Reading Reviews From Member: Pixileanin
604 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PixileaninThe Next Great Adventure: Chapter 2: The Transportation Office

11th May 2016:
Hi Kaitlin, Iím here for our swap.

I havenít gotten a chance to read this story of yours yet, so I went through a few chapters and this is going to be a sort of combined review of those, if you donít mind. Sometimes when the writing is as secure as youíve done here, itís hard to come up with a bunch of stuff to say, other than, ďWoot, good job!Ē So, errÖ yeah. 

I loved the first scene. I think you hit all the high notes with Harry, surrounded by his family and his acceptance of where heís going. Heís ready. Itís very fitting, and also very Harry. Thereís no more reason to fight. Your description painted the picture so clearly, and gave us the security, knowing that Harry was well aware of what was going on. Here, there are no more surprises for him. Ginnyís even ready, which is also a great way to portray the older couple who has made peace with themselves and each other. Awesome way to portray this, Kaitlin.

It was fun to see all the old characters coming together in one place to discuss things. Your rendition of Dobby was great. There was just enough color in his language that we knew exactly who he was, but he was also portrayed as intelligent and aware, and I loved that about his dialogue.

We also got to see Hot-headed Sirius, Dominating, Soft-spoken Dumbledore and Reasonable Remus, as well as James and Lily in appropriate parental roles with a touch of their younger attitudes in tow. All the characters were shiny and bright, with their individual roles in Harryís life brought to the forefront. Large cast stories can be difficult to wrangle, but you know these characters well.

Yes, yes, yes! Dobby has to REMEMBER to use his magic, because he doesnít need it here. Nice touch, that. Make them struggle with it. Make us feel the struggle with them. I also liked the small touches you used, having the man handle the portkeys that are already prepared for the others who are coming in soon after Harry. This gives us a great timeline for the story, and secures us in this part of the world that you fashioned.

The idea that someone from the afterlife has to guide the new people in is really cool. Also, having that personís soul be at risk if they both donít make it, thatís also really cool. I love that the stakes are so high, and the need to succeed has such dire consequences. Iíd hate to see those consequences come to pass, but Iím sure youíre planning to have us hold our breath more than a few times in this story. The setup is ripe, and Iím anxious to see what youíre going to do with it from here.

I have some ideas about why Dobby is in the position he's in, but mostly (and this is because I'm a very suspicious reader) I'm stuck on why DUMBLEDORE was the one to choose Dobby. That man's middle name is "Ulterior Motives", and I've grown to have a large amount of mistrust for him as a character. So, with that said, there must be something that Dumbledore wants from Dobby... unless, you know, I'm reading too much into this and it's really all about Dobby and Harry... which it obviously will be, just... I'll keep being suspicious, okay?

Thanks for the swap! As far as plot, characterization and interest level, you've definitely got a winner here! Weíll have to do it again soon!


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Review #2, by PixileaninBeyond the Waves : May

12th April 2016:
I'm very impressed with this. The way you described Charlie waking suddenly, and then realizing that May was safe next to him instead of somewhere dangerous, as she might have been in his dreams - without coming out and saying "Charlie was dreaming of little May being in danger"... that was really cool.

The Japanese insertion gave this whole chapter an authentic feel. May felt like she grew up in that part of the world, and it was fascinating that Tonks also understood some Japanese as well. It makes me wonder again what she's doing there. Hmm...

Charlie is very protective of this girl. I'm sure he will do everything he can to try to find her family, the people he must be working with among the dragons. It makes a lot of sense that he would be working with an international team, since dragons can be elusive and live in remote areas of the world.

Tonks' affection for Charlie shows through in a subtle, yet definite way. I like that you're not dwelling on it, but that you show it clearly so that we can feel it with her. She has regrets and she has yearning as well. It makes me want to read the next chapter, but there's no chapter to read next.

More, please!


Author's Response: Hello, again! Thank you for review swap!

When I have plenty of time, I can imagine the scenery and their feeling. The situation popped in my mind naturally. Recently I can't have enough time to imagine the fiction world. I guess you are in the similar situation. We need to talk about the way to spare time for writing while we are very busy.

As I read another fantasy, I thought I could create the HP AU world. I'll write about Dragon, magical world in the far east, so you may see more nature descriptions in the next chapter. I need to find time to imagine the world.

As you know, it's easier for me to paint the scene, but I'd like to learn how to write the complicated mind movement of each character.
So your insight is very helpful.

I'll be back to your story, after my last story challenge at HPFF is done (the deadline is coming in two days.). :)


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Review #3, by PixileaninBeyond the Waves : Seawater

12th April 2016:
Hi Kenny! Let's trade!

So this is an intriguing story idea. It's very sad to read about the tsunami that destroyed so much. It was doubly sad to see that Tonks was trying to save people, and she couldn't find anyone to save. The photo book was all that she could find. I wondered what she was doing all the way out in the east, just about the time that she was wondering what the familiar man was doing in the same place.

It makes sense that Charlie would be found in a far away location. I was so relieved that Charlie at least found someone to save. Then when it was revealed that he knew the little girl, my heart broke, knowing that it was a personal tragedy for him if he could not find her family.

Your descriptions were so moving here. Really, they were. I love the style you chose with this, the economy of words, only saying just enough to paint the scene. You really have a gift with the nature-descriptions.

I pondered the legend of the disaster that came every hundred years, and worried with Charlie that he might have been able to keep more people safe if his hindsight had come a little sooner. But then, if it had been a Seawater Demon, what could he have done? He might have lost his own life, if he had stayed, so it seems like a mixed blessing.

Oh, I feel for that poor little girl, and I'm so thankful that Charlie was there for her.


Author's Response: Hi, Pixi! Thank you for stopping by. I know you are extremely busy with your own story challenge.

