Hello again! =)
Keep this up and you might actually turn me into a Charlie/Tonks shipper. And that's saying something since I think that Charlie is destined to be with Oliver Wood. =P Really, this second chapter was so good.
I've been writing a dragon fic of my own for a while now (although with a very different premise), so I'm very impressed how you had thought out all the work related details, like differences between trainers, keepers and handlers. The idea of having someone who tries to hurt a dragon for advancing his own agendas, made me literally snarl here. It reminded me so much about how people in real world treat endangered animals.
But the best part of this fic is that your Charlie is spot on. I really love how you had added the little details from canon, like his aversion of apparating, and used it in here. And he has exactly right mentality for caring the animals. Big props for that!! =)
Guess what, you just earned your story a new follower. I'm adding this to my favorites and will be eagerly waiting for the next chapter. Great job, hun. =)Author's Response: Hi darling :)! Woot woot, I would love to convert you over for just a little bit ;).
I am so happy you're enjoying this! I was nervous about this chapter, because it is mostly about Charlie and the dragons. I couldn't figure out exactly what Charlie was, some sites said a trainer, others say handler, some say he just studies them.. so that's why I decided to create the system of all three :P. I'm so happy you enjoyed those details, because I always worry if I over do it with those kinds of things.
Thank you again for stopping by ♥ It's so awesome to get a review tag who leaves an actual, well thought out review and not just two sentences.
The next chapter should be out soon with our queue so short!!
♥ Jami Report Review
Well I haven't read any Charlie/Tonks fics before, so this was an interesting foray into unknown.
Jami darling, you truly have talent for writing long, heartfelt discussions. Considering they are eighteen in this fic, they felt maybe even bit too mature, but nevertheless I really liked this chapter. What I would have wanted to see bit more is Tonks's quirky personality and some more magic! =)
The introduction of a new character in the last paragraph without further ado felt bit bit odd choice, but hopefully we'll learn much more about her in the next chapter.
Your writing was nice and smooth, and it has improved tremendously since last spring. =) I'm especially fond of how naturally you manage to show your characters feelings through their actions rather than telling us about them.
All in all, it was fun to read and I'll be waiting with interest how you continue their story. =) The story banner is incredibly beautiful by the way.Author's Response: Hi darling! Thank you so much for stopping by! And I'm so thrilled you've seen improvement in my writing. It's absolutely what I strive for!
The first three paragraphs are coming from older Tonks, which will eventually tie in. So maybe knowing that helps with the maturity thing? I just see these two as so.. intense. Neither have mediums.. they're all or nothing.. and maybe that's what is making me write them in a too mature light? I'll try and watch out for that :). Don't worry, quirky Tonks will come soon. She was just still kind of in her mopey mood, first thinking Charlie would break up with her to start his new life, then because.. despite being on Romania right then, she'll have to leave very soon.
I'll absolutely work at getting down that essential silly/fun-ness about her in the next few chapters though! Thank you for pointing it out, because I do want to make her as canon as possible ♥
I am so happy you liked this start, and I hope to see you for the next chapter! Report Review
Tonks! Charlie! Yay!
Exclamation marks aside, your Tonks is lovely. Despite the few Americanisms, you've got her voice just right and the relationship with Charlie and the England-Auror-Romania-dragon-tamer thing - we know it won't last, but it's fun anyway.
Charlie's great, too, with the easygoing nature and the sex and the dragons. Your Charlie is almost identical to my headcanon Charlie, and yeah. Love him. You've got a gift for making anyone you write seem relatable, even Bella to some extent. I'd like to see you write from the perspective of someone who is inherently evil, like darling Voldie, because it'd be so much fun.
Anyway. Voldie aside. You've still got a few typos and may want to look it over again... and I'm quite interested in seeing where you'll take this in the future. ^_^Author's Response: I'm so happy you liked this! I'll go through and see if I can catch the typos. And I can try to find the Americanisms, but I probably won't be able to catch them :P.
Charlie is the view point of the next chapter, and let me tell you.. he's not an easy first person character. Haha.
Thanks again so much for stoping by, m'dear ♥ Report Review
SO GORGEOUS! -squeals- I've only read one Charlie/Tonks story (one-shot) before and I adored them. I was kind of sad they're not the kind of ship you'd see written often, but you're writing a short story COLLECTION! -squeals again until she's out of breath-
Okay, now I can type. :D
The opening was absolutely gorgeous! It really is different from the rest of the narrative so I'm glad you set it off from it. BUT DID YOU SEE THAT THIRD PARAGRAPH IN THE OPENING? It is the MOST gorgeous thing EVER! It absolutely is an interesting way to think about feelings and love, especially when mostly lack of love is what causes a relationship to fall apart. But, indeed, the two extremes can be destructive and I can't wait to see how this will be applied onto their relationship. Even if it means it'll break them up!
I absolutely love your characterisation of Tonks! I loved the way she thought about things, no matter how heartbreaking they were for most of the chapter. I think it's kind of cruel of you to build up for a sad end to their relationship, but I think that there were hints here and there that there might've been a chance. The way she'd started musing of all the things they've done together, and the third paragraph of the opening -how sometimes they gave it more they can truly give or more than it needed- It all gave me hope!
