Reading Reviews From Member: Yoshi_Kitten
  
145 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Yoshi_KittenEvolution: Ain't No Sunshine

24th October 2014:
Hello Kevin, I'm Deana. (RoxiMalfoy from the forums) I've seen you around in the common room alot, but we've never actually talked, so it's nice to finally "meet" you, lol! sorry it took me a few days, but I'm here for our October Review exchange!! =)

First of all, that introductory paragraph was amazing! I loved your attention to detail when describing the thunder storm outside, and then you brought James' sarcastic personality into it when he announced that it was a "splendid day," lol! I love the Marauders, so I'm super happy that we got paired together this month. I really liked this first chapter, and I think it was a great way to begin the story. I really like how it started off with James being on his summer break, rather than starting with them already at Hogwarts, or on the train in the 1st chapter, like alot of stories do. Choosing to do that provided a great opportunity to explore James family life, and I really liked that approach. I like how you described the Potter Estate, and I loved Tinka.

I really enjoyed reading his reflections on the past year, and I think that was a great way to show what's happened so far and set things up for what's to come. I'm also one who likes to watch an Epic romance as it unfolds, so I also appreciate the fact that James is not quite head-over-heels in love with Lily yet. And I like idea that he has been asking her out continuously as a joke for right now, as it gives time for their relationship to build from the ground up.

The only bit of CC I can come up with here is to watch out for those long run-on paragraphs. That last one, for example, was a bit on the longish side, and my silly brain kept skimming through it and losing my place, lol. And you don't want your readers to skim over any important pieces of your story. Simply breaking that into two smaller paragraphs would fix it easily enough tho, I think. Perhaps you could split it where it says: "Maybe she was partly right." or somewhere in that area? Idk. Now I feel like I'm being too picky, lol. Feel free to just ignore me if I am. =P

Honestly, this is already off to a great start and I can't wait to read more. The rivalry between James and Severus is good already, and I am anxious to see more on that note too. I also cannot wait to meet the rest of the Marauders, and see how well you characterize them as well! Your James is perfect so far, and I think that this was an excellent first chapter, Kevin. I'll be back for the next chapter as soon as I can. Sorry, again, for taking so long to get to this. Thanks so much for swapping! :D

10/10
~Deana~

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Review #2, by Yoshi_KittenLife As We Know It: chapter two

30th September 2014:
Hey Erica. I am SO sorry it has taken me so long to get back to this. RL has been CRAZY these past few weeks!! But here I am, finally, ready to review this amazing story of yours!! First of all, let me say that I am really sorry this didn't get more attention in the Dobbys this year. You characterization of Hermione (and now even Draco) is so spot-on. I just feel like you should get WAY more attention for that. This really feels like the I'm reading the characters that JKR created, and that's saying something. You write everything so realistically, and it's very well done!! =)

Honestly, the only CC I really have to give here is in your paragraph length. There were a few instances; like the paragraph right after where Draco leaves the Room of Requirement, and Hermione is thinking about his odd behavior. I feel like that could easily be divided up into two parts - right where she says I shook my head; I couldn't let myself think like that. for example. And the long paragraph where she was pondering all the activity in the common room, right before Parvati came up to her is another example. I feel like a good place to begin a new paragraph there would be when she says I felt strange as I watched everyone else laugh and have fun.

And then, finally, the very last paragraph is another that could be split up as well. Actually, the last three paragraphs of this could be looked back over, but that very final one is a monster of a paragraph, lol. I feel like that one could easily make three parts. You could start a new paragraph when she looks up and Sarah and Lisa come in; and then you can split it up again when Hermione says Was the toll of books and cleverness to be alone I think that would be good...

These are only my personal suggestions though, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. It is YOUR story, after all. It could just be because I was reading this chapter from my mobile device the first time, but I found myself skimming over some of those larger paragraphs, and then had to stop myself and reread back over things. This happened more than once, so I just felt it was worth mentioning. I myself am guilty of writing overly long paragraphs too, and someone brought it to my attention once also. Again, this is probably just a personal preference thing though. Please don't think I'm being too picky, lol. Your writing is seriously really good!!

And the plot is thickening already!! Malfoy wants her to keep quiet and, in exchange, he will do the same. I really like how you have Hermione sort of obsessing over him by the end of this, lol. It's very realistic of her character; always wanting to know the answers to the mystery. That's what I really like about this story so far - it all seems entirely plausible. I think my favorite part though, was the scene between Hermione and Harry. It was slightly altered from the way things happened in Cannon, but yet all of the important aspects of it were there. You, again, write Harry and Hermione's relationship very realistically.

Now I know that I have been using that word a LOT in this review, lol! But that's only because I mean it! Seriously, I've already told you before that I'm not much of a Dramione shipper. But that mostly stems from the sole fact that I just do not see this pairing as being realistic enough to support... With this story, however, you have set it up in such a way that I actually can see this working out; and that in an of itself is an accomplishment, haha!! ;)

This is really great hun, and I cannot wait to read more. (Actually, I may have already read ahead, lol, but I digress.) I am super excited to see where you go with this, especially as the events of DH start to take place, if it goes that far... Keep up the great work!! And again, I'm so sorry it took me so long to get back to this. I cannot wait to see your responses tho!! Hopefully you don't think that I was being too critical with this review... See you in the next chapter. Thanks so much for the swap!! =D

10/10
~Deana~

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Review #3, by Yoshi_KittenYear Five: R

22nd September 2014:
Hello, I'm back again!! Sorry it took me so long to get back here. I'm such a slow reader sometimes, lol! But I was SO happy to see that you enjoyed my reviews as much as I have been enjoying this story so far! And at least now I know why Tristan's face-claim looks so familiar: I LOVE Being Human!!! Ugh, I miss that show SO MUCH!!! I watched the US version, but once it got canceled here I looked up the UK version, and that was where I had seen Craig Roberts before, lol! =P

So Tristan IS a Slytherin then! I kinda thought so, but I wasn't too sure. You definitely had be guessing for a minute there, lol! That is a very interesting revelation, considering his heritage and all that. Though I am beginning to feel like there is more than meets the eye on his mother's side of the family here. How else would you explain his unusual interest in Harry Potter (last chapter) and then in Neville Longbottom (this chapter) huh? Does he, or perhaps someone else in his family, actually know about the prophecy somehow? Are they involved with any Dark Wizards? Tristan's last name sounds SOO familiar, but I just can't seem to place where I have heard it before. And what is up with this mysterious 'R' middle-name?? The only R's that I can think of right now are Regulus Black, and Rudolphus & Rabastan Lestrange; all of whom are also Slytherins... Could Tristan's family have any connections to those wizards?? I wonder, I wonder. Guess I shall just have to read on to find out!

But anyway, I was glad to see that Tristan is, in fact, in Slytherin; as now there really are people from ALL the houses represented in their little group. Way cool how you did that, btw. Gotta love that house unity!! I am even more curious to see how the 4 (or 6 if you count the twins) of them met tho. Will that information be revealed in a later chapter, perhaps? If not, have you ever considered writing a prequel or something to show how they all originally became such good friends? I'm sure there are a lot of people who would be interested in seeing how "The Hex Heads" were formed, haha!! I've also seen that this story is completed now as well. (You got done posting all of this SO FAST, btw!!) And I was happy when I saw that, cuz it means that I won't have to wait for updates between chapters now. But at the same time, I feel like I really don't want this story to ever end, haha!! Have you given much thought to writing a sequel to this?? I think it would be way cool to see a "Year Six" story, as I would very much like to see how all of these characters respond to the whole Chamber of Secrets ordeal, lol!! ;)

Can I just say that I love Emily!?! I think that she is my personal favorite of their group. I know we haven't really seen much of Laurel yet, so I really shouldn't be picking favorites already; but I can't help it!! Speaking of Laurel tho; she really does seem to have a bot of an addiction to Cheering going on here, doesn't she? I hope that she realizes this is becoming a problem and gets help at some point, but I'm sure that I will have an opportunity to share my thoughts on all of that in a future chapter. For now I shall just stay focused on EMILY, as I do not wanna run up my word-count, lol! I just love her personality, and I like how much closer she is with Tristan than the other two are. Their note-passing scene was so cute! Not sure what direction you're gonna go with their relationship here, but it would be really cool if those two got together, I think... I love how quirky she is to. You really don't see too many stories that feature Hufflepuff characters, so this is such a refreshing thing to read.

I think that you handled the Sorting Ceremony brilliantly, and I love the little backstory that you created between her and Dumbledore. Also, I absolutely adored the fact that Tonks kind of took her in from the beginning. She really is so open and accepting of everybody, and I love how you brought that into her character here. And look; you even managed to bring Cedric Diggory into this as well, which was awesome by the way!! Tho thinking of Cedric just made me realize that the Hex Heads won't be at Hogwarts for the Tri-Wizard tournament. Which is sad, because I feel like Emily would have been really proud to see a fellow Hufflepuff as the Hogwarts Champion... I really enjoyed reading this whole chapter in Emily's POV. She really does have SUCH a great sense of humor! This line was probly my favorite line in the story so far tho: "Super Baby Harry Potter ended up Gryffindor - to exactly no one's surprise"

I was happy to see that Emily and Tristan had potions class together, and I loved the little entrance that they made. Good for them for choosing to defy the social norms and sit together, haha! The ending of the chapter was great too. Your characterization of Snape was spot-on. It's so typical of him to give all the credit to a Slytherin, even if it is for someone else's work. I hope that Emily doesn't take this too personally though, as Snape just cannot help himself sometimes, lol.. Honestly though, you just write everything SO perfectly!! Even your end-notes are AWESOME!! You have clearly put so much time and effort into this Novel, and it has truly paid off so beautifully!! I just cannot put into words how much I freaking LOVE this story right now, haha!! Thank you so much for writing it, Roisin!! This is truly spectacular work, and you deserve every single Dobby Award that you are about to win for this, lol!! Idk how soon It'll be before I can get to the next chapter, but this is definitely NOT the last time you will be hearing from me, lol. I cannot wait to read this entire story and see how everything plays out here!! =D

~Deana~

Author's Response: Hello!

You should TOTALLY check out the other things he's been in! Sumbarine is pretty brilliant! And Skins:Fire got pretty universally bad reviews, but I ADORED IT (and slightly fell in love with his character). (By slightly I mean a lot).

So the Slytherin reveal: YAY! I was hoping for that to have some impact, but also not to be totally unexpected. AND YOU ARE RIGHT, you DO recognize his last name! As for R names, don't forget about Rookwood, Riddle, Remus, Rosier, and Rowle (to name a few) ;)

And yes! There is a bit of a flashback to how they all met! Glad you were hoping for that!

I may have posted all of this quickly, but I didn't WRITE it quickly! I spent over a year working on this, and only started uploading once I'd finished (but then I invariably ended up editing EVEN MORE).

I'm SO GLAD that people like Emily! I sort of wanted her to be the favorite, because Hufflepuff definitely doesn't get nearly enough love. But if you think about it, they have some of the BEST qualities!

Heheheh, Cedric went through an awkward phase! It was SOSOSO sad for me to write him, knowing that he died D:

SO GLAD you liked Snape, too! I'm sort of obsessed with him, and I LOVE HIM TO DEATH, but it was really fun for me to write him being (as he traditionally was) just super duper maddening!

SQUEE! Thank you SO much for all your kind words! I'm going to do a joyful little jig now! I so appreciate your taking the time to leave so much detailed feedback!

xoxo
-Roisin


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Review #4, by Yoshi_KittenGone: The Disappearance

16th September 2014:
At first I was like: "What is this? What am I reading right now?" But then I remembered that this was one of YOUR fics and I was like: "Oh yeah, Joey wrote this so it's okay!" Like ALL of your stories are so dark and interesting, lol, they really make you think!! And you have this unique style of writing about you to where I can just read something and know it came from you. You are a very distinguishable author, Joey, and your pieces are always memorable. This one-shot was no exception! (:

The concept behind this little tale is so frightening! Where did you get the inspiration for such an idea? I cannot even begin to imagine what I'd do if I were to ever wake up to a situation like this. Not sure if I'd have the strength to endure it for as long as Al did here tho... I think the most creep part of this was imagining the Burrow empty and void of all activity. Like Al, I think that was when it became more real to me as I was reading this. I kept waiting and waiting for there to be some sort of catch; like maybe he was having a bad dream or something. But then I realized that this was really happening and I just felt so depressed for Al. I wanted to reach in and give him a hug, lol!

