Reading Reviews From Member: DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend
  
107 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendGlass: Glass

5th October 2014:
Sorry it took me this long. I had the review almost entirely written and then my computer decided to stop working. Anyway here is the new and improved review!

I love your way of describing the scenery surrounding Teddy. It really creates images. I love that in a story.

I also love the restlessness you describe in Teddy, that makes him doubt himself and his feelings. The feeling that there must be more. More to him, more to life. I like the way you described that struggle in him. Knowing his life wasn't bad, but still feeling restless and unfulfilled.

Resenting his dad? That must be horrible, since he is viewed as a hero; there would be nobody to talk to about his resentment. After the first page I just saw this depressed young man in my mind, that felt the world had failed him, or he had failed it. Feeling that love took his parents and thus repulsed by it. Perhaps even feeling undeserving of it. Later on he even said that he only loved himself, while it is clear he loves himself least of all.

And Dominique stutters. And how cruel was Teddy to her about that! Ugh. But while he calls her an ice queen and himself heartless, it is clear from the start that she stirs something up in him he dislikes. As if she can bring out his kinder feelings and he feels the need to burn her down when she does.

I've always seen Teddy as a kind gentle character, probably because of how his parents were. But then, they did not raise him and in this story he was brought up in a much more toxic household. His mean and careless behaviour is fitting.

I really like Fred! He's a good friend and a very interesting character! He seems so realistic yet so unwaveringly optimistic. The perfect balance between his parents I think. And the kind of person that someone so afraid of his feelings, like Teddy, would need.

You made me feel so sorry for Teddy. He was so horrible to everyone and yet I felt for him. And the ending...the ending was perfect! All he needed to hear, it seems, was that somebody understands. He is not along in this darkness. That validation gave him life it seems and I love that!

And I love the little details about the other characters. Uptight Percy married to a stripper. Gave me a nice laugh!
George and Angelina's place being home. I think out of all the characters in the books, they would make that seem easy, creating a home.
And poor Andromeda, can you imagine losing everything and than getting a child to look after and having to keep going. That either breaths new life in you or makes you bitter. I like that you picked bitterness, since it's not the path I read often!
Or Victoire being the favourite child. Though it does seem slightly odd for a Weasley to neglect their children in favour of the another. Then again we learned very little about in Bill the books.

These details about side characters make this story whole, if you know what I mean. It creates not just a character but their world!

Your characters are very three-dimensional. They have flaws, which you readily point out early in the story, but you give them redeeming thoughts and actions just as quickly. For instance Dominique. Teddy calls her an ice queen and while you write about her in his opinion, you still show that she really isn't that.

Now this was much longer than I intended it to be but I just really loved reading this! It's a great story! Thank you for bringing this to my attention!

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Review #2, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendNew Beginnings: The Blackened Hat

14th September 2014:
The punctuation and paragraphs were much better in this chapter!

I'm glad you still make Kai so surprised about all things magical. After all it is new to him, but you point out the right things. Like the missing oars on the boats. Or that the name Potter would cause such reaction.

And you had Luna bring them into the great hall. I love Luna. I'm glad she is a part of your story.

Slytherin is fitting for the way you have described Kai so far. Very interesting! I like that you made him become friends with Albus on the train. It shows that there is more to someone than the reputation of the house. People usually make it very obvious to which house people belong, you steered clear of that. Even though this was not out of the blue either. It really fits with the way you've written Kai so far.

There were some small typo's:
- When the hat it talking to Kai : 'you can talk to me though thinking'...I think it should be through?
- the sentence: The rest of the sorting went by...a old women: this should be 'an' old woman.
- Thank you Miss Lovegood, know then...: now then?
There were a few more, but with another look over I am sure you could easily find them.

Author's Response: Hello thank you for your review. I am glad you like Luna and that Kai is in Slytherin. Spelling is a little bit difficult but i'll take on your advice and check more clearly for typo's.

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Review #3, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendNew Beginnings: The Train

14th September 2014:
You missing some punctuation in the beginning paragraphs. It makes it a little harder to read through and not miss anything.
Also when you write speech for a character, this start on a new sentence. Not in the middle of a paragraph.
It made the introduction of Albus a little jumbled. As was the speech unclear, who said what? I think I got it right, but more punctuation and less jumbled paragraphs would help immensely.

Now I am not a devout Christian, but how is Chritsmas less important than Easter? Are they not both important Christian 'celebrations'? And why would Kai not come home for both?
And more than one suitcase? Don't the students usually have the one?

I think this chapter has got plenty of potential, but right now it's not showing yet. I would revisit it and add some more space in-between sentences.

Author's Response: :) Thank you for another brilliant review! Punctuality for me is rather hard so I am working on improving that. And in terms of the Christmas/Easter holidays I believe that Easter was when Christ was ressurected I do hope I am not incorrect. I hope you enjoy the rest of Kai's story. :)

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Review #4, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendNew Beginnings: Diagon Alley

14th September 2014:
I can only imagine just how excited Kai must be to be a wizard. I too would have been at the door, ready to go the moment Neville arrived. I would have probably been ready for hours already :P
I just wonder; why did his mother not accompany them to Diagon Alley? Why did she look bothered?

Why didn't Neville take Kai to Gringotts first? Would he not have to exchange his muggle money for wizard cash? Why would Neville pay? Why won't he answer Kai's questions.

