I've been eyeing this story for ages and ages, probably ever since you first posted it. :) I actually remember seeing your announcement at the top of your page about an upcoming James/Lily, and reminding myself to check back and read it... and somehow I have managed to forget, and remind myself again, only to forget again. (My brain sometimes leaves something to be desired.) So now I am finally here to leave you a very long overdue review for this story for the review tag, and it feels like many planets have aligned perfectly!
As with everything you write, this had an incredibly beautiful tone and quality to it. Your style of writing is... I feel that with each review I leave for you, I try and fail to describe it, but maybe it's just beyond words. There is a sort of warmth that I feel in the pit of my stomach when I read really mellifluous words, and that is the kind of warmth that I get when reading your stories, and especially your one-shots. I aspire to have the command of language that you do! Several times in the course of this story I stopped just to read a sentence over again, because there is a precision of English here. I am mixing and muddling up my words, but I hope you know what I'm getting at. :) You know what you want to say, and even better, you know unconventional ways of saying it, and that's what makes your readers listen. It's an incredibly good thing to be able to do.
And then, of course, there is your portrayal of Lily and James beyond how your words flow -- but it is your words that convey them so accurately, actually. I can't remember the last time I read something centered around this pairing that got them so right, without a wall of flat characteristics that are stale and overused and dry. It's like you know them personally, and write about them from experience. This line, especially, was one of my favorites:
James Potter wasn’t the sort to have nightmares, and Lily doubted that he ever would. -- That's just so James! And probably the best thing you did with him is make him simple on the surface, which I would have bought anyway, but you (pleasantly) surprised me, alongside Lily, by making me remember that no one is as simple as they seem on the surface. And it's that sort of character arc that is so, so hard to achieve in novels, let alone one-shots, and it's another reason I love reading your work so much. You get me thinking, and I think maybe three or four other fic authors have accomplished that. I love that.
I can't imagine why I've left this story so long, but I'm so, so thoroughly glad that I've finally found the time and excuse to sit down, and read and review it properly. Every character you write, you do them such poetic justice. :) I'm going to have to go now and recommend this on the forums. I adored this! ♥Author's Response: How do I even begin to respond to this review! I will offer my apologies for putting off a response - there's no excuse except procrastination. Thank you so much for stopping by to read and review this story! It means a lot to hear your feedback, and I'm very glad that you also enjoyed this story. ^_^
*blushes* Your compliments! Wow! Most of my one-shots are like showpieces to me, where I can experiment with different styles and forms. Unlike the longer stories, which allow for more exploration of character and plot, these short pieces give me the opportunity to play with words. It's why they take me months to write - I keep going back over each part to rework sentences and smooth out the language - it's fantastic that it shows. It's important to me that each sentence not only convey the right meaning, but that it sounds right - the syllables have to be arranged in a way that pleases the ear. Sentences literally have to end on the right note - a flat note takes away from its power. I also love being able to twist meanings and find new metaphors for things. My professors always find it annoying, but I'm glad that you like it. ^_^
Now to respond the next part without just going asdfghjklsquee because that's what came out first. I can't put into words how much it means that you've said these things about my story. Writing Lily and James correctly is what I've striven for for a very long time, and it's never felt as satisfying as did when I wrote this story. They're probably the most difficult Potterverse characters to write because every fan of the series has their own idea of these characters and their (admittedly strange) relationship. They mean so much to the series... and I'll stop now before I ramble on. :P Needless to say, it's the awesomest, bestest thing that you like how both characters turned out in this story.
What you've said here - "no one is as simple as they seem on the surface" - is so important. It's often the lesson that Harry has to learn in the series, and I liked the idea of Lily needing to learn the same thing. Instead of making her hate James, which just leads one into cliche, why not simply make her prejudiced against him? There he is, the pureblooded wizard of comfortable means, while she is at the opposite end of the social spectrum as a Muggleborn from Cokeworth. It made understanding the two characters and how they act toward one another much easier, and I'm kicking myself why I hadn't thought of it sooner - it would have been quite an experience to write it as a novel. :D
Thank you, thank you, thank you! *huggles* No response can be enough for this review. Report Review
Hey, Renny -- here for the exchange! I have seen this pop up in several review exchanges over the past few months, and I've finally had the chance to read it for myself, which is very neat. Right from the start, the premise for this story is extremely original. I've heard of a few (but not many) fic set in other countries, but never one in Japan, and never one that really world-builds like you've already done here. If you were hoping to make your story stand out from its counterparts, then you have by and large succeeded!
I think probably the thing that struck me the most about this chapter is the depth of the research you've clearly put into it. I really appereciate that as a reader, because it goes with what I said above about world-building: It creates an atmosphere, and it's nice to know that you care enough about your story to put that sort of time and effort into it. I love feeling like I'm there when I'm reading, original fiction or fan fiction, and this was one of the stories that made it easy to picture exactly what you wanted to reader to see.
There was a lot of description in this, too, which contributed to that (I know I'm kind of stuck on that, broken-record style, but that's truly what I got out of this story, how thorough it was!). One of my favorite lines:
The purple, clove-scented smoke flew away from him to join the final great puff of steam -- I have a thing for smoke and mist! And that was really elegant, somehow -- I enjoyed it. The description of the smoke as being clove-scented puts that smell immediately in mind, too, which was great.
Your tying in Pottermore and the cherry-and-dragon-heartstring wand, and the Japanese magic school, and Snape's ancestors... That was perhaps what impressed me the most. Again you ground your story in such thorough realism, and again I'm blown away! I know it's been ages (let's not calculate how long) since I've read The Dream of One Night, but of course your love for Snape isn't ever far from you, and I think you're doing your AU Snape storyline much credit here.
Anyway. I think this was a bit more rambling than I intended, but I hope you'll forgive me for that. :) Great job with this, and do keep doing what you're doing! I'm glad I got to exchange with you at last!Author's Response: Yaaay! I'm so glad we got to exchange finally too! Same here... it's been, ugh, FOREVER since I last read "In the Black" :( I can't believe you're almost DONE with the trilogy! (way off topic, but one of my favorite bands, the lead singer being the guy I base my own Severus's appearance off of, came out with a song called "In the Black." I always think of Beth when I hear it :D) I wish I had had a tenth (no pun intended) of your dedication and creativity when I was in school. I cringe when I look back now at all the time I used to have and how I spent most of it playing video games or something stupid. Anyway, I'll always appreciate the reviews you left me for my own story :) I more than anyone know sometimes you just can't get back to a story to finish it. I have so many amazing stories here on HPFF, yours included, that I started in the past and know I just probably won't ever get to finish, especially since we'll probably be adding to our family again in a couple years, just when the first one's in school.
Anyway, thanks for this review :D I think the sheer amount of research and time I put into this first chapter is what's taking me so long to get back to work on the second one. I'm pretty familiar with modern Japanese pop culture, but know almost nothing about this specific time period. So it was literally write one sentence then spend twenty minutes researching the next sentence.
It would have been nice if I could have done a canon-Snape, but then I wouldn't have been drawn to make up this whole other magical tangent. I can't see the Princes as being people who had enough money to travel the world, unless Eileen Prince married WAY below her station. So that's been fun, doing an almost completely OC story with a nod to canon here and there.
Ok, I'm finding myself growing rambly. Is rambly a word? Google Chrome seems to disagree with me. Thank you again for the review, and I'm stoked we got to be paired up! Good luck with your many, many writing projects!
~Renny Report Review
-I am currently running pell-mell straight in your direction down a very large hill, and then I am tackling you with all the love and affection paltry words can express- ♥ ♥ ♥ YOU WROTE ME SNETH FOR MY BIRTHDAY. SUCH BRILLIANT SNETH. THERE ARE TEARS IN MY EYES AND THEY ARE GOING TO SPILL OVER SOON.
Everybody was so perfectly, perfectly, perfectly written. ♥ I have said this time and time again, but you understand Beth like none of my other readers understand her, and I daresay sometimes even better than I understand her. The fact that you've taken a character who I created out of nothing and have given her such life and accuracy in this story, and knowing so much about her and STILL thinking this -- you have to know how incredible that is. I cannot even think right now, my brain is just one jumbled mess. You got her tone right, her voice, her characteristics. I am beyond thrilled. There aren't even words for this! You wrote BETH, not your impression of Beth, and that is talent at a whole new level.