Writing about Tsunami, I wondred if it was a right thing to do at first, but I decided to write something. I'm not sure where this story goes to, however, my adventurous journey has just begun.I have a vision, Charlie and Tonks on the beach and I feel like writing about their romance. My writing is always a kind of experiment, but I'll be back to continue writing this ASAP, I was going to update in two weeks. RL prevented me from keep writing, but I'll do like you challenge your own story. Thank you again for leaving review!


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Review #4, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Problems and Solutions

12th April 2016:
Hi again!

Alright, I feel generally better that Albus was able to find a solution out of last chapter's problem with the Quidditch teams. I'm not so sure about the House thing yet. After all, a team is a team, which is different from a House, but if that's what you are using as a parallel, then so be it. However, this is setting a dangerous precedence for anyone who this "many sortings" might happen to in the future. Where will the line be drawn, mmm? Me wonders.

I found Stephen to be a delightful addition to this chapter. I truly enjoyed his interaction with the rude boy who decided to assert his will on the poor elves without thought. Unfortunately, his behavior, which was likely learned from his family, will only change if he relearns what it is to treat the elves with dignity. I was a bit sad that another elf was caught up in his demands and that other wizards and witches didn't stand up to him and correct his actions, but I'm sure that will come in time. After all, the house elf journeyman concept is still new to some. Adjustments take patience.

So Albus gets to play on all the teams, and Rose notices something about Scorpius. I love the subtle shift in her thinking, when she actually notices that Scorpius is only overly-formal with her, and not Albus. I bet it set her to wondering about "things" at that point. And the not-so-gentle ribbing she got from Dawnsfirstbloom was well-placed, even if it came with a bunch of pinching. Girls. What they do to each other... sigh.

Rose is still very unsure of herself, as is age-appropriate. She doesn't want Scorpius to find out things about her - learning to speak goblin, and the elf hats thing... I bet it's because she cares too much about what he'd think, and she doesn't even know it yet.

Nothing brings on the bonding like a common enemy. In Quidditch, I mean. Your Albus is far to nice to get between Scorpius and Rose. But I'm sure you knew what I meant without me having to explain myself... and there I go to rambling.

Anyway. Another fun chapter that solves one issue and brings up the next.


Author's Response: Hi there, I should respond to this, so I will now.

Yes it is good that he found a solution, and we will see what happens to it as the events of the year unfold. Perhaps it will allay your concerns somewhat when you see how it works out. One thing I do have to note, is that you are quite correct in that it is establishing a precedent for anyone who is sorted into multiple houses, but I don't know how 'dangerous' it will be. I hope that I have established that it is very unlikely that it will happen - one this century and one in the last, and obviously not many more before hand. But also, due to the implied nature of the person who could be sorted into any house, and given the Hat's reasons for doing so, I think that the person will be a force for positive change, rather than anything else.

Ah, Stephen what a glorious find of the writing process. He is such a fun character to write, that we shall certainly see more of him in the chapters to come.

I am so gratified when people pick up on some of the subtleties that I scatter throughout the story. Yes the nature of House-elves will be explored throughout the story and, yes, none of the other students leapt to Honey's defense this time, but maybe that will change in the years to come.

I have to throw a few interactions between the pair of them out there, I have to show that there is some spark between them. At the moment, as eleven year olds, it is not a spark of love or attraction as such but they notice things about each other and will constantly be on each other's radar. We see this mainly from the point of view of Rose, so we are not privy to what Scorpius is thinking. Well, we don't know directly as such, but by his actions, I think we get an intimation.

And girls, hey.

That estimation of Rose's character is pretty spot on. Whatever actions of Scorpius have drawn from Rose, it's certainly drawn her ire on more than one occasion, it has definitely engendered some respect for him on her part; albeit, a respect that Rose doesn't truly realise she has for him.

Nothing like a common enemy, but saying Albus is any kind of enemy to the two is to grossly abuse the meaning of the word. They are both too fond of him in their own ways to ever have anything more than a friendly rivalry with him, and he's not like that either. So I'm sure the pair of them will put their differences with Albus aside, to concentrate upon their differences with each other.

Thanks for the lovely review, No I just have to wait and see what you want me to review back. As of this response the story has had 7311 reads, and this chapter has had 251; thank you all.

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Review #5, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Quidditch Tryouts

12th April 2016:
Hey hey, it's Quidditch!

Funny, I don't picture you having had any trouble coming up with a chapter title for this one. It was ALL ABOUT QUIDDITCH, oh my goodness! But actually, it was also ALL ABOUT ROSE, so you know, good stuff here.

You captured your Rose so well, working methodically through all of this tedium of each and every step throughout the Quidditch tryouts. If it were any other character, or any other story really, with no other point than to chronicle the play-by-play of the tryouts, I'd have been bored out of my skull with all the minutiae.

HOWEVER, since this is your Rose, the whole point of the story is to show her dealing with all of the newness, the way she reacts to things in her small, compartmentalized way, the fact that she still has specific expectations of things and that it's still so early in the year... all of those things need to get shown and broken down, and that's what you did here.

We had to be in her head, we had to see her deliberating every move, and we had to move through her world and experience the expansion of her little world with her. You did that very well, my friend.

I loved that Olivia was so sharp with her and gave her what-for when she sassed back, and I double loved that you didn't tell us how Olivia had been taught to do her criticisms in private until after we saw how she handled Rose. I think that gave a lot of strength to the way that Olivia handled that rude little snot at the end of the chapter. The development of that idea came to a delightful head, and I'm sure I was not the only reader rooting for a good call-out and subsequent dismissal.

But what you did to poor Albus for Rose's benefit, I felt strongly that he had been maligned by the entire experience. Of course the other houses were going to argue over him, but it was interesting that NO ONE brought up the fact that Albus CHOSE to show up at the Gryffindor tryouts. Being on the Gold and Red team was a choice that he'd already made, and I'm sad that no one on the field took that into account. Perhaps that will come out later, since I haven't read ahead, but it seems logical to me. And since Olivia had been so staunch with the other issues at the tryouts, I'm surprised that she didn't pull that obvious fact to claim him as her own, unless there are some other factors involved that we aren't privy to because of Rose's limited point of view, newbie that she is.

