Reading Reviews From Member: Pixileanin
599 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PixileaninAnd Then: Six Years.

23rd October 2015:

It's me with the Review Exchange. Woot!

Okay, so I've read a bit of short-short stories and a lot of times, I've come away with something missing. They sometimes read like short vignettes, or they're character sketches, or they don't have a twist.

This was excellent. It had everything one needs for a great story with a big impact. You focused on a singular turning point, where every change matters to the character. It's amazing how you can capture that in the short word count, with the emotion and the suffering, and the twist. I think that was my favorite part of it, where he finally smiles after all the hurt. I didn't expect that, but it makes your point, it explains the reasons why he thinks he has to do this horrible thing.

I went and read the companion piece to this first, just so I wouldn't miss anything, and I think, besides being a horribly tragic continuation, it fits perfectly with the setup. This poor character, he can't break out of the guilt and the pain, and it's just so... so tragic.

Excellent piece!


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Review #2, by PixileaninAbandon: Benjamin Fredrick Malfoy

27th September 2015:
"She had thought about him so constantly that she had nearly forsaken all of her studies, ignored her family to stay locked in her room and worried that she would probably never see his tall, dark shape again, ďI didnít think about you at all.Ē Somehow, her voice managed to sound both pathetically squeaky and wistful."

This. This right here. This is what I would have liked a hint to in that first chapter. I wouldn't have needed to know the who or any of the details, but just the fact that she had gotten over, or had thought she had gotten over something in her past that allowed her to finally enjoy the family gathering without people needing to be concerned for her... that sort of thing. So when the twist happens at the end, it means something deeper to her character.

Okay, with that out of the way, I think you did a fantastic job of heightening the mystery of why the Malfoy boys had to hightail it out of Britain for a while and what it did to their family. Benjamin feels guilt and hurt, even though he tries to hide it and play up that he's unaffected to Roxanne, and I liked seeing that kind of vulnerability in him. It also explains why Roxanne can see another side of him than most other people and why she continues to trust him enough to carry on with him.

I won't comment on the kiss other than acknowledge that it happened and you know, squee... or whatever. I'm still not happy with Benjamin's attitude, no matter what else is going on. He's ingenuine on one side, and a complete prat on the other side, so even though Roxanne feels sorry for him and there's this hot factor going on that she can't control, I'd demand more honesty from a so-called friend who's abandoned me for a year without so much as an owl, no matter how tight-chested he is.

So, um. Good job for getting a reaction out of me. That means that the writing is still solid, and the undercurrent of a plot is starting to unfold, which makes my little plotty heart very happy.

I'll try to return later for more, RL willing and the creek don't rise...


Author's Response: Hello!

You've made a great point about that quote that I should have used for the first chapter. I should have given more information about Roxanne's relationship with Benjamin but oh, my youth was on me then. I wouldn't make the same mistake if I were writing this now.

I tried to hint what had happened to Benjamin and his father without giving it all away but I think you would be able to figure it out if you re-read it. Benjamin doesn't have a lot of moments when he's vulnerable but they do happen, more so in the flashbacks. I think that he only shows that side to Roxanne because of their history together and because despite what he may want, he can trust her. Roxanne sees the potential in everyone, she's a lot like her mother in that aspect and just LIKE her mother, she's going to cry a lot because of it. I am a horrible person...

Bwhahaha. IF you honestly don't want to continue reading this, I understand. I think that you may like Audrey Tang a lot better than this, I won't say A Force of Wills because no one wants to be cuddling up with Draco Malfoy and his ickiness. Eh.



Thanks so much for these reviews though, you're fantastic. :D I will stop by Rabbit Heart soon because I miss that Bunny.

Why did that sound so dirty?

Much love,


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Review #3, by PixileaninAbandon: Stealth and Lies

27th September 2015:
ďSheís a nice girl and youíre justÖĒ she thought about it and he raised his brows, which were as black as the rest of his hair, so black that it reminded her of midnight, ďThere isnít even a word for what you are.Ē

I feel this right here. Whatever happened in the past, it made Roxanne trust this crazy person a whole lot more than she should right now. It's obvious they had something going on, and her physical reaction to him is alarming.

"He was watching her intently from the other side, a blurred shape of muscle and lines, ďI donít want to lose you either,Ē she whispered under her breath and without hesitating another moment, she took his hand and let him pull her through."

Nooo. I generally scream in the direction of your characters. Sigh. Okay, so nothing much happened here except that Roxanne snuck out and Benjamin is still giving me the creeps. Dom's right. She needs to be more careful. I'm now getting this possessive vibe from Benjamin that I really, really don't like.

I know this wasn't much of a review besides getting all screamy with your characters, but that's all I have to say right now. I anticipate some finger shaking in the next chapter, so let's get on with that.


Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back! People usually comment on that line from Roxanne, which is exactly how I was feeling about Benjamin at this point. I honestly don't really go into detail about what happened between them in the past, which is the failure of epic fails on my part as the author BUT it was a pretty bad falling out. I think Roxanne is too busy lamenting over the fact that she missed him and her hurt feelings to have better judgment right now.

SCREAM! SCREAM! You'll hate me by chapter six and if you don't want to read anymore of this story because of it, I understand. I am seriously reconsidering how I've written these characters and Benjamin in particular.almost to the point where I want to go back and change him. Drastically.


Thanks again!

Much love,


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Review #4, by PixileaninAbandon: Yes and No

27th September 2015:
This is bad. Benjamin is bad. Bad bad Benjamin. I don't like him at all, and I wish that Roxanne would have the sense to not be so curious about what he's been up to, but then there'd be no story here so...

I really don't know who this guy thinks he's trying to impress, just being that rude to someone he obviously wants to spend time with. Roxanne seems like a complete pushover here, and I sincerely hope that's not how she turns out to be.

Compared to the first chapter, this one was intensely in the moment, even with the flashback. It was contained and focused, and well-rounded in content. Nice work here.


Author's Response: HELLO!

Benjamin is bad. You have every right to hate him and honestly, I really hate the way that I wrote him in these early chapters. I don't know what I was thinking, really and I tried to make up for it in later chapters but the damage has been done.

This story is mostly about Roxanne growing up and learning to be herself SO the whole thing about her being naive, a pushover and immature are done on purpose. I honestly don't try to write characters that you guys automatically like because that's no fun. I mean, Teddy Lupin in my story Transparent is a horrible person but people love him for some reason. What does that say about me?! What does that say about everyone else?! *Flips table*

Anyway, thanks for liking the flashback! There are actually far too many of them later on but eh...

