Reading Reviews From Member: Pixileanin
  
511 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PixileaninHalcyon Days: Chapter Two

28th June 2015:
Hello again!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

So here is Blaise, and I happen to like his initial irritation with finding Ginny "following him". It seems too coincidental, and then I accept it, but then it's not coincidental at all and they warm up to each other. Kindred spirits in the woods. And pie. I approve. ;)

Blaise seems to be learning to trust her through this chapter. I like the progression here, not too fast, not too slow. The action moves without being stilted or forced. Blaise seems to have a lot of time to think about things. It seems that introspection is good for him, and I wonder if Ginny feels the same way as he does at the end of this chapter. It looks like she does from his pov, but I don't want to assume.

Nice flow to this. I enjoyed reading!

Pix

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Review #2, by PixileaninHalcyon Days: Chapter One

28th June 2015:
Hey there, I'm here for the 2015 House Cup - Gryffindor

What an interesting story! I don't think I've ever read a Blaise-centric fic before. This is really good, the way you have him see the paper and think about his mother. No one wants to see their mother go to jail, but this woman is going to Azkaban for life. Blaise has lots of reasons to worry.

I wonder which memory he lost when his mother did that bad spell on him. I can guess it's the memory of what he was looking for her about.

Seeing Ginny in the forest... she might have something to run away from too.. oh, and then we find out it's the year the Carrows are at the castle. That explains a lot. This story has a lot going for it. I definitely want to see where it leads.

Pix

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Review #3, by Pixileanin(4) States of Matter: Weary Heart of Mines

28th June 2015:
Hey hey, I'm back for more!

And House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Story time!


"...but it’s better to think of the love they don’t know than the resentment burning in her throat whenever she looks at him for showing her something she never wanted to see."

Yes. I feel this. This describes that unwanted thing that she can't deny, that she doesn't think she wants. I like this a lot.


Ahhh, it kills me that Lily even entertains the thought of visiting Severus after the day that she's had. She just walks into it, and he's the one that put her in danger. Oh Lily, just stop it!

This thing with the truth or dare, at first I rolled my eyes, but then you put it in such a way that Mary made sense playing. What else were they going to do anyway? They're kids and then they're not, and then they want to be kids again. Complete logic. I love it!

Okay, but at the end, I lost the thread. I don't get the connection between what happened and the last little bit. I feel bad about this, because I'm usually really good with reading into things, but I think you might have been a little too subtle. Ahh! And now I feel like I should know what this is!!!

Anyway, interesting format here. Your characters shine and they're still in danger. Please write what happens next so I won't go dreaming about all the bad things!


Pix

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Review #4, by Pixileanin(4) States of Matter: Lights Out

28th June 2015:
Hi! I'm here from the 2015 House Cup - Gryffindor, and this story is very intriguing!

First off, I love that you started with characters in peril. I love that Lily doesn't curse and that Mary does. I also love the fact that James has the mirror, but can't use it without help.

So they're off somewhere tied up, and it's break at school. The flow of this is just awesome. It reads so smoothly, and by the way, I think you did a great job with the characters. Lily is still herself, even though she's scared out of her mind. James is still himself, but he's thinking with his brain, so that's a plus. Mary is great too, and the three of them can still pull off some minor banter while they realize they are in deep trouble.

The thing that sets this first chapter apart from so many other fics that I've read is how you rounded out the chapter with Regulus' pov. Some of the questions I had going in were answered with his section without you having to say, "Okay, let me explain this to you", which I don't like at all. I liked what you did there, having his scene give us more information, the kind of information that lets us know what's happening and making us feel that this is only going to go from bad to worse.

I need chapter two!!

Pix

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Review #5, by PixileaninUnexploded Bombs: The Answer

27th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Back for Chapter 2!

Your descriptions continue to paint the scene in such a vivid way, while still moving the action along.

I like the idea of Dudley needing to look like he's supposed to be on the front lawn while he wonders what's going on inside the house. It's definitely something I think he'd pick up from his parents. "Look normal." "Don't act strangely." Very self-conscious. That sort of thing. Nice characterization!