Of all the characters you could have chosen to center this fic on tho, I am glad that you chose Albus. The scene where he was flipping thru the old photo album broke my heart. (Btw, you describing Rose as the photographer reminded me of Em's fic, haha!) I'm glad to see that Al and Scorpius were such good friends. It was a bit weird seeing Scorpius portrayed as the brainy one, instead of Rose. But then again, you're always changing it up and forcing us to view these characters in a new light like that, which I quite enjoy.

The ending was so sad. You ended it perfectly, mind you, but it was still heartbreaking nonetheless. Just to see Al consciously telling "no one" in particular that he knew he was going to go crazy one day. Heck, he was probly already a little out of his mind while he was writing this letter. Anyway, the concept is very depressing. ='(

I'm not sure what to feel right now, lol. This one-shot was great, even if it did not have the happy ending that I was hoping for. I seriously love all of you writing, Joey. Can't wait to see more, cuz you are amazing!!! =)

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Haha, I'm glad I'm getting a reputation for the dark and interesting from you. I just find it fun to explore things that I haven't seen explored before on the site. And developing a signature style of writing is one of my main goals, thank you!!

This is what I took from that quote at the end! I don't think this is what most people would have thought of, but then again, that's exactly why I wrote it! I had to add in the part about the Burrow being empty to really drive home the emotional point, I think. And, I hardly ever give my stories like this a catch. I always force my characters to suffer freely and in reality haha.

I didn't do that on purpose, but that is a funny little connection. I bet Annett would be mostly fine in this situation, lol. I try my hardest to make Al and Scorpius friends, unless it completely contradicts my story. I do like switching up the traits I assign to the Next-Gen kids periodically to keep everyone on their toes, I must say.

I know the end was depressing, but the ending I had in mind at first was a whole LOT worse. This is, by far, the more hopeful of the two. Take from that what you will. I'm so happy that you love my writing. I hope to upload much more soon! Thanks for the swap Deana!


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Review #5, by Yoshi_KittenThis is Audrey Tang: The Bad Taste: A Bad Taste

15th September 2014:
Hey Gabbie, Deana here (finally) to check out your story as requested in your last review of LNW. Sorry it has taken me so long to get here. I currently have 2 other long-term swaps going, and I am doing the Gryffindor review exchange this month too, so literally ALL the free-time I have to devote to HPFF has been taken up by that. I haven't even been able to finish writing the next chapter of my story yet cuz I've been so busy reading/reviewing other stories, lol! Now that I am here tho, there is just SO MUCH that I wanna comment on!! I shall do my best to squeeze everything into this before the character-limit cuts me off tho! ^_^'

Ok, so you were right: this was definitely NOT what I expected, haha!! I'll be perfectly honest with you tho, I am absolutely dead-set AGAINST this "industry" that Audrey is involved with here. I do not support it at all, and I absolutely hate the way that our society today has put so much emphasis on sex-appeal. I am a very reserved (save-sex-til-marriage) kind of gal when it comes to stuff like this, so when I saw the premise of this story, I'll admit that it really did not interest me. At all. I think that was why it took me so long to actually get around to reading it... That being said, however, I am SO GLAD that I finally decided to give this story a chance, because I loved it! You have chosen to write about such a sensitive issue, and yet it is not too over the top at all. It wasn't too descriptive, and I feel like you handled the sensitivity of the issue rather well here. Audrey is clearly struggling to make ends meet, and you can see that she is just in the job for the money, and not because she actually enjoys dong it. I am so rooting for her to get out of this career, and really DO something better with her life some day. Hopefully falling for Percy Weasley can help her to achieve this, lol! ;)

I like what you have done with Audrey's character here. She's confident, but not too cocky, and she really carries herself well. I was glad when she didn't let her boss walk all over her. He really does sound like a creep, and I don't blame her one bit for wanting to keep away from him. The fact that she isn't one of those girls who would rather "sleep her way to the top" speaks volumes about her character. She has self-respect, and I really like that about her. She is also clearly not afraid to go after what she wants, lol. I quite liked her initial attraction to Percy starting out as curiously. The way that you introduced the two of them was very real, and I found the whole setup to be extremely realistic. I could totally see George convincing Percy to go out with him and Lee Jordan to a strip club and, in light of Fred's death, I do not think that Percy would refuse. Before the war he wouldn't have been caught dead in a place like that, maybe, but he has clearly changed now. You can also tell that he is trying to be there for his brother, even though he is clearly uncomfortable, which I found to be very sweet of him. I've never really cared for Percy as a character in the HPFF universe, so I don't really read stories about him very often. But I must say that I quite like your take on Percy a lot here, actually. And that's saying something, lol! =P

You have set their future relationship up so well here, Gabbie. This will definitely be "one to tell the kids" some day, haha!! I like how she is clearly attracted to him in an unusual way, and even though he doesn't care to admit it, I think that he likes her too. Their banter back and forth on the way to the restaurant, and then again while they were eating, was really fun to read. I cannot wait to see how you go about bringing these two inevitable love-birds together! I'm actually glad that it wasn't exactly "love-at-first-sight" for both of them, as this makes things far more interesting. Your overall concept here, although I was a bit skeptical of it at first, it truly do believe that it really WORKS!! And now that I have read it, I actually do love it!! =D

I am SO glad that you requested this story for me, cuz I do not think I ever would have looked at it otherwise. Not only are you a fabulous reviewer, but you are also a really great writer!! I cannot wait to read more of your stuff now, Gabbie!! I shall be adding this one to my Favorites and reading your updates!! Please write more soon, and I shall get to the next chapter of this as soon as time allows! (:

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hello!

Goodness, this monster nearly gave me a heart attack. I don't get such long reviews and I couldn't really grasp the awesomeness of this without shrieking. :D

I know that a lot of people would have been put off by the concept of this story. I honestly can't blame them for wanting to turn away or not really read it because I know that this isn't something that a lot of people are comfortable with talking about.

It's a darker part of the world but I feel like these sort of things deserve to be written with just as much care as say, a posh wedding or a death scene. Hm...well, maybe not that second one so much! I thought that Audrey would be a good character to write because she's not at all what you would EXPECT her to be and that's always a lot of fun.

Audrey is struggling to keep herself together and I like that she came off as very strong and capable. I wanted to have her a bit weak in some areas so she didn't appear like an indestructible statue and I'm happy that that was able to come through as well.

Percy has changed a lot since Fred's death and he would in fact, have gone to a strip club just to clear his mind. I think that a lot of people assume that he didn't love his brother and it's obvious to me that they did care about each other in their own way. I think that if Fred had lived, they would have been able to bridge that gap between them and get very close.

I wanted them to appear as real as possible so the way they meet might be a bit unusual but the attraction is something a lot of people have been through. Hahaha, they bicker a lot but the interest is there! This wouldn't have been a love at first sight thing but it's a something and that's all that I wanted to put across.

Thanks a lot for stopping by with this really great, encouraging review. I hope you come back for future chapters! :)

Much love,

Gabbie


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Review #6, by Yoshi_KittenYear Five: The Hex Head Express

15th September 2014:
Im back again for chapter 2! I have a feeling the character-limit is gonna cut me off here cuz there is SO MUCH I wanna comment on, but I'll try to cover everything...

OMG, THESE ARE MY PEOPLE!!! No really, I swear I know people just like this in RL, lol. In fact, Tristan reminds me a LOT of my little brother; especially when it comes to the music thing. Ever since the invention of portable music devices, Cody can pretty much ALWAYS be seen with a pair of headphones around his neck - no joke! My little bro is a drummer in 3 different bands, and he has always been pretty BIG into music. Most of my family members are musicians of some sort; myself included, so I must say that the musical aspect of this is one of my most favorite things thus far. Cant say that I blame Tristan for wanting to listen to his music before not being able to play it anymore for the duration of the school year. After all, he's got the whole year to hang with his friends, so I probly would have made the same call there.

So what happened in the last chapter was his first time them? Oh no, the poor dear. I hope he is okay. Again, I just wanna reach in and give him a hug! I hope he doesnt stay depressed for too long tho, now that he is around all of his friends and back at school again. Speaking of which; I think you did an excellent job, yet again, at giving us such a detailed description of Tristan through his friends. I feel like I really got to know him a lot better in this chapter, even though he didnt really say much. I cant help but wonder why he seemed so interested in Harry. Even though Harry is so much younger than Tristan, it would be cool to see the two of them bump into each at some point in this, I think.

Tristan really did need some "cheering up" after the way his summer ended, I'd say. (You see what I just did there? Haha!) Honestly, I still CANNOT believe that Ive never seen this done before... I mean, come on! I remember what it was like to be a teenager, and this is exactly how it pretty much went, lol! And for someone to bring something so REAL like this into the HP universe is just AMAZING!! I mean, using Cheering Charms as recreational magic to get buzzed? Thats just plain BRILLIANT! And the concept is just SO believable too. Like, seriously, I can relate to this type of thing on a very personal level. I have always been a bit of a misfit myself, so I know what its like to be on the outside/non-popular group in school. My friends and I kind of had our own nerd-gang back in the day as well; though we werent nearly as cool as the "Hex-Heads" seem to be tho, lol. Love that name for their group too, btw! (:

I am enjoying ALL of your OC's in this so far, and I cannot wait to get to know them more. Idk if Isobel is into guys or girls, but I feel like there could be something there between her and Emily. Maybe. Or I at least got the sense that Isobel might have a small crush on her. Perhaps. There was just something about the attention to detail that was paid to Emily's character (by Isobel) all throughout this chapter that suggested she may like her as more than just a friend. I could be way off here tho, and if I am then feel free to just ignore this comment, lol! ^_^'

OMG, I absolutely LOVE ALL the little bits of Cannon that you have included in this chapter. I recognized the toad as Trevor immediately, lol, and was especially happy when I seen Hermione make an appearance in their compartment as she was trying to help Neville find him. I enjoyed their conversation about Harry too, especially when the twins began to explain how their mom had helped him onto the platform. And what they said about Ron being a "Probable embarrassment to the House of Gryffindor" was just hilarious!! Their comments about Percy were hysterical too, lol. Honestly, the twins were just PERFECT in this - in every possible way!! =D

I love how you made mention of Charlie and Tonks hee too! I've always seen Tonks as kind of a Rebel, so it was nice to see that she had her own group similar to this while in school, lol. Were her and Charlie in the same group together, perhaps? I could totally see the two of them being friends, so I sure hope that they were. Plus, Charlie definitely seems like the type of guy who would like to smoke - I have always thought this - so it's good to see that someone out there is finally writing it this way, lol! Oh, and the image of a stoned Arthur Weasley gave me quite a good laugh too! As obsessed with Muggles as Arthur is, the idea that Fred and George would use this to get their father to partake with them is extremely believable. Albeit, unexpected out of Mr. Weasley, but believable nonetheless. I can only imagine what Molly would say if she ever found out about this, lol! =P

I liked the mention of Penelope Clearwater in this too, and cant help but wonder how much of her we'll see in this since she shares a room with 2 of the girls... Another thing I like is the fact that not all of these friends are from the same house. You have Isobel & Laurel in Ravenclaw, Emily in Hufflepuff, Fred & George in Gryffindor, and -wait- what house is Tristan in? He strikes me as a Slytherin, but I dont think it was directly stated in this chapter which house he was in for sure. It'd be cool if he was a Slytherin tho, because then they would have someone from all 4 of the houses represented in their group. & Speaking of the houses, that part where they were assigning each house a corresponding drug at the end really cracked me up! They were all pretty accurate pairings too, lol!! But I especially enjoyed all the "puff" jokes about Hufflepuff, and the implication that Mrs. Sprout secretly grows weed in her restricted greenhouse, haha!! ALL of this stuff is just SO GENIUS!!!

