Reading Reviews From Member: Gryffin_Duck
  
192 Reviews Found

Review #1, by Gryffin_DuckThe New Pride of Portree: A Pack of Wild Dogs

28th April 2014:
I didn't realize how far behind I'd gotten in this... But there is something nice about having four new chapters to read!

The awkward was so thick in this one. I love it. I don't think Fitz is going to be able to ignore that kiss so easily. And another awful match. At least Jinx caught the Snitch, and Molly managed to play despite her injury.

Ooo, a retreat! Can't wait to read about that. Great chapter! :)

Author's Response: Awkwardness is everywhere here. Nope, he won't be able to pretend that one didn't happen - it definitely escalated things for both of them. They aren't a winning team yet, no ;)

Thanks for reviewing, hon!


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Review #2, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: Some Family Time

20th January 2014:
I love the Weasley family scenes. The part where Nana Molly told Louis he was too skinny was my favorite. I can definitely see her doing that with her grandkids. Lily ranting about James was really funny. It's great getting to see the other Weasley cousins in this fic.

Ooo, things are getting exciting! I hope they're able to catch that werewolf. Looks like he's able to put up quite a fight, though.

Louis and Elsie need to realize they'd make a good couple. I love how Elsie pushed the emergency button in the elevator in order to talk to Louis, as that seems to happen all the time in various medical TV shows.

You left one of your notes to yourself in this chapter, right where Louis first mentions Healing Technicians. Just thought I'd point that out for when you edit. Great chapter! Can't wait for the next! :)

Author's Response: Thanks, Sarah! Glad you are still enjoying it! I'm actually thinking of diving back in to finish this fic up. I can't just leave it a wip when I was having so much fun writing it. I'm still done writing fanfic, but I'm not done writing this.

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Review #3, by Gryffin_DuckThe New Pride of Portree: Magpies and Mistakes

26th November 2013:
Yay! They finally kissed! Probably wasn't the best of circumstances- just coming off a loss and spending the whole night in a pub. But still, they kissed! I imagine the next training session will be really awkward, but hopefully they get over that quickly.

I had a feeling they'd lose to the Magpies, but not quite so spectacularly. I'm guessing it was the nerves that really got them, especially Molly. But as long as they beat the Cannons, they won't be completely hopeless. I just hope they get it together and stop blaming each other, because if they don't start acting like a team they'll never win. Great chapter! :)

Author's Response: Yes! I loved writing that scene, so I'm glad you liked it. They will definitely have some issues adjusting to having kissed, though.

Half the team is used to always losing, and the other half is used to sitting on the bench. First time being starters for half this lot, that's intimidating. Definitely a likelihood for stage fright (or whatever the sporting equivalent is).

Thanks so much for reviewing! I'm really glad you're enjoying the story :)


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Review #4, by Gryffin_DuckThe New Pride of Portree: Drills and Defense

26th November 2013:
Aww, I loved this chapter! It's so nice to see Molly and Fitz finally getting along. I'm glad McCormack talked with him, otherwise he would probably still be too stubborn to realize Molly had been right. I only hope that when they do get together, it doesn't screw up the team.

Molly's idea to get Jinks to actually do his job was hilarious. Hopefully he takes it to heart and continues to listen and practice. I wouldn't put it past Molly to do exactly what she said she would do. Great chapter! Off to read the next now. :)

Author's Response: It's about time they did! McCormack pretty much comes around when someone needs a good solid kick in the rear end. She's good at that. XD

It was certainly effective! Jinks like the ladies. And in a small town, he needs to not have a bad reputation or no one would go near him. Molly would totally actually do it, too. lol... Thanks so much for reviewing!


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Review #5, by Gryffin_DuckThe New Pride of Portree: Flight and Family

16th October 2013:
I'd been waiting for a Fitz chapter! This one really made me feel sorry for him (although he'd surely be irritated if he knew that). It's got to be awful to be living your dream and then have it destroyed in seconds. Still, he could stand to be a bit nicer to those who help him. Hugo was very professional, and Fitz ought to be grateful for that. And given the amount of Weasleys, Fitz has no chance of never running into a relative of Molly's.

I adore the way you write the Weasley family. I think the chapters where a bunch of them interact (which often seem to revolve around dinner, haha) are my favorite. Lucy and Hilarion are adorable and I'm so glad they've got a daughter! Percy as a doting grandfather is so sweet. I'm really glad he's so proud of his daughters.