And would Draco be this impatient with his son? Coming from such doting parents himself, I would imagine he and his wife would act similar.

I do love the owl's name! I love the mythology surrounding Medusa.

I don't know if I like Kai yet. He seemed a bit bratty in the first chapter and a little smug in this one. I am, however, curious about him.

In the previous chapter I said something about speech in the first chapter, only to see here that you have already improved it so much in this second chapter!

Another thing I have to say is; great keeping the information to a minimum! You create questions. And as a reader, you want those questions answered. Thus you tune in for the next instalment. I put all the questions in this review, simply to show you which you raised with me. I like it when a chapter leaves me with questions, so good on you!

Author's Response: Wow another large review thank you! I think after the whole episode with her fainting she would want to spend as little time around Neville as possible! Also I believe that Neville would try and make it more exciting for Kai by not answering his questions. Also I think Draco would be a busy man and have other things to do. :)

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Review #5, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendNew Beginnings: The Letter Arrives

14th September 2014:
Your very first hp fanfiction...I'm very curious :D

There is a lot of speak in this chapter. I am prone to this as well, however for a reader it is usually better to have more descriptive writing. Describe the room they stand in or the feelings, the situation, without having the characters say it. Not to say it is bad to speech write, I've just found that most readers like it less than the descriptive writing.

The large amount of presents? Is he spoiled like Dudley? Having that many presents without anyone but his mother even there yet...He does sound a bit bratty.

It does seem odd for Neville to tell the boy to leave his mother laying on the ground. Also is there a special reason that Neville came by with the letter? Is this standard for muggles? Other than that I think Neville was done just right!

It's a relatively short chapter with only minimal information, which is perfectly fine for a first chapter actually. In fact it usually makes people go to chapter 2.
I like that you did not give too much information about Kai yet. You've got plenty of time to get to the details of his character.
All in all a good first chapter! And great considering it's your first ever hp story!

Author's Response: Hello! Thank you for your long review :D I'll try to add more descriptive writing and I think a teacher would of come to explain all the information about being a wizard as they would not believe it otherwise! I'm so pleased you enjoyed it!

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Review #6, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendWhen Summer Fades: solstice

14th September 2014:
Thank you for requesting another chapter! I'm glad you liked my previous reviews! I really liked doing them for this story!

The thoughts of Regulus, at the start of this chapter felt so right! That would be exactly what I imagine anyone would feel at such a time. Of course not everyone would hate themselves, but it fits him. He would take it like that. I know not much is known about Regulus in the books, but you described him exactly as I imagined him and you stayed true to this through the entire story.

Ugh can you imagine fighting your own brother over a cause you no longer believe in, but cannot put behind you? I love this character for many reasons but this is a huge one. I always wish Sirius and Regulus could have talked once more before Regulus's demise. I wish Sirius would have known just what his brother had done.

If only he had known just how loyal Kreacher really was too him. Or perhaps the events that lead to Regulus's death were what made Kreacher so incredibly loyal to him.
And Voldemort is such a true and perfect villain, is he not? He cares not for anyone, especially not for creatures such as house elves.

I had an inkling that Summer's parents would come to their end in such a way, and yet I can't help but feel incredibly saddened that he would have to see it. And that they would have discover him there.

Your story proves that one person can have a huge impact on other whether it be good or bad. Summer's influence was good as it could be.

It was a well rounded story. And I think it ties in so well with the books.
I think every question you could have, while reading, was answered in this last chapter. It ended with his life, which had only just begun when Summer walked in.
And now at the end of this amazing story I just want to say again; I love your writing style. It pulls a reader in and makes them attached to all the characters. And I loved the fact you said he would go to his eternal summer. I really liked the symbolism and metaphors you used in this story.

Thanks again for bringing this story on my radar! I am really glad I got to read, despite the depressing nature of it. In a way it's not just depressing. There is a little light in there too. A little hope. I loved it!

Author's Response: Thanks for coming back to review - your reviews are so in depth and so thoughtful, I really appreciate it!

It's wonderful to hear that the mood at the beginning of this chapter and the way Regulus takes the news seemed to fit his character. There isn't a huge amount about him in canon so I was just kind of writing him the way I thought he might be, and it always makes me so glad when people mention that it's the way they envisioned Regulus as well, so thanks!

Ugh I know, it's such a sad thing to think about, how they really could have been on the same side, and Sirius never knew that his brother was actually a hero in the end. Especially as I always imagined the two of them being quite close when they were young, so the fact that they ended on such bad terms is even sadder :(

I was actually quite excited to write Kreacher in this, because writing him from the POV of someone who actually liked him made it rather different to the books. I think Regulus really did respect Kreacher a lot, but might not have guessed the depths of his loyalty.

I'm so glad you think it ties in well with the books! That was one of my main goals in writing this, filling in the gaps of Regulus' story. And wow, I love the way you phrased that, that his life had only really just begun when Summer walked in.

Aahh thank you so, so much, I'm really flattered that you like my writing style and symbolism, that makes me so incredibly happy! And wow, I'm really pleased that you saw a little hope in the story in the midst of all the darkness, that's lovely :) Thanks so much for reading and for leaving such wonderful reviews, I appreciate it so much!! ♥


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Review #7, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThe Push: The Push

2nd August 2014:
Thanks for the review request! Sorry I didn't get to it sooner.