Much love,


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Review #5, by PixileaninAbandon: Strangers and Fireworks

27th September 2015:
Hello Gabbie!

I have finally slogged through the RL mud to throw myself at your feet for being so late. But here I am now, and I'm reading this story, Abandon.

Hey, hey, but it's all these Weasley/Potters all over the place. I always found it intimidating to write a ton of people in a scene like this. You managed to show everyone's personality through their actions, and how Roxanne related to them, which was good characterization and setup. I also liked that you included some not-so-common things in the mix, like the twins being held back TWICE for seventh year. It's weird, but I never thought of it like that. I had often wondered if they'd just be kicked out of school, like, "Nope, you're out. Just go and sweep floors or something." But it's cool that they get second, and sometimes third chances. It will make the mix of ages interesting for that year.

Roxanne's dad telling her that her OWLS didn't matter so much was also an interesting detail. I like that he has this attitude that life isn't all about how you did in school, that there are bigger things than test scores. In that way, I agree with him. It's nice to see some parents who aren't putting pressure on their kids to excel. Kids will do what they do, and at some point, the parents just have to sit back and let them be who they are. Within reason. Which I'm betting that Roxanne's dad doesn't have a ton of. Hmm.

One thing that threw me out of this chapter a bit was all the short paragraphs that were descriptive in their own right, but didn't connect as well to the next thought. I think that if you ever go back and edit this, you might want to consider flow more closely. I had this same issue with my older novel. It was written in this choppy, broken style, and I didn't know what to do with it until I had written more words. It read almost like Roxanne was taking little snapshots of the people around her in her mind.

So then this mysterious Benjamin appears, obviously not in a place where he should be, obviously not invited to the party, and from what you told us, he's someone that Roxanne "used" to be close to. And he sounds a bit cackly too. Of all the things that Roxanne thinks about during the party, this guy never once entered her thoughts, so I had no reference to how she should react to him here. I think you're going to get into that in the next chapter, but generally, if there's a twist to the end of a chapter, there should be a hint of why it's twisty, somewhere within the chapter itself. Was she avoiding someone, or was she deliberately trying not to think about going back to school because something happened between her and her best friend (or you don't even have to bring up who, or what, but just a general feeling of unease towards school, or maybe just that she had to get over some disappointment and this year would be different...) ? You know, that sort of hint in her character so we have a bit of context when you present the twist.

Your writing certainly did get my curiosity up, so I need the next chapter, if only to answer my own questions. :)



Author's Response: Hello!

I certainly wasn't expecting to see these reviews today but what a nice surprise! I feel like I should have had you read something else on my AP but now that we've got this started, let me dig right into this. :D

I really, really don't like writing a lot of characters all in one place. I think that it's really difficult and when it comes to the Weasleys and Potters, there are just SO many of them and it gets confusing. I don't think that I've done this again because it took so long for me to get right but I made a few mistakes here and there too. You know, I figured that the twins wouldn't be allowed back to Hogwarts after flunking twice but for some reason, that thought never came back to me until after this chapter had been up there for a while. I kind of think that they would have to take their classes back home or something but I'm not sure how that would work. Hm...

I didn't really delve that much into this but George isn't really very strict with either of his children. I think that he's just the sort of parent that likes to take things easy and later on, he doesn't even discipline Roxanne or Perce (Fred) because he doesn't like being that "mean parent". Angelina is the one who takes care of all of that stuff and I think that says a lot about the way their family is and their relationship as a couple. BUT that doesn't really get into this story until chapter six or so.

I think this is the fourth story that I posted up or the second but either way, my style has changed a lot since this. It's nowhere near perfect or anything but when I look back at these older chapters, I cringe a little. Well, a lot. I cringe a whole bunch.

You know, the whole thing about Roxanne not really thinking about Benjamin through this chapter didn't hit me until after this was posted. A year later. When I was too lazy to go in an update it. It would have made more sense for her to have him on her mind but that scene always gives people a little jolt, I think. Eh.

Thanks for this!

Much love,


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Review #6, by PixileaninJourney to the Centre of (Mollyís) World in (Less than) 80 Days: Cups

26th September 2015:
Hi hi! This story is back! Woot!

I was kind of sad to see no updates to this for so long, but here's another chapter, so I decided to come out and see where you're taking this.

Thanks for doing the review swap, by the way!

Okay, so first impressions are that Heath is much more comfortable "winging it" than he is in planning. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's throwing Molly for a loop. I like how this highlights the differences between Molly and Heath.. and my fingers keep trying to type "health" instead of his name. Backspace, backspace, backspace...

Anyway, the point is that I think you showed their differences really well in this chapter, leading with the argumentative nature of Heath with total strangers and then closing with his ease at the clubs, while Molly's just trying to be practical at the beginning and then she's a bit unhinged with the bar scene. Heath seems to be enjoying this about her, that she's unable to ride him as hard inebriated as she was earlier in the day.

And oops about the train. I'm guessing, but I bet it was Molly's hangover that did it too. Turned tables are a beast. :P

Action-wise, I loved the first scene where they're running from the enraged shopkeepers screaming at them in French, and you threw in a lot of great characterization there too, with all the small details about each character.

The whole bit about the Apparition license complications was necessary to explain why they'd get the chance to hang out in these different foreign places, and Heath is certainly taking advantage of his circumstances to have some fun. It makes me wonder if they will find out more about the Stonehenge connection when they go on to Italy. There's got to be some ancient stuff lying around there too, if Stonehenge connects to France... I'm really hoping for more of that story to come out. It interests me greatly.

I'm not going to be any help at all if you mis-translate something in French or Italian. Everything looked great to my uneducated eyes. :) The footnotes were nice, but I feel like I didn't need them since everything was explained in context, or maybe I'm familiar enough with cultures to "get it" without explanation. I'm sure some of your readers will appreciate the literal translations. I know a lot of people are interested in that sort of thing.

It's really great to be back in this story. The banter is fun and barby, just the way I like it. The characters are interesting and lively, and your descriptions paint the scenes vividly where I can "see" where you're going. Actually, I can't really see where you're going with this story, but I'm hopeful, because I LOVE the stonehenge mystery and I'm just DYING to know what that's all about.

Heath's little notebook is hilarious, I don't know why. I would love to see him write more in it as the adventure continues.

Thanks for the swap. Need more of this!


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Review #7, by PixileaninAccident: Accident

20th September 2015:
Wow! You aced the Alphabet challenge with this! Bravo! Everything read really smoothly, and you just kept looping it around and around.