Oh, Molly. Somehow I don't think her plan of secretive drills for the players is going to go over very well with Fitz. I'm not sure anything would go over well with him, for that matter. Perhaps once they win a match he'll start to realize Molly has the right idea. Great chapter! Can't wait for the next! :)

Author's Response: He would totally be irritated. He's a prickly sort of guy about his injury and people feeling sorry for him. Though I totally feel sorry for him too. Poor guy. He definitely needs to work on his anger issues. Having been such a huge star before his injury, he doesn't have a lot of true friends who'll give him some real talk about his attitude.

Ubiquitous Weasleys ;) I love to write them en famille, it's so fun. It is usually dinner, isn't it? They're not going to get together without food though, so hey. Makin' it work. Percy is a proud papa, and grandpapa. And not just to be competitive with his brothers ;)

Nope, not going to go down well at all. You'll see soon. Thank you so much for reviewing! I really appreciate it.


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Review #6, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: To Craft a Hypothesis

16th October 2013:
Ooo, I didn't know you were going in the direction of a cure! I really hope Louis is eventually successful, both for the sake of werewolves everywhere, and for Louis himself. He'd get so much respect, both from his colleagues and his family. Maybe they'd finally see him as an adult. I'm really interested to see where you go in terms of Louis looking for the cure. I've had a few ideas in terms of what sort of cure would be found (might eventually write about it, but who knows).

Aww, Louis messed things up with Elsie. For now. I have confidence that they'll work past it, though. After all, they weren't really in a relationship at this point. All hope is not lost!

I'll never get tired of the scenes where Fleur steps in and forces Louis to come over for food or whatever. I especially loved the part where Bill just sat on the couch, knowing full well that he couldn't do a thing to persuade Fleur otherwise.

One thing- Wolfsbane is one word. ;) Great chapter! Can't wait for the next! :)

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Review #7, by Gryffin_DuckThe New Pride of Portree: The New Lineup

15th September 2013:
Molly is awesome. I am loving all the interactions between her and Fitz. I kind of feel sorry for Fitz, who clearly has no idea how to be a coach, but he ought to put aside his pride (pun totally intended) and let Molly help him. Together they could get the team into shape.

Yikes, injured by a fan. I hadn't expected that. It's one thing to get permanently injured from Quidditch, but from a fan? That's much worse.

I really like the team so far, especially the lazy Seeker. Can't wait to see how he reacts to Molly's training (because I have a feeling Molly is going to take charge despite Fitz's not wanting her to). Great chapter! :)

Author's Response: I feel bad for him, too. He really has no idea what he's doing, the poor guy, he just can't admit it. Molly's a naturally take-charge person, so she'll definitely be helping whether he wants her to or not. Jinks is growing on me ;) I'm glad you like him and the rest of the team. Thank you for reviewing!

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Review #8, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: If You Can't Find 'Em

11th September 2013:
I really hope the werewolf is on the registry, although I have a feeling they aren't, because it'd be better for the plot. Guess I'll find out, though. Ugh, the thought of protesting all werewolves because of what this one werewolf is doing is so sad.

Poor Louis. He's so confused about Elsie, but I love it all the same. I really like them together. Louis is so quiet, which offsets Elsie, who seems very loud and boisterous.

Loved the addition of Albus and Lily in this chapter! Lily needs to realize Lysander isn't for her and get together with Frank. They'd make a cute couple. It must be hard for Louis having Lily being a reporter. I like to think she'd do an unbiased interview, but you never know. Great chapter! :)

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Review #9, by Gryffin_DuckThe New Pride of Portree: The Harpy With the Mohawk

22nd August 2013:
Wow, you got this chapter up fast! I love your version of Molly II so I can't wait to see where this goes.

I love how Molly said yes before dinner was even served. Not that I blame her, since she hasn't seen much play in four years. McCormack makes me laugh. Can't wait to see more of her.

I'm very intrigued by Fitz, especially his injury and why he stopped playing. I suspect there's more to it than just your average injury. Yay, more Lucy and Hilarion! Love them. Can't wait for the next chapter! :)

Author's Response: It just came into my head! I love when that happens. I'm sure later chapters will have to be beaten into submission, but I try to revel in it when it comes easily.

Molly is decisive, isn't she? She's been feeling itchy with her life so this is a good change for her. McCormack was fun to write, can't wait to show more of her.

