Reading Reviews From Member: adluvshp
1,782 Reviews Found

Review #1, by adluvshpThe Department of Spectral Affairs: Darkness

2nd March 2015:
Hey! Here for the Slytherin Review Exchange. I'm sorry it took me so long!

Wow, this is very, very interesting. I love what I've read of Not Normal so far and I'm glad you decided to give Regulus his own little story here. The idea of afterlife is very interesting and not one I've seen explored properly in fan fiction before. This is a very promising plot and already you've built the setting wonderfully.

Your descriptions were just superb. The drowning part was really surreal and the endless falling was almost haunting. You captured the darkness of it very nicely. The ending bit, with the switch to first person point of view, was smoothly done and intrigues me that I want to read further to know what's going to happen next.

Great job all in all! Excited to read more of this story =)


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Review #2, by adluvshpSymphony: Chapter Two

21st February 2015:
Hello! Here for your Slytherin Hot Seat Review!

I had been very intrigued when I'd read the first chapter of this story so I'm glad I got a chance to come back for more. Your descriptions were just amazing - so haunting, so beautifully written and so powerful. I still think the narrator is death, or related to death, considering the tone and the words they use.

The idea of that little boy riding all alone to warn the villages just broke my heart. It's so very sad, and in times of war like this, quite believable. Certain bits stood out as strong imagery to me too, such as the part about all the people being corpses.

I am really enjoying your writing style - it's short, snappy and very interesting. I'm curious to know more about the narrator and to see what happens next so I'm going to favourite this and try and read the rest when I get the time.

Great story! 10/10


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Review #3, by adluvshpHouse of Cards: Joker

11th February 2015:
Hey! I finally got the chance to come back to this story to read the final chapter. All I have to say is, Wow.

I don't know why you feel you're 'bad' at things that were involved in this story but to me, this was absolutely brilliant. I loved your writing, your plot, your descriptions and the characterisations. You captured the Black family in a very interesting manner and your portrayal of Sirius was spot on. This final chapter definitely wrapped things up nicely - with the Black family disowning Sirius and Alphard dying. There're still many questions unanswered though and I guess your sequel might tackle them so i will have to check that out some time.

All in all, I felt this was a beautiful story and I had an amazing time reading it. Great job!


Author's Response: Hi there, Aditi! Thank you so much for following this story all the way to the end - it means to much to see people sticking with this! Thank you! :)

Gah, thank you so much! This is the first chaptered story I ever finished - well, the first proper novel/novella I ever finished - so it means a lot to me, so hearing you say that is so lovely! I definitely feel like I've grown with this story and learned things - like how to plot :P - and I'm so glad you liked Sirius! One of the main drives for this story was portraying Sirius in a different light, so I'm glad you liked it! Yeah, I didn't want a 'perfect' conclusion for this, tbh, because it wouldn't feel quite right to me, but I might end up taking another look at it - who knows? But there'll definitely be questions answered in the sequel - I'm planning on it! ;)

Thank you so so much for this review, and for following this - I'm so glad you enjoyed it! :)

Aph xx

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Review #4, by adluvshpPainful Bliss: Prologue: Beginnings

10th February 2015:

Wow, this was very interesting! Lately, I've found myself drawn to Draco/Astoria stories and as soon as I saw the summary of this, I knew I had to read it! You did a great job characterising Draco. The way you expressed his emotions was amazing and I was really in his head while reading this which was superb.

The pain, the horror of the war, the coldness - I could feel it seeping out of the narrative and it was greatly done. I also liked how there was emphasis on Astoria's 'plain'-ness, how she wasn't extraordinarily beautiful and that Draco was not enchanted by her in first glance - there was so much of normality between them, that I loved that. Astoria is not some character seeking out to reform him, she is just who she is and just being that person intrigues Draco and he feels somewhat happy.

So yeah, I really love the realistic angle to this. Your descriptions and writing is very interesting too with its somewhat fragmented style. I am kinda hooked to the story and would love to read more so I'm favouriting this! I can't wait to see where the plot is headed and what layers do we unravel about this pair.

Great job! 10/10


Author's Response: Hello! Thanks so much for reading my little story. I'm extremely drawn to Draco/Astoria but I can't seem to find any stories about them anymore. If you have any recommendations that would be great!

This story is mainly about emotions. It's not about scenery or what's around them but what's going on inside of them instead. Half of it deals with Draco while the other half deals with Astoria and then it sort of overlaps where you get the both of them. It's hard to explain but once you read it I think you'll understand.