I look forward to how the Albus/Quidditch issue plays out in the future, and reserve my ultimate judgment for the reveal. See? That's me giving the author the benefit of the doubt there. :P

Thanks for another lovely read!


Author's Response: OK, I should be typing up a chapter for P&S, but I should also answer this lovely review too - guess which one won out?

I received some very good advice from a friend who became a professional writer. He began working in television and one of the things that he was told, was that you could never have someone just talking to another person in a TV drama. If the exchange went on for more than two back and forths or so, then you had to have them doing something else whilst they talked.

I took this to heart, because I understood what lay at it's heart. When you have something in your story that might drag on a bit, then you have to leaven it with something that advances something else about the story: the plot, or the visuals, or (as in this case) the characterisation of the players. And in this chapter, we see what quidditch brings out in the character of a few of our players, but especially of one Rose Weasley.

I was also very mindful that the minutiae of the selection procedure had to be leavened with other things - one of which was the welcome reappearance of Stephen.

Thank you for saying that you thought that I had achieved what I set out to do - the illumination of Rose's character when she has to interact with others in a situation that is not in her control.

Yes I was quite pleased with the character of Olivia, and her development throughout the chapter. She was one of the happy accidents of writing: I knew I wanted a child of the original Wood to be the house captain, and that the person had to come down hard on Rose at one point and put her in her place. I don't know what occurred to me first, her name or her sex, but as soon as I knew the character was Olivia, daughter of Oliver Wood, then she just wrote herself.

As to the boy whom I cannot name, due to the restrictions upon swearing in these comments, he got what was coming to him. We very well may see him again, but it won't be for the tryouts for next year's team, that's for certain.

As to the cruelties that I inflicted upon poor Albus, I know that you have left a review of the next chapter, so I know that you know how it turns out. But your criticism is valid, even though it is one point of view that I hadn't actually thought of when I wrote the story. See, I knew, going in, what was going to happen, but in thinking about your opinion I know the answer to it. Albus may have turned up for the Gryffindor team, but he truly accepts that he is in every house and he is too fair to play favourites.

There is a positive outcome and we shall see it develop in the next chapter. Thanks for this review, as of this response the story has had 7253 reads, and this chapter has had 257; thank you all.

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Review #6, by PixileaninPride and Scorpius: Other Lessons

12th April 2016:
Hi Andrew! It's been a while since I've been to this lovely story of yours. High time that I returned!

"Making Stuff". That's BRILLIANT! And taught by a goblin to boot. I bet that's your way of balancing out the "goblins get wands" thing, which would make sense. If the races are already sharing information, it would naturally build up relations in a positive way at the school. We already have precedence of other types of instructors in canon too, as the centaur who took over for Trelawny (I really hate spelling her name, I'm always afraid of juxtaposing the letters for some reason). And the class sounds so very INTERESTING as well. It's about time that witches and wizards learned practical skills.

Another thing I loved about this chapter was Rose and Charms. I'm glad you gave her a sizable weakness. I'm also very satisfied with the way in which she works her way around it. It's almost as if by finally understanding the mentality of Charms, Rose has taken one tiny step towards understanding that life isn't about muscling your way through things. That you have to sit back, relax, and allow things to happen on their own sometimes. Scorpius has got it down, and it's funny, but I can see his treatment of Rose being parallel to that. It's like he KNOWS things about her, and he's just biding his time, waiting for her to catch up. Interesting. And compelling.

Dropforged is a cool character in his own right. He knows his class is awesome, he's done it enough times to know that the kids will eventually think it's awesome, so with all that confidence, he addresses them in a genuinely likable manner. I love his curriculum. I want to be in that class!

I was thinking about Scorpius in this chapter too. So far, we've seen him all cool and collected around Rose, and that's great, building up her misgivings and mixed feelings about him and all. But the scene where he's in his pink robe and takes everything in stride just has me itching for that future moment where he completely loses his marbles over Rose... I know that might not even be in the story you're writing, and if it is, it's quite far, far in the future, but I would love to stick around, just to see that. hehe. Maybe I am an evil writer after all. :P

Another lovely chapter, Andrew!


Author's Response: Glad you are back, and while you look at the comments I have left you on your story, let me take the chance and respond to this one.

Yes, it is one of the ways, one of the main ways in which it balances out the 'goblins get wands thing'. More details about the origin of this will be found in my other story in an upcoming chapter. I hadn't actually thought about the precedent set by Firenze, but it works out so well that ... well, yes that was my intention all along for you to draw that parallel. ;)

Rose must have some weaknesses otherwise she would be too perfect. So to balance out her near impossible standards at all other things academic, I had to make her weak somewhere. She does all the rest so effortlessly, that she must struggle in at least one. But it also fits in with my conceit about the nature of the mindset needed for various spells. Rose is so 'Gryffindor' that this underhanded, sneaky, 'Slytherin' way of looking at the world is truly alien to her. So she will have some troubles, but with some hard work, she will triumph in the end.

It also does draw some parallels between the pair. Scorpius does have to have his strengths too, and one place he does, in an area that Rose is particularly weak in, is in understanding people. Scorpius has been a quiet and an observant kid; he's learnt a lot about people by simply listening and observing.

I so want to be in that class too: no exams, no homework, and you get to make stuff! Sign me up. I like Dropforged too. I cobbled him together from the best bits of a range of awesome woodworking and tech teachers that I have had over the years. I don't have many plans to use him much throughout the rest of the story, but I shall insert him in whenever I get the chance.

Scorpius was embarrassed about the pink robes, don't get him wrong, but why succumb to it? I like to think that it is one way that he shows his Slytheriness. In generalisations: a Gryffindor would have sought immediate revenge; A Ravenclaw would have found a way to remove the spell; and a Hufflepuff would have forgiven Rose. But a Slytherin turns a setback into an advantage, by remaining cool he throws it back into Rose's face and makes her far more upset than he is. He will loose it against Rose, but I'm afraid, before any losing it in desire, don't you think that Rose's nature will be far more likely to cause him to lose it in anger first?

