Reading Reviews From Member: WitnesstoitAll
  
609 Reviews Found

Review #1, by WitnesstoitAllThe Man With Two Souls: The Man With Two Souls

14th July 2013:
Yet another fabulous one-shot by you! I love Alternate ending sort of stories, but this one was particularly fantastic. I thought the use of a memory charm was really quite clever! To imagine that Voldemort never really existed after that fateful Halloween night, but only his memories did is mind boggling. Poor Harry. This ending is more grim than the one Rowling wrote -- the loss of Hermione and Ron, ouch! I do love that his eyes now look like James' and his scar had faded. The idea of him obliviating himself and becoming a muggle is so suiting. It's almost like Frodo and the elves sailing off into the west.

Great one shot!
Ravenclaw, HC 2013

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Review #2, by WitnesstoitAllWhat Would I Ever See In Ronald Weasley: one

14th July 2013:
I cannot believe I've never read this story before now! This was such a fantastic piece of Ronmione fiction. You did a spectacular job of writing from Hermione's POV, and that's no easy task! I loved seeing all the missing moments interspersed with her narrative. I especially loved the moments between her and Lavender and Parvati. We literally know nothing about their relationship with one another from canon! I thought all of Ron and Hermione's bickering was spot on! Those two are the best.

Great one-shot!
Ravenclaw, HC 2013

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Review #3, by WitnesstoitAllIt Only Hurts When I'm Breathing: It Only Hurts

14th July 2013:
Ah! I love stories about Cho and it's a rarity to find an older Cho fic before she became hipster and cool. :) I thought that you blended the lyrics of this song into Cho's grief beautifully. Poor girl, mourning Cedric's death, realizing Harry can't replace him. It's all so sad. Your writing style captured this wonderfully -- your word choice was careful and elegant. All in all, this was a great little one-shot about what had to be a horrible time for Cho.

Great one shot!
Ravenclaw, HC 2013

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Review #4, by WitnesstoitAllA Matter Of Time: Chapter One

14th July 2013:
It's always good fun to read these older stories before we knew how the series ended and who ended up with who. This was such a light and playful read! It was fun to see Harry observing Ron and Hermione's ongoing chemistry. I'm so glad he decided he needed to get them together. I also enjoyed Ron's flashback to his fourth year. I'm glad he remembered what she'd said!

Looking forward to chapter 2
Ravenclaw, HC 2013

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Review #5, by WitnesstoitAllPetunia's True Story: 1 Chapter only

14th July 2013:
What an interesting concept for a one-shot! I never even thought about the possibility of Petunia being a witch and choosing to renounce it once she met Vernon. It was very interesting to see this all through her eyes. I particularly loved the owl delivering the letter ... mossy rock. The addresses are always so specific! It was neat to be able to experience Diagon Alley and Gringotts and Ollivanders through Petunia's perspective. I only wish she'd have been stronger and not given up a part of herself for a man. :( But I suppose she wouldn't be the Petunia we see in the books if she was still bopping around with her wand.

Great one-shot!
Ravenclaw, HC 2013

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Review #6, by WitnesstoitAllHermione Weasley's European Adventure: A Family Vacation

8th July 2013:
This was a fun, travel-themed one-shot! It was funny to see Scorpius react so similarly to Muggle things and Ron did through out the HP series. Poor Hermione! Doesn't sound like all that much of a holiday keeping tabs on those two! All the sights they got to see through Europe sound amazing!

Great job!

Author's Response: Thank you for the review!

I thought it would be fun to see how wizards react in an all Muggle environment, and I'm happy to see other people thought the idea to be as fun as I did! :)


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Review #7, by WitnesstoitAllNo Turning Back: No Turning Back

8th July 2013:
This was a delightfully dark little tale! You did a marvelous job describing the scenery (so well that I could nearly see it in my mind) and balancing it with Regulus' inner thoughts as he made his way to meet with You-Know-Who.

Great work!

Author's Response: Thank you so much! I have to say, the idea was definitely a spur of the moment, write as you go sort of thing, so I'm glad you enjoyed it!

Courtney:)


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Review #8, by WitnesstoitAllFinal Call: Final Call

8th July 2013:
I read this earlier and intended on leaving a review, and then life happened. But here I am!