It's a shame that Vernon "took a hit" for Harry after all these years, but I can't help feeling like it's some kind of poetic justice. I really like the "rickety past made of broken-down parts but still functional' line, as relating to Harry and Dudley, and also the house. And I am glad Dudley has matured a lot for this story. But something about Dudley is a bit passive in this. His dad died because of Harry, and he's so accepting of it, like I see him getting a little bent out of shape, but he's not angry at Harry for anything. That's being very forgiving of him, in spite of his upbringing.

Another nice chapter!

Pix

Author's Response: Thank you, Pix, for your comments on this chapter also.

Interesting, you are the only person who ever brought up the question of whether Dudley should have shown or felt more anger at Harry for what happened to Vernon.

Thinking about that question, I would say that, since it is twenty years since Harry and Dudley parted company, a lot of the old rancor has just faded away, so that while they both realize that this accident happened as a result of Harry's having lived in the house in the past, it wasn't Harry's fault. They both had lived through terrible times, and they knew that there were bound to be bits of garbage left over, 'unexploded bombs'. But it is far enough behind them now that they can talk about it, perhaps a little stiltedly and awkwardly, but they are able to say what needs to be said.

You gotta feel for Dudley. He's trying so hard.


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Review #6, by PixileaninUnexploded Bombs: The Question

27th June 2015:
Hi there! I came to see what was up on your page and found this lovely piece.

Oh, and fine print time: House Cup 2-15 - Gryffindor

Story time!

I loved the first paragraph. Not just because it had beautiful imagery, but after reading the piece, I felt like it was a metaphor for the whole opening. Readies us for the relationship that Dudley and Harry have now, compared to what it was when they were kids. Really lovely connection to the piece as a whole. I love it when stories lead the reader in that subtle way.

There's definitely a mystery here, which I love. I also love that Dudley is not laying blame on his cousin, that he's simply inquiring and having Harry help him figure things out. At least his mum isn't in the house right now, so assumedly, she's safe. Even so, if something in the bedroom is deadly, it's Harry's responsibility to help. Which he seems to want to do.

I love cooperative characters!

Lovely writing, very fresh premise. I am excited!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pixileanin!

Thank you so much for going to my author page and reading one of my stories. I have been taking writing courses for a couple of years and have been trying hard to incorporate what I learn into my writing, so you may credit the courses for whatever successful qualities are in my stories.

Like you, I love co-operative characters. Being angry and snarky is usually not a smart way to behave, and I get irritated by characters, in either books or movies, who behave stupidly. Life is challenging enough as it is.

I'm so glad that you stopped by to review! Thank you for your very kind words.

Vicki/Oregonian


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Review #7, by PixileaninTurbulence: Chapter 1

27th June 2015:
Hi again!

Oh wait. Fine Print. House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor.

Okay. Chapter two, woo hoo!!

I like this Pooja girl. And I love that Tori stuck up for her in front of those bullies. She's got some strong magic in her, I was worried that the boys would start cursing her, but that didn't happen.

I also love the different classes that you're introducing, as well as the special animagus class that's only being offered this one time, which is so cool! I never imagined that anyone would turn it into a class, but then you have this set in America, where things are maybe a bit more loose? I can totally see the difference between the American magic rules and the British Ministry. How interesting.

It's sad that Tori still feels estranged from her family. But of course she does. Does she even go home over the holidays?

Great setup for what promises to be a fascinating story. Chapter three?

Pix

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Review #8, by PixileaninTurbulence: Prologue

27th June 2015:
Hey there! It's time to spread the love.

2015 House Cup - Gryffindor

Wow. How sad and weird and disturbing that first scene was. Six year olds running and playing and then SMACK! Something is very, very wrong with Astoria. I knew by the tone that you chose that she didn't do anything on purpose. At first I thought that it was accidental magic until she started shouting Ana's name afterwards and not listening to what her mother had to say to her.

Let me say that the imagery really stuck out to me. You hit on all the high points: the rock that Tori ignores, the hot sun, the obsessive way she keeps running under physical discomfort and then how she doesn't even see her friend because of this obsession.

AAAHH!

Oh dear! And I just want to smack Mr. Greengrass for not thinking of his daughter first. I suppose that's the catalyst that you need for this story, but still, SO SAD!!!

