Reading Reviews From Member: DarknessIsMyOnlyFriend
  
91 Reviews Found

Review #1, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: The other side of Slytherin

9th March 2014:
I like that Kane knew as well. He just didn't really see it as a big deal. Despite the prejudice in the wizard community. Everyone of the friends seem to know and accept it. But poor Giles! What are those boys up to though?

I understand it must be hard for Isabelle that they aren't trusting her with their plans. Then again, she doesn't trust them with her secrets either. They don't know who she really is. It's hard to figure out how you could help your father, if you can't tell anybody, that knows that information, who you are. How lonely it must be, to be Isabelle.

I like that Rose did not tell Giles what had happened, just where to find her. Like there is asilent understanding between the girls.

Why on earth would the death eaters or knights or whatever they call themselves, let their children help? What can they do? Then again, they can test their alliance like that. If they come through you know they are on your team. But they are still kids. I'm really curious about this! About the situation the boys find themselves in and how they got in said situation.

I like that as the elder brother, Evander took charge and decided to tell Isabelle a bit more. I'm sure this also has a little bit to do with him liking her, but still.

I saw another typo: Prizon, instead of prison. And prizoners instead of prisoners. After Giles explains why Ethan is dating the girl.
And a little further down: Both of us kepting glancing...” when Giles and Isabelle are in the great hall for dinner.
When Evander talks to Isabelle He regrets his decesion ->decision.

Another wonderful chapter! Can't wait for the next instalment!

Author's Response: You seriously understand all of my characters so well. That's exactly how I imagine Isabelle. Even though she has Giles and all of them, she can't completely trust them. There are so many secrets which causes her to feel isolated from everyone. As much as she hates not being able to tell people who she is, she is just as terrified of them finding out the truth.

The children's involvement may seem far fetched but then again even Draco was recruited by Voldemort while still in school.

Thanks for pointing out the typos--I'll make sure to fix them!

Your reviews have been WONDERFUL!! Thanks so much! :)


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Review #2, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Bully for You

9th March 2014:
I like how you made the relationship between Ethan and Giles important enough to mention often. But you have Isabelle not really making a big deal of it. It just is. Nice touch!

Also liking Evander! The way he responded to Isabelle when she tried to get the dirt on Malfoy. It made me like him. It made me think that he was completely comfortable with who he is and what he did. And he became so defensive when he thought Malfoy had done something to her. I like it.

I can tell you really took the time to develop all the characters and I love that! That way the characters won't hold back the plot. It will just make the story flow fluently.

I also love that you mentioned before Isabelle would have understood if she had been placed in Slytherin. Because you made her character a good mix between Slytherin and Ravenclaw characteristics I think. It makes her more complicated and therefore a more believable character. So far I actually really like her.

I love how Rose said she almost did too good of a job. It seems so typical for a large percentage of girls their age. We don't want their attention but when it's gone we actually miss it a little bit!

I'm really glad I finally got around to reading this! I'm loving the story so far!

Author's Response: Most people don't like Evander so I'm glad you do! I've been told he's creepy but he does have reasons for why he acts the way he does.

Thanks so much! I did do a LOT of planning for this story and have pretty much all of the chapters mapped out. Just need to get re-motivated on writing them :)

haha. I liked that line of Rose's too. Everyone knows Rose is secretly in love with Malfoy :)

Thanks for reviewing!!

--Emmy


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Review #3, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Testosterone Levels Rising

9th March 2014:
Another good chapter. It flows so easily. It almost makes me forget to make notes for the review as I read. Leave out the almost. I made no notes while reading.
I really enjoyed reading this. This chapter brought a little more background on the friendship between Giles and Isabelle. Again I really like Giles.

Isabelle also seems very interesting. Though she was in the muggle world for so long, it seems she really held on to the views of her family. I like that. It tells us more about who she is really. She is smart, surely. But she is also set in certain ways. She is loyal to family. She has a certain arrogance that makes her feel better than others.

I also like the introduction of the new characters. Simple, but good. Big brother coming to see his sibling and friends. Often stories make siblings hardly talking, especially id they are in Slytherin. While I think family and loyalty too family is very important to Slytherins.

I saw a few typo's, nothing big:

One in the beginning. Truck instead of trunk, when Giles places Isabelle's in the overhead compartment.
And one, right after you mention the ball when Isabelle and Evander danced. “You'll do no such think” I think that would be thing.

Author's Response: BAH, I hate typos. I swear, I've read through these chapters several times and somehow missed them. Thanks!

I do love the train ride chapters! You've got Isabelle figured out perfectly. I agree, I think family IS very important to Slytherins. Sometimes even more so than other houses if for no other reason than the family name in the Slyterin house is everything.


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Review #4, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: An unlikely Ally

9th March 2014:
I like that she became friends with other death eater children, without them knowing who she is.
And I like how close she seems to be with Giles. They are very comfortable around one another. I wonder if she will trust him with her secret identity. Although saying it like that makes her sound like a superhero. Then again, a superhero would be able to either participate or stop the major thing that will happen at the ministry.

I also like how Isa is able to see Rose for who she is. She knows the strengths of Rose, I mean. She doesn't just put her down because of her great dislike for the girl. It fits with my idea of Ravenclaw. They can see how the other person will be a good academic partner and are able to work together despite of their feelings of one another.

I like that you gave rose her mothers brains and her fathers temper!

Another really good chapter! I like it! I like the characters. I really like your style of writing. And I'm just more curious about the rest now!

Btw I copied the chapters back when you put out the request. Am I correct to say the original second chapter was replaced? Or did I just miss a whole chunk of story? It did not feel like that but still I thought I'd Check. Did chapter 2 and 3 get switched around?

Author's Response: I actually really love writing about Rose. She wasn't even really supposed to be a big character when I first mapped out the plot but once I started writing her I couldn't stop! Had to re-do my plot slightly :)

LOL. Never really thought about her secret identity as a super hereo. I like it!

It's supposed to be prologue, t. levels rising and then an unlikely ally. I believe they're in the right order! I'll have to double check.

Thanks!

Emmy


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Review #5, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAlbanian Knights: Prologue

9th March 2014:
I'd like to start by saying SORRY for taking this long. I had this request on my list for far too long, but I just lack time lately (Especially since I wanted to read it in one go, to have it all fresh in my mind). Anyway here I am, finally.

I love how you set the tone in the first few paragraphs. Very strong, clear descriptions that take you to where the characters are. I love darkness, mystery and tragedy in a story and I got just that!
I love your style of writing. You only use the dialogue from if it's truly needed. I sometimes use it too much and I love your style much more! It's more descriptive. Which draws you in more.

Isabel is a smart little girl isn't she.

