Reading Reviews From Member: Pixileanin
  
590 Reviews Found

Review #26, by PixileaninIn Every Stitch: Eight

15th August 2015:
Lizzie,

There's something in my eye. Hold on, my vision is a little blurry, maybe I can blink it out.

Seriously, tears. Hear felt tears for the way that you wrote this. You managed to touch on the deepest bond of motherhood and capture it in these few words. And there is Story here too, so bravo!

You chose this so well, Molly doing what she loves for the people she loves. She feels the things that this boy needs more than anything else in the world right now.

And literary-wise, the imagery sticks so permanently, sweaters, shields, needles, and the tie between what she does and what she would want for her own children. The way you laid out the Reasons was also wonderful, almost poetic, yet pointed and real. Molly's character shines through her motivation. Every word was quintessentially hers. Coupled with the second person tense, it resonated deeply.

This was truly beautiful. You carried through with a singular focus, and I don't think that any more words are necessary. You nailed the emotion here.

So lovely.

Pix

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Review #27, by PixileaninMistaken for Strangers: James Attends a Party

15th August 2015:
Hi!

I shall star by answering your question s. First, I am not confused by anything. I think the showing is going swimmingly. It's very visual in fact, and I am getting a clear picture of the characters. Poor James is still running around crazy, but he's had time to read all those books and discuss them with Anna, so it looks like he's using his time wisely.

I thought the party scene was crazy, yet age appropriate. All the weirdness, and the talk with Scorpios was fun too. Poor bloke is spilling his guts while enebriated. Sad that James doesn't get a chance to talk to Anna at the party, but by the way you have set up the characters, it reads well this way.


Freddie is so out of control. He's gone way overboard on the pranks, and I wonder if he now expects James to bail him out. I must say you're doing great thinking up different things for him to get into trouble over, including the thing about telling rose that charm w as only good for three days when it would have lasted much longer.

still enjoying the story. ( still on my phone, which makes typing a beast)

Pix

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, Pix! :)

I'm glad you're clear on what's going on and think I'm doing a good job with the showing v telling. I'm excited you think you have a clear picture of the characters! :D That's my goal. Haha I'm not so sure James uses his time that wisely given how much he still ends up in detention!

Thanks so much for your comments on the party scene-- I actually revised it from something that was a lot more intense per Branwen's suggestions so I'm glad you think it's age appropriate! And Scorpius and James definitely have a somewhat strange/funny relationship! I don't think Anna would even notice if James started talking to her at the party haha.

I have a lot of fun coming up with Fred's pranks and hijinks! In the beginning I didn't really know what I was doing with him, but as I kept writing the story, I was actually writing to incorporate different Fred subplots! I think he totally depends on James to help him out haha.

Thanks again for your reviews, Pix! I love hearing what you think about the story. :)

--J


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Review #28, by PixileaninMistaken for Strangers: James Talks to a Girl

15th August 2015:
Hey hey, it's chapter two!

I am still loving the bookworm vibe that thus Anna us pulling off. She's so completely opposite of James' family. I can see why he's attracted to her. I also adore how she keeps calling him Jeremy, and now he doesn't feel like he can correct her without looking foolish. So much fun!

I can't help but wonder if Anna is truly oblivious to what James is up to. That scene in the kitchens was rather suspicious, with her just sitting there and not even being aware of anything. I bet on some level she has to be faking it...

That w as some maneuver James pulled, crawling under the Raven claws table to get to Roses boyfriend. I really enjoy how diplomatic James is being with this guy. The whole conversation made me smile, especially when he got Lucy to back down and make up with Rose.

The philosophy thing is rather inreresting too. James spends an awful lot of time reading for someone who doesn't do his homework. Or at least you aren't showing us the homework. I'm sure he does some somewhere and sometime.

I am still intrigued. The Anna thing is very tantalizing. And sorry for weird typos. I'm on my phone, ick.

Pix

Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming back and leaving another review, Pix! And the phone typos add character haha. :D

I'm glad you like Anna! She's definitely a fresh of breath air to James after the insanity of his family! And she'll never not be a bookworm haha. It's a big part of her personality!

I'm amused that so many people comment on Anna in the kitchens in reviews! HPFFers are a very suspicious crowd. Can't a girl read in a hidden kitchen while like ten people start yelling loudly in peace??

I'm glad you liked James's methods! He likes to come at things from weird angles, sometimes literally. His diplomacy skills are pretty admirable-- he deals with all of this craziness much better than I would!

Haha yeah James does end up reading a lot given how little his family seems to think he does homework! I'm a philosophy student so I couldn't help introduce some of that into the story. :)

I hope you continue enjoying the story/characters! :D Thanks again for your reviews!

--J


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Review #29, by PixileaninMistaken for Strangers: James Meets A Girl

14th August 2015:
Hello there!

I had to come over here and see what you were up to. What a delightful little thing this is! I love that James is running all over the place trying to help out his family, especially Freddie, who doesn't seem to care how much he gets into trouble. James certainly has his hands full.

I'm not sure where you're going with this yet, as it's the first chapter, but I LOVE that this girl has got hafl of his attention, and he's not even sure who she is yet. There's so much mystery there, but he's so busy putting out fires that he doesn't have time to contemplate this new person when his family has him running round in circles.

I really like the way you've formatted your scenes. They're short and to the point, and I admire the pattern you've set up with him going off to rescue Freddie every other minute. Poor guy. He's got to be under a great deal of stress, and I'm wondering why he feels so beholden to keeping his cousin out of trouble like that.

Interesting start. You've definitely got all the Weasley-Potters in a great deal of action!

Pix

Author's Response: Ahh Pix thank you so much for this review! It was such a wonderful surprise! :)

James definitely had a lot going on all the time haha! He's very susceptible to getting involved in Fred's shenanigans!

He's intrigued by the Ravenclaw girl but is so easily distracted/confused by her/all over the place that he never gets the chance to investigate! Unsurprisingly, that will change over the coming chapters. ;)

I'm glad you like the style! It's fun to write like this. And yes, Fred is a stressful guy to be in control of! James is very loyal and feels responsible for a lot of things that are outside of his control (typical Gryffindor?). That's something that's explored more and more as the story goes on! :)

Thanks again for this review, Pix! I hope you get a chance to check out the rest of the story (even if you don't keep reviewing or anything!).

--J


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Review #30, by PixileaninDetox: Epilogue

14th August 2015:
DAN!!

Seriously, what is wrong with me, having this last chapter sit out so long without any comments from me?? You know how Life decides that thereís TOO MUCH to do, and then you get swamped, and then when you get un-swamped, you forget what you were doing before you got swamped?

Anyway.

Ahh, the young Malfoy broods so expertly, and heís only what, eleven? Nice. I love how you smack Astoria with the reality of change. Even though she knows her upbringing was not something she should be wishing on her own child, there are aspects of it that she will look back on as comforting and familiar. I can feel that she fears the uncertainty with Scorpiusí situation, not having that long-standing tradition to buffer him. Thereís no way she can prepare him for the unknown. That would be worrisome to any mother.