This was such a great little one-shot. It was so sad to see Petunia in this light. She's not the most likable character throughout the HP series, but you really broke her down here and made her identifiable as a woman unhappy with her current place in life. I think the bit I felt the worst for her her was the moment she felt the need to clean up Dudley's crayon scribbles but couldn't because she was being screamed at by her child. To be bullied by both her son and husband would be awful.

I was so cheering for her to just get on that plane and see Rome. To dress up and smile at people and pretend that for a few days, that she was just a happy, woman. But then she didn't have her port pass. And she knew she shouldn't spend the money.
And it was really irresponsible for her to take a holiday anyway.

Gah. This one-shot made me feel so many feels! Great job.

Author's Response: Wow, thanks for coming back. Yeah, life getting in the way. I know all about that for sure! I wanted to give Petunia a little more dimension, for myself as well, as I've never really liked her or gotten to "know" her as a character. I tried to break her down and understand her, and that, I think, helped the readers get to know her too. Since so many people were going to be writing HC stories, I wanted to write about someone that no one else would. So, I chose Petunia. I was so close to letting her get on the plane at the end, but just couldn't do it...for the sake of the story and what I wanted it to say...I just couldn't. I'm so glad you felt an emotional response to this story! Thanks for reviewing! This made me feel so many feels! :)

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Review #9, by WitnesstoitAllA Voyage with Voldemort: Ibiza

8th July 2013:
LOL.

I'm still rolling about laughing. This was hilarious. I literally don't know what else to say and really want to be able to leave a decent and substantial review, but everything about this was so perfectly ridiculous that I'm at a loss for words. Parodies aren't easy to do, but you did fabulously with this!!

Good work!

Author's Response: Bahaha, I would much prefer to make you unable to write a review because of laughing too much than actually getting one! I think I just have a very strange mind, which is quite worrying, but great for writing parodies! I'm so glad that you liked it! ♥

-Kiana


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Review #10, by WitnesstoitAllWeasley's in Egypt: Welcome to Egypt

8th July 2013:
Hey! Thanks for contributing to this event for Ravenclaw!! :)

This was such a fun little one-shot! I love reading 'missing moment' sorts of stories, and this one really brought the Weasleys' trip to Egypt to life. The twins trying to lock Percy in the tomb, Ron obtaining the Sneakoscope... it was all great! My only real bit of criticism is the absence of Charlie... I may be wrong but I think he met up with the rest of the Family there. All in all this was fun, entertaining read. I love the Weasleys, and you certainly did them justice.

Good work!

Author's Response: I wanted to help out my house, I'm just glad that I got this finished and in the queue before it closed (I'm still not all that happy with it and plan on editing as soon as possible).

Anyway, I'm glad that you enjoyed it and you may be right about the Charlie bit. I just never remembered him being there so I left him out. I'll look into it though!

Thank you so much for the feedback and for reviewing!


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Review #11, by WitnesstoitAllOf Dragons and Daring: Welcome to Romania

8th July 2013:
Ahhh!! You know I love Luna/Rolf and this was no exception. This was adorable! I loved the sort of naivety that Luna still has, even as an adult, when it comes to boys and feelings and all things normal. The fact that she didn't recognize the bubbly sort of feeling she felt looking at Rolf was really sweet. I love how much detail you put into this, too. I could almost see the Dragon reserve. And Charlie! I'll never pass up an opportunity to read about that man. He's definitely one of my favorite Weasleys (even though I may say that about all of them depending on the day of the week ;) ).

Great one-shot and thanks for writing for Ravenclaw!!

Author's Response: Mel!

Yeah, I tried to play up a subtle, more mature version of Luna's quirks in her reactions to Rolf. I pictured her perception of love as being definitively comforting but not quite known, and thus described in a sort of childish way.

It was really fun to imagine what the training for people in Luna/Rolf's line of work would be (especially those dissertation-esque topics) and what it would be like to work with Charlie on the dragon reserve. Speaking of Charlie, I've never really thought to write about him before but he was really interesting as well.

Thanks for your very kind review :)

-Amanda


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Review #12, by WitnesstoitAllsoul of the city: soul of the city.

8th July 2013:
Ahh!! I loved this one-shot (as sad as it was). It was so smart and well written. I could tell through out it that Ron was inherently a bit sad even though he was celebrating life, but the ending still was able to surprise me a bit and effectively sadden me. It was so sweet the way he scattered her ashes with a Windgardium Leviosa (at least that's what spell I assumed he used there). I just pictured he and her as eleven year olds in Flitwick's classroom. And all the details you included about the cultures Ron was able to experience -- it was almost like reading a brilliant, enthralling essay dressed up like a story. I really did love it. I learned as Ron did. That is an amazing thing to be able to do with a piece of fiction, fan fiction no less.