And Severus! Your Severus is so masterful, and it always is. ♥ He is so stupidly in canon here I can't even begin to tell you, and you've made his relationship with Lily so believable, even while balancing it with his relationship with Beth. I adore how he sees her, how he associates her with the Marauders. And I LOVE how she sees him, too -- this is canon. It is officially what happened. I could never, in a million years, come up with such perfect explanations as this. STILL CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS FOR ME, OH MY GOODNESS.
All the boys were fantastic. Exactly hands-down as I see them when I write them! I love the moments when they're teasing Severus, especially the one in second year, because even though it's infuriating, they were nasty to him. And he was nasty right back, and it's just so canon, and my heart is actually beating more quickly than normal because of how excited and pleased and honored I am by this story.
Peter. ♥ How sad that his wall of pictures is mostly him and Remus, and yet THAT IS STILL HOW I SEE IT IN MY MIND. And it'll become even more apparent than it already is in ITB and ITR, but you got the divisions exactly right: Beth is closer to James and Sirius than she is to Remus and Peter, and by necessity they stick together. Oh, painful foreshadowing. If they'd hung around him a bit more in school...
Lulz so much at Beth stalking Sev. SHE WOULD, THOUGH. I AM PRETTY SURE THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED IN THE UNWRITTEN PAST. ♥ And then we get a complete turnaround in part seven, because he's the one stalking her!
SHE SEES HIM WHEN HE'S NOT THERE. HE'S WATCHING HER WHEN SHE'S NOT LOOKING. I DON'T THINK IT'S LEGAL TO SHIP YOUR OWN PAIRING THIS MUCH, BUT IF THAT'S TRUE YOU'RE JUST GOING TO HAVE TO LOCK ME UP. This makes me want to sit down and write Sneth and not look up until BE is finished. No -- it makes me never want to finish. Because I know now like I didn't really know before that I don't want to stop writing them, and I don't know what I'm going to do when the time comes to stop. Your reviews and now this brilliant, brilliant piece of writing have kept me going and kept me writing that story and made me love it with a sort of intensity that I don't think I would have otherwise.
I cannot tell you how much this means to me. This story, of course, which is probably my new favorite one-shot of yours, but also for your Cedchel one-shot, and the Romione you wrote me, and for your reviews and your support and for word racing with me and asking for snippets and giving snippets in return and being the best, best writing friend I could ever have asked for. ♥ ♥ ♥ I am an overload of feels and I think I am short-circuiting, but this was absolutely, positively, incredibly perfect, Sarah. I could not have written it better if I'd tried. And I MEAN that.
Thank you so, so, so, so, so much for writing this for me!!!
♥Author's Response: ♥ ♥ ♥
I could write Sneth forever. When I'm reading fan fiction, I treat the characters like real people. That's how I think of them. And it's so, so easy to do that when I'm reading Sneth. On top of this, I get easily attached to my favorite characters. So imagine how much this attachment has been growing now that we're on the third Sneth book and I've been watching the evolution of Beth and Severus for so long. I love imagining all of the behind-the-scenes moments that could have happened, stuff so minor that it didn't make it to the forefront. That's how I regard my favorite stories and characters - they're still playing themselves out even while we're not watching. So it was exciting to be able to imagine what sort of moments might be lurking in their past.
I tried really hard to stay true to their characters, which I will have you know is difficult in the earlier days before In The Black - especially when Beth is super young and hasn't met the marauders yet. I was rereading In The Black for research reasons and when I read that she hadn't befriended them until her second year I was like OMG SHE WAS ALL ALONE AS A WEE FIRST YEAR. And that made me sad. So that got me thinking that in the absence of friends, her crush on Severus developed in an accelerated way so as to occupy her thoughts and make her perhaps feel a little less lonely. She had someone to think about, as it were, even if she was still mostly alone. But of course I could be totally wrong about that and maybe she had tons of other friends in her first year. YOU HOLD ALL THE ANSWERS. ~
I'm so happy that this wasn't a total fail and you liked it. I love, love, love dipping into your universes - I'm sure this won't be the last time I get my hands on your characters - and you are so nice for indulging me and letting me do that. It feels like going wild in someone else's playground. XD
FEELS FEELS FEELS. ♥ You are the best. Thank you for sharing Severus and Beth with the world, and happy birthday once again! Report Review
Hello! As promised, I've popped by to read this story for you. This actually first caught my eye in Recently Added, but I was saving my 600th review for a certain story, and made a mental note to check it out later. When Jami messaged me telling me I should read it, it made me laugh! She knows how much I love Snape, and I really do; I'm always up for a Snape story. And I was thrilled to bits to see you've cast Conor Oberst as his image, because that's who Snape is on my trilogy banners, too!
I think the very first thing that struck me about this one-shot was how extremely well you're able to use language. :) I have a very large appreciation for people who know how to use imagery, without coating their story in it so much as to lose the message. It's not something that can be learned, in my opinion, and you seem to have a very natural grasp of it. There were a couple of lines especially that stuck out to me:
The word ‘potions’ is a mere accident away from becoming ‘poisons’.
My heart beats in her chest.
These two lines are gorgeous! Really, really well done, Athene, and I'm honestly not just saying that. You write beautifully!
I'll admit that I didn't look at the warnings for this story before clicking on it, and as such initially was a bit wary of some of the things you were having Snape think and do -- sitting outside the Potters' house, for one. It's not how I see his character at all, because he was incredibly smart, and wouldn't have taken those risks, you know? And then by the end of this story I realized that it was a bit AU, and I became much more satisfied with how you wrote him. :D (I often feel I have to defend Snape -- I think I started building my walls before I knew what I was up against!)
And to that end, one of the things I really liked was that, as I was reading, I was making small mental notes of questions to ask you in this review. By the end, you'd answered them all! And I really admire that -- in novels, you have chapters and chapters to tie up loose ends. With one-shots, you only get... well, one shot. And it was great that you seemed to anticipate, and then answer, potential questions in yours.
I would definitely say your first foray into dark writing was a success! Dark stories are always my favorites, and I think this is something you should try again. I really enjoyed this. :)Author's Response: Sorry it's taken me so long to respond to this brilliant review! I really appreciate the thought you put into it, particularly considering the fact that you could have allowed yourself to be biased because, let's face it, I'm completely beastly to old Sev.
Yeah, I really liked Conor Oberst's look for a young Snape, and I think Milady did a wonderful job with the banner (if I say so myself!). I'd definitely cast him again.
I have a huge appreciation of readers who enjoy imagery, properly deployed! Haha. And I'm very glad you picked that out, as creating an image in my reader's mind is really important to me, whilst trying to avoid purple prose.
*blush* thank you for the lovely things you said.
Yes, when I was first planning this story, it was AU because of the twist - but as I started writing, it became clear that this unhinged Snape was very much not the controlled, analytical man we know from the books. what I did was take a complex character with a known history and gave him major psychological issues!
Thank you so much again for this lovely review, and for the encouragement to write in the dark genre again. I really enjoyed it and hope to do so again once I get a good idea!
Sarah xo Report Review
My 600th review! As long as no dastardly no-good so-and-so deletes any stories I've reviewed in the time it takes me to type this out, because I've been looking forward to reading this all week. And even through that, I did not even anticipate how much I would seriously enjoy this! Trufax: There is nothing you cannot write.
This is absolutely hilarious, this story. ♥ You've brought the brilliantly funny Ron from canon here while still keeping him amazingly in form, and that's not always an easy thing to do -- a lot of people either overdo it or make him broody and angst-ridden. And some of the lines in here! You need to write more stories like this, in running commentary, because it suits your writing style extremely well. I will be pestering you about this. And Lavender was so wonderfully insane! Which is ironic, because I wrote about literally-insane Lavender only a week ago, and here she's licking his hand and wrapping her legs around him and I am dying right now. I hope no one is listening because I have giggling hiccups.
Honestly, I think my favorite part was Harry and Hermione's reactions, though, because HELLO CANON. (Headcanon -- Moaning Myrtle had traversed through the pipes into the boy's toilet and was trying to drown Harry so he'd die and haunt alongside her.)
I think I've said this a lot now, but this really is one of my favorite one-shots you've ever written. :D Please, please write more like this!! ♥Author's Response: OR AT LEAST IT WOULD HAVE BEEN IF SOMEONE HADN'T DELETED ONE OF THEIR REVIEWS. And yes, I checked that later to make sure I was still 600th. And I am still miffed. -__-
Running commentary comes out more quickly than any other style I write, because I can just type whatever pops into my head whenever I've put my character hat on. Ron in particular is very easy for me. RON AND I ARE KINDRED SPIRITS.