You know, I have often wondered about this strange phenomenon that adults seem to think they can talk over the heads of children who are in the same room. It has been my experience that they listen to everything, so thereís no sense in pretending that a child wonít understand, at least on some level, whatís going on around them. And anyway, why would anyone want to raise someone who isnít aware? Iím glad that Scorpius is that astute and observant. It shouldnít just be a Slytherin trait. At eleven, if he hasnít picked up on the reality inside his own home, Iíd be questioning his intelligence.

Iím happy to see Dracoís growth in this story. Youíve done a fantastic job of showing how far heís come, and without completely giving him that unrealistic 180 turn in his attitude. Here, he only wants whatís best for his son, and you show that expertly. Ten points for restraint!

I love that you drew the parallels between Scorpiusí doubts and Albusí doubts in canon. He doesnít have that absolute certainty about where he belongs in the world, and heís going to have to figure things out for himself where heís going. Heís smart enough to know this, and Iím glad you gave him that edge, that worry. I think that if he continues to evaluate things instead of jumping to unreasonable conclusions, this Scorpius is going to turn out just fine.

Ah, you brat! Planting the seeds in his poor sonís head that he will no doubt take to. Subconscious suggestion is a very strong thing, but I canít say I blame him for playing the game. I really appreciate that the rivalry between Ron and Draco is still in full swing, but it has toned down to a tolerable level for now. Astoria has every right to hold a grudge, but sheís enough of a lady to probably concede if she has to at a future date.

Your ending is perfect. I love that you went back to the ďyesĒ line, after so many years. It resonates well for Draco and Astoriaís relationship up until this point, and then also into the future. Your stories are always so well-thought out and your themes are strong. Itís very admirable, and I completely enjoyed this story, even if it was about Draco Malfoy. :P

I want to write like you when I grow up.

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix! You made it all the way to the end. Exciting!

If Scorpius broods well, it's because he's brooding on the hunched shoulders of brooding giants. Or something like that. I wanted to introduce a lot of ambiguity into his character. He *tries* to act the way that he thinks his father and grandfather want him to act. In my experience, this is how children who mostly grew up around adults often behave. But it is mostly an act, because he has a lot of his mother's and grandmother's sensitivity in him.

Astoria is somewhat afraid for her son because she doesn't know what his life is going to be like at Hogwarts and wealthy, aristocratic folks don't tend to like uncertainty. Or change.

Some kids are more aware of what's going on around them than others. Some of my cousins were totally oblivious. The Slytherin trait I was thinking of was more the fact that he was pretending not to listen.

When I started writing this, my goal was to have Draco become a **better** person without necessarily becoming a **good** person. Because I don't know that I'll ever buy into the notion of the latter, at least not until he's much, much older. He's still arrogant and prejudiced and more than a bit of a jerk, but he's realized that none of his prejudices are worth fighting, killing or dying over.

Ah, I'm glad you liked my inspiration for the epilogue. I wanted to show how the scene at King's Cross looked and sounded from the other end of the train platform. You're right, Scorpius will turn out just fine. It won't necessarily be an easy path, but it will end well.

Ha! I had to set the stage for all the ScoRose head canon in the world somehow. :p

I really liked the "yes" line. Now if I was really a mastermind at this, I would have worked it into CoB somehow. Hmmnn... maybe time for some ninja editing...

You already write better than me. Your Remus/Sirius story kind of proves that. And please don't grow up. I hear that stuff is for suckers.

Thanks for the sweet review!


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Review #31, by PixileaninOn My Own: September 1st

14th August 2015:
Hi there! Tag!

I am all for something different from the romance-centric Next Gen stories, so bravo for your idea! I thought this was a strong opening for both of your characters. I can see the differences between them, Scorpius' isolation, and Hugo's overbearing mother who argues a lot and puts pressure on both of her children to get it right.

It will be interesting to see the two of them at Hogwarts, and how they deal with their situations away from their families.

I am already curious as to what's keeping Scorpius up at night. I am also curious as to how Hugo escapes from his family pressures. You definitely have a great setup. This was a good read.

Pix

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This was such a lovely review and I really appreciate it. :) I love a good romance-heavy next gen plot as much as the next person, but I think stories that aren't centered on romance kind of get tossed aside and I really wanted to write one that could (hopefully) have some impact, so I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

Hugo and Scorpius are two of my favorite characters to work with, so it's been a dream writing them.

Thanks again! :)


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Review #32, by PixileaninTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Broken Heart

14th August 2015:
Hi Kenny!

This is what I was waiting for right here: the reason WHY a Potions professor would give his students an essay question that has nothing to do with POTIONS. It reads weirdly to me that Malfoy would even ask such a thing, without having that element of Potions in it. Did he say somewhere earlier that something about the creature was used in a potion? Aww, I canít remember now.

But THIS MAKES SENSE NOW, and itís very devious of him, which I love. My daughter watches a lot of anime, and this plot makes me think about how the plots go in those sorts of stories with the very archetypical characters who WANT and NEED things and will do anything they have to to get them.

Okay, so now you get into whatís going on with Scorpius too. It seems that his reasons for hating Albus are quite shallow, that heís doing it out of habit more than anything else and he has a pride issue. Now he knows that his father is in trouble and he understands the importance of the assignment. I wonder if this means that Scorpius is going to try very hard to find the answers that his father needs, or whether heís going to ask Albus and Rose for helpÖ this could go either way. I am excited to see what happens, and to read more of Sakiís story, which interests me greatly.

Oh, and this is for the Red vs Gold review battle. Iím choosing Gold. Because itís shiny. And, umÖ shiny. I like shiny things.

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix. Thank you for leaving review on this. I really appreciate.

Yeah, you got to the right point. I tried describing Malfoy like you said. He had no gut to face the crisis but he doesn't want to lose his position at Hogwarts.

Poor Scorpius. He wants to be proud of his father.

Oh, your daughter loves anime? I'm glad you felt that way.

The latter part of your review made me think about the next plot harder. Thank you for your thoughtful insight.

Go! Team Gold!

Kenny


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Review #33, by PixileaninTrapped: trapped

14th August 2015:
Hi Kayla!

I'm here with that review I promised from the Twenty-four hour writing extravaganza thingy from the House Cup.

This was so evocative. You've got so much imagery, and it's powerful, and it SPEAKS to what's going on without diluting the situation. I love how you show the effects of things going on in Sirius' head and you never break it down into what's reality. It's Sirius' reality, and that's enough.

This actually reminds me a lot of where I had to go to write my angst piece, and I admire you for going to that place. It's hard to get to, and even harder to express. You've gotten all of his anxieties out there, there's a story inside of it, that tells us what happened, but also how it's still sort of happening inside his head. The flashbacks aren't really flashbacks, because to him, he's still living through it. I don't have any experience with PTSD, but from what I've read, that's the single most remarkable symptom that I identify with it: the sensation of still being in that place where the awful things happen, being unable to escape it, even though you know it's over.

I love that you were able to use the setting of the house to enhance this. Thinking about it that way, this was the absolute worst place to keep the poor guy. He's surrounded by all of his bad memories, the one place he spent his childhood trying to escape, and then Dumbledore locks him up there.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THAT MAN???