I'm so glad you went with the plot the way you did. It was believable that something like the health of his best friend would be upsetting to James this way. Weeks of waiting for him to get better would definitely make him anxious about the outcome. I'm also glad that you allowed Sirius to recover, otherwise I'd be very sad at you. He gets into enough badness without other mean authors doing horrible things to him *cough*... not that I've ever... *cough cough*

Anyway, I enjoyed this story and it didn't go the typical way that stories like this go. I got to be surprised by the plot, so yay for that!

I am still curious about what Lily said to Remus during patrols. Even though I knew you just threw that in there without meaning to follow up on it, it stoked my interest in a big way.

Nicely done!


Author's Response: Pix,
Hey! Thanks for reviewing this story :) the alphabet challenge was tough!

James and Sirius are so precious to me just how fiercely they love and protect each other. And how much. Fun and trouble they get into. I can hardly do harm to Sirius. I love him too much.

And yay for surprises!

Thanks again for the happy review. It made my day

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Review #8, by PixileaninKill Your Darlings: Dissonance & Resolve

7th September 2015:

This story was basically my weekend. I can't express myself very well right now, but this story was absolutely fantastic. Thoroughly enjoyed all of the twists and turns. I'll come back and leave a proper review one day, but I wanted you to know that this fic will stick in my mind for a long time.


Author's Response: Thank you so much! This review just made my day. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I so appreciate you taking the time to let me know!

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Review #9, by PixileaninFirst Kiss: Chapter 1

1st September 2015:
Hi Kaitlin. I see you're barreling away at your challenges. It's impressive how you're able to not only write these out quickly, but also maintain a high level of polish and intensity in the plot as well. Really great job here!

I'm not an expert on horror, but I think you nailed it. Everything felt off kilter. The scene where Ron is so relaxed and the love of his life is just sitting there waiting on him... it had that surreal quality to it, like it was so perfect that he must be dreaming, but then he's not and by sheer will he keeps it going, even through Harry's interruptions. His frustration at his friend that quickly turns into a confused sort of anger is well-placed. Ron wants this so badly, and he can't understand why his best friend would be interrupting him now, of all times.

Harry's insistence is also well done. We get a sense of urgency from him that is completely discordant with the surroundings. Harry makes it seem like something is wrong. Not just wrong, but terribly wrong, especially when Ron's anger gets the best of him, like he doesn't want to face whatever Harry needs him to see. It's great because I can feel Ron 'knowing' but 'not knowing' at the same time that this place where he is, is not reality.

When I read your summary, I at first thought that you were going to do the kiss in the middle of the final battle, but you surprised me with both the location and the turn of events. Making this AU really surprised me, and the sheer horror of it was really, really well done. I think I felt my heart clench at one point. Great job with the placement of the reveal and the execution of your plot line.

I could argue that the end is a bit overdone, but then it almost felt like Ron was being pulled back, not just by himself, but by something stronger than himself, some kind of anti-Dememntor's kiss that just won't let him slide back into reality, even to save himself. It had me wondering if some magic was at play there, messing with his perceptions, heightening his rejection of the facts to such an extent that he couldn't go on any more. I know I'm probably reading more into it than I should, but for me, that would be really cool, and you know, make it all magically. :)

You've managed to capture that terrifying moment when we know what the monster is, but we walk right through that door anyway.

Very impressive one-shot!


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Review #10, by PixileaninHarry Potter and the First Mission: Back to Hogwarts

30th August 2015:
Hi Kenny. Back for another chapter.

Wow, the plot really took off in this chapter. Harry and Ron apprehended someone who has inside information and they're taking him to Hogwarts. It should be a sweet homecoming.

I was slightly surprised that the Aurors didn't know what a Pensieve is, but then it makes sense that Dumbledore would have the most advanced magical artifacts, since he's so old and wise. It's nice to see that the other Aurors are willing to learn new things.

I loved seeing Neville as an assistant to the professor. He's one of my favorite characters. I also loved the lead-in you created for finding the Perverell boy. I would never have guessed that Harry would run into someone so important during the Quidditch tryouts. Now I want to know what the significance of the character is. I guess I'll have to keep reading.

There was one bit of description that I really loved above all the others.

"The Hall echoed with bright laughter and talk and the clatter of knives and forks."

It captured the entire feast in one line.

Also, I am very curious about Draco now. We didn't see him this chapter, but everyone says that he's changed. I'm sure that's coming up soon.

Until next time!


Author's Response: Hi, Pix. Thank you for following this story.

Talking of the description about a sweet homecoming, I don't deserve to be praised. I feel ashamed more, everytime I read the other author's awesome works. I'm eager to absorb many vocabulary to be a respectable author.

Thinking over own language, I haven't read so many books, I have to read more in my language and in English.

My image of Draco may be diverted from canon story so please keep reading and leave your thouths. I'll send you virtual green tea on the internet. :)


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Review #11, by PixileaninWhy am I friends with you?: Chapter 1: Katie's cousin, Sarah

29th August 2015:
Hi there. I like cupcakes, rather a lot. I like to eat cupcakes too. I even bake them from time to time, and sometimes I even put icing on them.

Congratulations on your first HPFF story! It's always nervewracking to post a first story. Is this your first story ever, of have you written stuff before? I know that it was really scary posting my first thing on here. I was really worried that no one would ever read it, but I figured that since it was for a challenge, the challenge person would have to read it. And there's the validator. So that's two guaranteed reads right there.

So yeah. Your Prologue showed Seamus and Dean meeting for the first time, seemingly bonding over the train ride, except one of them likes to read in silence.

This chapter is all about years later after the war, when Seamus and Dean are sharing a flat and going to Harry and Ginny's wedding. That seems totally plausible, since a lot of people tend to bond over the tragedies in their lives. I'm not even sure you need a Prologue for this story, if all the first bit was to show how the boys met. I think you covered that pretty well in the first part of this chapter.

I see you used a bit of physical comedy, with the doorknocker, and Katie falling all over the guy when he came in. I was wondering straight away, are Katie's parents rich, or did she earn it all herself. It seems like a rather extravegant house for her to be living in all by herself. I know you don't have to show us everything, but there wasn't mention of anyone besides her cousin living with her. So Katie is the outgoing one and Sarah is the shy one. You showed that pretty clearly.

So I suppose your next chapter is all about the wedding. It will be interesting to see how Dean and Seamus act at the wedding with their "dates" around. So far, I don't sense any tension between the guys, or tension anywhere really. It's pretty happy right now with no trouble in sight.