I didn't want to make her this beauty queen. Sure she's a beautiful woman. She has the money to take great care to her appearance but the first time Draco sees her it isn't love or lust at first sight. She's average to him and I think that's how it is for a lot of us when we go on dates or start dating someone. Sure it starts to get magical as you learn more about them and start to feel deeper towards them but sometimes at first you're like, "This person is okay."

Thanks so much! I hope you enjoy the next chapter. There's a time jump so things are VERY different. Again, thanks for such a wonderful review!

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Review #5, by adluvshpWhere My Demons Hide: There is nowhere we can hide

10th February 2015:
Oh my, this was so haunting. Another one of your amazing pieces. I totally, entirely loved it! The way you fit in the song was too good, and your descriptions were just perfect.

Ah Blaise makes me shiver. I can visualise him having an affair with Ginny - and then him killing her. Ghosh it's crazy but it's to be expected in your stories xP

It was sad in a way, how Ginny wanted to turn him into a better person and yet in the end he remained the same, or got worse. The little details about their affair was also very interesting. The most haunting and captivating thing about this piece was the imagery though - you did great work with that.

I really liked it! Superb job! 10/10


P.S. I know what kind of tragic stories you like but alas I couldn't exactly meet your request when I wrote "Rose" - it is not tragic in the way you'd like it to be, but I hope it is still okay! If you want me to write another, I can give it another go (with the right time and inspiration). But really, this story just made me feel a lot 'ashamed' about mine xP GREAT WORK!

Author's Response: Angie, your review made me SO happy!
I wasn't expecting it at all and then you were so sweet to give me a 10/10! *faints*

I'm glad you liked it! I've been a little nervous about this story, especially since it's so vague (compared to other stories, this doesn't get too deep into the story plot) and I was afraid it might ruin the flow/story.

Also, you literally BROKE my heart with 'Rose'!! You met my request in any way possible.

Thank you so much for your review!
- Avi

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Review #6, by adluvshpJust One Memory: Just One Memory

10th February 2015:
Oh my god this makes me want to cry. Poor little Teddy - the whole idea of Teddy wanting just one little memory of his parents is so, so sad. It reminds me of little Harry in a way. *sobs and squishes Teddy*

I love the way you have written the relationship between Andromeda and Teddy. It is just so sweet. I also think your portrayal of an eleven year old Teddy is quite well-written! His 'desperation' of knowing "what I really look like" is adorable in so many ways. I can actually visualise something like this happening!

In the ending bit, when that memory of Remus and Tonks comes back to Teddy and he says I love you, ghosh I just wanted to cry again. This is just too heartbreaking and at the same it kinda brought a smile to my face too. You really wrote this so nicely!

I loved it! Great work =) Cheers!


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Review #7, by adluvshpGetting Out Alive: Buttered Tea (An Example of Distraction)

10th February 2015:
Hello Mae! Here for Hot Seat. I'm going to try and return the favour of your amazing numerous reviews but I don't know how many I can get done between all this stressful uni work. I'll try my best though!

So, this is an awesome start to your story! I love Jay already. Her life is very interesting and the way you portray her is also very engaging.

Hudson seems nice as well, though there might be something between him and Jay? I feel like it's brewing xD

By the way, buttered tea sounds crazy! I don't even know how you came up with that haha.

I am a little sad seeing Jay's relationship with her Mum though. I hope it gets better - I mean the way Jay says that her mum only cries because of not having husbands instead of missing her is just really depressing. And it kinda reflects the complex relationship the two have. I wonder if you'll touch on that in the later chapters.

I love the way you have introduced us the characters in the first chapter here, and all these letters and stuff are really sweet. It gives a nice insight and backstory and I'm curious about many little details too - especially about Jay's dad.

I'd say this is a brilliant start and some awesome writing! Great job!


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Review #8, by adluvshpThe Man With the Twisted Face: Prologue

8th February 2015:
Hello! I'm here for the review swap from my status (sorry for the delay)!

This seems like a very interesting story! I love the way you have set the premise here. The narrative is intriguing and the writing style, like that of storytelling, is super engaging. I could visualise the scenes in front of my eyes as I read your descriptions.

I also enjoyed the idea of The Revolution. It's quite interesting to see all this from the point of view of Dolohov's parents too - I have barely ever thought about them. I also feel for the poor kid - at such a young age he is forced to listen to such talks and expected to play a role in the revolution. No wonder he is not interested - he was only a kid after all! I also like how you've already created fear of Voldemort, and fear of what his fathers turns into when talking about him, in young Antonin's mind. It is very telling to see this rooted in his mind from a young age. It is also sad that his parents are contemplating disowning him because he wants to get to know Muggleborns before 'judging' him. Children are really so innocent.