I completely agree with your idea of the psychosis that turns this state of being into some kind of hallucination, but it goes deeper than that. We can try to evaluate it all day, but I think everyone agrees that you've nailed the sensations here with your carefully selected prose.

It reads real.

Congratulations!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi Pix!

When writing this, the one thing I knew right from the beginning was that I absolutely didn't want to break it down clearly into reality vs. delusion. I feel like this definitely wouldn't have been the same story if I had. Without getting into too much personal detail, I very much felt that that would have been a disservice to the character (Sirius).

Another thing I was thinking about right from the beginning was how much trauma there's been in Sirius' life overall up to - and including - this point. He was abused when he lived at 12 Grimmauld; he was away from that environment for maybe 5 years? and then two of his best friends were murdered and he was framed (a trauma in and of itself); then he spent 12 years in Azkaban (an incredibly prolonged trauma); then, within 2 years of escaping, he was locked back up, right where he started. How is he supposed to work through his traumas and move past them when he's in that situation? I imagine it would begin to feel like some sort of vicious cycle, and that it would definitely exacerbate that feeling of "still being in that place where the awful things happen", because while he's not in Azkaban, he's literally in one of those places.

So yeah, I really hate Dumbledore. He's a great character and very complex, but I hate him. It seems to me that, even after Grindelwald, Dumbledore still thought in terms of "the greater good" in a lot of cases, and didn't really think of the others around him as whole people with, you know, emotions? I get that Sirius needed to be kept hidden, but that was not a good way to do it and the effects it was having on him were very obvious.

Yeah, I think you're right. There are lots of ways to evaluate and interpret this, but at the end of the day I wrote it the way I did because it felt right to me and made sense to me.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed this, and thank you for the absolutely awesome review!

-Kayla


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Review #34, by PixileaninSweetheart Tom: Little Red Riding Hood

13th August 2015:
Hi! Here for our review swap. I've heard whispers about this story on the forums, and as it goes, I never had the time to take a peek.

I do now.

Fleur!!

I love fairytales, and I love the retelling of them. That's why the beginning of this grabbed me. Of course the language is lovely, and it lends itself to the atmosphere of the story as well, but it drew me into the character that was the forest, and I'm hoping that you do something with that, because that would be super cool as well.

Ah, so Fleur is out in the middle of the woods at midnight. That doesn't bode well for her. I like the way that she derides her grandmother for living so far away from civilization, and I am so curious about the way she says that she does not belong around people because of what she is. I know that in canon, Fleur is half something, but here, it seems like she's half of something else.. but I'll reserve my guess on that for now. I love that you use that in the story, that Fleur thinks about what it would be like to be FULL whatever it is, so she can deal with the dangers of the forest more effectively.

You made her strong, which I like, but you also made her wary, afraid even, second-guessing herself, because that read so true. She should feel som apprehension about what she's gotten herself into here. And yes, Maman, will be most displeased when Fleur shows up again.

I really got excited when I found out that her rescuer was Bill, and I am wondering now what will that lead to. It also has me questioning what Bill is doing in the middle of the forest at midnight himself. Yes, he's got the hound and he's shown himself capable, but is he hunting? Is he one of those creatures of the night that he spoke about? Oh, the possibilities!!

I think my favorite description was the lead-in of how the night makes everything shades of grey, and then following that later with how the blackberries were strewn all around, and smushed, like little blood stains. It was very ominous and held the danger in front of our eyes, as well as continuing the descriptive theme of blending those colors into monochromatic shades. The dark of the blackberry stains would look very much like blood in the night time.

Overall, I am very intrigued, and I want to know what else you are going to do with this fairytale theme.

Lovely!

Pix

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Review #35, by PixileaninSentience : Debate

12th August 2015:
Hi there. I am here for that review I promised from the 24 hour review extravaganza thing. You rocked that, by the way!

Hello Manticore!

I wasnít sure what to expect with the summary. It was so much ďhere I am, this is what I amĒ that I half-expected this to be more of an inner musing sort of thing. I was pleasantly surprised when I found an actual story, starting with the first paragraph.

Well, you know if theyíre using the Quick Quotes quills, the notes are only going to be half of what they should be. I feel sorry for this creature already.

He seems rather calm about stating the misconceptions about him. I can see this as a smart tactic. Someone who can stand up in front of everyone and deadpan that they are ferocious and uncontrolled, when clearly they are standing there not trying to rip anyoneís throats outÖ well, that paints a rather controlled picture to me. Though the black stinger standing at attention would be considered an antagonistic posture, I would imagine.

This creature seems very well-spoken for something considered so savage. The way he speaks of the witch, I can guess who that was. Did they use a translation spell for the manticore, or do they really have such an eloquent language? This made me wonder, because no one, not even a stuffy member of the Wizengamot, would be able to dismiss a society that has such a well-developed vocabulary.

The wizard's argument is obviously weak. He cites two examples of manticore brutality, hundreds of years removed from the present. That shows a very closed mind, and doesnít speak at all to the current state of manticores. It just doesnít hold water. As well, the manticoreís response was for something that had also happened, hopefully in this story, decades ago, but still much more recent than the examples that the wizard chose to bring up. I assume that the manticores have much more reason to think ill of the wizards than the other way around.

The argument about sentience is simply absurd. Any creature who is capable of speaking rationally and debating arguments against himself is way past the definition of simple sentience. He appears much too intelligent, and if I were him, I would have been offended by the question. The Wizengamot comes across as bumbling, backwards and driven by fear and historical loathing. There is nothing presented about this creature sitting in front of them that supports any of their claims in any way.

No one seemed surprised by this creatureís ability to express himself in the way that he did. No one questioned, as I half-expected, that his whole appearance must be a charade because they firmly believed that manticores were completely incapable of sentience or control or whatever else they were so afraid of. That would have been a cool turn of events and give more weight to the Wizengamotís arguments, as well as showcase just how far they could go to prove that the manticore was unworthy of being status.

The concept of this piece was good. I firmly agree with you that the Wizengamot was extremely prejudiced and held on to outdated attitudes in favor of maintaining their superiority over other races. I enjoyed how your manticore appeared the exact opposite of their perceptions and completely blew any arguments they had out of the water. Maybe for more impact, I might have wanted to see more of the manticore's "uncontrolled" behavior, just so that the wizards would have something tangible to point fingers at, something to heighten the conflict in the "now" of the story. Most of the conflict was unseen, and I think that making it more visible would add strength to the piece as a whole. I think that then you might be able to show a few of the old-school hold-outs being justified in their backwards thinking ways before they changed their minds. Not everyone can be so joyous after the heated and emotional outbursts of the wizards that we heard.

I liked how you showed the manticore express himself with the roars and ďdancing aboutĒ with his huge body. He is an intimidating creature, something to be respected, and whose presence should not be dismissed. I think that the Wizengamot would do well to learn from this manticore society about patience and tolerance and giving others who are different from themselves the benefit of the doubt.

Pix

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Review #36, by PixileaninSunday Morning: Sunday Morning

12th August 2015:
Hi again!

