Ah, I love it. I'd say more, but I think I rambled it all out last time-you've done so well characterising everyone, all the Gryffindor boys, it might as well be in one of the books-it doesn't seem out of place at all to what I know. I usually avoid Hogwarts era, because they're often painful, and well, there isn't much to flesh out without changing things. You've done it marvellously, and reading your AN made me all weird and happy; you know your characters well, I think that's it, the statement that Neville is more internal and all-love it.Author's Response: Thank you again! What a wonderful compliment! Obviously my writing is nowhere near J.K. Rowling's but it is wonderful to know that you think my characterization is spot-on with that of the books.
I'm bogged down with work right now but I'm extremely excited to write the next chapter and continue to fill out all the characters! (I'm thinking about attempting NaNoWriMo this year so hopefully I'll get a lot of this story done then) Report Review
Oh wow, this was so wonderfully written I'm not sure where to begin. I'm terrible with canon, in the sense I avoid it like crazy in my own writing because I feel too much pressure to..'get them right'. Neville, in this, is. Well, he's Neville all through. I couldn't fault him if I tried, and I won't, because it's refreshing to see him get his own story.
His grandmother too, I think she's well done. The right combination of foreboding and all, from what we know of her in earlier books-but she's got the spunk in there too that suits her appearance in the last.
I really enjoyed it-the bit of disappointment that he might be more good than brave, the pressure of his parents legacy. And his box of gum wrappers stashed away.
Hannah too of course, her parents were delightfully...filled. So often parents just seem to pop in and out to say a few words and help whatever needs to progress...progress, it was nice knowing how much in love they are, and how much different her world really is from Neville's.
I'm rambling, I shouldn't. Off to chapter two, definitely!Author's Response: Ahh thank you so much!! You honestly just made my day!
I am so happy you liked my characterization because that is extremely important to me (I have whole notebooks filled with information on Neville from the books and from my own headcanon because I really wanted to do him justice). It's also such a relief to hear you say that you liked Hannah's part because I definitely fear that it is less detailed than Neville's but you were right in saying that her world is totally different from his and that is exactly what I was trying to portray.
Thank you for rambling haha! I'm quite a rambler myself and I definitely appreciated all of your thoughts :) Report Review
I'm unsure what year the main character is in-so I assume 7th with Sirius? It's just a bit unclear. Other than that, it's not a bad start =]Author's Response: Thanks! Yeah, I didn't describe that sort of thing very well! But Sirius is in 7th, Regulus is in 6th, and Alex is in 5th!
WildFire Report Review
Ah, I loved it. Makes me want to curl up and watch some Bridget. Report Review
The first chapter of this was stunning, and I had to read on just to..see where it went. The way you write is lovely, and you have a way of describing things that I really like. The only fault I have really is perhaps more of a pet hate; the way you introduced her dorm mates, I find/found it clunky...if that makes sense. Melody's little bit was completely darling, and it was all well written...It just didn't feel like it belonged, or flowed-Lorcan's introduction was different, but just as effective. I don't know if I'm making sense, and I don't mean this badly-I adore what there is so far. ANYWAY, can't wait to read more =)Author's Response: Hello, thank you so much, this is one of my less read stories so I'm glad someone likes it. Yeah, I didn't particularly like the way I introduced her dorm mates either but I just wanted to get it out of the way so I could finish the chapter and get it posted. I will probably go back and change it at some point, it doesn't really seem like Dominique's style. Oh Melody, she is a darling, bless her. Thanks for the comment though, I see where you were coming from and you are making perfect sense. Thank you for the review and more shall be coming soon... ish.
InkAndParchment x Report Review
I adore this. Every bit of it.Author's Response: Thank you so much! :D Report Review
Love the idea! Look forward to seeing how it goes from hereAuthor's Response: Thank you; I need to plan that myself, so we'll see what happens. Report Review
So simply done, and I think that's what makes it so striking. Honestly beautiful.Author's Response: Aw, thankyou so much!
Dee, x Report Review
Lovely and well written =] and a sweet amount of sad..
I have a tiny bit of concrit though. The repetitive use of the word 'week', when physical strength is actually 'weak', its so little and simple, but every time i saw it, it annoyed me. So it distracted me from your story...
apart from that, it's perfectly swell =]Author's Response: Dang i thought i got all the spelling! Lol, guess i have to edit again *sigh* Anyway, thanks for pointing that out for me and I'm glad you liked the story!