Thanks for the wonderful review, as of this response the story as a whole has had 7162 reads, and this chapter has had 267; thank you all.

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Review #7, by PixileaninThe Last Dance: I promise

11th April 2016:
Hi there! I'm here for our review swap from the forums. Sorry it took me a bit to get here. Things and stuff, but I made it!

What a touching moment you painted here! I was drawn into the lives of this older Ron and Hermione immediately. The first person addressing the second person format gave this a very intimate feel, which works excellently with the theme of the piece.

While reading, I tended to wonder how much Ron knew about what was going to happen. You didn't explicitly spell it out, which is not necessary, but the consistent reference to this moment being one of their last times together had me wondering if Hermione was sick, or if she knew she was close to dying. If Ron knew, or if he was simply being overly sentimental... I took it as the former through the language that you used. At any rate, it was very clear that whatever time they had left together was being cherished and treasured.

I appreciated the graceful way you inserted moments in Ron's thoughts that gave me a peek into the long and fulfilling life the two of them had together. I felt the happiness, the pride, the joy at being able to share those moments with each other.

I think my favorite part was where Ron burries his own worries so that he can keep her from worrying too. The small description of her dress and the cough tells us that something is up. It was so subtle, but spoke volumes. You didn't use a lot of words, but then you didn't need to. It was all right there for us, in the spaces between the words where the feelings lie.

This was a lovely, touching story. Thanks for the swap!


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Review #8, by PixileaninCharlie Weasley and His Dragons: Grin and Bear It.

22nd February 2016:
Hi Kenny!

Team Gold here for the review battle. Argh! (That's me, being a pirate... )

I love to think about Charlie and what became of him. I have a few pieces of headcanon that I never got around to writing. Maybe one day I'll get around to writing him. He seems like a fun character to tackle.

Speaking of tackling characters, you did a great job of portraying Charlie's hyper-focused interest in dragons throughout the story. It's what he lives for, I can tell.

Also, the imagery was gorgeous. I loved the scene of the mother dragon catching the geese for its baby, and then rescuing it from the dragon tamers. The POV shift was really great. I could see the entire scene in my head while reading it. Awesome!

The zodiac challenge was handled very well. I can completely buy in to Charlie as a Sagittarius, with an adventuresome spirit. I'm a Sagittarius too, so I can definitely get on board with the assumption.

I thought the connection with Tonks added so much to Charlie's character. He was unfortunately too focused on his career, and his love for dragons overshadowed so much of his life that he missed his opportunity to love someone else. Even though we know how tragically Tonks' life ended, I loved seeing Teddy in the last scene, and having Charlie be there for him.

Very nice one-shot, Kenny! I enjoyed reading this!


Author's Response: Team Red! Hi, Pix!
Oh, are you a Sagittarius? That's why you could create such an original rabbit story!
It was fun to write about him and his adventure plus romance. I tried writing along with the episode J.K.Rowling created, Charlie didn't have a life partner. You're right, he had hyper-focused interest in dragons than his girlfriend. But it may be more interesting to write about their romance along with each adventure, a dragon tamer and an Auror. I may write the AU world, Charlie and Tonks.

Thank you again for stopping by!


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Review #9, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Teddy (Potter (Weasley)) Lupin

16th January 2016:
OK, that was a lot more fun than I had anticipated, even after the last seven chapters, which were all pretty fun, I must say. I thought it was a brilliant move to get Teddy involved with the last challenge, bringing him on Hogwarts ground illegally and all, because that heightened the stakes.

Wow! 21 History questions with Teddy sounds brutal, but I'm glad it ended up being something muggle-like instead. You really made that basketball challenge exciting, the way you wrote it, switching back to Hugo's worries over everything and then bringing it back to the final showdown with that last point involved. Bravo!

Oh, and I must tell you that Hugo's conversations with his owl are hilarious. I think Romulus deserves an acting award. I've never seen an owl so involved in a story before. Really nice touch there, the bond between a boy and his owl. :)

The twist was lovely. I hadn't expected it at all, and Killian played it up so well, shooting that last shot and then pulling out the box for the proposal, all suave and smooth-like. Nicely done, Killian.

And that last line was perfect.

I really enjoyed reading this story from start to finish, and I must apologize for such late reviews just one more time. You deserved better than that. I hope that you'll be writing more light-hearted stories like this one. It was a great read!


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Review #10, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Hugo Weasley

16th January 2016:
Ahh, well this was really fun to read! I'm so happy for Hugo that he figured out an appropriate challenge for Killian. And he was right. It was a perfect Weasley challenge!

I like how he calculated that the skrewts would be a surprise to a lot of the students since they'd never seen one before. They sound and look rather dangerous, the way you described them. Killian took this in stride as well, and made a good showing. I bet Molly is very pleased with him right now. She's probably thinking, "That'll show my crazy family to pick on my boyfriend!" lol.

Hugo seems to have grown through this success too, which is good to see. I was hoping he wouldn't be fearing for his life through the whole story, and I think after this successful challenge, (even though he didn't win) he should get props from all his cousins.

I didn't see much from Molly this chapter, and I'm wondering how she's taking the constant badgering. I can't remember. Do they know that there's only one more to go?

Another fun chapter! I'll be back for the last one soon.

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Review #11, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs James (Weasley) Potter

16th January 2016:
Oh poor Hugo! I feel so bad for him not getting a chance to play against Killian at his favorite game. From his point of view I can totally see how unfair it was, especially with James not playing a challenging game. If Killian knew how bad the game was, he's probably quite the decent chess player, and it just robbed Hugo of proving himself to the family.

I hope he doesn't go back to thinking about how his family is out to get him again. I was really starting to like seeing Hugo's confidence build at the start of this chapter. You had some great lines for him: thinking that he can pull off being evil and how silence works better for him than the cryptic comments he'd tried out on people in passing.