Have fun writing the rest of the story!


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Review #12, by PixileaninHarry Potter and the First Mission: The First Training Week

29th August 2015:
Ah, there is mystery here. Let's see what we've got. I am immediately suspicious of Romilda and her batting eyelashes. She should get that checked out. It's no good to have dusty eyelashes, very unhealthy and it could damage her eyes long term.

No, but seriously. What is up with her? At first I thought she and Blaise were trying to kidnap Harry for some reason, but then it was only lunch and he brought Ron along, and then the whole bit with Ginny needing to protect Ron... and then Romilda with her eye problem again. Either she has a misplaced crush, or she's got something else sinister going on.

I still don't trust her.

I liked the training sequence, and the clever use of different spells, not just fighting spells, for them to solve their problems. The animagus thing came up again, which I am curious about. In your story, do all the Aurors learn how to be animagi? That would be a cool twist.

Your mystery deepens, and the characters progress.


Author's Response: Ha ha ha, "damage her eyes long term" funny.
If you were me, how would you describe Romilda, Pix? I'm eager to see how you'll work on her.

"Blaize will kidnap Harry" story sounds interesting. If I have time to write, it'll be more interesting. If I do that, it'll be categorized as AU, which sounds interesting in another meaning.

As the other reviewer pointed out, there are a few authors who tried writing animagus things. There are also so many magical theories to explore in the world of J.K.Rowling. That's why we FF authors can't stop writing, right?


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Review #13, by PixileaninTales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Fury

29th August 2015:
"So she was very surprised to find herself settling back into her chair. ďTell me, do you live alone?Ē "

No!!! Alright now. What season of Criminal Minds were you binging on when you wrote this thing?? I mean, yeah, we're all a bit morbidly curious, but that was almost not worth revisiting. Ah, I'm starting to understand the glued eyes thing. Masterful. And beyond creepy. I remember this scene with the flashbacks. Really well-done with Harry trying not to put himself in that little boy's shoes.

And he's at it again. Already? Harry was right. Jugson moves fast.

ďPotter,Ē Jugson snarled through clenched teeth as he turned aside a jet of red light that tore a hole in the wall behind him. ďWhat does it take to kill you?Ē

Really? Does Jugson not keep up with recent history? I love how you used that line. It's so... so.. I don't think ironic is the word I'm looking for, but I'll use it anyway.

ďBloke chops the head off a great, bleeding snake and now he thinks heís Godric bloody Gryffindor,Ē

Awesome line, Ron. But I completely agree with your sentiment. Neville saw red and acted rashly. Good thing that Justin is there to talk Harry out of a similarly bad decision. They're right. There is no "I" in "team". The whole enchanted house with the doors that lead in circles is fantastic. Like a spooky, messed up carnival fun house. Except without the fun part.

Using Neville's history against him, making Harry as guilty as super-humanly possible about it and then giving him more flashbacks. Nope. No fun here. If Susan wasn't there talking sense into him... you've gotta love those sensible characters, right?

The trouble with awesome cursed houses set up to hold people inside of them using ancient pureblood Dark Magic is that somehow after the author puts all of that together, he has to find a way for his character heroes to fight their way out of the complex trappings so they can fulfill their role and let the story come to a thrilling conclusion. Preferably without anyone feeling cheated.

I so feel you on this. And of course, because you're Dan, you succeed.

You push Harry to the breaking point, but then you give him people to pull him back from the line that he's put his toe over. He wouldn't be Harry without the overwhelming guilt afterwards, so I'm glad that Ginny was there at the end to emotionally debrief him. The dividing line that you draw between Harry's actions and the evil men that he's after is clear and deep. He does what he has to, not what he wants to. He uses his rage to push through and become stronger, and he has a network of people around him to temper that.


Author's Response: Hi, Pix! Today, I will get clean. At least as far as your reviews go.

When I look back at them, the flashback scenes with Jugson and Teresa turned out even creepier than I'd planned. Not that I didn't want them to be creepy, but wow. Makes me wonder about myself.

I wanted to get some emotionally charged banter going back and forth between Harry and Jugson. Between that and the flashbacks, I wanted this to become as personal for Harry as possible.

Neville loses his head in the worst possible way here. It very nearly ends up being disastrous for him and the rest of the team. You're right, it's as far from a fun house as it can possibly be.

I admit, I went through a few different iterations of how Harry beat Jugson before I settled on the sphere of boiling water. It was mostly in homage to Dumbledore trying to drown Voldemort in the Ministry Atrium. At some level, I'm sure that's where Harry got the idea. Dumbledore wasn't able to take it all the way through to the gory conclusion, however.

I think that, at least in his own mind, Harry broke a lot more than you realize. He knows that if Terry hadn't stopped him, he would have killed Jugson. And he wouldn't have killed him in self-defense, although I'm sure that's how the Ministry would have interpreted things before marking the case "closed". He would have killed Jugson because he wanted to see Jugson pay for his crimes. That's something that Harry will have to live with and for Harry, it won't be easy.

And that's the end of the story. Thanks, Pix, for all of the support and feedback!

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Review #14, by PixileaninTales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Outrage

29th August 2015:
Whew, big story here. Lots of weight in it, but you still manage to add some levity without breaking the scene.

"Susan had a concussion, second degree burns, lots of cuts from the flying glass and a broken collarbone from the Hogwarts Express over here landing on top of her.Ē

Ron's always got someone giving him what for. It's okay. I think on some level, he knows he deserves it. :)

Oh for goodness sake, Harry! Stay in bed, would you? Always the bleeding hero, literally sometimes. I think you've given him a worthy adversary. Healers can be very intolerant when they think their patients are out of their minds. Actually, Harry isn't in any shape to be wandering around anywhere. I love the little things, like how his vision blurs and he leans on Ron through his determination.

Justin's speech makes the Healer see his case though. It won't be fun or pretty for any of them, but sometimes hard things need doing in order to prevent worse things from happening. But really, someone should get Harry a wheelchair by this point. He really looks awful. Clothes and determination might not be all he needs at this point.

I really like the way you dressed up the room like a muggle hospital, with the linoleum and the lights. But nothing they can do for her is going to erase the week of utter horror she's been through. Poor woman. First, you hit us with the evil, and then you show us its victims. Ouch. Her mental state is in shreds.

I think "a bit on the sad side" is a gross understatement. You weren't kidding when you picked up the whole "anger" theme. Ugh. I don't even know where to begin with this.