Two different insane Lavenders! And now, looking back, I'm laughing to myself once again at how our different styles shine through just in our Lavender characterizations alone. Yours was a dark, calculating, twisted murder plot, and mine was a slapstick nutter trying to lick Ron's hand and following him into the bathroom. Either way, crazy Lavender is the best kind of Lavender. Except in Godric's Hollow she's really not very crazy, she's actually quite normal. But that's what Cormac's for, anyway.
Myrtle was totes there.
If I ever get the plunnies for it, I certainly will write more like this! ♥ THANK YOU FOR READING AND REVIEWING, U DA BEST. Report Review
I feel like it's nothing short of fate that I happen to be watching Community and reading this story at the same time. I'm not sure if you did this on purpose -- in fact, I don't think you'd started that show before starting to write this -- or did you? I know you had by the time of Operation: Rescue Raven. NOW I'M MIXED UP. What I am trying to say is that both this story and that show have very similar senses of humor, and what's more, both of them are splendid and know exactly the right things to say to keep me laughing. Even though "saying" doesn't work here so much as "writing".
I'm mixed up again.
One of the things I've come to enjoy most about this story so far is that, through all the antics and whatnot, your characters read more like real people than I can remember in any other next generation story I've ever read. One of the reasons I try to, in general, stay away from next gen is that I am sick to death of how overdone all the characters seem to be in those stories, and I'm pretty sure you know what I'm talking about. But the way you write this generation of the Potterverse, nobody seems fake or drawn-up; they just are. Even through bad poetry and dark eyeliner and brooding, they are very much people, and I think that's one of the reasons this story got to be so popular. People can tell that sort of thing, even subconsciously, and it's a breath of fresh air.
I am now sincerely hoping that Scorpius has to be around when Lucy develops these photographs, and has a miniature panic attack when he gets to the ones containing Rose. He's dug himself a hole, poor boy. Although you know, I can't really blame him, because Rose is... well. And here's the thing: I don't see my extended family a lot, because we're all spread out across the country, and I've never had a big family gathering like the one here, but I just feel like it would be awkward. I don't know how that's relevant, but I thought I'd throw that out there anyway.
I feel like these reviews are just getting worse and worse as I go. Sorryyy. ♥ Another excellent chapter, though, as always! I can't think of the last time reading a fan fiction has been so genuinely enjoyable. :) I'll be returning to chapter 5 before too long, I'm sure!Author's Response: I hadn't started community, actually! I think I'd finished this story by the time the study group entered my life - so Operation: Rescue Raven is a kind of retcon, inserting all the community references into the story at a later stage.
Ahh, thank you! Well, a lot of this is taken from real life, so I'd hope it wouldn't read as being fake, hehe! Besides, I had fun coming up with the characters and really grew to love them during the process of writing this fic - they felt so very real in my head. Because I have no life and compensate with...this.
As for Scorpius seeing the photographs...yeah, just you wait. And, yep, he's good at digging himself into a hole.
No, they're wonderful reviews! thank you so much :3 ♥ Report Review
Hello! I know this review's a bit late -- I keep making promises as far as reviews go that I just can't keep. For some reason my schedule gets more and more unpredictable with each passing day, but I suppose you're not interested in excuses!
I really like the first section of this chapter, and how you're setting up the canon interactions between Riddle and Hepzibah Smith. And I think that you characterized her really accurately, too! I've said this before, but fic writers who ground their stories in the fandom's canon always win my good seal of approval, and that's exactly what you've done here. Everything about the way you're writing him so far -- working in Borgin and Burke's, the way he carries himself, his inner and outer voice -- I toyed around before with the idea of a Tom Riddle/OC, and this is the exact sort of thing I was wanting to write, because I couldn't find it anywhere else. So the fact that you're writing him so excellently here is fantastic!
And I'm continuing to like Fee, of course, and (somewhat of a surprise to me) really enjoying Septimus Weasley, too. I'm very much looking forward to their future interactions! :) I think maybe the only thing to watch out for, concerning the pair of them, is not overdoing the Slytherin traits and stereotypes. Of course, Septimus would probably look unfavorably on them, which I do understand. But categorizing a place as where all the Slytherins go, or having someone do (or not do) something that "a Slytherin would do" and having someone explicitly mention it as such is perhaps a bit far-reaching into the categories, especially now they're out of school and aren't quite as tied down to their Houses. Not all Gryffindors are heroic, just as not all Slytherins are into the Dark Arts, etc. Despite my forums allegiances, I'm actually a Slytherin, so maybe it's just something I notice, but could also be a thing to watch out for. ;)
Ooh -- Fee's still going through with her decisions to live with Alphard, isn't she? Poor guy... I can already tell he really likes her. Even if she can't! We call that the friend zone, dear Alphard. Love the potion, too, and SNEAKY TOM. I really am thoroughly enjoying his characterization; I'll always read more about his pre-Voldemort days. :D Is he jealous of Alphard, I wonder? We know he can't love, because he was born under the influence of a love potion, but perhaps he could experience lust. I'm interested to see where you're going with this!
Ooh, and one quick typo: "he found it it impossible to reconcile the witch in front of him" has the word it doubled. :3
Really great chapter! And again, I apologize for taking a bit longer to review it than I earlier indicated. I hope you post chapter 7 soon, because truly, Kate -- I'm thoroughly, thoroughly enjoying your story thus far! ♥Author's Response: Hello! I wouldn't worry too much - I'm much later than normal in responding to this review, as you can see! RL gets in the way of life really easily, and it's completely fine to be a little late! :)
Ahhh yes! The melted iced cake that is Hepzibah Smith! I felt the need to include her, since we see her and Tom -much- later in the story - namely, when he kills her and runs off with Hufflepuff's cup and Slytherin's locket, and of course it brings out another aspect of Tom's personality, as you said. And as for all your compliments - thank you so much for those; I'm honoured. :3 ♥
I see what you mean, and I'd like to clarify. Septimus is (in my mind) one of those people who sees everything in black and white, and automatically assumes that all Slytherins are bad. (I must confess to basing him a tiny bit off of Ron.) There are people in RL who are prejudiced - homophobics, racists etc and in that vein, Septimus is a Slytherinist. :P (Plus, as explored in chapter eight (and mentioned in chapter three, I think), he's named after his maternal relative Septimus Malfoy, and he's grown up seeing his mother treated vilely by her estranged relatives, so that would also colour his opinion.) :3
Oh, yes she is. And oh yes, he does. She can't, because of Tom dosing her with the potion, so we'll just have to wait and see if she does like him when her opinion isn't impaired by an evil best friend. ;) I won't comment on whether he's jealous of Alphard, but he can feel lust and other emotions. And that is all I'm saying for now. :P
Ooh, thank you for pointing that out! Bad typo! Even proofreading a chapter 50+ times doesn't get rid of pesky typos, as I'm sure you know. But thanks - I've fixed it now, and I'll reupload when I have a CI up. :3
Don't worry - the delay is completely understandable! And I'm really happy that you're still enjoying my story! Oh, and chapter seven will be up in a couple of weeks! :) ♥ Report Review
I absolutely, fully, hands-down adore this story. And it's only chapter three. ♥
I think that one of the things I like best about it is the fact that, in reading it, I can just tell that you were having a load of fun writing it, and when that comes across in writing it makes the paragraphs fly by effortlessly. I'm already on tenterhooks, anxious to read more about Lucy and Scorpius and all of the rest of the art school bunch (I can't remember precisely from your one-shot, but please tell me the brooding boy makes more appearances). This is so unlike anything else I've ever read, in the best way possible, and I am really regretting the fact that I chose to start reading it during the busiest school semester I can remember having in ages.
Scorpius is a poet! And really not a bad one, either, although apparently his handwriting leaves something to be desired. I actually loved the last line of the poem, though, which means all the more credit is due you. I am racking my brain to try and come up with more examples for how enjoyable this story is, but it really all is coming together so splendidly in a mesh of fic that makes me want to read more and then read some more and basically not stop reading until the end.
I am extremely sorry for the rambling. This is a shoddy review, to be sure. But thank you so much for this enjoyable chapter, and as soon as I can (and my eyes aren't aching with overexposure to reading, which happens when I read fic after reading my textbooks), I am going to return for chapter 4. Rest assured! This is brilliant, Julia, and I very much mean that. Can't wait!Author's Response: Rochol!!!
Baww! Yep, I definitely had fun writing this. Although there is a smidge of angst later on (and let's not get started on the angst of the sequel), this was a hoot to write. Brooding Boy definitely makes more appearances. His name may be revealed at some point. Gasp.