I really like this first chapter. It gave just enough information to be intrigued. I really want to know more of what will happen to the remaining Travers. And what the marks on the ruins mean. Why they then started firing at one another. So many questions! Really good!

Author's Response: No worries. Thanks for reviewing, so pumped to read all of them :)

Glad you like the ruins! They will come back into play but not for awhile. Eventually I'll answer all the questions :)

--Emmy


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Review #6, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendStranger Things: Hide & Seek

5th October 2013:
I'd like to start by saying Sorry for taking this long. I had this request on my list for far too long, but I just lack time lately. Anyway here I am, finally.

This story caught my eye because it's set in the marauder era, my favourite. However, your summary isn't enticing really. This is a shame because a summary (in the end) has little to do with the story. It says so little about it.

For a second I figured you were already starting with quidditch or something of the sorts. Instead it's hide and seek! I like it! And for it to go the way it did. It was a nice introduction to Charlotte I think.

Her mother was an inferius when she had charlotte? How does that work? After she was killed, didn't all functions stop? No more blood or food to the baby and everything? I do love that Voldemort controls a part of her. It makes sense, if he controlled her mother while she was born...
That does make for a very interesting plotline! Very curious about this!!
Details like; nothing fills her up, but does food sustain her or does she need an additional food source?
And how does it effect her powers.

I like the way you describe her relationship with her father. The interest in school and such. It's a really nice touch. And the fact he realises which subject she dropped.

I also like that she mentions she isn't good at making friends and points out a fault of her own, instead of making herself a victim. No matter how big a victim you actually are, I always like it when someone does not victimize themselves. However, the reason does make her sound a little full of herself and I don't really think she is.

And how rude of the marauders to tell her to leave! Don't get me wrong, Charlotte was wrong in the situation as well. But seriously, you came in later. And you could not take the insults you dish so well? If I had been Sirius I would have left, head hung down in shame. Don't dish it out if you can't take the heat.
Seriously though, I like how you portrait them. I often make them really nice and wonderful, but the books indicate that there was another side to the marauders. A cocky and somewhat rude side. You captured that wonderfully.

Author's Response: I'm so ecstatic after reading this review! I'm glad that you had some points that I should work on. The details are a bit vague when explaining her backstory, and when I have time I will have to revamp this novel.

Unfortunately, Charlotte is a bit full of herself. I kind of miss writing a character that everyone hates, and Charlotte gave me a perfect excuse to do that.

I'm also super duper happy you understood my point of view with the marauders! I know that they are overall good people in this chapter of their life: but they're still teenage boys.

Thanks so much for your review and I'm sorry the response is so late.


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Review #7, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendOnce upon a time: Fairytails and all that crap

5th October 2013:
I am so sorry that it took me this long to get to this story. I'm currently horrible at finishing any to-do-list I make. So again, sorry but I finally got around to do it now :)

I like stories like this. Stories that reference to a fairytale. Although it can easily turn cliché and become a fairytale on it's own, I still love it :). Then again, I love fairytales.

I like how the beginning was an internal monologue for nobody but herself. The tone of that was similar to the rest of the chapter which is really good! It set the tone for the character of Cinderella. It had some hints of sarcasm and self reflection with a hint of the ability to make fun of herself. It's good! I like that.

I also like Dom. She seems like a fun girl and a genuine, loyal friend.

I do think you might want to explain a little bit more about the characters. How old are they. Part Veela, part werewolf and the likes. Is it because mother is full veela or part, although most people will be able to guess it, it's always good to explain it shortly. And the part werewolf thing should definitely be explained. It's not canon if I am correct, so people would be wondering.

There is currently very little back story and since it's only a prologue it's not absolutely a necessity, but I personally like to know a little more. Where are they in their lives? Are they living on their own or still at home with their parents. Are they working girls or do they live of a trust-fund of sorts. Stuff like that, is always nice to know of the bat.

Also perhaps a bit more description of the place they are in. What it looks like, the smell, the feel of it. It makes it easier to really be pulled into a story.

There were a few typo's, but nothing major, so that should be easy to fix with another look. I see you have a beta, so that will all work out perfectly I am sure :).

I am very curious about the rest of this story!

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Review #8, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendSnapshots: Snapshots

26th July 2013:
For a second there I though the boy would be the child of Luna. "you are funny. I like you" I like that this is Hugo though. And a Creevey child...interesting. A friendship with family of a hero was all her uncle would have wanted.

I never really though of the character of Hugo, so I was really interested to see where you would take it. He asks a lot of questions and he whines a bit. And a bit pushy to become her friend haha. I'm not entirely sure how to see that behaviour in the right light, but as I said I know very little of his character.
In the later years he reminds me of Fred and George a bit. Not just the pranking. Also the way he interacts with Anslee during other moments. Confident but not cocky. Suave.

The time jumps were different from what I've read before but I liked it. And for some reason I did not need telling in which time I'd be. It would clear itself up pretty soon, so that's good. I really liked the bits of history you gave us. And Hugo was one romantic man. Asking her to Hogsmeade the way he did. That was cute and it really helped establish their relationship better.

The start gave it a sad vibe, so it kept me wondering what was happening in present time. It was a nice trip down memory lane and wonderful way to get to the ending. It gives a good sense of the them as a couple which makes the impact of the second part of the story much bigger. And it was sad. Very sad. And beautiful in its sadness.

The only thing I found that I could comment on were that some the sentences where Anslee explained why she liked something, seemed a bit forced into the story. However with simply changing the wording I am sure that would change. For instance this sentence: 'I love flipping through the pictures, because it’s a really great way to reflect on all that's happened in the recent past.' I can' tell you why it feels a little forced, but it does. I think it feels like overly explaining it. But then again I get that you want to mention it, since you link back to it again.. Am I being difficult? I'm sure I am, sorry haha.

I really like your writing style by the way. It's really easy to read, it flows so...fluently if that's the right word to use.

Author's Response: Hi there! Sorry for the (majorly late) reply!

Yes, Hugo does have a bit of a Luna-like character, especially at the beginning. And I'm sure Colin would have been just beaming at his niece's relationship with a Weasley. ;)

I wanted Hugo to be a bit different, so yeah, he's a little pushy at the beginning because he's used to getting what he wants, and what he wants is to be friends with this girl, and figure out what this object is that she's holding. Also, I like the comparison to Fred and George, because that's exactly how I wanted teenage Hugo to be. :)

I know the time jumps are something I haven't seen much in reading, but I wanted to try it out here, and I'm glad it worked out some. And yes, Hugo's a bit of a romantic on the inside... underneath all that pranking nonsense he's basically a big softie.

There was definitely a fair bit of foreshadowing, and yeah, it ended up sad at the end. But I love that you called it beautiful too, because a beautiful sadness was really my goal for this piece.

