Reading Reviews From Member: Pixileanin
  
607 Reviews Found

Review #1, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Teddy (Potter (Weasley)) Lupin

16th January 2016:
OK, that was a lot more fun than I had anticipated, even after the last seven chapters, which were all pretty fun, I must say. I thought it was a brilliant move to get Teddy involved with the last challenge, bringing him on Hogwarts ground illegally and all, because that heightened the stakes.

Wow! 21 History questions with Teddy sounds brutal, but I'm glad it ended up being something muggle-like instead. You really made that basketball challenge exciting, the way you wrote it, switching back to Hugo's worries over everything and then bringing it back to the final showdown with that last point involved. Bravo!


Oh, and I must tell you that Hugo's conversations with his owl are hilarious. I think Romulus deserves an acting award. I've never seen an owl so involved in a story before. Really nice touch there, the bond between a boy and his owl. :)

The twist was lovely. I hadn't expected it at all, and Killian played it up so well, shooting that last shot and then pulling out the box for the proposal, all suave and smooth-like. Nicely done, Killian.

And that last line was perfect.

I really enjoyed reading this story from start to finish, and I must apologize for such late reviews just one more time. You deserved better than that. I hope that you'll be writing more light-hearted stories like this one. It was a great read!

Pix

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Review #2, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Hugo Weasley

16th January 2016:
Ahh, well this was really fun to read! I'm so happy for Hugo that he figured out an appropriate challenge for Killian. And he was right. It was a perfect Weasley challenge!


I like how he calculated that the skrewts would be a surprise to a lot of the students since they'd never seen one before. They sound and look rather dangerous, the way you described them. Killian took this in stride as well, and made a good showing. I bet Molly is very pleased with him right now. She's probably thinking, "That'll show my crazy family to pick on my boyfriend!" lol.

Hugo seems to have grown through this success too, which is good to see. I was hoping he wouldn't be fearing for his life through the whole story, and I think after this successful challenge, (even though he didn't win) he should get props from all his cousins.

I didn't see much from Molly this chapter, and I'm wondering how she's taking the constant badgering. I can't remember. Do they know that there's only one more to go?

Another fun chapter! I'll be back for the last one soon.

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Review #3, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs James (Weasley) Potter

16th January 2016:
Oh poor Hugo! I feel so bad for him not getting a chance to play against Killian at his favorite game. From his point of view I can totally see how unfair it was, especially with James not playing a challenging game. If Killian knew how bad the game was, he's probably quite the decent chess player, and it just robbed Hugo of proving himself to the family.

I hope he doesn't go back to thinking about how his family is out to get him again. I was really starting to like seeing Hugo's confidence build at the start of this chapter. You had some great lines for him: thinking that he can pull off being evil and how silence works better for him than the cryptic comments he'd tried out on people in passing.

What is he going to come up with now? I love how this chapter was really all about Hugo, and the challenge to Killian sat secondary and in the background. Way to twist up the conflict that you've set up between Hugo and his family. Sad, yet effective.

Well, I'm off to the next chapter to see what Hugo decides. I'm rather nervous for him.

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Review #4, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Louis Weasley

15th January 2016:
So, seven o'clock seems to be the hour of dueling. I can sense a pattern here. lol! The armor suits shouting this announcement throughout the day must have been both hilarious and nauseating at the same time. Makes me wonder what Killian thinks of all this bravado from Molly's family. At least he's taken the last few duels in stride. He's up for the challenge, which is a good sign.

Poor kid! Hugo's even uneasy around his fellow Ravenclaws. Does this boy ever get a break, or does he continually berate himself just out of habit? I feel sorry for him and hope that he gets just a little bit of self confidence by the time this whole thing is over.

Ahh, there it is. Molly's words are just what Hugo needs.

I really like how you ramp up the suspense and let Killian fall behind in the second round. He's clearly not the best dancer, and it makes a few of the characters sweat it out until the end.

"Oh but wait. While I was feeling sorry for myself, I failed to notice that things have changed on the dancefloor."

That's right, Hugo. You best be paying attention right now. hehe. So Killian wins again through strategy. I'm looking forward to the chess match.

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Review #5, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Fred Weasley

15th January 2016:
Hey hey, it's chapter 4! Let's see what's going on now. Oh dear, all the owls are watching him. I wonder what that means.

I love how the girls just keep on guessing, and Hugo thinks he's being clever by staying silent. He's still afraid of the looming death threat, which is both funny and a bit alarming too. It must be no fun to live with the possibility that your family members have it in for you at any moment. Poor guy!

Ahh, but they get the information out of him after all. That would equate a big fail on his part. Again, poor Hugo! Oh, and the whole duel thing has him worried on a completely different level. Why does his family keep scaring him like that?

The duel was pretty cool, with all those spells flying about. I like how you showed us that Killian manages to find Fred' s weakness, which also shows his cunningness to Hugo. That makes me wonder how Hugo will use that knowledge when it's his turn. Hmm...

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Review #6, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Lucy Weasley

8th January 2016:
Hey, it's me again. You've got me curious as to what little Lucy is up to. I must find out.

Haha! Hugo's voice continues to amuse me. That's okay, Hugo. I wouldn't want to drink owl spit either. Yeck! But hey, I'm all for a good lead-in, and if the next confrontation is in the Great Hall at lunch time, I'd say that's a perfect way to introduce the challenge.

It's a very dramatic thing, the entire Hall rising and gathering around the two hot dog eating challengers. I loved the visual. I also love that Molly isn't taking this lying down. She's a Weasley after all, and I was wondering how much she would stand for before she started fighting back. Good play, Molly. You stopped your opponent cold. *cheers*

I'm now wondering if Molly is going to snoop around and try and figure out what else her cousins will throw at poor Killian. I mean, I don't know much about the guy except that he's a Hufflepuff Quidditch player, but he's definitely taking this whole thing like a good sport.