/Not/ a bad poet? Are we thinking of the same Scorpius?!? Baha. He's a melodramatic poet, fo sho. Rose is fantastic inspiration for him.
It's not a shoddy review at all! Thank you very much for being so lovely :3 ♥ Report Review
Hello -- here from the review tag with a review for you! I was this close to reviewing your other story, too, but then I realized this was a Marauders story and jumped right in. :) Marauders is one of my favorite eras to read, and I'm always looking for a good one!
Though this prologue was short, I actually liked the length -- it didn't drag things out unnecessarily, and it provided just enough information to make readers want to continue on to the next chapter. I like the similarities between Sirius and Thalia that you're already setting up, and at the same time, I like that they don't magically find each other and instantly become best friends. With the sort of story you seem to be setting up from your summary, it sounds like it would have been all too simple to make it happen like that, and I'm glad you didn't choose the easy way out!
Your writing style is actually quite good; there is a narrative voice here, and the prologue flows without much distraction at all, and that's always a really good thing. And thank you so much for sticking to canon details, too! Things like James's parents being older than most, or describing Petunia as horse-faced -- these might seem like small details, but it's things like that that really ground fan fiction into the Potterverse. Well done!
I'm curious to read on and see what you've got in store for Thalia and Sirius -- and James and Lily, too. I've got a Snape/OC trilogy going right now that's actually become quite involved in the James/Lily ship, and as a result I love seeing how other people write them. But anyway. I'm rambling. ♥ Thank you for an enjoyable first chapter!Author's Response: Hi! I have to agree the Marauders is definitely the best era, mainly thanks to James and Sirius, who are by far my favourite characters ;D
I'm glad that you thought that length of prologue was good, as I feel if a prologue drags on and on, it takes away the meaning of it and it might as well be a chapter!
Yeah I didn't want Thalia and Sirius to instantly become friends, as that's unrealistic, I want them to slowly realise how similar they are, and they're not the only one who has a bad family!
Yeah I love my canon facts, so I'm glad that you liked them to! Thank you for the great review, it really was lovely :') Report Review
Hello -- here from the review tag! And I'm going to be trying something a bit new for this review, so bear with me. A lot of people I know leave "running reviews" as they read, so I'm trying it out for the first time here!
I really like the opening of this one-shot; that's the kind of story hook that a lot of stories could do with! You've got a neat characterization of Teddy -- in my experience, people make him really angsty, which is something I don't get in general.
The way you're already characterizing the blooming attraction betwee Teddy and Victoire is endearing! Awkward, but believably so, and very adorable to read. And it's not overdone, either, which is very much appreciated on my end. He just genuinely seems to like her, you know? Well. You probably do. And his thoughts about his hair, and his chimpanzee smile, and Victoire's fingers... I've just said this, I know, but it feels so natural. So many times people seem to write humanity differently than humanity actually is, and it's really nice to come across someone who doesn't cut corners once in a while.
I like the style this is written in. One-liners make it seem a bit... snappier? Which is a nice pace, for the particular story you're trying to tell here.
I do think perhaps Teddy is moving a bit quickly, jumping from, "Oh, I'm falling in love with her!" to "I'll love her the rest of my days and she won't love me!" That's the only thing that seemed a bit off, but it's not a huge issue, of course. If you made that line sort of coincide with the first -- maybe his thinking he'd never get a shot now, or something -- it would help? (Massive apologies, I'm rubbish at suggestions like this.) And in one line (She continued to stare at me.) you've switched to first-person, or else kept first-person after edits. Either way, I thought you might want to know!
Oh, nice ending! That is a really nice way of rounding out the entire story; I love it when authors can do that. Sometimes one-shots tend to have abrupt endings, but yours was... The repetitions tied it off nicely. That's one of the best in recent memory. :3
I really enjoyed this little story! It was very fortunate, I think, that I happened to feel like trailing after you in the tag tonight. And I hope this reviewing-as-I-went thing wasn't too confusing for you. :P Thank you for a great read!Author's Response: I, too, just tried the whole running review thing - you did it really well, by the way! It was very helpful!
Aww! You liked the opening? I think it was the part that gave me the most grief, so I'm really happy that it worked! And to me, Teddy just doesn't seem the angsty type - he just strikes me as too much like his mother!
God, Victoire was difficult! I didn't want to make her a Mary-Sue, but I did want to give her some aspects of being an over-achiever, so thank Merlin it seems to have worked! And thank you! So much wonderful praise! *blushes profusely*
You like the style? Yay! It's difficult to find a rhythm with such short one-shots where nothing really happens!
Yeah, I was worried about how quickly Teddy moves in his feelings, but my reasoning was that he's a teenager, and that as a teenager, he feels all emotions on a heightened plane, therefore reacts in the extreme with his realisation of his feelings for Victoire - his feelings just run away from him a little! But you're right - it's a pretty big leap!
And I am just so embarrassed about that one first-person line! I accidentally slipped into first person halfway through, then missed just one line in the edit! God! *blushes profusely but for another reason*
And thank you! I thought the ending might have been too repetitive, but I've really wanted to do something like that for a long time, so I gave it a go!
Thank you so much for your wonderful review! Report Review
Fun fact: I actually read half of this chapter late on a Friday night, and then in all the hustle of returning to uni and unpacking and doing the obligatory social things that comes with returning after a month away, I actually completely forgot I'd started it at all. Imagine my delight at returning and realizing I was already halfway through!
I feel you should know that Scorpius is, in this story, a perfect carbon copy of Andrew Garfield, which is probably in thanks to the banner. ♥ He makes for lovely reading. Call me crazy, but I actually kind of ate up the whole dark room scene, because doing film-to-development photography is something I totally want to do at least one time in my life. (Digital. Gross.) When I sail to England I'll make you teach me. But I also really liked that you are the first person I've ever come across to actually explain how wizarding photos move, and the way you did it is so canon that I'm pretty sure that's exactly what Rowling had in mind, anyway. Please surrender all skills now.
I don't know what it is about this story -- or maybe just your writing -- but I feel like you could write anything, and I'd still just be sitting here soaking it up with my eyes.
I liked all the backstory here, too! All about Scorpius's reasons (or not-so-reasons) for going to art school, and now all of his little quirks are coming to light, and Lucy's blue hair, and I am just having a lot of fun with this. There is a very distinct reason that this won Best Next Generation in two awards, I'm seeing now, and I wish very much that I had read it sooner.
Looking forward to forging on and meeting more art students and progressing with Lucy in her journeys through wizarding photography! And with Scorpius, of course. :3 Another great chapter!!Author's Response: fun fact: I actually read this review at midday on Sunday when I was unpacking, and then in the hustle of unpacking and going to my friend's flat for a HP marathon, I only got around to responding to it now. COINCIDENCE, I THINK...YES.
heee. funnily enough, when I cast him for the banner, I'd only seen him in a (relatively minor) role in The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus. but approximately a week after the casting I went and saw Never Let Me Go and I was like. what. he /is/ Scorpius. then he proved that even further with his interpretation of Peter Parker in spiderman. FATE.
*holds skills tightly to chest* I don't have many, please don't take them from me!
thank you so much for reviewing! :D ♥ Report Review
I felt so incredibly guilty when I reached the end of this chapter and sat here, prepping to write a review, and realized that this has been on my to-read list for over a year. And it's not like I really do anything with my time, is it? I don't know where 2012 went, but I'd kind of like to demand a refund. So anyway, I found myself lounging on my bed today avoiding packing for driving back to uni tomorrow, and it just sort of hit me that I wanted to read this story right now (well, start this story, but you get my drift). So here I am!
I love the premise already -- although to be fair, I loved the premise anyway. Just the concept of a magical art school! And there is, of course, no one better to write about it. There is loads of Julia in this story already, which makes it that much more fun to read, and I love Lucy's character. I'm really not huge on next gen except when it's written very well, and this is absolutely one of those times. Lucy isn't an obnoxious, overdone, annoying caricature, but she actually seems like a real person -- more than almost any other fic character I've read recently. She is a breath of fresh air. :)
I SMELL SCORPIUS SCANDAL. Ah, Rose. Giving Albus a black eye is a bit over the top, in just the telling of it, but then we meet her and she's a perfect combination of her parents and it makes loads more sense. Although Albus still seems to have been on the rough end of that encounter, no doubt. I am already demanding Scorpius/Lucy snogging before the end is up. He's a photographer, she chose photography because it's cheap... If that's not a match made in heaven, I don't know what is.