While you announce the house of Helga fairly early one, you don't mention Lucianna's house. I like that. While I assumed they were in the same house, I could not be sure; partially because of her last name. I like it because it makes you form an opinion on the character before adding house characteristics to it.

I also like that you created a character that was not really interested in getting a higher education. They exist in real life, yet rarely in stories. And she has plans, ambition. It's great.

I did wonder about your characterization of Mrs Zabini though. In the books she was described as a woman who wanted money more than anything. She valued her beauty for it got her husbands in the pureblood world. She was probably very ambitious to accomplish all this. However, would she let her daughter be her own witch? Would she not be the kind to have her daughter married off to a wealthy family? To ensure the riches of the family.

And would Crabbe and Goyle be so accepting of her, with her being in Gryffindor? I know she is connected through family, but the feud between the houses was in high gear during these years. Would it not make more sense for them to ignore her completely? Or, like Draco, treat her with dislike.

Another wonderful detail is that you mention WHERE she got the cupcake from. It is explained in the books how it works but I don't often read it in fanfiction. So it's a nice touch!

"Mr. Zabini, you need to practice your aim. You had the wrong neck in your hand" Loved this titbit :)

I like that you made Lucianna call herself a pretty girl. After all her brother's vanity was mentioned more than once. And her mother was known for her beauty. It fits that she is at least aware of her beauty, if not also a little vain.

You also use words (profanities), which seem to be linguistically different from the time in which the school years take place. It did not bother me or anything, I just noticed it.

The ending is a little abrupt. You took your time setting the stage, than seem to rush the date. Also, who is helping Goyle with the suit and such? Snape? You don't mention it.

You made this a one shot, but I actually think you could do the storyidea more justice if you made it into a novella or something like that. That way you could meat out the characters, the atmosphere, the whole setting, the ending. Right now the characters were a little flat. Which is a shame, for characters make or break a story.

Author's Response: Thanks for your great review! I personally only read the book series one time *gasp* so I actually never remembered the character Blaise nor his mother, and I only just recently learned about him, so I literally had no idea how his mother really was (only that she was a gold digger). Perhaps Lucianna could have just had a firm foot in her ways and Mrs. Zabini just had to finally accept it.

I wanted profanity, I really wanted a change in my writing (most of what I write has no bad words) and I KNOW boys that age curse like mad, so I didn't see an issue with it.

I wrote the person who helped Goyle like that for a reason, it was Snape her helped him; the ending was a terrific hint.


About Crabbe and Goyle's parts. I actually thought about that having them treat her like poo, but I figured their mouths water so much at the sight of a cupcake, so yeah... I just wanted to add a bit of humour.

About the flow, I am SOOO sorry, everyone has commented on this, you see, I actually intended to write this as a novel, but in the middle of it, switched to a One Shot, because I wouldn't be able to write what I needed in time for the challenge. I do plan on turning this into a Novella though.


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Review #8, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThorns of Time: Thorns of Time

20th July 2014:
Thanks for the review request! I rarely read stories about Percy or Penelope, so I was curious and excited!

I was immediately drawn in by your writing style! It has a really good flow. And of course starting with someone coming back after years, always interesting. Why did she leave, tried to forget everything there? And why would she come back now? And why does she think she can pick up right where she left off?
I love it when the first paragraphs make me ask so many questions!

You held a really nice pace. Nothing too slow or too fast. You took time for her thought process. This was important to the story. Without it, the reader would not connect to her. You need it to understand her. After all it's quite an ordeal to leave everything behind and start over without your friends and family.

I get why she left, the pressure to be perfect, to excel is overpowering, intimidating. However, I understand her reasons to come back even more. Her thought-process seems realistic. She was done running. Only to find that while she ran, the world kept turning without her.

I find it funny that she, upon seeing him, thinks of their past. How good they were together. When in reality, how good were you together if you never even bothered to ask him along? There is a reason she didn't.

You asked about the length and I think this was just right. You could've made it longer by adding her trying to see other people, but I doubt it would have helped the story.
It might even do more bad than good. The story is well rounded. Finished. Well paced. Well written.
You described her feelings very well. You didn't put focus on her surroundings and this story did not need it. It needed that attention to her emotions and thoughts. Other things would only distract.

I really liked it! Thanks again for pointing this story out to me!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for this wonderful review!

I really love the point you made about her not inviting him along, and there being a reason for that. That's definitely true, and I'm really glad you pointed that out.

I really appreciate all of your comments, you addressed everything and this review made me happy! Thank you so much!


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Review #9, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendWhen Summer Fades: syzygy

16th July 2014:
Okay, can we just...he makes a friend and she gets sick? The boy can catch a break, can he?
I like that it makes him reflect on the friendship he built with her and how he has been selfish in it. Though I worry that the possibility of losing her might push him further into a world of glum, hatred and consuming darkness.

'Months ago I would never have imagined shaking hands with a Muggle, but it was just like shaking the hand of a wizard or witch.' Can you imagine growing up in such prejudice and than discovering that you did not die from shaking hands with another human-being. I like how you've been attacking his prejudice, that seem so normal to him. You mention it, show how simple little things cause him to stop and think.