Another entertaining installment!

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Review #7, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Killian Earhart Vs Albus (Weasley) Potter

6th January 2016:
Hi, Iím back with more time, and I know just how to spend it too!

I should probably let you know that I am not at all familiar with the references that youíve taken your inspiration from. Iíve never heard of that guy or seen that showÖ is it a show? Well, the point is that Iím clueless, so I have to take everything at face value. Upside is that I donít recognize anything, so Iím going to assume that all the referencial jokes come from your own genius mind.

Cheri-hoots. Fun! But those spells do not sound fun at all. Eck. I suppose the wizarding world would have something for that, even if it is unpleasant to think about.

Ah, I guess Hugo isnít done with the Weasley massacre theme yet. Lol. I never thought so much about dying when I was twelve, but I guess when youíre in that family, it could be a possibility. Molly does seem upset. Uh oh. Hugo thinks heís the weakest link too. Poor thing. Itís funny that no one has done any research on this guy that theyíre trying out. Even the Quidditch people should know who is on the other teams, right? Seems unlikely, but it shows how little theyíve planned for this. Silly boys!

I love the description of Alís wrong jaw and how his eyes were rolling when he got up. That bludger must have been serious!

Still having fun!


Pix

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Review #8, by PixileaninKillian Earhart Vs The Weasleys: Chapter 1 : The Opponent

6th January 2016:
Hello there, remember me?

Probably not. Iím latelatelatelate with this review thing and Iím so so sorry about that. I didnít realize that Life was going to smack me upside the head so hard. Iím here now, so letís do this thing!

Ahh, I can already relate to Hugo with the headache in the first paragraph. Headaches are indeed no fun, and if youíre wishing they will go away, it just takes that much longer. Argh.
Oh, well, if the headache was an owl trying to get his attention, then thatís a different story. Wake up, kid! By the way, I love the name ďRomulusĒ.  I believe that birds can be quite mischievous. Iíve owned birds in the past, so I can speak from experience. You think thereís nothing going on between the feathers, but youíd be wrong.

I love that Hugo decides that the best way not to tell anyone about the secret meeting is to hide from everyone who might ask about it. Seems fool proof to me, and also something that a twelve-year old would think up as an appropriate solution. I hope he has snacks though. Hunger could put a wrench in his plans. Ahh, reading about how Hugo has convinced himself about the murder plot made me laugh. Heís obsessing over it too, which makes it more funny. And uh oh. No snacks. Thatíd be the weak link in the plan that I was concerned about.

Man, I would hate to be Killian Earhart too. That plan sounds like heíd have to be quite a guy to put up with it all. You did a fantastic job of setting everything up. I love the narration of Hugo and how his mind keeps going back to who heíd save if James wanted to take them all out. Then the dungbombs at the end were a perfect cap.
This is going to be a fun story!


Pix

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Review #9, by PixileaninAnd Then: Six Years.

23rd October 2015:
HeyMrsPotter!

It's me with the Review Exchange. Woot!

Okay, so I've read a bit of short-short stories and a lot of times, I've come away with something missing. They sometimes read like short vignettes, or they're character sketches, or they don't have a twist.

This was excellent. It had everything one needs for a great story with a big impact. You focused on a singular turning point, where every change matters to the character. It's amazing how you can capture that in the short word count, with the emotion and the suffering, and the twist. I think that was my favorite part of it, where he finally smiles after all the hurt. I didn't expect that, but it makes your point, it explains the reasons why he thinks he has to do this horrible thing.

I went and read the companion piece to this first, just so I wouldn't miss anything, and I think, besides being a horribly tragic continuation, it fits perfectly with the setup. This poor character, he can't break out of the guilt and the pain, and it's just so... so tragic.

Excellent piece!

Pix

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Review #10, by PixileaninAbandon: Benjamin Fredrick Malfoy

27th September 2015:
"She had thought about him so constantly that she had nearly forsaken all of her studies, ignored her family to stay locked in her room and worried that she would probably never see his tall, dark shape again, ďI didnít think about you at all.Ē Somehow, her voice managed to sound both pathetically squeaky and wistful."


This. This right here. This is what I would have liked a hint to in that first chapter. I wouldn't have needed to know the who or any of the details, but just the fact that she had gotten over, or had thought she had gotten over something in her past that allowed her to finally enjoy the family gathering without people needing to be concerned for her... that sort of thing. So when the twist happens at the end, it means something deeper to her character.

Okay, with that out of the way, I think you did a fantastic job of heightening the mystery of why the Malfoy boys had to hightail it out of Britain for a while and what it did to their family. Benjamin feels guilt and hurt, even though he tries to hide it and play up that he's unaffected to Roxanne, and I liked seeing that kind of vulnerability in him. It also explains why Roxanne can see another side of him than most other people and why she continues to trust him enough to carry on with him.

I won't comment on the kiss other than acknowledge that it happened and you know, squee... or whatever. I'm still not happy with Benjamin's attitude, no matter what else is going on. He's ingenuine on one side, and a complete prat on the other side, so even though Roxanne feels sorry for him and there's this hot factor going on that she can't control, I'd demand more honesty from a so-called friend who's abandoned me for a year without so much as an owl, no matter how tight-chested he is.

So, um. Good job for getting a reaction out of me. That means that the writing is still solid, and the undercurrent of a plot is starting to unfold, which makes my little plotty heart very happy.

I'll try to return later for more, RL willing and the creek don't rise...

Pix

Author's Response: Hello!