Ah more to come on Fitz. There's a backstory there, yes ;) And cameos from Lucy and Hilarion! I love a cameo. Thank you for reviewing! *hugs*


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Review #10, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: Caught Off Guard

2nd August 2013:
THEY KISSED! OH HAPPY DAY! I loved how wonderfully awkward the whole exchange was, with Elsie trying to tell Louis she likes him and Louis being so clueless and not getting it. ADORABLE.

ANYWAY. Backtracking. I am so glad Victoire took Remus to see Jonah. That friendship will be great for both of them. I hope to see some interactions between the two later on.

I love the way you've written Fleur. She reminds me so much of Mrs. Weasley. Louis is trying to so hard to be grown up, but Fleur just wants to keep mothering him as much as she can. I love it. But it was probably good for Louis to get away from his flatmates and get some decent sleep before he had to go to work.

The part where the little girl died was so sad. I really hope Louis and his crew are able to find who is attacking all these kids.

Can't wait to see more Louis and Elsie interactions in later chapters! :)

Author's Response: Yeah, figured tensions were running high and that's usually how kisses happen. Especially kisses that weren't meant to happen. They had to face their FEELINGS for each other eventually. Sad that it happened given the circumstances that happened prior to the kiss, but that's life.

Of course, hopefully I'll be able to show a scene with Remus and Jonah playing together. I wanted to at least show Remus in this chapter to add the cute to soften what followed later in the ER with the latest victim.

Yay, I'm so glad you like how I'm writing Fleur! Of all the parents of the next generation, I imagine Fleur as being the most like Mrs. Weasley. I guess because Mrs. Weasley wasn't taken with Fleur at first until the end of Half-Blood Prince and I can imagine them growing closer after that scene over Bill's bed in the hospital wing. And of course Fleur would mother Louis still since he's her only son and youngest; he'll always be her baby. One of my aunts is like that with my cousin and he's 24 now.

Yeah, death is always sad but I felt it was time for a death to happen to jolt all the characters to reality. More on the werewolf in the next chapter. Also, politics. Ooh la la.

Thanks for reviewing, Sarah! :D ♥


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Review #11, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: Falling Into A Schedule

12th July 2013:
I knew nothing happened between them! Poor Hugo, though, having to be taken home by a coworker to sleep it off. I do like him and Elsie together, though, so I hope something comes from that.

Yay, Frank! I hope he talks to Lily. Sounds like Lysander isn't the man for her, but Frank seems so sweet. They'd be good together. I hope to see Lily in the fic soon!

Sounds like Hugo is getting the hang of work, which is good. The image of a guy with a Quaffle up his nose is hilarious. I can only imagine what else Hugo sees when he works spell damage.

I still hope Victoire lets Remus meet Jonah. It'd be so good for both of them. Great chapter! Can't wait for the next! :)

Author's Response: I'm assuming you mean Louis instead of Hugo :P Hahah

Nope, Elsie can take care of herself, that's for sure. And I can see Louis with a woman a few years his senior, too. I wanted to shake it up a bit since most men go for younger women in stories/movies.

More on Frank later. Also I'm planning on writing a chapter at the burrow with the whole clan present... but it'll be a couple more chapters off (probably ch 11 or 12 since I have important plot stuff to write before I get to it).

Yeah, that would be quite a funny image. Thanks for reviewing! ♥


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Review #12, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: An Unexpected Night

3rd July 2013:
Hi Leslie! Haha, I told you you'd have to remind me. :P I'm still in post-LeakyCon exhaustion, but I'm very glad you reminded me to read and review! This chapter is one of my favorites so far.

I love the idea of Remus visiting Jonah, and the scene where Louis asked Victoire gave a lot of good insight into both of their characters. Louis reminded me of a whiny little brother when he was begging Victoire, which he probably is sometimes considering he has two older sisters. And Victoire is so protective of Remus, but that's a good thing, especially considering he's a werewolf. Still, I think it would be good for both Remus and Jonah for the two of them to meet. I hope Victoire says yes!

Yay, Albus and Rose! I'm glad they got some time in the fic. Rose's line about the werewolf possibly being a girl was great, and very Rose (or at least how I imagine her). I definitely see Albus as a workaholic, too.