Again you add little details to the story. Like making faces with Sirius during Christmas dinner. Or Sirius having a Aerosmith shirt. I love that. And it flows so well with the story. You don't just add details and throw them somewhere, anywhere. They fit and it does not halt the story in any way.

As for the characterisation in the first chapter and this one; you are very consistent. Summer keeps up her happy-go-lucky attitude, Regulus tries to hide his double life but he doesn't do a good enough job, since Jasper keeps seeing through the lies. And Jasper, I stand by my assessment in the first chapter. He might be on the dark side, he surely isn't just a bad person. He is a good friend, even though he does not understand.

I do have one question. About the letters. Regulus would tell Jasper that the letters were to his brother? His brother is seen as a traitor. Talking to Sirius would be as bad as talking to a muggle, would it not?

Another good chapter with a good flow! Curious about the third chapter!

Author's Response: :( I was definitely not very nice to my characters in this story. But you're right, I think that he might not have realised just what the friendship meant to him if he hadn't entertained the idea that he might lose it.

I'm so happy to hear that you like the way his prejudices are shown. He is starting to change - has been changing for months - and it kind of surprises him when he notices!

Haha, I'm glad you liked the details about the Black family Christmas and Sirius' Aerosmith T-shirt, I hoped they weren't too random and unnecessary, so it's really good to hear that you liked the way they add to the story.

Your assessment of Jasper is pretty accurate! I'm really glad you like him as a character, and that all of the characters are consistent with the first chapter. This is a very character-driven story so that's really good to hear.

That's a good point about Sirius. What I was going for there is since Regulus is hiding his letters when someone walks by, it's evident to his friends that he's writing to someone he shouldn't be - and he thought his brother would be a slightly more acceptable answer than the Mudblood girl his friends hate.

Third chapter is in the queue so should be up in a day or so. Thank you so much for this thoughtful review!! I really appreciate it! ♥


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Review #10, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendWhen Summer Fades: equinox

16th July 2014:
First of all, Thank you for the request! Second of all thank you, because I LOVE stories about Regulus! Now on to the story.

The way you begin the chapter fits with how I see Regulus. The little things we learned about him in the books, told us he was uncertain of where he stood. You explained this short and simple, but very clear.

I too believe he was never really happy, once he stood by his parents and against his brother.
He is so glum. I can totally see him reacting to a smile in the way you described.

It's also kind of high school-like. Which it should be. Your family expect certain things. Your friends expect certain things. He plays with the thought of Summer in his life. The freedom of her life and what it would be like for him. I always like a story about his conflicting feelings, what or who caused it. A catalyst in his life.

Jasper actually seems...not so bad either. He knew about the 'friendship' and he decided to let it go. I like this little tidbit, because it shows that death eaters aren't merely evil. They are human. They two make allowances for the 'mistakes' of their friends. They might be on the dark side, they know loyalty. It gives the characters depth and realism.

The story does have a quick pace, but I think, considering the fact it's only three chapters long, you went just quick (or slow) enough! You still took the time for details.

I like it. I want to know what happens to Summer.

Author's Response: Hi! Sorry for taking ages to respond to this wonderful review!

I'm glad this fits in with how you see Regulus and that you thought my portrayal of him fit in with the things we know about him from the books.

I couldn't see Regulus as being anything but a moody teenager :p Sirius was like that too, but had pretty optimistic friends to keep him from sulking too much, whereas Regulus only has depressing friends and not cheerful company, which I think is why he's so sulky for most of this story. I'm so glad you like his conflicting feelings and how Summer is the catalyst to change.

I really like your analysis of Jasper, too. He was one of my favourite characters to write in here just because he's so complicated and there's so much moral ambiguity :p Anyway, thank you, I'm so glad he seems three-dimensional and realistic.

I am thrilled that you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks so much for your review!!


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Review #11, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendChange: III

13th July 2014:
Love the letter she send Harry and Ginny. Although I wonder if she would ever speak this candidly. Would she not keep it more to herself? This could just be my interpretation of course.

"Crossing the border into Canada where she promptly froze" haha. I have an Australian friend who moved there and his first winter.well let's just say he fell in love with oversized warm sweaters and immense winter-coats. And venturing outside was kept to a minimum.

I also love the idea of having to go through a international apparation station before entering another country. It would help the magical community keep track of it's inhabitants.

I do hope we, at some point, get another chapter dear!

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Review #12, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendChange: II

13th July 2014:
Poor Hermione not fitting in, in these countries.

I LOVE your description of Australia. I travelled through it myself and while I never encountered any form of rudeness ( they are far more polite than people in my country) I do understand the huge difference you speak of between the coast and the outback. There is no comparing the two I think.

For a Brit this must be such a culture shock. You either take it in stride or you don't, I guess.

And as always I love your descriptive writing. "like glinting azure diamonds"

A good, albeit short, chapter!

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Review #13, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Get in the door with the Gryffindors

4th June 2014:
So I planned to review this quite a while ago,but things got in the way. However, I came back!

I stand by what I said before, I like the way you depict Rose. I also like the budding friendship between Belle and Rose. Their friendships seems to really fit. Though it took a big jump since the previous chapters, it does not feel forced. After all Rose saw a side to her nobody else got to see. It forms an undeniable bond between people. Reminds me a little of how Rachel and Brooke became friends in One tree hill...don't know if you've ever seen it.