You could have used Harry as the narrator for this chapter, since most of the action fell on him, but instead you chose Justin. That was a great way to show not only Harry's side of things, but also add more depth to the entire situation. This isn't Harry's fight alone. As Justin explains to the Healer, it's about protecting everyone they can by putting as many of these madmen away. We're mostly familiar with the way that Harry sees things as well, so to show it from someone else's point of view and give them a background where everything matters to them as well just broadens the scene that much more. Must remember that technique. You used it expertly.

I do have to respect the Healer's point though. Often, Aurors are seen as unsympathetic, almost to the point of cruelty, who concentrate more on the crime than the people who were affected by it, particularly with muggles, who they often dismiss, sadly not as extremely as Jugson does, but still in the same manner, that they don't matter. I'm glad you made the point, and the way the Healer's attitude changes during the questioning, from disapproving to reluctantly helpful shows that she gets this. She finally understands how important it is for them to get this monster. So well done!

The whole morality issue that Justin brings up is unsettling. It would be so easy to take away Teresa's memories, but she'd always have that underlying grief inside. With her memories gone, she won't know where it's coming from and it could quite possibly destabilize her for life. Magic can't cure everything, especially a broken heart. I'm surprised but content to see that the Healer understands this. Teresa does need to grieve in some way. I'm glad that Justin is outraged for her, and equally glad that Harry wants to carry her anger for her.

Another chapter where I couldn't tear my eyes away. You must teach me how you do that. You know, that thing. With the glue that you affix to your readers' eyes...


Author's Response: Hi, Pix! I have to stop procrastinating so much on reviews.

Ron is always great for comic relief, even when the scene is otherwise very serious. *Especially* when the scene is otherwise very serious.

Harry should definitely be in bed, but he wouldn't be Harry if that stopped him. He's been driving healers crazy since Pomfrey.

I really liked being able to use Justin for the narrative point of view in this chapter. I thought he brought something unique to the story, a perspective that's totally different from Ron's or Harry's.

I thought a fair bit about how St. Mungo's would accommodate muggles. The magical world is all about deception and hiding in plain sight, so it made sense that they would start the process of "un-remembering" by not giving the poor muggle anything new to un-remember.

People don't often accuse me of being an expert. Thank you for that! :) In the books, we never get to see Harry's actions from anyone else's point of view. I thought it would be great for Justin to give us some insight into how Harry Potter plays on "Main Street".

The old nurse has a very good point. The Auror profession attracts very smart, very driven people who probably don't relate well to others. If the nurse had been attending to injured muggles all throughout the war, she probably had a lot of first-hand experience with the cruelty of wizards toward muggles and the blase attitude of Aurors toward the victims. Justin shows her a different sort of passion, though. In the end, the Aurors win her over.

Teresa's situation is a huge moral quandary. There really is no resolution that isn't cruel in some way because she's already been through so much trauma. I agree that taking all of her memories away would actually be the most cruel, because you'd be taking something very important and precious away from her.

So Harry carrying that anger... hang onto that thought. It's pretty much the crux of the final chapter.

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #15, by PixileaninHarry Potter and the First Mission: Auror Headquarters

28th August 2015:

Team Gold!


Haha, the snitch alarm clock sounds really awesome, and Iím tickled that itís a present from George. You have thought out a lot of small details in this story that just make it come alive. I like the image of Harry surrounding himself with things that are gifts from his friends, like a protection against the outside world. It makes him secure. Nice.

Ah, interesting bit about Aberforth. I like that inclusion. Iím glad that Harry will see someone familiar that can hopefully guide himÖ or did you have something else in mindÖ no no, donít tell me. I like to be surprised.

Wow, okay. Now that Iíve heard Lavendarís voice in the lift several times, Iím thinking it might not really be her. I mean, is she in the lift with them, or is it just her voice? Because itís kinda creepy with her voice being there without her, announcing all the floors.

So Harryís an Auror now. Excitement. Intrigue. Lunch.

Back later!


Author's Response: Hi, Pix. Thank you for stopping by!

I like Quidditch thing as well as the Aurors so I wanted to descibe some related to the sports in the story.

I could create a new mentor here but the impression of Aberforth in the last book and the movie was strong, so I tried writing him.

Some authors might have Lavender die but I like her so I tried having her take a role in the Ministry. I think she deserves something important for her fight against the Death Eaters and their followers.

The plot is needed to be developed. I admire your work at your bunny story.


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Review #16, by PixileaninEqual Measure Good and Bad: The Curse of the Stonehenge

28th August 2015:
Mr Penn.

Tag. From the forums, just in case you were confused about that. Hi.

So, Stonehenge. I love that idea, that a man would be drawn to such a place. Your take on what the effects of a muggle entering a place that had anti-muggle charms on it were so interesting. The man is sweating, but itís pouring down rain! I could tell that he was affected by something, but you left it a mystery until the next scene, where it was clearly explained. Nicely done.

You definitely have a mystery vibe about this story going on in this first chapter. I can feel that manís Ďneedí to get to that place, and itís stronger than just having had dreams as a child. It piqued my interest at once. Why does he want to go there? What is driving him? Excellent lead-ins. I also like seeing Harry in an official capacity here, right off the bat. It solidified the storyís timeline as being after the second war. I donít have too many questions about that, but Iím sure that if canon is involved in the story, you will address it as it comes up.

Interesting that Harry can feel the Dark Magic as being the thing that revived Stonehenge. I liked the tingling sensations that he got from it, like itís alive. Ah, okay, and thereís the tie-in I was looking for. Oh no, theyíve already lost two curse breakers? Thatís bad. At first, when the official looking man said there had been a murder, I had imagined it was a muggle. And I loved seeing Bill in this capacity as well. This should be a fun plot to follow.

Oh wow. Dracoís a healer? Thatís novel and itís also great because heíd be the one to know a lot of first hand knowledge about Dark Magic. Nice placement here. Iím sure he will come in handy. Iím glad youíre giving those CurseBreakers a fighting chance. I thought in the last scene that we had lost them for good. We might still, but youíve given them one last shot at hope. I like the symbolism of Malfoy being the one to give them that hope too.

Well, that Stonehenge is not just going to stand around and take prodding without rebuttal, is it? That curse sounds really nasty, and with Bill worried, so am I.

Very interesting start to the story. I shall have to come back sometime and see what happens next.


Author's Response: Thanks a ton Pix. Your reviewing style was extremely through and I absolutely enjoyed reading the same.

The Stonehenge has some secrets of its own and when you read further, you shall understand it better.

