Reading Reviews From Member: Pixileanin
599 Reviews Found

Review #26, by PixileaninMistaken for Strangers: The Wotters Receive Some Owls

23rd August 2015:
Hey! Here for chapter 5! That's not IT, is it?? There's more, right? Just not here yet, I assume.

"Itís not that James was filled with premature teenage angst or felt tragically misunderstood. He just thought things could be different."

I really REALLY liked this line that says so much about James' character. It sums up everything I've come to know about him these last five chapters brilliantly.

The whole cacophony and disaster that was the owls bringing results back to the Potter-Weasleys was horrid. Does everyone think so little of him that he can't get any kuddos for his hard work? Amazing. Actually, I have a character who is almost as bad as those kids, who thinks that points are more important than friendships, and who thinks status is more important than family. Ah well. There are THOSE sorts of people in the world. Too bad that James is surrounded by them most of the time. I can see why he needs different, quiet, unassuming, and someone who will take him for who he is, not for who he's perceived to be.

Oh, but I do have one question. Did you mean for the line to repeat itself at the end of the chapter? I'm all for symmetry and all, it's one of my favorite things, but if you didn't do it on purpose, I think the end of the chapter reads just fine without the repeated line. Just a heads up, you know, just in case...

I am looking forward to James' next encounter with Anna, and what it may lead to.

Another nice one!


Author's Response: Hey Pix! Thanks so much for coming back for the fifth chapter! I'm so glad you're enjoying it. And yes, there's a lot more to come! Chapter six is currently in the queue. :)

I'm glad you like those lines! I really think they speak to James's character quite well and so I'm glad you agree with that vision as a reader! And part of that is motivated by the stereotypes that I encounter so frequently about James being so angsty and annoyed about his dad and the fame that he gets by extension. But this James is chiller than that, you know?

I agree that this chapter does speak quite well to the attraction of Anna! It seems like you're really put off by the Wotter clan-- hopefully they'll grow a bit on you as they develop a little more. There's a bit more at play than just being judgmental and skeptical of James. And deep down, they love him a lot! They are family, after all, for all the good and bad that brings!

Haha I did mean for it to be repeated, as a kind of parallel structure thing, but maybe I'll take the first one out! Thanks for looking out for me. :)

Next chapter is Anna-heavy! So keep an eye out for the next update. :D

Thanks again for your wonderful review! It's so nice of you and I really love hearing your thoughts.


 Report Review

Review #27, by PixileaninPlaying for Keeps: Blood Thicker Than Mashed Potatoes

23rd August 2015:
Hi there!

First off, amazing chapter title! I love a bit of blood in my stories, so this was PERFECT! Secondly, what is up with that contract?? It sounds dangerous and completely unethical. What has Annie gotten herself into and how can she be so casual about things???

Itís so sweet of Annieís dad to send her letters all through her Hogwarts days, and to figure out how the owl post thing worked, nice personal touch there. He sounds like someone who really cares about her, thank goodness, unlike the rest of her family. Gah. What awful people! Iím not surprised that she stays away from that place. Advice columnist? Thatís respectable, huh.

PLEASE let me be there when James finds out his new name, Humphrey Spurtle!!! ROFL!!!

It is so BAD of Bea to have that picture. Things will NOT be okay next chapter, and I was having high hopes about that too. Hopes that you squashed like a week old tomato in combat boots. Ugh. No, Annie. Donít ever go home ever again. Make your dad meet you at a pub or something. Or at your place. Or at another pubÖ one that has clean pool tables with the least amount of smoke possibleÖ after he washes his hands. And have him meet James and introduce him as Humphrey Spurtle to his face, because that would be funny and let them all eat pie together at some greasy spoon and work out the problems of the world over bottles of rootbeer, preferably how to take down Rose's hipster hoodlums and set Freddie back a few thousand Galleons.

Great god, can I kill something now? I am so upset at her sister.


 Report Review

Review #28, by PixileaninI told you so: I told you so

23rd August 2015:
ďWell, technically no one knows ĎWhoí The Doctor isóď

I really like the way you've used the television shows as a way to show Sirius' progression. It was a source of comfort for him, a tie to his past, and a way for him to move forward while forgetting and simultaneously dealing with his losses. I think it was really clever to use it in that way, and I'm glad that it gave Sirius something to hold onto when his world was in such a sad state.

I can tell that Sirius really misses Lily and James, and I can feel how hard it is for him to go downstairs and deal with Harry too. It is so sad to see him not wanting to be with people when they'll just go away and leave him again, and he'll have to deal with the aching loneliness all over again... almost sounds like what he dealt with all those years in Azkaban.

Anyway, it was a really smooth read, and I liked how you used the time jumps to give us a picture of how these things were important to him and tied it all together. I love Doctor Who, so seeing those references were also a treat.

Go Team Gold!


Author's Response: Awesome, thank you!
You're right, he seems to be creating his own version of Azkaban... no thanks to Dumbledore who was more or less keeping him there. But anyway, since he was in Azkaban for so long maybe it was also out of habit he shut himself away. I'm glad you liked the Doctor Who references :)
THanks for the review!

 Report Review

Review #29, by PixileaninHarry Potter and the First Mission: Reconstruction and Funeral

23rd August 2015:
Hi Kenny,

Red Vs Gold Review Battle!!

I thought I'd take a look at this story, which has a lot of chapters to it. You've got a nice start to this reconstruction story. I think you took great care to cover a lot of recovery, not missing anything important from the end of the battle. I like how Harry, Ron and Hermione have a physical reminder of the final battle to share. That seems like a good connection between the three of them.

Ginny and Harry's reconciliation went very smoothly, but it still packed an emotional punch. I have read how some authors like to draw that out and make it a complicated thing, but I can tell that wasn't your intention here, there's a different story to tell. Good job making it both meaningful and short. That's hard to do.

I also thought your take on the funerals was really great. You definitely hit on all the important deceased, including Snape. I liked how you had Ron question his inclusion at the funeral, and how Harry was thinking he'd have to explain things again to everyone. That will be a sore subject that not everyone will accept right away.

I loved how you gave Harry a bit of time with Remus and Tonks, and how he took his time to see baby Teddy. That was a nice touch.