Well, Im all outta room now, lol. See ya in the next chapter!

100/10 =)
~Deana~

Author's Response: !!YEE THANK YOU!!!

I am SO GLAD you find the characters relatable and like, RESONANT. These are the kinds of kids we didn't really see much of in canon (or if they were this way, we didn't hear about it)--so I SUPER wanted to see how they would interact with the wizarding world. And just, GAH, I can't even imagine not being able to listen to music for months on end! And being 15/16 to boot!

I'm sososo glad that you felt like you got to know Tristan better in this chapter! Rotating POVs was really fun for me because I got to look at everyone from so many different angles, and play with how I revealed information. (I pretty much stole that whole idea from Rowling's Casual Vacancy, actually, where that method was just MASTERFUL!)

I had no idea when I wrote this whether or not recreational magic was a thing that ever came up, but it just seemed so OBVIOUS to me! I mean: TEENAGERS. This story was pretty much inspired by the conversation, "well, if *I* was at Hogwarts..."

Definitely the most fun thing about writing a non-AU Hogwarts era story was being able to weave in so much canon! I also understand why people tend to avoid this genre, because OH MY GOD THE RESEARCH IT REQUIRED! But I am a nerd, and it was researching POTTER, so I was actually pretty into doing it!

Yay, Tonks! I was sososo happy to realize she would have overlapped with my OCs! And my headcanon dictates that Tonks and Charlie were definitely besties :D And RIGHT! I completely agree about Charlie smoking! (And actually, more-so Bill. I am forever angry at how the films cast him. He was supposed to have long hair, combat boots, and an earring!)

And Arthur! Hehehee. It was really funny to me to imagine him not really understanding what it was, and thinking of it as some quaint muggle novelty ;) Molly would probably be worlds-destroyingly furious if she found out--but she would have to understand the implications of it. I've noticed that different cultures in the world have different attitudes about different substances, and certain widespread things elsewhere aren't widely used in the western world. So I thought it would be fun to suggest different attitudes/levels of knowledge about common muggle things.

And yee, I had SO MUCH FUN with the substances+houses assignments! That was some of my favorite stuff to write :D

Seriously, THANK YOU SO MUCH for your reviews! They are AMAZING! Once RL lets up a little bit in the next weeks I will be inhaling your story!

xoxo
Roisin


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Review #7, by Yoshi_KittenYear Five: Dozens of Little Televisions (1991)

14th September 2014:
Hello Roisin, I'm Deana. I must say, I have heard nothing but great things about this story recently, so I was REALLY excited when I saw that we got paired together for the Review exchange this month!! I had been meaning to give this a read anyway, and this just gave me the perfect opportunity to get here sooner. And now I am officially hooked!!! Like, I'm coming back to leave this review, but I have already read the first 3 chapters because I just could NOT put this down once I started reading it!! You write like a pro, your characters are extremely realistic and relatable. And I am just so beyond impressed by this right now. =)

Now that I've gone and inflated your ego a little bit, (lol!) let me talk about the characters... SOPHIE: As she was a Muggle, and since they did obliviate her memories of that night, I get the feeling that we won't be seeing much of her anymore, now that Tristan is off to Hogwarts. Which is sad, really, as she had quite a back story going on there with trying to make her ex jealous and all that. And Tristan really seemed to be into her. Obviously I know now that she was his first now, but was he her first as well? If so, then that is awful that she doesn't even remember it now!! I really felt bad for her, and also for Tristan because he actually liked this girl and now they're taking her away from him. I mean, she as totally buying into his dad's cover story about advanced technology, and it's actually not a very far stretch, considering that Muggles really will have digital picture frames and the like 23 years into the future! I loved how she thought they were all a bunch of tiny little TV's at first tho, until she dropped it and the portrait reacted to her. That was brilliant! You have set everything up for this so well right from the start. I am loving it!! ;)

TRISTAN: First of all, I like that you used Sophie to describe his features, as he does not seem like the type of bloke to talk about himself much, lol. He seems quiet and shy, and like he doesn't really say much until you get to know him. He was so sad at the end. I just wanted to reach into the story and give him a hug! Tristan is a very deep thinker, the metaphor about the trees at the end was a great way to demonstrate this. He certainly is unique in his own way, and I cannot wait to learn more about the way he views the world. I love how emotional and angsty he is here too, it really adds to his character and tells a lot about his personality. If you don't mind me asking; who is the guy you are using for him in your graphics? He looks so familiar, but I cannot figure out where I've seen him before, lol.

The only tiniest bit of CC that I can come up for this right now is in regards to the POV switch in the middle of the chapter. It just kind of threw me off a bit at first because it wasn't really broken up at all, and it just jumped right into another person's thoughts without warning. I feel like there should have been an extra added space in between the paragraphs of the two characters, or perhaps one of those line-break bar thingys? I've even seen some people use the */b> or ~ symbols to mark POV changes within a solitary chapter before. Again, this may sound picky, and it could just be me, but it did distract me from reading it the first time, so I felt like it was worth mentioning. Once I read back over it again and realized what was going on, everything was absolutely great!! :D

Oh, and I also really liked how you used an actual Obliviator that was mentioned in Cannon here also. I know you said that you had done a huge amount of research for this, in order to keep it as close to Cannon as possible, and it really shows!! The time and effort that you have put into this is incredible, and all of that hard work has definitely paid off, I'd say! I seriously think that this could easily become one of my all-time favorite stories that I have ever read on HPFF – it has THAT MUCH potential!!! I am super looking forwards to reading and reviewing the rest now! I've already favorited it and I am going to recommend this to all my my friends now too. This is off to such a great start, and I am stoked to see what kind of mischief they get into at Hogwarts!!

10/10 - this was seriously SUCH a perfect first chapter!!
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hello!!!

Thank you SO MUCH for leaving such an amazing, insightful, review! You rule!

I'm super glad the just TRAGEDY of that whole obliviation scenario came off! I really wanted to examine in what ways the wizarding world could be uniquely cruel, and that idea was just THE SADDEST THING! Plus, it seemed like something that *must* happen from time to time (because kids would *totally* end up ignoring the statute if they could get some kisses out of it).

Ooh! You're the first person to ask about faceclaims! I was SUPER proud of them! Tristan is a Welsh actor named Craig Roberts (he was in "Submarine", "Skins:Fire", and had a small recurring role on "Being Human"--plus starred in the spin-off web series. Some other things too, but those are the main ones.) I spent FOREVER coming up with faceclaims, because I really wanted everyone to *actually* look like teenagers, look like they *could* be wearing robes for any chapters set at Hogwarts (or be easy enough to photoshop), and not all look super glamorous/high fashion. I ended up going with Indie actors who started out at teenagers, and picked the ones who had the most usable photos. I was really pleased when I thought of Roberts for Tristan! He was close enough to my original mental-image, and then I ended up rewriting the whole thing with that actor in mind! I'm actually really glad I did that, because I feel like it helped me catch awkward/unrealistic dialog :)

Thank you SO MUCH for the note about the POV shift! I will definitely take your advice, and do some sort of page break! I'll stick to the all caps tag as well, but you're right--the first time the shift happens the reader has very little indication of what is going on.

Your kind words! Ah!1!1! THANK YOU!

Weaving in canon was SO MUCH FUN for me! I also really liked that, since Rowling created *so frikken many* characters, I didn't have to come up with whole new names or anything--I could just scan the HP wiki or Lexicon! Plus, if you think about it, the wizarding world must be TINY, considering the size of the Hogwarts student body, and the canon indication that most magical kids in Britain go to Hogwarts. I decided to recycle canon as much as possible because that just seemed more realistic! I mean, all of Magical Britain probably amounts to, like, the population of one smallish city!

I can't wait to get started on your story, which has been on my reading list for a while!

Thankyouthankyouthankyou!
xoxo
-Roisin


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Review #8, by Yoshi_KittenLife As We Know It: chapter one

11th September 2014:
Hello! RoxiMalfoy from the forums here to begin out review-swap!! And I must say that this was such an excellent first chapter!! =)

Okay, so right off the bat, I love that this is in Hermione's perspective. Honestly, I don't think I've really read much from her POV before, so this is a refreshing change already. You have really seemed to capture her inner-voice quite well. She is clearly jealous of Lavender, and you did a great job capturing that. I really liked when you went into detail about Lavender being so unorganized, and what she said about her favorite class being Divination made me laugh. I love the contrast that you have created between these two girls. They are complete opposites, and you have done a remarkable job at demonstrating this! (:

I felt so heartbroken for Hermione though, when she was first entered the room of requirement. You did such an epic job at capturing such raw emotions in this entire chapter, but that part really got to me. This line here was one of my favorites:
Books and cleverness was one thing, but in the end, that's all that they were, just a thing that held no meaning. There was no companionship in them, no comfort, just words. --Right in the feels, lol!! Seriously though, your language in this is just beautiful!

I wasn't expecting this story to start out in their 6th year, but I'm glad it did. I loved reading this part of HBP (though it is slightly different) from Hermione's POV. And I think it's cool how you've shown that there can be more than one person using the room of requirement at once. Was the shimmer she seen there because Draco was using the room as the place where lost things are hidden at before she entered it? Is that why she could not see him at first? You know, I never considered what would happen if two people were using the room for two entirely different things at the same time. This is a very intriguing concept. It would explain how she was able to hear him but not able to physically see him before Ron and Lavender barged in though. I like it.

The beginning of the chapter was perfect, it drew me in right away. And the ending was amazing also, as it definitely has me wanting to read more now. I love your writing style already and I cannot wait to see where you go from here. Clearly Draco and Hermione still hate each other right now, but I cannot wait to see how you go about changing that. And who knows? You might just make a Dramione shipper outta me yet, haha!! =P

Thanks so much for the swap offer. I'll see ya again in the next chapter!
~Deana~

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Review #9, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Exclamations of Merlin’s Extensive Collection of Lingerie

11th September 2014:
Thank Merlin that Annett is safe!!! Good for Al for saving her. I really do hope he finds out the truth soon, lol! But there I go, getting ahead of myself again. See what you've made me do?? :-P

I like how you were still able to incorporate her Annett-ness humor into an otherwise frightening situation. All of her colorful remarks about Merlin's various undergarments were very funny to read, lol. And the beginning - where she was talking about her dislike of large crowds, having all eyes on her, close physical contact, and then the fear of dying - that was all so well executed!! I was laughing so much at her on that part. (Not in like a mean way tho, lol!!) And the title of this chapter is brilliant, btw! That is probly the best title of any chapter in the history of all chapter titles, haha!! =D

I must say, Em, I am impressed with how well you did on your first action scene here. The writing was really good and it flowed so well. I like how your paragraphs are always nice and short. It makes it easy to read and follow along when a lot is happening like this. You definitely kept me on the edge of my seat and had me guessing as to how she was going to get herself out of that situation. Very clever how she uses her knowledge of science to escape from the Acromantulas. I love how completely unpredictable this story is at times. Like, I never expected that Albus would be her savior tho! But yay, yay, yay, MORE Annett/Albus action in this chapter!! You should know by now how much of a sucker I am for those two, lol!! Albus was so adorably gentle with her, and I just loved seeing him nurse her back to health. Even if he doesn't know that Annett = Fufu, it's still soo sweet!!! And that doesn't change the fact that she knows who he is. I wonder how this will effect that way that Annett views Al from now on...