Draco is another major character in this story of mine. Further chapters shall tell you more about him for sure.

Thanks again for this amazing review. Hoping to listen from you again pretty soon.

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Review #17, by PixileaninThe Dangers of Black Cats: Memories and Dreams

28th August 2015:
The way you wrote how Michael and Philip (et al) tried to get the details out of Liam really showed his detachment and mopey attitude about the whole thing without belaboring the point. I'm not blaming him one bit. He's just discovered something really wonderful and deep, only to have it snatched away before he can fully appreciate it. Time passes, people eventually learn to move on. It doesn't make it any less uncomfortable in the meantime, or quell the sudden pangs that come out of nowhere when they're least expected. Such melancholy, and so well expressed.

I love the small aside that uplifted Liam's esteem in the eyes of the girls. Having read some of your other story summaries, I can guess that this is a springboard for what happens in the future. This was a really great setup for some interesting characters.

The ending was a great way to insert a bit of hope into this piece. Having Elena remember *something* in some manner made McGonagall's words ring true, and also lifted my spirit a bit as well. We always have hope. There should always be that lurking somewhere at the end.

I absolutely adore your author's note at the end of the piece, explaining how the story came about and where it leads. I'm so happy you found HPFF and are posting here. If you are interested in more comments on your stories, you really should hop over to the forums. You can find the link on the top of the page. Reviews can sometimes be like currency around here. Don't know if you have time for that or not, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

Hopefully, I'll have some time to come back for your longer stories to see what you're doing. Everything about this story is so well-placed, the characters breathe with a minimum amount of fuss, the prose is so very clean, and the plot was fascinating and fresh, and fit perfectly into the world of HP. I love reading such polished work. It helps me keep a critical eye on my own writing. The best thing about this story was the absolute honesty that you were able to convey in a story about a young person that was in a writing style that young people could grasp. It still had depth and breadth and meaning, without feeling like it was being written down from a higher place. This is something that I'm really keen on trying to understand, because I have a story about a young person that I'm working on right now, but the style and the story itself doesn't seem to be "for" younger readers. It's more "about" a kid, for adults, if that makes sense. Ah well. I suppose I should just do what we all do and write the thing, and then see what comes of it.

It's always great to learn new things. I truly enjoyed reading this and I loved what you did with it.

Thanks so much for this wonderful story!


Author's Response: Pix, your reviews are very encouraging. Writing is lonely work, and while watching my read counts climb is fun, I really appreciate being able to connect with my readers. I'm glad we're connected via Twitter now, too, so you can see the broader effort.

Yes, I should attempt the forums again. In the past, I've hit roadblocks and immediately stopped. It's tough to juggle it all (Twitter, FB, Goodreads, etc.) and still have time for writing.

I would love to read this story of yours you mentioned, and return the favor of a review and thoughtful analysis.

Keep in touch! Fondly, KJ

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Review #18, by PixileaninThe Dangers of Black Cats: The Briefing

28th August 2015:
Hi again!

Your chapter summary made me smile. Having the iconic Harry Potter sit down with you when you're twelve to have a chat can either be a wonderful dream, or in this case when he's in his official capacity, an unnerving, nail-biting anxiety fest.

I think I mentioned before that I was glad to see what the adults were doing in the meanwhile of this story because of the added weight. Here, we get the rest of the "other" story, where people were frantically searching for the missing girl, where reality burst into Liam's world and he has to succumb to the "larger than himself" idea. As a kid, I always hated when that happened.

Oh, but that was such a bittersweet way to twist things around. McGonagall had the appropriate amount of sympathy, but also the signature "hands off with the feels" approach that we know her for. Sometimes people write her with a little too much emotion, and I just don't buy into that. Nicely turned. Still, the events made me sad. I'm sure Liam is more sad than I.


Author's Response: I love sad songs, and I try often in my writing to capture melancholy and sadness in an honest and direct manner, without being too maudlin.

Love and Arithmancy picks up immediately following this story, and shows Liam healing from the blow of losing Elena. But, read Dragon Wand first.

I've toyed with the idea of Liam and Elena meeting up again, as adults, married to other people, and having a long chat at coffee shop before going separate ways. Nothing written yet.

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Review #19, by PixileaninHarry Potter and the First Mission: Eighteenth Birthday and Independence

26th August 2015:
Hi Kenny. Onwards with the story!

So there are so many little details peppered throughout this chapter. The whole thing felt like setup for what is to come. It's like everyone's getting ready for things to start up and there are so many things to get done. I felt all the preparations and the business, and through all of it I could also feel the family tenderness that is the Weasleys. You didn't have to spend words on how they felt for each other, because their actions did it for you. I particularly was interested in the mirrors, which we see in the books, but you made them unique, being aboriginal mirrors, so that was cool. Also, the names of the Auror books were fascinating. Having someone go to Gringotts for Harry was very thoughtful. I bet only a Weasley would be able to convince the goblins that they were allowed to take Harry's gold for him.

I really liked the descriptions in the Joke Shop and how George was branching out into potions brewing. I agree. He'd better get a Potions Master in there if he's going to be mucking about with that stuff. I liked how you alluded to Snape and Slughorn. I always wondered what happened to Slughorn after the war.

It's interesting that Harry was so fixated on having someone live with him. I understand that he'd want someone around. Andromeda and Teddy were an interesting choice for that. I remember you had written a while ago how Harry had promised Teddy that he would be around for him. I guess that had something to do with it. IT would feel like a family and ground Harry if they were around the house with him. It also eases Molly's mind, knowing that another older adult had eyes on young man Harry during his fresh adulthood. I can tell that he takes this godfather thing seriously and that family is important to him, also that he doesn't want to be a burden to the Weasleys, even though they'd never call him a burden ever.

Alright, so he's all set to go to Auror training. I feel the pull to the next chapter, but I'm going to have to come back when I have more time.


Author's Response: Hi,Pix. I'm so sorry for late response.
After I finish my blog about the result of my story challenge, I'll be back to your bunny story, I miss your Albus and Wren.

Australia always reminds me of aborigini. I guess it likely happens they're magical. So I inserted it into my story.

As you found out, I like to have members of Weasley take an important role.

The idea around Slughorn, the impression of the scene where he obtained Aragog's venom was strong so I thought of the plot. I also like Snape as a mentor for Harry.

I'm glad you seem to like the idea that Harry lives with Andromeda and Teddy. My image about Andromeda and Teddy is on the way to develop. I'll write about them in my other stories.