Fabulous one-shot!
Go Ravenclaw!!

Author's Response: Ahhh! An essay dressed up like a story :) That's such a Ravenclaw description of this that it made me smile, because it essentially is true. lol. Thank you for your feedback and I'm glad that you loved it despite the sadness!

Char


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Review #13, by WitnesstoitAllLife is Good: Life is Good!

8th July 2013:
Poor Rachel, hoping that Slughorn's replacement is nice. lol. I can just picture her walking into her first lesson with Professor Snape. Anyway, this was a cute little one shot!! I liked the dynamic between Rachel and Alara -- they really seem like good friends. It was also neat to see a magical person visiting a muggle home. Throughout the Harry Potter series, we see Harry visiting the Burrow and being amazed at the lifestyle. I enjoyed this story and hope that they have a lovely trip to Germany.

Ravenclaw!

Author's Response: I'm afraid they're in for a bit of a rude awakening. :-) "Das Leben ist schon" will not last into their second year!

I have a story of Rachel and Alara meeting on the night of their sorting, it's kind of a story about racism a little bit, given the differences in their blood status. I haven't decided if I'm going to publish it yet. It's still rough and needs a bit of work.

Thanks for taking the time to read!


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Review #14, by WitnesstoitAllThe Twenty Two: Scotch Bonnets, Cakes and Buses

8th July 2013:
Here for the review battle (and to support my fellow claw... nothing like two birds with one stone, eh?) Anyway, this was adorable and so well done. I loved Tibbie. I love imagining Henry sitting behind her on the bus and staring at the back of her head. It's funny how life is like that -- you tend to always think that you are the most awkward or most this or that, when an infinite number of other people likely are thinking the same thing! Tibbie was extremely likable and I loved following her learning curve as she took her bus each day.

Great one shot!

Author's Response: Hello, and thanks for the review! I suppose being the house that's represented by a bird we are pretty good at the whole bird/stone thing, haha. I think that that's kind of what I was trying to portray, like, most people kind of go around in this state of thinking that /they/ are the ones who are the most shy/scared/uncomfortable/silly, when everyone is really equally those things. I'm glad Tibbie was likeable, and that you enjoyed this one-shot!

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Review #15, by WitnesstoitAllTransparent: The Favor

30th June 2013:
Hey! Finally got around to reading this like I said I would. :) It was overall a really enjoyable chapter. Of course the lost-middle-child-Dom story line with the perfect-sister-Victoire has been done over and over again, but I've not ever seen it tweaked quite like this. I enjoyed the fact that you made Dom stutter. It's not overly often you see a fan fiction main character with such an obvious 'fault'. (Not that there's anything wrong with stuttering, but it's not a characteristic common in the cookie-cutter leading roles!) So kudos to you for taking a dive into that territory. I also strangely liked Teddy's character. Victoire was a complete nightmare. I found myself very curious to know where this story is going next!! I do hope that either Victoire or Teddy can redeem themselves or Dom can fall short of my current impression of her! I love when people aren't as simple or apparent as they first seem.

Looking forward to another chapter!

Author's Response: Hello!

*Fangirls* Hello, thanks for stopping by! I think the idea of Dom being the sort of "odd" middle sister while Victoire being the "perfect" one has been done over a million times in fanfics, I think. But I try to make all the grandchildren a bit different and I really wanted to do something a little unusual with their relationship.
For some reason I have always imagined Dom with the stutter, I can't imagine her any other way, just how I can't imagine my Audrey not having been a stripper. Its just weird like that! I had the idea for this from a mental image of her sitting by Dobby's grave and had to wrap a story around that.
I'll most likely play around with Dom's character and her stutter a bit more in future chapters because I hadn't had time in this one, it was already long enough. T-T
I like to think of Teddy as a carefree jerk and there's something rather likeable about him even if he is annoying. I hope the next chapter goes well, I'm so picky about what I write sometimes...
Anyhoo, Victoire is a nightmare, Dom says so herself but I'll go into more detail with her too later on. I'll try to bring another chapter out pretty soon then and hopefully delve deeper into these characters.
I'm not sure who's going to be the worst person by the end of this though...hehehehe.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #16, by WitnesstoitAllAnachronous: In a Man's World

25th June 2013:
Amanda! This was such a lovely little piece of writing. Andromeda is such a fascinating character just as she's presented in canon, and this one-shot adds a beautiful (if not melancholic) depth and realism to it all. There was a very rhythmic nature to this, and I'm not sure if it was intentional or not, but the words and sentences seemed to flow together and almost languidly flow together. My absolute favorite part was the bit in the beginning about Andromeda's childhood -- her life lost between her sisters.