I am definitely intrigued by this tale. And LOOK, there's a chapter two around here.

This chapter sucked me in.

Pix

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Review #9, by PixileaninDabbling in Destiny, Death, and the Dark Arts: A Trucido is Born

27th June 2015:
Hi there! I had to check this out. The summary seemed so interesting.

Oh and by the way, House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor.

So, lots of history going on in the beginning. I haven't read the early version of this story, but I know how daunting a rewrite can be, and I commend you for committing to such a task. Generally, it does make the story better, so kuddos to you for going through all the effort.

Okay, so introduction thing. You have a very interesting premise. I am excited to see how all of this history plays out in your story. I'm not sure all of that information was needed. With the second scene, you could probably find a way to bridge it better, because I was a bit confused in the first few sentences by who I was reading about. I don't know why this was, since when I read the transition a second time I was all, "oh yeah, why didn't I see that?"

Maybe it was a little rushed... the transition into the scene? Also, I had a question. If the Trucido's had "died out", why would they still be looking for a Trucido at birth? It wasn't clear to me that the world William was in was the same world that was in danger of the vampire creatures. I think that's where I got lost in the narrative.

Also, with the format of this, I didn't have this sense of urgency that William was living in a time where Trucido babies would be sought after.

Anyway, enough of that. I enjoyed the premise of this, and you did ask for input on anything that was confusing, otherwise I would be the type of reader to wait for the next chapter to see what happens. I'm a patient reader, so details can be dolled out slowly and I don't mind so much.

Speaking of... is there a second chapter coming soon?

Pix

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Review #10, by PixileaninA Minor Key.: a terrible misunderstanding.

27th June 2015:
Hi there. This line you used for the summary is just so provoking. I had to read this. I really did.

Oh, and before I forget: House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Now that that's out of the way, on to the story!

There are several lines that hit me hard. Here's one:

"The word addiction was poisonous."

That resonates deep down. Such evocative language. Lovely and painful in all the right ways. You paint this picture of Albus and Scorpius ignoring the problem so clearly. It's like both of them want things to be okay, but they both know they're not, and they aren't through pretending yet, so no progress is made.

Sadness. I feel sadness over this.

It's hard to find an out when you've got an enabler. I can see why Albus is so frustrated with his family. He doesn't want to explain how bad things are, and he doesn't really do anything to fix it. He feels like it's not his place? I can't believe that Rose is doing all of that for Scorpius and thinking that it helps.

Even though it's sad, I'm glad Albus finally decides to exit the scene. I'm glad he's thought about it while Scorpius was away and that he made the decision and stuck to it. It was clear that Scorpius wasn't in the mindset to change.

All in all, I think this ship has sunk successfully. Good job on that! And great job on making me feel it.

Pix

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Review #11, by PixileaninChai, Chutney, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning: Chai, Chutney, and a Surprise

27th June 2015:
Hi there! I read this a while ago and never left a review. BAD ME!!!

But I'm here now, so on with it!

Oh, and before I forget: House Cup 2015

Gryffindor

Okay. Story time.

First off, I love this opening where Neville lists off the significant things he's done in the kitchen. Now he's preparing himself for another one, a big one too, and it's so sweet and so very Neville. Awesome characterization!

Haha! I don't see stirring yogurt as something "manly", but if it makes Neville feel better about himself, who am I to judge? :P I love the idea of Hannah taking out a loan to allow Tom to retire. I'm so glad you didn't kill him off, that might have killed the mood of the story too... death and.. anyway. Moving on.

And I totally got that Swedish reference. I think I may have used that in a fic too. LOL! I also love the image of all of Neville's stuff on the dining table. He'll have to work on that, but it shows the haphazard state of their place, that they haven't completely settled yet. It's a lovely addition to the scenery.

LOL! I can imagine how Ron's proposal had turned out if Neville's having such a hard time with it. It's sweet though, how he finally makes it happen. Of course Hannah is thrilled either way. I'm glad he elaborates more on the reasons besides just a "Chutney recipe". But I have to admit, that was a brilliant line.