I loved this one shot for several reasons. Firstly, it shows us a happier side to Narcissa and Lucius' relationship, that not everything was bad. I can imagine them being this way, once upon a time, before things turned horrible and desperate. Lucius may not have shown much love for his son, but he had a great amount of pride, and I can see that here. He and Narcissa were a solid couple in canon, so this makes sense to me that they would be affectionate to each other, at least at some point in their relationship.

Thanks for making this a happy piece. In canon, we eventually see Draco re-evaluate himself and KNOW that the things he was participating in were wrong. He had to have gotten his sense of right and wrong from someone, and I can imagine that his mother fostered that deep within him like this.

Narcissa's gratefulness and emotion was touching. It was nice that she was able to feel the love that she never had as a child with her own family. This was written very sweetly and convincingly.

Nice job!

Pix

Author's Response: Pix,

Thank you thank you thank you for the review :) I don't get much traffic when It comes to this story, so you can imagine my surprise. I think I am better at writing fluff. I also think Narcissa is extremely underestimated and I wanted to show a brighter side to her. I think she is a good mother.

Frankie


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Review #37, by PixileaninBeautiful Mess: Beautiful Mess

12th August 2015:
Hi! I'm here to make good on my review promise from the House Cup, and I remember seeing this challenge go up, so I wanted to see what you did with it.

It's so happy! but not just that, there is a sincerity to it that only a parent's love can have. I found this to be super sweet, and your characters were both recognizable and fresh at the same time.

It's moments like these, when we slow down and appreciate the "now" that stay with us for a long, long time. I liked how Ginny and Harry both took the time to just "be" with their kids and get to the mess later. I remember blanket and cushion forts, both from my childhood and from my own children too. I don't think I would have allowed the floury powder to stay around all day, lol, but we make messes in the kitchen too. If you're too careful, you lose the creativity sometimes.

Thanks for writing this little gem. It made me smile!

Pix

Author's Response: Pix,

I really enjoyed writing this story, and I am so thankful for your feedback.

You are so kind and so generous.

Frankie


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Review #38, by PixileaninNot One Line: Don't You Dare

11th August 2015:
Hi there! I'm finally here for the review I promised you from the 24 hour writing extraveganza... I have no idea how to spell that, so we will just pretend I did it right, okay? Okay. Whew.

I had a hard time choosing which story to do a review for on your page. Ah well. That just means that I'll have to come back again and again until I've read it all!

Oh goodness, look how many challenges it's for! That's epic greatness right there, combining all those challenges, and the best thing was that it didn't READ like it was made for all those challenges. The quotes were used seamlessly, like they BELONGED where you put them. I LOVE it when the story is made for those quotes and they just flow like you made it up for that particular moment. Awesome use of quotes!

Also, I wanted to go through and read more entries for the angst challenge because I entered that one too. Congrats on placing! There were SO MANY of those entries, so to get a place is really special. Let me tell you, there were bucketloads of angst in this thing. The second person worked so very well for this, setting the mood, keeping it mysterious, but not annoyingly so... giving the right mood... the right horribly painful mood for this.

I can absolutely feel the anguish from both of these characters. Having lost a child, they must have been in a horrific place, and then to be so lost that they even lost each other... it's unfathomable. You expressed the anguish so vividly that it just hurt to read this. And that's the way it should feel, because you want us to get it, real down deep. Ouch.

I haven't read your other stories, as I said before, so I wasn't sure which Malfoys these were, but in the end, it didn't matter. Just knowing they were Malfoys and that they couldn't help each other heal from their daughter's death was enough for me. It was an all-encompassing story of need and desperation and longing and full blown angst. I can see why you made the list.

So much angst!

Pix

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Review #39, by PixileaninTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Dripping Wing

11th August 2015:
Hi Kenny!

What an interesting story you have here! I read the first and second chapter, and Iím very intrigued about where you will be taking this plot.

Firstly, I am VERY interested in the tengu and the kappa. I do want to tell you that I am not familiar with them, but I love reading stories about magical creatures from all over the place. I also love that you are grounding this story within the Harry Potter universe, which makes it not just a story within a story, but that these creatures are real for Albus and his friends. That makes it even cooler.

Okay, I want to start with structure first. I read your other reviews on this chapter, and itís my impression that if you are doing a story within a story, itís important to keep us grounded in each of the plots equally, so we maintain the balance between the two. You did that here, starting with Albusí story, and then bookending the tengu story with more about Albus. I think thatís a smart move. It reminds the reader where we are in each one. I hope you will continue with this structure, which also offers some flexibility, because depending on where the plots rise and fall, you can also have chapters where the tengu story comes first and last, with Albusí story in the middle as well. I love playing around with structure, so this to me is an awesome way to tell two stories at once.

Okay, so Albusí story has me intrigued about several points. I have never seen Draco Malfoy as a professor before. Heís reminiscent of Snape with his attitude and snide behavior in class. Also, he has his son in the same class, so itís doubly bad because Scorpius seems to have picked up on his fatherís distaste of the Potters. Too bad for Albus, but that also means that there is a ready-made conflict between the characters to keep things tense.

Albusí essay reads more like a narrative than a class paper. Thatís okay, because I love how Rose criticizes him for forgetting key points that he was supposed to be writing about. That made me laugh, it was funny, because I was thinking the exact same thing. I mean, I enjoyed reading the story, but Albusí assignment wasnít supposed to be writing a story. Haha! It also got the two of them into the library, where they could remind us of the tension between them and Scorpius. I hope there is more to that, and that you will uncover that story as we move along.

Sakiís story is lovely. I can tell that she misses Shota terribly by the way that she jumps to the conclusion that the creature is her long lost friend. Other people have said this too, but I feel like your strength of description is worth mentioning again. I can see the pictures that you paint with your words so clearly. It seems to be your style, and I like that. I hope that your story ties into nature as well, because to me, itís important to have the description mean something. I think it will, since your magical creatures are nature-based. My favorite part about Sakiís worry was that she also loved nature and when war was mentioned, she automatically thought about how the battle would devastate her home and the surrounding landscape. Great job on making those connections!

You have a sophisticated, stylistic approach to your tengu story that I would love to see applied to the Hogwarts sections of your story. The way that Saki notices things around her, the way that she sees her world, it makes me wonder what would happen if you allow Albus to have that sort of insight into his world as well. Not in the same way, of course, but it would give Albusí character the same level of depth that we are getting from Saki. Maybe you get into this later in the story since Iíve only read through chapter two, but I would like to know more about what Albus loves, what he values, and why heís putting so much effort into the story heís telling. What does this story mean to him, and what is the connection between Albusí story and Sakiís story. There are so many possibilities here!

Lastly, I wanted to tell you that I know this song VERY WELL (I used to listen to a lot of Phil Collins), and I like how you have incorporated it into your fic. You have chosen wonderful places for the quotes that describe the way that Saki feels about Shota.

To summarize: I love the fascinating and original plot. The character of Saki intrigues me, and I think the characters at Hogwarts have enough conflict to last for years. The nature imagery is beautiful.