Yeah, looking back, I did phrase some of those sentences kind of awkwardly... thanks for pointing that out! I will definitely fix that!

I'm so happy you like my writing style - that's such a huge compliment! Thanks so much for reviewing!

-ShadowRose (Taylor)


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Review #9, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendAnachronous: In a Man's World

20th July 2013:
Don't you just hate when you love a story but feel like it's missing something? I know the feeling all to well. Often it's just a feeling you have and a reader does not share.
The story is relatively short, in comparison to some of your other stories, so perhaps that is why you feel this way. However, some stories don't need more pages. Sometimes it's better to keep it shorter, than to add pointless text.

I think this story is beautiful. You kept it small and that seems just right to me. Of course you could add to it, by describing more specific situations in her life, however I don't think this story needs it.

Her feelings are strong and they fit the way she was raised and the time in which she lived. She was a strong woman, even if she does not fully realise that. She kept going. Kept getting up in the morning, when others could have fallen apart. She is the silent force that keeps others going.
She was only a small part in the books. But in a way she was very important.
She is right though, the job of being a house wife and a mother is not one to receive a lot of praise most of the time. But there are very few jobs as important as raising the next generation.

She was raised for grandeur and she choose the more simplistic life. Her feelings had a great sadness to it. It was good enough, she says, but somehow I feel that perhaps it wasn't. After all someone who feels that she is forgettable, might not be so happy.
It was sad. But beautiful in its sadness, if that makes sense.

Author's Response: Hey, thanks for coming by :)

Your review made me feel very comforted about this story, and I appreciate your kind words. I agree that sometimes "less is more," and that's the approach I tend to take with these sort of abstract one-shots, but once in a while reviewers will say that it feels too superficial or I'll notice that something isn't right. I'm glad to hear that for you this felt like a complete story and that you enjoyed it.

I agree that Andromeda was really important and strong and probably deserves to be discussed more than she was in canon. I tried to put myself in her shoes in this story and this is what came out. I think you really nailed what I was trying to convey with your statement about her life being much simpler than she probably thought it would be and her having an ability to see the beauty in that change, though at times her sadness did come to the forefront. She lost a lot and her fortitude is really admirable.

Thank you for your very kind review!

-Amanda


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Review #10, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendBad Blood: One

20th July 2013:
The first part made me very curious to read on :)
It raised questions and answered very little. I love that in a story. And it worked with your mystery theme!

I also really like your description of the marauders! They are very different indeed. And you were very accurate I think. That is how I picture their morning rituals anyway. And it's good you emtnion that James is not often this pensive, since I too think it would only happen every once in a while.

Despite the more vague start of the story, you took your time getting the story going by the time you went to James' point of view. This was good thing. The tone was very different because of it, but a well established story just works better.

I'm glad you made Lily believe James rather quickly. He was a bit on the nutty side, but he really liked her. That could not have gone right past her. He wouldn't do this. Although I sometimes wonder if I romanticize the boys a little too much. It was said in the books that they could be cruel.
Still, I doubt he would be cruel to Lily.
But I could not imagine who would be...so I liked figuring that out. And I wonder if the writer of the letter is speaking of Asher or not.

To make a long story short: this chapter really set a tone. It created an atmosphere that is just right for a mystery story. It gave a little information and raised more questions. Always a good thing!
I am curious!

What you could perhaps do, to enhance the fact that the first part of the story is separate from the second part, is using italics. It would make a more clear separation. However this is only a suggestion, as the * works as a separation as well! So doing this would make it double.

There was a typo in the description for Peter. "He might get burn his nose..." I'm assuming 'get' wasn't really part of the sentence.

Author's Response: I'm very glad the beginning of the story read so mysteriously to you! In a mystery, that certainly is a good thing. ;) I've done a lot of Marauders writing (as in over 300k over three novels, in addition to various one-shots), and so I've got a lot of headcanon where they're concerned... which is probably why it took so long to establish the rest of the chapter. Once I start writing them, it's just really hard to stop!

I think I see Lily different from a lot of other Marauders writers -- and I kind of feel like she liked him long before she agreed to date him (dating, falling in love with, and getting engaged to someone in a year seems really implausible to me).

I've already fixed that typo, but thank you for pointing it out! :) I love astute readers. And thank you for being willing to review this for me, too -- I really do appreciate it! ♥


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Review #11, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendMakes Me wonder: The Only Chapter

17th June 2013:
That uncomfortable moment where you feel all eyes on you, the moment you go out to buy something like condoms. You described it well. Uncomfortable usually breeds clumsiness. It was a normal experience, funny because you didn't force anything into it.

I like how you made Rose such a popular girl. Seeing as her parents weren't really part of the in crowd themselves. They were known, surely, but not really popular. She is very brazen though, isn't she. Perhaps a bit much? However, I did like how she played on his obviously discomfort.
And Scorpius in Ravenclaw. It makes it more realistic that they would've become friends during their school years.

While the overall story is good, perhaps you could make the scene's flow better by adding more descriptions. Perhaps by describing the scenery a bit more. What did the shop look like, what aisle were they in. But also when you cut to a new scene; you could make the transition clearer by saying. After the shop he went home. Or; a few days after the incident in the shop he was looking out of the window of his London home(or whatever town). And then go on to describe a few more details about what he sees outside or what the inside of his home looks like. Before the redhead pops up in his line of vision.

I expected this story to be more filled with humour, but I like that you gave room to the fluff of it all. It worked well. It was a nice story.

One sentence that I didn't quite understand. "I stare and the strips lying on the ground." I'm guessing there is a typo there?
Where you say; 'I can't let you win anything'. I would perhaps make that 'I can't put anything past you, can I.' It's just a suggestion, but that was the sentence I half expected to be there :).

Author's Response: I was trying to make it as natural as I could. I'm glad that came across properly.

I always find that most people imagine Rose to be fairly bookish, inexperienced when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex. I think that there is another side we can explore, so I tried it out here. I'm happy I managed to convince you :)

About the flow, I'll keep that in mind... I guess I was focusing more on the plot and conversations between the two, that I neglected some aspects of the story. However, this is very useful because I'd never have realized it if you hadn't pointed it out!

Maybe I could've made it more humurous, but this seemed more fitting, I guess. I was going for a fluffy, feel-good story with some subtle humour. I hope I got it right! I'm glad you think it worked well here :)

Maybe that is a typo, I should look into it and edit this once. And that line (I can't let you win anything') was to signify that there was a competitive edge there, with Rose suggesting that she got more action than he did. But maybe I'll edit that too, either to make it clearer or to change the sentence.

Thanks a bunch! :)
Your review has been very helpful.