You've made a great point about that quote that I should have used for the first chapter. I should have given more information about Roxanne's relationship with Benjamin but oh, my youth was on me then. I wouldn't make the same mistake if I were writing this now.

I tried to hint what had happened to Benjamin and his father without giving it all away but I think you would be able to figure it out if you re-read it. Benjamin doesn't have a lot of moments when he's vulnerable but they do happen, more so in the flashbacks. I think that he only shows that side to Roxanne because of their history together and because despite what he may want, he can trust her. Roxanne sees the potential in everyone, she's a lot like her mother in that aspect and just LIKE her mother, she's going to cry a lot because of it. I am a horrible person...

Bwhahaha. IF you honestly don't want to continue reading this, I understand. I think that you may like Audrey Tang a lot better than this, I won't say A Force of Wills because no one wants to be cuddling up with Draco Malfoy and his ickiness. Eh.

MEh.

Eh.

Thanks so much for these reviews though, you're fantastic. :D I will stop by Rabbit Heart soon because I miss that Bunny.

Why did that sound so dirty?

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #11, by PixileaninAbandon: Stealth and Lies

27th September 2015:
ďSheís a nice girl and youíre justÖĒ she thought about it and he raised his brows, which were as black as the rest of his hair, so black that it reminded her of midnight, ďThere isnít even a word for what you are.Ē

I feel this right here. Whatever happened in the past, it made Roxanne trust this crazy person a whole lot more than she should right now. It's obvious they had something going on, and her physical reaction to him is alarming.

"He was watching her intently from the other side, a blurred shape of muscle and lines, ďI donít want to lose you either,Ē she whispered under her breath and without hesitating another moment, she took his hand and let him pull her through."

Nooo. I generally scream in the direction of your characters. Sigh. Okay, so nothing much happened here except that Roxanne snuck out and Benjamin is still giving me the creeps. Dom's right. She needs to be more careful. I'm now getting this possessive vibe from Benjamin that I really, really don't like.

I know this wasn't much of a review besides getting all screamy with your characters, but that's all I have to say right now. I anticipate some finger shaking in the next chapter, so let's get on with that.

Pix

Author's Response: Hello!

Welcome back! People usually comment on that line from Roxanne, which is exactly how I was feeling about Benjamin at this point. I honestly don't really go into detail about what happened between them in the past, which is the failure of epic fails on my part as the author BUT it was a pretty bad falling out. I think Roxanne is too busy lamenting over the fact that she missed him and her hurt feelings to have better judgment right now.

SCREAM! SCREAM! You'll hate me by chapter six and if you don't want to read anymore of this story because of it, I understand. I am seriously reconsidering how I've written these characters and Benjamin in particular.almost to the point where I want to go back and change him. Drastically.

Ugh.

Thanks again!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #12, by PixileaninAbandon: Yes and No

27th September 2015:
This is bad. Benjamin is bad. Bad bad Benjamin. I don't like him at all, and I wish that Roxanne would have the sense to not be so curious about what he's been up to, but then there'd be no story here so...

I really don't know who this guy thinks he's trying to impress, just being that rude to someone he obviously wants to spend time with. Roxanne seems like a complete pushover here, and I sincerely hope that's not how she turns out to be.

Compared to the first chapter, this one was intensely in the moment, even with the flashback. It was contained and focused, and well-rounded in content. Nice work here.

Pix

Author's Response: HELLO!

Benjamin is bad. You have every right to hate him and honestly, I really hate the way that I wrote him in these early chapters. I don't know what I was thinking, really and I tried to make up for it in later chapters but the damage has been done.

This story is mostly about Roxanne growing up and learning to be herself SO the whole thing about her being naive, a pushover and immature are done on purpose. I honestly don't try to write characters that you guys automatically like because that's no fun. I mean, Teddy Lupin in my story Transparent is a horrible person but people love him for some reason. What does that say about me?! What does that say about everyone else?! *Flips table*

Anyway, thanks for liking the flashback! There are actually far too many of them later on but eh...

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #13, by PixileaninAbandon: Strangers and Fireworks

27th September 2015:
Hello Gabbie!

I have finally slogged through the RL mud to throw myself at your feet for being so late. But here I am now, and I'm reading this story, Abandon.

Hey, hey, but it's all these Weasley/Potters all over the place. I always found it intimidating to write a ton of people in a scene like this. You managed to show everyone's personality through their actions, and how Roxanne related to them, which was good characterization and setup. I also liked that you included some not-so-common things in the mix, like the twins being held back TWICE for seventh year. It's weird, but I never thought of it like that. I had often wondered if they'd just be kicked out of school, like, "Nope, you're out. Just go and sweep floors or something." But it's cool that they get second, and sometimes third chances. It will make the mix of ages interesting for that year.

Roxanne's dad telling her that her OWLS didn't matter so much was also an interesting detail. I like that he has this attitude that life isn't all about how you did in school, that there are bigger things than test scores. In that way, I agree with him. It's nice to see some parents who aren't putting pressure on their kids to excel. Kids will do what they do, and at some point, the parents just have to sit back and let them be who they are. Within reason. Which I'm betting that Roxanne's dad doesn't have a ton of. Hmm.

One thing that threw me out of this chapter a bit was all the short paragraphs that were descriptive in their own right, but didn't connect as well to the next thought. I think that if you ever go back and edit this, you might want to consider flow more closely. I had this same issue with my older novel. It was written in this choppy, broken style, and I didn't know what to do with it until I had written more words. It read almost like Roxanne was taking little snapshots of the people around her in her mind.