The last line of this chapter is also very interesting. He met a girl - does this girl push him to the dark side or does she strengthen his resolve against the Revolution? It makes me wonder, and it is a good way to end a prologue and develop interest to carry on reading the rest of the story.

All in all, this was an awesome chapter and I'm quite excited to knowing what happens next. Please do keep writing =)


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Review #9, by adluvshpChai, Zebras, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning: Chai, Zebras, and a Surprise

5th February 2015:
Hey! Here for review tag!

Yay I am so glad I got a chance to come back for the sequel. Ghosh, Hannah and Neville are just adorable! Just friends, really? *raises eyebrow and smirks* Come on, have a little kiss already xP

I really loved this! Once again, your portrayal of Neville and Hannah was brilliant. It was interesting how Hannah's healer-y instincts kicked in when she saw Neville and I liked her thought process there. The way she just let Neville talk it out was also very sweet. And the little flirtations, the way she blushed, it was so adorable and I can't wait for these two to get together (hope that happens in the next story)!

The prompt you got would have totally baffled me but I'm so impressed with the way you incorporated it. A zebra cake sounds awesome, haha.

All in all, another brilliant one shot and I had an awesome time reading this. Once again, you've made hungry and smile xP Great writing, brilliant descriptions, smooth flow and error-free - recipe for a perfect one shot which you've mastered!


Author's Response: Heya!

Hannah and Neville really are adorable. Haha, "just friends" indeed. Everyone knows what's going on, guys.

I like that! Healer-y instincts. That's the way I think of them in my head! She has so much experience with this that she just knows. She's very good at letting people work through it themselves and just supporting them. And yes, they still manage to flirt! Neville has far more game than he realises.

I was the same when I saw it. I was like "whaa...?" It's a bit difficult to casually introduce a zebra into one's story, but I tried my best. Maybe if they'd gone to the zoo...

Thanks so much for the lovely review. And I aim to make people hungry with this series. It's all about the food :P

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Review #10, by adluvshpChai, Samosas, and a Friend in the Wee Hours of the Morning: Chai, Samosas, and a Surprise

3rd February 2015:
Hey! Here for Slytherin review tag =)

Omg I loved this, loved this, loved this! Now you've made me all hungry for Chai and Samosas :D Incidentally, I just had samosas earlier today but not as good as the ones you just described (because we can't get them that amazing here in UK).

By the way, I'm not sure whether you know (or have guessed) or not, but I am an Indian, and I think you did a great job of explaining all the things and getting the recipe right xD I also love how your Hannah is Indian (and her grandmother lives in Delhi eep - I am from Delhi too xD) and you have cast Alia Bhatt to play her (in the banner). It's just all awesome ideas and it's very refreshing and pleasuring in a way to see Indian terms and Indian faces on HPFF!

Anyway, I've strayed too much off-topic xP The point is, I totally loved this. Your characterisation of Hannah is adorable and I enjoyed the interaction she had with Neville. It was also interesting to see how she was unwilling to 'let him in' at first and how by the end they had become such nice friends. I guess cooking really brings people together eh xD

All in all, this brought a huge smile to my face (and hunger to my stomach). Your writing style was amazing, the descriptions super awesome, no grammar errors at all, and perfect plot. I had such a great time reading this. And my goodness, I've gushed a lot in this review! This review is probably not helpful at all but I just can't find faults with this story and I am too excited and happy after reading this, haha.



Author's Response: I'm always hungry for chai and samosas. Like, seriously. I can eat them at any time at a moment's notice. I don't even care. They are too delicious to resist. And the UK doesn't have good samosas? That is so disappointing to learn :( That should be against some federal law!

*Indian hi-5!* I believe we may have had an in-depth discussion about rotis once! Although I don't live in India, I'm surrounded by these foods. A lot of the confusions that I feel Hannah must have experienced (I think I mentioned one or two as a sort of joke) are similar to the ones I've felt. And again, I must hi-5 you since I am also from Delhi! Maia made this banner for me, and I'd offered a few face claims for Hannah. I'm very happy with the selection of Alia. She works remarkably well.

I'm so happy that you liked the characterisations. These two were fun to write, as was this story. It was something a little off the beaten track for me which I like to do every now and again. I think cooking has a way of making or breaking a relationship.