I am enjoying your dialogue here. It sounds so natural, even the accents of Hagrid, and everyone seems to have their own voice. You've captured that really well from the books. I have trouble juggling a large cast of characters when I write, and I try very hard to give them their own voices. You did that here, and it read very well.

I'm intrigued to find out how the reconciliation with Hermione's parents went. A lot of people make that the emphasis of their post-war stories as well, but it seems you have some other grand plot in mind, since you're moving quickly through that too. You mentioned Bill and his curse-breaking a few times, so I really hope he's going to play more in this story. I've always had a lot of curiosity about him and his line of work.

So much to do with the castle rebuilding and mourning, and I can't wait to see how the Auror training goes!

Nice chapters!


Author's Response: Hi,Pix! Thank you for coming back here again. This story is my first fic ever, so I really appreciate it.

Yeah, I think I understand what you try to say. I've read their complicated things here and there. They are interesting to read but I wanted to write the other way.

Talking of the funerals, the vision popped in my mind after I've experienced the similar situation more than once in RL.
As you write in your "Rabbit Heart", human beings are not immortal. Everybody has to face it.

About baby Teddy, lots of authors wrote him so I had no confidence, so thank you for your kind words.

I love Hagrid, so if you can catch his words, I'm happy.

You spotted the right point, I hurried to the trainning, the reason why I started writing in English, was I wanted to tell Auror's Tale to my son. Your instinct is right. Bill will play an important role in my second story.


 Report Review

Review #30, by PixileaninHighland Is Calling: Highland Is Calling

19th August 2015:
Hi Kenny!

Team Gold here, reviewing for the battle thing, erm. That.

So I really liked the concept of this with the musicians trying to make a living with their music and breaking into the big time. It's HARD to make a living with just music. I'm in a folk band, and we only play out once a month or so and there are six of us, so any amount divided by that many people is almost gas money and snacks.

Anyway, I think you captured the mood and the attitudes of these characters really well. I could understand where they're coming from and their motivations and such. It's easy to get discouraged too, and that manager Matt, just, ugh.

You used the alphabet challenge quite skillfully. I applaud your use of each letter and successfully blending it in with the narrative. Nothing felt out of place or forced in this. Again, your wonderful descriptions shine. You also did a fine job with the dialogue of these characters. I really felt like they were speaking, like in a movie.

Nice one-shot. Good luck with the challenge!


Author's Response: Wow, you're in a folk band. Do you sing a song? Only a few people can make a living with just music. People here work too hard including me, so this story is based on my experience.

Kirley and Myron are minor characters in HPFF, so I just enjoyed exploring them. When I finished most of them, Daaone's alphabet challenge jumped in my eyes, so I didn't hesitate to make an entry. Kaitlin also helped me with beta.

I'm glad to know you enjoyed this story. Thank you Pix, for awesome review again!


 Report Review

Review #31, by PixileaninAtonement Is Coming: Nightmares And Caterwauling Charms

17th August 2015:
Hey hey, thereís one more chapter left! And I totally missed tagging you for the RvG battle, but thatís okay. Iím too slow.

So wow. This was dark, dark, dark. I donít think Iíve read anything so harsh as to the end of the war like this chapter before. Iím glad you set us up with the idea of everyone, including Kingsley, having nightmares, because thatís just what this was. I can only imagine what Draco went through, having witnessed his fatherís soul getting sucked right out of him. I must say, that hug had a lot of impact, as if Lucius finally realized that heíd only get this one and only chance to say something to his son, or maybe it was because he finally felt the fear of the upcoming event and it was too late to contemplate that anyone was going to come and save him. The details alone are horrific and gruesome, along with the fact that Dracoís mother barely survived that little time afterwards. I canít imagine Narcissa being able to live in a place like Azkaban.

So, going along with the darkness, youíve also continued the hounding of the press. I feel for Draco here, having no safe place left in the world, even his own home. His freedom becomes just another form of punishment, as if the guy canít feel the guilt all by himself without anyone elseís help. The reporters are downright cruel to him, only wanting as much revenge as they can get. This ties in well with your overall plot of people targeting the purebloods. The frenzy created by the mobbish hype is just going to get worse, isnít it? You have me very worried for the type of people who are holding Minerva and Kingsley now. Itís so sad how the general public has forgotten how to have the least bit of sympathy towards these people. They forget to treat them as PEOPLE, and instead of healing, they seem to be perpetuating the war on a different front.

I am eager to see what you do with this, and who will ultimately be affected the most by these circumstances. Youíve introduced a breadth of characters already, and it feels like youíre not done with that yet. This looks like itís set up to be a pretty long story. So far, you have my attention. I want more.

Great plot!


 Report Review

Review #32, by PixileaninAtonement Is Coming: The Dungeon

16th August 2015:
ďBut weíve already confiscated their wands.Ē

Ah, haha. Iím glad your mega villain is smarter than that, or this would be a very short story when they finally wake up. Wait. Terry Boot is a girl?? Was I reading that correctly? HmmÖ okay then.

I like how Minerva keeps her cool, even when sheís got reason to sort of panic. I think that speaks to her character. Sheíd know when it was time to panic, but then , I canít really think of a situation where sheíd actually do it. Sheís a strong one. Iím sure sheíll be able to hold up under pressure unless they do horrible things to her. Sheís been through a lot at Hogwarts already and has some experience dealing with unreasonable peopleÖ unless you make them really unreasonableÖ


Okay. This has lots of intrigue and I am definitely interested in where this will lead. So far, youíve kept it at a personal level with the characters, which is great. Youíve also given us a nice swath of a cast to spread the story around. This means of course that I donít know where youíre going with it, but thatís fine. I like to be surprised.

This was a lovely read! Thanks for the swap!


 Report Review

Review #33, by PixileaninAtonement Is Coming: A Surprise Announcement

16th August 2015:
Hi there! It's chapter two!

Ah, domesticity suits them. But poor guys all around. The media just wonít let them alone, and they just want some peace. Iíd want that too.