So then this mysterious Benjamin appears, obviously not in a place where he should be, obviously not invited to the party, and from what you told us, he's someone that Roxanne "used" to be close to. And he sounds a bit cackly too. Of all the things that Roxanne thinks about during the party, this guy never once entered her thoughts, so I had no reference to how she should react to him here. I think you're going to get into that in the next chapter, but generally, if there's a twist to the end of a chapter, there should be a hint of why it's twisty, somewhere within the chapter itself. Was she avoiding someone, or was she deliberately trying not to think about going back to school because something happened between her and her best friend (or you don't even have to bring up who, or what, but just a general feeling of unease towards school, or maybe just that she had to get over some disappointment and this year would be different...) ? You know, that sort of hint in her character so we have a bit of context when you present the twist.

Your writing certainly did get my curiosity up, so I need the next chapter, if only to answer my own questions. :)

Onwards!

Pix

Author's Response: Hello!

I certainly wasn't expecting to see these reviews today but what a nice surprise! I feel like I should have had you read something else on my AP but now that we've got this started, let me dig right into this. :D

I really, really don't like writing a lot of characters all in one place. I think that it's really difficult and when it comes to the Weasleys and Potters, there are just SO many of them and it gets confusing. I don't think that I've done this again because it took so long for me to get right but I made a few mistakes here and there too. You know, I figured that the twins wouldn't be allowed back to Hogwarts after flunking twice but for some reason, that thought never came back to me until after this chapter had been up there for a while. I kind of think that they would have to take their classes back home or something but I'm not sure how that would work. Hm...

I didn't really delve that much into this but George isn't really very strict with either of his children. I think that he's just the sort of parent that likes to take things easy and later on, he doesn't even discipline Roxanne or Perce (Fred) because he doesn't like being that "mean parent". Angelina is the one who takes care of all of that stuff and I think that says a lot about the way their family is and their relationship as a couple. BUT that doesn't really get into this story until chapter six or so.

I think this is the fourth story that I posted up or the second but either way, my style has changed a lot since this. It's nowhere near perfect or anything but when I look back at these older chapters, I cringe a little. Well, a lot. I cringe a whole bunch.

You know, the whole thing about Roxanne not really thinking about Benjamin through this chapter didn't hit me until after this was posted. A year later. When I was too lazy to go in an update it. It would have made more sense for her to have him on her mind but that scene always gives people a little jolt, I think. Eh.

Thanks for this!

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #14, by PixileaninJourney to the Centre of (Mollyís) World in (Less than) 80 Days: Cups

26th September 2015:
Hi hi! This story is back! Woot!

I was kind of sad to see no updates to this for so long, but here's another chapter, so I decided to come out and see where you're taking this.

Thanks for doing the review swap, by the way!

Okay, so first impressions are that Heath is much more comfortable "winging it" than he is in planning. That's not necessarily a bad thing, but it's throwing Molly for a loop. I like how this highlights the differences between Molly and Heath.. and my fingers keep trying to type "health" instead of his name. Backspace, backspace, backspace...

Anyway, the point is that I think you showed their differences really well in this chapter, leading with the argumentative nature of Heath with total strangers and then closing with his ease at the clubs, while Molly's just trying to be practical at the beginning and then she's a bit unhinged with the bar scene. Heath seems to be enjoying this about her, that she's unable to ride him as hard inebriated as she was earlier in the day.

And oops about the train. I'm guessing, but I bet it was Molly's hangover that did it too. Turned tables are a beast. :P

Action-wise, I loved the first scene where they're running from the enraged shopkeepers screaming at them in French, and you threw in a lot of great characterization there too, with all the small details about each character.

The whole bit about the Apparition license complications was necessary to explain why they'd get the chance to hang out in these different foreign places, and Heath is certainly taking advantage of his circumstances to have some fun. It makes me wonder if they will find out more about the Stonehenge connection when they go on to Italy. There's got to be some ancient stuff lying around there too, if Stonehenge connects to France... I'm really hoping for more of that story to come out. It interests me greatly.

I'm not going to be any help at all if you mis-translate something in French or Italian. Everything looked great to my uneducated eyes. :) The footnotes were nice, but I feel like I didn't need them since everything was explained in context, or maybe I'm familiar enough with cultures to "get it" without explanation. I'm sure some of your readers will appreciate the literal translations. I know a lot of people are interested in that sort of thing.

It's really great to be back in this story. The banter is fun and barby, just the way I like it. The characters are interesting and lively, and your descriptions paint the scenes vividly where I can "see" where you're going. Actually, I can't really see where you're going with this story, but I'm hopeful, because I LOVE the stonehenge mystery and I'm just DYING to know what that's all about.

Heath's little notebook is hilarious, I don't know why. I would love to see him write more in it as the adventure continues.

Thanks for the swap. Need more of this!

Pix

Author's Response: This story IS back! Yayayay!

I'm pretty sure Heath has an allergy to plans. It's actually ridiculous. If I knew someone like him in real life, I'd actually go insane, since I'm a lot more like Molly in this respect. Also I caught at least three "healths" when I went back to edit this chapter. Clearly, I didn't think this through when I chose a name for him.

They really are two very different people. I want to show how similar they are, too, soon. It was a lot more apparent in the first two chapters when they were apart, I think. But now they're together, it's time to see that there are parts of them that are the same. And Heath very much is a man of the moment - if Molly can't yell at him, then he's happy!

Goodness, action is so difficult to write! Thank you so much for actually enjoying it!

Ooh! I'm not going to say what I'm going to do about the Stonehenge mystery. Stonehenge is a mysterious place, so it's fitting that this part also remains hidden for the time being.

Everything looks great to my also-uneducated eyes, so yay! I included the literal translations just in case. I'm very pleased that everything makes sense in context, because that's important for the sake of the flow of the story.

Aaaah! Thank you so so much! You are too kind!

Heath's little notebook is unintentionally funny, and I don't know why, either. I just giggle when I write it.