I'm happy that this made you happy. That's all I really wanted to achieve with this story. Smiles and hunger! Thanks so much for this wonderful review :) Here's to better samosas in the future!

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Review #11, by adluvshpFor Good: The Speech

3rd February 2015:
Hey! Here for your requested review from the forums.

This was a very good one-shot. I enjoyed reading Harry's speech. It was very moving and very on-the-point. The words were powerful yet they flowed naturally. I could definitely imagine Harry talking this way. The little backstories that you gave of various Slytherins here was also very interesting. I also liked that Draco and Harry had resolved their differences and that Harry did this for his friend. It showed a very nice angle to post-war situations - of love and forgiveness. I also liked Draco's characterisation such as the description of his stance and the way he spoke to Harry. Good work there.

The only CC I'd give you is to perhaps add a little more backstory to this one shot - give it an intro and conclusion instead of it just being a speech. Give it a context, because it will be more powerful and more story-like then. For instance, you could start of with describing the setting, Harry's fears/worries of going on stage and addressing the topic etc. and ending it with Harry's satisfaction/feelings towards it. That would make it all the more relatable. That's just of course my opinion as I always like to see some setting and description instead of straight action =)

Otherwise, this was brilliant and I had a good time reading it. It refreshed my memories of the main book moments, and of the emotions associated with them. I also liked the angle of everything being fine and them still building the world back. Your writing style was good and I didn't see any grammar errors either! Good job =)


Author's Response: Hi! I apologize for my severely late response to this (I actually forgot I had it tbh)! :)

I'm so glad you liked it! I haven't done a song-fic in so long so I was worried about how this would turn out. Harry's speech, while it did take up the entire thing almost (oops) was really enjoyable for to me write, even though the topic was not-so-fun. Fleshing out the Slytherins made it seem more realistic for me because it showed to the audience of the speech and the readers that they were real "people" and that they had feelings/lives too.

I would have to agree with you on your CC--I completely forgot about adding backstory and just went right into the speech without giving context whatsoever! I will have to go back and edit that this summer then! Not going to lie here, I did happen to look up certain events in my books to make sure I had the people/timeline correct. (Maybe I just need to do a good ol' re-reading of the series this summer, as I'm about due for one anyway :P )

Thank you so so much for this fabulous and constructive review! I'll have to pop over again sometime soon! :)
~MadiMalfoy x

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Review #12, by adluvshpTurning Page: Ashes

3rd February 2015:
Hello, here for review tag!

This was intense. I loved the way you've begun your story. This first chapter definitely struck a chord with me and I was engrossed. Your portrayal of Draco is very interesting and I like how you've shown him dealing with trauma after the War. His self-loathing and trying to put pretence is also nicely done. I also like Astoria's character so far and I'm curious to see her role in helping to heal Draco.

Your writing style was good and the flow was smooth. I didn't see any glaring grammar errors either. All in all, I think you have a solid plot and a well written chapter, so good job! It's definitely very, very good for your first fanfic =)


Author's Response: Hi! :)

Ah, I'm so happy you like them! I especially worry about how Draco comes across so that means a lot!

Aw thank you so much! I was so nervous about posting this, I haven't written anything in so long, I was afraid I'd gotten rusty!

Thanks for leaving such an awesome review! :)

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Review #13, by adluvshpWinds of Desire: Caught Red Handed

28th January 2015:
Hey! Here for review tag!

This is an interesting premise for a Dramione (which I think it will turn into) so I quite like it. The way you have started with this introductory chapter is good, providing us all the backstory we need.

How horrible of Ron to do what he is doing to Hermione. I think you portrayed Hermione's feelings quite well. I liked this chapter and want to see how the story progresses. The only CC I have is to perhaps smooth out your narrative, make it more engaging by having more description and emotions. Good job otherwise!!


Author's Response: Well hello there, :)
Thank you for coming by and reviewing my old story, I haven't worked on it for quite awhile! ;) I plan on re-editing quite a few things, I was a bit clueless about how to write these fanfics when I started. The fact that you think it's starting out good is wonderful :D I am glad you like it so far for the most part.

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Review #14, by adluvshpBlood Lust: Blood Lust

28th January 2015:
Hello! I am quite late with this but I'm finally reading and reviewing all entries for my challenge. The results will be out soon!

This was very interesting. I liked how it was short and snappy and to the point. The vampire's thoughts were very well conveyed and I enjoyed an insight into his mind. Your writing style was good too and it worked well with the plot. I loved your descriptions as they painted visuals in my head of what was happening.