Aww, Hagrid! I think he was the gem of the scene, getting stuck in the fireplace and being his general bumbling, sweet self. And he's so touched to tears for the honor of being the godfather. That was a great throwback to the books, and I agree with Ron. He's already the Uncle, so it makes sense to pick someone else. Though I can also agree with Hermione. Hagrid does have a bit of risk about him. :)

Uh oh. Theyíre expecting the two people who were abducted in the previous chapter? Thatís not going to go over well, is itÖ no, certainly not. But what a nice, happy occasion for the family to get together! This is why I love the Weasleys so much. Itís all about family, no matter how inconvenient they can be at times. And I love the thought of Neville and Luna together. I know itís not canon, but I always suspected in the books that theyíd be nice together. I loved seeing all of the familiar characters together and celebrating something happy. This was so warm and fuzzy, and Iím sure soon, someone will realize that Minerva and Kingsley arenít where they are supposed to be.


 Report Review

Review #34, by PixileaninAtonement Is Coming: A Shadowy Threat

16th August 2015:
Hey! Review swap time!

ďThe Aurors have checked into that as well, Minerva, but they found that there was a note left at the apothecary they own down in Diagon Alley telling the employees that they would be on a family vacation for an undetermined amount of time. Everything was fine at their home as well. Nothing out of order. No signs of distress. No reported threats or attacks prior to the disappearance.Ē

This. I donít believe it for a second either. I had a similar situation in UWCOEFG, where the Ministry refused to follow up on a disappearance because they were slated to be on vacation at the time. JustÖ not good here. I mean, yes, good setup and all, but bad for the characters. Iím already getting bad vibes from this.

Yeah, I knew this was going to go down badly. Iím glad that Minerva was staunchly arguing her point, and I can totally see Kingsley not finding a solid reason to help her, but Iíd expected it not to come down to something as simple as funds. But I could completely see it being how short staffed he was and how stretched and exhausted his people were from the trials. Because clean up is a beast.

Michael, Michael, Michael. What IS your problem???

They really went into all the detail about the Polyjuice potion thingy without actually saying that that's what they were up to. I like that when people show stuff so we know what they're doing without telling us. Coolness.

The style of this piece is very specific in language, which is good because everything comes across as crystal clear. I know the intentions of the characters, I know whoís doing what and how theyíre accomplishing things, and I could draw a picture of it if you asked me to. Iíd be careful though. Sometimes I feel like your specifics get in the way of the characters.

ďBegging your pardon, Kingsley, but we have alarms set in the ministry building to register if any attack type spells are used. It triggers a silent alarm and a group of Aurors immediately deploys to the location to secure the area and stop any threat if necessary. A few moments ago, one of the alarms was triggered right here in your office. If youíll excuse the intrusion Iím going to have to take a look around.Ē

All of this is well and good, except Iíd have assumed that Kingsley already knows all of this security protocol and wouldnít expect Dawlish to explain himself. I donít think that Dawlish would lead with this sort of information either if he was intent on tracking down a threat. It seems that maybe you put this information here for the benefit of the reader. It kind of threw me out of the scene because I was thinking, well of course thereíd be security protocols, doesnít everybody know that? But maybe Iím just the suspicious type. :P

I did like the panic that the fake Kingsley had to go through because of an earing. That was well-placed.

I love that this story starts off with intrigue and has a spy-like feel to it, because of the, you know, spies and all, lol! I also love a good mystery as well, so not giving away everything up front sort of sets us up for figuring out things as we go along.

There's more! Oh good!


 Report Review

Review #35, by PixileaninIn Every Stitch: Eight

15th August 2015:

There's something in my eye. Hold on, my vision is a little blurry, maybe I can blink it out.

Seriously, tears. Hear felt tears for the way that you wrote this. You managed to touch on the deepest bond of motherhood and capture it in these few words. And there is Story here too, so bravo!

You chose this so well, Molly doing what she loves for the people she loves. She feels the things that this boy needs more than anything else in the world right now.

And literary-wise, the imagery sticks so permanently, sweaters, shields, needles, and the tie between what she does and what she would want for her own children. The way you laid out the Reasons was also wonderful, almost poetic, yet pointed and real. Molly's character shines through her motivation. Every word was quintessentially hers. Coupled with the second person tense, it resonated deeply.

This was truly beautiful. You carried through with a singular focus, and I don't think that any more words are necessary. You nailed the emotion here.

So lovely.


 Report Review

Review #36, by PixileaninMistaken for Strangers: James Attends a Party

15th August 2015:

I shall star by answering your question s. First, I am not confused by anything. I think the showing is going swimmingly. It's very visual in fact, and I am getting a clear picture of the characters. Poor James is still running around crazy, but he's had time to read all those books and discuss them with Anna, so it looks like he's using his time wisely.

I thought the party scene was crazy, yet age appropriate. All the weirdness, and the talk with Scorpios was fun too. Poor bloke is spilling his guts while enebriated. Sad that James doesn't get a chance to talk to Anna at the party, but by the way you have set up the characters, it reads well this way.

Freddie is so out of control. He's gone way overboard on the pranks, and I wonder if he now expects James to bail him out. I must say you're doing great thinking up different things for him to get into trouble over, including the thing about telling rose that charm w as only good for three days when it would have lasted much longer.

still enjoying the story. ( still on my phone, which makes typing a beast)


Author's Response: Thanks so much for the review, Pix! :)

I'm glad you're clear on what's going on and think I'm doing a good job with the showing v telling. I'm excited you think you have a clear picture of the characters! :D That's my goal. Haha I'm not so sure James uses his time that wisely given how much he still ends up in detention!

Thanks so much for your comments on the party scene-- I actually revised it from something that was a lot more intense per Branwen's suggestions so I'm glad you think it's age appropriate! And Scorpius and James definitely have a somewhat strange/funny relationship! I don't think Anna would even notice if James started talking to her at the party haha.

I have a lot of fun coming up with Fred's pranks and hijinks! In the beginning I didn't really know what I was doing with him, but as I kept writing the story, I was actually writing to incorporate different Fred subplots! I think he totally depends on James to help him out haha.

Thanks again for your reviews, Pix! I love hearing what you think about the story. :)


 Report Review

Review #37, by PixileaninMistaken for Strangers: James Talks to a Girl

15th August 2015:
Hey hey, it's chapter two!

I am still loving the bookworm vibe that thus Anna us pulling off. She's so completely opposite of James' family. I can see why he's attracted to her. I also adore how she keeps calling him Jeremy, and now he doesn't feel like he can correct her without looking foolish. So much fun!

I can't help but wonder if Anna is truly oblivious to what James is up to. That scene in the kitchens was rather suspicious, with her just sitting there and not even being aware of anything. I bet on some level she has to be faking it...

