELETED ONE OF THEIR REVIEWS. And yes, I checked that later to make sure I was still 600th. And I am still miffed. -__-

Running commentary comes out more quickly than any other style I write, because I can just type whatever pops into my head whenever I've put my character hat on. Ron in particular is very easy for me. RON AND I ARE KINDRED SPIRITS.

Two different insane Lavenders! And now, looking back, I'm laughing to myself once again at how our different styles shine through just in our Lavender characterizations alone. Yours was a dark, calculating, twisted murder plot, and mine was a slapstick nutter trying to lick Ron's hand and following him into the bathroom. Either way, crazy Lavender is the best kind of Lavender. Except in Godric's Hollow she's really not very crazy, she's actually quite normal. But that's what Cormac's for, anyway.

Myrtle was totes there.

If I ever get the plunnies for it, I certainly will write more like this! ♥ THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING, U DA BEST.


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Review #47, by TenthWeasleyStarving Artists: Al and his Many Elbows

26th January 2013:
I feel like it's nothing short of fate that I happen to be watching Community and reading this story at the same time. I'm not sure if you did this on purpose -- in fact, I don't think you'd started that show before starting to write this -- or did you? I know you had by the time of Operation: Rescue Raven. NOW I'M MIXED UP. What I am trying to say is that both this story and that show have very similar senses of humor, and what's more, both of them are splendid and know exactly the right things to say to keep me laughing. Even though "saying" doesn't work here so much as "writing".

I'm mixed up again.

One of the things I've come to enjoy most about this story so far is that, through all the antics and whatnot, your characters read more like real people than I can remember in any other next generation story I've ever read. One of the reasons I try to, in general, stay away from next gen is that I am sick to death of how overdone all the characters seem to be in those stories, and I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about. But the way you write this generation of the Potterverse, nobody seems fake or drawn-up; they just are. Even through bad poetry and dark eyeliner and brooding, they are very much people, and I think that's one of the reasons this story got to be so popular. People can tell that sort of thing, even subconsciously, and it's a breath of fresh air.

I am now sincerely hoping that Scorpius has to be around when Lucy develops these photographs, and has a miniature panic attack when he gets to the ones containing Rose. He's dug himself a hole, poor boy. Although you know, I can't really blame him, because Rose is... well. And here's the thing: I don't see my extended family a lot, because we're all spread out across the country, and I've never had a big family gathering like the one here, but I just feel like it would be awkward. I don't know how that's relevant, but I thought I'd throw that out there anyway.

I feel like these reviews are just getting worse and worse as I go. Sorryyy. ♥ Another excellent chapter, though, as always! I can't think of the last time reading a fan fiction has been so genuinely enjoyable. :) I'll be returning to chapter 5 before too long, I'm sure!

Author's Response: I hadn't started community, actually! I think I'd finished this story by the time the study group entered my life - so Operation: Rescue Raven is a kind of retcon, inserting all the community references into the story at a later stage.

Ahh, thank you! Well, a lot of this is taken from real life, so I'd hope it wouldn't read as being fake, hehe! Besides, I had fun coming up with the characters and really grew to love them during the process of writing this fic - they felt so very real in my head. Because I have no life and compensate with...this.

As for Scorpius seeing the photographs...yeah, just you wait. And, yep, he's good at digging himself into a hole.

No, they're wonderful reviews! thank you so much :3 ♥


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Review #48, by TenthWeasleyStarving Artists: Hedonism is our Middle Name

21st January 2013:
I absolutely, fully, hands-down adore this story. And it's only chapter three. ♥

I think that one of the things I like best about it is the fact that, in reading it, I can just tell that you were having a load of fun writing it, and when that comes across in writing it makes the paragraphs fly by effortlessly. I'm already on tenterhooks, anxious to read more about Lucy and Scorpius and all of the rest of the art school bunch (I can't remember precisely from your one-shot, but please tell me the brooding boy makes more appearances). This is so unlike anything else I've ever read, in the best way possible, and I am really regretting the fact that I chose to start reading it during the busiest school semester I can remember having in ages.

Scorpius is a poet! And really not a bad one, either, although apparently his handwriting leaves something to be desired. I actually loved the last line of the poem, though, which means all the more credit is due you. I am racking my brain to try and come up with more examples for how enjoyable this story is, but it really all is coming together so splendidly in a mesh of fic that makes me want to read more and then read some more and basically not stop reading until the end.

I am extremely sorry for the rambling. This is a shoddy review, to be sure. But thank you so much for this enjoyable chapter, and as soon as I can (and my eyes aren't aching with overexposure to reading, which happens when I read fic after reading my textbooks), I am going to return for chapter 4. Rest assured! This is brilliant, Julia, and I very much mean that. Can't wait!

Author's Response: Rochol!!!

Baww! Yep, I definitely had fun writing this. Although there is a smidge of angst later on (and let's not get started on the angst of the sequel), this was a hoot to write. Brooding Boy definitely makes more appearances. His name may be revealed at some point. Gasp.

/Not/ a bad poet? Are we thinking of the same Scorpius?!? Baha. He's a melodramatic poet, fo sho. Rose is fantastic inspiration for him.