The only CC I'd give is that your grammar/phrasing was a little off at times. It could do with some smoothing over. Besides that, I really had a good time reading this. It was dark and creepy and just the way I like it xD

Good job!

Author's Response: Hello!

Thank you. I'm happy that it worked with the way I write as that was actually my first time trying to write second person. Hopefully I can improve upon my grammar/ phrasing. I'll have a look and see if there's any ways to make it better. :)

Thanks again! I enjoyed participating in your challenge!

- Becca. :)

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Review #15, by adluvshpCold Season: Cold Season

28th January 2015:
Hey! I'm incredibly late in doing this but I'm finally reading and reviewing all entries to my Vampire Challenge. The results will be out soon =)

This was a very interesting take on my challenge. I certainly didn't imagine a story where a human would be having her friends turn into vampires. Good job on original thinking for the plot. I think you did well on keeping the vampires as the main theme as well. I also enjoyed your interpretation of vampires - turning into brats, being more active on the full moon, the red dots for pupils, pale skin.

The narrative was also fun to read and had a smooth flow to it. I didn't spot on any major grammar errors either. The only CC I'd give is that I didn't find this spooky enough - I felt that the part where they're being bitten by the vampires and when they approach the house - that could have included some more heavy description that would have it all the more creepier.

Nonetheless, I liked this one-shot and it provided for a refreshing read. Thank you for entering my challenge!


Author's Response: Don't worry, we're patient. Mostly.

The idea for someone falling asleep w/ humans and waking w/ vampires came to me in a dream, I just elaborated on it. I ( Georgina) actually took a class on monsters where we spent a good portion of time on vampires. Some of these things are traditional, appearance and how they prey, but some of it is my own invention, red eyes and full moon.

Thank you for stopping by!

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Review #16, by adluvshpWe Are One: All is fair

27th January 2015:
Hey again! Wow, what a dramatic reveal! Marietta was the killer then and she used Emerson and she did it all for Harry! Wow, who would have thought!

I really, really enjoyed reading this. I think you set up the mystery in the most brilliant way possible and revealed the killer really nicely. The whole procedures with the Aurors and all were also written well with careful details and I liked that. Your characterisations of Ron and Harry were of course brilliant.

All in all, I think this was a great story and it almost seems like the end since the mystery is solved and everything is okay. So, I'm quite curious to see what the next couple chapters hold.

I don't have any CC for you really - I think this is one of the most well-written and well-conceptualised stories I've come across on the archives. I wish my writing were as awesome as yours!

Great work!!

P.S. Update soon!

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Review #17, by adluvshpWe Are One: Revealed

27th January 2015:
Marietta, really? I didn't see that one coming. I felt like she could be the next victim, but definitely not the killer. Good shock element there!

I loved the talk between Aberforth and Harry too. I think you kept both very much in character and I enjoyed their interaction. Aberforth certainly knows something though, and I wonder what his warning meant.

Oh and I also really liked the way Ron stuttered in front of his boss and all - fits well with his characterisation. Man, you really know your canon characters xD

This was really another marvellous chapter and I am enjoying the mystery very much. I still feel like there's more to the plot than is revealed at the moment so you've great going. I love your descriptions and writing style. Favourited this story!


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Review #18, by adluvshpWe Are One: Spotted

27th January 2015:
Hello! I'm back again! Ooh the plot thickens. We are close to finding out the killer now! I love the note on which you ended this chapter - it is very mysterious and exciting. I'm so curious to know what that letter says.

I also loved the beginning of this chapter. The description was very powerful and painted some vivid imagery in my mind. I never much liked Greyback but I still felt sorry for him when he died. I am so, so curious to know who the killer is - I feel like it could be Harry, but that's just so crazy!

I also love your characterisation of Ron. It is very much like him to be hard on himself in such a situation and talk of quitting. Speaking of, the chase scene was great. I loved how the action played out with Emerson escaping and all.

All in all, this was another brilliant chapter. I'm really loving the story and I'm glad I swapped with you! My story really is in no way in league with this amazingness xP


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Review #19, by adluvshpWe Are One: A mistake

27th January 2015:
Hello! Here for the review swap from the forums! I have read chapters 1-5 and I loved them all. I think the way you've built up the mystery, your writing style and the plot in general is very good. The characterisation of Harry is especially well done. Good job on that!

Coming to this chapter, I think this was another brilliant piece of writing. The whole second person change in POV is very interesting and it gives an intriguing insight into the person's mind. I also liked how you wrote the Daily Prophet article - it is very close to how it's written in canon.