What is he going to come up with now? I love how this chapter was really all about Hugo, and the challenge to Killian sat secondary and in the background. Way to twist up the conflict that you've set up between Hugo and his family. Sad, yet effective.

Well, I'm off to the next chapter to see what Hugo decides. I'm rather nervous for him.

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Review #12, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Louis Weasley

15th January 2016:
So, seven o'clock seems to be the hour of dueling. I can sense a pattern here. lol! The armor suits shouting this announcement throughout the day must have been both hilarious and nauseating at the same time. Makes me wonder what Killian thinks of all this bravado from Molly's family. At least he's taken the last few duels in stride. He's up for the challenge, which is a good sign.

Poor kid! Hugo's even uneasy around his fellow Ravenclaws. Does this boy ever get a break, or does he continually berate himself just out of habit? I feel sorry for him and hope that he gets just a little bit of self confidence by the time this whole thing is over.

Ahh, there it is. Molly's words are just what Hugo needs.

I really like how you ramp up the suspense and let Killian fall behind in the second round. He's clearly not the best dancer, and it makes a few of the characters sweat it out until the end.

"Oh but wait. While I was feeling sorry for myself, I failed to notice that things have changed on the dancefloor."

That's right, Hugo. You best be paying attention right now. hehe. So Killian wins again through strategy. I'm looking forward to the chess match.

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Review #13, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Fred Weasley

15th January 2016:
Hey hey, it's chapter 4! Let's see what's going on now. Oh dear, all the owls are watching him. I wonder what that means.

I love how the girls just keep on guessing, and Hugo thinks he's being clever by staying silent. He's still afraid of the looming death threat, which is both funny and a bit alarming too. It must be no fun to live with the possibility that your family members have it in for you at any moment. Poor guy!

Ahh, but they get the information out of him after all. That would equate a big fail on his part. Again, poor Hugo! Oh, and the whole duel thing has him worried on a completely different level. Why does his family keep scaring him like that?

The duel was pretty cool, with all those spells flying about. I like how you showed us that Killian manages to find Fred' s weakness, which also shows his cunningness to Hugo. That makes me wonder how Hugo will use that knowledge when it's his turn. Hmm...

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Review #14, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Lucy Weasley

8th January 2016:
Hey, it's me again. You've got me curious as to what little Lucy is up to. I must find out.

Haha! Hugo's voice continues to amuse me. That's okay, Hugo. I wouldn't want to drink owl spit either. Yeck! But hey, I'm all for a good lead-in, and if the next confrontation is in the Great Hall at lunch time, I'd say that's a perfect way to introduce the challenge.

It's a very dramatic thing, the entire Hall rising and gathering around the two hot dog eating challengers. I loved the visual. I also love that Molly isn't taking this lying down. She's a Weasley after all, and I was wondering how much she would stand for before she started fighting back. Good play, Molly. You stopped your opponent cold. *cheers*

I'm now wondering if Molly is going to snoop around and try and figure out what else her cousins will throw at poor Killian. I mean, I don't know much about the guy except that he's a Hufflepuff Quidditch player, but he's definitely taking this whole thing like a good sport.

Another entertaining installment!

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Review #15, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Albus (Weasley) Potter

6th January 2016:
Hi, Iím back with more time, and I know just how to spend it too!

I should probably let you know that I am not at all familiar with the references that youíve taken your inspiration from. Iíve never heard of that guy or seen that showÖ is it a show? Well, the point is that Iím clueless, so I have to take everything at face value. Upside is that I donít recognize anything, so Iím going to assume that all the referencial jokes come from your own genius mind.

Cheri-hoots. Fun! But those spells do not sound fun at all. Eck. I suppose the wizarding world would have something for that, even if it is unpleasant to think about.

Ah, I guess Hugo isnít done with the Weasley massacre theme yet. Lol. I never thought so much about dying when I was twelve, but I guess when youíre in that family, it could be a possibility. Molly does seem upset. Uh oh. Hugo thinks heís the weakest link too. Poor thing. Itís funny that no one has done any research on this guy that theyíre trying out. Even the Quidditch people should know who is on the other teams, right? Seems unlikely, but it shows how little theyíve planned for this. Silly boys!

I love the description of Alís wrong jaw and how his eyes were rolling when he got up. That bludger must have been serious!

Still having fun!


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Review #16, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Chapter 1 : The Opponent

6th January 2016:
Hello there, remember me?

Probably not. Iím latelatelatelate with this review thing and Iím so so sorry about that. I didnít realize that Life was going to smack me upside the head so hard. Iím here now, so letís do this thing!

Ahh, I can already relate to Hugo with the headache in the first paragraph. Headaches are indeed no fun, and if youíre wishing they will go away, it just takes that much longer. Argh.
Oh, well, if the headache was an owl trying to get his attention, then thatís a different story. Wake up, kid! By the way, I love the name ďRomulusĒ.  I believe that birds can be quite mischievous. Iíve owned birds in the past, so I can speak from experience. You think thereís nothing going on between the feathers, but youíd be wrong.

I love that Hugo decides that the best way not to tell anyone about the secret meeting is to hide from everyone who might ask about it. Seems fool proof to me, and also something that a twelve-year old would think up as an appropriate solution. I hope he has snacks though. Hunger could put a wrench in his plans. Ahh, reading about how Hugo has convinced himself about the murder plot made me laugh. Heís obsessing over it too, which makes it more funny. And uh oh. No snacks. Thatíd be the weak link in the plan that I was concerned about.

Man, I would hate to be Killian Earhart too. That plan sounds like heíd have to be quite a guy to put up with it all. You did a fantastic job of setting everything up. I love the narration of Hugo and how his mind keeps going back to who heíd save if James wanted to take them all out. Then the dungbombs at the end were a perfect cap.
This is going to be a fun story!


