This is quite good for a first fic my only note would be for things like this
(But all of this is really by-the-by and not really all that relevant so I’ll leave the rest of the history at the wayside.) I think it distracts from the story a bit, if you want to make family history clearer you could put an authors note at the beginning of the chapter ;)
other than that I really liked it. I shall be watching this to see where it goes.Author's Response: THANK YOU!
also i do know what you mean about that, I've got in a really bad habit of breaking the fourth wall of late and I'm trying to get out of it - in the next chapters I'm much better at resisting the urge Report Review
I love it so much please please updateAuthor's Response: Thank you for reviewing! It's great to hear that you like it so much, and I'll definitely be updating as soon as I can - it's next on my list, so hopefully there will be an update in about a week or so!
Thanks again for reviewing! ^^ Report Review
I love this story so much, which is probably to much considering it's the first chapter. When the words vampire emerged I was suspecting some cliched Twilight Crossover but your character works well and is original, well done.Author's Response: Thank you so much for taking the time to review!
It's great that you didn't immediately tune out at the word 'vampire' - the twilight cliche was something I really didn't want to have this story to be associated with. There are other interpretations of vampires other than twilight xD
Thanks again for the lovely review!! ^^ Report Review
I think this a nice and clean introduction. I'm liking your characterization of Draco. very much. I think you have a strong plot going for you and the intro definitely hooks the reader,
GlittergirlAuthor's Response: Aww, thank you so much!! I am really happy to hear that you like my characterization of Draco so much, and I hope that that remains constant throughout the rest of the story as well, lol! :)
I'm glad I got ya hooked, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on the rest of the story as well mommy, lol!! Thank you ever so much for reading & reviewing!!! =) Report Review
I'm already loving you're introduction and can tell this story is going to be something special. I like how you start off with the present and go back to the past,poetic right. Even though I obviously don't have the words to describe you're time changes I can tell you I love them and their the type of things making a reader want to read more. I'm also loving the interesting fact of Myrtle being fine with death, another thing making the reader thirst for more.
What an interesting twist for Myrtle to like the darkest wizard in history. I like this plot line very much it is original, and I like the new outlook on Myrtle.
Keep up the good work,
HarmonyAuthor's Response: Hi Harmony, thank you for such an up-beat review, it totally made me smile:)
Yeah, Myrtle has been fun and strange and surprising to write with, and I think a lot of those emotions come out in the story and plot. But people have been responding well, so I keep telling myself that I am apparently doing something right, hehe.
I'm so glad you enjoyed this first bit, thank you for the review.
BB Report Review
This was written very well. I especially love the last,don't ask me why, but I do.I think you have captured the adult Marauders very nicely and am eager for more.
HarmonyAuthor's Response: Yes, I tried to write this very carefully and I'm not really sure why you love the last. I'm glad I captured the adult Marauders and I'll re-request as soon as I could.
Thanks for reviewing; I really appreciate it! :)
I must say I loved this chapter, I'm also liking this side to Sirius it's kind of original. Anyway I like that we got more in depth with your oc, and once again the cannon characterizations have been spot on.
Anyways keep up the good work,
Harmony Report Review
Hello Joy here,
First off I'd like to apologize for how long it's taken me to review, anyways I'll get to it now.
I think your story has a lot of potential and am really liking the cannon characterizations. It was a little on the short side, but that's not to big of a deal. Your begging could use some work too, it wasn't bad or anything but their was no real introduction. Also I would like to get more in depth with your cannon.
Other than that though I think your doing a lovely job.
Harmony Report Review
I really like your plot and am interested to see what happens next, but there were quite a few mistakes and where are the dementers?
Other than that I think it has a lot of potential :)Author's Response: I just figured that myself!haha! Thanks for replying. It is under construction and really need to work on it. Can you please reply saying more about my faults so I can improve. Thanks! Brigitte Malfoy Wood Report Review
yay i'm so excited! just 1 thing where's Percy?Author's Response: percy was there! Report Review
Even though this isn't a favorite ship of mine I rather enjoyed it. Most of the characters are very believable and surprisingly cannon even though the story line it's self is not.:) The Draco and Hermonie romance could use some help, just because Hermonie seems like such a strong willed girl, and I don't see her simply falling for a death eater, who has caused so much pain to her friends and loved ones, with out a tremendous struggle. Other than that I really liked it you have a strong and identifiable voice.Author's Response: Thanks so much! =] Hermione's behavior will make more sense once it is revealed how their relationship came to be. Report Review
I'd like to start off by saying how wonderful your first paragraph is. I love the romantic setting.The boy's description is marvelous. I don't know what else to say except that it's so beautifully written! I love it! Please never stop writing!Author's Response: *Smiles* Thank for you lovely compliments! Oh yes, the setting was quite something I had to plot out.
I thank you again for telling me to never stop writing. What an ego-booster to a new fanficker! I hope you return for the next chapter!
-Axjion Report Review
First of all I'd like to say how great it is that you're breaking out of the fluff genera that follows this era. I also like the mystery you have in the beginning it grabs the readers attention making them begging for more. You're description of Lily was also fabulous. I like the more adult appearance you gave her.
I'd like to pint out two grammar mistake that bugged me.
'having his ex girlfriend touching his feet were not something he fancied.'
'He could listen to her breaking.' I'm assuming you meant breathing,lol.
Other than that, though, your grammars pretty flawless, kudos.:)
I'm also liking the mature James, in most story's he's painted as a one dimensional character, lol. Anyways over all I really like it, it's well written and very original.Author's Response: I like to stay original, and I'm so very glad you noticed it :) Oh, the start, I had never thought of it that way when I wrote it, but you're right. Well, they all have to grow up sooner or later and Lily was more fit for this role as more adult because it is more of that kind og story? The same for James, they've both grown. I've already sent the chapter into the queue again with those corrections. I just hate when it slips.
Thanks for taking the time to review! Report Review
It's funny and I like how Asher's not all googoo eyed for Sirius:) Report Review
This is amazing! Susan is a very original character with a strong personality. Keep up the good work.Author's Response: Thanks for reviewing :) Report Review
I really really love it!Author's Response: Thanks for the review! I'm glad that you liked it! Report Review
It's so random it makes my head hurt, I love it. write more soon.Author's Response: Thanks I'm trying!
~LB Report Review
“I don’t like sausage!”omg thats hilarious!Author's Response: Thank you!
~LB Report Review
I love it it's hilarious! Keep up the good work!Author's Response: Thanks I'm trying!
~LB Report Review
I really like it, except the insult to Elise because Lily doesn't strike me as a mean person. I don't see why any of them would even pretend being her friend if they just treat her like crap. Report Review
I like it! Draco and Luna are very believable. Alrighty off to the next chapter.Author's Response: :D Thank you very much! Report Review
I like it, a little short, but good. Write more soon.Author's Response: I'm glad you liked it; I'll try to update soon. Thanks for reviewing! Report Review
I like the Idea and it's very entertaining, but their are a few mistakes with grammar ,it's ok my grammar sucks. Other than that I really like it.
P.S. you should get a beta, they work miracles, lol.Author's Response: haha i will use beta thanks for the tip :)
and thank you very much for your review- means a lot to me that you've read it :)
x Report Review
aww, hurry up and write more soon I really like it.Author's Response: Awww, thank you so much for the review!
I'm trying, I'm trying! :D
-Drue Report Review
Ok I know I should of reviewed earlier but I just have to say this story is brilliant.
Are Alana and Sirius gonna get together?Author's Response: Aww, thank you. ;D
And you'll just have to wait and see now, won't you? xD
xo Report Review
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