I'm very happy that you're still allowing them to be happy. Being the psychotic person I am though makes me eager to see if we'll be getting to see them fall under tough consequences and get crushed by reality. Okay, that sounded mean, but I'm just being honest.
I also like the way you characterise Charlie through Tonks's eyes. The way she describes him makes it easy to see why she'd be willing to try so hard to keep their relationship in one piece and why she'd been so terribly sad when she though he'd break up with her. :)
I really have enjoyed this first glimpse at them and I can't wait for more! Dan is, indeed, very lucky because this is a gorgeous story. Not that it's a surprise!
Keep up the magnificent work, Jami!
-MannoAuthor's Response: Hi darling!! Sorry this response has taken me so long! Yes! A collection! I was too afraid to commit to a novella or something, so with this I don't have to worry much about trying to form some cool plot, I can just explore them as a couple. Mwahaha.
I am so happy you like the opening. That's kind of the beginning of the end, a more mature Tonks looking back that you'll see in one of these final chapters, and I really wanted it to stand apart so I'm thrilled that it struck out at you a bit.
I'll continue this until Remus and Tonks get together, which means you'll absolutely see a but of crushed by reality. I like writing that, so we're clearly both mean ;)
I'm so happy you enjoyed this first one, m'dear ♥ I am almost done with the next chapter told from Charlie's view point, and I can't wait to hear your thoughts on it that one!
Thank you so much for all the awesome reviews ♥
Jamiii. I'll haveyou know that you are a terrible influence. Terrible. Here I am with 60 pages of study guide that I need to learn *coughmemorizecough* by tomorrow and I log onto the forums just to make sure that I don't have any PM's from new members asking for common room passwords and lo and behold I read your status. and here I am.
GAHHH. I ADORE TONKS/CHARLIE, LIKE TO THE MOON AND BACK. This was a really great opening chapter. I really enjoy the voice you give to Tonks!! The bit about why she thinks Charlie wears jeans is hilarious. I think I'd like to see a little bit more of that spunkiness in the narrative -- it's something that is really unique to the first person narrative and since she does have a great voice, may as well take advantage.
I enjoyed all of the scenes, but the opening bit, the mini prologue of sorts, seemed a tad formal -- there were a lot pretty words and extended metaphors, and don't get me wrong, it was a very good bit of writing, but I almost felt as though it was too pretty or formal (stylistically) for the rest of the fic. Please keep in mind that this is a really minute critique, and just something for you to think about. All in all this was a great first chapter and I cannot wait to read the rest!!
alsdkjfowaiejoijf great work. :)Author's Response: I was so surprised to see you! I can't even lecture you about being naughty and putting off studying because this review was just too awesome ♥
I think the first few paragraphs might meld better by the end when you see where it's coming from. But because I'm terrible at keeping my own secrets.. think of that as Tonks's final goodbye to Charlie. She's ready to move on with her life, to be with someone who makes her happy and healthy, not the catastrophic kind of happy she and Charlie have.
First person is terrifying to me so far, haha! In the span of a week I've done first and second person stories. I must be going crazy. I'll absolutely try and add a bit more spunk in the next chapter. I'm trying to avoid the... I don't know. There's this personality trait I don't like about her, and I don't know what it is.. But I know I'm trying to avoid it, haha!
I am so happy you liked this first bit ♥ the second one is nearly done. But I'm trying to finish chapter 11 of BTF before I put it in the queue.
Good luck studying, m'dear! And thank you so much for stopping by, this review made my day ♥
OK, calm down. Slow down, brain. Take it easy. Form coherent thoughts. Construct sentences. Sam has already beaten me to the first review, so I guess I can slow down and take my time with this.
This was awesome! Thank you so much! You know all about my powerful headcanon surrounding Tonks and Charlie. How they were the fire-and-gasoline couple that were too much alike not to fall madly in love but in the end they were too much alike for that love to last. This story captured a slice of that brilliantly. It wasn't long and gushing and flowery because neither one of them is that sort of person and that isn't the sort of bond they share.
You covered everything I think about the two of them together so perfectly in that very first paragraph, particularly in these two sentences: "Everything about us being together, how we felt with each other, was perfect. But that perfection wasn’t enough to calm the hurricanes that always seemed to be raging." Then you explain how they first fell for one another and how their relationship ultimately destroys itself. Gah, I just want to put it all in quote marks here, but that isn't really a very good review, is it? Suffice it to say that the first three paragraphs are some of my favorite out of all of your work.
True story: I was about to -- very reluctantly -- nit-pick you because I had it in my head somehow that Charlie left school early to go work with dragons and therefore didn't graduate. But now I can't find any reference to it anywhere. Did I imagine this? Did I pick up a bit of bad headcanon somewhere? This is going to bug me now...
It's a small thing, but her choice of hair color really seems to set the mood for the conversation on the Quidditch pitch. Good choice. All the other foreshadowing continued to build toward an unavoidable, sad outcome. The way that she almost doesn't want to talk to him because she knows what's going to happen says it all.