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Review #12, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendSomebody's Baby: Somebody's Baby

16th June 2013:
To start this review off, I am sorry this took me much longer than I anticipated! Time slipped away from me. So again, sorry. And now off to the review!

I like the whole idea behind this story. The love of a parent. I may not have children of my own, but I remember my sister looked at her daughter, as Narcissa looked at Draco at the start of this story. I can only imagine how this must feel, but I think it might just be as you described.

And I liked that you kept the reader guessing as to what they had in store for baby Draco. Of course I am curious. For a moment I thought they would use a spell of sorts, but I like how you left that out. This worked without knowing. And it leaves it to the readers to interpret it.

And I like the love you showed between the couple. It was always clear in the book as well...or perhaps I imagined it. But I always imagined them as this loving little family, no matter what darkness was surrounding them.

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Review #13, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThe Worst: Decisions and Discoveries

14th June 2013:
Again I must say I like how you describe the interaction within their family. They seem as close as all Weasley's were in the books. And it seems effortless.
And I can just see Fleur sitting there. Crying over the troubles of her daughter. Loving her children in a way that rivals Molly's love. I like that.
And Victoire telling Dom that there is a choice, when Dom sees none. That kind of almost naive hope a sister or really close friend can have for a person. Hope for a different future. I like it.
And I like the motherly idea that the bad news should come in moderation and not all at once.

And Dom trying to stay strong for her family. Accepting their good intentions, despite what she might or might not have wanted. It shows a strong character. One with flaws of her own but a good heart. A likeable character.
Even her resentment towards her sister's bright future does not take anything away form that.

But oh my poor Teddy. Again she pushes him away. It would be much easier for her own mental health to simply speak to the man haha. Then again, I probably wouldn't if I had been here. So it's realistic, but I just feel for him.
I love how he stood his ground this time, even if it was out of character for him. It might not have been what she wanted, but perhaps what she needed.

Oh and a nice reference to something that has changed over the years. Using portkeys as a quick way of communicating now.

I like the suspense you added this chapter. She is finally thinking of what happened. Not merely all that had followed it, but the actual moment where she was bitten.
And I wondered why anyone would want to harm another being like that. What was her boss going to gain from this? Surely there is the personal experience that she now has when writing about werewolves. But is that reason enough? She could have gotten another werewolf for that.
Is it her popularity? Did that threaten her boss? Again it seems that there would be easier ways of taking care of that. This is just cruel.
Now this is something I can (over)think about until the next chapter. I blame my love for detectives and other crime stories. I always look for something extra, a deeper hidden meaning behind things. On the one hand to humanize the perpetrator or simply to try and understand it. Pure cruelty exists, but I just can't understand it haha.

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks a ton for reading and reviewing my story so sincerely! My apologies for the super late responses.

I am glad you enjoyed the interaction with the family, especially Fleur's reaction as I was quite uncertain while writing her. I have an elder sister too and she always wants (and hopes for) the best for me, thus how I wrote Victoire's almost childish fantasy that everything should one day be okay for her sister.

I am pleased you find Dom a likeable character despite her flaws. I wanted to show her as someone human who has faults, and yet not take away the appeal (if that is the right word) that she has for my readers.

Also, I love how you catch on to and point out the little details I mention in the story, like Dom's resentment towards Vic's brighter future. I love weaving them in and it is great to see readers noticing and highlighting them. Thank you.

Aha yes indeed it would be so much better if she just spoke to Teddy, but that's not Dom. She is a Ravenclaw and an over-thinker, and has to complicate matters xP I am glad you feel for Teddy, and liked how he stood his ground.

I figured things would change over the years and I try to incorporate some of my head-canons in my stories, thus the portkey thing. Glad you liked it.

I am happy you enjoyed the suspense, if it can be called that, haha. Yes, Dom has been overwhelmed with all that has been happening with her, but now that she has time to think, she did a lot of reflection. As for Delilah Jones' motive, you'll have to read on for that ;) I understand what you mean about pure cruelty, I can't stomach it either, haha. I believe there's always a deeper emotion, some trigger, associated with the hatred from which the cruelty stems from. So her true motives will definitely be revealed sooner or later.

Thanks so much for such a thoughtful review.


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Review #14, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThe Worst: More Bad News

5th June 2013:
OK, Teddy is just so sweet. I am really glad that your characters are still very much the same as they were the previous chapters. I'm not sure if had said that already in another review, but I really like your consistency.

And you take the time to tell this story. Her meeting with Delilah was the same day as this chapter. Another good thing!

I also love the relationship you've created for Teddy and Dom. They seem so close and connected, despite the fact that now they are having problems. He just keeps up his supportive act and she feels guilty for pushing him away...I like it!
And I feel like this is realistic for a good relationship, which you mentioned they had before the attack. It kinda makes me root for them to make it through this.

I'm also glad that Dominique is finally letting the emotions out in a more constructive manner than pushing people away. Grieving is necessary in order to move on from the attack. Anger will not help her.
I was so worried for her though, when Teddy told her a healer was coming with some bad news. And the bad news was in fact really bad! That would be enough to put many people in a depression. And she already had so much to deal with.
I never thought of this complication of being a werewolf, but it sounds quite realistic. As far as being a werewolf is realistic of course. Everything changes.
I am curious what decision she will have to make.

I like that Teddy calls her out on her behaviour in such a sweet way. But I had already said he was sweet, had I not haha. His behaviour is like textbook good right now. And while for some characters that would not work, with the son of Remus it does not really surprise me. Then again I love Remus! Is it crazy that he reminds me a little bit of Dean in Gilmore girls? Not sure if you ever watched that, but yeah.

It was a bit strange to read Aunt Fleur and uncle Bill, when he spoke of her parents. I know he has always been part of the family, but still, to me it was strange.

And a question about the process of getting the bad news to Dominique; in real life, isn't it so that once a person reaches adulthood, the doctor cannot speak of their medical situation to the family. In this case that would mean, that the healer would have to go to her first, instead of her parents. With all the privacy laws existing in human world, I imagine this would also be in the wizarding world. Now everyone seemed to know before her.

Another good chapter!

Author's Response: Hey! Thanks again for reading and reviewing.

I am pleased that you liked Teddy, and that you're liking the consistency. I work hard on it so it means a lot =)

Yeah I am trying to not pace this too fast even though it's a short story, so glad you appreciate it.

I am happy you are liking Teddy/Dom, and that you find their relationship realistic. Yay for you rooting for them xD

Indeed, I always think there are certain stages that people go through when something sudden and unnerving happens - anger, grief, acceptance, 'action' etc. She'll get through it all eventually.

I am pleased you like her situation realistic and could feel for her. Thanks.