That w as some maneuver James pulled, crawling under the Raven claws table to get to Roses boyfriend. I really enjoy how diplomatic James is being with this guy. The whole conversation made me smile, especially when he got Lucy to back down and make up with Rose.

The philosophy thing is rather inreresting too. James spends an awful lot of time reading for someone who doesn't do his homework. Or at least you aren't showing us the homework. I'm sure he does some somewhere and sometime.

I am still intrigued. The Anna thing is very tantalizing. And sorry for weird typos. I'm on my phone, ick.


Author's Response: Thanks so much for coming back and leaving another review, Pix! And the phone typos add character haha. :D

I'm glad you like Anna! She's definitely a fresh of breath air to James after the insanity of his family! And she'll never not be a bookworm haha. It's a big part of her personality!

I'm amused that so many people comment on Anna in the kitchens in reviews! HPFFers are a very suspicious crowd. Can't a girl read in a hidden kitchen while like ten people start yelling loudly in peace??

I'm glad you liked James's methods! He likes to come at things from weird angles, sometimes literally. His diplomacy skills are pretty admirable-- he deals with all of this craziness much better than I would!

Haha yeah James does end up reading a lot given how little his family seems to think he does homework! I'm a philosophy student so I couldn't help introduce some of that into the story. :)

I hope you continue enjoying the story/characters! :D Thanks again for your reviews!


 Report Review

Review #38, by PixileaninMistaken for Strangers: James Meets A Girl

14th August 2015:
Hello there!

I had to come over here and see what you were up to. What a delightful little thing this is! I love that James is running all over the place trying to help out his family, especially Freddie, who doesn't seem to care how much he gets into trouble. James certainly has his hands full.

I'm not sure where you're going with this yet, as it's the first chapter, but I LOVE that this girl has got hafl of his attention, and he's not even sure who she is yet. There's so much mystery there, but he's so busy putting out fires that he doesn't have time to contemplate this new person when his family has him running round in circles.

I really like the way you've formatted your scenes. They're short and to the point, and I admire the pattern you've set up with him going off to rescue Freddie every other minute. Poor guy. He's got to be under a great deal of stress, and I'm wondering why he feels so beholden to keeping his cousin out of trouble like that.

Interesting start. You've definitely got all the Weasley-Potters in a great deal of action!


Author's Response: Ahh Pix thank you so much for this review! It was such a wonderful surprise! :)

James definitely had a lot going on all the time haha! He's very susceptible to getting involved in Fred's shenanigans!

He's intrigued by the Ravenclaw girl but is so easily distracted/confused by her/all over the place that he never gets the chance to investigate! Unsurprisingly, that will change over the coming chapters. ;)

I'm glad you like the style! It's fun to write like this. And yes, Fred is a stressful guy to be in control of! James is very loyal and feels responsible for a lot of things that are outside of his control (typical Gryffindor?). That's something that's explored more and more as the story goes on! :)

Thanks again for this review, Pix! I hope you get a chance to check out the rest of the story (even if you don't keep reviewing or anything!).


 Report Review

Review #39, by PixileaninDetox: Epilogue

14th August 2015:

Seriously, what is wrong with me, having this last chapter sit out so long without any comments from me?? You know how Life decides that thereís TOO MUCH to do, and then you get swamped, and then when you get un-swamped, you forget what you were doing before you got swamped?


Ahh, the young Malfoy broods so expertly, and heís only what, eleven? Nice. I love how you smack Astoria with the reality of change. Even though she knows her upbringing was not something she should be wishing on her own child, there are aspects of it that she will look back on as comforting and familiar. I can feel that she fears the uncertainty with Scorpiusí situation, not having that long-standing tradition to buffer him. Thereís no way she can prepare him for the unknown. That would be worrisome to any mother.

You know, I have often wondered about this strange phenomenon that adults seem to think they can talk over the heads of children who are in the same room. It has been my experience that they listen to everything, so thereís no sense in pretending that a child wonít understand, at least on some level, whatís going on around them. And anyway, why would anyone want to raise someone who isnít aware? Iím glad that Scorpius is that astute and observant. It shouldnít just be a Slytherin trait. At eleven, if he hasnít picked up on the reality inside his own home, Iíd be questioning his intelligence.

Iím happy to see Dracoís growth in this story. Youíve done a fantastic job of showing how far heís come, and without completely giving him that unrealistic 180 turn in his attitude. Here, he only wants whatís best for his son, and you show that expertly. Ten points for restraint!

I love that you drew the parallels between Scorpiusí doubts and Albusí doubts in canon. He doesnít have that absolute certainty about where he belongs in the world, and heís going to have to figure things out for himself where heís going. Heís smart enough to know this, and Iím glad you gave him that edge, that worry. I think that if he continues to evaluate things instead of jumping to unreasonable conclusions, this Scorpius is going to turn out just fine.

Ah, you brat! Planting the seeds in his poor sonís head that he will no doubt take to. Subconscious suggestion is a very strong thing, but I canít say I blame him for playing the game. I really appreciate that the rivalry between Ron and Draco is still in full swing, but it has toned down to a tolerable level for now. Astoria has every right to hold a grudge, but sheís enough of a lady to probably concede if she has to at a future date.

Your ending is perfect. I love that you went back to the ďyesĒ line, after so many years. It resonates well for Draco and Astoriaís relationship up until this point, and then also into the future. Your stories are always so well-thought out and your themes are strong. Itís very admirable, and I completely enjoyed this story, even if it was about Draco Malfoy. :P

I want to write like you when I grow up.


Author's Response: Hi, Pix! You made it all the way to the end. Exciting!

If Scorpius broods well, it's because he's brooding on the hunched shoulders of brooding giants. Or something like that. I wanted to introduce a lot of ambiguity into his character. He *tries* to act the way that he thinks his father and grandfather want him to act. In my experience, this is how children who mostly grew up around adults often behave. But it is mostly an act, because he has a lot of his mother's and grandmother's sensitivity in him.

Astoria is somewhat afraid for her son because she doesn't know what his life is going to be like at Hogwarts and wealthy, aristocratic folks don't tend to like uncertainty. Or change.

Some kids are more aware of what's going on around them than others. Some of my cousins were totally oblivious. The Slytherin trait I was thinking of was more the fact that he was pretending not to listen.