Thank you again for stopping by my story so many chapters.


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Review #20, by PixileaninThe Dangers of Black Cats: Aurors and Inquisitors

26th August 2015:
Hi, I'm back with a few minutes to spare, so I thought I'd get another chapter in before Life smacks me upside the head.

The whole time I was reading about the official-looking people, I was thinking back to that aside you put in a previous chapter where it was said that the investigators revealed that Liam "and his pet" entered the common room together. I was a bit suspicious about these adults, and I'm generally a very suspicious reader, so I was beginning to get quite worried about these stuffy people putting any kind of blame on poor Liam until I remembered that little thing.

I am so glad that McGonagall is looking out for the children here. Those women, I don't trust them, even when they tell him that he's not going to get into trouble. I feel his apprehension, and I share it with him. See? And she's making it so uncomfortable for him. I am so glad that Meadows is there. Ah, so they are Inquisitors. That makes sense. And they are connected somehow, which also makes creepy sense.

ďIím a bit surprised heís not a Gryffindor,Ē said the man, mostly to Meadows.

She answered, ďWe do try to spread them Ďround, you know.Ē

Hee hee. Of course they do. I'm glad you chose Liam for Hufflepuff. It fits well with what you've shown us of him so far.


Author's Response: This is the Shakelbolt Administration, so of course, we wouldn't still have Dementors in Azkaban. I wanted something not so awful, but still evil and creepy. So, I came up with Inquisitors.

When you read Dragon Wand, you'll see the Hat tempting Liam with a spot in Gryffindor, which he declines in favor of Hufflepuff.

The idea of Liam Wren was to make him as different from Harry Potter as possible, while still making him admirable and heroic. So, brown eyes, left handed, not an orphan, good at Potions . . . on and on, as much as I could think of.

Thanks for taking the time to write to me again. I look forward to your reactions to the end of the story.

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Review #21, by PixileaninTales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Wrath

26th August 2015:
Woot! I loved Susan Bones from CoB, and here she is again, having to 'splain things to Ron that he should have already grasped by now. But no, they're boys. Actually, I appreciate you starting off this chapter with a great amount of levity. That balance thing that I mentioned before. Still, shame on you Ron!

I agree with Ron though, that is a rather poncey name, but the nickname makes it almost worth it. :P Harry's been forced into a reluctant leadership role again, and now he's keeping secrets. I understand everyone's reluctance, but I think they're all close enough to also understand that they're getting so much done because of that secret. Again with the balance thing. I wonder how much conflict that's going to cause the team in the future.

Uh oh. Conflict already between the up-and-comings and the status quo. Never bodes well, it does. Ah, but I love Dawlish's reaction to the mention of Augusta! That was priceless. Now I'm wondering what Susan's aunt really had to say about Dawlish behind his back. Goodness, how much of an idiot was he, exactly?

You picked an interesting way for Terry to ask about the informant by bringing up a collective sore spot with the team. Naturally they'd be questioning this sort of thing, but it only makes Harry have to explain himself more carefully each time.

So now I'm pretty sure that the house elf has something to do with the informant by the way that Harry just barges out of the room and tells everyone they've got a new mission. By the way that they'd done the debriefing, I'd have thought they'd have some kind of discussion about things before they just hop on over, but apparently that's what training is for. They know what they're doing. I should just trust the professionals.

You know, I read a lot of descriptions for Apparition, but you still do it right every single time. I also love seeing the whole team in action. We missed that from the last chapter, since it was from the creep's point of view, but it made me WANT to see it, and you deliver here. The scene is chilling, from the dog to the bear, and in a child's room, which I'm sure has some weighted significance that you're dangling in front of us.

Oh, and Jugson. Evil, self-assured people hiding in the bathroom with a devilish escape plan creep me out. The trap, the explosion, the way that Harry has to lose in order to save the woman, everything came together in one tragic package. Everyone's bleeding and there's probably no rest in sight, now that they've started the ball rolling. I want to know all about Jugson and become an Auror, just so I can track him down and turn him in myself.

As you know, I'm a big fan of thinking outside the box, and I love it when people are able to, you know, turn the box upside down and kick it into next week. So yeah. Great stuff here. Tragic and sad, and not without casualties (that poor elf found her freedom in the saddest way possible!) but vivid and in-your-face, and fantastic.


Author's Response: Helllooo, Pix! Not a lot of people read this story, so I'm really enjoying your reactions!

I didn't want Ron -- of any of Harry's team -- to seem *too* mature in this. They're all barely out of their teens. Although the war forced them to grow up quickly, I still wanted to preserve select bits of immaturity when nobody's life was on the line. Ergo Ron and Terry can't help but find a bit of juvenile humor at Susan's expense.

Honestly, I think I'd be more worried for Harry's team if they got along *well* with someone like Dawlish. He's slavishly obsessed with rules and protocol and that's the sort of thing that greased the skids for Voldemort to subvert the entire Ministry. Harry's team is much more focused on apprehending war criminals, whether or not they precisely follow procedure.

Yes, the house elf has something to do with the informant. Or everything to do with the informant. ;) They do their debriefings after each operation. They don't usually have time beforehand, since the people they're trying to arrest don't generally stay in one place for very long.

The child's room has a great deal of significance, especially to Harry. It instantly reminded him of a ruined nursery in a broken house in Godric's Hollow.

Judson is quite a piece of work. He makes Kaspar seem positively redeemable. He set a nasty trap for the Aurors and only Harry's willingness to... um, *improvise* kept there from being a lot more death. Don't send off your application to the Auror Department just yet, however. Wait for the end of the story. ;)

Wow. I'm really kind of stunned silent with a dopey smile from all of your kind words. Thank you so much!

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Review #22, by PixileaninTales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Malice

26th August 2015:
Hi Dan! Another day, another story. Man, it's been too long. Again. I'm having trouble juggling my writing and reading time. I'm sure you can sympathize with the sentiment. That said, I do my best when challenged by my peers.

You do like pushing boundaries in your writing. I respect that. Here, you did it again, and just when I thought you'd crossed the line... BAM! Twist. Bravo!

This monster, what's his name? Kaspar? The counting down to his so-called freedom is quite apt. He thinks he's going to get away with everything, or at least he's betting everything he has on it. Desperate moves for desperate times, I can feel him seething through the screen, and at one point I was almost grimacing at your talent for portraying convincing characters. Anger is a great driving force, but often, like here, it drives us to do things we rather shouldn't do. Think things we rather shouldn't think. Make us crazy with entitlement until we decide that the horrible things we think and do are fair and reasonable, in the name of some invisible sense of balance. You wrote Kaspar as the embodiment of that. People like this, who want others to suffer... make me shudder. The thoughts that ran through that man's head... ergh!