Haha Teddy is too sweet isn't he? Yep I always though that Remus' son would be quite calm and sweet and nice. Though in the end Teddy is only human so he may just lose his cool once in a while ;) I have never watched it but it sounds good!

Hmm I always felt that he'd have been close to them, like a part of the family, thus the 'aunt' and 'uncle'. Him calling them "Mr. Weasley" and "Mrs. Weasley" would have been weird for me. Oh I guess to each his own xP

Hmm I didn't quite think about the adulthood factor but I do think that in such 'special' cases of werewolf attacks and such, the healer would confide to the family first, and ask them to deliver the news. It's only immediate family after all. And well things may work differently in the wizarding world. That's just my opinion though.

Thank you!


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Review #15, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThe Edge: One

5th June 2013:
I like the idea behind this story. It could be very interesting, so I was immediately interested to see where you would take it.

One question about the depression; you mention that she did not know, but I never heard of that. Of course that could just be me. But my understanding has always been that people know when they are depressed. Of course that does not mean they will accept help.

How you described depression however, I did view as realistic. It made me angry at her husband, though. And the fact she wonders if her depression caused her marital problems, while at the same time she knows he has an affair...I mean come on. Realistically written, but it made me angry :P
While depression is different on everyone there are a few basic things that occur in most of them and they were present in your descriptions, so that was really good. Perhaps instead of saying she feels numb, you could let her think about it and not know what she feels. Then again, some do immediately understand the numbness is a feeling on it's own.

As for Draco forcing her...perhaps you could explain that a little more. The doctor was aware of their situation it seemed. Which is logical, since forcing someone into such care is difficult. A long process goes before that. Or she would have to pose a direct threat to herself and her environment, which would get her into the care for an assessment or until the immediate danger is gone.

The chapter was a good introduction, that did raise some questions. Which I think is a good thing.
I wonder how long the affair had been going on.
How long has she been depressed?
How long were they married and was it ever good?
How does Pansy factor into their lives besides being the mistress?
How old their children are and how much the current events have effected them?
I also think you could elaborate on a few things in the chapter. Like I mentioned before, on the road they already walked to the doctor. And perhaps you could show us a bit more of their relationship before. Just so it might be easier to relate to her. Get people to know her but better, before she is all depressed. And it would also let the reader get a better image of Draco, since he is quite mean in this chapter actually.

There were also a few typo's, but not much, so I'm sure you'll catch them if you looked it over again. For instance: "I was a bleak as the day itself." As bleak.
And: "There is no cure, but there is no treatment" there is a treatment is there not? Also in reality it is curable. Of course this is the wizarding world, so it could be different.

Author's Response: Thank you for the long, detailed review, All of these questions will be addressed in later chapters. Draco is not meant to be a good guy in the story so... yeah. Thanks for pointing out teh typos, i'll work on them. I really like your idea to expand the road to how she ends up at the doctor for it.

I am glad to here that you think the chapter is realistic. As to depression being a curable disorder in real life, it is not to my knowledge as a psychologoy major, curable because, it is a natural chemical imbalance of teh neurotransmitter serotonin in the brain. There is no artificial substance that will naturally produce higher levels of seraotio, but there are ones that will help to treat the symptoms. I will have to to research into this further and investigate a curable aspect to depression. Thanks again.


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Review #16, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendHating You Is What I Know: The Beginning

27th May 2013:
I am so sorry for the wait. Time went by too fast and before I knew it 11 days had come and gone since your request. But here I am.
Since English is not my first language, the grammar check won't be perfect, but I will point out anything I see :). With that said, on to the actual review!

I like that you gave the character something she loved in the first chapter. It humanises her immediately. A love for sunrises is also relatable, which is another bonus point for you :D.
I did wonder why she was wondering what a witch was, when her brother had already been exposed as a wizard.

And I like that she gets her confidence out of something that she has in common with her mother and brother. It's a nice touch.

I also like that you take the time for the morning ritual. It gives you time to describe things, like her surroundings and her looks. It gives way for details.

It's an interesting start. I am curious where you will take this.

A few points I noticed while reading:

One sentence doesn't flow right: "Only for my brother and mom, [...]because he has been there with me always." First of all, it's quite long. This makes it harder to get all the information to a reader. Also you are missing a word. Perhaps you could break the sentence up like this:
"Only to me brother and mom, am I an open book. Although it's easier to hide things from my mom, since she is rarely home. My brother, however, is not one to be easily distracted, because he has always been there with me."
And where you mention that James can't steal your brother from you; the comma should be before 'but'.
Shortly after that: she is never home for long time: a long time.
You missed a few words after that as well, which makes sense. After a long time writing you miss those small things. If you want to I can point them out to you in pm or something.(However, I am not really a beta since English is not my first language). I don't want it to take any time away from the review :D That wouldn't be fair to the work you've put into the story!

Author's Response: Thanks for your review :)
I would use those points when I would reedit the story.


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Review #17, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThe Girl from Slytherin : The Slytherin Boys

26th May 2013:
Sorry it took me so long to get to around to this review! Time seemed to slip through my fingers the past two weeks. But here I am back for another chapter!

Smoking weed huh. Naughty little Slytherins. I like that you made her cough so much, signalling that smoking of any kind wasn't something she had done before. But it did surprise me they used a muggle drug. After all they seem to hate muggles as much as their parents do.

I wondered when Tor went into the boys room, why did her friend Amaris not come? Not that it is of great importance, but my experience with most girls in high school, don't go far without one female friend. Of course she is more of a boy's-girl, but still.

I really like how you give information in bits and pieces. It makes it easier to consume, since it does not overwhelm. Also, I like being a step behind the writer like that. Just learning as you go along, with the characters.

Another I really like is the little nudges towards Draco. We all know where they end up, but seeing how they interacted or well didn't interact in school is nice, it seems realistic. And their parents warning them to stay away is a sure way to make him more interesting.

I also like the interactions with her friends. They seem normal, not forced. And the effects of the drugs were gradually introduced, which made it realistic. It doesn't happen too fast and extreme.
Also on the rest of the chapter I like how you described her and her friends. Their behaviour seems very natural, realistic. And that makes the characters well rounded.
You said not too much happens in this chapter, but a good build up is very important and you are doing that!

They do all seem very nice to the house elf. Of course that could be due to the drugs. Or simply because not all families treat them as the Malfoy's do/did and more like you described the Nott's.
I'm liking your description of Daphne. It occurs to me that most girls find their older sister a beauty, much more so then they are themselves. Add to that, that she is older, I understand this could make her intimidating to the friends of Tor. She's just that image of the older sister of another friend. One that bullies that is. Nicely done.

And I LOVE the dating advice the girls got from their mother. If you share family, make sure it's not in a too near a past. Sounds about right in the world of pure-bloods.