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Review #17, by PixileaninAnd Then: Six Years.

23rd October 2015:

It's me with the Review Exchange. Woot!

Okay, so I've read a bit of short-short stories and a lot of times, I've come away with something missing. They sometimes read like short vignettes, or they're character sketches, or they don't have a twist.

This was excellent. It had everything one needs for a great story with a big impact. You focused on a singular turning point, where every change matters to the character. It's amazing how you can capture that in the short word count, with the emotion and the suffering, and the twist. I think that was my favorite part of it, where he finally smiles after all the hurt. I didn't expect that, but it makes your point, it explains the reasons why he thinks he has to do this horrible thing.

I went and read the companion piece to this first, just so I wouldn't miss anything, and I think, besides being a horribly tragic continuation, it fits perfectly with the setup. This poor character, he can't break out of the guilt and the pain, and it's just so... so tragic.

Excellent piece!


Author's Response: Hi, Pix! Sorry for the delayed response to this lovely review ♥

I've grown a huge soft spot for Amos recently, and thought about his life after Cedric a lot. This is pretty much my headcanon for him, I really don't think he would have coped without him.

Thank you so much for this review!

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Review #18, by PixileaninAbandon: Benjamin Fredrick Malfoy

27th September 2015:
"She had thought about him so constantly that she had nearly forsaken all of her studies, ignored her family to stay locked in her room and worried that she would probably never see his tall, dark shape again, ďI didnít think about you at all.Ē Somehow, her voice managed to sound both pathetically squeaky and wistful."

This. This right here. This is what I would have liked a hint to in that first chapter. I wouldn't have needed to know the who or any of the details, but just the fact that she had gotten over, or had thought she had gotten over something in her past that allowed her to finally enjoy the family gathering without people needing to be concerned for her... that sort of thing. So when the twist happens at the end, it means something deeper to her character.

Okay, with that out of the way, I think you did a fantastic job of heightening the mystery of why the Malfoy boys had to hightail it out of Britain for a while and what it did to their family. Benjamin feels guilt and hurt, even though he tries to hide it and play up that he's unaffected to Roxanne, and I liked seeing that kind of vulnerability in him. It also explains why Roxanne can see another side of him than most other people and why she continues to trust him enough to carry on with him.

I won't comment on the kiss other than acknowledge that it happened and you know, squee... or whatever. I'm still not happy with Benjamin's attitude, no matter what else is going on. He's ingenuine on one side, and a complete prat on the other side, so even though Roxanne feels sorry for him and there's this hot factor going on that she can't control, I'd demand more honesty from a so-called friend who's abandoned me for a year without so much as an owl, no matter how tight-chested he is.

So, um. Good job for getting a reaction out of me. That means that the writing is still solid, and the undercurrent of a plot is starting to unfold, which makes my little plotty heart very happy.

I'll try to return later for more, RL willing and the creek don't rise...


Author's Response: Hello!

You've made a great point about that quote that I should have used for the first chapter. I should have given more information about Roxanne's relationship with Benjamin but oh, my youth was on me then. I wouldn't make the same mistake if I were writing this now.

I tried to hint what had happened to Benjamin and his father without giving it all away but I think you would be able to figure it out if you re-read it. Benjamin doesn't have a lot of moments when he's vulnerable but they do happen, more so in the flashbacks. I think that he only shows that side to Roxanne because of their history together and because despite what he may want, he can trust her. Roxanne sees the potential in everyone, she's a lot like her mother in that aspect and just LIKE her mother, she's going to cry a lot because of it. I am a horrible person...

Bwhahaha. IF you honestly don't want to continue reading this, I understand. I think that you may like Audrey Tang a lot better than this, I won't say A Force of Wills because no one wants to be cuddling up with Draco Malfoy and his ickiness. Eh.



Thanks so much for these reviews though, you're fantastic. :D I will stop by Rabbit Heart soon because I miss that Bunny.

Why did that sound so dirty?

Much love,


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Review #19, by PixileaninAbandon: Stealth and Lies

27th September 2015:
ďSheís a nice girl and youíre justÖĒ she thought about it and he raised his brows, which were as black as the rest of his hair, so black that it reminded her of midnight, ďThere isnít even a word for what you are.Ē

I feel this right here. Whatever happened in the past, it made Roxanne trust this crazy person a whole lot more than she should right now. It's obvious they had something going on, and her physical reaction to him is alarming.

"He was watching her intently from the other side, a blurred shape of muscle and lines, ďI donít want to lose you either,Ē she whispered under her breath and without hesitating another moment, she took his hand and let him pull her through."

Nooo. I generally scream in the direction of your characters. Sigh. Okay, so nothing much happened here except that Roxanne snuck out and Benjamin is still giving me the creeps. Dom's right. She needs to be more careful. I'm now getting this possessive vibe from Benjamin that I really, really don't like.

I know this wasn't much of a review besides getting all screamy with your characters, but that's all I have to say right now. I anticipate some finger shaking in the next chapter, so let's get on with that.


Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back! People usually comment on that line from Roxanne, which is exactly how I was feeling about Benjamin at this point. I honestly don't really go into detail about what happened between them in the past, which is the failure of epic fails on my part as the author BUT it was a pretty bad falling out. I think Roxanne is too busy lamenting over the fact that she missed him and her hurt feelings to have better judgment right now.

SCREAM! SCREAM! You'll hate me by chapter six and if you don't want to read anymore of this story because of it, I understand. I am seriously reconsidering how I've written these characters and Benjamin in particular.almost to the point where I want to go back and change him. Drastically.


Thanks again!

Much love,


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Review #20, by PixileaninAbandon: Yes and No

27th September 2015:
This is bad. Benjamin is bad. Bad bad Benjamin. I don't like him at all, and I wish that Roxanne would have the sense to not be so curious about what he's been up to, but then there'd be no story here so...

I really don't know who this guy thinks he's trying to impress, just being that rude to someone he obviously wants to spend time with. Roxanne seems like a complete pushover here, and I sincerely hope that's not how she turns out to be.