Such a sweet piece! I thoroughly enjoyed this series of yours!

Pix

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Review #12, by PixileaninLike a Multiverse on Fire: Cafe

27th June 2015:
Preliminary fine print: House Cup 2015: Gryffindor

Woot! You updated! Let's see what's happening now...

I like this expanded AU version of a college-level Hogwarts. It kind of makes head-sense that the students there are older and more independent. Not to mention that you can do all sorts of fun things with older characters that aren't as feasible with the younger set.

As you can tell, I'm enjoying this fresh perspective.

Ah, Lily working at the coffee shop. I can totally roll with that. Especially since she's knocking herself out with an internship and normal studies on top of that. Completely overachiever there.

Ah haha, it's so fun to see Sirius all off balance like that and not liking it. But maybe he does like it. I laughed at the way Millie tried to be so indifferent about his attention, and I'm curious as to why Lily wants to push to be Millie's friend. What is up with that girl, and what is her angle? I hope it's that she wants to be Millie's friend, but that last scene had me thinking that there's something else going on.

Intrigued.

Pix

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Review #13, by PixileaninThe Worst: From Bad to Worse

27th June 2015:
Ahem. House Cup 2015
Gryffindor.

On with the review!

Oh goodness, David Dale is here to "do something" for her? Yeah, right.

Uh oh. Teddy loves showing up at the wrong time, doesn't he. These two just don't get a break. In all the drama, I do like that you've used David in what seems to be an important role in this story and not allowed his character to just be background noise. I thought you might have something special in mind for him and you didn't disappoint

Oh no! Julia should absolutely not have done what she'd done. I had a very strong feeling that she'd DO something, but this was completely inexcusable. I can't think of a circumstance under which what she did would even be considered "the right thing to do for your friend". These characters have a horrid way of not discussing things with each other. It seems that a lot of their issues would be fixed with a bit of honest communication. Drat!

And then Dominique decides that things are unfixable. Well, that's not a good thing. Julia better fix things, or else. That's what I have to say on the matter.

Such drama in this chapter! I hope these characters figure out how to talk to each other before the end of the story.

And, erm... when is that next chapter coming?

Later!

Pix

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Review #14, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Rose's First Lesson: Transfiguration

12th June 2015:
And here we are to the last posted chapter of this story.

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Ahh, poor Rose again. Still with the planning. I can relate. I am a chronic planner too, and I used to get all bent out of shape about it. Not so much anymore. Life does that to you.

I loved the touch that Rose has grandparents in Australia. I assume you imply that Hermione's parents stayed there after the war. Nice inclusion. But man, that attitude towards Scorpius, and he hasn't even done anything besides get under her skin, and it's not even his fault. I know she needs to grow out of that, but it's a bit irritating. I hope Dawn is able to calm her down soon. It's obvious the goblin girl has an opinion on the situation.

It's nice to see McGonagall in the classroom again, though I doubt as a real Headmistress she'd have time for both jobs. Perhaps she has an assistant somewhere, or someone who's being groomed for her position? Either way, I'm sure she has it handled behind the scenes.

I really liked the explanation that McGonagall gives to Rose about problems and ways of looking at them. I hope Rose takes that to heart. It might help her in unexpected ways.


Another lovely chapter, and now I'm all caught up and will have to wait for the next one.

*drums fingers on desk*

Pix

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Review #15, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Hat’s for House-Elves

12th June 2015:
Hey, it's me again!

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Ah, Rose and her expectations. I can see where you're following the Pride and Prejudice plotline, and she's just getting swept away in it all. I feel sorry for her, but then again, I wish she'd just let it go.

I like your Nanna elf. It's good to have a balance of characters, and I think she does that for nasty Trevor. Though I was impressed by the intensity of the scene. Nice way to break Rose's little heart yet again. She's not transitioning too smoothly into Hogwarts. You're not going easy on her. It's a good thing. :P The hats really were a sweet idea.

Aww, and then her day turned around again. I didn't expect there to be real snakes in the Slytherin common room. It made me smile to think about it.

Oh, looks like you have a repeat post in this chapter. The last bit crops up again at the end. Might want to check that out.