" Al is fit. I test the words in my head, puzzled. What would I do with a thought like that? What will I do with the fact that I don't actually mind being held by him like this? What happened to cringing at physical contact? " *dies* I rest my case. I totally fangirled for a moment there, sorry. ;)

So Al is a prefect, huh? And why was he out riding a broom so late for anyways?? Questions, questions... OMG, the part where he was trying to come up with a name for her tho was hilarious, and probly my favorite scene in this entire chapter, haha!! I mean, Fufu, really?? Honestly, I feel like he should have just stuck with Cinnamon, lol. Oh goodness, this is going to be SO AWKWARD if and what Al ever finds out the truth about her. Gah!! I cannot wait to see that conversation happen, haha!! Please tell me that this will happen some day?!? A secret like this cannot possibly stay hidden forever, lol!! =P

Random side-note: Who exactly is Ginkgy? I am assuming that she is a house-elf that works in the kitchens, maybe? But it is never really specified here. That whole little apple-strudel segment could probly use a little sprucing up, as it just felt a bit jumpy and it doesn't really flow well with the rest of the chapter... Try re-reading it out loud, just to see how it sounds, and you'll see what I mean, perhaps... that's honestly the only tiny bit of CC that I have for this chapter tho, as again you are continuing to improve!! Keep up the great work, Em. =)

Sorry it took me a few days (again) to get back to this. We had an emergency at work and I have had to pick up a lot of overtime this past week. Things should be getting back to usual again soon, I hope. I am so far behind with my reviews and chapter updates right now, it's not even funny!! But I shall hopefully have some time over the weekend to finally get caught up! I've missed you this week, Em. (((HUGS)))

~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana! :D

Gahh! Thank you! I have always wanted to explore exclamations of Merlin's extensive collection of lingerie, so I thought I would name the chapter like that. :D

And I do like providing reason for laughter even in the face of death. So I'm delighted you like that part!

About Al and Annett. . . [waggles eyebrows and grins evilly].

Oh dear. No, he's not a prefect. He just likes taking late broom rides for some reason that will be explicitly said on ch. 13.

That will have to happen someday and I have gotten a relatively clear idea of how that's all going to go down. :D I am trying to make it funnier than it is now because I feel that I need to fully exploit the awkwardness that will ensue. Hopefully, that won't disappoint. :)

Ginkgy is a house-elf, yes. I can't believe I neglected to mention that [facepalms].

I see exactly what you mean. A while ago, when trees chapters barely reached the thousands in word count, it was split. I have some metaphorical ironing to do are. Thank you for pointing that out. I would have never known. You are amazingly helpful, Deana and my appreciation for that is beyond my ability to express in words.

I understand, Deana. I really do. :D You need not apologise [returns hug]. I've missed you loads too and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on the Diwali chapter! :D


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Review #10, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: A Night of Discoveries

5th September 2014:
Oh, how I have missed this story these past few days!! You are too cruel for that ending, lol! Thank goodness the next chapter is up already and I don't have to wait!! I may or may not have read ahead already, lol. What?? The suspence was killing me. I simply just HAD to keep reading!!! But look, I came back to do this, so we're good, lol!! =P

First of all, Al's Divination homework at the beginning of the chapter was absolutely hilarious!! "Cawing baboons in Muggle superhero outfits"!?! OMG, where do you come up with these things at?? This story cracks me up SO much sometimes, haha!! Seriously, it's been a rough week here, as you know, and it's just so nice to come home after a long day and sit down to read some humorous HPFF. You, Em, make it so!! Thank for putting a smile on my face! :D

I love Annette's conversations with the guys throughout this story. She has really come out of her shell a lot now, and I like this new side of her. I also thoroughly enjoyed that small little bit of Scorpius/Rose action there, haha!! Honestly, the two of them should just get over themselves and go to Diwali TOGETHER!! Why must they torment themselves (and the rest of us) by hiding their feelings for one another all the bloody time!?!? At least let them have one dance together or SOMETHING, lol!!!

I enjoyed the back story you provided here with Mrs. Norris also. That was cool for Annett to help heal her. It really shows the bond you have created between the two of them rather well. Although, again, I feel like that segment would have been the perfect place for you to slip in something about how the magic in the castle effects her age, thus describing how she is still living after all these years. But that is probly just me being too nit-picky again, lol. Feel free to slap me on the wrist if I am over-analyzing things again! XD

So she is sneaking out into the Forbidden Forest. Oh dear, I had a bad feeling that something was about to go down the moment she went in there, lol! That poor Centaur though, I hope he's ok! So Annett is going to try and cure him; and she also helped to cure Mrs. Norris. Hmm... Perhaps she should consider becoming a vet of sorts for magical creatures, lol. She's so smart that she could do pretty much anything she wants to tho. But personally, I wanna see her do something more to branch out into the world of Alchemy more after Hogwarts. That way she can come back in a few years and rub it into that uppity teacher's face, haha!!! ;)

Quick question... Who is Madam Longbottom?? And can Annett talk to any animal when she is in her Animagus form? If so, how is this possible? I think there needs to be a bit more explanation on this...

OMG. I. HATE. SPIDERS! They are seriously THE scariest creatures on this whole entire planet!! Run Annett, RUN!!! ScheiBe is right, lol!!! I must read on... See you in the next chapter!! Your writing is Brilliant, Em, and it continues to improve. Keep up the great work!! (:

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana! I've missed you!

Read to your heart's content. I cannot complain. :D I'm quite guilty of doing the same to your story. :P You might've seen my agitated reviews.

Anyway, I'm glad I could provide you with some laughter and our a smile on your face! That is my intention and it is an honour for me to be able to do that with this chapter for you. I hope your days get less rough. :)

I understand your frustration with Rose and Scorpius, so does Annett. You'll have to come back to see how it all progresses, though. ;)

No it's not overly picky! Your ideas are so brilliant that I actually utilise it to optimise this chapter. :) so thank you so much for pointing that one out!

Interesting theories. What does Annett end up doing with her life anyway? She knows, I know, you'll have to read on ;) (I'm writing chapter 25 and, admittedly, I still haven't mentioned it).

Madam Longbottom took overt Madam Pomfrey's job as matron. She's Neville's wife. I added this to my edit too. :D as well as the being able to communicate with the centaur part.

In his Animagus form, Sirius could communicate with Crookshanks. I figured that, in that case, Annett should be able to communicate with the centaur. Because the centaur is very in touch with all kinds of living organisms apart from humans. It's not very clear how, but Annett is also confused about that.

See you in he next chapter! I can't wait to war your thoughts on that one. I really hope it brings more smiles. :D

Thank you for your mind words, Deana. You are amazing. I really appreciate all your reviews. I always love reading them.

Cheers. :D


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Review #11, by Yoshi_KittenDaydreaming: Daydreaming

4th September 2014:
Hey there, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, FINALLY here to return the favor from our review-swap!! So sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you on this. RL has been so chaotic this week. =/

Anyway, I am glad to finally have a moment to sit down and read this lovely little one-shot tonight! The first thing I noticed was Draco's reference to when Hermione had punched him in their 3rd year. This made me laugh - in a good way. It's funny to see that that action still has an effect on him, all these years later, and I feel like having this in the very beginning of the story sets the overall tone of things rather well. I also like how you made reference to this again in the middle, right before he leans in to kiss her. ;)

I love the attention to detail that you gave to describing Hermione's looks here. And going back to how Krum had even watched her from afar in their 4th year was very effective. I also enjoyed how you described her various facial expressions while she was reading. This show the reader just how close of attention he is paying to her in that moment.

Your language throughout this piece is very beautiful as well. You were only allowed 1,000 words for the challenge, which I know from experience how difficult this is, lol! But I feel like you chose each word here with careful care and precision. The writing here is just so good, and it really shows how much time and effort you put into this. The following are just a few of my favorite lines:

- The way the sun shone through the window behind her, framing her in its golden light.
- She held her ground but her cool exterior was clearly rankled by his nearness.
- At the sound of his name on her lips, he crashed his mouth with hers, unable to hold back any longer.

Writing the more passionate love scenes like this has always been a bit of a weakness of mine, I confess. And sometimes you can tell when a writer (such as myself) is uncomfortable with the 'Romance' genre because it tends to not flow well, and it just comes off as awkward sometimes, lol. I did NOT experience any of that with this story, however. Honestly, the romance part in this was SO passionate and just absolutely perfect in every single way! It wasn't too over the top, or lacking in detail, it was VERY well done!! You must teach me how to this, haha!! =P

Honestly, I am not a Dramione shipper, in any way. But I'll admit that I was kind of sad to see that he was just "daydreaming" about her, lol! I kind of figured that's where you were going with it, but I found myself wishing for the two of them that had been was real. And that's saying something, haha! UGH!! I just wish that he didn't have to go and call her a Mudblood at the end there. Grrr. Draco is such a git sometimes. But you have captured his character SO well tho in this, so yay! I loved him running off at the end, thinking that he needed to go and have his head checked. Classic Draco, lol!!

This was very, very good!!! I have read a few of your stories on here now, and you certainly do seem to be improving with each new thing that you write!! I cannot wait to make you a beautiful banner for this story now. I am feeling so inspired at the moment, lol! Good luck in the challenge, yourself dear. I honestly do feel like you stand a pretty good chance at placing with this. It was SO good!! *fingerscrossed* =)

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Before I even start replying can I just say "Wow." I honestly don't think I've ever received a review this long before in my life. I tried to make yours a long one, but you just killed me by making your like three times longer, lol. It's good though, considering all the other reviews I've gotten for this story have basically been one-liners, so I'm very glad to have something substantial to respond to.

Okay, first off... I think the time Hermione punched Draco will always still have an effect on him. So it had to be included, because it's funny and because it does help set the tone. I was a little wary of describing Hermione's looks in too much detail, but I loved being able to put in the bit about all the expressions she gets when she reads. I feel like most readers have crazy expressions or exclamations they make when big things happen in the books their reading, or maybe that's just me, I don't know. I'd considered cutting the bit about Krum but chose to keep him in there anyway, using it to set up his description of her reading.

It was really hard getting this story down to 1000 words. Like I said, I had to cut all the background story, which I guess wasn't really necessary to begin with, it seemed to work out just fine without it. But I scoured every sentence a few times to keep cutting it down. Deleting full sentences/paragraphs; attempting to reword sentences to lower the word count, and then rewriting it with the same exact amount of words; rewriting sentences just to change them back because it didn't sound right. And then at one point I'd cut too much and had to go back and re-add some things in. Ugh, it was super frustrating. But I'm pretty pleased with the result. I do also really like the three sentences you mention, especially the second one.

Haha, I'm glad you thought the romance scene flowed well. I've written quite a few of those in my day, but it's been a while so... I guess I'm glad I haven't lost my touch, lol. I try my best to make it work. When it comes to scenes like these, you do have to include a fair amount of detail (one thing I've learned that you should always remember, and not just with the romance, is where your characters' hands are, or else it can seem like your character has more than just two), but you don't have to pay attention to EVERY detail, because in real life situations like that, you're not paying attention to every little detail because you're caught up in the moment. I could try, but I don't know if I can teach you how to write romance scenes. It's kinda something you gotta figure out from experience, or trashy romance novels, and practice until you are comfortable. Plus you have to stay within the rules of the archives. I could have kept this scene going but I was specifically trying to keep it 15+ and within the 1000 words.

I AM a Dramonie shipper, so I was very sad to make it all a daydream. It was not in my original plan, but I really didn't know how to end this story on a happier note (as much as I wanted to). I didn't want to just write a make out scene, there had to be a little more substance to it. But I tried to be as sneaky about it as possible, I didn't want it to be obvious he was daydreaming until the very end. I didn't like including the Mudblood bit either, but using the term is part of his character, as is being a git. I really liked the end, too, though. I had to end it with a funny!

Thank you so much for this super long review. I really enjoyed reading it. I'm so glad to have someone new reading my stories. I know they're not all the best, but they're mine and I'm trying to improve. I wasn't sure how I felt about them when I first started writing them, but I really enjoy writing one-shots. And once it's done, it's done, and you don't have that pressure to continue writing for it, unless you want to make a sequel or something like that. And I can't wait to see the banner you make for this! I'm sure it will be awesome.

xxNix


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Review #12, by Yoshi_KittenJigsaw: Piece #1

3rd September 2014:
RoxiMalfoy from the forums here for our Review-Swap!! I'm gonna be reviewing as I read, so here we go...