This was a truly wonderful story! Keep up the fabulous work. :)

Author's Response: Mel, thanks for the kind review! I'm glad you enjoyed the story and felt like I did a nice job of capturing Andromeda's characterization. The rhythmic flow of the writing was not intentional, but hopefully that's something that just comes out in the process of trying on different words.

I also think Andromeda's childhood is one of the most interesting periods in her life. It's fascinating to imagine the dynamic she might have had with her two very different sisters.

Thanks again!

-Amanda


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Review #17, by WitnesstoitAllSnapshots: Rita Skeeter

2nd June 2013:
Here for the Blue vs bronze review battle (team blue!!)

Ah! Parodies really are the best when they're well done, and this one suits that bill to a T. I really enjoyed reading this. Devious Rita, and the put out exes of Ron and Harry. That is a recipe for hilarity and disastrous articles if ever there was one. I really did enjoy this story and think that you did a great job of moving the chapter forward. You also did a great job of assuring that each of the characters had a unique voice.

Keep up the great work!

Author's Response: You chose the best team :P

I'm so glad that you thought it was done well because when I was writing this I was worried people would want me comitted! I'm so glad that you found the characters worked well together and that the chapter moved well as I thought the last part might have been a little rushed!

Thanks for the great review :D

-Kiana


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Review #18, by WitnesstoitAllThe Psychology of Gobstones: His Worst Mistake

2nd June 2013:
Hear for the Blue and Bronze review battle (team blue!!)

This is such a unique premise!! I'm so glad I decided to read it. It was a truly enjoyable chapter. I love the atmosphere you've created -- the separation of the genders, the overhanging Freudian context, the short quippy sort of language that you narrate with. It's all fabulous. And I love the characters as you've begun to develop them. Lysander was probably my favorite -- he's so endearing, but I almost always have a soft spot for puffs. :P

This is a very promising beginning and I look forward to reading chapter two!!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for your review!!

This story was written for the No Romance challenge, so I decided to go a bit weird on it and give the main characters some Freudian overtones. (I blame psychology class!!) I'm glad you liked Lysander--he's quite a silly one, and very fun to write.

Thanks again for your review!! :)

~UnluckyStar57


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Review #19, by WitnesstoitAllMagpie: One for Sorrow

2nd June 2013:
I saw your status on the forums promoting this story and as an author of a George-centric story, I couldn't help but creep over here to check this out. Boy, am I glad I did! I love the potential that the character of Verity brings to a story -- we really don't know anything canonical about her, and so the possibilities are endless!

I love the set up you present in this chapter. I know Penelope doesn't appear in this chapter, but I feel like I know a lot about her and I really like the character you've crafted her to be. I love the dynamic between Sebastian and Verity and the way she reflects on Penelope and Percy. You've really brought a depth to a year of students we literally know next to nothing about.

I feel like a broken record, but I also love what you've revealed of Verity so far. I like how introspective she is. I am intrigued by the fact that she works at borgin and burkes. I can't wait to see how this story is going to develop. How she ends up at WWW, meets the twins, how her introspective nature complements their brash, extroverted nature.

Can't wait to read more!! Definitely looking forward to chapter 2. Keep up the good work. :)

Author's Response: Hello! :D

Thank you so much for checking out this story and leaving the very first review, it really made my day! :D I've been working on this story for a while and decided to just go through with it and publish it, so it's wonderful that you enjoyed the first chapter.

You're right, Verity is barely mentioned, so I enjoyed coming up with this whole backstory for her! She originally was going to work at the Leaky Cauldron, but being at Borgin's was just such a fun idea that I couldn't resist. :P

I'm very thrilled that you liked Verity, and are looking forward to the next chapter, which is mostly already written. Thank you so, so much for this lovely review! :D


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Review #20, by WitnesstoitAllIn Theory: First

30th December 2012:
Hello!