Thanks for reading and reviewing!
-Theia..=] Report Review
Oh. This is going swimmingly. I'm completely caught up, and I'm only two chapters in. I can't wait to see where this goes, and watch your characters. They're all deliciously vivid already, getting more and more defined as you go.
One little thing I wanted to point out. There are a few places where you refer to Silvius (sorry if that's spelt wrong) as Scorpius. In the same sentence and all, sometimes. So maybe a quick read over, or consider a Beta, though I'm unable to fault you for much of anything else. Its very well written, really.
-Rose.Author's Response: I have just edited ch. 2 and got rid of those errors, should all be ok now but sorry about that! Thanks for your review!
James promptly fainted, it all being too much.
Haha. Favourite quote, right there (and a typo, I think, as you need another 'o'...) but yes, I completely loved it. Brilliant work =]
Rose.Author's Response: Thank you for pointing that out, I fixed it just now :) I'm so glad you liked it, thanks so much for reading and reviewing!! Report Review
I'm sorry to leave it till now to review, but I couldn't force myself to stop reading, and well, here I am with no choice. A cliffie! God, such torture! Leaving me with a sentence like that. But she's so cute, and lovely, and believable. It's a really nice take on teenage romance =] not one you find that often even though it's realistically awkward and such.
Yesm, this is really well done. I've loved every word =]
Can't wait to see how you tie it up, she much feel awful. And it was going so, er, well? For her. hehe.
Rose.Author's Response: Haha, no worries! You reviewed right? That's awesome in itself. :) Sorry about the cliffie. I LOVE them. Not really sure why. I just do. I'm so happy you like Daphs. She's probably one of my favorite characters - even if she isn't canon. :P I agree, the awkward teenage romance isn't done much. I guess that why I decided to try it. And its so much fun! :P
Wow, thank you very much! I'm so glad you think it's well done!
Hehe, yeah, it had been going well. For her at least. Thanks for such a great review! Next chapter will be up asap! Report Review
That was the absolute loveliest Lily/James I can remember reading in such a long time. Possibly ever.
I won't say any more, because I won't do it justice. Just. Brilliant all through. Report Review
Urgh! You're leaving me with a line like that to brood over?! Brilliant, you are. Sadistic and brilliant.
This story is so soft and lovely, and yet it's really moreish and addicting. I feel as though I barely know a thing, and yet I want to know it so much it all most counts as actually having it in my head. I doubt that made an ounce of sense. But anyway.
I get a little thrill every time I see an update, because I know I'll get a tidbit or two more.
So, here I am, trying not to think about that last line. Because then I'll get impatient, and it's an all in good time sort of thing, isn't it?
I honestly love it though =]
-RoseAuthor's Response: Haha, I think this is the first time I've been called a sadist, but I think I see your point. I always end chapters with a cliffie :P
Yeah, soft and mysterious are kind of what I'm going for. Sort of an innocently guilty mood :) I'm trying to keep as much secret as possible, yet I have to give you bits and pieces here and there as bait :D I do have great plans for this story.! And I promise I'll leave more tidbits for you in chapters to come ;)
Yeah, all in good time is the motto =)
Thanks for reviewing, Rose! :D It means a lot to me to hear how you feel towards the story. Report Review
That was completely bril =] Lovely to read, every bit of it. You used a lovely subtle sort of flowering in the way you worded things, which fit in so sweetly with the plot and Rose & Scorpious.
Great ending. Loved it =]Author's Response: Thank you; I was slightly nervous as it was my first Rose and Scorpius one-shot. And the fact that i wasn't sure how genuinely good it was because I wrote it at, like, one in the morning. Hehe.
BritishBoysLover Report Review
I'm officially cool now? Brilliant. This had such an amusing tone to it, she felt a tad forced in a few places, but I love this girl to bits already! I shouldn't be reviewing, first day at a new work and I'm only half ready. I should be meditating or something, but this fixed my nerves quite well.
I can't wait to read the next chapter, the question is before or after work? Heh. James Potter was v. funny, all your characterisations so far have been nice and easy to like though, yes. That's as much sense as I can manage. =)
Rose.Author's Response: YAY! I totally didn't expect this positive feedback! Yeah it's my first time writing fluff, it's a bit weird because i don't know if people will like my characters, etcetcetc. Thanks so much for reviewing, good luck :)
xx Report Review
I love this, minor character's relations. There's so much potential, and I can't wait to read more. I'll give you a review worthy of reading next time, I promise...I'm supposed to be packing, but you know, procrastinating is more fun...