Pix

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Review #16, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: An Afternoon with Hagrid

12th June 2015:
Hiya! I'm getting into the meat of the story now. So exciting!

Oh, and before I forget: House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor.

That was really sweet how Dawn woke up thinking she was still at home. What a detail! And Madame Pince is still here! Talk about old... well, in my story, she's practically ancient by the time Rose gets to Hogwarts,

Hagrid's character reads excellently. It was a little sad that Rose was still in such a mood over Scorpius not to enjoy herself more, but it was definitely in character for what you've made her to be so far. Such an eleven year old! I should know. I have two. They are just like that. Kuddos for the age-appropriate girlish behavior!

I always wondered about Hagrid's food. This made perfect sense, and it redeemed him as a cook somewhat. I see that Rose and Scorpius have made it to the bickering stage. That didn't take too long, eh? I have a clue as to what Dawn whispered to Albus, but I'll keep it to myself, just in case I'm wrong. :)

Pix

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Review #17, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Rose Gets Settled In.

12th June 2015:
House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Your chapter images are just lovely. I don't have an aptitude for the visual arts, so I am doubly impressed by what you can do with color.

I loved how you described the way Rose took in the common room and compared it to all the stories she'd heard growing up about it. That seems so like the Rose you've developed so far. She has these perceptions of the world, and for once, SOMETHING is living up to them. She must be exceedingly relieved by that at this point.

Ah, I hadn't thought about Dawns' experiences being underground, and now she's thrust into a tower high above it. That would be quite a shock. It gives Rose something to think about, and someone to care for, and I think she needs that, now that Albus isn't going to be glued to her hip anymore. I like how you progress her through that train of thought, letting her become accustomed to it.

I also love the idea of the talking bookmark for Rose. It definitely suits her, and she can kill two birds with one stone: exercise and study. I want one!

This chapter did feel a bit empty of plot, but I see where you had to do some build-up. It's hard sometimes to keep the plot moving during these character-building sessions, but it can be done. I didn't feel it drag anywhere, so your pacing was nice.

Another lovely chapter!

Pix

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Review #18, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: The Sorting Hat’s Greatest Regret

12th June 2015:
Oh no! The chapter title doesn't bode good things for what's ahead!

Oh yeah, House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor!

Ah, the grey pools. Gets a girl every time. Yes, Rose. Be annoyed. Be very, very annoyed. LOL! I am so impressed by how you wrote that bit. Not overdone. Not underdone. It felt real and believable, and her reaction was absolutely perfect for her age. "What is this thing, I don't know but I'm going to stomp on it hard and see what happens..." Like smushing bugs before you know they're real animals or something.

And oh, the way he talks, I hope he loosens up a bit after being at Hogwarts for a time. I can only imagine that he's been sheltered, speaking thusly. And then he speaks French too. Yep, she's going to have a time with that.

*claps hands* It's Neville! I love how you've incorporated the canon characters into this story.

Oh my goodness, what did you do to the Sorting ceremony! So much pandemonium and chaos! Eenie, meenie, miney, moe... wow. I didn't see that coming at all. I'm not sure if all of that went to Albus' head in a bad way. So what does that mean, does he get to skip around to every house and oh my gosh, where is he sleeping?? He can't have four different dorms, can he? CAN HE??? And then the hat sorts Rose before she even puts it on! *falls over* This is the best sorting ceremony ever!

Oh my, and McGonagall's got some cheek to her as well. Well-played, Mr. Author. I don't think she'd be TOO old. I mean, look at Dumbledore. He practically turned into a skeleton his last year as a Headmaster, but meh, there's a bunch of interpretation there. I do like that she's announced her retirement. I've also never seen that in a fic before.

So many surprises! You've got so many good things going in this story. It's a pleasure to read!

Pix

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Review #19, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Goblin Friends and Friends of Goblins

11th June 2015:
2015 House Cup - Gryffindor

You know, that just looks weird up there, but it's in the rules, so I'm going with it.

"I know Albus is awesome, but seriously!"

Yeah, your Albus IS pretty awesome. Gives Scorpius a spine even. But a Malfoy Scholarship? That is even MORE awesome! You are giving these characters something to be proud of. I'm so caught up by all the surprises.