Since Greyback is the next victim, I wonder what the killer's agenda is. It looks like the killer is targeting 'traitors'. Noble cause but creepy means. I also wonder what's up with Harry. There're so many questions that arise when reading this story, and that's a good thing because it's a mystery. I'm loving the thrill that comes with reading this!

All in all, this is a great story and I'm having a lot of fun reading this. I hope it's okay that I decided to review Chapter 6. It's a later chapter in my opinion. But hopefully, i'll be back to review the remaining chapters as well.

Thanks for swapping!


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Review #20, by adluvshpThestrals: Hugo

27th January 2015:
Hey! Hot Seat review xD

I really liked this. It was so cute. I have rarely read any fics with Hugo being the main character so I enjoyed your characterisation of him. I felt touched that he was by his grandmother's side when she was dying (makes me wonder whether it was Molly or Mrs Granger). His initial fear of thestrals and them representing his pain was also very well conveyed.

I loved the ending bit! The image of the foal was adorable in my mind the way you described it. It sniffing the apple and Hugo giving it to it was just super cute. I'm glad Hugo thus overcame his dislike/fear of the creatures. After all, it's not their fault that they're only seen when one sees death.

All in all, great little chapter and awesome story. I loved how you picked characters from three different generations for this collection of one-shots. The theme was interesting and I enjoyed reading it. Good job!


Author's Response: *waves cheerily*

Hugo is rarely chosen as a main character, and that's the biggest reason I picked him. He's not so popular as Sirius and Neville, so I could really focus on his introspection rather than canon-compliant characterisation. I leave it up to the reader to decide which grandmother it is!

Good! I was going for adorable. All baby animals are adorable, and thestrals are no exception. And you can't hate such an innocent creature such as a thestral foal, so it seemed like a good way to show Hugo's change of heart.

Thanks so much for your lovely review :)

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Review #21, by adluvshpa little bit of coolness.: I'm not even sure whether I have Layla.

24th January 2015:
Here for review tag!

Hm, poor Rose, I can kinda understand her insecurities. Her portrayal is very on-and-off though - sometimes she wants to be pretty and all, and at the same time she refuses Scorpius' advances. She talks about no boy wanting to spend days with her but she rejects Scorpius who wants to. Typical teenage mentality. You've definitely captured that.

The interaction between Hugo, Layla and Rose was interesting. I'm sad that Rose has kinda been abandoned by her best friend and her brother, but she was really acting a bit over the top with the whole thing. Hugo is after all old enough to make his own decisions and it's not that he's doing something super wrong, and Layla is Rose's best friend so she should trust her. I can see Rose is all muddled up.

One thing I did not like in this chapter was the stereotyping of the houses. "Lying is a Slytherin trait". Now that my dear is not true. Slytherin traits are ambition, determination, cunning, and a knack for saving own skin. Just because bad wizards have turned up from Slytherin house, doesn't mean lying is automatically a trait. Besides, everyone lies every now and then - especially teenagers. Harry, Ron and Hermione lied plenty of times in the books - these are not some dark lies, it's just little harmless lies, so it's a bit silly for Hugo to call out Rose on that and bring the whole house stereotyping thing there, since its so common for teenagers to lie about little things.

Anyway, apologies for my rant, I just wanted to make my point clear on this because things like this may turn off readers from the story. You need to be a little more careful when it comes to portrayal of houses and believability in terms of teenager behaviour.

Apart from that, this chapter was good. I also liked the ending bit where Hermione was totally the bossy mom. Definitely sounds like her lol. Rose's reactions are also understandable and realistic. You have a good balance of dialogue and narrative overall and the flow makes for an enjoyable read.

All in all, good job =) I hope I wasn't too harsh!


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Review #22, by adluvshpRabbit Heart: Hearts Enthralled

24th January 2015:
Hey again.

So, I loved the History of Magic discussion in the beginning of the story. At first I felt it was a little unnecessary but then I realised it was definitely necessary as the talk shifted to vampires. It's confirmed now (I think) that Dillon is a vampire. It also looks like his mother might have been his thrall, or the rabbits are the thralls and so are the people that get connected to the rabbits minds. I may be wrong but that's what it looks like to me right now. Good job on clearing some stuff up using the lesson.

Uh I do not like Ian. He sounds like an idiot. Albus on the other hand is adorable. I am glad he and Wren got to spend some time together. It was very interesting to see Madam Pince so lively and out-of-character here too, must be the effect of the rabbit. I wonder what is in the punch - it feels like she is trying to get Rose's mind to connect with the rabbit's again, though Mr Summers also felt its effects, which was weird. Again, the mystery continues.