Tarquin and Gwendolyn/Raven are familiar! And now I'm remembering that last January during Skypelandageddon (or whatever horridly wonderful name we came up with) I read a SA spin-off one-shot of yours and WHY DID I NOT PRESS ON WITH THIS STORY THEN, but I remember really enjoying it. I'll probably have to go back and read that again soon, come to think of it. You're really good at humor! Not a lot of writing even warrants my smiling, even if I think something's funny, but that one-shot did it for me. I've no doubt this story will do it too.
One chapter down... several more to go! I'm seriously so excited about getting on with the rest of this now, and I still really can't explain why it took me so long in the first place. I definitely plan on reviewing each chapter for you, too; if this review's anything to go by, they'll probably be less than desirable, but do forgive me in advance. ♥ It might take me a while, I might disappear for weeks at a time, but it's going to be all nice and reviewed at some point. And that's a promise!
Brilliant first chapter! ♥Author's Response: ROCHOL ♥ I am most delighted to see you!
all good fics should be marathoned before returning to uni; that's how I read Run...
baww, thank you! well, it's a premise that means a wee bit to me. I'm a little hurt that there's no art at Hogwarts or anything considering it's my ultimate dream to be a witch and go to Hogwarts and such. sucks that the only things I'm good at aren't on the curriculum! also, I'm glad you like Lucy~
believe it or not, it was toned down from Rose /hospitalising/ Albus. And I think it needs further toning down but, hey ho, I've already edited this five thousand times and I don't want overkill or anything.
spoiler alert: the endgame ship is Scorpius/Lettuce. I really hope you like Lettuce when he turns up.
thank you so much for coming to review! this was so nice to log on and ind ♥ ♥ ♥ Report Review
I just want to take this story and wrap myself in it and not emerge into the dreary unpleasantness of the real world for a long, long time. ♥ I will warn you right now that this review is not going to be either sensible or desirable, but I will do my best!
First -- always first -- is Hugo. ♥ SO EXCITED to read about your Hugo again, because I've said it so many times, but absolutely nobody can write him like you can! Yours is my absolute favorite, and I always say I'm not a fan of next generation, but with stories like yours I'm often made to bite my tongue. He's such a dear here, and yes, I did catch that he wiped his chin at one point, because the dear boy is such a mess of spittle and I have strong feelings to give him a hug right at this very minute. And somehow, I feel as if you wrote It's Called Adventure with this little backstory in mind all along, because it fits in so seamlessly with the other Hugo-centered things you've written. I have absolutely no trouble believing that this is exactly what happened, in the world you've created. And you've even brought back Xury and Delphi!
And moreover, the entire premise of this one-shot is gorgeous and lovely and mysterious and it's something I can feel, even more than describe in words (which seem too clunky for the purpose). I'm actually very much intending to look up both the Ash Houses of Dartmoor and Walpurgisnacht sometime in the not-too-distant future, solely because you've made me intensely curious. I LOVE that centaurs are half-anything, too; that's just... I am so intensely jealous in this moment it is ridiculous. First I read a short story of Sarah's, and then this, and now I'm expected to write my own things later and it just cannot be done.
And now I've read over this review and realized it's all a bit rubbish. I apologize for that. :( I'm so honored that you've made this story a gift for me, and do believe me when I say that I will be around to support and champion Hugo forever. ♥ This was fantastic, Lily, just amazing! Thank you so much for sharing this with the HPFF world at large! Report Review
I should have known to expect such twist endings from stories of yours! I'm sitting here cackling to myself right now, because we got two surprises and it was an unexpected delight. And fair warning, I am focusing mostly on these two things in my brain right now so that's probably going to be what a lot of this review is about. Expect nothing less!
First off: I am so sold on the idea of Edmund the owl as the Yew Street Burglar that I honestly cannot even imagining ever thinking it was anyone else (though, admittedly, I didn't give it quite as much thought as that sentence makes it sound). Because not only does it actually kind of make sense, because birds really do steal things, and especially shiny things, but the way you characterized that bird IN THIS ONE CHAPTER. Why was he not the main event?! I demand more about Edmund. A short, crack-type one shot in which he gets his due and is required to poop on Mundungus Fletcher because Kingsley is getting annoyed with him, and he ends up pooping on something really valuable that Mundungus is trying to hock on the black market, because Edmund is nothing if not vindictive and he seeks his revenge for being caught.
I have spent enough time talking about this owl, but you should know just how excited I got, typing up that paragraph.
AND THEN. I sort of had it in the back of my mind through this entire story that Percy actually would turn out to be a vampire, just because it was deliciously ludicrous, and then he spazzed out in the interrogation room and that put my hopes to rest. But you revived them! ♥ I wonder how long he's going to be able to keep that from Audrey. She is going to absolutely go mad when she discovers she was right, and then Edmund will return from probation and eat her hair (so sorry, I swear I'm done with him now). After all, there are certain problems about being a vampire that people discuss in relation to the Twilight ones that would hinder their... relations.
Wow. It's not even that late but it feels like it's four in the morning and I just don't know what's happened to me anymore. I feel like I shouldn't be allowed to read this story when it's not daylight outside or I'll just go loopy.
FANTASTIC ENDING, YO. I'm a bit sad now that there are no updates to look forward to. This story could always put me in a good mood after a bad day. Well, I can look forward to Edmund's story. (SORRY. I SWEAR I'M DONE NOW.) You can write anything. Fact.
♥Author's Response: I had no idea I still had unanswered Peasley reviews. SORREH.
I knew you would probably suspect I would make Percy turn out to be a vampire. You're too familiar with my writing to not expect twists by now, and I am a pretty big fan of ending everything with a twist of some degree. I WILL NEVER BE ABLE TO SURPRISE YOU AGAIN.
P.S. Edmund pooping on Mundungus is an image I will never be able to get out of my head.
Vampire relations, lololol. Um. Maybe when you're a vampire wizard you can um, I DON'T EVEN KNOW, DUDE. THIS WHOLE STORY JUST DESCENDED INTO CRACK I AM NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY TO JUSTIFY. Maybe he will bite Audrey and turn her into a vampire, too. According to Twilight, when one turns into one of the undead, relations are ~to die for~ Okay that was a bad pun.
THANK YOU FOR READING THIS AND REVIEWING AND BEING YOUR AWESOME SELF. ♥ Report Review
This was, I think, the first James/Lily novel I've ever read (which is perhaps a bit hypocritical of me, since I've finished two-and-a-third novels in which James/Lily is a very centric ship). I very much enjoyed this! I never thought, starting out, that you would have such an interesting take on the way the Marauders spent their final year at Hogwarts. I've never read anything else that comes close, and that originality factor is awesome in setting your story apart from others before it.
I think perhaps the only thing that turned me off this story is all the swearing -- I do understand, of course, that teenagers swear, but it's a personal preference. I did not let it detract me from the story, you will be glad to know! You have a smooth writing style that was pleasant to read, and the plot intrigued me from start to finish.
Great work, and congratulations on finishing this -- it really is an accomplishment!Author's Response: Hi there! :)
Wow, this is a very old story of mine, thinking about it -- the fact that you enjoyed it so much means a lot, so thank you very much for this review. I personally think there are many, many things wrong with this story, lol (I deleted it from my MuggleNet Fan Fiction author page, actually), so I am really flattered you enjoyed reading it and that you thought it so original, despite the fact that I wrote this when I was fourteen/fifteen.
Hmm, I think I was quite defensive to other reviewers who had similar objections regarding the swearing; I do think, looking back, that it was quite gratuitous at times, so I understand where you're coming from. Depending on the story, swearing may or may not fit in -- at times, I do feel like maybe Lily swore a bit too much (though the Marauders, ha, would definitely swear a lot -- well, at least Sirius and James would XD).
I'm really so pleased that you enjoyed Checkmate; it was quite a popular story here, which makes me sad because nothing I've written since has been quite as popular. (This really isn't me self-pimping -- LOL.) I guess part of the reason for that is because the fandom is slowly shrinking, sadly, which is a shame because my latest works are of far better quality than this -- though, like I said, that is not an invitation for you to go and read/review them, although you're more than welcome to if you want, hehe.
Thank you for the review; it means even more to me because of how accomplished an author you are, with winning a Dobby and all! :D
Soraya xxx Report Review
So, I'm writing (or at least starting) this review on the text app on my phone in the middle of a party I didn't want to attend. I feel sick and tired and read half of this before leaving for said party, so I'll be darned if I'm not allowed to finish it now. Not to mention I watched Prisoner of Azkaban last night and oh my gosh, the bit in the Shrieking Shack with Remus and Sirius and Snape. DYING. And so when I started reading this today, still rolling in Remus/Sirius feels, and realized this took place in the Shrieking Shack, it's become hard to stop reading. I'm a firm believer that you can write anything in this world. Period. This is proof positive of that!