Thanks so much for the lovely review :)


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Review #15, by PixileaninAccident: Accident

20th September 2015:
Wow! You aced the Alphabet challenge with this! Bravo! Everything read really smoothly, and you just kept looping it around and around.

I'm so glad you went with the plot the way you did. It was believable that something like the health of his best friend would be upsetting to James this way. Weeks of waiting for him to get better would definitely make him anxious about the outcome. I'm also glad that you allowed Sirius to recover, otherwise I'd be very sad at you. He gets into enough badness without other mean authors doing horrible things to him *cough*... not that I've ever... *cough cough*

Anyway, I enjoyed this story and it didn't go the typical way that stories like this go. I got to be surprised by the plot, so yay for that!

I am still curious about what Lily said to Remus during patrols. Even though I knew you just threw that in there without meaning to follow up on it, it stoked my interest in a big way.

Nicely done!

Pix

Author's Response: Pix,
Hey! Thanks for reviewing this story :) the alphabet challenge was tough!

James and Sirius are so precious to me just how fiercely they love and protect each other. And how much. Fun and trouble they get into. I can hardly do harm to Sirius. I love him too much.

And yay for surprises!

Thanks again for the happy review. It made my day


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Review #16, by PixileaninKill Your Darlings: Dissonance & Resolve

7th September 2015:
Hi!

This story was basically my weekend. I can't express myself very well right now, but this story was absolutely fantastic. Thoroughly enjoyed all of the twists and turns. I'll come back and leave a proper review one day, but I wanted you to know that this fic will stick in my mind for a long time.

Pix

Author's Response: Thank you so much! This review just made my day. I'm glad you enjoyed the story, and I so appreciate you taking the time to let me know!

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Review #17, by PixileaninFirst Kiss: Chapter 1

1st September 2015:
Hi Kaitlin. I see you're barreling away at your challenges. It's impressive how you're able to not only write these out quickly, but also maintain a high level of polish and intensity in the plot as well. Really great job here!

I'm not an expert on horror, but I think you nailed it. Everything felt off kilter. The scene where Ron is so relaxed and the love of his life is just sitting there waiting on him... it had that surreal quality to it, like it was so perfect that he must be dreaming, but then he's not and by sheer will he keeps it going, even through Harry's interruptions. His frustration at his friend that quickly turns into a confused sort of anger is well-placed. Ron wants this so badly, and he can't understand why his best friend would be interrupting him now, of all times.

Harry's insistence is also well done. We get a sense of urgency from him that is completely discordant with the surroundings. Harry makes it seem like something is wrong. Not just wrong, but terribly wrong, especially when Ron's anger gets the best of him, like he doesn't want to face whatever Harry needs him to see. It's great because I can feel Ron 'knowing' but 'not knowing' at the same time that this place where he is, is not reality.

When I read your summary, I at first thought that you were going to do the kiss in the middle of the final battle, but you surprised me with both the location and the turn of events. Making this AU really surprised me, and the sheer horror of it was really, really well done. I think I felt my heart clench at one point. Great job with the placement of the reveal and the execution of your plot line.

I could argue that the end is a bit overdone, but then it almost felt like Ron was being pulled back, not just by himself, but by something stronger than himself, some kind of anti-Dememntor's kiss that just won't let him slide back into reality, even to save himself. It had me wondering if some magic was at play there, messing with his perceptions, heightening his rejection of the facts to such an extent that he couldn't go on any more. I know I'm probably reading more into it than I should, but for me, that would be really cool, and you know, make it all magically. :)

You've managed to capture that terrifying moment when we know what the monster is, but we walk right through that door anyway.

Very impressive one-shot!

Pix

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Review #18, by PixileaninHarry Potter and the First Mission: Back to Hogwarts

30th August 2015:
Hi Kenny. Back for another chapter.

Wow, the plot really took off in this chapter. Harry and Ron apprehended someone who has inside information and they're taking him to Hogwarts. It should be a sweet homecoming.

I was slightly surprised that the Aurors didn't know what a Pensieve is, but then it makes sense that Dumbledore would have the most advanced magical artifacts, since he's so old and wise. It's nice to see that the other Aurors are willing to learn new things.

I loved seeing Neville as an assistant to the professor. He's one of my favorite characters. I also loved the lead-in you created for finding the Perverell boy. I would never have guessed that Harry would run into someone so important during the Quidditch tryouts. Now I want to know what the significance of the character is. I guess I'll have to keep reading.

There was one bit of description that I really loved above all the others.

"The Hall echoed with bright laughter and talk and the clatter of knives and forks."

It captured the entire feast in one line.

Also, I am very curious about Draco now. We didn't see him this chapter, but everyone says that he's changed. I'm sure that's coming up soon.

Until next time!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix. Thank you for following this story.
:)

Talking of the description about a sweet homecoming, I don't deserve to be praised. I feel ashamed more, everytime I read the other author's awesome works. I'm eager to absorb many vocabulary to be a respectable author.

Thinking over own language, I haven't read so many books, I have to read more in my language and in English.

My image of Draco may be diverted from canon story so please keep reading and leave your thouths. I'll send you virtual green tea on the internet. :)

Kenny


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Review #19, by PixileaninWhy am I friends with you?: Chapter 1: Katie's cousin, Sarah

29th August 2015:
Hi there. I like cupcakes, rather a lot. I like to eat cupcakes too. I even bake them from time to time, and sometimes I even put icing on them.

Congratulations on your first HPFF story! It's always nervewracking to post a first story. Is this your first story ever, of have you written stuff before? I know that it was really scary posting my first thing on here. I was really worried that no one would ever read it, but I figured that since it was for a challenge, the challenge person would have to read it. And there's the validator. So that's two guaranteed reads right there.