The details you go into about the goblin society are still as fascinating as ever. I love the idea that the goblins don't NEED anything, and therefore money to buy things is not so much a privilege as an indulgence. That is such an interesting twist on money. And it now makes sense why Scorpius knows gobeldygook.

Ack, I think Rose's disposition to jumping to conclusions is going to get her into more trouble than she knows. She's got this thing about trying to compartmentalize people, and so far, she's not faring so well with it. I have a feeling you're doing this to her on purpose.

Lovely flow, excellent descriptions, great job on the scene setting too.

Pix

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Review #20, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Dawnsfirstbloom

11th June 2015:
Hey again!

2015 House Cup - Gryffindor

Off to the review!

Roslyn and her cousin Albuet... snicker! You should totally do that.

Oooh! Albus knows gobledygook! That's pretty cool. And Scorpius too? I want to know the story on that one. I love how you've continued your goblin story here, because that's one of the things I was drawn to in your other story.

Yay, you used Hannah Longbottom in an unexpected role. That's pretty keen. I love seeing her in stories. And uh oh, who is this that just asked for Malfoy? It sounds foreboding.

There's great characterization going on here, as was in the first chapter. I like how you got everyone together on the page and forged some strong bonds already. It will be interesting to see how this group does as first-years at Hogwarts, and also how Rose progresses, trying to learn gobledygook.

Another lovely chapter!

Pix

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Review #21, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Well met on the Hogwarts Express

11th June 2015:
Hi there! First off, the fine print:

House Cup 2015 - Gryffindor

Well then, I don't think I've mentioned this before, but your Author's Notes about the mis-named characters being all yours is hilarious and always makes me smile.

I really like the premise for this story. I liked reading about Rose's reluctance based on her dad's words at the train station, and the way Albus is so clueless and open with Scorpius, even after he figures out who he is. It's a refreshing twist on what is normally written about.

Also, I have to say that I don't think I've ever read a story where the students plan ahead of time to purposefully sway the Sorting Hat to their desire to be in a specific House. I guess the Hat doesn't speak to everyone, but knowing what Harry told them, I bet they think they at least have a chance to work things out. Albus seems like a really nice, open-minded person who doesn't mind shaking things up a bit. And I really liked seeing the goblin girls show up too. This already looks like an intriguing and different take on the typical Next-Gen story. Extra points for originality!

A nice first chapter!

Pix

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Review #22, by PixileaninDetox: Yes

27th May 2015:
Hi there! As you can surmise, my New Year's Resolution to finish reviewing this story is going just as swimmingly as my resolution to quit drinking soda... very, very slowly, and with many setbacks. But hey, it's still 2015. Why waste the moment?

“... not that being smarter than Avery was anything to boast about…”

Hehehehe… I love Avery for all the wrongness that he is. Aww, how he just goes about and ignores Gamp, the guy who thought he was the most dangerous person in the room. I know I’m supposed to be quivering right about now, but Avery, oh my god, I just can’t.

And woot! Surprise twist! Mulciber’s a traitor!

“She tried to curl up into a ball, not that it was going to do any good. He’d already proven that he was able to make Draco do things and Draco had far more experience fighting off dark curses than she did. “

Amazing pov switch here. While Avery’s being a … you know, that… Astoria still lives and breathes and is scared and yet, she has this whole resolve thing going on.

“You’re safe now, Astoria. Everything is going to be alright.”

Umm, yeah, I’d be trying to set him straight too. Nothing right now is “alright”, and it’s going to take a bit more than being her personal shield to get her to something that resembles “safety”. But what a Draco thing to say! He’s probably doing it just so he can believe it himself in a way. Being the stupid hero in the only way he can, the only option he has left.

Ahh, romance. So skewed.

I loved the fight through Astoria’s eyes, how all the action is focused around how it affects her. such a great pov telling, keeping it like that. I love how she has her epiphany in the middle of all the chaos, loses it, regains herself, and still has a spark in her at the end. Very nice, Dan!