I've actually come to be a pretty big Remus/Sirius shipper, which is something I never thought I'd say. And when I knew you'd be writing one I was so excited, and my gosh, this is LITERALLY one of the best I've ever read! ♥ Like... I have to sit here with my friends and not be able to tell anyone about all these feelings. The tone of the entire thing was oxymoronic: Hopefully bleak, lovingly hateful. How do you DO this?! Fair warning, a huge part of this review is going to be me hurling your own writing back at you. The further I got in this, the harder it got to put down. I can't even. Your Marauders are such a treat to read, and I missed them so much (because I clearly didn't get enough of them in Run) and this was just perfect.
“I was with James.” Sirius's mouth distorted, eyes shimmering around the edges with pewter jewels. “I was with James and Lily again until you ripped me away.” -- RIPPED MY HEART OUT, THAT. Oh, that would be the most painful thing in the world for him. He might have loved Remus once, but to separate James and Sirius... That would be so terrible for him, no matter how he felt about Remus.
“Don’t say that. Don’t say that it was for me. If you ever say that again, I’ll never forgive you." -- Shattered. Just shattered. And here it's so evident to see that even through what Remus has done, even through all the obscenities and curses Sirius hurls at his retreating back, he still loves him. It's a raw and heartbreaking love (which is obviously my favorite kind) but it's there. Sirius just can't stand to think that the hell he knows, Remus would put himself through, just to be with Sirius.
It was way too long to quote, but my absolute favorite part of this entire story was the end, with ghost-Sirius disappearing and ghost-Remus sealing his own fate, trapping himself with the traps he originally laid for Sirius. I've told you dozens of times, but you're so good at bringing stories full circle, tying everything together and making everything relevant. It's a skill I lack and I always find myself going to your stories when I need to remind myself how to do it. I don't know. I just have such huge admiration for it. ♥ Repeating the bits about dreams replacing good sense and Conjured objects was brilliant, brilliant foreshadowing!
I was thinking just before you posted this how much I wanted to read a Remus/Sirius one-shot, and you've gone so above and beyond with this. Missy is so lucky! (Except you wrote me CEDCHEL. STILL ON CLOUD NINE. ♥) Gah, I want to have not read this so I can read it again. This is everything I love. Tragic romance. Marauders. Twist ending. Write more of this, always. Always more.
♥Author's Response: Your reviews are the best to receive and the hardest to respond to. Trufax.
I'm beginning to see the allure of Remus/Sirius. I mean, I am Tonks/Remus for LIFE, but I can see why people love it. I've often thought that if Sirius was secretly in love with any of them, it might have been James, since he pretty much worshiped James. A lot of people are not married by the time they're 21, which was how old they all were when James died, Sirius went to prison, and Remus went off the grid; but I understand fans wanting to give Sirius love of any kind before his death. I've told you a million times and I'll never stop saying it; out of everyone in Potterverse, Sirius had the worst life. There is not a single one of them who had it worse than him.
Making stories go full-circle and tie things up at the end is a compulsion of mine, especially when it comes to one-shots. I always want to go out on a high note, or else what's the point?
CEDCHEL. YARR. Speaking of one-shots for you, I need to get started on your birthday Sneth. Which I am very scared to write. You wrote TWO AND A HALF NOVELS about them, so the shoes I have to fill are about the size of Jupiter. It's already established that I will do a poor job of doing the pair justice, so I apologize in advance.
I need to stop rambling now.
♥ Report Review
Mel! I totally meant to review this yesterday, and then all of a sudden I had five PMs and beta jobs and what have you, and this sort of fell by the wayside. Which I think you knew anyway. :P But I'm so glad that I found the time to read this tonight!
Forever thrilled that you wrote me a Harry one-shot. And dark!Harry, too! ♥ That is my favorite kind of Harry. And you did it so well, too! Ooh, I love all the little deathly things you sprinkled throughout this; it was bleak, but appropriately so, and the sort of bleak I love to read about. My heart broke when you made little Lily appear, though. :( And at just how many people were in the parade (Cedriccc). But I loved the way you wrote Sirius. I think he would have been just like that, if he'd been given the chance to grow old! Such cruelty, all these people who died before their times.
I love the imagery you put into this, too! Especially how you managed to convey darkness in so many different ways. The way you described things in the story enhanced the tone of it so well -- this was one of my favorite lines:
Patting along the moist pavement, his bent and crooked fingers closed around the wire frames. -- I don't know what struck me about this in particular, but there's something so broken and defeated about it, even though it's small, and it just seems so Harry. Fantastic!
I can't tell you how happy I am that you were willing to write me this one-shot. ♥ You're a fantastic friend, Mel! Thank you so much!! Report Review
Hello, Leslie! I'm sorry that I'm a bit later than anticipated -- life caught up with me, as I'm sure you know. I meant to leave this review several days ago, but tonight seems to be the first time I was able to sit down before nine o' clock to get a few things done and crossed off my checklist!
One of the things I liked best about this chapter is how easy it was to jump right back into the story from where I left off all those months ago. Molly feels like an old friend I'm getting reacquainted with, and that was a nice feeling to get me through the chapter! I love her group of work friends, too -- they all seem like a really fun bunch. :P Nothing to match Finn, of course, who I'm anxious to read more about! Those brief mentions of him weren't enough, especially because it's pretty clear Molly doesn't know what to think of him now.
Her reunion with her mother was so sweet! I can't remember now if I mentioned it in a previous review -- I don't think I did, since she's just now come home -- but I already like the way you're characterizing this branch of the large Weasley family, who are perhaps the least-written of them all (with the possible exception of Charlie). Percy's one of my favorite Weasleys, so, by extension, I like reading stories centered around Molly and Lucy, but I really like what you've done with them here. Molly's not a carbon-copy of Percy; she's very much her own person, and I respect that a lot. I'm very eager to see Percy brought into the mix, though! And Lucy, who sounds like she is more like her father. His buying her a greenhouse was incredibly endearing, and if he wasn't married I'd have to hug him. :P
I'm so glad I finally got a concrete, legitimate excuse to pop by this story again! I've been meaning to for AGES, and somehow never got around to doing it. Getting back into the swing of the plot's really made me excited to read on, though, and hopefully I'll be doing that soon. After all, Finn's up next, and I need some more Finn in my life!
A great chapter in a great story! Brilliant job, Leslie! ♥Author's Response: I'm glad you found it easy to jump back into the story after having stepped away for a while. And that's completely understandable as life does have a tendency to rear its ugly head when we least expect it to. Also happy you find my characterizations of this branch of the Weasleys likable. I wanted to set them apart from the other families since Percy was so different from his parents and siblings. And Lucy is a lot like her father, now, but she was a bit of a wild child in Hogwarts before she settled down enough to grow up.
Thanks again for reviewing, Rachel! (: Report Review
I didn't even see that you'd written another Every Word Counts entry until now! It's a bit sad, how quickly I clicked on it once I realized what it was. I'm not sure why I like these stories so much, but they're fascinating, somehow -- I love how stories can be fit into such a small amount of words. I'll never get tired of reading these, I think.
I actually really enjoyed the sort of mysterious air that this one-shot had at the onset -- I had to continue on reading before realizing that it was about the Grey Lady, and I enjoyed the sort of suspense that came before it. And more credit to you, again, because this is such a short story! That's difficult to do in three-thousand-word one-shots, and you managed it in five hundred.
I've never seen the Grey Lady's personality being written quite like this, but I think it fits her. Even before finding out that she was Helena Ravenclaw, she was known to be quiet and tragic and melancholy, and those are all personality traits you've written here. I do wonder why she might have chosen to remain behind as a ghost; JKR's stated in Pottermore information that it's got to do with a choice, with unfinished business. I can't imagine what hers would be, but then, that's a bit off-topic!
Bottom line: I really enjoyed this, and your writing style in this story in particular was very lovely. :) It was enjoyed thoroughly! As all your stories were -- I've said it before, but I liked having an excuse to come by here and read a few stories for you. I hope you have a very happy rest of your holiday season! ♥ Report Review
Hello! I figured that it would be all right to leave you reviews under my actual archive account, instead of anonymously, since I have made the Secret Santa revelation in the thread already. And if for some reason you haven't seen it yet... surprise!