Ooo, Louis and Elsie!!! I have a feeling nothing actually happened, but I could be wrong. Still, I like the two of them together since I can see Louis with a girl a little older. Great chapter and I can't wait for the next! :)

Author's Response: You still got here eventually ♥ And I'm glad this was one of your favorites because I greatly enjoyed writing it.

I loved writing that scene between Victoire and Louis. Any sibling scenes I write are always fun for me. I guess because I model it on how I am with my sister and cousins (I have 8 cousins on my mom's side that I grew up playing with on a fairly regular basis; and of those 8 I lived next door to 3 so we basically saw them every day).

Yeah, no way around that. Albus is definitely the type to grow into a workaholic. I've just always seen him as being more studious out of the Potter children; more driven like Harry. And I imagine Rose as being a mirror of her mom, but still with the stubbornness of her father in her.

Glad you like Louis and Elsie together because there's more to come with them. ♥ Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #13, by Gryffin_DuckThe Fallen: The Fallen

13th May 2013:
This was so heart wrenching! As soon as I clicked on this in the queue I knew it would be super sad, but I'm so glad I clicked it because I adore Remus fics.

The effect of James & Lily's deaths on Remus is so rarely explored in FF, yet I think their deaths affected him greatly. After they died, he was essentially alone in the world (assuming his parents were dead, which I think can be a safe assumption).

I think you got his emotions spot on in this, from the anger to the sadness to the hopelessness. It sort of reminds me of a Remus fic I wrote a while back called Strings, where Remus first learns of James & Lily's deaths.

The quote you used in the summary was perfect! It fit the story and the situation wonderfully. Great one-shot! :)

Author's Response: I'm glad that heart wrenching as that was aiming for, though I'm sorry I made you feel sad!

I agree, that their deaths must have had a massive impact on him. I think that's partly why I wrote it, because there really was nothing about it, and I never read about the funeral either so I wanted to explore it.

I'm glad his emotions came through, as they were so mixed I was worried that people would get confused! I actually listened to the podcast of Strings and I really loved it. I'll definitely have to go and review it when I have find some time :D

I saw that quote and I knew it would work, so I'm glad that you liked it! Thanks for this really lovely review :D

-Kiana


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Review #14, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: A Pattern

10th May 2013:
Finally had time to read this! I'm glad Louis got introduced to the rest of the team. Maybe now he'll be able to settle in and figure out his place amongst them. And hopefully his finding the pattern of the locations will help him prove his worth!

Aw, I think Louis's fondness for Jonah will only aid in the search, despite Elsie's views. I think it'll make Louis more determined to find the culprit! Great chapter and I can't wait for the next! :)

Author's Response: Thanks, Sarah! Louis does have quite the heart and I wanted to show that by making him great with kids. Even if the pattern doesn't end up being a new revelation in the werewolf case, it's still Louis's first revelation that he makes toward committing himself to the research. (:

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Review #15, by Gryffin_DuckMidnight Over Broadway: Welcome Home

19th April 2013:
So, as you know, I read this entire fic yesterday. Once I started I couldn't stop! I'm going to leave a giant review here, at the end, but I'll probably go back and review random chapters after if I forget to add something to this or there's something specific I want to comment on.

This might be my favorite of all your Rose stories so far. I love them all, but this one had me hooked from the beginning and hit me in all the different types of feels. But what I also love about it is that it took place in NYC! I've seen a few fics that take place in NYC, but I've never seen one with the amount of detail you've done, both in terms of the US's magical community and general knowledge of NYC.

In terms of knowledge of NYC, I loved all the little details you put in. I felt like I could've gone on a tour of the city and lived the fic through its geography just based on the details. I've been to most of the places Rose went to in this (all of the touristy spots) so it was really fun to imagine the Weasleys and Scorpius there!

Okay, I think I'm done nerding out over NYC, at least for now. I'll move onto the plot. Ambrosia! What a nasty woman. I love her as a villain, but hate her as a person and I'm glad they finally caught her!

Your plot was so intricate, the way you weaved Ambrosia, a British villain, into the underground world of the NYC wizard crime scene. And you even drew politicians into it! So great.

All the new characters were hilarious, especially Mimi. I love how Rose didn't figure out that she was a man, and when Scorpius told her it was the funniest thing ever. I hope we'll see her again if you do another one!

I'm really glad Rose got arrested just so Ron and Hermione would have an excuse to come to the city and be a part of the story. I LOVE the way you write adult Ron and Hermione, especially the relationship between the two. It's just how I imagine it would be. The bits where Scorpius and random members of the public get uncomfortable around their arguments are the best.