I was scrolling over your page trying to decide what to read, and something about this kept jumping off the page at me, so I decided that this was it!

I thought the use of second person was an interesting choice. I know you utilize this person in Seeing Double, a story that takes place primarily within Molly's head, but this story seems to have more action and things happening so I'm very interested to see how that works out. That being said, you write the second person so well! You have a way of making the reader forget that it is second person and just become immersed in the story, and that's a real talent. I was rather pleased to see that the discription in this story wasn't heavy or languid. James is a young man, and so the lack of overtly flowerly description suited him very well!! Well done! I know that I have a tendency to love the artful pretty descriptions, and so I know I'd likely struggle with toning that down to suit James for a story like this. :) Well done, well done.

Now I know this is a slash fic and I can't help but notice how much attention James is playing this white-wine drinking stranger. I wonder, though -- does James realize now that he's attracted to this man? Has he ever been attracted to a man before? akfasdjfoai. These are good questions to leave a reader asking because now I'm going to most likely have to continue reading this story to find out! lol.

All in all great first chapter! I hope to find time ot read the next one sometime soon. :)

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Review #21, by WitnesstoitAllMemories: Changes

30th December 2012:
Hello!!

I finally was able to get onto the forums and saw your response to my review swap status, so here I am!! I thought that this was an incredibly enjoyable and funny chapter. I thought that the beginning felt a tad bit force, but you really hit your stride about a quarter of the way into it and the rest of the way through was pure gold.

I love how different your Angelina is from mine!! It's so neat to see her as 'one of the guys'. I also loved seeing somebody other than Ron having friends over to the burrow -- in canon we sort of get the impression that Hermione and Harry are the only friends that ever get to stop by the burrow. Lee and Angelina are two of my favorite characters (as i'm sure you know) and you write them in such a light and amusing way.

I'm almost jealous of how funny your George is. All that talk abut broomsticks and packages and such. Clever, clever. ;) I was a little surprised when Charlie asked Angelina to come visit -- I guess I hadn't realized that they knew each other well. And I was even more surprised that she has a boyfriend!! Ah. Poor Georgie.

Good chapter and I hope to read some more soon. :)

Author's Response: Hello!

*Fangirls* Hey, how are you? I wasn't sure if you would have been able to do a swap at all because I had noticed that your status update had been from a few days ago. I'd thought that you'd have been busy so I was like, "Well, I tried." Hahha. So, its great to see you back and this means I can go and read more of your awesome work!
I always have a rocky start making the first chapter of any of my stories but this one was really tough. Fred and George are so hard to write for and I was feeling a little under pressure to get them the way I needed. I'd hoped to have been able to get used to George by now since I've written him for another story but he's just so difficult! >:(
It angers me. Hahaha.
Ah! My Angelina and your Angelina are a bit different, I guess I always had seen her as more of a tomboy but I sort of just went off the fact that she was friends with the twins for so long that she had inherited some of their qualities. Hahah.
For better or worse? :D
I was sort of under the weird impression that the other kids were just hermits or something because we really didn't see them having friends over at the Burrow. But then I thought, that, since the twins knew Lee and Angie really well that it would make sense.
Much to Percy's horror. Hahaha.
Yay, Lee and Angie! I love those two characters too, I think you can just play around with them so much since we don't know much from them aside from canon.
Hahaha, I think I did okay with my George, like I said, he's really, really hard to write for. His jokes are more raunchy but I think I did it on purpose and he might mention it later. Either that or I'm thinking about Fred. :p
And I'm all for a dirty joke. ;)
Charlie was their captain for the Quidditch team at some point wasn't he? Or have I been reading too many FF's? I just sort of figured that he and Angie knew each other all right to speak to one another but it is sort of surprising that he asked her out. But, then again, I'm making Charlie a flirt so it may or may not make sense. Or something. :p
Yes! The big surprise with Angelina in this chapter was the fact that she had a bf, much to George's annoyance. But he's going to feel stupider for not saying something about how he feels about her later. :D
Poor Georgie indeed.
Anyhoo, thanks for stopping by and feel free to come back whenever you like! I'll be looking at your work soon!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #22, by WitnesstoitAllPercy Weasley is a Vampire: Miss Peabody's Peril Purger

26th December 2012:
ohmygoodness. I'm dying.

okay, melissa, stop giggling long enough to breathe.

Right, then.