I was so excited to see that you'd written a Ted/Andromeda, and I actually don't think I've read a story centered solely around this particular pairing before. But when I got to thinking about it while reading this, more people should write them -- they're basically star-crossed lovers, which is something the hopeless romantic in me finds endlessly endearing. ♥ Andromeda risked to much to be with him, and was disowned for it; that's no small price to pay, especially for someone raised with Black ideals. I'd love to know how she came to leave them, come to think of it; there's a very interesting story there.
The way you wrote the love between them was great, though, and set a few butterflies going in my stomach. :) Can't help it -- I love reading about love! The way they kept smiling at each other, and were just so excited about getting married, really brings it across that there's genuine feelings within each of them. I think it's sometimes easy to take it for granted that the reader knows a pairing is in love, but you've actually showed it, which is great. And the little wizard giving them their vows made me laugh! What a character, being so dramatic and flamboyant. :P
This was great, Ellie! I'm really enjoying getting to read some of your one-shots, something I should have done long ago. And again, I think it's really neat that you tackled this pairing, and you did it so well! Merry Christmas, and I'm off to hunt down another story of yours! Report Review
Katie! I'm a wee bit late with this review, and I hope you'll forgive me for it. I did respond to five reviews, and then my sister and I were trying to scrape together dinner, since our parents decided to eat out with friends of theirs. And then, because my memory is basically shot through with holes, I sat down and read Game of Thrones for a while. But I'm here now -- and I rushed through that chapter! Good chapters always feel the shortest.
I can tell that I'm already going to like the banter between Fee and Septimus! They're going to butt heads a lot and it's going to be so fun to read, and I love reading this and thinking about all the future Weasleys, and how Septimus's reactions are pretty much like I'd expect Ron's to be, or even Arthur's. I love a good Weasley. ♥ Although if he keeps insisting on calling Fee 'sweetie' then I agree with Alphard -- it'll be his funeral!
I did smell a love triangle, then? Ooh, I desperately hope so -- I know how cliche they are, but I absolutely cannot resist a well-written love triangle. And you know how highly I think of your writing, so I'm very excited to see where this takes the pair of them! As a random side note, I'm glad Fee's a bit frustrated with Tom's decision to work at Borgin and Burke's. That's something that's always sort of nagged at the back of my mind, after reading that in HBP. If he was such a talented wizard... why? But that's one of the things I already really like about this story: You're taking the time to explain little canon things like that, and it does feel more real that way, which is always something I like to see. :)
And that letter at the end! New theory: Are they from Tom? I'm going with either Tom or Fee's mother, but haven't made up my mind yet (because I am the most indecisive person on this planet). And speaking of Fee's family, I think it's so sad that the Muggles who raised her disowned her for being a witch. I can see it happening, actually... but it's still very sad. :(
Lovely chapter, as always! I'm so pleased you got a chapter of this into the queue before it closed down. ♥ I can't believe I've already read five chapters of this story, though... Time flies when you're having fun!
Seriously: Excellent job! I await chapter six with much anticipation!Author's Response: Don't worry Rachel, you're forgiven! :D My memory is terrible though- somehow when it comes to HPFF-related stuff and especially Sheer Abandon, I remember vast amounts, but when we're talking about RL, my brain is like a sieve!
I didn't actually think of the similarity between Septimus and his descendants when I was writing this, but now that you mention it, I definitely see your point! (And I can't understand how I've managed to plot out chapter eight: "Of Weasels And Ferrets" without remembering Arthur v Lucius and Ron v Draco... *sigh* This is a classic example of my subconscious ability to retain vast HPFF-related knowledge.) And oh, absolutely! :P
I know, but I think love triangles are the kind of cliche that you look at affectionately and think, awww. Kind of like a security blanket in fanfic-reading, if you will. That nagged at me too, but in a way, I can understand it because he wanted to research Dark artefacts, and also find Slytherin's locket- something he probably felt he had the right to possess- and Borgin and Burke's was ultimately the easiest and legal way of doing that. But of course, it doesn't change Fee's feelings. Awww, thank you! ♥
Okay, let's say your new theory is correct: how then do you explain the letter that Fee received when she was eleven, in chapter two? ;)
I was a bit confused when you said that the Muggles who brought her up disowned her, until I re-read Walburga and Orion's discussion and realized how Walburga spoke could be put into several different contexts. Fee's "parents" did put her into a psychiatric hospital, but they didn't disown her. More on that will be explained in a future chapter. :)
Haha, I'm almost finished with chapter seven and I have a future, unnumbered chapter written, but I was dithering on whether to put this into the queue so much that it ended up being submitted eight minutes before the closure and was the last chapter the validators validated. Whoops... ♥
Thank you! (and I apologize in advance for chapter six!) Report Review
I think one of my favorite things about this story as a whole is just how completely opposite the pages Percy and Audrey are on, are. (I hate syntax. That was the world's most awkward sentence.) On Audrey's end, of course, Percy's a vampire, and on his end she's a woman who's hopelessly attracted to him -- although you know, Percy's side may not even be that wrong. I sense repressive coping in Audrey's state of affairs.
I do hope that you know I was in stitches the entire time Percy was writing his letter. ♥ The snippet of it from a couple of weeks ago made me anxious to read more of it, and I was so depressed when I discovered that chapter 4 had no letter-writing in it. And his reaction to remembering what he'd done the next morning! :D I am shaking with silent giggles right now, which are only silent because my roommate is napping, which I should be doing because we both had a final at eight this morning, BUT I COULD NOT RESIST THE PULL OF PERCY.
And then George gets thrown in for just a few paragraphs, and he totally steals the show! The continuation of the "spilling my guts" metaphor was brill. And THE REAL LETTER, SOMEHOW I DID NOT FORESEE THAT. Lulzzz. ♥ Percy is drunk on your lovings, Audrey.
This review sucks, I have no illusions. But your chapter got me through a tough week, and you should be proud. :) And I thoroughly enjoyed it, as always! I do not want this story to end. Why does it only have one more chapter. This is lovely crack.
MOAR PLZ ♥Author's Response: You may be onto something with the repressive coping. :3 It's a miserable affair, denying one's hots for a blood-sucking creature of the night. ~ She should go ask Bella Swan for some tips.
Heee, since these are spaced out every two weeks instead of every week, I wondered if you might think that snippet was for chapter 4 instead of 5. I think writing that letter was one of my favorite parts of this story. Fun stuffs. XD
George is definitely a scene-stealer. Could not resist adding him in here after reading WAT; I own that I originally did not intend to have him crop up so much in this story. But I like writing George. He's a good egg.
Hearing that this chapter got you through a tough week is seriously the best compliment you could ever give me. I'm so happy to oblige. :)
U DA BEST. ♥ Report Review
Hello! I meant to leave this review roughly ten minutes ago, but then I got called out of my room right as I finished reading the chapter. Isn't that always the way? So here I am now, typing up the review for you --it's rather ridiculous, how many times I checked yesterday and today to see if it had been posted yet! (And while I'm thinking about it, thank you so much for the dedication at the top!)
Ugh, Tom and Fee. ♥ Every chapter and I'm shipping them even more than I did in the previous one. I love, in a somewhat twisted way, how they both have such similar mindsets, similar goals -- even if those goals basically suck, if I may put it bluntly. They just seem really right for each other, and considering this is Lord Voldemort we're talking about, that's pretty huge. I know he can't really love, having been born under the influence of a love potion; I know he's more or less a sadist, and that anything he and Fee might have is doomed. But anyone who'll make a girl hot chocolate and patch up her hurts has some redeeming qualities, small as they might be.
Oh, Walburga. You are leading yourself into a dark hole, my friend, thinking those sorts of thoughts about alcohol. I think Fee's reasoning for not liking hospitals, though -- wow, that's so interesting. I'm loving all these little character details that are coming out! I want to know more about her past, and can't wait for it. Poor girl.
Snap. This Auror training partnership is either going to be a disaster (which I'm currently leaning towards) or a surprise, because Septimus and Fee both seem stubborn and set in their ways. I want to read more about it already! (I was happy to see Moody there too, by the way -- perfect little cameo for him, though I suspect he'll crop up again.)
I'm having such difficulties putting my thoughts into words. I just... you write so well! I can't think of another story I've followed recently where I've been so anxious to continue on. I want to know more about Fee, and her parents (and her not-so-dead mother), and her relationship with Tom, and her Auror training. I know I've kind of gushed about this story lately, but I honestly do love it, and cannot wait to read more of it! You're such a good writer, and I am making it my mission to make you remember, if only so you might satiate me with regular updates. :3
Honestly wonderful -- and now I'm sad again because I was so excited about this update, and now I've got to wait again! :D Please continue very soon! ♥Author's Response: Thank you! As you'll know from my comments on the forums, the feels from your review were just so indescribable! I can't put into words how lovely it is to see your oh-so-enthusiastic reviews! :D (And I totally sympathize with that feeling. I'm always being asked to make cups of tea at crucial moments in my fanfictions. Grrr.)