Okay, so I love the title of this, and naming the chapters Piece #_ to coordinate with the 'Jigsaw' theme is such a brilliant idea! I really liked the beginning of this so far too. Already, you are raising so many questions on my head! Like who is this mystery man, and who is putting him under the Imperius Curse? Your attention to detail, especially with the teapot, was just so spectacular!! You really know how to set the mood and grab the reader's attention, that's for sure! :)

Personally, I love reading about characters in the journalism career. The way you described the activity going on inside the Daily Prophet was so detailed. I like how you have introduced this Violet Toots character and compared her to Rita Skeeter. She really seems.. unlikable tho, which I'm sure was your intention. Almost like she's just one of those girls who have always had everything handed to her, you know? Or at least, that's the impression that I got anyways. Here and this Miranda character both seem to be this way from my observations... It's sad that Roxanne is not as well known as I'm sure she deserves to be. I cannot wait to see how you have her making a name for herself throughout this novel. You have done a great job explaining on how she is the low-man-on-the-totem-pole for right now, the poor thing. I love all the details you have added in; like the was she comments on how Violet is on a first-name basis with the boss, and how Miranda started around the same time as her yet still got the big promotion over her. Roxanne seems like a very hard worker, and she's clearly dedicated to her job, so I feel like she deserves some recognition. Hopefully she gets some soon!

One thing I noticed, and I'm not sure if you meant to do this or not, but in your dialogue you are using [' '] marks instead of the proper quotation marks [" "] to show where they are talking. Its not too difficult to read tho, so its no big deal. I just wasnt sure if you were aware of this. If you did do that intentionally tho, feel free to just ignore me, lol. ^_^'

Also, I think part of the sentence may have gotten cut out in this section here:
The phones - as old fashioned as they are - have been a bigprophet announced a few years ago that they were going to be investing in the new technology made by Conjuring Communications, everyone was excited by the free phone that we got.
Not sure if that was supposed to be two sentences or not, but it looks like there are a few words missing. Sometimes the editor cuts sections of my sentences out too, whenever I copy+paste stuff over from my word processor to HPFF. I really hat it when this happens, lol... That being said, however, I got the meaning behind that paragraph there and I really like it a lot!! The name "Conjuring Communications" is such a good idea, and it is lovely to see that the Wizarding world is finally catching up to us, haha! =P

I liked them joking around about the exploding teapots possibly being connected to her father's joke shop. That really was funny to think about, especially when she made the 'exploding crockery line' comment... I still can't help but to wonder if this has anything to do with the teapot scene we read in the beginning? Are these two events connected in some way? Will this be the tie-in that Roxanne needs for her big break? I guess I will just have to read on to find out, lol!

Wow, you are so good at coming up with such original ideas and names for all these new and exciting places in the Wizarding world!! I really like the Green Grindylow; the idea, the name, everything! I like your description of the place too, and how it is set apart from the typical norm of places that we see characters hanging out at. I like how her and her friends are regulars there, and are on good terms with the manager. It just gives off this happy vibe and gives that section of the chapter a more warm feeling that the sections we read before. I like her friend Jane. You write them both so naturally in the way they interact. You can definitely tell that they have been such great friends since their first year of Hogwarts.

So who is Daniel? I am assuming that he is her Ex. But I can't help but wonder what happened between the two of them, and why was it so bad that it caused conflicts between here and her brother. Gah! SOO many questions! You have set this mystery up quite well. I love your characterization of Roxanne, she's got an interesting backstory and clearly things are not all working in her favor at all. She has layers, and depth, and this makes her very fun and exciting to read about. She is not Mary-Sue in any way shape of form that I can see. ALL your characters thus far are great, honestly!

The ending of the chapter was so gripping. I think I was holding my breath there for a minute when it came across the phone that her boss was calling her! (Seriously, the phone thing is brilliant, btw.) But YAY she has her first story!! Good for her, for now. But why do I get the feeling that this is not about to be anything she expects it to be after all? Honestly, if unforgivable curses are being used again, the person behind all this cannot be up to any good. Your plot here is already so fantastic!! I still can't believe that this is only the 1st chapter! Everything in this was just perfect and yo have set up what is to come so well!! I am definitely going to read more, and add this story to my favorites now. Thank you so much for the swap!!

100/10 - Seriously, your writing is amazing!
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hi Deana! It's taken me a shamefully long time to respond to this review - I've been caught up with all sorts going on in life, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it! This really made my day, as did the fact you nominated this story for a Dobby!

The chapter titles were inspired by comments some other friends made, so I'm glad you like them - I think they fit really well, as the picture gets gradually built up through the story! I'm pleased you thought that I set the mood well, and already raised questions in your mind with the first few paragraphs!

Journalism is such an interesting background to work from and I thought it was a good role for Roxy to be in to get to investigate this mystery that's going to unfold! There are some quite complex relationships and dynamics at play in the Prophet offices, and Violet is certainly part of that. I'd be interested to know what you thought of her in later chapters, especially when Miranda comes on the scene!

Ah, yep - that is intentional, but thanks for pointing it out. I think it's a UK/US thing - most published books here use single quotation marks for speech, and I decided to go for that too :)

And that typo! I've fixed it now, I didn't even realise it was there so thank you very much for spotting that! Silly copy and paste...

Haha I think it's safe for me to tell you that they're not connected, but I love the fact that you're picking up on little details like that and considering how they might be linked, that makes me so happy! And I'm pleased you liked that line, too!

There are quite a few places already in the wizarding world, but it's so fun to come up with new ones and set a new scene because we surely can't have heard of them all in the books! The Grindylow is a cool place, and the manager's nice too. Jane's awesome, she's honestly one of my favourite characters in this story, although it may take a while for her to come into her own. I'm glad you could tell the fact that they've been great friends for so long because of how naturally they interact.

Daniel... another mystery ;) If you've read on, you'll have seen some more of him already, but in the next chapter (5) that I'm posting you'll find out what happened! And I'm SO happy that you like Roxy! Writing her is so much fun, and the fact she doesn't seem one-dimensional makes me incredibly happy, I can't stop smiling.

Aha, the mystery! She finally gets her first story and I'm really excited for how things are going to unfold from here, although obviously I can't give away too much detail about it! *flails* thank you for this incredible review, and sorry it took me so long to respond, but you made my day with it!


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Review #13, by Yoshi_KittenWake up, Rose.: It's Kind of a Funny Story.

2nd September 2014:
And I'm back again for chapter 2!! =)

Okay, you got me. I seriously thought that she was waking up in Scorpius' bed in the beginning, but I was surprised to see that she was actually in the hospital wing instead! Oh dear, poor Rose! I'm glad that she is okay. The idea that love potions and alcohol do not mix is extremely believable. I just can't believe that Albus and Dominique would try such a thing!! Surely they must have suspected that it would have side-effects?

Rose's reaction was very well done, and totally justified. I don't think that she was overreacting at all. I know I'd be pretty furious if any of my immediate family nearly poisoned me to death; accident or not! And I loved it when she called Al by his full name. That was such a great way to add a little humor into an otherwise pretty serious situation.

In a way, I think it's best that Rose does not remember everything that happened between her and Scorpius while she was, erm, under the influence. The knowledge of this would probly be devastating, to say the lease. But, at the same time, I feel like a secret this big is going to have to come out sooner or later. I am just wondering now when and how she will find out the truth. However you so chose to reveal this, I'm sure it'll be a good read. I can't wait for that chapter to come out, lol!! ;)

I like how Liz placed a bet on the fact that the two of the would be together by the end of the year. That was like my favorite part of this whole thing! I really love all three of her friends, and how naturally they all get along together. This was, like, seriously one of my favorite lines though:
"Good, I'll use my earnings to pay for your first 'I heart Scorpius Malfoy' tattoo," she says jokingly.

Okay, so you asked me to specify if there was anything I seen that didn't quite work for me and, well, there was really only one tiny thing. I just feel like Scorpius' confession was a bit too... sudden. I mean, I get the sentiment and all. He was worried about her because he thought she was going to die. But I feel like there should have been a bit more dialogue leading up to it, that way it would flow better. Sorry if this seems overly critical. Honestly, there really is nothing else to critique besides that one small detail though. Your writing is SO good, Joey! =)

I just love how versatile you are as an author. And you are really good at writing the female mind too, lol. I'm kinda sad that this is the last thing left I have to review for you! You need to write more soon, PLEASE!! Is there an update for this story in the near future? I certainly do hope so!! This story is really good, Joey, and I hope that you plan to continue it asap!! Please let me know as soon as a new chapter goes up, cuz I would very much like to come back and read it. I shall read everything that you write from now on, haha!! =p

And again, Happy Birthday!! I hope you have had a good one, Joey!! Thanks so much for review-swapping with me. This has been SO MUCH fun!! =D

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: I'm glad that I keep getting people with that little bit of trickery! Al and Dom really did not think their little plan over and probably would have known the effects of alcohol on love potions if they had paid attention in potions class! I definitely intended to make Rose reasonably mad here. I'm not sure what other way there would be to deal with that kind of thing. Especially considering how close they were. And I do end up inserting humor into practically everything I write. I do it by accident sometimes because I tend to joke around a lot inside of my head and it shows when I write without consciously trying to make everything bleak.

Yes, Rose still does not know the exact details of what went down with Scorpius and that's for everyone else's safety. I almost think she'd rather not know.

Her friends really give this fic a bit more light conversation haha. It'd be quite tense throughout the entire thing if they didn't exist, I think. I'm glad you like my little jokes!

I know that I need to fix that conversation up a bit. I've had more experience with nuanced back and forth since I wrote this so I think I'll be able to edit it up a bit and then start on moving forward with this. It doesn't seem overly critical at all, that's basically exactly what I wanted to hear!

Thank you for the comment on versatility! I do hope I can write more than one style convincingly. And it helps that I have so much respect for the female mind. And not only the stereotypical image of what that is, but the extremely varied and worthwhile thoughts of all females that some people forget about when complimenting women on their looks. BUT, this isn't the place for a political rant I don't think! I can't believe that you have reviewed everything I have up on the site! That's so amazing that you'd take the time, wow. I am going to come back as soon as I can! I hope it is in the near future as well. I don't think you understand how grateful I am for you wanting to read everything that I write. That's such a high honor, really.

And thank you SO much for the birthday wishes. They meant so much to me and you have really made me so happy today, once again! Thank you again and again!!


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Review #14, by Yoshi_KittenWake up, Rose.: Wake up.

2nd September 2014:
HAPPY BIRTHDAY, JOEY!!! *throws confetti* I am here to leave you some Birthday Reviews!! =D

Honestly, I don't understand why you don't like this story?!? I loved it. I mean, it did feel a bit rushed there towards the end, but with everything that was happening it was totally understandable. I like the voice that you have given Rose here, her attitude is different than the typical fanfic norm. I like that she starts off hating him in the beginning,and I think it will be interesting to read how you plan to alter her opinions of him as this story progresses. Rose reminds me more of Ron in this story, which is a nice take on things, considering that most people write her to be more like Hermione. You should not be so hard on yourself, dear. You are such a terrific writer, and this is amazing for being you first fic in three years!! (:

Your characterization of everyone else was spot on too. I really like how you took time to name off all the Weasley & Potter kids, and provide each of their ages as well. You seem to have everyone spaced out pretty evenly, and I feel like this is the way that it should be. Oh, and I liked the mentioning of Lorcan & Lysander too!! Will we be seeing more of them in this fic? You really do have such a good a grasp on all of these characters, and I cannot wait to get to know them more as time goes on. They all seem to get along so naturally, and you can tell that they are a very close-nit family. It's funny how concerned they all are for her to get a guy tho, lol! =P

Your OC's Demi, Liz, and Happy are all awesome too. I think that Happy is my favorite tho, lol! They all get along so well with Rose, and you can tell that they seem to have her best interests at heart. It's good for Rose to have such close friends outside of her immediate family. That being said, however, I think my favorite person in this is Al. He is usually my most favorite in all NextGen fics, and this time was no different. I really like that you decided to put him in Slytherin with Scorpius. I cannot help but wonder what he was up to when he handed Rose that special bottle of Firewhisky though. He was acting awfully suspicious. Was there something in it?