Ahh, Mary Goldsmith puts up a convincing front. You really had me there, right up until the reveal. As much as I was cringing in my seat, I have to congratulate you for that. I'm not easily taken by surprise, but you succeeded in doing so. I absolutely loved how you turned it around, especially using the symbol of his freedom to take him down. Awesome! I'm so glad you gave her a chance to give him what he had coming.

There had to be a great amount of disgruntlement and hard feelings on both sides after the war. I can think of many, many things that would be second-guessed about, a ton of "if onlys" and "I should haves" and "why didn't theys". It will be interesting to see your take on all of this and how you pull all of these things together in the future installments.


Author's Response: Hi, Pix!

I did feel a certain amount of "Validation Heebee-Jeebees" when I posted this, but I think it's hard to write a story about fugitive Death Eaters (or wannabe Death Eaters) without exploring what makes them such horrible people. They seem really cartoonish if all they do is ponce around saying vaguely threatening things and gesturing menacingly with their wands. You have to roll up your sleeves and let awful characters be awful.

And Kaspar is a genuinely awful human being. He's bigoted, misogynistic, violent, sadistic and devoid of empathy. Exactly the sort of person who finds his purpose in life following the lead of a homicidal megalomaniac.

I surprised Pix??? #fist pump# Yeah! #more fist pump# You know, I never even thought about the symbolism of having her crack him over the head with the vessel of his salvation. It's better to be lucky than good, I always say.

I have another installment of Death Hunters that's roughly 60% done. It doesn't deal so much with aftermath of the war, but that is definitely a theme I'd like to explore. I feel a little badly that I won't get another chance to explore Kaspar, since his story ends with this chapter. At least for now. You never know.

I'm glad you liked it and I'm still all giddy that I managed to surprise you with Mary Goldsmith. Thanks for reading and reviewing!

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Review #23, by PixileaninThe Dangers of Black Cats: Discovered!

25th August 2015:
Ah, sneaking around the castle at night! It always sounds so fun and excitingÖ until someone gets caught. Itís so interesting to me about Liamís magic being stronger in one hand than another. I hadnít ever seen it described in the HP-verse that way before. Nifty stuff!

Okay, it makes all kinds of sense for Elena to know the castle by now. I was wondering what she did with her time as a cat. This brings up an old quandry about shape-shifting beings: when does she sleep? Does the enchantment negate the need for it, or is she going to suddenly get very sleepy? Of course, being fiction, we donít have to subscribe to the bounds of reality, and I suppose that we could also argue that since cats sleep most of the day, Elena would have caught up on her rest. HmmmÖ I wonder what your take is on that?

Well, that next bit answers that question. Haha!

ďHow often did you read the bloody papers when you were twelve years old?Ē

ďEvery day, just about!Ē

This made me laugh. Of course everybody but Liam knows whatís going on. Still, I like how protective he is of her. Meadows seems like a level-headed professor. But then poor Liam sits on the bench all that time.

Itís hard being a kid.

Itís late and I have an early day. Iím hoping to find time for the rest of the story tomorrow. Are you sure you arenít published yet?


Author's Response: There's much more detail on Liam and his unique brand of magic in Dragon Wand . . . Honestly, I gave no thought to when Elena was sleeping. I presume that, as a cat, she did most of her sleeping during the day . . . Yes, I've been published. Look around for me, and you'll find me here and there. I use the same pen name everywhere . . . I love your reviews! I get so few of them. The detail and insight is invaluable. Good night! But, come back soon!

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Review #24, by PixileaninThe Dangers of Black Cats: A Voice in the Dark

25th August 2015:
So, sheís a Muggle, thought Liam. How many rules have I broken now?

Iím really liking the aside where the adults are all looking for the missing girl when sheís tucked away in Liamís room. It adds weight to the story when you know that the implications of the characters reach farther outside of their own little worlds. I need to do more of that too. You are giving me excellent ideas.

Uh oh, I think Philip might have heard something. Ah, but it must have been funny for his dorm mates to see all those girly things on his bed! I love that you just leave this understated. Itís appropriate for the age of the students, but allows for wandering thoughts to get the better of us as well. Iím glad Philip doesnít seem to have it out for Liam, but just holds a healthy dose of curiosity and caution.

I find you end notes about the time lines very interesting. I tend to have to work extra hard on the continuity and logical flow of events in my own stories, and yes, the time line and schedules are very important when youíre trying to keep things straight. Iíve done several of those myself. Iím really enjoying this story, by the way. Still very lovely!


Author's Response: These are Hufflepuffs, and so, they are intensely loyal to one another. Philip's main concern is keeping Liam out of trouble.

I'm glad you get the humor of the scene when the boys find the nightgown and panties. I'm glad, too, to make your mind wander. With both kids 12 going on 13, they're on the cusp of so many things, but they are completely unprepared for the situation they find themselves in.

I'm glad to hear I'm giving you good ideas. I want to raise the bar and show my readers what is possible.

Please keep reading, and posting notes! Fondly, KJC

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Review #25, by PixileaninThe Dangers of Black Cats: Superstition

25th August 2015:
Oh my goodness, why havenít I seen your stories before?? I chose to start with this one, since it was short and Iím supposed to be turning in soon. But be assured, I will return again.

First off, lovely, polished prose that flows like a gentle stream. Iíve been trying to get mine to do that for ages it seems, but it keeps jerking around like a fish on a pole all the time. I keep having to work all the kinks out of it to get it to lay flat. Ah well. Practice makes better, I suppose.

ďAinít that just like a cat,Ē said Michael.

Absolutely. I love how you describe the movements of the cat and how she dismisses Liam so easily. Per your summary, I know who she is, and her personification is just perfect. Also, the way you paint your scenes is so vivid, with only the essential elements, but I still get the full picture. I gush at this. Teach me your ways!

Iím very interested in where youíre taking the plot with this. These stories need more reads! Have you considered joining the HPFF forums and getting to know people over there? Or are you over there and Iíve just missed you?

Delightful start!


Author's Response: Pix, you definitely started with the right story. This was my first Liam Wren story, and it's very dear to me.

Don't worry about the kinks in your own writing. This story was thoroughly polished, many, many times, before it reached its current state. Reading outloud is my favorite way to edit, especially if you have an audience that can give you immediate feedback.

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