It's not a shoddy review at all! Thank you very much for being so lovely :3 ♥


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Review #49, by TenthWeasleyProblems: Problems

16th January 2013:
Hello -- here from the review tag! And I'm going to be trying something a bit new for this review, so bear with me. A lot of people I know leave "running reviews" as they read, so I'm trying it out for the first time here!

I really like the opening of this one-shot; that's the kind of story hook that a lot of stories could do with! You've got a neat characterization of Teddy -- in my experience, people make him really angsty, which is something I don't get in general.

The way you're already characterizing the blooming attraction betwee Teddy and Victoire is endearing! Awkward, but believably so, and very adorable to read. And it's not overdone, either, which is very much appreciated on my end. He just genuinely seems to like her, you know? Well. You probably do. And his thoughts about his hair, and his chimpanzee smile, and Victoire's fingers... I've just said this, I know, but it feels so natural. So many times people seem to write humanity differently than humanity actually is, and it's really nice to come across someone who doesn't cut corners once in a while.

I like the style this is written in. One-liners make it seem a bit... snappier? Which is a nice pace, for the particular story you're trying to tell here.

I do think perhaps Teddy is moving a bit quickly, jumping from, "Oh, I'm falling in love with her!" to "I'll love her the rest of my days and she won't love me!" That's the only thing that seemed a bit off, but it's not a huge issue, of course. If you made that line sort of coincide with the first -- maybe his thinking he'd never get a shot now, or something -- it would help? (Massive apologies, I'm rubbish at suggestions like this.) And in one line (She continued to stare at me.) you've switched to first-person, or else kept first-person after edits. Either way, I thought you might want to know!

Oh, nice ending! That is a really nice way of rounding out the entire story; I love it when authors can do that. Sometimes one-shots tend to have abrupt endings, but yours was... The repetitions tied it off nicely. That's one of the best in recent memory. :3

I really enjoyed this little story! It was very fortunate, I think, that I happened to feel like trailing after you in the tag tonight. And I hope this reviewing-as-I-went thing wasn't too confusing for you. :P Thank you for a great read!

Author's Response: I, too, just tried the whole running review thing - you did it really well, by the way! It was very helpful!

Aww! You liked the opening? I think it was the part that gave me the most grief, so I'm really happy that it worked! And to me, Teddy just doesn't seem the angsty type - he just strikes me as too much like his mother!

God, Victoire was difficult! I didn't want to make her a Mary-Sue, but I did want to give her some aspects of being an over-achiever, so thank Merlin it seems to have worked! And thank you! So much wonderful praise! *blushes profusely*

You like the style? Yay! It's difficult to find a rhythm with such short one-shots where nothing really happens!

Yeah, I was worried about how quickly Teddy moves in his feelings, but my reasoning was that he's a teenager, and that as a teenager, he feels all emotions on a heightened plane, therefore reacts in the extreme with his realisation of his feelings for Victoire - his feelings just run away from him a little! But you're right - it's a pretty big leap!

And I am just so embarrassed about that one first-person line! I accidentally slipped into first person halfway through, then missed just one line in the edit! God! *blushes profusely but for another reason*

And thank you! I thought the ending might have been too repetitive, but I've really wanted to do something like that for a long time, so I gave it a go!

Thank you so much for your wonderful review!


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Review #50, by TenthWeasleyStarving Artists: A Dark Room

13th January 2013:
Fun fact: I actually read half of this chapter late on a Friday night, and then in all the hustle of returning to uni and unpacking and doing the obligatory social things that comes with returning after a month away, I actually completely forgot I'd started it at all. Imagine my delight at returning and realizing I was already halfway through!

I feel you should know that Scorpius is, in this story, a perfect carbon copy of Andrew Garfield, which is probably in thanks to the banner. ♥ He makes for lovely reading. Call me crazy, but I actually kind of ate up the whole dark room scene, because doing film-to-development photography is something I totally want to do at least one time in my life. (Digital. Gross.) When I sail to England I'll make you teach me. But I also really liked that you are the first person I've ever come across to actually explain how wizarding photos move, and the way you did it is so canon that I'm pretty sure that's exactly what Rowling had in mind, anyway. Please surrender all skills now.

I don't know what it is about this story -- or maybe just your writing -- but I feel like you could write anything, and I'd still just be sitting here soaking it up with my eyes.

I liked all the backstory here, too! All about Scorpius's reasons (or not-so-reasons) for going to art school, and now all of his little quirks are coming to light, and Lucy's blue hair, and I am just having a lot of fun with this. There is a very distinct reason that this won Best Next Generation in two awards, I'm seeing now, and I wish very much that I had read it sooner.

Looking forward to forging on and meeting more art students and progressing with Lucy in her journeys through wizarding photography! And with Scorpius, of course. :3 Another great chapter!!

Author's Response: fun fact: I actually read this review at midday on Sunday when I was unpacking, and then in the hustle of unpacking and going to my friend's flat for a HP marathon, I only got around to responding to it now. COINCIDENCE, I THINK...YES.

heee. funnily enough, when I cast him for the banner, I'd only seen him in a (relatively minor) role in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. but approximately a week after the casting I went and saw Never Let Me Go and I was like. what. he /is/ Scorpius. then he proved that even further with his interpretation of Peter Parker in spiderman. FATE.

*holds skills tightly to chest* I don't have many, please don't take them from me!

thank you so much for reviewing! :D ♥


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