And again I love her protectiveness of Giles. He is such a likeable character. Though I do feel sorry for Ethan. He seems so distraught by what he wants and what his family wants.

Loved your little joke about Voldy snogging :P You can only imagine the look that would be. Nice imagery.

Evander was really leaving the passive aggressive pursuing behind on the pitch, wasn't he. Which I think is fine, because I do actually root for them.

And you mentioned the marauders!!! Now I truly love you :P

Another wonderful chapter! I really like this story.

Found a typing error: I found my self standing awkwardly at the top of the Slytherin side of bleachers. → I am guessing 'the' should be before bleachers.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks so much for the great review--I really appreciate it :)

I'm glad you think Rose and Belle's friendship works. They're fun to write and it's nice writing a different side of Isabelle.

OH Ethan...he's kind of a dolt, isn't he? Oh well, he and Giles are just so great together...if they ever get it together!

I'm glad at least one of my reader's is team Bell and Evander!

Haha...I LOVE the marauders. Had to mention them. (and spoiler alert, they don't come back from the dead or anything crazy like that ;) The next chapter will be tons of fun though. Hello Gryffies!

Thanks for the editing help, re-reading the chapter I found a few other things so I'll have to edit and re-submit when I get a chance.

Thanks a million for reviewing! Now that my life is a little less crazy I'll hopefully get the next chapter up soon :)

--Emmy


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Review #14, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendI Can't Date A Hufflepuff: I Can't Date A Hufflepuff

4th June 2014:
First of all thank you for requesting a review! I appreciate it.
I am sorry it took a while for me to get around to reviewing this! Time flies by so fast.

Now on to the story. I like hoe you used the typical house traits, but still made the characters different. You stepped away from the line many fanfictions take.

I like that you made Neville proactive as a teacher. He wasn't going to let kids be bullied!

I also like Damian's arrogance. The way you suggest if before you mention it. The way you describe even how he sits, I can see some cocky teenage boy sitting behind a desk in a normal high school.

And I like Maria as a Hufflepuff. Kind, happy and all the things we usually see in them, but she isn't introvert or shy. She seems more...fearless I guess in a way. Brave. Strong in a way that they are usually not depicted. I like that.

Just like you focussed on the boy's feelings. This all makes the story stand out from many others.

It's a cute story. Very well written. It flows nicely! I don't read fluff very often, but I am glad you requested a review for this one. I liked reading this!

Author's Response: Thanks so much! Sorry it took so long for me to respond! I guess we're even now lol

You're so kind! I put a lot more time into the description than I usually do so I'm glad it stands out! And I'm so glad you liked it. I loved writing it :) I like pulling characters out of their stereotypes because I see a lot of that when people decide what house to put them in. Obviously they need to fit, but I don't like them to be what everyone expects them to because of what their house is. So I'm glad you noticed that.

Thanks so much for your kind words xx


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Review #15, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThat Escalated Quickly: Intensity

31st May 2014:
So far, I think you are doing Hermione justice. She would not make a scene, but calmly placing his hand back is in character.
Although her talk(s) with Mclaggen seemed a bit much, I think. I always viewed her as more subtle. Until she is pushed too far of course. However, in this case it seemed too soon for that. I see her more as subtle, as in the first moment with his hand, instead of aggressive. That is of course, my interpretation.

Also it was bit confusing...she left the party to go to the library. And than wished for the party to be over soon? Also, she brought a bag filled with homework to the party? Or was she having dinner in the great hall.not at the party? That part wasn't all clear for me.
Since the party was going to be that night.and then suddenly everyone was out of the common room, Neville was sleeping on his book. And the party still had to happen.

I think the storyidea is good. But some parts are a little confusing in my opinion.

Author's Response: Well you would not be wrong in how my characterization of her kind of slips out of what I typically write her as, I thank you for pointing out where my discrepancies lie. I agree that she is more of a subtle person, so I'll tone down her conversations with McLaggen some and make them more maturely handled.

Yeah the party scene got all jumbled in my head and then I realized my total word vomit in the chapter after I had posted it at around 1 am. Needless to say, I am very embarrassed of that catastrophe of a timeline and will definitely be fixing it! I think I'm planning on the party being in about a week or so, just to make Hermione's agreeing to go with Cormac really seem last minute.

Thank you so much for the wonderful reviews, I'll definitely come back to you again! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #16, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThat Escalated Quickly: Before the Party

31st May 2014:
I'm sorry for the (really long) wait! But here is the requested review!

It's a good story. It's a short chapter, but the content is good. I had a few things that stood out as I was reading it.

In the beginning you state that 'Ron had been a complete a***' twice. Perhaps you could give an example, besides snogging Lavender. By mentioning it twice but not elaborating, it makes it seem rushed.

Also, you say at the end that she could not decide how she felt about him...but throughout the chapter it seems that she does know and that he was simply a last resort of sorts.

I found one word to be used quite frequently in the first few paragraphs; though/although. It became a little repetitive. So perhaps find a synonym for it?

Author's Response: No worries about the wait, I've been busy too! :)

Firstly, thank you for reading this rather awful incomplete short story that hasn't been updated in over a year! Now that you mention it, I hadn't noticed the Ron comment before...I'll have to go back and elaborate on just what he did (essentially begging Hermione to continue doing his schoolwork for him while he's off rendezvousing with Lavender is what I'm going say).