When I started writing this, my goal was to have Draco become a **better** person without necessarily becoming a **good** person. Because I don't know that I'll ever buy into the notion of the latter, at least not until he's much, much older. He's still arrogant and prejudiced and more than a bit of a jerk, but he's realized that none of his prejudices are worth fighting, killing or dying over.

Ah, I'm glad you liked my inspiration for the epilogue. I wanted to show how the scene at King's Cross looked and sounded from the other end of the train platform. You're right, Scorpius will turn out just fine. It won't necessarily be an easy path, but it will end well.

Ha! I had to set the stage for all the ScoRose head canon in the world somehow. :p

I really liked the "yes" line. Now if I was really a mastermind at this, I would have worked it into CoB somehow. Hmmnn... maybe time for some ninja editing...

You already write better than me. Your Remus/Sirius story kind of proves that. And please don't grow up. I hear that stuff is for suckers.

Thanks for the sweet review!

 Report Review

Review #40, by PixileaninOn My Own: September 1st

14th August 2015:
Hi there! Tag!

I am all for something different from the romance-centric Next Gen stories, so bravo for your idea! I thought this was a strong opening for both of your characters. I can see the differences between them, Scorpius' isolation, and Hugo's overbearing mother who argues a lot and puts pressure on both of her children to get it right.

It will be interesting to see the two of them at Hogwarts, and how they deal with their situations away from their families.

I am already curious as to what's keeping Scorpius up at night. I am also curious as to how Hugo escapes from his family pressures. You definitely have a great setup. This was a good read.


Author's Response: Thank you so much! This was such a lovely review and I really appreciate it. :) I love a good romance-heavy next gen plot as much as the next person, but I think stories that aren't centered on romance kind of get tossed aside and I really wanted to write one that could (hopefully) have some impact, so I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

Hugo and Scorpius are two of my favorite characters to work with, so it's been a dream writing them.

Thanks again! :)

 Report Review

Review #41, by PixileaninTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Broken Heart

14th August 2015:
Hi Kenny!

This is what I was waiting for right here: the reason WHY a Potions professor would give his students an essay question that has nothing to do with POTIONS. It reads weirdly to me that Malfoy would even ask such a thing, without having that element of Potions in it. Did he say somewhere earlier that something about the creature was used in a potion? Aww, I canít remember now.

But THIS MAKES SENSE NOW, and itís very devious of him, which I love. My daughter watches a lot of anime, and this plot makes me think about how the plots go in those sorts of stories with the very archetypical characters who WANT and NEED things and will do anything they have to to get them.

Okay, so now you get into whatís going on with Scorpius too. It seems that his reasons for hating Albus are quite shallow, that heís doing it out of habit more than anything else and he has a pride issue. Now he knows that his father is in trouble and he understands the importance of the assignment. I wonder if this means that Scorpius is going to try very hard to find the answers that his father needs, or whether heís going to ask Albus and Rose for helpÖ this could go either way. I am excited to see what happens, and to read more of Sakiís story, which interests me greatly.

Oh, and this is for the Red vs Gold review battle. Iím choosing Gold. Because itís shiny. And, umÖ shiny. I like shiny things.


Author's Response: Hi, Pix. Thank you for leaving review on this. I really appreciate.

Yeah, you got to the right point. I tried describing Malfoy like you said. He had no gut to face the crisis but he doesn't want to lose his position at Hogwarts.

Poor Scorpius. He wants to be proud of his father.

Oh, your daughter loves anime? I'm glad you felt that way.

The latter part of your review made me think about the next plot harder. Thank you for your thoughtful insight.

Go! Team Gold!


 Report Review

Review #42, by PixileaninTrapped: trapped

14th August 2015:
Hi Kayla!

I'm here with that review I promised from the Twenty-four hour writing extravaganza thingy from the House Cup.

This was so evocative. You've got so much imagery, and it's powerful, and it SPEAKS to what's going on without diluting the situation. I love how you show the effects of things going on in Sirius' head and you never break it down into what's reality. It's Sirius' reality, and that's enough.

This actually reminds me a lot of where I had to go to write my angst piece, and I admire you for going to that place. It's hard to get to, and even harder to express. You've gotten all of his anxieties out there, there's a story inside of it, that tells us what happened, but also how it's still sort of happening inside his head. The flashbacks aren't really flashbacks, because to him, he's still living through it. I don't have any experience with PTSD, but from what I've read, that's the single most remarkable symptom that I identify with it: the sensation of still being in that place where the awful things happen, being unable to escape it, even though you know it's over.

I love that you were able to use the setting of the house to enhance this. Thinking about it that way, this was the absolute worst place to keep the poor guy. He's surrounded by all of his bad memories, the one place he spent his childhood trying to escape, and then Dumbledore locks him up there.


I completely agree with your idea of the psychosis that turns this state of being into some kind of hallucination, but it goes deeper than that. We can try to evaluate it all day, but I think everyone agrees that you've nailed the sensations here with your carefully selected prose.

It reads real.



Author's Response: Hi Pix!

When writing this, the one thing I knew right from the beginning was that I absolutely didn't want to break it down clearly into reality vs. delusion. I feel like this definitely wouldn't have been the same story if I had. Without getting into too much personal detail, I very much felt that that would have been a disservice to the character (Sirius).

Another thing I was thinking about right from the beginning was how much trauma there's been in Sirius' life overall up to - and including - this point. He was abused when he lived at 12 Grimmauld; he was away from that environment for maybe 5 years? and then two of his best friends were murdered and he was framed (a trauma in and of itself); then he spent 12 years in Azkaban (an incredibly prolonged trauma); then, within 2 years of escaping, he was locked back up, right where he started. How is he supposed to work through his traumas and move past them when he's in that situation? I imagine it would begin to feel like some sort of vicious cycle, and that it would definitely exacerbate that feeling of "still being in that place where the awful things happen", because while he's not in Azkaban, he's literally in one of those places.

So yeah, I really hate Dumbledore. He's a great character and very complex, but I hate him. It seems to me that, even after Grindelwald, Dumbledore still thought in terms of "the greater good" in a lot of cases, and didn't really think of the others around him as whole people with, you know, emotions? I get that Sirius needed to be kept hidden, but that was not a good way to do it and the effects it was having on him were very obvious.