Ahh, yes. The spell has to be broken by somebody. Crazy Ron! Good thing Harry was there to… wait, that was Harry! You sneaky writer, you! I loved that you threw in this bit about his explanation for being Zabini, because it made me chuckle too:

“She’s obviously not saying and, well, she’s gotten pretty good at this over the years. Otherwise, she’d have ended up in Azkaban four or five husbands ago.”

I don’t know how you sustained Astoria’s mindset all the way through that scene. There was so much going on, you must have a pair of rose-colored glasses around or something.

“As the warm, tingling darkness claimed Astoria, her last thoughts were of Draco’s beautiful grey eyes.”

Yes, she’s definitely age-appropriate.

Ahh, and Narcissa is still ordering Draco around, for his own good I see. Good on her! I think she’s the only thing that kept him in that bed. The poor Healer was doing his best, but no one argues with Narcissa.

I think one of my favorite parts of this chapter has to be the conversation that horatio has with Draco in the hospital room. It was uncomfortable and necessary, and they both got something out of it that they wanted. I think this goes a long way in paving the road for Draco’s goal in getting his reputation cleaned up.

“I wouldn’t go so far as to say there’s anything obvious here, Draco. It’s not obvious that I’ll be marrying my daughter off to you and it’s certainly not obvious that you’re worth thirty Galleons a week. Twenty-five, and not a knut more.”

Brilliant line here.

And this one too:

“Why was it so much easier to express your feelings when people were trying to kill you?”

I guess it’s easier to blurt out what’s on your mind when you don’t have time to think about it. but they get around to it anyway. I agree that Draco’s show of emotion helped to balance the pair out. I liked that he was able to show himself like that to her, that she was able to accept him in his weakness and make him stronger for it. That shows they will make a good pair.

You really do write beautiful moments. I think the story had the perfect ending. Draco was able to keep his euphoria in check until the end, when he’s alone and has the chance to process it. Who wouldn’t be ecstatic about a future with so much promise?

Lovely, lovely work, as always!

Author's Response: Hi, pix!

You have no idea how many times I've started to respond to this view, only to get interrupted. It's getting to be frustrating. I'm going to try to power through it!

Most of my Avery head canon arises from the way you portrayed him in Until We Close Our Eyes, so I'm sure he seems at least a little familiar. He's a fun villain to play with, not least of all because of his inbred craziness.

Mulciber... so he's not a traitor. He's just not who he seems to be.

I thought the PoV switch was helpful. We've already seen the fight with Avery through Draco's eyes, now we get to see the battle through Astoria's. I liked the contrast. He's so analytical and tactical about the fight while she's more emotional about things.

You're correct, nobody is "safe" at that point in the chapter. It's always fun to let Astoria cut through Draco's small conceits.

I probably owe it to Ron to write a story where he isn't a complete jerk. I guess Tales of the Death Hunters **sort of** did that, but maybe something that's purely Ron. Because he is a jerk in this story. A huge one.

Do you remember, way back in Conspiracy of Blood, how Ron pretends to be Zabini to sneak into the Ministry? Almost fifty years later and the Aurors were *still* getting mileage out of the guy!

Oh, yes. It's important to have Astoria fade back into teenage girlhood from time to time.

"Uncomfortable and necessary" I'm very pleased to see that the conversation between Draco and Horatio worked the way I intended. :D It was fun to take these two pureblood gentlemen from different generations and let them hash things out. I enjoyed trying to figure out all the little power games and subtle positioning that was going on.

It was definitely harder for Draco and Astoria to get their feelings out in the open without the imminent risk of painful, violent death. The moment loses its immediacy. One tends to over-think things. There's also greater than a 50% chance that the other person will still be alive when you realize how corny your words sounded. ;)

Wow. I'm really, really glad you liked the ending. I've never felt perfectly sure about it, so it's great to see that it worked well for you.

Thanks so much for all the love and encouragement you've shown this story! It really means a lot.

-Dan


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Review #23, by PixileaninLife Was Meant to Be Easy Now: A Kiss At Breakfast

27th April 2015:
That broom was a nice touch from Scorpius' dad. I'm glad he's enjoying it so much, but it doesn't leave much time for Albus.