Yeah...I tend to have a bit of a problem with tying things up at the end of a chapter differently than how the chapter starts/is in the middle due to haphazardly writing and forgetting what I've already written. I'll make sure to make it more clear just how she feels about him right away rather than muddle through it.

During the time I wrote this, I loved using those words, so it's understandable they're overused. I'll replace them with synonyms where appropriate.

Thank you so much! :)
~MadiMalfoy x


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Review #17, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: The other side of Slytherin

9th March 2014:
I like that Kane knew as well. He just didn't really see it as a big deal. Despite the prejudice in the wizard community. Everyone of the friends seem to know and accept it. But poor Giles! What are those boys up to though?

I understand it must be hard for Isabelle that they aren't trusting her with their plans. Then again, she doesn't trust them with her secrets either. They don't know who she really is. It's hard to figure out how you could help your father, if you can't tell anybody, that knows that information, who you are. How lonely it must be, to be Isabelle.

I like that Rose did not tell Giles what had happened, just where to find her. Like there is asilent understanding between the girls.

Why on earth would the death eaters or knights or whatever they call themselves, let their children help? What can they do? Then again, they can test their alliance like that. If they come through you know they are on your team. But they are still kids. I'm really curious about this! About the situation the boys find themselves in and how they got in said situation.

I like that as the elder brother, Evander took charge and decided to tell Isabelle a bit more. I'm sure this also has a little bit to do with him liking her, but still.

I saw another typo: Prizon, instead of prison. And prizoners instead of prisoners. After Giles explains why Ethan is dating the girl.
And a little further down: Both of us kepting glancing...” when Giles and Isabelle are in the great hall for dinner.
When Evander talks to Isabelle He regrets his decesion ->decision.

Another wonderful chapter! Can't wait for the next instalment!

Author's Response: You seriously understand all of my characters so well. That's exactly how I imagine Isabelle. Even though she has Giles and all of them, she can't completely trust them. There are so many secrets which causes her to feel isolated from everyone. As much as she hates not being able to tell people who she is, she is just as terrified of them finding out the truth.

The children's involvement may seem far fetched but then again even Draco was recruited by Voldemort while still in school.

Thanks for pointing out the typos--I'll make sure to fix them!

Your reviews have been WONDERFUL!! Thanks so much! :)


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Review #18, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Bully for You

9th March 2014:
I like how you made the relationship between Ethan and Giles important enough to mention often. But you have Isabelle not really making a big deal of it. It just is. Nice touch!

Also liking Evander! The way he responded to Isabelle when she tried to get the dirt on Malfoy. It made me like him. It made me think that he was completely comfortable with who he is and what he did. And he became so defensive when he thought Malfoy had done something to her. I like it.

I can tell you really took the time to develop all the characters and I love that! That way the characters won't hold back the plot. It will just make the story flow fluently.

I also love that you mentioned before Isabelle would have understood if she had been placed in Slytherin. Because you made her character a good mix between Slytherin and Ravenclaw characteristics I think. It makes her more complicated and therefore a more believable character. So far I actually really like her.

I love how Rose said she almost did too good of a job. It seems so typical for a large percentage of girls their age. We don't want their attention but when it's gone we actually miss it a little bit!

I'm really glad I finally got around to reading this! I'm loving the story so far!

Author's Response: Most people don't like Evander so I'm glad you do! I've been told he's creepy but he does have reasons for why he acts the way he does.

Thanks so much! I did do a LOT of planning for this story and have pretty much all of the chapters mapped out. Just need to get re-motivated on writing them :)

haha. I liked that line of Rose's too. Everyone knows Rose is secretly in love with Malfoy :)

Thanks for reviewing!!

--Emmy


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Review #19, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Testosterone Levels Rising

9th March 2014:
Another good chapter. It flows so easily. It almost makes me forget to make notes for the review as I read. Leave out the almost. I made no notes while reading.
I really enjoyed reading this. This chapter brought a little more background on the friendship between Giles and Isabelle. Again I really like Giles.

Isabelle also seems very interesting. Though she was in the muggle world for so long, it seems she really held on to the views of her family. I like that. It tells us more about who she is really. She is smart, surely. But she is also set in certain ways. She is loyal to family. She has a certain arrogance that makes her feel better than others.

I also like the introduction of the new characters. Simple, but good. Big brother coming to see his sibling and friends. Often stories make siblings hardly talking, especially id they are in Slytherin. While I think family and loyalty too family is very important to Slytherins.

I saw a few typo's, nothing big:

One in the beginning. Truck instead of trunk, when Giles places Isabelle's in the overhead compartment.
And one, right after you mention the ball when Isabelle and Evander danced. “You'll do no such think” I think that would be thing.

Author's Response: BAH, I hate typos. I swear, I've read through these chapters several times and somehow missed them. Thanks!

I do love the train ride chapters! You've got Isabelle figured out perfectly. I agree, I think family IS very important to Slytherins. Sometimes even more so than other houses if for no other reason than the family name in the Slyterin house is everything.


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Review #20, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: An unlikely Ally

9th March 2014:
I like that she became friends with other death eater children, without them knowing who she is.
And I like how close she seems to be with Giles. They are very comfortable around one another. I wonder if she will trust him with her secret identity. Although saying it like that makes her sound like a superhero. Then again, a superhero would be able to either participate or stop the major thing that will happen at the ministry.