Yeah, I think you're right. There are lots of ways to evaluate and interpret this, but at the end of the day I wrote it the way I did because it felt right to me and made sense to me.

I'm really glad that you enjoyed this, and thank you for the absolutely awesome review!


 Report Review

Review #43, by PixileaninSweetheart Tom: Little Red Riding Hood

13th August 2015:
Hi! Here for our review swap. I've heard whispers about this story on the forums, and as it goes, I never had the time to take a peek.

I do now.


I love fairytales, and I love the retelling of them. That's why the beginning of this grabbed me. Of course the language is lovely, and it lends itself to the atmosphere of the story as well, but it drew me into the character that was the forest, and I'm hoping that you do something with that, because that would be super cool as well.

Ah, so Fleur is out in the middle of the woods at midnight. That doesn't bode well for her. I like the way that she derides her grandmother for living so far away from civilization, and I am so curious about the way she says that she does not belong around people because of what she is. I know that in canon, Fleur is half something, but here, it seems like she's half of something else.. but I'll reserve my guess on that for now. I love that you use that in the story, that Fleur thinks about what it would be like to be FULL whatever it is, so she can deal with the dangers of the forest more effectively.

You made her strong, which I like, but you also made her wary, afraid even, second-guessing herself, because that read so true. She should feel som apprehension about what she's gotten herself into here. And yes, Maman, will be most displeased when Fleur shows up again.

I really got excited when I found out that her rescuer was Bill, and I am wondering now what will that lead to. It also has me questioning what Bill is doing in the middle of the forest at midnight himself. Yes, he's got the hound and he's shown himself capable, but is he hunting? Is he one of those creatures of the night that he spoke about? Oh, the possibilities!!

I think my favorite description was the lead-in of how the night makes everything shades of grey, and then following that later with how the blackberries were strewn all around, and smushed, like little blood stains. It was very ominous and held the danger in front of our eyes, as well as continuing the descriptive theme of blending those colors into monochromatic shades. The dark of the blackberry stains would look very much like blood in the night time.

Overall, I am very intrigued, and I want to know what else you are going to do with this fairytale theme.



 Report Review

Review #44, by PixileaninSentience : Debate

12th August 2015:
Hi there. I am here for that review I promised from the 24 hour review extravaganza thing. You rocked that, by the way!

Hello Manticore!

I wasnít sure what to expect with the summary. It was so much ďhere I am, this is what I amĒ that I half-expected this to be more of an inner musing sort of thing. I was pleasantly surprised when I found an actual story, starting with the first paragraph.

Well, you know if theyíre using the Quick Quotes quills, the notes are only going to be half of what they should be. I feel sorry for this creature already.

He seems rather calm about stating the misconceptions about him. I can see this as a smart tactic. Someone who can stand up in front of everyone and deadpan that they are ferocious and uncontrolled, when clearly they are standing there not trying to rip anyoneís throats outÖ well, that paints a rather controlled picture to me. Though the black stinger standing at attention would be considered an antagonistic posture, I would imagine.

This creature seems very well-spoken for something considered so savage. The way he speaks of the witch, I can guess who that was. Did they use a translation spell for the manticore, or do they really have such an eloquent language? This made me wonder, because no one, not even a stuffy member of the Wizengamot, would be able to dismiss a society that has such a well-developed vocabulary.

The wizard's argument is obviously weak. He cites two examples of manticore brutality, hundreds of years removed from the present. That shows a very closed mind, and doesnít speak at all to the current state of manticores. It just doesnít hold water. As well, the manticoreís response was for something that had also happened, hopefully in this story, decades ago, but still much more recent than the examples that the wizard chose to bring up. I assume that the manticores have much more reason to think ill of the wizards than the other way around.

The argument about sentience is simply absurd. Any creature who is capable of speaking rationally and debating arguments against himself is way past the definition of simple sentience. He appears much too intelligent, and if I were him, I would have been offended by the question. The Wizengamot comes across as bumbling, backwards and driven by fear and historical loathing. There is nothing presented about this creature sitting in front of them that supports any of their claims in any way.

No one seemed surprised by this creatureís ability to express himself in the way that he did. No one questioned, as I half-expected, that his whole appearance must be a charade because they firmly believed that manticores were completely incapable of sentience or control or whatever else they were so afraid of. That would have been a cool turn of events and give more weight to the Wizengamotís arguments, as well as showcase just how far they could go to prove that the manticore was unworthy of being status.

The concept of this piece was good. I firmly agree with you that the Wizengamot was extremely prejudiced and held on to outdated attitudes in favor of maintaining their superiority over other races. I enjoyed how your manticore appeared the exact opposite of their perceptions and completely blew any arguments they had out of the water. Maybe for more impact, I might have wanted to see more of the manticore's "uncontrolled" behavior, just so that the wizards would have something tangible to point fingers at, something to heighten the conflict in the "now" of the story. Most of the conflict was unseen, and I think that making it more visible would add strength to the piece as a whole. I think that then you might be able to show a few of the old-school hold-outs being justified in their backwards thinking ways before they changed their minds. Not everyone can be so joyous after the heated and emotional outbursts of the wizards that we heard.

I liked how you showed the manticore express himself with the roars and ďdancing aboutĒ with his huge body. He is an intimidating creature, something to be respected, and whose presence should not be dismissed. I think that the Wizengamot would do well to learn from this manticore society about patience and tolerance and giving others who are different from themselves the benefit of the doubt.


 Report Review

Review #45, by PixileaninSunday Morning: Sunday Morning

12th August 2015:
Hi again!

I loved this one shot for several reasons. Firstly, it shows us a happier side to Narcissa and Lucius' relationship, that not everything was bad. I can imagine them being this way, once upon a time, before things turned horrible and desperate. Lucius may not have shown much love for his son, but he had a great amount of pride, and I can see that here. He and Narcissa were a solid couple in canon, so this makes sense to me that they would be affectionate to each other, at least at some point in their relationship.

Thanks for making this a happy piece. In canon, we eventually see Draco re-evaluate himself and KNOW that the things he was participating in were wrong. He had to have gotten his sense of right and wrong from someone, and I can imagine that his mother fostered that deep within him like this.

Narcissa's gratefulness and emotion was touching. It was nice that she was able to feel the love that she never had as a child with her own family. This was written very sweetly and convincingly.