I feel for Dorinda, trying so hard to make Scorpius see that she's fine when her friends are occupied with other things. It's hard on someone when their friends aren't single anymore, but they still are. Totally understandable. And so she does what she can to help out. I hope her taste in Muggle clothes is good. ;)

Scorpius is so nervous about his date that it's cute. And where has Albus gone off to? I'm worried too. He's not one to skive off classes. And... uh oh. Teen drama alert! And misunderstandings. That is such a common thing too. It was nice to see that Pomfrey was supportive and comforting.

I really like your characters. They are real and have very relatable bumps in the road that are totally convincing.

Dorinda's a good friend. Jupiter... hasn't got a clue. And now I don't like him as much as I thought I did. I can completely see someone doing that as a joke though, but the timing was very poor. I hope Scorpius can run fast and catch Albus before he disappears. There's no way Albus is going to apologize after witnessing something like that. This is going to be one bumpy road for a while, isn't it?

You have a lovely, lilting style and it was a nice read. I'm glad I finally got the chance to drop by. So when's the next chapter up?

Author's Response: Jupiter doesn't think... I don't think he meant to do any harm, but he did anyway... And yes, they'll have quite a lot to deal with by now.

I hope next chapter will be up soon, it's only a little editing left. :-)

Thanks for these lovely reviews!


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Review #24, by PixileaninLife Was Meant to Be Easy Now: Back to Hogwarts

27th April 2015:
"Lily found that boy Colin we were introduced to at the New Year’s party and they immediately start the kind of kissing that nobody else wants to witness."

Amen to that. Ergh. Anyway. I was looking forward to this chapter because after all of the positivity at the Potter's house, things are bound to not be so fluffy when they get back to Hogwarts, or at least that's what I'm assuming. It's funny how Scorpius differentiates between Muggle-borns and "real" Muggles. As if Muggle borns aren't real or something. LOL!

I like how we get to catch up with Scorpius' friends. Jupiter's quandary with his girlfriend and the bit of back story from Dorinda were both fun inclusions. I'm glad that Albus is getting the stamp of approval from Scorpius' friends as well.

" ‘Don't worry, I won't,’ I assure her, and kiss Albus until Jupiter asks us to stop it."

Yeah, and there's that too.

Ahh, their spat during Potions speaks volumes. There IS going to be some adjustment back at school, and Scorpius seems to be the more broody partner in this relationship. It fits him. It was sweet of Albus to apologize later, and even sweeter that he doesn't protest when Rose reminds Scorpius about the Quidditch practice he almost missed.

Author's Response: Thanks for reading and reviewing! Yes, Jupiter and Dorinda are fully approving of Albus, and he's also more relaxed around them by now.

But, as you could see in Potions, there are lots of other difficulties left to deal with...


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Review #25, by PixileaninLife Was Meant to Be Easy Now: An Awkward Dinner

27th April 2015:
Hi! Erm... Surprise time-warp all the way back to February because I was such a horrible exchange partner, and magic, and umm... better waay late than never, right?

I took the time to read the story leading up to this, and I think starting off with this scene was a good call. It brought us into the story with a familiar feel from the last one, which is something I appreciate.

I love how Scorpius has hopes for his mother to accept their new relationship, and how she seems to try to make things more comfortable for the two of them at a dinner where all his father does is gruff about and create awkwardness. Because that's not helping. *gives stern look to Mr. Malfoy* Poor Scorpius. He really wants his family to accept things, he wants his family period. It must be very hard for him that they don't even ask him back for the rest of the holidays.

He's right. Things could have gone much worse. The tension at the dinner table was palpable, but everyone remained civil at least. Scorpius' realization that he hasn't been doing well in his studies was probably not something he should be bringing up to his father at this moment anyway. It was nice to see him worry about the future, think about Albus' future too. I can tell that he and Albus are very much in love right now, and at least that makes things bearable for the two of them.

Nice opener!

Author's Response: Thank you! You're right, better late than never! This was also reviews well worth waiting for! :-)

I'm glad you liked this first chapter! I wasn't sure from the start if I should start with this scene again or not, but I think it turned out quite well.

As you say, all Scorpius want is for his family to be supportive. Draco has a hard time grasping that I suppose...


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