And Ron's love of food. Can't write a Ron fic without it! I do hope he was able to get a knish from a street vendor before he went back to England.

Scorpius as a dad might be the sweetest thing in the world. I love how you have him being the one who primarily takes care of Ramses while Rose is off hunting down bad guys. I've said it before, but I'll say it again, your Rose/Scorpius dynamic makes me not totally dislike the ship! It was nice to see Rose get worried about Ramses, though. Her mothering instincts are there; she just has to dig a bit deeper to find them.

I'm sure I'm forgetting something, but when I think of it I'll put it in a review of one of the previous chapters. I hope you write another one! Great story! :)

Author's Response: Oh thanks for the big review! I loved reading it! I'm really glad you enjoyed the story.

I had a lot of fun writing this. It's more detective-y in this one than her usual, since she's not going after a bounty and isn't motivated by money as she usually is (since Scorpius's gallery show is making money, she's not as broke). And setting it in the US was fun, since I got to drop her out of her element. She is really set in her pathways around London and her usual contacts. She's a creature of habit in a lot of ways. Making her work in NYC made her expand a bit. I have been to NYC a few times, and you know I'm a Ravenclaw with research ;) so I tried to really immerse the story in the city.

I can just see the Weasleys trotting around the city with Hermione reading out of the guidebook with Scorpius while Ron slouches along trying to be cool and rolling his eyes at his wife, and Rose gets distracted by everything other than what they're supposed to be looking at. XD

Ambrosia is a nasty piece of work, which makes for a good villain. She really wants to be the kingpin of somewhere, and since London didn't work out, New York will have to do. Until Rose manages to mess her up again.

Mimi was ridiculous amounts of fun to write, especially since Rose didn't notice she was actually a drag queen. Scorpius of course, did immediately but didn't feel the need to comment on it (cause he's that kind of guy) until he realized Rose didn't know.

Rose getting arrested, oh it was bound to happen sooner or later. Good thing Hatchcock was looking out for her or she would've been too flustered to call her mom as her lawyer. Bringing in Ron and Hermione was probably my favorite part of the story - they're so much fun to write, and they bring in so many new possibilities. It let Rose quit floundering too. She needed a partner along. And of course Ron wants to check out all the new foods!

Scorpius is definitely the primary caregiver, but then he is the responsible one. Rose would get distracted and forget to feed the baby or something. I never liked this ship until I started writing it. It was like Rose knocked on my brain and moved in, and brought Scorpius along with her. I don't know. XD

Thank you so much for the fabulous review!


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Review #16, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: Official

10th April 2013:
Aww, I loved this fluffy chapter! Louis is definitely good with kids and I'm not surprised, since he has a nephew. The scene with Jonah was so sweet and made me smile just reading it. I bet it was a lot of fun to write.

I'm glad Louis feels so confident about doing his shifts on his own and I hope he's able let that confidence spread into his research. Although I'm sure that will be difficult considering the people he's teamed up with.

Fuller made me laugh. She reminded me of Bailey on Grey's Anatomy as well as the character I have in charge of St. Mungo's in Beyond the Shadow. It's so fun writing bossy people in charge. Great chapter! I can't wait for the next! :)

Author's Response: It was a lot of fun to write ;) And more Jonah coming soon, too. He'll make another appearance in chapter seven.

Yes, Louis has confidence issues when drama occurs so things should get interesting. Plus there's a character (not going to name any names) that will stir up some added drama that will may or may not distract him from the research (even if will be temporarily).

I agree, bossy people in charge make for some fun writing. Thanks for reviewing!


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Review #17, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: Doubt

30th March 2013:
Aw, yay, Victoire is pregnant! I knew that's what the news was! I hope that the baby isn't a werewolf, but it could go either way, of course. And I'm happy Dom is engaged, too. A lot happening for Louis's family!

And a lot happening for Louis, too! I kind of felt bad for him while he was meeting the research team, since none of them seemed all that enthused that he was there. I hope the rest of the team is a bit kinder, although I have a feeling he'll win them over yet. I'm still undecided about Thomas, since he seems to have Louis's best interests at heart, yet I hated that comment he made about it always being Miranda's time of the month. But that's what makes a good character! I'm really interested to get to know the research members as the story continues.