This was hysterical. I seriously couldn't stop laughing and everytime I though you reached a new point of ridiculousness that I didn't think you'd exceed again with in the chapter, you did. Seeing Percy and all of his fears -- I really respect why he detests the subway. Germs and slimey kids -shudders-. His fear of sealions made me lol -- they actually carry a disease that can transmit to pigs that causes a lot of problems in the swine industry. (thought you'd appreciate that Percy's fear isn't totally unfounded if he were a swine farmer living on the coast of california). His letter as he thought he wrote it ... I nearly died. He was so matter of fact, and that he thought it was a well worded letter. ahaha. And then seeing what he actually wrote. Too funny. I'm so glad that the letter more closely resmembled something found in eloquence by erica than the letter he thought he'd written. AND NOW AUDREY THINKS HE'S FUNNAY AND IS SHOWING HIM MICE WULNUT HELMETS. that's the makings of true love, don't even lie.

gah. This was a fantastic chapter!! Can't wait to read the next (and last?) one!

Author's Response: MEL. ♥

The ridiculousness abounds. ~

I'm biased against all children who aren't my own, and avoid touching them. I know where those fingers have been - in their noses and other people's noses and in their mouths and ew.

Eloquence by Erica would have been proud of the letter he actually wrote. MICE WALNUT HELMETS. SURELY THIS IS DESTINY.

♥ The last chapter is officially up, just for yooouuu. ♥


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Review #23, by WitnesstoitAllPercy Weasley is a Vampire: Desirable Number One

26th December 2012:
Ohhaygurl, hay.

So I'm snowed in, and thought I'll catch up on some reading and boy am I glad I did!! I seriously forgot how light and silly and absolutely hilarious this story is. Like, I wish I could quote all of it here because each and every line of it is gold. Or platinum. maybe diamond. Every line rolls off the screen with such a tongue in cheek seriousness that I found myself taking a beat after each one before combusting into a cacophony of giggles when I realized how ridiculous it was. Love it -- it reads with such an ease that I'm here in my igloo writhing with jealousy.

The scene with Percy and George was my favorite (I bet you're suprised, right?) It was so silly and whimsical. Percy is in lurveee. He couldn't fool anybody even if they were blind and deaf. George's advice about wearing a fancy jacket to catch a bird. -snort- All I can picture is him in his neon green dragonhide coat over his magenta WWW robes. Gah. Weasleys. There is always something special about their banter that leaves me remembering why it is I read fanfiction.

With as much as I loved the first scene, I also enjoyed Audrey's scene. That girl -- she's cray cray fo sho, but somehow makes it so endearing and entertaining. I loved seeing how normal Wood was compared to her, and all the descriptions of what she wears -- the tree fingersss. lololol. She's perfect. I don't think anybody else could come close to pulling off such an off the wall character and make her so likable. You, my dear, have so much talent and I'm so so glad you write fanfiction and share it with all of us.

Great chapter!! ~onto the next~

Author's Response: HAY THERE MEL OVER THERE IN YOUR IGLOO. ~waves with tree branch fingers~

I love Weasleys, and George is the best kind of Weasley, I think (well they all are but he's a front-runner). I'm happy with his background presence in this story, popping in every now and again just to embarrass poor Percy and make him feel more nervous than he already was.

Audrey is fifty flavors of weird. The girl is not all there. But I've had so much fun writing her and hope that her future is filled with loads of drama and mystery to keep her happily satisfied.

Thank you endlessly for your lovely support of this story, Molosso. You are the sprinkles to my frosting.


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Review #24, by WitnesstoitAllAbandon: Strangers and Fireworks

21st December 2012:
Helloo!

So I had a really difficult choosing what I wanted to read off of your page!! There is a tremendous amount of diversity there, so kudos to you for that. I was torn between this and your Astoria fic (I want to save your georgelina for when I finish mine -- don't want to muddle my mind at all, lol), but I eventually chose this seeing as there are't many Roxanne fics on the archive.

I thought that you have a really unique and interesting take on all of the extended Weasley family!! I was a little thrown by you calling Fred, Perce but I got used to it as the story progressed. Percy and Audrey were my favorite!! I really like your take on George and Angelina, and thought that your characterization of Roxanne was wonderful!!

I do wonder if maybe there was an awful lot of detail in this one little chapter -- it could very well be a bit overwhelming for readers new to the next gen genre or even to experienced readers. I was able to follow along easily enough, but I think that when I read later chapters I may pause and wonder what details belonged to which people.