Rose.Author's Response: Thank you for reviewing and yes I agree, procrastinating is fun. =) ~Arty. Report Review
I'd sort of like to scream I love it. And I will, but you know, I'm going to save that for later. Try and keep myself composed and stuff. I dunno, it was uneventful, as prologues often are, but it was real, and completely well done. It could have been boring but it wasn't.
Rose is pleasantly solid, and I like her head. Or being in it, if that makes my meaning clearer. Her analysis of her place in the school, and with her family was nice and smooth... honest, I suppose. It was flat out, but done without her dwelling on it...
Anyway. Cliffie, it pains me, gosh does it ever! I'm waiting patiently for the opportunity for me to declare love, next chapter perhaps?
-Rose.Author's Response: I'm pleasantly surprised by your reaction! I'm so glad you think that way about this story. Thanks so much for such a wonderful review, and I look forward to hearing from you when the next chapter is published! =) Thanks again, Rose! Report Review
I'm so sorry I've left it this long. Four chapters in and all. I'll try and go back later, to give you something more to chew on. Bleh. I wish i hadn't used that phrase, bet you do too..but anyway.
You've done a really nice job with this. I love the idea in itself. I find myself shifting closer and closer towards the next gen because they really could branch in any direction. The famous parent catch. The money. The absolute enormity of the family itself.
I love the this though. Even your Ginny, she's really quite brilliant.
The chapters are short, but they're nice enough not to worry about it. Though, of course, more is always good. When it's good. Er, yes. Heh.
Anyway. Looking forward to seeing more =)
-RoseAuthor's Response: I'm glad you like it! Especially Ginny. She's my favorite Character,so I wanted to do a good job with her as a mom.
I'll work on making the chapter's longer, next chapter will be really long. Report Review
Ooh. This seems like a pretty promising beginning =) Nice, comfortable introduction to the girls. Not much information, but pleanty enough to get an easy grasp on them. I much prefer it to something hideously over-detailed =) Heads can put pieces together etc. Haha.
Anyway. It's nice to have a Longbottom main, she seems like a lovely protagonist so far. I like the realism you've managed to already poke into this, into her, already.
I don't have any critique, becasue I really liked it, and er, thought you deserved a review. I can't wait to read more, it'll be nice to have an Albus/OC story to read, I've only really stumbled across James (ll) or Scorpious/OCs when it comes to the second gen. Anyway.
That's me. Being done.
-Rose.Author's Response: Hello!
I'm glad that you liked this chapter and thought that the introductions were okay. I have to agree, I generally dislike it when intros are overdetailed. Hehe, and I like making you guys think a little bit.
I'm glad that you like Daphne. She's a lot like me in some ways and I was trying to make her identifiable to a lot of people.
Thanks for reviewing! Good luck finding New Generation stories. I have a couple of others if you're intersted. Thanks again! Report Review
I'm Australian actually. I flutter back and forth between 'full stop' and 'period'. Full stop makes me feel as though i'm still in Kindergarten writing strange little captions under god-awful pictures of my own creation...
I wasn't the slightest bit offended =) Your story is so lovely, well written and all that I could tell it was probably a taught thing rather that, er, something else? Hehe. I hope it wasn't interpreted the wrong way though.
I've found myself falling into the story much more now anyway, it's sort of just like reading 'mom' instead of 'mum' it's easy enough to overlook, but you still notice it, just because it's odd to you.
Lily is really quite deliciously endearing. And yes, while I found his interest at her laugh-the first chapter, I mean, I found that a tad...questionable at first. But you've tied it in so so well with his passing observations...it's really lovely.
What about her? Nia supposed it would be goof for Bella too.
Amusing typo, but I thought I'd tell you anyway =P Gah. I hope I'm not coming across negatively, because I genuinely admire you for this story. It's such a lovely believable interpretation of their relationship. Completely refreshing to read.
-Rose.Author's Response: Ugh, stupid typo. I need to go fix that now, thank you for pointing it out. And you don't come across negatively at all, I appreciate the critique, it is very very useful, so thank you. And I totally know about the 'mom' thing, that always makes me wrinkle my nose a little when I read it.
I think the laugh was not so much a reason behind his interest as it was a trigger because the Lily that we see patrolling with James in the first chapter was the only one he'd ever known so he would never have associated her with anything in the least carefree or inviting and it surprises him. It's not 'wow, looking at her laughing, I'm in love'. Although I can understand why it would seem that way at first glance, haha.