For criticism, I don't know what I can tell you that you haven't already heard from others. These first two chapters read a bit rougher on grammar/syntax than your stories for the House Cup did, so I can see that you are improving your English with every story you write. I know you've gotten some crit regarding this, but if it were me, I'd keep writing forward. In my opinion, you can edit until your fingers turn blue, but finishing the story teaches us the most about writing. Anything can be adjusted in the writing after it is complete, and it's the completion that allows us to see the story as a whole and adjust more appropriately. Please know that as it stands today, I had no trouble enjoying your story and your writing style.

Thanks for introducing me to this story!

Pix

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Review #40, by PixileaninDangereux: Prologue

11th August 2015:
Hi there! I am finally here. I hope this review is okay. I didnít see any notes on it saying that it was being edited, so I thought Iíd take a peek at what this is.

This starts off as very ominous. I donít yet know which character is speaking, and Iím not sure what happened, but I can feel through the tone of the story that it hasnít been pleasant. Whoever it is, is afraid, that much I can tell.

Ah, so itís Gabrielle. Why in the world did she think it was a good idea to go down here in the first place? I like how you feed us small pieces of the story at a time. It heightens the suspense and the mystery. So far, things have been revealed in such a way that Iím not frustrated, but just curious. Thatís a fine line to walk, and I do it a lot too. Sometimes I get it wrong and just end up making things too complicated. I donít feel that here, so good job on that.

Okay, so this was definitely a teaser prologue, and I see from the date that you havenít updated it in a while. Iíd really love to know where you were going with this, and what Gabrielle has gotten herself into. Youíve set everything up, so now itís time to get the story rolling.

Good luck on your next chapter!

Pix

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Review #41, by PixileaninThis is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: A Bad Taste

9th August 2015:
Hi Gabbie, I have come for our swap!

This is a very unique take on the character of Audrey. I would never have tagged Percy with someone like this, so it makes me doubly curious as to what you've done with Percy. I mean, he's the same abrasive bloke, but with a much edgier edge about him. There's definitely something up with him, and the attraction that Audrey feels is by far not something that I would call natural... at least not the way that you have described it.

The other thing that makes me think something is crazy wrong about the situation, besides the obvious tragic backstory, is the title of the fic and the chapter title. I might be reading too much into it, but I can't wait to see how these things relate to the story as a whole.

I like the uncomfortable, snappy banter between the two of them. They almost act mad at each other for things that they see at first glance. It's like they have these unusual expectations about each other when they first meet, which leads me to believe that Percy is more attracted to Audrey than he's trying to admit.

These characters of yours are coming across as quite complex. I enjoyed reading this story, and I'm insanely curious as to where this whole thing will lead.

"It was the dead man."

This line stuck with me through the whole rest of the chapter. What in the world is going on with Percy??

Nice writing!

Pix

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for the great review, I certainly didn't think that I wold see you stopping by to check this out! A lot of people are put off by this story because of the content but this makes me pretty darn happy!

I don't think anyone would picture Percy with someone like Audrey. I thought that it would be good for him to be faced with a love that he never expected, from a woman that you may not believe could love so strongly. Also, just imagining Percy in a strip club is enough to make me laugh so there is that. Hahahaha.

I have had a lot of people comment on Audrey's attraction to Percy and while some agree that you can just spark like this for no reason with someone, others are of the impression that it's not necessarily a good thing. It's like...two broken things trying to fit together, I'm not quite sure if it's healthy or not.

Oh, you'll find out more about Percy later on. He's quite mysterious, isn't he? So delicious. I honestly believe that the truth about him will shock you. Percy isn't some kind of serial killer or anything like that but the thing with the title of this fic is this: I can't remember who said it but Audrey's last name is Tang, which is evocative of taste so each chapter title will have something to do with say, food? I use a lot of adjectives that relate back to that but also have something to do with the chapter in some way. So, this chapter is called "A Bad Taste", which in a way describes Audrey and Percy. Audrey isn't the most confident person around when it comes to her past and while we don't know what's going on with Percy, he's not squeaky clean either. I hope that makes sense.

Also, "Bad Taste" is Audrey's stage name at Bare Back so if what I said above confused you, just think of it that way. Hahahahaha.

Ah! You're so correct about the unusual expectations that they have of one another. It makes them really snippy with one another for some reason but actually, you get a better understanding of this entire chapter from my one-shot, "That Night". It's from Percy's POV so you may be able to see why he acted so abrasive towards her.

Oh, if only you could have read Percy's mind. He was thinking of doing very naughty things to Audrey... :3

"The dead man" line will be mentioned again at some point and you'll find out why those dead eyes of Percy's are so important.

Thank you so much for the review!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #42, by PixileaninHealing is a Two Way Street: Chapter 3

1st August 2015:
Ah, here we are in Draco's study with a drink in his hand. I don't know if you meant for this to be a cliche, but I'll give you points for setting the scene. Oh no, there was a picture!! Of course they were going to be spotted in the middle of the street, why didn't I expect that? I must be getting slow. OKay, more points for surprising me. :) And all the thoughts! I'm glad you're tempering this side of him with his excuses of being in Azkaban instead of the head-long rush into things. Dare I say that it makes this a bit more subtle, and also plays up the brooding character that Draco is.

I love that he doesn't even drink the stuff and just throws it down the drain, more of a habit than anything. Nice. He has some self-control, but there's danger brewing under all of that deliberateness. Also, kudos to the deliberate thoughts, the specifics that paint this picture of the woman he's thinking about. It keeps the story on a very personal level. The extremely terse note and the eagle owl!! I'd read more into Hermione's reply, which was short, and late... like she's had to think it over... Nice way to show us things!

But man, the Three Broomsticks... they certainly aren't going incognito for this, are they? I suppose that they have no reason to at this point. I wonder where you're going to take this from here. So far, it's been reasonable and completely not outrageous, while still addressing the main cliche'.

This was fun!

Pix

Author's Response: Your kind words make me want to write more of this story but it is just difficult. :) thank you for all that you've said, I want to give the characters justice and write them worthy of words, and your nice thought out responses have helped me- not a lie.

I for sure want this to be fun! Thanks for reading it!


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Review #43, by PixileaninHealing is a Two Way Street: Chapter 2

1st August 2015:
Ah, okay here it starts, doesn't it? Hermione and that aching, niggling idea in the back of her mind. She compares his height and his features to the people she's closest to, and you can feel the curiosity and the intrigue from a mile away. Hello.

Interesting that she disguises herself, but it makes sense. Hermione is probably hounded by people who recognize her just like Harry and the rest of them. I haven't actually read a story in which Hermione is bothered that much by the public, but I can definitely see it.

Uh oh. There's a bloke that looks like Ron and he's with another woman. And then later, double uh oh. This looks... okay, it's worse than bad. Cue the music...

Oh, she makes them stay there. Good on her. And then she sends Harry in after them. Yes, good move. Let Harry sort it all out with the embarrassment and the shame.

"Not Hermione, it's Stella."

Heh. Well it is NOW. I hope Ron's happy with that, because Hermione's not going to recover for a long, long while.