As for the form of the chapter. I really like how you divided up the different parts with the announcement of the location of the next part.

And applause for writing in present tense. I always use past tense, I simply cannot do it any other way it seems haha.

Another Lovely chapter!

Small thing: you were missing an " at the start of the sentence where she informs the boys on her roommates.

Author's Response: Hello! No worries at all, I'm just glad you got a chance to read it! :)

I guess it was a bit strange that they used a Muggle drug, but my idea was that it would be easier for the boys to obtain than wizarding drugs, and that there are still links between the wizarding and Muggle worlds even if they don't think about it much. And I think Amaris was just tired and went to bed, though they do hang out as a group a lot. :) I'll try and clear these things up when I go back and edit.

I'm glad the style and the introduction of information flows well and isn't too confusing. I really love imagining all the details of these people's lives. I'm really happy to hear the characters come across as believable and realistic, especially the Notts -and how they differ from the Malfoys- and Daphne. You're right, there is some jealousy and resentment between Tor and her sister.

I actually have a lot of trouble writing in past tense, especially when writing in first person! :P

Thank you so much for this lovely and very helpful review!!! :)


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Review #18, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendIn His Heart of Hearts: In His Heart of Hearts

26th May 2013:
I'm sorry it took a me a little longer than planned to get to this review. But here I am, at last :D

You immediately pulled me by your wonderful description. You took your time to describe the sword. I love a good description because it sets a tone for a story. And having the right tone is especially important in one shots. It also shows that you take the time to create a story around a plot-line. All good points!

I like reminiscing Dumbledore! His thoughts of Gellert and their adventures, they were good.
And I love that you created a story for him finding the stone. It's not done often I think, a story of that moment in his life. It shows so much of his inner struggle. You showed that very well with the inner thoughts and flashbacks.

It again makes me realise how much Albus went through in life. And how much he learned from all his endeavours. I think this moment changed the route of the war. It made Albus decide he needed to work faster. Share all his information with Harry. And make Harry understand that he had to be more proactive, that he could no longer wait around and stop Voldemort when he attacked. But attack Voldemort himself.

The first flashback flowed so seamlessly into the story, it was really good!
The second flashback was again very well intertwined in the story. The Dumbledore in it surprised me though. I know it should not because we learned that there was another side to him in the last book. And this description fits that information. Somehow I just keep picturing him as he was later in life.
Throughout the flashbacks it became clear to me that you were careful to be true to what we heard in the books about Albus. The ambition. The loss of the twinkle in his eyes. The need to grow up so fast.

A small typo: The black stone hade been clumsily attached to it. (had).

I really liked this story! It was different from stories that I have read and very well executed!
I'm glad you pointed this out to me! I am glad I got to read this!

Author's Response: Hi! Don't worry about it - I'm just really glad that you're doing it! :D

I'm so glad that those descriptions in the beginning worked, and that they pulled you into the story! That's wonderful to hear!

Well, I was reading the Deathly Hallows, and I just felt like I had to write about that missing moment. I'm glad that it worked well!

Yes, this moment was very significant for how things turned out - imagine if Dumbledore hadn't died? Everything would have been different.

It's great that the flashbacks worked with the flow of the story! And about young Dumbledore: as you say, he was a completely different person back then. It's hard to imagine that sort of cold, ambitious side of him. I think that the tragic fate of his family contributed to turning him into the wonderful, wise man we knew from the books, but he wasn't always like that.

Thanks for pointing out the typo! I'll go back and change it :)

It makes me so happy to hear that you liked this, and that it was different from other stories. I really appreciate this review and that you took the time to write one, so thank you so much!! :)


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Review #19, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendFragile Bones: Fragile Bones

13th May 2013:
I read this after watching game of thrones, so when you said that winter was on it's way, I was almost disappointed it didn't say winter is coming. Almost, but not quite.

That said, back to your story, your description here is very good. It makes it easy to be pulled into the story. As you can imagine the landscape, you can see it happening before your eyes. It's something I've noticed in another story of yours and it is such a strong quality to your writing!

You are also very gifted in the art of imagery. "The icy coldness that was spreading from her heart." Sentences like this give the story a good, beautiful flow I think.
I also like that you took an Albus quote, changed it a bit and integrated it in your story. It is a strong sentence. It was a good reminder of the books.
Another strong line: Warmth came from the people who dwelled there.

I really like Amelia's character and how you maintained it. So much horror has happened to her and she is trying to stand up and be strong. I love strong characters like that! She keeps her hope. I mean, can you imagine losing everything and still trying to will the tears away. Well you DID imagine it of course, but you know what I mean :P
And she had a beauty and the best moment with the library, how could I not love that :D

There was one sentence (two sentences technically) that seemed to have some unneeded repetition.
"creating strange shadows over the room. Twisted, strange shadows that lingered in the corners..."
If this were my story I would probably use a synonym for the second strange. Perhaps I'd use grotesque just to enhance the significance of the shivers they give her.
However, I realise this is nitpicking, it is such a minor thing, and you could easily disregard this.

I love stories that radiate hope and strength and this one did just that. It was a really good read and I'm glad it crossed my path.

Author's Response: Ah, Game of Thrones! Just starting watching that show a couple of weeks ago actually and I am addicted! And now that you've mentioned it I feel like fangirling a little bit...but I'll restrain myself.

Righto. Wow, you think I'm gifted with imagery? Thai is a huge compliment, thank you! I love writing these one-shots, because they are so different to my other chaptered stories and always make a nice change.

Thanks for all the very helpful advice, I'll definitely be re-reading the story and making it as good as I possibly can!

Courtney:)


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Review #20, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendThe Girl from Slytherin : The Beginning

10th May 2013:
I had your story on my to do list already. Unfortunately I hadn't gotten around to it. But luckily, my requests always go before other reading, so here I am at last. There does seem to be a lack of spaces here...but that's such a minor thing in a good chapter, just thought I'd mention it.

I love how they sounded so confident with their thoughts of the next generation. It's realistic, I think, at that age you think you can change the world once you are done with school. You feel you can do better than your parents. And then you grow up and realise nothing happens without sacrifice.

I like how her father came to warn them about what happens when you anger the dark lord. It sets the tone again. It reminds you that in fact her family is quite dark. And the fear those girls have is realistic as well. What teenager wouldn't be scared. Especially if you saw your father as this strong persona and then she him beaten down.

I'm not sure her friend knows, since she is having a lot of thoughts but does not speak them... Yet Amaris doesn't seem to mind that darker side of life. I feel like Tor is more conflicted about her place in the world. Although she still tries to be all dark and confident about her place in the war.

She has a nice set of friends there. I like how you used known and unknown names together. And that you made Tor younger than Harry and Draco. It gives you more freedom in the story I think, because we know next to nothing of that year. And you still keep track of all that has happened in the books. Showing how the death-eater families were left to wonder or grief as their loved ones would or would not return.