And OMG, that ending!! You described everything so perfectly. It wasn't too over the top or too little. It was just... perfect. Gah! I wish that I could write passionate love scenes like this, lol! I am jealous of your mad-skillz, man. Very jealous indeed, haha!! And now I must know what happens when they wake up! What a wonderful first chapter this was! You have definitely captured my interest. I am going to have to read more now!! ;)

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Thank you for the birthday wishes!! I suppose it just isn't 'literary' enough for me. I hold my own work a very, very high standard that isn't always easy to reach. I wanted to avoid making Rose your typical teenage character. I really like writing out of the ordinary characters. Rose is a lot more like Ron in this story, at least in temperament. Thank you for that! I was so nervous putting it up after all of this time, especially with so many I knew on the site before no longer here.

I decided that this story was a good of a time as any to get my official headcanons for the Weasley/Potter family in order, at least in terms of age. Lorcan and Lysander will actually show up in this fic, yes. I like to include them sometimes. I'm glad that I write the characters interactions well! Their determination to get her a guy leads to some conflict of course, as you have now read haha.

I wanted Rose to have some friends outside of her family as well, so I spent a lot of time developing her dormmates in my mind. And Happy is secretly my favorite as well! I am a gigantic Al fan and I just love messing with his character a bit. The answer to the question about the bottle is now known to you. I wonder if you guessed what it was!
I'm glad the ending was good! I was kind of nervous to write that honestly. I have never ever written anything like it at all. Thank you for this amazing review, yet again. You're just so good at making my day!


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Review #15, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Exploring Hormonal Minds

1st September 2014:
This chapter made my day. Literally!! This is now my most favorite one in the whole entire story so far. OMG, some Annett/Albus action... FINALLY!!! But I'm getting ahead of myself here, haha!! ^_^'

I really like the scene in the beginning, when Annett was tutoring Carter. It amuses me that he gets such good grades, yet he still goes to her for tutoring because he wants to learn it HER way. She should feel so proud, haha!! I see they are still tormenting Yang, lol! How long has it been since the prank took place again? Did they not get caught or something? I was expecting to see some sort or repercussions for their actions here. I find it difficult to believe that the teachers haven't heard anything about this yet... Unless Yang has not yet spoken up and gone to anyone about it yet. Which, if that's the case, makes me KIND OF like him a LITTLE bit for not being a nark, lol. But I digress... Will the teachers ever find out what they did tho? I am still curious about this...

"Bonding is an intimate relationship between atoms. It involves only the outer most shell of electrons, the valence electrons. The higher the bond order, the more electrons involved, and the closer the atoms. Do human relationships work the same way?"
- ROTFL!!! OMG, I think I just died. This is so hilarious!! I absolutely adore the way her braniac little mind works sometimes, haha!!! =D

I like the idea of Hogwarts having a mini Diwali party, but I feel like this needs a bit more explanation as to how this came into being. You say that the 'Thomas-Finnegan' family started the first one, and I assume that you are referring to the children of Dean Thomas & Seamus Finnegan. But isn't Diwali a Hindu tradition? So I confess that this kind of confused me, sorry. You may want to consider giving more explanation of what Diwali means to this story tho, cuz right now it just sortta seems to be missing... something. Idk what tho, but that section did feel a bit rushed. =/

That being said, however, who freaking cares?!? All that truly matters right now is that there is a party at Hogwarts and Al just asked Annett to go with him!!! EEK!!! I loved every second of that whole entire conversation that lead up to him asking her to go out. Them talking about how they enjoyed each others company was just the sweetest thing ever!! And I love the way they joke around with one another too, especially when she started talking about James and how hot he was, and then started talking about "the younger Potter" lol!! And when Al said: "Oooh, guuurl. You nasty." I laughed SO hard, haha!!! I just love the way that flirty little conversation went so much!! It was perfect. Best part of this story so far, for sure. Honestly, you know that I have secretly shipped Annett/Albus from chapter 1. And now I am SO HAPPY to finally see them dong stuff together, even if it is "just as friends" for right now. Go Lily for trying to set them up more by making them dance together, haha!!

Ok, so how does Annett know Draco? That was random, lol. Will this be important later on, or was it just something that was mentioned in passing? Would be nice if Draco made a random appearance in this fic. You already know how much I loves me some Draco, lol!! ;)

*squee!!* OMG, the ending of this chapter was so amazing!! He winked at her. He freaking WINKED at her, haha!! I love it. YAY!!! ;)

100/10 (Best chapter ever!)
~Deana~

Author's Response: I have this raging impulse to give you a virtual hug because of your sheer awesomeness!

Thank you, Deana! Your reviews are of a level of enthusiasm so great that it makes my day. :D

I can't wait for you to read ch. 13! And I'm being very misleading right now! But I just wanted to express that to you.

Seamus and Dean both married the Patils in this story. I cut that out during one of my edits and neglected to bring it up in a chapter of relevance! Yikes!

I will fix that too! Thank you!

I'm glad I could provide with reason for laughter! I had fun writing that bit!

Not so secretly, you mean. ;) lol.

Not as random as one might expect. I plan to reveal that very slowly and sutbly. See if you can guess. :) I know you low your Draco and, honestly, I love him too.

Can't wait for your thoughts on the next chapter! And the one after and the one after that. I love hearing from you!

[happy dance because you want think this chapter deserves a 100 and a 'best chapter ever]

I am so happy right now. Thank you! :D


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Review #16, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Satisfying Humiliation

1st September 2014:
Hello again, I'm back for more!! Sorry I've been gone the past couple days.

Okay, so for starters, Annett looks pretty boss for her not-date with Yang!! (Or the picture I have of her in my mind right now is pretty epic, at least, lol.) I like the way you took the time here to describe her clothes and makeup, as it enabled me to visualize her appearance more accurately in my head. She has not spent too much time talking about herself (looks-wise anyway) throughout this story thus far, so it was nice to actually get to see Annett for a change; if that makes any sense. I particularly liked her impromptu tattoo. That was a very nice touch, haha!! ;)

Yay, the moment we have all been waiting for has finally arrived!! OMGosh, that prank was EPIC!!! A little on the mean side, but Yang deserved it. He|| hath no furry like a Wotter scorned, haha!! I feel like this is one that Hogwarts students will be talking about for years to come. How did you come up with all of that? Everything was so coordinated and well thought out and organized. I was very impressed! Honestly, it's a miracle that James does not suspect her of being the Incog. Imp yet, lol. You'd think by now he'd catch on. ;)

Oh dear, I have a bad feeling that McGonagall is NOT going to find this prank all very funny at all tho, lol. I hope that they don't all get into too much trouble for doing this. I can see detentions coming already, and they might even end up getting their Hogsmeade visits taken away! GAH!! I am so nervous for them right now. I must know what happens... See you in the next chapter. :)

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana! It's a review from Deana! *squeee!

She is meant to look pretty boss! Excellent observation! It has taken this long to describe Annett because, as you may have figured out, unless it provides some relavanve to the situation, she doesn't really care to think about physical appearances. That's just who she is.

I'm overjoyed how much you enjoyed that prank! It took a while for it to all come together. How did I come up with it? I'm rather devious myself. In mind as opposed to in practice. What? I'm not a Slytherin for nothing. :P

They are all pretty devious, aren't they? Given the size of the group, it makes it harder for him to catch on.

Oh no! Deana! I forgot to mention! Gahh! Rules of betting says that any one who mentions this gets cut out of their wins, if they won. Or if they lost, won't get their secrecy deposit of a couple galleons back. Also Yang won't mention it because it embarrasses him and he likes to keep his reputation intact.

Will add now that you've pointed that out to me! Thank you so much! You are so amazingly helpful! I always love reading your reviews!

Cheers!


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Review #17, by Yoshi_KittenOut of order: Bad Guy

31st August 2014:
Hello, back again!! =)

Wow, this was such a cool take on Mundungus' character. You captured his inner-voice quite well, I thought, and I liked how you kept him pretty close to what we know of him in Cannon also. I love one-shots like these that give up little glimpses into the more minor characters of the world of Harry Potter. I have never, ever, read anything Mundungus-centered before, so this was neat! Honestly, Joey, like ALL of your story ideas are SO original!! ;)

And you made me feel something ...for Mundungus Fletcher... of ALL people!!! HOW did that happen?? (Lol!!) =P

This was seriously brilliant! I really love the opening line, where he talks about how he is "no bad guy." And truthfully; he's right. Dung wasn't in league with the Death Eaters, he didn't go off and become a snatcher; he was genuinely trying to be helpful to the Order, in the best ways that he know how. You have given his character a whole lot of insight here, and have really made me stop to think... You know, if Umbridge wouldn't have taken the locket when she did, I feel like these snatchers could have gotten ahold of it. If that were to happen, then it could've possibly ended up back in the hands of Lord Voldemort, and that would NOT have been good!! So, in a way, he did a very good thing letting it go free to her – even tho Umbridge is a TOAD!! You did a great job with her character here tho. (:

Again, your attention to detail is amazing! You seem to give every one of your characters a strong voice/personality in everything you write! I totally found myself reading this in Mundungus, and then Umbridge's voice, as each of them spoke. You write dialogue really well, and the conversations between your characters always seem to flow so effortlessly!! This was another really great story, Joey!! I can't believe you did this in JUST 2 HOURS! :0

Thanks again for the swap!! I'm about to crash for the night – been a looong day today! But let's totally do this again some time SOON, okay? I wanna check out your NextGen fic. It'll be really interesting to see your take on a Romance/Humor fic after reading all this Dark/Angsty stuff now, haha!! =)

50/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hi Deana!

I'm finally getting around to replying to this amazing review. In order to write Mundungus I honestly just said everything I was writing out loud like a stereotypical mob boss in a gangster film. For some reason that accent reminds me of his. And if it weren't for the UnCharismatic character challenge I never would have written this to be honest, but I'm so happy that I was able to make it into an original concept.

Dung is surely firmly on the side of the good guys and I felt he gets a much worse rep than he deserves. I'm not sure if everything about his past was true to canon, but I do know that he never betrayed the Order and that he doesn't deserve to be hated, per-say.

Your comments about my attention to detail are much appreciated. I did some research about their speech patterns since they are canon characters and it's good to know I kept them in character! And yes, I finished this up in just about two hours because I was on the verge of dropping out of the challenge and then very suddenly got rid of my writers block and knew I had very little time to get it through the queue.

Thank you so much for the swap!! This was so great :D


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Review #18, by Yoshi_KittenMorbid: Springtime

31st August 2014:
Okay, I just cried reading this. I had to put it down and way away for a few and then come back to it... I'm having one of those weird, coincidence moments right now. You see; a family friend of ours just died of a heart attack yesterday. My mom & him were really close, so we spent the whole day today out at their house, partying and having a great time with the family, celebrating Gaboo's life... And then I come home, log onto the forums, and spot your swap request. I come here to read and THIS is what I get: a story about death and funerals, lol. Given all that, this chapter really resonated with me just now. I can absolutely relate to the loneliness and abandonment that Teddy was feeling in that moment when he was at his parent's grave... It gave me chills! And then at the end, when she went so peacefully. It was beautiful, to say the least, and I was really moved by it... That's just one of those weird coincidences life has a habit of throwing at you some times, you know? ^_^; (And I sweat to you that I am NOT making this up.)

Okay, so my theories from the last review were WAY off, lol! Idk why, but for some reason I was thinking that there were going to be a lot more than three chapters to this when I started reading. Honestly, I'm sad that this was the last chapter. I think I am really gonna miss your emo Teddy, and Amy as well. I liked her character a lot in this tho. I really admire her courage and the strength she showed throughout this whole thing. She was quirky, and a perfect soul-mate for Teddy Lupin in this story. I wish they could have had more time together tho. I'm glad she was real tho, and not a figment of his imagination. But I really wanted them to get their happy ending! *cries* :'(

Your writing style is so unique, Joey. (Yeah, I may or may not have stalked your MTA page when I got done reading this story, lol. I see you like being on a 1st-name basis tho; so hi: I'm Deana!!) Anyway, I love your attention to detail when you are writing your setting descriptions. The opening paragraph for this chapter was so well-written! I love the way you painted such a perfect atmosphere of a November day with your words there. Well done!! Thanks again for the swap. I've had such a long day today, but this story has really comforted me. It was nice to come home, sit back and just chill with a good fic to read. This is exactly what I needed tonight, so THANK YOU!! Not just for review-swapping with me; but for writing such a daring, bold, and deeply unique story to even begin with. I thoroughly enjoyed reading every second of this! And I really do hope that you win that challenge, Joey. You totally deserve it, so best of luck!! =)

100/10 (We should totally do this again some time... SOON, haha!!)
~Deana~

Oh, and by the way, I know this is random... But are you having a banner made for this story yet? Cuz I just really feel, like, in the mood to make something right now, lol!! Its been a while since I've done a banner for a dark/angsty story like this one, so I would love to give it a go if you don't already got something else lined up... Got any actors in mind for who could possibly portray Teddy and/or Amy in this fic? ;)

Author's Response: I have never put anything in the 'Reviews that Made your day thread' but I posted this review there and for good reason. This simply, and quite literally, made my day. The fact that you felt a personal connection and felt moved even.. well that's everything I ever started writing for. Giving someone chills is not something I think I have ever done. I can't even start telling you what that means to me.