Wait. He shows up so soon? Ack! Well, there's a thing to be said for timing, and he's there at the right moment, and she can't help breaking down all over him. Good thing Draco understands grief and betrayal like no one else in the world. I was sort of hoping that Ron wouldn't be vilainized (is that a word? I'm going to pretend it is) in this, but hey, it's for the cliche challenge, so completely acceptable here. I really like how you give them a moment to breathe here, to let Hermione get out her anger and frustration. But they can't stay there forever. They're right out in the middle of the street, so I wonder where this will lead. Are you going to throw more crazy cliche's at us in the next chapter? *turns page*

Author's Response: Haha you crack me up!
Sometimes I hate that Ron is villainized as you put it, but he is one of my least favorite characters (sometimes- I go through phases) so I don't always hate this happening to him.
I also thought it was really clever that she froze them and then let Harry deal with them. (Is it prideful to say that one of my own ideas was clever?)


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Review #44, by PixileaninHealing is a Two Way Street: Chapter 1

1st August 2015:
Hi there, I'm here for our swap. Oh my goodness, what
have I walked into?? A cliche challenge with a
dramione??? Alrighty then, let me wrap my head around
this one. I'm going to set aside my prejudices for this
one. I wrote a Mary-Sue challenge piece once, and it was
loads of fun incorporating all the Mary-Sue things I could
think of, so I'll just put that hat on for this and roll
with it.

*switches hats*

Wow. This feels weird. Embrace the weird. Okay, ready.

"He scoffed at the idea, she was too good for Weasley."

Yes, set that up right away. Especially under
Verataserum, which is a brilliant move, by the way. I
don't think that potion gets enough use in trial fics, and
I'm glad you clarified that it's now common practice. It
only makes sense. LOVE how the potion just takes over and
makes it okay for Draco to just spew everything out so
straightforwardly. That was actually a REALLY brilliant
move, because his candor is justified in this scene. I
have not problems accepting that. And this:

"What happened next?"

"I vomited."

Excellent dead-panning, and it made me chuckle too. For a
prologue, this really cleared the air and set us up for
whatever is to come. Bravo for making is succinct and
believable. He's going to get his own flat, never to
return to the Manor. Good on him. He's been freed of
several things at once, and he's won over Harry and
Hermione, or at least they have visibly changed their
opinions of him. I like the "you can't win them al"
comment too. It's that kind of dry wit that I associate
with Draco, so well done on the characterization.

Hey, hey, this is a promising start.

Pix

Author's Response: Pix!

Thanks for keeping such an open mind with a dramione story! I had a lot of fun beginning this and I'm glad you are enjoying it as well!

I just want to squish Draco :)


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Review #45, by PixileaninPlaying for Keeps: Early Morning Apologies

1st August 2015:
Hey hey, it's another chapter!

Okay, so you know I love pool, and I love that it's the main backdrop to this story. The whole concept is really cool and I'm extremely happy for you that you're sticking to your premise of men behaving badly not being okay. I think Annie is smart not to fall for any of James' bravado, not only because of her past, but because there's just something slimy about being manipulated into feeling a certain way about someone. Yech. Stick to your guns, Annie.

But Hattie also has a point. She knows Annie's hurt, deep down, and the girl can bottle it up and forget about it all she wants, but it's going to come back and bite her in the behind if she doesn't deal with it sooner or later. James might have changed (a bit) but it doesn't excuse him for what he did to her in the past. And yeah, with Freddie and all of that going down, Annie should at least come clean to James about something.

Besides, it would heighten the conflict, and that's always a good thing to do in the story. :)

I too wondered, from the way you described the Hogwarts scene if maybe James did have feelings for Annie back then and just had a rubbish way of showing it. And also, the way he sets up the apology tickets too. He's too smarmy for his own good, and unfortunately, his Quidditch position has given him a lot of reasons to believe that that sort of behavior works on some girls.

Anyway, Hattie is a good friend. I hope that Annie listens to her and figures out a way to get through whatever she's going to do. And oh my goodness, she's going home??? I think I know what she's trying to do here. Is she going to try to get permission to tutor him at her parents' house? Is she going to pass him off onto her dad?? I can feel threads of the story pulling together, and it's exciting. Terrifying and exciting, because I have no idea how that dinner is going to go down.

I love the way Annie whispers to the owl at the end. There was something about that that really hit the mood just right after all the drama. Lovely writing, as usual.

Write more!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you so much for this totally unexpected and incredibly lovely review!!

Haha, a whole lot of this story involves men misbehaving and women telling them off for it. Quite a bit of it involves pool, but I've found that it's sort of changed focus over the year that I've spent writing it. Yeah, a lot of the guys in this story have ended up being sleazy, but I'm hoping that I'm getting the point across that it's wayyy not okay to do that. I also will have some girls being sleazy (mainly Rose, because she is not a nice girlfriend to Scorpius), but so far, it's all been the guys.

Hattie does have a point, yes. And she's much better at forgiving than Annie is, but then again, she wasn't the one being bullied by James. You're right, James doesn't get a free pass for what he did during Hogwarts just because he's changed, but again, he doesn't exactly know that Annie=Portia Collins at this point, so he hasn't had a chance to try and make reparations. (And if he ever does, it'll be up to Annie to forgive or not forgive.) She really needs to sit down with James and have a nice long chat about what's actually going on, but alas. I find that a lot of this story operates on the "I know something you don't know" principle, as far as the characters are concerned, and if they tell all their secrets at once, I won't have anything else to write! :O But I promise that things will begin to fall into place...some day.

The thing about James is that he never had feelings for Annie--not really--but he got really attached to bullying her. So much so that he didn't stop himself, didn't use any sort of restraint, and it was only after he almost kissed her that he realized all the darned lines he'd crossed by his treatment of her for all those years. The kiss under the enchanted mistletoe was out of necessity for him, but I think that things like kissing are so coded as romantic that he perceived it that way a little--again, in a very strange and sick sense, since this is the girl he's mercilessly bullied. It is also kind of my fault that he seems so into her in that scene, because while I'm adamantly opposed to any sort of romance between James and Annie, I've grown up with the idea that "kissing"="attraction," and it comes across in that scene, as far as James is concerned. So I'll have a look at that again, and sorry for rambling on about it here! Thanks for making me think. ♥

As far as the tickets thing, yes. James is used to getting his way, even though he knows by now that Annie is tougher than the girls he usually tries to be with. In this case, he's presenting the tickets because they're convenient (he has connections) and he likes Quidditch, and he figures that Annie must like it a little bit because she works at Quality Quidditch Supplies. But he isn't going to get any amour out of it, even if the thought has crossed his mind.

Hattie is a saint sometimes, I swear. Annie will (hopefully) listen to her, but only after everything goes awry (of course). You are such a good guesser, and that's all I'm going to say about that. ;) Yes--I'm terrified of this story, because it's all starting to put itself together and I'm afraid that it'll disappoint me when it ends. We'll see...

Thank you so, so much!! It really means a lot to get some awesome and helpful feedback from a brilliant author such as yourself!

♥Mallory


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Review #46, by PixileaninA Wedding: A Wedding

29th July 2015:
Okay okay, I'm all excited about this wedding, but there's only one chapter>??? WHERE IS IT!!??

No, seriously, I need this next bit. I need to know. You did such an excellent job of building everything up, and then... AHHH!!