Aw, little Remus! He made me happy. Such a little sweetheart. And I loved Victoire being all motherly and Louis ignoring everything she said. I just love all the family banter. Great chapter! Can't wait for the next! :)

Author's Response: I have an idea where Victoire's pregnancy is concerned, but I'm not sure if I'll follow through. I'll decide when I reach that point.

Yeah, that darn research team just won't give poor Louis a break, huh. There will be a couple who will be nicer, or otherwise tolerate Louis, and you'll see them make appearances in chapter six (one made an initial appearance in chapter five). Ah, Thomas is a good guy, but he is also a man and men make comments like that on occasion (even the good ones); plus, Thomas is still young himself (early to mid thirties) so he can still act immature because men generally never stop acting like idiots (saying stupid stuff) through their twenties and thirties at the very least. At least from the judgment I have of them that is.

I love writing Remus, he really is a cute kid. All kids are fun to write. Glad you enjoyed all the family togetherness and banter, more to come. Thanks again for reviewing! (:


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Review #18, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: Attack

20th March 2013:
Yay, new chapter! I'm glad to see that Louis officially accepted the promotion. Now the action can get started! And I see that it has since poor Jonah has been attacked. Camping on the full moon really isn't the best idea, although it certainly makes for a good plot point. I hope he recovers, despite the fact that he'll be a werewolf for the rest of his life.

Aw, Lily! I love the idea of Lily being a reporter and sort of following in her mother's footsteps. It's great to see interaction between Louis and all his cousins. Also like the addition of Frank, especially his obvious love of Lily. So adorable!

The detail of Gretchen charming Thomas's lunch is hilarious and sweet. Doctors never do seem to have much time to eat. I hope to see a few cameos of her in the story at some point. She seems nice. Great chapter and I can't wait for the next! :)

Author's Response: Yep, the action is setting in now. Just wait until chapter five and you'll feel even more for Jonah. Poor kid doesn't deserve any of this anymore than the other kids who were attacked before him. Also, expect to see a bit more of Frank, though he probably won't show up again until chapter seven or eight. As for Gretchen, so far I haven't planned a cameo but I'm sure she'll show up eventually and Louis is going to stay friends with Thomas so we'll see.

Thanks for reviewing! Hope you enjoy the next chapter!
Leslie (:


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Review #19, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: Sleep - what's that?

4th March 2013:
Yay, a new chapter! I've been meaning to read and review this ever since it went up, but today is the first day off I've had in over a week. But anyway, onto the review!

I'm glad we got to meet Louis's roommates! They seem like hilarious guys and I can't wait to learn more about them. I feel bad for Louis, though, with the noise. I'm a light sleeper as well. I can't sleep through even the tiniest bits of noise and white noise is even worse.

Aw, I loved the scene with Louis and Fleur! So sweet. I have a feeling that Victoire is pregnant, but I suppose I'll have to wait to find out if that's true or not.

I have a feeling something is going to happen at the Leaky whilst Louis is there celebrating with his roommates. I have no idea what, though. Can't wait to find out! Great chapter! :)

Author's Response: That's alright, I know how busy you've been. (: I'm just happy that you're still reading and enjoying the story.

Yep, had to introduce his flatmates, that was a definite this chapter. And I'm so glad you loved the scene with Louis and Fleur because I always get nervous writing the parents of the next gen characters. I don't ever want to ruin the characterizations that J.K. Rowling already set up. And more on Victoire's news in chapter four, I think.

Nope, nothing major, though his flatmates did get drunk and you may hear more of their drunk escapades in future chapters. But Louis didn't drink that much, but we'll see him get drunk later on in the story. He's just going to be focused on work for a while. Thanks so much for reviewing, Sarah!


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Review #20, by Gryffin_DuckWolf Calling: Decision

12th February 2013:
Yay!!! So happy you posted the first chapter, Leslie! I've been so excited to read it ever since you first told me about it.

I enjoyed this first foray into Louis's life. You had a good mix of background info along with current events, especially how Louis is already having to make his decision. It's a good balance!

Aw, Louis. I feel a bit bad for him, given that he's the youngest and clearly trying to prove himself both to his sisters, his parents, and himself. But he's got a soft side, too, which was great to see as he talked about the poor kids attacked by the werewolf. Then you revealed a bit of snark that I loved! He's obviously sick of working under a supervising healer and makes it known, which is great. He's quiet, but not always, which will be helpful when he's working on the project!