You give the dark side a human voice with this story and I like it. They aren't mere monsters. There are human, with families and lives before the war. And a sinister view on life of course.
And Yaxley is her father? I like that, it makes it easier to see how they would have been raised and how they view Voldemort.

I am very curious to the road she will take. This chapter only made me more intrigued. Having her as a narrator works well.

Another good chapter :D

Two typo's: When you speak of the picture Amaris took with Umbridge: "flanked my Amaris." I think that should read 'by'.
And near the end the carriage move into the light - moves.

Author's Response: Hello! Great to see you back!

I definitely agree with how the kids think of themselves. They want power, but don't really understand what power means and what must be given up in order to achieve it. The characters are very strong but very naive at the same time, at least that's how I wanted them to come across.

It's good to hear that you liked the flashback about her father's warning, and noticed how frightening it was for them to see their strong father acting human and defeated. It's definitely a hard thing for Astoria and Daphne as well since they really idolize their father and want to be like him.

Yes, Tor is definitely conflicted! In these early chapters she is putting up a certain front and hiding her fear, whereas Amaris is a little more removed and sees the excitement in things.

I'm glad that you like her friend group so far, and hopefully it wasn't too confusing with all the new characters! I tried to do my best and fit them into the wizarding world as we know it. And yes, it definitely gives me more freedom! I'm going to try and fit the story into canon as smoothly as possible. :)

Also, I'm glad that you liked Yaxley as her father, and the darkness and humanity that kind of intersect in the story. It's very fun to write about!

I'll be going back and fixing those typos and the spacing. Thank you!! :) And thank you for this thoughtful and helpful review!! :D


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Review #21, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendJigsaw Falling Into Place: One of the Boys

9th May 2013:
The flow in this piece seems rather effortlessly. The imagery just right (and original). The words subtle yet powerful. It reads really easily.
And you described details to the scenes that didn't slow down what was happening, but made the reader more a part of it.

Pansy hasn't been explored very often. Which probably gives you a lot of free reign, yet it also makes it easy to go far away from who her character is in the books.
In my opinion you did not leave the girl from the books behind. You enhanced her.

Young Pansy seems realistic. I can easily believe she would have been kicking against her parents authority at age 9. Her mothers response is wonderful as well. Angry, but calm still. And then finish a lecture off with words such as: do you think it has been easy, raising a girl like you?
Those were some strong words and it suggested a slightly crooked relationship between mother and daughter. This would then account for Pansy's behaviour later on in life.
So I really thought this was a good fit for the characters.

Overall I think you did a good job with Pansy's character! Where power lays according to her...nice touch. She is mean, but she is also incredibly lonely, looking for some assurance that she belongs somewhere. Preferably somewhere with power. I liked that you gave her character this layer. It makes her believable. And very complicated as well. She has such a cockeyed view of the world and her role in it.

And her idea of where power lays is so different from her mothers idea. It shows that she never really stopped kicking against the authority of her parents.

And it makes the ending believable as well. For girl who wants to be powerful, strong, to be overpowered quite easily by one person. The person whose acceptance she seems to seek the most.
Although I must admit it came a as a surprise and I had to take a moment to get it. In a way that makes it a strong ending though. Because you've hammered on her power so much in the rest of the story. And for her to lay still, to not really interact while something was happening, but her wanting him to stay. It screams so much sadness.

I really liked this!

Author's Response: hey!

So sorry for taking ages to answer! I guess I was putting it off because your review is so wonderful, I want to reply to it properly.

This story took me forever to write, I must admit. And I did squeeze in quite a few themes. But I also tried very hard to stick to cannon, and I am very relieved to see that you thought I succeeded in that!

I liked that you said this: "For girl who wants to be powerful, strong, to be overpowered quite easily by one person. The person whose acceptance she seems to seek the most. " This is a good insight and I aggree with you that power can make a person particularly vulnerable, especially since power has to depend on something. In Pansy's case, her perceived power deptended on Draco (as a representation of the typical pure-blood boy), and so he was the one who could easily take it away.

I read somewhere that J.K.Rowling admited that she hated Pansy and created the character as a representation of all the horrible girls she had to deal with at school. That is, supposedly, why Pansy never gets to end up with Malfoy. I found it to be very shocking that even the mind that created Pansy hated her and did not really want to understand her or offer her any redemption. And so, from my point of view, Pansy's story can only be a sad one.

Thank you so much for such a great review!


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Review #22, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendIrrevocable: Chapter 1

1st May 2013:
Sorry it took me a bit to get to this, but here I am :)

Right from the start I wanted to know what had happened to erase pretty much all feelings. It was very intriguing and the writing was very fluid. It read very easily.

You set a clear tone by using blankness and darkness for her feelings. It immediately made me envision a gloom setting and a broken heart. Yet I did not see where this was going, where she really was, who she really was. That mystery worked really well for this story! It was nice to figure it out after you read about her emotions. Because it somehow emphasized the feelings. They were already very powerful before the character was named.

When you spoke of a prison I thought Azkaban...but a man with a yellow umbrella wouldn't pass her window then...in fact I don't think she'd even have glass in a window if there was a window to begin with. It made me really curious.

What I really love in this story, is that despite the depression she feels she still wants to comfort her sister the moment she notes a sad tone in her voice. It's a really nice detail, which suits a sisterly bond. In fact all the interactions with her siblings were really great. Very realistic.

The emotions you describe seem very realistic to me. The numbness that is depression, being sad about said numbness. Not being able to react, even when you want too. And then, breaking, letting it all out. When Victoire cried...it was actually quite powerful. You didn't make it more then it needed to be. The moment was simple and that made it all the more powerful if you ask me!

And her interaction with her father. That is exactly how I pictured he would interact in such a situation! Sitting next to her, saying nothing. Waiting for her, waiting with her is more accurate perhaps. And going with him, because she knows she is safe with him.

It's been a long time since a story touched me like this has. Really! I know you said you thought it was waffly, but really it reads so easily even though the subject is so dark and sad. You used enough metaphors to describe her situation, to be drawn in as reader, to understand. How the arms of darkness embrace her, for instance. It was very compelling.

I wish I knew what happened that night. Not because this story needs it but it made me wonder. It made me question what would happen for her to be so broken. I always saw Victoire like her mother. Strong. Passionate in love. But perhaps a bit more guarded in showing her feelings. This story did not change that view, it showed that her love for Teddy was strong and passionate. And once she let the emotions out, she is ready to stand up and be strong again.

It was really beautiful in it's own dark way. Although I saw the ending as very hopefull and a lot less dark than the beginning. A strong piece and I really wouldn't be able to point out anything you'd need to change in this.