Compared to the first chapter, this one was intensely in the moment, even with the flashback. It was contained and focused, and well-rounded in content. Nice work here.


Author's Response: HELLO!

Benjamin is bad. You have every right to hate him and honestly, I really hate the way that I wrote him in these early chapters. I don't know what I was thinking, really and I tried to make up for it in later chapters but the damage has been done.

This story is mostly about Roxanne growing up and learning to be herself SO the whole thing about her being naive, a pushover and immature are done on purpose. I honestly don't try to write characters that you guys automatically like because that's no fun. I mean, Teddy Lupin in my story Transparent is a horrible person but people love him for some reason. What does that say about me?! What does that say about everyone else?! *Flips table*

Anyway, thanks for liking the flashback! There are actually far too many of them later on but eh...

Much love,


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Review #21, by PixileaninAbandon: Strangers and Fireworks

27th September 2015:
Hello Gabbie!

I have finally slogged through the RL mud to throw myself at your feet for being so late. But here I am now, and I'm reading this story, Abandon.

Hey, hey, but it's all these Weasley/Potters all over the place. I always found it intimidating to write a ton of people in a scene like this. You managed to show everyone's personality through their actions, and how Roxanne related to them, which was good characterization and setup. I also liked that you included some not-so-common things in the mix, like the twins being held back TWICE for seventh year. It's weird, but I never thought of it like that. I had often wondered if they'd just be kicked out of school, like, "Nope, you're out. Just go and sweep floors or something." But it's cool that they get second, and sometimes third chances. It will make the mix of ages interesting for that year.

Roxanne's dad telling her that her OWLS didn't matter so much was also an interesting detail. I like that he has this attitude that life isn't all about how you did in school, that there are bigger things than test scores. In that way, I agree with him. It's nice to see some parents who aren't putting pressure on their kids to excel. Kids will do what they do, and at some point, the parents just have to sit back and let them be who they are. Within reason. Which I'm betting that Roxanne's dad doesn't have a ton of. Hmm.

One thing that threw me out of this chapter a bit was all the short paragraphs that were descriptive in their own right, but didn't connect as well to the next thought. I think that if you ever go back and edit this, you might want to consider flow more closely. I had this same issue with my older novel. It was written in this choppy, broken style, and I didn't know what to do with it until I had written more words. It read almost like Roxanne was taking little snapshots of the people around her in her mind.

So then this mysterious Benjamin appears, obviously not in a place where he should be, obviously not invited to the party, and from what you told us, he's someone that Roxanne "used" to be close to. And he sounds a bit cackly too. Of all the things that Roxanne thinks about during the party, this guy never once entered her thoughts, so I had no reference to how she should react to him here. I think you're going to get into that in the next chapter, but generally, if there's a twist to the end of a chapter, there should be a hint of why it's twisty, somewhere within the chapter itself. Was she avoiding someone, or was she deliberately trying not to think about going back to school because something happened between her and her best friend (or you don't even have to bring up who, or what, but just a general feeling of unease towards school, or maybe just that she had to get over some disappointment and this year would be different...) ? You know, that sort of hint in her character so we have a bit of context when you present the twist.

Your writing certainly did get my curiosity up, so I need the next chapter, if only to answer my own questions. :)



Author's Response: Hello!

I certainly wasn't expecting to see these reviews today but what a nice surprise! I feel like I should have had you read something else on my AP but now that we've got this started, let me dig right into this. :D

I really, really don't like writing a lot of characters all in one place. I think that it's really difficult and when it comes to the Weasleys and Potters, there are just SO many of them and it gets confusing. I don't think that I've done this again because it took so long for me to get right but I made a few mistakes here and there too. You know, I figured that the twins wouldn't be allowed back to Hogwarts after flunking twice but for some reason, that thought never came back to me until after this chapter had been up there for a while. I kind of think that they would have to take their classes back home or something but I'm not sure how that would work. Hm...

I didn't really delve that much into this but George isn't really very strict with either of his children. I think that he's just the sort of parent that likes to take things easy and later on, he doesn't even discipline Roxanne or Perce (Fred) because he doesn't like being that "mean parent". Angelina is the one who takes care of all of that stuff and I think that says a lot about the way their family is and their relationship as a couple. BUT that doesn't really get into this story until chapter six or so.

I think this is the fourth story that I posted up or the second but either way, my style has changed a lot since this. It's nowhere near perfect or anything but when I look back at these older chapters, I cringe a little. Well, a lot. I cringe a whole bunch.

You know, the whole thing about Roxanne not really thinking about Benjamin through this chapter didn't hit me until after this was posted. A year later. When I was too lazy to go in an update it. It would have made more sense for her to have him on her mind but that scene always gives people a little jolt, I think. Eh.

Thanks for this!

Much love,


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Review #22, by PixileaninJourney to the Centre of (Mollyís) World in (Less than) 80 Days: Cups

26th September 2015:
Hi hi! This story is back! Woot!

I was kind of sad to see no updates to this for so long, but here's another chapter, so I decided to come out and see where you're taking this.

Thanks for doing the review swap, by the way!

Okay, so first impressions are that Heath is much more comfortable "winging it" than he is in planning. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's throwing Molly for a loop. I like how this highlights the differences between Molly and Heath.. and my fingers keep trying to type "health" instead of his name. Backspace, backspace, backspace...

Anyway, the point is that I think you showed their differences really well in this chapter, leading with the argumentative nature of Heath with total strangers and then closing with his ease at the clubs, while Molly's just trying to be practical at the beginning and then she's a bit unhinged with the bar scene. Heath seems to be enjoying this about her, that she's unable to ride him as hard inebriated as she was earlier in the day.

And oops about the train. I'm guessing, but I bet it was Molly's hangover that did it too. Turned tables are a beast. :P

Action-wise, I loved the first scene where they're running from the enraged shopkeepers screaming at them in French, and you threw in a lot of great characterization there too, with all the small details about each character.