Nice job!


Author's Response: Pix,

Thank you thank you thank you for the review :) I don't get much traffic when It comes to this story, so you can imagine my surprise. I think I am better at writing fluff. I also think Narcissa is extremely underestimated and I wanted to show a brighter side to her. I think she is a good mother.


 Report Review

Review #46, by PixileaninBeautiful Mess: Beautiful Mess

12th August 2015:
Hi! I'm here to make good on my review promise from the House Cup, and I remember seeing this challenge go up, so I wanted to see what you did with it.

It's so happy! but not just that, there is a sincerity to it that only a parent's love can have. I found this to be super sweet, and your characters were both recognizable and fresh at the same time.

It's moments like these, when we slow down and appreciate the "now" that stay with us for a long, long time. I liked how Ginny and Harry both took the time to just "be" with their kids and get to the mess later. I remember blanket and cushion forts, both from my childhood and from my own children too. I don't think I would have allowed the floury powder to stay around all day, lol, but we make messes in the kitchen too. If you're too careful, you lose the creativity sometimes.

Thanks for writing this little gem. It made me smile!


Author's Response: Pix,

I really enjoyed writing this story, and I am so thankful for your feedback.

You are so kind and so generous.


 Report Review

Review #47, by PixileaninNot One Line: Don't You Dare

11th August 2015:
Hi there! I'm finally here for the review I promised you from the 24 hour writing extraveganza... I have no idea how to spell that, so we will just pretend I did it right, okay? Okay. Whew.

I had a hard time choosing which story to do a review for on your page. Ah well. That just means that I'll have to come back again and again until I've read it all!

Oh goodness, look how many challenges it's for! That's epic greatness right there, combining all those challenges, and the best thing was that it didn't READ like it was made for all those challenges. The quotes were used seamlessly, like they BELONGED where you put them. I LOVE it when the story is made for those quotes and they just flow like you made it up for that particular moment. Awesome use of quotes!

Also, I wanted to go through and read more entries for the angst challenge because I entered that one too. Congrats on placing! There were SO MANY of those entries, so to get a place is really special. Let me tell you, there were bucketloads of angst in this thing. The second person worked so very well for this, setting the mood, keeping it mysterious, but not annoyingly so... giving the right mood... the right horribly painful mood for this.

I can absolutely feel the anguish from both of these characters. Having lost a child, they must have been in a horrific place, and then to be so lost that they even lost each other... it's unfathomable. You expressed the anguish so vividly that it just hurt to read this. And that's the way it should feel, because you want us to get it, real down deep. Ouch.

I haven't read your other stories, as I said before, so I wasn't sure which Malfoys these were, but in the end, it didn't matter. Just knowing they were Malfoys and that they couldn't help each other heal from their daughter's death was enough for me. It was an all-encompassing story of need and desperation and longing and full blown angst. I can see why you made the list.

So much angst!


 Report Review

Review #48, by PixileaninTengu and a Daughter of Ninja: Dripping Wings

11th August 2015:
Hi Kenny!

What an interesting story you have here! I read the first and second chapter, and Iím very intrigued about where you will be taking this plot.

Firstly, I am VERY interested in the tengu and the kappa. I do want to tell you that I am not familiar with them, but I love reading stories about magical creatures from all over the place. I also love that you are grounding this story within the Harry Potter universe, which makes it not just a story within a story, but that these creatures are real for Albus and his friends. That makes it even cooler.

Okay, I want to start with structure first. I read your other reviews on this chapter, and itís my impression that if you are doing a story within a story, itís important to keep us grounded in each of the plots equally, so we maintain the balance between the two. You did that here, starting with Albusí story, and then bookending the tengu story with more about Albus. I think thatís a smart move. It reminds the reader where we are in each one. I hope you will continue with this structure, which also offers some flexibility, because depending on where the plots rise and fall, you can also have chapters where the tengu story comes first and last, with Albusí story in the middle as well. I love playing around with structure, so this to me is an awesome way to tell two stories at once.

Okay, so Albusí story has me intrigued about several points. I have never seen Draco Malfoy as a professor before. Heís reminiscent of Snape with his attitude and snide behavior in class. Also, he has his son in the same class, so itís doubly bad because Scorpius seems to have picked up on his fatherís distaste of the Potters. Too bad for Albus, but that also means that there is a ready-made conflict between the characters to keep things tense.

Albusí essay reads more like a narrative than a class paper. Thatís okay, because I love how Rose criticizes him for forgetting key points that he was supposed to be writing about. That made me laugh, it was funny, because I was thinking the exact same thing. I mean, I enjoyed reading the story, but Albusí assignment wasnít supposed to be writing a story. Haha! It also got the two of them into the library, where they could remind us of the tension between them and Scorpius. I hope there is more to that, and that you will uncover that story as we move along.

Sakiís story is lovely. I can tell that she misses Shota terribly by the way that she jumps to the conclusion that the creature is her long lost friend. Other people have said this too, but I feel like your strength of description is worth mentioning again. I can see the pictures that you paint with your words so clearly. It seems to be your style, and I like that. I hope that your story ties into nature as well, because to me, itís important to have the description mean something. I think it will, since your magical creatures are nature-based. My favorite part about Sakiís worry was that she also loved nature and when war was mentioned, she automatically thought about how the battle would devastate her home and the surrounding landscape. Great job on making those connections!

You have a sophisticated, stylistic approach to your tengu story that I would love to see applied to the Hogwarts sections of your story. The way that Saki notices things around her, the way that she sees her world, it makes me wonder what would happen if you allow Albus to have that sort of insight into his world as well. Not in the same way, of course, but it would give Albusí character the same level of depth that we are getting from Saki. Maybe you get into this later in the story since Iíve only read through chapter two, but I would like to know more about what Albus loves, what he values, and why heís putting so much effort into the story heís telling. What does this story mean to him, and what is the connection between Albusí story and Sakiís story. There are so many possibilities here!

Lastly, I wanted to tell you that I know this song VERY WELL (I used to listen to a lot of Phil Collins), and I like how you have incorporated it into your fic. You have chosen wonderful places for the quotes that describe the way that Saki feels about Shota.

To summarize: I love the fascinating and original plot. The character of Saki intrigues me, and I think the characters at Hogwarts have enough conflict to last for years. The nature imagery is beautiful.