So far, Wren's character has been consistent and I liked her. However, I felt like it was a bit strange of Wren to let her best friend Rose get close to Ian when she knows what kind of a person Ian is. I feel like she should have probably tried talking to Rose again or something, instead of just being like "But if Rose didn't mind being treated like a cuff link and being kissed like someone was siphoning her brain through her throat, then that was her problem!" That was a bit mean on her part and it didn't seem much like Wren.

Other than that, I think this chapter was very good, with definitely further progress into the mystery. I'm curious to see what's up with the grey rabbit and Bunny and what happens to Wren and her friends now. Good job!


Author's Response:


History of Magic can be excruciatingly boring under the proper conditions. I thought it would be fun to do something with the class to help out the characters a bit. You know, because there's this mystery, and they don't have a clue, and it could be bad if they don't figure things out... I can see by your comments that you were one of the people who actually paid attention, instead of charming paper airplanes and whatnot.

I'll just clear this up right now. Ian is not to be liked. He IS an idiot. There.

Hey, you know that stubborn friend who never listens to you until it's too late? Erm, that's what's going on there. Wren is well aware that Rose has heard the stories. And well... Rose. I suppose Wren could have tried harder, but why waste your breath when you know they won't listen?

I am so glad you are still curious about the mystery and rabbits, and Wren and her friends too. Thanks for all your comments!

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Review #23, by adluvshpRabbit Heart: Losing Heart

24th January 2015:
Hey! I'm back again.

So it looks like Dillon is a vampire, or something similar and he has been feeding off his rabbits. He probably fed off his mother too. And it looks like he's been around a very long time if the wise old man he is talking about is Dumbledore.

I love how we get to know more about Dillon's past here. It is definitely some progress into the story. For the past few chapters, I felt like the plot was slightly dragging but I'm glad things are back in full swing now.

I am also curious as to why Albus' rabbit didn't connect with him the way Wren's did with hers. Maybe Albus' rabbit didn't bite him (I can't seem to remember) but Wren's did - and they form the connection with a bite? The way the rabbit did with Madam Pince. It is indeed very interesting, the way layers and layers of the mystery are unravelling slow.

So it looks like Smeed did give Wren some helpful stuff and not poison because her head is clearer now and she's back to her normal self. It also looks like her magic is slowly coming back to her. But then, how long is that going to last? Questions, questions.

I felt your characterisation of Rose was a little over the top. We get that she wants to be the top of the class but I don't think she'd be so rude over something like Albus and Scorpius getting more marks than her. It just doesn't feel like Ron and Hermione's daughter would be brought up that way. But it could just be my perception of it...

I'm pleased Albus finally talked to Rose, albeit it wasn't about his feelings, but it was something. Maybe now Rose and Albus can work on the mystery of the missing rabbit together and bond.

Another thing I found strange was Albus dismissing his pain as 'growing pains'. I don't think at his age people get growing pains - it could have been more believable if he had dismissed it as a muscle pull or something of that sort.

Finally, I think you nailed Madam Pince's characterisation. I'd definitely portray her like that if I had to. It was pretty amusing to read, until of course the rabbit showed up.

Now, I'm just worried for Wren and her friends - these rabbits and Dillon seem to be E-V-I-L and I want them as far away from Wren and her friends as possible. Lol.

All in all, great chapter and some good progress into the plot here. I hope this pace is maintained for future chapters.


Author's Response:
Yeah, there were a bunch of small points that I had to cover before the plot ran away again. I hope it didn't drag the story too much. I've decided that I don't love writing teens. Maybe my next story will be about grumpy old men. Much easier to deal with. :P

And I feel you on Rose too. Man, you should have seen her in the first draft... on second thought, it's better that you didn't. Unfortunately, there are people in the world like her, and as much as we don't like to see it, there it is. Ahh well.

Funny you brought up the growing pains thing. I have had mixed reactions to this. Some people (both females and males)think it's not likely that the growth I described was realistic, while others, both females and males who have been through it personally, say it's quite painful, both during and after the growth spurt. So, there you go. I guess it comes down to personal experience.

Ahh, Madame Pince was a hoot. Poor woman. I'm glad you agreed with her characterization. Thanks for spending another chapter with me!

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Review #24, by adluvshpHouse of Cards: Ace of Spades

23rd January 2015:
Narcissa? Really of all people? Gah I can't believe it!!