Thank you again for your review, and I shall go sort out that 'goof' now. Report Review
This story is such a fantastic idea! I genuinely love the whole entire thing =)
The scene with the Slytherins was immensely clever, and you've really captured the awkward almost-liking-one-another thing that does happen when ones eleven.
I do have a question though, just as to why you call Sirius 'Sirius' but Remus is always Lupin. I just noticed it thoughout and wondered if there was a reason behind it, or just a habit-due to his Professor titile when we first met him or something...
Anyway. Great story!
-Rose.Author's Response: Hi Rose :) Thanks for your review! I think I just started referring to Lupin by his surname because of the Professor title as you said...I guess I always thought of him as 'Lupin' and not so much as Remus...I hope it doesn't take anything away from the story?? Thank you for your compliments too - I really appreciate them! Report Review
I really enjoyed this. Often first chapters can come off rather bland, but no, you've introduced your characters nicely =) Really well, really. Lily is quite original-definitely jazzy what you've done with her. And her friends, their conversations flow freely, and you've managed to really show their relationships without forcing it onto us.
I'm not really one for the flat out, one paragraph cram sessions on characters and their appearances. And while you did sort of wobble about on the line about, you gave yours a bit of a quirk. Which definitely made up for it =) "She had a (well concealed) lively sense of humour which delighted in the ridiculous."
I especially liked your wording there, with the delighting/ridiculous bit. So yes, I love your girls, the way Nia calls Lily hers-that was a nice touch. I've only got one bit of concrit really, and it's more of a personal opinion, so it's not really...you know? Bleh. Haha.
It's tricky, because I know so many people are taught differently. But during your dialogue, you seem to skip out on punctuation. Their sentences should still end with periods, etc...I think so, anyway...It just distracted me a tad, because I didn't get the er, closure, I'm used to. yeah...
Anyway. I'm off to read more. Really promising first chapter =)
-Rose.Author's Response: Okay, I think it is a teaching thing because I've never been taught any other way really. It might be part of the mysterious atlantic divide because I'm guessing you're either American or Canadian, since you called it a period. That might be it.
I am sorry though that it should distract you and honestly I would change it only as I've never really been told to do otherwise, I'd feel funny about it. I hope you don't take offense, because I really did appreciate this review and I'd rather hear it than not hear it so thank you! And honestly, if I could do it, I would. Report Review
How you even managed to think of such a beautiful idea, I don't know. The descriptions were so...it was unquestionable, the way you did it, the way you described her memories. Trying to keep a cobweb intact in water. I mean. Wow.
Wow wow wow.
-Rose.Author's Response: Honestly, I don't even know myself. It sort of just came to me as I was writing and I was *very* glad it did. It was a very abstract thing to write about and I don't think that I had ever really read anything before that dealt with that sort of thing, going into someone's thoughts like that. Man, I was just happy is ended up sounding slightly coherent when I was done! Report Review
Oh, wow. Second chapter. I remember I was really fascinated by the first...Anyway =) Gabriel was so much more, acessable to me in this. I know people change when they're in company, but this was really interesting, to see him in a different light.
I feel sorry for Pricilla, she sort of caught the brunt of Slytherin-y-ish-ness there. But, that's another characterisation point I love, your OC-he makes a rather lovely Slytherin. Not, lovely lovely. You understand me, don't you? Lovely because he's an actual Slytherin. Er, yes. I'm feeling my most articulate just now.
Anyway. I really do love this, the gentle lines strewn throughout hinting of his rain thing. It really sets something for his inner workings.
I'm certainly intrigued all over again, to see how things switch from Lily to James, and Severus-Good characterisation there again, too...
-Rose.Author's Response: Hi! I love your reviews XD glad to se you still like the fic. I was going to put it in the Author's Notes that the feel would be different from the first chapter since so many people seemed to like the 'angsty dramatic' pace it had. It did have an idea of how it would progress and Gabriel's personality when he's around others. Glad you noticed it :D Lol don't worry, I understand what you mean. I dont want him to be too nice because he's a Slytherin but at the same time he's not really 'cruel'. I'm glad he's likeable because he and Pricilla re my very first OC's. The rain is definitely an important piece heh. Lily and Sev are my little side piece but I cant give too much away *hugs*"
Kay~ Report Review
Terms of Service
categories & genres
short story collection