For criticism, I don't know what I can tell you that you haven't already heard from others. These first two chapters read a bit rougher on grammar/syntax than your stories for the House Cup did, so I can see that you are improving your English with every story you write. I know you've gotten some crit regarding this, but if it were me, I'd keep writing forward. In my opinion, you can edit until your fingers turn blue, but finishing the story teaches us the most about writing. Anything can be adjusted in the writing after it is complete, and it's the completion that allows us to see the story as a whole and adjust more appropriately. Please know that as it stands today, I had no trouble enjoying your story and your writing style.

Thanks for introducing me to this story!


Author's Response: Thank you Pix for your kind and insightful review. And I am sorry for late reply. After House Cup, I had no idea there would be another review race inside the house. So the race is over, I'll write response.

The vague idea about Kappa and Tengu were in my mind and I wanted to write something about them before Magical Creature Story Challenge was posted. Though J.K.Rowling mentioned a little about Kappa in " Fantastic Beasts & Where to Find Them", but Tengu was used only in the name of Japanese Quidditch Team. So I thought I could explore more about them. And Freda and Georgina gave me the chance. I thank them, too.

I'm really glad to know that you like this fiction merged two different story. My intention was originally to write about the two magical creatures but I also wanted to write about the next generation. At the same time I got thinking to write mystery, and with awesome constructive reviews from the other readers, Ellie and Roisin, the direction of this story was determined.

Saki's story itself is my original idea and the episode of Shota on the tree was inspired by the Scottish fairy tale, "Tam Lin". And toomanyculrs' "Inspired by a Song Challenge" gave me a hint to this, too. So I feel thankful for the forums, too.

The landscape is my younger days' memory. I wrote as my mind ordered. The scenery was still inside my heart like sepia colored photographs.

Her view towards the world is my view. From our history I learned the war was silly and absurd. I wanted to express the importance of peace through this story. So I'm planning more about the theme from the next chapter inserting the episode of Ninja and the origin of Samurai. My ideal is to put the two big samurai tribes into this story.

Thank you for thoughtful suggestion. With your encouraging words, I could finish my old story and I'll start writing the next chapter for this!


 Report Review

Review #49, by PixileaninDangereux: Prologue

11th August 2015:
Hi there! I am finally here. I hope this review is okay. I didnít see any notes on it saying that it was being edited, so I thought Iíd take a peek at what this is.

This starts off as very ominous. I donít yet know which character is speaking, and Iím not sure what happened, but I can feel through the tone of the story that it hasnít been pleasant. Whoever it is, is afraid, that much I can tell.

Ah, so itís Gabrielle. Why in the world did she think it was a good idea to go down here in the first place? I like how you feed us small pieces of the story at a time. It heightens the suspense and the mystery. So far, things have been revealed in such a way that Iím not frustrated, but just curious. Thatís a fine line to walk, and I do it a lot too. Sometimes I get it wrong and just end up making things too complicated. I donít feel that here, so good job on that.

Okay, so this was definitely a teaser prologue, and I see from the date that you havenít updated it in a while. Iíd really love to know where you were going with this, and what Gabrielle has gotten herself into. Youíve set everything up, so now itís time to get the story rolling.

Good luck on your next chapter!


 Report Review

Review #50, by PixileaninThis is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: A Bad Taste

9th August 2015:
Hi Gabbie, I have come for our swap!

This is a very unique take on the character of Audrey. I would never have tagged Percy with someone like this, so it makes me doubly curious as to what you've done with Percy. I mean, he's the same abrasive bloke, but with a much edgier edge about him. There's definitely something up with him, and the attraction that Audrey feels is by far not something that I would call natural... at least not the way that you have described it.

The other thing that makes me think something is crazy wrong about the situation, besides the obvious tragic backstory, is the title of the fic and the chapter title. I might be reading too much into it, but I can't wait to see how these things relate to the story as a whole.

I like the uncomfortable, snappy banter between the two of them. They almost act mad at each other for things that they see at first glance. It's like they have these unusual expectations about each other when they first meet, which leads me to believe that Percy is more attracted to Audrey than he's trying to admit.

These characters of yours are coming across as quite complex. I enjoyed reading this story, and I'm insanely curious as to where this whole thing will lead.

"It was the dead man."

This line stuck with me through the whole rest of the chapter. What in the world is going on with Percy??

Nice writing!


Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you so much for the great review, I certainly didn't think that I wold see you stopping by to check this out! A lot of people are put off by this story because of the content but this makes me pretty darn happy!

I don't think anyone would picture Percy with someone like Audrey. I thought that it would be good for him to be faced with a love that he never expected, from a woman that you may not believe could love so strongly. Also, just imagining Percy in a strip club is enough to make me laugh so there is that. Hahahaha.

I have had a lot of people comment on Audrey's attraction to Percy and while some agree that you can just spark like this for no reason with someone, others are of the impression that it's not necessarily a good thing. It's like...two broken things trying to fit together, I'm not quite sure if it's healthy or not.

Oh, you'll find out more about Percy later on. He's quite mysterious, isn't he? So delicious. I honestly believe that the truth about him will shock you. Percy isn't some kind of serial killer or anything like that but the thing with the title of this fic is this: I can't remember who said it but Audrey's last name is Tang, which is evocative of taste so each chapter title will have something to do with say, food? I use a lot of adjectives that relate back to that but also have something to do with the chapter in some way. So, this chapter is called "A Bad Taste", which in a way describes Audrey and Percy. Audrey isn't the most confident person around when it comes to her past and while we don't know what's going on with Percy, he's not squeaky clean either. I hope that makes sense.

Also, "Bad Taste" is Audrey's stage name at Bare Back so if what I said above confused you, just think of it that way. Hahahahaha.

Ah! You're so correct about the unusual expectations that they have of one another. It makes them really snippy with one another for some reason but actually, you get a better understanding of this entire chapter from my one-shot, "That Night". It's from Percy's POV so you may be able to see why he acted so abrasive towards her.

Oh, if only you could have read Percy's mind. He was thinking of doing very naughty things to Audrey... :3

"The dead man" line will be mentioned again at some point and you'll find out why those dead eyes of Percy's are so important.

Thank you so much for the review!

Much love,


 Report Review
If this is your story and you wish to respond to reviews, please login

<Previous Page   Jump:     Next Page>