Anyway, maybe some coherent comments might be nice. Albus all mopey and depressed, the poor guy, it's like his life runs before his eyes as he stares at himself in the mirror. He's so reflective... ahhahaha, I didn't do that on purpose, I swear.

"Albus grimaced inwardly as he stared at his reflection, the robes had once been a very dashing blue but were now a rather pitiful shade of grey that reminded him of tears, ďI'll be the one crying tonight for sure,Ē he muttered miserably."

Wonderful turn of the phrase here, to add life to the description! Ahh, and the hair is rebelling against him as well. Poor, poor Albus! The swearing at Merlin had me laughing out loud!

Aww, Albus and his friends wreaking havoc at Hogwarts just like back in the day. That warms my heart that he had a trio of his own and they ran around doing things that they rather shouldnít. To make matters worse, the good they caused was overshadowed by the tricks they pulled. Perfection!

I love the names youíve chosen from the past to represent the future, Lavender, Dobby the owl, and Zabini the Potions Master are all great send-ups to the original story, and letting Albus have this deep friendship reminds me so much of the original trio.

ďbut if you're so set on not dating Lavvy and giving me that delicious little body then why not just try dating Rose's friend? You know the one...that mean looking Ravenclaw girl that's always glowering at you.Ē

Ack, James! So cruel! I actually spluttered at that line. Heís just pushing all of Albusí buttons right now. Now youíre making me anxious about the actual event, since theyíre talking like Scorpius might destroy them. This is quite suspenseful writing, leading up to the main event. I might be biting my nails in anticipation. So now with all that build up I HAVE to read about the wedding. You canít just end it thereÖ my god I need it ALL!!

So, umm... I hope you weren't expecting anything, you know, constructive or anything because I can't find anything to comment on. Everything felt fresh and new, and it flowed really well. The details were fabulous. I got a clear sense for all the players involved, and now I want the disaster! Like, now.

BAM.

Pix

Author's Response: Hello again!

Thanks a bunch for leaving this awesome review for this story. It's still pretty fresh so I like getting new opinions on it before I post more chapters.

I honestly don't know why I have't started on the second chapter. The response has been great from you guys! Albus has a great imagination. I think that if you stopped by "Albus Potter and the Dark Lord's Prince" you'll see that it's kind of weird. Hahahaha.

I think that my Misfits may have been worse than the Trio. They've almost gotten Hogwarts closed for good, I think and the fact that no one remember the good they did just makes it all the more ironic. Ha.

I try to include things from the past as often as I can but with a little twist. I think that it's fun to pay homage to the HP books, which inspired me in so many ways. Albus has a really deep bond with his friends and the fact that he has been with them for so long just makes me all fuzzy inside.

James is hilarious. I think that he likes picking on Albus because he knows that his brother won't really fight him back. I think it's an older brother thing, they like doing stuff like that all the time and it's so annoying. (It would be if I had one, anyway.)

The actual wedding I think will start in the second chapter if I get to it! It's going to be a wild ride, for sure! :D

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #47, by PixileaninForever: Questions

28th July 2015:
Hi there!

I thought I'd take a look at something happy and light, and this caught my eye. This, right here, this is how I felt right after I read Ron's practiced speech:

ďI donít know, mate. That seems a touch serious. Do you think you can say it without laughing?Ē asked Harry.

Heehee, he's so nervous and wanting to do things the right way, but Harry's right. He at least needs to sound like himself. And he does. He starts out a bit rocky, but then he gets into it, and it's just right. I laughed at the part where he has to tell Hermione what he's doing so she'll let him finish. I laughed again when he was going on about her hair in the wind, because I'm sure Hermione didn't think her hair was doing her any favors being blown about like that. Gah, that'll be a story to tell their kids!

Your tone for this was most excellent. I thoroughly believed that this was Ron's voice, and all the other characters were very much themselves. I also appreciated how Ron went to his mother and sister first and told them what he wanted to do. It showed his strong bond to family, and having Ginny help was both endearing and smart on his part. Loved the bit about the ruby over the diamond. I have a friend who is like that as well, except she likes sapphires. Ginny's restraint when Hermione was going through her second-guessing angst was well-played. She managed to hold it together while still being able to reassure her friend.

I loved the way you incorporated the quote for the challenge, by the way. I didn't even realize that it was THE quote until I read your note at the end, so to say that you seamlessly incorporated it would be the truth. Bravo!


I have no crit for you. Lovely flow, lovely subject, and excellent execution. I had a great time reading this!

Pix

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Review #48, by PixileaninYear Five: The Big Thing

27th July 2015:
Hey there, I needed to get on with the getting on, so here I am. When I started reading this chapter, I immediately had to stop and wonder what I was writing at the time that you were writing this. I don't know why that first sentence made me think of that, but it did.

Ah yes, I was writing that kooky rabbit story. Anyway, I don't know why or even if that's important, but I was just curious. Sometimes life has a way of getting away from me.

"Emily noticed, also, that she knew things."

What exactly was in that potion?? Maybe I don't want to know. Getting that close to someone is risky and dangerous, but Emily is the right person to do it. Poor Tristan though. I don't think he was ready to be so transparent, even though she was able to soothe him. So there's the Big Thing, which we don't know, but Emily does, and then somewhere down the line you show us that Emily feels like Tristan has been hinting at it all along.

I love the tender, yet sad moment that these two have together in the Corridor. I have best wishes for them, but it seems like a long, hard road. Or maybe you just tease me. Harumph with the teasing!

So back to the potion thing, which I have to say the execution of was completely brilliant. You managed to make social commentary sing in the midst of being under the influence of mind-altering substances, and it hit like a splash of psychedelic colors. And the bit about Emily bouncing around inside other peoples' heads was both cool and disturbing at the same time. Those boys, ugh! I didn't want to see what they were thinking, but man oh man did it make an impact.

Brain bleach. Poor Emily. I don't even blame her for not telling Isobel anything. There were Deep Thoughts, and it really wasn't Emily's place to tell anyway. And when is she going to say something to that girl about the not eating? It seems like she's wise to the situation, but maybe there's just too much stuff going on for her to take it in. You've overwhelmed your characters to the point of breakage. So many issues!

Another fantastic installment!

Pix

Author's Response: Hm, now that you said that I'll be keeping an eye out in your story, see if I can't have a similar ~woOoOoOo~ moment.

Dimethyltryptamine and MAO inhibiting harmala alkaloids. That's what's in the potion. Heh, it really IS a real thing! And all of Emily's experiences with it were based on research into the shamanic rituals and beliefs around what the potion does (it's used sort of as psychic medicine, apparently) and first-person accounts by people who've done it. As far as I can tell, it IS risky and dangerous, and should probably only ever get used under the supervision of a Shaman. But you know, Emily. Close enough.

But yeah, the Potterverse was all inspired by British/Western European mythologies and stuff, and basically said "all this stuff is literally real here," so I liked the idea that the same might be true for other cultures. Like, this 'potion' really is psychoactive, but it's /believed/ to be magical and involve psychicness and stuff, so I was like "YUP, THAT TOO--REAL."