Your physical description of Charlie, the idea that he's already wearing his jeans, it was all perfect for his character. And I love the little things that she associates with him. Looking up into the sky. Riding on the back of his broom. The way he always manages to win. That last one was a tricky little nod to what was actually going to happen, if it was on purpose.
And then he begins the break-up speech. Or what she thinks is the break-up speech, anyway. That was gut-wrenching to read. I was thinking, "why is he doing this to her? Why does he have to drag her through every last detail? Why not just tell her right up front?" I can feel her shaking on the inside, somehow. I can feel her world starting to crumble and it sucks. "I nodded my head, trying to silence the voice inside that asked what about me? What do I mean to you?" You're trying to pry a tear out of me, aren't you?
And just as she's ready to walk away, ready to break, he surprises us all! Charlie, you big tease! What are you doing messing with us, I mean messing with Tonks like that? Jerk!
The end of the scene is such a relief, though. Seriously, I think I forgot to breathe there for a while and it all came out in a big sigh, followed by a desperate play for oxygen. It feels really good, but I can't help but feel bad about all of the important things that are left unsaid between them. They're kicking the can down the road, but when you're 18 and in love, I guess you might as well give it a try.
The scene in Romania was kind of cute but also kind of sad in a way. It was funny watching these two try to be domestic. I don't think anything in life really prepared either one of them for this. Charlie more than Tonks, I guess. Molly probably made him help clean the house, but I'm sure he grumbled about it a lot and snuck outside the first chance he got. But their conversation about the conversation they never really had brought me right back to the elephant hanging out in the corner of the room. They still really haven't come to terms with the difficulties facing their relationship. And rather than try, they decide to go exploring. Well, first they're going to... you know... then they're going to explore. Only the untimely arrival of Charlie's roommate disrupts the plan, but I'm sure it also ended any chance of a serious conversation.
You did an amazing job of setting the stage here. It's true, they do love each other too much. They can't or don't want to face the reality of their problems. This isn't going to end well, but I think it's going to be an amazing journey between here and there. Thank you so much for this! I love it. Can't wait to see what you have in mind next!Author's Response: Hi darlinggg ♥. I am so happy that you liked this. I spent so long trying to think of anything other than a Charlie and Tonks I could write for you, but you like them so much.. so I'll do my best not to mess them up :P.
I really loved writing those first three paragraphs. They'll actually come back into play at the very end of this. Sort of a more mature Tonks talking to herself, then we rewind back to the sort of beginning. The beginning when things weren't so easy anymore, at least. The next chapter is from Charlie's PoV, so I'm extra excited to see what you think about that.
I know why you have that in your head! JKR messed some time line stuff up. Charlie was a seeker, but Harry is told when he makes the team, or before I forgot, that they hadn't won a Cup since Charlie left school. Which doesn't make sense because Charlie left the year before Harry came. So that would mean they won last years. So that's where the idea of him leaving school early started. But I think it was more of a JKR dates mix up, since she admits to frequently messing up ages, because in my head canon the Dragon's are a really difficult and exclusive thing to get into. And we also never hear Mrs. W complain about Fred and Bill leaving school 'just like charlie' and I totally think we would if he hadn't had graduated. She doesn't seem like a woman to forgive and forget :P.
The break up scene was really fun in a cruel way. She'd already got it so set in her head that she was about to get tossed, but I knew she wasn't. Mwwahah. Not yet, at least *ninja*
I think for them it definitely was a case of loving each other too much. That destructive, not all together healthy kind where they just want to be with each other constantly but when they can't they pretend they don't want to because neither wants to be the one more attached.. honestly I do think these are two people that probably bring out the worst and best of each other. I'm actually really excited about this. Before They Fall is full of teams, full of people strengthening one another, and it has to be that way because that's how it belongs. Lily and James strengthen one another's weaknesses, Sirius and James give each other the brother neither ever had, Belle and Sirius understand in a way no one else could.. It's just this group of people that truly belong together as friends and lovers. Which is great. But this story lets me write something completely different. Because Charlie and Tonks bring out the worst just as often as they bring out the best, and I don't have to be patient and careful with this, I can just let it happen. That doesn't make sense, does it? It's fun. Haha.
Chapter 2 is almost done! I hope you like it ♥
When you see Charlie and Tonks' names in a summary, it would be criminal not to click. :D
Charlie/Tonks will always be a pairing I can't help but imagine happened, which makes me kind of sad that she ends up with Remus (but not sad enough to not like them, because I love Remus/Tonks, too :)). And I think you've written them brilliantly.
I was so scared that Charlie was going to break up with her, too, and I was pleasantly surprised (and relieved and excited) when he said they could make or work, even if I know it won't last (as Remus/Tonks was on the list of pairings and I imagine you're sticking to canon).
I very much look forward to the next chapter and I am definitely adding this to my favorites. :)
Sam.Author's Response: So I saw this review before I even realized the chapter was validated!! It was an awesome surprise, thank you for stopping by!
I know what you mean about being happy even though it won't last. It's kind of like ripping band-aid off slowly, because we all know what happens.
Thank you so much for stopping by! I'm happy you enjoyed this first chapter ♥
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