Author's Response: Hey there! Thanks for the review:)

I'm so glad you like this! What I'm especially happy about is that you think the emotions I portrayed seemed realistic. I rarely write dark pieces like this, so when I do I'm always very nervous about the emotions I try to get across.

You have no idea how tempting it is to write a prequel to this, about what happened that night! I am seriously considering it!

Thanks again.
Courtney:)


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Review #23, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendResiduum: Shattered

29th April 2013:
Thanks for requesting I read this. I might have missed this story otherwise. And that would have been a shame, it seems really promising.

When I read what it was about I was instantly intrigued. First of all Hermione is a complicated character. Secondly; the subject of the story id one I haven't read before, which is always nice.

I liked the dream-sequence. It helped set a tone for the rest of the chapter. Does it have any significance in later chapters? There was no descriptions of the bodies, so that had me wondering. Where they just the embodiment of all she had seen or where they more to her.

And I love the trio still shares a tent. Reminiscent of their 7th year. Also, Hermione would be the one to notice that Harry wasn't sleeping much. So nice touch. She always was very observant.
It's also very realistic that she would doubt her future plans. After all the things they've been through, peace and quiet would sound nice, I assume.

I like how Harry did finally realise what was bothering her. Their friendship has always been one I really like. Even though he sometimes takes a while to understand her, he always does.
So far I think you've done the characters justice in this story. They all seemed very in character! All the little details seem to fit. Hermione studying long hours. Harry pulling back by sitting alone, but letting people in who try. And Neville with his optimism and overall happy demeanour.
And the fact you did all this with little dialogue is something to be praised. By showing instead of telling the reader, you really pull us into the story and that makes it easier to relate to Hermione.

And what did their tests consist off? They had a month of training and testing, and I would have loved to read more about exactly what they faced.

I enjoyed this chapter. You've said enough to pull a reader in, I think. But not too much, which will leave them wanting more. Nicely done!

Author's Response: The dream sequence is important, and the bodies are specific people, but I purposely kept it vague for the first chapter. More on this will be revealed over the next two chapters so I can't say much more on it I'm afraid.

I am so glad you like how I have portrayed the characters. I tried to show that Hermione was full of doubt on her decision to leave, but she is looking for some closure mostly, but also a break from fighting as she has not stopped since the war ended.

As for the tests, I am not too sure about the written exams, but the physical would be what I imagine a boot camp would be like, long and gruelling and test different skills. I think it would include some muggle elements like a timed run, scrambling under nets and climbing over obstacles. Then the trained aurors would shoot spells at them and they would have to dodge them. Then they would also have different scenarios that they would do in groups. They would have to storm a building and have to retrieve and item or a person from the enemy. But there would be a twist, like a trained auror playing the part of a death eater has taken polyjuice potion and you have to work out which one is your enemy. Well that is what I had in my head, but I think it would be a lot of description and I felt it would not really progress the story on much.

Thank you so much for the review and I am really glad you enjoyed reading this chapter.


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Review #24, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendIt's Not Love: A Fail End To A Birthday And Some Best Friend Issues

29th April 2013:
Sorry it took me a few days to get to this, but here I am with a review :)

I like how you keep your characters very much the same. They don't suddenly become different people in a next chapter. I know that can sometimes be hard in the beginning of a story but you've been doing great on that end!

I like that Mikaela's friends call her out on her behaviour. She is quite judgemental and a bit mean. It's only fair they tell her and fire back. Who knows it might open up her eyes someday. Even if she means well (she thinks Alex deserves better) it does not do to go through life this way.

I am still very curious to meet Nicolas. I wonder what effect he will have on Mikaela. His gesture was nice, but I completely understand why she reacted to it the way she did.

One small thin g that could perhaps make things easier for the reader; make her internal dialogue different from the rest by italicizing it.

There was less description in this chapter. Which weakened the flow of the chapter a little. I saw Lululuna gave some good examples in that department.

A few typos:
It is the source I is using to relax and it is working with great success.
One paragraph further into the story: and looking at my with a very intense gaze. : My would be me, right?
There were a few more typo's so perhaps it would be a good thing to let someone else look it over again. During writing, it's easy to miss, even when you look over it yourself. A fresh pair of eyes might help.
Also you write mostly in present tense, but a few sentences had past tense.

Author's Response: Heyy,
Yes I will correct all the typos. the just seem to ruin the story's effect.
Thankyou soo much :)
I am thinking of doing that with the dialogue.
Thankyou once again
Em


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Review #25, by DarknessIsMyOnlyFriendBig: How to train your cousins

10th April 2013:
After the first paragraph I already feel like I’ll like Victoire! No room for winers :P.
I was however quite surprised that kids that young would go banshee hunting...why would their parents be okay with that? Or is it more like a fantasy as kids can have, where you make a forest out of 5 trees and such?

And I like how you made Rose as the caring one already...the mother figure of sorts. That is exactly how I always envision her, for some reason.
Then again while Victoire talks all tough, she obviously takes on that role as well! Bringing kids to the island on her back, trying to create something fun for everyone.

I like how you gave little details like phoenix pox, Teddy's blue hair or the tv at Teddy's grandmother. It gives the story a bit more body. It creates a world instead of just a story, so I really like it.
I do wonder about the toy brooms. Since they can only raise a little above the ground I always assumed they also lack much strength. But the bath-mobile seemed require quite a bit of strength in order for it to work.
And your descriptions of the surroundings were great. They really gave you an idea of what the kids in the story viewed.

I'm not quite sure what the plot is going to be for the next chapters but I liked this first instalment! It had quite a lot happening in it. The characters you described seemed in character, no OOC's seen, so that's good. Overall I think it's quite safe to say; post a new chapter! :)

One typo: When Teddy says he wants a pirate flag to keep wanted guests out, I think you meant unwanted..

Author's Response: Eeeek I'm so glad you liked it! Yeah, it is more of a fantasy - I mean they wouldn't ever find any in the Potter's back garden..I hope they won't anyway! :P

Awh, I'm glad you perceive Rose that way as well! I think it's the Hermione-ness coming through, and I've always thought of Rose as the kind - of more practical and sensible one. Victoire, I think, tries her hardest to be the caring one, and the tough one, to try and please everyone, so I'm glad you picked up on that because that's one of the main things I wanted to put across while I was writing the chapter.

I tried really hard to add details - to make it seem more realistic - and it was lovely that you recognised that! It's fab you liked the characters - I always worry that they're too annoying/preditible - and the descriptions were believable enough. Thank you for the typo correction - I hate it when I have obvious typos that I've missed, so thank you :)

Thank you so much for this lovely long review - it's very sweet of you. You're awesome :D


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