Ooh so glad you liked the commentary in there! Anti-muggle-born prejudice is so obviously silly to us, so I really wanted to challenge myself to think what /real/ and /vehement/ hatreds a person might have, and make them as compelling as possible (even if they were stupid, all things considered). I have a lot of suspicions about what might motivate hate IRL, so I definitely drew upon that here to invent the perspective of those Slytherins.

As for Isobel, and why no one has done anything, that's sort of a reflection of an unfortunate reality. It can be months and months, sometimes years, before teenagers realize their friend has developed an eating disorder--even when it OUGHT to be obvious. I'm guilty of this too. There's also the fact that readers get to see from everyone's POV in this story, so the whole picture is there. We get everyone's clues. The characters each only have bits and pieces.

Man, writing such a downer story means always ending responses on a super downer note!

ERM. KITTENS. CUPCAKES. TEENY-TINY BABY FINGERNAILS (CUTE).

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #49, by PixileaninBecause In Reality: a teenage vow in a parking lot.

25th July 2015:
Hey, it's Pix heading over for our review swap!

You've got an interesting start to this story. I'm already liking that your characters are Ravenclaws and they've got this "studying" vibe going on. I think my favorite part of the whole chapter was when Bea realizes that James is taking seven NEWT classes, which can only prove that he's as smart as the two of them. That made me smile.

Okay, that was sort of out of order, but I had to mention that up front. Your Author's Note specifically asked how I felt about the characterization of James Potter. So far, so good, even though all we get of him is heresay. We only get the rumor mill and the generally accepted notions of the rest of the school, which, in my mind, I will have to reserve judgment until I see the real deal. Sometimes perception can be an illusion, so we'll see if he lives up to the expectation or shatters it when he steps into the scene. I'm sure you have something planned for that, and I would like to see it.

I would enjoy a quieter James Potter than the usual, honestly. However, being the Captain of the Quidditch team doesn't necessarily qualify him for being the quiet type. Captains usually have to lead their teams, so I'm interested in how his duality is handled. Basically the facts I have are that he's smart (or at least committed to schoolwork), and he's athletic, and he has some kind of leadership quality to him. All very interesting things.

Bea seems like a reluctant thing who is used to going along with her friend. I'm going to assume that this is her story since this first chapter is from her POV, so I can't wait to see what her main thing is going to be and how it unfolds. Her friend Ronnie is bearable. I don't find her too obnoxious, but she does have very strong ideas and seems to pull Bea along into them.

I don't know what the deal with Luis is, but if "this" has happened to Bea before, it didn't sound very flattering. In fact, it sounded a lot like people playing with her just because she's who she is. I'd like to know more about that and if she is able to turn the tables on her classmates at some point, which would be poetic justice I think.

Let's see, what else? Normal not-too-close relations with her brother, accustomed to playing second fiddle to her friend, and she's pretty, but she doesn't take advantage of it. You dropped several threads in this first chapter, so I am left wondering which one we'll follow in the next. It's definitely enough to pull me back for the next installment.

Nice read!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix!

Ravenclaws are always fun to write and how can you write one without gving them the studying vibe? I mean making them nerdy and studious is best part. :P Yeah, Bea was definitely shocked at how serious James seemed to take school. But I don't think Ravenclaws are the only smart students in the school and smart James just seems more alluring.

James will be coming in the next chapter. I tried to build up the expectation and hopefully he won't shatter the perception I've given off.

James is pretty quiet but that doesn't stop him from being a leader. He's a born leader I think. He can definitely lead the team to victory, it's just that he won't be yelling at them constantly to get there. And out of everyone else in the school, the people who've heard him speak the most is his family and Quidditch team so I'm excited to show his Captain side.

Bea is used to going along with Ronnie. I think friends till the end describes the two of them well. I'm hoping Ronnie will gradually grow on readers as the story goes. There is a reason that Bea is friends with her and that'll show in the next few chapters.

Bea has gained a reputation in the past year so that sort of explains the Louis situation. And yes others have teased her and it isn't fun at all for her. How it happened will come out slowly throughout the story.

Thank you for the review swap! And you thank you so much for taking the time to read this story and leave a terrific review!

~Sama


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Review #50, by PixileaninYear Five: Self-Spelling

23rd July 2015:
Hey, I always planned to come back to this. Today I asked myself why not now???


Ah, so Isobel suspects bad things. Okay, you know what? I have also wondered what the difference would be between Transfiguration and Alchemy. I suspect that one is more an illusion and the other is a permanent transformation. But I digressÖ

Laurelís disappearances are becoming very regular and disturbing. I think Isobel is right to worry, but yeah, what would she say? But then, SO MUCH TENSION!! Isobel reacts with sleeplessness and situps, things that she can control, oh dear. Things are going down. And then the forever aftermath with the whispers. Thatís the hardest thing to face in school. Everybody talking about whatís none of their business. I donít miss it.

Tristanís reaction to Laurelís self-spelling makes me wonder several things. I would love to believe him that he isnít doing the same, but having spent a lot of time with Laurel, I canít help but think he hasnít done it at least once. Though he does seem to draw the line at going overboard, there are these niggling doubts about how strong he really is. I guess we shall see. I appreciated his reaction to all the attitudes. Walking out of class seemed to be more of a statement of protest against everyone thinking so badly about Laurel, instead of himself. He does seem like that sort of loyal friend.

Back to Isobel and her issues. Seriously, this girl thinks her friend is in trouble, but she canít look in the mirror and see her own downward spiral. Youíve written her so convincingly that I donít feel sorry for her as much as I worry for her. She thinks, like all the other characters too, that sheís FINE and sheís NOT. And oh, how thatís going to kill her if she keeps it up. But noÖ sheís in control, so it must be okay.

KIDS!!

And I was right about the Alchemy. :P 10 points to Gryffindor!


Pix

Author's Response: PIX! Oh man I'm so glad this long-term swap is back on, and properly!

I really like your point about transfiguration possible being, like, more of an illusion. Which would explain why you can't /eat/ transfigured things. The appearance changes, but the actual matter stays the same. Hm. New headcanon accepted :)

Sleeplessness and sit-ups, oof. I'm glad you spotted the 'control' thing.

Hogwarts was always a rumor-mill in canon, so I def wanted to mirror that here (yet time Laurel's hex-out so that Harry would have been preoccupied and missed it. Also, I figured that since it was a drug-thing, it might have gone over Harry's head and people wouldn't have talked about it with the younger students.)

You're analysis of Tristan is really apt. This isn't really a spoiler, so I'll just tell you that you're right (it's confirmed later)--he has done it at least once. Because like you said, of COURSE he had. That was def written as a lie, so I'm glad you twigged it.

Hah, yes, Tristan's protest. Such a rebel without a clear cause, rebelling all over the place messily. All in all, a bad move on his part because it meant abandoning Isobel to go it alone :(

Isobel definitely uses anorexia as a method of gaining control when things are out of control--which is twisted, because obv that's actually her LOSING control.

YEE--thank you so much for coming back to this story and taking the time to review :D Sorry this chapter was so bummery, things perk up a touch after this, I promise!

xoxo
Roisin





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