So yeah. Your Prologue showed Seamus and Dean meeting for the first time, seemingly bonding over the train ride, except one of them likes to read in silence.

This chapter is all about years later after the war, when Seamus and Dean are sharing a flat and going to Harry and Ginny's wedding. That seems totally plausible, since a lot of people tend to bond over the tragedies in their lives. I'm not even sure you need a Prologue for this story, if all the first bit was to show how the boys met. I think you covered that pretty well in the first part of this chapter.

I see you used a bit of physical comedy, with the doorknocker, and Katie falling all over the guy when he came in. I was wondering straight away, are Katie's parents rich, or did she earn it all herself. It seems like a rather extravegant house for her to be living in all by herself. I know you don't have to show us everything, but there wasn't mention of anyone besides her cousin living with her. So Katie is the outgoing one and Sarah is the shy one. You showed that pretty clearly.

So I suppose your next chapter is all about the wedding. It will be interesting to see how Dean and Seamus act at the wedding with their "dates" around. So far, I don't sense any tension between the guys, or tension anywhere really. It's pretty happy right now with no trouble in sight.

Have fun writing the rest of the story!

Pix

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Review #20, by PixileaninHarry Potter and the First Mission: The First Training Week

29th August 2015:
Ah, there is mystery here. Let's see what we've got. I am immediately suspicious of Romilda and her batting eyelashes. She should get that checked out. It's no good to have dusty eyelashes, very unhealthy and it could damage her eyes long term.

No, but seriously. What is up with her? At first I thought she and Blaise were trying to kidnap Harry for some reason, but then it was only lunch and he brought Ron along, and then the whole bit with Ginny needing to protect Ron... and then Romilda with her eye problem again. Either she has a misplaced crush, or she's got something else sinister going on.

I still don't trust her.

I liked the training sequence, and the clever use of different spells, not just fighting spells, for them to solve their problems. The animagus thing came up again, which I am curious about. In your story, do all the Aurors learn how to be animagi? That would be a cool twist.

Your mystery deepens, and the characters progress.

Pix

Author's Response: Ha ha ha, "damage her eyes long term" funny.
If you were me, how would you describe Romilda, Pix? I'm eager to see how you'll work on her.

"Blaize will kidnap Harry" story sounds interesting. If I have time to write, it'll be more interesting. If I do that, it'll be categorized as AU, which sounds interesting in another meaning.

As the other reviewer pointed out, there are a few authors who tried writing animagus things. There are also so many magical theories to explore in the world of J.K.Rowling. That's why we FF authors can't stop writing, right?

Kenny


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Review #21, by PixileaninTales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Fury

29th August 2015:
"So she was very surprised to find herself settling back into her chair. ďTell me, do you live alone?Ē "

No!!! Alright now. What season of Criminal Minds were you binging on when you wrote this thing?? I mean, yeah, we're all a bit morbidly curious, but that was almost not worth revisiting. Ah, I'm starting to understand the glued eyes thing. Masterful. And beyond creepy. I remember this scene with the flashbacks. Really well-done with Harry trying not to put himself in that little boy's shoes.

And he's at it again. Already? Harry was right. Jugson moves fast.

ďPotter,Ē Jugson snarled through clenched teeth as he turned aside a jet of red light that tore a hole in the wall behind him. ďWhat does it take to kill you?Ē

Really? Does Jugson not keep up with recent history? I love how you used that line. It's so... so.. I don't think ironic is the word I'm looking for, but I'll use it anyway.

ďBloke chops the head off a great, bleeding snake and now he thinks heís Godric bloody Gryffindor,Ē

Awesome line, Ron. But I completely agree with your sentiment. Neville saw red and acted rashly. Good thing that Justin is there to talk Harry out of a similarly bad decision. They're right. There is no "I" in "team". The whole enchanted house with the doors that lead in circles is fantastic. Like a spooky, messed up carnival fun house. Except without the fun part.

Using Neville's history against him, making Harry as guilty as super-humanly possible about it and then giving him more flashbacks. Nope. No fun here. If Susan wasn't there talking sense into him... you've gotta love those sensible characters, right?

The trouble with awesome cursed houses set up to hold people inside of them using ancient pureblood Dark Magic is that somehow after the author puts all of that together, he has to find a way for his character heroes to fight their way out of the complex trappings so they can fulfill their role and let the story come to a thrilling conclusion. Preferably without anyone feeling cheated.

I so feel you on this. And of course, because you're Dan, you succeed.

You push Harry to the breaking point, but then you give him people to pull him back from the line that he's put his toe over. He wouldn't be Harry without the overwhelming guilt afterwards, so I'm glad that Ginny was there at the end to emotionally debrief him. The dividing line that you draw between Harry's actions and the evil men that he's after is clear and deep. He does what he has to, not what he wants to. He uses his rage to push through and become stronger, and he has a network of people around him to temper that.


Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix! Today, I will get clean. At least as far as your reviews go.

When I look back at them, the flashback scenes with Jugson and Teresa turned out even creepier than I'd planned. Not that I didn't want them to be creepy, but wow. Makes me wonder about myself.

I wanted to get some emotionally charged banter going back and forth between Harry and Jugson. Between that and the flashbacks, I wanted this to become as personal for Harry as possible.

Neville loses his head in the worst possible way here. It very nearly ends up being disastrous for him and the rest of the team. You're right, it's as far from a fun house as it can possibly be.

I admit, I went through a few different iterations of how Harry beat Jugson before I settled on the sphere of boiling water. It was mostly in homage to Dumbledore trying to drown Voldemort in the Ministry Atrium. At some level, I'm sure that's where Harry got the idea. Dumbledore wasn't able to take it all the way through to the gory conclusion, however.