I also like how Isa is able to see Rose for who she is. She knows the strengths of Rose, I mean. She doesn't just put her down because of her great dislike for the girl. It fits with my idea of Ravenclaw. They can see how the other person will be a good academic partner and are able to work together despite of their feelings of one another.

I like that you gave rose her mothers brains and her fathers temper!

Another really good chapter! I like it! I like the characters. I really like your style of writing. And I'm just more curious about the rest now!

Btw I copied the chapters back when you put out the request. Am I correct to say the original second chapter was replaced? Or did I just miss a whole chunk of story? It did not feel like that but still I thought I'd Check. Did chapter 2 and 3 get switched around?

Author's Response: I actually really love writing about Rose. She wasn't even really supposed to be a big character when I first mapped out the plot but once I started writing her I couldn't stop! Had to re-do my plot slightly :)

LOL. Never really thought about her secret identity as a super hereo. I like it!

It's supposed to be prologue, t. levels rising and then an unlikely ally. I believe they're in the right order! I'll have to double check.

Thanks!

Emmy


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Review #21, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Prologue

9th March 2014:
I'd like to start by saying SORRY for taking this long. I had this request on my list for far too long, but I just lack time lately (Especially since I wanted to read it in one go, to have it all fresh in my mind). Anyway here I am, finally.

I love how you set the tone in the first few paragraphs. Very strong, clear descriptions that take you to where the characters are. I love darkness, mystery and tragedy in a story and I got just that!
I love your style of writing. You only use the dialogue from if it's truly needed. I sometimes use it too much and I love your style much more! It's more descriptive. Which draws you in more.

Isabel is a smart little girl isn't she.

I really like this first chapter. It gave just enough information to be intrigued. I really want to know more of what will happen to the remaining Travers. And what the marks on the ruins mean. Why they then started firing at one another. So many questions! Really good!

Author's Response: No worries. Thanks for reviewing, so pumped to read all of them :)

Glad you like the ruins! They will come back into play but not for awhile. Eventually I'll answer all the questions :)

--Emmy


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Review #22, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendstranger things: Hide & Seek

5th October 2013:
I'd like to start by saying Sorry for taking this long. I had this request on my list for far too long, but I just lack time lately. Anyway here I am, finally.

This story caught my eye because it's set in the marauder era, my favourite. However, your summary isn't enticing really. This is a shame because a summary (in the end) has little to do with the story. It says so little about it.

For a second I figured you were already starting with quidditch or something of the sorts. Instead it's hide and seek! I like it! And for it to go the way it did. It was a nice introduction to Charlotte I think.

Her mother was an inferius when she had charlotte? How does that work? After she was killed, didn't all functions stop? No more blood or food to the baby and everything? I do love that Voldemort controls a part of her. It makes sense, if he controlled her mother while she was born...
That does make for a very interesting plotline! Very curious about this!!
Details like; nothing fills her up, but does food sustain her or does she need an additional food source?
And how does it effect her powers.

I like the way you describe her relationship with her father. The interest in school and such. It's a really nice touch. And the fact he realises which subject she dropped.

I also like that she mentions she isn't good at making friends and points out a fault of her own, instead of making herself a victim. No matter how big a victim you actually are, I always like it when someone does not victimize themselves. However, the reason does make her sound a little full of herself and I don't really think she is.

And how rude of the marauders to tell her to leave! Don't get me wrong, Charlotte was wrong in the situation as well. But seriously, you came in later. And you could not take the insults you dish so well? If I had been Sirius I would have left, head hung down in shame. Don't dish it out if you can't take the heat.
Seriously though, I like how you portrait them. I often make them really nice and wonderful, but the books indicate that there was another side to the marauders. A cocky and somewhat rude side. You captured that wonderfully.

Author's Response: I'm so ecstatic after reading this review! I'm glad that you had some points that I should work on. The details are a bit vague when explaining her backstory, and when I have time I will have to revamp this novel.

Unfortunately, Charlotte is a bit full of herself. I kind of miss writing a character that everyone hates, and Charlotte gave me a perfect excuse to do that.

I'm also super duper happy you understood my point of view with the marauders! I know that they are overall good people in this chapter of their life: but they're still teenage boys.

Thanks so much for your review and I'm sorry the response is so late.


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Review #23, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendOnce upon a time: Fairytails and all that crap

5th October 2013:
I am so sorry that it took me this long to get to this story. I'm currently horrible at finishing any to-do-list I make. So again, sorry but I finally got around to do it now :)

I like stories like this. Stories that reference to a fairytale. Although it can easily turn cliché and become a fairytale on it's own, I still love it :). Then again, I love fairytales.

I like how the beginning was an internal monologue for nobody but herself. The tone of that was similar to the rest of the chapter which is really good! It set the tone for the character of Cinderella. It had some hints of sarcasm and self reflection with a hint of the ability to make fun of herself. It's good! I like that.

I also like Dom. She seems like a fun girl and a genuine, loyal friend.

I do think you might want to explain a little bit more about the characters. How old are they. Part Veela, part werewolf and the likes. Is it because mother is full veela or part, although most people will be able to guess it, it's always good to explain it shortly. And the part werewolf thing should definitely be explained. It's not canon if I am correct, so people would be wondering.