The family tree is really helpful! I like how Audrey is Penelope Clearwater's sister. And I LOVE that you have Teddy and Victoire's son a werewolf! I definitely think it's possible (given my stories, haha), and the connection Hugo has with werewolves will help him.

I spotted some grammatical errors here and there (mostly missed commas), so let me know if you want me to beta or anything. I really loved this first chapter and I can't wait to read more! :)

Author's Response: Yeah, I was getting antsy about posting it so it was only a matter of time :P I hope it doesn't disappoint.

Glad you found it a balance because I tried to keep things interesting while at the same time painting the backdrop for the story to come. Yep, he's definitely a softie. Added that personal touch of Ted and Vic's son being a werewolf to add more personal depth to his motivation to take the job because I figured it'd show more drive that way and I'm glad you were able to pull something away from it.

Yep, there had to be a Weasley family member working with werewolves that could help provide additional information to Louis in case anything is withheld from the healers (you never know). Plus, the Weasleys are such a huge family that it wouldn't be unseen that one of them worked in a dept that would be helpful for Louis.

Yeah, I'm trying to use commas less than I usually do because I have a tendency to overuse them, but I'll go back and take a look at that. And if you want to beta then that would be good too. It's been a few years since I've had a beta and it's harder for me to catch my mistakes in fiction prose because often times when I go back to it after I posted it I notice these mistakes that I should have caught but didn't. I'm hoping to post the next chapter in two weeks time.


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Review #21, by Gryffin_DuckHindsight: All For One ...

28th December 2012:
I love how you have Professor Vector as the head of Slytherin! I've never seen that done before.

I really hope Al and the others can make it to try-outs. Try-outs for a Hogwarts team...seems that there's some sort of Quidditch competition with other wizarding schools. That will be exciting! I did that in one of my stories once.

Aww, Lily! She seems very sweet in this. I can't wait to read more about her and James and their interactions with Albus. Also can't wait to read more about Angela.

I haven't mentioned this before now, but I really adore how you named this Hindsight and the story focuses on the aftermath of the incident, rather than describing the incident itself. It works so well! Great chapter. :)

Author's Response: I thought long and hard over who would be the best Slytherin Head of House for the next-gen. Not an easy decision. But Vector, with her workload... I thought she'd make her way to the position over anyone I could create from scratch.

Try outs will be a challenge, but Al has siblings to influence the outcome. It's not always as he'd choose, but he'll still love them in the end (and I say that as a sibling of many, who'd have traded several along the way at one time or another, but would still kill or die for any at a moment's notice), but that's how it goes in a family, right?

I'm so glad you like the concept of Hindsight, because it is all about the aftermath.

Thanks again for the comments!

Take care,
Ty


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Review #22, by Gryffin_DuckHindsight: Getting Involved

28th December 2012:
Ooo, now we've been introduced to Angela! I really like her so far. I especially enjoyed her commentary on Al & Scorpius's friendship.

Speaking of that, I really like the way you have developed it, at least judging from Angela's description. So many authors have them be friends from the very start of their first year (despite the unlikeliness of that, given the epilogue...but that's another rant of mine for another time...), but as far as I can tell from Angela's description, you haven't done that. Instead, they seem to have had a reluctant alliance in a competition against the rest of the school that perhaps turned into a reluctant friendship. Although, it's still hard to tell at this point. Either way, it's very interesting!

And now there are a few more details in the mystery of what is going on. Again, I love the way you're unraveling it slowly, leaving the reader wanting more. Awesome chapter! :)

Author's Response: Angela has an interesting take on just about everything, but she has been particularly close to Al and Scorp's evolution.

I totally agree with the rant, there has to be a compelling argument as to why these two would end up allays. I hope to make that completely clear in the story :)

Thanks for all the support,
~Ty


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Review #23, by Gryffin_DuckHindsight: Who Said Hindsight Was 20/20?

28th December 2012:
Merry Christmas, Ty! This is the first of many reviews that I'll be leaving for your Secret Santa present!

What I enjoyed the most about this chapter was the fact that it jumped right into the action, without explaining what exactly was happening. It's a great way to capture the reader's attention! I immediately wanted to read on to figure out why Al & co were trying to break into the castle. The fact that you still hadn't revealed what was going on by the end of the chapter just made it all the more intriguing!

I can't wait to read on and delve deeper into the characterizations, especially Al & Scorpius.