Well, I'm glad the mystery has been unraveled now. I am still a bit confused by it all - Narcissa wanted to poison her mother with the overdose of the medicine, killed her father instead. And then her mother realised it and killed herself. After that Narcissa knew that Orion suspected her so she tried to kill him and ended up killing Pollux. But in all this, I didn't understand why Narcissa wanted to kill her mother in the first place? (Would really appreciate if you could answer this in the author's response).

I hope I understood all that right anyway. And then who attacked Regulus? That mystery is still unsolved and I wonder if we'll know in the next chapter or if it's going to remain unsolved.

This chapter was definitely very interesting, albeit a little confusing - if that was not your aim then I'd suggest smoothing it over to make everything a little bit clearer - as this is the chapter that solves (most of) the mystery.

Everyone's reactions were very nicely done and the ending was also intriguing and spot on. I am also wondering about the whole Alphard thing - why did he send Sirius that letter?

All in all, another great chapter. Trust you to solve the mystery and still leave the reader's mind buzzing with questions xP

I think this was great though and I'm looking forward to seeing how you tie up everything in the final chapter!


Author's Response: Hey there, Aditi! :) Thank you so much for following this story all the way to the end - it means so much to me! :)

Hehe... no one ever suspected Narcissa! I have to admit, that makes me a little bit proud :P

Yeah, it's a bit unclear - I didn't want it be blindingly obvious, but I'll go back and look at it anyway ;) Basically, Narcissa meant to give her mother the poison as a medication - it's not poisonous in small doses - but she got it wrong, put too much and in her father's food. Her mother knows and blames herself, and then everything spirals from there with Narcissa (and Lucius, in on it too) trying to cover everything up :) Orion suspected because he was aware of the medication Druella was taking, but hadn't worked out anything further until later on in the story. Hope that clears some of it up for you!

Regulus... yeah, I purposefully wanted to leave that bit unsolved - I tried to put in hitns people might pick up on, which hint at who the attacker could be, but I'm not sure I made them strong enough... again, I might go back and edit in.

Umm... hm... this may be spoiling things for you a little bit (I dunno), but it's linked to Regulus ;) And not just in that his name was on the paper :P

Haha, yeah, sorry about that! I wrote this really quickly - this one and the epilogue - so sorry if they're a bit rushed/unclear. I'm hoping to have some time in late spring/early summer to edit them through and smooth things over a bit, so hopefully things will be made clearer! :)

Thank you so much for following this through, and thank you so much for the review - it was so lovely to get! :)

Aph xx

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Review #25, by adluvshpHouse of Cards: King of Hearts

23rd January 2015:
Okay what just happened? Is Alphard the murderer? But how could he be? And why? And oh merlin I hope Regulus is not going to be attacked again! This is all getting stranger and crazier. I really want to find out everything already xP

The chapter was as usual well-written and very interesting. I loved the way you described Sirius in the beginning - his pain was tangible and I could feel it and the descriptions painted a certain imagery that was beautiful in a way.

Ah so there is something going on between Regulus and Barty. I pretty much knew it but now Sirius has found out - and so has Alphard. I loved the way that entire interaction played out. Sirius' reactions were very well done.

And Bellatrix suspects Crouch ah. I don't think Crouch could attack Regulus - no way. I wonder whether the others would believe her - and what they're doing now about it all.

The ending scene was also very intriguing. We got to see inside Regulus' head and it was quite nicely written. I absolutely love your descriptions. They're the strongest point in this story apart from the wonderfully gripping plot.

All in all, another brilliant chapter and I'm itching to read more and find out just exactly what is going on here.


Author's Response: Hey there, Aditi! Thank you so much for coming back again! :)

Haha, sorry about that! :P Poor, poor Regulus... he does get a pretty bad lot in this story, unfortunately... but, don't worry, everything will come out sooner or later ;)

Thank you! :) I'm so glad you liked Sirius and that beginning scene - it was actually surprisingly hard to write, mostly I think because I have two younger sisters, so it was a really strange thing to have to write.

Yeah, it all comes out now :P I think most people had guessed it, though, haha. I really wanted from the beginning to write Sirius' discovery, so I'm so glad you liked it! :)

Bellatrix... well, she suspects something, but I guess the question is why would she suspect :P But yeah, probably unlikely... we'll see, we'll see ;)

I'm so glad you liked the end scene - it was the first time I actually wrote inside Regulus' head, and it was so much fun to do! Thank you so much - I do love writing descriptions, so I'm so happy you like them! :)

Thank you so much for the review - it was so lovely to get! :)

Aph xx

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