I think that, at least in his own mind, Harry broke a lot more than you realize. He knows that if Terry hadn't stopped him, he would have killed Jugson. And he wouldn't have killed him in self-defense, although I'm sure that's how the Ministry would have interpreted things before marking the case "closed". He would have killed Jugson because he wanted to see Jugson pay for his crimes. That's something that Harry will have to live with and for Harry, it won't be easy.

And that's the end of the story. Thanks, Pix, for all of the support and feedback!


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Review #22, by PixileaninTales of the Death Hunters: Shades of Anger: Outrage

29th August 2015:
Whew, big story here. Lots of weight in it, but you still manage to add some levity without breaking the scene.

"Susan had a concussion, second degree burns, lots of cuts from the flying glass and a broken collarbone from the Hogwarts Express over here landing on top of her.Ē

Ron's always got someone giving him what for. It's okay. I think on some level, he knows he deserves it. :)

Oh for goodness sake, Harry! Stay in bed, would you? Always the bleeding hero, literally sometimes. I think you've given him a worthy adversary. Healers can be very intolerant when they think their patients are out of their minds. Actually, Harry isn't in any shape to be wandering around anywhere. I love the little things, like how his vision blurs and he leans on Ron through his determination.

Justin's speech makes the Healer see his case though. It won't be fun or pretty for any of them, but sometimes hard things need doing in order to prevent worse things from happening. But really, someone should get Harry a wheelchair by this point. He really looks awful. Clothes and determination might not be all he needs at this point.

I really like the way you dressed up the room like a muggle hospital, with the linoleum and the lights. But nothing they can do for her is going to erase the week of utter horror she's been through. Poor woman. First, you hit us with the evil, and then you show us its victims. Ouch. Her mental state is in shreds.

I think "a bit on the sad side" is a gross understatement. You weren't kidding when you picked up the whole "anger" theme. Ugh. I don't even know where to begin with this.

You could have used Harry as the narrator for this chapter, since most of the action fell on him, but instead you chose Justin. That was a great way to show not only Harry's side of things, but also add more depth to the entire situation. This isn't Harry's fight alone. As Justin explains to the Healer, it's about protecting everyone they can by putting as many of these madmen away. We're mostly familiar with the way that Harry sees things as well, so to show it from someone else's point of view and give them a background where everything matters to them as well just broadens the scene that much more. Must remember that technique. You used it expertly.

I do have to respect the Healer's point though. Often, Aurors are seen as unsympathetic, almost to the point of cruelty, who concentrate more on the crime than the people who were affected by it, particularly with muggles, who they often dismiss, sadly not as extremely as Jugson does, but still in the same manner, that they don't matter. I'm glad you made the point, and the way the Healer's attitude changes during the questioning, from disapproving to reluctantly helpful shows that she gets this. She finally understands how important it is for them to get this monster. So well done!

The whole morality issue that Justin brings up is unsettling. It would be so easy to take away Teresa's memories, but she'd always have that underlying grief inside. With her memories gone, she won't know where it's coming from and it could quite possibly destabilize her for life. Magic can't cure everything, especially a broken heart. I'm surprised but content to see that the Healer understands this. Teresa does need to grieve in some way. I'm glad that Justin is outraged for her, and equally glad that Harry wants to carry her anger for her.

Another chapter where I couldn't tear my eyes away. You must teach me how you do that. You know, that thing. With the glue that you affix to your readers' eyes...

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix! I have to stop procrastinating so much on reviews.

Ron is always great for comic relief, even when the scene is otherwise very serious. *Especially* when the scene is otherwise very serious.

Harry should definitely be in bed, but he wouldn't be Harry if that stopped him. He's been driving healers crazy since Pomfrey.

I really liked being able to use Justin for the narrative point of view in this chapter. I thought he brought something unique to the story, a perspective that's totally different from Ron's or Harry's.

I thought a fair bit about how St. Mungo's would accommodate muggles. The magical world is all about deception and hiding in plain sight, so it made sense that they would start the process of "un-remembering" by not giving the poor muggle anything new to un-remember.

People don't often accuse me of being an expert. Thank you for that! :) In the books, we never get to see Harry's actions from anyone else's point of view. I thought it would be great for Justin to give us some insight into how Harry Potter plays on "Main Street".

The old nurse has a very good point. The Auror profession attracts very smart, very driven people who probably don't relate well to others. If the nurse had been attending to injured muggles all throughout the war, she probably had a lot of first-hand experience with the cruelty of wizards toward muggles and the blase attitude of Aurors toward the victims. Justin shows her a different sort of passion, though. In the end, the Aurors win her over.

Teresa's situation is a huge moral quandary. There really is no resolution that isn't cruel in some way because she's already been through so much trauma. I agree that taking all of her memories away would actually be the most cruel, because you'd be taking something very important and precious away from her.

So Harry carrying that anger... hang onto that thought. It's pretty much the crux of the final chapter.

Glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for reading and reviewing!


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Review #23, by PixileaninHarry Potter and the First Mission: Auror Headquarters

28th August 2015:
Kenny!


Team Gold!

Onwards.

Haha, the snitch alarm clock sounds really awesome, and Iím tickled that itís a present from George. You have thought out a lot of small details in this story that just make it come alive. I like the image of Harry surrounding himself with things that are gifts from his friends, like a protection against the outside world. It makes him secure. Nice.

Ah, interesting bit about Aberforth. I like that inclusion. Iím glad that Harry will see someone familiar that can hopefully guide himÖ or did you have something else in mindÖ no no, donít tell me. I like to be surprised.

Wow, okay. Now that Iíve heard Lavendarís voice in the lift several times, Iím thinking it might not really be her. I mean, is she in the lift with them, or is it just her voice? Because itís kinda creepy with her voice being there without her, announcing all the floors.