This line- “You’ve never heard: windows of opportunity occasionally require a rock," is my favorite! So funny! Great first chapter! :)

Author's Response: Scorpius is funny, so he totally deserved the the best line, even though he's a total brat.

The action does take off. I actually had a previous chapter -way ahead of the lockout- to set the stage, but kicked it because this scene was a stronger beginning without it. I'm glad you were intrigued. :)

Always,
Ty


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Review #24, by Gryffin_DuckA Cartography of Grief: You Are The Only Map I Know

23rd September 2012:
Hi! Duckie here with your requested review. :)

Bit of a disclaimer first. This was the first Remus/Sirius I've ever read. I'm very much a canon person in terms of ships (and everything, really), but I'm not opposed to all non-canon ships. I'll be honest and say that I'm not a huge fan of Remus/Sirius, but you made it seem believable to me!

I was hooked from the second section, where Remus comes home from Order business and Sirius is aloof. It seemed so real and haunting, especially coming from the section before. You captured both Remus and Sirius's personalities extremely well, but fit their canon personalities into a non-canon ship. I rarely see that done well, so great job! I felt really bad for both of them in that section.

I found a few tense issues in the sections after Sirius's death. The first few sentences of the whole chapter were in past tense, but then you moved on to present tense, and the subsequent sections were all in present tense. I do wonder how it would read if you did all the sections where Sirius was alive in past tense and the other sections in present tense. I think it might get rid of any time period confusion.

I was a bit confused with the time period changes. I understood that a time period had taken place, but I was unsure exactly what time period it was. All the sections with Sirius alive made sense, but the others took me a while to figure out. Again, I wonder if playing with the tense would fix that.

It definitely seemed complete! The emotions were great and I was really able to get a sense as to how Remus felt during the entire story. My heart ached for him the whole time. He's my absolute favorite character and I think you captured his personality wonderfully. If you do happen to play with the tenses, I'd love to read it again. Just PM me on the forums if you do. Great story! :)

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Review #25, by Gryffin_DuckAfter We Fall: Chapter One: Prologue

23rd September 2012:
Hi A_w! Finally getting to your review. :)

First I have to comment on the plot, because this prologue is very intriguing! Your description was great. Despite the fact that Lorcan was ten in this, the way you described him and what he was doing in the beginning made it seem like he was much older. I really liked that!

I enjoyed the air of mystery you had in much of this. Your story summary just mentions Lily, Scorpius, and Snape, so I was hooked by the fact that the prologue was about Lorcan. I wanted to keep reading in order to figure out how he fit into the plot. The fact that you didn't tie it all up until the very end worked well.

Now onto your writing style. As I mentioned before, your description was really well done. There wasn't too much of it, but I was able to imagine everything happening. I got a really good sense as to the environment as well as Lorcan himself.

A few of your sentences were very long, with many sections tied together by commas. They distracted me a bit, and they'd probably do better if separated. There weren't many, but a few in the very beginning of the chapter were written that way.

There wasn't much dialogue in this chapter, of course, but the dialogue that was there worked well. Lorcan's fear came across well in his dialogue, as did Snape's anger.

The part where it transitioned between when Lorcan was ten and the present time was slightly jarring. I had to go back and reread to figure out that a time jump had occurred. I'm not sure exactly how to remedy that. Perhaps a page break? It's something you might want to play with.

I really enjoyed this chapter! Great description, especially. I always admire people who write good description. Feel free to re-request for another chapter! :)

Author's Response: I'm so bad, stealing review spots away from members. But I can't help myself. At least other staff know we won't ban your account if you something negative about our stories :P

Seriously, though, thank you for the review. I'm glad you liked the chapter. I'm always unsure about the amount of description to use, though I guess that's a pretty common concern. You can tell when a story has way too much or way too little, but everything in the middle can get a bit murky. I'm glad it seemed to work here okay.

You're right about a few sentences in the beginning being too long. I know I have a habit of abusing the comma (and the dash) on occasion, especially in the narration. I'll definitely have a look at chopping a few of those up.

I'm not sure exactly what you mean about the change in time. Other than when a few hours pass with Lorcan in the bushes, from the time he's pulled into the house until the last line is all one big chunk of time/the span of about 10 minutes. Hmmm... I'll look at it again and make sure I've made that clear.

Thank again for the review. I hope your review thread has been treating your well :D


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