Tom and Fee. Every chapter nearer, and I get more terrified of chapter six. :') I get what you mean, and I agree- those goals do suck, but if they didn't we wouldn't be talking about Tom Riddle. (Side note: the whole idea of Fee being Minister was from a mention in DH where it says Piers Thicknesse (I think) was Imperiused to be Minister so Voldemort wouldn't need to show himself in the open. That made me wonder: what if there had been someone on Voldemort's side, who worked for the Ministry and was voted Minister because of her history as a "respectable" Auror? Someone who he wouldn't need to spend time controlling, thus actually giving him greater control over the country- I hope that makes sense- and the public couldn't do anything because they voted for that Minister? Yeah. Fee stole that plunnie.)
I know they're doomed and self-destructive and toxic. But the plunnies that I have for Tom and Fee give ME a case of major feels and I'm the author, haha!
Yup, I wanted to explore Walburga's descent into a world of drink and despair. She is absolutely leading herself into a dark hole, and her own husband is helping push her along the way.
I have a chapter written about Fee's past, and another two at least planned, but I just don't know where to put them. I'm considering chapter seven, but I think that would be a form of torture for the readers after six. Strangely, though, as I think on it, they do share a similar theme.
Haha! I know how the Auror training will end, but I don't know if they'll part as friends or enemies. A little tidbit to keep you going until chapter five: Fee loves to play mind games with Septimus.
Moody was perfect because I didn't want Fee to be the only protegee, and he was roughly the same age without a confirmed DOB that I could find, so I was quite happy to put him there. (Another side note: how are you able to read my mind?!)
SNAP. It's so hard to be able to answer all of your lovely comments because *sigh* they're so lovely. YOU are an amazing author, so it's a honour to hear that you think I write well! Seriously, all of your compliments are killing me. I'm dying right now. I'm dead. And I will update as best as I can, I promise! Chapters five and six have been written, chapter seven (may be moved to later in the story) is written, and chapter eight (or seven if the original seven is moved) is a work in progress. Factor in my other WIP and my one-shots, and I'm hoping to actually finish the story while my readers are halfway through it. :D
Awww, don't be sad. You've got this lovely review response to cheer you up! ;) I will, will, will absolutely continue! ♥ Report Review
KNEW IT. Well, I confess -- I did see the slash warning that this story carried, and began having suspicions early on. And now I'm replaying all these little bits of story in my head, and everything makes so much more sense now, and I am very, very impressed that you were able to write such suspenseful confusion! I am sitting here in my bed now just processing this story. And I think I'll miss it, you know, though I've just finished it. I really enjoyed this!
Eleanor, from the very start, was likeable -- and I think the thing that made her that way was because to a degree, she didn't like herself. And it's so much easier to see yourself in someone so imperfect, because as human beings we are essentially created to be imperfect. She doubts herself, she doesn't have a great outlook on her personal appearance, and everyone has days like that. I'm so, so glad you wrote her. So many people avoid writing Mary Sue-esque characters (as people seem to think Mary Sue is symbolic with the bubonic plague, apparently), but yours is the first character I've seen go one step further and not just become not-Mary-Sue, but real. She doesn't get the guy; how often is that story played out upon the real world?
But in a way, she needed Sirius, even if he didn't fall in love with her in the end. Sirius showed her things about herself she didn't think were possible. I loved all your Marauders in this! It's easy to fall into traps when writing them, but you avoided them all: Your James actually sounds like someone who could be Harry's dad, and your Remus is so in canon with how we see him later. Sirius isn't a playboy and I cannot thank you enough for that! And I think the one I liked most of all was Peter, because you did something so, so many people fail to do: You made him human. Knowing how he betrays Lily and James, and knowing his sniveling sort of personality from his older canon self, it's so easy to write him in a poor, pathetic light it's almost sickening. And that's something I know pretty darn well, if I may say so myself. So I loved what you did with him here. And even knowing what he becomes, I hope he and Eleanor work something out between the pair of them. (Cruel, Susan, to hint at it and end the story so quickly!)
I seriously enjoyed this story so much. It caught my eye because of the title -- I'm a massive Beatles fan -- but I stayed because the story was just great. In six chapters, you've hooked me in as some people couldn't do in sixty. This is why I am such a huge fan of your stories: They're so different, so versatile, but always so, so good.
Brilliant job, and thank you for writing this -- I'm so glad I read it! And I'm sure I'll be back before too long, reading another of your stories, because it's hard to stay away! ♥Author's Response: The slash warning does rather give it away, though the gossip in one of the middle chapters could be enough to account for it. Haha, it's one of those stories that forces readers to go back and seek out the clues - it's something I've done in later stories too, and it's always fun to see how readers react to these kind of plots. It's one of the reasons why I prefer to start writing a story only once I know how it's going to end - I need that definite knowledge of where I'm going so that I can scatter clues and properly foreshadow on my way there. And somehow, it works. :D
Eleanor is likely the best OC I've ever written because she is very normal, more like some reader caught up in a story than an actual character who belongs in the story. :P It was easier than I expected to write her, and now that I think of it, I miss writing someone like her because she's just so honest and transparent, forever that wallflower type who haunts stories, but rarely takes the spotlight, except to transform into some butterfly. But Eleanor doesn't do that, which is what I like about her - she's still Eleanor at the end. She's less naive and probably a better person, but she hasn't changed who she is, not for Sirius or for anyone else. I'm really glad that you like her - it means a lot that you found her likeable and realistic. That's just the kind of feeling I wanted readers to have about her. ^_^
This story was meant to go against all the popular cliches of Marauder fanfiction. By the time I'd written this, I'd had enough of all the silly Sirius/OC cliches as well as the more general romantic comedy cliches. Not only are those cliches unrealistic, but they're also unsatisfying after a while. What I like doing with Marauder-era stories is making the characters as human as possible. So while Sirius does have this rebellious attitude and is fairly worldly, he's not a total playboy - that's something that his fangirls have given him (both those within the story and those who write the stories :P). The same goes for the portrayals of all Marauder-era characters, and it's happening now to the Next-Gens as well (which is why I wrote "Winner Takes All"). It's wonderful to hear that I was successful in this project - the characters are important to me, more so than the plot, and making them into fully-formed (or nearly so) people is my goal with every story I write.
Thank you so much for reading and reviewing this story! I'm very happy that you enjoyed reading it. :D Report Review
I have returned! And now, of course, I have no more chapters to read, which makes me quite sad. I demand updates!
This is very much how I imagine a reception for a Black family wedding would go; I know I've said it in every review thus far, but I want to compliment you once again on how you're writing their family. I've never before read a story that really dives into them like you do, and moreover, gets it so right. This is how pureblood families work, I daresay -- all the little family intricacies and gossiping.
Tom helped Fee up from the floor! I ship them already. Is that allowed? Am I even supposed to be shipping them? I don't know, but it's already happening, so fair warning. :3 I think one of the most interesting things about her thus far is the fact that she fits right in with the Blacks, if that makes sense. Most people, when facing a similar task of merging an original character with purebloods, seem to think that blood purity ideals somehow escape these OCs and they're on a higher plane than their friends. Fee's not like this -- she's much more realistic.
Aaand now I have no more chapters to read. Which definitely means that you should update soon! I'm really enjoying this story still, and look forward to the fourth chapter with much anticipation. You're a very talented writer!Author's Response: *waves a wand and grants request*
I'm dying a thousand times over at all of your compliments. Yes, I know. It wouldn't be a Black family wedding without drama and hysterics, and I just find them so intriguing. Although I'm getting nervous now on posting the next few chapters, and I desperately hope they'll be as well received as the three that are already up!
HAHA! You're allowed to ship whoever you want -a lot of people ship Dramione and that's hardly canon -but I just want to remind you that Tom = Lord Voldemort. Just a fair warning for chapter six. ;) *ducks tomatoes when you work out chapter six won't be up until after the staff vacation*
I didn't think a Slytherin would be accepted by the Blacks if they didn't share the same beliefs. So to have Fee as someone like Sirius, for example, I might as well just have written an AU fanfiction. And I think I've already mentioned my newfound canon obsession. :P
I'm a very talented writer?! I know I keep saying this, but coming from you, this is amazing. Thank you!! ♥ Report Review
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