So Harryís an Auror now. Excitement. Intrigue. Lunch.

Back later!

Pix

Author's Response: Hi, Pix. Thank you for stopping by!

I like Quidditch thing as well as the Aurors so I wanted to descibe some related to the sports in the story.

I could create a new mentor here but the impression of Aberforth in the last book and the movie was strong, so I tried writing him.

Some authors might have Lavender die but I like her so I tried having her take a role in the Ministry. I think she deserves something important for her fight against the Death Eaters and their followers.

The plot is needed to be developed. I admire your work at your bunny story.

Kenny


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Review #24, by PixileaninEqual Measure Good and Bad: The Curse of the Stonehenge

28th August 2015:
Mr Penn.

Tag. From the forums, just in case you were confused about that. Hi.


So, Stonehenge. I love that idea, that a man would be drawn to such a place. Your take on what the effects of a muggle entering a place that had anti-muggle charms on it were so interesting. The man is sweating, but itís pouring down rain! I could tell that he was affected by something, but you left it a mystery until the next scene, where it was clearly explained. Nicely done.

You definitely have a mystery vibe about this story going on in this first chapter. I can feel that manís Ďneedí to get to that place, and itís stronger than just having had dreams as a child. It piqued my interest at once. Why does he want to go there? What is driving him? Excellent lead-ins. I also like seeing Harry in an official capacity here, right off the bat. It solidified the storyís timeline as being after the second war. I donít have too many questions about that, but Iím sure that if canon is involved in the story, you will address it as it comes up.

Interesting that Harry can feel the Dark Magic as being the thing that revived Stonehenge. I liked the tingling sensations that he got from it, like itís alive. Ah, okay, and thereís the tie-in I was looking for. Oh no, theyíve already lost two curse breakers? Thatís bad. At first, when the official looking man said there had been a murder, I had imagined it was a muggle. And I loved seeing Bill in this capacity as well. This should be a fun plot to follow.

Oh wow. Dracoís a healer? Thatís novel and itís also great because heíd be the one to know a lot of first hand knowledge about Dark Magic. Nice placement here. Iím sure he will come in handy. Iím glad youíre giving those CurseBreakers a fighting chance. I thought in the last scene that we had lost them for good. We might still, but youíve given them one last shot at hope. I like the symbolism of Malfoy being the one to give them that hope too.

Well, that Stonehenge is not just going to stand around and take prodding without rebuttal, is it? That curse sounds really nasty, and with Bill worried, so am I.

Very interesting start to the story. I shall have to come back sometime and see what happens next.

Pix

Author's Response: Thanks a ton Pix. Your reviewing style was extremely through and I absolutely enjoyed reading the same.

The Stonehenge has some secrets of its own and when you read further, you shall understand it better.

Draco is another major character in this story of mine. Further chapters shall tell you more about him for sure.

Thanks again for this amazing review. Hoping to listen from you again pretty soon.


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Review #25, by PixileaninThe Dangers of Black Cats: Memories and Dreams

28th August 2015:
The way you wrote how Michael and Philip (et al) tried to get the details out of Liam really showed his detachment and mopey attitude about the whole thing without belaboring the point. I'm not blaming him one bit. He's just discovered something really wonderful and deep, only to have it snatched away before he can fully appreciate it. Time passes, people eventually learn to move on. It doesn't make it any less uncomfortable in the meantime, or quell the sudden pangs that come out of nowhere when they're least expected. Such melancholy, and so well expressed.

I love the small aside that uplifted Liam's esteem in the eyes of the girls. Having read some of your other story summaries, I can guess that this is a springboard for what happens in the future. This was a really great setup for some interesting characters.

The ending was a great way to insert a bit of hope into this piece. Having Elena remember *something* in some manner made McGonagall's words ring true, and also lifted my spirit a bit as well. We always have hope. There should always be that lurking somewhere at the end.


I absolutely adore your author's note at the end of the piece, explaining how the story came about and where it leads. I'm so happy you found HPFF and are posting here. If you are interested in more comments on your stories, you really should hop over to the forums. You can find the link on the top of the page. Reviews can sometimes be like currency around here. Don't know if you have time for that or not, but I thought I'd throw it out there.

Hopefully, I'll have some time to come back for your longer stories to see what you're doing. Everything about this story is so well-placed, the characters breathe with a minimum amount of fuss, the prose is so very clean, and the plot was fascinating and fresh, and fit perfectly into the world of HP. I love reading such polished work. It helps me keep a critical eye on my own writing. The best thing about this story was the absolute honesty that you were able to convey in a story about a young person that was in a writing style that young people could grasp. It still had depth and breadth and meaning, without feeling like it was being written down from a higher place. This is something that I'm really keen on trying to understand, because I have a story about a young person that I'm working on right now, but the style and the story itself doesn't seem to be "for" younger readers. It's more "about" a kid, for adults, if that makes sense. Ah well. I suppose I should just do what we all do and write the thing, and then see what comes of it.

It's always great to learn new things. I truly enjoyed reading this and I loved what you did with it.

Thanks so much for this wonderful story!

Pix

Author's Response: Pix, your reviews are very encouraging. Writing is lonely work, and while watching my read counts climb is fun, I really appreciate being able to connect with my readers. I'm glad we're connected via Twitter now, too, so you can see the broader effort.

Yes, I should attempt the forums again. In the past, I've hit roadblocks and immediately stopped. It's tough to juggle it all (Twitter, FB, Goodreads, etc.) and still have time for writing.

I would love to read this story of yours you mentioned, and return the favor of a review and thoughtful analysis.

Keep in touch! Fondly, KJ


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