The whole bit about the Apparition license complications was necessary to explain why they'd get the chance to hang out in these different foreign places, and Heath is certainly taking advantage of his circumstances to have some fun. It makes me wonder if they will find out more about the Stonehenge connection when they go on to Italy. There's got to be some ancient stuff lying around there too, if Stonehenge connects to France... I'm really hoping for more of that story to come out. It interests me greatly.

I'm not going to be any help at all if you mis-translate something in French or Italian. Everything looked great to my uneducated eyes. :) The footnotes were nice, but I feel like I didn't need them since everything was explained in context, or maybe I'm familiar enough with cultures to "get it" without explanation. I'm sure some of your readers will appreciate the literal translations. I know a lot of people are interested in that sort of thing.

It's really great to be back in this story. The banter is fun and barby, just the way I like it. The characters are interesting and lively, and your descriptions paint the scenes vividly where I can "see" where you're going. Actually, I can't really see where you're going with this story, but I'm hopeful, because I LOVE the stonehenge mystery and I'm just DYING to know what that's all about.

Heath's little notebook is hilarious, I don't know why. I would love to see him write more in it as the adventure continues.

Thanks for the swap. Need more of this!


Author's Response: This story IS back! Yayayay!

I'm pretty sure Heath has an allergy to plans. It's actually ridiculous. If I knew someone like him in real life, I'd actually go insane, since I'm a lot more like Molly in this respect. Also I caught at least three "healths" when I went back to edit this chapter. Clearly, I didn't think this through when I chose a name for him.

They really are two very different people. I want to show how similar they are, too, soon. It was a lot more apparent in the first two chapters when they were apart, I think. But now they're together, it's time to see that there are parts of them that are the same. And Heath very much is a man of the moment - if Molly can't yell at him, then he's happy!

Goodness, action is so difficult to write! Thank you so much for actually enjoying it!

Ooh! I'm not going to say what I'm going to do about the Stonehenge mystery. Stonehenge is a mysterious place, so it's fitting that this part also remains hidden for the time being.

Everything looks great to my also-uneducated eyes, so yay! I included the literal translations just in case. I'm very pleased that everything makes sense in context, because that's important for the sake of the flow of the story.

Aaaah! Thank you so so much! You are too kind!

Heath's little notebook is unintentionally funny, and I don't know why, either. I just giggle when I write it.

Thanks so much for the lovely review :)

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Review #23, by PixileaninAccident: Accident

20th September 2015:
Wow! You aced the Alphabet challenge with this! Bravo! Everything read really smoothly, and you just kept looping it around and around.

I'm so glad you went with the plot the way you did. It was believable that something like the health of his best friend would be upsetting to James this way. Weeks of waiting for him to get better would definitely make him anxious about the outcome. I'm also glad that you allowed Sirius to recover, otherwise I'd be very sad at you. He gets into enough badness without other mean authors doing horrible things to him *cough*... not that I've ever... *cough cough*

Anyway, I enjoyed this story and it didn't go the typical way that stories like this go. I got to be surprised by the plot, so yay for that!

I am still curious about what Lily said to Remus during patrols. Even though I knew you just threw that in there without meaning to follow up on it, it stoked my interest in a big way.

Nicely done!


Author's Response: Pix,
Hey! Thanks for reviewing this story :) the alphabet challenge was tough!

James and Sirius are so precious to me just how fiercely they love and protect each other. And how much. Fun and trouble they get into. I can hardly do harm to Sirius. I love him too much.

And yay for surprises!

Thanks again for the happy review. It made my day

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Review #24, by PixileaninKill Your Darlings: Dissonance & Resolve

7th September 2015:

This story was basically my weekend. I can't express myself very well right now, but this story was absolutely fantastic. Thoroughly enjoyed all of the twists and turns. I'll come back and leave a proper review one day, but I wanted you to know that this fic will stick in my mind for a long time.


Author's Response: Thank you so much! This review just made my day. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I so appreciate you taking the time to let me know!

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Review #25, by PixileaninFirst Kiss: Chapter 1

1st September 2015:
Hi Kaitlin. I see you're barreling away at your challenges. It's impressive how you're able to not only write these out quickly, but also maintain a high level of polish and intensity in the plot as well. Really great job here!

I'm not an expert on horror, but I think you nailed it. Everything felt off kilter. The scene where Ron is so relaxed and the love of his life is just sitting there waiting on him... it had that surreal quality to it, like it was so perfect that he must be dreaming, but then he's not and by sheer will he keeps it going, even through Harry's interruptions. His frustration at his friend that quickly turns into a confused sort of anger is well-placed. Ron wants this so badly, and he can't understand why his best friend would be interrupting him now, of all times.

Harry's insistence is also well done. We get a sense of urgency from him that is completely discordant with the surroundings. Harry makes it seem like something is wrong. Not just wrong, but terribly wrong, especially when Ron's anger gets the best of him, like he doesn't want to face whatever Harry needs him to see. It's great because I can feel Ron 'knowing' but 'not knowing' at the same time that this place where he is, is not reality.

When I read your summary, I at first thought that you were going to do the kiss in the middle of the final battle, but you surprised me with both the location and the turn of events. Making this AU really surprised me, and the sheer horror of it was really, really well done. I think I felt my heart clench at one point. Great job with the placement of the reveal and the execution of your plot line.

I could argue that the end is a bit overdone, but then it almost felt like Ron was being pulled back, not just by himself, but by something stronger than himself, some kind of anti-Dememntor's kiss that just won't let him slide back into reality, even to save himself. It had me wondering if some magic was at play there, messing with his perceptions, heightening his rejection of the facts to such an extent that he couldn't go on any more. I know I'm probably reading more into it than I should, but for me, that would be really cool, and you know, make it all magically. :)

You've managed to capture that terrifying moment when we know what the monster is, but we walk right through that door anyway.

Very impressive one-shot!


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