This is only a minor, stylistic suggestion, though!! All in all, I thought that this was a lovely chapter!! I am very intrigued about this Benjamin Malfoy -- any reason you didn't use Scorpius?? I think it's really cool that you are trying something different by giving Malfoy an adoptive son. good for you.

Great work!! I'm anxious to see how chapter two plays out (and to read astoria ... and eventually your georgelina). &hearts.

Author's Response: Hey! :D

*Fangirls* Oh, my goodness! I don't even know what to say, thank you so much! *fangirls again* I was just about to log off but decided to look at my stories one more time (To see if anyone answered my reviews, to be honest, hehe) when I noticed that I got one more bump on this story.
I wasn't at all sure what you would stop by to review, to be honest. I couldn't think what you might have liked the most but this wasn't the story that I thought you'd hop onto! But I suppose you could save my Astoria story for later and my Georgelina is calling your name! Give in to temptation! Hahah.
Nah, don't do that, its cool.
Or is it?
Anyway, I noticed that there weren't alot of Roxanne stories on the archive, which I thought was a shame. I had written this story, originally titled as "Growth" but got rid of it when I couldn't get it to go where I needed.
It was so hard writing all of those Weasleys and my details got really muddled after a while and I aplogozie. Its a bad habit of mine that I make in all of my stories, I have to start cutting back on them a little.
And edit more. Hehehe.
With Roxanne calling her brother "Perce" instead of Fred, I just wanted to try something different. It might come up later in more depth but for now, its just a nickname that I hope doesn't bug anyone. Heheh.
Percy/Audrey forever! >_< I love them!
Georgelina FOREVER! Hahaha. I'd had a better grasp of those two since doing my story so writing them wasn't really that hard this time.
I think? Hahaha.
Benjamin! Yep, I'd wanted to try something a little different instead of using Scorpius. (I will tell you now that I spell his name wrong, going on a typo so its Scorpious. Not that its important or anything.) In my NG, Scorpius is actually still eleven, ten in this fanfic so him and Roxanne hooking up is sort of, uhm, naughty. Haha.
Benjamin himself is a good character to write for since he's an OC. But you might not like him too much towards the last chapter I have up if you keep reading. >:D
Thanks so much for coming to read this and I hope to see you around on the forums! :D
So many hearts!
Much love,
Gabbie


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Review #25, by WitnesstoitAllTo Catch a Rat: To Catch a Rat

17th December 2012:
Hello!!

I really enjoyed this little story! Though, it really did read like two separate stories -- the first scene with Sirius in the demolished Potter house and then the second with his pursuit of Peter. Both were incredibly well written and lovely missing moments from PoA, but they did feel a little disjointed from one another.

It was so moving to see the thin and broken Sirius in the ruins of the Potter house -- remembering what once was, looking at photographs and the long abondoned letter Lily had been writing. I loved the mention of the mirrow!! How he'd like to give it to Harry one day. Gahh. I have such a soft spot for well written Marauder fiction. I think the only thing that could have made the first scene better in the context of this particular story was stronger transition into the next scene with him tracking and chasing Peter -- it could even be a fleeting thought about revenge or finding the rat, anything.

The second scene too, was very well written if not a tad bit random following the first very somber scene. I liked seeing Sirius' lighter thoughts about pranking as he passed Hagrid's pumpkins, and thought it was sort of amusing to imagine him scarfing up the terrified girl's biscuit. The encounter between Sirius and Peter was so tense!! I t was fabulous.. and then the encounter between Sirius and the Fat lady too! You did such a great job of filling in some these 'missing' scenes. I love PoA and found this story to be really enjoyable.

Great work!! Great swap!! Let me know if you ever want to swap again.

Author's Response: Hi! Thank you for the review! =)

Ah yes, there was a slight change of tone there. I guess I could have made it bit more cohesive with better transition, thanks for pointing it out. I doubt I'll make any big changes in this one anymore, but I'll remember that in future.

I'm glad you enjoyed this fic, it was quite heartbreaking to write. I'm still trying to learn how to write a good action scenes, so I'm very happy that you liked those encounters. PoA is my favorite too, and I've always felt that Sirius's visit to castle would have been interesting to read about.

It was fun to swap with you. Let's do it again sometime in the future. Happy holidays! =)


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