There is currently very little back story and since it's only a prologue it's not absolutely a necessity, but I personally like to know a little more. Where are they in their lives? Are they living on their own or still at home with their parents. Are they working girls or do they live of a trust-fund of sorts. Stuff like that, is always nice to know of the bat.

Also perhaps a bit more description of the place they are in. What it looks like, the smell, the feel of it. It makes it easier to really be pulled into a story.

There were a few typo's, but nothing major, so that should be easy to fix with another look. I see you have a beta, so that will all work out perfectly I am sure :).

I am very curious about the rest of this story!

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Review #24, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendSnapshots: Snapshots

26th July 2013:
For a second there I though the boy would be the child of Luna. "you are funny. I like you" I like that this is Hugo though. And a Creevey child...interesting. A friendship with family of a hero was all her uncle would have wanted.

I never really though of the character of Hugo, so I was really interested to see where you would take it. He asks a lot of questions and he whines a bit. And a bit pushy to become her friend haha. I'm not entirely sure how to see that behaviour in the right light, but as I said I know very little of his character.
In the later years he reminds me of Fred and George a bit. Not just the pranking. Also the way he interacts with Anslee during other moments. Confident but not cocky. Suave.

The time jumps were different from what I've read before but I liked it. And for some reason I did not need telling in which time I'd be. It would clear itself up pretty soon, so that's good. I really liked the bits of history you gave us. And Hugo was one romantic man. Asking her to Hogsmeade the way he did. That was cute and it really helped establish their relationship better.

The start gave it a sad vibe, so it kept me wondering what was happening in present time. It was a nice trip down memory lane and wonderful way to get to the ending. It gives a good sense of the them as a couple which makes the impact of the second part of the story much bigger. And it was sad. Very sad. And beautiful in its sadness.

The only thing I found that I could comment on were that some the sentences where Anslee explained why she liked something, seemed a bit forced into the story. However with simply changing the wording I am sure that would change. For instance this sentence: 'I love flipping through the pictures, because it’s a really great way to reflect on all that's happened in the recent past.' I can' tell you why it feels a little forced, but it does. I think it feels like overly explaining it. But then again I get that you want to mention it, since you link back to it again.. Am I being difficult? I'm sure I am, sorry haha.

I really like your writing style by the way. It's really easy to read, it flows so...fluently if that's the right word to use.

Author's Response: Hi there! Sorry for the (majorly late) reply!

Yes, Hugo does have a bit of a Luna-like character, especially at the beginning. And I'm sure Colin would have been just beaming at his niece's relationship with a Weasley. ;)

I wanted Hugo to be a bit different, so yeah, he's a little pushy at the beginning because he's used to getting what he wants, and what he wants is to be friends with this girl, and figure out what this object is that she's holding. Also, I like the comparison to Fred and George, because that's exactly how I wanted teenage Hugo to be. :)

I know the time jumps are something I haven't seen much in reading, but I wanted to try it out here, and I'm glad it worked out some. And yes, Hugo's a bit of a romantic on the inside... underneath all that pranking nonsense he's basically a big softie.

There was definitely a fair bit of foreshadowing, and yeah, it ended up sad at the end. But I love that you called it beautiful too, because a beautiful sadness was really my goal for this piece.

Yeah, looking back, I did phrase some of those sentences kind of awkwardly... thanks for pointing that out! I will definitely fix that!

I'm so happy you like my writing style - that's such a huge compliment! Thanks so much for reviewing!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #25, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAnachronous: In a Man's World

20th July 2013:
Don't you just hate when you love a story but feel like it's missing something? I know the feeling all to well. Often it's just a feeling you have and a reader does not share.
The story is relatively short, in comparison to some of your other stories, so perhaps that is why you feel this way. However, some stories don't need more pages. Sometimes it's better to keep it shorter, than to add pointless text.

I think this story is beautiful. You kept it small and that seems just right to me. Of course you could add to it, by describing more specific situations in her life, however I don't think this story needs it.

Her feelings are strong and they fit the way she was raised and the time in which she lived. She was a strong woman, even if she does not fully realise that. She kept going. Kept getting up in the morning, when others could have fallen apart. She is the silent force that keeps others going.
She was only a small part in the books. But in a way she was very important.
She is right though, the job of being a house wife and a mother is not one to receive a lot of praise most of the time. But there are very few jobs as important as raising the next generation.

She was raised for grandeur and she choose the more simplistic life. Her feelings had a great sadness to it. It was good enough, she says, but somehow I feel that perhaps it wasn't. After all someone who feels that she is forgettable, might not be so happy.
It was sad. But beautiful in its sadness, if that makes sense.

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by :)

Your review made me feel very comforted about this story, and I appreciate your kind words. I agree that sometimes "less is more," and that's the approach I tend to take with these sort of abstract one-shots, but once in a while reviewers will say that it feels too superficial or I'll notice that something isn't right. I'm glad to hear that for you this felt like a complete story and that you enjoyed it.

I agree that Andromeda was really important and strong and probably deserves to be discussed more than she was in canon. I tried to put myself in her shoes in this story and this is what came out. I think you really nailed what I was trying to convey with your statement about her life being much simpler than she probably thought it would be and her having an ability to see the beauty in that change, though at times her sadness did come to the forefront. She lost a lot and her fortitude is really admirable.

Thank you for your very kind review!

-Amanda


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