And I have a coincidence of my own. In the midst of working on this chapter, one of my friends passed away after I pretty long fight against cancer. So, since mactabilicus was a thinly veiled stand in for a kind of "Wizarding cancer," this story got a lot more personal from that point on. The end was a little difficult to write after that, needless to say. So, that may have contributed to the emotion behind it, since it was largely very real. I'm so thankful that it could resonate with you. I'm sorry for your loss.

You don't have to miss either one of them too badly because I'm bring them back! I'm using this to spawn an entire collection of works within this universe. I'm not sure what I'll bring Amy back in quite yet, but I've decided upon writing a story centered upon Teddy's time at Hogwarts, in order to really flesh out his backstory and give more explanation as to how he ended up how we see him in this story. I hope that sounds like it'd be to your interest!

I wanted to portray Amy as a very strong young woman who took everything in stride. She may have seemed a bit too clean cut in this story even. But that's because it's from Teddy's point of view and he clearly has on rose tinted glasses when it comes to Amy. Also, soul-mate is a HUGE word, but I welcome it!!

Haha I appreciate all stalking of my MTA. It is there as a reference point after all! Unique is amazing praise to receive. Thank you so much! I mean, what do I even say to you thanking me for writing a 'daring, bold and deeply unique story'?? I can't even begin to thank you. You've given me so much confidence in my writing tonight. This review is so perfect. I'm going to cherish it forever. We definitely should do this again soon! I have a lot of stories planned, so we'll have plenty of opportunities.

I don't have a banner in place yet at all! If you could make me one that would be so amazing of you! I always saw Teddy as Cameron Monaghan and Amy as Michelle Trachtenberg. Thank you so much for the banner offer and this review!


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Review #19, by Yoshi_KittenMorbid: Williams' Bookshop

30th August 2014:
BAHAHAA!!! My roommate just came home from work and literally started watching the “Merlin” TV show on Netflix while I was reading this story!!! I just died, hahaha!!! XD

Anyhow, back to you review. I wasn't quite sure how I felt about Merlin at first. The idea of someone having a friendship with this corporeal being is spooky, to say the least. I am still wondering if this Merlin is a figment of Teddy's imagination or not tho. I can see now why Teddy considers him as such a close friend tho. They really get along well, and he seems to be good for Teddy to talk to. I like their Riddles, btw. Forgot to comment on that in my last review, lol. And speaking of Riddles, I also found it interesting that you put Teddy in Ravenclaw. It makes sense, given how intelligent he seems. (:

"Most people would probably say 'Merlin knows' at this point, but it so happens that I do not," he joked. OMG, this just cracked me up SO much, haha!! Freaking BRILLIANT!!! =D

If Teddy is 19, why does he have homework? Is he in some sort of wizard college or something?? I think I might have missed something there, lol??

Oh hey, look; Amy's back, yay!! I was really happy to see her back in this chapter again. I think that she is a perfect match for Teddy in this story. I hope that they end up together – providing that this Amy chick is a REAL person, and not just someone who lives inside of Teddy's head, lol. I mean, I really do hope that she is real, but there was something about the way that she just showed up exactly as he was preparing to leave that makes me wonder. That and the way that she jjst agrees and goes along with everything that he says and does... Idk tho, because she did help him get out of that Funeral situation last chapter. The security guy could obviously see her, which would suggest to her realness... But I have this theory brewing tho that, perhaps, this whole entire thing is happening inside of Teddy's head (but why should that mean that is isn't real, haha!!) You see what I just did there? =P

Sorry, it's late and I am hyper right now. Like, the kind of hyper you get when you've been up ALL day and are running on 3-4 hours of sleep, lol!! So if this seems super-random then I really must apologize. ^_^'

The bookstore scene was really cute! Probly my favorite moment of this whole entire story so far. I loved their game, and Amy's answer – ROTFL!! That was awesome! I am totally going to have to play this game the next time I am in a Bookstore now, haha!!

Okay, forget EVERYTHING I just said, lol! The graveyard scene is now my favorit, by far!! OMGosh, that was beautiful!! I am now leaning more on the side of Amy being real too, haha!! And she called Teddy her boyfriend. *squee!!* Good for them. I was hoping they would end up together. Also, I loved Amy's reaction to meeting Teddy's parents. She truly is the most perfect match for him. Please, please, PLEASE tell me that they get a happy ending!! I am rooting for them now, lol. =D

And then there was that illness bomb. BOOM!! You just hit me right in the feels, lol. Oh no, now I am sad again. Although, I loved you original idea/name for this magical incurable disease. You are very creative and I really like your style. I wanna read more of your stuff now after this. Honestly, I love how this story is developing. I think I shall go and add this one to my favorites now!! See ya in the next chapter!! (:

100/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: That's hilarious!! I love moments like that.

I am glad that Teddy and Merlin's conversations work well. They definitely should be able to talk and joke with each other, being best friends and all. Thank you about the riddles too! That was another piece of ostentatious symbolism. I tried to do some literary things with this. I'm not sure how they worked out but I tried! This Teddy only felt right doing into Ravenclaw to me, for some reason.

I was a little bit proud of that joke, not gonna lie :P

Oh no! Teddy doesn't have homework! He and Merlin were just joking around about the riddle haha, sorry for any confusion there.
The fact that you think they are a perfect match makes me happier than you know. And I'll assure you now, Amy is very real. I wouldn't do THAT to my readers haha. I did appreciate that little bit of Harry Potter humor :D

Trust me, I understand. I'm answering this review at 7 in the morning and I'm very close to crashing.

If you play that game I will be very proud to have someone using one of my ideas in real life. That makes me seem like a real writer with fans and such lol.

Beautiful is one of my favorite compliments!! Thank you! And they do end up together and are happy for a while, but of course, the whole happy ending part.. well.. I'm sorry *hides face*

Mactabilicus wasn't something I wanted to give Amy honestly. I would have been pretty happy writing her and Teddy happy forever, but I had to :/

Thank you for all of your incredible compliments and for saying that you want to read more of my stuff, that's so nice of you!


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Review #20, by Yoshi_KittenMorbid: Cousin Larry

30th August 2014:
Hey there, here for our Review swap!! I'm pretty excited about this one too, haha!! ;)

Okay, wow, so your Teddy is truly VERY morbid here!! Truthfully tho, it didn't really bother me as much as I think it normally would. I have a brother who is a lot like this, so I guess his behavior didn't shock me as much since I've dealt with it before in RL. It's funny, cuz my brother is an artist as well, and he writes poetry and song lyrics too... My mom and step-dad were similar to Harry and Ginny here too, in that they eventually just accepted it as a part of who he is. And that's the thing; some people just have a totally different view on life and death than others. It doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with the person, just because he or she likes things that most would consider to be “Morbid”. My brother, for example, is extremely intelligent and quite gifted in his art and writing, as is Teddy here in this fic... Sorry if it seems like I am rambling like a lunatic, lol!! I can just really relate to Teddy in this fic so far, and you have caused me to THINK!! This story already feels like it's going to be pretty deep.

So Teddy is funeral crashing, huh? Okay, so that one threw me a little, I will admit. That was nice of Amy to bail him out tho. Will we be seeing any more of her? She seemed nice, I really liked her a lot. How old is she? Is she Teddy's age or older? And what is up with Merlin? Is he, like, Teddy's imaginary friend or something?? SOO many questions, haha!! Guess I will just have to read on to find out!! I have never heard the song or seen the movie that this is associated with, so everything was pretty new to me here. I like where this is going so far tho, I must say. I was pleasantly surprised by this!! It's interesting and different from anything else I've ever read on this site, and I cannot wait to read more. Thanks so much for posting this swap!!

10/10
~Deana~

P.S. Another reviewer (Ribbons, I believe) mentioned “Starving Artists” and she is SO right!! OMGosh, I thot of the exact same story when I first started reading this and saw that Teddy was drawing, lol!! Except, instead of Scorpius, your Teddy in this reminds me more of her character 'Nameless Brooding Barry' haha!!! If you haven't read that story before you should definitely go and look it up ASAP. It will change your life, haha!! =P

Author's Response: Hi!

It's so interesting that your brother is similar to this Teddy! Especially hearing that they're both artists and (luckily) both were eventually accepted as they were. Part of why I wrote this in the particular way I did was to show that Teddy isn't necessarily wrong. He doesn't do on a killing spree. He isn't harming anybody. He's just a little bit morbid, that's all. I'm so glad that you have that personal connection to it. I hope I managed to make this story reach a certain level of deepness. I did set out to address some fairly heavy topics.

Well as you now know, we do see much more of Amy. She's Teddy's age. And Merlin. Well, Merlin is a lot of things. Actually, another reviewer tonight correctly guessed exactly what I attempted to do with him. But above all, he was Teddy's best friend. Of course, that can be read in multiple different ways ;D

I actually plan on taking a look at Starving Artists since I am getting so many recommendations! I'm interested in what it'll be like now.

Thank you so much for this lovely review!


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Review #21, by Yoshi_KittenL'optimisme: Silence

29th August 2014:
Holey crap... your introduction to this was just simply magnificent!! breathtakingly beautiful, and incredibly deep. I loved every single word of it - no pun intended, lol. ;)

Haha, this takes place on Aug. 29th and that's the same date as today!! Took me a moment to establish that it was Dumbledore speaking at first. Guess I should have know tho, you know, since he has always had such a way with words. Honestly, your writing style is exquisite. you have such a way with words, and you craft your sentences so beautifully here! Their fight scene was so heartbreaking tho. I knew it was going to have a sad ending anyhow, but reading Albus' pov on his sister's death made it so much more depressing. I liked how you had him reflecting back on how he did not cry for her tho, and how he was more concerned about how badly Grindelwald had been hurt.

Wow... just, wow. This was all so very poetic, which I imagine is exactly how Dumbledore would write to a lover. You capture his inner monologue quite well, which is not an easy thing to do. I cannot help but wonder tho; how old he is when writing this? Is it before or after their duel in which Dumbledore takes the elder wand? Is it when Harry was at Hogwarts, is it right before Dumbledore was about to die? Personally, I imagine that he is writing this shortly after being cursed by trying put on the the ring horcrux. He knew he was going to die soon, at that point, so it would make sense that Albus would become more reflective. I could be way off tho, haha! ^_^'

I am so adding this to my favorites, and you will be seeing me in the next chapter soon. I was happy to see that this is not a one-shot, cuz I want MORE, lol!! Thanks so much for the wonderful swap. We should totally do this again some time, as I am now a fan of your writing!! =)

1,000//10 (cuz you're amazing!)
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hey there! Sorry for the wait in getting this response back to you - I'm so hopeless with writing these, particularly when they're so lovely, like this one :hugs: And no worries about puns, dear, I love puns - can never get enough of them :P

Yeah, I didn't notice that actually, at first - didn't really think about it... wow, weird coincidence! I didn't really want to sort of say it was Dumbledore at the beginning - I kinda thought it would sort of give it away, but also, it wouldn't really have fitted? Gah, thank you so much - and is it bad that I'm glad the fight scene was heartbreaking? :P It's going to be a pretty angsty story, tbh, so it's sort of the beginning of all of that... a taste of the future, so to speak ;) Grief makes people react strangely - when my pet rabbit died, I laughed (it's true!), so yeah, I liked the idea that he didn't cry - it would impound Aberforth's hatred of him, and all, as well, so it worked well!

Thank you so much! Capturing the style he speaks with was really hard at first - it's so specific to him, you know? - but it sort of seemed to get easier as it went along, so I'm so glad you liked it! Yeah, when he's writing this, it's not long after the duel - it'll come up a bit later, little bits about exactly when these reflections are taking place - but yeah, the reflections start after the duel and sort of continue onwards from there, up to his death. It's not very specific, though, but I'm not sure if it needs to be... :/ (Not really sure, though...) Either way, it's perhaps not the most important thing? I dunno...

Gah, thank you so so much! This review was so so lovely to get, and all of the compliments were amazing to hear. I'm just so glad you liked this - and thank you so much for the favourite as well! The swap was amazing - we should definitely do this again! :)

Aph xx


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Review #22, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Out of the Shadows and into the Limelight

28th August 2014:
Hello Em, I'm back again!! We FINALLY got internet at home now, so no more dealing with crappy cellphone reception when I am trying to review, yay!! Anyways, I quite enjoyed this chapter. I think I now have a new favorite, haha! =)

You know, I was wondering when we might find out the results of her Alchemy essay, haha! Oh, that professor Cunningham is really a dreadful teacher tho, isn't she? I mean, reading the essays out to the entire class like that! Who does that?? Yeah, I really don't think I like this woman at all, lol. Naturally, Rose Weasley was the best. Not surprised there, lol! But I liked actually liked where Annett was going with her essay, personally, and I feel like she had some very valid points there... But I'm just a nerdy muggle tho, so what do I know? =P

And she is taunting Yang again. I love this side of her so much, lol. I think my favorite part was Clinton's response when she asked him to say something embarrassing. Annett is a genius, and I cannot wait to see how it goes when he finally does try to ask her out! When you shift from that scent tho, back to her classes with Cunningham, I really feel like there should be some kind of break or divider in there, just so that it flows better and is easier to read. (Not sure of you know this or not, but the advanced editor you use to post a new chapter with does have a button you can push to enter a line-break wherever you want to divide a chapter at.)

- I think that this is one of my favorite segments ever, in this entire story so far:
"I am respecting Alchemy. I'm trying to put my own perspective on it. I'm trying to update it. I'm trying to provide aid to the wound that is this lack of progression. I will vie for Modern Alchemy. I do respect the textbook. I read it. Then, I combine knowledge I have gained from it with my knowledge of muggle science and advanced transfiguration. Then I maul the textbook with my own notes. Now the information it contains is updated. My textbook is now progressive. Cunningham's class, however, is not."

Annett is really, super smart, and that bit right there just proves it. Her teacher is so obviously old and stuck in her own ways. She's strikes me as being scared of change and does not want to accept that which she clearly knows nothing about. When Annett said: “I will vie for modern Alchemy” I just got this feeling that she is one day going to become a very renown Alchemist; maybe even better than Nicholas Flammell, and then this teacher of hers will feel really stupid for making a mockery of her in front of the entire class, lol! Her scribbling in her Alchemy textbook like this also kind of reminds me of Snape with his Advanced Potion-Making book. Not sure of you did this intentionally or not, but I quite like the comparison that you have drawn here. (:

And there it is: he finally asked her out!! I seriously thought that she was going to turn him down, right then and there, but she said yes! Ooh, so now she's gonna get him on their “date” perhaps? Haha, I cannot wait to see that! Also, I loved Freddie's reaction. It's really cute to see that they're still joking with Albus about Annett being his secret love interest, as this had been going on ever since their very first day on the Hogwarts express. Honestly, I am kind of hoping that Annett and Albus DO end up together by the end of all this. I think that they would make a super cute couple! One cannot help but to wonder when, if ever, they will discover that Annett is the “Incog. Imp” tho; and how everyone will react if and when they do make said discovery. ;)

Great chapter, dear!! I don't really have much CC to add here, other than that line-break thing to separate the various scenes in the chapter. Your writing continues to improve, and I love how the plot is progressing. You really have done your research on everything for this story, and it comes across brilliantly!! I can't wait to see what they've got going on in the Room of Requirement... See you in the next chapter!!

20/10 ^_^
~Deana~

Author's Response: Yay for internet! :D And a new review and a new favourite chapter. lol (this 'lol' serves the dual purpose of displaying my laughter and being me with my hands up in celebration).

Thank you for another wonderful review, Deana. Your kind words really are encouraging. I'm so glad you liked it.

[insert a thousand more 'thank you'd and a virtual hug because you are too kind!]

Ah, the horizontal line. Yes, I know of it, but no, I stupidly never thought to use it here. It would flow so much better. :) Thank you for helping me improve!

Snape. . . yes, I love Snape.

As for all your amazing theories. . . all in due time, dearest Deana, all in due time. ;)

See you at 'LNW!'


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Review #23, by Yoshi_KittenNym: Into Focus

28th August 2014:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for our review swap... Sorry it took me so log to get back to this. I git caught up at work.

I absolutely loved this little one-shot tho!! The way you wrote everything was so stunning and so beautiful. Everything flowed so fantastically here, and your characterization of everyone was very well done. You know, you really don't see too many Charlie-centered fics around here anymore, so reading this was like a breath if fresh air for me. I quite enjoyed your take on his character. I guess it never really dawned on me before now that Charlie and Tonks were the same age, lol. I can totally see it now tho! Is that actually Cannon, or did you just come up with the idea for the purposes of this story? Either way; it is a very believable concept, and I love that you have them being such good friends in their Hogwarts days as well. It just makes Tonks seem so much more connected to the Weasley family, and I think that this shall be my idea of head-cannon for her from now on, haha! =P

I love the way that way that you eave the reader guessing as to who hos secret lover is at the beginning. I didn't figure out that it was Tonks until he started talking about her hair colors. Tho I guess I should have know all along from the story title, lol! *facepalm* Forgive me, my blondness is showing right now, lol... That being said, once I did realize who it was I was immediate heartbroken for Charlie because I knew what was coming. Sure enough, he saw her ring and realized that he was too late. I was kind of hoping that he would have still told her anyway, but what difference would it have made, really? Nymphadora was so in love with Remus, and she probly only just viewed Charlie as a friend, so him spilling the beans could have cost him her friendship. :'(

I almost cried when you transitioned to the scene after the battle. Tonks death is always so hard to read about, but you did it beautifully! Your descriptions of everything were so detailed and just... flawless! I really do like your writing style, dear. Thanks so much for the wonderful read, and good luck in the challenge. I haven't read any of the other entries, I don't think, but I definitely feel like this story should place. Everything was just so great, and the emotion you conveyed here was terrific! Feel free to swap me again at any time!! =)

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Hi Deana!

Don't worry about the delay at all. I really enjoyed reading your story so it's absolutely no problem :)

I'm really surprised people don't write more about Charlie here. I guess he's not a very important character but he always seems fascinating to me. He literally left all his family for some dragons. If I was writing a longer story I think there must be a really interesting explanation for why both Charlie and Bill choose to work abroad.

It's canon that Charlie and Tonks were in the same year at school but it's not mentioned whether they were friends or not. I think (hope, but am fairly sure) it's also canon that Charlie's talking to Tonks at the wedding. I just felt like it made sense that if they'd known eachother they would have been good friends.

I'm so glad you like the ambiguous start! That's one of the main things I wasn't sure about because I didn't want to make it too vague. I think you're right that him telling her would have complicated things, but who knows what would have happened as a result of that. I doubt Tonks would ever have left Remus, but it might have given Charlie some closure.

Thanks so much for such a lovely review! I'm definitely keen to swap again so let me know if you ever want to :)

Much love,

Emma x


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Review #24, by Yoshi_KittenDevlin Potter: Riddle and Rescue: The Informant

27th August 2014:
Hello, RoxiMalfoy from the forums, here for your review swap! Sorry it took me so long to finish this, my mother called in the middle of reading this and I had to go help her with some stuff real quick...

Anyways, wow! I love how original this story is already. You are off to a really wonderful start here. I am interested in learning more about Delvin, and how he was captured. Voldemort was very much in character here. I mean, attacking a 6 year old?! His cruelty really does know no bounds. Delvin was really brave tho, acting very much like Harry. I loved it when he called him “Tom Riddle” that was my favorite part, lol! I was sad to see that Draco was still involved with Voldemort tho. For a minute there, I thought that it was Lucius carrying Delvin in... Oh well, I suppose he can't be good in every story, haha. =P

I think you characterized Harry rather well here. Had the war not ended so soon, I could very well see him acting this way years on down the road. I am intrigued to learn the identity of this Death Eater now, and I wanna know why he was so insistent that Harry show him a memory of Delvin. Your descriptions of Delvin's special powers was intriguing also. I look forward to seeing how this develops later. And I can't help but wonder who this Emma character is, and what happened to Ginny?

And hows about that ending? Talk about a cliffhanger, lol!! Was the child they buried the son of this mysterious Death Eater, perhaps? GAH!! You really do know how to draw the reader in, from start to finish. I enjoyed this story, and will be adding this to my reading list. Thanks so much for the swap!! (:

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Review #25, by Yoshi_KittenThe Internal Monologue of Annett Sinclaire Kluge: Creative Output: Mischief

26th August 2014:
And I'm back!! *waves* =)
Ok, so first things first, lol. I'm pretty sure that the students of Hogwarts learn how to Apparate during their 5th of school. So I was confused as to why that was on her class schedule when she's a 6th year now, isn't she? I mean, it's possible that the Apparation laws could have changed after the war tho, so if that's the case then you may just wanna mention that in there somewhere. ;)

- "And his dont-mind-me-Ive-just-been-sha*ging hair.
Bahahaha!!! I just laughed SO hard at this quote, lol!! (:
- "More than the people who raised me and taught me, my parents are my best friends."
Ok, soI feel like this sentence is worded a bit funny here. It distracted me from reading anyway, causing me to reread it 3 times over again before it made sense... However, if you tried rearranging the structure to something like this: "My parents are more than just the people who raised me and taught me. They're my best friends." Do you see how that flows a bit better when you read it?

Ah, I find myself conflicted here, lol. On the one hand, I feel like its really sweet that James named his prank gang after his namesake's group: the Marauders. But on the other hand, I feel like it's just been done before and its a tad old. I mean, he's already got the same name as the original James Potter, and now he has a group called the Marauders too? Idk, I guess I just feel like James II would wanna be more original than that... Maybe? But what do I know? I am sooo tired right now, haha!! XD
I was, however, VERY happy to see that you included Fred II into this new Marauders group. He deserves more than anybody to be in the top pranking group in the whole school, lol. =P

Oh look: Annett's geek is showing, lol!! Seriously tho, I love how nerdy and intelligent she is!! And that diagram of the basic elements was super cool! Where did you get the idea for that? And I really liked what she had to say about the books being so outdated, lol. I bet her teacher is gonna be in for a real treat when she reads that paper. Cunningham was kinda rude tho when she dismissed her question in front of the whole class like that. Good thing people are too intimidated by Annett to laugh at her tho, haha!! ;)

I think this chapter was my new favorite!! We got to see some brief Scorpius/Rose action, there was plotting and scheming involved, you introduced us to a new class that wasn't featured on the HP books, and (most importantly) Annett finally seems to be coming out of her shell a bit!! I'm very intrigued to see where you're going with this next. =D

10/10
~Deana~

Author's Response: Deana! Hello again.

It depends when the particular student turns 17. If that happens before or on 31 August of the next year (before the next school year), then that student it eligible to take the course. That being the case, unless the student had to retake a year, taking the class in Year 5 would be impossible.

I'll see about fixing that sentence. Thank you!

About the Marauders thing. It's more about carrying on the traditions of pranking then it is about anything else. More on this in much later chapters. :)

I did my Alchemy research while I did my scientific research. Haha. I'm glad you like that part.

Thank you again for reading and reviewing!

Cheers


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